MUSICAL STEEL CHAIRS!
Each competitor must have a musical element in their RPs in some shape or form
The ring will be surrounded by several chairs but only ONE is steel
Competitors must find the real steel chair and hit their opponent with it to win
IF GRAVES IS PINNED, HE LOSES THE ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP!
1 RP per team @ 2,000 words
Resort at Sheri’s Ranch
A group of buxom, voluptuous women are standing in front of Sheri’s Ranch protesting!
They’re raising signs that say…
Come together and we’ll cum together!
United we bargain, Divided we beg (and not in a sexy way!)
Workers of the World! …Hey handsome !
Outside, pulling up in a stretch Tesla limousine that stretches so far it actually have a curve back where the block starts!
It actually runs on the same tech as the game Snake, the driver turns the wheel and the vehicle can turn in the middle!
The chauffeur opens the door and from the inside, emerges…
THE TRILLIONAIRES!
”Elon Musk!”
”Jeff Bezos!”
”And the motha-effin’ ZUCK, yo!”
After making their typical entrance to the arena where they all announce their own names, as they often do, they look about the scene!
…Zuck bites his lip as he nods at a protesting prostitute proselytizing the cause of pro-progressive unionizing!
”Ey girl! You ever had a train run on you!”
Her eyes widen, offended!
”Cuz I always bring my train set to the bedroom! Most of my foreplay involves setting up a track! And I always wear a conductor’s hat!”
Zuck elbows Bezos with a wink.
”Ladies luv a man in a conductor’s hat…”
…The prostitute goes from embarrassed at Zuck’s awkward attempt at flirtation to simply ignoring him… As The Trillionaires slowly approach the entrance, another prostitute winks at Bezos…
”Hey sweetie! You wanna get down with the cause? Or maybe go down on the cause?” She winks.
Bezos turns his head, calm but… with his eyes somewhat intrigued!
”Ah. Flirtation.” He nods in a way that is… almost human. ”Say, do you know your arm thickness in inches?”
”Oh, honey, it won’t take that long… We’ll have a good time.” She licks her lips.
”That’s how long it would take to slow-cook… Any faster and you’d dry up.”
…
Bezos winks back.
…The prostitute runs home to change her name and will never buy another Amazon product again.
”And now, someone hit on me!” Elon eagerly awaits a prostitute to engage with him.
…
”I love spreading my seed!”
…
”If we conceive, I’ll send you living expenses! …For an amount of time!”
…
”...No?”
…
”Bitches.” Elon scoffs. ”Andrew Tate was right.”
The Trillionaires enter the Resort, met by…
”Ah, You fellas are the Trillionaires! Please to meetcha! I’m the owner of this fine establishment!”
”Oh!” Elon eyes this white-haired old man up and down… ”I thought Sheri would be more…” Elon purses his lips, before turning to his fellow Trillionaires. ”How do I put this delicately…?”
”Got dem tig ol’ bitties?”
Elon taps his nose. ”Well put.”
”...I’m not Sheri. There is no Sheri at Sheri’s Ranch. I’m Chuck Lee, the owner of this place.”
Chuck Lee exhales.
”At least, I’m s’posed to be the owner… Them damn prostitutes are unionizing! Trying to make me pay a fair wage!”
Bezos’s face twists with disgust. ”Paying your employees? Ugh, that’s disgusting…”
Bezos sticks his thumbnail in between his teeth and pulls out a small human bone. He flicks it away.
”Fellas! Trillionaire huddle!”
Musk, Bezos, and the Zuck huddle up.
”Our fellow job creator here needs our help! You know what that means!”
”We make a deal, fleece him, and turn an exorbitant profit!”
”Zactly.”
The Trillionaires all rotate back towards Mister Lee.
”Pal! It sounds like your problem is your workforce!”
“Too human!”
Elon wraps his arm around Chuck’s shoulder as the two other trillionaires flank him… They stroll deeper into the ranch.
”Tell me… What do you know of…”
“Artificial intelligence…”
”Alright!” Elon, Jeff and The Zuck are walking Chuck Lee, owner of Sheri’s Ranch, up to a curtain… He’s blindfolded. ”After three hours and an angel investment from your ranch of an undisclosed amount… We Trillionaires have put our heads together and come up with the solution to your workforce problem!”
”The future of prostitution!”
”Muthafuckin’ tizzight!”
”BEHOLD!” Elon pulls a lever and the curtains open!
…
……
”Chuck, be impressed! We spent 750 MILLION dollars on this!”
”...Mister Musk, I’m still blindfolded.”
…
”Oh.” Elon pulls a smaller lever and the blindfold in front of Chuck’s eyes open.
Two large very boxy robots hump wildly in the air on the stage.
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
…
”...What the fuck is this?”
”Robots you fuck, yo!”
”The perfect prostitute! It never needs a break, its joints are replaceable! (for a modest maintenance fee)!”
”It ain’t even got TITS!”
Chuck Lee eyes the robots’ crotch areas.
”THEY AIN’T EVEN GOT GENITALS! THEY’RE FLAT AS GODDAMN BARBIE DOLLS!”
”They’re hardy! Their bodies are built to survive even the roughest intimacy!”
Elon picks up a metal ball!
”Watch this!”
Elon winds up the ball at the two sex robots, humping the air
HE HUCKS IT!
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
SEX RO-
WHAM! It catches the yellow Sex Robot in the eye… Its light blink and it collapses to the ground…
”...Wait, do you throw metal balls at human woman?”
”Look, this isn’t about what I’m into!” Elon gestures at the remaining sex robot. ”This is what America is into!”
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
…
”...Fellas, I ain’t paying a dime for that bottom tier Sex Robot.”
…
The Trillionaires huddle up.
Whispering and murmuring…
…
They turn back around.
”Ok, Mister Lee. Tell you what.”
”We’ll call off our deal and refund your money… If you spend ten minutes with the Sex Robot and aren’t completely satisfied!”
TEN MINUTES LATER
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
SEX ROBOT SEX ROBOT
We hear the mechanical grinding of the Sex Robot’s hips through the bedroom door…
The Trillionaires all listen attentively, holding cups to listen…
”I think it’s going well!”
”I agree! Lots of breathing! And exclamations like Oh God!”
”That Robot be fuckin’ like a porn star, yo!”
”Yes. Those hydraulic powered hips worked to perfection!”
…Smoke is billowing from under the door…
Elon claps his hands.
”Ah! A post-sex cigarette! Zuck! Open the door and we’ll collect his five-star review!”
Zuck opens the door, peering inside.
…
And closes the door.
”...He dead, yo.”
”...What?!?”
Elon kicks the door open.
Inside, the sex robot is humping…
The dead, lightly charred corpse of Chuck Lee.
…
……
Elon closes the door.
”We’re all going to the limo. None of us were here. We never speak of this again.”
”Agreed.”
”Sex robots are hard, yo…”
Todd: Well that sure was an interesting start to tonight’s show, live from Sheri’s Ranch just outside of Las Vegas!
Bama T: Interesting? More like, INSPIRING! The Trillionaires just SAVED Sheri’s Ranch! And now, everyone that wins their match tonight will be treated to a free 30-minute session with a SEX ROBOT!
Todd: Is that actually true?
Bama T: I have no idea, but I sure hope so!
Lionel prances to the ring, dressed straight out of an off-Broadway production of Hamlet.
He does vocal exercises as he strides confidently down the ramp. He steps up the ring steps, and takes into the ring, doing a series of deep knee-bends in the corner as he waits for the show to commence.
Bama T: And our first entrant into the grand Sex Robot Battle Championships, is Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing!
Todd: Fresh off a loss to Mr. Oz, and some more losses before that, Pennyfarthing heads to the ring tonight with a huge chip on his shoulder! He called out Mr. Oz and said that tonight, he plans to get his win back. But that’s going to be a lot harder done than said!
Bama T: Frankly, Todd- I don’t see any way Lionel wins this match. At best, he’s leaving in a strecther. At worst? He’s leaving in a casket!
Oswald stands amidst an indie metal band, watching the ring, looking at the band. Soon a choir is heard as the band begins to play his theme song. He walks towards the lead guitarist, clapping him gently on the back so as to not mess up her playing. Oswald, walks down the ramp, the bottom of his white cloak dragging along the ground. Once at the ring, he'd leap onto the apron before launching himself to show how strong and agile he was to lift such mass with such ease right over the top rope and de-cloaked himself, placing it in his corner before stretching out his arms in a lower case t and roaring out to the crowd before going and sitting on top of his cloak, awaiting the bell as he mentally plans out the match, as well as how to try and beat his opponent.
Todd: And here comes the opponent, the man who plans to put himself through a 3-match gauntlet tonight, MR. OZ!
Bama T: Mr. Oz looks like a man on a mission! He wants to prove that he is Anarchy’s workhorse, that he’s the monster haunting the dreams of every roster member!
Todd: Mr. Oz isn’t waiting for the bell tonight- he’s taking the fight right to Lionel!
Bama T: Poor Pennyfarthing!
SIR LIONEL PENNYFARTHING
- vs -
MR. OZ
SINGLES MATCH!
HIGHLIGHT REEL!
Oz is already jumping Pennyfarthing before the match begins! By the time the bell finally rings, Oz already has Pennyfarthing gasping for air in the corner! The referee admonishes Oz for starting early, but Mr. Oz doesn’t give a damn!
Oz is out for blood!
He keeps his hands wrapped around Lionel’s throat before he chucks him out of the corner neck first! Pennyfarthing lands directly in the center of the ring, where he wobbles back up to his feet with comedic effect.
But what Oz does next is no laughing matter!
CLOTHESLINE!
Pennyfarthing is nearly decapitated as Oz barrels out from the corner with a huge lariat! Mr. Oz doesn’t waste any time before picking Pennyfarthing right back up and placing him in a bear hug! Previously at the point of lifelessness, Pennyfarthing comes back to life in dramatic fashion as Mr. Oz squeezes his puny body. Lionel screeches like he’s dying as Mr. Oz keeps the bear hug applied!
The referee asks Pennyfarthing if he wants to quit!
But before Lionel can respond, Mr. Oz tosses him across the ring with a hiptoss!
It looks like Lioneln may have broken a hip on the landing!
Bama T: This match is a definitional mismatch! Mr. Oz is a big, hulking menace with years of experience in that ring! And Pennyfarthing is, well….Pennyfarthing!
Todd: This match could get real ugly, real quick! Pennyfarthing just doesn't seem capable of defending himself against the monster that is Mr. Oz!
Lionel struggles to pull himself up with the help of the ropes- but Mr. Oz keeps his eyes on Pennyfarthing the whole time. The moment that Pennyfarthing finally works back up to a standing position, Mr. Oz charges in with a Sleep Now, Sweet Child 'O Mine!
IT CONNECTS!
OZ’S POP-UP KNEE LANDS RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!
Pennyfarthing flows over the top rope and out of the ring, landing awkwardly on his neck!
Todd: This was never going to be a fair fight, but right now it looks like Dick Lichter may have booked a murder in tonight’s opening match!
Bama T: Mr. Oz is just putting on a show! A bloody good one, if you ask me!
The referee begins to count out Lionel Pennyfarthing, who appears completely unconscious outside of the ring. But before the referee even gets close to 10, Mr. Oz decides to go out of the ring in pursuit!
The referee yells at Mr. Oz to get back in the ring, but Oz snaps at him, and the referee relents…
But he begins counting!
Todd: Oz needs to remember that this isn’t his usual match type! While Oz thrives in X-treme environments, tonight’s opener is just a normal singles match! Count outs, disqualifications, all that stuff Oz never has to worry about- he has to worry about it tonight!
Bama T: Shut up, rules nerd! Oz knows what he’s doing!
The referee counts 1!
Mr. Oz picks up Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing, displaying his limp body to the camera like a puppet.
The referee counts 2!
Mr. Oz cocks his head to the side as Lionel’s eyes slowly begin to flutter awake.
The referee counts 3!
Oz slowly caresses Lionel’s face with his massive fist.
4!
Then, Oz locks in his patented finishing move!
Todd: I FAILED YOU!
BAMA T: IF SIR LIONEL WASN’T ALREADY DEAD, HE’S ABOUT TO BE!
5!
Oz locks in his version of the mandible claw as Lionel’s face begins to lose color! The front row fans begin gasping as Oz keeps the hold locked in as tight as possible.
6!
As Lionel begins losing oxygen, Oz screams “I’m sorry” over and over again!
7!
Oz keeps the mandible claw locked in while screaming in Lionel’s face! The crowd begins to worry for Lionel’s health as Pennyfarthing appears increasingly, theatrically lifeless!
8!
Todd: Oz is cutting it dangerously close here!
Bama T: I’m sure he’s going to break the referee’s count any minute now!
Todd: I’m not talking about the referee’s count, Bama! I’m talking about Lionel’s life!
The referee counts to 9!
Oz’s head snaps back towards the ring as he finally hears the referee’s count over the worried screams of the crowd. Oz looks back to the lifeless body of Lionel. Oz offers him one final “I’m sorry” before slinging Lionel back into the ring under the bottom rope.
Oz slides in right behind Pennyfarthing’s remains…
But only after the referee reaches a 10 count!
Much to Oz’s surprise, the referee calls for the bell!
Winner by COUNT-OUT….Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing
Oz can’t believe it! While the ref tries to raise Pennyfarthing’s lifeless hand, Oz goes on a rampage across the ring! Oz is seething with rage!
Bama T: I can’t believe what we’re seeing! Did Oz just lose to Lionel Pennyfarthing?!
Todd: Oz can’t believe it either! He had this entire match under control, but he lost control outside of the ring- and now, he’s losing control inside the ring!
Oz is going nuts, intermittently tugging on the turnbuckle pads and screaming at the referee. But the referee can’t focus on Oz, because Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing doesn’t appear to be breathing! The referee throws up an ‘X’ with his arms, and within moments two paramedics begin running down the ramp with a stretcher!
Todd: Oh my God folks, it seems like a serious injury has taken place in tonight’s opening match.
Bama T: You’re damn right a serious injury has occured! I don’t if Oz’s pride will ever recover from this bruise!
Todd: Forget about pride! I think Lionel Pennyfarthing may have just lost his LIFE in there to that sicko, psycho Mr. Oz!
The paramedics rush down the ramp to check on Pennyfarthing, but they try to put him on a stretcher Oz interferes!
Mr. Oz punches one of the paramedics in the face before slinging him over the top rope in an impressive feat of strength!
Todd: No, by gawd, no! First Oz destroyed Lionel, and now he’s trying to maim the paramedics! The referee needs to get him under control!
That’s when the second paramedic realizes that he is in trouble! He raises his hands up and pleads his innocence, but Mr. Oz is already on a path of destruction!
The referee tries to intervene, but Oz pushes him aside before grabbing the last paramedic and breaking his body with a Sextuple German Suplex! After the big move, the paramedic rolls out of the ring.
The referee is trying to regain order and protect the wounded Pennyfarthing, but Mr. Oz already has his sights set on Lionel!
Oz is moving in for a killshot when, suddenly-
Schadenfreude Clown enters to blaring lights and loud electronic, pulsating music.
He steps on to the ramp with a unicycle in hand and waves to the crowd! As he motions to jump on the unicycle, the music cuts and he wags a finger signalling HE WILL NOT ride the unicycle! The crowds disappointment fuels Schadenfreude Clown as he smiles smugly and waves the smell of despair to his nostrils.
He walks down the ramp, shoes honking all the way.
He draws a sword from nowhere!
He goes to stick it down his throat!
He stops, wagging a finger with a smug shake of the head.
The crowd is simply seething at this point, MUCH to his delight! The heel!
Schadenfreude Clown enters the ring, NORMALLY!!!!
IT'S LUCKY A RIOT HASN'T START BY NOW!
AND HE'S JUST SO DAMN SMUG ABOUT IT! LOOK AT THAT SATISFACTION ON THAT SADIST'S FACE!
Out of pure rage, Mr. Oz forces the clown to skip the rest of his entrance! Mr. Oz is on him in a second!
MR. OZ
- vs -
SCHADENFREUDE CLOWN
SINGLES MATCH!
HIGHLIGHT REEL!
The referee gracefully rolls Pennyfarthing out of the ring, and out of more harm’s way as Oz begins teeing off on the clown. Oz uses his size and strength to completely throw the clown off guard. After a brutal beat down, the clown is able to gain some space from Oz- but Mr. Oz closes the gap immediately with a big boot!
But the clown doesn’t go down!
The clown has an otherworldly chin!
The clown’s body flies into the ropes, and then the momentum carries him back towards Oz-
Who meets him in the center of the ring with a standing dropkick!
But the clown still doesn’t go down!
Oz quickly scrambles back up to his feet, expecting the clown to return fire:
But to Oz’s surprise, the clown just stands there…menacingly.
Mr. Oz wipes a bead of sweat from his brow as he recalculates his approach.
Bama T: This Schadenfreude Clown guy is something else! He knows how to make a hell of an entrance, and he knows how to take a hell of a punch!
Todd: And if you saw his most recent vignette aimed at Mr. Oz, you saw that he knows how to talk a lot of shit! I’m sure Mr. Oz didn’t appreciate Schadenfreude Clown’s mocking words!
Mr. Oz charges in for a striking spear, but the clown moves out of the way smugly! Oz’s shoulder runs into the turnbuckle- the same one he had ripped the pads off of just moments earlier!
Schadenfreude Clown snickers to himself as Oz backs out of the corner, rubbing his bruised shoulder and ego alike.
That’s when the clown pulls out a bottle of water, and begins viciously dousing it in Oz’s direction! Some of the water lands in a puddle in front of him, while some of the water splashes onto his arms and chest! The referee steps in and grabs the clown’s water bottle, giving the clown a stern warning for sneaking in a foreign object.
But the clown’s mockery still infuriates Oz!
Oz charges forward-
But he slips on the water puddle, falling backwards and taking a nasty head bump in the process!
Schadenfreude Clown giddily scampers over to Mr. Oz, lifting him up before taking him back down with an Overdrive!
The clown goes for a pin on Oz!
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!
Mr. Oz powers out just before 3, throwing the clown in the costume stuffed with sausages and bowling pins right off him! Bowling pins and sausages fly all across the ring!
Bama T: I hate to say it, but this Schadenfreude Clown is making one hell of an XWF debut!
Todd: His snickering and antics seem to be taking Oz off his game!
Bama T: And not to mention, all those sausages smell delicious! Talk about a master of distraction! I’m not sure if Mr. Oz will be able to focus while all those glizzies are just out and about!
The clown stands back up and starts being german, which of course does not go over well with Mr. Oz. The clown starts fornite emoting until Mr. Oz charges at him again, this time attempting to lift the clown up for a spinebuster!
But Oz slips on some of the bowling pins, and the clown begins howling with laughter!
Bama T: This clown has completely rewritten the rules of the game! He’s got a chin like no other, he’s got unheard of tactics, and he has a vicious mastery of mockery!
Todd: He’s making a great debut, no doubt! But I’m not sure he has ‘rewritten the rules’ of the game. The referee doesn’t look all too happy with his cheap tricks!
The referee is trying to kick sausages and bowling pins out of the ring whilst admonishing the clown for bringing in foreign objects.
That’s when Mr. Oz takes the bait.
Oz stands up in a rage, grabbing one of the bowling pins and smacking the clown over the head with it!
The bowling pin cracks open, and a bunch of confetti flies out on the clown’s head!
The referee sees Oz attack with the foreign object, and has no choice but to call for the bell!
Winner by DISQUALIFICATION - Schadenfreude Clown
Oz is furious, and Schadenfreude Clown is absolutely beside himself! The clown places an L over his forehead and begins highstepping in Mr. Oz’s direction after the referee raises his hand. The crowd breaks out into laughter, because even though they despise this nasty clown, his antics have been very humorous in nature!
Todd: This deceitful clown just tricked Oz into attacking with a foreign object- and he got Oz DQed in the process!
Bama T: Talk about clowns, this referee is running a full blown circus at this point!
Todd: This was an incredibly impressive- if not slightly obnoxious debut for the Schadenfreude Clown! And Mr. Oz doesn’t seem happy to be on the receiving end of it!
Bama T: I get why Oz is pissed off! If I was robbed by a clown and a zebra, I’d be pissed off too!
Mr. Oz and the referee argue whilst the clown emotes on Mr. Oz. Then, Mr. Oz slides out of the ring with a pissed off look on his face. The clown then turns towards the crowd, and begins entertaining the audience with his juggling and other such clownery!
Bama T: Wait, where’s Oz going?! Doesn’t he realize he has another match coming up?
Todd: Maybe he thinks we’re going to a commercial break!
When Mr. Oz is outside the ring, he immediately lifts up the apron and begins fiddling in the storage beneath it.
Then, he pulls out a little friend.
Bama T: Wait a second, Oz isn’t leaving! He was just getting his tools!
Todd: Oh no, he’s got a weapon! Someone tell the clown!
Bama T: Schadenfreude Clown won’t be able to hear your warning over the sound of his own chuckling!
Mr. Oz slides back into the ring with a steel chair! The referee sees it and tries to stop the impending assault, but he’s a split-second too slow!
Mr. Oz smacks the clown in the back with the chair! The clown immediately fails his juggling routine, and collapses facefirst to the mat! Then, Oz begins wailing on the clown with the steel chair!
The clown begins twitching as his skull leaks open with red goo. The clown’s fingers start throwing up gang signs whilst Oz repeatedly bashes him with the chair, but no amount of visible trauma is going to stop Oz! He’s a man on a mission!
He doesn’t even stop and look when the stage lights up, and his next opponent appears!
The lights dim as the opening drums of She's My Collar roll through the arena. Miss Furry steps out slowly, but doesn’t acknowledge the crowd.
She calmly walks the ramp and slips between the ropes with minimal effort. She settles into the corner, leaning back casually, licking her paw and cleaning herself in preparation of the upcoming match.
Todd: Miss Furry looks awfully calm for someone walking out into a blood bath!
Bama T: Which is weird, because usually, cats hate baths!
Todd: Maybe Gravy’s student knows something we don’t!
MR. OZ
- vs -
MISS FURY
SINGLES MATCH!
HIGHLIGHT REEL!
The referee has seen enough, and he grabs the chair from Oz! With the clown reduced to a bloody mass at the edge of the ring, the referee finally throws the chair away. Mr. Oz begins arguing with the referee, and he raises his fist to punch him! But before he can throw that punch, Miss Furry sneaks up behind him!
She rolls Oz up in a pin!
The referee takes a moment to collect himself, dropping down slightly late to count the sneaky pin!
1!
2!!
3-
NO!!!!!
Oz kicks out just in time!
Todd: Miss Furry almost won this match in record time!
Bama T: Gravy must be teaching her all his sneaky tricks!
When Oz kicks out, both him and Miss Furry scramble up to their feets- ready for the impending battle.
Oz charges at his much smaller opponent, looking to overwhelm her with his girth and tonnage-
But Miss Furry has been training for this!
She locks him into an arm drag, using the big man’s momentum against him before locking him into a grounded headlock!
Todd: An impressive technical display from Gravy’s student!
Bama T: That cat has been trained well!
Furry keeps the headlock tight, but Mr. Oz has broken out of a thousand headlocks- and now, he’s broken out of a thousand and one! He forces her arm off his neck before grappling with Furry-
But Miss Furry once again regains the advantage with a slew of short knee strikes to the ribs! The pain forces Oz to take a seat…and that’s when Miss Furry finishes off her combo package with a basement kick to her seated opponent!
Oz falls back, flat on the mat!
And Miss Furry won’t let this opportunity pass!
She heads to the ropes, bouncing off of them before sprinting at Oz and trying to drop an elbow on him-
But Mr. Oz rolls out of the way!
Furry’s elbow connects with nothing but mat!
That’s when Oz and Furry both scramble back to their feet once more, each wrestler sweating and breathing heavy.
Todd: These two might be more evenly matched than anyone imagined! Miss Furry is putting on a technical wrestling showcase, and she’s showing that she can handle Oz’s size with finesse!
Bama T: She may have looked good so far, but we’ll see how she fares when this match gets into the 4th quarter! She’s never wrestled a full match in the XWF, her cardio has never been tested!
Todd: You want to talk about cardio? Oz is on his 3rd match on the night! He should be downright exhausted by now!
Miss Furry strikes first! She runs at Oz, hitting him flush with a short-arm clothesline before she transitions the attack into a Running Facebuster that takes Oz to the mat!
Once they’re on the mat, Miss Furry doesn’t waste any time in trying to lock in a submission hold of some kind!
But Oz is a master of the mat, and he knows the counter to every jiu jitsu move she knows! She can’t get another submission off before Oz manages to escape her grasp!
Oz scrambles up to his feet, and Furry is close behind- but she’s still a second behind!
As soon as Furry steps up, Oz is already on her with a striking spear! And since there’s no rest for the wicked, Oz doesn’t waste a second in getting back up- and pulling Furry up with him. Then, he brings her back down with a bombastic body slam that shakes the ring!
Bama T: I told you, Todd! Oz excels in the second half, and now, he is completely dominating this match!
Todd: Miss Furry came out fast and furious, but you’re right Bama, Gravy’s kitty is getting tired! That could be bad for her health!
Mr. Oz’s next move is a gorilla press gutbuster, followed with a delayed vertical suplex. The barrage of big-man offense takes the wind out of Furry’s sails, and Oz seizes the momentum. He grabs a hold of Furry’s leg as the referee counts down to count a pin.
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!
Todd: That kitty’s still in it to win it!
Bama T: Mr. Oz is tiring Gravy’s kitty out, but for now, Miss Furry’s still purring!
Oz unloads on Miss Furry with another barrage of offense, firing off with a variety off spinebusters and boone bombs before closing out with a Sextuple German Suplex that rocks the entire building!
Everyone in the crowd leaps to their feet after the spectacular showcase of violence!
Oz hooks Furry’s leg for another pin!
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!
Todd: I can’t believe it! Gravy’s student is still fighting! She just won’t call it quits!
Bama T: Of course she won’t quit, Todd! Gravy doesn’t raise no quitters! I get the feeling that if Oz wants this win, he’s going to have to skin that kitty alive!
Todd: Don’t put ideas in his head, Bama! We already saw Oz commit two potential murders in his first two matches on the night!
Bama T: MUUUURDEERS?! Don’t defame Oz! At worst, he’s on a manslaughter spree!
Oz slams the mat in fury as Miss Furry somehow kicks out. Oz argues with the referee, and looks like he’s about to unload on the man of the law!
Oz raises a fist as the referee gulps-
But before he swings, Oz pulls it back with a disgruntled look on his face.
Bama T: If this referee isn’t careful, he might be the next person to receive a certified ass-whooping from Mr. Oz!
Todd: That ref is just trying to do his job, and Mr. Oz has been making his life miserable all night long!
Oz turns his gaze back towards Miss Furry, who appears completely exhausted. Oz’s opponent looks downright dead, like an opossum of sorts.
And Mr. Oz can see how close he is to finally ending this match, once and for all.
Mr. Oz reaches down and grabs Furry by the hair, intending to lift her lifeless body up for another big move-
BUT MISS FURRY WAS JUST FEIGNING HER EXHAUSTION!
MISS FURRY SNATCHES UP OZ IN A 9TH LIFE ROLL-UP!
Bama T: Wait, she’s alive?!?!
Todd: And she has Oz’s shoulders pinned to the mat!!!!
The referee drops down to count the sudden pin!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Oz kicks out a millisecond too late!
Winner by Pinfall - Miss Furry
Miss Furry quickly slides out of the ring after scoring the winning pin. She doesn’t even wait around for the referee to raise her hand, because Mr. Oz is completely enraged by this outcome! Oz is still looking for a fight, but just like any cat would do- Miss Furry quickly scurries away from the rampaging bulldog!
Todd: I can’t believe what we’ve seen tonight! First, Lionel Pennyfarthing scored a marquee victory on a technicality! Then, Schadenfreude Clown tricked Oz into getting disqualified! And now, Miss Furry just scored an incredibly unlikely pinfall victory in her debut!
Bama T: Tonight has been a rough one for Mr. Oz, and he’s been making it everyone else’s problem! Lionel and Schadenfreude will both be spending the night, or maybe even the week in the hospital- if not the morgue! And Miss Furry may have escaped with an upset tonight, but even she saw firsthand how powerful Mr. Oz is inside that ring!
Todd: Ain’t that the truth, Bama! Oz has been on a warpath tonight, even if he didn’t win every battle between the bells! Or, frankly- any of them!
Bama T: And now, it looks like Oz is turning his ire onto the referee who screwed him three times in a row!
Mr. Oz tries to reach out and grab the referee by his sweaty neck- but the ref is too sick with sweat! He slips out of Oz’s grasp before rolling out of the ring and running up the ramp! Mr. Oz is close behind, however, and he’s screaming bloody murder!
Mr. Oz chases the referee all the way up the ramp and into the back, before Anarchy cuts to commercial!
Several chairs of different shapes and sizes surround the ring. Plastic, steel, wooden, one with Ennui Clown sitting in it… Oh… He’s already here?
“Yeah… I ‘m here… I guess…”
He can hear me!?
TODD: Hi Ennui!
Todd waves at the clown who barely lifts a finger to wave back before he groans and sinks into the recliner.
BAMA: This guy is bumming me out! Where the hell is Betsy to kick this guy’s ass!?
“Now, who’s ready to be baptized into a new era of entertainment?!”
BAMA: I am, baby!
The lights go out in the arena as the voice calls out its query. A moment later, bright, twinkling lights like stars scatter across the building.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day
You gotta climb a little higher,
To the top of the display,
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
The starlight intensifies as a figure rises from beneath the platform, her back to the crowd, head down. The song continues to echo throughout the arena, electric and intense. Her blonde hair is tied into a tight shark-braid that swings back and forth as she bounces from foot to foot.
“If you want it, just take it,
The world's yours, don’t waste it,
Go make the stars align, to shine-”
The rising platform levels to the arena floor in unison with the beat drop to the song.
“BRIGHTER!”
As the word echoes through the arena, an explosion of sparkling pyrotechnics go off as Betsy Granger throws out her arms, revealing a blue chiffon robe lit with bright stars.
“Brighter than the heavens in the skies above,
(oooh oooh)
You’ll be,
BRIGHTER!"
Twirling gracefully to face the crowd, she points skyward as the lights in the arena flood back on. Betsy bounces twice before half-running, half-skipping down the ramp towards the ring.
"Going supernova, all the eyes look up
(at you, at you)
BRIGHTER!”
The song switches to an instrumental break as she does one complete circuit around the ring. Throwing off her cape on the announcer's table, she dashes towards the ring and jumps onto the apron in a one clean move. Using her momentum, she bounces clean over the top rope and spins on her toes to the center of the ring, arms out wide. As she comes to a stop, the music swells, and the crowd joins in like a devoted choir, just the same as the song itself.
“BRIIIIIIIIIGHTEEEEERRRRRRR”
Betsy grins widely and bounces from foot to foot, ready for the fight.
As the ref ushers Ennui to enter the ring to start the match who sighs forcing himself forward and crawls under the bottom rope before lying there face down.
Betsy’s hops begin to slow as she eyeballs tonight’s referee, “Muscles” Marinara, who goes to call for the bell, which has been replaced by a glockenspiel for this match!
BETSY GRANGER
- vs -
ENNUI CLOWN
MUSICAL STEEL CHAIRS!
Each competitor must have a musical element in their RPs in some shape or form
The ring will be surrounded by several chairs but only ONE is steel
Competitors must find the real steel chair and hit their opponent with it to win
RING-A-DING-DING!
Betsy gets into a fighting pose as Ennui Clown…
Continues to lay still…
Betsy halts her movements.
So does Ennui… I guess?
BAMA: Is his special power sucking the life out of the room!? He’s even wearing down the Impossible Traveler!
Betsy lets out a huff as she walks over to Ennui who… Dodges out of the way? By slowly rolling out of the ring and slapping onto the outside.
Granger watches as he drops with a cartoon splat and looks back to “Muscles” Marinara who shrugs.
Betsy hops over the ropes and drops with a stomp… To nothing!
As Ennui Clown goes to sit down on a chair.
TODD: Wait, Ennui! That’s not a chair, that’s an oversized bear trap!
CRUNCH!!!!
The audience gasp!
Except Bama who screams out-
BAMA: HELL YEAH!
Betsy winces.
But is surprised when Ennui is folded in half, completely unharmed.
Trapped but out of the harm of the teeth.
”Sigh… This is fine…”
Betsy looks confused but feels the need to help him out, grabbing the jaws and opening up the bear trap and Ennui rolls out landing on his feet to the sound of an orchestral sting in the form of a “Ta-Da!”
He immediately goes back to slouching and walks to the next chair in line; Betsy goes to grab him but stops herself, not even knowing whether to fight this clown or not.
Ennui goes to sit down.
TODD: Ennui, no! That’s a comically large bounce spring from Sonic the Hedgehog!
Ennui is launched high into the air, smashing through the ceiling and a loud scream fades into the night sky.
Betsy looks up as the form of Ennui Clown grows smaller and smaller disappearing into the glint of a star.
The place is silent as everyone looks up for a great length of time, hoping Ennui will come back down but never does.
BAMA: Looks like he left the atmosphere, baby!
TODD: It seems the ref is confused on how to play this, Bama.
BAMA: Can’t he just be counted out!?
TODD: There’s no count outs in musical chairs…
As the ref shrugs and goes to call for the bell, Ennui Clown steps back into frame beside Betsy.
…
Nobody cheers.
Betsy, growing tired, elbows the clown in the gut before striking upward with a knee before grabbing Ennui in a full nelson!
The crowd amp up as Betsy turns Ennui towards what could be the steel chair and hits-
Betsy and Clown are covered in delicious sponge and jam!
Betsy kneels up and sighs before shrugging and grabbing a slice of chair cake and taking a bite as she hops up to her feet, with her free hand she grabs Ennui’s ruffles and launches him under the ropes and back into the ring.
Granger takes a stroll around the ring tapping each chair in turn to check if it’s real.
The crowd give a raising “ooooh” as she passes the wooden garden chair, the plastic sun lounger, the porch from Next Friday and finally her hand wraps around the classic steel chair which the crowd pop for heartily.
Ennui does not move, instead laying on his back and looking up at the hole in the ceiling.
Betsy slides into the ring and wipes her hand on her gear before raising the chair over her head and approaches a prone Ennui.
With a side smile and a shrug, she almost apologizes to him.
“Sigh… Just do it…”
Betsy smashes the chair down on Ennui with a mighty clack that echoes through the area!
The crowd cheer as the ref calls for the glockenspiel!
Out from the back to absolutely no reaction is Bobby Sales, who is wearing a large trench coat. As he walks down the ramp, he opens the coat to the fans, showing off various products that he has for sale.
TODD: Here comes the newcomer. Sales has a big challenge ahead of him for his first match.
BAMA: Hey, what’s he got there? What are you selling, baby?!
TODD: I’d advise you not to buy any of that stuff, there’s no way he obtained it legally.
Sales walks over to the commentary table and opens up the coat to Bama and Todd, showing off a variety of trinkets and fragrances that he has for sale. He starts pointing at one of the bottles and talking to Bama.
BAMA: …how much?! You’re insane!
Sales just smiles as he turns and steps into the ring, handing his jacket over to the referee before raising his arms in the air.
BAMA: That dude tried to rip me off!
TODD: You mean you didn’t get a good deal from the stranger in a trenchcoat selling perfume?
The mood quickly changes as the fans rise to their feet following the familiar refrain of “Wild Thing”.
TODD: Some tale of the tape here. This will be Centurion’s 336th recorded match in the XWF. This is Bobby Sales’ first match anywhere. Centurion has won 32 title belts in his career here in the XWF. Sales has sold one belt to a plumber in Manhatten.
BAMA: An even matchup!
Out from the back steps Centurion, Television Title slung over his shoulder, to a raucous ovation. Centurion is no nonsense as he walks, steely eyed down the rampway.
BAMA: Remember Todd, all Bobby Sales has to do is throw Centurion over the top rope. The experience advantage may be negated because of that.
TODD: There’s some truth to that, no doubt.
Centurion steps into the ring and sets his title down on the ring apron. He nods over to the referee, who calls for the bell.
CENTURION
- vs -
BOBBY SALES
OVER THE TOP ROPE MATCH!
Sales immediately rushes as Centurion, who ducks the attack. He bounces off the ropes and comes back, nailing Sales with a Bloody Symphony!
TODD: Right out the gate!
BAMA: That could have knocked some teeth out!
Centurion pops back up and grabs Sales by the back of the head and collar. He runs over and easily tosses Sales over the top rope as the bell rings.
WINNER: Centurion
TODD: That might have been one of the quickest matches in Anarchy history!
Centurion grabs his title and tosses it back over his shoulder before gesturing to Tig on the outside to hand him a microphone. She does, and Centurion instantly begins to speak.
CENTURION: ELONNN!!! You get your gremlin looking ass out here right now! I’m tired of these stupid games! You want to embarrass me - you’re going to have to do it yourself!
Centurion paces back and forth in the ring as the crowd cheers.
CENTURION: Come on, I can stand out here all night if I need to. I’ll absolutely hijack every single one of these matches moving forward if you don’t come out here and look me in the eyes, face to face. Be a man! Get down here!
“I’m sorry to disappoint you…”
Out from the back steps Dick Lichter to a chorus of boos. He holds his hand up in an attempt to quiet the crowd, but when that does not work, he just pushes through it.
LICHTER: I’m sorry to disappoint you, but Mr. Musk will not be coming down to the ring at this time. You see, Cent, certain people have responsibilities far beyond your comprehension. You think Mr. Musk has time to deal with one disgruntled wrestler when he has an entire world he’s looking to change? Ha?
The crowd begins an “Elon suck! Elon suck!” chant, which Lichter seems displeased by. Nevertheless, he continues.
LICHTER: However, you would be pleased to know that the trillionaires HAVE been thinking about you. 2026 is your 25th year in the XWF, isn’t that right?
The crowd cheers as Centurion nods.
LICHTER: Very impressive. And you’ve gathered quite the fanbase over those 25 years - a fanbase willing to spend a decent amount of money. Which is why, in four weeks, the trillionaires, INCLUDING Elon Musk, whose name you continue to sully, have decided to host a special episode on Anarchy in your honor, in your hometown of Atlantic City. Centurion’s 25th Anniversary Special - Thursday, March 12th, LIVE from the Showboat in Atlantic City. Get your tickets now!
The crowd cheers, though the cheers are somewhat muted given the clear shilling that Lichter is doing.
LICHTER: As far as WHO you’re facing, well…see, these kinds of decisions are the reason they hired me. All the trillionaires care about is getting people through those doors, they couldn’t care LESS about who you face. So I get to decide, and I have been coming up with some ideas. Maybe a gauntlet match against all the clowns? That would be fun. Oh, maybe a sing off with Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing? He’s got quite the voice, you know. Oh, I know - an Evening Gown match! You’ve wrestled in a dress before, I’m sure you’d do great! Honestly, these are all great ideas, but I think…
Before Lichter can continue, the lights to the arena turn off. A murmur comes over the crowd as everyone waits to see what happens next.
The lights slowly raise back up as everyone’s attention turns back towards the rampway. Suddenly, out the back, steps…
“GODLY” KEN DAVISON.
BAMA: Woah.
TODD: That’s Ken Davison! He’s a wrestling legend, won championships all over the world. But what is he doing here?
Centurion and Lichter both look equally as confused as Davison stands confidently on the top of the ramp. He snatches the mic out of Lichter’s hand and speaks.
DAVISON: Hi Cent! I hope this isn’t a bad time, but I was in the area and thought I’d…stop by.
Davison looks down at Lichter, who has a look of both confusion and anger on his face. Davison smiles, seemingly unphased by the GM’s annoyance.
DAVISON: I was looking forward to speaking with you at the Tag Turmoil event in the WGWF, but it turns out, you didn’t show up. It’s a shame, because before I was going to eliminate you from that match, I wanted to bring up something. You and I, we’ve crossed paths a lot. Your resume and my resume share some similar letters, and even similar championships. And yet…we never got the opportunity to face each other.
The crowd’s murmurs begin to rise as they start to get excited.
DAVISON: Now, you and I both know that we are closer to the sunset of our careers than we are to the sunrise. I mean, you were supposedly “retired” at this time last year. And I can’t let that happen again without getting an opportunity to face you.
Centurion smiles and nods as Lichter’s eyes dart back and forth between Davison and Centurion.
CENTURION: I love it! But it’s not me you have to convince. That troll standing next to you is the one who makes the matches.
Lichter snatches the mic back from Davison.
LICHTER: You’re damn right I do, and I’m not going to book this match just because some outsider wants me to! Cent, you’re not worthy of such a high profile match for this event, you understand me? I will find you someone more…on your level.
Davison snatches the mic back from Lichter.
DAVISON: I’ll make this real simple for you - you want Centurion embarrassed? Give me the opportunity to kick his ass in front of his home town.
Centurion laughs as he does a “bring it” gesture to Davison. Davison slowly lowers the mic to Lichter, but doesn’t relinquish it. Lichter looks around, pouty at the situation he’s been put in, before finally saying in a huff…
LICHTER: FINE!
The crowd explodes as Lichter storms off towards the back. Centurion smiles and nods as he points up at Davison and “God Will Cut You Down” plays again.
TODD: INCREDIBLE! Ken Davison will be facing Centurion in four weeks time, as Centurion’s anniversary event!
BAMA: Centurion thought he was going to be fighting a clown, and instead he gets one of the most accomplished pro wrestlers in the world! This might not have been a good thing for the Television Champion!
"Lord give me a sign!"
The vocal screams through the stadium, dropping it into a hush. The sound of a church organ hits the system, as a choir boy or two begin their harmony. The faithful begin to clap to the beat, some raising their hands as a single white spotlight settles on the top of the ramp.
Abel Gracie steps out through the curtains, eyes bowed and hands clasped in prayer. The light seems to shoot out from him, glancing off the reflecting shoulder pads on his long black leather coat. Abel lifts his chin with an "amen" still on his lips, as a smile too big to be comfortable cuts across his face. He walks down towards the ring, raising a hand to children past and whispering blessings to them. Of course... Their parents try and pull them away from this psycho.
TODD: Abel Gracie, the zealot! The prophet! He’s turned heads and impressed in his first two matches on Anarchy, Bama!
BAMA: Gracie’s got the grit and the guile and he gives me goosebumps! He’s shown he’s not just bible verses, his hands can back up dem gums a flapping about his holy mission!
TODD: But this is the first time he’s sharing the ring with a champion of the XWF! And not just a champion, but one with a reign that’s growing by the day! Can Gracie by the one that derails the XXXVI revolution?
He takes the long way around the ring, making sure to bless fans in all four corners and our delightful commentators. Taking the steps up and gently stepping through the bottom ropes, he lets his coat fall to the floor - to reveal his scar-covered body. The lights settle on the middle of the ring now, where he drops to his knees, throws his head back and spreads his arms wide as he awaits his music's end... And the beginning of his worship service.
…
The stage alights in red. Smoke gathers around the stage. Gods by Sleep Token plays as XXXVI appears, rising up out of the red lights amidst the smoke, his hands gathered in prayer. He steps out onto the stage and takes in the mixed reaction from the crowd, the Revolution title shines in the spotlight over his shoulder. He shakes out his head and shoulders and begins to walk down the ramp, hands still in prayer pose. Then from behind him, appears CIX. She follows him down the ramp.
TODD: Thunder Knuckles! ‘Spoiled’ Summer Page! Mister Oz! Reggie Estrada! At this point, you’ve gotta ask… what is it gonna take to stop XXXVI’s Revolution!
BAMA: That resume would look dominant, but you’re accidentally underselling it, Toddy baby! XXXVI didn’t just beat that monster, Oz! He beat him TWICE in the same night! XXXVI’s reign is up to one-hundred-and-FORTY-SIX consecutive days!
TODD: He’s the second-longest reigning Revolution champion of All-Time. Still a ways away from Matthias Syn’s 252-day record, which at the time it ended, had been over two-thirds of the Revolution title’s entire lifespan…
BAMA: It was previously thought untouchable! Unbreakable! But XXXVI’s reign of terror… it’s starting to look comparable!
TODD: Gracie won’t end XXXVI’s reign tonight! This match is non-title! But can the Man of the Lord prove that XXXVI is just a man? Or will he be another victim to XXXVI’s dominance!
Half way down, XXXVI spreads his hands apart and reaches out both arms in T-Pose as he crouches, sauntering down the rest of the ramp toward the ring. He climbs onto the apron, outstretches his arms and then enters, rolling backward over the top rope and spins toward the center of the ring, arms outstretched like a helicopter. He then sits, cross legged in the dead center of the ring, hands once again in prayer pose and bows his head. Full black again, then a single, red cone of light bathes him in the ring as fire explodes out of each turnbuckle. Outside the ring, CIX surveys the crowd as they await the match starting.
CIX hands the belt to the timekeeper at ringside as Gracie and XXXVI stare each other down in the center of the ring…
TODD: Not only are these two competitors VICIOUS, Bama! But this match is X-Treme Rules! No DQ! No count-outs!
BAMA: This is gonna one YOU-NEEK match, Toddrick! We might see a baptism in a burning trashcan! Or someone get literally BIBLE-THUMPED! Does the concession stand sell communion wafers by the popcorn bucket?
After the bell rings, Abel doesn’t rush from his starting position. He stands center ring, hands folded behind his back, smiling gently.
XXXVI circles.
Gracie opens his arms — an invitation.
TODD: Abel Gracie knows his Lord is with him. He shall not falter!
BAMA: …Gives me the creeps…
XXXVI answers with a lightning-quick low dropkick to the knee, chopping the base out from under him.
Before Gracie can rise—
SUPERKICK.
The echo snaps through the arena.
TODD: Whoa! XXXVI proving he doesn’t work by the minute! He’s looking to take out Gracie in record time!
BAMA: XXXVI’s boss, The Director, been off running around with Jenny Myst… and in that time XXXVI’s been flying without his handler, he’s running like a dog off his leash! He’s only gotten faster! Only hit harder! Only looked more dominant!
Gracie’s head rocks backward, blinking, facing towards the sky!
…But XXXVI doesn’t even let up for a second! He’s already rebounding off the ropes!
SLING BLADE!
TODD: Wow! A second high-impact move from the Revolution champ!
BAMA: It’s like XXXVI choreographed the most graceful, meticulously-exact sequence of physical movements that would make the act of driving his fist through Gracie’s throat look like a Belarusian ballet!
Gracie’s back his the mat! XXXVI’s chest naturally slides atop him into a cover!
ONE!
TW-
Gracie kicks out at one!
TODD: It’ll take more than that to put down Abel Gracie!
Gracie rolls to his knees, grinning through the sting.
The two are back to a vertical base, circling each other…
TODD: Abel managed to scrap back up and assume a fighting stance!
BAMA: And he learned the hard way not to invite XXXVI to hitcha! Gracie’s lucky he’s still standing at all, much less moving around!
Abel lunges with a stiff-arm clothesline…
XXXVI blocks it with both forearms, and boots Gracie in the stomach!
And in a split-second…
WHAM! XXXVI rotates into a spinning backfist across Gracie’s jaw!
[blue]TODD: The Director has called XXXVI his weapon… and but out from under the Director’s thumb, he looks even deadlier!
BAMA: Guns don’t kill people, people kill people! An-...
…
BAMA: There’s a point in there somewhere… Anyway, XXXVI is kicking ass!
Gracie staggers backward into the ropes!
But XXXVI steps forward, closing the distance as Gracie rebounds off the ropes and into his arms for a…
RELEASE BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!
TODD: Holy COW! What a maneuver!
XXXVI goes for another quick cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THR-NO! Gracie somehow kicks out!
XXXVI pulls Gracie off the mat by the scalp…
In a flash, Gracie’s eyes spark! His hands zoom around XXXVI’s back and yank the champ off his feet, transitioning instantly into a Smiling Bearhug!
Gracie squeezes with all his might as XXXVI’s back arches, his spine compressed!
TODD: Gracie sensing his first opening of the match and taking it before it’s gone!
BAMA: The Lord provideth!
Abel stomps exaggeratedly with each tightening breath. XXXVI’s ribs compress.
But XXXVI raises his fists and axehandles Gracie to the face! Gracie stumbles backwards, his grip broken!
BAMA: …And the Lord taketh away!
Gracie staggers back into the ropes…
But XXXVI is still on him! Running dropkick! And Gracie spills over the top rope to the outside, landing hard on his back!
TODD: XXXVI has not let up for one second on Abel Gracie!
BAMA: But with Gracie outside the ring he might get a moment’s repri-
XXXVI grabs the ropes!
SHOOTING STAR PRESS TO A PRONE GRACIE, LANDING ACROSS HIS CHEST ON THE FLOOR!
TODD: Think again, Bama!
XXXVI digs under the ring — steel chair.
TODD: Oh my! Things are about to take a turn for the EXTREEEEEEEEEME!
Abel rises through blood on his lip.
Chair swing—
Blocked!
Abel boots XXXVI in the stomach! The Revolution champ drops the chair!
BAMA: Gracie’s been getting battered like a kid blasphemin’ in sunday school, but he’s got the belt now!
Abel grabs it… looking at it like a crusader wielding a blade blessed to do the Lord’s work…
XXXVI shakes his head from the ground… Rising up…
Gracie swings!
…But XXXVI ducks under! Gracie rotates all the way around as XXXVI leaps up to the apron…
DISASTER VAN DAMINATOR! XXXVI’s boot drives Gracie’s own chair into his face!
Gracie is back inside the ring, muttering a prayer for the strength to beat down this demon…
Meanwhile, XXXVI slides out and brings in a table.
Todd: This is escalating fast!
Bama: That boy’s Revolution Champion for a reason, Todd. He ain’t here to preach — he’s here to kick a whole in the status quo!
XXXVI tilts the table against the corner of the ring against the turnbuckle… Behind him, Gracie is pushing himself up to one knee…
XXXVI turns around, looking to drag his opponent toward the table…
But Gracie springs like a loaded trap!
BIG BOOT!
XXXVI gets clocked across the face, turning three-hundred-sixty degrees before landing on his face!
TODD: And for once, Gracie’s in control!
Abel drags a staggering XXXVI up to his feet… breathing the Lord’s air, summoning his strength as he reels back his fist!
Hammerfist to the temple!
Then a raised knee to the jaw.
XXXVI wobbles.
Abel roars and scoops him up—
Spinebuster!
The crowd explodes!
TODD: It feels odd to say Gracie winning would be an upset… but this would be a major feather in his cap!
Gracie covers!
ONE!
TWO!
THR-NO! XXXVI kicks out!
The crowd rises to their feet, as Abel’s face changes… He whispers: “Unbelief…” as a palpable disgust bleeds across his face…
TODD: Abel Gracie sees resistance as a rebuke of his Lord’s love…
BAMA: And he’s about to make XXXVI a believer!
Gracie drags XXXVI up for…
The Loving Sacrifice!
The Full nelson is locked in!
Gracie lifts — shakes XXXVI violently!
The crowd rises, anticipating a submission…
XXXVI twists… but Gracie’s holding on tight!
…XXXVI’s feet shuffle, rotating he and Gracie towards the turnbuckle with a table…
TODD: What is the Revolution champ thinking here, Bama?
BAMA: I don’t know if you can think when Gracie’s got you like that… Pure panic has gotta set in!
XXXVI…
Runs toward the turnbuckle! Gracie’s feet shuffle forward, trying to keep the hold locked in…
XXXVI runs up the table! Spins off the turnbuckle as Gracie clinches on!
ACID DROP! XXXVI’s drives Gracie’s skull against his shoulder!
Gracie rebounds up… looking rough…
As XXXVI kips-up!
And dropkicks him backwards!
THROUGH THE TABLE!
The crowd goes nuts!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
XXXVI drags Gracie out of the pile of twisted, gnarled wood!
Pulls him upright!
Hooks the arms!
Legs thread!
ROMERO SPECIAL! LOCKED IN!
TODD: XXXVI has got his trademark submission hold locked in! And now the panic has gotta be setting in for Gracie!
Todd: It’s over! XXXVI wins it clean in an X-Treme Rules match!
Bama: It’s insane, Toddrick! XXXVI has taken on more and more dangerous opponents… And he’s only won more dominantly! The walls between him and Syn’s record are getting higher… But he’s only climbing them faster!
After the match, XXXVI celebrates the win. He goes to the turnbuckle and places his hands in prayer position, bowing as the crowd cheers him on. He steps down as he sees CIX on the apron, holding his Revolution championship. He opens the ropes and she enters and then drapes the title over his shoulder. At ringside, Steve Sayors comes to the ring with a microphone.
Steve Sayors: Congratulations on your win, XXXVI. What does this win mean to you?
XXXVI: Thank you, Steve. First of all, this is my first interview since I arrived six months ago. It feels like I have arrived. I know my title was not on the line tonight, but Abel Gracie is an impressive talent. I know here, especially in this house of debauchery and sin, he would have loved to put me in my place in the name of his god. Getting this victory was just as important to me as any title defense. Abel, if we ever have the chance to run it back, I look forward to it.
SS: Great. Thank you for sharing. Can you talk about your relationship with The Director?
XXXVI: Of course. You all saw what happened Monday on Warfare. I didn’t know Solomon Kline was going to return. I didn’t know exactly what the Director had planned, but it’s no secret that I disagree with his decision to entertain the likes of the former Corporation. We have been at odds off behind the scenes. I knew I needed to be there. As I sat backstage, I found my moment and I confronted him. What happens next remains to be seen.
SS: Of course. Do you have any thoughts on him finding a new partner and seeking tag team gold, as his former partner?
XXXVI: I’m done talking about the Director now. Any other questions?
SS: Yes, we can definitely shift gears. At Snow Pain, Snow Gain, Betsy Granger won a number one contender spot for your Revolution championship. Any thoughts on your challenger?
XXXVI: Let me be clear. Betsy Granger is my biggest challenge yet. So the reason I asked for a non-title match tonight is that I believe a match between me and Betsy is worthy of being on a Pay-Per-View. I want to show that I won’t back down from any challenge, but I want our match to take place at March Madness. I’m sure with the recent trend and the theme that we will be given some ridiculous gimmick match and I have consistently shown that I thrive in the chaos of it all. I believe in myself. I believe that I can overcome the challenge, but it is absolutely an uphill battle. Betsy is more than capable of beating anyone on a good day. So I look forward to our eventual meeting.
SS: The first interview from our Revolution champion! Thank you for your time, XXXVI.
XXXVI shakes Steve Sayors’ hand and raises the Revolution title over his head as the crowd cheers. XXXVI leaves the ring with CIX by his side.
TODD: Folks, all that’s left is our main event! And the Anarchy title, Thursday night’s top prize is on the line!
BAMA: If you told me these two were getting an Anarchy title shot a couple months ago, this’d feel like a night off for the champ! But both Landerson and Hixx have been DOMINANT as of late!
TODD: And Graves’s partner tonight is the last Anarchy champ! The one that Graves just dethroned at Snow Pain, Snow Gain! If Arroyo and Graves aren’t on the same page… this might not a tag match! This could very quickly dissolve into a three-on-one assault!
The lights went dark!
The sound of thunder Ker-ACKS throughout the arena!
Over the PA system, a woman laughs…
A Storm…
Is…
COMING
Suddenly, the lights turned blue! Rain falls from the rafters above as Latoya Hixx walks out at the top of the ramp, flexing her muscles!
TODD: Latoya Hixx is, genuinely, the strongest person… not woman, the most PHYSICALLY imposing individual on the XWF roster!
BAMA: Ol’ Stormy had been on a cold streak at PPVs! But, she and Team Razor won at War Games! And then she and Razor won a tag match to become Number One contenders to the Anarchy Tags at Snow Pain, Snow Gain!
TODD: Hixx has never held championship gold in her young XWF career! But she has excelled in a tag environment recently… And tonight, she’s getting a shot at a singles title with a tag partner! The advantage might never be more in her favor than tonight!
The lights return to their default settings as Hixx walks straight down the aisle and she slaps a few hands of wrestling fans! As she walks by the chopper, she points at and pantomimes revving the engine!
Hixx climbs up the steel steps, then enters the ring…
The lights dim and she flexes her muscles one final time!
…
When Booyka 619 hit's he walks out on stage and kneels down on one knee and prays. He gets up and points to the Fans in Pyro fireworks burst open and switch to the other side of the stage in does the same thing in
TODD: El Landerson! The Bit Luchador! It feels like the Bit Luchador only got here a short while ago but he has rocketed up the card! He’s currently #15 on the ELO chart!
BAMA: Landerson’s full of surprises! He takes a lot of risks in that ring, but the crazy thing about risk-takers is… that ring rewards them! Something about the world of wrestling loves the bold and there might be no one bolder than that little man there!
BAMA: This is Landerson’s first opportunity with an XWF title on the line! Can the Bit Luchador pull off the upset and become the Anarchy champion!
after he was done he slowly walks down the ramp in slaps some little kids high fives and he stops and stares at the kid in hands him his Luchdor Mask to him and heads straight towards the ring and hops on the turnbuckle and pose both fingers in mid air and walks to the other side turnbuckle in does the same thing mid finger in the air in he gets down and wait for his Opponent arrive.
…
Green lasers scatter across the stage.
Graves steps through the curtain. His head tilts, his jaw clenches, and he just stands there long enough to make the crowd feel uncomfortable.
The drums kick in.
The lights sweep the arena in a blast of lime and purple.
Graves lazily starts down the ramp.
TODD: Micheal Graves! He’s had a long XWF career spanning across multiple brands… but I don’t know if he’s ever looked more dominant than right now! This is his first Anarchy title reign!
BAMA: Toddrick, you got a head injury? Micheal Graves had the Anarchy Title just last year! For a whole year!
TODD: I won’t have this discussion with you again, Bama, that was obviously Mark Flynn dressed like Micheal Graves… THIS is Micheal Graves! But he’s looking… not focused! Not at all! But even more dangerous! Unpredictable in a way that means his opponent could get struck down in an instant!
BAMA: I can’t argue there, Todd. Hixx may be the Storm, but Graves is a force of NATURE!
Fans reach out, but he pretends not to notice them.
The cameras catch quick cuts on the XTron of Graves smashing faces, laughing mid-beating, spraying mist, weapons, blood, ugly mayhem.
He reaches the ring. Stops. Looks around. Then he slides in under the ropes, stands up slow just as the song hits—
♪ IT'S YOUR FUCKIN' NIGHTMARE ♪
Graves backs into his corner, sliding his cape off his shoulders tossing it aside.
He cracks his neck once and stares across the ring as the music fades.
…
The arena is bathed in a deep red light that brings out the shadows in every nook and cranny as "Deep Set" by Greg Puciato starts to play. Kristoffer Arroyo steps through the entrance way, looking cool and confident behind is bright pink shades. He saunters down to the ring, taking his time and seeming to savor the moment before suddenly exploding into a slide into the ring.
TODD: And there he is! The former Anarchy champion, Kristoffer Arroyo! The VAMP!
BAMA: Vamp had been virtually unstoppable! Until… y’know… Graves stopped him!
TODD: He’d been unmatched! Taking on big names like Clutch Cassidy and Betsy Granger and each time coming away with the win! Now, he’s sharing the ring with Graves! And you’ve gotta wonder… Is he thinking about how to beat his opponents right now? Or how to sink his teeth into Graves while the champ’s back is turned…
He then steps through the ropes onto the ring apron, where he wraps his legs around the middle rope and hangs himself upside down with his arms outstretched like an inverted cross. He smiles for the camera, revealing long sharpened incisors, before sitting up and rolling up and over the top rope and to the canvas. He then proceeds to get to a neutral corner and wait for the contest to begin.
TORNADO TAG ELIMINATION – If Landerson or Hixx pin Graves, they become ANARCHY CHAMPION
HIGHLIGHT REEL
Landerson and Hixx are laser-targetted, eagerly awaiting the bell to ring…
Meanwhile, Arroyo eyes the side of Gravy’s head… Graves turns in the Dark Warrior mask to eye his partner…
Kristoffer Arroyo.
Still.
Hands folded behind his back.
Head tilted.
Smiling.
TODD: The tension is thick enough to bite on.
BAMA Bite through maybe if you’re Vamp! I don’t trust either one of ‘em, Todd. One’s a blood-drunk psycho and the other one kisses you before he drops you on your head. That’s a horror movie I once rented from a Blockbuster but got too scared to watch by myself...
Graves mutters something sideways and unhinged to Vamp…
Vamp sneers, his fangs glimmering under the spotlight above the ring…
TODD: The bell hasn’t even rung and this team might already expl-
DING DING!
El Landerson SPRINGBOARDS across the ring!
Flying crossbody onto Graves!
At the same time—
Latoya Hixx storms in like a freight train!
SPEAR!
She cuts Arroyo in half!
TODD: The challengers are going right for the champion!
BAMA: They’ve waited a long time for XWF gold! They want that belt tonight! Hell, they want it YESTERDAY!
Graves tumbles to the mat, clutching ribs… shooting off profanity as it tends to whenever Graves’ mouth is even briefly open!
Landerson scrambles off Arroy’s chest for a quick cover!
ONE!
TW—Graves kicks out!
TODD: Landerson and Hixx clearly trying to take advantage of their opponents not being in the mood to talk out strategy!
BAMA: They’re going all-out blitz on Gravy and Vampy!
Hixx holds Graves’s arms behind his back as she nods at Landerson and then the ropes!
Landerson nods… running for the ropes, looking for a hurricanrana…
…But Arroyo springs off the mat!
And catches Landerson mid-sprint with a knee to the gut!
TODD: What a strike by Vamp! Like a jaguar catching a sprinting gazelle in its jaws! Way to cover his partner!
BAMA: Jury’s still out on whether he was looking out for Gravy or simply giving Lando some back for that crossbody! Vamp got his bell rung right after the bell rung!
Arroyo drags Landerson up by the mask, looking to continue the onslaught
But Hixx tosses away Graves to the mat…
And wraps her arms around Arroyo’s back! Waistlock into…
Deadlift!
Release German suplex!
Arroyo lands hard on his neck!
The crowd erupts!
Hixx is flexing for the crowd as the crowd chants…
STORM IS COMING! STORM IS COMING!
Arroyo shakes off cobwebs as Hixx turns around, stomping, demanding he turn around…
TODD: Reminder! The belt doesn’t change hands if Arroyo is eliminated!
BAMA: But man! Pinning Arroyo is an accomplishment in and of itself, Toddy baby! And it’d set up Landy and Stormy to take out the champ with a two-on-one handicap!
Arroyo turns around…
Hixx lifts him off his feet…
Just as Gravy shoves his palms against the mat, working his way back to his feet!
Hixx reels her arms…
FALLAWAY SL-
WHAM! Graves steps up…
HEAVY HANDED SLAP across her face!
BAMA: Ouch! Mark Flynn briefly piloted Gravy’s body! And he said Gravy’s got the best striking hands in the biz!
The crack echoes!
…
Hixx doesn’t move.
Instead, she drops Arroyo to the mat… And looks at Graves with an unbridled rage storming in her eyes.
TODD: …That. I wound’t have done that.
BAMA: Gravy’s got a iron right hand but Hixx has a steel jaw apparently!
…As Hixx eyes him furiously, Graves stops… and looks around like ‘hey, who did that?!? Wasn’t me!’
Latoya roars and starts swinging!
Forearm to Graves’ jaw, sending him staggering back against the corner!
Corner splash! Driving Graves against the corner! Graves staggers out…
As Hixx lifts him off his feet!
HELLACIOUS FALLAWAY SLAM! Graves scatters across the ring like someone thrown out of a moving car!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Graves is down in the center of the ring…
Hixx is pointing to the corner, where Landerson is climbing the turnbuckle!
TODD: Landerson looking for the Landerson Frog Splash!
BAMA: Is Hixx gonna let him get the pin though?!? Only one of them can be the Anarchy champ!
Landerson gets to the top turnbuckle! He releases the top ropes, ready to fl-
WHAM! From the apron, Arroyo leaps, kicking the turnbuckle! Landerson loses his grip, falls to the apron and tumbles to the padded concrete below!
TODD: Once more, Arroyo makes the save for his partner!
BAMA: …Okay! This is a surprise! Arroyo is making some efforts to keep his partner in this one!
TODD: He has a proven record in tag matches, Bama! He and Summer Page performed excellently together!
Hixx’s eyes widen furiously, as Graves sneaks over to the ropes to catch his breath…
Arroyo steps through the ropes, rushing in—
BAM! Hixx catches him with a boot to the gut!
Arroyo staggers back into the corner… At the same time that Graves pulls himself up by the ropes to his feet…
Latoya pops up, chest heaving, eyes wild!
She spreads her arms.
Inviting both men.
TODD: Latoya Hixx is trying to take on BOTH the Anarchy champ and former Anarchy Champ at once!
BAMA: That’s stupidity!
TODD: That’s The Storm!
Both men head toward her! She doesn’t wait, charging Graves with a…
LARIAT!
The champ ducks!
And Arroyo sweeps the leg!
Latoya crashes to a knee—
Graves rebounds off the ropes!
BULLDOG!
Arroyo immediately transitions—
Fujiwara Arm Bar!
Graves stomps down on her exposed face as Arroyo twists Hixx’s arm behind her back!
TODD: Oh my Gosh! These two brutal monsters are dismantling Hixx! Dissecting her!
Latoya roars through the pain, bench-pressing Arroyo up off her! She scrambles toward Gravy!
But Graves spits green poison mist into her eyes!
She staggers blind… as he hoists her onto his shoulders!
Grave Digger (Death Valley Driver)! Hixx is spiked backfirst onto the mat! She flops onto her face!
Arroyo floats over—
Crossface Chicken Wing!
Graves drops into a Boston Crab simultaneously!
A grotesque tandem submission!
TODD: This is… surgical! This is grotesque!
BAMA: This is tag-team wrestling at its finest! Arroyo and Graves look like fire and gasoline out there!
…Landerson exhaustedly pulls himself up by the apron to his feet…
Hixx SCREECHES in agony, but she can’t break both submission holds!
…
SHE TAPS OUT!
Eliminated: Latoya Hixx
TODD: The challengers go down one! It’s Landerson against Arroyo and Graves!
BAMA: Someone go buy a very small coffin! Landy’s gonna need it!
The crowd buzzes as the two competitors circle Landerson, alone in the center of the ring…
TODD: The Bit Luchador looking like he’s in trouble here![/blue[
Landerson nods once.
And explodes forward!
Arroyo goes for a clothesline!
But Arroyo ducks under, rebounding off the second rope!
Backflip crossbody onto Arroyo!
[blue]TODD: The Bit Luchador refusing to back down!
BAMA: He’s like a mosquito in a slaughterhouse!
Arroyo gets planted, but Graves is right there, grabbing Landerson by the eyeholes of his mask, before hurling him toward the corner!
But Landerson runs up the turnbuckle!
Asai moonsault! Takes Graves down to the mat!
Landerson clinches on, hooking the leg!
ONE!
TWO!
THR-NO! Graves forces a shoulder up!
TODD: That was… shockingly close!
Graves shoves himself off the mat as Landerson scrambles back to a vertical base…
Desperation right-handed smack!
But Landy ducks, and twists Gravy’s arm behind his back, before latching his ankle around Graves’ ankle and twisting him into a somersault, shoulders pressed against the mat!
TODD: Graves looks like a pretzel out there! Does he even know which muscle he needs to use to kick out of that one!
Landerson presses down!
ONE!
TWO!
THR—NO!
Graves barely escapes, forcing his shoulders off the mat!
BAMA: Graves’ attention span may be trash but his survival instincts ain’t!
TODD: But things are undeniably going Landerson’s way right now! Can he find the win!?!
Graves goes for a big kick!
But Landerson side-steps and leg sweeps Graves down, his throat along the middle rope!
Landerson points to the crowd! Arroyo charges from the mat to attack Landy!
Landerson does the sign of the cross as he does before a high-risk move!
Vamp hisses and recoils to the corner!
TODD: Landerson’s favorite taunt repels vampires!
Landerson fires up!
He charges! Rebodungs off the ropes!
Landerson Six One-Nine!
The kick snaps Graves’ head sideways!
The champion crumples!
TODD: That’s gonna do it! We have a new champion!
Landerson dives through—
Crawling for the champ!
But Arroyo zips from the corner, grabbing Landerson by the mask and pulling! Landerson’s mas goes askew, he can’t see!
Arroyo boots him in the gut… Then pulls him close!
Forehead to forehead.
A whisper.
Then—
A deep, mocking kiss planted on Landerson’s lips.
ROMEO’S LAMENT!
He drives him skull-first into the canvas!
TODD: Devastating move!
Landerson bounces off the mat, standing unconscious… As Graves zips into action…
GRAVES’ CONSEQUENCES!
Landerson gets PLANTED on the mat!
Arroyo and Graves each plant a boot on the lil’ Luchador’s chest!
ONE.
TWO.
THREE.
Winners: Micheal Graves & Kristoffer Arroyo
TODD: What a chaotic, brutal Tornado Tag Elimination Match! Landerson nearly stole the championship!
BAMA: But nearly don’t get you gold, Todd! Graves keeps his belt, and Kristoffer Arroyo just reminded the world exactly how dangerous he is!
TODD: One surprising takeaway is how effective Arroyo and Graves were as a unit! Covering each other’s defenses! Devastating their opponents with an overwhelming, ceaseless barrage of offense! These two may run afoul of each other in the future… But IF they can co-exist…
Schadenfreude Clown appears, smiling SMUGLY! Wearing a cartoonishly large band-aid over his bulbous head.
“Oh mein Clown Gott! He lost all drei matches this evening! How embarrassing! Hohohohoho!”
Schadenfreude Clown immediately turns back to a group of popular high school girls and begins whispering in their ears, starting a vicious rumor mill.
The following 2 users Like Schadenfreude Clown's post:2 users Like Schadenfreude Clown's post (Gravy_Xtreme_5000) (02-13-2026), Peter Principle (02-13-2026)
Meanwhile in the XWF Medical Tent Set-Up At The Resort At Sheri's Ranch
"..Jesus, L..."
Lionel's agent, Gene Branagh holds his scally cap in his hands before his chest... His hands idly twist at its soft, shallow brim...
"...I... I wanted you to win a match for the pay bonus but..." His voice is wracked with guilt... and a tinge of nausea looking at his talent in his current state... in a makeshift hospital bed, a machine breathing for him... Wrapped in a full body cast... "Not like this..."
...Branagh takes a nervous step forward. "I shouldn't have..." He exhales frustratedly! "I mean, I tried! I told you like a HUNDRED times this was an ACTUAL wrestling show! Where people HURT each other!"
...
Branagh sighs, squeezing his cap a little tighter, realizing the futility of yelling now... "I shouldn't have let you go out there. It's my job as your agent to look out for you..."
A nurse with a blonde ponytail walks in... Branagh's eyes light up.
"Nurse! What can you tell me!?! Is... is he gonna be okay?"
The Nurse looks at Branagh confused.
"...Oh... sweetie. This is a costume. I'm on the clock! Thankfully, now that Chuck's been fucked to death by sex robots, the union is in charge and we're back to work." She winks.
...
"Oh.. Then, when's the Ranch's actual nurse getting here?"
"Right here!" A woman walks in in a glittery pink bikini, her body covered in oil like she just finished wrestling with two other girls for the pleasure of a customer.
Wait, sorry, not *like* that, that is in fact what happened.
"Sorry, I also work a shift inside the Ranch," The oily sexy lady apologizes sincerely as she reaches to read Pennyfarthing's chart by his bedside. "I didn't have time to change..."
...Branagh opens his mouth. Then thinks better of it.
"...Look! Whichever of you is a trained medical professional! Is my client going to be okay?!?"
The sexy oiled-up medical professional nods with the utmost gravity and compassion. She takes her job seriously, she's just also very sexy. "We're going to do everything we can. But, he has been brutalized and physically battered."
She sighs, as she opens a drawer, rifling through its contents... "It doesn't help he's not an athlete... He's spry for an... overweight fifty-year-old, but he went in the ring with a bodybuilder freak with anger issues, how else was this gonna go?"
Branagh's hands twist his hat nervously... "This is all my fault..."
The bikini nurse exhales. "Did someone move my equipment? Where's my stethoscope?"
Gene looks around, before pointing to the stripper in the nurse outfit... "Oh! Um... is it around your colleague's neck there?"
The nurse looks over... and then shakes her head. "No, that's a prop that came with the costume."
The stripper nurse holds the plastic stethoscope up to her ear. "I can hear the ocean!"
"She got it from Spirit Halloween."
THE XWF IS STILL PROUDLY SPONSORED BY SPIRIT HALLOWEEN
Suddenly, the medical tent's flap opens!
It's XWF Correspondent, the 'Always Composed' Pete Rose!
"Where is he?!? Where's that twinkle-toes, moron, Sir Lionel?!?"
Branagh's eyes widen! "'Always Composed' Pete Rose! The guy who interviews "Cavortin'" Jake Borden!"
"I interview other people!"
"Well, why are you here?!?"
"Are you kiddin' me! It's the Scoop of a Century! Sir Lionel won a match! The biggest clown on a roster that is teeming with ACTUAL CLOWNS!"
"I need an interview! Now!"
Branagh exhales. "Look.... Lionel's really in no shape to perform right now... He's..."
"nnnn shh.... ttuh PRFRM!" Lionel's eyes open wide! His mouth is wired shut, but he snaps awake!
"I ws BRN t PRFRM!" He moans in protest, while his jaw is wired shut.
Branagh's eyes widen in relief and amazement! "L, you're okay!"
...
Branagh looks his client up and down... "I mean... well, you're not dead at least..."
"It's a miracle!"
The prostitute in a nurse outfit puts her plastic stethoscope to his ear!
"Yep! Ocean sounds! He's gonna make a full recovery!"
"...Eh... that'd be a whole different miracle... But he isn't dead!"
"Great!" Rose sticks a microphone in Pennyfarthing's face. "You won a match! That's crazy because you're garbage! TELL ME ABOUT IT!"
Branagh bats away Rose's microphone. "Look, Rose... Even if Lionel's conscious... his jaw's wired shut! He's obviously in no shape to conduct an interview!"
"GN!" Lionel protests at his agent, his eyes fiery while his body remains immobile. "THS S Y MMNT! Y BG BRK! TH SHW MST G N!"
"L, c'mon!" Gene scratches his head. "You can barely speak!"
"BLRDSH!" Lionel protests, before his eyes turn towards Rose. "Y! RPRTR! RCRD Y YS!"
"...Wut?"
"He's saying record his eyes! He's always said performance is in the eyes..."
Rose shrugs and nods toward his cameraman. The view zooms in on Lionel's eyes...
The following 3 users Like Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing's post:3 users Like Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing's post (Gravy_Xtreme_5000) (02-13-2026), Atticus Gold (02-13-2026), XXXVI (02-13-2026)
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