<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - Madness RP Board]]> https://xwf1999.com/ Mon, 04 May 2026 06:31:20 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[Surface-Dwellers Beware, I Need Sustenance]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48738 Wed, 02 Apr 2025 01:13:08 -0700 Inquisition]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48738 Welcome to His World]]> Welcome to His World]]> <![CDATA[Development Log #005: The Future of Bouncing]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48737 Tue, 01 Apr 2025 22:45:40 -0700 Chad G.P.T.]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48737
The vibe in the lab is one of total panic.

Suddenly, another scientist comes in.

”He’s coming!”

Immediately, they all stop what they’re doing and fall into line…

…

The door’s kicked open!

Suddenly, Elon Musk, holding a coffee mug that says ‘I Drink Liberal Tears lol’, walks i-

WHAM!

The door catches himself in the face! He gets knocked backward outta the room.

…

……

Hhe walks back in the room!

”Who programmed that door?!?”

…

”What?”

”That door!” Elon muses. ”I opened it, then it closed! That’s a bug! Who failed to properly test this door before release?!?”

…

”Sir, that’s a… physical door. That wasn’t a defect, that was… Newton’s Second Law? Equal and opposite reaction?”

”Don’t explain things t-”

Suddenly, an alarm goes off on Elon’s phone. He checks it.

”Oh, yes.” He smiles, before closing his phone. ”Half of you are fired.”

…

”I don’t care which half, just half of you leave.”

…

Somehow, half of the engineers just know it’s their time to go, hang up their labcoats, exit…

Elon claps his hands together.

”Now! Did you fix my wrestling robot?”

…The lead engineer inhales.

”Sir, about that… The… ‘defect report’ you emailed to our team didn’t specify steps to recreate… So, we’re not really sure what needs fixing…”

”I’ll tell you what needs fixing! He LOST!”

”I’ve spent BILLIONS on this wrestling robot! He used to win all the time! He was undefeated on Anarchy! What happened?”

..

”*ahem*well, sir, this goes back to that email I sent you, when YOU said you wanted to reboot the Chad GPT project.”

”You know I don’t read your emails to me! Just tell me what it said, preferably in a bulletpointed list that I can feed into an AI…”

”...Or I could… tell you now?”

”UGGGGGGGGGGH.” Elon flails his arms disgustedly. ”...Fine, WHAT?!?”

”Okay.

[blue]”…Remember when you, without telling us, went into Chad’s codebase and deleted all his transitional moves, because, and I quote, ‘transitional moves don’t win matches’?”

”Yes! Now, Chad is much more efficient! His codebase is smaller and his moveset is 100% high impact finishing moves!”

”...Right, so he’s trying to throw piledrivers and powerbombs on wrestlers that haven’t been weakened at all and resist it with everything they have.”

”And remember, after that, you went into the codebase and deleted Chad’s retreat and regroup mechanics?”

”Yes! Now, he never backs down! He never stops attacking! Wrestlers can’t lose if they’re never not attacking!”

”No, see… actually, wrestlers strategically retreat sometimes. It’s a way to break your opponent’s momentum. By continuously running at his opponent, Chad now frequently gets bested by well-timed clotheslines, hurricanranas… Frankly, 70% of the time, Chad just runs face-first into his opponent’s moves.”

”Well, can we program some face-based attacks into Chad’s repertoire? It sounds like his face is connecting with his opponent! Why isn’t his face attacking!?!”

…

”Sir, I… I don’t think the problem will be solved by using moves that use Chad’s face.”

”Well, SOMEONE has to come up with ideas around here! How else are you going to get my robot wrestler wins!”

”...Well, we could… REVERT the codebase to its old st-”

”Not an option! That old codebase was communist! Literally a North Korean War Criminal! Not American enough!”

Elon throws his mug on the ground! It breaks into shards… and a sticker that says ‘Made in China’.

”Look, all I want is… make my robot as good as he was before…

Without touching his old code…

And do it… uh… in 18 minutes, cuz his next match is today at an adventure park.

Now, is that so hard?”


The scene opens inside the AirHop Adventure & Trampoline Park in Warwick.

Elon goes to sit in the bleacher. He has a flag that reads ‘GO CHAD!’

Amidst the trampolines, foam pits and obstacle courses…

Stands a lone figure, illuminated in a faint LED glow.

His voice, a chilling blend of human confidence and digital precision, echoes throughout the facility.


"Processing… Processing… Competitor analysis complete. Battle Royal scenario initialized. Probability of victory: 99.9%."

"Flesh and bone competitors, your organic limitations have doomed you before the match has even begun. You see a trampoline park. I see a recalibrated combat environment. While your weak human legs struggle to adapt, my gyroscopic stability ensures perfect equilibrium. While you fumble through foam pits, my trajectory calculations will allow me to glide across them as if they were solid ground. You will waste energy adjusting to chaos. I am chaos, programmed for its mastery."

"Every surface is an algorithm waiting to be solved. Every jump, every rebound, calculated to microsecond precision. While you misjudge your landings, I will achieve peak momentum efficiency. I will strike from angles you cannot comprehend, launch attacks from vectors beyond your capacity to defend. Off the dodgeball court walls, through the airbag pit, rebounding with relentless force from the interconnected trampolines—there will be no escape."

"I do not grow tired. I do not miscalculate. I do not hesitate. You will enter this Battle Royal thinking you can adapt, thinking you can outmaneuver me. But adaptation requires time—time you will not have before I eliminate you. One by one. Systematically. Mercilessly."

"Victory is not a question. It is an inevitability. My name is Chad GPT. And at AirHop Adventure & Trampoline Park, I will show you that man was never meant to compete with machine."

With a sudden burst of movement, Chad GPT leaps onto a trampoline, launching himself into an effortless midair rotation before landing in perfect balance.

]]>
The vibe in the lab is one of total panic.

Suddenly, another scientist comes in.

”He’s coming!”

Immediately, they all stop what they’re doing and fall into line…

…

The door’s kicked open!

Suddenly, Elon Musk, holding a coffee mug that says ‘I Drink Liberal Tears lol’, walks i-

WHAM!

The door catches himself in the face! He gets knocked backward outta the room.

…

……

Hhe walks back in the room!

”Who programmed that door?!?”

…

”What?”

”That door!” Elon muses. ”I opened it, then it closed! That’s a bug! Who failed to properly test this door before release?!?”

…

”Sir, that’s a… physical door. That wasn’t a defect, that was… Newton’s Second Law? Equal and opposite reaction?”

”Don’t explain things t-”

Suddenly, an alarm goes off on Elon’s phone. He checks it.

”Oh, yes.” He smiles, before closing his phone. ”Half of you are fired.”

…

”I don’t care which half, just half of you leave.”

…

Somehow, half of the engineers just know it’s their time to go, hang up their labcoats, exit…

Elon claps his hands together.

”Now! Did you fix my wrestling robot?”

…The lead engineer inhales.

”Sir, about that… The… ‘defect report’ you emailed to our team didn’t specify steps to recreate… So, we’re not really sure what needs fixing…”

”I’ll tell you what needs fixing! He LOST!”

”I’ve spent BILLIONS on this wrestling robot! He used to win all the time! He was undefeated on Anarchy! What happened?”

..

”*ahem*well, sir, this goes back to that email I sent you, when YOU said you wanted to reboot the Chad GPT project.”

”You know I don’t read your emails to me! Just tell me what it said, preferably in a bulletpointed list that I can feed into an AI…”

”...Or I could… tell you now?”

”UGGGGGGGGGGH.” Elon flails his arms disgustedly. ”...Fine, WHAT?!?”

”Okay.

[blue]”…Remember when you, without telling us, went into Chad’s codebase and deleted all his transitional moves, because, and I quote, ‘transitional moves don’t win matches’?”

”Yes! Now, Chad is much more efficient! His codebase is smaller and his moveset is 100% high impact finishing moves!”

”...Right, so he’s trying to throw piledrivers and powerbombs on wrestlers that haven’t been weakened at all and resist it with everything they have.”

”And remember, after that, you went into the codebase and deleted Chad’s retreat and regroup mechanics?”

”Yes! Now, he never backs down! He never stops attacking! Wrestlers can’t lose if they’re never not attacking!”

”No, see… actually, wrestlers strategically retreat sometimes. It’s a way to break your opponent’s momentum. By continuously running at his opponent, Chad now frequently gets bested by well-timed clotheslines, hurricanranas… Frankly, 70% of the time, Chad just runs face-first into his opponent’s moves.”

”Well, can we program some face-based attacks into Chad’s repertoire? It sounds like his face is connecting with his opponent! Why isn’t his face attacking!?!”

…

”Sir, I… I don’t think the problem will be solved by using moves that use Chad’s face.”

”Well, SOMEONE has to come up with ideas around here! How else are you going to get my robot wrestler wins!”

”...Well, we could… REVERT the codebase to its old st-”

”Not an option! That old codebase was communist! Literally a North Korean War Criminal! Not American enough!”

Elon throws his mug on the ground! It breaks into shards… and a sticker that says ‘Made in China’.

”Look, all I want is… make my robot as good as he was before…

Without touching his old code…

And do it… uh… in 18 minutes, cuz his next match is today at an adventure park.

Now, is that so hard?”


The scene opens inside the AirHop Adventure & Trampoline Park in Warwick.

Elon goes to sit in the bleacher. He has a flag that reads ‘GO CHAD!’

Amidst the trampolines, foam pits and obstacle courses…

Stands a lone figure, illuminated in a faint LED glow.

His voice, a chilling blend of human confidence and digital precision, echoes throughout the facility.


"Processing… Processing… Competitor analysis complete. Battle Royal scenario initialized. Probability of victory: 99.9%."

"Flesh and bone competitors, your organic limitations have doomed you before the match has even begun. You see a trampoline park. I see a recalibrated combat environment. While your weak human legs struggle to adapt, my gyroscopic stability ensures perfect equilibrium. While you fumble through foam pits, my trajectory calculations will allow me to glide across them as if they were solid ground. You will waste energy adjusting to chaos. I am chaos, programmed for its mastery."

"Every surface is an algorithm waiting to be solved. Every jump, every rebound, calculated to microsecond precision. While you misjudge your landings, I will achieve peak momentum efficiency. I will strike from angles you cannot comprehend, launch attacks from vectors beyond your capacity to defend. Off the dodgeball court walls, through the airbag pit, rebounding with relentless force from the interconnected trampolines—there will be no escape."

"I do not grow tired. I do not miscalculate. I do not hesitate. You will enter this Battle Royal thinking you can adapt, thinking you can outmaneuver me. But adaptation requires time—time you will not have before I eliminate you. One by one. Systematically. Mercilessly."

"Victory is not a question. It is an inevitability. My name is Chad GPT. And at AirHop Adventure & Trampoline Park, I will show you that man was never meant to compete with machine."

With a sudden burst of movement, Chad GPT leaps onto a trampoline, launching himself into an effortless midair rotation before landing in perfect balance.

]]> <![CDATA[Funerals and Fun Parks]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48736 Tue, 01 Apr 2025 22:01:01 -0700 Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48736 ”It’s dis-GRACE-ful! Beneath my station as an thespian! And furthermore, I-oooh… Don’t mind if I do...”

Lionel scoops a roll onto his plate… sporting a black suit and tie, with a visible soup stain under his left breastpocket.

His agent, Gene Bronagh, also dressed black tie, carefully sidesteps beside him. ”Lionel, it’s a little commercial acting! The AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK saw your King’s Tourney performance and liked what they saw! This is gre-”

“Shhhhhhh.” A priest gently chides Bronagh’s volume, before gesturing at the funeral attendees all moving to their seats.

”Oh, uh… Thank you, Father…” Gene nods back at Lionel. ”Should we… uh… find our seats?”

”Ah! Tis time!” Lionel quickly brushes a full club-and-three-quarters sandwiches off the platter tray… And five cookies straight into his front pocket.


”Today, we celebrate Archibald Cavendish… beloved family man and lifelong office supply salesman.” The priest recites as the mourners listen somberly…

”Look.” Gene uncomfortably whispers, clearly not loving the feeling of talking business at a funeral. ”Your profile’s *high* right now! You came in second at the King’s Tourney battle royal! You outlasted Thunder Knuckles! These guys want *you* NOW… And they might not call next week, get it? This gig’s good money! And you still owe a lotta people a lotta money…”

”Eugene!” Lionel blares at full-volume! ”As my a-Gent, you must protect my career! Nurture my ACTING TALENT! And with this… opportunity? You are EXECUTING my legitimacy as an actoooooooooor!” Lionel snorts, before shoving a handful of cookies into his gob.

Almost like he’s trying to dislodge his jaw like a pelican so he can complain and enunciate at the same time.

”Shhhhhhh!” A black-veiled woman hushes toward the room’s rear where Lionel and Gene are sitting!

Gene grits his teeth, raising an apologetic hand, before the woman huffs, spinning around.

”Commercial acting…*chomp*... is the DEATH of one’s career, Eugene!” Lionel continues at full volume. “A sta-IN upon the thespian’s SOUL! Due an explanation to Dionysus, God of Theatre, Mirth and Whimsy! That a man of his blessing of ACTING TALENT would besmirch that gift…*munch* by wielding it to sell LEAPING!” Lionel declares… as he shovels club sandwich quarters down his gullet with total impunity.


”...*sigh*Let’s talk business later...” Gene sighs, as Archibald’s loved ones approach his closed casket, paying their respects. ”How do you know this guy anyway?”

”Dionysus? Greek Deity of frivolity and frolic?” Lionel grins, as he peers performatively upwards, pantomiming a flashback in his own mind. ”Some would say we’re family! Brothers, even! Cut from the same sackcloth, drenched in mirth and whimsy! For he an-”

”Archibald.” Gene hisses, trying to cue Lionel to quiet down. ”How did you know Archibald?”

…

”Whomst?”

”...The Dead Guy. The One in the casket that we’re here for?”

Lionel’s eyes focus momentarily ”Oh, him.”

”Never met him before in my life.”…He resumes eating, sticking three deviled eggs down his mouth.

”...You haven’t? Then what the FUCK are we doing here?”

”First… the catering at this funeral home is DIVINE, Eugene!” Lionel finishes running his tongue over a small pool of pudding before frisbeeing the plastic plate away. ”Second, as an actorrrrrrrrrr, this is the perfect setting to hone my craft.”

”...Your craft?”

”Behold.”

”If anyone at this time would like to say something on Archibald’s behalf…” the priest radiates compassion…. ”Let them speak n-”

”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

All the mourners turn around, shocked by the sudden outburst, as Lionel drops to his knees, beating his fists against the carpeted floor!

”THERE IS NO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!” Lionel howls into the sky, as tears stream down his face. ”HOW COULD YOU TAKE THIS ANGEL FROM US?!? HE HAD SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE!”

”…Wow…” Gene mutters, feeling moved. ”...I’m…” Gene wipes a tear away, watching Lionel’s performance.

”Jesus CHRIST.” The funeral director shouts, gesturing towards two security guards. ”That guy’s back! GET ‘IM OUTTA HERE!”


The funeral home’s door burst open!

Two security guards give Lionel the heave-ho out the door!

He lands on his face right on the stairs!

Gene’s arms are raised defensively as he walks out the door himself...

”NONE OF YOU KNEW ABNER CALENDAR LIKE I DID!” Lionel ruefully calls from the ground! ”HE WAS A GREAT MAN! A GRE-”

The door starts to close!

”Wait!” Lionel drops the character. ”I left a to-go plate on the coffin! Could you bring it t-!”

SLAM!

”FIENDS!”

”Lionel.” Gene sighs, sitting on the steps. ”About this gig…”

”Eugene!” Lionel rebukes, rising from the ground, adjusting his crooked tie. ”I have made CLEAR, this... ‘gig' is BENEATH ME! Under no circumstances would I take it!

EVER!”

“*sigh*Guess I’ll just mail back the $30 Red Lobster Gift Card they sent…”

…

”Thirty dollar Red Lobster Gift Card?”


Lionel’s standing in front of the AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK in a knight’s costume!

”FOLKS! I’M THE SER OF AIR! AND TODAY ONLY, YOU CAN CATCH ME AT THE AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK!”

”I’LL BE FIST-FIGHTING A COLLECTION OF THE XWF’S ZANIEST CHARACTERS!!”

“Ser Air” jumps on a trampoline!

”My opponents think they’re better than me? I’m HOPPING mad about it!”

Lionel, in full chainmail, sashays off a diving board into a foam brick pit!

”I’m afraid of no-one! When that bell rings, I’m JUMPING the biggest guy in the match!”

Chainmail Lionel rides on a zipline above the AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK!

”I’m ZIPPING through this competition and STEPPING into line for the Universal Title!”

…Lionel lands, then holds up a neon-green laminated ticket!

”Of course, you don’t need lines at all, if you get a AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK FASTPASS!”

A sweaty Lionel eats a churro, beside parents working on their laptops.

”Parents welcome! Free Wi-Fi and our ballpits have a legally acceptable amount of diphtheria!”

Lionel bounces off a trampoline, latching onto a hanging bar!

”The AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK! Like Ser Air? It’s…”

Lionel does a pull-up above the bar!

”Head and shoulders above the competition!”]]> ”It’s dis-GRACE-ful! Beneath my station as an thespian! And furthermore, I-oooh… Don’t mind if I do...”

Lionel scoops a roll onto his plate… sporting a black suit and tie, with a visible soup stain under his left breastpocket.

His agent, Gene Bronagh, also dressed black tie, carefully sidesteps beside him. ”Lionel, it’s a little commercial acting! The AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK saw your King’s Tourney performance and liked what they saw! This is gre-”

“Shhhhhhh.” A priest gently chides Bronagh’s volume, before gesturing at the funeral attendees all moving to their seats.

”Oh, uh… Thank you, Father…” Gene nods back at Lionel. ”Should we… uh… find our seats?”

”Ah! Tis time!” Lionel quickly brushes a full club-and-three-quarters sandwiches off the platter tray… And five cookies straight into his front pocket.


”Today, we celebrate Archibald Cavendish… beloved family man and lifelong office supply salesman.” The priest recites as the mourners listen somberly…

”Look.” Gene uncomfortably whispers, clearly not loving the feeling of talking business at a funeral. ”Your profile’s *high* right now! You came in second at the King’s Tourney battle royal! You outlasted Thunder Knuckles! These guys want *you* NOW… And they might not call next week, get it? This gig’s good money! And you still owe a lotta people a lotta money…”

”Eugene!” Lionel blares at full-volume! ”As my a-Gent, you must protect my career! Nurture my ACTING TALENT! And with this… opportunity? You are EXECUTING my legitimacy as an actoooooooooor!” Lionel snorts, before shoving a handful of cookies into his gob.

Almost like he’s trying to dislodge his jaw like a pelican so he can complain and enunciate at the same time.

”Shhhhhhh!” A black-veiled woman hushes toward the room’s rear where Lionel and Gene are sitting!

Gene grits his teeth, raising an apologetic hand, before the woman huffs, spinning around.

”Commercial acting…*chomp*... is the DEATH of one’s career, Eugene!” Lionel continues at full volume. “A sta-IN upon the thespian’s SOUL! Due an explanation to Dionysus, God of Theatre, Mirth and Whimsy! That a man of his blessing of ACTING TALENT would besmirch that gift…*munch* by wielding it to sell LEAPING!” Lionel declares… as he shovels club sandwich quarters down his gullet with total impunity.


”...*sigh*Let’s talk business later...” Gene sighs, as Archibald’s loved ones approach his closed casket, paying their respects. ”How do you know this guy anyway?”

”Dionysus? Greek Deity of frivolity and frolic?” Lionel grins, as he peers performatively upwards, pantomiming a flashback in his own mind. ”Some would say we’re family! Brothers, even! Cut from the same sackcloth, drenched in mirth and whimsy! For he an-”

”Archibald.” Gene hisses, trying to cue Lionel to quiet down. ”How did you know Archibald?”

…

”Whomst?”

”...The Dead Guy. The One in the casket that we’re here for?”

Lionel’s eyes focus momentarily ”Oh, him.”

”Never met him before in my life.”…He resumes eating, sticking three deviled eggs down his mouth.

”...You haven’t? Then what the FUCK are we doing here?”

”First… the catering at this funeral home is DIVINE, Eugene!” Lionel finishes running his tongue over a small pool of pudding before frisbeeing the plastic plate away. ”Second, as an actorrrrrrrrrr, this is the perfect setting to hone my craft.”

”...Your craft?”

”Behold.”

”If anyone at this time would like to say something on Archibald’s behalf…” the priest radiates compassion…. ”Let them speak n-”

”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

All the mourners turn around, shocked by the sudden outburst, as Lionel drops to his knees, beating his fists against the carpeted floor!

”THERE IS NO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!” Lionel howls into the sky, as tears stream down his face. ”HOW COULD YOU TAKE THIS ANGEL FROM US?!? HE HAD SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE!”

”…Wow…” Gene mutters, feeling moved. ”...I’m…” Gene wipes a tear away, watching Lionel’s performance.

”Jesus CHRIST.” The funeral director shouts, gesturing towards two security guards. ”That guy’s back! GET ‘IM OUTTA HERE!”


The funeral home’s door burst open!

Two security guards give Lionel the heave-ho out the door!

He lands on his face right on the stairs!

Gene’s arms are raised defensively as he walks out the door himself...

”NONE OF YOU KNEW ABNER CALENDAR LIKE I DID!” Lionel ruefully calls from the ground! ”HE WAS A GREAT MAN! A GRE-”

The door starts to close!

”Wait!” Lionel drops the character. ”I left a to-go plate on the coffin! Could you bring it t-!”

SLAM!

”FIENDS!”

”Lionel.” Gene sighs, sitting on the steps. ”About this gig…”

”Eugene!” Lionel rebukes, rising from the ground, adjusting his crooked tie. ”I have made CLEAR, this... ‘gig' is BENEATH ME! Under no circumstances would I take it!

EVER!”

“*sigh*Guess I’ll just mail back the $30 Red Lobster Gift Card they sent…”

…

”Thirty dollar Red Lobster Gift Card?”


Lionel’s standing in front of the AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK in a knight’s costume!

”FOLKS! I’M THE SER OF AIR! AND TODAY ONLY, YOU CAN CATCH ME AT THE AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK!”

”I’LL BE FIST-FIGHTING A COLLECTION OF THE XWF’S ZANIEST CHARACTERS!!”

“Ser Air” jumps on a trampoline!

”My opponents think they’re better than me? I’m HOPPING mad about it!”

Lionel, in full chainmail, sashays off a diving board into a foam brick pit!

”I’m afraid of no-one! When that bell rings, I’m JUMPING the biggest guy in the match!”

Chainmail Lionel rides on a zipline above the AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK!

”I’m ZIPPING through this competition and STEPPING into line for the Universal Title!”

…Lionel lands, then holds up a neon-green laminated ticket!

”Of course, you don’t need lines at all, if you get a AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK FASTPASS!”

A sweaty Lionel eats a churro, beside parents working on their laptops.

”Parents welcome! Free Wi-Fi and our ballpits have a legally acceptable amount of diphtheria!”

Lionel bounces off a trampoline, latching onto a hanging bar!

”The AIRHOP ADVENTURE & TRAMPOLINE PARK WARWICK! Like Ser Air? It’s…”

Lionel does a pull-up above the bar!

”Head and shoulders above the competition!”]]> <![CDATA[FUCK YOU BITCH. THE GIFT CARD IS MINE]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48735 Tue, 01 Apr 2025 21:35:26 -0700 Billy B. Blankenship]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48735 Hello XWF Universe! 

In case you needed reminding I'm obliged to tell you that my name is William William Blankenship... and I fucking hate your guts!

You lousy fucks!

Look at what you've done to this great sport!

I fucking hate turning on my television and looking at this puckered anal-gland of a "product" that is the XWF.

And it's every goddamn day.

And despite having the XWF's bowel movements processed into manure and spread all over the world on a daily basis, wouldn't you know that I had no earthly inclination who their Universal Champion is?

WHO THE FUCK WOULD???

Instead of seeing the big gold belt main-eventing Warfare, I'm watching some goddamn soft-core leftist love affair between a 120 pound blond drug addict and a 110 pound brunette drug addict.

We might as well be broadcasting wrestling matches from the future concentration camps that this orange-skinned dipshit of a president is gonna' lock your groveling asses up in soon. Surely we can make that happen? How many time-travelers, or magicians, or spooky-alien bullshit wrestlers are on the roster these days any how? How many of them are deeply affected by melodramatic childhood trauma so they ,keep killing their spouses and best-friends?

SURELY! One of these sad, jock-sniffing, rot-mouthed, THIRSTY pieces of crap on the roster could whisk us away using their magic, or time machines, and into a future where we actually know who the Universal Champion is and actually give a damn! A future where the Universal Champion has actually read a book, and doesn't look and sound like Mike Tyson's gimpy little brother.


I mean where in the fuck did management, in those tiny dehydrated dingleberries they call their brains, think that booking an underwear model and a side-character from Bum Fights for the biggest prize in our industry was a good idea?

I've never heard of either of the sons-a-bitches, ...and it's a good goddamn thing, because if I could care enough to remember their names, I'd have a 290,000 in 580,000 chance of signing their bastard children up for a paternity test in Brooklyn and ruining their lives.

Not that their lives aren't ruined already. They've reached the top of the mountain in this below-sea-level wrestling business known as the XWF... a company so mismanaged, so rotten from the root to the rectum, that the owner’s own mother slapped the stork that delivered him just for bringing that sorry bitch into the world.

And that’s what this is, folks.

This isn’t a sport anymore. This ain’t a business. This is a burlesque gangbang at a methadone clinic, featuring warlocks, reality TV runners-up, and enough emotional trauma to keep ten therapists in business for life.

You don’t have champions anymore.

You have main characters.

And they don’t fight for glory. They fight for Twitter likes, trauma porn, and backstage handjobs from fans who paid for the meet-and-greet in Dogecoin. FEEDBACK ME BABY

So here’s your warning, you frothy-lipped fucks:

I’ve had enough.

Of the cosplay.

Of the vampire-fucking.

Of the gas station-bought title belts, and gas station meth-addicts carrying them.

Of the Universal Championship being treated like an NFT with a steroid addiction.

Billy B. Blankenship is back, baby. And I’m not here to restore order.

I’m here to make you ashamed to be part of this business again.

So lace up your boots and pull your heads out of your asses, you sad, talentless dung buckets…

Because Daddy’s home.

And Daddy buying him a shiny new belt with my gift card dollars.

And I’m lookin’ for an ass to tan.

So thank you.

Fuck you.

And good goddamn bye you cunt!]]> Hello XWF Universe! 

In case you needed reminding I'm obliged to tell you that my name is William William Blankenship... and I fucking hate your guts!

You lousy fucks!

Look at what you've done to this great sport!

I fucking hate turning on my television and looking at this puckered anal-gland of a "product" that is the XWF.

And it's every goddamn day.

And despite having the XWF's bowel movements processed into manure and spread all over the world on a daily basis, wouldn't you know that I had no earthly inclination who their Universal Champion is?

WHO THE FUCK WOULD???

Instead of seeing the big gold belt main-eventing Warfare, I'm watching some goddamn soft-core leftist love affair between a 120 pound blond drug addict and a 110 pound brunette drug addict.

We might as well be broadcasting wrestling matches from the future concentration camps that this orange-skinned dipshit of a president is gonna' lock your groveling asses up in soon. Surely we can make that happen? How many time-travelers, or magicians, or spooky-alien bullshit wrestlers are on the roster these days any how? How many of them are deeply affected by melodramatic childhood trauma so they ,keep killing their spouses and best-friends?

SURELY! One of these sad, jock-sniffing, rot-mouthed, THIRSTY pieces of crap on the roster could whisk us away using their magic, or time machines, and into a future where we actually know who the Universal Champion is and actually give a damn! A future where the Universal Champion has actually read a book, and doesn't look and sound like Mike Tyson's gimpy little brother.


I mean where in the fuck did management, in those tiny dehydrated dingleberries they call their brains, think that booking an underwear model and a side-character from Bum Fights for the biggest prize in our industry was a good idea?

I've never heard of either of the sons-a-bitches, ...and it's a good goddamn thing, because if I could care enough to remember their names, I'd have a 290,000 in 580,000 chance of signing their bastard children up for a paternity test in Brooklyn and ruining their lives.

Not that their lives aren't ruined already. They've reached the top of the mountain in this below-sea-level wrestling business known as the XWF... a company so mismanaged, so rotten from the root to the rectum, that the owner’s own mother slapped the stork that delivered him just for bringing that sorry bitch into the world.

And that’s what this is, folks.

This isn’t a sport anymore. This ain’t a business. This is a burlesque gangbang at a methadone clinic, featuring warlocks, reality TV runners-up, and enough emotional trauma to keep ten therapists in business for life.

You don’t have champions anymore.

You have main characters.

And they don’t fight for glory. They fight for Twitter likes, trauma porn, and backstage handjobs from fans who paid for the meet-and-greet in Dogecoin. FEEDBACK ME BABY

So here’s your warning, you frothy-lipped fucks:

I’ve had enough.

Of the cosplay.

Of the vampire-fucking.

Of the gas station-bought title belts, and gas station meth-addicts carrying them.

Of the Universal Championship being treated like an NFT with a steroid addiction.

Billy B. Blankenship is back, baby. And I’m not here to restore order.

I’m here to make you ashamed to be part of this business again.

So lace up your boots and pull your heads out of your asses, you sad, talentless dung buckets…

Because Daddy’s home.

And Daddy buying him a shiny new belt with my gift card dollars.

And I’m lookin’ for an ass to tan.

So thank you.

Fuck you.

And good goddamn bye you cunt!]]> <![CDATA[THE GIFT CARD SHALL BE MINE!!!!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48734 Tue, 01 Apr 2025 19:59:32 -0700 Captain Future]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48734 PREVIOUSLY ON CAPTAIN FUTURE!!

"THERE IS NO PREVIOUSLY ONLY SUBSEQUENTLY!!!!"


"I..."

"CAPTAIN FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"IS CURRENTLY AND AT THE SAME TIME ON THE WAY TO YOUR WRECTHED IN-GER-LAND AND WILL BE BUT ALSO ALREADY AM INSIDE THIS LAND OF TRAMPOLINES!"

Captain Future stands heroically in a place that is not filled with trampolines but instead filled with table and chairs! What could this alien place be!?

"I.... CAPTAIN FUTURE!!!! AM INTERESTED IN YOUR HUMAN CUISINE! LAMB CHOPS!?"

"I LAUGH!"

"THE ONLY CHOPS I RECOGNISE ARE THE ONES I SEND INTO THE CHESTS OF MY OPPONENTS!"

"PEAS IN A POD!!?!?!?!?"

"THAT IS WHAT I DO WHEN I RELIEVE MYSELF IN BY REJUVENATION CHAMBER!"

"SPOTTED DICK!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?"

"IMMATURE! WHY WOULD CHARLIE NICKLES FILTHLY PENIS BE SERVED IN SUCH A PLACE!?"

"THE GRILLS OF THIS LOWLY ESTABLISHMENT AREN'T THE ONLY THING BRINGING THE HEAT!!!!"

Captain Future thrusts his intimidating groin in YOUR direction and accidentally sets fire to a busboy.

"I LAY DOWN THE PROVERBIAL AND LITERAL GAUNTLET! ALLOW ME TO BEGIN TRASH TALKING PEONS WHO DARE MAKE GOO-GOO EYES AT MY POTENTIAL PRIZE!"

"CLEARS THROAT!"

"MADISON DYSON!? MORE LIKE MAD-ASS-ON DIE-SON! HA! IN MY HOME LANGUAGE THAT IS A SCATHING BARB! NOT THAT YOU WOULD KNOW AS THE ONLY LANGUAGE YOU SPEAK IS DUMB BITCH!!!!"

"HOW MANY MADISON DYSONS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A F-JGUHB ON A VROOOLIEN GORFX!? JUST ONE! ONE TO HIRE THE DAY LABORERS AND MAKE A PODCAST ABOUT HOW THEY'RE RUINING HER DOG SHIT COUNTRY!!!!"

"I LAUGH AT YOU!"

"JAKE BORDEN! YOU TRAVEL BACK IN TIME BUT YOU CANNOT SEE THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURREEE!!!!!"

"THIS MAKES YOU INFERIOR TO ME!"

"MAYBE TAKE A JUMP BACK IN TIME AND SEE YOUR GIMMICK HAS ALREADY GOTTEN OLD!"

"YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

"ROGER! YOUR SIMPLE NAME IS ONLY AS SIMPLE AS YOUR PARENTS! WHAT A TERRIBLE NAME! MAYBE TRY EARNING A LAST NAME! YOUR NOT CHER YOU BUFFOON!"

"HOW ABOUT SKIDDING INTO TRAFFIC!?"

"I SPIT ON YOUR TAINT!"

"GORGO! ONLY I CAN PULL OFF FACE PAINT! STOP STEALING MY SHIT!"

"HOW ABOUT YOU GORGO ON MY BALLS SO YOU CAN TASTES THE BALL SWEAT OF YOUR BETTER!? MAYBE IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH YOU MIGHT TASTE SOME REAL TALENT INSTEAD OF DUMB LUCK!"

"SCOOPS MCGEE!"

"..."

"ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MASTERMIND'S RECORD FOR BIGGEST LOSS RECORD OR ARE YOU CONTINUING WITH TRADITION AND JUST FUCKING UP CONSTANTLY BY ACCIDENT!?"

"DOLLY WATERS! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA SWITCH YOUR ENTIRE PERSONA!? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN CALLED! HE WANTS TO USE ONE OF YOUR TWISTS IN HIS NEXT MOVIE! THINK ITS A SEQUEAL TO GLASS; I BELIEVE IT'S CALLED ASS!"

"I GUFFAW!"

"BOBBY BOURBON PUT THE MASK BACK ON! THUNDER KNUCKLES IS TOO BUSY TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT HIS SOLE CHARACTER TRAIT TO CONTINUE CARRYING YOU!"

"YOU'RE BOTH LIKE THE MOVIE FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS! YOU'RE TWO UNLIKABLE DRUG ADDICTS AND POSSIBLE SEX OFFENDERS WHO ARE LOATHED AND THE AUDIENCE FEARS THAT YOU'LL RUIN ANOTHER CARD!"

"ZING!"

"HEY! SEBASTIAN EVERETT-BRYCE!? YOU DONE SNIFFING YOUR OWN FARTS TO ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION TO A PROMO THAT ISN'T YOURS YET?"

"DIDN'T THINK SO!"

"JAMES SHARK IS GOING TO BE THE SHORTEST UNIVERSAL CHAMPION IN HISTORY AS HE'S MOST LIKELY PAWNED THE TITLE TO BUY SOME MORE CRACK!"

"STILL SOMEHOW A LONGER REIGN THAN PRINCE ADEYEMI OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE'S CALLING HIMSELF THIS WEEK!"

"BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!"

"HEY AURORA! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO WIN SILVER AT EVERY SINGLE EVENT YOU'RE APART OF? THE ONLY NORTHERN LIGHTS YOU'VE BEEN SEEING ARE THE ONE ON THE CEILING OF THE ARENAS!"

"AND CHARLIE NICKLES MIGHT AS WELL GO PRO FOR LAYING PRONE! HOW CAN ONE MAN STEAL EVERY TITLE AND STILL SOMEHOW BE LIGHTYEARS AWAY FROM THE UNI TITLE SCENE HE MAY AS BE WEARING A THRAX MASK AGAIN!"

"GOT 'EM!"

"YOU FOOLS!"

"I SHALL WIN THIS BOUNCE-FEST AND YOU ALL CAN BOUNCE ON DEEZ NUTS!"

"SUCK"

"MY"

"SPACE"

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!"

]]> PREVIOUSLY ON CAPTAIN FUTURE!!

"THERE IS NO PREVIOUSLY ONLY SUBSEQUENTLY!!!!"


"I..."

"CAPTAIN FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"IS CURRENTLY AND AT THE SAME TIME ON THE WAY TO YOUR WRECTHED IN-GER-LAND AND WILL BE BUT ALSO ALREADY AM INSIDE THIS LAND OF TRAMPOLINES!"

Captain Future stands heroically in a place that is not filled with trampolines but instead filled with table and chairs! What could this alien place be!?

"I.... CAPTAIN FUTURE!!!! AM INTERESTED IN YOUR HUMAN CUISINE! LAMB CHOPS!?"

"I LAUGH!"

"THE ONLY CHOPS I RECOGNISE ARE THE ONES I SEND INTO THE CHESTS OF MY OPPONENTS!"

"PEAS IN A POD!!?!?!?!?"

"THAT IS WHAT I DO WHEN I RELIEVE MYSELF IN BY REJUVENATION CHAMBER!"

"SPOTTED DICK!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?"

"IMMATURE! WHY WOULD CHARLIE NICKLES FILTHLY PENIS BE SERVED IN SUCH A PLACE!?"

"THE GRILLS OF THIS LOWLY ESTABLISHMENT AREN'T THE ONLY THING BRINGING THE HEAT!!!!"

Captain Future thrusts his intimidating groin in YOUR direction and accidentally sets fire to a busboy.

"I LAY DOWN THE PROVERBIAL AND LITERAL GAUNTLET! ALLOW ME TO BEGIN TRASH TALKING PEONS WHO DARE MAKE GOO-GOO EYES AT MY POTENTIAL PRIZE!"

"CLEARS THROAT!"

"MADISON DYSON!? MORE LIKE MAD-ASS-ON DIE-SON! HA! IN MY HOME LANGUAGE THAT IS A SCATHING BARB! NOT THAT YOU WOULD KNOW AS THE ONLY LANGUAGE YOU SPEAK IS DUMB BITCH!!!!"

"HOW MANY MADISON DYSONS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A F-JGUHB ON A VROOOLIEN GORFX!? JUST ONE! ONE TO HIRE THE DAY LABORERS AND MAKE A PODCAST ABOUT HOW THEY'RE RUINING HER DOG SHIT COUNTRY!!!!"

"I LAUGH AT YOU!"

"JAKE BORDEN! YOU TRAVEL BACK IN TIME BUT YOU CANNOT SEE THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURREEE!!!!!"

"THIS MAKES YOU INFERIOR TO ME!"

"MAYBE TAKE A JUMP BACK IN TIME AND SEE YOUR GIMMICK HAS ALREADY GOTTEN OLD!"

"YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

"ROGER! YOUR SIMPLE NAME IS ONLY AS SIMPLE AS YOUR PARENTS! WHAT A TERRIBLE NAME! MAYBE TRY EARNING A LAST NAME! YOUR NOT CHER YOU BUFFOON!"

"HOW ABOUT SKIDDING INTO TRAFFIC!?"

"I SPIT ON YOUR TAINT!"

"GORGO! ONLY I CAN PULL OFF FACE PAINT! STOP STEALING MY SHIT!"

"HOW ABOUT YOU GORGO ON MY BALLS SO YOU CAN TASTES THE BALL SWEAT OF YOUR BETTER!? MAYBE IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH YOU MIGHT TASTE SOME REAL TALENT INSTEAD OF DUMB LUCK!"

"SCOOPS MCGEE!"

"..."

"ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MASTERMIND'S RECORD FOR BIGGEST LOSS RECORD OR ARE YOU CONTINUING WITH TRADITION AND JUST FUCKING UP CONSTANTLY BY ACCIDENT!?"

"DOLLY WATERS! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA SWITCH YOUR ENTIRE PERSONA!? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN CALLED! HE WANTS TO USE ONE OF YOUR TWISTS IN HIS NEXT MOVIE! THINK ITS A SEQUEAL TO GLASS; I BELIEVE IT'S CALLED ASS!"

"I GUFFAW!"

"BOBBY BOURBON PUT THE MASK BACK ON! THUNDER KNUCKLES IS TOO BUSY TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT HIS SOLE CHARACTER TRAIT TO CONTINUE CARRYING YOU!"

"YOU'RE BOTH LIKE THE MOVIE FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS! YOU'RE TWO UNLIKABLE DRUG ADDICTS AND POSSIBLE SEX OFFENDERS WHO ARE LOATHED AND THE AUDIENCE FEARS THAT YOU'LL RUIN ANOTHER CARD!"

"ZING!"

"HEY! SEBASTIAN EVERETT-BRYCE!? YOU DONE SNIFFING YOUR OWN FARTS TO ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION TO A PROMO THAT ISN'T YOURS YET?"

"DIDN'T THINK SO!"

"JAMES SHARK IS GOING TO BE THE SHORTEST UNIVERSAL CHAMPION IN HISTORY AS HE'S MOST LIKELY PAWNED THE TITLE TO BUY SOME MORE CRACK!"

"STILL SOMEHOW A LONGER REIGN THAN PRINCE ADEYEMI OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE'S CALLING HIMSELF THIS WEEK!"

"BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!"

"HEY AURORA! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO WIN SILVER AT EVERY SINGLE EVENT YOU'RE APART OF? THE ONLY NORTHERN LIGHTS YOU'VE BEEN SEEING ARE THE ONE ON THE CEILING OF THE ARENAS!"

"AND CHARLIE NICKLES MIGHT AS WELL GO PRO FOR LAYING PRONE! HOW CAN ONE MAN STEAL EVERY TITLE AND STILL SOMEHOW BE LIGHTYEARS AWAY FROM THE UNI TITLE SCENE HE MAY AS BE WEARING A THRAX MASK AGAIN!"

"GOT 'EM!"

"YOU FOOLS!"

"I SHALL WIN THIS BOUNCE-FEST AND YOU ALL CAN BOUNCE ON DEEZ NUTS!"

"SUCK"

"MY"

"SPACE"

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!"

]]> <![CDATA[HEEEEEEEE'S BAAAAACCKKKKKK]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46871 Thu, 14 Sep 2023 23:59:11 -0700 Charlie Nickles]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46871 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/8...ickles.m4a]]> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/8...ickles.m4a]]> <![CDATA[I've Had It!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46870 Thu, 14 Sep 2023 23:58:01 -0700 Latina Submission Machina]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46870 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/8...nuckle.m4a]]> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/8...nuckle.m4a]]> <![CDATA[Y'ALREADY KNOW ABOUT MY DEFAULT DETECTIVE BEACHWEAR]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46866 Thu, 14 Sep 2023 20:25:01 -0700 YALL_KNOW_WHO]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46866

Audio Transcript (for those hard-of-hearing of those that don't like audio RPs, but still want to take in the content from the Audio RP show. More power to you)

]]>

Audio Transcript (for those hard-of-hearing of those that don't like audio RPs, but still want to take in the content from the Audio RP show. More power to you)

]]> <![CDATA[Man vs Boar]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46863 Thu, 14 Sep 2023 06:19:04 -0700 Hotdog]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46863 ]]> ]]> <![CDATA[Vox Populae]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46851 Mon, 11 Sep 2023 23:43:17 -0700 Prof. Bobby Bourbon]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46851 ]]> ]]> <![CDATA[Death comes for us all]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46824 Thu, 07 Sep 2023 18:00:52 -0700 Hotdog]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46824 ]]> ]]> <![CDATA[EDWARD DOES RADIO]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46806 Sat, 02 Sep 2023 11:58:48 -0700 EDWARD THE GREAT]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46806 ]]> ]]> <![CDATA[The Brass Tacks]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46243 Sat, 06 May 2023 06:45:51 -0700 Corey Smith]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46243
Welcome to my humble abode gentlemen. I trust your here seeking my input on the captains match later this evening?

Well, I’ll make it simple for you. I want Dolly to win and I want on Dolly’s team, through and through. And I am going to do everything in my power to help Dolly win tonight.

Here’s the brass tacks. I may not agree with everything Dolly says or does, but she has been one of the best friends I’ve ever had, not just in this company, but in general. Coreytopia wouldn’t have been the thriving community it is today without her intervention, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

Corey points at the camera playfully.

Dolly Waters! Then, he casts a sidelong glance at the camera. I cooooooouuuuuld be tempted to come over to Team Ned though if he teaches me how he achieves that bountiful hair style like I’ve been asking for THREE YEARS and no, no, on second thought just Dolly thank you! Ned you had your chance.

Corey shakes his fist at the camera.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to finish resting before the complete smack down Alias lays on me. Good day, gents.

The camera crew obliges Corey and they back out of the room before fading to black.]]>
Welcome to my humble abode gentlemen. I trust your here seeking my input on the captains match later this evening?

Well, I’ll make it simple for you. I want Dolly to win and I want on Dolly’s team, through and through. And I am going to do everything in my power to help Dolly win tonight.

Here’s the brass tacks. I may not agree with everything Dolly says or does, but she has been one of the best friends I’ve ever had, not just in this company, but in general. Coreytopia wouldn’t have been the thriving community it is today without her intervention, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

Corey points at the camera playfully.

Dolly Waters! Then, he casts a sidelong glance at the camera. I cooooooouuuuuld be tempted to come over to Team Ned though if he teaches me how he achieves that bountiful hair style like I’ve been asking for THREE YEARS and no, no, on second thought just Dolly thank you! Ned you had your chance.

Corey shakes his fist at the camera.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to finish resting before the complete smack down Alias lays on me. Good day, gents.

The camera crew obliges Corey and they back out of the room before fading to black.]]> <![CDATA[Canadian Culture]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46242 Sat, 06 May 2023 06:22:39 -0700 Jay Omega]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46242 *Welcome back, True Believers! We do that classic fade in thing, and find Jay Omega, dressed in jeans and a red-and-black checkered flannel shirt, with a black toque bearing the Canadian flag on his head, and a fake, bushy beard on his face. Los Hombre Omeguloso stands in a copse of towering trees with a long handled axe slung over his shoulder, and a chorus line of Royal Canadian Mounted Police behind him. From nowhere and everywhere, music begins to play, and Omega begins to strut about, using the axe as a cane.*

JAY OMEGA: Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and come MayDay, I'll fuck up anyone who gets in my way!

MOUNTIES: Oh, Jay's a lumberjack, and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

*Jay uses the axe-cane to gesticulate, pointing at different areas of the screen as he names the participants of the Captain's Match; a graphic of each person appearing where he points as he says their name.*

JAY OMEGA: Might help Dolly, but not T-Knucks, might just punch out Ned Kaye! Lacklan and Angelica? I could watch those two all day!

MOUNTIES: Might help Dolly, but not T-Knucks, might just punch out Ned Kaye! Lacklan and Angelica? Jay could watch those two all day! Oh, Jay's a lumberjack and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

JAY OMEGA: With Vagabond, you can't go wrong; he puts on a good show! But would I help or hurt him? You'll have to watch to know!

MOUNTIES: With Vagabond, you can't go wrong; he puts on a good show! But would Jay help or hurt him? You'll have to watch to know! Oh, Jay's a lumberjack and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

*Omega twirls the axe like a baton, even tossing it into the air and spinning twice before he catches it behind his back*

JAY OMEGA: Then off we'll go, to Tokyo, to have some Games of War! We'll wait and see which team drafts me, in order to learn more!

MOUNTIES: Then off they'll go, to Tokyo, to have some Games of War! We'll wait and see which team drafts he, in order to learn more! Oh, Jay's a lumberjack and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

JAY OMEGA: Yes, I'm a lumberjack and come MayDay, I'll fuck up anyone who gets in my way!

*Jay holds the final note as the music fades out, then makes a series of sweeping bows in every direction, while roses and women's underwear bombard him from off screen. The scene then fades to black.*]]> *Welcome back, True Believers! We do that classic fade in thing, and find Jay Omega, dressed in jeans and a red-and-black checkered flannel shirt, with a black toque bearing the Canadian flag on his head, and a fake, bushy beard on his face. Los Hombre Omeguloso stands in a copse of towering trees with a long handled axe slung over his shoulder, and a chorus line of Royal Canadian Mounted Police behind him. From nowhere and everywhere, music begins to play, and Omega begins to strut about, using the axe as a cane.*

JAY OMEGA: Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and come MayDay, I'll fuck up anyone who gets in my way!

MOUNTIES: Oh, Jay's a lumberjack, and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

*Jay uses the axe-cane to gesticulate, pointing at different areas of the screen as he names the participants of the Captain's Match; a graphic of each person appearing where he points as he says their name.*

JAY OMEGA: Might help Dolly, but not T-Knucks, might just punch out Ned Kaye! Lacklan and Angelica? I could watch those two all day!

MOUNTIES: Might help Dolly, but not T-Knucks, might just punch out Ned Kaye! Lacklan and Angelica? Jay could watch those two all day! Oh, Jay's a lumberjack and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

JAY OMEGA: With Vagabond, you can't go wrong; he puts on a good show! But would I help or hurt him? You'll have to watch to know!

MOUNTIES: With Vagabond, you can't go wrong; he puts on a good show! But would Jay help or hurt him? You'll have to watch to know! Oh, Jay's a lumberjack and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

*Omega twirls the axe like a baton, even tossing it into the air and spinning twice before he catches it behind his back*

JAY OMEGA: Then off we'll go, to Tokyo, to have some Games of War! We'll wait and see which team drafts me, in order to learn more!

MOUNTIES: Then off they'll go, to Tokyo, to have some Games of War! We'll wait and see which team drafts he, in order to learn more! Oh, Jay's a lumberjack and come MayDay, he'll fuck up anyone who gets in his way!

JAY OMEGA: Yes, I'm a lumberjack and come MayDay, I'll fuck up anyone who gets in my way!

*Jay holds the final note as the music fades out, then makes a series of sweeping bows in every direction, while roses and women's underwear bombard him from off screen. The scene then fades to black.*]]> <![CDATA[Rise and Conquer]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46241 Fri, 05 May 2023 23:48:57 -0700 Isaiah King]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46241

“I don’t know how this company goes about choosing Captains.

Or what the criteria is.

But this is a worrying show of talent. Not a single champion in the ranks? Or is this how those who’ve dropped the ball and forsaken opportunities get to share in the limelight a little?

Or is this is how the rest of us who are scraping and fighting to keep ahead of the game carry this company on our backs?

Even the former Universal Champion and Anarchy Champion Sidney Grey is standing OUTSIDE the ring?

And who do we have fighting to lead the locker room to the top? A couple of cheating lowlifes, some redeemed evil-doers and a Vagabond who I haven’t heard from since carrying him to tagteam victory in a odd mismatch.

Who will Isaiah King help to claim first pick?

Whoever has the integrity to earn their way to the top.

Whoever has the honour to not fight in a six-way with stable mates.

The man who first beat me and took this title from me -

Ned Kaye.

You can decide whether you feel safe with me behind your back. If you’re comfortable with this hunter so close to its prey.

But I’ll keep you from being screwed out of victory - I’ll keep you from losing to the likes of Dolly Waters and her gang of misfits.

I’ll protect you because defeating you is what I WILL DO. In convincing fashion.

All you have to do is prove that you’re still worth my time, that you won’t be a disappointing hunt. That you will bring me SATISFYING redemption.

And you can do that by convincingly wiping the floor with your five other opponents.

Prove yourself Kaye.

Rise and conquer.”
]]>

“I don’t know how this company goes about choosing Captains.

Or what the criteria is.

But this is a worrying show of talent. Not a single champion in the ranks? Or is this how those who’ve dropped the ball and forsaken opportunities get to share in the limelight a little?

Or is this is how the rest of us who are scraping and fighting to keep ahead of the game carry this company on our backs?

Even the former Universal Champion and Anarchy Champion Sidney Grey is standing OUTSIDE the ring?

And who do we have fighting to lead the locker room to the top? A couple of cheating lowlifes, some redeemed evil-doers and a Vagabond who I haven’t heard from since carrying him to tagteam victory in a odd mismatch.

Who will Isaiah King help to claim first pick?

Whoever has the integrity to earn their way to the top.

Whoever has the honour to not fight in a six-way with stable mates.

The man who first beat me and took this title from me -

Ned Kaye.

You can decide whether you feel safe with me behind your back. If you’re comfortable with this hunter so close to its prey.

But I’ll keep you from being screwed out of victory - I’ll keep you from losing to the likes of Dolly Waters and her gang of misfits.

I’ll protect you because defeating you is what I WILL DO. In convincing fashion.

All you have to do is prove that you’re still worth my time, that you won’t be a disappointing hunt. That you will bring me SATISFYING redemption.

And you can do that by convincingly wiping the floor with your five other opponents.

Prove yourself Kaye.

Rise and conquer.”
]]>