<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - World War X-treme (March 16th) PPV RP Archive]]>

<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - World War X-treme (March 16th) PPV RP Archive]]> https://xwf1999.com/ Sun, 10 May 2026 11:09:35 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[Little Note: 100 things that can beat Cheat rather than you RP8]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11207 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 12:06:35 -0700 Clean Lucena]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11207 - selfie style with the mobile phone, Cheat and The Biographer appears -
The Biographer: Ok, just let me show why we're here doing this little note. We've seen that Mr. Radio rip off Cheat's anti Mr.Radio campaign. We want you to know that you would receive news from ours lawlyers, we have demand you for plagiarism. We're probably going to demand you because for libel, slander and physical threat to Cheat, but for now, this is only being studied, and we have graphics proves of that. Cheat nods

(03-15-2014, 02:11 PM)Mr. Radio Said: You don't have anything to fear, Bitch. I'm not going to physically rape you because I don't roll that way. Will you get the worst beat down of your life? Most definitely!

The Biographer: Just that. Oh, and well, Cheat found pretty funny this attempt and he have think in a list of one hundred things that he find more alike to beat him over you.

1.- Ken Jeong.
2.- Señor Chang
3.- Mr. Chow
4.- Zach Galifianakis
5.- The other character that Zach Galifianakis do in that other film
6.- A pair of Zoom Kobe
7.- A pair of Air Jordan
8.- A pair of "Reeback"
9.- The cast of H20, that tv serie about mermaids
10.- The cast of Zoey101, including Jamie Lynn Spears
11.- Kevin Costner at Waterworld
12.- Mr. America
13.- Gerard Depardie
14.- A pale
15.- Two pales
16.- A four fingered man
17.- A three fingered man
18.- Glora Gaynor
19.- Sasha Grey
20.- Rita Faltoyano
21.- Charlie Sheen
22.- The Taj Mahal
23.- Tenacius D
24.- Serj Tankian
25.- Daron Malakian
26.- Shavo Odadjian
27.- Justin Bieber
28.- Any lesbian that looks like Justin Bieber
29.- John Dolmayan
30.- Floyd Landis
31.- Ryan Giggs
32.- Eddie Griffin, the NBA player that had a car accident when he was jerking off, smoking weed and watching a film on his car. Now he's dead
33.- Lamar Odom.
34.- Stephen Jackson
35.- Metta World Peace
36.- Sacha Baron Cohen
37.- Bruno
38.- Borat
39.- Ali-G
40.- Aladeen
41.- A parrot that the only thing that knows to say it's "Bazinga"
42.- The word "Esternocleidomastoideo", a muscle in spanish
43.- That so gay language, french
44.- The sundays
45.- God to a non believer
46.- Carmen Electra's crotch
47.- Kaspars Kambala
48.- Claude Makelele
49.- Any chinese guy that has played at the NBA
50.- Nicolas Cage
51.- Keith Richards
52.- Keith Richards wife if he has
53.- The king of Spain
54.- Anna Kournikova
55.- Miguel de la Cuadra Salcedo
56.- One of those days that you're not in good mood
57.- Rise early
58.- Vegetables
59.- Painkillers
60.- Any person that had sex with Venus Williams
61.- Any person that had sex with Shaquille O'Neal
62.- Any person that had sex with Ruppert Everett
63.- Any person that had sex with Mark Hamill
64.- Mark Hamill
65.- Any person that had sex with the boss daughter
66.- Stephanie McMahon
67.- Randy Orton
68.- El Hijo del Santo
69.- The number itself
70.- The words that has too much s. On his spanish accent he don't pronnounce S and he doesn't like it
71.- Theo Pryce if he were less gay
72.- Venus William's ass
73.- Cristiano Ronaldo
74.- Lionel Messi
75.- Neymar dad
76.- Freddy Adu
77.- The guy that said that Freddy Adu was going to be a international known football player
78.- Tomás Roncero
79.- The person that create "personal affairs" days at work
80.- A cat
81.- Down Syndrom
82.- Ebola
83.- Malaria
84.- Normal cold
85.- Zach Galifianakis again
86.- Brian Scalabrine
87.- That whore that was worked at Disney Channel and now he takes picture of her kissing dicks
88.- Floyd Landis personal dealer
89.- Lance Armstrong missed ball
90.- Hans Moleman
91.- The name "Keith". Such a bad one
92.- The words that has -ing at the end
93.- Mondays
94.- The weekends that you has lot of expectations and at the end sucks
95.- Breaking Bad hair salon attendant
96.- Skyler White when she got fat as fuck
97.- Rick Astley
98.- Myself
99.- Titanic classic song
100.- The weekends that are not bad at all but you don't bring a pussy to your flat

- Cheat nods and smile proudy -

The Biographer: That''s all. Greetings.

End =)

]]> - selfie style with the mobile phone, Cheat and The Biographer appears -
The Biographer: Ok, just let me show why we're here doing this little note. We've seen that Mr. Radio rip off Cheat's anti Mr.Radio campaign. We want you to know that you would receive news from ours lawlyers, we have demand you for plagiarism. We're probably going to demand you because for libel, slander and physical threat to Cheat, but for now, this is only being studied, and we have graphics proves of that. Cheat nods

(03-15-2014, 02:11 PM)Mr. Radio Said: You don't have anything to fear, Bitch. I'm not going to physically rape you because I don't roll that way. Will you get the worst beat down of your life? Most definitely!

The Biographer: Just that. Oh, and well, Cheat found pretty funny this attempt and he have think in a list of one hundred things that he find more alike to beat him over you.

- Cheat nods and smile proudy -

The Biographer: That''s all. Greetings.

End =)

]]> <![CDATA[A Date With Destiny: RP 7]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11206 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 12:03:43 -0700 Sebastian Duke]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11206 Friday, March 14, 2014 – 4:09 PM EST – The Compound – Old Saybrook, Connecticut

I was still reeling from the events of last night. I'd summoned Nova. He crashed through my Compound, then took me on a trip I'll never forget. In a lot of ways, I'll be forever indebted to him. There really is nothing I have or could give to him that will ever repay him for what he's given me. He's awarded me a second chance. My beloved Caitlyn has returned to my time. She's alive. She's well. She's my wife. She's also the very first female member of the Brotherhood of the Illuminatus.

I try to stay quiet, for the most part, when Caitlyn is home. I'm not yet aware of what changes, if any, have occurred with the changing of history, or at least, this time lines version of history. Nova had warned me of doing such a thing. Bringing Caitlyn back from a past time line could cause a butterfly effect. If you go back in time, and change just one tiny thing, something as silly and inconsequential as killing an insect, then return to your designated time line, the effects of such an act could prove to be disastrous, or it could change absolutely nothing, or at the very most, barely anything.

It's never been mentioned by me. In fact, I've never showed it to the cameras of the XWF. On the third floor of my Compound lies a large training facility. That's where I spend my free time. I help my little brother, Eric (Enigma) improve upon his skills. He's the current XWF Xtreme Champion. His first taste of XWF gold. He's following right in his big brothers foot steps. Now though, we're headed downstairs. We have major plans today.

[u]ENIGMA: “You know, he's going to try and bail.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Most likely, yeah.”

[u]ENIGMA: “Then what do we do?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Oh, he's going. Ain't no one got time for these shenanigans.”

[u]ENIGMA: “I wish you would have let me sign up for World War X. I could have shown the world why the Duke boys should be the most feared brothers in the industry.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “First off, don't ever refer to us as the Duke boys. And second, you're not quite ready yet for the big time.”

[u]ENIGMA: “But guys like Radio are?”

We come to the ground floor landing. I stop and stare at my little brother. Why must people around me make good points?

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad is in the library. Let's go get him.”

[u]ENIGMA: “I'm tellin' ya Sebastian, he's gonna bolt.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “He's taught me a lot of things in my thirty-one years, Eric. One of those, is to not take no for an answer.”

We make our way into the library and Jacob is reading a newspaper.

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Jake, where's Asmodeus?”

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “This disappearing Malaysian jet is fascinating.”

He's apparently in to whatever he's reading.

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “It just fell off the radar while at cruising altitude. They suspect it may have had a catastrophic failure.

“Ya think?

“Who the hell runs these investigations?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Was the jet filled with Catholics?”

Jake looks up at me.

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “What? No. Though I suspect their were probably a few on board.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “JAKE! WHERE'S ASMODEUS!?”

He looks up at me from the newspaper.

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “Sorry. He's in his lab.”

[u]ENIGMA: “I told you, he's bolting.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “I can get into the lab.

“C'mon, follow me.”

We head out of the library and out of the Compound. A few hundred feet ahead lies Asmodeus' cottage. Below his cottage lies a secret, state of the art laboratory. Inside that laboratory, is my fathers collection of genetically engineered rabbits... oh... and there's also a captive Catholic Cardinal.

We enter the cottage, and don't the super secret hatch we go in to the super secret mad scientist laboratory he has going on down there. A quick press of my thumb and a high tech verification of my identity slides the doors open. Eric and I pass through the door. Asmodeus is working with the bunnies.

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, time to go.”

ASMODEUS: “Fantastic!”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad?”

He only just now realizes his sons are staring at him.

ASMODEUS: “Oh! Hello boys.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “What are you doing?”

ASMODEUS: “We've made a breakthrough. The rabbits and I. I have trained one rabbit to successfully carry around a weapon.”

[u]ENIGMA: “Why is that a breakthrough?”

ASMODEUS: “Monkey see, monkey do. Or in this case, bunny see, bunny do. With one well on his way, the others will follow.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, it's really time to go. Caitlyn will be home any second, and we need to get you to Brooklyn.”

Asmodeus stops what he doing and stares into space for a moment before turning toward Eric and I.

ASMODEUS: “I can't. Not today.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “That's unacceptable. You're not bailing on us.”

ASMODEUS: “Son, I have work to do. I can't just stop everything. I've made too much progress.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Caroline.”

He looks down at the floor for just a second.

ASMODEUS: “I'll get my cane.”

It was easier than I thought it'd be. Now that Caitlyn has re-joined our time and her and I apparently being married, I assume it has softened my fathers stance on how we deal with women and the Illuminatus. Within just a couple of minutes we're out of the cottage and headed toward the garage on the far side of the Compound as Caitlyn pulls up. She brings the Chevy Tahoe to a stop and gets out.

CAITLYN: “Sebastian, I need a new car. Driving this gigantic thing is not that easy, nor is it fun.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Hello to you too, dear.”

CAITLYN: “Where's Thaddeus?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Uncle Jake is babysitting today. We're headed to Brooklyn.”

CAITLYN: “Sounds like fun.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “You're still coming, right?”

CAITLYN: “Of course. I wouldn't miss Asmodeus' trip to see the love of his life for the first time in 25 years! That's like fairy tale stuff! Who doesn't love a good fairy tale!?”

The four of us pile into the Tahoe. I drive, Caitlyn the passenger in the front. Asmodeus sits behind me, and Eric behind Caitlyn. We get on our way within minutes of Caitlyns arrival home.

ASMODEUS: “I have to tell you, I'm quite nervous.”

CAITLYN: “Why be nervous? I'll bet you she's excited to see you again.”

ASMODEUS: “I've not exactly had the best luck with the fairer sex, Miss Caitlyn.”

CAITLYN: “Well, if you stop killing every woman you fall in love with, who knows what could happen?”

He stares out the window as we drive.

ASMODEUS: “How did you take it? I mean, learning what Sebastian does in his free time. It's not an easy thing to hear and many are quick to jump to conclusions.”

CAITLYN: “Well, he told me about it on the roof of the hospital. At first I just wanted to scream and run away. But, I kept listening. I'm not sure why. There's something about Sebastians voice that commands attention when he talks.

“From the outside, you'd think he was a murderous asshole. Once you get to know him, and what he really does and why he really does it, you realize he's not really that different. Underneath the war hardened shell, he really is a gentle, caring man.

“He was himself that night. He was honest about what he does and I respected that, even if I didn't agree with what it is that he does. He cared more about being forthright with me, than anything that might come his way from telling someone outside of the loop.

“I fell in love with him that night. I knew then, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”

I look in the rear view mirror and see Asmodeus looking down at the floor.

ASMODEUS: “How long until we're there?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Twenty minutes, maybe.”

ASMODEUS: “Dear lord! I'm so nervous.

“Miss Caitlyn, did you know I wanted Sebastian to kidnap you and end your life?”

CAITLYN: “Yes, I heard all about it. I forgive you.”

ASMODEUS: “I never thought in a million years that any outsider would see what we do and also be okay with it.”

CAITLYN: “That's certainly understandable, Dad. But, sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind. Take a chance. Give love a chance, old man.”

ASMODEUS: “I suppose you're right. I mean, Sebastian gave it a chance. And here you are. Caitlyn Duke. The first female member of my Illuminatus. Mother to my amazingly handsome grandson. Maybe you're just one of a kind.”

CAITLYN: “And don't you ever forget that!”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “We're here!”

ASMODEUS: “Jesus Christ! You said twenty minutes!”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “I lied.”

My father starts touching his head.

ASMODEUS: “How's my hair look!?”

Everyone just looks at each other in silence.

[u]ENIGMA: “You.......... don't have hair.”

ASMODEUS: “Oh yeah. I forgot.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Get out. Go knock.”

He hesitates, of course. But soon, his nerves settle and he exits the Tahoe. He goes up to a door, the wrong one of course, and knocks.

[u]ENIGMA: “Should I...”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “No way! This will be hilarious!”

A haggard looking woman answers the door and my father steps back and looks back at us. After a short conversation between the two...

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Oh God! Here it comes!”

CAITLYN: “What? Here what comes?”

He plants a kiss on the womans face. She shoves him away and hits him over the head with her purse before disappearing back inside. The three of us burst out in laughter. Asmodeus walks back to the truck in shame.

ASMODEUS: “Let's go.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “What happened?”

ASMODEUS: “She changed her name to Wilma and disowned Eric.”

[u]ENIGMA: “What do you mean?”

All of us try hard to contain our laughter.

ASMODEUS: “She claimed she had no son. Let's go home.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, that wasn't Caroline.”

He looks up at us, then notices us smiling and keeping our laughter bottled up.

ASMODEUS: “I hate you all.”

Commence intense laughter.

ASMODEUS: “You think that's funny? Playing a trick on an old man using his old flame as bait is funny?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, relax. Now we know what expect when you do meet her. Don't go right for a kiss. Just talk.”

ASMODEUS: “I don't think I want to do this now.”

I pull back onto the street and stop one block later.

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Okay, this really is the place. Dad, remember, don't go right for the damn kiss. Relax, play it cool.”

CAITLYN: “Be yourself. Chicks dig that.”

[u]ENIGMA: “She's dying to see you. She'll be nervous too. So, you'll already have something in common.”

ASMODEUS: “Right.”

The old man steps out of the truck and heads into the building. The three of us head to a local diner for a quick dinner, allowing my father and Eric's mother time to get reacquainted with one another. Perhaps, we'll begin to see another Duke, finding his one true love.

Fade to Darkness.]]> Friday, March 14, 2014 – 4:09 PM EST – The Compound – Old Saybrook, Connecticut

I was still reeling from the events of last night. I'd summoned Nova. He crashed through my Compound, then took me on a trip I'll never forget. In a lot of ways, I'll be forever indebted to him. There really is nothing I have or could give to him that will ever repay him for what he's given me. He's awarded me a second chance. My beloved Caitlyn has returned to my time. She's alive. She's well. She's my wife. She's also the very first female member of the Brotherhood of the Illuminatus.

I try to stay quiet, for the most part, when Caitlyn is home. I'm not yet aware of what changes, if any, have occurred with the changing of history, or at least, this time lines version of history. Nova had warned me of doing such a thing. Bringing Caitlyn back from a past time line could cause a butterfly effect. If you go back in time, and change just one tiny thing, something as silly and inconsequential as killing an insect, then return to your designated time line, the effects of such an act could prove to be disastrous, or it could change absolutely nothing, or at the very most, barely anything.

It's never been mentioned by me. In fact, I've never showed it to the cameras of the XWF. On the third floor of my Compound lies a large training facility. That's where I spend my free time. I help my little brother, Eric (Enigma) improve upon his skills. He's the current XWF Xtreme Champion. His first taste of XWF gold. He's following right in his big brothers foot steps. Now though, we're headed downstairs. We have major plans today.

[u]ENIGMA: “You know, he's going to try and bail.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Most likely, yeah.”

[u]ENIGMA: “Then what do we do?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Oh, he's going. Ain't no one got time for these shenanigans.”

[u]ENIGMA: “I wish you would have let me sign up for World War X. I could have shown the world why the Duke boys should be the most feared brothers in the industry.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “First off, don't ever refer to us as the Duke boys. And second, you're not quite ready yet for the big time.”

[u]ENIGMA: “But guys like Radio are?”

We come to the ground floor landing. I stop and stare at my little brother. Why must people around me make good points?

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad is in the library. Let's go get him.”

[u]ENIGMA: “I'm tellin' ya Sebastian, he's gonna bolt.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “He's taught me a lot of things in my thirty-one years, Eric. One of those, is to not take no for an answer.”

We make our way into the library and Jacob is reading a newspaper.

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Jake, where's Asmodeus?”

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “This disappearing Malaysian jet is fascinating.”

He's apparently in to whatever he's reading.

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “It just fell off the radar while at cruising altitude. They suspect it may have had a catastrophic failure.

“Ya think?

“Who the hell runs these investigations?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Was the jet filled with Catholics?”

Jake looks up at me.

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “What? No. Though I suspect their were probably a few on board.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “JAKE! WHERE'S ASMODEUS!?”

He looks up at me from the newspaper.

JACOB, THE MESSENGER: “Sorry. He's in his lab.”

[u]ENIGMA: “I told you, he's bolting.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “I can get into the lab.

“C'mon, follow me.”

We head out of the library and out of the Compound. A few hundred feet ahead lies Asmodeus' cottage. Below his cottage lies a secret, state of the art laboratory. Inside that laboratory, is my fathers collection of genetically engineered rabbits... oh... and there's also a captive Catholic Cardinal.

We enter the cottage, and don't the super secret hatch we go in to the super secret mad scientist laboratory he has going on down there. A quick press of my thumb and a high tech verification of my identity slides the doors open. Eric and I pass through the door. Asmodeus is working with the bunnies.

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, time to go.”

ASMODEUS: “Fantastic!”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad?”

He only just now realizes his sons are staring at him.

ASMODEUS: “Oh! Hello boys.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “What are you doing?”

ASMODEUS: “We've made a breakthrough. The rabbits and I. I have trained one rabbit to successfully carry around a weapon.”

[u]ENIGMA: “Why is that a breakthrough?”

ASMODEUS: “Monkey see, monkey do. Or in this case, bunny see, bunny do. With one well on his way, the others will follow.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, it's really time to go. Caitlyn will be home any second, and we need to get you to Brooklyn.”

Asmodeus stops what he doing and stares into space for a moment before turning toward Eric and I.

ASMODEUS: “I can't. Not today.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “That's unacceptable. You're not bailing on us.”

ASMODEUS: “Son, I have work to do. I can't just stop everything. I've made too much progress.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Caroline.”

He looks down at the floor for just a second.

ASMODEUS: “I'll get my cane.”

It was easier than I thought it'd be. Now that Caitlyn has re-joined our time and her and I apparently being married, I assume it has softened my fathers stance on how we deal with women and the Illuminatus. Within just a couple of minutes we're out of the cottage and headed toward the garage on the far side of the Compound as Caitlyn pulls up. She brings the Chevy Tahoe to a stop and gets out.

CAITLYN: “Sebastian, I need a new car. Driving this gigantic thing is not that easy, nor is it fun.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Hello to you too, dear.”

CAITLYN: “Where's Thaddeus?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Uncle Jake is babysitting today. We're headed to Brooklyn.”

CAITLYN: “Sounds like fun.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “You're still coming, right?”

CAITLYN: “Of course. I wouldn't miss Asmodeus' trip to see the love of his life for the first time in 25 years! That's like fairy tale stuff! Who doesn't love a good fairy tale!?”

The four of us pile into the Tahoe. I drive, Caitlyn the passenger in the front. Asmodeus sits behind me, and Eric behind Caitlyn. We get on our way within minutes of Caitlyns arrival home.

ASMODEUS: “I have to tell you, I'm quite nervous.”

CAITLYN: “Why be nervous? I'll bet you she's excited to see you again.”

ASMODEUS: “I've not exactly had the best luck with the fairer sex, Miss Caitlyn.”

CAITLYN: “Well, if you stop killing every woman you fall in love with, who knows what could happen?”

He stares out the window as we drive.

ASMODEUS: “How did you take it? I mean, learning what Sebastian does in his free time. It's not an easy thing to hear and many are quick to jump to conclusions.”

CAITLYN: “Well, he told me about it on the roof of the hospital. At first I just wanted to scream and run away. But, I kept listening. I'm not sure why. There's something about Sebastians voice that commands attention when he talks.

“From the outside, you'd think he was a murderous asshole. Once you get to know him, and what he really does and why he really does it, you realize he's not really that different. Underneath the war hardened shell, he really is a gentle, caring man.

“He was himself that night. He was honest about what he does and I respected that, even if I didn't agree with what it is that he does. He cared more about being forthright with me, than anything that might come his way from telling someone outside of the loop.

“I fell in love with him that night. I knew then, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”

I look in the rear view mirror and see Asmodeus looking down at the floor.

ASMODEUS: “How long until we're there?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Twenty minutes, maybe.”

ASMODEUS: “Dear lord! I'm so nervous.

“Miss Caitlyn, did you know I wanted Sebastian to kidnap you and end your life?”

CAITLYN: “Yes, I heard all about it. I forgive you.”

ASMODEUS: “I never thought in a million years that any outsider would see what we do and also be okay with it.”

CAITLYN: “That's certainly understandable, Dad. But, sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind. Take a chance. Give love a chance, old man.”

ASMODEUS: “I suppose you're right. I mean, Sebastian gave it a chance. And here you are. Caitlyn Duke. The first female member of my Illuminatus. Mother to my amazingly handsome grandson. Maybe you're just one of a kind.”

CAITLYN: “And don't you ever forget that!”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “We're here!”

ASMODEUS: “Jesus Christ! You said twenty minutes!”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “I lied.”

My father starts touching his head.

ASMODEUS: “How's my hair look!?”

Everyone just looks at each other in silence.

[u]ENIGMA: “You.......... don't have hair.”

ASMODEUS: “Oh yeah. I forgot.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Get out. Go knock.”

He hesitates, of course. But soon, his nerves settle and he exits the Tahoe. He goes up to a door, the wrong one of course, and knocks.

[u]ENIGMA: “Should I...”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “No way! This will be hilarious!”

A haggard looking woman answers the door and my father steps back and looks back at us. After a short conversation between the two...

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Oh God! Here it comes!”

CAITLYN: “What? Here what comes?”

He plants a kiss on the womans face. She shoves him away and hits him over the head with her purse before disappearing back inside. The three of us burst out in laughter. Asmodeus walks back to the truck in shame.

ASMODEUS: “Let's go.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “What happened?”

ASMODEUS: “She changed her name to Wilma and disowned Eric.”

[u]ENIGMA: “What do you mean?”

All of us try hard to contain our laughter.

ASMODEUS: “She claimed she had no son. Let's go home.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, that wasn't Caroline.”

He looks up at us, then notices us smiling and keeping our laughter bottled up.

ASMODEUS: “I hate you all.”

Commence intense laughter.

ASMODEUS: “You think that's funny? Playing a trick on an old man using his old flame as bait is funny?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Dad, relax. Now we know what expect when you do meet her. Don't go right for a kiss. Just talk.”

ASMODEUS: “I don't think I want to do this now.”

I pull back onto the street and stop one block later.

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Okay, this really is the place. Dad, remember, don't go right for the damn kiss. Relax, play it cool.”

CAITLYN: “Be yourself. Chicks dig that.”

[u]ENIGMA: “She's dying to see you. She'll be nervous too. So, you'll already have something in common.”

ASMODEUS: “Right.”

The old man steps out of the truck and heads into the building. The three of us head to a local diner for a quick dinner, allowing my father and Eric's mother time to get reacquainted with one another. Perhaps, we'll begin to see another Duke, finding his one true love.

Fade to Darkness.]]> <![CDATA[Atonement {Part 5}]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11158 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 11:50:38 -0700 AlexandraCallaway]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11158

Alexandra is kneeling at the foot of a cross in the middle of a Gothic Cathedral, obviously, from the looks of it, it's Notre Dame. Outside a terrible storm is brewing. Rain can be heard pelting against the stained glass windows, the bells overhead, chiming. The wind, slamming into the sides of the church, the sound of distant thunder rumbles. A bolt of lighting flashes across the sky, lighting the darkened church. The candles flame flickering for a moment. Still Alexandra kneels, silent, unafraid, not a tremble can be seen. Her large black wings, extended outward. How is it that she can find herself out in the night, in the middle of one of the worst rainstorms Paris has seen in a long time? What madness could bring her out in the middle of a thunderstorm? There is no sound but the storm raging outside. Alexandra's eyes are closed as if in silent prayer, but not a sound escapes her lips. Once more another flash of lighting rips across the sky outside the window and illuminates the room. In Alexandra's hand we see a small whip. Around her leg is a cilice, a device used to remind a person of the pain that Jesus Christ endured on the cross. We see it, dug into her leg, blood dripping from it, hitting the stone floor below, not exactly what Opus Dei had in mind was it? It was never meant to bring blood, however, she was using it as a form of personal torture. Even through what has to be excruciating pain, she remains silent, in some sort of strange atonement. She turns around rising from the floor in one swift movement, her eyes are as cold as death. She moves across the floor, almost seeming as if she isn't touching the floor at all, but rather floating above it. If it wasn't for the bloody footprints, you would believe it. She removes a candle from the holder and begins to walk about the cathedral, still silent. Her long black hair, disheveled, clinging to her obviously from the storm outside. Still in her hand, remained the leather whip. She removed her jacket, placing it across one of the pews, and silently, she walked over to one of the darkened areas of the church, under a window. She placed the candle on the floor, and then knelt in front of it. She brought up the back of her shirt, pulling it over her shoulders, remaining silent, she began to whip herself with it, slicing at the skin, blood began to drip down her angel winged tattoo. What crime against humanity, could Alexandra have done to cause such atonement? What could her hands have done to deserve this? She went on like this, for what seemed like an hour. When she was done, and her back looked as if she lost a fight with a wild cat, she stood, her back, dripping blood. As soon as the pain had begun, a searing pain shot through her back, as if she was on fire, and the wounds healed up, as if it had never happened, not even a scar remained. But what had caused this to occur?

"She's lost her mind..."

A voice sounded in her head.

"She was never that stable anyhow."

Another voice spoke softly.

"Now is the time.. do it.. tell her everything."

"Yes.. do it.. Do it now."

"Very well." The voice which sounded as the leader for the group that constantly buzzed in her head. "Alexandra..." The voice chuckled.

"Go away!"

"We can't.. we are inside of you."

"Leave me be.."

"This is what happens when you stare into the abyss for too long, it consumes you. It takes your mind, and makes it our own. It no longer belongs to you. It is all ours now."

"Go away!" She screamed out in vain.

"Never."

"Please? No more!"

"There is still much more for you to know.. So much to learn about. So much you haven't been told."

"Go away!"

She shook her head, tearing at her hair. Anything to get the voices to stop. Curse that fucking box...

"Do you remember your precious David? The man you promised to never walk away from, come what may. Do you remember your precious savior? He sacrificed so much for you, yet.. you abandoned him, in his hour of need."

"NO! NO I DIDN'T!"

She yelled into the abyss of the empty church. The storm outside showed it's fury, as she screamed into the darkened void.

"You weren't there... you let him suffer and slip away.. without your hand to hold. You didn't deserve a love like that. You didn't deserve him. You let him slip into the void and not hold you. You deserve nothing but pain, and darkness."

Alexandra crumbled to her knees, then to the floor, tears streaming down her face. She rolled onto her back, looking up, she could see the faces of the voices from the abyss. They stared down at her, as if they were real people. She could feel their claws digging into her flesh, tearing at it. Red welts and bruises started to form on her pale skin.

"You should slip into that void, follow him into the darkness."

"Don't listen to them Alexandra."

A voice from her past reached her ears, giving her the will to fight. It's accent gave her strength, she knew. She fought against them, pushing the voices from her head. When she pressed against them, willing herself to fight, they pressed harder, tearing at her heart.

"You let him die.. you caused it.. YOU LET HIM DIE."

"Don't listen to them. It's not true."

She pushed harder, fought harder. The scar on her hand burned more forcefully than ever and she knew.

"NO! If David was dead.. I would know."

She fought to stand, this time, she made it to her feet.

"I am not as weak as I used to be. I am stronger now than ever. If you truly believe that I would fall for that, then you are the idiots. My mind, is mine to control. No one has the control over me, but myself."

She felt the air around her charge with electricity.

"You will fall."

"I've already fallen. If you haven't noticed. The Abominations angel.. He saw it before I did."

The voices in her head silenced, as if in shock. She smiled, and walked into the darkness.. fading from view, as the last candles flame flickered out.]]>

turned his back on all of you. He turned his back on John Madison, NAZI, Supernova, Theo Pryce, and whoever else they fucking had. I don't really remember nor do I give two fucks. Before Theo did his turning on the Black Circle.. before Supernova joined Theo.. Shane

turned his back on all of you and for what? Two dip shits who came in, and got fired by who? Me. Me. Me, mother fuckers. I got here and all I heard was, "watch out for the Black Circle, don't get on their bad side", "the Black circle is elite", "I wish Shane

would leave", and on and on these complaints went down. They eventually reached my ear. I ended up in a Chamber match and lost to Luca. Luca is a tough guy, but how did I lose? John.. Fucking.. Madison. The Black Circle. What then? Johnny asked me to join the Black Circle and I did, in some manner. I was with them and did my own thing because like I've said all along.. my purpose.... MY FUCKING PURPOSE.. OPEN YOUR DAMN EARS... IS TO PREACH THE MESSAGE OF THE ALMIGHTY! I preached it, built my own group to accomplish this goal, and still worked alongside The Black Circle. All these idiots thought I was with them this whole time... but as you see now.. you were wrong. You were wrong because you failed to actually hear what I say and watch what I do. My message and my actions line up. I used them to preach the message.. I used them to usher in judgment slowly on a lot of people. When it was time, I said goodbye and then my plan was beginning to take place. These people who hated the Black Circle and Shane

got a chance to get what they wanted. It came down to a Shove It Show... Shane

verses The Administrator. Every eye was glued to see who was going to take over the XWF and rule this place. Some hoped

would continue his reign.. and the rest were hoping for a chance in The Administrator. I pissed on Shane

and took his head off. I pissed on Etched and kicked their ass. I pissed on The Administrator and took his head off. I became the owner and all of you in the XWF were stunned.. yet unsatisfied. We want change.. just not Eli. I'm not going to baby powder your ass and kiss you goodnight... I'm going to bring about change.. GOOD WHOLESOME CHANGE. Did you want it? No. You, within your damn hearts, would have wished Shane

was back instead of Eli James. This

's brain returns... in the form of the return of Weapon:Ashen. Theo and Supernova leave the Black Circle. Sebastian Duke rejoined the Black Circle. Now I ask this... Theo and Supernova have on their side Weapon:Ashen, with

's mind.. and Sebastian Duke. You have to ask can you boys go exist? Will Duke strike revenge for the Black Circle and beat the shit out of Ashen, Theo, and Supernova? Will Ashen's obsession to end me overtake the unity of the team? Will Theo and Supernova turn their back on all of you when they need you the most because it is in their best interest?

Back to you Mr. Supernova. Can you trust people on your team? Did Theo bring you with him to help him... or will he eventually turn on you like he did the other Black Circle members?

Cam Lang. Holy Shit. This boy comes in with two other idiots calling themselves the EXTREME REVOLUTION. They are going to end

and the Black Circle! Where the hell is Troy Turner? Oh, he fucking left because he realized he was going to get his ass kicked. Where did LJ Havok go? Oh, he ran to me for salvation and then I kicked his ass... he disappeared... he said a few words about coming after me and where the hell is he? A fucking light bulb hit his mind and realized he should just leave too. Cam returns and the first things out of his mouth are directed towards me. Cam... wake the fuck up. Every idea you've brought up in this company.. every dream you had has been wiped by my ass because you and whoever you had with you couldn't get the job done. Take my name out of your mouth before you make yourself even more ignorant than you already are.

Dr. Zero. This Chicken Headed idiot, also apart of Stevie Tyler, is a bit crazier than one would think. It's not about coming up with the usual jokes to tell you.. but its about pointing out the fucking obvious and asking questions, so... you have a Chicken Head. People who are afraid are called Chickens. Men kill and then eat Chickens. Why.. did you pick.. of all heads you could have... a chicken? Is it because you really are afraid? Is it because you really wish some man would come along and end your pathetic little world? You won the Lottery because of a partner.. that's all. Go fry yourself so your team actually can get something out of you. Maybe Cam Lang can water you with his salty tears for flavor.

Scorpio. I sense you dressing up.. so you can Duke can do [Image: tumblr_mlu126klA21ry6msio1_250.gif]

[Image: tumblr_mlu126klA21ry6msio1_250.gif]

~~Titan~~"The Senator" John Samuels. This guy returns to the XWF with red over his face and tries to be some powerful force. When he realizes it isn't working and he's just getting laughed at.. he reveals himself as "The Senator" John Samuels. This fucktard opens his mouth at me and makes fun of all my words. How about you stop pretending.. be a man.. and be who you really are... someone who doesn't belong here. Go join Stevie Tyler in the unemployment line, cash your damn check, and go sit on the couch and play some twelve year old in Halo or Call of Duty... don't forget your microphone so you can cuss out little boys because they killed your sorry ass.

Weapon:Ashen. Oh, don't worry.. I'm saving you for last.. bitch.

Sebastian Duke. You're suppose to be this Lord of Darkness... the Evil Dark Lord.. and yet you become John Madison's bitch.. he kicks you out.. you vow to end him... you end up becoming his bitch again.. and now when its time to choose sides.. John and NAZI do the smart thing and just stay out of it.. yet you become Theo's bitch. I sense there's a theme with you.

Michael McBride. Oi, the eye-reesh-mon comin' to do some damage. Sorry, Mikey.. but there's no four-leaf clovers around this match so I hope you aren't hoping for some magical luck. What you should know by now is your going to get your ass kicked, even if you are Irish... or Scottish.. well who gives a fuck.

John Austin. The coward I've already talked about in the past. He wants Eli James to end. You know what his game plan is? After I win in a match.. and get attacked... he comes in... attacks me some more.. cashes in a briefcase.. pins me.. and LEAVES. Talk about a strong-willed.. bold mother fucker. I tell ya.. smart choice there Theo. He's one of those guys that would hide a walkie-talkie in a room.. talk shit about ya.. and he'll be far..far away.

Smoke Man. Go away. No one gives two cents about your sorry ass.

Mr. Radio. Wow, this team has two spacemen. Oh, fuck. We're in trouble. And one of them is named RADIO.. an Earthly creation. Fuck this shit. The truth be told, Lucena is going to kick your ass... become the New United States Champion.. and he's going to party listening to music on HIS RADIO.

Andrew Morrison. If you just want to rewind and playback what I said about John Austin, minus the briefcase and match thing, then you already know my feelings about you. Loser.

Swaggy SwagMire. Perfect. A troll, err, a hobbit, err, a life-sized barbie doll. You're so obsessed with this other weird shit that I just have to wonder why the hell are you even in the XWF? You don't like fighting it seems.. all you wanna do is rape guys.. fuck guys.. and have sexual pleasure from anything you can get hold of like Shane

's head. By the way, Ashen, I'd watch out for this guy. He may go after you since you are apart of Shane

.. in some strange way.
[Image: tumblr_mo7gpdV0r41rxv5kvo1_250.gif]

Liz Hathaway. Is she good at anything other than... ya know.. I hope you show up.

The Professional. All about money, huh? Hire this guy to do anything. I guess Theo was desperate to give this guy a chance and pay him money. Yo, Swaggy.... here's another guy for you.. and he's for hire.

Christine Nash. Go back to cheerleading or looking pretty. I wouldn't show up if I were you.. not that you gave any advantage to Theo's side anyway... unless you and Liz just helped them release some tension. Kudos Theo.

Theo Pryce. I must ask Theo.. did you really think your team was better than mine? Yeah, your team talks more but what horseshit it is. You know, in some strange world we could have worked together but you're so fucking blind it wouldn't have done much. You have money. Congrats. You are the King of the XWF. Impressive. Other than that, you mine as well have lived in some hole you hired the Professional to dig because everything else about you doesn't do much. It doesn't do much for your team.. for your career.. for your future.. nothing. Without money.. without the crown.. I see a meaningless little man who wishes he could swing on the monkey bars. Understand Theo.. I'm coming for you.. and I'm sure you're coming for me. I hope you're ready for what I'm bringing. You've ever faced a man like me.. prepare for the unknown bitch.

Now, I circle back to the one piece of shit that seems to be focusing in on me.. Weapon:Ashen. I hope you come after me. Then I can say I not only killed Shane

, but I killed him AGAIN.. on top of the great and powerful Ashen. If you could just listen.. I'm not like any other man you've ever faced either. Listen to

got a chance to get what they wanted. It came down to a Shove It Show... Shane

verses The Administrator. Every eye was glued to see who was going to take over the XWF and rule this place. Some hoped

would continue his reign.. and the rest were hoping for a chance in The Administrator. I pissed on Shane

was back instead of Eli James. This

's head. By the way, Ashen, I'd watch out for this guy. He may go after you since you are apart of Shane

.. in some strange way.
[Image: tumblr_mo7gpdV0r41rxv5kvo1_250.gif]

, but I killed him AGAIN.. on top of the great and powerful Ashen. If you could just listen.. I'm not like any other man you've ever faced either. Listen to

's brain.. be smart Ashen. Don't be vanished for good. Do the right thing for yourself and run away. You may be seen as a fucking coward but at least you'll still be seen. You'll still be able to carry on a conversation with someone.. you'll still be able to be apart of Street Fighter.. hell... you may even get to be a character in the game.. but if you continue on the path we're going down... only one of us is going to remain. Don't do it. I tell you this because I want to see you remain. I tell you this because someone out there may need you. Don't be foolish. Don't come and call me out unless you're ready to die... unless you're ready to disappear from this world never to be heard from again. Just don't.

What was in that baptism water that I swallowed by accident? I had a strange dream talking to all the opponents my team and I will be fighting. Time to get ready. I hope no one else drank that water. ]]> <![CDATA[Locked in a trunk, but not in the closet! I'm a changed man. (feder+mox rp)]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11200 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 10:01:14 -0700 Dean Moxley McGovern]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11200

“Even big boys need a friend sometimes”

Time: Story time with THE MOX
Date estimate: the weekend of WWX
Location: Sid Feder's trunk
Carries on from where Sid's RP left off: http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11199

The sounds of the camera jumbling around and the darkness around him reveals Dean McGovern to be in a very tight spot.

Hey boys and girls! Ouch, ouch that hurts.

Dean is holding his forehead and blood seems to be gushing out of it.

Sorry about my looks right now but I just had a friendly meeting with my good pal Sid Feder. He's doing me a favor right now and driving me around in his trunk to help me relax and calm down after I accidentally hit my head. What a guy.

Dean pushes some of the random metal parts that are laying in the trunk away from him so he can get a little more room. Sid having an old fashioned car with a huge trunk is really a good thing right now for Dean.

Some of ya may be wondering why I've got a camera in the trunk with me but is there ever a time THE MOX isn't ready to shoot a quick skit? Last time I was on the air I told all you kids that I was going to explain how I'm a changed man! I'm a new Dean! You may remember me as a slightly creepy, sort of weird guy who occasionally got mixed up in wrongful child molestation charges but I can assure you, my loyal fans across the nation with or without masturbation, that you are looking at a brand new playa.

Dean spits up some blood and coughs.

Sorry about that. Now as I was saying and as you were left expecting from my appearance a few days back, I'm going to tell you a little story about how Dean Moxley McGovern grew up! That's right, I've matured and I am ready to debut the new me in the ring at World War Sextreme! What's different you ask? What's new? Well this takes us back about a month in time. There I was, walking down the street in one of my favorite cities and I got an egg thrown at me out of a moving car. I heard the people in the car yell HOMO! and the egg crashed right into my knee. Naturally I was left in a state of shock...did people really see me as a homo? How? Why? Since when?

I looked within myself for answers and I watched replay after replay of all the footage I could find on myself. I watched how I interacted with the kids; flawlessly. I watched how I kept myself composed when speaking to parents; professional and well spoken. I watched how I interacted with other wrestlers during my XWF runs; a straight mack daddy if there ever was one. I mean I even teamed up for a short time with a hot chick named Liz to mess with the XWF owner and have some fun.

How, when and where are people somehow getting the wrong idea about me, I wondered? Why call me a ?

So I phoned my friend Jimmy. He wasn't home. His mom said he was at his uncle's place and wouldn't be home until the next day. Shucks. I decide to give my pal Jimmy a jingle and his sister says he's grounded and can't talk on the phone. Poop. I go ahead and give my best friend Kyle a call but there's no answer at home, so I sext him. I send the sext explaining that I need a friend to talk to because I'm afraid people are getting the wrong idea about me; no answer.

There I was feeling alone and lost. I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. I knew I could call Alex, Richie, Mikey, Bobby, Carl, Jessy, Tito or even Alejandro. Oh, Alejandro. But what if none of them are available either? I'd want to kill myself right then so I knew not to risk it, plus the battery on my purple and green Android phone was very low.

What to do? Who to turn to? Why did the world suddenly, over night in the blink of an eye, think I was a homo? Don't the people of this age realize there's no such thing as straight or gay?

That's when it happened! My angel was sent to me by the good lord above. There I was, just pissing in the alley and considering laying in my own urine afterward because I was so embarrassed of myself. That's when I heard the voice of a man named Eli James.

I didn't know why this semi-homeless looking man with the giant beard was approaching me while I had my wee wee in my hand, but I didn't question it.

Eli told me that he wasn't here to hurt me and that I could continue urinating without worry, but he wanted to make sure I knew I was cared for. How did he know? How could he tell I was a man in need right then and there?

I will tell you how. God knows all. He placed Eli James in that alley at that exact moment in time when I was at my pissiest. God knew I needed help and he knew Eli was the hand of God that was going to help me jerk off those fears that had festered in my brain.

Eli noticed the splattered egg on my knee and shook his head, ashamed on behalf of his fellow man.

"They called you , didn't they?" He was close; they actually called me homo. Eli went on to explain that he would never call me such things and he would accept me into his home with welcome arms. He asked me to put my wiener away when I was done peeing, too.

I didn't know why it mattered that my wiener was out if he was going to accept me as is, but I figured I'd go along with it and see where this takes me. I put my junk away and I extended my hand toward Eli to shake; fresh pee pee still sparkling in the light on my hand.

Eli decided that he wasn't going to shake my hand, yet. He instead told me to follow him and I of course did just that. He took me down a dark passageway and down a few steps into the back yard of somebody's home. While in that back yard Eli and I peered through the windows of the people who lived there.

Homos.

There we saw right before our eyes the very acts being performed that those mean guys in the car accused me of taking part in. I watched as this very unattractive man who looked like a bear just rammed this equally unattractive black man in his poop shoot. I couldn't understand how either of those men could be seen as sexy. Eli went on to explain that their lack of sexiness wasn't the issue here. The issue was that when people look at me, they picture people like that.

I screamed! I was freaked! Eli put his hand over my mouth before the homosexuals could hear me. Luckily they were so involved in their ramming that they heard nothing. I looked to Eli and I asked him for help. I said I needed to fix my image and I needed to make sure people knew I wasn't gay. The answer he gave me was startling at first, but seemed like it made sense after I thought about it.

He told me to just keep being myself. Change nothing. Do nothing to change the way others see me. In fact, he encouraged me to come back stronger than ever and to represent his Congro in the upcoming X-Dub War. Naturally I asked how this would make people stop thinking I was a homo and his response was mind shattering. He said, "if they see you and think gay thoughts, does that make you gay or them?"

My mind was tripping. He made so much sense and I had a renewed sense of self. I'll tell you right then if I had hugged Eli James he would have felt how excited and confident I was. All I had to do was be myself, be confident, and represent the good lord almighty in this brewing war. As long as I did that, I'd be seen for the man I am and people would know to NOT call me a homo when they see me on the streets, minding my own biz sexting away on my pink and green phone.

Dean seems so happy that he could burst from the trunk he's locked in just on joy alone.

I may be locked in this trunk but I know I'm in the arms of the lord right now, and I'm being led by one of his very followers. I know Sid and Eli won't do me any harm and I know that after my performance this week, nobody is ever going to question my sexuality again.

The car seems to stop moving and Dean decides it's time to end this quick shoot. He wiggles his eyebrows at the camera and whispers "bye kids" before shutting it off and waiting for Sid to let him out of the trunk.]]>

“Even big boys need a friend sometimes”

Time: Story time with THE MOX
Date estimate: the weekend of WWX
Location: Sid Feder's trunk
Carries on from where Sid's RP left off: http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11199

The sounds of the camera jumbling around and the darkness around him reveals Dean McGovern to be in a very tight spot.

Hey boys and girls! Ouch, ouch that hurts.

Dean is holding his forehead and blood seems to be gushing out of it.

Sorry about my looks right now but I just had a friendly meeting with my good pal Sid Feder. He's doing me a favor right now and driving me around in his trunk to help me relax and calm down after I accidentally hit my head. What a guy.

Dean pushes some of the random metal parts that are laying in the trunk away from him so he can get a little more room. Sid having an old fashioned car with a huge trunk is really a good thing right now for Dean.

Some of ya may be wondering why I've got a camera in the trunk with me but is there ever a time THE MOX isn't ready to shoot a quick skit? Last time I was on the air I told all you kids that I was going to explain how I'm a changed man! I'm a new Dean! You may remember me as a slightly creepy, sort of weird guy who occasionally got mixed up in wrongful child molestation charges but I can assure you, my loyal fans across the nation with or without masturbation, that you are looking at a brand new playa.

Dean spits up some blood and coughs.

Sorry about that. Now as I was saying and as you were left expecting from my appearance a few days back, I'm going to tell you a little story about how Dean Moxley McGovern grew up! That's right, I've matured and I am ready to debut the new me in the ring at World War Sextreme! What's different you ask? What's new? Well this takes us back about a month in time. There I was, walking down the street in one of my favorite cities and I got an egg thrown at me out of a moving car. I heard the people in the car yell HOMO! and the egg crashed right into my knee. Naturally I was left in a state of shock...did people really see me as a homo? How? Why? Since when?

I looked within myself for answers and I watched replay after replay of all the footage I could find on myself. I watched how I interacted with the kids; flawlessly. I watched how I kept myself composed when speaking to parents; professional and well spoken. I watched how I interacted with other wrestlers during my XWF runs; a straight mack daddy if there ever was one. I mean I even teamed up for a short time with a hot chick named Liz to mess with the XWF owner and have some fun.

How, when and where are people somehow getting the wrong idea about me, I wondered? Why call me a ?

So I phoned my friend Jimmy. He wasn't home. His mom said he was at his uncle's place and wouldn't be home until the next day. Shucks. I decide to give my pal Jimmy a jingle and his sister says he's grounded and can't talk on the phone. Poop. I go ahead and give my best friend Kyle a call but there's no answer at home, so I sext him. I send the sext explaining that I need a friend to talk to because I'm afraid people are getting the wrong idea about me; no answer.

There I was feeling alone and lost. I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. I knew I could call Alex, Richie, Mikey, Bobby, Carl, Jessy, Tito or even Alejandro. Oh, Alejandro. But what if none of them are available either? I'd want to kill myself right then so I knew not to risk it, plus the battery on my purple and green Android phone was very low.

What to do? Who to turn to? Why did the world suddenly, over night in the blink of an eye, think I was a homo? Don't the people of this age realize there's no such thing as straight or gay?

That's when it happened! My angel was sent to me by the good lord above. There I was, just pissing in the alley and considering laying in my own urine afterward because I was so embarrassed of myself. That's when I heard the voice of a man named Eli James.

I didn't know why this semi-homeless looking man with the giant beard was approaching me while I had my wee wee in my hand, but I didn't question it.

Eli told me that he wasn't here to hurt me and that I could continue urinating without worry, but he wanted to make sure I knew I was cared for. How did he know? How could he tell I was a man in need right then and there?

I will tell you how. God knows all. He placed Eli James in that alley at that exact moment in time when I was at my pissiest. God knew I needed help and he knew Eli was the hand of God that was going to help me jerk off those fears that had festered in my brain.

Eli noticed the splattered egg on my knee and shook his head, ashamed on behalf of his fellow man.

"They called you , didn't they?" He was close; they actually called me homo. Eli went on to explain that he would never call me such things and he would accept me into his home with welcome arms. He asked me to put my wiener away when I was done peeing, too.

I didn't know why it mattered that my wiener was out if he was going to accept me as is, but I figured I'd go along with it and see where this takes me. I put my junk away and I extended my hand toward Eli to shake; fresh pee pee still sparkling in the light on my hand.

Eli decided that he wasn't going to shake my hand, yet. He instead told me to follow him and I of course did just that. He took me down a dark passageway and down a few steps into the back yard of somebody's home. While in that back yard Eli and I peered through the windows of the people who lived there.

Homos.

There we saw right before our eyes the very acts being performed that those mean guys in the car accused me of taking part in. I watched as this very unattractive man who looked like a bear just rammed this equally unattractive black man in his poop shoot. I couldn't understand how either of those men could be seen as sexy. Eli went on to explain that their lack of sexiness wasn't the issue here. The issue was that when people look at me, they picture people like that.

I screamed! I was freaked! Eli put his hand over my mouth before the homosexuals could hear me. Luckily they were so involved in their ramming that they heard nothing. I looked to Eli and I asked him for help. I said I needed to fix my image and I needed to make sure people knew I wasn't gay. The answer he gave me was startling at first, but seemed like it made sense after I thought about it.

He told me to just keep being myself. Change nothing. Do nothing to change the way others see me. In fact, he encouraged me to come back stronger than ever and to represent his Congro in the upcoming X-Dub War. Naturally I asked how this would make people stop thinking I was a homo and his response was mind shattering. He said, "if they see you and think gay thoughts, does that make you gay or them?"

My mind was tripping. He made so much sense and I had a renewed sense of self. I'll tell you right then if I had hugged Eli James he would have felt how excited and confident I was. All I had to do was be myself, be confident, and represent the good lord almighty in this brewing war. As long as I did that, I'd be seen for the man I am and people would know to NOT call me a homo when they see me on the streets, minding my own biz sexting away on my pink and green phone.

Dean seems so happy that he could burst from the trunk he's locked in just on joy alone.

I may be locked in this trunk but I know I'm in the arms of the lord right now, and I'm being led by one of his very followers. I know Sid and Eli won't do me any harm and I know that after my performance this week, nobody is ever going to question my sexuality again.

The car seems to stop moving and Dean decides it's time to end this quick shoot. He wiggles his eyebrows at the camera and whispers "bye kids" before shutting it off and waiting for Sid to let him out of the trunk.]]> <![CDATA[Radio: "I am far superior to over half of those pathetic excuse of a wrestler" -- RP8]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11199 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 09:56:41 -0700 Sid Feder]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11199

What a !

Sid's voice somehow is able to come through even before the scene starts to unfold before us. It's just like when he's in the room with any common performer and anything Sid does just overrides whatever the average Pryce's and mentally challenged Radio's are doing in the same room.

Once the scene has a chance to catch up with Sid Feder (something Pryce, Scorpio, Supernova and those other homosexuals have still not done) we are quickly educated to the fact that Sid is sitting on the bench after taking a long, hot shower. He's got a towel around his waist and that's exactly when we fast forward to the next scene because we already covered the homo-play in the last bit of unwanted footage where Dean McGovern tip toed into the shower with Sid like John Austin or Andrew Morrison trying to sneak their way into the relevant spotlight but failing miserably to keep that spotlight on them the moment they open their mouths.

Sid Feder is still with Dean McGovern but they are no longer slapping at each other in the shower. Dean has red marks around his neck as he sits in the passenger seat of Sid Feder's classic pink and white Cadillac.

Siddy baby you really didn't need to choke me that hard. (coughing a little) I can still hardly breathe. I'm feeling right now how I felt that time my friend Kyle wouldn't take his foot off of my throat while I was ejaculating everywhere and pretending to be a lawn sprinkler, but indoors, so I guess a butt sprinkler would be the term.

Sid slams on the breaks and Dean bounces forward just smacking his head against the dash board and almost knocking himself out. With the car stopped right in the middle of traffic and cars beeping at Sid to move, he turns to Dean and grumbles--

Ok, I don't know if you heard about me, but I ain't the one to be sharin' yer fuckin' schoolboy fantasies with. I'm the guy who's been workin' my ass off to try and make sure the guys on our team can at least have some fun and maybe get some kinda challenge even though we're walkin' into a guaranteed victory as soon as Radio got put in the first round.

Oh Sid I can give ya the lowdown on me right now and tell ya baby those stories of me and Kyle are no fantasy. Those are things that actually happened and that's partially why I came to you; I have a problem, Sid. I need help.

Cars continue to beep as Sid calmly lifts his left hand out the window and gives them the same big middle finger that Team Prince gave all of us when they decided to ignore the universal wrestling guidelines of how entertaining and relevant a wrestling promo is supposed to be.

You hear how impatient these fucks are behind us right now, Dean?

Yes I do, but what's that have to do with what I was saying?

Nothing. It has nothing to do with what we were discussin', man.

Then why say it?

To waste airtime. To fill space that otherwise would have been left empty due to a lack of substance.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok? You've lost me, hun.

That's the point; I just princed you which is exactly what the entire team of we're facing tonight has been doing to us all week -- filling meaningless horse shit into slots that were originally intended to be watched by entertaining seeking wrestling fans who just might not be ! Can ya imagine the ratings their team is gonna get if 9/10th of the people who tune into their shit aren't gay?

I'ma be honest with you when I say I like their stuff. I thought they were really on point this week.

Sid just looks around in awe for a second with his mouth hanging open. He has to actually take his hand and shut his jaw before he can start speaking again.

Why the fuck am I not surprised? What did I just get done sayin', man? Imagine how the non- audience is going to react to the endless stream of cockblower material that Theo and his girlymen been puttin' out.

Sid, psst, hey Sid; I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm not gay.

Sid reacts like somebody just told him Mr. Radio knows English. His eyebrows raise to the roof and his eyes look so bulged that he's at risk of his glass eye popping out. Without a word, he starts to press his foot to the gas and begins to head down the street in silence.

I'm actually being serious here. I'm not gay.

Sid has that look on his face like what your grandfather might have when he's trying to remember it's not ok to just slap children in their face anymore. His lips are tight and his jaw clenched.

Why aren't you acknowledging what I'm saying? We're partners here. I'm your supervisor now after Eli James hired me to be the Congro's #1 bad boy. Not only that, but if you have any kids who you need me to babysit while you guys are ever going on about Congro Biz, just let me know and I'll be sure to clear my schedule that day. I'm really REALLY good with kids, Sid. Not sure if you heard that about me or not, but if not, just fuhget whatchu heard.

Sid calmly pulls the Cadillac into an abandoned parking lot without saying a word. He reaches and turns the old school knob on his radio and turns up what is just commercials; anything to have a sound drowning out Dean's voice right now.

Dean goes on to explain things to Sid but Sid can't hear a word of it at this point. Sid is actually nodding his head to the sounds of the commercials on the [s]

] radio -- it was speaking English so it must not be

.

Speaking of

; did that short bus riding moon tranny really go out of his way to shoot a group scene with two of the other ladies on his team but fail to even try and address anything that matters, such as the fact that Sid Feder just gave Lucena the guaranteed win when he met with him in the hospital and gave away all of

secrets? What did

and company do instead? Go to a gay strip club? Good counter. I'm glad they know there's no point in even trying to help elevate

to any chance of victory tonight -- why not just take him out after getting drunk?

At least

was able to supply Sid Feder with the title to this piece we're viewing now -- "I am far superior to over half of those pathetic excuse of a wrestler" -- what a statement! Thanks,

! The same guy who accused Lucena of not being able to speak? Do you know how lucky you are that Sid didn't spend an entire promo airing every, and I mean every, piece of discombobulated diarrhea that you've ever tried to pass off as English but left everyone around you wondering what in blue blazes you just said?

Mr. Radio -- I am seriously asking -- do you realize how lucky you are that Sid didn't hand all those lines right over to Lucena for him to shoot nine promos about? I mean I'm an unbiased 3rd party here just stating a fact, Radio, and that fact is that you are one of the worst spoken individuals on the roster of this company. Not only that, but do you sometimes narrate your own material? That would be like Sid with his southern twang trying to narrate his entire promo instead of just speaking for himself when he needs to. Why not spend the extra moon gems to buy a half decent narrator who I could still poke fun at because he'd be in a much lower class than myself if he's accepting pay from you to narrate your garbage.

I'm getting off track but just wanted to try and help you out, Radio. Do as you will; I tried.

We get back to Sid Feder and Dean McGovern in the abandoned parking lot and Sid has now exited the vehicle. Dean remains in the passenger seat and looks in the rear view to see what Sid's doing -- going to the trunk and opening it up. Dean hears a bunch of clanging and heavy sounds from what must be Sid shuffling through a very crowded trunk. The grinding sounds that come next almost sound like Sid is pushing heavy things as far as he can to the very back of the trunk.

Dean notices Sid coming along over to the passenger side door with the trunk still open.

Uh oh.

Sid pulls the door open and grabs Dean's face; that's right he just palmed Dean's face like it was a basketball and shoved him back while unbuckling Dean's seat belt. Once the belt is off, Sid rips Dean from the car and throws him down onto the pavement which scrapes up Dean's right arm pretty badly on impact.

The radio is still turned on full blast but Sid easily shouts over it so Dean can understand what's about to happen--

You've got two fucking choices -- number one, I stuff you into the trunk and you take the rest of the ride in there so I'm not tempted to cut your adams apple out; number two, you don't get in the trunk and I snap your fuckin' neck right where we stand and then you end up in the trunk anyway, but for a much different ride, which won't really matter to you by then because you'll be dead. Real life dead. I can't believe I have to specify that but with joke wrestlers pretending they can die and come back, I guess I have to clarify that this won't be some shit fuckin' angle. You will be dead and gone, son.

Dean rubs his arm and pulls a Kleenex from his pocket, patting the cuts on his arm.

Look what you did. It's not a good thing when I bleed, Sid.

Did you hear what I just said or are you going to play dumb like the fuckin' rejects we're up against this weekend?

Sid slaps Dean across his face and grabs the back of his neck to lead him toward the trunk. Dean sees that a space has been cleared out and a bunch of heavy, rusted, possibly auto related parts are shoved to the back.

Are you gettin' in willingly? Or are ya gettin' stuffed in after I snap yer neck?

Fine, I'll take the trunk. Let me tell you though baby, Eli is not going to be pleased that you treated me thi--

--clunk

Sid rams Dean face first into the rear left wing of his classic Elvis style Caddy, instantly busting Dean's forehead wide open. The light on the car also falls out of place.

Look what the fuck you did to my car. It's a fuckin' pain in the ass to get a classic like this looked at with such a busy schedule like mine.

Sid punches Dean in the gut as Dean's blood spills all over.

Help! Rape!

Oh no you didn't.

Sid takes his shoe off and cracks Dean in the head with it, making Dean even more woozy. Sid takes off his sock and balls it up, stuffing it into Dean's mouth like he was stuffing cocks down Scorpio's throat to remind him it's ok to talk shit about Sid Feder when Sid still has time to respond to it.

Take it; take this sock you ! Now get in the fuckin' trunk!

Sid grabs the back of Dean's pants and the back of his shirt and just throws him into the trunk the same way he'd toss somebody back into a ring if they were trying to avoid wrestling him. Sid shoves Dean's legs and arms in all the way and then slams the trunk shut, quickly dusting off his hands and looking around calmly with a smile on his face. Sid notices some kids walking on the sidewalk where the entrance to this abandoned parking lot crosses. They're a good twenty yards away and they just appeared in view as Sid was looking around, so it's unlikely they were able to see what just transpired moments ago.

With a friendly nod and a wave of his hands, Sid appears just like any normal person who might be standing around with their car in an abandoned parking lot in the middle of the day. The kids hardly pay attention and they don't even bother waving back.

Assholes. -- Sid mumbles under his breath but in reality is glad they didn't pay much attention to him or they may have seen the blood that got on him.

Got to love how unobservant stupid fuckin' kids are. I'm not sure how this in my trunk can hang around kids so damn much and like it.

Sid gets into the car, turns the radio back down to a very low level and pulls away with a very satisfied look on his face.

One ass cockblower to go; comin' right up!

Sid exits the lot and makes his way down the street to the nearest place of business where a man such as himself can purchase some new clothes without being questioned about the blood stains he's walking in with. Surprisingly, he knows just the place and they may even be able to fix Dean up.

Yeah, Blondie? I'm comin' in with a hot one. Make sure ya open up the back fer me. You ain't gonna believe this shit.

Sid hangs up his phone and proceeds to his destination.
]]>

What a !

Sid's voice somehow is able to come through even before the scene starts to unfold before us. It's just like when he's in the room with any common performer and anything Sid does just overrides whatever the average Pryce's and mentally challenged Radio's are doing in the same room.

Once the scene has a chance to catch up with Sid Feder (something Pryce, Scorpio, Supernova and those other homosexuals have still not done) we are quickly educated to the fact that Sid is sitting on the bench after taking a long, hot shower. He's got a towel around his waist and that's exactly when we fast forward to the next scene because we already covered the homo-play in the last bit of unwanted footage where Dean McGovern tip toed into the shower with Sid like John Austin or Andrew Morrison trying to sneak their way into the relevant spotlight but failing miserably to keep that spotlight on them the moment they open their mouths.

Sid Feder is still with Dean McGovern but they are no longer slapping at each other in the shower. Dean has red marks around his neck as he sits in the passenger seat of Sid Feder's classic pink and white Cadillac.

Siddy baby you really didn't need to choke me that hard. (coughing a little) I can still hardly breathe. I'm feeling right now how I felt that time my friend Kyle wouldn't take his foot off of my throat while I was ejaculating everywhere and pretending to be a lawn sprinkler, but indoors, so I guess a butt sprinkler would be the term.

Sid slams on the breaks and Dean bounces forward just smacking his head against the dash board and almost knocking himself out. With the car stopped right in the middle of traffic and cars beeping at Sid to move, he turns to Dean and grumbles--

Ok, I don't know if you heard about me, but I ain't the one to be sharin' yer fuckin' schoolboy fantasies with. I'm the guy who's been workin' my ass off to try and make sure the guys on our team can at least have some fun and maybe get some kinda challenge even though we're walkin' into a guaranteed victory as soon as Radio got put in the first round.

Oh Sid I can give ya the lowdown on me right now and tell ya baby those stories of me and Kyle are no fantasy. Those are things that actually happened and that's partially why I came to you; I have a problem, Sid. I need help.

Cars continue to beep as Sid calmly lifts his left hand out the window and gives them the same big middle finger that Team Prince gave all of us when they decided to ignore the universal wrestling guidelines of how entertaining and relevant a wrestling promo is supposed to be.

You hear how impatient these fucks are behind us right now, Dean?

Yes I do, but what's that have to do with what I was saying?

Nothing. It has nothing to do with what we were discussin', man.

Then why say it?

To waste airtime. To fill space that otherwise would have been left empty due to a lack of substance.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok? You've lost me, hun.

That's the point; I just princed you which is exactly what the entire team of we're facing tonight has been doing to us all week -- filling meaningless horse shit into slots that were originally intended to be watched by entertaining seeking wrestling fans who just might not be ! Can ya imagine the ratings their team is gonna get if 9/10th of the people who tune into their shit aren't gay?

I'ma be honest with you when I say I like their stuff. I thought they were really on point this week.

Sid just looks around in awe for a second with his mouth hanging open. He has to actually take his hand and shut his jaw before he can start speaking again.

Why the fuck am I not surprised? What did I just get done sayin', man? Imagine how the non- audience is going to react to the endless stream of cockblower material that Theo and his girlymen been puttin' out.

Sid, psst, hey Sid; I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm not gay.

Sid reacts like somebody just told him Mr. Radio knows English. His eyebrows raise to the roof and his eyes look so bulged that he's at risk of his glass eye popping out. Without a word, he starts to press his foot to the gas and begins to head down the street in silence.

I'm actually being serious here. I'm not gay.

Sid has that look on his face like what your grandfather might have when he's trying to remember it's not ok to just slap children in their face anymore. His lips are tight and his jaw clenched.

Why aren't you acknowledging what I'm saying? We're partners here. I'm your supervisor now after Eli James hired me to be the Congro's #1 bad boy. Not only that, but if you have any kids who you need me to babysit while you guys are ever going on about Congro Biz, just let me know and I'll be sure to clear my schedule that day. I'm really REALLY good with kids, Sid. Not sure if you heard that about me or not, but if not, just fuhget whatchu heard.

Sid calmly pulls the Cadillac into an abandoned parking lot without saying a word. He reaches and turns the old school knob on his radio and turns up what is just commercials; anything to have a sound drowning out Dean's voice right now.

Dean goes on to explain things to Sid but Sid can't hear a word of it at this point. Sid is actually nodding his head to the sounds of the commercials on the [s]

] radio -- it was speaking English so it must not be

.

Speaking of

secrets? What did

and company do instead? Go to a gay strip club? Good counter. I'm glad they know there's no point in even trying to help elevate

to any chance of victory tonight -- why not just take him out after getting drunk?

At least

was able to supply Sid Feder with the title to this piece we're viewing now -- "I am far superior to over half of those pathetic excuse of a wrestler" -- what a statement! Thanks,

- Biographer and Cheat are in some kind of room. Bio is writting with a typewriter. He stops. Cheat is sitted in a couch -

The Biographer: It's done. It has been a pretty good chapter. I'm glad you get serious for once.

Cheat Lucena: Well... I'm paying you. And after months I wanted you to work fucker. You never has been on ringside with me so at least do what I hire you for, write the book.

The Biographer: You didn't have enough things to write anything. But these days has been pretty fructiferous. And other thing... Radio it's a bad guy not a good guy and you were refering to him as a hero

Cheat Lucena: Bio, pal, don't make me laught. We have done lots of things before this week... the Depardieu thing, getting arrested, the car... I know it's nothing pretty good to write anything but well, it's something. Anyway, what better ocassion to start the book than heading to the PPV when I debut wrestling for my probably first wrestling championship. And pal. please, It's a book. I'm trying to be lyric, I know he's one of the bad guys. But compared him to me... I'm the Worst in the World. And I needed to define the limits

The Biographer: Okey okey, You right. Do you wanna review it? let's take a look?

Cheat Lucena: Yes, please, read it.

The Biographer: Ok...

Chapter 1: I'm the good guy

It's soon to say this, but I'm heading to my first ever PPV where I fight for a championship belt, and It's pretty easy to imagine this situation. Me on the ring. The other guy in front of me. I'll try to be didactic with this text. Tension on the air. He's clearly one of the good guys and I'm not exactly an angel. But this is my first ever PPV, I could be a pretty worth champ if I beat him clean. It would give me credit and I could become a hero for people that likes me. Or I could be the bad guy again. The offer of be a hero is pretty temptress. People supporting you, be loved by the boss, fight to the limit, have good quality wrestling matches, or at least better ones that the other times I just cheat. I still on the match but I can't avoid thinks, even with these tension. And then, suddenly, he makes a bad move... I don't even had to poke his eyes, I just make him do a sommersault, putingt a hand on one of his legs, classic roll-up, not a pretty awesome way to end a match, but this is for the title so It's not really important if I apply the leaping reverse STO or not, and it's not a "dirty way" to do it. And then the referee crouches, starting to hit the canvas. One, this is a good start. He didn't kick out. And for the moment he's not making lot of force. I see at the crowd, most of the people don't look pretty happy with it. Well... at the end he's their hero and till the moment I only win by dirty finish. But this time I could be their hero beating him clean. And obviously, it's my first ever PPV, it would be awesome if I beat him without dark arts. Two... ouch, I'm pressing him as strong as I can, but miss radio, as I like to call him, is doing a good work and probably will kick out. Now it's the moment. I'm a bad guy, but as I told, everyone want to be loved. Even me, sometimes wants to be love. And there is no problem, if he kick out the match could continue, I'm pretty good throwing elbows too, so I could have my big PPV moment anyway. But it's pretty easy, I'm close to the ropes. It would be just put a leg there, and the pressure surely will get strong enough to continue to the three and win the strap. Hell, most of the people expect that. But it's so bad to be hated.

Everything is running in slow-motion. He almost has kick out. Please, Cheat, be good for once, this is your first ever ppv, you know you're mannerism, you know you're a bad guy, but these people would be pretty please if I just let him kick out, the match get longer, I win them having an awesome match and I use the normal finish, the Spanish F, which is my clean one. Love. The love of millions. And people would even take me seriously for once. Look like a decent, legit champion. But the rope is there. It's the easy way. Ok, be hated again, just be me. What should I do? Or even more important... what would anyone do? a normal person, yes. One of those that want me dead. If I tell him my story, I tell him I'm having dudes, that maybe I would like just to be a normal, generic good guy at wrestling, they would understand me, sure, they will change. But what they would do on my place. Battle as a lion or take the easy way. I don't know... you see, even we can battle with ourselves. This make me thing another time... why they didn't like me? Because I'm not with them? Because I do bad things? I just... hey, wait. They don't like me because it's too complex to like me, too compex even to explain it. And it's so easy to like the guy that is always cheering the crowd. They already have make their decision to choose the easy way. They would put the fucking leg in the ropes and be the champ. It's as simple as that. Nobody would give a shit for anybody if they don't get a benefit from there. But I can be loved also... What should I do?. Okey, I've already make the decision.

I put the leg on the rope. The pressure get strong enough. They guy don't see that coming and he can't move his body. Three. It's done. The people's boos are over the roof. I just was me. I don't really feel pretty good for the first time, after all the wrestling training and after all the time saying that I love to cheat and cheat makes my life plenary. But I'm champion, it's not a bad thing at all. But this battle still inside me. And now I realise it. They choose the easy way, I do the same. Why that's make me the bad guy? I did tell it to them. That was exactly like I said I should do. I'm not the bad guy, I'm the one that tells the truth. The bad guys are them. Why should I care about their opinion. And some of them are inteligent enough to understand me and cheer me. That's enough for me. The roles are changed in the world. I tell the truth and they were too close minded to not understand that in my position, everyone would do that. That's doesn't make me the bad guy. Exactly the opposite. I'm the good guy. The bads guys are them. I just do what I always do, what everybody always do...cheat. God wants me to cheat.

Cheat Lucena: Ossom. I looks a bit gay with all the inner battle, but well, that would grow on the readers. Now let's go. There is a ppv waiting me. And... Bio.

The Biographer: No, not again pal.

Cheat Lucena: I didn't say it in any of our promos till today Bio...please... let me.

The Biographer: Okeeeey...

Cheat Lucena: Don't call it a win if it's clean.. Ok, let's do this.

- the image fades to black -

end =)

]]>

- Biographer and Cheat are in some kind of room. Bio is writting with a typewriter. He stops. Cheat is sitted in a couch -

- the image fades to black -

end =)

]]> <![CDATA[Intensely intensifying the intensity until it's too intense. RP 5]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11129 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 09:08:18 -0700 Lazarus]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11129

Episode 6: I Swear to Christ I'm Listening, You're Just Not That Interesting

RECORDING.

"Are these motherfuckers even trying? No, seriously?"

The ever interesting scene opens up to our favorite masked superhero wannabe (should you listen to the fucking idiots with nothing else to say) seated at a booth at some run of the mill diner in Smalltown, USA. However, a very odd thing is happening right now: this is the first time you've seen him without his mask on. Instead, he's dressed even more conspicuously, sporting a baseball cap, sunglasses and a faded, red stained black and white bandanna over his nose and mouth. In front of him on the table, is a glass filled halfway to the top with Coke. Why that's important, this narrator knows not, but it's my duty to report all of the useless facts!

"Hey, I'm asking you a question."

He waves his hand dead center in front of the camera, presumably catching the attention of its operator who snaps to life, jerking the camera rapidly upwards at the ceiling.

"Yeah, they are trying." Even in answering a question, this camera operator has about as much enthusiasm as a Eunuch watching a porno. She let out a breathy sigh to accompany this response, slowly dragging the camera back down to our main attraction.

"Christ, I definitely understand why the XWF needs me back so desperately even if I can't say say the same for why Eli does. The Congregation, without me, even with the numeric disadvantage, would do just fine without my involvement. Now, before someone gets that twisted, that's an insult at you. Yeah, I'm flat out telling you what's an insult and what isn't because you're too fucking stupid to see which is which for yourselves. That was an insult too, by the way.

For fuck's sake, who was stupid enough to actually open their mouths about me?"

"The ever so brilliant pair of Swagmire Swaggins and Andrew Morrison talked about you at length. Others mentioned you in passing. I assume out of fear."

Lazarus cracks his neck, and then his knuckles.

"Makes sense. Wait, who the fuck's Swagmire Swaggins?"

"I don't fucking know. All I know is that he was too much of a coward to insult you directly. Instead, he sent out his army of fellow homeless men to do his dirty work for him."

"You mean like Theo Pryce does whenever someone threatens to dethrone him? He decided to sic his army of more threatening motherfuckers all over me?"

"Exactly. He also likes to flip flop on insulting Mr. Radio."

"Wait, what? How do you not insult that wannabe tough guy?"

Our camera operator with an intensely intense feminine voice takes a sip from a cup of coffee that you just now see in the lower left corner of the lens.

"Could be because he lost to him."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hey, didn't you lose to Radio too?"

"Eliminated. Throwing someone over the top rope doesn't count as beating them."

"Oh, right."

"Anywho, onto the Swagmire promo where he gets one of his friends to insult me. Let me guess, he still thinks I'm an actual hillbilly with a stupid accent, right?"

"Exactly, how did you know?"

"He has the word swag in his name twice. Catching onto things isn't his strong suit, it doesn't take a fucking genius to know that. What else did his friend say?"

"That you got your ass kicked in every match you've been in."

"Three matches, one loss. Debut match; completely murdered Christine Nash and Levi Storm, two people this loser couldn't beat on his best day. Not because they're good, but because he couldn't beat Mister fucking Radio. This fucking ghostwriter needs to realize that just because he can get motherfuckers to say what he wrote for him, doesn't make it any less attached to him. You lost to Mister Radio and you're talking to someone else about getting their ass kicked?"

"Hasn't it been four?"

"Rumbles don't count."

A sigh from the camerawoman. "Whatever."

"Also, since he's one of the cockheads who likely think I snuck in and beat people without real effort: I eliminated your King and leader and John Samuels. The two biggest people in the match. While you still couldn't beat Radio."

"Apparently he still doesn't think that."

"So? He's a fucking moron."

"He also says you ripped off Samuels with the mask."

"Right, especially when I joined the XWF almost a week before Samuels did as Titan. Brilliant work there Swaggy. You're a real fucking Sherlock, you fucking braindead waste of space.

Fucking idiot."

"And he's also calling you a wannabe Feder by calling people

."

"Oh shit! Most of these motherfuckers have about as much masculinity as Jeffree Star and I'm getting backlash for calling them on it because someone else does it too? Stop the fucking presses!"

"Then more hillbilly shit."

"Right. Already smashed that to pieces."

Lazarus stands up and gets out of the booth, leaving his still full glass of Coke on the table. Impatiently, he waves the camerawoman over and she comes. Looking around presumably for any staff members, the pair duck out the door they came in through and wind up in the near empty parking lot. The only cars parked there are a couple of beat up pickup trucks and a sedan in similar condition. A broken glass bottle shatters further as Laz steps on it, making the only sound in a three mile radius it would seem as the shattering sound echoes.

"So, why did we just dine and dash to get out of paying for a couple of drinks?"

"Had to remind Swagmire more of home."

"Oh, right."

"You missed these antics, didn't you?"

"About as much as a towel rack up the ass."

"Damn, that much?"

"Fuck you."

"Maybe in a couple years. Also, this dark parking lot is the perfect place to make fun of Andrew Morrison, someone I do surprisingly remember."

"Surprisingly? You argued with him vehemently!"

"Your point being? I argue with a lot of people, here, let me call up my best fr- oh wait. Nevermind. Can't do that."

"Why not?"

"New phone, new SIM card. I don't got his number anymore."

"Poor you."

"I know! I, I need to rage and angst and whine about this! I need to scream this to the heavens, my first world problem is serious fucking business and no one else seems to understand me! Everyone tells me to stop whining, but I'm not whining! Everyone else is whining! RARARAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Spot on Andrew Morrison."

"Sweet. Anyway, let's get onto this promo. I actually watched this one."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I watch all Morrison promos. Cure for insomnia."

"Ah."

"Anyway, I know he called me the 'assassin' of the Congregation. Air quotes were so necessary because not only did the fucking big bad brute, scaredy cat fucking emo

use them in an attempt to be a sassy black woman, but because he's a fucking moron who probably still believes that I'll kill him. Which I will. However, for now I gotta make a John Samuels level joke: I'll ass your assin."

"That was stupid as fuck."

"Exactly why it's John Samuels level. Say a bunch of random words that look like you're twisting their words around on them, but in reality does nothing more than poking fun at a single word like a severely less interesting Jessie Diaz. The only difference, is that crazy broad finds some way to actually twist the word into something. Something irrelevant and utterly worthless yes, but it's still something."

"Keep talking about her and people will start thinking you're her under the mask."

"Oh yeah, people are still guessing, aren't they?"

"Yep."

"Perfect."

"Back to Morrison?"

"Right.

Fuck it, let me get something straight here, in honor of the sexual orientation that Morrison definitely doesn't adhere to. That's right Swaggy, I'm calling the vagina muffin a

. Call me Feder!"

Lazarus reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cell phone. He pushes a few buttons before the boring, intensity lacking voice of Andrew Morrison fills up the air with his ranting pseudo spiritual cuntflappery:

Quote: It amazes me that this buffoon can smart up to me about my accomplishments when he has supposedly "been around" and yet has done nothing but prove Eli James wrong in that he hasn't ended me, and he hasn't come after me, except repeat the same garbage that everyone else tries to spill, but with more vulgarity.

"Can we do the Eminem shtick for this one?"

Another sigh. "Six minutes Lazarus: you're on."

"The big bad

calling someone else a buffoon? Oh shit, I didn't know that I stepped into the fucking Twilight Zone! Right, cuz Eli making an idle threat definitely equals me being compelled to go through with it. He never talked to me about actually going after you and from the looks of it, he wants you to be a hundred fuckin' percent so the Congregation can centipede your ass back to whatever plain of Hell you claim to be living at. No excuses, Morrison. None at all. Also, vulgarity? In the XWF? Oh noez!"

"Oh noez hasn't been a thing since like 2009, stop trying to make it a thing again."

"What about all the Tumblr cunts who make up all of this fucksack's fanbase?"

"Tumblr isn't a thing."

"So, you're saying no one likes this guy?"

"Yes."

"Makes sense. Wait, since I just played a promo off my phone does that make me Griffin MacAlister too?"

"Without a doubt."

"Shit, I need to get higher than the fucking sky and develop a speech impediment that makes me unable to pronounce the letter g!"

Our camerawoman shakes her (damn fucking) head. Shout out to Peter Gilmour.

"Wait, he said something even stupider! Hold on, let me play this shit too!"

Same cell phone, same button presses. New result. Insanity can suck a dick.

Quote:Congratulations, Lazarus, you certainly have "risen" those insults out of nowhere. Tell me something I have never heard. Like Lazarus defeating Andrew Morrison. Or ANYONE relevant for that matter.

"Oh shit, he gets the Lazarus name! Wow! I'm so surprised! No, seriously. He knows things? Shit, next he's going to demand rights, like not being locked in a fucking cage at night because 'he's a human being!'

Fucking fuck.

Lazarus beating Andrew Morrison? Bitch, I called you the fuck out and instead of taking me on ASAP, you told me to fuck off while you jerked off your boy toy Michael Kelly who's deader than a doornail now.

Lazarus beating ANYONE (fuck yeah, yelling!) relevant? Way to call the guy you pledged allegiance too irrelevant. Way to call John Samuels irrelevant! Way to do my fucking job for me! Just let him run with this train of though for a while, he'll trash his entire team at this rate!"

"What a shithead."

"My thoughts exactly. Matter of fact, I ripped him to shreds enough for one lifetime. He's probably crying now and he hasn't even seen this promo yet. His bitch senses are that strong."

Laz walks over to that sedan alluded to earlier. The camerawoman reluctantly follows and before she can even get halfway to the passenger's side door, our hero throws a side elbow to the driver's side window and unlocks the door manually. Surprisingly, no alarm goes off.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"We're going on a little adventure," he says before disappearing under the steering wheel.

"Shit..." Despite her apprehension however, she opens the passenger's side door and hops in as the car sputters to life as the end result of a half decent hotwiring job.]]>

Episode 6: I Swear to Christ I'm Listening, You're Just Not That Interesting

RECORDING.

"Are these motherfuckers even trying? No, seriously?"

The ever interesting scene opens up to our favorite masked superhero wannabe (should you listen to the fucking idiots with nothing else to say) seated at a booth at some run of the mill diner in Smalltown, USA. However, a very odd thing is happening right now: this is the first time you've seen him without his mask on. Instead, he's dressed even more conspicuously, sporting a baseball cap, sunglasses and a faded, red stained black and white bandanna over his nose and mouth. In front of him on the table, is a glass filled halfway to the top with Coke. Why that's important, this narrator knows not, but it's my duty to report all of the useless facts!

"Hey, I'm asking you a question."

He waves his hand dead center in front of the camera, presumably catching the attention of its operator who snaps to life, jerking the camera rapidly upwards at the ceiling.

"Yeah, they are trying." Even in answering a question, this camera operator has about as much enthusiasm as a Eunuch watching a porno. She let out a breathy sigh to accompany this response, slowly dragging the camera back down to our main attraction.

"Christ, I definitely understand why the XWF needs me back so desperately even if I can't say say the same for why Eli does. The Congregation, without me, even with the numeric disadvantage, would do just fine without my involvement. Now, before someone gets that twisted, that's an insult at you. Yeah, I'm flat out telling you what's an insult and what isn't because you're too fucking stupid to see which is which for yourselves. That was an insult too, by the way.

For fuck's sake, who was stupid enough to actually open their mouths about me?"

"The ever so brilliant pair of Swagmire Swaggins and Andrew Morrison talked about you at length. Others mentioned you in passing. I assume out of fear."

Lazarus cracks his neck, and then his knuckles.

"Makes sense. Wait, who the fuck's Swagmire Swaggins?"

"I don't fucking know. All I know is that he was too much of a coward to insult you directly. Instead, he sent out his army of fellow homeless men to do his dirty work for him."

"You mean like Theo Pryce does whenever someone threatens to dethrone him? He decided to sic his army of more threatening motherfuckers all over me?"

"Exactly. He also likes to flip flop on insulting Mr. Radio."

"Wait, what? How do you not insult that wannabe tough guy?"

Our camera operator with an intensely intense feminine voice takes a sip from a cup of coffee that you just now see in the lower left corner of the lens.

"Could be because he lost to him."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hey, didn't you lose to Radio too?"

"Eliminated. Throwing someone over the top rope doesn't count as beating them."

"Oh, right."

"Anywho, onto the Swagmire promo where he gets one of his friends to insult me. Let me guess, he still thinks I'm an actual hillbilly with a stupid accent, right?"

"Exactly, how did you know?"

"He has the word swag in his name twice. Catching onto things isn't his strong suit, it doesn't take a fucking genius to know that. What else did his friend say?"

"That you got your ass kicked in every match you've been in."

"Three matches, one loss. Debut match; completely murdered Christine Nash and Levi Storm, two people this loser couldn't beat on his best day. Not because they're good, but because he couldn't beat Mister fucking Radio. This fucking ghostwriter needs to realize that just because he can get motherfuckers to say what he wrote for him, doesn't make it any less attached to him. You lost to Mister Radio and you're talking to someone else about getting their ass kicked?"

"Hasn't it been four?"

"Rumbles don't count."

A sigh from the camerawoman. "Whatever."

"Also, since he's one of the cockheads who likely think I snuck in and beat people without real effort: I eliminated your King and leader and John Samuels. The two biggest people in the match. While you still couldn't beat Radio."

"Apparently he still doesn't think that."

"So? He's a fucking moron."

"He also says you ripped off Samuels with the mask."

"Right, especially when I joined the XWF almost a week before Samuels did as Titan. Brilliant work there Swaggy. You're a real fucking Sherlock, you fucking braindead waste of space.

Fucking idiot."

"And he's also calling you a wannabe Feder by calling people

Quote: It amazes me that this buffoon can smart up to me about my accomplishments when he has supposedly "been around" and yet has done nothing but prove Eli James wrong in that he hasn't ended me, and he hasn't come after me, except repeat the same garbage that everyone else tries to spill, but with more vulgarity.

"Can we do the Eminem shtick for this one?"

Another sigh. "Six minutes Lazarus: you're on."

"The big bad

Quote:Congratulations, Lazarus, you certainly have "risen" those insults out of nowhere. Tell me something I have never heard. Like Lazarus defeating Andrew Morrison. Or ANYONE relevant for that matter.

and The Black Circle weren’t known for playing by the rules Eli James and his Congregation were rewriting them.

And then the Administrative Network stepped in, backing what would become the formation of “The Company”. It was with that series of actions that the Congregation’s rise to power and subsequent strangle hold on the XWF started to form cracks. No doubt when Eli James took out

and the Administrator he thought that he had won, that all those who stood between him and his ultimate goal had been removed from the game. But that wasn’t the case. The pieces on the board changed but the game was the game. Same as it always was. For two months Eli James and Theo Pryce have traded blows and come Sunday night it all comes to a head. Theo Pryce and his team mates will look to end Eli James reign as the owner of the XWF. The stakes have never been higher. In the mean time Theo has set up a meeting with his sister to get some things in order at Pryce Industries.

The meeting was set for 8:30 AM, Theo even offered to bring the coffee, which actually means that Isabel would break out the barista skills she learned in college and provide two wonderful drinks for her boss and his Executive Vice President. At exactly 8:30 Erica Rayner, Theo’s Executive Vice President and Half Sister walked into the office. Her relationship with Theo’s ex business partner and former stablemate NAZI has been progressing well over the course of the last 3 months. The word around the water cooler is that Erica and NAZI were considering moving in together, something Theo assumed to be false as he can’t, in any way, shape or form see NAZI agreeing to give up some of the freedom he has by having his own place. Theo also doesn’t care enough to broach the subject on his own so he will rely on what Jacob from the mail room for the dirt on his sister and Nathaniel’s relationship.

“Good Morning Theo.”

“Good Morning Erica. As promised, here is your coffee.”

“Thank you. Isabel make this?”

“What? No. I told you I would bring the coffee and I did.”

“Theo…”

“Yes, Isabel made it.”

“See, now don’t you feel better?”

“Not particularly.”

“So how is Lila? She’s such a sweet girl try not to break her heart. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“Well those are certainly not my intentions.”

“Yeah well the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

“Wow that was deep.”

“Shut up. So what did you want to talk about? An 8:30 meeting is so not like you.”

“You’re right, I generally try and avoid any meetings before 9:00 am but I have another meeting after this one that I absolutely cannot be late for, so I wanted to get this one on the books early in case things ran a little longer than anticipated.”

“I see.”

“Shall we get down to brass tax?”

“Yes, let’s.”

Theo and Erica walk over to a small circular glass table in the corner of Theo’s office where two identical packets of documents are situated, each with a pen placed on top of them. As Erica approaches the table she sees what is located on the surface and slows her movements.

“Theo what is this? What’s going on?”

“Contingencies Erica. Contingencies.”

“Contingencies for what?”

“For what happens at Pryce Industries should things not go as planned tomorrow night.”

“What is tomorrow night?”

“Do you ever pay attention when I talk?”

“Not if it doesn’t pertain to the work that goes on in this company.”

“Good to know. Here’s the deal, Sunday night, at my other job there is an event, the biggest the company has ever seen. I will be leading a team of men and a woman into battle. Some of us might not make it out alive. I’ve got a target on my back.”

“It’s wrestling Theo, how bad can this be?”

“How bad? A guy showed up Monday night and brought a spiked armored truck with him, inside the truck were armed guards and he had acid, which he promptly poured onto his aggressors. And he’s not even the worst of them. You got their leader, he cut two guys heads off, which started this whole cluster fuck. They got a guy in a mask, a guy from the future, a

and a guy who can’t talk.”

“A guy who can’t talk? You’re afraid of a mute?”

“It’s the quiet ones Erica. Those are the ones you have to worry about. But that’s not even the point here.”

“How about you get to the point then?”

“I’d like to but you keep interrupting. Have you gotten that all out of your system now?”

“Just get to it Theo, like you, I have things to do.”

“In front of us are contracts, the contracts stipulate that if after Sunday night I am dead or otherwise incapacitated and unable to perform my duties as the C.E.O of Pryce Industries than the company will transfer to you until such time when I am able to perform those duties again. And if that never happens well then, take care of the place.”

“Aren’t you being a bit overdramatic with all of this?”

“You don’t have to sign the contracts. I already had a second set drawn up in which your name is replaced by Jimmy’s.”

“Jimmy? Our Jimmy? New York Jimmy?”

“The very same.”

“He’s been in training for a month to do my job, how in God’s name could he possibly run this company anywhere other than straight into the floor?”

“You would still be here to do what you do. You would never allow that to happen. So please just sign the documents so we can move on.”

“Fine Theo, I’ll play into your nonsense yet again and sign them. But I expect to see you back here on Monday.”

“Well, if my team wins there is a really good chance that I am going to be spending all day Monday recovering from the worst drug and alcohol induced hangover of all time, so reporting to work at 8:00am is most definitely not in the cards.”

“Seriously Theo?”

“Seriously what?”

“Drugs? Wasn’t your little overnight at New Horizons enough of an eye opener to keep you off the junk? Not to mention I can’t imagine your new girlfriend would be pleased to see you high off your mind. Does she know you had a drug problem?”

“She does not.”

“Well then I recommend that you keep it that way and stay off the junk because if you don’t you will lose everything. I won’t be there to keep the vultures away again, not this time. I did it once. I will not do it again. You’re a grown man, responsible for your own actions and the consequences those actions bring about.”

“Geez Erica, when did you become so cold hearted? Oh wait, I know, when you started dating a guy who wants to murder most of the world’s population.”

“Leave him out of this. Besides it wasn’t that long ago that you were helping him with his plan.”

“True enough and if he still wanted me help I would gladly offer it to him. I never said I didn’t agree with what he wants to do. I just simply pointed out the dramatic shift in your care, or lack thereof for your fellow man or woman.”

“Whatever. Just give me a pen.”

Theo hands Erica a pen whom then promptly starts signing her name in the various spots marked off for her to do so. Theo does the same on the other copy of the documents and when each finishes they exchange documents, once everything is signed Theo gathers all of the documents up and walks them over to his desk. As he does so Isabel, Theo’s Personal Assistant walks into the office.

“Mr. Pryce they’re here.”

“All of them?”

“Yes sir, even the one you thought wouldn’t show.”

“Excellent.”

“What’s going on?”

“The other meeting I was telling you about Erica. How about you join us?”

Theo grabs his suit jacket off the back of his chair and methodically puts it on, buttoning only the top button. He then proceeds to walk out of his office, flanked by Isabel his P.A and Erica his sister. The trio walk out of Theo’s office, down the hall and approach what is referred to around the executive floor as “The War Room” because it not only the biggest and most high tech conference room in the building but it is also where the majority of Theo’s strategy sessions take place with the rest of his executive team. As Theo enters the room all 16 members of his team can be seen either seated or standing somewhere within the confines of the room. As the camera attempts to zoom in Jimmy Durance steps in front of the camera and then proceeds to shut the two big wooden doors, effectively ending the broadcast.

]]> <![CDATA[Future Letter To The Future Editor #5: Peter-Anderson, Alex, Barbara, Andy (2)]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11195 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 04:01:29 -0700 Tri Bute]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11195 Future Letters To The Future Editor:

“Dear Tri-Bute,

What’s all this about you not being able to ‘future bleed’? I just watched you face Steve Davids and at one point you hit the ice really hard and there is blood gushing out of your mouth. Seriously, the whole bottom-half of your face is covered with it. I guess when I was reading the ER scene after you crashed your ‘future car’ in Issue #4 Part 4 you were lying straight to my face. Or what, everyone from the future can’t bleed except for you? I guess this is what a ‘biography’ is now, a bunch of lies written by some crazy person. You aren't really from that future. I've now proven this.

I bet you won’t publish this because it exposes you as a fraud to all your fans, but my feelings are hurt and you are going to have to live with it. I used to like you. I formerly believed in time travel. Now I know what you are. I’ve already tweeted to everyone I know that you’re a liar. My mom said that’s she’s going to boycott your ‘future comics’ forever and so is my dad.

That’s less ad revenue for you, liar. I hope that soon you won’t be able to afford food.” – Peter Anderson, 19, FL, Present Earth

Dear Peter-Anderson,

I have never future bled and I never will. I have lied before. Everyone has lied before, but every event to happen in a future comic is an event that happened during the course of my life.

The instances of blood that appeared on your screen were computer generated. That wasn't future blood future dripping from my future mouth. Sometimes the tech guys get a bit carried away in post-production and add something that isn’t there. They must’ve seen me future spit on the ice and thought that would be a good place to edit some blood in.

Our computer engineers are a very talented bunch, but sometimes they don’t take into account realism. They really do their best to enhance the product in anyway they can. If they think blood will make the match more entertaining it will be thrown in. Personally, I don’t find their services necessary. I would prefer it if only raw footage was presented and everything could be seen the way they are, but it’s still a TV show. It needs some touching up at times; I feel especially victimized by this because little things like blood will 'expose me as a fraud', and I don't want that to happen. I need the ad revenue.

My genetic advantage can still help my team’s success, especially if I show up in the first blood rules round. I will look forward to not actually bleeding in my match on Sunday or any matches thereafter as usual.

You can tell your parents that they can resume reading,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”

-

“Dear Tri Bute,

I thought you were a good guy! Now I see that you are siding with Team Eli! How could you? I have been reading your future comic thing for, like, ever and you are betraying me! I don’t want my favorite XWF wrestler to be in The CongreGAYtion. They are my least favorite team! Eli is a bad owner! UGH. I don’t like this.” – Alex, 17, TX, Present Earth

Dear Alex,

You thought right; I’m a great future guy. I’m also a team player. I didn’t pick my team; my team picked me. I will be a part of Team Eli at World War X-Treme and I will be competing at the standards expected of me.

Don’t believe everything you hear in a John Austin promo. I am not an example of those who stand with Eli. Our partnership ends when the final bell is rung and the match ends. I will not be joining The Congregation. I have never even heard this Eli James the 4th guy speak before. I am not on his team because I am a devoted follower of his sermons or because I’ve been blinded by his 'hillbilly lies'.

Eli has invited me to some sort of team-building exercise at a church that I will be attending. I will be wearing a tin-foil hat while I speak with Mr. James because I have been told it will stop him from probing my mind or hypnotizing me. I look forward to meeting him and with that precaution taken I will feel safe doing so.

Thank you for caring about my status and safety,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”

-

“When are you going to defend that metal thing you carry around? I was under the impression that things were going to change in the Trios Division after The Future Wildcards won it, but things are just the same as when Peter Gilmour was carrying the belts around with two MIA partners. I really like six person tags and I want to see more. Can you please defend the belts? At least once?” – Barbara, 23, NC, Present Earth

Dear Barbara,

Theo Pryce, Olive Pendershore, and Dr. Zero have a title shot. I don’t know if they plan on using it any time soon, but it’s there. The problem with the Trios division is that there usually aren’t enough talented workers to fill up the card with three of them in the same match defending their belts. The matchmakers like to round out the card so every match has someone that people like to watch. If every match was John Austin versus Smoke Man, a match between two talent less and boring performers, leading up to the main event between me and Jessie Diaz, who would watch that? It would make more sense to put me against Smoke Man and Jesse against John Austin. That way there is an interesting performer in every match.

The XWF general managers and co-overlords don’t usually book ‘one-match shows’. They know that if every single moment of their program is enjoyable then people will keep coming back for more. What would stop people from watching Twitter feeds to see when the match between Jessie and I starts so they could just tune in then? They obviously don’t want to suffer through Smoke Man versus John Austin to get to it. Barbara, the fun and exciting matches can only happen if exciting people are in them.

Our first title defense will happen when there are a set of worthy opponents for our championships and the powers that be decide that the show won’t suffer from Jessie, the new Egyptian Snow Pharaoh, and I being involved in the same match. It could be months and it could be years, but it will happen when it happens. It’s out of my control. I’ve been cursed with this impressive ring-presence, likeable personality, and massive fan-base, there had to be drawbacks at some point. Jessie and I may seem like weak champions at times, but that’s simply because our bosses need to have full cards with matches people want to see.

Please send all concerns regarding this matter to a matchmaker or the director of talent relations. They're in charge of who gets hired and who they're pitted against.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”

-

“Hi Tri Bute! I’ve been watching your career closely ever since your match against Kyle Morrison when you hit More Tri For Your Bute. That was the most devastating maneuver I’ve ever seen, so naturally after I immediately looked it up on YouTube and I quickly discovered that it was the only time you ever hit the move. I prayed and prayed for you to do it again and I almost gave up completely until that match at Nero Games with Tony Santos. I want more.

There are plenty of clips of Indy losers trying to reinvent the phenomenon of that technique, but when they do it…it feels cheap. I can tell that you put your heart and soul into every future steamroller, every 450 future splash, and every Future Moonsault. I need more magic in my life Tri Bute. I can’t just see it every six months and be happy. I need more.

Tri Bute, I'll cut to the chase, I am terminally ill. I have Cancer so bad that I can’t move my fingers. My mom is typing this for me right now. Can I please just see this sweet move at least one more time before I shut my eyes forever? Can you do it to Theo Pryce for me at the PPV? Pretty please with future sugar on top?” – Andy, 8, TX, Present Earth

Dear Andy,

There sure seems to be a lot of obsessive people today. “Tri Bute, will you please do this for me!? I need you to do this!! I might die of CANCER if you don’t!!! My eternal happiness is at stake!” Let’s all stop being so needy, okay? You may want something out of me, but tears aren’t going to make it happen any faster. This goes for Barbara and Alex as well.

Every time I did that maneuver it was to make a statement. When I hit Kyle with it I showed I was ready to face actual challengers and when I hit Tony Santos with More Tri For Your Bute I proved that I was ready for the European championship match later that evening. I would love to use that maneuver on Theo, but most of the time I’m more focused on the match I’m about to win than on adding insult to injury.

I’m not promising anything. If the stars align and I find myself in position to I will, but I will wrestle as usual. It will happen naturally when I can do it successfully.

There’s a reason why you called it a phenomenon. When it happens it’s special and unexplainable, but it’s still just a wrestling move. If I hit More Tri For Your Bute to Theo Pryce, the guy who is only the king because he beat me in a popularity contest, and pin him in the center of the ring to close out World War X-Treme it isn’t going to suddenly cure your Cancer. This isn’t an inspirational future sports film, Andy.

I want you to get better; I really do. I just can’t help you with your Cancer and I can tell that’s what your request is really about. I’m sure doctors are trying to figure it out though. Don’t rush them.

With that said, if I do hit the move, you have to promise to get better for me! Keep reading the future comics! Click on ads.

Love, (Platonically)
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”]]> Future Letters To The Future Editor:

“Dear Tri-Bute,

What’s all this about you not being able to ‘future bleed’? I just watched you face Steve Davids and at one point you hit the ice really hard and there is blood gushing out of your mouth. Seriously, the whole bottom-half of your face is covered with it. I guess when I was reading the ER scene after you crashed your ‘future car’ in Issue #4 Part 4 you were lying straight to my face. Or what, everyone from the future can’t bleed except for you? I guess this is what a ‘biography’ is now, a bunch of lies written by some crazy person. You aren't really from that future. I've now proven this.

I bet you won’t publish this because it exposes you as a fraud to all your fans, but my feelings are hurt and you are going to have to live with it. I used to like you. I formerly believed in time travel. Now I know what you are. I’ve already tweeted to everyone I know that you’re a liar. My mom said that’s she’s going to boycott your ‘future comics’ forever and so is my dad.

That’s less ad revenue for you, liar. I hope that soon you won’t be able to afford food.” – Peter Anderson, 19, FL, Present Earth

Dear Peter-Anderson,

I have never future bled and I never will. I have lied before. Everyone has lied before, but every event to happen in a future comic is an event that happened during the course of my life.

The instances of blood that appeared on your screen were computer generated. That wasn't future blood future dripping from my future mouth. Sometimes the tech guys get a bit carried away in post-production and add something that isn’t there. They must’ve seen me future spit on the ice and thought that would be a good place to edit some blood in.

Our computer engineers are a very talented bunch, but sometimes they don’t take into account realism. They really do their best to enhance the product in anyway they can. If they think blood will make the match more entertaining it will be thrown in. Personally, I don’t find their services necessary. I would prefer it if only raw footage was presented and everything could be seen the way they are, but it’s still a TV show. It needs some touching up at times; I feel especially victimized by this because little things like blood will 'expose me as a fraud', and I don't want that to happen. I need the ad revenue.

My genetic advantage can still help my team’s success, especially if I show up in the first blood rules round. I will look forward to not actually bleeding in my match on Sunday or any matches thereafter as usual.

You can tell your parents that they can resume reading,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”

-

“Dear Tri Bute,

I thought you were a good guy! Now I see that you are siding with Team Eli! How could you? I have been reading your future comic thing for, like, ever and you are betraying me! I don’t want my favorite XWF wrestler to be in The CongreGAYtion. They are my least favorite team! Eli is a bad owner! UGH. I don’t like this.” – Alex, 17, TX, Present Earth

Dear Alex,

You thought right; I’m a great future guy. I’m also a team player. I didn’t pick my team; my team picked me. I will be a part of Team Eli at World War X-Treme and I will be competing at the standards expected of me.

Don’t believe everything you hear in a John Austin promo. I am not an example of those who stand with Eli. Our partnership ends when the final bell is rung and the match ends. I will not be joining The Congregation. I have never even heard this Eli James the 4th guy speak before. I am not on his team because I am a devoted follower of his sermons or because I’ve been blinded by his 'hillbilly lies'.

Eli has invited me to some sort of team-building exercise at a church that I will be attending. I will be wearing a tin-foil hat while I speak with Mr. James because I have been told it will stop him from probing my mind or hypnotizing me. I look forward to meeting him and with that precaution taken I will feel safe doing so.

Thank you for caring about my status and safety,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”

-

“When are you going to defend that metal thing you carry around? I was under the impression that things were going to change in the Trios Division after The Future Wildcards won it, but things are just the same as when Peter Gilmour was carrying the belts around with two MIA partners. I really like six person tags and I want to see more. Can you please defend the belts? At least once?” – Barbara, 23, NC, Present Earth

Dear Barbara,

Theo Pryce, Olive Pendershore, and Dr. Zero have a title shot. I don’t know if they plan on using it any time soon, but it’s there. The problem with the Trios division is that there usually aren’t enough talented workers to fill up the card with three of them in the same match defending their belts. The matchmakers like to round out the card so every match has someone that people like to watch. If every match was John Austin versus Smoke Man, a match between two talent less and boring performers, leading up to the main event between me and Jessie Diaz, who would watch that? It would make more sense to put me against Smoke Man and Jesse against John Austin. That way there is an interesting performer in every match.

The XWF general managers and co-overlords don’t usually book ‘one-match shows’. They know that if every single moment of their program is enjoyable then people will keep coming back for more. What would stop people from watching Twitter feeds to see when the match between Jessie and I starts so they could just tune in then? They obviously don’t want to suffer through Smoke Man versus John Austin to get to it. Barbara, the fun and exciting matches can only happen if exciting people are in them.

Our first title defense will happen when there are a set of worthy opponents for our championships and the powers that be decide that the show won’t suffer from Jessie, the new Egyptian Snow Pharaoh, and I being involved in the same match. It could be months and it could be years, but it will happen when it happens. It’s out of my control. I’ve been cursed with this impressive ring-presence, likeable personality, and massive fan-base, there had to be drawbacks at some point. Jessie and I may seem like weak champions at times, but that’s simply because our bosses need to have full cards with matches people want to see.

Please send all concerns regarding this matter to a matchmaker or the director of talent relations. They're in charge of who gets hired and who they're pitted against.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”

-

“Hi Tri Bute! I’ve been watching your career closely ever since your match against Kyle Morrison when you hit More Tri For Your Bute. That was the most devastating maneuver I’ve ever seen, so naturally after I immediately looked it up on YouTube and I quickly discovered that it was the only time you ever hit the move. I prayed and prayed for you to do it again and I almost gave up completely until that match at Nero Games with Tony Santos. I want more.

There are plenty of clips of Indy losers trying to reinvent the phenomenon of that technique, but when they do it…it feels cheap. I can tell that you put your heart and soul into every future steamroller, every 450 future splash, and every Future Moonsault. I need more magic in my life Tri Bute. I can’t just see it every six months and be happy. I need more.

Tri Bute, I'll cut to the chase, I am terminally ill. I have Cancer so bad that I can’t move my fingers. My mom is typing this for me right now. Can I please just see this sweet move at least one more time before I shut my eyes forever? Can you do it to Theo Pryce for me at the PPV? Pretty please with future sugar on top?” – Andy, 8, TX, Present Earth

Dear Andy,

There sure seems to be a lot of obsessive people today. “Tri Bute, will you please do this for me!? I need you to do this!! I might die of CANCER if you don’t!!! My eternal happiness is at stake!” Let’s all stop being so needy, okay? You may want something out of me, but tears aren’t going to make it happen any faster. This goes for Barbara and Alex as well.

Every time I did that maneuver it was to make a statement. When I hit Kyle with it I showed I was ready to face actual challengers and when I hit Tony Santos with More Tri For Your Bute I proved that I was ready for the European championship match later that evening. I would love to use that maneuver on Theo, but most of the time I’m more focused on the match I’m about to win than on adding insult to injury.

I’m not promising anything. If the stars align and I find myself in position to I will, but I will wrestle as usual. It will happen naturally when I can do it successfully.

There’s a reason why you called it a phenomenon. When it happens it’s special and unexplainable, but it’s still just a wrestling move. If I hit More Tri For Your Bute to Theo Pryce, the guy who is only the king because he beat me in a popularity contest, and pin him in the center of the ring to close out World War X-Treme it isn’t going to suddenly cure your Cancer. This isn’t an inspirational future sports film, Andy.

I want you to get better; I really do. I just can’t help you with your Cancer and I can tell that’s what your request is really about. I’m sure doctors are trying to figure it out though. Don’t rush them.

With that said, if I do hit the move, you have to promise to get better for me! Keep reading the future comics! Click on ads.

Love, (Platonically)
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”]]> <![CDATA[The Weak Link?! (RP 9) (Radio/Theo/Samuels collab)]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11098 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 03:48:12 -0700 Mr. Radio]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11098

Can I help you, sweetie?

No, I'm just waiting for a "friend"

We're giving out five dollar blowjobs in the back if you and your friend are gonna want something special today.

I don't think that will be necessary. Now go away you disgusting Earth vermin.

She flipped me off and walked back inside the club. I looked down at my watch and Theo was already running late! Of course Theo would want to fashionably late because this meeting isn't that important after all. Unless that's his limo that's pulling up right now. Theo stepped out of his limo and adjusted his blazer. I looked over at him and signaled for him to come to me, which after a momentary pause he does. Of course his walk draws the attention of the cheap hookers trolling the corners, he looks like the kind of guy that might pay for sex despite never actually needing to.

Michael, thanks for meeting me.

What do you want Pryce?

For you to come with me.

What? I'm not going anywhere with you. I agreed to meet with you, against my own better judgement. But get in a car with you? Absolutely not.

Get in the car you fuckin' sissy.

Who was that?

A friend of mine.

Who is it?

John Samuels.

I thought I was just meeting you? Why is he here?

We were in a meeting together, I told him I was coming down to Baltimore to speak with you, he was bored so he sort of invited himself. He's actually a lot of fun once you get to know him.

I don't want to get to know him. I barely want to be standing here with you.

Look Michael, I know you don't like me. I get it. I'm an pompous jerk off, a lot of people don't like me, so stop acting like hating me is something special, it's not. But here's the deal. You play a vital and I can not emphasis that word enough, vital...

Yeah, yeah, you're 'vital,' now can we please get this damn show on the road?

I should warn you, he's been drinking, pretty much since yesterday.

I didn't know he had a drinking problem.

Who said it was a problem?

At this point it's just easier if I do what they asked, obviously they need me so I don't really have anything to worry about.

Where are we going anyway?

A strip club.

There's a strip club right here.

A nice strip club. This whole block looks like it was part of the set for HBO's The Wire, I'm not stepping into anything on this street. Now get in.

I get in the car, John Samuels is sitting there with a blonde on his lap and a drink in his hand, Theo gets in the limo behind me and then taps on the glass signaling to the driver that it's time to go.

Well, well! If it isn't my good buddy Mr. Radio! Sorry about that whole rumble fiasco. I swear, I didn't even realize you were still on the ladder when I chopped it down! Still pals?

Whatever. Where are we going Theo?

I told you, a strip club. I have a friend on the other side of town that owns a real up scale place. Play your cards right I might even get you get a tug at the end.

I don't need you to pay for me to get a hand job.

I didn't say you did.

Yeah, he didn't say you did.

John, seriously.

Theo looks over at John as if to say, 'you're not helping."

You seem a little stressed kid, and the best cure for stress is a little...release.

Amen! Aren't many better ways to 'release' than at the fingertips of a Swedish girl whose cup size is higher than her IQ. You know what I mean, Theo? He knows what I mean. Hey, T-Baby, we got--

I swear to God, John, if you call me that one more time...

Oh lighten up, you big baby! We got any more hooch?

Samuels hiccups.

My cup is feeling lighter than a priest's wallet in a village full of Taiwanese boys hanging around street corners.

It might be time for you two switch to coffee.

And it might be time for you to-- Hey, who's this pantywaist?

I roll my eyes, annoyed.

I've been sitting here the entire time you've been making a fool of yourself. What am I even here for, to babysit this drunken idiot?

No, that's just one of the perks, shitstain. You're here because, frankly, you suck. You're terrible. You just lost to Morbid Angel, and I'm pretty sure that guy has diabeetus. And luckily for you, you've got the two best in the business here to make sure you don't step into that ring as the same ol' Mr. Radio that we're all sick of seeing. It's time for you to get a mean streak. You need to learn to talk the talk, you know what I'm saying here little fella? Let's hear it, let's hear your mean voice ya little puppydog.

Do you really need to antagonize him? He plays a pivotal role in the outcome at World War X. He could very well be the next United States champion. He needs our full support.

He needs a douche and a shave because all I see a smelly, hairy pussy that's got the look of a deer in the headlights. C'mon Mr. Vagina! How long are you gonna sit here and let me berate you before you open that stupid little claptrap of yours?

How about you shut your fucking mouth and tell me why you are really here.

That is why we are here. You are looked upon as the "weak link" but that's just because we have loads of talent and you haven't exactly been up to standards with the rest of the group.

What the fuck do you mean I'm the weak link?

He means you suck major balls boy!

I already told you to shut the fuck up you old drunk bastard. And seriously? I am the weak link? That is completely bullshit. I am far superior to over half of those pathetic excuse of a wrestler!

Ha!

Shut your fucking mouth, Samuels!

Gentlemen please! Radio, we need you to win that first round so we can get the advantage. That means that you are going to have to be at the top of your game. It wont just be beneficial to the team but it will benefit your career as well! You might win that United states title!

I stopped glaring at Samuels and turned my attention towards Theo.

And that's why I'm going to be doing my best. I want that title and I will die before I let that other son of a bitch beat me. Oh, and when I do win how can I know that you will live up to your part?

Because we're good unlike you Mr. Cooch!

Theo put his pointer finger up to his mouth and mouthed "calm down"

We will do our part. We just need to make sure you will do yours. If you can guarantee us that then we can all be friends and go have a swell time!

Fine. I give you my word that I will not lose and you will receive five men instead of two. I work best alone so that gives me that much more motivation to want to try.

Excellent! Now, lets go have some fun! We can also finish the rest of our conversation when we arrive in... right now!

The limo stops and all three of us get out. Samuels stumbles out with the blonde bitch and began laughing for what ever reason. We entered the strip club and immediately walked over to the bar. Samuels went his own direction. Probably gonna go get some more bitches.

You said finish the conversation. What do you want? What more could you possibly want from me?

I said that while Samuels was laughing as loud as he could with three strippers surrounding him at a near table.

What else do we want from you? We want you to have fun.

Then let me go home.

What are ya some kinda

? Who doesn't have fun in a titty bar?

John enjoy your trio of STD's. Let me handle this.

Theo got up, walked over to the bartender, said a few words, pointed at one of the women wondering around the establishment handing out drinks and then made his way back over to me. As he did that the bartender whistled to the woman Theo had just been pointing to and calls her over to the bar. They exchange a few words and then she hands him her drink tray and then heads to one of the rooms in the back, behind the black curtains and tall African American bouncer.

Let's go.

Where are we going?

To get you that fun we were talking about. Come on John.

I am good right here.

Don't fight this Radio, save your strength for Sunday. Trust me, nothing bad is going to happen to you.

Yeah son, ass up.

I followed Theo and John towards the back. Theo handed the bouncer a crisp $100.00 bill who then let us past. We walked down a short hallway and entered one of the rooms off to the left. Inside the room was the lady that Theo had only a moment ago been pointing to.

Have a seat baby.

What is this?

Your fun. You should thank us. We are doing this for you. Consider it a present from us.

Actually, it's a present from the great tax payers of the State of Texas.

Now do what the lovely lady said and have a seat. We'll be at the bar.

Theo and John left the room, leaving with me a beautiful blonde woman with a substantial rack. This is what the citizens of Texas want, who am I to argue?]]>

Can I help you, sweetie?

No, I'm just waiting for a "friend"

We're giving out five dollar blowjobs in the back if you and your friend are gonna want something special today.

I don't think that will be necessary. Now go away you disgusting Earth vermin.

She flipped me off and walked back inside the club. I looked down at my watch and Theo was already running late! Of course Theo would want to fashionably late because this meeting isn't that important after all. Unless that's his limo that's pulling up right now. Theo stepped out of his limo and adjusted his blazer. I looked over at him and signaled for him to come to me, which after a momentary pause he does. Of course his walk draws the attention of the cheap hookers trolling the corners, he looks like the kind of guy that might pay for sex despite never actually needing to.

Michael, thanks for meeting me.

What do you want Pryce?

For you to come with me.

What? I'm not going anywhere with you. I agreed to meet with you, against my own better judgement. But get in a car with you? Absolutely not.

Get in the car you fuckin' sissy.

Who was that?

A friend of mine.

Who is it?

John Samuels.

I thought I was just meeting you? Why is he here?

We were in a meeting together, I told him I was coming down to Baltimore to speak with you, he was bored so he sort of invited himself. He's actually a lot of fun once you get to know him.

I don't want to get to know him. I barely want to be standing here with you.

Look Michael, I know you don't like me. I get it. I'm an pompous jerk off, a lot of people don't like me, so stop acting like hating me is something special, it's not. But here's the deal. You play a vital and I can not emphasis that word enough, vital...

Yeah, yeah, you're 'vital,' now can we please get this damn show on the road?

I should warn you, he's been drinking, pretty much since yesterday.

I didn't know he had a drinking problem.

Who said it was a problem?

At this point it's just easier if I do what they asked, obviously they need me so I don't really have anything to worry about.

Where are we going anyway?

A strip club.

There's a strip club right here.

A nice strip club. This whole block looks like it was part of the set for HBO's The Wire, I'm not stepping into anything on this street. Now get in.

I get in the car, John Samuels is sitting there with a blonde on his lap and a drink in his hand, Theo gets in the limo behind me and then taps on the glass signaling to the driver that it's time to go.

Well, well! If it isn't my good buddy Mr. Radio! Sorry about that whole rumble fiasco. I swear, I didn't even realize you were still on the ladder when I chopped it down! Still pals?

Whatever. Where are we going Theo?

I told you, a strip club. I have a friend on the other side of town that owns a real up scale place. Play your cards right I might even get you get a tug at the end.

I don't need you to pay for me to get a hand job.

I didn't say you did.

Yeah, he didn't say you did.

John, seriously.

Theo looks over at John as if to say, 'you're not helping."

You seem a little stressed kid, and the best cure for stress is a little...release.

Amen! Aren't many better ways to 'release' than at the fingertips of a Swedish girl whose cup size is higher than her IQ. You know what I mean, Theo? He knows what I mean. Hey, T-Baby, we got--

I swear to God, John, if you call me that one more time...

Oh lighten up, you big baby! We got any more hooch?

Samuels hiccups.

My cup is feeling lighter than a priest's wallet in a village full of Taiwanese boys hanging around street corners.

It might be time for you two switch to coffee.

And it might be time for you to-- Hey, who's this pantywaist?

I roll my eyes, annoyed.

I've been sitting here the entire time you've been making a fool of yourself. What am I even here for, to babysit this drunken idiot?

No, that's just one of the perks, shitstain. You're here because, frankly, you suck. You're terrible. You just lost to Morbid Angel, and I'm pretty sure that guy has diabeetus. And luckily for you, you've got the two best in the business here to make sure you don't step into that ring as the same ol' Mr. Radio that we're all sick of seeing. It's time for you to get a mean streak. You need to learn to talk the talk, you know what I'm saying here little fella? Let's hear it, let's hear your mean voice ya little puppydog.

Do you really need to antagonize him? He plays a pivotal role in the outcome at World War X. He could very well be the next United States champion. He needs our full support.

He needs a douche and a shave because all I see a smelly, hairy pussy that's got the look of a deer in the headlights. C'mon Mr. Vagina! How long are you gonna sit here and let me berate you before you open that stupid little claptrap of yours?

How about you shut your fucking mouth and tell me why you are really here.

That is why we are here. You are looked upon as the "weak link" but that's just because we have loads of talent and you haven't exactly been up to standards with the rest of the group.

What the fuck do you mean I'm the weak link?

He means you suck major balls boy!

I already told you to shut the fuck up you old drunk bastard. And seriously? I am the weak link? That is completely bullshit. I am far superior to over half of those pathetic excuse of a wrestler!

Ha!

Shut your fucking mouth, Samuels!

Gentlemen please! Radio, we need you to win that first round so we can get the advantage. That means that you are going to have to be at the top of your game. It wont just be beneficial to the team but it will benefit your career as well! You might win that United states title!

I stopped glaring at Samuels and turned my attention towards Theo.

And that's why I'm going to be doing my best. I want that title and I will die before I let that other son of a bitch beat me. Oh, and when I do win how can I know that you will live up to your part?

Because we're good unlike you Mr. Cooch!

Theo put his pointer finger up to his mouth and mouthed "calm down"

We will do our part. We just need to make sure you will do yours. If you can guarantee us that then we can all be friends and go have a swell time!

Fine. I give you my word that I will not lose and you will receive five men instead of two. I work best alone so that gives me that much more motivation to want to try.

Excellent! Now, lets go have some fun! We can also finish the rest of our conversation when we arrive in... right now!

The limo stops and all three of us get out. Samuels stumbles out with the blonde bitch and began laughing for what ever reason. We entered the strip club and immediately walked over to the bar. Samuels went his own direction. Probably gonna go get some more bitches.

You said finish the conversation. What do you want? What more could you possibly want from me?

I said that while Samuels was laughing as loud as he could with three strippers surrounding him at a near table.

What else do we want from you? We want you to have fun.

Then let me go home.

What are ya some kinda

In these walls I held a past, one that I don't regret unlike a lot of the memories I have. It held both good and bad memories, it had the memories of hiding when Marcus would come home drunk, but also the memory of picking flowers with Sage. It didn't look like much anymore but it seemed to look almost knew inside. I brought the girls here because I knew soon I would have to go back home and carry on another war. At least here would be the last place Helen would find them while I was away, or at least that is what I hope. Still, something inside of me said that wasn't the only reason why I brought the girls here. Perhaps it is the memories that lay dormant in the walls or maybe it is just the look of home. Either way, this is where we would be staying until found, or until the War begins.

I walked out to the back part of the house and stood on the porch. It was a wide open area and the next house was miles away, it was a great place to have the girls stay and build up their fighting skills before facing Helen. I now knew that each girl was able to unlock a higher power than themselves so now that is what I was focused on.

You appear to look lost.

I turned to see Teakkin walking out from the back door. This time she was dressed down in shorts and a shirt. She put her hand on my shoulder before handing me a beer bottle and standing next to me. We both looked out at Nerobel, Amarilys, Miranda, and Hadassa training.

Not lost, I'm in thought.

About their powers I presume? I've been thinking, maybe not as much as you, but what if strengths aren't just what mood you are in. What if one of their strengths is something that they can do.

What do you mean?

Last night, I awoke to a noise outside. It was your sister tossing knifes at a tree and hitting the same mark almost every time. What if for you, Miranda, and hadassa it is your feelings but for Amaryllis and Nerobel, its something they do.

I turned to Teakkin and took a drink of my beer. Looking over the bottle I swallowed hard and turned back to the girls.

I don't think it matters if it is emotions or not, Lainey told me we didn't have much time and the clock was ticking down. Honestly, I don't think we have very long before Helen begins this war. She has had enough time to join an army together, one bigger than us. I just hope that before the time comes we are ready.

Ready we will be.

I leaned back on a railing that fenced in the porch from the ground. My eyes shut and my breathing slowed. I was starting to feel the pressure from being their leader and carrying the world on my shoulders. In some aspect, I wished this was over.

I'll be leaving tonight, I want you and the others to follow Nerobel's direction while I'm gone. I have other things I need to do and they aren't here. When I get back we will be leaving.

Where?

To the ocean, I assume that is where Helen is going to want to take this war anyway. We can't keep running and waiting. Helen wants me to join her side so I can have her take over the world, the problem is she doesn't have me and that is what this will be over. She wants me with her or dead so she can find someone else to do with the what she wants.

I let out a sigh before opening my eyes. Before I could turn back to Teakkin she grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the steps. I felt my body being pulled across the cut down corn stalks and rocks. Once she let go of my hand, she walked into the woodland area that was around the house. She looked up to the sky and took in a deep breath before looking over at me.

[Image: keuPXO0.jpg?1]

I missed the feeling of sun on my skin. I've been hiding from Helen for a while now, I'm not supposed to be alive.

Ya, what did you say about her killing off your people?

Teakkin smiled before walking over to a pile of rocks and picking one up.

It was a few years ago, Helen had made a deal with my mother but instead of keeping to what she said, she killed off everyone in the area. Where you went to see her, it used to be full of houses for us. She cast a veil on it to hide it and thus enraging me. It isn't important anymore however, now all I care for is to see her put in her place.

She tossed the rock and it bounced between two trees before falling to the ground. Teakkin walked over the rocks before stopping and looking down at something.

Why didn't you just bring back your people Teakkin? You can control the dead and bring people back to life can't you?

I can control the dead's bodys. They are not living, they are not breathing, it is an illusion. As for bring people back from the dead, I can do so much just not the way you think. I also can not put ones essence back into their body if they have a certain kind of essence. It is also against our nature to do so, it disrupts the flow of life and death.

I took a few steps to Teakkin before realizing what she had been looking at. A bird lied dead in a group of leafs in front of her. I walked closer, seeing that Teakkin was about to bend over. She put her hand over the bird and what seemed like a thin piece of hair came from her fingertip and latched onto the bird. Teakkin cocked her head to the side before pulling up and watching as he bird flew around and landed on the rocks only inches from us. She smiled and the bird gave out a tweet.

I control the dead in order to fight. I thought you were with Helen when I saw you all in the woods, your eyes changed and you seemed to have the essence as her. I thought you were out to attack me, so, I sent the fallen of a wolf pack after you.

Speaking of wolf, have you seen Cameron? He wasn't here when I woke up this morning.

He said something about leaving on the way here, I no clue where he went however. Oh, but he did leave you this. I forgot to give it to you on the porch.

Teakkin pulled out a piece of paper and showed it to me. It was what Lainey had given me, it was similar to a map when she did, however, Now it had words and markings on it. I looked up at Teakkin before grabbing it from her hand. Cameron must have found out what it was to...or who it was to. My eyes danced around the paper reading everything until I stopped on a name. Ligea.

I thought it was to treasure or something, he left after giving it to me saying it was important. Something about your bloodline.

I know where it leads.

I looked back over at the bird hopping around on the rock before looking back at Teakkin. She looked over at the bird before closing her hand allowing the bird to go back to it's deaden state.

I'll be leaving soon, I need you to do me a favor however.

Sure.

Watch the girls, when I get back I want you to tell me moods and such so maybe we can find out if you are right about it being more than just their moods to look out for extra power.

I walked off, leading back to the house. Teakkin had been with us four days and it was hard to say if she could be trusted. Leaving her with what I guess you could say it was a test. As for me, I had to follow this until I met Ligea. If Cameron was right, this is going to lead me to the woman who started my blood line.

---------------------------------

Leading me out pretty far, at last I got to where Cameron was telling me to go. I pulled over on the side of a dirt road and looked out at a few trees. The look of this little group of trees looked dark and almost musty. I got out of my car, slamming the door behind me, and put my hands on my hips looking over the small group of trees.

Why did I have to come with you?

Arthes's voice called from behind me. I turned to face him, getting a ugly look, and rolled my eyes.

Because if I am not around you all the time you run off. I can't have you going back to Helen and saying anything now can I?

I smiled and turned back to the trees and began to walk to them. Arthes followed shortly behind me before stopping still in his footsteps right before entering the trees with me. I turned back around to see him slightly shaking and looking up at all the trees.

What is your problem?

I don't like the feeling of this place.

Come on.

I walked back to him and grabbed him by his shirt. Once we got into what seemed the be the middle of the trees, I felt him grab his shirt back. I looked over the small paper before turning in a full circle and looked around.

Well, I don't see anything. Looks like you're feeling was right for once.

A sigh of relief left Arthes's lips before a abnormal sides bird swooped down. Me and Arthes ducked before looking up at where it went. I began to follow it before feeling Arthes pull on the back of my shirt.

Why are you following it?

Normal birds don't look like that.

Killer ones do, let us go and come back later when the sun is rising.

Look you little troll, I have people to protect and things to learn and you are going to have to drop your little leprechaun balls and step up. God you are almost as bad as half the men at work.

I pulled Arthes by the shirt once more but not far. The same bird swooped down once more but landed on a old branch in front of me and Arthes. A gasp left his lips and I couldn't take my eyes off what I was seeing. Before us sat a woman with the head of a woman but body of a bird. Was this Ligea?

[Image: 1QsDXOt.jpg?1]

Arthes, it has been some time has it not.

Li...Lig...Ligea.

Who is this?

Mandii, I'm part of your Siren blood line.

Arthes ran behind me and pulled on the back of my shirt. I began to swat at him before moving closer to the woman.

Helen wants to...

I know what Parthenope wishes to do.

Parthenope?

That is Helens real name, I assume you have also met with Leucosia, she now goes by Feline or Lainey.

Uh ya.

Well then, why did you come to me? It appears to me you are doing fine. I do not see Parthenope with you so I assume you didn't chose to ruin the world as it was. However, something did bring you here, what?

I turned back to Arthes and lifted an eyebrow. His teeth began to chatter as I turned back to Ligea with an eye roll.

I want to know a lot of things, but lets stick to what I need to know so the world won't end. For starters you can tell me why Helen wants to end human life and everything else that is here.

Ligea dropped down to another branch before looking up at me. A sigh left her lips before she turned her head to the side.

You know the story of how we came to be, you know that my sisters moved away from the woods and thus adapted to the life they chose. There was a reason they left, it was me. We all lived in the woods and would lure hunts men to us with song. Once they were in the woods we would watch them die of not only hunger, but attacks by animals. We did it only to those we knew had secrets hidden from the wifes they left at home. You see, we did not return the child to Persephone due to Haides finding a way to kill us and killing our fourth sister. Once we did not return, we were banished, so we continued to reap vengeance on those who were unfaithful and deserved to be punished.

So it is true, you have three sisters and one was killed.

Yes. Once all was said and done, my sisters missed the water that we once were apart of. Before becoming handmaidens of the goddess Persephone we were nothing more than sea nymphs. However, when we were made into birds to go after Haides we were unable to go back to the ocean we once loved. So time passed on and they left while I stayed to land, not by choice however. At first I had gone with them, we sang songs to lure in sailors and watch them die, that was until Orpheus. He plugged the ears of his men so they could not hear our song and thus was able to reach us on a few rocks. He came and covered our own ears to stop our songs from playing. We went on days on the ship with him covering our ears, when we stopped for a moment my sisters had enough and flew into the water below to die, instead, it returned them to a sea nymph form. I stayed on land and fell in love with Odysseus, but with him being only human, he died while I stayed alive.

How did this drive Helen to wanting humans to die?

She believes it is his fault that we all were separated, when in truth, what tore us apart was our differences. Helen wanted the water while I missed land. Our middle sister followed Helen because she promised to keep her safe. Helen despises the human race and everything but Sirens because she looks to herself as a god due to us being made by a god. She believes in a world run by Sirens and populated by Sirens because she looks to Humans as the waste of the world.

So all this because you fell in love with a human?

That is what I have come to believe.

Thats bullshit. Just because one person did something you didn't like doesn't mean all of that kind should be destroyed. What about defeating her? Do you know how to do that any easier than why Lainey told me?

You will not like what I have to say. When a woman turns to a Siren it is from pain and hurt. When you turned, you had your one and old child taken from you by someone who you see as sure evil. The cycle repeated itself with you and since you had my blood, it was easier for you to turn. Mandii, you can defeat Helen but you will have to turn. Once you do, you will have as much power as an original and be able to save the world.

But at what cost? When I go into the mode of being a Siren I don't look at things as I do now. I don't care who I kill as long as I am the one who stays alive. You are telling me that to save everyone I have to change into a monster!

My voice echoed and Arthes backed up.Ligea dropped her head for a moment before looking at me with a stern look.

If you think you will turn into a monster, then you should have a killer at the ready. I don't wish for you to kill my sister, I wish for you to just stop her. You will have to change Mandii, if you think that is what you will become is something horrid, you better have someone ready to kill you on sight. You can either save the people you love and die or watch everyone die so you do not turn into this monster that you think you will become.

A felt the heat in my body start to rise. I would have to change completely to save everyone...I would have to die. I closed my eyes and turned from Ligea. Anger rushed over my face, I could tell due to Arthes backing up away from me. I turned back to Ligea before speaking.

Then I will die.

With my last word I turned away from her and began to walk away. Before I had gone to far I heard Ligeas voice.

I would also learn to not be so open to everyone, my own sisters turned on me one day, why shouldn't one of those girls? In fact, it is true someone in your group already has turned on you, you are just unaware of it.

My heart stopped and eyes widend. If what she spoke was true, everything would be at risk.

Who?

Someone you know very well, or, so you think.]]> <![CDATA[Brah, Where's My Car Part 3 (Co-op w/Samuels and Scorpio) (RP 8)]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11160 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 00:19:35 -0700 Theo Pryce]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11160 “Alright guys, I have an idea.”

“About damn time boy, you are the Captain after all.”

“Give me your credit cards. All of them.”

“Theo this is not the time to be doing lines of coke. We are still missing our little black friend.”

“No you jackass, I have a guy who can look into our recent credit card activity to see if, when and where our cards were used last night.”

“Brilliant. Way to go el Capitan.”

Samuels and Scorpio each pull out their wallets and then remove all of their credit cards and hand them to Theo.

“Scorpio this isn’t a credit card, it’s a Wendy’s Gift Card.”

“You’re right, it’s better than a credit card. Give it back.”

“Ok give me a few minutes.”

Theo pulls out his wallet, takes two credit cards out of there and then uses his phone to call up Matt. Matt was the same guy who recently helped him identify the identity of the man who stole his painting.

“Matt it’s Theo. Look I need your help with something. I need you to run these credit card numbers and tell me where they were used at during the hours of 7pm last night and 8 am this morning. Ok, you ready?”

Theo reads off the credit card numbers, all told Theo had 2, Samuels had 2 and Scorpio had 6. Why Scorpio had 6 credit cards is anyone’s guess but that wasn’t the issue right now.

“Ok…..ok……got you…..sounds good. $1200 at Wendys? You don’t say?”

”Explains where the blanket of Wendy’s wrappers came from.”

“How have you not suffered from kidney failure or better yet? How are you not morbidly obese?”

“Exercise baby doll. I go to the gym every day.”

“No you don’t.”

“You’re right, I don’t. Truth is I caught a tape worm when I spent a summer in Uganda helping to give Aids medication to all the little black kids. It was eye opening.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Nope, no I didn’t. Well, I did get a tape worm but it wasn’t from spending a summer in Uganda. Actually, you don’t want to know how I got it so let’s just move on. I said move on all ready. Geez.”

“Would you two shut up? I’m trying to listen here? Ok Matt, I got you. Thank you.”

“What did you find out brah?”

“Not a whole lot. Apparently I used my credit card at the Baltimore Aquarium.”

“The Aquarium? Sounds great, where the hell is it?”

“Down by the Inner Harbor. Do you need me to drive this clown car of failure or do you want to just use a GPS?”

“GPS will work just fine. No one drives this car but me.”

"So be it.”

The trip to the Aquarium takes 15 minutes. There is no parking at the facility so Scorpio finds one of the parking garages in the area, parks the car and the trio walk two blocks and enter the Baltimore Aquarium. Things were starting to look good, they finally had a lead. Theo approached the woman at the customer service desk in hopes that she knew something or at the least provide with the name of someone who did.

“Hello miss, my name is Theo Pryce and…”

“Yes sir, I know who you are.”

“You do?”

Not only did the comment surprise Theo but it also got the attention of John Samuels. Scorpio was too busy starting at all the bright colors that were being displayed on the ceiling in a sort of digital collage of various fish.

“I’m sorry miss but did you say you knew who he was? What about me? Do you know who I am?”

“Yes sir as well as that other gentleman over there. You were all here last night, with another man.”

“This other man, was he short and colored?”

“Yes sir he was. I only know this because we received a security update stating that all 4 of you were prohibited from entering the building for a period not to exceed one year.”

“Come again?”

“The four of you have been banned from the Aquarium for a year.”

A security guard approaches the customer service desk, sensing that something may be amiss.

“Is everything ok here Margie?”

“Yes I believe so. I was just explaining to these gentlemen that they are not allowed inside.”

“I see. So you guys decided to come back. After everything that happened last night you had the guts to come back here? You guys are lucky you aren’t in jail right now.”

“Jail? What the hell for?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No we really aren’t. Look, the three of us woke up in a hotel room this morning with no recollection of the events of last night. We are missing a friend of ours apparently he was here with us last night, which we didn’t know until Margie here just told us. So what happened last night? Why are we banned from this place?”

“You really have no idea what happened?”

“None.”

“Come with me.”

The security guard escorts the three men down the hall and through a door marked “Security”. He sits down at a desk and hits a few buttons on his keyboard and on now displayed on his screen is security footage from the previous night.

“The building closed last night at 8pm because it had been rented out for a kid’s birthday party slash sleepover. Somehow you 3 and your little friend managed to sneak into the building. We still have no idea how or when. What we do know is that your friend took it upon himself to strip naked and run through the building while security chased him. When they finally corned him he decided to jump into the baby shark tank.”

“Oh Christ.”

“Are you saying our friend got eaten? Is he still alive? Please tell me has still has at least one arm and one leg.”

Theo and Samuels both stare at Scorpio, not sure what to even say to him at this point.

“Your friend is fine, or at least, he was fine once we fished him out of there. You’re friend was lucky the sharks weren’t in the tank at the time. Once we got him out of there the four of you spent a few hours in here while we tried to figure out what was going on. You were all rambling about some wrestling match and some mean guy named Sidney. Eventually we had to let you go. You hadn’t broken any laws. Fortunately none of the kids or parents saw your friends display otherwise this would have all gone down very differently.”

“Ok, so you let us all go, what time was that? “

“Around midnight, maybe 12:30.”

“Perfect, thanks.”

Samuels reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a crisp $100.00 bill and places it on the security guards desk.

“Here, for your troubles.”

“No thank you.”

“Suit yourself.”

John reaches down, grabs the money off the desk, stuck to the back of it was a ticket stub a receipt from Excitement Video.

“Hey guys look at this.”

John shows the receipt to Theo and Scorpio.

Items purchased:

One Forehead Didlo
One bottle of KY Yours and Mine
One Black Ball Gag

Items Totaled: $95.68
Paid In Cash

“Ok so the time on the receipt is 1:36 AM. That’s something.”

Looking over at the security guard “Excuse me, where is the closest Excitement Video?”

“Two blocks away on Charles Street. Walk out of the building go one block to your right, and the go across the street, you’ll see the sign for it, you can’t miss it.”

“Is the sign in the shape of a big pink dildo?”

“No, it’s just a sign that says “Excitement Video”.”

“Bit of a let down but ok.”

“Thank you, you’ve been extremely helpful.”

“You’re welcome.”

The three men exit the security guards office and then promptly exit the facility. Samuels tips his cap to Margie whom he believes was making eyes at him while he and Theo were standing up at her desk. Once outside the three men do as the security guard instructed, walked one block to the right and then across the street. Sure enough, hanging from the front of the store was a sign that said “Excitement Video”. They enter the store and a gentleman, approximately in his mid 50’s is behind the counter looking like he too was recovering from a hangover. When he sees the trio of men enter his whole demeanor changes.

“Well he guys, welcome back.”

“So you know who we are?”

“Well you guys were in here last night for like an hour, only bought like $100 bucks worth of items, so yeah, I remember you guys. Normally I would be pissed if people spent an hour in here and only spent $100 but you guys were pretty cool. Especially that other fella, where’s he at?”

“We have no idea. We were hoping maybe you could help us out. Do you remember anything specific about last night? Like where we said we might be going or anything of that nature?”

“Not really. The black fellow got a phone call from some guy named John, said he was supposed to meet him at the hotel but that no one was there.”

“Ok we’re getting somewhere. This is good.”

Samuels looks around trying to find Scorpio who for some reason is browsing through the Tranny Porn section.

“Scorpio, what the hell are you doing?”

Startled that Samuels saw him Scorpio quickly puts the DVD that was in his hand back on the shelf, and looks up at the ceiling and then out the window before responding.

“Nothing brah, just trying to figure out Frodo's obsession with these things.”

"May he rest in peace or whatever.

“Funny, you looked at the same DVD last night.” Chimes in the man behind the counter.

“Scorp, just curious, did you happen to remove the ball gag from Austin and ask him what was going on?”

“Did you see him? It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. I just shut the door and walked away.”

“Fuck. Do either of you have his number?”

“No, let me call Swaggy and get it from him.”

“Wait…you have Swaggy’s number? And you haven’t called him yet?”

Silence….

“Scorp what the fuck?”

“Calm your tits Theo. I’m calling him right now.”

Scorpio pulls out his phone and calls Swaggy.

“Straight to voicemail.”

“Wait…I remember something."

“Really, what have you got?”

“Well as you guys were leaving I remember the little black fellow invited me to Madam Ann’s. She said you were all going there from here.”

“What is Madam Ann’s?”

“Sounds like a whore house brah.”

“It’s a brothel, very upscale.”

“Sure it is.”

“It is man, the chicks there are grade A disease free..”

“Sounds lovely.”

“Where is it at?”

“Other side of town, I think I have the address around here somewhere.”

“Well if you could get it for us that would be extremely helpful.”

“Yeah one second.”

The guy behind the counter reaches down and grabs a small blue notebook which he then places on the counter. A few seconds of page turning and he finds the address.

“Ok, it’s on Davis Street. 498 Davis Street.”

“Great. Right down the street from the hotel.”

“Which hotel?”

“The hotel we woke up in this morning.”

“Well ain’t that a bitch?”

“Let’s go. Thanks for your help.”

“Sure thing. Come back any time guys.”

The three men exit the store, walk back to the parking garbage, get in Scopio’s black and purple mustang and then drive across town to the address the creepy guy from the porn store gave them.

From the outside Madam Ann’s looks just like any of the other homes in the row, absolutely nothing would indicate that that particular unit was anything other than a family home. But when the three men entered the establishment it was very clear that this place was everything that Scorpio could ever dream of. As soon as the men entered the building a woman in about her mid 40’s approaches them.

“May I help you gentlemen?”

“Possibly. We are looking for a friend of ours, wasn’t sure if had been here or not.”

“Is your friend a small African American man?”

“Yes he is. Is he here?”

“Yes he is. He’s been here since early this morning. He’s been paying by the hour so we didn’t care.”

“He has? May I ask how he is paying for that?”

“On a credit card.”

“I see. And what is this man’s name?”

“He’s your friend, shouldn’t you know that?”

“Tell you what, how about you tell me his name and I don’t have my friend over here call the cops and clue them in to what is going on here.”

“You think the cops don’t know what this place is? Go ahead call them.”

“Fine. John if you could please.”

“Would love to Theo.”

“Wait…you said his name was Theo.”

“Yes ma’am I did.”

“That’s the name your friend used.”

“I see. Theodore Pryce. Is that the name on the credit card?”

The woman walks over to the counter and opens up a small black box, the contents of which is a mystery to the group but is revealed to be credit cards as she takes one out of the box and places it onto the counter. Theo takes a look at it, pulls out his wallet and shows the woman his Arizona State Drivers License.

“So let me ask you miss, are the cops aware that you are allowing people to use credit cards that are not theirs to pay for the services you provide?”

“Obviously they are not.”

“No, I didn’t think they would be.”

“So how about you show us all to where our friend is before we do call the cops what do you say ma’am?”

“Very well.”

“Scorpio, stop talking to the whores and come on.”

"Brah stop cock blocking me, this one likes me"

Scorpio points to an insanely huge breasted woman who giggles.

" I think I'm about to get lucky."

"Not without throwing down some money you're not, now move it.."

"Fine, you should change your catchphrase to "We Are Cockblock" brah."

The woman leads all three men upstairs and into a room located at the end of the hall. She opens the door all 4 of them see what can only be described as one of the most hideous scenes of all time. All of them immediately avert their eyes, all of them except Scorpio.

“You lucky dog, I’ve always wanted to do that. Yay boi!!”

Theo turns his head back around in hopes that what he thought he saw wasn’t what he actually saw. But it was.

Kneeling at the end of the bed is their long lost team mate Swaggy SwagMire. Attached to the top of his head is a giant purple dildo, which was repeatedly ramming into the stench trench of a rather voluptuous woman.

“Theo, Johnny, Scop, where the hell have you guys been?”

“Looking for you.”

“Why didn’t you just call me?”

“We did, it went straight to voice mail.”

“Oh that’s right, my battery died. Sorry about that.”

“Swaggy do you remember what happened last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, none of us remember anything past dinner. When did we even meet up with you?”

“You don’t remember anything? Really? Well you guys were coming out of some fancy restaurant and you guys found me wandering the streets yelling Radiooooooooo!!”

“Why were you on the streets yelling Radio?”

“I wasn’t.”

“You literally just said you were.”

“No, I said I was wondering the streets yelling Radioooooooo!!”

“Get serious Swaggy. And take that fucking dildo off your head…it’s dripping something and it’s distracting me.”

“No, leave it on. Please leave it on.”

“Why were you on the streets yelling anything?”

“Well I heard that Radio lived in town and I was coming down to give him a pep talk. He refused to tell me where he lived so I was hoping that if I just yelled his name long enough someone might know him and tell me where he lives.”

“Sadly not the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard today.”

“Anyway, what happened after we met up with you?”

“Well I took you back to the hotel suite I booked for the night. Once we got there, we had some drinks, did some drugs and then the rest was history.”

“Literally.”

“What drugs did we do?”

“I have no idea, I bought them from some white chick when I was looking for Radio. She told me she knew where he lived but she would only tell me if I bought some drugs of her. Turned out she was full of crap though, the address she gave me was to an Abortion Clinic.”

“Who knew some random chick selling drugs on the streets couldn’t be trusted?”

“I know right, I thought all you white people were on the up and up.”

“Who you calling white?”

“This again?”

“Yes this again. I told you all before I’m half black.”

“Right right, and Swaggy is half

. Can we leave now? We found our little token negro, let’s get the fuck out of here, we got places to be.”

“Well, me and Samuels do. I have no fucking clue what you two guys are going to do.”

“I’m going to say.”

“Yeah me too. Move over Swaggy, I’m about to occupy your hooker.”

Fade to black.]]> “Alright guys, I have an idea.”

“About damn time boy, you are the Captain after all.”

“Give me your credit cards. All of them.”

“Theo this is not the time to be doing lines of coke. We are still missing our little black friend.”

“No you jackass, I have a guy who can look into our recent credit card activity to see if, when and where our cards were used last night.”

“Brilliant. Way to go el Capitan.”

Samuels and Scorpio each pull out their wallets and then remove all of their credit cards and hand them to Theo.

“Scorpio this isn’t a credit card, it’s a Wendy’s Gift Card.”

“You’re right, it’s better than a credit card. Give it back.”

“Ok give me a few minutes.”

Theo pulls out his wallet, takes two credit cards out of there and then uses his phone to call up Matt. Matt was the same guy who recently helped him identify the identity of the man who stole his painting.

“Matt it’s Theo. Look I need your help with something. I need you to run these credit card numbers and tell me where they were used at during the hours of 7pm last night and 8 am this morning. Ok, you ready?”

Theo reads off the credit card numbers, all told Theo had 2, Samuels had 2 and Scorpio had 6. Why Scorpio had 6 credit cards is anyone’s guess but that wasn’t the issue right now.

“Ok…..ok……got you…..sounds good. $1200 at Wendys? You don’t say?”

”Explains where the blanket of Wendy’s wrappers came from.”

“How have you not suffered from kidney failure or better yet? How are you not morbidly obese?”

“Exercise baby doll. I go to the gym every day.”

“No you don’t.”

“You’re right, I don’t. Truth is I caught a tape worm when I spent a summer in Uganda helping to give Aids medication to all the little black kids. It was eye opening.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Nope, no I didn’t. Well, I did get a tape worm but it wasn’t from spending a summer in Uganda. Actually, you don’t want to know how I got it so let’s just move on. I said move on all ready. Geez.”

“Would you two shut up? I’m trying to listen here? Ok Matt, I got you. Thank you.”

“What did you find out brah?”

“Not a whole lot. Apparently I used my credit card at the Baltimore Aquarium.”

“The Aquarium? Sounds great, where the hell is it?”

“Down by the Inner Harbor. Do you need me to drive this clown car of failure or do you want to just use a GPS?”

“GPS will work just fine. No one drives this car but me.”

"So be it.”

The trip to the Aquarium takes 15 minutes. There is no parking at the facility so Scorpio finds one of the parking garages in the area, parks the car and the trio walk two blocks and enter the Baltimore Aquarium. Things were starting to look good, they finally had a lead. Theo approached the woman at the customer service desk in hopes that she knew something or at the least provide with the name of someone who did.

“Hello miss, my name is Theo Pryce and…”

“Yes sir, I know who you are.”

“You do?”

Not only did the comment surprise Theo but it also got the attention of John Samuels. Scorpio was too busy starting at all the bright colors that were being displayed on the ceiling in a sort of digital collage of various fish.

“I’m sorry miss but did you say you knew who he was? What about me? Do you know who I am?”

“Yes sir as well as that other gentleman over there. You were all here last night, with another man.”

“This other man, was he short and colored?”

“Yes sir he was. I only know this because we received a security update stating that all 4 of you were prohibited from entering the building for a period not to exceed one year.”

“Come again?”

“The four of you have been banned from the Aquarium for a year.”

A security guard approaches the customer service desk, sensing that something may be amiss.

“Is everything ok here Margie?”

“Yes I believe so. I was just explaining to these gentlemen that they are not allowed inside.”

“I see. So you guys decided to come back. After everything that happened last night you had the guts to come back here? You guys are lucky you aren’t in jail right now.”

“Jail? What the hell for?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No we really aren’t. Look, the three of us woke up in a hotel room this morning with no recollection of the events of last night. We are missing a friend of ours apparently he was here with us last night, which we didn’t know until Margie here just told us. So what happened last night? Why are we banned from this place?”

“You really have no idea what happened?”

“None.”

“Come with me.”

The security guard escorts the three men down the hall and through a door marked “Security”. He sits down at a desk and hits a few buttons on his keyboard and on now displayed on his screen is security footage from the previous night.

“The building closed last night at 8pm because it had been rented out for a kid’s birthday party slash sleepover. Somehow you 3 and your little friend managed to sneak into the building. We still have no idea how or when. What we do know is that your friend took it upon himself to strip naked and run through the building while security chased him. When they finally corned him he decided to jump into the baby shark tank.”

“Oh Christ.”

“Are you saying our friend got eaten? Is he still alive? Please tell me has still has at least one arm and one leg.”

Theo and Samuels both stare at Scorpio, not sure what to even say to him at this point.

“Your friend is fine, or at least, he was fine once we fished him out of there. You’re friend was lucky the sharks weren’t in the tank at the time. Once we got him out of there the four of you spent a few hours in here while we tried to figure out what was going on. You were all rambling about some wrestling match and some mean guy named Sidney. Eventually we had to let you go. You hadn’t broken any laws. Fortunately none of the kids or parents saw your friends display otherwise this would have all gone down very differently.”

“Ok, so you let us all go, what time was that? “

“Around midnight, maybe 12:30.”

“Perfect, thanks.”

Samuels reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a crisp $100.00 bill and places it on the security guards desk.

“Here, for your troubles.”

“No thank you.”

“Suit yourself.”

John reaches down, grabs the money off the desk, stuck to the back of it was a ticket stub a receipt from Excitement Video.

“Hey guys look at this.”

John shows the receipt to Theo and Scorpio.

Items purchased:

One Forehead Didlo
One bottle of KY Yours and Mine
One Black Ball Gag

Items Totaled: $95.68
Paid In Cash

. Can we leave now? We found our little token negro, let’s get the fuck out of here, we got places to be.”

“Well, me and Samuels do. I have no fucking clue what you two guys are going to do.”

“I’m going to say.”

“Yeah me too. Move over Swaggy, I’m about to occupy your hooker.”

Fade to black.]]> <![CDATA[Out of the frying pan, into the fire. (RP 4)]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11164 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 21:42:42 -0700 Lazarus]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=11164

Sunday, January 19th, 2014 (Presumably) - ??? - Secret Underground Bunker Thing (Or What's Left of it) - Secret Town, Mexico

I'm getting real tired of these near death experiences.

My eyes open momentarily, and I'm struck with the blinding white light that fills the room the Organizer and I were in when the bomb went off, the sound of footsteps pounding on the metal floor punching my ear drums in their figurative faces. Mumbled gibberish accompanies the audio assault, slipping in almost undetected underneath the rhythmic stomping. My head lazily falls backward, until it's being fully supported by the wall behind me and my heavy, drooping eyelids fall closed once more and I fade deeper into unconsciousness once more. The sound of gunfire replaces the stomps, or more accurate likely, drowns out the footsteps. The gibberish is no more.

I'm just hoping for some peace and quiet. Too bad that happening is about as probable as me getting struck by lightning in this underground death trap.

My eyes open again, the light severely less potent than it was moments prior. Though still blurry, I can see the vague approximations of what appear to be men in full body armor, face blocking helmets included, fanning through the smoke. The one nearest me says something in warbled, meaningless syllables. I should be able to understand him, but he sounds like he's speaking a foreign language. For all I know, he could be.

I struggle, placing my palms against the ground, before pushing up off the ground. On unsteady feet and shaky knees I stand, about ready to fall over at any second. The lack of coordination wins and I fall backwards, against the wall. I'm about to slide back down to where I was before, but then a hand reaches out through the clearing smoke.

Without hesitation, I grab it. Not a good idea, but it was my only shot at not falling against the wall again.

The owner of the hand pulls me closer. I don't recognize the person standing before me, hand clamped around mine. It's probably the fact that whoever it is has a helmet on and said helmet is covering their entire face. Yeah, that makes sense. Totally.

"Are you L-" the hand's owner asks. It's a distinctly masculine voice.

"Yes," I say without the slightest hint of hesitation crossing my mind. He releases his grasp on my hand and I pull it back to my side. He reaches to his side and from a holster on his hip hands me a pistol that I don't recognize. This is odd, seeing as though I've seemingly gripped every pistol known to man and have seen the ones I haven't. Something's up here.

Wait, are my old memories mixing with my new ones?

Next thing I know, it'll be revealed that I'm some reality altering douchebag with shape shifting abilities. Nah, that's a little too far fetched, even for me.

"Can you shoot?"

"Yes."

A series of bangs erupts from the other side of the wall. The man in front of me ducks, holding his head and I halfheartedly do the same, pointing the barrel of this new side arm up towards the ceiling.

"I meant; are you good to? Last thing I need is arming you coming back to bite me in the ass."

"You mean shoot you in the ass?" Now the flurry of gunfire passes by the doorway, without a sound. I'm still out of it.

"Now's no time for jokes."

"I don't even know what's going on! I don't know what time it is!"

He slaps me hard in the face, which seems to do wonders for getting my mind back on track. The fire I saw before fading into unconsciousness is still there, eating through the metal walls as well as you could expect. The metal's starting to boil, either that or it's my eyes. Could be both for all I care.

"Come with me and I'll explain everything." He takes off, out of the room and across the narrow hall where sure enough, a knocked over trashcan serves as cover enough for a pair of armed men dressed in the same uniform as my savior. Currently, one is down, back to the rubber prism, trying to fix a jam in his gun while the other pokes his head up and fires a burst of rounds across the hall at a screaming, retreating crowd of scientists not unlike our own Doctor Disemboweled who likely got blown to bits in the initial explosion. Four of the seven go down with bullet wounds ranging from their shoulders to their knees. One tries to crawl away, but the same guard fires one more round that stops him dead in his tracks. Literally.

The one with the jam looks up to see his friend and I standing there like deer in the headlights of impending doom. "This is him?" he asks, almost slightly underwhelmed. Then again, I notice that I'm struggling to keep balance. That's definitely why, my ego tells me.

"Yeah, in the flesh."

"He's a little, smaller than I expected," General Genocide remarks.

"Don't you got more women and children to shoot, bitch?" I retort.

"I'll shoot you."

"Do it,

." I aim the pistol I received as a gift at his eyes before he can do the same with his rifle, but before I can pull the trigger, my savior stops me.

"No one is shooting anyone!" He pushes down on the top of my gun, until it's aimed at the ground and my arms are parallel to each other, perpendicular to the ground. "Ramirez, stop being a psycho."

"I was supposed to be guarding you."

"Yeah, and only little pussies need to defend people against a retreating mob of spooks."

"I don't like your attitude," he snaps.

"And unlike your coward ass, I will kill you if given the chance, creep."

"Focus, both of you."

I turn to my savior while keeping one eye on Ramirez. "On what?"

"Extraction. ETA: ten minutes."

"What?"

"Unlike some of us, I was paying attention to the mission."

"Yeah, we gotta get out of here. Sorry, you don't get to Robert Bales any more motherfuckers."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Make me."

The guy with the jammed rifle interjects. Literally, he stands in the middle of us and shoves his arms out to either side, blocking both of us physically. "You're on the same side. Cool it."

I scoff. "I am cool! Do you not hear how cool I am?" I ask, my voice straining in an attempt not to scream at the top of my lungs.

"Both of you, can it. We need to go." He spins around on one heel before taking off down the hall behind us. Reluctantly, I follow, allowing the other two to go ahead of me in case Ramirez decides to go postal. Or, I decide to shoot him in the back to give him the coward's death he so desperately deserves.

I raise my gun, and aim it at his back.

Sighing, I lower it and follow the pack down the hall, turning left. I know where we're going.

It's where the Organizer and I should've gone.

The helipad.

I don't know how it took me this long to guess that's what they meant by extraction, but oh well.]]>

Sunday, January 19th, 2014 (Presumably) - ??? - Secret Underground Bunker Thing (Or What's Left of it) - Secret Town, Mexico

I'm getting real tired of these near death experiences.

My eyes open momentarily, and I'm struck with the blinding white light that fills the room the Organizer and I were in when the bomb went off, the sound of footsteps pounding on the metal floor punching my ear drums in their figurative faces. Mumbled gibberish accompanies the audio assault, slipping in almost undetected underneath the rhythmic stomping. My head lazily falls backward, until it's being fully supported by the wall behind me and my heavy, drooping eyelids fall closed once more and I fade deeper into unconsciousness once more. The sound of gunfire replaces the stomps, or more accurate likely, drowns out the footsteps. The gibberish is no more.

I'm just hoping for some peace and quiet. Too bad that happening is about as probable as me getting struck by lightning in this underground death trap.

My eyes open again, the light severely less potent than it was moments prior. Though still blurry, I can see the vague approximations of what appear to be men in full body armor, face blocking helmets included, fanning through the smoke. The one nearest me says something in warbled, meaningless syllables. I should be able to understand him, but he sounds like he's speaking a foreign language. For all I know, he could be.

I struggle, placing my palms against the ground, before pushing up off the ground. On unsteady feet and shaky knees I stand, about ready to fall over at any second. The lack of coordination wins and I fall backwards, against the wall. I'm about to slide back down to where I was before, but then a hand reaches out through the clearing smoke.

Without hesitation, I grab it. Not a good idea, but it was my only shot at not falling against the wall again.

The owner of the hand pulls me closer. I don't recognize the person standing before me, hand clamped around mine. It's probably the fact that whoever it is has a helmet on and said helmet is covering their entire face. Yeah, that makes sense. Totally.

"Are you L-" the hand's owner asks. It's a distinctly masculine voice.

"Yes," I say without the slightest hint of hesitation crossing my mind. He releases his grasp on my hand and I pull it back to my side. He reaches to his side and from a holster on his hip hands me a pistol that I don't recognize. This is odd, seeing as though I've seemingly gripped every pistol known to man and have seen the ones I haven't. Something's up here.

Wait, are my old memories mixing with my new ones?

Next thing I know, it'll be revealed that I'm some reality altering douchebag with shape shifting abilities. Nah, that's a little too far fetched, even for me.

"Can you shoot?"

"Yes."

A series of bangs erupts from the other side of the wall. The man in front of me ducks, holding his head and I halfheartedly do the same, pointing the barrel of this new side arm up towards the ceiling.

"I meant; are you good to? Last thing I need is arming you coming back to bite me in the ass."

"You mean shoot you in the ass?" Now the flurry of gunfire passes by the doorway, without a sound. I'm still out of it.

"Now's no time for jokes."

"I don't even know what's going on! I don't know what time it is!"

He slaps me hard in the face, which seems to do wonders for getting my mind back on track. The fire I saw before fading into unconsciousness is still there, eating through the metal walls as well as you could expect. The metal's starting to boil, either that or it's my eyes. Could be both for all I care.

"Come with me and I'll explain everything." He takes off, out of the room and across the narrow hall where sure enough, a knocked over trashcan serves as cover enough for a pair of armed men dressed in the same uniform as my savior. Currently, one is down, back to the rubber prism, trying to fix a jam in his gun while the other pokes his head up and fires a burst of rounds across the hall at a screaming, retreating crowd of scientists not unlike our own Doctor Disemboweled who likely got blown to bits in the initial explosion. Four of the seven go down with bullet wounds ranging from their shoulders to their knees. One tries to crawl away, but the same guard fires one more round that stops him dead in his tracks. Literally.

The one with the jam looks up to see his friend and I standing there like deer in the headlights of impending doom. "This is him?" he asks, almost slightly underwhelmed. Then again, I notice that I'm struggling to keep balance. That's definitely why, my ego tells me.

"Yeah, in the flesh."

"He's a little, smaller than I expected," General Genocide remarks.

"Don't you got more women and children to shoot, bitch?" I retort.

"I'll shoot you."

"Do it,

Scorpio: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!

Woman: Well nice to see you too.... husband!

Scorpio: Hell to the naw.

Samuels: What's wrong man? You're not all there, she's not all there, you're perfect for each other!

Scorpio: Nope, didn't happen, she's not my wife.

Theo: Well Scorp she was in your bag, possession is nine tenths of the law.

Scorpio: I'm about to possess my fist all over your face Theo.

Woman: Honey why are you denying our love? You said that you'd love me forever, you said I would always be your little starfish, and you even let me give you a four nub special.

Samuels: Ha ha ha ha ha! This is the greatest thing I've ever witnessed.

Woman: That's exactly what you said when I was giving you a nub job.

Samuels: A what now?

The woman shakes her arm nubs at Smauels.

Woman: A nub job.

You can tell Samuels throws up in his mouth a little. The woman now turns her attention back to Scorpio.

Woman: I hope you're not mad about that honey, I mean we were all so drunk last night and you told me to do it.

Scorpio: It's fine.... BECAUSE WE'RE NOT MARRIED!

Woman: No, YOU'RE DIVORCING ME!?!?!?!

Tears start streaming down the woman's face.

Theo: Okay everybody just calm down for a moment. Mam, none of us remember a thing about what happened last night so surely you can understand how my friend feels to suddenly realize that he's married.

Woman: What do you mean suddenly? We've been married FOR FIVE YEARS!

Theo crosses his arms and stares at Scorpio.

Theo: Five years?

Scorpio: Brah I don't know this ho, pics or it didn't happen!

The woman suddenly dives back into the duffel bag face first and emerges with a camera dangling from her mouth. Theo grabs the camera then he and Samuels begin to look through it. They see pictures of Scorpio and the woman on the beach, pictures of them in the park, pictures of Scorpio carrying her, and then one comes up that causes both of their eyebrows to raise.

Samuels: Okay, I'm convinced, Scorpio stop being mean to your wife just because we're around. If you like women without limbs then you like women without limbs, ya sick freak.

Theo: I have to say Scorpio these pictures are pretty convincing, I mean is this or is this not your panty wetting face?

Theo holds up the camera so Scorpio can see it.

[Image: pantyface.png]

Scorpio: Brah, that looks nothing like me.

Samuels: That looks exactly like you.

Theo: Yep, no mistaking it.

Scorpio: Seriously brahs? SERIOUSLY! That's not a panty wetting face, THIS IS A PANTY WETTING FACE!

Scorpio puts on his finest panty wetting face.

[Image: Mr_Anderson_Sting.jpg]

Woman: Baby you're making me moist.

Scorpio: SEE!

Theo: But Scorp, what other explanation could there be for this? This lady is in your bag, she has pictures of her together with you, and she says that you've been married to her for five years. I'd think that a woman would know her own husband.

DING!

After an elevator ride that seemed to last forever the elevator comes to a halt in the lobby and the doors slide open. Everyone looks on in shock as they see a man standing there who looks just like Scorpio holding a bag that looks just like the one Scorpio has. The man peers into the elevator and practically jumps for joy when he sees the princess of nubville inside.

Man: BABY! There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you!

Scorpio's nubbykins looks the man up and down.

Woman: Uh... Do I know you?

Man: Babe..... here let me help you, you know you can't see a thing without your glasses.

The man pulls a pair of eye glasses from his shirt pocket and places them on the woman's face. With her glasses now on the woman looks at Scorpio then to the other man and then back to Scorpio. Her face then turns bright red.

Man: What's wrong babe?

Woman: Nothing honey, nothing at all.

The man turns his head for a moment and the woman quickly brings one of her nubs up to her lips while looking at Scorpio, Theo, and Samuels as if to say " SHUT THE FUCK UP". Or something like that. The man then turns his attention back to her just as she is removing the nub from her lips.

Man: I've been looking everywhere for you. I bumped into these guys in the parking garage last night, this one literally.

Points to Scorpio.

Man: We dropped our bags, talked for a minute, and I didn't realize I picked up the wrong bag until I got to the room.

Woman: I would have come looking for you too babe but you know how heavy of a sleeper I am once I get in my bag, I slept right on through the night and these guys didn't open the bag until a few minutes ago.

Man: Ah so it's another Miami situation all over again?

Woman: Right.

Samuels: So wait, this isn't the first time you've lost a bag with your wife in it?

Man: No, it happens a lot actually.

Theo: So can I ask you something, why exactly is your wife in a bag so often?

Man: Well you see I'm a wrestler, I'm sure you've heard of Jimmy "The Sting King" Vereen right? Bingo.

The man points to himself as Scorpio, Samuels, and Theo try to act interested.

Jimmy: Well to save money and the time it takes to lug a wheel chair around, I just stuff my wife into a bag.

Theo: That's.....

Scorpio: BRILLIANT!

Jimmy: I know right?

Samuels: Anyway, you say you saw us in the parking garage last night? You didn't happen to see our black guy did you?

Jimmy: No it was just you three and some freak wearing a ball gag hopping out of his car.

Points to Scorpio once again.

Theo: Of course, it couldn't be that easy.

Scorpio: Hey brah, can I have my bag now?

Jimmy: Oh my bad, here.

Jimmy hands the bag to Scorpio.

Jimmy: Oh and I may have used a bit of that Gilly Tears lube, I've heard good things so I wanted to give it a shot. I was not disappointed.

Scorpio: Ah that's okay brah because we used your wi...

Sensing something extremely stupid about to fly out of Scorpio's mouth, Theo's hand hand shoots across the elevator with deadly accuracy forcing Scorpio to shut up before things turn ugly.

Jimmy: Used my what?

Samuels: Your wife's cell phone, yeah ours were dead so she let us use hers.

Woman: Oh yeah, it was the neighborly thing to do.

Theo: Anyway, we have to get going.

With his hand still over Scorpio's mouth Theo nudges Scorp out of the elevator and Samuels follows. Once they've walked far enough away Theo removes his hand.

Scorpio: Da fuck brah?

Theo: You were about to start a brawl!

Scorpio: I was just going to say that we used his wife last night.

Theo: No you.... wait, that's exactly what you were going to say!

Scorpio: Yeah, and?

Samuels: We don't have time to brawl in a hotel lobby right now, we're looking for our spear chucker remember?

Theo: I wish we had time for me to stop somewhere and get out of this batman get up.

Scorpio: BRAH! I've got some clothes you can wear right here.

Scorpio shoves his bag into Theo's gut.

Theo: Wait I thought your porn stash was in here.

Scorpio: Workout equipment, but there is a couple of changes of clothes in there too.

Theo: Thank god, just give me one second guys and then we can find Swaggy.

Theo ducks into a nearby bathroom with Scorpio's bag and emerges a couple of minutes later which causes Samuels to literally fall to the floor holding his stomach from laughing so hard. Theo emerges wearing some of Scorpio's ring attire. Red pants with a black Scorpion going up each side and a sparkly red and black jacket.

Scorpio: BRAH! You look amazing.

Samuels: Amazingly hilarious.

Samuels rises to his feet as Theo shoots dirty looks his way.

Theo: Well you know what, it's better than running around in a batman get up... only slightly but still. Now Scorp that guy said he saw us getting out of your car, do you have your keys?

Scorpio pats all of his pockets and after pulling triple stacks from each one of them he is finally able to fish his keys from one of the pockets.

Scorpio: Got em right here brah.

Theo: Great then you can drive us to Swaggy.

Samuels: Good plan except we don't know where the darky is.

Theo: Don't worry about that, once we get to the car I have a plan.

Theo gives Scorpio his bag back before the three of them make their way to the parking garage. Once there Samuels and Theo stop dead in their tracks realizing that they don't remember what Scorpio drives. They both look on as Scorpio walks over to a black and purple 1970 Boss Mustang. Theo and Samuels then look at each other smiling.

Samuels: Scorpio, I am impressed.

Theo: Me too actually.

Scorpio: Come on brahs, what did you think I drove?

Samuels: 2011 Toyota Prius.

Theo: I was going to say Yaris.

Scorpio: No, THIS IS MY BABY! Well one of my babies, I also have a Cuda, Chevelle, GSX, and have been eyeballing a Challenger, all 1970.

Samuels: Boy..... I didn't think you had it in ya!

Samuels slaps Scorpio on the back.

Theo: That's great and everything but come on guys we have somebody to find, no more playing around.

Scorpio: Actually Theo I have to do one more thing before we can go.

Theo: What?

Scorpio: I need to paint you.

Theo: WHAT?

Scorpio: You heard me Theo, let me paint you like one of my French girls.

Samuels: Scorp, what the hell are you talking about?

Scorpio: He can't go around looking like that, there's something missing.

Scorpio points to his face.

Theo: Oh no no no.

Scorpio: Oh yes yes yes.

Scorpio pulls a small face painting kit from his bag.

Theo: No way, not happening.

Scorpio: What's that Theo? You don't want to use my car in the hunt for Swagmire? Well if you say so.

Theo: Scorp we don't have ti....

Scorpio's hands start flying around Theo's face and in a matter of moments he is dawning full Scorpio face paint.

Samuels: HA HA HA! Now you really look redicu....

Scorpio's hands now start flying around Samuels face and in mere seconds he too has his face painted just like Scorpio.

Theo: You were saying?

Samuels looks at himself in the side view mirror of Scorpio's car.

Samuels: You know this actually looks pretty good on me, but what doesn't right?

Theo: Can we go now Scorp.

Scorpio tosses the facepaint back into his bag and then throws his bag into the trunk.

Scorpio: Absolutely.

The three men now climb into Scorpio's car as the camera fades to black.

]]>

The cameras pick up right where we left our heroes, Scorpio, John Samuels, and Theo Pryce dressed as batman are about to step out of the hotel room they all just woke up in. However Scorpio suddenly stops just before stepping out of the door and looks down at a big black duffel bag sitting beside the door with a big white scorpion on it.

Scorpio: Damn, almost left my stuff here.

Scorpio slings the duffel bag over his shoulder and gets a weird look on his face.

Scorpio: Holy shit this is heavier than I remember.

Samuels: Would you hurry up, we don't got all day, we've got a colored boy to find!

Theo: I don't think their people like the term "colored" anymore.

Scorpio: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "THEIR PEOPLE"? My black half is offended.

Theo: I just saw your ass and it was the whitest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Scorpio: It's black in spirit Theo, it's black in spirit.

Scorpio finally steps out into the hallway shutting the door behind him, all three of them then walk down the hallway before finally hopping into an elevator. Once in the elevator they all begin to exchange glances.

Theo: I know we already talked about this but think hard. Does anybody remember anything at all about last night because it's going to be kind of hard to find Swaggy if we don't even know where to look.

Samuels: Not a thing man, not a thing.

Scorpio: I remember us eating and having some drinks but nothing after that, sorry brah.

Theo: My mind is completely blank too, damn it.

Theo goes to pound his fist on his own leg but hits Scorpio's bag instead.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

All three of the men look around the elevator until they figure out the screaming is coming from Scorpio's bag.

Samuels: Got some of your loud jackets in there huh?

Scorpio: Nah brah that's probably something from my porn sta.... I mean work out equipment, yeah, loud workout equipment.

Theo: The last time I checked porn stashes don't scream like that.

Scorpio: Workout equipment.

Theo: Whatever Scorp, just open the bag.

Scorpio takes the duffel bag off of his shoulder and sits it on the ground, he then grabs the zipper slowly opening it. AND A GOD DAMN WOMAN POPS OUT! Well sort of...