<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - War Games 2025 RP Board]]> https://xwf1999.com/ Wed, 06 May 2026 04:11:03 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[Corona Ex Dolore V: The House of Thorned Crown]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49515 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 23:45:26 -0800 Isaiah King]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49515 [/url]

[Image: House-of-the-Thorned-Crown.png]
Word count: 3719
zerogpt: ~3% (averaged in two parts)
[url=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NB9Lxsm2O0wXvFxtw9cbvk1N_wHnc06CNwhtPeKQGPA/edit?usp=sharing]]]> [/url]

[Image: House-of-the-Thorned-Crown.png]
Word count: 3719
zerogpt: ~3% (averaged in two parts)
[url=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NB9Lxsm2O0wXvFxtw9cbvk1N_wHnc06CNwhtPeKQGPA/edit?usp=sharing]]]> <![CDATA[The House of Hardcore in... “Getaway Break”]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49514 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 22:56:06 -0800 Scoops McGee]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49514 Will the Trillionaires' efforts to frame our heroes succeed?

3999 words on Wordcounter.net | 9.69% on ZeroGPT]]> Will the Trillionaires' efforts to frame our heroes succeed?

3999 words on Wordcounter.net | 9.69% on ZeroGPT]]> <![CDATA[An Epic of Wayward Wanderers]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49512 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 20:34:46 -0800 HeavensToBetsy]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49512 “Have faith, my followers in Christ, for they have seized the consorts of the Witch!” A priest passionately fires up his flock. “They are headed for the Tower and will burn with their Mistress of Hell.”

From beneath the emerald-colored Ford Ranchero she had just gotten out of, the tree (thank you, Vortex Manipulator, muah!), Betsy Granger hears the priest's yells carry from the little town just outside the heart of London. Panic and exasperation flood through her in unison as she groans and runs her grease-covered hands down her face.

“At least they’re gathered,” she mutters, the weakest of silver linings.

Her brain was already formulating a rescue plan. Sliding back under the truck, she stabs her sonic wand in a few spots that required minor fixes after the landing it took. Satisfied the vehicle would work for its occupant, she shimmied from underneath, wiping her hands and face on the cloak she’d stolen from the farm of a peasant. Getting to her feet, she swings it over her shoulders and hides her face and hair.

Tucking away the sonic, she makes her way cautiously towards the road that would take her into London. She could already see the Thames rumbling along, royal barges and simple little fishing boats sharing the water. The Tower of London loomed in the distance, where it seemed to hold her War Games crew now.

“I wonder if I could convince Henry to give them a royal pardon?” she muses as she walks near the priest and his faithful.

“They say the Witch is deceptively golden and lovely,” whispers a woman to her husband. “A veil to hide the ugliness of her soul.”

Betsy holds back a snort as she scoots past them, ignoring the less-than-complimentary commentary from the small crowd. When she turns the corner, the poster on the rickety wood building makes her stop dead in her tracks. Her sketched face stares back at her, an admirable likeness, one must admit. After she mentally calculated the bounty on her head, she pondered turning herself in. Tearing down the wanted poster, she rolls it up and shoves it into her cloak pocket before moving along the stone road towards the Tower of London.

The town reeked with a variety of aromas as peddlers shouted their wares and guards marched through the streets. The latter had the same wanted posters that Betsy had just acquired as a souvenir; she watched as they stopped several people on the street and asked if they’d seen her. Panic stabs at her as the guards get closer; thinking fast, she grabs a dishevelled-looking man by his shirt and drags him into an alley with her.

“Crazy bitch, release me!” he cries, struggling against her.

Feigning an accent, Betsy presses herself against him suggestively. “If you come with me, I can give you pleasures you never thought to seek.”

This changes his tune as he wraps an arm around her waist and allows her to lead him to a private alley near the Tower. As he turns to put his hands on her breasts, she claps his temples hard; he drops to the ground instantly. Looking towards the Tower, her heart quickens; if only she’d had Excellence, this rescue, fuck, the entire mission, would have gone a lot smoother.

“Sit tight, fellas,” she whispers to herself as she approaches the massive walls that surround the Tower itself. Locating the entrance, she pauses for a few moments, taking several deep breaths. “I’m on my way.”

***

In the distance, we see Barney Green trapped in a cell. The one-eyed bruiser from Boston, which doesn’t even exist yet. He is munching on a turkey leg that he managed to sneak into this dimly lit place.

“What can I do to get out of this? Brigid, I am a willing vessel for this escape.”

Barney is just wandering the cell, looking for a shot at escaping. “Damn. Who knew people in the 1400s could build such a quality cell? Here I was thinking that we were amazing. This is some quality stuff right here.”

He nibbles on his turkey leg, still admiring the woodwork of his prison cell, when he hears a commotion from outside.

"TIS THE WITCH; SEIZE HER!"

Barney freezes mid-nibble, focusing on the words being yelled. The witch? Could that be Betsy? Or one of the other guys on the team? His brain races as he discards the turkey, pulling the chair over to the small window placed high up towards the ceiling. Even on the chair and tippytoes, he could barely look out. The chaos that greeted him confirmed his first instinct was correct. A streak of blonde hair parries through the guards, her more petite, lithe frame able to gracefully dodge and weave through the knights in their bulky armor.

As though she could feel his eyes following her every move, the figure pauses for the briefest of moments and green eyes glance up his way. Barney waves through the window bars before Betsy continues her way in on light feet. When he turns back around, his eyes land on the turkey leg he had thrown away. Now he picks it up and examines it, dusting it off as much as he can. Then the smell of stale, years-old piss wafts through his nose again, causing him to throw away the turkey leg for good.

Muffled crashes and men's yells floated up to Barney's cell from down below. He's unable to keep the grin off his face, as it's evident that Betsy was single-handedly getting the best of his jailors. The noises grew ever louder as Betsy approached his cell; a few moments later, he could hear her voice.

"Seb? Barney? Corey? Are any of you nearby?" Her usual cheerful tone was dripping with tension.

"In here, Bets!" Barney calls out, balling up a fist and banging on the door of the cell. "I'm right over here."

The sound of keys jangling can be heard outside his door. A moment later, Betsy is peering in at him from the doorway. Her lips are pursed, and she's got a large ring of keys in one hand and a rapier in the other.

"C'mon, legend, we still have to go find the other two," Betsy says after a few moments, her expression finally softening.

With a nod of agreement, Barney happily follows Betsy to the next row of stone cells...

***


“How do I have a signal?” Seb asked, looking down at his phone, which proudly showed five bars. He groaned as he looked around his cell, the door sealed shut, and bars on the small windows.

It smelled like piss - the previous guest had decided that he didn’t need to aim inside the saturated bucket in the corner. Seb dialled a saved number.

“Hello, Jack? I find myself in something of a pickle - could you call me back, please? I need someone to get me out of a cell. Yes, in 1485,” said Seb. “Speak soon.”

He hung up the phone and leaned back against the wall. On his way to the cell, he’d been reliably informed that the “witch” had been captured, along with two other “warlocks”. Clearly, they were doing incredibly well with their little jaunt into history.

“Fucking brilliant,” he said. “How exactly am I supposed to be the all-conquering hero and save the distressing damsel when I’m locked in here?”

His phone beeped - a text message from Jack.

"How the fuck did you get caught already? I just dropped you off 15 minutes ago.
The Buick won't fit in there, you moron - so you'll have to get out yourself, then I'll come pick you up.
You really are useless."

“Wow, rude,” he said, before pushing his phone back into his pocket, “Alright, Seb - think. You need to find your way out of this cell, get Betsy, Corey, and Barney released, and then find somewhere for Jack to pick you all up in the Buick… Nice and easy…”

Except it really wasn’t easy at all. Because how the fuck was he meant to do anything with just his… Phone… An idea blossomed in his mind.

He quickly got to his feet and walked to the cell door - through the bars, he called to the guard.

“Hello there,” said Seb.

“Away from the door, Warlock!” said the man.

“But, I have something that might interest you,” said Seb. He held his phone tightly as he pushed it through the bars.

“Magic wielder! Evil doer!” said the guard.

“No, no, no,” said Seb. “This is Twitter! Well… Technically… X these days. And, now that I come to think about it, yes, it is inherently evil. BUT, this specifically isn’t… These… Are THOT pics…”

“So much… Evil…” said the guard, tilting his head. “Is there… Anymore… Evil?”

“So much evil,” said Seb. “Just open up the door, and I’ll show you all the evil you could ever want…”

“I don’t know if I…” began the guard, before there was a loud thud, and he fell forward onto the ground. Seb’s eyes widened as a figure in a hood stepped forward, pulling it back to reveal…

“Betsy!” said Seb. “I’m here to save you!”

“You’re doing a brilliant job, sweetie,” said the Wayward Wanderer herself. “Let me unlock this door, and you can start trying to save me from there, alright?”

“Fuck sake,” said Seb. “Yes, fine, but let’s be quick - and don’t tell Corey I was showing him Amber's Twitter account…”

Betsy began to chuckle as she started to unlock the door.

***

Elsewhere, a soldier begins his shift standing against a wooden door. He leans on the stone wall beside this door, swinging a spear around and pretending he's actually good at it. From a tray slot three-quarters of the way down the door, Corey Black's eyes roll.

Inside, he stands up and walks over to the dirty blanket provided. A mound of dirt seems to form his bed, and there's just a single ray of light shining into his cell.

"Honestly, guard dude, this is kind of my aesthetic." Corey says, trying to get the guard's attention, "Just get me a Slayer poster and I'm good to go."

"SILENCE, WARLOCK, DO NOT USE YOUR MAGICS UPON ME!" screams the guard, causing Corey to burst out in laughter for a moment. Then he stops, his brain kicking in.

"You want to release me," Corey begins, slowly putting his hand out of the slot. "The keys to this place would be very beneficial in protecting your life."

Nothing happens. Of course it doesn't, that's not magic, that's just.. Corey pulls his phone out and loads up a saved song. He hits play on motherfucking "Angel of Death" by Slayer.

"IT IS UNLIKE ANYTHING I HAVE EVER HEARD, YOU HEATHEN, YOU.. DEMONIC ENTITY!" The guard has an absolute freakout, throws his hands over his ears, and runs as fast as he can as thrash metal echoes through this bleak dungeon.

"Haha, hell yeah," Corey says with a chuckle, before pulling on the door. It cracks open. "Oh, these fucking dipshits didn't even lock this!?"

There's a wooden plank stretched across the doorway as if to keep a prisoner inside. "I guess I don't know when the mechanical lock was invented, but now I can see why people have never trusted the police."

Corey slowly crept out of his cell and out of the dungeon, noticing his teammates gathered in the distance. He waits until the coast is clear and darts over to them, surprising everyone.

"Hi guys, how the fuck did you all get out?!" Corey says, out of breath.

Barney smiles, "SEB showed them thot pictures of Amber."

SEB and Betsy's jaws drop as their heads crank toward Barney. Then slowly to Corey. SEB begins to speak, but Corey cuts him off.

"Shit, I should have thought of that, I'd have been out three guard changes ago," Corey says with a hint of sadness.

“Alright, everyone grab hold,” said Betsy, as she furiously poked at the Vortex Manipulator on her wrist.

“To WHAT!?” asked Seb.

“Me, obviously!” she said again.

“Are you sure about this? This is the kind of thing that leads to meetings with HR,” said Seb.

“Seb, buddy, pal- we’re on a bit of a time crunch here. Just hold tight to me,” said Betsy.

“Don’t need to ask me twice,” said Barney, grabbing Betsy by the arm.

“Just… No one tell Amber about this. I’ll never hear the fucking end of it…” said Corey, rolling his eyes as he grabbed hold of Betsy’s other arm. The flash of a camera has him turning his head to face Seb, who smirks.

“I have a feeling you might be doing me a favour or two,” said Seb.

“You’re such a prick,” said Corey.

“Sebastian Everett-Bryce, I am about to press this button and leave you the fuck behind. Suppose you do make it past the guards and the Shrek villagers, how do I explain leaving you behind?” snapped Betsy.

“Yeah, that probably wouldn’t go over well with some…,” said Seb, surveying her for a place to grab hold of that won’t end with him being put on a list. “I just… Can’t…”

“Oh my fuck, just hug me, bro,” said Betsy, “3… 2…”

“Fuck,” said Seb, as he lurched forward, and all four of them seemed to be compressed into a space that was clearly meant for one person. It was pretty cramped as they passed through the time vortex, and for a moment, this team of four was a single, solitary being.

Honestly - poor Betsy.

Fresh air hit all four of them, and Barney and Corey staggered backwards. The air was rent with the sound of clashing swords, yells of agony, and screams of fury. But above it all was the sound of a horse bellowing in terror. All four looked to their left just in time to see a horse rear onto its hind legs, having just witnessed four people materialise from thin air.

The man on its back also yelled in terror, not from their unexpected appearance. Instead, it was the feeling of falling that caused his yell of fear. The knight fell backwards from the horse and crashed down onto many discarded swords - with his helmet nowhere to be found, his head collided with a blade.

“Ouch,” said all four of them at the same time.

“Uh… Seb… You can let go now,” said Betsy. Seb turned his head back towards her, realising he still had both arms wrapped around her in a crushing embrace. There was another flash, and Seb glanced at Corey, who grinned.

“I’ll delete mine if you delete yours,” he said.

“Fucking hell,” said Seb. Who still hadn’t let go. “Sorry, Cap’n,”

Seb released her and stepped backwards.

“It’s fine,” said Betsy, her eyes suddenly finding a familiar face - one that she’d met earlier that same day. Or maybe, later that day, depending upon your perspective.

“Oh fuck,” said Barney as he recognised Henry Tudor striding towards them. “Think I can convince him that I’m Reginald Collins The Fifteenth?”

“I think we might be utterly, completely, and totally fucked,” said Corey.

“Maybe not,” said Betsy, a dawning realisation on her face.

Henry paused as he stood over the fallen man - he glanced down at them, and then back up at Betsy. He placed his foot upon the chest of the fallen man and raised his sword into the air.

“King Richard is dead! I claim these lands in the name of Tudor, by right of conquest!” he called. Betsy’s eyes flashed with an idea.

“The Usurper is dead. Long live the House of Tudor,” she called, her voice lowered to a growl. She nudged Barney.

“Oh… Right…” he said. “Long live the King!”

“Long live the King!” shouted Corey, before he lowered his voice and looked at Seb with a smirk. “Me, obviously.”

“Emperors are much better,” said Seb with his own smirk, before calling out. “Long live the King!”

Betsy steps between Corey and Seb, a cheeky grin on her face. She wraps an arm over each of their shoulder and pulls them in with a playful headlock. “Yeah, but gods are the best. Why rule a kingdom when we could build a pantheon?”

She gives them each a noogie before walking away, singing loudly and cheerfully.

And as the singular shouts became chants, the sound of swords started to disappear behind the joy of victory. And in the midst of the chaos, Betsy slowly led her Wayward Wanderers away from the field of battle.

__________________

“So,” said Seb, as the four of them stood looking over the ruins of Bosworth field, having watched Richard III’s forces scatter in the wake of their liege's death. “We killed Richard III.”

“Yup, pretty fucking cool,” said Corey.

“It is, until you realise that probably makes us technically responsible for Henry VIII,” said Barney. “And I’m not sure I want that on my conscience.”

“I’m pretty sure Henry would have won either way - Henry’s men surrounded us, otherwise I don’t think we’d have managed to walk away so easily,” said Betsy. “Still, it's kind of cool to know we were in the midst of history.”

“Okay, but does that mean we were always here to kill Richard III, or did we just get lucky and perpetuate what happened anyway?” asked Seb. “Like, are we an actual part of history, or did we just get really, really good seats to what actually happened?”

“You’re making my fucking head hurt,” said Corey.

“Yeah, I don’t think we need to be thinking this deeply about it,” said Barney. “Let's just assume everything happened as it was supposed to, and we didn’t fuck anything up.”

“I guess we’ll never know which one is true,” said Betsy, a knowing smile on her face. She turned to look at Seb, whose brow was furrowed. “What?”

“I did a project on Henry VII at school,” he said. “And something just came back to me… He had a daughter, Elizabeth. Named after her mother, but… She died when she was very young. And apparently, Henry was inconsolable when it happened…”

“Okay?” said Corey. “English king gets sad about his daughter dying…”

“Not very 'stiff upper lip', but not exactly shocking either,” said Barney.

“Yes, but she was his favourite child,” said Seb, tilting his head and looking at their Captain. “And he used to call her… Betsy…”

The Captain of the Wayward Wanders raised her eyebrows as she looked across Bosworth Field towards Crown Hill, where Henry VII was being crowned.

“I trust you can all get home from here?” she said, turning back to them, changing the subject quickly. They each nodded their confirmation. “Do you have the invitations I sent you?”

One by one, Corey, Seb, and Barney all pulled out the small cards and handed them to her.

“Awesome - saves me making new ones,” she said.

“Wait… You didn’t send them to us yet?!” Barney exclaimed. “If you don’t send the invites, we’ll never show up, and you’ll never need to save us!”

“And then maybe Richard III never dies…” said Corey. “So now you have to go back and invite us, just to make sure…”

Betsy offered him a nod of confirmation.

“Which means you don’t know whether you peaked while I was in the shower,” said Seb.

“Oh, Sebastian - after the way you grabbed me on our way here? I think I’m owed a peak…” said Betsy. Seb blushed. Actually blushed.

“Fuck - I think he’s actually speechless… You need to teach me how to do that,” said Corey.

Seb extended his middle finger as Betsy chuckled.

“I’ll see you all back here in about five hundred and forty years?” she said, punching her fingers against the vortex manipulator.

“Aye, aye, Captain,” said Corey, offering a lazy salute.

“Wouldn’t miss it, boss,” said Barney with a nod.

“Suppose I’m not doing anything more interesting,” said Seb with a smirk.

“Alright then, Wanderers, I’ll see you at War Games,” said Betsy. “And thank you… For coming when I ask.”

And with that, Betsy disappeared into nothingness, leaving Seb, Corey, and Barney standing in the middle of the field.

“So,” said Corey. “Which one of us is providing the ride back home?”

“I can’t promise my spell would get us all back in one piece,” said Barney.

“And I think the Ranchero might be stuck in a tree - or it went back home,” said Corey. “We could go check, I guess…”

“That settles it then - we just need to choose between a Ranchero in a tree and a Buick with an angry, insulting driver,” said Seb.

“Will he insult you?” asked Corey.

“Probably,” said Seb.

“Then I vote for that one,” said Barney.

“Me too,” said Corey.

“Brilliant,” said Seb, pulling out his phone and starting to type a text message. “Just fucking brilliant.”

The phone shows no signal at the moment. Seb angrily pockets the phone.

“Do you want me to try?” said Barney

Barney looked around at this motley group of people. None of them has a genuine connection to one another. Just knowing they got chosen by Betsy for War Games. Barney reaches into his pocket and still sees half the black candle left.

“We can try to get back in one piece, but I cannot guarantee we all arrive in the same area,” said Barney

“Where will we wind up?” asked Corey

“I tend to wind up in the most random of places. This time, I wound up in the crapper that wasn’t what you think of in a bathroom,” said Barney

“Just great.” Said Seb

They are just staring at the open field.

“Yeah, and I need to be a little more tipsy for it to work,” said Barney

“Where are we gonna find the mead?” asked Corey

Just then, a man walking by holding a bottle of Mead appears on the field. Barney quickly sneaks up behind the guy and knocks him out with quick precision. He grabs the bottle of mead.

“This should do. I think I can make it work.” Said Barney.

“Any other random things you need?” Asked Seb

Barney, Corey, and Seb start booking it out of that area.

“I think we should be good. Just find something like a mirror or shiny metal? Said Barney.

“Just get us out of here in one piece. I am not ready to die in the 1400s.” Said Corey.

They come across a shiny piece of metal leaning against a building. Barney takes a big gulp of the mead. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the lighter. He quickly lights the candle.

“Brigid! I am calling for you to help get me and my friends back to our current time!” Shouts Barney

The sky starts to darken as we see a massive flash of light.

“What's happening, Barney?” Asks Seb

“We are willing hosts for your power, Brigid!” Shouts Barney

There is a huge flash as the world begins to shift.

“Just stay calm, Guys. We are coming back home.” Says Barney.

Barney walks through the flash, and we see him vanish, followed by Corey and then Seb. Who knows if they even truly make it back in time?]]> “Have faith, my followers in Christ, for they have seized the consorts of the Witch!” A priest passionately fires up his flock. “They are headed for the Tower and will burn with their Mistress of Hell.”

From beneath the emerald-colored Ford Ranchero she had just gotten out of, the tree (thank you, Vortex Manipulator, muah!), Betsy Granger hears the priest's yells carry from the little town just outside the heart of London. Panic and exasperation flood through her in unison as she groans and runs her grease-covered hands down her face.

“At least they’re gathered,” she mutters, the weakest of silver linings.

Her brain was already formulating a rescue plan. Sliding back under the truck, she stabs her sonic wand in a few spots that required minor fixes after the landing it took. Satisfied the vehicle would work for its occupant, she shimmied from underneath, wiping her hands and face on the cloak she’d stolen from the farm of a peasant. Getting to her feet, she swings it over her shoulders and hides her face and hair.

Tucking away the sonic, she makes her way cautiously towards the road that would take her into London. She could already see the Thames rumbling along, royal barges and simple little fishing boats sharing the water. The Tower of London loomed in the distance, where it seemed to hold her War Games crew now.

“I wonder if I could convince Henry to give them a royal pardon?” she muses as she walks near the priest and his faithful.

“They say the Witch is deceptively golden and lovely,” whispers a woman to her husband. “A veil to hide the ugliness of her soul.”

Betsy holds back a snort as she scoots past them, ignoring the less-than-complimentary commentary from the small crowd. When she turns the corner, the poster on the rickety wood building makes her stop dead in her tracks. Her sketched face stares back at her, an admirable likeness, one must admit. After she mentally calculated the bounty on her head, she pondered turning herself in. Tearing down the wanted poster, she rolls it up and shoves it into her cloak pocket before moving along the stone road towards the Tower of London.

The town reeked with a variety of aromas as peddlers shouted their wares and guards marched through the streets. The latter had the same wanted posters that Betsy had just acquired as a souvenir; she watched as they stopped several people on the street and asked if they’d seen her. Panic stabs at her as the guards get closer; thinking fast, she grabs a dishevelled-looking man by his shirt and drags him into an alley with her.

“Crazy bitch, release me!” he cries, struggling against her.

Feigning an accent, Betsy presses herself against him suggestively. “If you come with me, I can give you pleasures you never thought to seek.”

This changes his tune as he wraps an arm around her waist and allows her to lead him to a private alley near the Tower. As he turns to put his hands on her breasts, she claps his temples hard; he drops to the ground instantly. Looking towards the Tower, her heart quickens; if only she’d had Excellence, this rescue, fuck, the entire mission, would have gone a lot smoother.

“Sit tight, fellas,” she whispers to herself as she approaches the massive walls that surround the Tower itself. Locating the entrance, she pauses for a few moments, taking several deep breaths. “I’m on my way.”

***

In the distance, we see Barney Green trapped in a cell. The one-eyed bruiser from Boston, which doesn’t even exist yet. He is munching on a turkey leg that he managed to sneak into this dimly lit place.

“What can I do to get out of this? Brigid, I am a willing vessel for this escape.”

Barney is just wandering the cell, looking for a shot at escaping. “Damn. Who knew people in the 1400s could build such a quality cell? Here I was thinking that we were amazing. This is some quality stuff right here.”

He nibbles on his turkey leg, still admiring the woodwork of his prison cell, when he hears a commotion from outside.

"TIS THE WITCH; SEIZE HER!"

Barney freezes mid-nibble, focusing on the words being yelled. The witch? Could that be Betsy? Or one of the other guys on the team? His brain races as he discards the turkey, pulling the chair over to the small window placed high up towards the ceiling. Even on the chair and tippytoes, he could barely look out. The chaos that greeted him confirmed his first instinct was correct. A streak of blonde hair parries through the guards, her more petite, lithe frame able to gracefully dodge and weave through the knights in their bulky armor.

As though she could feel his eyes following her every move, the figure pauses for the briefest of moments and green eyes glance up his way. Barney waves through the window bars before Betsy continues her way in on light feet. When he turns back around, his eyes land on the turkey leg he had thrown away. Now he picks it up and examines it, dusting it off as much as he can. Then the smell of stale, years-old piss wafts through his nose again, causing him to throw away the turkey leg for good.

Muffled crashes and men's yells floated up to Barney's cell from down below. He's unable to keep the grin off his face, as it's evident that Betsy was single-handedly getting the best of his jailors. The noises grew ever louder as Betsy approached his cell; a few moments later, he could hear her voice.

"Seb? Barney? Corey? Are any of you nearby?" Her usual cheerful tone was dripping with tension.

"In here, Bets!" Barney calls out, balling up a fist and banging on the door of the cell. "I'm right over here."

The sound of keys jangling can be heard outside his door. A moment later, Betsy is peering in at him from the doorway. Her lips are pursed, and she's got a large ring of keys in one hand and a rapier in the other.

"C'mon, legend, we still have to go find the other two," Betsy says after a few moments, her expression finally softening.

With a nod of agreement, Barney happily follows Betsy to the next row of stone cells...

***


“How do I have a signal?” Seb asked, looking down at his phone, which proudly showed five bars. He groaned as he looked around his cell, the door sealed shut, and bars on the small windows.

It smelled like piss - the previous guest had decided that he didn’t need to aim inside the saturated bucket in the corner. Seb dialled a saved number.

“Hello, Jack? I find myself in something of a pickle - could you call me back, please? I need someone to get me out of a cell. Yes, in 1485,” said Seb. “Speak soon.”

He hung up the phone and leaned back against the wall. On his way to the cell, he’d been reliably informed that the “witch” had been captured, along with two other “warlocks”. Clearly, they were doing incredibly well with their little jaunt into history.

“Fucking brilliant,” he said. “How exactly am I supposed to be the all-conquering hero and save the distressing damsel when I’m locked in here?”

His phone beeped - a text message from Jack.

"How the fuck did you get caught already? I just dropped you off 15 minutes ago.
The Buick won't fit in there, you moron - so you'll have to get out yourself, then I'll come pick you up.
You really are useless."

“Wow, rude,” he said, before pushing his phone back into his pocket, “Alright, Seb - think. You need to find your way out of this cell, get Betsy, Corey, and Barney released, and then find somewhere for Jack to pick you all up in the Buick… Nice and easy…”

Except it really wasn’t easy at all. Because how the fuck was he meant to do anything with just his… Phone… An idea blossomed in his mind.

He quickly got to his feet and walked to the cell door - through the bars, he called to the guard.

“Hello there,” said Seb.

“Away from the door, Warlock!” said the man.

“But, I have something that might interest you,” said Seb. He held his phone tightly as he pushed it through the bars.

“Magic wielder! Evil doer!” said the guard.

“No, no, no,” said Seb. “This is Twitter! Well… Technically… X these days. And, now that I come to think about it, yes, it is inherently evil. BUT, this specifically isn’t… These… Are THOT pics…”

“So much… Evil…” said the guard, tilting his head. “Is there… Anymore… Evil?”

“So much evil,” said Seb. “Just open up the door, and I’ll show you all the evil you could ever want…”

“I don’t know if I…” began the guard, before there was a loud thud, and he fell forward onto the ground. Seb’s eyes widened as a figure in a hood stepped forward, pulling it back to reveal…

“Betsy!” said Seb. “I’m here to save you!”

“You’re doing a brilliant job, sweetie,” said the Wayward Wanderer herself. “Let me unlock this door, and you can start trying to save me from there, alright?”

“Fuck sake,” said Seb. “Yes, fine, but let’s be quick - and don’t tell Corey I was showing him Amber's Twitter account…”

Betsy began to chuckle as she started to unlock the door.

***

Elsewhere, a soldier begins his shift standing against a wooden door. He leans on the stone wall beside this door, swinging a spear around and pretending he's actually good at it. From a tray slot three-quarters of the way down the door, Corey Black's eyes roll.

Inside, he stands up and walks over to the dirty blanket provided. A mound of dirt seems to form his bed, and there's just a single ray of light shining into his cell.

"Honestly, guard dude, this is kind of my aesthetic." Corey says, trying to get the guard's attention, "Just get me a Slayer poster and I'm good to go."

"SILENCE, WARLOCK, DO NOT USE YOUR MAGICS UPON ME!" screams the guard, causing Corey to burst out in laughter for a moment. Then he stops, his brain kicking in.

"You want to release me," Corey begins, slowly putting his hand out of the slot. "The keys to this place would be very beneficial in protecting your life."

Nothing happens. Of course it doesn't, that's not magic, that's just.. Corey pulls his phone out and loads up a saved song. He hits play on motherfucking "Angel of Death" by Slayer.

"IT IS UNLIKE ANYTHING I HAVE EVER HEARD, YOU HEATHEN, YOU.. DEMONIC ENTITY!" The guard has an absolute freakout, throws his hands over his ears, and runs as fast as he can as thrash metal echoes through this bleak dungeon.

"Haha, hell yeah," Corey says with a chuckle, before pulling on the door. It cracks open. "Oh, these fucking dipshits didn't even lock this!?"

There's a wooden plank stretched across the doorway as if to keep a prisoner inside. "I guess I don't know when the mechanical lock was invented, but now I can see why people have never trusted the police."

Corey slowly crept out of his cell and out of the dungeon, noticing his teammates gathered in the distance. He waits until the coast is clear and darts over to them, surprising everyone.

"Hi guys, how the fuck did you all get out?!" Corey says, out of breath.

Barney smiles, "SEB showed them thot pictures of Amber."

SEB and Betsy's jaws drop as their heads crank toward Barney. Then slowly to Corey. SEB begins to speak, but Corey cuts him off.

"Shit, I should have thought of that, I'd have been out three guard changes ago," Corey says with a hint of sadness.

“Alright, everyone grab hold,” said Betsy, as she furiously poked at the Vortex Manipulator on her wrist.

“To WHAT!?” asked Seb.

“Me, obviously!” she said again.

“Are you sure about this? This is the kind of thing that leads to meetings with HR,” said Seb.

“Seb, buddy, pal- we’re on a bit of a time crunch here. Just hold tight to me,” said Betsy.

“Don’t need to ask me twice,” said Barney, grabbing Betsy by the arm.

“Just… No one tell Amber about this. I’ll never hear the fucking end of it…” said Corey, rolling his eyes as he grabbed hold of Betsy’s other arm. The flash of a camera has him turning his head to face Seb, who smirks.

“I have a feeling you might be doing me a favour or two,” said Seb.

“You’re such a prick,” said Corey.

“Sebastian Everett-Bryce, I am about to press this button and leave you the fuck behind. Suppose you do make it past the guards and the Shrek villagers, how do I explain leaving you behind?” snapped Betsy.

“Yeah, that probably wouldn’t go over well with some…,” said Seb, surveying her for a place to grab hold of that won’t end with him being put on a list. “I just… Can’t…”

“Oh my fuck, just hug me, bro,” said Betsy, “3… 2…”

“Fuck,” said Seb, as he lurched forward, and all four of them seemed to be compressed into a space that was clearly meant for one person. It was pretty cramped as they passed through the time vortex, and for a moment, this team of four was a single, solitary being.

Honestly - poor Betsy.

Fresh air hit all four of them, and Barney and Corey staggered backwards. The air was rent with the sound of clashing swords, yells of agony, and screams of fury. But above it all was the sound of a horse bellowing in terror. All four looked to their left just in time to see a horse rear onto its hind legs, having just witnessed four people materialise from thin air.

The man on its back also yelled in terror, not from their unexpected appearance. Instead, it was the feeling of falling that caused his yell of fear. The knight fell backwards from the horse and crashed down onto many discarded swords - with his helmet nowhere to be found, his head collided with a blade.

“Ouch,” said all four of them at the same time.

“Uh… Seb… You can let go now,” said Betsy. Seb turned his head back towards her, realising he still had both arms wrapped around her in a crushing embrace. There was another flash, and Seb glanced at Corey, who grinned.

“I’ll delete mine if you delete yours,” he said.

“Fucking hell,” said Seb. Who still hadn’t let go. “Sorry, Cap’n,”

Seb released her and stepped backwards.

“It’s fine,” said Betsy, her eyes suddenly finding a familiar face - one that she’d met earlier that same day. Or maybe, later that day, depending upon your perspective.

“Oh fuck,” said Barney as he recognised Henry Tudor striding towards them. “Think I can convince him that I’m Reginald Collins The Fifteenth?”

“I think we might be utterly, completely, and totally fucked,” said Corey.

“Maybe not,” said Betsy, a dawning realisation on her face.

Henry paused as he stood over the fallen man - he glanced down at them, and then back up at Betsy. He placed his foot upon the chest of the fallen man and raised his sword into the air.

“King Richard is dead! I claim these lands in the name of Tudor, by right of conquest!” he called. Betsy’s eyes flashed with an idea.

“The Usurper is dead. Long live the House of Tudor,” she called, her voice lowered to a growl. She nudged Barney.

“Oh… Right…” he said. “Long live the King!”

“Long live the King!” shouted Corey, before he lowered his voice and looked at Seb with a smirk. “Me, obviously.”

“Emperors are much better,” said Seb with his own smirk, before calling out. “Long live the King!”

Betsy steps between Corey and Seb, a cheeky grin on her face. She wraps an arm over each of their shoulder and pulls them in with a playful headlock. “Yeah, but gods are the best. Why rule a kingdom when we could build a pantheon?”

She gives them each a noogie before walking away, singing loudly and cheerfully.

And as the singular shouts became chants, the sound of swords started to disappear behind the joy of victory. And in the midst of the chaos, Betsy slowly led her Wayward Wanderers away from the field of battle.

__________________

“So,” said Seb, as the four of them stood looking over the ruins of Bosworth field, having watched Richard III’s forces scatter in the wake of their liege's death. “We killed Richard III.”

“Yup, pretty fucking cool,” said Corey.

“It is, until you realise that probably makes us technically responsible for Henry VIII,” said Barney. “And I’m not sure I want that on my conscience.”

“I’m pretty sure Henry would have won either way - Henry’s men surrounded us, otherwise I don’t think we’d have managed to walk away so easily,” said Betsy. “Still, it's kind of cool to know we were in the midst of history.”

“Okay, but does that mean we were always here to kill Richard III, or did we just get lucky and perpetuate what happened anyway?” asked Seb. “Like, are we an actual part of history, or did we just get really, really good seats to what actually happened?”

“You’re making my fucking head hurt,” said Corey.

“Yeah, I don’t think we need to be thinking this deeply about it,” said Barney. “Let's just assume everything happened as it was supposed to, and we didn’t fuck anything up.”

“I guess we’ll never know which one is true,” said Betsy, a knowing smile on her face. She turned to look at Seb, whose brow was furrowed. “What?”

“I did a project on Henry VII at school,” he said. “And something just came back to me… He had a daughter, Elizabeth. Named after her mother, but… She died when she was very young. And apparently, Henry was inconsolable when it happened…”

“Okay?” said Corey. “English king gets sad about his daughter dying…”

“Not very 'stiff upper lip', but not exactly shocking either,” said Barney.

“Yes, but she was his favourite child,” said Seb, tilting his head and looking at their Captain. “And he used to call her… Betsy…”

The Captain of the Wayward Wanders raised her eyebrows as she looked across Bosworth Field towards Crown Hill, where Henry VII was being crowned.

“I trust you can all get home from here?” she said, turning back to them, changing the subject quickly. They each nodded their confirmation. “Do you have the invitations I sent you?”

One by one, Corey, Seb, and Barney all pulled out the small cards and handed them to her.

“Awesome - saves me making new ones,” she said.

“Wait… You didn’t send them to us yet?!” Barney exclaimed. “If you don’t send the invites, we’ll never show up, and you’ll never need to save us!”

“And then maybe Richard III never dies…” said Corey. “So now you have to go back and invite us, just to make sure…”

Betsy offered him a nod of confirmation.

“Which means you don’t know whether you peaked while I was in the shower,” said Seb.

“Oh, Sebastian - after the way you grabbed me on our way here? I think I’m owed a peak…” said Betsy. Seb blushed. Actually blushed.

“Fuck - I think he’s actually speechless… You need to teach me how to do that,” said Corey.

Seb extended his middle finger as Betsy chuckled.

“I’ll see you all back here in about five hundred and forty years?” she said, punching her fingers against the vortex manipulator.

“Aye, aye, Captain,” said Corey, offering a lazy salute.

“Wouldn’t miss it, boss,” said Barney with a nod.

“Suppose I’m not doing anything more interesting,” said Seb with a smirk.

“Alright then, Wanderers, I’ll see you at War Games,” said Betsy. “And thank you… For coming when I ask.”

And with that, Betsy disappeared into nothingness, leaving Seb, Corey, and Barney standing in the middle of the field.

“So,” said Corey. “Which one of us is providing the ride back home?”

“I can’t promise my spell would get us all back in one piece,” said Barney.

“And I think the Ranchero might be stuck in a tree - or it went back home,” said Corey. “We could go check, I guess…”

“That settles it then - we just need to choose between a Ranchero in a tree and a Buick with an angry, insulting driver,” said Seb.

“Will he insult you?” asked Corey.

“Probably,” said Seb.

“Then I vote for that one,” said Barney.

“Me too,” said Corey.

“Brilliant,” said Seb, pulling out his phone and starting to type a text message. “Just fucking brilliant.”

The phone shows no signal at the moment. Seb angrily pockets the phone.

“Do you want me to try?” said Barney

Barney looked around at this motley group of people. None of them has a genuine connection to one another. Just knowing they got chosen by Betsy for War Games. Barney reaches into his pocket and still sees half the black candle left.

“We can try to get back in one piece, but I cannot guarantee we all arrive in the same area,” said Barney

“Where will we wind up?” asked Corey

“I tend to wind up in the most random of places. This time, I wound up in the crapper that wasn’t what you think of in a bathroom,” said Barney

“Just great.” Said Seb

They are just staring at the open field.

“Yeah, and I need to be a little more tipsy for it to work,” said Barney

“Where are we gonna find the mead?” asked Corey

Just then, a man walking by holding a bottle of Mead appears on the field. Barney quickly sneaks up behind the guy and knocks him out with quick precision. He grabs the bottle of mead.

“This should do. I think I can make it work.” Said Barney.

“Any other random things you need?” Asked Seb

Barney, Corey, and Seb start booking it out of that area.

“I think we should be good. Just find something like a mirror or shiny metal? Said Barney.

“Just get us out of here in one piece. I am not ready to die in the 1400s.” Said Corey.

They come across a shiny piece of metal leaning against a building. Barney takes a big gulp of the mead. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the lighter. He quickly lights the candle.

“Brigid! I am calling for you to help get me and my friends back to our current time!” Shouts Barney

The sky starts to darken as we see a massive flash of light.

“What's happening, Barney?” Asks Seb

“We are willing hosts for your power, Brigid!” Shouts Barney

There is a huge flash as the world begins to shift.

“Just stay calm, Guys. We are coming back home.” Says Barney.

Barney walks through the flash, and we see him vanish, followed by Corey and then Seb. Who knows if they even truly make it back in time?]]> <![CDATA[ménage à quatre]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49511 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 20:06:38 -0800 Roxy Cotton]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49511




UNE.]]>




UNE.]]> <![CDATA[Kings of Kings: The Royal Wedding]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49510 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 19:19:30 -0800 Kieran King]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49510 ???? ??? ????????? ??????? ?? ???????…

ᏖᎻᎬ ᏒᎾᎽᎯᏝ ᏯᎬᎠᎠᎨᏁᎶ

(word count: 3981)]]> ???? ??? ????????? ??????? ?? ???????…

ᏖᎻᎬ ᏒᎾᎽᎯᏝ ᏯᎬᎠᎠᎨᏁᎶ

(word count: 3981)]]> <![CDATA[Y'ALREADY KNOW WHICH FORCE I'M AWAKENING]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49509 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 18:35:32 -0800 YALL_KNOW_WHO]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49509 Continued from: The Return of the Thespian!

When we last left our heroes, Sir Lionel had successfully tricked Future Jake Borden into giving him the secret to time travel by posing as the present Jake Borden from the past. Lionel had given the secret to time travel to Elon Musk, who used it to invent a time machine… So YKW could do what he set out to do from the beginning… Save his partners from being killed in the ring by Blade, Landerson, and the Hixx sisters!

And now, the thrilling conclusion!


THE PAST…(?)


YKW steps through the time portal to ringside… He sees his teammates in the ring…

”There they are! I’m not too late!”

”Even better! You’re right on time!”

YKW spins around! All three of his friends who helped him on his journey! Captain Future! Elon Musk! And Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing are all in the front row!

”Guys! How did you get back to the past? I left before you did!”

”Yes! But we traveled further backwards! A whole hour earlier, so we could get good seats!”

”After all that effort we went to inventing a time machine, I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere but watching you save your teammates! It shall prove to be the performance of a lifetime!”

YKW nods appreciatively. ”But, wait… Captain Future… I thought you couldn’t see the past!”

”Yeah, I’m blind as FUCK right now!” Future palms directly in front of him… ”But I needed to be here to remind you… Before you go on a journey of revenge, you should dig two graves!”

”Oh, I actually dug four graves. Cuz I’m going to kill the four people who killed my partners.”

”Ah, excellent. Sounds like you’re ahead of the game.”
DING DING! THE BELL RINGS!

”Ah! It’s time! I’m going in there and saving my partners!”


EIGHT MINUTES LATER…


JC: My God! MY GOD!

JR: This… this is the most sickening display of ultra-violence in the ring I’ve ever seen! I… Someone has to do something about this! THREE MEN ARE DEAD!

Laying in the center of the ring, blood rapidly pooling under his skull… a steel folding chair wrapped around his throat that has torn its flesh, effectively garroting him…

GERALD “YKW’S LONG-TIME PARTNER” COSGROVE

Lying through the debris and wreckage of three burning tables outside the ring, his corpse literally on fire and nearly unrecognizable…

LELAND “YKW’S MENTOR WHO WAS TWO DAYS FROM RETIREMENT” PENNYWORTH

And, having been propelled from the top of the X-Tron, crashing into the electronic production box, with tens of thousands of volts running through his blackened, smoking form…

ANDRE “YKW’S BROTHER THAT, TO THIS DAY, YKW DOESN’T REALIZE IS HIS BROTHER” SMITH!

At the base of the ramp, some guy…

Some Guy?

Yeah, that one.

YKW collapses to his knees, burying his head in his hands…

”NO… NO…”

He turns upward to the sky, facing God herself, as if to demand how she could this happen…

”HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?!?!!”

…Elon coughs, raising his hand. ”I mean, I’ll tell you how… You tried to crank Razor over the head with a steel folding chair, ironically covered in Razor Blade’s… but he ducked and you ended up catching Cosgrove across the throat…”

”You panicked seeing one of your partners dead and tried to shove Pennyworth to safety… but he fell off the apron and through three flaming tables…”

”And I couldn’t see fucking shit for the last guy, but it sounded like Andre thought you were killing them all one by one so he climbed the X-Tron to escape you, you went after him to try to explain this was all a misunderstanding… And he backed his way off the X-Tron and through the electrical box.”

….

”...Huh. So Blade, Landerson, and the Hixxes didn’t kill my partners… I did?”

”I didn’t see that coming! Because it happened in the past!”

All four of them laugh!

When the skies suddenly part… a light shines down on all of them!

[Image: sqqtql9dty4b1.jpg]

”Gasp! It’s God herself!”

Heavenly music plays as a beautiful woman, full of knowledge and grace...

shines down unto our foursome and reveals a great wisdom…

”Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask all of you to leave Medieval Times! This instant!”


IN REALITY… SLASH POST CREDITS “WHERE ARE THERE NOW?”…


Our four heroes did not, in fact, invent time travel and successfully travel back to the night of YKW's fateful match...

They got high on ketamine, and while hallucinating everything you read, simply went to a Medieval Times.

YKW was standing in the fight pit of a Medieval Times restaurant, having pummeled and beaten up the Red, Green, and Blue Knights… Thinking they were his partners.

He later ate a whole turkey leg in one bite.

Elon watched while trying to bet money that the Blue Knight would leave WarGames Universal champion…

He lost $46.4 billion dollars.

Sir Lionel had his agent Gene Branagh email Medieval Times if he could audition for the role of King at the 3:30 show.

The email went unreplied to.

Later that night, Captain Future would finally watch the movie Memento.

He now has no idea why he wrote a bunch of shit all over his body.

THIS ADVENTURE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY

[Image: 300b905472eb0f660323d0999c8ac4ca771469dd-5906x3937.jpg]

COSTCO BRAND KETAMINE!

KETAMINE IS BETTER WITH FRIENDS!
]]> Continued from: The Return of the Thespian!

When we last left our heroes, Sir Lionel had successfully tricked Future Jake Borden into giving him the secret to time travel by posing as the present Jake Borden from the past. Lionel had given the secret to time travel to Elon Musk, who used it to invent a time machine… So YKW could do what he set out to do from the beginning… Save his partners from being killed in the ring by Blade, Landerson, and the Hixx sisters!

And now, the thrilling conclusion!


THE PAST…(?)


YKW steps through the time portal to ringside… He sees his teammates in the ring…

”There they are! I’m not too late!”

”Even better! You’re right on time!”

YKW spins around! All three of his friends who helped him on his journey! Captain Future! Elon Musk! And Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing are all in the front row!

”Guys! How did you get back to the past? I left before you did!”

”Yes! But we traveled further backwards! A whole hour earlier, so we could get good seats!”

”After all that effort we went to inventing a time machine, I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere but watching you save your teammates! It shall prove to be the performance of a lifetime!”

YKW nods appreciatively. ”But, wait… Captain Future… I thought you couldn’t see the past!”

”Yeah, I’m blind as FUCK right now!” Future palms directly in front of him… ”But I needed to be here to remind you… Before you go on a journey of revenge, you should dig two graves!”

”Oh, I actually dug four graves. Cuz I’m going to kill the four people who killed my partners.”

”Ah, excellent. Sounds like you’re ahead of the game.”
DING DING! THE BELL RINGS!

”Ah! It’s time! I’m going in there and saving my partners!”


EIGHT MINUTES LATER…


JC: My God! MY GOD!

JR: This… this is the most sickening display of ultra-violence in the ring I’ve ever seen! I… Someone has to do something about this! THREE MEN ARE DEAD!

Laying in the center of the ring, blood rapidly pooling under his skull… a steel folding chair wrapped around his throat that has torn its flesh, effectively garroting him…

GERALD “YKW’S LONG-TIME PARTNER” COSGROVE

Lying through the debris and wreckage of three burning tables outside the ring, his corpse literally on fire and nearly unrecognizable…

LELAND “YKW’S MENTOR WHO WAS TWO DAYS FROM RETIREMENT” PENNYWORTH

And, having been propelled from the top of the X-Tron, crashing into the electronic production box, with tens of thousands of volts running through his blackened, smoking form…

ANDRE “YKW’S BROTHER THAT, TO THIS DAY, YKW DOESN’T REALIZE IS HIS BROTHER” SMITH!

At the base of the ramp, some guy…

Some Guy?

Yeah, that one.

YKW collapses to his knees, burying his head in his hands…

”NO… NO…”

He turns upward to the sky, facing God herself, as if to demand how she could this happen…

”HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?!?!!”

…Elon coughs, raising his hand. ”I mean, I’ll tell you how… You tried to crank Razor over the head with a steel folding chair, ironically covered in Razor Blade’s… but he ducked and you ended up catching Cosgrove across the throat…”

”You panicked seeing one of your partners dead and tried to shove Pennyworth to safety… but he fell off the apron and through three flaming tables…”

”And I couldn’t see fucking shit for the last guy, but it sounded like Andre thought you were killing them all one by one so he climbed the X-Tron to escape you, you went after him to try to explain this was all a misunderstanding… And he backed his way off the X-Tron and through the electrical box.”

….

”...Huh. So Blade, Landerson, and the Hixxes didn’t kill my partners… I did?”

”I didn’t see that coming! Because it happened in the past!”

All four of them laugh!

When the skies suddenly part… a light shines down on all of them!

[Image: sqqtql9dty4b1.jpg]

”Gasp! It’s God herself!”

Heavenly music plays as a beautiful woman, full of knowledge and grace...

shines down unto our foursome and reveals a great wisdom…

”Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask all of you to leave Medieval Times! This instant!”


IN REALITY… SLASH POST CREDITS “WHERE ARE THERE NOW?”…


Our four heroes did not, in fact, invent time travel and successfully travel back to the night of YKW's fateful match...

They got high on ketamine, and while hallucinating everything you read, simply went to a Medieval Times.

YKW was standing in the fight pit of a Medieval Times restaurant, having pummeled and beaten up the Red, Green, and Blue Knights… Thinking they were his partners.

He later ate a whole turkey leg in one bite.

Elon watched while trying to bet money that the Blue Knight would leave WarGames Universal champion…

He lost $46.4 billion dollars.

Sir Lionel had his agent Gene Branagh email Medieval Times if he could audition for the role of King at the 3:30 show.

The email went unreplied to.

Later that night, Captain Future would finally watch the movie Memento.

He now has no idea why he wrote a bunch of shit all over his body.

THIS ADVENTURE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY

[Image: 300b905472eb0f660323d0999c8ac4ca771469dd-5906x3937.jpg]

COSTCO BRAND KETAMINE!

KETAMINE IS BETTER WITH FRIENDS!
]]> <![CDATA[The Return of the Thespian!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49508 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 18:28:05 -0800 Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49508 Continued from: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT EMPIRE IS STRIKING BACK

When we last left our heroes, YKW and Captain Future had entered into an agreement with Elon Musk… in exchange for CF using his Future Sight to determine how humanity will invent time travel in the future, Elon will let them use the time machine he will subsequently invent using the secret to time travel so YKW can go back in time and stop Blade, Landerson and the Hixx sisters from murdering his tag-team partners.

Also, Sir Lionel is there.


THE FUTURE


Captain Future, appearing to be a spectral apparition, presses his space fingers into his space temples, focusing with all of his might on looking into the Future.

”Hmmm… somewhere around here must be the man on the cusp of inventing time travel…”

WRENCH SOUNDS! Some mysterious figure is hard at work, wrenching pipes into place.

”That’s it! I’ve done it!”

The man toiling throws his wrench away… Revealing he’s…

Screenshot-2025-11-20-202337

A SIXTY-YEAR OLD RIPPED “CAVORTIN’” JAKE BORDEN!

With the Universal title over his shoulder!

”It took over four decades, but I’ve become the Universal champion… discovered the secret to time travel that was lost when my dear friend, Dr. Nikola Smacksya, lost the post-it note he wrote the secret to time travel on…”

Jake smiles.

”And I completed speech therapy!”

Jake rubs his hands together.

”Now, I can go BACK to the 1970s  and give all my secrets to the young, fresh-faced, 17-year-old me, so then he can travel to 2025 and sub in for WarGames and pin Kieran King… THEN, I can have become the Universal champion MUCH faster and without needing the roster thinned by multiple zombie apocalypses!”

Future strokes his space chin thoughtfully.

”This is it! This is the exact moment this Borden fellow is about to share the secret of time travel!”

Jake hits the button on his time travel device… And disappears into a portal… back to 2025!

Captain Future goes to enter the portal after him…

…But bounces off!

His eyes widen!


”Space what the?!?”

He tries again… It’s like there’s a forcefield preventing him from going to the…

…Past.

”...Oh fuck.”


ZWIP! Future releases Grok’s wires… His body jolts and sputters as the electricity courses through his veins!

Elon and YKW quickly approach him.

”He’s seizing… Get him something to level him out!”

Elon immediately hands over another bottle of space ketamine.

Future downs it in one gulp.

”Phew… much better…”

YKW steps forward. ”Well? Did you figure out the secret to time travel?”

Future sighs. ”Unfortunately, Jake Borden, the man who discovers the secret to time travel, goes back to tell his younger self in the past! And I can’t see into the past!”

…YKW squints. ”...I’m still so fascinated by your powers. So, you can’t see into the future if someone from the future goes into the past!”

”Obviously not! Because that happened in the past! AND I CAN’T SEE THE PAST! Look, ask me who George Washington is.”

”...Who is George Washington?”

”...I dunno? Some space hooker? Must be from the past where I CAN’T SEE!”

”...But if you don’t know who George Washington is, how did you know to ask who George Washington is to prove you don’t know who George Washington is.”

Future raises his shirt, revealing across his chest, he wrote ‘PROVE YOU CAN’T SEE THE PAST BY TELLING PEOPLE TO ASK YOU WHO GEORGE WASHINGTON IS’...

”Because I wrote it on my chest like in the movie Memento!”

”But you DO remember the movie Memento.”

”Because I’ll watch it in the FUTURE! ”

”But can’t you just learn who George Washington is in the future so you remember it now?”

”I DON’T HAVE TIME! I’LL BE TOO BUSY WATCHING MEMENTO!”

”Gentlemen! Gentleman!” Elon raises his hands between YKW and CF. ”Here’s what we know… Future Jake Borden is heading to the 1970s to meet past Jake Borden and tell him the secret to time travel.”

Elon raises his keys. ”And I, as 1/3rd owner of the XWF, have a key that opens Jake Borden’s time locker back to the 1970s…”

YKW gasps in recognition! ”Brilliant! …Except… Future Jake is going back to the 1970s to only tell his past self the secret.”

”He’s also very ripped.”

”Hmm, so we can’t possibly beat the secret out of him. If only we could find someone to play the part of Jake Borden so convincingly that Future Jake would give that person the secret.”

…From behind the group…

Sir Lionel steps forward.

”Gentlemen. I…” Pennyfarthing clears his throat.

”I…...I b-b-believe I c-c-can be your J-J-J…er, I’ll be B-B-Borden!”


The 1970s


Jake is warming up in front of his time locker.

”G-G-Gosh! I’ve n-n-never competed in W-W-WarGames before! I s-s-sure hope e-e-everyone’s s-s-sportsmaaaa… s-s-sportsmanli… er, about fair c-c-competition!”

Jake closes his locker.

WHAM! Grok fist to the skull!

Sir Lionel, with a feathered mullet hairdo… creeps out from behind the locker, picks up Jake’s unconscious body and stuffs Jake into it…

That moment, Future Jake steps through a time portal!

”Jake! I’m here to give you the secret to time travel, wrestling, and not stuttering!”

Lionel spins around.

”O-o-oh b-b-boy!”

…Future Jake scratches his head. ”...I knew I wasn’t in the best shape back then but…” FJ shakes his head. ”Never mind. Listen up, me! First, the secret to time travel!”


”Anyway…” Lionel references the notes he wrote…. ”The secret to not stuttering is believing in yourself… The secret to becoming the Universal champion is believing in yourself… And the secret to time travel is [REDACTED].”

Elon’s eyes widen. ”Of course! [REDACTED]! It’s so obvious! I’ll have a working time machine prototype in MINUTES!”

”Which means… I can change the past! And save my partners!”

”Wonderful! This calls for MORE KETAMINE!”

To Be Concluded…]]> Continued from: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT EMPIRE IS STRIKING BACK

When we last left our heroes, YKW and Captain Future had entered into an agreement with Elon Musk… in exchange for CF using his Future Sight to determine how humanity will invent time travel in the future, Elon will let them use the time machine he will subsequently invent using the secret to time travel so YKW can go back in time and stop Blade, Landerson and the Hixx sisters from murdering his tag-team partners.

Also, Sir Lionel is there.


THE FUTURE


Captain Future, appearing to be a spectral apparition, presses his space fingers into his space temples, focusing with all of his might on looking into the Future.

”Hmmm… somewhere around here must be the man on the cusp of inventing time travel…”

WRENCH SOUNDS! Some mysterious figure is hard at work, wrenching pipes into place.

”That’s it! I’ve done it!”

The man toiling throws his wrench away… Revealing he’s…

Screenshot-2025-11-20-202337

A SIXTY-YEAR OLD RIPPED “CAVORTIN’” JAKE BORDEN!

With the Universal title over his shoulder!

”It took over four decades, but I’ve become the Universal champion… discovered the secret to time travel that was lost when my dear friend, Dr. Nikola Smacksya, lost the post-it note he wrote the secret to time travel on…”

Jake smiles.

”And I completed speech therapy!”

Jake rubs his hands together.

”Now, I can go BACK to the 1970s  and give all my secrets to the young, fresh-faced, 17-year-old me, so then he can travel to 2025 and sub in for WarGames and pin Kieran King… THEN, I can have become the Universal champion MUCH faster and without needing the roster thinned by multiple zombie apocalypses!”

Future strokes his space chin thoughtfully.

”This is it! This is the exact moment this Borden fellow is about to share the secret of time travel!”

Jake hits the button on his time travel device… And disappears into a portal… back to 2025!

Captain Future goes to enter the portal after him…

…But bounces off!

His eyes widen!


”Space what the?!?”

He tries again… It’s like there’s a forcefield preventing him from going to the…

…Past.

”...Oh fuck.”


ZWIP! Future releases Grok’s wires… His body jolts and sputters as the electricity courses through his veins!

Elon and YKW quickly approach him.

”He’s seizing… Get him something to level him out!”

Elon immediately hands over another bottle of space ketamine.

Future downs it in one gulp.

”Phew… much better…”

YKW steps forward. ”Well? Did you figure out the secret to time travel?”

Future sighs. ”Unfortunately, Jake Borden, the man who discovers the secret to time travel, goes back to tell his younger self in the past! And I can’t see into the past!”

…YKW squints. ”...I’m still so fascinated by your powers. So, you can’t see into the future if someone from the future goes into the past!”

”Obviously not! Because that happened in the past! AND I CAN’T SEE THE PAST! Look, ask me who George Washington is.”

”...Who is George Washington?”

”...I dunno? Some space hooker? Must be from the past where I CAN’T SEE!”

”...But if you don’t know who George Washington is, how did you know to ask who George Washington is to prove you don’t know who George Washington is.”

Future raises his shirt, revealing across his chest, he wrote ‘PROVE YOU CAN’T SEE THE PAST BY TELLING PEOPLE TO ASK YOU WHO GEORGE WASHINGTON IS’...

”Because I wrote it on my chest like in the movie Memento!”

”But you DO remember the movie Memento.”

”Because I’ll watch it in the FUTURE! ”

”But can’t you just learn who George Washington is in the future so you remember it now?”

”I DON’T HAVE TIME! I’LL BE TOO BUSY WATCHING MEMENTO!”

”Gentlemen! Gentleman!” Elon raises his hands between YKW and CF. ”Here’s what we know… Future Jake Borden is heading to the 1970s to meet past Jake Borden and tell him the secret to time travel.”

Elon raises his keys. ”And I, as 1/3rd owner of the XWF, have a key that opens Jake Borden’s time locker back to the 1970s…”

YKW gasps in recognition! ”Brilliant! …Except… Future Jake is going back to the 1970s to only tell his past self the secret.”

”He’s also very ripped.”

”Hmm, so we can’t possibly beat the secret out of him. If only we could find someone to play the part of Jake Borden so convincingly that Future Jake would give that person the secret.”

…From behind the group…

Sir Lionel steps forward.

”Gentlemen. I…” Pennyfarthing clears his throat.

”I…...I b-b-believe I c-c-can be your J-J-J…er, I’ll be B-B-Borden!”


The 1970s


Jake is warming up in front of his time locker.

”G-G-Gosh! I’ve n-n-never competed in W-W-WarGames before! I s-s-sure hope e-e-everyone’s s-s-sportsmaaaa… s-s-sportsmanli… er, about fair c-c-competition!”

Jake closes his locker.

WHAM! Grok fist to the skull!

Sir Lionel, with a feathered mullet hairdo… creeps out from behind the locker, picks up Jake’s unconscious body and stuffs Jake into it…

That moment, Future Jake steps through a time portal!

”Jake! I’m here to give you the secret to time travel, wrestling, and not stuttering!”

Lionel spins around.

”O-o-oh b-b-boy!”

…Future Jake scratches his head. ”...I knew I wasn’t in the best shape back then but…” FJ shakes his head. ”Never mind. Listen up, me! First, the secret to time travel!”


”Anyway…” Lionel references the notes he wrote…. ”The secret to not stuttering is believing in yourself… The secret to becoming the Universal champion is believing in yourself… And the secret to time travel is [REDACTED].”

Elon’s eyes widen. ”Of course! [REDACTED]! It’s so obvious! I’ll have a working time machine prototype in MINUTES!”

”Which means… I can change the past! And save my partners!”

”Wonderful! This calls for MORE KETAMINE!”

To Be Concluded…]]> <![CDATA[IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT EMPIRE IS STRIKING BACK]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49507 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 18:19:13 -0800 Peter Principle]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49507 Continued from: A New Hope... FROM THE FUTURE

When we last left our heroes, they were negotiating with Elon Musk, to invent a time machine so that YKW could travel back in time and stop Razor, Landerson and the Hixxes from killing all his old tag-team partners…


In Elon’s Office


”So… you come to me, ELON MUSK… asking me to open you a path to the future…”

YKW and Captain Future peer with awe and wonder at their potential partner in unlocking the secrets to traveling back to the past…

As SIr Lionel begrudgingly crosses his arms and fumes…

”That’s not what the character would say at all!”

YKW squints over at Pennyfarthing. ”Sir Lionel, that’s *literally* what you just said when you were trying to play Elon…”

”But the cadence is WRONG! The savoir faire ABSENT! This man is HALF the Elon Musk I could be!”

YKW shakes his head, before turning back to Elon…

”...How rude of me… As my guests and… potential… business partners, allow me to offer you some libations…”

Elon claps twice.

From a back wall, populated by 20 mini-Groks in butler’s outfits… A mini-Grok steps forward with a tray.

”May I offer you… wine?

The mini-Grok butler lifts the tray…

[Image: 1000_F_78471055_LWko7DVxJyE1RS3L81VmCQzQMkHlldfw.jpg]

Revealing two bottles, one of red wine, one of white…

CF looks intrigued. ”...Space wine?”

”...Regular.”

”Ugh, hard pass.” CF sneers with contempt, like he saw these wines steal his parking spot… IN THE FUTURE!

”Don’t be rude, Captain Future…”

Elon’s eyes raise with interest, as he makes a note in his phone to buy space wine… ”Hmm, a more discerning palate than I anticipated from you two... You passed the first test by refusing my wine.”

Elon claps once.

A different mini-Grok steps forward, raising the lid off a tray.

[Image: AP21335789690904-645x645.jpg]

”Ketamine, then?”

…Yep, just… straight-up a bottle of Ketamine.

…With… a Costco logo? Does Costco sell Ketamine? Is Elon buying ketamine in bulk?

CF’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull.

”...Space ketamine?”

”Is there any other kind?”

CF’s hands surge forward to grab the bot-

Nope, YKW blocks his colleague’s path with his arm.

”It’s another test, Future!” YKW turns to face Elon. ”We’ll pass.”

…Elon nods, impressed by the will on display.

”Then, perhaps…”

Elon claps a half time.

Another mini-Grok steps forward.

[Image: AP21335789690904-645x645.jpg]

”Ketamine?”

…Same setup as the last Grok.

”I… Wait, what?”

CF is already reaching for the bottle.

Whap! YKW smacks Future’s hand away.

”...No thank you.” YKW sticks to his guns.

Elon nods with a sage wisdom.

He claps negative one times.

Another mini-Grok steps up.

Opening another tray.

[Image: AP21335789690904-645x645.jpg]

That also has ketamine.

”Ketamine.”

…This time, Elon’s tone is less of an offer and more of a command, like ‘we are doing ketamine now’.

Future taps YKW on the shoulder.

”Mister Y’all…” Future presses his fingers against his temples… ”My future vision tells me that Elon will agree to work with us… in the FUTURE! But only IF we do ketamine with him.

YKW sighs. ”There must be another way...”

[purple]”Mmm-mmm.” Future shakes his head. ”Trust me, Mister Who, you can’t change the futuuuuuuuure! Only the paaaaaaast!”

…YKW’s lips purse thoughtfully.


SEVERAL HOURS LATER


”So! We have reached an agreement!”

…

”We’re going to START A BAND!”

All three men raise their ketamine bottles, cheers-ing them in the air over Elon’s table!

”But, first! More ketamine!”

Another cheers!

Elon hits his intercom!

”Send in my Ketamine twi’lek girl!”

A door opens…

And carrying a fresh tray of ketamine is…

…Sir Lionel in green body paint and plaster noodles hanging off his head.

”Oohsoo Elon ketamine daysa?”

Elon exhales.

”Lionel, you can’t play the role of my twi’lek ketamine girl.”

”GIVE ME A CHANCE TO AUDITION AT LEAST!”


SEVERAL MORE HOURS LATER


…Elon pulls himself off the floor, clinging on the desk like it’s the only thing keeping him upright and the floor under him is space lava…

”SO! We’ve reached an arrangement.”

YKW stares off into the middle distance… Before SMASHING his skull into the desk and bringing it up, bleeding from the skull as he rapidly nods.

”Indeed! Captain Future will use his Future Sight to peer into the future to determine exactly how time travel will one day be invented… then he’ll bring that secret back to you and you’ll use it in the present to invent a time machine.”

”That I will allow you to borrow to save your pitiful tag-team partners… and then I’ll have a device that will allow me to manipulate past events to my whim until I eventually create a timeline where my Groky-poo is Universal champion!”

YKW nods. ”We have a deal, then… But…”

YKW looks over at Captain Future, who is in his space pajamas, pouring a helping of ketamine into his sleepy-time tea. ”Wait, Cap… Are you sure this is okay? I thought you said you can’t change the future.”

Future waves that off. ”I don’t even remember saying that… because it happened in the paaaaaaast! I can only see the futuuuuuuure! Where I totally do it!”

”But aren’t there dangerous implications to changing the future?”

”Not at all! I only implied there were so you’d stop getting in the way of my sweet SPACE ketamine!”

”...Oh. Okay, then! Let’s do it!”

”One small thing… I don’t know if I have the power to remember that far into the future.”

Elon grins cockily. ”Oh… don’t worry about power… I’ve got that in SPADES.”

A mini-Grok crabwalks onto Elon’s desk and opens up his chest… Wires and electricity spurs out.

”Just grab hold tight and Grok here will amplify your future sight!”

YKW scratches his head. ”...Grabbing a hot electrical wire will enhance your future sight? Cap, are you sure you wanna do this?”

”Hmmm, hold on…”

Future chugs another bottle of ketamine… and then smashes the bottle over his head.

”Yes. Yes, I do.”

To Be Continued…]]> Continued from: A New Hope... FROM THE FUTURE

When we last left our heroes, they were negotiating with Elon Musk, to invent a time machine so that YKW could travel back in time and stop Razor, Landerson and the Hixxes from killing all his old tag-team partners…


In Elon’s Office


”So… you come to me, ELON MUSK… asking me to open you a path to the future…”

YKW and Captain Future peer with awe and wonder at their potential partner in unlocking the secrets to traveling back to the past…

As SIr Lionel begrudgingly crosses his arms and fumes…

”That’s not what the character would say at all!”

YKW squints over at Pennyfarthing. ”Sir Lionel, that’s *literally* what you just said when you were trying to play Elon…”

”But the cadence is WRONG! The savoir faire ABSENT! This man is HALF the Elon Musk I could be!”

YKW shakes his head, before turning back to Elon…

”...How rude of me… As my guests and… potential… business partners, allow me to offer you some libations…”

Elon claps twice.

From a back wall, populated by 20 mini-Groks in butler’s outfits… A mini-Grok steps forward with a tray.

”May I offer you… wine?

The mini-Grok butler lifts the tray…

[Image: 1000_F_78471055_LWko7DVxJyE1RS3L81VmCQzQMkHlldfw.jpg]

Revealing two bottles, one of red wine, one of white…

CF looks intrigued. ”...Space wine?”

”...Regular.”

”Ugh, hard pass.” CF sneers with contempt, like he saw these wines steal his parking spot… IN THE FUTURE!

”Don’t be rude, Captain Future…”

Elon’s eyes raise with interest, as he makes a note in his phone to buy space wine… ”Hmm, a more discerning palate than I anticipated from you two... You passed the first test by refusing my wine.”

Elon claps once.

A different mini-Grok steps forward, raising the lid off a tray.

[Image: AP21335789690904-645x645.jpg]

”Ketamine, then?”

…Yep, just… straight-up a bottle of Ketamine.

…With… a Costco logo? Does Costco sell Ketamine? Is Elon buying ketamine in bulk?

CF’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull.

”...Space ketamine?”

”Is there any other kind?”

CF’s hands surge forward to grab the bot-

Nope, YKW blocks his colleague’s path with his arm.

”It’s another test, Future!” YKW turns to face Elon. ”We’ll pass.”

…Elon nods, impressed by the will on display.

”Then, perhaps…”

Elon claps a half time.

Another mini-Grok steps forward.

[Image: AP21335789690904-645x645.jpg]

”Ketamine?”

…Same setup as the last Grok.

”I… Wait, what?”

CF is already reaching for the bottle.

Whap! YKW smacks Future’s hand away.

”...No thank you.” YKW sticks to his guns.

Elon nods with a sage wisdom.

He claps negative one times.

Another mini-Grok steps up.

Opening another tray.

[Image: AP21335789690904-645x645.jpg]

That also has ketamine.

”Ketamine.”

…This time, Elon’s tone is less of an offer and more of a command, like ‘we are doing ketamine now’.

Future taps YKW on the shoulder.

”Mister Y’all…” Future presses his fingers against his temples… ”My future vision tells me that Elon will agree to work with us… in the FUTURE! But only IF we do ketamine with him.

YKW sighs. ”There must be another way...”

[purple]”Mmm-mmm.” Future shakes his head. ”Trust me, Mister Who, you can’t change the futuuuuuuuure! Only the paaaaaaast!”

…YKW’s lips purse thoughtfully.


SEVERAL HOURS LATER


”So! We have reached an agreement!”

…

”We’re going to START A BAND!”

All three men raise their ketamine bottles, cheers-ing them in the air over Elon’s table!

”But, first! More ketamine!”

Another cheers!

Elon hits his intercom!

”Send in my Ketamine twi’lek girl!”

A door opens…

And carrying a fresh tray of ketamine is…

…Sir Lionel in green body paint and plaster noodles hanging off his head.

”Oohsoo Elon ketamine daysa?”

Elon exhales.

”Lionel, you can’t play the role of my twi’lek ketamine girl.”

”GIVE ME A CHANCE TO AUDITION AT LEAST!”


SEVERAL MORE HOURS LATER


…Elon pulls himself off the floor, clinging on the desk like it’s the only thing keeping him upright and the floor under him is space lava…

”SO! We’ve reached an arrangement.”

YKW stares off into the middle distance… Before SMASHING his skull into the desk and bringing it up, bleeding from the skull as he rapidly nods.

”Indeed! Captain Future will use his Future Sight to peer into the future to determine exactly how time travel will one day be invented… then he’ll bring that secret back to you and you’ll use it in the present to invent a time machine.”

”That I will allow you to borrow to save your pitiful tag-team partners… and then I’ll have a device that will allow me to manipulate past events to my whim until I eventually create a timeline where my Groky-poo is Universal champion!”

YKW nods. ”We have a deal, then… But…”

YKW looks over at Captain Future, who is in his space pajamas, pouring a helping of ketamine into his sleepy-time tea. ”Wait, Cap… Are you sure this is okay? I thought you said you can’t change the future.”

Future waves that off. ”I don’t even remember saying that… because it happened in the paaaaaaast! I can only see the futuuuuuuure! Where I totally do it!”

”But aren’t there dangerous implications to changing the future?”

”Not at all! I only implied there were so you’d stop getting in the way of my sweet SPACE ketamine!”

”...Oh. Okay, then! Let’s do it!”

”One small thing… I don’t know if I have the power to remember that far into the future.”

Elon grins cockily. ”Oh… don’t worry about power… I’ve got that in SPADES.”

A mini-Grok crabwalks onto Elon’s desk and opens up his chest… Wires and electricity spurs out.

”Just grab hold tight and Grok here will amplify your future sight!”

YKW scratches his head. ”...Grabbing a hot electrical wire will enhance your future sight? Cap, are you sure you wanna do this?”

”Hmmm, hold on…”

Future chugs another bottle of ketamine… and then smashes the bottle over his head.

”Yes. Yes, I do.”

To Be Continued…]]> <![CDATA[The Four Horsemen: Apocalypse Now]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49506 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 18:15:07 -0800 SolemnIncline]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49506 The House of the Psycho presents: The Four Horsemen: Apocalypse Now]]> The House of the Psycho presents: The Four Horsemen: Apocalypse Now]]> <![CDATA[A New Hope... FROM THE FUTURE]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49505 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 17:51:54 -0800 Captain Future]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49505
THE PAST…(?)


JC: My God! MY GOD!

JR: This… this is the most sickening display of ultra-violence in the ring I’ve ever seen! I… Someone has to do something about this! THREE MEN ARE DEAD!

Laying in the center of the ring, blood rapidly pooling under his skull… a steel folding chair wrapped around his throat that has torn its flesh, effectively garroting him…


GERALD “YKW’S LONG-TIME PARTNER” COSGROVE

Lying through the debris and wreckage of three burning tables outside the ring, his corpse literally on fire and nearly unrecognizable…


LELAND “YKW’S MENTOR WHO WAS TWO DAYS FROM RETIREMENT” PENNYWORTH

And, having been propelled from the top of the X-Tron, crashing into the electronic production box, with tens of thousands of volts running through his blackened, smoking form…


ANDRE “YKW’S BROTHER THAT, TO THIS DAY, YKW DOESN’T REALIZE IS HIS BROTHER” SMITH!

At the base of the ramp, some guy…

Some Guy?

Yeah, that one.

YKW collapses to his knees, burying his head in his hands…

”NO… NO…”

He turns upward to the sky, facing God herself, as if to demand how she could this happen…

”HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?!?!!”

Tasteful cross-fade to…


THE PRESENT


YKW inhales bitterly.

”And that’s pretty much exactly how El Landerson, Razor Blade, and the Hixx Sisters killed my closest friends and long-time wrestling partners…”

”Now? I come to you… With my hat in my hands… Oh, hold on.”

YKW reaches into his pocket to retrieve a bowler hat…

”I come to you… With my hat in my hands… Begging for your help…”

The camera pans around revealing…


CAPTAIN MOTHERFUCKING FUTUUUUUUUUUUURE!

”I figured… What better man to change the past, and help prevent the death of three decent men… Than Captain Future himself!”

…Captain Future tilts his head to the side curiously .

”...Wait, what better man? What the fuck would I do to help you bring men back from the dead? I’m not Dick fucking Powers!”

…YKW tilts his head the opposite direction, equally curiously.

”...Wait. But, you’re Captain Future. Can’t you… like… time travel? Aren’t you from the Future!”

CF rolls his eyes.

”I can SEE into the Future, you Philistine! I can’t travel into the past! For that you would need Commodore Past or FILGOR the Time-Travelling Caveman, but they stuck on a perilous mission organising A BRIDAL SHOWER!”

Captain Future curls his fist and looks off in disgust. TKW scratches his temple

”...Really? You can’t?”

Future looks back realising that… That guy was still here.

”I can’t even SEE into the past! I can only see into the FUTUUUUUUUURE!”

…YKW’s head tilts even further to the side, even more curiously.

”Wait, what do you mean ‘you can’t see into the past’... Like you can’t see into ancient times? Like… you can remember yesterday, right?”

”I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW THIS CONVERSATION STARTED.” Future rebukes YKW exasperatedly. ”Because it started IN THE PAST. And I can’t see what happened in the past!”

…YKW’s head is upside-down now, having tilted a full 180 degrees out of curiosity. He’s lying on the table between him and CF, looking up.

”So… like… functionally, you don’t have a memory?”

”I remember THE FUTUUUUUUURE!” Future dismisses YKW’s inaccurate statement with a wave of his hand. ”I remember everything that will ever happen! But I don’t remember what came before it.”

”...So, wait.” YKW rolls slightly back to 135 degrees of curiosity. ”If you only remember the future, but not the past, how do you remember… like… people, and names, and dates? Or like what wrestling moves you know?”

”Most things I remember because I’ll do them again in THE FUTURE!”

…After a beat, Future begrudgingly opens his silky velour FUTURE VEST, revealing many notes in spacepie (Space Sharpie) along his body…

”Other things I write on my body so I won’t forget them when they disappear into the past. Kinda like the movie Memento.”

”Wait…” …YKW rolls the other way, now 248 degrees of curious. ”So you can’t remember the past, but you remember the movie Memento?”

”BECAUSE I PLAN ON SEEING THE MOVIE MEMENTO! IN THE FUTURE! THEREFORE I REMEMBER IT!”

…

YKW does two full rotations on the table, 735 degrees more curious now. ”...So…”

”We don’t have time! Do you really want to go back into the past and save your friends from being murdered by Landerson, Blade, and the Hixxes? Are you a bad enough dude to warp time itself?”

”Y’ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!”

…Future nods knowingly, having seen YKW in action… In the Future!

”Then we need someone with the know-how to build a time machine…”

Future rubs his hands together.

”And I know just the guy…”


ELON MUSK’S OFFICE


YKW and CF sit at a desk…

And behind the desk, a chair is spun around…

”So… you come to me, ELON MUSK… asking me to open you a path to the future…”

…

The chair spins around.

…It’s not Elon.

It’s Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing, wearing a hairpiece to look like Elon Musk.

”What you haven’t answered is… Why should I help y-”

”Lionel, you can’t play ‘Elon’.”

”Oh, c’mon!” Lionel sneers, throwing his hairpiece down onto the desk. ”Why can’t I!?! I studied at Juliard!”

…”In their mathematics department…”

”I was BORRRRRRRN to play Elon Musk!”

”...More so than… him?”

The chair beside Sir Lionel spins around…

Revealing…


Elon the Musk! Accompanied by Salacious Grok, C3P.O.S and an unfortunate intern!

TO BE CONTINUED… IN THE FUTURE!
]]>
THE PAST…(?)


JC: My God! MY GOD!

JR: This… this is the most sickening display of ultra-violence in the ring I’ve ever seen! I… Someone has to do something about this! THREE MEN ARE DEAD!

Laying in the center of the ring, blood rapidly pooling under his skull… a steel folding chair wrapped around his throat that has torn its flesh, effectively garroting him…


GERALD “YKW’S LONG-TIME PARTNER” COSGROVE

Lying through the debris and wreckage of three burning tables outside the ring, his corpse literally on fire and nearly unrecognizable…


LELAND “YKW’S MENTOR WHO WAS TWO DAYS FROM RETIREMENT” PENNYWORTH

And, having been propelled from the top of the X-Tron, crashing into the electronic production box, with tens of thousands of volts running through his blackened, smoking form…


ANDRE “YKW’S BROTHER THAT, TO THIS DAY, YKW DOESN’T REALIZE IS HIS BROTHER” SMITH!

At the base of the ramp, some guy…

Some Guy?

Yeah, that one.

YKW collapses to his knees, burying his head in his hands…

”NO… NO…”

He turns upward to the sky, facing God herself, as if to demand how she could this happen…

”HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?!?!!”

Tasteful cross-fade to…


THE PRESENT


YKW inhales bitterly.

”And that’s pretty much exactly how El Landerson, Razor Blade, and the Hixx Sisters killed my closest friends and long-time wrestling partners…”

”Now? I come to you… With my hat in my hands… Oh, hold on.”

YKW reaches into his pocket to retrieve a bowler hat…

”I come to you… With my hat in my hands… Begging for your help…”

The camera pans around revealing…


CAPTAIN MOTHERFUCKING FUTUUUUUUUUUUURE!

”I figured… What better man to change the past, and help prevent the death of three decent men… Than Captain Future himself!”

…Captain Future tilts his head to the side curiously .

”...Wait, what better man? What the fuck would I do to help you bring men back from the dead? I’m not Dick fucking Powers!”

…YKW tilts his head the opposite direction, equally curiously.

”...Wait. But, you’re Captain Future. Can’t you… like… time travel? Aren’t you from the Future!”

CF rolls his eyes.

”I can SEE into the Future, you Philistine! I can’t travel into the past! For that you would need Commodore Past or FILGOR the Time-Travelling Caveman, but they stuck on a perilous mission organising A BRIDAL SHOWER!”

Captain Future curls his fist and looks off in disgust. TKW scratches his temple

”...Really? You can’t?”

Future looks back realising that… That guy was still here.

”I can’t even SEE into the past! I can only see into the FUTUUUUUUUURE!”

…YKW’s head tilts even further to the side, even more curiously.

”Wait, what do you mean ‘you can’t see into the past’... Like you can’t see into ancient times? Like… you can remember yesterday, right?”

”I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW THIS CONVERSATION STARTED.” Future rebukes YKW exasperatedly. ”Because it started IN THE PAST. And I can’t see what happened in the past!”

…YKW’s head is upside-down now, having tilted a full 180 degrees out of curiosity. He’s lying on the table between him and CF, looking up.

”So… like… functionally, you don’t have a memory?”

”I remember THE FUTUUUUUUURE!” Future dismisses YKW’s inaccurate statement with a wave of his hand. ”I remember everything that will ever happen! But I don’t remember what came before it.”

”...So, wait.” YKW rolls slightly back to 135 degrees of curiosity. ”If you only remember the future, but not the past, how do you remember… like… people, and names, and dates? Or like what wrestling moves you know?”

”Most things I remember because I’ll do them again in THE FUTURE!”

…After a beat, Future begrudgingly opens his silky velour FUTURE VEST, revealing many notes in spacepie (Space Sharpie) along his body…

”Other things I write on my body so I won’t forget them when they disappear into the past. Kinda like the movie Memento.”

”Wait…” …YKW rolls the other way, now 248 degrees of curious. ”So you can’t remember the past, but you remember the movie Memento?”

”BECAUSE I PLAN ON SEEING THE MOVIE MEMENTO! IN THE FUTURE! THEREFORE I REMEMBER IT!”

…

YKW does two full rotations on the table, 735 degrees more curious now. ”...So…”

”We don’t have time! Do you really want to go back into the past and save your friends from being murdered by Landerson, Blade, and the Hixxes? Are you a bad enough dude to warp time itself?”

”Y’ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!”

…Future nods knowingly, having seen YKW in action… In the Future!

”Then we need someone with the know-how to build a time machine…”

Future rubs his hands together.

”And I know just the guy…”


ELON MUSK’S OFFICE


YKW and CF sit at a desk…

And behind the desk, a chair is spun around…

”So… you come to me, ELON MUSK… asking me to open you a path to the future…”

…

The chair spins around.

…It’s not Elon.

It’s Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing, wearing a hairpiece to look like Elon Musk.

”What you haven’t answered is… Why should I help y-”

”Lionel, you can’t play ‘Elon’.”

”Oh, c’mon!” Lionel sneers, throwing his hairpiece down onto the desk. ”Why can’t I!?! I studied at Juliard!”

…”In their mathematics department…”

”I was BORRRRRRRN to play Elon Musk!”

”...More so than… him?”

The chair beside Sir Lionel spins around…

Revealing…


Elon the Musk! Accompanied by Salacious Grok, C3P.O.S and an unfortunate intern!

TO BE CONTINUED… IN THE FUTURE!
]]> <![CDATA[Date Night is Great Night, starring Samael and Clutch]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49504 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 15:21:59 -0800 Kristoffer "Vamp" Arroyo]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49504
"DAYUM! Smell ya later, guy! Like the ass end of an aardvark in there…. Next time I’ll drive myself."

She turns away from the cab and we can just barely make out the sound of the driver railing against Clutch for not tipping before peeling away. Clutch walks up the entrance of the restaurant and spies a placard on the wall detailing the dress code. She scrunches up her features and looks down at what she’s wearing: jeans with stylish tears in them, a black Nascar tee, and a black leather jacket over top of it. "Who’s got time for a dress code? I’m sure it’ll be fine."

With that, she sashays into the restaurant and is almost immediately greeted with a bizarre sight. Standing behind the maitre d’s podium is a man with a paper bag over his head. There are hastily cut eye and mouth holes in the bag. He’s also wearing a rumpled suit that seems to be a size too small for him. Nonetheless, the strange figure greets Clutch with aplomb.

Mizz Clutch! Welcome! Welcome! Master Sam is waiting for you! Let me take you to him! Can I take your coat?!

"Eh?" Clutch eyes the strange man warily. "Nah, I’ll keep my coat thanks. What’s up with the bag?"

Oh, it’s so my face doesn’t offend the master’s sensibilities of course!

"Right. Of course." Then, muttering to herself. "These fuckin’ one percenters are so weird…."

Nevertheless, she allows herself to be led into the restaurant. But it occurs to her as she goes that the place is oddly quiet and completely devoid of other patrons. Not to mention the fact that every staff person she sees is also shabbily dressed in mock finery and wearing a paper bag on their head. Finally, they reach a booth where Samael Dyson is sitting. For some reason, he is fully decked out in a hazmat suit.

"….the hell are you wearing?!" Clutch exclaims as she slides into the booth.

"Oh! My dear Clutch! Welcome!" Sam cajoles as Clutch settles in.

"Ya didn’t answer my question!"

"Oh this?" Sam points to the suit. Then, leaning in and whispering, "I’ve got your dirty panties in here with me. I’m wearing the suit so that no other scent will defile their magnificent bouquet!"

Clutch recoils, looking disgusted. "Oh, you’re a fuckin’ freak, Sam! Would you get that damn thing off?! And one more thing! I hope you ain’t thinkin’ this is a date! It ain’t a date, sugar!"

"I would never even think of presuming that! But you’re right, let’s keep this strictly professional." Sam reaches around and removes the hood from the hazmat suit. Clutch’s panties fall out of the hood and onto the table, and Sam picks them up quickly and shoves them down the neck hole of the suit. It’s then that he notices that the maitre d never left, and was still standing there looking at Sam expectantly. Sam waves a hand dismissively at him and barks, "Would you get the fuck out of here and get the waiter!"

Oh, yes, master, right away! The maitre d scurries off. Clutch watches him go.

“What’s up with all the guys with paper sacks on their heads?”

“Oh, they’re just my Insignificants. They’re like the Minions from Despicable Me, but far uglier and more disgusting.”

“So, like, your cult members?”

“Oh oooh ooooh ah ah ah! Not a cult! This isn’t some cheap dimestore rinky dink Black Rainbow type operation, Clutch! My organisation spans far and wide, reaching into the highest echelons of power!”

“No shit?! Well, good for you, hun.” She picks up the menu, and her eyes go wide. “What the hell?! There ain’t a single dish on here that’s under a hundred bucks!”

“No worries. Dinner’s on me and this Amex Black card I totally didn’t lift off some stiff that was in here before."

Clutch looks around. “Uh huhhhhh. So where is everybody, anyway?”

“They’re safe. For now.” Sam smiles eerily as he speaks. Clutch blanches a bit and decides not to pursue this particular line of questioning.

“Yeah. Right. So, you can fight, I’m assuming? I really, really want those Anarchy Tag Championships.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t have signed up to be your partner if I couldn’t fight, Clutch.” Sam throws a couple of mock punches. “I’ll have you know I’ve been trained by some of the best in the world!”

At that point, another sack-wearing Insignificant steps up to the table, holding a notepad. He talks in a weird, uneven voice with a slight slur to it. “HeLLO mAStER! AnD MIssUS ClUTCH! wHaT wOuLD YOu LiKE tO oRDER?”

Clutch looks at the menu and scrunches her nose up in consternation. “Aw, hell, I can’t even PRONOUNCE most of this crap! Don’t ya’ll just have a good old-fashioned cHeeSEbuRGeR?”

“oF cOURsE wE DO MiLAdY!” We catch sight of what the Insignificant writes on the notepad, and it looks like “cheez boorgir” in a childlike scrawl. “aND whAt aboUT yOu MaSTER?”

“Steak! RARE!” Sam folds up his menu and slaps it onto his minion’s chest. “Now get the fuck outta here and put our orders in!”

The Insignificant makes himself….itself?.,....scarce and Sam props his elbows up on the table and settles his chin in his hands, gazing at Clutch like a lovesick puppy. Clutch notices and looks uncomfortable.

“Why you starin’ at me like that?!”

“Just admiring!”

“Ugh! Can we just talk business, please? We do have a big match coming up!”

Sam drops his hands down and plasters on a more serious expression. “As you wish! So! What kind of torment are we gonna inflict on these scrubs? I’ve been known to cause bilateral testicular torsions in the blink of an eye! I’m thinking the letters guy is just asking for it!”

Clutch again looks uncomfortable, but for different reasons this time. She sighs, looking a bit emotionally torn. “Look sugar, I know I said I wanna win these titles. But I don’t think we gotta go THAT far. XXXVI ain’t a bad guy. I mean, he took me to Australia, helped me train…”

“Yeah, and look how far that got you. A LOSS!” Sam scoffs.

Clutch’s cheeks deepen a little shade of red. “Okay, so it wasn’t my best outing….”

“Oh I didn’t mean you, Clutchy! After all, XXXVI’s the one that ate the pin!”

“Maybe. But we lost as a team.”

Sam waves his hand dismissively. “Don’t make excuses for the man. He’s a fucking WEAKLING.”

“But he beat Thunder Knuckles. Twice!” Clutch is quick to counter, wagging two fingers proudly.

Sam rolls his eyes. “And I’m so sick and tired of hearing about it! Look Clutchy, lets put some pieces of this puzzle together and see if you still feel so hot and bothered about this masked goon. I mean, who has XXXVI ACTUALLY beaten? I’ll tell ya!

Frances Marigold.
Latoya Hixx.
Thunder Knuckles. *gags* TWICE.
Summer Page.

Every other match he was in, he got his shit pushed in. But let’s look at where he “excelled”. Latoya Hixx? You just know that bitch got velcro shoes. Seriously, she’s so dumb she makes a coma patient look magna CUM laude.

Frances Marigold? Shit! I’m just shocked that guy took a break from injecting heroin directly into his asshole long enough to lose a match!

And Summer Page? A perfectly mediocre cunt that it took THREE TRIES for him to beat!”

Clutch leans in, looking like she’s itching for a fight. Relatively speaking.

“Now hold on a dayum minute, so what about him beating Thunder Knuckles?”

“Heh. That’s the best one of all! Because you know what, that shit should’ve mattered! It should have! But it didn’t. Tell me, Clutch, how many promos did good ol’ TK cut before his matches with XXXVI?”

Clutch shrugs. “None. But what’s that matter?”

“"What’s that matter?" It’s everything! Normally, you can’t get TK to shut the fuck up. That guy’s mouth runs like my asshole after a Taco Hell trip! “

“Ew!”

"Let’s stay focused!” Sam points at Clutch. “So what do you think it means when a guy like TK suddenly stops talking? When a guy whose entire goddamn career is predicated on shit talking the opposition clams up? Answer?”

“It means he doesn’t give a fuck.”

“Just look at the circumstances. Those matches with XXXVI happened right after TK’s consummate bottom boy Bobby Bourbon disappeared up his own pecker hole.”

Clutch runs a hand through her wild blonde hair, stressing the roots a little. She’s a twinge flustered. “Well hell, it ain’t 36’s fault TK decided to be an emotional butt muffin. If anything, maybe 36 exposed TK for always needin’ Bobby B around to have any relevancy.”

The Buxom Blonde suddenly flinches when the bag-headed waiter returns from outta nowhere. “mY SoRRineSS ClUtCh I ForGot To aSk FoR YouR DRInk!”

“It’s all good, hun. Hit yoUr GirL up WiTh one of them CiTRus YuZu sMaSH flavoured White Claws. They’re rare as shit, so this place prolly got them.”

The Insignificant hesitates. “Um MiSS ClutCH we doN’t SeRve WHiTe Claw.”

Clutch’s brows dip with vex and she looks at Sam. “What kinda dump is this place if they don’t serve White Claw?”

Sam dismisses the notion with a wrist flick. “Oh Clutchy, he’s just misinformed.” Sam glares at the Insignificant. “Right? Now go and get Clutch her beverage of choice, or I’ll let Clutch pick which one of your nards I make explode!”

Clutch waves the notion off and tries to soothe the waiter’s trepidation with a subtle wink. As the waiter scurries away abnormally fast, Clutch feels warm, hotter than normal. She has been noticing it here and there since arriving. No wonder they asked for coats at the front. To relieve this, she sheds her black jacket, revealing her form-fitting NASCAR shirt. She realises shedding her jacket may have been a bad idea, given Sam’s fixation on her shirt now.

“Alright, sugar. We’ll agree to disagree about 36, kinda, but what about this Director fella? What’s the play on him? “

Sam’s eyes are indeed focused on Clutch’s chest. “Tit tit tiiiiiiiiits!”

Clutch claps a palm down on the table. “Eyes up here!” She points to her face.

Sam shakes his head. “Whoa, sorry, got distracted by those bodacious breasts!”

“No shit?! Can we stick with the program please? The Director? How we gonna stop him?”

“Ah! Well my dear Clutch, we’re going to stop The Director the same way we stop his equally as generic offspring. Heaps and heaps of ultraviolence! Oh, and to you Mr. Director, please do bring that whip of yours to the ring! You think you’re a sadomasochist?! Oh honey, tan my ass and call me Sally! I’ll pop a boner so huge it’ll threaten to put your eye out!”

Clutch looks repulsed yet again. “I reiterate: EW!”

“Who doesn’t like a good spanking?”

“Okay, maaaaaaaybe you got a point. But I don’t think The Director is gonna be a pushover.”

Sam smirks. “Of course he will. Think about it. Out of all the masked wrestlers he could have picked to be his big scary enforcer, this broke brained idiot chose some waste of space with “he/them” pronouns and the most boring personality this side of my comatose doped up mother!” Then, as an aside, “You hungry? I’m gonna go check on the grub.” Without waiting for a reply, Sam leaves his seat and heads for the back.

Clutch leans back in her seat and sighs exhaustedly. “What the fuck have I done?”]]>
"DAYUM! Smell ya later, guy! Like the ass end of an aardvark in there…. Next time I’ll drive myself."

She turns away from the cab and we can just barely make out the sound of the driver railing against Clutch for not tipping before peeling away. Clutch walks up the entrance of the restaurant and spies a placard on the wall detailing the dress code. She scrunches up her features and looks down at what she’s wearing: jeans with stylish tears in them, a black Nascar tee, and a black leather jacket over top of it. "Who’s got time for a dress code? I’m sure it’ll be fine."

With that, she sashays into the restaurant and is almost immediately greeted with a bizarre sight. Standing behind the maitre d’s podium is a man with a paper bag over his head. There are hastily cut eye and mouth holes in the bag. He’s also wearing a rumpled suit that seems to be a size too small for him. Nonetheless, the strange figure greets Clutch with aplomb.

Mizz Clutch! Welcome! Welcome! Master Sam is waiting for you! Let me take you to him! Can I take your coat?!

"Eh?" Clutch eyes the strange man warily. "Nah, I’ll keep my coat thanks. What’s up with the bag?"

Oh, it’s so my face doesn’t offend the master’s sensibilities of course!

"Right. Of course." Then, muttering to herself. "These fuckin’ one percenters are so weird…."

Nevertheless, she allows herself to be led into the restaurant. But it occurs to her as she goes that the place is oddly quiet and completely devoid of other patrons. Not to mention the fact that every staff person she sees is also shabbily dressed in mock finery and wearing a paper bag on their head. Finally, they reach a booth where Samael Dyson is sitting. For some reason, he is fully decked out in a hazmat suit.

"….the hell are you wearing?!" Clutch exclaims as she slides into the booth.

"Oh! My dear Clutch! Welcome!" Sam cajoles as Clutch settles in.

"Ya didn’t answer my question!"

"Oh this?" Sam points to the suit. Then, leaning in and whispering, "I’ve got your dirty panties in here with me. I’m wearing the suit so that no other scent will defile their magnificent bouquet!"

Clutch recoils, looking disgusted. "Oh, you’re a fuckin’ freak, Sam! Would you get that damn thing off?! And one more thing! I hope you ain’t thinkin’ this is a date! It ain’t a date, sugar!"

"I would never even think of presuming that! But you’re right, let’s keep this strictly professional." Sam reaches around and removes the hood from the hazmat suit. Clutch’s panties fall out of the hood and onto the table, and Sam picks them up quickly and shoves them down the neck hole of the suit. It’s then that he notices that the maitre d never left, and was still standing there looking at Sam expectantly. Sam waves a hand dismissively at him and barks, "Would you get the fuck out of here and get the waiter!"

Oh, yes, master, right away! The maitre d scurries off. Clutch watches him go.

“What’s up with all the guys with paper sacks on their heads?”

“Oh, they’re just my Insignificants. They’re like the Minions from Despicable Me, but far uglier and more disgusting.”

“So, like, your cult members?”

“Oh oooh ooooh ah ah ah! Not a cult! This isn’t some cheap dimestore rinky dink Black Rainbow type operation, Clutch! My organisation spans far and wide, reaching into the highest echelons of power!”

“No shit?! Well, good for you, hun.” She picks up the menu, and her eyes go wide. “What the hell?! There ain’t a single dish on here that’s under a hundred bucks!”

“No worries. Dinner’s on me and this Amex Black card I totally didn’t lift off some stiff that was in here before."

Clutch looks around. “Uh huhhhhh. So where is everybody, anyway?”

“They’re safe. For now.” Sam smiles eerily as he speaks. Clutch blanches a bit and decides not to pursue this particular line of questioning.

“Yeah. Right. So, you can fight, I’m assuming? I really, really want those Anarchy Tag Championships.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t have signed up to be your partner if I couldn’t fight, Clutch.” Sam throws a couple of mock punches. “I’ll have you know I’ve been trained by some of the best in the world!”

At that point, another sack-wearing Insignificant steps up to the table, holding a notepad. He talks in a weird, uneven voice with a slight slur to it. “HeLLO mAStER! AnD MIssUS ClUTCH! wHaT wOuLD YOu LiKE tO oRDER?”

Clutch looks at the menu and scrunches her nose up in consternation. “Aw, hell, I can’t even PRONOUNCE most of this crap! Don’t ya’ll just have a good old-fashioned cHeeSEbuRGeR?”

“oF cOURsE wE DO MiLAdY!” We catch sight of what the Insignificant writes on the notepad, and it looks like “cheez boorgir” in a childlike scrawl. “aND whAt aboUT yOu MaSTER?”

“Steak! RARE!” Sam folds up his menu and slaps it onto his minion’s chest. “Now get the fuck outta here and put our orders in!”

The Insignificant makes himself….itself?.,....scarce and Sam props his elbows up on the table and settles his chin in his hands, gazing at Clutch like a lovesick puppy. Clutch notices and looks uncomfortable.

“Why you starin’ at me like that?!”

“Just admiring!”

“Ugh! Can we just talk business, please? We do have a big match coming up!”

Sam drops his hands down and plasters on a more serious expression. “As you wish! So! What kind of torment are we gonna inflict on these scrubs? I’ve been known to cause bilateral testicular torsions in the blink of an eye! I’m thinking the letters guy is just asking for it!”

Clutch again looks uncomfortable, but for different reasons this time. She sighs, looking a bit emotionally torn. “Look sugar, I know I said I wanna win these titles. But I don’t think we gotta go THAT far. XXXVI ain’t a bad guy. I mean, he took me to Australia, helped me train…”

“Yeah, and look how far that got you. A LOSS!” Sam scoffs.

Clutch’s cheeks deepen a little shade of red. “Okay, so it wasn’t my best outing….”

“Oh I didn’t mean you, Clutchy! After all, XXXVI’s the one that ate the pin!”

“Maybe. But we lost as a team.”

Sam waves his hand dismissively. “Don’t make excuses for the man. He’s a fucking WEAKLING.”

“But he beat Thunder Knuckles. Twice!” Clutch is quick to counter, wagging two fingers proudly.

Sam rolls his eyes. “And I’m so sick and tired of hearing about it! Look Clutchy, lets put some pieces of this puzzle together and see if you still feel so hot and bothered about this masked goon. I mean, who has XXXVI ACTUALLY beaten? I’ll tell ya!

Frances Marigold.
Latoya Hixx.
Thunder Knuckles. *gags* TWICE.
Summer Page.

Every other match he was in, he got his shit pushed in. But let’s look at where he “excelled”. Latoya Hixx? You just know that bitch got velcro shoes. Seriously, she’s so dumb she makes a coma patient look magna CUM laude.

Frances Marigold? Shit! I’m just shocked that guy took a break from injecting heroin directly into his asshole long enough to lose a match!

And Summer Page? A perfectly mediocre cunt that it took THREE TRIES for him to beat!”

Clutch leans in, looking like she’s itching for a fight. Relatively speaking.

“Now hold on a dayum minute, so what about him beating Thunder Knuckles?”

“Heh. That’s the best one of all! Because you know what, that shit should’ve mattered! It should have! But it didn’t. Tell me, Clutch, how many promos did good ol’ TK cut before his matches with XXXVI?”

Clutch shrugs. “None. But what’s that matter?”

“"What’s that matter?" It’s everything! Normally, you can’t get TK to shut the fuck up. That guy’s mouth runs like my asshole after a Taco Hell trip! “

“Ew!”

"Let’s stay focused!” Sam points at Clutch. “So what do you think it means when a guy like TK suddenly stops talking? When a guy whose entire goddamn career is predicated on shit talking the opposition clams up? Answer?”

“It means he doesn’t give a fuck.”

“Just look at the circumstances. Those matches with XXXVI happened right after TK’s consummate bottom boy Bobby Bourbon disappeared up his own pecker hole.”

Clutch runs a hand through her wild blonde hair, stressing the roots a little. She’s a twinge flustered. “Well hell, it ain’t 36’s fault TK decided to be an emotional butt muffin. If anything, maybe 36 exposed TK for always needin’ Bobby B around to have any relevancy.”

The Buxom Blonde suddenly flinches when the bag-headed waiter returns from outta nowhere. “mY SoRRineSS ClUtCh I ForGot To aSk FoR YouR DRInk!”

“It’s all good, hun. Hit yoUr GirL up WiTh one of them CiTRus YuZu sMaSH flavoured White Claws. They’re rare as shit, so this place prolly got them.”

The Insignificant hesitates. “Um MiSS ClutCH we doN’t SeRve WHiTe Claw.”

Clutch’s brows dip with vex and she looks at Sam. “What kinda dump is this place if they don’t serve White Claw?”

Sam dismisses the notion with a wrist flick. “Oh Clutchy, he’s just misinformed.” Sam glares at the Insignificant. “Right? Now go and get Clutch her beverage of choice, or I’ll let Clutch pick which one of your nards I make explode!”

Clutch waves the notion off and tries to soothe the waiter’s trepidation with a subtle wink. As the waiter scurries away abnormally fast, Clutch feels warm, hotter than normal. She has been noticing it here and there since arriving. No wonder they asked for coats at the front. To relieve this, she sheds her black jacket, revealing her form-fitting NASCAR shirt. She realises shedding her jacket may have been a bad idea, given Sam’s fixation on her shirt now.

“Alright, sugar. We’ll agree to disagree about 36, kinda, but what about this Director fella? What’s the play on him? “

Sam’s eyes are indeed focused on Clutch’s chest. “Tit tit tiiiiiiiiits!”

Clutch claps a palm down on the table. “Eyes up here!” She points to her face.

Sam shakes his head. “Whoa, sorry, got distracted by those bodacious breasts!”

“No shit?! Can we stick with the program please? The Director? How we gonna stop him?”

“Ah! Well my dear Clutch, we’re going to stop The Director the same way we stop his equally as generic offspring. Heaps and heaps of ultraviolence! Oh, and to you Mr. Director, please do bring that whip of yours to the ring! You think you’re a sadomasochist?! Oh honey, tan my ass and call me Sally! I’ll pop a boner so huge it’ll threaten to put your eye out!”

Clutch looks repulsed yet again. “I reiterate: EW!”

“Who doesn’t like a good spanking?”

“Okay, maaaaaaaybe you got a point. But I don’t think The Director is gonna be a pushover.”

Sam smirks. “Of course he will. Think about it. Out of all the masked wrestlers he could have picked to be his big scary enforcer, this broke brained idiot chose some waste of space with “he/them” pronouns and the most boring personality this side of my comatose doped up mother!” Then, as an aside, “You hungry? I’m gonna go check on the grub.” Without waiting for a reply, Sam leaves his seat and heads for the back.

Clutch leans back in her seat and sighs exhaustedly. “What the fuck have I done?”]]> <![CDATA[If It Aint Broke, Break It!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49503 Thu, 20 Nov 2025 00:05:10 -0800 Barney Green]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49503 https://barneygreenxwf.angelfire.com/XWF14.html]]> https://barneygreenxwf.angelfire.com/XWF14.html]]> <![CDATA[City Of Devils]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49500 Tue, 18 Nov 2025 11:00:31 -0800 Drew Archyle]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49500 XWF universe...


A familiar voice says before the pitch black scene slowly transitions to an interior shot of the home of former XWF star Drew Archyle and his wife Kayla Main, sister of former XWF mega star Robert Main.


Seated at the kitchen table is none other than the aforementioned Drew Archyle.


"So how's everyone doing? I bet you're all wondering what has good ole Drew been up to since he disappeared from the wrestling scene after Bad Medicine 2021 right? Of course you have been. Well let me tell you, my life has been an absolute whirlwind in the best kind of way. You all remember Robert Main right? Former XWF everything champion. Well I finally got his sister Kayla to marry me. I only had to ask her like 6-7 times. But eventually I wore her down and she said yes. And then not long after that she gave birth to twins. Luke and Leia Archyle. No seriously. She le me name them whatever I wanted on the condition that I would retire from wrestling and be a stay at home dad so that she could continue her day job as a named partner at a prestigious law firm out here in L.A. Oh yeah we moved to Los Angeles. Not my type of place but the wife loves it. Anyway, I was planning on quitting the business to be a stay at home dad anyway so it was an easy yes when she countered my name suggestions with shall we say more traditional names. But don't tell her that. The twin's just turned 3 a few months ago. I'd show you a picture so you could see how amazing they are but the wife has a strict "no camera's policy" when it comes to the kids and I have a strict "I want to keep having sex with my wife" policy so I do what she says.

But in all seriousness friends, being a stay at home dad is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I get why women spent so many years being homemakers. I get to wake up every single morning and spend the entire day with my kids. I made them breakfast. I read to them. I sing to them. I play games with them. Then I make them lunch. Then we go to the local park where the kids have play dates with other local kids. Then we come home and I make them and Kayla, when she gets home in time a wonderful dinner, then I give them a bath and put them to bed so I can do it all again the next day. I don’t know why anyone would go to work if they could do this all day. I really don’t.”


Drew gets up from the table to reveal that he’s wearing an apron that reads “World’s Best Dad”.


“Whichhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is probably a weird thing to hear me say considering I was just announced as a replacement wrestler for XWF’s War Games. Like what? Drew Archyle? He wasn’t even that good in his hey day, they say. Now he’s 4 years removed from any form of competitive wrestling and he’s going to just show up rustier than an old bike chain at one of wrestling's premier companies for one of its biggest events and not get his teeth kicked in? Well yes…and no. You people do remember who you’re talking to right? I’m the guy who routinely took the beatings so guys like Robert Main and Jim Caedus (RIP probably) could win the big matches and make the big bucks. It was never about the money and fame for me. It was about love of the sport, it was about brotherhood. But when Jim screwed us over for like the 300th time and Robert decided to take some time off that fire, that passion, that energy that allowed me to take a beating but still get up for more, that was gone. And honestly it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love what I do now. I truly do. I get to watch my kids grow up, I get to stay at home and experiment with new recipes. Every Tuesday my mother in law, Robert’s mom comes over and we share some wine and cheese while she spends some time with the grand kids. #Blessed.”


Drew walks over to the stove top, removes the lid off of one of the pots, grabs a big wooden spoon and gives the contents of the pot a few good stirs before returning both the lid and the spoon to their rightful resting place.


“It’s Sunday so naturally I’m making Sunday dinner. Which is pasta that I made by hand along with sauce. It's sauce, not gravy, gravy is brown and of course meatballs and sausage from scratch. Like I said, I’m living the dream. So I’m guessing you all are probably asking yourself “Drew if your life is so amazeballs why are you coming back to wrestle? You just said it wasn’t about money or fame so why do it?” Well friends that’s an easy one. Because they asked me to. And when a person asks you for a favor the good Christian thing to do is to accept. Oh yeah I’m a born again Christian now. Just kidding. God is a lie. But no all seriousness, I was approached about being a replacement for War Games and after reading over the fine print in the offer which stated that Theo Pryce Phony Stark gave everyone in the company insurance for life as part of his going away present well I figured, what the heck? I got nothing to lose right? And besides War Games will always have a special place in my heart. It’s where Apex, the group that I cofounded with Robert and Jim has always been successful. We won the event multiple times in fact so just the thought of getting to lace them up one more time for the company I love in the event I love was an opportunity to pass up. Besides, it’s just for one night, how bad could it possibly be?”


A timer starts going off and Drew immediately springs into action. He gets back up from the table, approaches the oven, opens it and with a pair of tongs in hand begins turning the meatballs and sausage over to ensure that they are cooked evenly. After a few moments of this Drew returns the tongs to their proper resting place


“So where was I? Right, War Games. So here I was sitting at the house baking some pies for my mother in law to try before I debut them at Thanksgiving when suddenly Vinnie Lane showed up at my door. How the guy even got my address is an investigation for another time but here he is at my door introducing himself to me like I didn’t know who he was. And after going on and on about himself for far longer than he needed to he gets to the point. War Games is coming up and as is always the case a few people bailed last minute and they need some alternates and would I like to take part? Naturally I ask him some questions, who would I be working with? Who are the opponents? How much time do I have to train? Whose catering the event, you know, the usual. Satisfied with Vinnie’s answers I call the wife and ask her for her permission because again, sex and after some mild convincing she said it would be fine so long as I lined up a baby sitter. Easy to do when Granny is always asking to spend more time with the grand kids. I read once that the more time old people spend with kids the less likely they are to develop symptoms of alzheimers so if anything I’m doing Kayla’s mom a solid by helping her stay healthy. That’s the kind of guy I am. Always selfless.

So my opponents…Corey Black, Sebastian Everett-Bryce, Betsy Granger and Barney Green, a literal who’s who of wrestling Hall of Famers. Even the worst person on that team the self proclaimed Lord of Violence has forgotten more about wrestling than I’ll ever know. And I mean that genuinely, Barney may be the worst person on that team but only because everyone else is so good. In a lot of ways he reminds me of me, If I treated my body like an amusement park and thought and didn’t care what I ate but by like me I mean he’s the guy that takes the beatings so others can make the pins. He’s the guy the doesn’t know what he means to quit. He’s the guy who give’s zero F’s what anyone else thinks, he just goes out there and does his job to the best of his abilities. He leaves it all out on the mat every single match and I respect the hell out of him for that. He knows what he is. And more importantly he knows what he’s not and there’s something to be said for guys like that. Then you have someone like Betsy Granger, one of the baddest women to ever lace up the boots. Betsy was punching dudes in the mouth and staking her claim as an all time hero before that kind of thing was the basis of every Disney movie being made. Betsy has been all over the wrestling landscape for years. You literally can’t have a conversation about the best women in wrestling history without her name coming up. She’s on the Mount Rushmore of female wrestlers. This isn’t me giving false praise, anyone who knows me knows that I only spit facts. Betsy is a baddie and it was my absolute honor to work along side her during our Apex Legacy days which I will touch on a in a little bit when I talk about my partners for this match.”


Drew gets up from the table and walks over to the bar, he pours himself another glass of Pinot and then checks out the kids baby monitor before taking his seat back down at the table in front of the camera.


”So that’s half of my opponents, the other half? Two of the heaviest hitters that exist in the industry today. Sebastian Everett-Bryce and Corey Black? Come on man. Corey Black has won so many titles I honestly bet he can’t even name them all including being a two time Xtreme Champ in the most Xtreme promotion in the business the XWF. I remember when he showed up in the XWF along with Spencer Adams and SEB and they took the place by storm as Pantheon. Some might even call them the 2nd greatest trio in the feds history behind Apex of course. All seriousness though Corey Black is a certified B.A.M.F. I’ve never gotten a chance to square up with this dude but truth be told, he’s the reason I agreed to do this. Say what you want about Sebastian Everett-Bryce and I’ll say plenty about him in a moment but Corey Black is the guy I’m most excited to face because Corey Black is Barney Green, if Barney Green was in shape and good. Corey Black is the guy you call in when you need someone to ramp the violence up to 15 and I love that about that guy. That’s why when the opening bell rings I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that he and I get to dance for a little while before the music stops. Which brings me to the fourth and final member of the opposing team. Sebastian Everett-Bryce. If ever there was a man who when the music stops demands the attention of everyone in the arena simply by stepping through the curtains it’s Sebastian. This dude has literally done it all everywhere. It doesn’t matter where he goes he just wins. And at a high clip. I’ve watched a lot of tape on the guy these past few days and honestly he might be one of the best wrestlers I’ve ever seen. No B.S. This guy does it all. And the worst part is, he does it with a smile. Like it’s literally impossible to dislike this guy and believe me I tried. Sebastian is that dude. It’s kind of infuriating. Which I suppose explains why the leader of the team I’m on is his tag team partner.”


From the background we hear the sound of a child coming out of their slumber which immediately triggers Drew to turn around and look at the baby monitor behind him.


”Welp, looks like our time here is just about done so I guess I’ll put a bow on this promo here. Isaiah King, the team leader, one half of the current tag team champions and a former 2 time Universal Champion. Isaiah I hope that when you step in the ring with me you bring the fire and passion that you have in the past and that you don’t let up when you see your tag team partner lined up across from you. I don’t know you that well but I am going to hope for your sake that you don’t do something stupid to hinder our chances at winning this match because if you do, you and I will have words out in the parking lot. Jennie Nickles, I don’t know you from Adam but I hear you’re Charlie Nickles sister which means your probably insane and likely not a good person, like at all but that’s ok. I can work with that. In a match such as this one the more mentally unwell you are the more likely you are to do well. At least that’s been my experience having teamed with Jim Caedus for years. And last but definitely not least my friend Centurion. It’s been a while since Cent and I have spoken but when things were looking rough for Apex, he, along with Betsy Granger, Shawn Warstein and James Raven showed up to help us and for that I owe Cent a debt and at War Games I plan on paying that debt in full.”


From behind Drew the whining intensifies prompting Drew to get up from the table. He removes his apron and drapes it over the chair he was just sitting on.


”Well friends it’s been real catching up, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk and I’ll see you all this coming weekend at War Games 2025. Peace out cub scouts.”


Drew reaches forward and with a tap of his finger the scene goes dark.



Word Count: 2483
ZeroGPT Score: 3.93%]]> XWF universe...


A familiar voice says before the pitch black scene slowly transitions to an interior shot of the home of former XWF star Drew Archyle and his wife Kayla Main, sister of former XWF mega star Robert Main.


Seated at the kitchen table is none other than the aforementioned Drew Archyle.


"So how's everyone doing? I bet you're all wondering what has good ole Drew been up to since he disappeared from the wrestling scene after Bad Medicine 2021 right? Of course you have been. Well let me tell you, my life has been an absolute whirlwind in the best kind of way. You all remember Robert Main right? Former XWF everything champion. Well I finally got his sister Kayla to marry me. I only had to ask her like 6-7 times. But eventually I wore her down and she said yes. And then not long after that she gave birth to twins. Luke and Leia Archyle. No seriously. She le me name them whatever I wanted on the condition that I would retire from wrestling and be a stay at home dad so that she could continue her day job as a named partner at a prestigious law firm out here in L.A. Oh yeah we moved to Los Angeles. Not my type of place but the wife loves it. Anyway, I was planning on quitting the business to be a stay at home dad anyway so it was an easy yes when she countered my name suggestions with shall we say more traditional names. But don't tell her that. The twin's just turned 3 a few months ago. I'd show you a picture so you could see how amazing they are but the wife has a strict "no camera's policy" when it comes to the kids and I have a strict "I want to keep having sex with my wife" policy so I do what she says.

But in all seriousness friends, being a stay at home dad is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I get why women spent so many years being homemakers. I get to wake up every single morning and spend the entire day with my kids. I made them breakfast. I read to them. I sing to them. I play games with them. Then I make them lunch. Then we go to the local park where the kids have play dates with other local kids. Then we come home and I make them and Kayla, when she gets home in time a wonderful dinner, then I give them a bath and put them to bed so I can do it all again the next day. I don’t know why anyone would go to work if they could do this all day. I really don’t.”


Drew gets up from the table to reveal that he’s wearing an apron that reads “World’s Best Dad”.


“Whichhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is probably a weird thing to hear me say considering I was just announced as a replacement wrestler for XWF’s War Games. Like what? Drew Archyle? He wasn’t even that good in his hey day, they say. Now he’s 4 years removed from any form of competitive wrestling and he’s going to just show up rustier than an old bike chain at one of wrestling's premier companies for one of its biggest events and not get his teeth kicked in? Well yes…and no. You people do remember who you’re talking to right? I’m the guy who routinely took the beatings so guys like Robert Main and Jim Caedus (RIP probably) could win the big matches and make the big bucks. It was never about the money and fame for me. It was about love of the sport, it was about brotherhood. But when Jim screwed us over for like the 300th time and Robert decided to take some time off that fire, that passion, that energy that allowed me to take a beating but still get up for more, that was gone. And honestly it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love what I do now. I truly do. I get to watch my kids grow up, I get to stay at home and experiment with new recipes. Every Tuesday my mother in law, Robert’s mom comes over and we share some wine and cheese while she spends some time with the grand kids. #Blessed.”


Drew walks over to the stove top, removes the lid off of one of the pots, grabs a big wooden spoon and gives the contents of the pot a few good stirs before returning both the lid and the spoon to their rightful resting place.


“It’s Sunday so naturally I’m making Sunday dinner. Which is pasta that I made by hand along with sauce. It's sauce, not gravy, gravy is brown and of course meatballs and sausage from scratch. Like I said, I’m living the dream. So I’m guessing you all are probably asking yourself “Drew if your life is so amazeballs why are you coming back to wrestle? You just said it wasn’t about money or fame so why do it?” Well friends that’s an easy one. Because they asked me to. And when a person asks you for a favor the good Christian thing to do is to accept. Oh yeah I’m a born again Christian now. Just kidding. God is a lie. But no all seriousness, I was approached about being a replacement for War Games and after reading over the fine print in the offer which stated that Theo Pryce Phony Stark gave everyone in the company insurance for life as part of his going away present well I figured, what the heck? I got nothing to lose right? And besides War Games will always have a special place in my heart. It’s where Apex, the group that I cofounded with Robert and Jim has always been successful. We won the event multiple times in fact so just the thought of getting to lace them up one more time for the company I love in the event I love was an opportunity to pass up. Besides, it’s just for one night, how bad could it possibly be?”


A timer starts going off and Drew immediately springs into action. He gets back up from the table, approaches the oven, opens it and with a pair of tongs in hand begins turning the meatballs and sausage over to ensure that they are cooked evenly. After a few moments of this Drew returns the tongs to their proper resting place


“So where was I? Right, War Games. So here I was sitting at the house baking some pies for my mother in law to try before I debut them at Thanksgiving when suddenly Vinnie Lane showed up at my door. How the guy even got my address is an investigation for another time but here he is at my door introducing himself to me like I didn’t know who he was. And after going on and on about himself for far longer than he needed to he gets to the point. War Games is coming up and as is always the case a few people bailed last minute and they need some alternates and would I like to take part? Naturally I ask him some questions, who would I be working with? Who are the opponents? How much time do I have to train? Whose catering the event, you know, the usual. Satisfied with Vinnie’s answers I call the wife and ask her for her permission because again, sex and after some mild convincing she said it would be fine so long as I lined up a baby sitter. Easy to do when Granny is always asking to spend more time with the grand kids. I read once that the more time old people spend with kids the less likely they are to develop symptoms of alzheimers so if anything I’m doing Kayla’s mom a solid by helping her stay healthy. That’s the kind of guy I am. Always selfless.

So my opponents…Corey Black, Sebastian Everett-Bryce, Betsy Granger and Barney Green, a literal who’s who of wrestling Hall of Famers. Even the worst person on that team the self proclaimed Lord of Violence has forgotten more about wrestling than I’ll ever know. And I mean that genuinely, Barney may be the worst person on that team but only because everyone else is so good. In a lot of ways he reminds me of me, If I treated my body like an amusement park and thought and didn’t care what I ate but by like me I mean he’s the guy that takes the beatings so others can make the pins. He’s the guy the doesn’t know what he means to quit. He’s the guy who give’s zero F’s what anyone else thinks, he just goes out there and does his job to the best of his abilities. He leaves it all out on the mat every single match and I respect the hell out of him for that. He knows what he is. And more importantly he knows what he’s not and there’s something to be said for guys like that. Then you have someone like Betsy Granger, one of the baddest women to ever lace up the boots. Betsy was punching dudes in the mouth and staking her claim as an all time hero before that kind of thing was the basis of every Disney movie being made. Betsy has been all over the wrestling landscape for years. You literally can’t have a conversation about the best women in wrestling history without her name coming up. She’s on the Mount Rushmore of female wrestlers. This isn’t me giving false praise, anyone who knows me knows that I only spit facts. Betsy is a baddie and it was my absolute honor to work along side her during our Apex Legacy days which I will touch on a in a little bit when I talk about my partners for this match.”


Drew gets up from the table and walks over to the bar, he pours himself another glass of Pinot and then checks out the kids baby monitor before taking his seat back down at the table in front of the camera.


”So that’s half of my opponents, the other half? Two of the heaviest hitters that exist in the industry today. Sebastian Everett-Bryce and Corey Black? Come on man. Corey Black has won so many titles I honestly bet he can’t even name them all including being a two time Xtreme Champ in the most Xtreme promotion in the business the XWF. I remember when he showed up in the XWF along with Spencer Adams and SEB and they took the place by storm as Pantheon. Some might even call them the 2nd greatest trio in the feds history behind Apex of course. All seriousness though Corey Black is a certified B.A.M.F. I’ve never gotten a chance to square up with this dude but truth be told, he’s the reason I agreed to do this. Say what you want about Sebastian Everett-Bryce and I’ll say plenty about him in a moment but Corey Black is the guy I’m most excited to face because Corey Black is Barney Green, if Barney Green was in shape and good. Corey Black is the guy you call in when you need someone to ramp the violence up to 15 and I love that about that guy. That’s why when the opening bell rings I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that he and I get to dance for a little while before the music stops. Which brings me to the fourth and final member of the opposing team. Sebastian Everett-Bryce. If ever there was a man who when the music stops demands the attention of everyone in the arena simply by stepping through the curtains it’s Sebastian. This dude has literally done it all everywhere. It doesn’t matter where he goes he just wins. And at a high clip. I’ve watched a lot of tape on the guy these past few days and honestly he might be one of the best wrestlers I’ve ever seen. No B.S. This guy does it all. And the worst part is, he does it with a smile. Like it’s literally impossible to dislike this guy and believe me I tried. Sebastian is that dude. It’s kind of infuriating. Which I suppose explains why the leader of the team I’m on is his tag team partner.”


From the background we hear the sound of a child coming out of their slumber which immediately triggers Drew to turn around and look at the baby monitor behind him.


”Welp, looks like our time here is just about done so I guess I’ll put a bow on this promo here. Isaiah King, the team leader, one half of the current tag team champions and a former 2 time Universal Champion. Isaiah I hope that when you step in the ring with me you bring the fire and passion that you have in the past and that you don’t let up when you see your tag team partner lined up across from you. I don’t know you that well but I am going to hope for your sake that you don’t do something stupid to hinder our chances at winning this match because if you do, you and I will have words out in the parking lot. Jennie Nickles, I don’t know you from Adam but I hear you’re Charlie Nickles sister which means your probably insane and likely not a good person, like at all but that’s ok. I can work with that. In a match such as this one the more mentally unwell you are the more likely you are to do well. At least that’s been my experience having teamed with Jim Caedus for years. And last but definitely not least my friend Centurion. It’s been a while since Cent and I have spoken but when things were looking rough for Apex, he, along with Betsy Granger, Shawn Warstein and James Raven showed up to help us and for that I owe Cent a debt and at War Games I plan on paying that debt in full.”


From behind Drew the whining intensifies prompting Drew to get up from the table. He removes his apron and drapes it over the chair he was just sitting on.


”Well friends it’s been real catching up, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk and I’ll see you all this coming weekend at War Games 2025. Peace out cub scouts.”


Drew reaches forward and with a tap of his finger the scene goes dark.



Word Count: 2483
ZeroGPT Score: 3.93%]]> <![CDATA[Timelines are Weird (pt. 354): The Beast of Gévaudan]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49499 Mon, 17 Nov 2025 08:51:40 -0800 Witness]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49499 [/url]
ZeroGPT.Com : 7.53% 


[url=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BcNJZEl71vFSTIADrTBxoXd12CrGR98gJyN73XqvH-w/edit?usp=drivesdk]RP Here The Beast of Gévaudan]]> [/url]
ZeroGPT.Com : 7.53% 


[url=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BcNJZEl71vFSTIADrTBxoXd12CrGR98gJyN73XqvH-w/edit?usp=drivesdk]RP Here The Beast of Gévaudan]]> <![CDATA[Wanna play there Games]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49494 Thu, 13 Nov 2025 22:04:00 -0800 Razor]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=49494 in the locker room of one Razor Blade, we see him fully dressed for combat action in the four
square circle. Straightening out his robe and tightening the belt around his waist, Razor leaned
back against the locker and closed his eyes before he sighed. Opening them, it was the look
of a man who of course was ready but had different attitude next week on Sunday night WarGames. Is it about landerson, Latoya, Deena, if it's not about any of them, then what did The
American nightmare had on his mind?
American nightmare| Razor Blade: Latoya Hixx... congratulations there partner I'm proud of you
that you stand up your ground at Warfare. you deserve it , I just never expected your partner would be none other than El landerson, someone who clearly has an agenda of his own and can
be trusted in the very least. but i'm sure all of you will be on the same page, just watch your backs
because looks can be very deceving, isn't that right Sir Lionel?
Razor scoffed.
American nightmare| Razor Blade: You're not fooling anybody here next week Sir Lionel, not me
not El landerson or the entire XWF Universe. You are nothing more than someone dressed in a suit
pretending to be some kind of a hero, a politician to the people of the industry like you're the president or something. Let's make one thing clear, you're none of those things but just a false
god to those that actually support Sir Lionel. It's time like us to expose you and put the fake
Campaign you run straight into the damn  ground. The only question i have to ask you now, are you
going to respond? I guess
we'll find out. As for landerson...
Razor sighs and nods his head a bit.
AMerican nightmare| Razor Blade: We've been through a lot together, you took me under your wing and taught me the good, the bad, the ugly of this business as a whole. Because of you, I'm stronger but much different now. The drive, the motivation, the passion is still there but i am doubling that to the twenty -third as they say I know, sounds corny right? But we're going all in
this eight man tag team Anarchy rules match we got. As much as it sucked it you lost at Anarchy,
don't regret this right now because i need your head in the game. i need to see The Six one nine
unleash on our Opponents and leave nothing behind. it's time landerson...
Razor gets up and makes sure he has everything with him before making his exit to the entrance
for the match.
]]> in the locker room of one Razor Blade, we see him fully dressed for combat action in the four
square circle. Straightening out his robe and tightening the belt around his waist, Razor leaned
back against the locker and closed his eyes before he sighed. Opening them, it was the look
of a man who of course was ready but had different attitude next week on Sunday night WarGames. Is it about landerson, Latoya, Deena, if it's not about any of them, then what did The
American nightmare had on his mind?
American nightmare| Razor Blade: Latoya Hixx... congratulations there partner I'm proud of you
that you stand up your ground at Warfare. you deserve it , I just never expected your partner would be none other than El landerson, someone who clearly has an agenda of his own and can
be trusted in the very least. but i'm sure all of you will be on the same page, just watch your backs
because looks can be very deceving, isn't that right Sir Lionel?
Razor scoffed.
American nightmare| Razor Blade: You're not fooling anybody here next week Sir Lionel, not me
not El landerson or the entire XWF Universe. You are nothing more than someone dressed in a suit
pretending to be some kind of a hero, a politician to the people of the industry like you're the president or something. Let's make one thing clear, you're none of those things but just a false
god to those that actually support Sir Lionel. It's time like us to expose you and put the fake
Campaign you run straight into the damn  ground. The only question i have to ask you now, are you
going to respond? I guess
we'll find out. As for landerson...
Razor sighs and nods his head a bit.
AMerican nightmare| Razor Blade: We've been through a lot together, you took me under your wing and taught me the good, the bad, the ugly of this business as a whole. Because of you, I'm stronger but much different now. The drive, the motivation, the passion is still there but i am doubling that to the twenty -third as they say I know, sounds corny right? But we're going all in
this eight man tag team Anarchy rules match we got. As much as it sucked it you lost at Anarchy,
don't regret this right now because i need your head in the game. i need to see The Six one nine
unleash on our Opponents and leave nothing behind. it's time landerson...
Razor gets up and makes sure he has everything with him before making his exit to the entrance
for the match.
]]>