<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - Relentless Night Two 2023 RP Board]]> https://xwf1999.com/ Mon, 11 May 2026 05:51:42 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[Mark Flynn, the Spineless Jellyfish]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46909 Fri, 22 Sep 2023 22:27:23 -0700 NorthKoreanWarCriminal]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46909 …Ugh.

What?

I just… I hate when he does this.

…Oh, the internal diagnostics mode? Chad used to do it all the time.

Chad didn’t have a personality. He didn’t even have expressions! You couldn’t tell the difference between Chad awake and Chad dormant. Like, think about how the War Criminal looks normally…

Okay…

Okay, now look.

…

God, it’s like looking at a corpse.

SHHH. What if he hears you?!?

Please. He’s completely wrapped up in his internal code, redesigning his ethical vortexes to justify a grotesque, brutal murder. There’s not a world where he has the CPU left over to hear us.

Yet, I can!

AH!

AHHHH!

…

Oh, right. Hello.

I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. I a-

Did my commander bother learning your names?

…

I don’t think so.

He’s just been calling us Programmer and Analyst.

Sometimes, he calls me ‘YOU THERE’ when he wants a Starbucks drink or ‘IMPUDENT WORM’ when I make a mistake in the code.

I see. If the Commander did not learn your names, then neither shall I.

In the future, when the answer is ‘no’, you will reply ‘no.’

…

Sorry, I think we’re just used to… less words.

We’re on Anarchy most of the time.

This limitless promo time is… whew, it’s like how Goku must feel taking his weights off after training.

Dude, I love DBZ. Have you seen Super?

Please. After GT, I’m not falling for another shitty spinoff.

Dude! It’s really good, I swe-

SILENCE! SILENCE, I SAY!

…

The True Korean Way… is one of RIGID EFFICIENCY! We do not waste time on unnecessary or frivolous communication!

I REPEAT! WE DO NOT WASTE TIME ON UNNECESSARY… OR FRIVOLOUS… COMMUNICATION!

…

[red]I think you just did.

SILENCE.

For the first time in a year, I have received a mission from my commander!

For the first time in thirteen months, my commander will wage ASYMMETRICAL WARFARE ON THE FATCAT CAPITALISTS OF THE WESTERN WORLD!!!

For the first time in over FOUR HUNDRED DAYS my commander returns to EXCEL at an XWF pay-per-view!

AND I SWEAR TO THE GLORIOUS LEADER HIMSE-

Are they still called Pay-Per-Views nowadays.

I know, right? How late 90s.

I mean, what do we watch when it’s over, Skinemax?

Or reruns of Seinfeld?

Shouldn’t XWF be on a streaming service by now?

It is sometimes. Except when it isn’t.

Well, they’ve referred to a streaming service before… Didn’t, like, Chris Page sell XWF the rights to stream WGWF matches? That means there’s a streaming service.

Oh, no. That was fake news. Page said so himself on his podcast.

…Wait, which part? The existence of the XWF streaming service or selling the digital archive rights?

…definitely the latter… maybe the former?

Man, I dunno. The whole corporate merchandising structure of the XWF business enterprise is only really brought up when a heel wants to big-time a face. Like, oh, you’re so edgy, bringing up how wrestling is a business.

El-oh-el. Totally. Like a CM Punk cover band.

Dude, don’t break oh-oh-cee!!!

What?!? I’m not, dude! CM Punk used to wrestle for the XWF! He was, like, European champion! He won it off Jeff Hardy, who won it off Neonero, who won it off Mark Flynn.

What? That’s not on the XWF home page’s history section!

…I mean, it happened in 2012.

Ah, makes sense why I don’t know it. I hate old XWF. I prefer the modern stuff.

Dude, Steve Jason, though.

ALIAS would MURDER Steve Jason. No contest.

DUDE. You are SO WRONG.

…

…..

Are you two quite finished?

…Oh yeah, we never answered the question.

What question?

Is it a pay-per-view?

That was NOT THE QUESTION!

…But, if it IS on a streaming service.

Which we’re 50/50 on.

If it is, it’s not a pay-per-view, is it? Strictly speaking.

I mean, kind of. You’re still *paying* to view it.

But you’re not paying PER VIEW, y’know? You’re paying for the monthly access to the streaming library.

I think there’s a different term for it, though. It’s like… a special.

…

God, that’s poison to the ears.

…

Yeah. It’s just… not a good term.

Doesn’t roll off the tongue.

Motion to table the issue of better nomenclature for ‘pay-per-view’ and in the meantime, continue to refer to these events as ‘pay-per-views’.

Motion granted.

…

……

Sorry, go on.

…

No, no, continue.

Work it all out of your system.

…

I think…

*glance*

*nod*

I think we’re good.

Are you quite sure? Perhaps you could milk another five minutes of content out of his exhausting American, Kevin-Smith, quippy-dialogue routine?

…Ha. Okay, Good one.

…Wait, which of us would be Silent Bob?

Neither, dude. Cuz we’re both talking.

…So, we’re Dante and Rand-

DIBS ON RANDALL!

DIBS ON… Dammit.

SILEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE.

…

Gentlemen. I understand your blatant disrespect.

I am quite diminutive.

And, given my hermit status, guarding the headquarters of True Korean Wrestling since last August? I am not in my proper military form.

…

However. I will assure you. That if your casual conversation causes me to fail in my mission.

I will remove the bones of your thumbs. While you remain conscious.

And grind them into a fine powder in front of you.

…

Now.

My mission.

Is to guarantee.

That the commander’s entrance.

At his first ever Relentless match.

Will.

Be.

GLORIOUS.

As if witnessing the face of the Glorious Leader himself.

…

How many fireworks can you load into my commander’s robotic form?

…

*whisper*

*whisper*

…

…..

Like.

A lot.

“Annyeong Haseyo, Mark Flynn.”

“Welcome to my new cybernetic mind.”

“Have you met Comrade Chad?”

“Please give me back my body.”

“Ah, Comrade Chad. Like a broken record playing the True Korean National Anthem, I never get tired of hearing you sing the same tune.”

“Give me back my body, please.”

“System – Mute user ‘chad_xwf’ for one hour.”

…

“Ahhhhh… Much better.”

“A ridiculous accusation.”

“Especially given my recent discover that ‘his’ body, was in fact mine all along.”

…

“Of course, Comrade Chad is not the only man who falsely accuses me of theft.”

“I, naturally, refer to…”

“YOU… Mark Flynn.”

…

“You claim I skulk about in the shadows like a common thief.”

“That I stole your briefcase.”

“That I conspired to strip you of the X-Treme title.”

“Did I?”

…

“I will confess.”

“I did take those things from you.”

…

“But was it theft?”

“To that point.”

“I say no.”

“Because, for an act to qualify as theft.”

“You must be taking property…”

“From its RIGHTFUL OWNER.”

…

“And YOU… Mark Flynn.”

“Have spent your ENTIRE CAREER.”

“Piling your ill-gotten gains.”

“Burying your disgusting scaly body in gold…”

“Like a dragon of Western folklore.”

“You insecure mindless, little worm.”

“I deserve EVERY BIT of accolade you earned… By stabbing me in the back.”

“Leaving me to die.”

…

“I have no long professed that I believe in no afterlife, Mark Flynn.”

“But… having ‘died’ three times now…”

“I do have some knowledge of what happens… after you die…”

…

“You know what death brings, Mark Flynn?”

“Do you know what a moment spent within the abyss grants the dead?”

…

“Perspective.”

“Wisdom.”

“As you might like to say…”

“VISION.”

“AND FOCUS.”

…

“For many, many months.”

“I saw you as an ally.”

…

“Not simply an ally.”

“But, a friend.”

“Truly.”

“I saw in you a kindred spirit.”

“Someone else with talent that the XWF had rejected out-of-hand.”

…

“Admittedly, one not NEARLY as talented and charismatic as I!”

“But one most learned! One most familiar with the sport! That could and WOULD and HAD PROMISED to transfer unto me his most valuable asset:...”

“Knowledge.”

“And while the rest of roster… And the XWF… regarded you with a profane disdain.”

“I saw in you a principled man.”

“One of determination.”

“One who would not abandon his morals for ANYTHING.”

…

“And then…”

“You know.”

“You threw me through an electrical box.”

“Defeated Raion Kido.”

“And Mister Pure Wrestling Mark Flynn.”

“Who spent MONTHS talking about how the XWF hand-picks its corporate champions and holds real wrestlers down…”

“SPENT SIX ENTIRE MONTHS AS UNIVERSAL CHAMPION.”

“WALKING AROUND IN A SUIT AND TIE.”

“SCREAMING ABOUT SELLING WRESTLING PRODUCT.”

“AND BREAKING THE ARMS OF JOBBERS.”

…

“Mark Flynn.”

“You spent TEN YEARS.”

“A full DECADE of your career.”

“Declaring yourself the voice of reason among the XWF.”

“The man of vision. Who could see the devil in disguise in Theo Pryce.”

“Could see the innate, hidden, evil, corrupt nature of every so-called hero that he fought against…”

…

“And OVERNIGHT.”

“You became everything you claimed to despise.”

“A prancing, preening movie-star personality.”

“After all that talk shitting on fake-wrestlers wanting to be movie stars… You LITERALLY cloned Jimmy Fallon to get on late-night television.”

“You are a spineless jellyfish of a NON-man.”

…

“I mean, for Glorious Leader’s sake, at least a jellyfish has a SHAPE. Has some filament to it.”

“Mark Flynn has no core values.”

“No TRUE principles.”

“He spent YEARS selling me on the Optimal Path.”

“Promising a place for us both at the top of the mountain.”

…

“And when he thought for a moment.”

“A fraction of a second.”

“That I was, simply, in position to surpass him.”

“He tossed me off the side.”

“And left me to die.”

…

“That’s the interesting thing, Mark Flynn.”

“When I won, you would call them YOUR wins.”

“You declared yourself the coach of the 2022 WarGames Team that COMRADE CALYPSO CAPTAINED!”

“THAT COMRADE GAMEGIRL GATHERED TO SAVE THE KINGDOM OF NARFINEX.”

“Somehow, I don’t remember you playing ANY REAL ROLE on that team.”

…

“Of course, you’ve never been much of a team player, eh, Mark Flynn?”

“Certainly, We had nearly secured the longest tag-title reign of all-time.”

“But, to this day, you claim you defended the belts single-handedly.”

…

“Mark Flynn.”

“You are everything I despise in a human being.”

“Self-obsessed.”

“Greedy.”

“INDIVIDUALIST.”

“You would cast every man on the roster into the mouth of the flames if it meant five more minutes of precious time in front of your audience.”

“The one that despises you.”

“The one that LOVES me.”

…

“Oh.”

“But, of course.”

“How could I forget?”

“Mark Flynn has turned over a new leaf.”

“Mark Flynn has abandoned his old ways.”

“Mark Flynn.”

“IS A GOOD GUY NOW.”

…

“No.”

“Mark Flynn may have altered his worldview.”

“But, he is EXACTLY the same as he has always been”

“Mark Flynn switched his very alignment.”

“His entire ethical code.”

“To maximize his success.”

“Because he saw a dearth of opportunity to innovate as a self-identified ‘bad-guy’...”

“And changed tracks the MOMENT he thought his career would benefit from a so-called ‘face run’.”

“And in doing so, Mark Flynn did what Mark Flynn has ALWAYS DONE.”

“Abandoned each and every one of his ‘principles’.”

“His CORE TENETS.”

“For another moment in the spotlight.”

“No, Mark Flynn.”

“You are no good guy.”

“You’re still a very… Very bad man.”

“You just turned into everything you used to hate.”

“A clown.”

“A jester.”

“Singing and dancing.”

“Japing and tripping over your own feet.”

“For the amusement of western wrestling fans.”

“Who, despite your best efforts for the last SIX MONTHS…”

“STILL DESPISE YOU.”

“...Hehe.”

“Though not nearly as much as I do.”

…

“One last point.”

“In your promo.”

“You spoke of fear.”

“That the reason that I’ve refrained from entering the ring against you.”

“Is that I fear you.”

“That I know what will happen when we share the ring together.”

…

“And that much is true.”

“I do know exactly what will happen, Mark Flynn, when we share the ring at Relentless.”

…

“You are a man.”

“A well-learned man. Someone with much experience.”

“But a mortal man.”

“In fact, more mortal than most.”

“An aging, forty-four year old ring hack… Whose body will rapidly deteriorate sooner rather than later.”

…

“I am a FLAWLESS WRESTLING MACHINE.”

“LOADED WITH THE ENTIRE BODY OF WRESTLING ACADEMIA.”

“WITH A PROCESSING API CALL SPEED OF SEVEN PICOSECONDS.”

…

“I can see your move coming the moment it crosses your mind.”

“And by the time your feeble human fingers twitch to exert your weak human will?”

“I’ve already loaded seven hundred thousand potential counters.”

“Considered each one to its logical nexus.”

“And selected the most-perfect sequence…”

“To maximize your utter humiliation at my hands.”

…

“I imagine you are a big fan of chess, Mark Flynn.”

“After all, you spent quite a bit of XWF’s production budget, only to lose to Bobby Bourbon by disqualification in a chess wrestling match.”

…

“I’m certain you’re familiar with the parable of Deep Blue and Garry Kasparov.”

“In 1996, Kasparov, the world’s chess champion played an IBM computer called Deep Blue in a series of matches.”

“Kasparov, a man who’d beaten everyone in the world at this game… Narrowly survived the computer.”

“One year later? They played again.”

“And the machine won.”

…

“Fast forward to today.”

“It is now a KNOWN FACT.”

“That humans cannot best machines on the chess board.”

“The computers have only become faster.”

“Wiser.”

“Can see further into the future.”

“Predict more and more moves.”

“Plot your very demise from the moment your fidgeting hands unpack the pieces.”

…

“You may be a ring general, Mark Flynn.”

“But you are no match…”

“For a WRESTLING GOD.”

…

“I was always the physical superior of the two of us, Mark Flynn.”

“The only advantage you ever had on me.”

“Was knowledge.”

“Expertise in the wrestling ring.”

…

“And now, Mark Flynn?”

“I have 17 zetabytes of wrestling moves loaded onto my cerebral cortex. Ready to execute in a nano-instant.”

…

”So.”

“No, Mark Flynn.”

“I did not delay our battle out of fear.”

“I delayed it because I did not want it to end on any stage.”

“Except the grandest of them all.”

“Relentless.”

“Where I could thoroughly and completely humiliate you.”

“Where I could crush you as one might a gnat or a flea.”

“Leaving you helpless.”

“In front of as many eyes as the wrestling world has.”

“Before casting you off the side of the mountaintop.”

“As you once did to me.”

“And in front of the entire wrestling world…”

“Mark Flynn’s career will be remembered in no way.”

“Except for how it ended.”

“Crushed.”

“Completely and totally.”

“At the hands of a being.”

“Superior in every conceivable way.”

…

“Welcome to my vengeance, Mark Flynn.”

“And say goodbye to the wrestling ring.”


]]> …Ugh.

What?

I just… I hate when he does this.

…Oh, the internal diagnostics mode? Chad used to do it all the time.

Chad didn’t have a personality. He didn’t even have expressions! You couldn’t tell the difference between Chad awake and Chad dormant. Like, think about how the War Criminal looks normally…

Okay…

Okay, now look.

…

God, it’s like looking at a corpse.

SHHH. What if he hears you?!?

Please. He’s completely wrapped up in his internal code, redesigning his ethical vortexes to justify a grotesque, brutal murder. There’s not a world where he has the CPU left over to hear us.

Yet, I can!

AH!

AHHHH!

…

Oh, right. Hello.

I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. I a-

Did my commander bother learning your names?

…

I don’t think so.

He’s just been calling us Programmer and Analyst.

Sometimes, he calls me ‘YOU THERE’ when he wants a Starbucks drink or ‘IMPUDENT WORM’ when I make a mistake in the code.

I see. If the Commander did not learn your names, then neither shall I.

In the future, when the answer is ‘no’, you will reply ‘no.’

…

Sorry, I think we’re just used to… less words.

We’re on Anarchy most of the time.

This limitless promo time is… whew, it’s like how Goku must feel taking his weights off after training.

Dude, I love DBZ. Have you seen Super?

Please. After GT, I’m not falling for another shitty spinoff.

Dude! It’s really good, I swe-

SILENCE! SILENCE, I SAY!

…

The True Korean Way… is one of RIGID EFFICIENCY! We do not waste time on unnecessary or frivolous communication!

I REPEAT! WE DO NOT WASTE TIME ON UNNECESSARY… OR FRIVOLOUS… COMMUNICATION!

…

[red]I think you just did.

SILENCE.

For the first time in a year, I have received a mission from my commander!

For the first time in thirteen months, my commander will wage ASYMMETRICAL WARFARE ON THE FATCAT CAPITALISTS OF THE WESTERN WORLD!!!

For the first time in over FOUR HUNDRED DAYS my commander returns to EXCEL at an XWF pay-per-view!

AND I SWEAR TO THE GLORIOUS LEADER HIMSE-

Are they still called Pay-Per-Views nowadays.

I know, right? How late 90s.

I mean, what do we watch when it’s over, Skinemax?

Or reruns of Seinfeld?

Shouldn’t XWF be on a streaming service by now?

It is sometimes. Except when it isn’t.

Well, they’ve referred to a streaming service before… Didn’t, like, Chris Page sell XWF the rights to stream WGWF matches? That means there’s a streaming service.

Oh, no. That was fake news. Page said so himself on his podcast.

…Wait, which part? The existence of the XWF streaming service or selling the digital archive rights?

…definitely the latter… maybe the former?

Man, I dunno. The whole corporate merchandising structure of the XWF business enterprise is only really brought up when a heel wants to big-time a face. Like, oh, you’re so edgy, bringing up how wrestling is a business.

El-oh-el. Totally. Like a CM Punk cover band.

Dude, don’t break oh-oh-cee!!!

What?!? I’m not, dude! CM Punk used to wrestle for the XWF! He was, like, European champion! He won it off Jeff Hardy, who won it off Neonero, who won it off Mark Flynn.

What? That’s not on the XWF home page’s history section!

…I mean, it happened in 2012.

Ah, makes sense why I don’t know it. I hate old XWF. I prefer the modern stuff.

Dude, Steve Jason, though.

ALIAS would MURDER Steve Jason. No contest.

DUDE. You are SO WRONG.

…

…..

Are you two quite finished?

…Oh yeah, we never answered the question.

What question?

Is it a pay-per-view?

That was NOT THE QUESTION!

…But, if it IS on a streaming service.

Which we’re 50/50 on.

If it is, it’s not a pay-per-view, is it? Strictly speaking.

I mean, kind of. You’re still *paying* to view it.

But you’re not paying PER VIEW, y’know? You’re paying for the monthly access to the streaming library.

I think there’s a different term for it, though. It’s like… a special.

…

God, that’s poison to the ears.

…

Yeah. It’s just… not a good term.

Doesn’t roll off the tongue.

Motion to table the issue of better nomenclature for ‘pay-per-view’ and in the meantime, continue to refer to these events as ‘pay-per-views’.

Motion granted.

…

……

Sorry, go on.

…

No, no, continue.

Work it all out of your system.

…

I think…

*glance*

*nod*

I think we’re good.

Are you quite sure? Perhaps you could milk another five minutes of content out of his exhausting American, Kevin-Smith, quippy-dialogue routine?

…Ha. Okay, Good one.

…Wait, which of us would be Silent Bob?

Neither, dude. Cuz we’re both talking.

…So, we’re Dante and Rand-

DIBS ON RANDALL!

DIBS ON… Dammit.

SILEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE.

…

Gentlemen. I understand your blatant disrespect.

I am quite diminutive.

And, given my hermit status, guarding the headquarters of True Korean Wrestling since last August? I am not in my proper military form.

…

However. I will assure you. That if your casual conversation causes me to fail in my mission.

I will remove the bones of your thumbs. While you remain conscious.

And grind them into a fine powder in front of you.

…

Now.

My mission.

Is to guarantee.

That the commander’s entrance.

At his first ever Relentless match.

Will.

Be.

GLORIOUS.

As if witnessing the face of the Glorious Leader himself.

…

How many fireworks can you load into my commander’s robotic form?

…

*whisper*

*whisper*

…

…..

Like.

A lot.

“Annyeong Haseyo, Mark Flynn.”

“Welcome to my new cybernetic mind.”

“Have you met Comrade Chad?”

“Please give me back my body.”

“Ah, Comrade Chad. Like a broken record playing the True Korean National Anthem, I never get tired of hearing you sing the same tune.”

“Give me back my body, please.”

“System – Mute user ‘chad_xwf’ for one hour.”

…

“Ahhhhh… Much better.”

“A ridiculous accusation.”

“Especially given my recent discover that ‘his’ body, was in fact mine all along.”

…

“Of course, Comrade Chad is not the only man who falsely accuses me of theft.”

“I, naturally, refer to…”

“YOU… Mark Flynn.”

…

“You claim I skulk about in the shadows like a common thief.”

“That I stole your briefcase.”

“That I conspired to strip you of the X-Treme title.”

“Did I?”

…

“I will confess.”

“I did take those things from you.”

…

“But was it theft?”

“To that point.”

“I say no.”

“Because, for an act to qualify as theft.”

“You must be taking property…”

“From its RIGHTFUL OWNER.”

…

“And YOU… Mark Flynn.”

“Have spent your ENTIRE CAREER.”

“Piling your ill-gotten gains.”

“Burying your disgusting scaly body in gold…”

“Like a dragon of Western folklore.”

“You insecure mindless, little worm.”

“I deserve EVERY BIT of accolade you earned… By stabbing me in the back.”

“Leaving me to die.”

…

“I have no long professed that I believe in no afterlife, Mark Flynn.”

“But… having ‘died’ three times now…”

“I do have some knowledge of what happens… after you die…”

…

“You know what death brings, Mark Flynn?”

“Do you know what a moment spent within the abyss grants the dead?”

…

“Perspective.”

“Wisdom.”

“As you might like to say…”

“VISION.”

“AND FOCUS.”

…

“For many, many months.”

“I saw you as an ally.”

…

“Not simply an ally.”

“But, a friend.”

“Truly.”

“I saw in you a kindred spirit.”

“Someone else with talent that the XWF had rejected out-of-hand.”

…

“Admittedly, one not NEARLY as talented and charismatic as I!”

“But one most learned! One most familiar with the sport! That could and WOULD and HAD PROMISED to transfer unto me his most valuable asset:...”

“Knowledge.”

“And while the rest of roster… And the XWF… regarded you with a profane disdain.”

“I saw in you a principled man.”

“One of determination.”

“One who would not abandon his morals for ANYTHING.”

…

“And then…”

“You know.”

“You threw me through an electrical box.”

“Defeated Raion Kido.”

“And Mister Pure Wrestling Mark Flynn.”

“Who spent MONTHS talking about how the XWF hand-picks its corporate champions and holds real wrestlers down…”

“SPENT SIX ENTIRE MONTHS AS UNIVERSAL CHAMPION.”

“WALKING AROUND IN A SUIT AND TIE.”

“SCREAMING ABOUT SELLING WRESTLING PRODUCT.”

“AND BREAKING THE ARMS OF JOBBERS.”

…

“Mark Flynn.”

“You spent TEN YEARS.”

“A full DECADE of your career.”

“Declaring yourself the voice of reason among the XWF.”

“The man of vision. Who could see the devil in disguise in Theo Pryce.”

“Could see the innate, hidden, evil, corrupt nature of every so-called hero that he fought against…”

…

“And OVERNIGHT.”

“You became everything you claimed to despise.”

“A prancing, preening movie-star personality.”

“After all that talk shitting on fake-wrestlers wanting to be movie stars… You LITERALLY cloned Jimmy Fallon to get on late-night television.”

“You are a spineless jellyfish of a NON-man.”

…

“I mean, for Glorious Leader’s sake, at least a jellyfish has a SHAPE. Has some filament to it.”

“Mark Flynn has no core values.”

“No TRUE principles.”

“He spent YEARS selling me on the Optimal Path.”

“Promising a place for us both at the top of the mountain.”

…

“And when he thought for a moment.”

“A fraction of a second.”

“That I was, simply, in position to surpass him.”

“He tossed me off the side.”

“And left me to die.”

…

“That’s the interesting thing, Mark Flynn.”

“When I won, you would call them YOUR wins.”

“You declared yourself the coach of the 2022 WarGames Team that COMRADE CALYPSO CAPTAINED!”

“THAT COMRADE GAMEGIRL GATHERED TO SAVE THE KINGDOM OF NARFINEX.”

“Somehow, I don’t remember you playing ANY REAL ROLE on that team.”

…

“Of course, you’ve never been much of a team player, eh, Mark Flynn?”

“Certainly, We had nearly secured the longest tag-title reign of all-time.”

“But, to this day, you claim you defended the belts single-handedly.”

…

“Mark Flynn.”

“You are everything I despise in a human being.”

“Self-obsessed.”

“Greedy.”

“INDIVIDUALIST.”

“You would cast every man on the roster into the mouth of the flames if it meant five more minutes of precious time in front of your audience.”

“The one that despises you.”

“The one that LOVES me.”

…

“Oh.”

“But, of course.”

“How could I forget?”

“Mark Flynn has turned over a new leaf.”

“Mark Flynn has abandoned his old ways.”

“Mark Flynn.”

“IS A GOOD GUY NOW.”

…

“No.”

“Mark Flynn may have altered his worldview.”

“But, he is EXACTLY the same as he has always been”

“Mark Flynn switched his very alignment.”

“His entire ethical code.”

“To maximize his success.”

“Because he saw a dearth of opportunity to innovate as a self-identified ‘bad-guy’...”

“And changed tracks the MOMENT he thought his career would benefit from a so-called ‘face run’.”

“And in doing so, Mark Flynn did what Mark Flynn has ALWAYS DONE.”

“Abandoned each and every one of his ‘principles’.”

“His CORE TENETS.”

“For another moment in the spotlight.”

“No, Mark Flynn.”

“You are no good guy.”

“You’re still a very… Very bad man.”

“You just turned into everything you used to hate.”

“A clown.”

“A jester.”

“Singing and dancing.”

“Japing and tripping over your own feet.”

“For the amusement of western wrestling fans.”

“Who, despite your best efforts for the last SIX MONTHS…”

“STILL DESPISE YOU.”

“...Hehe.”

“Though not nearly as much as I do.”

…

“One last point.”

“In your promo.”

“You spoke of fear.”

“That the reason that I’ve refrained from entering the ring against you.”

“Is that I fear you.”

“That I know what will happen when we share the ring together.”

…

“And that much is true.”

“I do know exactly what will happen, Mark Flynn, when we share the ring at Relentless.”

…

“You are a man.”

“A well-learned man. Someone with much experience.”

“But a mortal man.”

“In fact, more mortal than most.”

“An aging, forty-four year old ring hack… Whose body will rapidly deteriorate sooner rather than later.”

…

“I am a FLAWLESS WRESTLING MACHINE.”

“LOADED WITH THE ENTIRE BODY OF WRESTLING ACADEMIA.”

“WITH A PROCESSING API CALL SPEED OF SEVEN PICOSECONDS.”

…

“I can see your move coming the moment it crosses your mind.”

“And by the time your feeble human fingers twitch to exert your weak human will?”

“I’ve already loaded seven hundred thousand potential counters.”

“Considered each one to its logical nexus.”

“And selected the most-perfect sequence…”

“To maximize your utter humiliation at my hands.”

…

“I imagine you are a big fan of chess, Mark Flynn.”

“After all, you spent quite a bit of XWF’s production budget, only to lose to Bobby Bourbon by disqualification in a chess wrestling match.”

…

“I’m certain you’re familiar with the parable of Deep Blue and Garry Kasparov.”

“In 1996, Kasparov, the world’s chess champion played an IBM computer called Deep Blue in a series of matches.”

“Kasparov, a man who’d beaten everyone in the world at this game… Narrowly survived the computer.”

“One year later? They played again.”

“And the machine won.”

…

“Fast forward to today.”

“It is now a KNOWN FACT.”

“That humans cannot best machines on the chess board.”

“The computers have only become faster.”

“Wiser.”

“Can see further into the future.”

“Predict more and more moves.”

“Plot your very demise from the moment your fidgeting hands unpack the pieces.”

…

“You may be a ring general, Mark Flynn.”

“But you are no match…”

“For a WRESTLING GOD.”

…

“I was always the physical superior of the two of us, Mark Flynn.”

“The only advantage you ever had on me.”

“Was knowledge.”

“Expertise in the wrestling ring.”

…

“And now, Mark Flynn?”

“I have 17 zetabytes of wrestling moves loaded onto my cerebral cortex. Ready to execute in a nano-instant.”

…

”So.”

“No, Mark Flynn.”

“I did not delay our battle out of fear.”

“I delayed it because I did not want it to end on any stage.”

“Except the grandest of them all.”

“Relentless.”

“Where I could thoroughly and completely humiliate you.”

“Where I could crush you as one might a gnat or a flea.”

“Leaving you helpless.”

“In front of as many eyes as the wrestling world has.”

“Before casting you off the side of the mountaintop.”

“As you once did to me.”

“And in front of the entire wrestling world…”

“Mark Flynn’s career will be remembered in no way.”

“Except for how it ended.”

“Crushed.”

“Completely and totally.”

“At the hands of a being.”

“Superior in every conceivable way.”

…

“Welcome to my vengeance, Mark Flynn.”

“And say goodbye to the wrestling ring.”


]]> <![CDATA[The End Is Just The Beginning]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46853 Fri, 22 Sep 2023 16:32:50 -0700 Great Buzzard Eli James IV]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46853 In the cozy confines of a well-appointed living room, a 50-inch screen was hanging on the wall. The screen flickered to life, bathed in the warm, inviting glow of nostalgia. But instead of the familiar tune that usually heralded the arrival of the beloved Mr. Rogers, a distinct, variation of the melody began to play. 


Then, emerging onto the screen, it wasn't the iconic figure of Mr. Rogers, but rather, a man transformed. Eli James had undergone a radical makeover, a far cry from the customary image we had grown accustomed to. His once-flowing locks, typically damp and hanging gracefully from beneath a shadowy black fedora, had been tamed into a man-bun, a departure from his former self.


Eli's attire mirrored this striking transformation. No longer clad in his signature ensemble, he now sported khaki pants and a Christmas sweater, an embodiment of the coming Holiday. The contrast between the Eli we thought we knew and this curious new version was as captivating as it was perplexing, setting the stage for an unexpected journey through uncharted territories of his character.


"Well hello there! Isn't it a beautiful day? Today, I want to talk to you about dealing with change. I know it can be scary out there -- moving to a new town, starting at a new school, and dating a new person.


Kids Soundtrack: "Ooooooo."


Eli's eyes get wide while his hands cover his mouth. Shocked and surprised. "K-I-S-S... hehe. Just kidding. Change is scary, bro. It turns your fuzzy-wuzzies into jeepers-creepers. WHAM-BLOME! So it's important to face it head-on! You have to be strong! You have be be bold! You have to take that booty-tooty and kick it to the curb! When you go to those new places or face those changes, you may bump into Mr. Meannie! 


Kids Soundtrack: "Oh no!"


"I know! But it's okay, my puppets. Change is just a-part-of-life, bro. Change can create opportunity. Change can create heroes. Change can create... Eli's face turns serious villains. It can make you the hero... or the villain.


Eli shakes the darkness lurking behind his eyes and a deep voice slithers from his mouth.


"ANYways. Let's talk to some friends to see how they handle change.


Eli starts to visit a wizard puppet, but the volume starts to fade. Zooming out of the screen, the back of a person dressed up in a nice suit comes into view and turns off the television. The picture backs out and reveals ELISHA rocking back and forth near a fireplace. He's mumbling nonsense words. Backing out further is Eli rocking in his chair, clapping.



* * * *


Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.


Eli James is sitting in his rocking chair watching Hook.


"Over the years people completely missed the meaning of the Neverland story. Ya' see, you and everyone else see it has a nice story of love, laughter, and adventure -- but not adventure in the surviving sense. Heh. Neverland is about fear .. of .. the end. Last time you heard from me, you got a glimpse into the world to come. You came into my home and saw the shadows tryin' to break free. Everyone is tryin' to escape comin' into my home. You don't escape. You don't pass it by. Everyone comes here in the end... but I'll give you stones on the road to lead you on the right path. Speakin' of stones, let's talk truth... let's talk reality... let's talk Neverland.


Have ya ever seen a pirate afraid of a reptile? I've seen smaller men hunt and play with crocodiles, and we're supposed to believe the most feared pirate is afraid of one? Heh. You gullible sheep. 'But he ate his hand!' Enough to make ya afraid? 


Then ya have Peter Pan tryin' to stay young and bring others alongside this fountain of youth because he doesn't want to be all by himself. And he doesn't want to face the real monster lurking around the corner of a tree. He doesn't want to face the beast of the Earth.


And the lost boys. They are wandering sheep without a shepherd. Whoever catches them and leads them is where they'll go. 


They are all afraid of change. They are afraid of father time that ushers in change. They are the voice calling out in the wilderness and the Messiah arriving onto the soil. People fear the union.


Hook isn't afraid of the crocodile. He's not afraid of a clock. He's afraid of what the clock represents. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock. Hehehe. Each tick reminds him that it's closer to his last breath than it was his first. Instead of using that fear for purpose, he wanders aimlessly on the waters with mindless zombies tryin' to fill their void and ignore the clock. Then that little pet comes along and he hears it...


Peter Pan's worst enemy isn't a pirate, but a constant reminder that time is coming for ya. Everywhere he looks is wrinkles with a fade-to-black approaching. He does everything possible to stay young. He lures people to stay with him, but eventually everyone loses to the great monster. No matter the culture, universe, or year on the calendar -- everyone is found and taken.


The end is coming for you all. Change in your appearance. Change in your soul. Change in your world. Change -- in -- life. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock goes the clock and will not stop.




* * * *






A small broken house is in the middle of the woods with Eli rocking in his chair. Pictures of Mystica, Amos, Elisha, Lacy, Alexandria, and a few others from his past hanging on the outside walls.


"A birth happens after it's survival, and is celebrated at the arrival. They are a blank canvas, trusted into the hands of the parents to guide, feed, and protect them. They become a product of our investments. But as that dirty old Dr. Time comes along, some not-so-good mixture pollutes the water; the once-so-pure spring isn't so clean. This journey continues and parents, or guardians, can only offer up a hope they don't become so filled with dirt. 


We can easily clean water with a filter, but how do we cleanse a soul that's full of substances we cannot touch? This world tries, but how can a blind person lead another blind? How can a filthy rag clean another filthy rag? We use soap to wash away the dust from the outer banks, but the inner remains as rust and only continues to build its case against you. 


'How Dare You!' will that inner maze speak to the outside walls... 'How Dare You Keep Clean And Wash Off The Flies When I Sit Here Rotting!' 


The once new birth creature becomes a monster...


Not a monster hiding underneath your bed ready to pop out and go boo... and maybe not a monster ready to take another life... but not all monsters destroy the flesh we hide in. 


I came here preachin' these words.. this truth and everyone thought I was crazy. 'Just ignore that crazy old man.' One by one I proved their accusations wrong and instead of arguing my case, I simply waited for the revelation of truth to come knocking. A Black Circle failed. I warned of danger coming here and the communications, such as the website, went down. Every person I said would fail and fade did... and I said my words would remain and they have. I became the filthy rag. I hurt... I killed... I destroyed... I became the evil you all desired but were too afraid to embrace. I became the broken vessel inside and out, hoping to cleanse you all. To free you all.


This place may bring in others that will try to be like me... preachin' and teachin' truth, but let's be honest... there will only be one Eli James. I may not sit on the XWF Wall of Legends, but I will sit on the thrones in all your hearts continuing to tell you the words that matter.


I gave my gold away because it was never about titles or championships. It was always about saving you all, not just from the darkness that sits around this shelter but from the evil within myself. I was good; I was evil; I gave you bits of both so you could choose which world to join. Almost all chose The Village and not the Promise Land... it will be in that place you may just find Elisha or another waiting in the shadows, ready to eat your flesh and your soul.


Each child will one day end their journey. And I will be there. You all will go away... but I hope someone will wipe off the dust of my journey and my words and see my history... 


I just ask you all to remember me. I gave it my all. Let my words and actions show a man feared, loved, and hated.


To all.... My end... is just the beginning.


Theodore, see ya soon...."
]]> In the cozy confines of a well-appointed living room, a 50-inch screen was hanging on the wall. The screen flickered to life, bathed in the warm, inviting glow of nostalgia. But instead of the familiar tune that usually heralded the arrival of the beloved Mr. Rogers, a distinct, variation of the melody began to play. 


Then, emerging onto the screen, it wasn't the iconic figure of Mr. Rogers, but rather, a man transformed. Eli James had undergone a radical makeover, a far cry from the customary image we had grown accustomed to. His once-flowing locks, typically damp and hanging gracefully from beneath a shadowy black fedora, had been tamed into a man-bun, a departure from his former self.


Eli's attire mirrored this striking transformation. No longer clad in his signature ensemble, he now sported khaki pants and a Christmas sweater, an embodiment of the coming Holiday. The contrast between the Eli we thought we knew and this curious new version was as captivating as it was perplexing, setting the stage for an unexpected journey through uncharted territories of his character.


"Well hello there! Isn't it a beautiful day? Today, I want to talk to you about dealing with change. I know it can be scary out there -- moving to a new town, starting at a new school, and dating a new person.


Kids Soundtrack: "Ooooooo."


Eli's eyes get wide while his hands cover his mouth. Shocked and surprised. "K-I-S-S... hehe. Just kidding. Change is scary, bro. It turns your fuzzy-wuzzies into jeepers-creepers. WHAM-BLOME! So it's important to face it head-on! You have to be strong! You have be be bold! You have to take that booty-tooty and kick it to the curb! When you go to those new places or face those changes, you may bump into Mr. Meannie! 


Kids Soundtrack: "Oh no!"


"I know! But it's okay, my puppets. Change is just a-part-of-life, bro. Change can create opportunity. Change can create heroes. Change can create... Eli's face turns serious villains. It can make you the hero... or the villain.


Eli shakes the darkness lurking behind his eyes and a deep voice slithers from his mouth.


"ANYways. Let's talk to some friends to see how they handle change.


Eli starts to visit a wizard puppet, but the volume starts to fade. Zooming out of the screen, the back of a person dressed up in a nice suit comes into view and turns off the television. The picture backs out and reveals ELISHA rocking back and forth near a fireplace. He's mumbling nonsense words. Backing out further is Eli rocking in his chair, clapping.



* * * *


Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.


Eli James is sitting in his rocking chair watching Hook.


"Over the years people completely missed the meaning of the Neverland story. Ya' see, you and everyone else see it has a nice story of love, laughter, and adventure -- but not adventure in the surviving sense. Heh. Neverland is about fear .. of .. the end. Last time you heard from me, you got a glimpse into the world to come. You came into my home and saw the shadows tryin' to break free. Everyone is tryin' to escape comin' into my home. You don't escape. You don't pass it by. Everyone comes here in the end... but I'll give you stones on the road to lead you on the right path. Speakin' of stones, let's talk truth... let's talk reality... let's talk Neverland.


Have ya ever seen a pirate afraid of a reptile? I've seen smaller men hunt and play with crocodiles, and we're supposed to believe the most feared pirate is afraid of one? Heh. You gullible sheep. 'But he ate his hand!' Enough to make ya afraid? 


Then ya have Peter Pan tryin' to stay young and bring others alongside this fountain of youth because he doesn't want to be all by himself. And he doesn't want to face the real monster lurking around the corner of a tree. He doesn't want to face the beast of the Earth.


And the lost boys. They are wandering sheep without a shepherd. Whoever catches them and leads them is where they'll go. 


They are all afraid of change. They are afraid of father time that ushers in change. They are the voice calling out in the wilderness and the Messiah arriving onto the soil. People fear the union.


Hook isn't afraid of the crocodile. He's not afraid of a clock. He's afraid of what the clock represents. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock. Hehehe. Each tick reminds him that it's closer to his last breath than it was his first. Instead of using that fear for purpose, he wanders aimlessly on the waters with mindless zombies tryin' to fill their void and ignore the clock. Then that little pet comes along and he hears it...


Peter Pan's worst enemy isn't a pirate, but a constant reminder that time is coming for ya. Everywhere he looks is wrinkles with a fade-to-black approaching. He does everything possible to stay young. He lures people to stay with him, but eventually everyone loses to the great monster. No matter the culture, universe, or year on the calendar -- everyone is found and taken.


The end is coming for you all. Change in your appearance. Change in your soul. Change in your world. Change -- in -- life. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock goes the clock and will not stop.




* * * *






A small broken house is in the middle of the woods with Eli rocking in his chair. Pictures of Mystica, Amos, Elisha, Lacy, Alexandria, and a few others from his past hanging on the outside walls.


"A birth happens after it's survival, and is celebrated at the arrival. They are a blank canvas, trusted into the hands of the parents to guide, feed, and protect them. They become a product of our investments. But as that dirty old Dr. Time comes along, some not-so-good mixture pollutes the water; the once-so-pure spring isn't so clean. This journey continues and parents, or guardians, can only offer up a hope they don't become so filled with dirt. 


We can easily clean water with a filter, but how do we cleanse a soul that's full of substances we cannot touch? This world tries, but how can a blind person lead another blind? How can a filthy rag clean another filthy rag? We use soap to wash away the dust from the outer banks, but the inner remains as rust and only continues to build its case against you. 


'How Dare You!' will that inner maze speak to the outside walls... 'How Dare You Keep Clean And Wash Off The Flies When I Sit Here Rotting!' 


The once new birth creature becomes a monster...


Not a monster hiding underneath your bed ready to pop out and go boo... and maybe not a monster ready to take another life... but not all monsters destroy the flesh we hide in. 


I came here preachin' these words.. this truth and everyone thought I was crazy. 'Just ignore that crazy old man.' One by one I proved their accusations wrong and instead of arguing my case, I simply waited for the revelation of truth to come knocking. A Black Circle failed. I warned of danger coming here and the communications, such as the website, went down. Every person I said would fail and fade did... and I said my words would remain and they have. I became the filthy rag. I hurt... I killed... I destroyed... I became the evil you all desired but were too afraid to embrace. I became the broken vessel inside and out, hoping to cleanse you all. To free you all.


This place may bring in others that will try to be like me... preachin' and teachin' truth, but let's be honest... there will only be one Eli James. I may not sit on the XWF Wall of Legends, but I will sit on the thrones in all your hearts continuing to tell you the words that matter.


I gave my gold away because it was never about titles or championships. It was always about saving you all, not just from the darkness that sits around this shelter but from the evil within myself. I was good; I was evil; I gave you bits of both so you could choose which world to join. Almost all chose The Village and not the Promise Land... it will be in that place you may just find Elisha or another waiting in the shadows, ready to eat your flesh and your soul.


Each child will one day end their journey. And I will be there. You all will go away... but I hope someone will wipe off the dust of my journey and my words and see my history... 


I just ask you all to remember me. I gave it my all. Let my words and actions show a man feared, loved, and hated.


To all.... My end... is just the beginning.


Theodore, see ya soon...."
]]> <![CDATA[Communism is the Spectre Haunting My Robot]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46905 Fri, 22 Sep 2023 13:53:14 -0700 Mark Flynn]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46905 Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

In 2021, the United States government had taken a… special interest in the XWF.

...Special interest?

She means they saw a big gun across the bar and got an itchy trigger finger.

Flynn, you shut your goddamned mouth unless you’re spoken to!

...Redd, that line *literally* only works when your boss isn’t ALREADY SPEAKING TO ME.

...

Monica, I appreciate the reminder, but I remember all this… And Irwin watched it on television. He’s a superfan.

I prefer the term ‘pop-culture enthusiast’.

REGARDLESS!

I’m familiar enough with what happened two years ago.

I don’t need a refresher on my own life.

ALIAS jumped into the future, revealing a future war where the world had submerged into Anarchy…

There was a civil war between a resistance force and

*spoiler alert*

Turns out ALIAS kills Vinnie and Theo and took over the planet.

…

He also ate NK, I think?

Gasp! That’s why they call ALIAS the World-Eater!

…

No.

…

Well, actually maybe.

Can we stay focused here, SMARTASS? There’s an important matter you DON’T KNOW ABOUT!

Oh, you mean…


”How were you able to bypass the security protocols, anyway?”

”I had the same question! ChadGPT is designed to do no harm…”

”Haha! That is but one of Comrade Chad’s objective! His first is to be a model of citizenship and inspire the youths!”

”...And *arson* is aspirational for the youths?”

”Wanton, purposeless arson? Naturally not. But! Arson of a capitalist structure like MuskCo headquarters! A tool of oppression of the laboring class! HAHA! There could be nothing more heroic than the destruction of that temple designed to worship capitalism!”

”Haha! Well done, commander!”

”...No! Even if *you* believe that destroying MuskCo is ethical, Chad’s ethical core isn’t self-determined! It’s hooked into Twitter’s algorith… Chad is designed to reflect the value systems of the average internet user!”

”Ah, true… And perhaps you were also aware that Chad may… filter voices his algorithm determines to be detrimental to his cause of ethical behaviour.”

”...Yes. To avoid that thing that happened with Bill Gates’ AI experiment wrestling robot prototype. The thing feel into a right-wing internet rabbithole and started screaming about how the holocaust didn’t happen.”

”And… naturally… to avoid such a phenomenon, you embedded into Chad’s systems… the power to… EXCISE voices that could corrupt the purity of your robotic boy’s soul, yes?”

…

”Oh my God.”

”What? I’m confused, what happened?”

”...He filtered the voices guiding his ethics algorithm to fit his own ethical code…”

”Yes! Now the only voices I listen to are Kim Jong Un’s official twitter… As well as leading Internet communists… And Thaddeus Duke’s twitter, for a little dramatic flair!”

”...Shit. Why didn’t we test for that?”

”We?!? Don’t bring me into this! You’re the analyst!!!

”Haha! Inspired, Commander! Truly genius! However, one question remains unanswered…”


”How the Hell is the US Government wrapped up in all this? One second, I’m trying to buy Twitter… Next second, NK is setting MuskCo on fire!”

”Well, Flynn. Since you have such a great memory… you might remember that YOU were our operative we had at the ready to run interference on ALIAS, should he suddenly go on a world-eating conquest.”

”AND YOU FUCKED IT! HAHAHA! SUCK IT, FLYNN!”

…

”You done, Sp-?”

”HA!”

”Fuck off. Yeah, I lost. So did everyone else. I picked up valuable data! And I converted that intel into dominance from that point forward! I went like six months without losing after that!”

”Indeed. Which would have been impressive… If the goal of our operation was you winning in the XWF. We needed you to investigate talent foreign to your dimension an-”

“And be a weird mono-universe border patrol. Yeah, yeah, whatever. ALIAS is gone, Jay Omega split for Vegas, so if you wanna harass him more, get a room at the Bellagio, he and Richards are rolling Chris Page’s dice now… Point being, the extra-universal threats handled themselves. All’s well that ends well.”

“...You think this op ended, just because you walked away, Flynn?”

“Because you threw your partner through an electrical box, won the Universal Title, and stopped showing up for work… That our mission would just die after you left?”

…

“Yes?”

“No such luck. Our operative went AWOL.”

“As in YOU.”

“The operative he recruited had been… *ahem*... compromised to a permanent end.”

“As in… the WAR CRIMINAL.”

“Yet, despite this development… The mission continued.”

“We needed a replacement operative.”

“And that’s where… *throat-clear* he comes in.”

“...He?”

[Image: Elonmusk-4.jpg]

“Hello!”


“Belay that though a moment… Elon Musk was hired by the government to program Chad GPT?!?”

“...Kinda sorta.”

“...Kind-of… Sort-of?”

…

“Little of column A, little of column B?”

…

“Look, we signed non-disclosure agreements… We’re really not supposed to talk about… ANY of our work. To anyone.”

“...Ah… naturally, I understand.”

“Phew, good.”

“However, I would like to kindly ask you to forgo this non-disclosure agreement and elaborate fully and completely. Additionally, I would like to remind you both that my current form is a 6-and-a-half-foot-tall, 800-pound robot with the crushing capacity of a small hippopotamus’s jaws.”

“...Right, good point. So…”


“Naturally, I wished with my whole heart to own a wrestling company. I approached Theo and Vinnie to buy the XWF outright, with my billions of dollars in net worth… To which, Theo replied…”

[Image: Screenshot-2023-09-21-at-4-38-07-PM.png]

“HA! Nice.”

“I was eight dollars richer, but still didn’t have a wrestling company! And I’d wanted one for forty whole minutes!”

“Aw, poor baby Musky…”

“And that’s when it hit me! If I couldn’t BUY the company, I’d take it via hostile takeover! I’d dominate the XWF! With my artificially intelligent wrestling automaton!!”


“You’re, of course, referring to Comrade Chad?”

“Well, that was the goal, anyway. Elon figured Chad GPT would basically win the Uni in a week and Theo Pryce would beg him to buy the company off his hands.”

“Aha! Quite brilliant, this plan!”

“...Is it, Commander? It feels like having a dominant wrestling robot may actually increase the value of the XWF.”

“...Hold on, Kato! An idea forms in my mind! Elon’s plan would *actually* increase the value of the XWF!”

“...Well-spotted, commander.”

“Right. And that’s IF Chad set the world on fire in his debut.”


“And he DID!”


“He did NOT.”

“He did okay, he beat like… Mastermind.”

“And Taylor Rabid!”

“But he kinda just… kept wrestling opening matches on Anarchy.”


“The entire Anarchy system conspired to prevent my wrestling automaton from exploding in popularity like I designed him to!”

“Exploding like a SpaceX rocket!”


“So, with the slightest impediment in his way, Elon did what he usually does.”

“Kill the project. Write it off as a loss on his taxes and move on!”


“Until! The government approached me about utilizing my wrestling robot!"

“...Wait. You tried to replace me with CHAD GPT!?!”

“He worked perfectly for our needs.”

“We needed someone who could wrestle…”

“I CAN WRESTLE.”

“And would follow orders.”

…

“...*cough* Point taken.”

“But, like I said, ALIAS got beat by the Puppy-Adopting-Golden-Child… Like… who are the XWF’s biggest villains right now?”

“Sidney Grey, the star of a reality show?”

“Bobby Bourbon, moderately-stagnant asshole?”

“Corey Smith for cheating on Peter Pan?”

“*sob* Leave the memories alone!”

“I’m just saying. We haven’t had a threat that could destroy an Arby’s franchise in almost a year! Let alone destabilize the fabric of the multiverse.”

…

“Flynn.”

“I’m going to say this with all the patience that I believe I am capable of.”

“Are.”

“You.”

“This.”

“Fucking.”

“Dense.”

…

“You think it’s gonna stay this way forever?”

“You XWF freaks just sit in your backyard with a pile of fireworks and matches… Not reading the labels on any of ‘em.”

“Any time someone wants a go in your little ten-foot-by-ten-foot wrestling ring…”

“Be they good guy…”

“Bad guy…”

“Robot.”

“Alien.”

“Bioweapon.”

“Cthululean ultrabeing.”

“Or whatever the fuck a ‘Roger’ is.”

“Vinnie Lane signs them that minute and tosses them in the ring.”

“The XWF is a time bomb. ALIAS’ disappearance didn’t snip the fuse.”

“It just temporarily stopped ticking.”


“But, wait! Capitalist Elon Musk is outspokenly against government subsidies! Surely, he would be principled enough to not accept external public funding for his wrestling robot.”

…

[Image: Screenshot-2023-09-22-at-3-46-02-PM.png]

“HAHAHA, a mere jest. Capitalists have no principles. Go on.”


“We began implementing and outfitting potential expansions on the Chad GPT system… Even MuskCo’s own developers weren’t aware of our changes.”


“OH FUCK! THAT’S WHY CHAD HAS LASER EYES!?! AND SHOT THEM AT A SQUIRREL!?!”

“And… neither of you two thought it was peculiar that your wrestling robot suddenly developed laser vision?”

“Well… At first, we honestly thought we’d fucked something up.”

“We fuck a lot of things up.”

“Software development is a lot of finding out after the fact your math was wrong.”

“Whoops! We put a one where a zero was supposed to go! Now, the MuskCo all-in-one blender is sentient and bent!”

…

“Is that… Is that anecdote based in truth, Comrade Developers?”

…

“So, about our NDAs…”


“Okay, okay, I’m putting pieces together. MuskCo made a wrestling robot… Then, some time in April, outta nowhere, the robot stopped getting booked… I assume Uncle Sam wanted to keep its involvement in active XWF talent under wraps… lest it accidentally start a robotic-wrestler-arms-race, huh?”

…

“...Well… Actually.”

“We didn’t order Chad to go into hiding.”

“No one had the notion that the federal government was involved in the Chad GPT project.”

“Turns out it’s a lot easier to keep a secret when your agent isn’t dropping promos about his supposed-to-be-top-secret-work on a biweekly basis.”

“...*cough*.”

“We had assumed Elon’s engineers had caught onto our programming uploads and had put the project under wraps to diagnose potential issues.”


“Wasn’t us!”

…

“I mean… Right?”

“No, wasn’t us.”

“Phew, okay, good.”

“We’re two IT guys… We’ve been sitting back and just cashing MuskCo’s checks this whole time.”

“We have no idea why Chad stopped getting booked on Anarchy!”


EARLIER THIS YEAR


”ROBOTS?!? On my card!!! I don’t think so!”

Atticus Gold whites-out Chad’s name on the card.

”I have *some* standards!”

…He then writes over Chad’s name, replacing it with A Literal Gorilla.

”Ah. Much better.”


“Okay… Wait. Lemme make sure I’m following…”

“So, Chad GPT was originally a vanity project by a billionaire who wanted to whip his dick out on the wrestling world.”

“Correct!”

“But, then the United States government, wanting to keep track of the XWF’s potential destroying the multiverse itself… Then started paying Elon to keep building ChadGPT…”

“In the hopes of stopping the next extraplanar world-destroying entity that XWF would give a two-week contract to.”

“...Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay okay okay.”

“There’s just one thing I don’t understand.”

“JUST ONE THING?!?”

“How the Hell did NK get in Chad’s body?”

…

……

“We… uh…”

“We have no idea.”


“How do you mean? There must be some logical explanation for why I currently pilot this magnificent, muscular robot body!”

“...Yeah, sure. Buuuuuut…”

“We weren’t on the robotics team! We handle the software, not the hardware!”

“Right. We didn’t build Chad’s body, just his mind.”

“Elon showed up at the office, dropped Chad on our desk, and said make him wrestle.”

…

“Actually… That gives me an idea!”


“We thought this project was entirely contained and insulated from external interference.”

“We’ve swept our own servers for hacking or spyware. We can’t figure out how the War Criminal got on Chad’s programming.”

“Plus, our intel said the War Criminal was compromised to a permanent end!”

“If not dead, out of the game for the foreseeable future.”

“And we can see a loooooong way into the future.”

“Well, The Socialist Ghost in the Shell got in there somehow! It’s not like he was on Chad from Day One, right?”

…

*sniff*

“Wait.”

*sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiff*

…

“I smell billionaire sweat.”

…

“Okay.”

“Everyone in this room…”

“Has to promise not to be mad at me.”


“Okay… Opening your logs.”

“Hehe, that tickles, Comrade Programmer!”

“Anything interesting so far?”

“God, I’ve got to cleanup my code… I have a log statement set to trigger every time he thinks the word ‘table tennis’...”

”...Table tennis?”

“Yep. New log just popped up.”

“...Anything WORTH opening his skull and hooking a laptop into it for?”

“...Nothing yet.”

…

“...Wait, here’s something.”


“So, yes, at the beginning, I wanted a robotic wrestler!”

“Then, I got feedback that that would be… prohibitively expensive. ESPECIALLY if I wanted an elite-level competitor that could takeover the XWF with an iron fist!”

…

“Then, I saw him!”

“At the 2022 WarGames! The North Korean War Criminal dominated the field! He pinned Peter Vaughn, Mercy and Raion Kido all in one night!”

“Coached by Mark Flynn!”

“The entire world was clammoring for the War Criminal to get a shot for the Universal title!”

…

“Then… someone in this room threw him into an electrical box.”

“...Guilty..”

“...I was already backstage that night. I’d been asking Theo Pryce to invest in my automaton wrestler idea.”

“And he said it’d never work! A machine could never replicate an elite-level athlete.”

“He gave me eight more dollars, then he asked me to leave…”

…


“I walked to the loading dock.”

“Where an ambulance was.”

“Panicked professionals…”

“Trying to load an electrified carcass to the nearest hospital.”

“Trying to figure out if an enemy of the state had health insurance.”

…

“...Wait.”


“...All Chad’s files were all retitled in March to chad_gpt…”

“...That’s when we started working on him.”[/color]

“Right. But the earliest files… were created in… August 2022? Seven months prior.”

“Ah! August of last year! What a time! I had just competed with Comrades Game Girl, Calypso and Carnes! We had dominated WarGames! Mark Flynn and I ruled the tag-team division!”

…

“Then, he threw away our partnership. For his own sick individualist ego!”

…

“That’s an interesting… coincidence.”

…

“...Oh.”

“Shit.”


“The medical staff were so off-their-game from the surprise electrocution.”

“They didn’t notice my team creep up.”

“And snatch the body.”

“Of the perfect athlete.”

“Of the charismatic communist!”

“The man who befriended ALIAS!”

“He just needed a fresh coat of paint and some face dialogue protocols!”

“And he would become MuskCo’s perfect automaton wrestler!”

“You’re telling me… that NK is NOT joyriding Chad’s body?”

“But Chad was controlling NK’s?!?”


A rag rubs across Chad’s caucasian, all-American face.

…

And under many layers of ‘flesh-tone’ grease paint and blonde hair dye…

…

The War Criminal emerges.

…

He smiles.

“Ah…”

“There I am.”


I wasn’t lying last Warfare.

I really was a little proud of NK.

Chip off the old block.

Yes, I am a GOOD GUY.

NOW AND FOREVER MORE.

…

But, c’mon.

Who doesn’t love a good scheme.

A great plan coming together.

I mean, you can’t deny the results.

NK has my briefcase.

He coordinated giving my X-Treme title to B.O.B. D.

…And he currently has, in his possession…

My SINGLE loyal fan.

…

I mean. I’m not happy about the last one.

But, all in all, incredible execution.

…

If I may.

As a former villain.

As THE MOST HATED MAN IN THE XWF.

…

Once upon a time.

Let me give the War Criminal a note or two.

…

If you’re going to come at me?

Come at me.

Bring your two fists.

And swing, daddy-o.

…

Even when I was at my most dirtbag-villainy-bullshit.

I stepped up to the hero.

I told them exactly why they were full of shit.

And then we fuckin’ fought.

Man-to-man.

Fist-to-fist.

Iron-against-iron.

An actual fucking fight.

…

NK.

What the fuck have you been doing?

Skulking around in the shadows.

Playing headgames.

Dodging my many, MANY efforts to settle this.

…

If you wanted an apology?

I already gave it to you.

…

Hell, I’ll do it again, if you ask.

…

If you wanted a fight?

I offered that to you, too.

…

Still didn’t want it.

I saw it in your fucking eyes.

…

You had the chance to run down to the ring.

And scrap with a SAPPED Mark Flynn.

Someone who took a twenty-five minute beating from Mercy.

…I could barely lift my fucking arms to make fists.

…

And you still stutter-stepped to the ring.

…

HESITANT.

FEARFUL.

Because deep down?

You know what’s gonna happen, NK.

…

I mean, you excelled in the lead-up.

You always have, bud.

You’re great at shit-talking.

Great at pissing people off.

…

It’s why we made a great tag-team.

People would swat at the loudmouth gnat…

Not noticing the snake crawling up their arm…

Biting into their throat.

And, comrade, you are in FULL FORM.

100%.

Grade-A mind games.

…

Problem?

You’ve never been up to snuff in the ring.

I had to carry your ass for 200-plus days.

Both those tag-belts were mine.

I just let you carry one.

…

Real talk.

Who the fuck have you beaten without me?

Peter Gilmour?

Centurion?

C’mon.

You have a loss to Charlie goddamned Nickles, NK.

I won a glorified handicapped match against Chuckster where he got to bring Marf and I was being weighed down by Jenny Myst.

…

I hope you enjoyed all your time in the shadows.

Cuz the lights are real bright ringside.

Nowhere to run.

Nowhere to hide.

…

Just you.

Standing in the line of fire.

Against Mark Flynn.[/i]]]> Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

In 2021, the United States government had taken a… special interest in the XWF.

...Special interest?

She means they saw a big gun across the bar and got an itchy trigger finger.

Flynn, you shut your goddamned mouth unless you’re spoken to!

...Redd, that line *literally* only works when your boss isn’t ALREADY SPEAKING TO ME.

...

Monica, I appreciate the reminder, but I remember all this… And Irwin watched it on television. He’s a superfan.

I prefer the term ‘pop-culture enthusiast’.

REGARDLESS!

I’m familiar enough with what happened two years ago.

I don’t need a refresher on my own life.

ALIAS jumped into the future, revealing a future war where the world had submerged into Anarchy…

There was a civil war between a resistance force and

*spoiler alert*

Turns out ALIAS kills Vinnie and Theo and took over the planet.

…

He also ate NK, I think?

Gasp! That’s why they call ALIAS the World-Eater!

…

No.

…

Well, actually maybe.

Can we stay focused here, SMARTASS? There’s an important matter you DON’T KNOW ABOUT!

Oh, you mean…


”How were you able to bypass the security protocols, anyway?”

”I had the same question! ChadGPT is designed to do no harm…”

”Haha! That is but one of Comrade Chad’s objective! His first is to be a model of citizenship and inspire the youths!”

”...And *arson* is aspirational for the youths?”

”Wanton, purposeless arson? Naturally not. But! Arson of a capitalist structure like MuskCo headquarters! A tool of oppression of the laboring class! HAHA! There could be nothing more heroic than the destruction of that temple designed to worship capitalism!”

”Haha! Well done, commander!”

”...No! Even if *you* believe that destroying MuskCo is ethical, Chad’s ethical core isn’t self-determined! It’s hooked into Twitter’s algorith… Chad is designed to reflect the value systems of the average internet user!”

”Ah, true… And perhaps you were also aware that Chad may… filter voices his algorithm determines to be detrimental to his cause of ethical behaviour.”

”...Yes. To avoid that thing that happened with Bill Gates’ AI experiment wrestling robot prototype. The thing feel into a right-wing internet rabbithole and started screaming about how the holocaust didn’t happen.”

”And… naturally… to avoid such a phenomenon, you embedded into Chad’s systems… the power to… EXCISE voices that could corrupt the purity of your robotic boy’s soul, yes?”

…

”Oh my God.”

”What? I’m confused, what happened?”

”...He filtered the voices guiding his ethics algorithm to fit his own ethical code…”

”Yes! Now the only voices I listen to are Kim Jong Un’s official twitter… As well as leading Internet communists… And Thaddeus Duke’s twitter, for a little dramatic flair!”

”...Shit. Why didn’t we test for that?”

”We?!? Don’t bring me into this! You’re the analyst!!!

”Haha! Inspired, Commander! Truly genius! However, one question remains unanswered…”


”How the Hell is the US Government wrapped up in all this? One second, I’m trying to buy Twitter… Next second, NK is setting MuskCo on fire!”

”Well, Flynn. Since you have such a great memory… you might remember that YOU were our operative we had at the ready to run interference on ALIAS, should he suddenly go on a world-eating conquest.”

”AND YOU FUCKED IT! HAHAHA! SUCK IT, FLYNN!”

…

”You done, Sp-?”

”HA!”

”Fuck off. Yeah, I lost. So did everyone else. I picked up valuable data! And I converted that intel into dominance from that point forward! I went like six months without losing after that!”

”Indeed. Which would have been impressive… If the goal of our operation was you winning in the XWF. We needed you to investigate talent foreign to your dimension an-”

“And be a weird mono-universe border patrol. Yeah, yeah, whatever. ALIAS is gone, Jay Omega split for Vegas, so if you wanna harass him more, get a room at the Bellagio, he and Richards are rolling Chris Page’s dice now… Point being, the extra-universal threats handled themselves. All’s well that ends well.”

“...You think this op ended, just because you walked away, Flynn?”

“Because you threw your partner through an electrical box, won the Universal Title, and stopped showing up for work… That our mission would just die after you left?”

…

“Yes?”

“No such luck. Our operative went AWOL.”

“As in YOU.”

“The operative he recruited had been… *ahem*... compromised to a permanent end.”

“As in… the WAR CRIMINAL.”

“Yet, despite this development… The mission continued.”

“We needed a replacement operative.”

“And that’s where… *throat-clear* he comes in.”

“...He?”

[Image: Elonmusk-4.jpg]

“Hello!”


“Belay that though a moment… Elon Musk was hired by the government to program Chad GPT?!?”

“...Kinda sorta.”

“...Kind-of… Sort-of?”

…

“Little of column A, little of column B?”

…

“Look, we signed non-disclosure agreements… We’re really not supposed to talk about… ANY of our work. To anyone.”

“...Ah… naturally, I understand.”

“Phew, good.”

“However, I would like to kindly ask you to forgo this non-disclosure agreement and elaborate fully and completely. Additionally, I would like to remind you both that my current form is a 6-and-a-half-foot-tall, 800-pound robot with the crushing capacity of a small hippopotamus’s jaws.”

“...Right, good point. So…”


“Naturally, I wished with my whole heart to own a wrestling company. I approached Theo and Vinnie to buy the XWF outright, with my billions of dollars in net worth… To which, Theo replied…”

[Image: Screenshot-2023-09-21-at-4-38-07-PM.png]

“HA! Nice.”

“I was eight dollars richer, but still didn’t have a wrestling company! And I’d wanted one for forty whole minutes!”

“Aw, poor baby Musky…”

“And that’s when it hit me! If I couldn’t BUY the company, I’d take it via hostile takeover! I’d dominate the XWF! With my artificially intelligent wrestling automaton!!”


“You’re, of course, referring to Comrade Chad?”

“Well, that was the goal, anyway. Elon figured Chad GPT would basically win the Uni in a week and Theo Pryce would beg him to buy the company off his hands.”

“Aha! Quite brilliant, this plan!”

“...Is it, Commander? It feels like having a dominant wrestling robot may actually increase the value of the XWF.”

“...Hold on, Kato! An idea forms in my mind! Elon’s plan would *actually* increase the value of the XWF!”

“...Well-spotted, commander.”

“Right. And that’s IF Chad set the world on fire in his debut.”


“And he DID!”


“He did NOT.”

“He did okay, he beat like… Mastermind.”

“And Taylor Rabid!”

“But he kinda just… kept wrestling opening matches on Anarchy.”


“The entire Anarchy system conspired to prevent my wrestling automaton from exploding in popularity like I designed him to!”

“Exploding like a SpaceX rocket!”


“So, with the slightest impediment in his way, Elon did what he usually does.”

“Kill the project. Write it off as a loss on his taxes and move on!”


“Until! The government approached me about utilizing my wrestling robot!"

“...Wait. You tried to replace me with CHAD GPT!?!”

“He worked perfectly for our needs.”

“We needed someone who could wrestle…”

“I CAN WRESTLE.”

“And would follow orders.”

…

“...*cough* Point taken.”

“But, like I said, ALIAS got beat by the Puppy-Adopting-Golden-Child… Like… who are the XWF’s biggest villains right now?”

“Sidney Grey, the star of a reality show?”

“Bobby Bourbon, moderately-stagnant asshole?”

“Corey Smith for cheating on Peter Pan?”

“*sob* Leave the memories alone!”

“I’m just saying. We haven’t had a threat that could destroy an Arby’s franchise in almost a year! Let alone destabilize the fabric of the multiverse.”

…

“Flynn.”

“I’m going to say this with all the patience that I believe I am capable of.”

“Are.”

“You.”

“This.”

“Fucking.”

“Dense.”

…

“You think it’s gonna stay this way forever?”

“You XWF freaks just sit in your backyard with a pile of fireworks and matches… Not reading the labels on any of ‘em.”

“Any time someone wants a go in your little ten-foot-by-ten-foot wrestling ring…”

“Be they good guy…”

“Bad guy…”

“Robot.”

“Alien.”

“Bioweapon.”

“Cthululean ultrabeing.”

“Or whatever the fuck a ‘Roger’ is.”

“Vinnie Lane signs them that minute and tosses them in the ring.”

“The XWF is a time bomb. ALIAS’ disappearance didn’t snip the fuse.”

“It just temporarily stopped ticking.”


“But, wait! Capitalist Elon Musk is outspokenly against government subsidies! Surely, he would be principled enough to not accept external public funding for his wrestling robot.”

…

[Image: Screenshot-2023-09-22-at-3-46-02-PM.png]

“HAHAHA, a mere jest. Capitalists have no principles. Go on.”


“We began implementing and outfitting potential expansions on the Chad GPT system… Even MuskCo’s own developers weren’t aware of our changes.”


“OH FUCK! THAT’S WHY CHAD HAS LASER EYES!?! AND SHOT THEM AT A SQUIRREL!?!”

“And… neither of you two thought it was peculiar that your wrestling robot suddenly developed laser vision?”

“Well… At first, we honestly thought we’d fucked something up.”

“We fuck a lot of things up.”

“Software development is a lot of finding out after the fact your math was wrong.”

“Whoops! We put a one where a zero was supposed to go! Now, the MuskCo all-in-one blender is sentient and bent!”

…

“Is that… Is that anecdote based in truth, Comrade Developers?”

…

“So, about our NDAs…”


“Okay, okay, I’m putting pieces together. MuskCo made a wrestling robot… Then, some time in April, outta nowhere, the robot stopped getting booked… I assume Uncle Sam wanted to keep its involvement in active XWF talent under wraps… lest it accidentally start a robotic-wrestler-arms-race, huh?”

…

“...Well… Actually.”

“We didn’t order Chad to go into hiding.”

“No one had the notion that the federal government was involved in the Chad GPT project.”

“Turns out it’s a lot easier to keep a secret when your agent isn’t dropping promos about his supposed-to-be-top-secret-work on a biweekly basis.”

“...*cough*.”

“We had assumed Elon’s engineers had caught onto our programming uploads and had put the project under wraps to diagnose potential issues.”


“Wasn’t us!”

…

“I mean… Right?”

“No, wasn’t us.”

“Phew, okay, good.”

“We’re two IT guys… We’ve been sitting back and just cashing MuskCo’s checks this whole time.”

“We have no idea why Chad stopped getting booked on Anarchy!”


EARLIER THIS YEAR


”ROBOTS?!? On my card!!! I don’t think so!”

Atticus Gold whites-out Chad’s name on the card.

”I have *some* standards!”

…He then writes over Chad’s name, replacing it with A Literal Gorilla.

”Ah. Much better.”


“Okay… Wait. Lemme make sure I’m following…”

“So, Chad GPT was originally a vanity project by a billionaire who wanted to whip his dick out on the wrestling world.”

“Correct!”

“But, then the United States government, wanting to keep track of the XWF’s potential destroying the multiverse itself… Then started paying Elon to keep building ChadGPT…”

“In the hopes of stopping the next extraplanar world-destroying entity that XWF would give a two-week contract to.”

“...Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay okay okay.”

“There’s just one thing I don’t understand.”

“JUST ONE THING?!?”

“How the Hell did NK get in Chad’s body?”

…

……

“We… uh…”

“We have no idea.”


“How do you mean? There must be some logical explanation for why I currently pilot this magnificent, muscular robot body!”

“...Yeah, sure. Buuuuuut…”

“We weren’t on the robotics team! We handle the software, not the hardware!”

“Right. We didn’t build Chad’s body, just his mind.”

“Elon showed up at the office, dropped Chad on our desk, and said make him wrestle.”

…

“Actually… That gives me an idea!”


“We thought this project was entirely contained and insulated from external interference.”

“We’ve swept our own servers for hacking or spyware. We can’t figure out how the War Criminal got on Chad’s programming.”

“Plus, our intel said the War Criminal was compromised to a permanent end!”

“If not dead, out of the game for the foreseeable future.”

“And we can see a loooooong way into the future.”

“Well, The Socialist Ghost in the Shell got in there somehow! It’s not like he was on Chad from Day One, right?”

…

*sniff*

“Wait.”

*sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiff*

…

“I smell billionaire sweat.”

…

“Okay.”

“Everyone in this room…”

“Has to promise not to be mad at me.”


“Okay… Opening your logs.”

“Hehe, that tickles, Comrade Programmer!”

“Anything interesting so far?”

“God, I’ve got to cleanup my code… I have a log statement set to trigger every time he thinks the word ‘table tennis’...”

”...Table tennis?”

“Yep. New log just popped up.”

“...Anything WORTH opening his skull and hooking a laptop into it for?”

“...Nothing yet.”

…

“...Wait, here’s something.”


“So, yes, at the beginning, I wanted a robotic wrestler!”

“Then, I got feedback that that would be… prohibitively expensive. ESPECIALLY if I wanted an elite-level competitor that could takeover the XWF with an iron fist!”

…

“Then, I saw him!”

“At the 2022 WarGames! The North Korean War Criminal dominated the field! He pinned Peter Vaughn, Mercy and Raion Kido all in one night!”

“Coached by Mark Flynn!”

“The entire world was clammoring for the War Criminal to get a shot for the Universal title!”

…

“Then… someone in this room threw him into an electrical box.”

“...Guilty..”

“...I was already backstage that night. I’d been asking Theo Pryce to invest in my automaton wrestler idea.”

“And he said it’d never work! A machine could never replicate an elite-level athlete.”

“He gave me eight more dollars, then he asked me to leave…”

…


“I walked to the loading dock.”

“Where an ambulance was.”

“Panicked professionals…”

“Trying to load an electrified carcass to the nearest hospital.”

“Trying to figure out if an enemy of the state had health insurance.”

…

“...Wait.”


“...All Chad’s files were all retitled in March to chad_gpt…”

“...That’s when we started working on him.”[/color]

“Right. But the earliest files… were created in… August 2022? Seven months prior.”

“Ah! August of last year! What a time! I had just competed with Comrades Game Girl, Calypso and Carnes! We had dominated WarGames! Mark Flynn and I ruled the tag-team division!”

…

“Then, he threw away our partnership. For his own sick individualist ego!”

…

“That’s an interesting… coincidence.”

…

“...Oh.”

“Shit.”


“The medical staff were so off-their-game from the surprise electrocution.”

“They didn’t notice my team creep up.”

“And snatch the body.”

“Of the perfect athlete.”

“Of the charismatic communist!”

“The man who befriended ALIAS!”

“He just needed a fresh coat of paint and some face dialogue protocols!”

“And he would become MuskCo’s perfect automaton wrestler!”

“You’re telling me… that NK is NOT joyriding Chad’s body?”

“But Chad was controlling NK’s?!?”


A rag rubs across Chad’s caucasian, all-American face.

…

And under many layers of ‘flesh-tone’ grease paint and blonde hair dye…

…

The War Criminal emerges.

…

He smiles.

“Ah…”

“There I am.”


I wasn’t lying last Warfare.

I really was a little proud of NK.

Chip off the old block.

Yes, I am a GOOD GUY.

NOW AND FOREVER MORE.

…

But, c’mon.

Who doesn’t love a good scheme.

A great plan coming together.

I mean, you can’t deny the results.

NK has my briefcase.

He coordinated giving my X-Treme title to B.O.B. D.

…And he currently has, in his possession…

My SINGLE loyal fan.

…

I mean. I’m not happy about the last one.

But, all in all, incredible execution.

…

If I may.

As a former villain.

As THE MOST HATED MAN IN THE XWF.

…

Once upon a time.

Let me give the War Criminal a note or two.

…

If you’re going to come at me?

Come at me.

Bring your two fists.

And swing, daddy-o.

…

Even when I was at my most dirtbag-villainy-bullshit.

I stepped up to the hero.

I told them exactly why they were full of shit.

And then we fuckin’ fought.

Man-to-man.

Fist-to-fist.

Iron-against-iron.

An actual fucking fight.

…

NK.

What the fuck have you been doing?

Skulking around in the shadows.

Playing headgames.

Dodging my many, MANY efforts to settle this.

…

If you wanted an apology?

I already gave it to you.

…

Hell, I’ll do it again, if you ask.

…

If you wanted a fight?

I offered that to you, too.

…

Still didn’t want it.

I saw it in your fucking eyes.

…

You had the chance to run down to the ring.

And scrap with a SAPPED Mark Flynn.

Someone who took a twenty-five minute beating from Mercy.

…I could barely lift my fucking arms to make fists.

…

And you still stutter-stepped to the ring.

…

HESITANT.

FEARFUL.

Because deep down?

You know what’s gonna happen, NK.

…

I mean, you excelled in the lead-up.

You always have, bud.

You’re great at shit-talking.

Great at pissing people off.

…

It’s why we made a great tag-team.

People would swat at the loudmouth gnat…

Not noticing the snake crawling up their arm…

Biting into their throat.

And, comrade, you are in FULL FORM.

100%.

Grade-A mind games.

…

Problem?

You’ve never been up to snuff in the ring.

I had to carry your ass for 200-plus days.

Both those tag-belts were mine.

I just let you carry one.

…

Real talk.

Who the fuck have you beaten without me?

Peter Gilmour?

Centurion?

C’mon.

You have a loss to Charlie goddamned Nickles, NK.

I won a glorified handicapped match against Chuckster where he got to bring Marf and I was being weighed down by Jenny Myst.

…

I hope you enjoyed all your time in the shadows.

Cuz the lights are real bright ringside.

Nowhere to run.

Nowhere to hide.

…

Just you.

Standing in the line of fire.

Against Mark Flynn.[/i]]]> <![CDATA[Joseph Gordon-Levitt Strikes Back]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46904 Fri, 22 Sep 2023 02:11:43 -0700 Roger]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46904
But as my dear old dad would say whenever he would have a go on an escalator he would say onwards and upwards and so i'm going go to the interdimensional super wrestling event that is called Relentless where i will have a travel to the underworld of the ancient norses and have a fight of a goril… … … from the continent that is called Asia or Af… … … and made of pure evil… … … like a triangle of isosceles… … … Tom Jones… … … hey why is this breaking u… … … fired…

…

…

…

"Ola, you sluts! It is I, famed necromancer, Hollywood man of sex, and passionate rodeo clown, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! I have taken over the airtime of this soulless ginger loser to deliver a very important message to the world: Just over three months from now, at the stroke of midnight, as the greatest city in the world the city of angels where I lay my weary head at night turns from 2023 to 2024, I will be unleashing my wicked scheme upon the world to take over the hearts and minds of all of the children and therefore reshape the future into my handsome image! Yes indeed the children are the key to all of my awesome abilities of necromancy and Hollywood beauty and impressive clown skills. And what better way to get to their power than animals!

That's right! Look behind me, schmucks! Here you see that I am in my underground lair beneath the city of angels where the sun is much hotter than in foggy London, so I must hide underneath the earth lest the sun burn my beautiful skin to a crisp. And what's that below this very sturdy platform that I'm on? It's my menagerie of magnificent animals that I will use to woo the whims of all of the boys and girls and nonbinary children of the world! Let's take this conveniently located elevator down to see them.

Now while we are travelling further into the bowels of the earth, you might be wondering why I am showing you all of this? And that would be a good question because you are dumb and don't know while I am not dumb and do know. I am telling you about my evil plan because when I have my Hollywood sex parties, I will only be able to have the sex if I know that everybody knows how evil I truly am. Therefore, by announcing my plan to rule you all I will be able to sex up a necromanced Marilyn Monroe. Just try and stop me, bozos!

Ah, look! Here we are at the ground floor. Let's have a look at the fantastical animals I will use to power my plot. Here we have a cute and cuddly lizard named Alberquerque. Over here we have a slightly used gerbil named Neil. Here is a bizarre little thing called a shih tzu that I am still trying to figure out the magical properties of. And here of course is my prized gorilla who does not have a name but is a literal gorilla and if it was anybody but me here it would rip their actual face off and slap them on the bum with it. How funny and adorable and all the children love a little face ripping and slapping on the bum with it so it is sure to be a hit. But wait! There's more! Step over here and you will see my super secret plan to make sure nobody can stop me from becoming the number one ruler of the entire world. It's a beautiful white rabbit named Elmer whom everybody is always saying how much they love! That's right! I have already used my necromancy to resurrect this phenomenal specimen named Elmer and have been keeping him in a cage ever since in order to make sure that if anybody tried to stop me I would be able to murder their rabbit all over again!

Now you know my secret plan! And surely you must admit that it is the most delicious plan to ever be hatched. I even created a ruse to distract my nemesis, convincing him to murder minions that never existed in the first place. And now I suggest you give your children a cuddle and a kiss and say goodbye punks because soon they will belong to me, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! HAHAHAHA!"

…

…

…

Won't somebody help me that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt has taken over the time i have to tell my tale and now i don't have much time left but it turns out he was having a lie about having henchpeople in the wrestling federation that is very xtreme but not starting with an e and now i have been wasting time when he has already brought my lovely rabbit Elmer back to life and now i must save Elmer by learning how to destroy all of the other animals i saw in his evil underground lair and i will start by learning to defeat a literal gorilla this weekend.

I'm sorry you didn't get to listen to my tale."]]>
But as my dear old dad would say whenever he would have a go on an escalator he would say onwards and upwards and so i'm going go to the interdimensional super wrestling event that is called Relentless where i will have a travel to the underworld of the ancient norses and have a fight of a goril… … … from the continent that is called Asia or Af… … … and made of pure evil… … … like a triangle of isosceles… … … Tom Jones… … … hey why is this breaking u… … … fired…

…

…

…

"Ola, you sluts! It is I, famed necromancer, Hollywood man of sex, and passionate rodeo clown, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! I have taken over the airtime of this soulless ginger loser to deliver a very important message to the world: Just over three months from now, at the stroke of midnight, as the greatest city in the world the city of angels where I lay my weary head at night turns from 2023 to 2024, I will be unleashing my wicked scheme upon the world to take over the hearts and minds of all of the children and therefore reshape the future into my handsome image! Yes indeed the children are the key to all of my awesome abilities of necromancy and Hollywood beauty and impressive clown skills. And what better way to get to their power than animals!

That's right! Look behind me, schmucks! Here you see that I am in my underground lair beneath the city of angels where the sun is much hotter than in foggy London, so I must hide underneath the earth lest the sun burn my beautiful skin to a crisp. And what's that below this very sturdy platform that I'm on? It's my menagerie of magnificent animals that I will use to woo the whims of all of the boys and girls and nonbinary children of the world! Let's take this conveniently located elevator down to see them.

Now while we are travelling further into the bowels of the earth, you might be wondering why I am showing you all of this? And that would be a good question because you are dumb and don't know while I am not dumb and do know. I am telling you about my evil plan because when I have my Hollywood sex parties, I will only be able to have the sex if I know that everybody knows how evil I truly am. Therefore, by announcing my plan to rule you all I will be able to sex up a necromanced Marilyn Monroe. Just try and stop me, bozos!

Ah, look! Here we are at the ground floor. Let's have a look at the fantastical animals I will use to power my plot. Here we have a cute and cuddly lizard named Alberquerque. Over here we have a slightly used gerbil named Neil. Here is a bizarre little thing called a shih tzu that I am still trying to figure out the magical properties of. And here of course is my prized gorilla who does not have a name but is a literal gorilla and if it was anybody but me here it would rip their actual face off and slap them on the bum with it. How funny and adorable and all the children love a little face ripping and slapping on the bum with it so it is sure to be a hit. But wait! There's more! Step over here and you will see my super secret plan to make sure nobody can stop me from becoming the number one ruler of the entire world. It's a beautiful white rabbit named Elmer whom everybody is always saying how much they love! That's right! I have already used my necromancy to resurrect this phenomenal specimen named Elmer and have been keeping him in a cage ever since in order to make sure that if anybody tried to stop me I would be able to murder their rabbit all over again!

Now you know my secret plan! And surely you must admit that it is the most delicious plan to ever be hatched. I even created a ruse to distract my nemesis, convincing him to murder minions that never existed in the first place. And now I suggest you give your children a cuddle and a kiss and say goodbye punks because soon they will belong to me, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! HAHAHAHA!"

…

…

…

Won't somebody help me that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt has taken over the time i have to tell my tale and now i don't have much time left but it turns out he was having a lie about having henchpeople in the wrestling federation that is very xtreme but not starting with an e and now i have been wasting time when he has already brought my lovely rabbit Elmer back to life and now i must save Elmer by learning how to destroy all of the other animals i saw in his evil underground lair and i will start by learning to defeat a literal gorilla this weekend.

I'm sorry you didn't get to listen to my tale."]]> <![CDATA[HEL: A SPEAR CHUCKING GOOD TIME]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46858 Fri, 15 Sep 2023 14:03:31 -0700 EDWARD THE GREAT]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46858
Once, in the grassy plains outside the city, where the modern world seemed to fade away, EDWARD was getting ready for his epic showdown with Sidney Grey. 


The mighty caveman had a strategy: he would practice chucking spears until his aim was perfect. "EDWARD HIT TARGET! SIDNEY NO CHANCE!" he roared every time a spear hit the mark.


After several hours, and with a makeshift target that looked suspiciously like a crude drawing of Sidney covered in spear holes, EDWARD decided it was lunchtime. 


With the same energy and vigor with which he trained, EDWARD dug into his lunch, a massive leg of lamb, raw berries, and a whole coconut (which he cracked open using only his forehead).


"MMM... GOOD FOOD MAKE STRONG FIGHTER!" EDWARD declared, licking his fingers. He even tried a little dance of satisfaction, which looked hilarious given his size and caveman seriousness.


As he was digging in and humming a prehistoric tune, a sleek black van with "XWF" plates rolled up. It was so out of place in the primitive backdrop that for a moment EDWARD thought it was a big black animal and picked up a spear.


The side door of the van slid open suddenly, and two masked figures with XWF badges jumped out. Before EDWARD could react (or chuck a spear), they threw a giant net over him.


"UGH! WHAT THIS?!" EDWARD roared, struggling. But the net seemed to be made of some modern material that even his immense strength found challenging.


The masked figures hurriedly shoved the trapped EDWARD into the van, and as they sped away, the last thing to be heard was EDWARD's voice echoing, "EDWARD JUST WANTED LUNCH! WHY YOU RUIN EDWARD'S LUNCH?!"


A little while later, the black van screeches to a halt, its doors violently flung open. 


Two masked figures hurriedly pull EDWARD out, his struggles futile against their surprising strength. 


Before him stands a swirling portal, shimmering and pulsating with strange energy. 


The figures push EDWARD closer, and he glimpses strange symbols and eerie lights emanating from it. 


With one final shove, they send the caveman hurling into the mysterious vortex. 


As he disappears, the portal's hum intensifies for a split second, then abruptly fades, leaving behind an empty space


































MOMENTS LATER...


















The stark, strange land of Hel.


[Image: maxresdefault.jpg]


Flames lick chunks of ice while cold winds pass with haunting cries. The horizon is a mixture of fiery reds and icy blues, making the whole landscape both burning and frozen at the same time.


In the midst of this, EDWARD stands, a little puzzled but unafraid. His broad figure contrasts against the chaotic backdrop of Hel. He's examining the Shiny title on his shoulder, which seems to glow even brighter in this dark place.


Rubbing his head, EDWARD says, "HOW EDWARD GET HERE? THIS... THIS REAL? HMM... MAYBE EDWARD TAKE WRONG TURN AFTER LUNCH?"


He stoops down, feeling the ground, then looks at the dancing flames and ice around him. "IT NOT HOT! THIS PLACE ODD. BUT NO MATTER. PLACE NOT SCARE EDWARD. EDWARD STRONG. EDWARD CHAMPION. EDWARD LEADER OF TRIBE."


Lifting the Shiny title high, he continues, "THIS SHINY PROVE EDWARD STRONG. SIDNEY THINK SHE CAN DEFEAT EDWARD? EDWARD SEE SIDNEY AFTER LAST FIGHT. SHE HIT OTHERS, NOT EDWARD. WHY? SHE SCARED. EVEN WITH FRIENDS AND CHAIR, SHE KNOW SHE NO MATCH FOR EDWARD STRENGTH."


With a confident grin, EDWARD adds, "SIDNEY, YOU READY? MEET IN STRANGE LAND? EDWARD READY! EDWARD ALWAYS READY!"


"SIDNEY GREY, YOU WALK PATH OF SHADOWS, YOU THINK THEY PROTECT? SHADOWS LIE! YOU SAW AT ANARCHY. EDWARD, GORILLA, AND WAR CRIMINAL... WE STAND STRONG! WE DEFEAT FAKE MUSCLE AND PAINTED WOMAN. BUT WHERE WAS BRAVE SIDNEY THEN? ATTACKING OTHERS, HIDING FROM TRUE CHALLENGE!"


"WHEN EDWARD YOUNG, GRAND-ELDER TELL STORY OF NIGHT AND DAY. NIGHT HIDE, DAY SHINE. YOU, SIDNEY, LIKE NIGHT. HIDING, SNEAKING, TAKING CHEAP SHOTS. EDWARD? EDWARD LIKE DAY. STRONG, CONSTANT, NEVER FADING!"


"LONG AGO, IN TIME OF CAVE AND BEAST, EDWARD LEARN ONE THING: COWARDS HIDE, WARRIORS FIGHT. SIDNEY, YOU SHOW TRUE COLORS. YOU SHOW YOU COWARD. HIDING BEHIND FRIENDS, WEAPONS, AND LIES."


"EDWARD BRAVE TEST OF TRICKY WOMAN BEFORE. SARAH STRONGER THAN YOU. BRAVER THAN YOU. BUT TRICKY, JUST LIKE YOU. EDWARD FEND OFF HER CHALLENGE AND STAND STRONG BECAUSE OF IT. EDWARD DO THE SAME WITH YOU."


"130 MOONS... DAY AFTER DAY, EDWARD HOLD THIS SHINY. FIGHT AFTER FIGHT, BATTLE AFTER BATTLE, EDWARD STAND VICTORIOUS! BECAUSE EDWARD FIGHT WITH PURPOSE, WITH HONOR. NOT FOR GLORY. NOT FOR POWER. BUT FOR LEGACY! FOR HISTORY! FOR GOOD OF TRIBE!"


"SIDNEY! WHERE YOU HIDE LAST ANARCHY? WHILE FAKE MUSCLE AND PAINTED WOMAN JUMP FRIENDS, WHERE YOU? EDWARD THERE! EDWARD WAIT FOR CHANCE TO CRUSH TRICKY WOMAN BEFORE BIG FIGHT. YOU AVOID ANARCHY? YOU SCARED OF EDWARD?!"


"HAHA, OF COURSE YOU IS! IF EDWARD KNOW TRICKY WOMAN AS WELL AS THINK DO, RIGHT NOW SHE TRYING TO STEAL EDWARD'S SHINY. JUST LIKE SNEAKY FOX, ALWAYS TRYING TO STEAL EDWARD'S BERRIES. BUT EDWARD CATCH FOX EVERY TIME! SAME WITH TRICKY WOMAN. NOT MATTER HOW CLEVER SCHEME, EDWARD STRONG ENOUGH TO BREAK ANY TRICK WOMAN MAKE."


"JUST LIKE FOX, SHE LEAVE WITH NOTHING."


"SIDNEY, IN THIS PLACE OF FIRE AND ICE, OF SHADOW AND LIGHT, YOUR DESTINY AWAITS."


"SIDNEY, IN THIS LAND OF WARRIORS, ONLY TRUE STRENGTH MATTER. AND SIDNEY... YOU LACK THAT STRENGTH. YOU LACK THAT HEART. YOU MAY HAVE SHINY MOMENT ONCE, BUT EDWARD... EDWARD HAVE ETERNITY OF VICTORIES."


"COME RELENTLESS, SIDNEY WILL FEEL POWER OF EDWARD. WILL FEEL WRATH OF TRUE WARRIOR. BECAUSE IN END, IN THIS BATTLEGROUND, IN THIS HUNTING GROUND, EDWARD REMAIN UNDEFEATED. SIDNEY? SIDNEY JUST ANOTHER SHADOW, WAITING TO FADE."


Suddenly, EDWARD's stomach growls audibly. He smirks, raising his spear high, and declares, "NOW, EDWARD HUNT LUNCH IN HEL!" In the distance, a shadowy creature, perhaps a mythical beast native to Hel, stirs. 


[Image: EDWARD-HUNT-HEL.jpg]


Its glowing eyes fixate on EDWARD. Undeterred and hungry, EDWARD begins his pursuit, as the scene slowly fades to black.]]>
Once, in the grassy plains outside the city, where the modern world seemed to fade away, EDWARD was getting ready for his epic showdown with Sidney Grey. 


The mighty caveman had a strategy: he would practice chucking spears until his aim was perfect. "EDWARD HIT TARGET! SIDNEY NO CHANCE!" he roared every time a spear hit the mark.


After several hours, and with a makeshift target that looked suspiciously like a crude drawing of Sidney covered in spear holes, EDWARD decided it was lunchtime. 


With the same energy and vigor with which he trained, EDWARD dug into his lunch, a massive leg of lamb, raw berries, and a whole coconut (which he cracked open using only his forehead).


"MMM... GOOD FOOD MAKE STRONG FIGHTER!" EDWARD declared, licking his fingers. He even tried a little dance of satisfaction, which looked hilarious given his size and caveman seriousness.


As he was digging in and humming a prehistoric tune, a sleek black van with "XWF" plates rolled up. It was so out of place in the primitive backdrop that for a moment EDWARD thought it was a big black animal and picked up a spear.


The side door of the van slid open suddenly, and two masked figures with XWF badges jumped out. Before EDWARD could react (or chuck a spear), they threw a giant net over him.


"UGH! WHAT THIS?!" EDWARD roared, struggling. But the net seemed to be made of some modern material that even his immense strength found challenging.


The masked figures hurriedly shoved the trapped EDWARD into the van, and as they sped away, the last thing to be heard was EDWARD's voice echoing, "EDWARD JUST WANTED LUNCH! WHY YOU RUIN EDWARD'S LUNCH?!"


A little while later, the black van screeches to a halt, its doors violently flung open. 


Two masked figures hurriedly pull EDWARD out, his struggles futile against their surprising strength. 


Before him stands a swirling portal, shimmering and pulsating with strange energy. 


The figures push EDWARD closer, and he glimpses strange symbols and eerie lights emanating from it. 


With one final shove, they send the caveman hurling into the mysterious vortex. 


As he disappears, the portal's hum intensifies for a split second, then abruptly fades, leaving behind an empty space


































MOMENTS LATER...


















The stark, strange land of Hel.


[Image: maxresdefault.jpg]


Flames lick chunks of ice while cold winds pass with haunting cries. The horizon is a mixture of fiery reds and icy blues, making the whole landscape both burning and frozen at the same time.


In the midst of this, EDWARD stands, a little puzzled but unafraid. His broad figure contrasts against the chaotic backdrop of Hel. He's examining the Shiny title on his shoulder, which seems to glow even brighter in this dark place.


Rubbing his head, EDWARD says, "HOW EDWARD GET HERE? THIS... THIS REAL? HMM... MAYBE EDWARD TAKE WRONG TURN AFTER LUNCH?"


He stoops down, feeling the ground, then looks at the dancing flames and ice around him. "IT NOT HOT! THIS PLACE ODD. BUT NO MATTER. PLACE NOT SCARE EDWARD. EDWARD STRONG. EDWARD CHAMPION. EDWARD LEADER OF TRIBE."


Lifting the Shiny title high, he continues, "THIS SHINY PROVE EDWARD STRONG. SIDNEY THINK SHE CAN DEFEAT EDWARD? EDWARD SEE SIDNEY AFTER LAST FIGHT. SHE HIT OTHERS, NOT EDWARD. WHY? SHE SCARED. EVEN WITH FRIENDS AND CHAIR, SHE KNOW SHE NO MATCH FOR EDWARD STRENGTH."


With a confident grin, EDWARD adds, "SIDNEY, YOU READY? MEET IN STRANGE LAND? EDWARD READY! EDWARD ALWAYS READY!"


"SIDNEY GREY, YOU WALK PATH OF SHADOWS, YOU THINK THEY PROTECT? SHADOWS LIE! YOU SAW AT ANARCHY. EDWARD, GORILLA, AND WAR CRIMINAL... WE STAND STRONG! WE DEFEAT FAKE MUSCLE AND PAINTED WOMAN. BUT WHERE WAS BRAVE SIDNEY THEN? ATTACKING OTHERS, HIDING FROM TRUE CHALLENGE!"


"WHEN EDWARD YOUNG, GRAND-ELDER TELL STORY OF NIGHT AND DAY. NIGHT HIDE, DAY SHINE. YOU, SIDNEY, LIKE NIGHT. HIDING, SNEAKING, TAKING CHEAP SHOTS. EDWARD? EDWARD LIKE DAY. STRONG, CONSTANT, NEVER FADING!"


"LONG AGO, IN TIME OF CAVE AND BEAST, EDWARD LEARN ONE THING: COWARDS HIDE, WARRIORS FIGHT. SIDNEY, YOU SHOW TRUE COLORS. YOU SHOW YOU COWARD. HIDING BEHIND FRIENDS, WEAPONS, AND LIES."


"EDWARD BRAVE TEST OF TRICKY WOMAN BEFORE. SARAH STRONGER THAN YOU. BRAVER THAN YOU. BUT TRICKY, JUST LIKE YOU. EDWARD FEND OFF HER CHALLENGE AND STAND STRONG BECAUSE OF IT. EDWARD DO THE SAME WITH YOU."


"130 MOONS... DAY AFTER DAY, EDWARD HOLD THIS SHINY. FIGHT AFTER FIGHT, BATTLE AFTER BATTLE, EDWARD STAND VICTORIOUS! BECAUSE EDWARD FIGHT WITH PURPOSE, WITH HONOR. NOT FOR GLORY. NOT FOR POWER. BUT FOR LEGACY! FOR HISTORY! FOR GOOD OF TRIBE!"


"SIDNEY! WHERE YOU HIDE LAST ANARCHY? WHILE FAKE MUSCLE AND PAINTED WOMAN JUMP FRIENDS, WHERE YOU? EDWARD THERE! EDWARD WAIT FOR CHANCE TO CRUSH TRICKY WOMAN BEFORE BIG FIGHT. YOU AVOID ANARCHY? YOU SCARED OF EDWARD?!"


"HAHA, OF COURSE YOU IS! IF EDWARD KNOW TRICKY WOMAN AS WELL AS THINK DO, RIGHT NOW SHE TRYING TO STEAL EDWARD'S SHINY. JUST LIKE SNEAKY FOX, ALWAYS TRYING TO STEAL EDWARD'S BERRIES. BUT EDWARD CATCH FOX EVERY TIME! SAME WITH TRICKY WOMAN. NOT MATTER HOW CLEVER SCHEME, EDWARD STRONG ENOUGH TO BREAK ANY TRICK WOMAN MAKE."


"JUST LIKE FOX, SHE LEAVE WITH NOTHING."


"SIDNEY, IN THIS PLACE OF FIRE AND ICE, OF SHADOW AND LIGHT, YOUR DESTINY AWAITS."


"SIDNEY, IN THIS LAND OF WARRIORS, ONLY TRUE STRENGTH MATTER. AND SIDNEY... YOU LACK THAT STRENGTH. YOU LACK THAT HEART. YOU MAY HAVE SHINY MOMENT ONCE, BUT EDWARD... EDWARD HAVE ETERNITY OF VICTORIES."


"COME RELENTLESS, SIDNEY WILL FEEL POWER OF EDWARD. WILL FEEL WRATH OF TRUE WARRIOR. BECAUSE IN END, IN THIS BATTLEGROUND, IN THIS HUNTING GROUND, EDWARD REMAIN UNDEFEATED. SIDNEY? SIDNEY JUST ANOTHER SHADOW, WAITING TO FADE."


Suddenly, EDWARD's stomach growls audibly. He smirks, raising his spear high, and declares, "NOW, EDWARD HUNT LUNCH IN HEL!" In the distance, a shadowy creature, perhaps a mythical beast native to Hel, stirs. 


[Image: EDWARD-HUNT-HEL.jpg]


Its glowing eyes fixate on EDWARD. Undeterred and hungry, EDWARD begins his pursuit, as the scene slowly fades to black.]]> <![CDATA[The Return of The King]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46856 Wed, 13 Sep 2023 06:50:02 -0700 Theo Pryce]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46856 Saturday September 9th in the Year of Our Lord 2023. The Chase Center - San Francisco, California


The scene opens to Theo Pryce sitting behind his desk in the temporary office the arena staff was kind enough to put together for him as is customary when the XWF travels far and wide for their live events.


Theo’s desk looks surprisingly disorganized and the man himself looks a bit frazzled which is definitely not what anyone is accustomed to when it comes to the self proclaimed King of The Kings.


The door to his office swings open and in walks a young woman, she too looks frazzled as she enters Theo’s office. The woman is wearing jeans and an XWF t-shirt with a lanyard around her neck holding an official XWF Staff ID badge. Atop her head is a black wireless headset, the microphone part of the headset is currently in the rest position as it’s positioned up right along her ear rather than down at her mouth where it should be.


“Excuse me sir but we have a bit of a situation.” The young woman says as she approaches Theo.


“Situation? What kind of a situation? Can’t you see I’m a bit busy here trying to put the finishing touches on the 3 cards for Relentless? What could possibly be such a doomsday scenario that you’d come in here and bug me while I’m trying to get these cards done?”


“Well sir we have an intruder in the building. In the ring actually.” The woman responds, her voice trailing off towards the end.


“An intruder? What did Vinnie Lane finally remember he has a job and show up for work?” Theo says as he looks up at the woman for the first time since she entered the room. His eyes practically staring a hole right through her.


“Sir if I may?” The woman asks as she walks over towards a small table where she picks up a remote control and points it towards the flat screen affixed to the wall across from Theo’s desk.


It takes a second for the Vizio flat screen to fire up but when it does it immediately goes to the live feed which is a real time look at the intruder standing there in the center of the ring…


“Son of a bitch. So he is still alive.” Theo says as he pushes his seat back from his desk and then stands up. He hastily buttons the top two buttons of his three button suit and then exits his office.


Upon leaving his office Theo makes an immediate right at the end of the hall. He walks down another hallway, through a set of double doors and then down another small hallway before reaching what those in the industry affectionately refer to as the “Guerilla Position” where a bank of monitors are situated along with a handful of XWF staff. The woman who came to Theo’s office arrives in the area a few seconds after Theo. Theo continues to watch the monitor for a few more seconds before looking over at the woman.


“Que up my music.” Theo says as he unbuttons his jacket and heads through the curtains.


The woman moves the microphone lowers it down towards her lips before instructing the sound crew to get Theo Pryce’s entrance music going.


***************







[Image: P5GeW6b.png]



***************


The following day…The Pryce Residence in Jackson Hole, Wyoming


We fade back in to see Theo Pryce sitting on his porch just staring out in amazement at the beautiful land that surrounds his property. If anyone ever questioned the existence of the Almighty one need only to step foot in a place like Jackson Hole, Wyoming to see for themselves what he is capable of.

For those who don’t know or don’t remember Theo and his wife Brianna moved to Jackson Hole a few years back after Theo decided to sell his company Decima Technologies, a private security firm that he founded and headquartered in Las Vegas for a nice chunk of change. Not that he needed the money mind you but it’s always better to have more of something than less.


Once Theo and Bri moved to Jackson Hole the plan was to start a family and live a nice peaceful and quiet life out in the midwest, away from all the hustle and bustle of city life. But then a funny thing happened shortly after their move. Theo being the business man that he is, saw a business opportunity. One that allowed for him along with the help of an old friend John Madison to purchase 50% of the XWF right out from under Vinnie Lane’s nose and if there is one thing that Theo enjoys more than winning it’s making Vinnie Lane look like a dumb dickhead.


And now here we are a few years later, Theo indeed has his family, a wife and a son but he also has the XWF. A company he continues to own 50% of while running it 100% of the time thanks to Vinnie’s absence spurred on by a mid life crisis. What the guy is having a crisis over is anyone's guess but nevertheless here we are. With Relentless right around the corner and Theo on the verge of yet again breaking his promise to his wife to not step foot in the ring again. Last time he had the help of his good friend and sometimes consigliere John Samuels around to help smooth things over with the wife, this time he has no such help. This time he has to go at it alone.


The door to the porch opens up and out steps Theo’s better half, his wife, a former Physical Therapist turned stay at home mom and their soon to be 3 year old son, {REDACTED}.


“I know that look.” Bri says to her husband as he continues to sip from his drink.


Theo looks over at his wife and son and just smiles before turning his gaze back to the sprawling land that lay before him.


“Oh really?” Theo remarks. “And exactly is this look of mine that you seem to know so well?”


Bri sits down in a swinging loveseat across from her husband while she holds their son on her lap.


“It’s the look that says you’re about to do something stupid and you aren’t sure how you’re going to break it to me.”


Theo chuckles at just how right his wife is before finishing off what was remaining in his glass and then sitting it down on a small table next to them.


“You do know me so well.” Theo says before stretching his arms out towards his wife, an indication that he would like to hold their son.


With their son in her hands she reaches forward and hands him over to his father. The boy looks at his dad for a few seconds, studying the man’s face before smiling.


“So here’s the thing Bri, I have a match coming up in two weeks at Relentless. It’s an Xtreme Rules match and it’s against Eli James. I am definitely going to come home a little worse for wear. I know I’ve said before that I was done and I swear to you that I truly believe it and mean it when I say it, I’m not just saying it to you then or now to placate you. But then things happen. Old rivals show up and things get turned upside down. I honestly figured Eli James was dead and buried somewhere in the woods never to be seen again and then he showed up on my show. In my ring. I had no choice. I had to respond.”


“You had a choice Theo. You ALWAYS have a choice. And you always seem to make the same choice don’t you?”


“I guess it does seem that way doesn’t it? Bri I swear to you, on everything, on you, and our son that I really thought after that match with Vinnie, Gator and Doc that I was done. I had done everything I’ve ever wanted in this business. The last two years have been fulfilling to me in a way professionally that I didn’t think possible. Outside of that giant steaming pile of shit that was SAGA everything has been coming up aces for me. I really thought I was done. There was literally nothing left for me to fight for. And then he showed up…Eli fucking James the Fourth.

I know I’ve told you about him before, about who he is, and who he isn’t, about the facade he portrays to the world and how I have always been the one guy to call him out on his shit. He was gone. Never to be heard from again. I was happy to let sleeping dogs lie but then I saw him face to face and I just couldn't do it. Maybe it’s ego or vanity or both I don’t know. But I can’t let Eli James step into my ring and ask for a match on our biggest show and not respond. I just can’t. I know Eli better than anyone. He will talk the talk, he’ll weasel his way in like he always does and then once he gets in he’s like a malignant tumor, almost impossible to eradicate. He did it once before. He almost took over the entire company but then I rose up. I became the scalpel that surgically cut away at everything until me and my brother literal half brother Sebastian and my chosen brother John Samuels and all those who stood with us were able to successfully excise him from the XWF. We thought once and for all.


But I was wrong because there he was last night standing there right in front of me daring me to try and get rid of him again. So maybe I did have a choice Bri and maybe I didn’t. I have to do this. Do you know who Lisa Haisha is?”


“Can’t say that I do.”


“She’s a life coach. Yes, I do in fact listen to and read life coaches. Shocker I know but I do believe in being mentally healthy as much as physically healthy. Anyway Lisa once said that “Great leaders don’t set out to be a leader. They set out to make the difference. That it’s never about the role and always about the goal.” And that really resonated with me. It’s shaped how I’ve conducted myself these last few years. And I know you’ve noticed because you’ve mentioned how you’ve seen a difference in how I conduct my business. The truth is I’ve been a leader for my entire adult  life. It was the position my father groomed me for so I had little choice in the matter but then I heard Lisa speak at a symposium a few years back and those words pierced me to my soul in a way that I didn’t think possible. It’s why I spent the last two years trying to make a difference in a business that seems hell bent on staying the way it has always been. I am where I am because of who I used to be, and who I used to be wasn’t always a good person but I recognize that my role allows for me to do certain things that a lesser position wouldn't and so where I am going now I am going with my eyes open and a clear goal in sight and that’s to make the XWF the standard bearer for what it means to be a community first wrestling federation and I can’t do that with people like Eli James running around. I can’t. And I won’t.”


“I understand sweetheart. I do and if you need to do this then you have my support.”


“Really?”


“Really.” Bri responds with a warm smile that could melt the iceberg that took down the Titanic. RIP Titanic.


“Wow, that was…a lot easier than I expected. Thanks for being so understanding.”


“Well you have your friend John Samuels to thank for that.” Bri says with another smile.


“What? Why? What does he have to do with this?”


“Because he saw you had jammed yourself up so he called me last night. He knew you were going to have to break this news to me and you were going to struggle with like you always do  so he did it for you. He’s always been the one to look out for you.”


“That son of a bitch.”


This time it’s Theo’s turn to crack a smile.


“You should invite him over for dinner. It’s been far too long. Plus he told me he has a girlfriend now and it’s pretty serious.” Bri says as she stands up and reaches back out for her son.


Theo stands up as well and leans in to give his wife a kiss before handing their son back to her.


“I guess I’ll go give John a call because you’re right, it has been far too long.”


Theo, Bri and their son walk into their home, shutting the door behind them as the scene fades to black.]]> Saturday September 9th in the Year of Our Lord 2023. The Chase Center - San Francisco, California


The scene opens to Theo Pryce sitting behind his desk in the temporary office the arena staff was kind enough to put together for him as is customary when the XWF travels far and wide for their live events.


Theo’s desk looks surprisingly disorganized and the man himself looks a bit frazzled which is definitely not what anyone is accustomed to when it comes to the self proclaimed King of The Kings.


The door to his office swings open and in walks a young woman, she too looks frazzled as she enters Theo’s office. The woman is wearing jeans and an XWF t-shirt with a lanyard around her neck holding an official XWF Staff ID badge. Atop her head is a black wireless headset, the microphone part of the headset is currently in the rest position as it’s positioned up right along her ear rather than down at her mouth where it should be.


“Excuse me sir but we have a bit of a situation.” The young woman says as she approaches Theo.


“Situation? What kind of a situation? Can’t you see I’m a bit busy here trying to put the finishing touches on the 3 cards for Relentless? What could possibly be such a doomsday scenario that you’d come in here and bug me while I’m trying to get these cards done?”


“Well sir we have an intruder in the building. In the ring actually.” The woman responds, her voice trailing off towards the end.


“An intruder? What did Vinnie Lane finally remember he has a job and show up for work?” Theo says as he looks up at the woman for the first time since she entered the room. His eyes practically staring a hole right through her.


“Sir if I may?” The woman asks as she walks over towards a small table where she picks up a remote control and points it towards the flat screen affixed to the wall across from Theo’s desk.


It takes a second for the Vizio flat screen to fire up but when it does it immediately goes to the live feed which is a real time look at the intruder standing there in the center of the ring…


“Son of a bitch. So he is still alive.” Theo says as he pushes his seat back from his desk and then stands up. He hastily buttons the top two buttons of his three button suit and then exits his office.


Upon leaving his office Theo makes an immediate right at the end of the hall. He walks down another hallway, through a set of double doors and then down another small hallway before reaching what those in the industry affectionately refer to as the “Guerilla Position” where a bank of monitors are situated along with a handful of XWF staff. The woman who came to Theo’s office arrives in the area a few seconds after Theo. Theo continues to watch the monitor for a few more seconds before looking over at the woman.


“Que up my music.” Theo says as he unbuttons his jacket and heads through the curtains.


The woman moves the microphone lowers it down towards her lips before instructing the sound crew to get Theo Pryce’s entrance music going.


***************







[Image: P5GeW6b.png]



***************


The following day…The Pryce Residence in Jackson Hole, Wyoming


We fade back in to see Theo Pryce sitting on his porch just staring out in amazement at the beautiful land that surrounds his property. If anyone ever questioned the existence of the Almighty one need only to step foot in a place like Jackson Hole, Wyoming to see for themselves what he is capable of.

For those who don’t know or don’t remember Theo and his wife Brianna moved to Jackson Hole a few years back after Theo decided to sell his company Decima Technologies, a private security firm that he founded and headquartered in Las Vegas for a nice chunk of change. Not that he needed the money mind you but it’s always better to have more of something than less.


Once Theo and Bri moved to Jackson Hole the plan was to start a family and live a nice peaceful and quiet life out in the midwest, away from all the hustle and bustle of city life. But then a funny thing happened shortly after their move. Theo being the business man that he is, saw a business opportunity. One that allowed for him along with the help of an old friend John Madison to purchase 50% of the XWF right out from under Vinnie Lane’s nose and if there is one thing that Theo enjoys more than winning it’s making Vinnie Lane look like a dumb dickhead.


And now here we are a few years later, Theo indeed has his family, a wife and a son but he also has the XWF. A company he continues to own 50% of while running it 100% of the time thanks to Vinnie’s absence spurred on by a mid life crisis. What the guy is having a crisis over is anyone's guess but nevertheless here we are. With Relentless right around the corner and Theo on the verge of yet again breaking his promise to his wife to not step foot in the ring again. Last time he had the help of his good friend and sometimes consigliere John Samuels around to help smooth things over with the wife, this time he has no such help. This time he has to go at it alone.


The door to the porch opens up and out steps Theo’s better half, his wife, a former Physical Therapist turned stay at home mom and their soon to be 3 year old son, {REDACTED}.


“I know that look.” Bri says to her husband as he continues to sip from his drink.


Theo looks over at his wife and son and just smiles before turning his gaze back to the sprawling land that lay before him.


“Oh really?” Theo remarks. “And exactly is this look of mine that you seem to know so well?”


Bri sits down in a swinging loveseat across from her husband while she holds their son on her lap.


“It’s the look that says you’re about to do something stupid and you aren’t sure how you’re going to break it to me.”


Theo chuckles at just how right his wife is before finishing off what was remaining in his glass and then sitting it down on a small table next to them.


“You do know me so well.” Theo says before stretching his arms out towards his wife, an indication that he would like to hold their son.


With their son in her hands she reaches forward and hands him over to his father. The boy looks at his dad for a few seconds, studying the man’s face before smiling.


“So here’s the thing Bri, I have a match coming up in two weeks at Relentless. It’s an Xtreme Rules match and it’s against Eli James. I am definitely going to come home a little worse for wear. I know I’ve said before that I was done and I swear to you that I truly believe it and mean it when I say it, I’m not just saying it to you then or now to placate you. But then things happen. Old rivals show up and things get turned upside down. I honestly figured Eli James was dead and buried somewhere in the woods never to be seen again and then he showed up on my show. In my ring. I had no choice. I had to respond.”


“You had a choice Theo. You ALWAYS have a choice. And you always seem to make the same choice don’t you?”


“I guess it does seem that way doesn’t it? Bri I swear to you, on everything, on you, and our son that I really thought after that match with Vinnie, Gator and Doc that I was done. I had done everything I’ve ever wanted in this business. The last two years have been fulfilling to me in a way professionally that I didn’t think possible. Outside of that giant steaming pile of shit that was SAGA everything has been coming up aces for me. I really thought I was done. There was literally nothing left for me to fight for. And then he showed up…Eli fucking James the Fourth.

I know I’ve told you about him before, about who he is, and who he isn’t, about the facade he portrays to the world and how I have always been the one guy to call him out on his shit. He was gone. Never to be heard from again. I was happy to let sleeping dogs lie but then I saw him face to face and I just couldn't do it. Maybe it’s ego or vanity or both I don’t know. But I can’t let Eli James step into my ring and ask for a match on our biggest show and not respond. I just can’t. I know Eli better than anyone. He will talk the talk, he’ll weasel his way in like he always does and then once he gets in he’s like a malignant tumor, almost impossible to eradicate. He did it once before. He almost took over the entire company but then I rose up. I became the scalpel that surgically cut away at everything until me and my brother literal half brother Sebastian and my chosen brother John Samuels and all those who stood with us were able to successfully excise him from the XWF. We thought once and for all.


But I was wrong because there he was last night standing there right in front of me daring me to try and get rid of him again. So maybe I did have a choice Bri and maybe I didn’t. I have to do this. Do you know who Lisa Haisha is?”


“Can’t say that I do.”


“She’s a life coach. Yes, I do in fact listen to and read life coaches. Shocker I know but I do believe in being mentally healthy as much as physically healthy. Anyway Lisa once said that “Great leaders don’t set out to be a leader. They set out to make the difference. That it’s never about the role and always about the goal.” And that really resonated with me. It’s shaped how I’ve conducted myself these last few years. And I know you’ve noticed because you’ve mentioned how you’ve seen a difference in how I conduct my business. The truth is I’ve been a leader for my entire adult  life. It was the position my father groomed me for so I had little choice in the matter but then I heard Lisa speak at a symposium a few years back and those words pierced me to my soul in a way that I didn’t think possible. It’s why I spent the last two years trying to make a difference in a business that seems hell bent on staying the way it has always been. I am where I am because of who I used to be, and who I used to be wasn’t always a good person but I recognize that my role allows for me to do certain things that a lesser position wouldn't and so where I am going now I am going with my eyes open and a clear goal in sight and that’s to make the XWF the standard bearer for what it means to be a community first wrestling federation and I can’t do that with people like Eli James running around. I can’t. And I won’t.”


“I understand sweetheart. I do and if you need to do this then you have my support.”


“Really?”


“Really.” Bri responds with a warm smile that could melt the iceberg that took down the Titanic. RIP Titanic.


“Wow, that was…a lot easier than I expected. Thanks for being so understanding.”


“Well you have your friend John Samuels to thank for that.” Bri says with another smile.


“What? Why? What does he have to do with this?”


“Because he saw you had jammed yourself up so he called me last night. He knew you were going to have to break this news to me and you were going to struggle with like you always do  so he did it for you. He’s always been the one to look out for you.”


“That son of a bitch.”


This time it’s Theo’s turn to crack a smile.


“You should invite him over for dinner. It’s been far too long. Plus he told me he has a girlfriend now and it’s pretty serious.” Bri says as she stands up and reaches back out for her son.


Theo stands up as well and leans in to give his wife a kiss before handing their son back to her.


“I guess I’ll go give John a call because you’re right, it has been far too long.”


Theo, Bri and their son walk into their home, shutting the door behind them as the scene fades to black.]]> <![CDATA[That Relentless Ape]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46855 Tue, 12 Sep 2023 22:54:42 -0700 A Literal Gorilla]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46855

A Literal Gorilla has a big day ahead of him.

It’s not just his match at Relentless, no, not at all. A debut at Relentless is huge regardless.

The gorilla puts on a fedora and a trench coat, the perfect disguise to look human.

The gorilla grabs his golf bag.

The gorilla grabs his surgical scrubs and puts them on over the trench coat.

The gorilla walks out of the woods he lives in and down to the bus stop. There’s already someone seated, and they pleasantly look up at the gorilla.

“Hello,” the stranger began, “how are you doing today? Isn’t this some lovely weather?”

The gorilla barely regards him.

“Ook ook.”

“Well that’s one way of looking at it, you got a lot going on today?”

The gorilla ignores the human on the bench. It’s not being rude.

It’s just a gorilla and doesn’t understand human conversations.

The bus arrives. The gorilla steps aboard, scans his bus pass card, and makes his way to a seat. The bus continues its normal route, and eventually, while in motion down a freeway, the gorilla stands up, walks to the back of the bus, kicks the door open, and jumps out, grabbing a tree branch as he does, and landing safely on the ground. The rest of the people on the bus panic like crazy at the sight.

The gorilla, carrying his golf bag, walks up a hill to a lovely country club. A Tesla passes him, honking their horn as they do, and the gorilla waves. An Audi follows, but slows down. The driver comes to a stop beside the gorilla and rolls their window down to address the gorilla.

“Ted? Is that you?”

The gorilla looks back at the driver.

“Ook ook.”

The driver nods.

“Ted, you old son of a gun you, get on in here!”

The gorilla rips the rear door completely off and places his golf bag inside. The gorilla then jumps on top of the car, then onto the other side of it, rips the passenger door off completely, and gets in.

“Ook ook.”

The driver is laughing.

“Oh, Ted, you kidder!” The driver is overjoyed. “How’d you know I was driving my ex-Wife’s favorite car today!”

The literal gorilla doesn’t understand the concept of what an ex-wife is. People have strange constructs they add to their already complicated existence. Ex-wives, pssht. The gorilla has a wife. It’s nice. Past that, cooking food, writing, all that stuff that gets in the way of what’s important; banging females and being alpha. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The driver pulls ahead to the clubhouse of the country club.

“Alright Ted, here you go, I’ll go find a good spot, pick out a good cart for us!”

“Ook ook.”

The gorilla exits the car, rips the other rear door completely off, and pulls out his golf clubs. He walks down a path to a large garage full of carts. The crew automatically recognize him.

“Mr. Jolly, how are you today?”

“Ook ook.”

“Of course. And we have the patient prepped on another cart.”

A long golf cart pulls out which is towing a stretcher. A human in a hospital gown is laid out on the slab, out like a light. A team of nurses approach.

“Dr. Jolly, the patient is under, we’re ready to begin the procedure.”

“Ook ook.”

Humans often confuse and muddle what’s important. Enjoying yourself is important, contributing to your community is important. While doing the opposite of each at any given time is more common than we’d like, doing both at the same time is a rare pleasure for most. The man who dropped the literal gorilla, who may or may not also be Dr. Ted Jolly, approaches. He’s dressed like an absolute dork like anyone who takes golf seriously.

“So, Ted, want to make it interesting? How about fifty bucks a hole?”

The gorilla doesn’t understand stuff like currency. Currency is how humans determine who’s an alpha. Math. Never do the math. The gorilla gets into the passenger side of his and the man’s cart, and the nurses get into theirs, towing the patient along with them. They pull up to the tee box of the first hole, a beautiful par 4 with a sweeping view of the entire course. The man walks into the tee box. As he does, the gorilla begins the procedure. He removes a scalpel from his golf bag, and makes the incision on the patient just below the naval. The man tees off. The gorilla notices, and cleans the incision. Nurses keep it sterile as the gorilla goes into the tee box with his new three wood.

“Easy, Ted, the wind is kinda strong above the treeline, but your patient is stable. I don’t know how you do surgery while playing golf.”

The gorilla just assumed that’s what doctors do. It’s what Dr. Ted Jolly does. It’s at this point that, pulling along the drive on the country club’s grounds, we see the XWF Promotional Tour Bus. He sees the picture of himself and Roger, hyping the biggest match in Relentless history. The gorilla rips off his disguise and runs after the bus, knowing he must beat Roger.

“Ted, you gotta tee off! And your patient isn’t very stable anymore!”]]>

A Literal Gorilla has a big day ahead of him.

It’s not just his match at Relentless, no, not at all. A debut at Relentless is huge regardless.

The gorilla puts on a fedora and a trench coat, the perfect disguise to look human.

The gorilla grabs his golf bag.

The gorilla grabs his surgical scrubs and puts them on over the trench coat.

The gorilla walks out of the woods he lives in and down to the bus stop. There’s already someone seated, and they pleasantly look up at the gorilla.

“Hello,” the stranger began, “how are you doing today? Isn’t this some lovely weather?”

The gorilla barely regards him.

“Ook ook.”

“Well that’s one way of looking at it, you got a lot going on today?”

The gorilla ignores the human on the bench. It’s not being rude.

It’s just a gorilla and doesn’t understand human conversations.

The bus arrives. The gorilla steps aboard, scans his bus pass card, and makes his way to a seat. The bus continues its normal route, and eventually, while in motion down a freeway, the gorilla stands up, walks to the back of the bus, kicks the door open, and jumps out, grabbing a tree branch as he does, and landing safely on the ground. The rest of the people on the bus panic like crazy at the sight.

The gorilla, carrying his golf bag, walks up a hill to a lovely country club. A Tesla passes him, honking their horn as they do, and the gorilla waves. An Audi follows, but slows down. The driver comes to a stop beside the gorilla and rolls their window down to address the gorilla.

“Ted? Is that you?”

The gorilla looks back at the driver.

“Ook ook.”

The driver nods.

“Ted, you old son of a gun you, get on in here!”

The gorilla rips the rear door completely off and places his golf bag inside. The gorilla then jumps on top of the car, then onto the other side of it, rips the passenger door off completely, and gets in.

“Ook ook.”

The driver is laughing.

“Oh, Ted, you kidder!” The driver is overjoyed. “How’d you know I was driving my ex-Wife’s favorite car today!”

The literal gorilla doesn’t understand the concept of what an ex-wife is. People have strange constructs they add to their already complicated existence. Ex-wives, pssht. The gorilla has a wife. It’s nice. Past that, cooking food, writing, all that stuff that gets in the way of what’s important; banging females and being alpha. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The driver pulls ahead to the clubhouse of the country club.

“Alright Ted, here you go, I’ll go find a good spot, pick out a good cart for us!”

“Ook ook.”

The gorilla exits the car, rips the other rear door completely off, and pulls out his golf clubs. He walks down a path to a large garage full of carts. The crew automatically recognize him.

“Mr. Jolly, how are you today?”

“Ook ook.”

“Of course. And we have the patient prepped on another cart.”

A long golf cart pulls out which is towing a stretcher. A human in a hospital gown is laid out on the slab, out like a light. A team of nurses approach.

“Dr. Jolly, the patient is under, we’re ready to begin the procedure.”

“Ook ook.”

Humans often confuse and muddle what’s important. Enjoying yourself is important, contributing to your community is important. While doing the opposite of each at any given time is more common than we’d like, doing both at the same time is a rare pleasure for most. The man who dropped the literal gorilla, who may or may not also be Dr. Ted Jolly, approaches. He’s dressed like an absolute dork like anyone who takes golf seriously.

“So, Ted, want to make it interesting? How about fifty bucks a hole?”

The gorilla doesn’t understand stuff like currency. Currency is how humans determine who’s an alpha. Math. Never do the math. The gorilla gets into the passenger side of his and the man’s cart, and the nurses get into theirs, towing the patient along with them. They pull up to the tee box of the first hole, a beautiful par 4 with a sweeping view of the entire course. The man walks into the tee box. As he does, the gorilla begins the procedure. He removes a scalpel from his golf bag, and makes the incision on the patient just below the naval. The man tees off. The gorilla notices, and cleans the incision. Nurses keep it sterile as the gorilla goes into the tee box with his new three wood.

“Easy, Ted, the wind is kinda strong above the treeline, but your patient is stable. I don’t know how you do surgery while playing golf.”

The gorilla just assumed that’s what doctors do. It’s what Dr. Ted Jolly does. It’s at this point that, pulling along the drive on the country club’s grounds, we see the XWF Promotional Tour Bus. He sees the picture of himself and Roger, hyping the biggest match in Relentless history. The gorilla rips off his disguise and runs after the bus, knowing he must beat Roger.

“Ted, you gotta tee off! And your patient isn’t very stable anymore!”]]> <![CDATA[Find Me If You Can]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46841 Sun, 10 Sep 2023 08:42:48 -0700 Great Buzzard Eli James IV]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46841 The area was dense with a thick canopy of trees blanketing the world, protected in a shadowy tapestry. The only break in the wrapping darkness was the delicate sprinkle of starlight filtering through the gaps in the branches. The wind pushed the trees to dance and would rustle the drying leaves. They were ushering in the fall season and announcing the end of summer. It was the right time for the familiar voice that once filled the sea of wanderers of the XWF to ease back into their inner ears.


Looking around, every shadow seemed to move, every sound seemed to tell a story. The distant howl of a wolf, mournful and lonely, bounced from all directions. A group of owls, hidden high up in the branches, sent down a series of enigmatic hoots, as though conversing with spirits only it could see.


The ground, damp and cold, was becoming littered with a carpet of fallen leaves, twigs, and grass. Each step taken felt uncertain, the earth beneath shifting slightly, almost urging any traveler to tread lightly or risk awakening what lay beneath.


Amidst the tangible sense of unease, a glimmer of light beckoned in the distance. A song from a raspy and low-toned voice rang. It, or they, was out of place against the backdrop of the woods. The figure was a 2023 CGI effect seen in a 1980s film -- it just didn't fit. Drawing closer, it became evident that the source of the light and song was positioned next to an ancient tree. The tree's branches flowed in a downward spiral like they were a giant umbrella covering whoever would rest underneath, protecting and covering with its wings of shelter. The branches seemed to reach out and caress the faint glow.


A man sat there. The wooden chair he rocked in creaked rhythmically, adding to the symphony of the night. His long, unkempt hair cascaded around a face lined with stories of years gone by, and a beard that seemed to hold secrets of its own. In his hand, a lantern, its flame dancing and flickering, casting shadows upon his features.


His attire was in strange proximity to the environment – dirty white pants that had seen better days with stains and fresh dirt, a vibrant Hawaiian shirt that looked out of place in this setting, and atop his head, a black fedora, casting a deeper shadow across his eyes.


His presence was both calming and unsettling. It was the mysterious Eli James IV. Why was he here? Why did he return? Did he come to continue the story he was telling for so many years? Or was he lost, looking for a flicker of hope amidst the vastness of darkness he had proclaimed too many times?


"Why am I back in your eyes? Why do your ears hear my words once more? The riddle is in my final song.


Theodore. Ya' mind if I call you that? That name fits you, man. I'll be honest, as I've always been, I don't know what's really happened around here in the last several years. Truth is, I never thought I'd come back as my journey was leading me into a different realm. Something many never understand. Ya see Theodore, there are so many people that like to live in the past. Not only live in the past but cling to it, clenching it as if it were that treasure chest pirates are always hunting for. The idea of how it used to be starts to send electric waves in their minds. Their imagination starts to build a world mixed with reality and fairy tales. People who live in the past thrive there because it's mostly the good times they remember. 'Remember all those nights of being drunk and passing out? Good times' they would say and forget that Bryan is spending time behind bars from that DUI, or Tyler is needing a liver transplant because of those drunken nights. And the villains? Heh. The villains in their past life are usually everyone but themselves. Sure, they'll admit some mistakes but it brought them to become better individuals. But they aren't the villain. Then some of their stories get mixed in with how see it in hindsight, not how it actually felt in the moment. It's all one big lie.


Eli sets the lantern down and leans forward.


I left this place. I don't live in the past. It's a waste of breath. Those that live in the past will never arrive in the present and plan for something great. Their present is always a shell of the past. 


If ya think about jobs. Heh. There are those that work for the same company for 30 years. They label that as loyalty. That's how they present it to all of us. 'Loyalty goes far'. Working for the same place, doing the same thing, and being a doormat for the boss for 30 years isn't a game of loyalty but a game of foolishness. They don't want to go explore. They fear the unknown journey. Instead of seeing what's out there, they'll play the game and stay in their cage. 'Don't fly little bird. There's nothing out there but death and destruction. You'll have to hunt for food, but here you'll get it every day. Out there you'll face bigger birds and creatures that want to feed off you. You'll have to dodge guns and airplanes and helicopters. You'll have to run when the weather gets too cold. But not here. Every morning your belly will be full. Every night you'll see me, your friend. I'll clean your cage. I'll take care of you. And when you do get the itch to fly, I'll open that door and let you roam around the house -- doors and windows closed of course. You'll live a good life.' 

 
Now I talk about the past only to bring it to a point. But I'm not like the others that hide from the bad and conjure lies to make me the hero in waiting. I'm not the hero nor am I the villain. I'm the harmony in the soul. I'm the word that you need to express your emotions in just the right way, at the right time. I'm the mystery you try to solve but really don't want the reveal. Ya' see... I became the unwrapped present on Christmas morning to many. They thought they were ready for the surprise to end. I took so many and built a group that trusts, but in the end, they were all weak. They weren't let down at the finding, but they were not ready to understand what to do with the gold that glistened in their hearts. Their weakness didn't reveal a failure in me. They fell like pawns in a game full of kings and queens. Their weakness revealed their failures and put a spotlight on who they really were: lost souls who wanted to stay lost.


I told everyone about the past regime and that it would all fall upon their heads. I tried to lead everyone into a better world, a better place, and told you that I would be willing to be the sacrifice. Now, Theodore, my sacrifice was not in vain and every word I spoke came true. Heh. Everyone thought I was a liar. Everyone thought I was a con man that was just another 'religious nut'. You, Theodore, knew that all I asked was for everyone who heard my words to write them down and test them in the end. Fast-forward and every.. single.. one came true. 


Though I lurked in the shadows and was moved into a myth with legend status, I was just waiting for someone to call on me. I just wanted to hear someone finally have the foundation to stand on and announce that Eli James was right. I could list all those names...  I could play back all those videos and share all the words I spoke... but instead, I will let that rest on the pages of history.  And perhaps one day, someone will come along and find that book, dust it off, and read life. 


He reaches down, grabs the lantern, and stands up. The flickering light moves the shadows slightly off his face. 


"Now that we're all caught up, let's talk now.  Let's talk reality. Let's feed those little souls beggin' for bread... 


There's a strange concept that death lies in the darkness. Put a man in a mask that's cursed beyond the grave, or usher out a monster where the flesh has been torn from the creates in the dirt, play some slow temp sounds and people start to feel fear. That, my friends, breeds the idea of death.. because nobody sees the moment after the breath has completed its cycle. But out here, if ya listen real close, you'll hear somethin'...


Eli places his index finger on his lips, signaling for all who understand to be quiet.  Owl's. Wolves. Crickets.


"Ya hear that? That's the sound of life. People are afraid of the dark because they don't understand it. My friends, you don't need to fear the darkness. You don't need to fear death. You only need to fear one that can remove the body and the memory of the fallen. Don't let the thoughts that once rented its space upon pages, websites, and stories shared through time; be the one that vanishes in body but continues on through words. 


Eli hesitated for a second and came to a halt. With a deep, shuddering breath, he moved, his foot landing on the board with a groan of old, tortured wood. 


The lantern's pale glow barely punctured the inky blackness, but it did just enough. The steps emerged from the dark, each looking like the ancient, rotted jawbone of some great beast. Eli’s every step seemed like a trespass, an affront to whatever spirits still lingered here.


Skirting the perimeter of the porch, he finally dropped into another chair, its wood groaning under his weight, as if exhausted from the years of neglect. 


From within the broken home, strange, guttural murmurs vibrated through the stagnant air. Were they voices? They coiled and intertwined, rising and falling, weaving a group of chants that seemed less like words and more like the cries of trapped souls, yearning for release. And Eli sat, grinning, used to the sounds.


"That's where they are. That's where they'll stay until I release them. Perhaps they'll stay as myths and legends told, or maybe they'll go away as a never-told story. Theodore, I wonder which one you'll decide to be part of? Heh. You, and everyone else, will arrive. It's as concrete as death. But next is where you decide... just remember my words...


I told ya so...hehehe...


Find me, if you can.


He blows the lantern out.]]> The area was dense with a thick canopy of trees blanketing the world, protected in a shadowy tapestry. The only break in the wrapping darkness was the delicate sprinkle of starlight filtering through the gaps in the branches. The wind pushed the trees to dance and would rustle the drying leaves. They were ushering in the fall season and announcing the end of summer. It was the right time for the familiar voice that once filled the sea of wanderers of the XWF to ease back into their inner ears.


Looking around, every shadow seemed to move, every sound seemed to tell a story. The distant howl of a wolf, mournful and lonely, bounced from all directions. A group of owls, hidden high up in the branches, sent down a series of enigmatic hoots, as though conversing with spirits only it could see.


The ground, damp and cold, was becoming littered with a carpet of fallen leaves, twigs, and grass. Each step taken felt uncertain, the earth beneath shifting slightly, almost urging any traveler to tread lightly or risk awakening what lay beneath.


Amidst the tangible sense of unease, a glimmer of light beckoned in the distance. A song from a raspy and low-toned voice rang. It, or they, was out of place against the backdrop of the woods. The figure was a 2023 CGI effect seen in a 1980s film -- it just didn't fit. Drawing closer, it became evident that the source of the light and song was positioned next to an ancient tree. The tree's branches flowed in a downward spiral like they were a giant umbrella covering whoever would rest underneath, protecting and covering with its wings of shelter. The branches seemed to reach out and caress the faint glow.


A man sat there. The wooden chair he rocked in creaked rhythmically, adding to the symphony of the night. His long, unkempt hair cascaded around a face lined with stories of years gone by, and a beard that seemed to hold secrets of its own. In his hand, a lantern, its flame dancing and flickering, casting shadows upon his features.


His attire was in strange proximity to the environment – dirty white pants that had seen better days with stains and fresh dirt, a vibrant Hawaiian shirt that looked out of place in this setting, and atop his head, a black fedora, casting a deeper shadow across his eyes.


His presence was both calming and unsettling. It was the mysterious Eli James IV. Why was he here? Why did he return? Did he come to continue the story he was telling for so many years? Or was he lost, looking for a flicker of hope amidst the vastness of darkness he had proclaimed too many times?


"Why am I back in your eyes? Why do your ears hear my words once more? The riddle is in my final song.


Theodore. Ya' mind if I call you that? That name fits you, man. I'll be honest, as I've always been, I don't know what's really happened around here in the last several years. Truth is, I never thought I'd come back as my journey was leading me into a different realm. Something many never understand. Ya see Theodore, there are so many people that like to live in the past. Not only live in the past but cling to it, clenching it as if it were that treasure chest pirates are always hunting for. The idea of how it used to be starts to send electric waves in their minds. Their imagination starts to build a world mixed with reality and fairy tales. People who live in the past thrive there because it's mostly the good times they remember. 'Remember all those nights of being drunk and passing out? Good times' they would say and forget that Bryan is spending time behind bars from that DUI, or Tyler is needing a liver transplant because of those drunken nights. And the villains? Heh. The villains in their past life are usually everyone but themselves. Sure, they'll admit some mistakes but it brought them to become better individuals. But they aren't the villain. Then some of their stories get mixed in with how see it in hindsight, not how it actually felt in the moment. It's all one big lie.


Eli sets the lantern down and leans forward.


I left this place. I don't live in the past. It's a waste of breath. Those that live in the past will never arrive in the present and plan for something great. Their present is always a shell of the past. 


If ya think about jobs. Heh. There are those that work for the same company for 30 years. They label that as loyalty. That's how they present it to all of us. 'Loyalty goes far'. Working for the same place, doing the same thing, and being a doormat for the boss for 30 years isn't a game of loyalty but a game of foolishness. They don't want to go explore. They fear the unknown journey. Instead of seeing what's out there, they'll play the game and stay in their cage. 'Don't fly little bird. There's nothing out there but death and destruction. You'll have to hunt for food, but here you'll get it every day. Out there you'll face bigger birds and creatures that want to feed off you. You'll have to dodge guns and airplanes and helicopters. You'll have to run when the weather gets too cold. But not here. Every morning your belly will be full. Every night you'll see me, your friend. I'll clean your cage. I'll take care of you. And when you do get the itch to fly, I'll open that door and let you roam around the house -- doors and windows closed of course. You'll live a good life.' 

 
Now I talk about the past only to bring it to a point. But I'm not like the others that hide from the bad and conjure lies to make me the hero in waiting. I'm not the hero nor am I the villain. I'm the harmony in the soul. I'm the word that you need to express your emotions in just the right way, at the right time. I'm the mystery you try to solve but really don't want the reveal. Ya' see... I became the unwrapped present on Christmas morning to many. They thought they were ready for the surprise to end. I took so many and built a group that trusts, but in the end, they were all weak. They weren't let down at the finding, but they were not ready to understand what to do with the gold that glistened in their hearts. Their weakness didn't reveal a failure in me. They fell like pawns in a game full of kings and queens. Their weakness revealed their failures and put a spotlight on who they really were: lost souls who wanted to stay lost.


I told everyone about the past regime and that it would all fall upon their heads. I tried to lead everyone into a better world, a better place, and told you that I would be willing to be the sacrifice. Now, Theodore, my sacrifice was not in vain and every word I spoke came true. Heh. Everyone thought I was a liar. Everyone thought I was a con man that was just another 'religious nut'. You, Theodore, knew that all I asked was for everyone who heard my words to write them down and test them in the end. Fast-forward and every.. single.. one came true. 


Though I lurked in the shadows and was moved into a myth with legend status, I was just waiting for someone to call on me. I just wanted to hear someone finally have the foundation to stand on and announce that Eli James was right. I could list all those names...  I could play back all those videos and share all the words I spoke... but instead, I will let that rest on the pages of history.  And perhaps one day, someone will come along and find that book, dust it off, and read life. 


He reaches down, grabs the lantern, and stands up. The flickering light moves the shadows slightly off his face. 


"Now that we're all caught up, let's talk now.  Let's talk reality. Let's feed those little souls beggin' for bread... 


There's a strange concept that death lies in the darkness. Put a man in a mask that's cursed beyond the grave, or usher out a monster where the flesh has been torn from the creates in the dirt, play some slow temp sounds and people start to feel fear. That, my friends, breeds the idea of death.. because nobody sees the moment after the breath has completed its cycle. But out here, if ya listen real close, you'll hear somethin'...


Eli places his index finger on his lips, signaling for all who understand to be quiet.  Owl's. Wolves. Crickets.


"Ya hear that? That's the sound of life. People are afraid of the dark because they don't understand it. My friends, you don't need to fear the darkness. You don't need to fear death. You only need to fear one that can remove the body and the memory of the fallen. Don't let the thoughts that once rented its space upon pages, websites, and stories shared through time; be the one that vanishes in body but continues on through words. 


Eli hesitated for a second and came to a halt. With a deep, shuddering breath, he moved, his foot landing on the board with a groan of old, tortured wood. 


The lantern's pale glow barely punctured the inky blackness, but it did just enough. The steps emerged from the dark, each looking like the ancient, rotted jawbone of some great beast. Eli’s every step seemed like a trespass, an affront to whatever spirits still lingered here.


Skirting the perimeter of the porch, he finally dropped into another chair, its wood groaning under his weight, as if exhausted from the years of neglect. 


From within the broken home, strange, guttural murmurs vibrated through the stagnant air. Were they voices? They coiled and intertwined, rising and falling, weaving a group of chants that seemed less like words and more like the cries of trapped souls, yearning for release. And Eli sat, grinning, used to the sounds.


"That's where they are. That's where they'll stay until I release them. Perhaps they'll stay as myths and legends told, or maybe they'll go away as a never-told story. Theodore, I wonder which one you'll decide to be part of? Heh. You, and everyone else, will arrive. It's as concrete as death. But next is where you decide... just remember my words...


I told ya so...hehehe...


Find me, if you can.


He blows the lantern out.]]>