<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - Relentless Day 2 RP Board 2021]]>

<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - Relentless Day 2 RP Board 2021]]> https://xwf1999.com/ Wed, 06 May 2026 00:29:39 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[Scarfacial]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41946 Fri, 24 Sep 2021 23:57:42 -0700 JimCaedus]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41946 ======€@£|)μ$======

Continued directly from "THE UNTOUCHABLES" 2/3 in "Dark Cuntry Nope"
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41928

"THE UNTOUCHABLES" 3

"Touchable"

OR

"How's THIS For a Climax?"

---MINNESOTA---
Earth-00ρ?

(click for background score)

Our little plan to knockover Gal Capone's hooch vendor had sent a message. Now Corio was pushin' up daisies and everything had come up roses. If ya count that fake tough, the tomato-squashin' stooge Marfio, that's two less mugs for the chopper squad.

The numbers had seen fit to sympathize with our cause once they gave the lav a proper up and down; Capone could be hurt, and we were just the muscle to do it. Once clammed-up and terrified of retribution, now the dope started spillin' like a drunk Dolly sowin' discord. Now we knew exactly where to go for our next heist, to the great white north where an incoming shipment 'a eighteenish-aged young boys was set to cross the border into Minnesota don'tcha know...and Capone's very own bookkeeper, the guardian of Gal's secrets, would be there.

Truth be told, we were already IN Minnesota astride mighty steeds peepin' for the transport and we'd enlisted the aid of Captain Hozer and his mounties to-

Does he normally do this, 'ey?

Jim- er, Jellyous, you're chinning that inner monologue out loud you lunatic.

Just tryna make sure everyone's all caught up with the storyline, Drewski. Take it from there, Cap.

Right. We mounties shall take a position on the opposite side of the border bridge and await the signal from Mr. Ness. Once we have been given the signal, we shall advance on the transport and we shall take them by surprise from the rear... To Ness. And surprise as you know, 'ey, is half the battle.

Someone tell Charlie Nickles.

Now Captain, first of all, Dolly "Gal Capone" Waters is more than familiar with surprises in the rear- she not only enjoys them, she perpetrates them -so they may be expecting it.

And second, yeah, surprise is half the battle but y'know what? MANY things are half the battle...

Winning is half the battle, losing is half the battle-

-knowing is half the battle.

[Image: ySEGA2S.gif]

Thank you Flint, exactly. You and the Joes won't be needed by the way, you're dismissed. To the Mountie Captain. So you see Captain Hozer, many things are half the battle. Let's focus on what is ALL the battle.

But you listed three things, that's 150%, not counting "surprise" which kicks it up to 200% 'ey.

Shut up and let the idiot speak.

Derisive. Canadians.

Right? Psh. Betsy and Rob high five.

Addressing the small army in attendance. Alright gentlemen and lady, let's fuck Capone 'til herhis nose bleeds!

Hootin' and hollerin', the mounties urge their horses onward and gallop across the bridge spanning the US/Canadian border, taking their hiding position behind a REALLY big conveniently placed rock. And none too soon...

...as the truck bearing the gunsel shipment appears approaching from the north, a Capone gang Rolls Royce rolling up to the bridge from the south. The two vehicles meet on the bridge, Capone's bookkeeper hopping out of the Rolls to exchange paperwork with the Canadian smugglers. Why paperwork and records are being kept of illicit dealings is beyond anyone with half a brain but hey, The Unmentionables aren't gonna let this golden ticket take flight.

RL Aurelio, the bookkeeper, signs the delivery receipt. Everything seems to be in order. Are the gunsels properly submissive and slutty boys?

Oh sure 'ey, as slutty as you want.

Excellent, Gal Capone demands the sluttiest of boys-

::POW::

A gunshot.

Aurelio and the truck driver both turn their attention to the Canadian Cavalry currently crushing the scenery between their respective positions, headed straight for the bridge at top speed while firing their no-reload-necessary pistols into the air at nothing in particular.

Aw man, just like Gal suspected would happen. You double-crossing Canadians want the money AND the gunsels! Pulls a weapon and aims at the truck driver.

Raising his hands. Oh 'ey, hey now, we didn't-

Aurelio drills him in the eye. Like, RIGHT perfectly in the eye, it's crazy. Neato! Speaking to a currently unidentified person still in the Rolls. Hey, breeze outta the heat and get into the truck! We gotta get outta here!

Over with The Unmentionables, ALSO hiding behind a conveniently placed rock, though not as big-

What- the SHIT are they doin'!? I didn't give no signal!

Canadians.

Right?? Psh. High five.

What the hell, we all gotta die of something.

FUCK that!

GOONIES

NEVER

SAY

DIE!

We're The UNMENTIONABLES goddammit! This is gonna be a cinch!

CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!

---An hour and a lotta deaths later, in a conveniently placed cabin just to the right of the battlefield and bridge...---

Yeesh, that was a lot tougher than I expected it to be.

Gee Jellyous, maybe we should've let the Joes lend a paw.

Yeah, Capone's trigger men made short work of the Mounties and the Mounties accidentally ventilated all the gunsels.

Canadians.

Right? Psh. High five.

Lighting a cigar. The cameraman got smoked.

What?? Floyd!? The guy who's been filmin' our promos since the days of Ax3 is dead!? Floyd's _DEAD_!?

Yep.

Grabs Rob by the shoulders dramatically. Now listen closely, this is VERY important...did he at least get the shots? We only had the budget for the one action scene, we axed the damn train station showdown for this, TELL me he got the shots.

Nope.

So NONE of that battle was captured on film!?

Yep. Nope.

...So the part where I galloped up on my horse and jumped up on top of the saddle to stand and unload on those five wops with my tommy gun before jumpin' off with a backflip right before my horse sped off a cliff and inexplicably exploded on impact below the instant I landed and posed and dropped that combo Tropic Thunder/Die Hard "Yippee kaiyay, I'm a lead farmer muthafucka!" line AIN'T. ON. FILM!?

None of that happened Jim.

Fuck you talkin' about? Yeah it did.

It most certainly did not.

You're literally sitting on your horse right now.

Jim's steed farts.

How'd you even grab Rob by the shoulders while on a horse?

Uh, DUH, Drew, as you can plainly see I'm a short guy on a pony- which is a little horse -and Rob is a giant. And anyway, I was just makin' a point to DOLLY how pathetic it is to tell a lie EVERYONE knows IS in fact a lie.

Jim's horse shits.

Aw, oh, no, why!?

Dammit Jim, why are you on a horse INDOORS?

To...uh...make a point to DOLLY that-

SHUT UP!

Lone survivor of his cavalry unit. MISTER Ness...I do NOT approve of your contrived comedic methods.

Okay, okay! Rides his pony out the front door and returns on foot. Alright, so what do we have?

Well, everyone is pretty much kaput but we managed to take Aurelio the bookkeeper, AND the stooge trying to take the truck, prisoner. Betsy motions to them both, cuffed and seated on the couch.

We also got our mitts on some real mazuma; Gal Capone's personal files. Priceless.

I'd say that's a win. Ha! Who needs G.I. Joe? Can I see those files?

Drew hands Jellyous Capone's Jem & The Holograms trapper keeper. The word

SEEKRITS

has been scribbled across the cover.

Jellyous opens and flips through the pages, getting increasingly agitated. The fuck? This shit's all in spanish!!

Snorts. You can't speak spanish?? Gimme that. Rips the files from Jellyous Jim's hands and studies it.

Drawn in, amazed by Drew's ability. So what's it say?

I dunno, I can't read spanish.

Staring at Drew for several moments before raising his fists. ............Pick two.

One, two. Drew nut-checks Jim twice. Knucklehead. Nyuk nyuk.

I can read it señor.

All eyes pin to stooge #2 on the couch next to Aurelio, who replies, Can it ya rat.

Jellyous strides over and lifts stooge #2 by the shirtfront off the couch and to her feet. You can read spanish? You can translate those files??

Si señor. But will I? I think not. Jajajajajajajaja! Aurelio smiles in relief, then cockiness. Cock.

Oh NO!? You're fuckin' with a GANGSTA here bitch!

Muscles stooge #2 out the front door and positions her against the window so Aurelio can see it all.

Isn't this supposed to be your scene Drew?

Let him have his fun. He had to be Obi Jim Caedobi in the last one.

Spill!

¡No!

Oh yeeeeeeeeah!?

A scuffle can be heard, a struggle...

Now SPILL!! ... What's wrong, can't talk with a gun in your butthole!?

Please señor, it is very uncomfortable.

A shove. IZZIT!?

Si señor...uh...mooch-oh uncomforta..bolio?

I'll give you 'til the count 'a THREE to talk and then I'ma give you a lead colonic, ?!

Please, this is unnecessary, I'll tell you everything.

From inside the cabin. Hey!

ONE!

One!? Hey, I said I would tell you everything!

TW-

::BLAM!!::

GAAAAAAAAAAAASP!

Serves her right.

Oh shit.

Nice going Jellyous, NOW who's going to translate those files?

Uh- SHE will! She's still alive, it was a near miss! Attempting to prop stooge #2's lifeless body back up against the window.

Near miss? You had your pistol up her ass.

A FLESHWOUND, it's a FLESHWOUND! The angle was just right to, like- Abandons the explanation and successfully props the corpse back up. Uh HUH, SEE? And still as tight lipped as ever! Now SPILL!

Puppets the body. I will not!

Then you leave me no CHOICE! This time the gun's in your MOUTH missy!

Onetwothree!

::BLAM!!::

Brains splatter through the shattered window. Betsy, Drew, Rob and Captain Hozer all turn away in disgust.

Well, she's definitely dead NOW-

You ready to talk!?

All heads and eyes turn back to Jellyous with dropped jaw "wtf if he doing" expressions.

Or do I hafta put ANOTHER lug in you!?

Is he serious?

Facepalm. I just don't know anymore.

"Let him have his fun" you said.

::BLAM!!::

::BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! CLICK CLICK::

Jellyous Jim shakes the now mostly headless corpse. SPILL GOD DAMN YOU! A bit of brains falls onto the cabin floor through the shattered window right before Jim begins slamming the body around the cabin's front porch screaming TALK!! TALK!! GIMME ALL THE TEA!!

Jesus Christ, okay, that's enough. I mean the horse shit, the smell, the gore, I just can't. I'll translate the files for you. Just don't let that maniac touch me when he's finished doing whatever the hell he's doing out there.

Drew and Rob exchange winks and a down-low dap.

Someone wanna let Jim know?

Let him have his fun.

Yeah, I was Chewbacca but at least my character wasn't the ghost of a dead old man.

Torso, blood and arms everywhere, Jim- like an enraged chimpanzee -continues slamming around now what is essentially just the legs and sexy parts of the lower body. FUCKING! O! BI! JIM! CAE! DO! BI!

8=========================>

---GAL CAPONE'S SUITE---

I want! Dick! Tracy! DEAD!! Dolly "Gal Capone" Waters flips his/her large, heavy wooden desk in a rage and- Well, (s)he tries to flip it but that motherfucker is like a good 300 pounds or more. So (s)he scatters some papers from off the desktop instead in a show of intimidation.

The roomful of gunsels exchange glances of confusion at Gal's words.

What am I, speaking Swahili here? Hello? Are y'all mad at me? Itchy, Little ~~Face~~ Dick, did I do something wrong here?

Chuck Shitti protests. How come he gets to be Itchy and I have to be Little Dick?

Uh, m'Lord, I believe you're quoting the wrong movie.

Hm? What movie am I quoting?

Deadpan. .........Dick Tracy. Scratches his pubic region vigorously.

Oh, right...shit. Glances down at Taddeo scratching. I am SO sorry about that by the way, please don't be mad at me. Are you? Mad at me?

M'Lord every STD from you is a blessing.

You're goddamn right it is. I. Am. a God. ...What movie was this again?

Whispering. The Untouchables, m'Lord.

Right, right. Capone. Ness. Ok. Anyway, to retcon reiterate, on the subject of Jellyous Ness-

[Image: eDvKj48.gif]

I wanna go to his house in the middle of the night and I wanna drag my snotty pussy on the ashes!!

Some random gunsel- But Boss, I tawt it was il cazzo whatcha had d'ere. Y'know, a dingus.

Gal Capone blows his brains out. Chuck Shitti immediately scrambles to begin dismembering the stiff, his third favorite pastime. The first and second being 2. taking dick from Dolly and 1. fucking himself.

I have whatever I wish in the moment, buster! Sometimes I feel like being a man, sometimes I like having my clit stroked. WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS!? Oh god...are you mad at me now, Rando Gunsel? Rando's decapitated head rolls over to Gal's high heeled feet. You are, you're mad at me, I can see it in your eyes.

Oh well-

Did I leave anything out in my "kill Jellyous and his family and burn his house down" rant? I did didn't I? I fucking suck. Someone convince me I'm a legend and flatter me while jacking me off.

Eight gunsels step back, leaving one.

Looking up from the body and glancing around in surprise. Oh you fuckers.

Come 'ere you. ...You better have shaved your ass after last time too, Charlie, or so help me...

<=========================8

---THE FOLLOWING DAY---

---CHICAGO---
ABANDONED CPD HQ

I don't know how youse done it but I KNOW YOUSE DONE IT!! And a splendid job it was too. Aurelio's statement will finally put Capone away for good, the District Attorney explains while shaking Jellyous's hand. Your big brother would be proud.

Aw shucks, I only did what any homicidal maniac callin' 'imself an antihero woulda done in my place. Greater good 'uh?

Just make sure nothing happens to Aurelio. Even with those files translated, we can't prosecute without putting him on the witness stand. Tips his hat and takes his leave.

Standing there cuffed. Gal's gonna fit the lot of you for cement shoes.

He's right you know. Capone knows by now we have Aurelio and the files.

Oh he/she will definitely do something. After Dolly muscled Vinnie Lane out as owner of the XWF he/she started gangland style executing anyone on the roster who caused a problem.

To the camera. Is that what you all want?? HUH!? You want to have to worry about getting EXECUTED by Dolly Waters, OWNER, in the XWF!? Back in-scene. That's atrocious, Rob. Who do we get to protect Aurelio until he can take the stand?

I uh..I gotta wash my hair. Begins walking away.

I uh...I got called into work. Also begins walking away.

I uh...I have papers to grade. Walking the opposite way.

Yelling over his shoulder. You aren't a teacher you liar!

Yelling over HIS shoulder. YOU don't have a JOB!

DING

Exiting the elevator, spots Aurelio standing there alone, spies the men walking separate ways. Hey guys! What's going on? Someone gonna escort Aurelio to the lobby?

---CPD HQ Elevator---

A cuffed Aurelio stands next to a clueless Betsy, humming happily as the elevator door closes.

You know why they were arguing right?

Pausing before hitting the Lobby button. Hm?

This is the scene where Frank Nitti ambushes Wallace and the bookkeeper and kills them both.

What? Bullshit.

I am DEAD serious.

Oh sure, kill the GIRL character. Dicks...

Ah, well, I guess it's ok though. Nitti is supposed to already be in the elevator and he's not, so, we should be fine.

Chuck Shitti drops down into the elevator from the roof access hatch.

SURPRIIIIIIISE!!

Oh FINALLY you get a good one and it's in a CAEDUS promo you JACKASS!

Chuck pulls his pistol and aims-

GASP!

::BLAMMO!!::

Jellyous and Drew halt in the hallway as the gunshot rings out and spin.

Oh God...Betsy... No... Tears start to well in his eyes and roll down his cheeks.

Aw shuttup Jim. We all knew this was that scene.

The two begin briskly walking back but it feels like it's taking too long so- theatrically, DRAMATICALLY -they start to jog then break into a sprint.

Finally they reach the elevator to see it's still here on the floor. The doors however, won't open. Jim begins pounding on them, emoting like a MOTHERFUCKER.

BETSY!!! BETSYYYYYY!!!

Would. You. Stop!?

I CAN'T, damn you!! She was the sweet, innocent, light-hearted member of the crew and now she's DEAD Drew! Gal Capone just stole our smile and now the audience KNOWS this shit is gettin' real... BETSYYY!!

The doors slide open.

WHAT!?

Betsy?

BETSY!! Jellyous Jim jumps in for a bear hug, lifting her off her feet. Tears streaming. I'm so HAPPY to see you alive!

Why is he crying?

He's a weak sister.

I am NOT a weak sister, I'm just happy she's alive! And listen to that music, that shit's sad as FUCK dude! Sets Betsy down.

Yeah, how come you aren't dead?

Hinky. Yeeeeeeah...how COME you aren't dead?

Jellyous pokes his head into the elevator-

Aurelio has been shot in the head, naturally,so he's dead.

Chuck is littering the floor of the elevator in about a thousand pieces, the words

GIRL POWER

written on the wall in his blood.

Whoa... What...the...fuck happened in here? How did you- He pulls his head back out of the elevator to find a lightsaber pointed at his face, Betsy wielding the luminous weapon. Oh you are just all kinds 'a badass aren'tchya.

You're all lucky I don't do the same to YOU. Now what the hell are we waiting for? We may have lost the bookkeeper but we still have the files. Let's go have a word with the District Attorney. I think I know where to find a replacement witness.

Wandering up, removing his glasses with a stack of papers under one arm and a pen gripped between his teeth. What did I miss?

8=========================>

---GAL CAPONE'S SUITE---

WHAT!? Removing her period inaccurate ear buds, stops typing out a roleplay on a period accurate typewriter.

I said Chuck managed to kill Aurelio but then someone killed HIM. And...they still have the files.

What- But- They- How- ...Are they mad at me??

::KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK::

Oh what NOW!?

::KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK::

Shall I get it m'Lord?

[Image: qNGbAkx.gif]

Don't trouble yerself, I'LL get it. None of you bunnies knows how to get anything done right ANYway. Flings open the door. WHAT!?

I'm terribly sorry to disturb you Lord but there is a "Jellyous Ness" to see you in the lobby.

Oh yeah!? Well tell him I don't WANNA be disturbed!

He said you would say that m'Lord. In that case he told me to call you a pussy and to inform you that you've been served. Hands Gal a summons.

Gal accepts the summons then pulls out a tommy gun and fills the guy fulla lead.

Reading over the paperwork. Oh Taddeoooo... TADDEO! Wake up!

Rising from the floor, sporting a lump from the typewriter. Yes m'Lord?

I've been summoned. It seems Jellyous Ness and the City of Chicago suspect me of illicit activity and they can prove it. Doesn't even say what crime I've allegedly committed. That's not fair! Is that even legal??

I wouldn't worry about it m'Lord. We have the best lawyers in the country.

Nah, I killed all them. I thought they were mad at me.

That's okay m'Lord, I'll just defend you myself.

Scoffs. What?? Get the fuck outta here, you ain't no shyster!

I've dabbled m'Lord. Pretty sure I've got the jist of it.

Are you SURE.

Quite sure m'Lord. I have the utmost confidence in my ability.

Are you MAD at me.

.........No m'Lord.

Well then I've got nothing to worry about. Bring it on Jellyous! I HOPE you're not mad at me.

8==================> <==================8

---COURTHOUSE---
Following day...Mid-trial

Leaning over to whisper to Capone at the defendant's table while the DA grills someone on the stand. Don't worry m'Lord. They got nothin'. Dolly chuckles confidently and leans back, flipping off Jellyous, Drew, Rob and Betsy all sitting behind the prosecution table.

I don't understand; they're nailing the lid on Capone's coffin but shehe's smiling. What ace does it have up it's sleeve?

The DA holds the files up for illustration. So you're telling me that you've translated all the information in these files, that they prove illicit activities perpetrated by the defendant: one Gal Capone aka Dolly Waters and you're willing to testify to this under oath?

Yes m'Lord.

Gal double-takes, glancing to the empty seat beside her Taddeo had just been occupying a moment earlier, then back to the stand.

Hey! ......HEY!! Are you mad at me???

I'm sorry former m'Lord, but the prosecution has proof of my own participation in said illicit activity and I'll be damned if I'm going down with the shit.

You mean ship.

Did I stutter former m'Lord?

Triggered. I KNEW it!! You're MAD at me!!

I'm not mad, you're just not more important to me than my own freedom former m'Lord. For all the heroic bluster and bravado our organization pushed, when it comes down to it, we The Continuuntouchables were and are really...just...bad people. Especially Corio, it was a task pretending that I disliked murdering him. But especially YOU and I'm more than willing to walk away from it all- or Discontinuuntouchables if you will -even if it makes me seem like a bad guy to YOU, former m'Lord. These men and woman here, The Unmentionables, they're the real heroes.

OBJECTION!! I KNOW he's mad at me!!

The judge pounds her gavel, calling for order. When the room settles.

Very well Mr. Taddeo Dookie. If you would spare the court's time and please drop the spoiler bit of information in those files that serves as evidence of illegal activity on behalf of the defendant?

Big smile. YES I shall, and this is EXACTLY why I kept all public record of MY dealings with THIS subject unofficial. And HERE it is

Dolly..."Gal Capone" Waters...

.

The entire courtroom gasps in unison.

OBJECTION!! THAT'S A LIE!! I that!

ORDER!! ORDER!!

Your Honor is this justice!? Is this fair!? Are YOU mad at me too!? Did you BLOCK me!?

Your Honor, we would like to change our plea of not guilty......to guilty.

The courtroom ovates.

Capone double-takes again, Taddeo once more sitting beside him behind the defendant's table. GUILTY!? Gal attempts to attack Taddeo who is quick to slip away. The remaining gunsels hold himher back from getting into deeper shit as the courtroom explodes with a raucous celebration.

Jellyous strides up to Capone, dropping some line that can't be heard over the cheering of the ~~Warfare fans~~ courtroom denizens.

What what what?? What was that?? What did you just say??

The courtroom noise dies down.

I said...I AM mad at you.

Mic drop.

Oh you're mad at me!? YOU'RE MAD AT ME!? You're just a lotta cock and a badge!! You're just a lotta cock and a badge!! YOU'RE JUST A LOTTA COCK AND A BADGE!! YOU'RE JUST A LOTTA COCK AND A BADGE!!

And so Dolly "Gal Capone" Waters continued to rant in such a manner; kicking, swinging, held back by hisher beloved gunsels as Jellyous Ness, Drew Malone, Rob Stone and Betsy Wallace- THE UNMENTIONABLES -look on and taunt from afar including a whole lot of laughing and pointing. From afar, not because they're afraid of Dolly, but because it's funny to piss Dolly off more.

Cue the heroic ending music courtesy of Sir Ennio Morricone...

Aw nah...nah nah nah...I don't think so... Don't even THINK about running those cred-

(click...)

Alright, now y'all really pissed me off...

Dolly Gal- we'll call her DG for short -downs an 18 pack in the blink of an eye as a swirl of darkness begins to blossom around and envelope her...

Uh...guys...shit just got real...

A roar erupts from the cloud of drunken darkness as The Unmentionables dash out of the courtroom building.

Crashing out behind them, bursting through the entryway egress-

[Image: l3tBGNl.gif]

-the true DG reveals itself...drunk, angry-

ARE YOU MAD AT MEEEEE!!??

-and incredibly insecure. A monster.

I fuckin' KNEW there was more to that sideshow freak than meets the eye.

Activates her lightsaber. I'm not afraid. Let's cut this psycho skirt down to size.

Loading his sawed-off shotgun. Let's blow this buttfucker straight to Hell.

Downs a snifter of Ovaltine, the Popeye music playing, before flexing and pulling a pistol. I yam what I yam; a man in a jam ready to blam blam blam.

Stepping forward. NO!! This is MY fight!

Sneaking out beside Monster DG. M'Lord, have I told you lately just how NOT mad at you I am? Please show mercy-

DG snatches Taddeo up in her scorpion pinchers and snips him into slices, roaring with laughter before turning to an approaching and unafraid Jellyous Jim.

HEY!! DOLLY!!

All eyes turn to see- why, it's Arcana, the magick flames of a pyromancer burning around her form.

Confused. Grrrr? Turns back to Jellyous-

[Image: SPxrsDb.gif]

Get away from him you BITCH!

Sigourney like a MUTHAfucka.

Arcana unleashes her fury-

[Image: 2bHEp8v.gif]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRR!!! YOOOOU'RE MAAAAAD AAAAAAAT MEEEEEEEE!!

Monster DG crumbles to the ground, succumbing to the punishment from the flames as her insectoid segmented legs more of less kneel.

Right where you belong baby. No Waters could ever overcome a Caedus. See ya in Hell hillbilly. He pulls the trigger.

[Image: 95BzUUq.gif]

Shell after shell tear into the body of Monster DG. In fact, Jellyous expends the entire drum of ammo and after 30 seconds, Dolly "Gal Capone" Waters, Monster DG, gurgles out a dying exhale. Jim reloads and empties a second drum of ammo, decimating the beast's head.

Turning to his friends, a huge triumphant grin on his face. So much for all that gas 'bout Gal dyin' of AIDS in prison.

SO...is SHE the "bangtail" you've been shacking up with this whole time Jimmy!? Burning with a seething, jealous rage.

Wait, what? Baby...no, a bangtail is-

A LIKELY story! No one cheats on me Jimmy O'Connor. NO one.

Uh oh...

Uh oh?

Why uh oh?

Gentlemen...

Baby y'got it all wrong. I was framed, I ran outta gas, I had to take a massive poop and lost track 'a time, I-

CAN it Belushi and save the Jake Blues bullshit for the ghost 'a Carrie Fisher! You'll be meeting her soon enough! You never even ate the egg sammy I made you!! I poofed a NAKED PICTURE of me in that paper bag lunch to play off the movie spoof and you NEVER even took the time to appreciate it, maybe masturbate a little to it in between murdering villains! Ohhhh nooooooo, JIMMY has to spend all his time balling bangtails and HOOKERS!

I...love you?

LIAR!!

...Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

RUUUUUUUUUN!!!

Arcana lets loose with a blast of flames-

---LATER...---

Arcana- her arm around Jim's waist and misunderstanding forgotten -and Jim- nursing second degree burns -stand before Drew Malone, Rob Stone and Betsy Wallace in Mr. and Mrs. Jellyous Ness's living room.

Well, it's about that time.

A shame we had to censor that evidence you found of Gal Capone. Could be useful facing the real thing back in your world.

Oh it's ok. Turns out that same evidence exists in my universe and I'll be unveiling soon as Arcana and I get back. Speaking of which...

Their mission complete, having righted the wrong on Earth-00ρ?, Jim and Arcana begin to glow, the multiverse powering them up for the leap back.

The Unmentionables wave goodbye-

[Image: zwcNZ3k.gif]

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[Image: wF8TsKj.jpg]

"Thot on the Spot"

A FLASH of blinding light...

...Jimmy Caedus is back.

Bitch.

Don't tryta ask how I could be in the epic 'a The Impossible Entity (Bets' and Ly') and my own adventure seemingly at the same time. Time is a sexy sexy whore and she's fun to fuck with. When y'have a sorceress on your side, the only answer I gotta give to the "How?" is

[Image: Mr4aafd.gif]

So here I am, back to FINISH this verbal battle. And you...you've thrown in the towel apparently. Boy would my face be red right now if I was someone who bet against ME in context with Dolly "Fuck This, I Quit" Waters. All that full-steam ahead gung-ho HORSESHIT from you...and THIS is what I get? What the people get? You tried to bitch about me "not promoting the match" now here you are legit sabotaging THE MAIN EVENT OF RELENTLESS NIGHT 2. Disrespectin' the people, disrespectin' the roster, the Xtreme Championship, Boss Lane (for handin' you Anarchy) and the XWF itself.

I'm puttin' in work thinkin' you were gonna wage war. This is the respect you show. You kill the buzz, you kill INTEREST in the promos and you BITCH OUT LIKE SO MANY before you. You cowards are makin' me look like I'm terrifyin', all I want is a goddamn donnybrook.

Fuck you. I ain't stoppin'. And BECAUSE you've ROBBED me of viewership by handin' me one 'a those "foregone booking conclusions" you cocksucker, once I've finished this and our match concludes at Relentless, I will NEVER accept or participate in a match with you or any member 'a your family ever again. This despicable cowardice and unprofessionalism deserves due punishment. So fuckin' fed up with time wastin' nutless limpdickery and no-showin' shit birds. For now, I got a job to do, destroy you once and for all, and I'ma do it.

I'm armed with the coup de grace. Rather, at this point, the overkill point blank headshot.

And before I drop it, just know...

You asked for this the second you cited a specific detail about yourself. And guess what? As much as you didn't want me to use it, that "old shit" only serves now as a marker, validation and relevant solidification for the NEW shit you pulled.

Far be it from me not to capitalize.

Let's start at the inception shall we?

Long long ago, same Universe, Dolly and Jimmy were at eachother's throats in the Lethal Lottery 4 hype cycle. Like gangstas, the two were exchangin' fire, unafraid, back and forth in gladiatorial linguistic combat.

Then...

Dolly, bein' the over-hyped hillbilly semen suckin' spazz that she is, got so excited and carried away she referred to herself as a 13 year old girl. Now I know, immediately you're all ('cept those who were there) sayin' to yourself, "so?". Well, perhaps my response to that at the time will clue you in...

on 03-23-2017 @12:03 PM JimCaedus Said:Which reminds me... Did you actually say you were 13? You were born November 1st 2004, it's March of 2017. You're not even 12 and a half you fucking idiot. Can't keep track of your own age? Gee, that definitely makes me believe you're on the up and up and not just some fibbin' fuck-up. You're so REAL! Hurry, Dolly, HURRY...locate the loose end I just nailed and edit it before everyone can see it! You're so fuckin' pathetic, you make me sick, slut. This is how you wage war isn't it...ISN'T IT!? THIS is how you got so famous in the XWF, by covering your snailtrail tracks.

And for the record, YES, that's EXACTLY what Dolly did; what I called "covering your tracks" at the time, now referred to as a retcon. However, she failed to realize my existing footage callin' her out STILL. EXISTS. As evidence of her FUCK UP.

Before I continue, I want you all to consider for a few moments what happened there. How many of us in our youth (hell, some of us THROUGHOUT our thus-far lifetime) have ACCIDENTALLY said we were an age we weren't? Maybe you were so close to your birthday and so excited to be older- like a child would -you misspoke or you were just havin' an off-day. A simple mistake, right?

Well, tell that to Dolly.

'Cause INSTEAD 'a doin' what someone with-

A. Honor

B. Class

And

C. Courage

-would do- that bein' admit to the mistake and rob it of at least SOME amount 'a damage against you -she instead decided to lie.

Yep. Dolly REFUSED to own up and instead went off on some pussy ass desperate-to-save-face "I can never be wrong" weakling tangent claimin' "oh it was a clerical error and my manager Paul Heyman didn't catch it". Did Dolly at that time go back and erase all record of her true birthdate-

November 1st, 2004?

No, not yet. See, there were too many eyes, too much attention cast upon her official files- of which I provided photographic evidence to support her snafu -so the best she could do in lieu of refusin' to be honest was go to court, take the stand and swear under oath what her TRUE birthdate and age were.

Yeah, that's right. Dolly went to fuckin' court to "prove" me "wrong". Check it out...

on 03-24-2017 @ 12:56 PM Folly Said:
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=27060
"Battle Ode"

John Thune(R-Waterboard): As are we, Miss Waters. But to start, we'll need you to stand and raise your right hand and swear unto oath of your testimony today.

Dolly nods, stands and raises her right hand.

John Thune(R-Waterboard): Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?

Dolly Waters: I do.

John Thune(R-Waterboard): Okay, thank you. You may be seated. Could we first get you to state your full name, and your date of birth for the record?

Dolly Waters: Yes sir: Dolly Jane-Virginia Waters, born November first, two thousand and three.

John Thune(R-Waterboard): Wonderful. Now Miss Waters, we need to you to clear something up for us here, because there was some issues regarding your birth date that arose while we were compiling our case. We have here your birth certificate from the Pikeville Medical Center that does indeed state that you were born November first, two thousand three- but here we have your original application to the XWF that states you were born in two thousand and four, could you clarify the mix up, nevertheless how minuscule and unimportant?

Dolly Waters: Yes sir, to my knowledge that original application to the XWF was submitted by my former manager, Mr. Paul Heyman, being as how I'm underage and all the XWF requires the applications of minors to be submitted by a parent or guardian. My guess is Mr. Heyman, or his secretary just made a clerical mistake.

For those 'a you who already know EXACTLY where I'm goin' with this you just hush the fuck up and let erryone else enjoy.

That's right folks, Dolly Waters went to court and not JUST court but straight to D.C. ????? Ooooooh shit, and she shut me down, didn't she? Because if you're under oath you're definitely tellin' the truth.

Right?

And so it came to pass that Dolly- with the help 'a her fiendishly fumblin' manager -under oath officially declared her year of birth to be

2003

so as to erase the fact she made a mistake in referring to 'erself as a thirteen year old when in fact she wasn't even twelve and a half yet. And erase she did. She went over every scrap 'a video footage showin' her to be 11 years old in 2016 upon signin' up and anything else that would reveal her through simple arithmetic to be twelve years old and not thirteen at the time in 2017. Here's an example...

Quote:Saturday, October 1st, 2016
Backstage at the Amway Center
...Orlando, Florida, U.S.A...

It would be hard to imagine just what type of stress Heyman was actually under, he was taking a huge risk with his career which up until signing Dolly Waters in late September had been dormant to say the least. He was getting ready to manage an at the time twelve year old girl into into the main event

"'You've gotta' check this kid out', my agent said. 'She's the next big thing', my agent said. 'SHE'S TWELVE YEARS OLD AND SEVENTY-NOTHING POUNDS', MY AGENT SAID!

Pathetic.

So...

FOR THE RECORD ACCORDING TO DOLLY-

Dolly is, at THIS time _17_ years old. Seventeen. Of course, really she's only SIXTEEN but we'll let the lil' lady keep 'er fiction goin'...since that fiction is exactly what fucks 'er up 'er ass here in 2021.

Someone wanna go ahead and pull up Dolly's latest birthdate on file?

Birth year: 2002.

2
0
0
2

That would make her 18 right now.

See, that's what happens when you lie and lie so often:

You.

Forget.

You have.

A lie.

In place.

And you forget how many times you went on record to make your lie OFFICIAL. You forget where to go and what to retcon.

In the words 'a TK in the 24/7 Halls: "gotcha bitch".

You, Dolly, have been found to be a liar about your age for the SECOND TIME and THIS TIME the supporting evidence is footage of you

PERJURING YOURSELF IN SUPREME COURT.

Pretty sure that's a felony or some shit all by itself.

But WAIT, WAIT!!! Dolly, I know, the lesser 'a two evils here would be to avoid federal prosecution, lose face and stick to the 2003 birthdate amirite?

Of course I am, you ain't THAT stupid. Pretty fuckin' stupid, but not to THAT suicidal extent.

Here's where the rub comes in...

If Dolly denies her current lie 'a bein' born in 2002, it'll cast a light on someone more important to 'er than anyone other than 'erself. At least, that's what she'd have us all believe about this particular person, that 'e means so much to 'er and she'd NEEEEVER do anything to cause 'im pain or SHATTER the image HE has goin' for 'im regardless 'a how many times I tell you all he's a villainous piece 'a sociopathic pissant pussery.

So, let's say Dolly does what she's most likely to do and admits her latest lie IS in fact a lie and she's stickin' with the original retcon, makin' 'er 17 years old.

After that, let's sit right back and view a tale, a tale 'a teenage lust...

Quote:

http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40036 "The Welcoming Committee" - Corey Smith, 03-06-2021 07:58 AM

Then can we talk about what happened?

Corey closes his eyes, steeling himself. Yes. Yes we can.

Unbeknownst to him, Dolly does the same. Look, I don’t want to come off like some clingy “basic bitch” cliche. I think you and I both know I’m...not that.

Correct.

But I can’t...she sighs again, this time out of frustration. When I first came to join you, here, I felt something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. Even beyond the sense of community, the belonging, hell, the basic SECURITY of it all...I started to feel something for you too.

Oh. Corey responds lamely.

And I fucking HATE how this sounds. How trite this all is, me wafting into your life and becoming a token “female love interest”...but hell if it isn’t happening. Fucker. A smirk is inherent in the word.

Corey chuckles, appreciating the slight easing of tension. Literally, though.

Shut up. A slight pause. So here comes the big question: Was there something more to that than just a one off evening of fun?

The levity from a moment prior dissipates immediately. Corey winces, looking deeply uncertain. I...well…. He looks frustrated. Why does everything have to be so laden with meaning all the time though? Why can’t it have just been this discrete act that happened and we never, ever talk about it again?

In case you the viewer are thick or missed it, Dolly and Corey fucked. I wasn't just bein' colorful about Corey and Dolly, they legit fucked. On record. It's even in a goddamn promo, shows Corey drop trou' right in front 'a Dolly and next thing ya know, boom, that shit right there. Dolly losin' 'er head and spazzin' out. Next, showin' resentment. Oh and don't mind Corey sayin' he "knows" and is "sure of it" that Dolly is "fine with it" and "understands". No one can know for sure what anyone else is thinking, that's asinine. And this is a teenage girl here in question. How understanding of and fine with rejection are teenage girls known to be? Anyway, roll footage.

Quote:
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40424
"Layer Cake p.1" - Corey Smith @04-08-2021 05:53 PM

Dolly

She rounded the corner, expecting him. Naturally. Corey bridged the gap between them. Epics could have been written in the time and space that passed between them, unspent odes that need not be spoken. But Corey decided to try.

Dolly...I….

It’s fine. I get it. It’s fine.

It will be okay.

Corey searched her face for traces of anger or ley lines of disappointment. He found a repressed sadness there, a wound to be sure. But not a mortal one. A wound that would heal, given time. But more than that, Dolly meant what she said. Corey was sure of it. It WAS fine. She understood.

I would never hurt you on purpose.

I know. She jerked her head slightly, ushering him onward. Go claim who you are.

Who he is bein' a sick, pedophile piece 'a shit. Because if Dolly's words to the court UNDER OATH are true...

COREY

SMITH

FUCKED

A

MINOR.

That's right. If Dolly DOESN'T accept the charges for commiting PERJURY UNDER OATH BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT OF THESE UNITED STATES or some Oversight Committee (wtf ever) then Dolly Waters will prove that Corey Smith is guilty of statutory RAPE.

That means Corey Smith not only violated the law of the land...but he violated the laws of the XWF itself, pedophiliac/rape content. Statutory. Rape.

If Dolly doesn't admit she lied about her age then I demand Corey Smith be appropriately and legally dealt with as the criminal he is.

Strip him of the briefcase.

Fire him.

Or be seen as aiding and abetting a RAPIST OF MINORS.

On the other hand...if Dolly does what she SHOULD DO and falls on her own sword she will have proven herself a perjurer in the highest of courts under oath. In that case...

Dolly needs to be removed as the director of Anarchy seein' as it's against the law for a minor to take on such a position in a business. Own? Sure. But I doubt Boss Lane wants to sign anything XWF related over to her. Especially after all THIS has now come to light. Not that it would really matter...because Dolly would then be held accountable for her lie and prosecuted for perjury. Removed from the roster to serve her due time behind bars.

Either way, SOMEONE is gettin' fucked and it ain't me.

This is what comes of your addiction to lying Dolly. This is what happens because you have no spine, balls or courage to EVER grow the fuck up and admit makin' a mistake. You're a selfish, infantile, incompetent peasant who'd rather hang others out to dry than take a hit yourself.

Not to mention...your clear and established butthurtery over Corey fuckin' you and droppin' you pretty much slides you right into the list 'a suspects for who was behind Thaddeus goin' apeshit on Corey. Shit, Dolly and Thad have a history extending back before even I got here, a history brimmin' with sexual innuendo, though Thaddeus has always been clever enough to keep any damnable details off the record, unlike duncecap Corey and Dolly the lyin' ass

Continued directly from "THE UNTOUCHABLES" 2/3 in "Dark Cuntry Nope"
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41928

Get away from him you BITCH!

Sigourney like a MUTHAfucka.

Arcana unleashes her fury-

[Image: 2bHEp8v.gif]

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[Image: wF8TsKj.jpg]

on 03-23-2017 @12:03 PM JimCaedus Said:Which reminds me... Did you actually say you were 13? You were born November 1st 2004, it's March of 2017. You're not even 12 and a half you fucking idiot. Can't keep track of your own age? Gee, that definitely makes me believe you're on the up and up and not just some fibbin' fuck-up. You're so REAL! Hurry, Dolly, HURRY...locate the loose end I just nailed and edit it before everyone can see it! You're so fuckin' pathetic, you make me sick, slut. This is how you wage war isn't it...ISN'T IT!? THIS is how you got so famous in the XWF, by covering your snailtrail tracks.

on 03-24-2017 @ 12:56 PM Folly Said:
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=27060
"Battle Ode"

John Thune(R-Waterboard): As are we, Miss Waters. But to start, we'll need you to stand and raise your right hand and swear unto oath of your testimony today.

Dolly nods, stands and raises her right hand.

John Thune(R-Waterboard): Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?

Dolly Waters: I do.

John Thune(R-Waterboard): Okay, thank you. You may be seated. Could we first get you to state your full name, and your date of birth for the record?

Dolly Waters: Yes sir: Dolly Jane-Virginia Waters, born November first, two thousand and three.

John Thune(R-Waterboard): Wonderful. Now Miss Waters, we need to you to clear something up for us here, because there was some issues regarding your birth date that arose while we were compiling our case. We have here your birth certificate from the Pikeville Medical Center that does indeed state that you were born November first, two thousand three- but here we have your original application to the XWF that states you were born in two thousand and four, could you clarify the mix up, nevertheless how minuscule and unimportant?

Dolly Waters: Yes sir, to my knowledge that original application to the XWF was submitted by my former manager, Mr. Paul Heyman, being as how I'm underage and all the XWF requires the applications of minors to be submitted by a parent or guardian. My guess is Mr. Heyman, or his secretary just made a clerical mistake.

Quote:Saturday, October 1st, 2016
Backstage at the Amway Center
...Orlando, Florida, U.S.A...

It would be hard to imagine just what type of stress Heyman was actually under, he was taking a huge risk with his career which up until signing Dolly Waters in late September had been dormant to say the least. He was getting ready to manage an at the time twelve year old girl into into the main event

"'You've gotta' check this kid out', my agent said. 'She's the next big thing', my agent said. 'SHE'S TWELVE YEARS OLD AND SEVENTY-NOTHING POUNDS', MY AGENT SAID!

Quote:

http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40036 "The Welcoming Committee" - Corey Smith, 03-06-2021 07:58 AM

Then can we talk about what happened?

Corey closes his eyes, steeling himself. Yes. Yes we can.

Unbeknownst to him, Dolly does the same. Look, I don’t want to come off like some clingy “basic bitch” cliche. I think you and I both know I’m...not that.

Correct.

But I can’t...she sighs again, this time out of frustration. When I first came to join you, here, I felt something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. Even beyond the sense of community, the belonging, hell, the basic SECURITY of it all...I started to feel something for you too.

Oh. Corey responds lamely.

And I fucking HATE how this sounds. How trite this all is, me wafting into your life and becoming a token “female love interest”...but hell if it isn’t happening. Fucker. A smirk is inherent in the word.

Corey chuckles, appreciating the slight easing of tension. Literally, though.

Shut up. A slight pause. So here comes the big question: Was there something more to that than just a one off evening of fun?

The levity from a moment prior dissipates immediately. Corey winces, looking deeply uncertain. I...well…. He looks frustrated. Why does everything have to be so laden with meaning all the time though? Why can’t it have just been this discrete act that happened and we never, ever talk about it again?

Quote:
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40424
"Layer Cake p.1" - Corey Smith @04-08-2021 05:53 PM

Dolly

She rounded the corner, expecting him. Naturally. Corey bridged the gap between them. Epics could have been written in the time and space that passed between them, unspent odes that need not be spoken. But Corey decided to try.

Dolly...I….

It’s fine. I get it. It’s fine.

It will be okay.

Corey searched her face for traces of anger or ley lines of disappointment. He found a repressed sadness there, a wound to be sure. But not a mortal one. A wound that would heal, given time. But more than that, Dolly meant what she said. Corey was sure of it. It WAS fine. She understood.

I would never hurt you on purpose.

I know. She jerked her head slightly, ushering him onward. Go claim who you are.

cocksucker. Still, the connection between you and Thad is richer, deeper and with the emotion involved, makes it a VERY plausible theory that YOU Dolly, directed Thaddeus in his attack on Corey and made sure to be present, cryin' and puttin' on your eyeroll screamin' chick display, to provide an alibi.

But'cha know what? Idgaf about that. Fuck all 'a you.

The only thing that matters is Dolly Waters has proven 'erself incapable 'a conquerin' Caedus once again. What exactly makes her incapable?

1. She lies.

She lies because skin deep appearances, savin' face, are more important to 'er than the truth and (unbeknownst to her) an even GREATER image 'a bein' a trustworthy person and competitor. Someone powerful inside and out, not skippin' around under a facade. Someone even truth can't take down. Someone Unfuckwithable. That ain't her. Dolly expends energy pushin' fiction she can't even keep up with enough to establish as fact. That's deceit and desperation. Not only that, as much as lies, I catch her EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. How does this translate to the ring? The same way it did back in the Lethal Lottery 4 finals...Dolly will stoop to whatever unsavory, shady, path-of-least-resistance play she can in the moment and ME...I'm familiar with 'er antics so I'll catch her in the act and counterattack. Successfully. With the help of a teammate- and me all alone -she can get me. In a situation where she can rely on no one else but 'erself, she chokes. Caedus prevails. Her refusal to see reality for what it is will warp her perception, lead 'er to assess the situation at any given moment incorrectly and therefore make the wrong decision. Caedus will counter. Caedus will prevail.

2. She's overly emotional to a fault.

She speaks without thinking. She acts without thinking. She lies without thinking. She's an impulsive idiot and as I've shown, she'll speak and act without knowin' she's fuckin' 'erself over until it's too late. She couldn't help but air dirty laundry in public, embarrassin' 'erself and 'er friends as WELL as providin' the evidence to dismantle her absolutely HOLLOW and FALSE image so many 'a you have bought into. And when we face eachother in the ring, as she did in the Lethal Lottery 4 finals, she'll lose control of 'er emotions and make mistakes Caedus will capitalize on and KILL over. Kill. Dolly doesn't have the mental wherewithal nor the physical prowess to defeat me. She will be compelled to fuck up. Caedus prevails.

And finally, 3. She's a coward.

Her inability to admit to mistakes and own up shows how afraid she is of lookin' like someone who makes mistakes. That's due to her arrogance and nothin' else. She's so thoroughly consumed with LOOKING slick that the idea of looking HONEST escapes her. Because of this, her efforts to look slick leave 'er lookin' like a lyin' clusterfuckup. Her inability to come at me like she did last time, in a timely manner, displays how afraid she is of allowin' me the time to shit on anything else she says, includin' what has been nothin' but horseshit in defense from her in promo. How does this translate to the ring? Well, that should be obvious. As a coward, Dolly will NOT take the necessary measures to accomplish what she oh so badly wants to do: take me down and make me look bad. She don't give a shit about the X, she just wants revenge. She'll hesitate when she needs to act. She'll choose a less risky- though consequently less powerful and effective -avenue of attack outta fear she'll fuck up yet again and I'll smash 'er head out 'er ass...and in the process she'll fuck up yet again and I'll smash 'er head out 'er ass. See how that works?

Dolly...y'thought y'had a hard go of it last time in the Lottery? I just decimated you, definitively, for the second time, ten times harder and with half as many promos as last time.

You're playin' a game here, hooker, and I ain't playin' your game; I mastered it.

I broke it.

Like I'ma break you in the ring, surrounded by barbwire...a Death. Match.

You'd 'a thought sum'in' that severe woulda spurred you on to improve, take things- and ME -a little more seriously. But'cha didn't.

You don't know how.

Your ignorance- whether purposeful or accidental -will be your undoin' with me every goddamn time, twat, and your delusions- no matter how powerful they may be to you -ain't enough to stop me from achieving APEX goals. APEX desires.

And on a personal level...

I worked my ass off tearin' this Xtreme Title from Lycana's claws- and yeah that's me sayin' she was tougher than I expected she would be, a rare mistake -and I faced public criticism to take it back from a jag-off who deserves no sympathy. I endured a surprisingly effective Latina Submission Machina (yeah, that's a non backhanded compliment Robyn, you have an amount 'a my respect for that) to retain in my first defense...I'm not losin' the belt to YOU of all people in only my second defense.

You ain't the Legendary Dolly Waters anymore than you were The Phenom Dolly Waters. You're just a scared, over-emotional liar. A pathetic loser skilled at fuelin' hype with BULLSHIT. A politician. A pussy.

You're fake.

The Legend of Dolly Waters is a myth.

I'll be rewritin' your story at Relentless and I won't need a sneaky retcon to do it.

I'll ink it all in your blood for the world to witness.

XXXKXIXLXLXEXDXXXYXOXUXXXBXIXTXCXHXXX

]]> <![CDATA[Tuxedo Noir]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41955 Fri, 24 Sep 2021 23:42:46 -0700 Billy B. Blankenship]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41955 The scene opens backstage at Soldier Field on Night One of Relentless where The Can-Jap Connection’s Ricky Goldhart Monsuta, Mr. Fikki and a livid Billy B. Blankenship[/front] pacing back and forth in their locker room. Billy is in a pair of black jogging pants and a black t-shirt since being stripped from his tuxedo earlier in the evening.

[font=Times New Roman]”Goddamnit! I can’t believe it! What the fucking fuck?!?![/color]

Ricky stops the pacing Blankenship in an attempt to calm him down.

”Calm down Billy, it’s not like tonight even matters because we all know that you didn’t want anything to do with that garbage booking. Hell, the only reason you took it was so you could professionally move us on from this black hole that working with Mustang and Steele has turned into.”

There’s a knock heard coming from the dressing room door. Mr Fikki turns and walks over where he opens the door to see one Steve Sayors standing outside of the locker room with a camera crew.

[size=large]”Oh Jesus Christ now this fucking guy.”

”Excuse the interruption guys, but I was just trying to get a few words about earlier tonight and what’s on deck for The Can-Jap Connection tomorrow night in the Texas Tornado Match against the Disintegrators.”

Ricky walks towards the door as Mr. Fikki steps to the side.

”If it wasn’t bad enough that Billy B. Blankenship had to be stripped down to his boxers earlier tonight by that prick Freddy Fabulous WE have to contend with a rag-tag nothing happening, excuse-making jizz stains of Steele and Mustang; a team that we’ve already owned once but clearly once just wasn’t enough so they’ve come back for seconds. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result; well, if that’s the case then both Dave and Johnny are as insane as they come to think that some how, some way this little party is going to end any differently than with the arms of the Can-Jap Connection raised in victory.

I bet Freddy and the Fab Five are having a good laugh at what unfolded earlier tonight. They might think it was cute to embarrass Billy B. Blankenship in front of the world; there’s an age-old saying that says he who laughs last will laugh the loudest. Tomorrow Night on Night Two the Guaranteed Rate Field will see the carryover from what started tonight; except the managers are going to be on the floor where they belong and the D-Grators will continue to do what Freddy did not do, lose. It’s just in your DNA guys. It’s what you do night in and night out.

You’ve been free-floating around the XWF since 2017, right? What do you have to show for it?

Now while you both look at each other while scratching your heads allow me to give you a fundamentally simple answer- nothing.

You two have legit accomplished nothing in four years.

It’s a wonder why you both haven’t called it quits with NOTHING on your resume but losses against every team, including The Can-Jap Connection. Tomorrow night you don’t have bullshit excuses to fall back on; speaking of excuses, does anyone else find it remotely interesting that the last time we mopped the floor with these scrubs they claimed Covid; yet the big guy and I who were in DIRECT contact never came down with it?

No rules.

No tags.

Nothing but space and opportunity for you two punks to show us just how wrong we are when we look at the both of you and laugh our asses off. Hey Vinnie, how much longer are you going to serve us up chicken shit? Nobody can make chicken salad with Steele and Mustang; not even us.”

Ricky glances over towards Mr. Fikki.

”What does the big guy have to say about these two fuck boys?”

Mr. Fikki steps forward while Ricky steps away from the door where he turns around mouthing the words ”We got this” at Billy who breathes a sigh of relief.

おぞましい

クローゼット

自己嫌悪

同性愛者

私たちはあなたを粉砕します

Kyodai is breathing heavily, his nostrils flaring, his blood pressure rising, looking like he could use a healthy dose of Lisinopril to ease his blood pressure.

Fikki steps in front of Kyodai, patting the big man on the chest, a particular sarcasm to his breathless, visionless laugh as he pats his dear Kyodai on the chest and turns back to study the dismayed Billy Blankenship who looks on through fogged spectacles.

Worry not, Billy-son! The vengeance for what happened tonight, and what happened weeks ago on Savage is already at hand.

Fikki turns back to Sayors, his face drawn down now, his brow tightening like he has to take a Preesh sized shit.

Sayors-son. Did you see what happened tonight? Did you see this clear attempt from Freddy Fabulous to try and get inside of the heads of THE Can-Jap Connection? That’s all this was… and yes, as Kyodai pointed out, most likely some weird, self-loathing, closted homosexula repression on the part of Freddy. After all, why would Freddy so deeply desire to strip naked the man he so vehemently body-shamed? I believe, and I’m not speaking for Kyodai, just myself, that Freddy Fabulous has an angsty hatred for Billy Blankenship because he so desperately wants to make love to the greatest tag team manager in the business today.

”Now wait just a goddamn min-.”

Billy shoots up to his feet to interrupt, but is ignored as Fikkie continues on,

Afterall, they do say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Do you ever notice a couple who have been together a long time? The co-opt one anothers mannerisms. Laughs. Sayings. Posture. Likes and dislikes. I do believe it bears mentioning that “F.F.” … aka, FUCKING FAKE… only reared his disgusting, sweaty, crumb caked, triple neck onto the wrestling scene after “B.B.B.” made his presence felt. I would be surprised to find out that Freddy’s middle name is not Fuckboi, or Flatulence, hell, maybe even Fauci, though I must say, it’s clearly not the latter of the three. His team was diagnosed with COVID 19, according to him anyway, so obviously Freddy the FUCKBOI Fabulous was not making sure that his dusty, fake-leather wearing team was following the COVID Protocol.

It's a wonder that today, along with Big Preesh, and whoever the imaginary fifth member of the Fab Five is that NO ONE knows, aren’t all hooked up to ventilators and clinging to their dear lives. Given their general lack of health and lack of knowledge, if these men were TRULY diagnosed with COVID 19 they would all be dead, just like all of their right-wing talk show host heroes.

”Wow!”

Sayor interjects, padding some sweat away from his forehead with a torn up, booger-colored Freddy Fabulous bathrobe.

”Mr. Fikki, those certainly are some strong words out of you…”

Sayors towers over the five-foot-nothing Fikki,

”But what exactly does Kyodai-”

Sayors pauses, patting his brow with the chicken grease-stained bathrobe again and looking into the piercing eyes of the 650 pound behemoth known as Kyodai Monsuta,

”- - - What does HE have to say about this entire situation.”

Fikkie pinches his eye lids together in a moment of stoicism, pulling his cloth robed hands together and pondering Kyodai’s words as the big man leans down and aggressively whispers into Fikki’s ear.

MMMMMMM

Fikkie nods his head, his eyes still squeezed shut,

The Disintegrators are cowards. A pitiful lyric in a Megadeth song. Do you know who likes Megadeth, Sayors-son?

There’s a moment of quiet as Billy B. and Ricky watch on curiously,

”...I- uhhhh, who is-”

Before the veteran XWF interviewer can even finish his thought, Fikkin, on behalf of Kyodai interjects, popping his eyes open to finish the sentence,

NO ONE! They all died from COVID 19 because they were freedoming out a little hard. Free to look stupid. Freed to cost you and me our hard earned taxpayer dollars for food stamps and health-department access. FREE to look like total fools. Free to bum-rush the ring after a match on Saturday Savage and ambush THE Can-Jap Connection because they were too inept to get things done when they had the opportunity to prove they were a better tag team.

So what does Freddy do? He challenges Billy, a man clearly not equipped to steps into the ring and wrestle.

”WAIT! Did Kyodia really say all of th-.”

Not now, Bill-son! The truth is not important, we are dealing with Megadeth fans! They lean on Norse mythology, no better than the contempt spreading evangelicas of the worl-

”But Kyodai is a goddamn Buddhist. Surely he doesn’t want to cast stones from that glass temple.”

”Buddhist, or not, Kyodai sees the bullshit that is The Disintegrators for what they are, a bushel of cowardly, mindless, leather wearing FRUITS who can’t get the job done on their own. That’s what this entire exercise tonight was about. ONCE AGAIN, to try and sow dissent, and sow misinformation about YOU Billy-son, and YOUR Tag-Team, THE Can-Jap Connection. Shall we tell Sayors-son the REAL story of what happened tonight?”
”Oh, we don’t have to do all of that-”

Some dreamy flashback transition is introduced, much to the shagrin of one Billy B. Blankenship who buries his face as the flash back scene is now in full-effect. The colors swirl and shit, turning from primary to grey and black. Noir for the sake of Noir. It’s black and white and that’s good enough. No one else really gives a fuck about Noir shit. Neo Noir like No CUNTRY for Old Cunts, and Pulp Fiction is cool, the other stuff just blows....

Anyway…

Earlier that day…

“WELCOME MY FRIENDS TO CHI-TOWN SUITS! PLEASE COME IN!”

”This is stupid, Fikkie. I can’t believe I even agreed to this shit.”

”Don’t worry, Billy-son. These men will take good care of us…

”That’s what we said about the last five tuxedo joints we tried.”

”Worry not! Let me do the talking!

”Help me.”

Billy says looking up to the cigarette stained ceiling of this particular suit store,

”Good sir. Do you know who this is?”

Fikkie asks, addressing the middle-eastern business owner,

The man eyes Billy up and down, and before he can even answer with an obvious “no”, Fikkie interrupts.

”THIS! Is Billy B. Blankenship! The man given a key to your city by your famous, mayor Don King-”

“Who is Don King?”

The business owner asks in a genuine, foreign accent,

”The great fight promoter that YOU, my friend, has elected as mayor of Chicago.

“I don’t know any Don-”

”Stop talking.”

Fikkie commands, holding a hand up to stop the business owner,

”Your Mayor knows a thing or two about promoting great fights, and he has given THIS man, Billy Blankenship, a key to the city of Chicago for bringing to this desolate wasteland, the greatest Tag Team the world has ever known.”

The business owners eyes look glazed over,

”NOW! Billy Blankenship has been challenged to some shit-booking match, one that only fills the desires of those looking to watch overweight, middle aged men stripped naked from a Tuxedo. But the problem is, the Tuxedo that Billy wore to prom in 2001 was destroyed by some incompetnat dry-cleaner in Louisville, Kentucky. We need to get him sized for a proper suit.”

The business owner finally hears some language that fits into his purview. He pulls a paper tape measure from his pocket and promptly jams the end of it into the reluctant armpit of Billy Blankenship, running the tape down his pant leg,

”OW! You Freak! Fikkie, get this cocksucker out of my crotch!”

”It’s okay Billy-son. This man will get you properly fitted to fend off that pansy Freddy Fabulous once and for all!”

”I’m about to fend off this entire operation if this guy doesn’t - - HEHE - -WOOOOO!!!”

Billy hops in the air as the business owner runs the tape up the inside of his leg,

”Let him help you, Billy-son.”

”Some help, Fikki! If I wanted this kind of help, I’d go to whatever club the Mustang boys caught their crab-dinner from.”

“There is no help.”

”WHAT?”

”WHAT?”

“I only have one suit close to fitting him…”

The business owner retreats to the back of the building and returns with a tuxedo that’s obviously two sizes too small.

”Oh what the fuck is that? The outfit Big Preesh wore in his new born photos?”

“That's all I have. Take it, or leave it…”

”We will take it!”

Billy slaps his forehead,

The dreamy transition flashback shit works in reverse this time pulling us back to the locker room at Soldier Field. Steve Sayors has fallen asleep while listening to the story.

”Oh, you know what? Fuck this! ”

Billy looks into the random camera that found its way backstage.

”Tonight proved nothing, Freddy. You used a weapon, which granted, I would’ve used on your dumbass had the Mustang boys not had to interfere to defeat a MANAGER! But anyway. That’s the point! Nothing was proven by you stripping me out of a tuxedo that didn’t even fit my body. The only thing that was proven tonight is that I am a MANAGER, just like you! ….

HI ATARA THEMIS!

Looking for representation?

Of course not, but any who…

Freddy you proved nothing tonight.

The only thing that has been proven was what happened the last time you led your boys into an actual tag-team contest with my boys. Ricky and Kyodai are the better team. Flat out. No one in their right mind would mistake it. It’s why you had to sneak attack us, no different than the way you sneak attack Little Debbie cakes in the middle of the night when you wake up to test your blood sugar, you fat, slobbering piece of shit.

Just because you stripped me down to my boxers doesn't mean that my boys aren't going to BOX in your boys' heads again.

This was all another elaborate attempt by Freddy to try and discredit The Can Jap Connection because he knows his team will never, EVER reach the level of success that Ricky and Kyodai have obtained in just a short amount of time. Go listen to podcasts, Freddy, go check the Twitter polls. The Can Jap is on fire, and are being poised as the next in line to be named Tag Team Champions in the XWF once The Bastards finally work up the courage to challenge us.

This match at Relentless? THIS match, between Ricky, Kyodai and you pansy asses? This is just another stepping stone, another piece of the pavement of the road that leads to the story of the greatest tag team the world has ever known.

You may have won the battle tonight, as fucktarded and absolutely unwatchable as that indy-esque, circus side show bullshit was... but tomorrow night, The Can-Jap Connection wins the war.

So until then, and as always...

THANK YOU

FUCK YOU

BYE

]]> The scene opens backstage at Soldier Field on Night One of Relentless where The Can-Jap Connection’s Ricky Goldhart Monsuta, Mr. Fikki and a livid Billy B. Blankenship[/front] pacing back and forth in their locker room. Billy is in a pair of black jogging pants and a black t-shirt since being stripped from his tuxedo earlier in the evening.

[font=Times New Roman]”Goddamnit! I can’t believe it! What the fucking fuck?!?![/color]

Ricky stops the pacing Blankenship in an attempt to calm him down.

”Calm down Billy, it’s not like tonight even matters because we all know that you didn’t want anything to do with that garbage booking. Hell, the only reason you took it was so you could professionally move us on from this black hole that working with Mustang and Steele has turned into.”

There’s a knock heard coming from the dressing room door. Mr Fikki turns and walks over where he opens the door to see one Steve Sayors standing outside of the locker room with a camera crew.

[size=large]”Oh Jesus Christ now this fucking guy.”

”Excuse the interruption guys, but I was just trying to get a few words about earlier tonight and what’s on deck for The Can-Jap Connection tomorrow night in the Texas Tornado Match against the Disintegrators.”

Ricky walks towards the door as Mr. Fikki steps to the side.

”If it wasn’t bad enough that Billy B. Blankenship had to be stripped down to his boxers earlier tonight by that prick Freddy Fabulous WE have to contend with a rag-tag nothing happening, excuse-making jizz stains of Steele and Mustang; a team that we’ve already owned once but clearly once just wasn’t enough so they’ve come back for seconds. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result; well, if that’s the case then both Dave and Johnny are as insane as they come to think that some how, some way this little party is going to end any differently than with the arms of the Can-Jap Connection raised in victory.

I bet Freddy and the Fab Five are having a good laugh at what unfolded earlier tonight. They might think it was cute to embarrass Billy B. Blankenship in front of the world; there’s an age-old saying that says he who laughs last will laugh the loudest. Tomorrow Night on Night Two the Guaranteed Rate Field will see the carryover from what started tonight; except the managers are going to be on the floor where they belong and the D-Grators will continue to do what Freddy did not do, lose. It’s just in your DNA guys. It’s what you do night in and night out.

You’ve been free-floating around the XWF since 2017, right? What do you have to show for it?

Now while you both look at each other while scratching your heads allow me to give you a fundamentally simple answer- nothing.

You two have legit accomplished nothing in four years.

It’s a wonder why you both haven’t called it quits with NOTHING on your resume but losses against every team, including The Can-Jap Connection. Tomorrow night you don’t have bullshit excuses to fall back on; speaking of excuses, does anyone else find it remotely interesting that the last time we mopped the floor with these scrubs they claimed Covid; yet the big guy and I who were in DIRECT contact never came down with it?

No rules.

No tags.

Nothing but space and opportunity for you two punks to show us just how wrong we are when we look at the both of you and laugh our asses off. Hey Vinnie, how much longer are you going to serve us up chicken shit? Nobody can make chicken salad with Steele and Mustang; not even us.”

Ricky glances over towards Mr. Fikki.

”What does the big guy have to say about these two fuck boys?”

Mr. Fikki steps forward while Ricky steps away from the door where he turns around mouthing the words ”We got this” at Billy who breathes a sigh of relief.

おぞましい

クローゼット

自己嫌悪

同性愛者

私たちはあなたを粉砕します

Kyodai is breathing heavily, his nostrils flaring, his blood pressure rising, looking like he could use a healthy dose of Lisinopril to ease his blood pressure.

Fikki steps in front of Kyodai, patting the big man on the chest, a particular sarcasm to his breathless, visionless laugh as he pats his dear Kyodai on the chest and turns back to study the dismayed Billy Blankenship who looks on through fogged spectacles.

Worry not, Billy-son! The vengeance for what happened tonight, and what happened weeks ago on Savage is already at hand.

Fikki turns back to Sayors, his face drawn down now, his brow tightening like he has to take a Preesh sized shit.

Sayors-son. Did you see what happened tonight? Did you see this clear attempt from Freddy Fabulous to try and get inside of the heads of THE Can-Jap Connection? That’s all this was… and yes, as Kyodai pointed out, most likely some weird, self-loathing, closted homosexula repression on the part of Freddy. After all, why would Freddy so deeply desire to strip naked the man he so vehemently body-shamed? I believe, and I’m not speaking for Kyodai, just myself, that Freddy Fabulous has an angsty hatred for Billy Blankenship because he so desperately wants to make love to the greatest tag team manager in the business today.

”Now wait just a goddamn min-.”

Billy shoots up to his feet to interrupt, but is ignored as Fikkie continues on,

Afterall, they do say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Do you ever notice a couple who have been together a long time? The co-opt one anothers mannerisms. Laughs. Sayings. Posture. Likes and dislikes. I do believe it bears mentioning that “F.F.” … aka, FUCKING FAKE… only reared his disgusting, sweaty, crumb caked, triple neck onto the wrestling scene after “B.B.B.” made his presence felt. I would be surprised to find out that Freddy’s middle name is not Fuckboi, or Flatulence, hell, maybe even Fauci, though I must say, it’s clearly not the latter of the three. His team was diagnosed with COVID 19, according to him anyway, so obviously Freddy the FUCKBOI Fabulous was not making sure that his dusty, fake-leather wearing team was following the COVID Protocol.

It's a wonder that today, along with Big Preesh, and whoever the imaginary fifth member of the Fab Five is that NO ONE knows, aren’t all hooked up to ventilators and clinging to their dear lives. Given their general lack of health and lack of knowledge, if these men were TRULY diagnosed with COVID 19 they would all be dead, just like all of their right-wing talk show host heroes.

”Wow!”

Sayor interjects, padding some sweat away from his forehead with a torn up, booger-colored Freddy Fabulous bathrobe.

”Mr. Fikki, those certainly are some strong words out of you…”

Sayors towers over the five-foot-nothing Fikki,

”But what exactly does Kyodai-”

Sayors pauses, patting his brow with the chicken grease-stained bathrobe again and looking into the piercing eyes of the 650 pound behemoth known as Kyodai Monsuta,

”- - - What does HE have to say about this entire situation.”

Fikkie pinches his eye lids together in a moment of stoicism, pulling his cloth robed hands together and pondering Kyodai’s words as the big man leans down and aggressively whispers into Fikki’s ear.

MMMMMMM

Fikkie nods his head, his eyes still squeezed shut,

The Disintegrators are cowards. A pitiful lyric in a Megadeth song. Do you know who likes Megadeth, Sayors-son?

There’s a moment of quiet as Billy B. and Ricky watch on curiously,

”...I- uhhhh, who is-”

Before the veteran XWF interviewer can even finish his thought, Fikkin, on behalf of Kyodai interjects, popping his eyes open to finish the sentence,

NO ONE! They all died from COVID 19 because they were freedoming out a little hard. Free to look stupid. Freed to cost you and me our hard earned taxpayer dollars for food stamps and health-department access. FREE to look like total fools. Free to bum-rush the ring after a match on Saturday Savage and ambush THE Can-Jap Connection because they were too inept to get things done when they had the opportunity to prove they were a better tag team.

So what does Freddy do? He challenges Billy, a man clearly not equipped to steps into the ring and wrestle.

”WAIT! Did Kyodia really say all of th-.”

Not now, Bill-son! The truth is not important, we are dealing with Megadeth fans! They lean on Norse mythology, no better than the contempt spreading evangelicas of the worl-

”But Kyodai is a goddamn Buddhist. Surely he doesn’t want to cast stones from that glass temple.”

”Buddhist, or not, Kyodai sees the bullshit that is The Disintegrators for what they are, a bushel of cowardly, mindless, leather wearing FRUITS who can’t get the job done on their own. That’s what this entire exercise tonight was about. ONCE AGAIN, to try and sow dissent, and sow misinformation about YOU Billy-son, and YOUR Tag-Team, THE Can-Jap Connection. Shall we tell Sayors-son the REAL story of what happened tonight?”
”Oh, we don’t have to do all of that-”

Some dreamy flashback transition is introduced, much to the shagrin of one Billy B. Blankenship who buries his face as the flash back scene is now in full-effect. The colors swirl and shit, turning from primary to grey and black. Noir for the sake of Noir. It’s black and white and that’s good enough. No one else really gives a fuck about Noir shit. Neo Noir like No CUNTRY for Old Cunts, and Pulp Fiction is cool, the other stuff just blows....

Anyway…

Earlier that day…

“WELCOME MY FRIENDS TO CHI-TOWN SUITS! PLEASE COME IN!”

”This is stupid, Fikkie. I can’t believe I even agreed to this shit.”

”Don’t worry, Billy-son. These men will take good care of us…

”That’s what we said about the last five tuxedo joints we tried.”

”Worry not! Let me do the talking!

”Help me.”

Billy says looking up to the cigarette stained ceiling of this particular suit store,

”Good sir. Do you know who this is?”

Fikkie asks, addressing the middle-eastern business owner,

The man eyes Billy up and down, and before he can even answer with an obvious “no”, Fikkie interrupts.

”THIS! Is Billy B. Blankenship! The man given a key to your city by your famous, mayor Don King-”

“Who is Don King?”

The business owner asks in a genuine, foreign accent,

”The great fight promoter that YOU, my friend, has elected as mayor of Chicago.

“I don’t know any Don-”

”Stop talking.”

Fikkie commands, holding a hand up to stop the business owner,

”Your Mayor knows a thing or two about promoting great fights, and he has given THIS man, Billy Blankenship, a key to the city of Chicago for bringing to this desolate wasteland, the greatest Tag Team the world has ever known.”

The business owners eyes look glazed over,

”NOW! Billy Blankenship has been challenged to some shit-booking match, one that only fills the desires of those looking to watch overweight, middle aged men stripped naked from a Tuxedo. But the problem is, the Tuxedo that Billy wore to prom in 2001 was destroyed by some incompetnat dry-cleaner in Louisville, Kentucky. We need to get him sized for a proper suit.”

The business owner finally hears some language that fits into his purview. He pulls a paper tape measure from his pocket and promptly jams the end of it into the reluctant armpit of Billy Blankenship, running the tape down his pant leg,

”OW! You Freak! Fikkie, get this cocksucker out of my crotch!”

”It’s okay Billy-son. This man will get you properly fitted to fend off that pansy Freddy Fabulous once and for all!”

”I’m about to fend off this entire operation if this guy doesn’t - - HEHE - -WOOOOO!!!”

Billy hops in the air as the business owner runs the tape up the inside of his leg,

”Let him help you, Billy-son.”

”Some help, Fikki! If I wanted this kind of help, I’d go to whatever club the Mustang boys caught their crab-dinner from.”

“There is no help.”

”WHAT?”

”WHAT?”

“I only have one suit close to fitting him…”

The business owner retreats to the back of the building and returns with a tuxedo that’s obviously two sizes too small.

”Oh what the fuck is that? The outfit Big Preesh wore in his new born photos?”

“That's all I have. Take it, or leave it…”

”We will take it!”

Billy slaps his forehead,

The dreamy transition flashback shit works in reverse this time pulling us back to the locker room at Soldier Field. Steve Sayors has fallen asleep while listening to the story.

”Oh, you know what? Fuck this! ”

Billy looks into the random camera that found its way backstage.

”Tonight proved nothing, Freddy. You used a weapon, which granted, I would’ve used on your dumbass had the Mustang boys not had to interfere to defeat a MANAGER! But anyway. That’s the point! Nothing was proven by you stripping me out of a tuxedo that didn’t even fit my body. The only thing that was proven tonight is that I am a MANAGER, just like you! ….

HI ATARA THEMIS!

Looking for representation?

Of course not, but any who…

Freddy you proved nothing tonight.

The only thing that has been proven was what happened the last time you led your boys into an actual tag-team contest with my boys. Ricky and Kyodai are the better team. Flat out. No one in their right mind would mistake it. It’s why you had to sneak attack us, no different than the way you sneak attack Little Debbie cakes in the middle of the night when you wake up to test your blood sugar, you fat, slobbering piece of shit.

Just because you stripped me down to my boxers doesn't mean that my boys aren't going to BOX in your boys' heads again.

This was all another elaborate attempt by Freddy to try and discredit The Can Jap Connection because he knows his team will never, EVER reach the level of success that Ricky and Kyodai have obtained in just a short amount of time. Go listen to podcasts, Freddy, go check the Twitter polls. The Can Jap is on fire, and are being poised as the next in line to be named Tag Team Champions in the XWF once The Bastards finally work up the courage to challenge us.

This match at Relentless? THIS match, between Ricky, Kyodai and you pansy asses? This is just another stepping stone, another piece of the pavement of the road that leads to the story of the greatest tag team the world has ever known.

You may have won the battle tonight, as fucktarded and absolutely unwatchable as that indy-esque, circus side show bullshit was... but tomorrow night, The Can-Jap Connection wins the war.

So until then, and as always...

THANK YOU

FUCK YOU

BYE

]]> <![CDATA[More Words and Stuff.]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41947 Fri, 24 Sep 2021 22:57:41 -0700 Atara Raven]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41947 So you guys remember in my last one how I went on about narrative right. How I've realized my inconsistency and when it comes to the theatrical vignette or super serious expose stuff it's a jumbled mess.

You do.

Well I'm not changing that. Instead, having watched all the Alias promo's I'm just gonna take his thing but instead of ominous quotes or whatever I'm just gonna plug all the random ass ideas I get during the week. Anthology kind of ..I think. Anywho. Promo.

The Following Promotional Material
Was Brought To In Part
By

[Image: IHdnzuJ.jpg]

"Hood Honey"
The debut record of Atara Themis
From Panic Records.

Night time, Athens Greece. Nestled beneath the Parthenon at the base of the Acropolis sits the oldest neighborhood in Athens. Plaka, also affectionately known as 'The Neighborhood of the Gods. Fitting right? Because lo and behold guess who lives here. Atara. The Goddess. Light of so many eyes and the feature of this piece of obviously.

Her home is dark so we won't get into the details of it's, believe it or not, rather plain decor and besides its her home. She doesn't exactly need a ton of lighting to navigate. We will mention the echoes and reverberating bass of rap song meandering through the walls (the above song) and the almost perfect match of voice that accompanied it. Atara's voice.

Singing along seemingly oblivious to the camera in her face she sways and bobs her head to the music. Having a real moment for herself she's lost to the rhythm.

λες "να τη πάλι αυτή
Δεν την αντέχω πια στιγμή
Έχει κορμί φωνή
Και από φωνή μουγκή"
Έχετε γίνει γραφικοί,
Για αυτό σας γράφω μόνο εκεί
Που μια θέση κενή πάντα θα έχει
Έτσι πρέπει, η γλώσσα να τρέχει
Και τα φώτα και την προσοχή
Σε μένα να στρέφει
Γαμιολίκια να σε κάνουν να ξερνάς
Να κοκκινίζεις, με γελάς!
Ή μήπως προτιμάς, ε;
Να αλλάξω τόνο στην φωνή μου
Να γίνω ευγενική
Να κρύβω δήθεν την ντροπή μου
Δηλαδή μου αρέσεις
Και λόγια που όλα μοιάζουν ίδια
Αυτά θα ήθελες να ακούσεις; αρχίδια!
Και τώρα μόνο βρισίδια για όλους όσους ενοχλώ
Για αυτό δεν θέλω να ακουστώ σε ελαφρολαϊκό σταθμό
Που ψάχνει μετρητό
Για αυτό θα κάνω πως κοιτώ αλλού
Και εσύ μείνε καλού κακού με στόμα ανοιχτό

In the seconds it takes for all to be completely dismissed the camera zooms closer to Atty and accidently makes a noise that jars her from her revelry. Aegean blues snapped to the lens and in in painfully obvious pretend shock she gasps before snapping immediately to her normal self.

"Oh! Oh...Hello Doves!"

"Is it promo time already?"

*The camera shakes yes*

"Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't realize it was time. Did Vee let you in?"

*The camera shakes yes*

"Awesome. Let me finish and we'll....I'm sorry? What was that?"

"Who is Vee?"

*The camera confirms*

Atara's light bright as sapphires beneath an afternoon Greek sun and she beams wide, a lustful curl of her lips.

"Mhmm...Vee,"

The scene blips out suddenly for just a second. Enough time for a brief image and a sudden porno-ish uuunh or whatever. I'm not describing it. If John doesn't have to. Me either.

[Image: qkJBOZG.jpg]

Back to Atara's face. Bottom lip tucked gently under teeth she's nodding in self satisfied approval.

"That's Vee. Victoria Strader. One of the OCW people and before anyone says anything yes I know. We're at finger quote war finger quote with that company but I...."

"....I'm sorry? What?"

"Oh right, of course. That question."

"Always. Aphrodite remember, patron of prostitutes, lesbians, and whatever else gets your dick hard. The Goddess really encompasses the whole sexual spectrum, Doves and symbolizes all the things that motivate man and woman alike to get off their ass and achieve. Not just a pair of boobs for you to stare at in the museum and not feel guilty. You'd know that if you weren't so 'pegged' down by conventional patriarchal dogma that weighs you with the moral decency yada yada and whatever I don't have the vocabulary to explain."

"But hey...do the whole thing you do anyway. I'm not the one sleeping alone or with a guilty conscience. Annnnyyywho....

"We'll get to John in a moment, but I'm a little busy and a little bladder shy."

Before the scene can fade out a the steady sound of water hitting is heard.

Inspired by Noah Jackson's classic parody of Die Hard, which we still haven't seen a sequel to...

That I'm aware of. Sorry, love you Step Son.

...Aphrodite Incarnate is a less dated parody of a better action movie than everyone loves. Especially the ladies, because Keanu Reeve's and we love action! So much action. Give us all the action!

Yes, John Wick! I have no idea what the plot was going to be but it was going to be based on John Wick and lazy and install parodies of you people as characters. Parodies in a parody! It would have been groundbreaking! A promo tour de force! Cannes! Venice!

[Image: SHalaYi.png]

I would have gun-fu'd that Oscar from Meryl Streep's bloody broken and mangled hands and you would have openly weep'd while recording your dumbass reaction video on whatever social media you fucking are stuck to even though pretend you're too good for such things.

You're not sheep. No shit, you're not. You're the almighty Farm God looking at the sheep and thinking to yourself

"If only I knew I wouldn't caught."

Then you would have been caught and John Wick Atty would have hunted you down and jujitsu you into an early grave because Animal Cruelty.

I'm on to you John Black. No one fucks that many pornstars and doesn't get their own channel on the Hub. You mother fucking liar. I seen so many disgusting things looking for the truth. So many sheep's ...I'm gonna kill you.

Oh yeah Brother. An Ultimate Ass Kicking.

Back to Potty Break Atty. She's face first into her phone. Tweeting, as she does. She looks up. Shrugs.

"My bad. Got distracted. Do another one."

Scene Transition.

Holy Christ Blood! A zombie thing! A thing with zombies doing undead zombie things and being general not alive, brain dead, festering, rotting, prolly wouldn't last a day realistically, nuisances. With a super bad ass heroine in the lead. So bad ass it's like she's max level running through a effin tutorial flexing on noobs because she has spent way too much time killing zombies and collecting all the XP. Collecting all the swag and nobody in the multiplayer gives a shit because they've done it to.

She would have slain so much zombie ass. So much ineffectual irrelevant to match ass and it wouldn't have stopped there. Just a bloated sense of self ego slaying zombies. Did I say zombies.

Soooooo many sequels. So many goddamn sequels.

...so many. Why are there so many dumb ass zombie horror sequels. Don't reboot. Don't sequel. They're mind numbing.
The genre is dumb.

So many versions the idea has been lost the scenes even seem to stop changing. Just a heroine in a room with her soundboards slaying zombies. We don't even need the same actors. Plug and play. Rinse repeat. Zombies eat defeat.

Just like every John Black promo. John meets girl. Girl dislikes John. John says mean things about girl or some variant of the idea.

Hold up, wait...this bit was for a different one. Fuck, my subtle digs have been exposed. That conniving wrestling genius is going to foil my plans now. I've been lured into his trap. I'm the brain dead zombie.

No one ever gets the subtle digs in my promo John. Or maybe they do but just aren't clever enough to rebuttal because they get so distracted by what's going on with my vagina they can't focus on anything else.

Woe Is Me. Why God? Why I'm I cursed with thou only tool for procreation. Why God did they touch me with heavenly pussy popping power?

Why these hips rock dick towers.

Why these lips suck for hours.

Ungh. Ungh.

Why my lady prefer this tongue to flowers.
Why I eat booty, sweet and sour.
Why I drop bars that castrate they nuts.
Why my legs drop jaws when I strut.
Why my ass flat but hands reach to touch.

Yeah, ok that's going in the album.

Thanks God.

The scene transitions back and catches the brief end of Atara pulling delicates back up and she turns. A brow quirks.

"Perv much? I gotta wash my hands. Do another one.

Scene Transition

Alright, I've got nothing for this one really. I know a lady who's kid listens to the Doom soundtrack relentlessly and was like eff it. Because Hell. Who doesn't like a good story set in Hell right.

Right.

Like the hell I have been through watching John Black promos and matches....the suffering was actually underrated to be honest. Not gonna too the scales in it's favor on TripAdvisor or anything but hey. If your in a bind for a dark and spooky. Hell I guess.

Look I'm getting bored and really don't watch that shit again for inspiration.

Just put me down, please. Bullet to the head and bury me. Literally.

......so I can come back as an Undead Zombie Goddess Nightmare Supreme Being and Eff Everyone Up!

*Scene transition*

[Image: NVWJZ8N.gif]

*Scene transition*

*Scene Transition*

"WRONG TRANSITION!"

*Scene Transition*

An Irate Atty stares back. There's was no transition. Or was there. Pinch yourself. Spin the top. Smack ya face. Wake the Fuck Up John Black. You're dreaming. In no world will you ever beat me. Be a wrestling is not being a skilled wrestler. Being educated is not being wise

Effing porn stars does not make you Casanova.

Fighting and sex are alot of like Dove and if you have anxiety in that department....do bother with me in the ring. I love the cameras as you know.

#HardOnForAtty. Try that one.

You can't blame be for in tune with the fans? What? No shit, it's kind of the gig and I like being paid. I like being praised. I like being adored. I like the adulation it's why I do it. It's why alot of us do it and when we someone try and fail so miserably time after time...it's our job to let them know.

In brutal castrating fashion, on live television because drama sells ticket. Not the bullshit you're trying to sell apparently, but for most of us.

I'm just hitting the bare minimum in these responses John because if you can't watch those tapes back and pick out your ignorance, the hypocrisy, I'm sure as hell not going to point them out. I really thought I was reaching for something to say in the first one but..wow.

I mean, who are we going to walk on to get the hype and our names spread around the locker room or however you butchered that sentenced.

You know what. Eff it. I'm not pretending I did any research to have anything remotely relevant to say. Relentless I best you for a third time and if there is a fourth time we'll see John Black to the same exact thing and get beat again

]]> So you guys remember in my last one how I went on about narrative right. How I've realized my inconsistency and when it comes to the theatrical vignette or super serious expose stuff it's a jumbled mess.

You do.

Well I'm not changing that. Instead, having watched all the Alias promo's I'm just gonna take his thing but instead of ominous quotes or whatever I'm just gonna plug all the random ass ideas I get during the week. Anthology kind of ..I think. Anywho. Promo.

The Following Promotional Material
Was Brought To In Part
By

[Image: IHdnzuJ.jpg]

"Hood Honey"
The debut record of Atara Themis
From Panic Records.

Back to Potty Break Atty. She's face first into her phone. Tweeting, as she does. She looks up. Shrugs.

"My bad. Got distracted. Do another one."

Scene Transition.

The scene transitions back and catches the brief end of Atara pulling delicates back up and she turns. A brow quirks.

"Perv much? I gotta wash my hands. Do another one.

Scene Transition

*Scene transition*

[Image: NVWJZ8N.gif]

*Scene transition*

*Scene Transition*

"WRONG TRANSITION!"

*Scene Transition*

]]> <![CDATA[Don't Rock the Boat, PUNKS!!!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41953 Fri, 24 Sep 2021 22:08:52 -0700 The Disintigrators]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41953

***PREVIOUSLY RECORDED***

Warning: The Following Promo May Have Been Video Edited

A bunch of sumo guys are standing on the deck of the USS Intrepid in New York City. We’re talking retired yokozunas, here. These fat fucks are at minimum four bills. The biggest one looks like he might have eaten an entire Wendy’s right before showing up to the aircraft carrier.

Near the herd of rolly pollies is none other than Freddy Fabulous, dressed to the nines in a tuxedo with tails - completely encrusted with glittering sequins. All gold.

Freddy has a hot mic in his hand as he walks around the deck of the Intrepid, inviting all onlookers to take their turn trying to body slam any of the sumos.

Freddy Fabulous: “Come one, come all! Step right up and test your strength! These men are pure bred, rice fed, and were delivered via flat bed. The most immovable human beings ever seen. You sir! Right there! You look like a man who isn’t used to failing at lifting things up and putting them back down!”

A man in the front of the crowd wearing a Tapout shirt but with decidedly average arm definition seems surprised about being pointed out specifically.

Freddy Fabulous: “Don’t be shy young man! You’ve got the bone structure of an ox! Surely you can reach deep into the crevice between the legs of the Hawaiian Heavyweight MAUNA LOA here, and lift him into the sky! GET READY!”

Freddy shoves the man up to a large Pacific Islander who snarls in response.

Freddy Fabulous: “GET SET!”

The man bends at the back and sticks his arm between Loa’s THICK thighs.

Freddy Fabulous: “LIFT!”

The poor guy, clearly never having read a safety manual in his life, tries to hoist Mauna Loa up. A sound like a giant zipper being pulled apart sounds as the guy’s lower back crackles and pops.

The man falls to the floor whimpering as Mauna Loa steps back with a grin.

Freddy Fabulous: “Another one bites the dust! For HOURS we have awaited someone to uproot one of these earthbound golems. All have failed! The mighty Mauna Loa never so much as lifted one size eighteen foot from the deck of this legendary ship! The Bengali Behemoth to my right, Nanda Devi, has stood stoic and still like the heads on Easter Island! And none of you… NONE of you… have even shown the TESTICULAR FORTITUDE to step up to the plate and attempt the biggest and baddest of them all… BIG PREESH!”

Freddy stands back with an arm open wide as Big Preesh, wearing nothing but a sumo diaper, steps in front of him. Preesh is nearly twice the size of the Indian man Freddy had referred to a moment earlier, and definitely looks even bigger than the 650 listed on his official XWF roster.

Preesh slaps his big man tiddies and roars to the crowd of people gawking at him.

Big Preesh: “AYYY come get ya some, Y’ALLZZZZZZ. Ain’t no party like a Big Preesh party ‘cause a Big Preesh party don’t STOP! Ya dig? Ain’t none of you little ankle biters out HURR got the sauce needed to lift Preeshy up off this here boat! You wanna prove me wrong, SON? Don’t SING it… BRING it!”

Freddy Fabulous: “You heard the man! Challenge him! Is there a single testicle anywhere in this crowd of eunuchs? Can’t there be a MAN among this throng of prepubescent limpwrists? CAN’T ANYONE LIFT THE UNLIFTABLE???”

A hard cut after Freddie exclaims this and suddenly we see footage of a helicopter flying through the air. The theme from Thunder in Paradise plays, obviously dubbed over the video.

The chopper swirls in the air and hovers over the ocean for a few moments, sending a spray of sea water every which way.

Another hard cut and we are back to Freddy on the deck of the Intrepid - now with “Dangerous” Dave Mustang and Johnny “Twisted” Steele standing beside him. We can’t see the chopper anywhere, but it’s probably just out of the shot. No one would lie about a helicopter!

Freddy Fabulous: “Dave! Johnny! What in the world are you two doing here???”

Freddy’s jaw drops and he claps his hands on either side of his face like that kid from Home Alone before he got hooked on pain pills and truck stop snatch. Mustang, wearing the classic “three wolves howling at the moon” tee shirt that lets everyone know you are NOT the one to be fucked with, steps up to Freddy and points with one of his leather gloved hands.

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Listen up daddy, you wanted the best, you GOT the best! Me and the man of STEELE heard what was going on with all these fatboys, and it got us to thinking… HMMMM… we got us a tag team match at XWF Relentless against those rotten stinky chumps the Japanese CAN’T Connection, and one of those suckers is a hefty bag full of DOG CRAP named Kyoto Babadook or something dumb like that! That’s a fella weighing a good couple pounds, so I figure how about we fly on up from Daytona Beach and get our hands dirty to show Ricky and Kobe what’s in store! Johnny’s been itching to slam some fat meat to the ground for weeks, ain’t ya been, Jay?”

Johnny Steele snatches the mic from Mustang and starts hollering into it, spittling and frothing all the way. His black tank top reads UNVAXXED UNWAXXED AND READY TO CLIMAXX in big white block letters.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “YOU KNOW THAT’S RIGHT DANGEROUS! EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY SINCE WAR GAMES I BEEN LOSING SLEEP BECAUSE I’M HAVING WET DREAMS ABOUT THE NEXT TIME I GET TO KNUCKLE UP ON THESE TWO CLOWNS RICK GOLDFARB AND KOOTCHIE YAMAMOTO! YOU SEE WHAT YOU TWO LILY LIVERED ESS OH BEES DON’T RECOGNIZE IS THAT ME AND DAVE HERE WE’RE THE BEST OF THE BEST, THE CREAM OF THE CROP, THE TIPPY TIP TOP, AND WE AIN’T NEVER GONNA STOP! NOT UNTIL YOU COUPLE OF MOM JEAN WEARING ARUGULA EATING DOUBLE MASK WEARING CUCKSHEEP ARE KNOCKED THE HECK OUT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A WRESTLING RING COURTESY OF US TWO BOSS HOGS! I’M GONNA SLAM THAT PILE OF RICE PUDDING YODA HYUNDAI RIGHT ONTO HIS FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS! TELL ‘EM DANGEROUS!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL you heard what the man said! What you’ve got right here is five hundred pounds of WROUGHT IRON! Twisted steel, sex appeal, the Disintigrators are the real deal, JACK! And when Big Johnny drops Buddha on his backside, I’ll be right there ready to send Goldfinger OVER THE EDGE with my golden gloves hand speed! Check it, punk!”

Mustang dances around shadowboxing for a second, twirling his fists in the air and bobbing and weaving.

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “So how do you like me NOW, Ricky? That right there was what it looks like when a heavyweight throws a lightning quick uppercut, JACK! You know what happens when this FIST meets that origami napkin you call a chin, Ricky? You fall down go boom, bitch! Nighty night, sleep tight!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “DON’T LET THE FREAKIN’ BED BUGS BITE! HAHAHAHA! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT, DANGE! THESE TWO PILES OF HORSE MANURE AIN’T GOT THE STONES TO GO FACE TO FACE WITH US TWO CERTIFIED ROAD GRADERS! WE’RE A COUPLE OF FREAKIN’ HOG MOLLIES OUT HERE READY TO CHEW UP ASPHALT AND SPIT OUT FIRE! KOMODO MONTESSORI I’M TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW, BOY! YOU WOKE UP THE SLEEPING DOGS WHEN YOU SHOULDA LET ‘EM LIE! NOW THESE JUNK YARD DOGS ARE READY TO FIGHT! I DON’T WANNA HEAR NO PISSBABY CYIN’ AFTER WE KNOCK YOUR EYES CROOKED NEITHER! YOU BEST BE READY KOKOMO, I AIN’T A WRESTLER FOR A LIVING BECAUSE OF MY CHARMING PERSONALITY AND POLITE DEMEANOR, JACK! I’M IN THE RING FOR THIRTY-ODD YEARS BECAUSE PUTTIN’ THE HURT TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND PRETTYBOY RICKY G COMES NATURALLY TO A BACK ALLEY BULLY LIKE ME! IT’S TIME TO GET REAL FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY AND DROP KOBRAKAI MACCHIATO ON HIS CHUNKY JUNKY! THIS IS HOW WE PUT BUTTS IN SEATS OVER HERE IN AMERICA, JACK! I EAT RED WHITE AND BLUE AND I CRAP BALD EAGLES, JACK! AND AT RELENTLESS I’M GONNA SEND YOUR FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS BACK TO THE LAND OF THE RISING SUN! FIRST THING’S FIRST THOUGH FREDDY FAB’S GONNA STRIP BITCH TITS BLANKENSHIP DOWN TIL HE’S BUTT-ASS NAKED AND THEN SPANK HIM RAW DOG! RAW DOG! NOW SIT BACK AND WATCH THE SHOW JAPARICANS BECAUSE IT’S SLAM JAMMIN’ TIME!!!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “You get it done, Twisted!”

Johnny Steele steps up in front of Big Preesh and flexes his arms. Preesh towers over him and practically blocks out the sun. When he takes a step to the side, the Intrepid nearly capsizes.

Freddy Fabulous: “Ladies and other ladies, we’ve arrived at the moment of truth! The man made of rebar himself, Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele, is going to attempt the impossible! He’s going to try to move a literal mountain! To turn back the tides! To lift the weight of the world right onto his shoulders! John, after you!”

Freddy steps away and Johnny gets into position. He bends at the knees and reaches for Big Preesh… and then the scene blinks out to black!

We hear a loud CRASH but can’t see a thing!

A second passes, and then the picture resumes… showing Big Preesh flat on his back and Johnny Steele waving a full sized American flag on a pole over his head!

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “USA! USA! USA! USA!”

Freddy Fabulous: “Good god! The man did it! He did it! Tell me you got it on camera! Tell me this momentous occasion in the history of gravity and physics will be witnessed forevermore in classrooms across the nation! Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele just uprooted a redwood tree and flipped it over like he was tossing a coin to decide which member of the Can-Jap Connection to concuss first. How is this vessel still afloat? Send out a warning to the Western coast of Europe, a tsunami is on its way courtesy of THE DISINTIGRATORS!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “I tried to tell ‘em, Freddy, I tried! Now those two ugly GOOFS got no choice but to draw straws and see which one of ‘em gets put to sleep first in the Windy City! Ricky, you wanna walk in that ring first and add a few new lumps to that knotted up dome you got sitting on your shoulders, punk? Be my EFFIN guest! But let’s put a little wager on the line, shinebox… I got something right here…”

Dave finds a duffel bag on the deck next to his feet and leans over, unzipping it and pulling out a bright blue cape with a hood.

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “We beat you… and we WILL beat you, Ricky! When we beat you then you agree to wear these little pajamas to the ring for SIX MONTHS! Bet you don’t got the peas and carrots to agree to a stipulation like that! Not against the man with the most DANGEROUS abs in the business! Show ‘em what I’m talking about, ‘Balls Of!’”

Dave Mustang lifts his three wolf moon shirt up over his belly and stands in a wide stance as Johnny Steele lifts a plank of wood that was conveniently nearby.

Without even a warmup, Johnny swings for the fences with the plank and it smashes to bits against Dave Mustang’s midsection, which immediately begins to turn bright red.

Dave’s eyes water and he stands still and silent for a long, long time before he finally speaks again in a strained voice.

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Didn’t hurt! You two jokers are DOOMED, boys! Whattaya say we send these fans home happy Johnny?”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “LET’S DO THE DAMN THING DANGEROUS! WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

’Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

Fade to freakin' black… JACK!!!]]>

***PREVIOUSLY RECORDED***

Warning: The Following Promo May Have Been Video Edited

Continued directly from "THE UNTOUCHABLES" in "Like a Dick to Waters"
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41898

"THE UNTOUCHABLES" part 2/3 --

"The Unmentionables"

OR

"Point On the Dolly Where (S)He Touched You"

---CHICAGO---
Earth-00ρ?

(click for background score)

Ever since I took it on the heel and toe and left the little bim at wikiup, my day had gone from bad to worse. Like Charlie's sad little dingus in winter, I just wanted to retreat inside myself. I guess that could be applied to a turtle just as well but hey, never miss an opportunity to drill ol' Charlie Nickles in the anus, I always say.

Anyway-

The day had been as hot and humid as Charlie's nutsac in summer, free-ballin' in 3 weeks unwashed sweatpants ever-expelling the wafted scent of soured pizza cheese, taint-soil fog and death upon those in proximity with the slightest of movements in his chair...and as I ankled my way through this shitty Windy City unsuccessfully in search 'a my target- an ally -I started to wonder if maybe my counterpart in this universe, and the memory from which I was pulling, had been wrong about seeking out an old friend...or maybe that daisy Gal Capone had cut him down too.

I'd searched high and low. I'd checked the docks, the blocks and hock shops. I'd scoped the scatters, the hatters and rattlers. Questioned every bo, every schmoe, even shared a juju with a smoke but all 'e could tell me was "blow honkey, you gettin' the end all wet!", which, I admit, confused even me but I didn't wanna stick around and ask.

At this point I didn't know where to turn, so I found the nearest blower booth (you heard me) to inquire with the frau.

How's it coming love bug?

Not white, not white at all. This's been a trip for biscuits baby; spurious, a wash, a bum steer. I've been flimflammed into a wild goose chase; I'm a sap, a patsy, a rube-

Babe.

-a mark, a palooka-

BABE.

-a bunny, an all-day sucker-

JIMMY!!

Yes kitten?

STOP with the noir lingo.

Nix on that, buster. I'm bumpin' gums in lathered dickese while I can and ain't nothin' gonna stop me.

::sigh:: So where are you now?

Just dusted outta some hash house, now I'm hoofin' it to the bangtails and if that turns up nothin' I'm gonna get a hooker.

......What.

Raising his voice. I said I'm gonna check out the bangtails and maybe get a hooker.

---DIAL-TONE---

Jim hangs up.

Hm, sum'in musta come up. Ah well, back to the search. ...On second thought, maybe I aughta get that hooker _now_.

Jim crosses the street and enters a seedy establishment.

Picking his way through the dregs of society he approaches the proprietor.

One hooker please, and step on it.

Alrighty, the man replies. He retrieves a glass and pours a drink, setting it before our antihero.

Jim tosses it back and wipes his mouth...slowly setting the glass onto the bar-

::SHATTER::

-ok he missed the bar but he has a very good reason: he's distracted by the man a few stools away, a guy who looks very familiar...

The subject in question raises his own glass and downs the dark contents within.

Full volume. Psst, bartender.

Wandering back over cleaning a glass with his filthy fuckin' bartender rag. Yeah?

The big lug down there-

Glancing to the man then back to Jim. What about him?

How many drinks has he had?

Exactly fifteen. Why.

Poor guy has a problem.

Yeah well, he's Irish, whaddya want.

Furious. Hey! I'M Irish!

Looking Jim dead in the eye, the bartender sets another hooker on the bar in front of him. Jim eyes the drink, the bartender, the drink, the bartender, back to the drink, back to the barte- Jim tosses it back-

Kill yourself.

-before sauntering over to the familiar face.

Long time no see-

Strong Irish accent. Barkeep! Another Ovaltine!

-Drewski.

Turning to Jim. Jellyous Ness, everyone's favorite dick. Not private, just dick. Ha! ...What the hell do you want?

Horror. FUCK! What happened to your eye!? Why you wearin' an eye patch HERE!?

Bartender hands Drew his drink. What do you mean "here"? In the bar? What's wrong with wearing an eye patch in a bar?

No, I meant- Nevermind. How'd you lose the eye Drew?

Don't you know this story? I was the last good cop in this godforsaken city until GAL CAPONE TOOK MY EYE!

Shhhh! Drewey keep it down! The walls have ears! And eyes...

[Image: eCVaBN7.gif]

Oh that's just Ghost Tank, he's harmless.

He means Capone has stoolies all over. And you're quite right barkeep, thank you. You've always been a good friend.

Another drink?

Yes please.

What if I told you I wanted to help you get revenge for the eye, Drew?

I'd say you've gone bing. Gal blipped off your older brother for sticking his beezer where it didn't belong. Blew my older brother down too and then he put my eye out with one of those Stiletto heels of his for investigating the murder.

That nancy killed your older brother too!?

Aye, that he did.

Brotherfucker!

Kills his 17th Ovaltine. And now you see why I say you're goofy. There is no beating Capone.

Ah but there IS my friend. We just need a few more good eggs. Too bad the flatfoots are all on Capone's payroll.

Well, if you're worried about getting a rotten egg, don't get it from the carton, get it from the tree.

The egg tree?

Egg tree? What the hell are you talking about?

You said go to the tree, in context presumably for a fresh egg. So, an egg tree- hey, YOU said it Drew.

You get a fresh egg from a bird's nest you lamebrain. It's an expression.

Yeah I know, like avoid a rotten apple in the barrel by plucking one from the tree.

What in God's name is an apple?

There's no apples here??

......you're an idiot, Jim. Come on, let's go get Rob.

K.

Um...someone gonna pay for the nineteen drinks you two humps put away?

Time to take a powder! Drew and Jellyous dash for the door.

<=================================8

---Gal Capone's Suite---

::KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK::

Taken by surprise, stuffing a flyer for a trans hooker escort service- aptly named Ladies? Of The Night -in the desk, hiding it beneath a 1930s dildo (brass doorknob), a white hood and the Confederate flag. Yeah? Who is it? Are you mad at me?

The door opens, none other than Gal's number one ~~assassin~~ go-fer Taddeo Dookie enters.

My Lord, I brought your gunsel as ordered.

Wha? I have plenty of crooks packing heat, I don't need any more.

No m'Lord, the other definition for gunsel.

A baby goose?

The OTHER definition.

Piqued interest. Oooooooooooh... Aw hell yeah, ok, ask him if he's mad at me then send him in. I dine on catamite tonight!

Taddeo does as ordered and-

[Image: sg9uK29.gif]

-gives the boy a good once-over as he enters.

Meeeeeeeow little gaycat. And what's YOUR moniker kid?

Coriolano, but my pals call me Corio for short.

Can you work a cash register?

Frowns in confusion. Uh... Looks to Taddeo, Tad nods. Yes?

Good, then after your tryout Taddeo will show you to my liquor store- Gal's Hooch 'n Sundries -and you can replace the last guy. Just knock him off and stuff him in the dumpster. Anyway, for now- take your pants off. Taddeo, get out.

At once m'Lord. Takes his leave. We follow.

Taking a security position outside the closed door, Taddeo stands silently while the encounter within plays out.

Nice...very nice. Get down on all fours.

::The sound of unbuckling a belt and loose change and keys jangling in pants pockets::

...Help me out here, spread them for me. ......Ooooh yeah, there we go. Ow, fuck.

::SPIT::

That's better. Mmmmm...theeeeeeere we go.

::Smack smack smack smack sma-::

Hey you aren't mad at me are you?

Uh...no?

::Smack smack smack smack sma-::

Did I do something? Did I make you mad?

No, you're good.

::Smack smack smack smack sma-::

Are you mad at me now?

Staaaaaaahp.

::Smack smack smack smack butt-queef::

That's right baby, get loose. You're SURE you're not mad at me?

Well, I mean... ...N-...No. No I'm not.

Ok, as long as you're not mad at me.

::SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK::

Oh! Oh, here it comes!!

Soooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!

Silence for many moments, until-

Clean yourself up and show Taddeo in. He's due for his weekly check-up. Ask him-

If he's mad at you?

Yeah. And ask him if his uncle Teo hates me.

8=================================>

---XWF CHI-GUY ARENA---

Drew Malone and Jellyous (Jim) Ness wait at gorilla as a match concludes behind the curtains and the fans ovate.

Who are we here for again?

Oh are we rolling?

Dude..

We're here for one mean hombre. We need more muscle so I picked a real goon, a goon who gave Gal a good goog back when he still wore the buzzer. ...From now on I'm writing my own lines Jim.

He's an ex-COP!?

Yeah, so?

All the cops here were bought! That's all we need, one lyin', thievin' pig on the team!

The titan of a man in question happens to part the curtains just as Jellyous is finishing his tirade.

What's that you said?

Pulls a blackjack and wields it menacingly. _I_ said...that you're a no good member of a chickenshit slice of civil servantry.

Pulls a sawed-off shotgun and jams it in Jellyous's mouth, probably chipping a tooth. Fuck you asshole.

Smiles and responds around the barrel in his mouth. Oh I wike 'im! Welkhum foo vuh feam.

Yeah ok.

Don't chin with your yap full, Jelly'. Rob this is Jellyous Ness, brother of the late Eliot and a dick. No private, just dick. Jellyous, this is Rob Stone, he used to be a copper but he quit the flatties when Capone went Monopoly on everything and now he wrestles for the XWF- ALSO owned by Dolly "Gal Capone" Waters- Looks directly into the lens. Huh!? Is that what you people want?? Dolly Waters in charge?? Is it!? IS IT!!??

Laying a hand on his shoulder, frowning into the lens. Iff okhay Voo- Still with the shotgun in his mouth. Vey von't vant vat. The shotgun triggers...his gag reflex I mean. HOOOUH!

Gross. Okay, so, now that we've all met, let's go get Betsy Wallace. She's a tough tomato.

Weff go! HOOOUH!

Take that out of his mouth.

Sorry.

8=================================>

---EXT: The Booby Hatch---

The tough tomato we're peeping is in there?

Why not?

I'm khunfoofd. HOOOUH!!

I told ya to take that street sweeper outta his mouth you knucklehead! Spread out!

Drew clonks Rob and Jellyous's heads together.

KABLAM!!!

............

.............

DUDE. Fedora tatters rain down around Jellyous and Rob. That could've been my conk.

But it WASN'T, and now you're not wearing that stupid hat. .......You're WELCOME. Nyuk nyuk.

Jim stares at Drew silently for a few moments before raising both fists. Pick two.

Clonks Drew and Jim on their crowns with his heavy clenched paws, they both drop. Alright spread out youse mugs. Let's hoof it on in to the Booby Hatch and grab us a goofy Jane.

As he and Jellyous pick themselves up from the sidewalk. Who said anyone inside was crazy?

---INSIDE---

Wowee wow wow wow! Now that's entertainment! Are those...parrots?

Don't tell me that's Betsy...I mean yeah, she's a looker but do we really want a roundheels on the team? She could be a pro skirt. Epiphany. Ahhhhhhhhh, Iiiiiiii geeeeet it, Iiiiiiii geeeeet it. We're gonna take the prostitute angle as an in, just like when we dressed up like hookers and were tryna infiltrate Snoop's house and disappear him from the mob in 2018, remember?

Smacks Jellyous in the back of the head. Yes Jim. And I recall putting my hand in a grocery bag you pooped in during the stakeout. Another smack. And NO we don't know what you're yapping about, Jellyous- Another smack. -and NO, that is NOT Betsy up there on stage. Betsy is in the back.

I was right though? We're doin' the hooker thing again?

Another smack. NO.

Drew leads Rob and Jellyous through the burlesque establishment to a door in the rear wall and grabs the doorknob-

-just as someone on the other side turns the knob and opens the door, nearly clobbering him in the noodle.

Whoa, hey, boys...employees only. Don't make me plug you plugs.

The young businesswoman in a very smart outfit closes the door behind her and regards the men sternly.

Betsy, it's me, Drew Malone.

Drewey?? I haven't put eyes on you in a long time. What do you and your chums want?

We shouldn't talk here. Can we go up on the roof?

Sure thing.

---THE ROOF---

Fingering the sawed off sticking out of his waistband. So back inside, you said plug you plugs... Are you packing?

Suddenly very on guard. Glances at Drew then back to Rob. Yes, I am- Raises her right fist. This is Mary- Raises her left fist. -and this is Sherry. You want a kiss to the kisser now or later?

I like this dame, she's gashouse.

Oh yeah? Well I don't think she's gashouse _enough_. Walking up to Betsy cockily. What makes you think you're tough enough to go to war against Capone with us?

::POW!!::

Nursing a bloody nose. She's in.

Did I hear someone say go to war with Dolly?

The roof access door behind Betsy opens and a skinhead lookin' schlub muscles his way out onto the roof.

No I mean I'm asking sincerely, I have so much semen backed up in my ear canals from all the head-fucking Doll' gives me and I can't hear very well, but I could've SWORN I heard that. Betsy, is it true? Are these palookas here to cause trouble for Capone? Grabs her by the wrist.

Pulls out of his grasp. Marfio, what've I told you about manhandling the skirts? That includes ME. You know your role here and it doesn't include pitching woo. EVER.

Rob, Drew and Jellyous giggle.

Angry look to the men, then he punches her. She drops to her butt. Shaddap you stupid broad! This here is Gal's club and if I say- Rob moves to draw his sawed-off but Marfio is quicker to pull his pea shooter. Not so fast. Grab air, all of you. Locking eyes with Jellyous. Hey you look familiar... Slowly approaching Jellyous. It's Jellyous isn't it? Jellyous...Ness? Yeah it's you. I recognize you from your brother Eliot's funeral. I was there when Capone killed him you know? He died squealing like a pig.

Curiously overcome by the emotion of Jellyous himself, Jim drains of emotion. What was that?

Almost to Jim. I said your brother died squealing like a stuck Irish pig. Now you think of that before I go over and there and rape that little girl in front of you. I mean, I have no penis so it'll have to be my pea shooter but I'm going to fuck her with it all the same.

Like a flash Jim grabs Marfio by the gun wrist and yanks him over the side of the building.

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Hollering after him. DID HE SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT!?

Marfio hits the ground and splatters like a water balloon. Except blood and viscera and brains everywh- Well, no brains. No genitals either.

Looking over the roof's edge. How do you think he feels? Better? Or worse?

Looking over the roof's edge also. He splattered? This building is a single story.

Yeah he must've either been a suuuuuper pussy, or else he was poisoned.

Pavement poisoning.

Triple hi-five.

Jellyous turns to regard Betsy-

::SMACK!!::

Thanks for nothin' you dumb ox! Now Capone's gonna have me ZOTZED!

Come with us Betsy. Cahoot with us. We can show Gal Capone to the Big Sleep together.

Gosh, you know, I really want to. Capone DID poop my older brother after all.

Hey, Capone rubbed-out MY older brother too!

The fu- Anyone else's older brother get croaked by Capone??

The hundred people or so milling about on the street below paying no attention whatsoever to the big gay splattered corpse of Marfio all answer in unison, "YES!"

"Gal _fucked_ MINE.

"Hey mine too! And my LITTLE brother!

Well that settles it, the high pillow has to pay!

"HOORAAAAAAAY!!"

So where do we start? Hey, I know, let's rob one of Gal's businesses and get Gal's attention!

That's not very heroic. I thought we were the heroes Jim.

Jellyous. And we ARE- well, you three are, I'm an antihero -but robbin' one of Gal's businesses IS heroic. It's like Robin Hood, only we're robbin' the bitch to give to the poor.

Makes sense. Are we not doing noir lingo anymore?

I mean, maybe here and there but a little goes a long way and I'm Jim Caedus so a helluva lot went waaaay overboard.

Makes sense. Well, if you want to strike at the heart of Capone-- She points down at-

---GAL'S HOOCH 'n SUNDRIES---

Corio finishes stuffing the stiff of the former cashier into the dumpster and walks back into the store-

-just in time to hear the ::JINGLE:: of the street entrance door open against the entry bell.

Welcome to Gal's Hooch 'n Sundries, my name is Corio, how can I help you?

Leveling his sawed-off at Corio's face. We want ALL the jack!

................You want all the whiskey?

NO, the JACK! The dough, the kale, the geetus!

Slowly regarding the store. Kale is down the third aisle, the dough is at the end of the fourth and I'm not sure what geetus is but we have Jack behind me on the wall. Take whatever you want.

We want the MONEY!! Come on, empty the register!

Doing so. Do you know who's money this is? Do you know who's BUSINESS this is? Handing over the money in a bag with a huge dollar sign on it.

---AN HOUR LATER---

Gal Capone paces, surveying the damage to the store; apparently one or two, perhaps ALL four perps had trashed the establishment and urinated on the floor for good measure before cheesing it.

What did you say happened again?

They came in, they held me up, I handed over the money.

Gal observes the register. And how much did they take?

All of it.

Hey, at least they didn't empty the safe.

They emptied the safe.

Corio...you know, they say when a man like me becomes preeminent he's supposed to have enthusmiasms. Enthusiamses....enthus- _Distracting addictions_. ...What is it that wins my heart? What is it that gets me hard?

Gunsels?

Impatient. I mean BESIDES that! What is it that engorges the Gal? Snatching what looks like an honest to God actual human leg, shellacked and preserved into a stiff club, clad in a garish and sparkly side-rippable/removable- Hey, that's the leg of Shawn Michaels!! WRESTLING. HBK was always one of my favorites. Naturally that's why I killed him and cut off his Sweet Chin Music leg. But I digress. What did Shawn Michaels do? He brought the house down every time, didn't he? Always a spectacle in the ring. But you know what he said? "I'm the greatest, I'm the best there's ever been, but I get NOWHERE...unless the TEAM wins.

Shawn Michaels said that? Wasn't he a selfish prick?

Yeah there was that whole thing with the Intercontinental Championship he refused to hand over and that time he-

Okay, BAD example. Take Stone Cold Steve AUSTIN though-

He was even worse. "Take my ball and go home."

Oh and Warrior, he was a real dick-

Corio, what's meat spelled backwards?

Team.

There it is. Taddeo? Tosses the leg.

Yes m'Lord.

Taddeo proceeds to Super Kick Corio with the HBK leg repeatedly in the head until his skull is nothing more than scattered fragments amongst the gore.

Bending over Corio's corpse to speak to it. Are you mad at me?

Did I really have to be the one to do that, m'Lord? I kinda liked that one.

Close your head and listen, I want to know who robbed my store. Gather all the gunsels and inquire of the people. Door to door if necessary.

Well gee, if you didn't just have me kill Corio we could've asked HIM who they were.

Dangerous tone. Taddeo...

No, I'm not mad at you.

Relief. Oh thank God. How'm I doing? I shit the bed didn't I.

You're- doing...amazing m'Lord.

Good answer. ...Are you sure?

Positive.

Are you mad at me?

::sigh::

To Be Continued...
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"The Truth ~~Hurts~~ Fucks You Up The Ass"

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Y'know...it's fascinatin' how acute nostalgia can paint our memory with a thick coat 'a rosy retrospection; cloaking our recollection of past events in a veil 'a positivity that wasn't originally there.

We'll return to our past favorites, play an old video game, pop in an old movie or play an old song (some of us a helluva lot more than others and holy SHIT is the taste in music on-the-nose pop eyeroll feminine and trollable) and grin with anticipation as we prepare for the tour de force we remember and oftentimes...we find ourselves disappointed. Confused.

"Was this shit always this lame?"

Yes.

Yes it was.

You either forgot or never saw it for what it was.

And that's what's happenin' right here right now with my memory 'a facin' Dolly Waters in the Lethal Lottery 4 finals: tryin' my best to understand how the FUCK I coulda EVER given this incompetent trailer trash twat the credit I've been givin' 'er over the years.

I mean, lookatcha... At least back then you had the sassy lil' bitch balls to take me on shot for shot, swing for swing. Now you're cowerin' in the shadows too afraid to upload in a timely fashion 'cause you KNOW I smashed your head out your asshole with my cold start and you desperately need to prevent me from ripping your next attempts to shreds. How very...Charlie Nickles of you. He legit learned every slimy, pathetic, pussy ass strategy he pulls from YOU didn't he...the "Legendary" Dolly Waters. And like him, you're gonna learn the hard way that bullshit don't work on Jim Caedus. I don't need anymore ammo from you, you provide plenty regardless.

Legit Dolly, you're remindin' me just how BAD at this you really are. You ain't changed in the slightest- hell, you only gotten WORSE with age, asshole -with the exception 'a the additions to your in-ring repertoire, which, lemme tell ya dummy, ain't a smart move.

You're gonna add new moves...maneuvers that as NEW additions ain't gonna be like second nature to pull from in the moment like your old reliables are? I ain't some greenhorn you're gonna capitalize on cunt. 'Cause point blank, if you ain't good enough you ain't good enough and a new move won't change that. You're really gonna rely on experimentation against ME? Dolly, you- ? you can't even keep what you "know" _NOW_ straight, how the shit are you stupid enough to add more to your plate?

What?

What do I mean by "you can't even keep what you "know" _NOW_ straight"?

You ain't already assumin' I'm referring to your Dark Country Pulp promo? 'Cause if you were, you'd still only be partially right. I know you weren't though Dolly, you're just like Chaos; too in love with yourself to notice how much you completely

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and how often. I mean shit, "check our respective track records" y'say? I did, in my first promo, did you? I'm doin' better than you ya fuckin' idiot. In fact, who's the one here who actually had a match leadin' up to Relentless?

Yeah, stfu y'lazy bitch. Some of us are actually busy and don't need a rest.

Hell, compare our _cold starts_ Dolly, in which I somehow expertly shot down every last claim and comment you made in YOURS before I ever knew y'made it. That's some serious shit right there. You're lucky you have two more shots to save face 'fore I remove it in the ring like pulled pork- followin' a liberal application 'a barbwire -'cause if this shit was a 1-for-1 deal I jus' kicked your Kentucky fried feeble mind and the balloon head it's stuck in right off your shoulders.

Quote:Think long and hard about it, Jim, and honestly ask yer’self who has accomplished more.

Well, Dolly, seein' as you ain't ever held the Uni and you're a lower number on the Top 50 OAT List (to name TWO things, I could go on), it's Jim Caedus who's accomplished more. Without question. Like, seriously I'm tryna fathom how you could say somethin' so obviously faulty for your own argument you

cocksucker.

But please, do go on...

Quote:Which of us keeps this business more entertaining, and translates that into actual in-ring results and not forgone booking conclusions?

"Forgone booking conclusions" you say? What would those be? Corey failin' to be a man of any substance? You're legit gonna tryta pin YOUR circle-jerk circle 'a jerks' jackassery on me? Guess what, I'm the one who actually put in work for that match, it ain't my fault your man is a whiny, waspy lil' weakling who always has to have 'is pussy ass self-serving "thoroughbred" way. Stop actin' like the Cor'-cock sprung butthurt hooker here, ho, HE DOESN'T WANT YOU and _I_ wasn't about to let your precious fuccboi Smith wander off with the Xtreme or hand it off to the second pair of ass cheeks he slid into jus' because he's too much of a lame to go on. Fuck all three 'a you for tryna disrespect the title like that.

Quote:Who has an actual presence in the XWF, and who's been just dragging their dick around the hallways treating this business like an online dating site?

Who has more "presence" here? Why, that'd be YOU Dolly, if you mean the number 'a motherfuckers walkin' 'round the fed with HPV. And yeah, you again if you refer to screentime. But that's because you, like Thaddeus, are addicted to attention. You think forcin' yourselves on the public equates to fame and success obviously. Think again. I never acted like that. Anyone askin' who Caedus is? You're pathetic. You honestly think the more up everybody else's ass you are, the better you're doin'?

Who has the X?

That'd be me.

Who has the better off-PPV record?

Me again.

And "treatin' this business like an online dating site"?

You legitimately are

, aren't you. Leave it to a kid in the era of social networking to compare two adults meetin' up in person- IN PROMO NO LESS, it ain't a secret -to online dating. And for the record, you fucked Corey and Thaddeus and you whore "yerself" out to anyone willin' to slide you a cameo. Who's treatin' this business moreso like fucky sucky time you twat?

You and your tall thot tales, Pippi ~~Longstocking~~ Donghopping.

Quote:I’m not the one who gets HANDED opportunity after opportunity only to piss them away, while constantly teetering on the edge of total self-destruction and embarrassment. Nope...

You're not? Like that tag title shot in OCW you pissed away? Like Lethal Lottery 4? Like War Games? Like YOUR TRULY lackluster X reign- approximately ten minutes -ya scumbag boy beef beatin' bitch? Correct me if I'm wrong but, regardless 'a the theatrical propaganda you tried to cover it all with (as if any of us give a shit why you run off and quit), how many times have you teetered off the edge 'a total self-destruction and embarrassment Dolly? Word of advice, don't try usin' ammo against me that applies to you just as accurately ya desperate douche. Christ, you're legit throwin' as much horseshit as you can just to see what sticks ya shit-kicker cowpoke pokin' prick-skinnin' numbskull skank.

None of it sticks is the answer b-t-w.

Quote:You had to be conscripted into Betsy and Robert’s little vanity project of a “war” against B.O.B. Used as prop to make the world believe that someone other than Drew Archyle gave a damn about Thunder Knuckles splitting Robert Main’s melon open. Go ahead and keep up yer’ virtue signaling about your APEX Brothers, Jim. It’s all a load of shit, and honestly, Robert and Drew deserve better.

?

L-o-L. Actually dumbass, neither Apex nor Legacy had any idea I was gonna do what I did- which was a surprise run-in for the record, it's right there on BoB's premiere PPV you fucking idiot. In fact, there was resistance from Drew in my returning. Jesus girl, do you pay attention to ANYTHING? This shit happened a few months ago for fucksake. And before we start castin' stones at shitty stablemates, let's not forget what used to be Continuum before everyone boned everyone in a flurry 'a bisexual fury and cumshots then melted down with their child-like emotions and the shit imploded. APEX? Still kickin'.

Oops.

Keep goin' though Doll', you're doin' so well. Oh, and, as someone presentin' 'erself as a Face, y'might wanna lay off the apathetic and slightly-leanin' critical approach to one human being (a hero) havin' 'is skull cracked open by another (a villain). It just makes you look even more like the shitty fake fuckstick and actual villain that you are.

Speakin' 'a The Omega...

You tryta criticize me for competin' in War Games because he was one 'a my opponents? Are you outta your mind? Did you lay down for Corey in promo OR the ring? Shut the fuck up you unbeLIEVABLE imbecile. Dawg...I've never seen anyone- not even CHAOS -miss EVERY single shot and in such high numbers, you're like a goddamn stormtrooper it's hilarious. And somehow you THINK you're doin' a good job here.

Quote:When the dust settled over Bethel Woods and I saved Robert Main from JimCaedus-

?????????

EVERYTHING has to revolve around you in your head, what the fuck's the matter with you, SERIOUSLY. You have an actual mental problem, pissant. ...And people call ME crazy.

You're wastin' your time comin' at me over Bob-O. Not to mention... Jim's expression darkens, draining of emotion. ...you act as if you're 'is friend and cast doubt on my own affection for 'im while you drag 'is name through the mud. A man who's accomplished more in this promotion than you ever will. A man currently sufferin' over the loss of family...but you, the "caring good person", everybody's "friend", you gotta treat Main like a means to your shady ends, wormin' your way into 'is head then kickin' my brother while he's at 'is lowest and usin' 'im like a blunt object to swing at me.

I'll kill you for that.

Tryna nail me for Page _dodgin'_ me like TK dodges me and damn near EVERYBODY else I come after dodges me (whuttup OCW's Chris Spade...punk bitch), includin' the almighty Corey, is another swing and a miss, muppet. Motherfuckers refuse, no-show and back out on me; wake up ass-wipe.

Quote:There were actual emotions involved in the clusterfuck that became of Continuum.

Yeah.

I know.

We ALL know about "the emotions involved" in Continuum. Kinda hard not to with the three 'a you ballin' then bawlin' then brawlin' and airin' your cringe barely-legal dirty laundry for the public to see, it's an embarrassment and god-awful immature childish horseshit.

Thank Christ the three of you ain't in your 30s huh? How pathetically hilarious would THAT look, amirite?

?????????

Quote:If there was ANYBODY deserving of a fucking rematch for the XTreme Championship, it was me. But you didn’t see me boo-hooing did ya’? Because again, like a normal human, and not some over-hyped, ill-wired, ticking time bomb, I was concerned about my best friends falling apart.

Hey Dolly? You went and pinned Corey for the X in the 24/7 Halls following War Games screechin' "give it back". So concerned with your friends fallin' apart alright. You're a liar, a hypocrite and once again nothin' you say bears any weight. And yes, you did boo-hoo ("give it back!"), like a child throwin' a tantrum and you're boo-hooin' about it right THERE with your "if anybody was deserving of a rematch" comment.

The more you say, the deeper you bury yourself.

You ask why I went after Corey and not YOU after War Games? Because he had the X and you didn't dipshit. Why the HELL would I go after YOU? Oh lemme guess, because everything about me and what I've accomplished is defined by Dolly Waters, right? That whole second match winnin' the TV Title and remainin' TV Champ while also competin' in the LL Tourney was all you too. That didn't at all build a buzz around me, you're right. Oh but tell me, tell us all, your side 'a this delusion.

Quote:Who was the one that pushed you to yer’ limit? Forcing you to cut more promos than you ever have before, or since?

It was Dolly Waters.

I'd say it was the fact I had to compete against you and Trax at the same time that pushed me so hard you horse's ass. The only reason you get so much credit is because Trax ain't here to receive HIS due credit as well and you're more than willin' to claim it like the thievin' thot you are.

Oh and just so you know, I cut 6 promos against you and Trax (and Cadryn) durin' the Lethal Lottery 4 finals. I just cut 6 collabs against The Dissentients with Bob-O so no, you ain't no definition of amazin' and unique with me. Let's go ahead and flip that though shall we? How many promos did YOU cut during the finals?

8 promos.

8.

Wow, 8 is a bigger number than 6.

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8.

Had you done 8 before, have you done it since?

NOPE.

Y'know what that sounds like? Sounds like Jim Caedus pushed you to your limit and forced you to cut more promos than you had before and have since, stupid motherfucker.

????????

Holy SHIT...Dolly...d'you know what this means????

You're The Legendary Dolly Waters 'cause I MADE you legendary and now that's no longer a misapplication of the word Legendary. I made you in the XWF and it was my pearly alpha splooge that gave you form and fetushood in LIFE in the first place. And you, like Corey, my son, are a disappointment and a solid argument for abortion.

See how that all works? See what you tried to accomplish but instead walked your own dullard way into a minefield? You're a colossal fuck-up Dolly, it's why YOU keep disappearin' 'round here. You slink off and expect time to erase all memory 'a just how incapable you are at this while the fans suffer through another goddamn Waters klan member (who's next when you run off again, with that extensive "almost did it" pack 'a losers) for awhile, then we see you make a return to fuck-up, fizzle out and fade away again. First time I left I walked out on a hype cycle blisterin' my shady ass opponent. Last time I left it was beatin' the piss outta Chaos and literally handin' 'im an illegitimate win. You leave after legitimately gettin' your ass literally handed to you.

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Y'say I'm four years older, slower and more "desperate" to yadda yadda yadda?

Actually, I'm 3 pounds of fat lighter and faster fuck-o. You're four years older, just as stupid as you were four years ago, and less in control of yourself. Desperate y'say? I came back to a higher Top 50 rank than when I left. I'm the Xtreme Champ, child, you're the challenger desperate to reclaim what was "stolen" from you, remember? The desperate challenger throwin' desperate dukes and missin' every single swing while I, the justified champion, counterpunch and strike, makin' contact each time.

You're gettin' bludgeoned.

Oh are you only "a few inches shorter than" me now? Excelsior slut, you're a few inches closer to my Point Blank headbutt easy shot range, happy? The one thing you had goin' for you in the ring was that you were a weasly lil' slimy cunt, you're celebratin' there's more 'a you for me to attack? Are you still a skinny ass bitch? Yeah, so there's just more of you to punish and now you're easier to get ahold of you dimwit. Nice point there.

Like with the rest 'a your redneck rant.

You defend LSM because you teamed with 'er. I kicked 'er ass. Like Flynn and NK defeated the two 'a you. The one thing we had in common? We all called 'er out on the validity of who she claims to be. She's a pocha. Suck my cock ya cum-covered confederate cracker, don't hate me for spoilin' the fun of a troll, hate me for callin' your lame-ass D-reel Freaky Friday fucktardery with Graves what it was- lame-ass D-reel Freaky Friday fucktardery -and for ruinin' your entire XWF career by defeatin' you in LL4. And you can compare that shit with Engy all ya want, Robyn Gonzalez got nailed and I ain't swingin' baseless accusations. If you were hopin' for the fool I was at the time, four years ago like YOU absoLUTELY still are, you're pissin' in the wind. You tryta claim I left after havin' MY ass handed to ME? Well, no, see, if that were true I'd be dead, remember? Chris Chaos made it very clear, with indisputable on-record video footage, that he attacked and murdered that person. Did I take the loss technically on my record? Yep. Am I dead, blown to pieces in a truck run off a bridge however? Nope. My departure- durin' the hype cycle, and yes very much a bitch move meltdown -is also on record. Indisputable.

See how powerful admitting the truth is? I don't need to deny like you. I'm not a coward. Go right ahead and try utilizin' the same tactics I used against you in the Lottery. Just realize I was pullin' from comparisons a few months apart, you'd be comparin' content _years_ removed. I'll own it, then I'll pound on your skull like Kong in the ring and beat a stutter into your speech anyway.

I don't need to lie. And I don't need to fabricate or exaggerate my hype. I just get the job done and earn it. I don't need to hop onto a dozen other people's promos to make myself relevant 'cause I can't get no champ strap. I don't need to interrupt every fuckin' show with another slice 'a chicken-head self-aggrandizing bland tripe.

I don't need to be given a show to run to shut me the FUCK up and I damn sure don't act like I'm SINCERELY the end-all be-all of ANYONE'S success here.

That's the lame, self-absorbed hack shit YOU pull youngster. And you spoke at great length to make that readily apparent for all to hear. Vindicating my words that you always tryta make this shit the DWF.

You're so amazing. So accomplished. So successful. Everything happened because you were involved. The lore of Jim Caedus is all thanks to you.

ATTENTION.
XWFERS, BRASS, LANE, PRYCE:

You.

Ain't.

Shit.

But.

Bit.

Players.

In.

Dolly's.

World.

Y'know how y'know someone ain't done shit, Dolly? When they gotta attach themselves to everything and everyone else like some sorta catalyst for greatness otherwise nonexistent without 'em. You're nothin' but a leech. But try tellin' _you_ that, as you list all the ways you're stupendous and legendary.

[Image: bqSvDjJ.gif]

Dolly...the XWF and those in it don't revolve around you. I know you legitimately believe otherwise but you ain't shit. You ain't DONE shit and you AIN'T shit. Understand?

Y
O
U

A
I
N
T

S
H
I
T

I'm sorry, that's not entirely accurate...

[Image: 10cR1tx.jpg]

You ARE shit but little else.

And the only reason I'm facin' you now is because you wanted the match. Interactin' with you in a war 'a words again simply reminds me just how outta my league you are. You never have anything 'a substance to say, you don't research, you don't pay attention to compensate for said lack 'a research, you lie, you retcon, you cheat, you use others for your own gain non-stop (me, I do shit like run Apex Productions and make others entrance videos gratis), you campaign like a filthy politician and play people into thinkin' you give a shit about 'em then piss all over 'em if they ever bring about a LOSS for you...you're a despicable waste of a life and if you had any class whatsoever you'd retire or kill yourself. I don't want anything to do with you. Instead, I gotta make my second X defense against you. D'you realize just how severely of an ass-whippin' I'm gonna hand you for everything you've said? In promo alone I'm completely wipin' the floor with you ya dumb fuckin' Frankfurt femme fatality. And guess what? Callin' me incoherent in a sad attempt to discredit your thorough nailin' changes nothin'. Never has. Never will. It works for no one. Try uppin' your own game if you hate mine so much as opposed to the weakest 'a critiques.

Weak like claimin' cashin' in on some asshat no one wants to remember, for the Uni, is my most significant accomplishment.

Top 50.

#6.

That's my most significant accomplishment here. The highest honor I've ever received. You weren't shit but one 'a the people that lost in the match _I_ won for my FIRST of TWO 24/7 briefcases. Another accolade consistently slippin' through your fingers.

I achieve what you can't Dolly. I achieve what people don't WANT me to achieve while they stack the deck against me to tryta ENSURE I fail and I piss all over 'em anyway. I'm a fighter. A winner.

In every way, shape and form I'm better than you are and you hate me for it. You always have ever since I came here and "stole" everything you thought you had comin' to you.

All you had comin' was what you received.

In full.

It's very similar to what you got comin' _now_ Dolly, exactly what you deserve: Jim Caedus showin' the entire XWF Universe once again why Dolly Waters ain't ever been Uni Champ, why she lost Lethal Lottery 4, why her tally will never be comparable to someone like me, why her rank on the Top 50 is beneath my own, why she shouldn't be feared, why she needs to desperately shoehorn her borin' character into other people's promos, why she needs to lie and retcon just to survive a hype cycle, why she can NEVER. BE. GOOD. ENOUGH. or stick around long enough to BE good enough.

You're Dolly Waters. Waters. Waters are synonymous with quitter and you were the FIRST among your inbred bloodline to set that standard. A standard the rest 'a your family was more than happy to make concrete. If you wanna hate someone, blame someone, blame yourself. Hate yourself. You're legitimately insane, stoopin' to the same stupid shit you did back then and expectin' different results.

Loser.

Retire, Dolly.

No one wants your fake, backstabbin' bitchass here.

You don't have what it takes to stick it out. You didn't then, you don't now and the older you get the more set in your ways you become. You don't grow. You don't adapt. You don't improve.

You.

Don't.

Learn.

I'ma learn ya anyway.

And when I'm garrotin' you with barbwire, I swear I'll do my best to stifle the urge to saw through your fuckin' neck and shower in the arterial spray before removin' your dome and tossin' it to JB so he can finally say he got some snowbunny head.

XXXYXOXUXXXAXLXRXEXAXDXYXXXLXOXSXTXXX

]]> ======€@£|)μ$======

Continued directly from "THE UNTOUCHABLES" in "Like a Dick to Waters"
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41898

"Gal _fucked_ MINE.

"Hey mine too! And my LITTLE brother!

"The Truth ~~Hurts~~ Fucks You Up The Ass"

[Image: N95MmFQ.gif]

Quote:Think long and hard about it, Jim, and honestly ask yer’self who has accomplished more.

cocksucker.

But please, do go on...

Quote:Which of us keeps this business more entertaining, and translates that into actual in-ring results and not forgone booking conclusions?

Quote:Who has an actual presence in the XWF, and who's been just dragging their dick around the hallways treating this business like an online dating site?

Quote:I’m not the one who gets HANDED opportunity after opportunity only to piss them away, while constantly teetering on the edge of total self-destruction and embarrassment. Nope...

Quote:You had to be conscripted into Betsy and Robert’s little vanity project of a “war” against B.O.B. Used as prop to make the world believe that someone other than Drew Archyle gave a damn about Thunder Knuckles splitting Robert Main’s melon open. Go ahead and keep up yer’ virtue signaling about your APEX Brothers, Jim. It’s all a load of shit, and honestly, Robert and Drew deserve better.

Quote:When the dust settled over Bethel Woods and I saved Robert Main from JimCaedus-

Quote:There were actual emotions involved in the clusterfuck that became of Continuum.

Quote:If there was ANYBODY deserving of a fucking rematch for the XTreme Championship, it was me. But you didn’t see me boo-hooing did ya’? Because again, like a normal human, and not some over-hyped, ill-wired, ticking time bomb, I was concerned about my best friends falling apart.

Quote:Who was the one that pushed you to yer’ limit? Forcing you to cut more promos than you ever have before, or since?

It was Dolly Waters.

ATTENTION.
XWFERS, BRASS, LANE, PRYCE:

You.

Ain't.

Shit.

But.

Bit.

Players.

In.

Dolly's.

World.

]]> <![CDATA[Underworld]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41945 Fri, 24 Sep 2021 06:21:46 -0700 Rampage]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41945

It was a dark and stormy night in Prague. The city was plagued with vampires, humans afraid to go out at night because of the blood-sucking creatures. It would take a special man to control the infestation and bring normality back to the region. Rampage was the death dealer who was hell-bent on destroying every single vampire who dare stood in the way of his goal of taking out the vampiress queen Vita Valenteen. He roamed the streets looking for clues on where the hideout was. He was about to give up hope when the full moon appeared from behind the cloud to reveal a hidden pathway with a sign titled “Eastern Coven.” It was worth a shot as he reached into his back pocket, pulling out a metal stake. He knew how vampires blended in with the surroundings and he refused to be a statistic. Following the dark trail until an opening appears as he looks up and notices a beautiful structure in front of him.

[Image: Underworld_-_Blood_Wars_(2016).mp4_snaps...56.59-.jpg]

[Image: Underworld_-_Blood_Wars_(2016).mp4_snaps...56.59-.jpg]

It was way too quiet for Rampage, as if he knew they were watching him. Each step he took was farther into danger and no one was going to help him even though he was confident it would not be needed. He reaches the front door and was about to knock when he heard screaming coming from inside the walls. It was not a typical scream, but one being tortured against their will. Rampage knew he was hot on the trail as he knocks on the door it swings open, slowly revealing a beautiful main hall. There was no turning back from this moment on. It was a bloody war.

[Image: giovanni-silva-mainhall.jpg?1482527026]

[Image: giovanni-silva-mainhall.jpg?1482527026]

Stepping inside, the door closes abruptly, locking automatically as Rampage grips the stake even tighter. He looks all around, monitoring the surroundings as he walks up the steps a voice can be heard coming from above as a whisper.

Voice
You shall die at the hands of the queen!

Rampage shrugged it off, knowing Vampiress Queen Vita wanted to play mind games with him, hoping he would turn around and let her be. He shouted back at the unknown voice.

Rampage
Not before her blood and heart are in my hands!

The moment he said this, the voice laughed before trailing off. The place was enormous with so many doors Rampage was not sure where to begin. Every time he reached a door, he kicked it down, not giving a damn. The idea was to stir up the vampires and make them give away the location. The voice can be heard once more.

Voice
How dare you destroy the queen’s castle soon enough! We will sacrifice you!

Rampage
Sacrificed Rampage sounds delicious, but vampire blood is the only thing that will satisfy my hunger.

He continues to the third floor when he arrives at double doors. It was bigger than the front door as I heard nearby another scream. The door begins to open, Rampage bringing the stake closer to him not sure what to expect along the way. Once it opens, Rampage looks and sees a figure in the middle of the room.

[Image: Underworld_-_Rise_of_The_Lycans_(2009).m...53.04-.jpg]

[Image: Underworld_-_Rise_of_The_Lycans_(2009).m...53.04-.jpg]

It was not the queen as he was hoping. The big guy approached cautiously when the figure speaks.

Viktor
My name is Viktor and you are the one who roams freely in the palace. Disturbing my family. Who is it you seek?

Rampage
You already know who I am and why I am here. I do not want to harm an innocent person. I just seek the vampire queen Vita Valenteen.

Viktor
Do you have a death wish stranger? Do you not realize this is where she reigns and has the most strength? Many have entered her lair to never be seen again. What makes you any different?

Rampage
I live life dangerously, so I do not fear death. I knew the risk coming here gave her the advantage, but when I deliver a stake through the heart in this very castle, it will make it that much sweeter. I am aware of her reputation for making others disappear, but I am Rampage, something vampires and humans alike have never seen. You know where she sleeps, so let’s not waste any more time and just tell me.

Viktor closed his eyes as he levitates. Rampage did not know what was going on when Viktor’s mouth opens, and bats comes out attacking the big guy. He does his best to take them down quickly. Viktor tries to make an escape as Rampage battles on. Realizing his window for the attack was small, he throws the stake at Viktor. Viktor screams as the stake penetrates his heart. Rampage yells at the top of his lungs.

Rampage
Queen Vita Valenteen how long will you make me wait before you confront me? How many vampires need to die before you’ve seen enough and decide to bless me with your presence. You know Rampage will never stop hunting for you and the moment I find you, it’s over. You will be slain instantly, giving the people of Prague a sense of protection once more. I know you heard the rumor that a vampire slayer was coming, so you’ve had time to prepare but yet I go unhindered in your palace. I have the presence of a God, and a God has the final say over anyone living or dead. So let me say this Queen. Rampage has something you want, but are you truly ready to die for it? The moment I drive this stake through your heart, everything you’ve worked hard for dies. No one is going to come help you because I will slay them. The stake will be blood stained with your entire family dating back centuries, as the bloodline ends with your death. How will you live with yourself knowing you went down fighting for what you believe and no one even cared? A queen should represent her people well and not put them in harm’s way, but you do the opposite.

He stops for a moment, watching Viktors’ blood make its way to the edge of Rampage’s boots. He kneels down, putting his finger in the blood and tasting it.

The blood at my feet is your fault, queen. Everything I do in order to get to you is on you for not being an honorable vampire queen. Perhaps you are running scared as the pressure builds and you realize what is at stake. It’s okay if that’s the case. I wouldn’t blame you since vampires never play by the rules, only coming out at night. How will you ever survive under the bright lights of Relentless? Is that not a vampire’s weakness? Being in the light only adds to the misery you are going to experience. Now if you excuse me vampiress queen Vita my adventure to find you, shall continue.

Rampage reaches down, grabbing the stake that is soaked with blood. He turns around, leaving Viktor in a pool of blood. He moves toward the last floor of the castle. It was now or never once he reached the top. The moment his foot touched down, the queen’s voice addressed him.

Vampiress Queen Vita
Rampage, do you think it is wise to piss off the greatest vampire in existence? Dracula has nothing on me and neither do you!

Rampage smirks as he looks around, wondering if the queen will make an appearance.

Rampage
It is so good to hear from the vampire queen. It only took the death of your beloved Viktor to get your attention. However, I don’t think you are going to give in that easily and have something up your sleeve. I do not care about your feelings. The only mission I have tonight is to make sure you stop breathing. If you’re pissed off, that is a personal issue. In order to defeat me, my dear is to stay true to who you are. You need to realize tonight is not about you. Everyone will know that you fell short. Everyone will watch Rampage feast on your heart, destroying any chance of coming back. So rather you are pissed, happy, or just plain stupid, Rampage will never lose.

Vampiress Queen Vita
Rampage, the battle is not yet over for you. Everyone wants to protect their queen, and this is no different. My lover Lucian awaits to avenge Viktor’s death if you choose to accept.

Rampage
Bring it on!

He sees the master bedroom as he kicks down the door, and Lucian is nowhere to be found. He didn’t know what was going on or if Lucian really existed. It was all about the mind games and confusion keeping him alert, but hard to determine fact from fiction. He yells from the bedroom.

Rampage
You bring me to an empty room and expect me to fear you? Quite the opposite, my dear. The queen should always make herself known to everyone seeking her out, but you’re special. So special that you are above every human and beast thinking you cannot be stopped. It’s a shame Viktor had that same attitude and I am sure “Lucian” will have the same fate.

He had no idea Lucian was in the room and about to attack.

[Image: underworld3_21.jpg]

Suddenly Lucian stabs his arm before trying to take a bite of his neck. The giant screams as blood flows freely. Lucian continues stabbing him, trying to weaken the champion for his queen. Rampage fights against it, turning around facing the attacker for the first time. Lucian was 2nd in command behind the queen. He knew taking him out would leave the queen with no protection. I would force her to confront the only true champion, Rampage. Lucian strikes the big guy on the chest when Rampage grabs his throat and screams before throwing him across the room and through the wall. Lucian stumbles to his feet, unsure of where he is. Rampage grabs him by the hair and drags him down the hallway. He pummels Lucian all over, putting him around his shoulders, and makes his way to the rooftop. A storm was raging with a steady breeze, but it would not stop him from sending a message. He walks to the edge, looking down. Lifting Lucian high into the air, he was about to release him to his death when a stray bat hits his face falling behind dropping Lucian.

Rampage
Is this the best you can fucking do, coward? Is this the way you want to go about life being a worthless leader that you are in denial about? Lucian is nothing but a pawn in a game of chess and the queen herself is cornered, with no way out.

He gathers himself once more, tossing Lucian over the edge to his death. The moment he hit the ground, the Vampire Queen spoke with anger.

Vampiress Queen Vita
Rampage! Lucian died a martyr in my eyes, something you are not smart enough to achieve. Viktor’s death was one thing, but Lucian’s is another. You wanted the queen well. Here she comes.

Lightning strikes nearby as the lights go dark. Rampage noticed this and was not fooled. There was no chance of defeating her in the dark. Suddenly, Vampire Queen Vita appears behind Rampage as he remains clueless about what is going on.

Vampiress Queen Vita
You fool, how bad will it look if you don’t make it to Relentless? It would be a real shame, I’m sure, but for me, it’s just all in a day’s work.

He spins around, hearing the words of the queen, and smirks.

Rampage
I am going to Relentless the same way I showed up with the title around my waist. You could have taken the easy road and stayed out of my business. Did you forget you lost the belt to me simple as that and now suddenly you are a possessed vampire wanting to suck the blood of innocent people? You will pay for that. I don’t care how much you suffer. I warned you about Viktor and Lucian and now only you remain.

Vampiress Queen Vita
Any last words before I transform you into one of us?

Rampage
There is nothing left to say. The battles has been won, but here I stand trying to win the war. There is only death for one of us and it WILL NOT be me!

Vampiress Queen Vita
Ha! Ha! Ha! give it your best shot little man.

He screamed as he charged the Vampiress with the blood-stained stake as everything goes dark. Only the constant struggle between the vampire slayer and the Vampiress who wants to put an end to Rampage can be heard. No more words, just action.

Thanks for the handler of Vita for use of the character.

]]>

]]> <![CDATA[Justice is revenge]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41930 Thu, 23 Sep 2021 08:07:43 -0700 Robert "The Omega" Main]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41930

” They say that death is the gateway to rebirth, I say once you are in the ground, it’s game over!”

Departure from life can be an uncanny concept to latch on to. The Reapers obscureness confiscated souls where he could, apprehending those who were far too inexperienced, too captivating, those who had so much more life yet to live. Death didn't masquerade itself or even pretend to even care, it didn't pretend to draw a fine line between one from the other it just did what it was manufactured to do. Collect, and acquire it did… The hooded vale of death has hung over Robert’s weary head for his entire life, losing a great friend to an unbeatable disease (Fuck Cancer), watching his grandfather die through a window because of politics wouldn’t allow him to say goodbye (Fuck Covid-19), even knowing the risk… Now fast forward to a few weeks ago where the Reaper took his father in a tragic accident… The Devil himself took on a new form as the double-edged sword struck as it only knows how to, swiftly… Always inauspiciously intimidating from a distance. But this time was different, it had never touched “The Omega” so subsequently… Death has blitzed Robert before just not in this way. This time it was distinguishable and something particular had changed in the cycle. Deep down inside Robert Main something was churning, he was becoming something else altogether what though, was anyone’s guess. He could feel that something was crawling just beneath the surface… Maybe it was anxiousness... Maybe dread… Guilt, he just didn’t know… It seemed he was being constrained, harassed, and becoming a Monstrosity he thought he buried when he woke up in the hospital. The only thing Robert knew now was he would end the career of “Chronic” Chris Page, but at what cost? Robert understood that seesaw with Page would have to continue, not because Robert wanted it to, it had to, or he would never be able to butcher the hellhound that has been haunting him for nearly two and a half years…

” Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not one to say I told you so, that’s more of a heelish move my former unprofessional, bungling tag team partner would do… He’s always been a rub it in your face kind of guy… But that being said, did Chris Page just turn his back on B.o.B? Yeah… Yeah, he did… I’d show you my shocked face, but those of you that are watching this, already know… This isn’t one of those shocking moments none of us expected. We all saw this coming from the conception… Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to dig around in the past like my substandard opponent, but… Didn’t I said it from jump street that this would happen… See folks Chris Page sees the writing on the wall, after that dreadful showing against APEX-Legacy, he finally realizes that he is outgunned in a war that he cannot win… After all the attacks from behind, and tough talk about “taking away everything” … We are all here standing tall and ready to push forward in this engagement against the inefficient faction know as B.o.B. We do our talking in the ring and carpet-bomb the living shit out of every yellow-bellied B.o.B member… Page now understands the numbers isn’t in his favor, he’s at a disadvantage, it’s one thing to have troops willing to march into gunfire, it’s another altogether when they are amateurish, unskilled, and inadequate against the greater good…. Chris has surrounded himself with lackadaisical yes men and women, unambitious and spineless when it’s time to returning fire. When you surround yourself with mid-card talent, you get burned down.”

“I’ll admit at first these irresponsible buffoons made a beautiful mess of things dropping pipe bombs, hitting their intended targets… But as I brought in the heavy hitters, Drew, Jim, Betsey, Shawn and James Raven, those idle pipe bombs became lethargic duds… I roll with legends, not good for nothing no bodies… Tell me what’s left of B.o.B besides The Bastards? Nothing… Shambles and infighting. And Those No-Good Bastards… They will get wrapped up by Jim and me right after I polish Page off at Relentless. But that is a tale for another time now isn’t it… Now back to that lame-brained halfwit Chris… Page did what he has always done best over the many comatose years of his career. He uses you up until he hits that goal and then drops you like a bad habit… A coattail riding leach people… He treats people he aligns with like a pawn in a game… Anytime Page offers you his hand remember two words pyramid scheme… He is a morally bankrupt individual willing to lie, cheat and steal his way to whatever he sees fit. People listening to my voice or watching, need to wake up and heed my words… Even if I “survive” Chris Page at Relentless, know he has a backup plan, he always did and always will… A snake may shed its skin but a snake is a snake nonetheless…”

Dissolution wasn't sympathetic, humane, or even understanding. Now Robert understood this notion oh so well. He’s detected it as it came in like a wrecking ball demolishing the very fabric of his life and then validated as it went still into the night, at times the Reaper had shredded Robert’s life from its very foundation, shaking him to his fractured core. The Monstrosity plays uninterrupted like a harrowing dream, the only perplexity was Robert’s wasn’t asleep and this was reality. Deep down inside he could feel a shift in the landscape coming, knowing without a shadow of a doubt there was nothing that he could do to thwart the fridge hand of demise, he can only sympathetically commemorate his friends and family while he was still six feet above the ground. Cherish the magnificent times when they all enjoyed cookouts and holidays by the fire. All the carnage from this conflict could have been stopped a long time ago… A skirmish Robert could have ended by simply pulling the trigger on Page a long time. Robert isn’t the same man he was back then. He’s become a protagonist among his counterparts. In war, it’s understood from jump street that there would be casualties along the way. Robert is now staring down the barrel of a machine gun. No matter what happens at Relentless. If Robert eats a Page plant and bites the dust at the hands of this unscrupulous son of a bitch, his brothers and sisters will stand in line behind him. Picking up their swords and shields and march into battle right behind their fallen brother.

” Page wants to continually compare careers and re-tell the story of days gone by; he’s trying to get the audience to not see the slide of hand. He can blow all the smoke up people’s asses that he’d like, but they see the truth… That same ole dog and pony show he has been telling all of 2021 is played the hell out and won’t jive this time around… The man sounds like a broken record… Hell, I believe he even called this a public execution. An execution of his professionalism, sure… While he vomits at the mouth about points made over a year ago, I’m at least out here talking new shit… Page has once again dove headfirst into everything that he has taken from me over the last year and a half like this isn’t public knowledge. He’s takes everything and we all get it… Let’s at the very least change the subject or talk about something fresh and new… But he can’t because he has nothing else to talk about… He’ll brag about defeating me in a Universal Championship match where I had to take on all of B.o.B and still, he barely won? He pinned me with the help of several others, let’s all throw a parade for a man who cannot get it done without deceitfulness or a helping hand. Page can fuck right off with that logic… When someone talks about beating a dead horse, Chris Page comes to mind because Jesus Christ he loves to rehash the same narrative until he is blue in the face. But people let’s not get lost in all the murkiness, the side of the story that Page keeps concealed is what I have taken from him…”

“And ladies and germs that’s everything… We can run it back to when Page came back into the XWF with a few write-off relics of the past who couldn’t cut it on Anarchy let alone gracing the ring with the XWF’s top talent… And they proved that point time and time again, hell these slackers couldn’t even find the time to cut promos… Yet they were filled to the brim with piss and vinegar, threatening to destroy the XWF from within… Or that’s the story that they pushed out. There is the bait and switch folks. What happened was Wargames came around and each one of these deadbeats was slain on the spot… And yes, Drew did save me from a shot that Page had lined up… Thank you, Drew… I had to get that out there or he would cut a three-hour promo on how he almost took me out. But at the end of the night, I pinned Chris Page, dead center… But wait there are more folks… Then from there, we moved to our Universal Championship match, where once again I pinned Chris Page for a three count, and he went ballistic after the fact… I lured him in and cut his throat before he knew what had happened. Funny how the man with the plan always seems to forget parts of the story that makes him look inferior… Now let’s fast forward a bit. It was me that cost him the Universal Championship, it was me that cost his allies, well now-former allies their Championships as well… But that’s a moot point, right? I’ve cost the shit stain on wrestling, everything that he has cost me. But I’m not constantly bragging about it to the world… I have a different narrative and once that is complete, I’ll have my cake and eat it too… He wants to blab on and on how he has taken me out of the Universal Championship contention… Okay… Hey, dip shit, wake up, you are in a match with me for nothing… You’re not in contention because of me, stupid…”

A man who lives fully is not hesitant about his dissolution. Yet, Robert believes deep down in his very being that he has not lived life to its full extent, he’s not intimidated of his untimely expiration. Whether it’s at Relentless against his nemesis or the hands of another bastard down the line. He finds the end fascinating, stimulating, mesmerizing. Where will his fans go when it’s all said and done? What will become of his accolades over time…? Will he become a catalyst for some to become better than they are, or will he simply just sleep forever? Forgotten as time marches onward… Robert doesn’t know what he will face when he meets disintegration, and this should scare him. Departure from life is a painful truth and that’s what losing his career would be to him… A death sentence… Could dying be nothing more than a foggy road, and he must get through that fog called life to finally see the clearing. It's yet another path to walk, and who is to say it will be our last? Life may be the beginning, but who is to say passing on is our final path? What if eternal rest is the middle of the story, and you must read through that to get to a place beyond mortality? Is there a place beyond oblivion? But if we go onto the next path after cessation, will it be our culminating end, or are we destined to keep walking?

” And can we stop with all the Hall Of Legends talk, we all understand that you are in the hall and I’m not… Not yet anyway, but I will be and that’s something even the simpleton cannot argue… I’ll admit that you should be in the hall after wrestling for twenty freaking years. But tell me. What in the blue hell are you trying to compare here? What are you trying to prove to the masses that watch the screen and believe everything that you say? I’m half your age and in the prime of my career dumb ass, of course, I won’t be in the hall yet… It’s that same broken ass logic that’s held you back your entire career, and it shows, you cannot see the forest from the trees, my man. That comparison is like wiping your ass before you shit… It makes no sense whatsoever, but there you are trying to toss your weight around… The Hall isn’t even on my mind… But like always, Chris must make a nothing burger into front-page news… Because like I said you don’t have a damn thing to back his bull shit… You are splitting hairs for no reason at all… You have zero credibility and it shows while you remain lost in the background, fumbling around, grasping at anything you can to keep your shit career from derailing… I bet envy keeps you awake at night Chris knowing that I did everything that you ever dreamed of in a fraction of the time… It took me three years to attain what took you twenty… Like it or not but that’s reality, and I did it the way it’s supposed to be done. I didn’t fabricate the truth or attack people from behind, I never manipulated those around me or cut the line… When I stepped foot inside an XWF nearly five years ago, I sat back and watched the scenery evolve around me.”

“Unlike you Chris, I focused on all the bells and whistles, never once pushing my way to the front of the line or even asking for a Championship match… I took the opportunity given to me… I observed all the lustrous gold move from hand to hand as I kept my eyes peeled… I watched on as the brass ring was tossed around like a hot potato that no one wanted. That’s when I knew, I was fit to wear the crown because I would give this federation something it never had. A Champion who had an iron-clad will, dreamed of being the best to ever grace a wrestling ring… Once I investigated the land and got my finger on the pulse, I found my place on the roster, from there it didn’t take long to unearth treasure, from there I unloaded the lumber and began building my courageous status, my castle was built upon broken dreams and gold, my legacy, my empire… Was constructed one body at a time including yours Chris Page… TWICE! While you were off running another company butt hurt about how XWF treated you. I began pouring my foundation in this company, my cornerstone, from there I built the frame. My initials are forever carved in the foundation of the XWF, the one I built on my own. Now fast forward to the here and now after all the hellacious work, the blood, the sweat and tears here I am now built for structural greatness... And whether you’d like to admit it or not we both know that I am living breathing history, well on my way to being inducted into the Hall of Legends you brag about. You came back into this company as a rumor, and now more than ever we all see the truth… You, Chris Page, are nothing more than a flash in the pan… And as my mythology grows Chris, and yours fades away into obscurity, lost in time, my name will be remembered, and I will live forever in the heart and souls of the XWF fans. Accomplishments are forgotten over time, and I understand that people forget… Chris Page is simply trying to erase everything that I have done because when compared, he knows where he stands. And that’s no place close to me. If we are going on fulfillment alone Chris Page isn’t even in the same stratosphere as Robert Main and never will be… You may have beaten me once Chris, but that victory that you hold so near and dear to your heart will always have an asterisk***** next to it…”

Chris Page’s final exit will come with the same creeping humiliation that has taken so many of Robert’s opponents before, including Chris Page. Come Relentless, Page will understand what true suffocation is as his breathing will come to a halt as he pulled into deep waters and submerged, only to reemerge like a drowning victim coming up for one last breath. Within a few moments, he will realize that his career is on life-support and by the time the referees hand hits the canvas for a three-count he will have passed on, his Earthly restraints disconnected, his weed-stained soul bound to hell for all eternity. Death is straightforward. It is not a gate to immortality but simply, a departure from life. It has no pattern in which those from the great beyond control. Page, head these words. Death is inevitable. He will not turn a blind eye to right and wrong, to give the Eternal Slumber in return for the life of any man, woman, or child no matter how favorable. He does not discriminate, unlike those of the vastly different human race. He is neither fair nor unfair, unmoved by the prayers that grasp him through the nights and days like a statue frozen amongst the crowds. The Reaper of the XWF has a face and at Relentless he will find Chris Page taking what belongs to him. The “Chronic” ones career.

” Chris, you are a disbeliever in my phenomenal wrestling prowess. You are one of the doubting skeptics that are pushing the panic button dumbfounded by what I’ve accomplished because you never could. I’ve left so many of the so-called wrestlers of the XWF mortified, disgraced, and conquered it’s not even funny and that includes your sorry ass, but that’s what I do… You are the type of bullshit artist who will say that everyone that I have ever trounced was subpar, and below my level of competition… Hell, half these so-called wrestlers should be walking the unemployment line. But let’s not worry about them… Because you will be once I’m through wiping the canvas with your broken ass… I am a man that will always subjugate and outwrestling, leaving behind a trail of bloody demolished egos. One by one these ineffective wrestlers were demoralized just like you’ll be. Disturbing, isn’t it? To know you don’t know shit and within a blink of an eye, a snap of the finger, a bat of an eyelash I could take that career away… You’ve run your mouth like a man possessed by a high school cheerleader spreading rumors. I don’t have time for all your Barbara Walters bullshit anymore. You want to come at me like we're on the set of 60 minutes… You want to pretend to be a tough guy? From where I’m standing, I don’t see one. What’s about to happen is Robert Main is about to bring the hammer down like a handyman. Physically, mentally, and verbally this icon is about to floor you for the last time. I don’t have to validify that last statement either, it’s the truth, the gospel, it’s the only way. One thing Robert Main has never been known for is being a conman, I get down to the nitty-gritty speaking legitimacy, and once that bell rings I back up every single word… There is no smoke and mirrors here just devotion to this business.”

*****To Be Continued*****

Robert shifted his entire body to the right to avoid a massive hole in the old dirt path… He looked to Drew who was bundled up in flannel as fluffy snowflakes began to fall from the Colorado sky…

” Bob, do you think that this is a good idea? We need our heads in the right place and ready to fight come Relentless… I mean none of us has been here since Dewe…” Drew stopped himself shaking his head a few times before continuing. ” Since Dad passed away. This might not be the time to come up here, especially right before a gigantic match where your career is on the line… This is going to bring back a lot of memoires, and all of the pain…”

[i]Robert placed his hands his pockets as he watched the crowded dirt road with its gigantic potholes and deep mud puddles; perfect for four-wheel driving, but their uber would not dare take the chance…

” I think it’s a great idea, to sit on the front porch in the middle of nowhere and watch the snowfall while we clear our heads… That’s something that Dad would have wanted us to do, he loved coming up here to the cabin… Oh, and by the way, I’m not the only one that has a huge match, career or not… You’ve got to put Ned in check man… What the hell happened to him?”

Drew eyeballed the trail that wasn’t very wide and from time to time had to hop over holes that littered his walking path. He then shrugs to Robert’s question, throwing his hands out to each side…

” I mean it could be several things, maybe he feels a bit betrayed by all of us in APEX? I can see where he is coming from, we all did end up splitting on him and left him high and dry so to speak. You joined Page, and then when things finally came full circle, he didn’t get the invite to come back.”

Robert shook his head.

” Man we didn’t leave him high and dry, we all kind of just went off and did our things for a bit… Dabbled in something new… It’s not like APEX never got disbanded or anything like that. I think Ned is just taking it the wrong way. He could have just come and talked to me, instead of attacking me. I always thought that this was a brotherhood and once a member of APEX always a member of APEX… If Ned needed something, hell anything at all we would have been there by his side no questions asked…”

” Well, that’s the motto… Maybe after our match, some sense will be restored…”

” I hope so, I’ve got a full plate coming up, but I can always take a few moments to knock some sense back into Ned if needed…”

Drew grinned..

” That won’t be necessary. You worry about Page.”

” It’s funny man, no one sees the times when you are struggling, or the times when you are in pain… They only see the mistakes you’ve made… I’m full of wounds, but I’m still fucking standing… Drew I’m sorry…”

As our heroes came out into an opening, Drew gazed onward at the towering mountain before him.

” Sorry for what, Bob?”

” For not listening to you about the entire Chris Page thing, I’m sorry for that.”

” Bob-O, we all make mistakes, but there is nothing to apologize for. I wasn’t around to keep you on the straight and arrow… When I believe in someone, I’ll always fight like hell for them…”

” Thanks man…”

” You don’t have to thank me, Robert, it’s the truth…”

The expanse of pine trees ahead of the founding members of APEX was never-ending. Or at least it appeared that way. The canopies provided a slight glimpse into the snow-filled sky which turned the shades of greenery even darker.

” We’re close to the cabin now… So, where do we go from here, after the dust settles on Relentless?”

” Meh… Let’s see what’s around the corner, hopefully, a wedding…”

The pine forest they entered was mahogany and primitive. They were amazed by the height and magnificence of the pine trees. Their knotted arms stood still, as they passed by. They were strongholds of this location and stood proud. It’s no wonder why Dewey Main loved this place so…

” Yeah, congratulations by the way, with everything going on I can’t remember if I said anything… And to think she almost got married to that Robbie clown that was cheating on her back in 2017… Right around the time, we burned the Mother Fuckers at Wargames… I’m glad it’s you man…”

” Thanks, now all I have to do is pop the question… Time and place, who the hell knows…”

The two chuckle before Drew becomes more serious…

” Robert, have you thought about what you will do if you lose to Page? Like what’s next if this all falls through?”

Robert gives Drew a strange look before answering.

” No I haven’t thought about it at all, honestly speaking there isn’t anything else after this…”

” I just pray that you are making the right decision because if I have to support you now, we’re both going to be in trouble… I’m terrible with money, that’s why I spend yours…”

” Drew you have nothing to worry about and I mean that… I cannot picture myself doing anything else in life, wrestling is my job. Putting people’s asses in seats is what I live for, and putting people like Page six feet under is what I’m built for… Picture this for a second Drew… Shut your eyes and try to imagine this…”

” Okay…”

” Relentless I steamroll Chris Page for the final time he is going to be the one left wondering what to do when his wrestling career is over… And his life comes crashing down around him. We can head on down to the local burger joint and watch Page flip burgers because that’s all he will be worth after I’m finished… I want you to know something about me when I make a promise or guarantee I follow through. Unlike Chris Page, who has promised the world time and time again he would end my career, in the end, he has always fallen short. Now I am about to make a guarantee to you right here right now. In the middle of this pine forest, and God as my witnesses, I swear I’ll end his career by any means necessary, putting his old crippled ass in the retirement home where he belongs…”

.]]>

” They say that death is the gateway to rebirth, I say once you are in the ground, it’s game over!”

Departure from life can be an uncanny concept to latch on to. The Reapers obscureness confiscated souls where he could, apprehending those who were far too inexperienced, too captivating, those who had so much more life yet to live. Death didn't masquerade itself or even pretend to even care, it didn't pretend to draw a fine line between one from the other it just did what it was manufactured to do. Collect, and acquire it did… The hooded vale of death has hung over Robert’s weary head for his entire life, losing a great friend to an unbeatable disease (Fuck Cancer), watching his grandfather die through a window because of politics wouldn’t allow him to say goodbye (Fuck Covid-19), even knowing the risk… Now fast forward to a few weeks ago where the Reaper took his father in a tragic accident… The Devil himself took on a new form as the double-edged sword struck as it only knows how to, swiftly… Always inauspiciously intimidating from a distance. But this time was different, it had never touched “The Omega” so subsequently… Death has blitzed Robert before just not in this way. This time it was distinguishable and something particular had changed in the cycle. Deep down inside Robert Main something was churning, he was becoming something else altogether what though, was anyone’s guess. He could feel that something was crawling just beneath the surface… Maybe it was anxiousness... Maybe dread… Guilt, he just didn’t know… It seemed he was being constrained, harassed, and becoming a Monstrosity he thought he buried when he woke up in the hospital. The only thing Robert knew now was he would end the career of “Chronic” Chris Page, but at what cost? Robert understood that seesaw with Page would have to continue, not because Robert wanted it to, it had to, or he would never be able to butcher the hellhound that has been haunting him for nearly two and a half years…

” Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not one to say I told you so, that’s more of a heelish move my former unprofessional, bungling tag team partner would do… He’s always been a rub it in your face kind of guy… But that being said, did Chris Page just turn his back on B.o.B? Yeah… Yeah, he did… I’d show you my shocked face, but those of you that are watching this, already know… This isn’t one of those shocking moments none of us expected. We all saw this coming from the conception… Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to dig around in the past like my substandard opponent, but… Didn’t I said it from jump street that this would happen… See folks Chris Page sees the writing on the wall, after that dreadful showing against APEX-Legacy, he finally realizes that he is outgunned in a war that he cannot win… After all the attacks from behind, and tough talk about “taking away everything” … We are all here standing tall and ready to push forward in this engagement against the inefficient faction know as B.o.B. We do our talking in the ring and carpet-bomb the living shit out of every yellow-bellied B.o.B member… Page now understands the numbers isn’t in his favor, he’s at a disadvantage, it’s one thing to have troops willing to march into gunfire, it’s another altogether when they are amateurish, unskilled, and inadequate against the greater good…. Chris has surrounded himself with lackadaisical yes men and women, unambitious and spineless when it’s time to returning fire. When you surround yourself with mid-card talent, you get burned down.”

“I’ll admit at first these irresponsible buffoons made a beautiful mess of things dropping pipe bombs, hitting their intended targets… But as I brought in the heavy hitters, Drew, Jim, Betsey, Shawn and James Raven, those idle pipe bombs became lethargic duds… I roll with legends, not good for nothing no bodies… Tell me what’s left of B.o.B besides The Bastards? Nothing… Shambles and infighting. And Those No-Good Bastards… They will get wrapped up by Jim and me right after I polish Page off at Relentless. But that is a tale for another time now isn’t it… Now back to that lame-brained halfwit Chris… Page did what he has always done best over the many comatose years of his career. He uses you up until he hits that goal and then drops you like a bad habit… A coattail riding leach people… He treats people he aligns with like a pawn in a game… Anytime Page offers you his hand remember two words pyramid scheme… He is a morally bankrupt individual willing to lie, cheat and steal his way to whatever he sees fit. People listening to my voice or watching, need to wake up and heed my words… Even if I “survive” Chris Page at Relentless, know he has a backup plan, he always did and always will… A snake may shed its skin but a snake is a snake nonetheless…”

Dissolution wasn't sympathetic, humane, or even understanding. Now Robert understood this notion oh so well. He’s detected it as it came in like a wrecking ball demolishing the very fabric of his life and then validated as it went still into the night, at times the Reaper had shredded Robert’s life from its very foundation, shaking him to his fractured core. The Monstrosity plays uninterrupted like a harrowing dream, the only perplexity was Robert’s wasn’t asleep and this was reality. Deep down inside he could feel a shift in the landscape coming, knowing without a shadow of a doubt there was nothing that he could do to thwart the fridge hand of demise, he can only sympathetically commemorate his friends and family while he was still six feet above the ground. Cherish the magnificent times when they all enjoyed cookouts and holidays by the fire. All the carnage from this conflict could have been stopped a long time ago… A skirmish Robert could have ended by simply pulling the trigger on Page a long time. Robert isn’t the same man he was back then. He’s become a protagonist among his counterparts. In war, it’s understood from jump street that there would be casualties along the way. Robert is now staring down the barrel of a machine gun. No matter what happens at Relentless. If Robert eats a Page plant and bites the dust at the hands of this unscrupulous son of a bitch, his brothers and sisters will stand in line behind him. Picking up their swords and shields and march into battle right behind their fallen brother.

” Page wants to continually compare careers and re-tell the story of days gone by; he’s trying to get the audience to not see the slide of hand. He can blow all the smoke up people’s asses that he’d like, but they see the truth… That same ole dog and pony show he has been telling all of 2021 is played the hell out and won’t jive this time around… The man sounds like a broken record… Hell, I believe he even called this a public execution. An execution of his professionalism, sure… While he vomits at the mouth about points made over a year ago, I’m at least out here talking new shit… Page has once again dove headfirst into everything that he has taken from me over the last year and a half like this isn’t public knowledge. He’s takes everything and we all get it… Let’s at the very least change the subject or talk about something fresh and new… But he can’t because he has nothing else to talk about… He’ll brag about defeating me in a Universal Championship match where I had to take on all of B.o.B and still, he barely won? He pinned me with the help of several others, let’s all throw a parade for a man who cannot get it done without deceitfulness or a helping hand. Page can fuck right off with that logic… When someone talks about beating a dead horse, Chris Page comes to mind because Jesus Christ he loves to rehash the same narrative until he is blue in the face. But people let’s not get lost in all the murkiness, the side of the story that Page keeps concealed is what I have taken from him…”

“And ladies and germs that’s everything… We can run it back to when Page came back into the XWF with a few write-off relics of the past who couldn’t cut it on Anarchy let alone gracing the ring with the XWF’s top talent… And they proved that point time and time again, hell these slackers couldn’t even find the time to cut promos… Yet they were filled to the brim with piss and vinegar, threatening to destroy the XWF from within… Or that’s the story that they pushed out. There is the bait and switch folks. What happened was Wargames came around and each one of these deadbeats was slain on the spot… And yes, Drew did save me from a shot that Page had lined up… Thank you, Drew… I had to get that out there or he would cut a three-hour promo on how he almost took me out. But at the end of the night, I pinned Chris Page, dead center… But wait there are more folks… Then from there, we moved to our Universal Championship match, where once again I pinned Chris Page for a three count, and he went ballistic after the fact… I lured him in and cut his throat before he knew what had happened. Funny how the man with the plan always seems to forget parts of the story that makes him look inferior… Now let’s fast forward a bit. It was me that cost him the Universal Championship, it was me that cost his allies, well now-former allies their Championships as well… But that’s a moot point, right? I’ve cost the shit stain on wrestling, everything that he has cost me. But I’m not constantly bragging about it to the world… I have a different narrative and once that is complete, I’ll have my cake and eat it too… He wants to blab on and on how he has taken me out of the Universal Championship contention… Okay… Hey, dip shit, wake up, you are in a match with me for nothing… You’re not in contention because of me, stupid…”

A man who lives fully is not hesitant about his dissolution. Yet, Robert believes deep down in his very being that he has not lived life to its full extent, he’s not intimidated of his untimely expiration. Whether it’s at Relentless against his nemesis or the hands of another bastard down the line. He finds the end fascinating, stimulating, mesmerizing. Where will his fans go when it’s all said and done? What will become of his accolades over time…? Will he become a catalyst for some to become better than they are, or will he simply just sleep forever? Forgotten as time marches onward… Robert doesn’t know what he will face when he meets disintegration, and this should scare him. Departure from life is a painful truth and that’s what losing his career would be to him… A death sentence… Could dying be nothing more than a foggy road, and he must get through that fog called life to finally see the clearing. It's yet another path to walk, and who is to say it will be our last? Life may be the beginning, but who is to say passing on is our final path? What if eternal rest is the middle of the story, and you must read through that to get to a place beyond mortality? Is there a place beyond oblivion? But if we go onto the next path after cessation, will it be our culminating end, or are we destined to keep walking?

” And can we stop with all the Hall Of Legends talk, we all understand that you are in the hall and I’m not… Not yet anyway, but I will be and that’s something even the simpleton cannot argue… I’ll admit that you should be in the hall after wrestling for twenty freaking years. But tell me. What in the blue hell are you trying to compare here? What are you trying to prove to the masses that watch the screen and believe everything that you say? I’m half your age and in the prime of my career dumb ass, of course, I won’t be in the hall yet… It’s that same broken ass logic that’s held you back your entire career, and it shows, you cannot see the forest from the trees, my man. That comparison is like wiping your ass before you shit… It makes no sense whatsoever, but there you are trying to toss your weight around… The Hall isn’t even on my mind… But like always, Chris must make a nothing burger into front-page news… Because like I said you don’t have a damn thing to back his bull shit… You are splitting hairs for no reason at all… You have zero credibility and it shows while you remain lost in the background, fumbling around, grasping at anything you can to keep your shit career from derailing… I bet envy keeps you awake at night Chris knowing that I did everything that you ever dreamed of in a fraction of the time… It took me three years to attain what took you twenty… Like it or not but that’s reality, and I did it the way it’s supposed to be done. I didn’t fabricate the truth or attack people from behind, I never manipulated those around me or cut the line… When I stepped foot inside an XWF nearly five years ago, I sat back and watched the scenery evolve around me.”

“Unlike you Chris, I focused on all the bells and whistles, never once pushing my way to the front of the line or even asking for a Championship match… I took the opportunity given to me… I observed all the lustrous gold move from hand to hand as I kept my eyes peeled… I watched on as the brass ring was tossed around like a hot potato that no one wanted. That’s when I knew, I was fit to wear the crown because I would give this federation something it never had. A Champion who had an iron-clad will, dreamed of being the best to ever grace a wrestling ring… Once I investigated the land and got my finger on the pulse, I found my place on the roster, from there it didn’t take long to unearth treasure, from there I unloaded the lumber and began building my courageous status, my castle was built upon broken dreams and gold, my legacy, my empire… Was constructed one body at a time including yours Chris Page… TWICE! While you were off running another company butt hurt about how XWF treated you. I began pouring my foundation in this company, my cornerstone, from there I built the frame. My initials are forever carved in the foundation of the XWF, the one I built on my own. Now fast forward to the here and now after all the hellacious work, the blood, the sweat and tears here I am now built for structural greatness... And whether you’d like to admit it or not we both know that I am living breathing history, well on my way to being inducted into the Hall of Legends you brag about. You came back into this company as a rumor, and now more than ever we all see the truth… You, Chris Page, are nothing more than a flash in the pan… And as my mythology grows Chris, and yours fades away into obscurity, lost in time, my name will be remembered, and I will live forever in the heart and souls of the XWF fans. Accomplishments are forgotten over time, and I understand that people forget… Chris Page is simply trying to erase everything that I have done because when compared, he knows where he stands. And that’s no place close to me. If we are going on fulfillment alone Chris Page isn’t even in the same stratosphere as Robert Main and never will be… You may have beaten me once Chris, but that victory that you hold so near and dear to your heart will always have an asterisk***** next to it…”

Chris Page’s final exit will come with the same creeping humiliation that has taken so many of Robert’s opponents before, including Chris Page. Come Relentless, Page will understand what true suffocation is as his breathing will come to a halt as he pulled into deep waters and submerged, only to reemerge like a drowning victim coming up for one last breath. Within a few moments, he will realize that his career is on life-support and by the time the referees hand hits the canvas for a three-count he will have passed on, his Earthly restraints disconnected, his weed-stained soul bound to hell for all eternity. Death is straightforward. It is not a gate to immortality but simply, a departure from life. It has no pattern in which those from the great beyond control. Page, head these words. Death is inevitable. He will not turn a blind eye to right and wrong, to give the Eternal Slumber in return for the life of any man, woman, or child no matter how favorable. He does not discriminate, unlike those of the vastly different human race. He is neither fair nor unfair, unmoved by the prayers that grasp him through the nights and days like a statue frozen amongst the crowds. The Reaper of the XWF has a face and at Relentless he will find Chris Page taking what belongs to him. The “Chronic” ones career.

” Chris, you are a disbeliever in my phenomenal wrestling prowess. You are one of the doubting skeptics that are pushing the panic button dumbfounded by what I’ve accomplished because you never could. I’ve left so many of the so-called wrestlers of the XWF mortified, disgraced, and conquered it’s not even funny and that includes your sorry ass, but that’s what I do… You are the type of bullshit artist who will say that everyone that I have ever trounced was subpar, and below my level of competition… Hell, half these so-called wrestlers should be walking the unemployment line. But let’s not worry about them… Because you will be once I’m through wiping the canvas with your broken ass… I am a man that will always subjugate and outwrestling, leaving behind a trail of bloody demolished egos. One by one these ineffective wrestlers were demoralized just like you’ll be. Disturbing, isn’t it? To know you don’t know shit and within a blink of an eye, a snap of the finger, a bat of an eyelash I could take that career away… You’ve run your mouth like a man possessed by a high school cheerleader spreading rumors. I don’t have time for all your Barbara Walters bullshit anymore. You want to come at me like we're on the set of 60 minutes… You want to pretend to be a tough guy? From where I’m standing, I don’t see one. What’s about to happen is Robert Main is about to bring the hammer down like a handyman. Physically, mentally, and verbally this icon is about to floor you for the last time. I don’t have to validify that last statement either, it’s the truth, the gospel, it’s the only way. One thing Robert Main has never been known for is being a conman, I get down to the nitty-gritty speaking legitimacy, and once that bell rings I back up every single word… There is no smoke and mirrors here just devotion to this business.”

*****To Be Continued*****

Robert shifted his entire body to the right to avoid a massive hole in the old dirt path… He looked to Drew who was bundled up in flannel as fluffy snowflakes began to fall from the Colorado sky…

” Bob, do you think that this is a good idea? We need our heads in the right place and ready to fight come Relentless… I mean none of us has been here since Dewe…” Drew stopped himself shaking his head a few times before continuing. ” Since Dad passed away. This might not be the time to come up here, especially right before a gigantic match where your career is on the line… This is going to bring back a lot of memoires, and all of the pain…”

[i]Robert placed his hands his pockets as he watched the crowded dirt road with its gigantic potholes and deep mud puddles; perfect for four-wheel driving, but their uber would not dare take the chance…

” I think it’s a great idea, to sit on the front porch in the middle of nowhere and watch the snowfall while we clear our heads… That’s something that Dad would have wanted us to do, he loved coming up here to the cabin… Oh, and by the way, I’m not the only one that has a huge match, career or not… You’ve got to put Ned in check man… What the hell happened to him?”

Drew eyeballed the trail that wasn’t very wide and from time to time had to hop over holes that littered his walking path. He then shrugs to Robert’s question, throwing his hands out to each side…

” I mean it could be several things, maybe he feels a bit betrayed by all of us in APEX? I can see where he is coming from, we all did end up splitting on him and left him high and dry so to speak. You joined Page, and then when things finally came full circle, he didn’t get the invite to come back.”

Robert shook his head.

” Man we didn’t leave him high and dry, we all kind of just went off and did our things for a bit… Dabbled in something new… It’s not like APEX never got disbanded or anything like that. I think Ned is just taking it the wrong way. He could have just come and talked to me, instead of attacking me. I always thought that this was a brotherhood and once a member of APEX always a member of APEX… If Ned needed something, hell anything at all we would have been there by his side no questions asked…”

” Well, that’s the motto… Maybe after our match, some sense will be restored…”

” I hope so, I’ve got a full plate coming up, but I can always take a few moments to knock some sense back into Ned if needed…”

Drew grinned..

” That won’t be necessary. You worry about Page.”

” It’s funny man, no one sees the times when you are struggling, or the times when you are in pain… They only see the mistakes you’ve made… I’m full of wounds, but I’m still fucking standing… Drew I’m sorry…”

As our heroes came out into an opening, Drew gazed onward at the towering mountain before him.

” Sorry for what, Bob?”

” For not listening to you about the entire Chris Page thing, I’m sorry for that.”

” Bob-O, we all make mistakes, but there is nothing to apologize for. I wasn’t around to keep you on the straight and arrow… When I believe in someone, I’ll always fight like hell for them…”

” Thanks man…”

” You don’t have to thank me, Robert, it’s the truth…”

The expanse of pine trees ahead of the founding members of APEX was never-ending. Or at least it appeared that way. The canopies provided a slight glimpse into the snow-filled sky which turned the shades of greenery even darker.

” We’re close to the cabin now… So, where do we go from here, after the dust settles on Relentless?”

” Meh… Let’s see what’s around the corner, hopefully, a wedding…”

The pine forest they entered was mahogany and primitive. They were amazed by the height and magnificence of the pine trees. Their knotted arms stood still, as they passed by. They were strongholds of this location and stood proud. It’s no wonder why Dewey Main loved this place so…

” Yeah, congratulations by the way, with everything going on I can’t remember if I said anything… And to think she almost got married to that Robbie clown that was cheating on her back in 2017… Right around the time, we burned the Mother Fuckers at Wargames… I’m glad it’s you man…”

” Thanks, now all I have to do is pop the question… Time and place, who the hell knows…”

The two chuckle before Drew becomes more serious…

” Robert, have you thought about what you will do if you lose to Page? Like what’s next if this all falls through?”

Robert gives Drew a strange look before answering.

” No I haven’t thought about it at all, honestly speaking there isn’t anything else after this…”

” I just pray that you are making the right decision because if I have to support you now, we’re both going to be in trouble… I’m terrible with money, that’s why I spend yours…”

” Drew you have nothing to worry about and I mean that… I cannot picture myself doing anything else in life, wrestling is my job. Putting people’s asses in seats is what I live for, and putting people like Page six feet under is what I’m built for… Picture this for a second Drew… Shut your eyes and try to imagine this…”

” Okay…”

” Relentless I steamroll Chris Page for the final time he is going to be the one left wondering what to do when his wrestling career is over… And his life comes crashing down around him. We can head on down to the local burger joint and watch Page flip burgers because that’s all he will be worth after I’m finished… I want you to know something about me when I make a promise or guarantee I follow through. Unlike Chris Page, who has promised the world time and time again he would end my career, in the end, he has always fallen short. Now I am about to make a guarantee to you right here right now. In the middle of this pine forest, and God as my witnesses, I swear I’ll end his career by any means necessary, putting his old crippled ass in the retirement home where he belongs…”

.]]> <![CDATA[Embrace Your Fate - TV Title #2 - RAMPAGE]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41910 Tue, 21 Sep 2021 12:58:33 -0700 Vita Frickin Valenteen]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41910

...Continued

A week had passed since Savage. In that time, Vita had avoided feeding again. Because of this, she had grown weak and frail, her sleep filled with terrible nightmares. Visions of herself, out of control, attacking those that she cares for. Killing family, friends, ex-lovers, all while enjoying every last drop with nary a tear shed. Each time the nightmare is different. Different people. Different places. Sometimes Vita is nothing more than a wild beast in these dreams, others she is fully aware of her actions, and seems to go so far as to take pleasure in them, but one thing is always the same each and every time, and that's Jessica taking pleasure watching the carnage unfold.

They also always end the same way, with Vita violently awakening in a near panic attack.

"AHHH!"

Vita jumped upright in her bed, her eyes desperately trying to convey her whereabouts. There is no racing to catch her breath because there is no heartbeat. So while the physical reaction may be a bit muted, her sudden jerky motions convey the message of feat and confusion just fine to anyone who may be watching. As it registers that she's safe in her hotel she breathes a sign of relief. It's more out of habit than necessity. She then sits up on the edge of the bed and wipes her eyes back towards her ears, pulling her skin tight and looking like an elf for a moment.

"I really need to get these dreams under control." She says to herself before flipping on the TV for some background noise.

An ad for BOB's weed dispensary is playing. It features Miss Fury. Vita's eyes lock onto the screen at the sound of Jessica's voice. Rage overcomes her as she becomes lost in her mind, deep in thought of just how much she has grown to hate her former best friend! The injuries Fury had caused on others, including Vita. The sneak attacks that had taken place so many times, over and over again, not just to her, but to Ruby, to Corey, to Alais and Cent and any other half-decent person to step through the doors and dare try and succeed in her world!

Yesterday it was cheating in matches, today it's killing her own people, and as crazy as it sounds, inflicting me with a once thought mythical disease! Her (un)dead heart burns with passion as she asks herself the following question out loud.

"Where does it end?"

Where DOES it end? How many atrocities must be committed before something is done? Can anything even be done at this point? Or has BOB grown too big and too powerful for anyone to stop?

Vita flips to channel a few times, landing on an airing of Rampages promo against Jack InTheBox last Savage already in progress.

"I am a superb role model to bullies and addicts. They see how far someone like me can go and want to be more ruthless than ever. I won’t say that being ruthless has made me successful, but if I was a pushover and someone soft like Jack Inabox, I would be behind the scenes out of the public eye, ashamed of what happened to me. I don’t care who looks up to me, though the only thing I want is to keep this title and permanently-"

Vita scoffs at his words!

"Rolemodel my butt rude dude!"

Ruby and her had worked hard to give the fans TRUE role models! It was bad enough that BOB had gotten as popular with the people as they had in spite of their wicked ways, but now we've got "bigger" problems, literally! Because do we REALLY want to bow down to every tough guy with a chip on his shoulder that thinks it's okay to come into our company and do whatever he wants to whoever he wants just because he doesn't think anyone's going to stop him!?

"Mr. Goodell, I am the biggest ego in the company if anyone wants to dispute me; you know where to find me."

Then the words come out of her mouth just as quickly as they enter her thoughts.

"Nobody stopped BOB..."

Vita spent the next few days struggling to contain her hunger while reflecting on her career. The highs, like winning the Tag Team Championships with Jessalyn Hart twice, defending the Xtreme Championship against any and all challengers, and going on to earn a 24/7 briefcase. Nothing had ever come easy for Vita. She worked her butt off for each and every achievement that she earned, but once Jessica came onto the scene with her big baddies in BOB, things went south quickly. When Jessica first showed up, she did so not as Miss Fury, but as Ms. Direction, a woman that seemed to share a lot of similar characteristics to one Vita Valenteen. So when Ms. Direction was wanted by the police for murder and they ended up pursuing her into a building where they would find Jessica restrained and in tears pointing the finger at Vita as her captor. Despite Vita's pleas of innocence the police didn't question the story at all, and off to jail, Vita went to await trial. Meanwhile, Miss Fury would "debut" as the "new" leader of BOB as Vita was left to rot. The worst part about the whole ordeal, and one thing that she always comes back to whenever reflecting on this time in her life, is the fact that when she was in trouble, everyone abandoned her. Keep in mind, she's estranged from her parents, her best friend went crazy and became a supervillain, framed her for murder, and meanwhile, her boyfriend dumps her and all of her friends either abandon or publically accuse her on Twitter and any other platform they can find. It was a hard place to come back from, but she did, and she defeated the evil Miss Fury to capture the Anarchy championship, effectively ending Miss Fury's reign over Anarchy in a matter of weeks!

There was no celebration. The chink in the armor of BOB was quickly repaired and left alone to fend for herself by her peers, Vita was quickly outnumbered and put on the shelf for most of the year.

It's these thoughts that fuel her nightmares tonight.

09/09/2021

She violently wakes from her nightmare, but quickly regains her wits. It seems that she is growing used to the daily ritual. Vita sits there for a moment. She looks pale and weak, but there is a strength radiating from within. It's this strength that brings her

Her experiences have taught Vita a few lessons, even if some of them she isn't ready to accept. The first of which may be an old saying, but one that Vita has finally come to accept as her own, and so she says it out loud.

"Inaction is the only true evil in this world..."

This was it. The spark needed for Vita to STOP being a background player in the XWF. She was finally ready for what needed to be done, for the XWF and for HERSELF. A montage plays showing Vita picking out clothes and doing her makeup, followed by a shot of her effortlessly skipping the line and getting past the doorman at a club. Shots from inside of the club show Vita interacting with various men throughout the night. The next shot shows her leaving with an older man. Partially hidden by the darkness of the ally, the two begin making out and things are getting hot and steamy before Vita ruins it all for the poor dude with one little bite.

At first, he's too lost in ecstasy to realize what's actually happening. It isn't until Vita withdraws her fangs from his neck that reality begins to sink in for him. His eyes fill with fear as he tries to speak, but only an odd squeak emits from his throat. He falls back against the fall sliding down to his butt and as he holds his hand over the bite on his neck he looks to Vita with eyes that beg the question, why? One Vita is totally prepared to answer as she wipes his blood from her chin with a renewed strength.

"Tonight you were lucky. You met a monster with a conscience. That means you TOTALLY get ONE more chance to NOT meet a gruesome end!"

"You'll stop coming to places like this, you'll stop cheating on your FAMILY, and you'll make an effort to be a good man! Or end it the responsible way, which I know you totally haven't since you've gone out of your way to hide that tan line all night!"

The frightened man's eyes widen as he looks at the tan line from his missing wedding band. He tries to mutter the word please, but it comes out as little more than a squeak.

"Do we have an understanding?"

Frantically the man nods in agreement! Anything to pacify this devil woman so that she leaves him alone! Satisfied, Vita disappears into a thick fog, leaving the whimpering man alone in the ally.

Sometime later, we catch up to Vita who is brooding atop a skyrise building just before daybreak.

"Rampage said that with his size, there's no other athlete like him in the XWF today, and he's right if you forget about Thias Watts, which is easy enough, I suppose, since everyone likes to pretend that Anarchy doesn't exist in the first place. Rampage! You call into question HOW I obtained this rematch, while in the same breath bellyaching about how there's no competition! Do you want to know what it took to make this match a reality!? It's not the vulgar and immature suggestion that you made! Really!? A woman has to perform oral sex to be presented with an opportunity in her professional life!? Is that what you think!? Not to mention you insinuating that I belonged in the woman division exclusively like I haven't beaten BADDER Mo-Frickers thank you in the past!? I know you're just trying to be cute Rampage. You're trying to show the world how edgy and nasty you can be. Still, it did surprise me that a world-class champion athlete such as yourself could make such comments and not put cancel culture into a frenzy."

"Oh yeah, I'm a vampire now. I guess I don't get the luxury of "human" rights anymore, huh?"

"Regardless, all it took to make this match a reality was a phone call and the aforementioned lack of challengers chomping at the bit to step into the ring with a seven-foot giant!"

"Settle down big guy, the lack of challengers speaks less to your intimidation factor and more to the depths that this division has sunk! Gone are the days that Jim Caedus entered the XWF by kicking down the door to the Television division and going on to have one of the most impressive reigns of the weekly defense era! Gone are the stability that came with a man like Thomas Nixon fighting the good, even if often mislead fight as he swatted away challenger after challenger to prove himself one of the true workhorses in the history of the title!"

"At this point, even the days of watching former Universal champions battle for the opportunity for a shot at this belt! Instead, we have BIG green goobers like Rampage getting lucky under circumstances he has no idea, and suddenly thinking he's the frickin bee's knees of the XWF because he's scored wins over Vita Valenteen, John Black, and Jack InTha-Who!? C'mon dude, you've done nothing! You've beaten nobody! If it were 2019 and you scored that win over me, sure, kudos to you dude, but these days? Maybe not so much..."

"A perception I'm fully prepared to change come Relentless! The last time we faced, you got the jump on me, but that's no excuse! You proved your might right at the beginning when you slammed me to the outside of the ring! But don't forget Rampage, had I not fought against trainers orders and tried to return to the action, all indications pointed towards John Black having YOUR number! Is that how it would have played? Who knows, but it's totally worth mentioning when we're comparing a triple threat a month ago to a single match today! It's TOTALY different circumstances, just like it's a TOTALLY different Vita Valenteen that will be stepping into that ring!"

"Of course, you're ready for that, aren't you? "STAKE THROUGH THE HEART MATCH"! WOW! I don't know what the frick you're thinking with this one big dude, but if you think for one moment that you've done anything more than motivate me that much more to bite you down to size, then you're a bigger goof than I've given you credit for! You're obviously smart enough to know that a stake through the heart can kill me, though the jury's still out on if you realized your big ass would die too when you made the stipulation! Gotta admit my man, you totally looked bewildered when Ellen had to point that tidbit out to you, but don't worry, I'm sure you guys TOTALLY nailed it with that theory of you being too fat to actually have your heart penetrated! Not that I think you have one, but I'm sure there's something in there we can poke that will keep your big ass down!"

"And look at you! Telling the world, on national television, that YOU don't know what's going to happen in this match!? The who fricken point of choosing the stipulation is the champions' advantage! You should have a plan fully in place before you ever spit out the stip! Normally I'd assume you do, and this is nothing more than a diversion tactic, but then again, you're the big dummy that thinks you're fighting from underneath as the champion, and thus putting me on a pedestal high above you and the belt that you carry! Good job, because I am above you, and I am above that belt, at least where that belt as it stands now, but when I drive that stake into your chest and win the title back for a SECOND time, I promise you that I'll do everything in my power to elevate this championship back to the glory it once held! Oh, and despite your poor research leading you to believe that I was a multiple-time TV champ, you actually ended my FIRST reign! Seriously, who are you getting me confused with here big man, and how many other mistakes are you making in the lead up to this confrontation!? I'm obviously not happy without things played out the last time we faced off, and I'm back for more! That goes against the whole idea that anyone should be afraid of you! Because I'm not, and while you can make the excuse that I'm a creature of the night, let me remind you that until recently, that wasn't the case, and when I was still human, I was forced to face down all sorts of mythical creatures and science fiction that proved to be not so fiction, and I faced them with the same headstrong courage that I'm bringing to you, Ramage! Do you think you're the best? I say you start by proving it here because you've asked for a fight to the death, and I have her number on speed dial!"

"Oh, and as far as your aspirations for a World Title shot should I "steal" the Television Championship at Relentless. Even though it's super insulting for you to suggest that I'd have to steal the TV title in order to win it, I think we can ignore that one since you already blew your offensive load earlier with the sexist crap. So I'll just say that I agree and fully support this decision and I will do my very best to ensure that you can fulfill your dreams of challenging Miss Fury for the bWo World Championship because you know, XWF doesn't have one!"

Just before the scene fades to black, Vita flashes a troublesome grin.

???
]]>

...Continued

"Mr. Goodell, I am the biggest ego in the company if anyone wants to dispute me; you know where to find me."

09/09/2021

***This is a PSA From The Snow Bunny Foundation.***

[We see the most legendary porn star who has done it all, Sara Jay, who is inside a classroom in her black dress and heels, with a chalk board behind her. Then she writes the word “Snow bunny” on the board. She pulls a ruler, and speaks.]

Sara Jay: Welcome to the first class of a snow bunny. I won’t waste anyone’s time on this exact topic, but let’s just say it’s either a lady who’s into the white stuff… or into the idea of getting plowed by a man who’s a darker skin… oh boy, i’ve seen PLENTY of those in my career. Has anyone ever heard of jungle fever?

[Then she see’s at the classroom, where there were a few white girls, who are wearing reveling clothing who all waved their hands in the air. Then we see her bringing into the class room JB who was in a black jacket, black jeans, with a gold chain on. Then we see all the women in the desk getting giddy, as he smiles at them.]

Sara Jay: Welcome to the Snow bunny course, JB. How do you feel about being here?

JB: Well all I can say is this… oh boy… i’ve never scene so many white girls in a room. Well I lied, i’ve seen them plenty of times on the road.

Sara Jay: Well you are a wrestler, and you are educated to match… how come you’ve never been with a white girl before?

JB: Simple, too much entitlement for me to take on. Plus, I know that most of them would call the cops on my ass before I could even walk past em. One second later, they reach in their purses and call them cops for me “harassing” them.

[Then the women on the desk where chatting among themselves, as Sara places the ruler on his body in a suggestive manner, as JB noticed her doing all that.]

Sara Jay: I wouldn’t call the cops on you… plus, you look like you got something down there. Don’t you got a big ol’ boy there?

JB: Uhm… I wouldn’t want to talk about that, unless you want to feel the boy inside ya mouth.

Sara Jay: Oh you are such a forward man, I like that. So you know what, I am going to pick one of the girls on the desk to come up and meet you and your boy. Any volunteers?

[Then we see one of them in her superhero cosplay that resembled Ruby but in Pink and Black Attack style, and she then starts to feel up on JB. He then looked at her, as she was all excited to feel his muscles on his arms. She then starts to come down to his thigh, reaching to his mike roctch, where he put her hand down.]

JB: Whoa their love, I don’t think it’s not a goood idea to do all that.

Sara Jay: C’mon JB, give her a chance to feel you. Don’t you want to experience what i feels to be inside a snow bunny like this? I think she’s ready to be snow plowed into the next winter cycle.

JB: Well I can’t be doing all that with everyone watching me, got that performance anxiety.

[Then after that, we see a montage of JB laying the boy on each and everyone of them. He even manages to plow Sara in the process also, then about a three hours later, we see him walking outside of the class room with a smile on his face.]

JB: Oh boy, I laid it on them… kinda had to show them what it means to be a snow bunny. I don’t know much about them feeling the boy, but all I can say is that they are well versed in what a man can do like myself. So in the end…

****This has been paid for by the Snow Bunny Foundation****

[Image: 580b3c4d5091d0e99e2de8ee46099f2d_w200.gif]

[It opens up to JB and Reggie at the lounge at night, dressed in their finest gear, as they drink their Hennessy in their glass. As JB pours some of the liquor onto their glass, they encounter the same lady who was stalking JB last time, who was coming up to them. As she came close, JB then took a look at her closely and realized that she wasn’t an Atara look a like, but none he recognized before, and takes a sip of his henny.]

Reggie: Why were you looking so close at that chick who passed by?

JB: She looked like a chick I meet at the fair last time, she managed to look like Atara, but now she’s just some no name broad I don’t know. Guess my mind’s playin tricks on me.

Reggie: Well I mean, you are pretty focused on that match, you think you are going to advance it?

JB: When the time comes, we’ll see… but for now, let’s talk about something else. You seen that gig I did with Sara Jay a few days ago? It was a long shoot man..

Reggie: Yeah man, it was pretty funny how you mentioned how entitled them snow bunnies can be in that shoot. I mean, shit… i’ve seen them in my lifetime that made me turn against them. I won’t lie, I had known one when I was in school.

JB: Oh really, how was she looking like? A thick broad or some rail thin chick?

Reggie: Compared to the girls whom you shot with, kinda the similar build as them.

JB: Cool Cool, well I have the same sentiments as you. I had few in my life whom were forgettable. Well let me not lie, I had this chick who died years ago.

Reggie: What was her name?

[JB then takes a sip and he had his head down, then he looks at Reggie.]

JB: Her name was Ann Thraxx, shit I can’t forget that name. Me and her had a love hate thing, but I know she had slight love for me, while I had upmost love for her. Fuck I gave her some chocolates at some point. I know that some simp shit, but I didn’t know better.

Reggie: What a name bro, nothing wrong with giving out chocolates just like how you gave them chicks and Jay that candy rain. I mean, it’s not like we are able to forget those European skinned type of women in our lives. You know what we should do, let’s drink it up and forget them for the night, I know you and I need some catching up to do.

[Then we see the boys just having a time of their night, as they drink their Henny and vibe to the latest shitty top 40 hits from the DJ as the scene simple fades out.]

#HardOnAtty... It won't Trend, but I don't Kare

***This is a PSA From The Snow Bunny Foundation.***

****This has been paid for by the Snow Bunny Foundation****

#HardOnAtty... It won't Trend, but I don't Kare

“As i walk into the valley into the shadow’s of fame, I take a look at my life, and realize that I am plain. So plain, that even a mayo can’t faze me in the slightest; and i’ve seen a lot of people eat it straight out of a jar or use as hair product (thanks Big Ed). That jar that is scooped up and used, is the same thing I am comparing to someone who needs no pomp and circumstance. Atara, you might have it all and you have earned your way to the top of mountain. I can’t blame you for being in tuned with fans, and having strong semblance of fame and fortune. So, I am not shocked you want to sneak diss my own personal shortcomings in this place.

I’m sorry if you had beaten me twice…

I’m sorry if I have no constant work culture in the ring…

I’m very VERY sorry for always constantly thinking about you…

The only thing I am not sorry about is seeing the worst twerking videos with the most flatest ass that would rival’s Talia’s own in the club. I’ve better snow bunnies who can have an ass and shake it without struggling to do it. I’m far far FAR away from an ass man, but if Charlie had seen it and managed to get himself a heart attack over it, musta been a fluke. I guess after seeing that ass move, i’ve broken the Atty curse and now I just want to tell those guys who you be creeping with on the low had made the HUGE mistake on riding you down the line.

I mean, the whole time I was infatuated with you was because of all the hype and how much of the locker room talk had spread about you. I guess I followed the talk, and thought I had a chance but like you said that you aren’t remotely interested. I knew from the jump if I had played the simp card, you’d take the bait and ride it until Warstein comes back to fuck you back to the top of the card. I still remember that time you smashed him, and let me say that when I saw that tape… I was disgusted and wanted to wash my eyes with bleach, but didn’t do all that.

All I see is a little girl who need to be taught a lesson that looks and clout can get you so far in life…

So what if you aren’t really a white girl? Aren’t your people in Southeast Europe or sumthin? Either way Atara, you are still a white girl who’s gonna see all red like a Eva Marie promo, because no matter what the color is, you will bleed so much that Aunt Flo won’t be coming at your door before you turn 30 years old.

You can say I suck and the mask i worn suck and all the above, i’ll allow it. But please come up with something better then some juvenile shit like that, if you don’t want to try me that’s fine. While you play on twitter, being a rare Pokemon, or overall being a general millennial princess…

I’ll still be in the shadows… with a snow bunny who can shake her ass for real… as you fall in line for suckas who’ll fall for a lazy ass like yourself.”]]> <![CDATA[The Final Rope to Burn]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41899 Fri, 17 Sep 2021 23:58:24 -0700 Ned Kaye]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41899

A Drowning - HtDA

There was an oppressive harshness to the lights in Kaye’s replica office, hidden behind a poster in Avalanche HQ. The Nefarious One sat alone in the room, his hands intertwined as he rested his chin upon his knuckles. The blinding radiance of the lightbulb bounced off of the desk Ned sat at. He knew why he had this room built in the first place. A small bandage to a much bigger issue at play. As much as The Nefarious One had touted proudly of his ultimate defeat and destruction of Ned’s mind in this body, he still lingered under the surface. He was certain that was the case. It was an impossibility that he had actually adopted some of Kaye’s mannerisms and behaviors. And it was clear to anyone and everyone that they were different, yet a few people still treated them as the same. As if The Nefarious One was just some mask. It was hard for The Nefarious One to truly process the anger he felt whenever the insinuation was made. Hell, even Cooper had been one to press on that particular button.

Steven Cooper. His friend. His friend who was dying while he behaved in this manner.

He shook the thought away. Raising the rim of a beer bottle to his lips and taking a swig. Ned had half a mind to inspect the bottle, considering he didn’t even recall grabbing it in the first place, but he was too many in to care. The amber liquid travelled down his throat, each rough gulp ignoring whatever meager approximation of flavor was in the beverage. He brought the bottle back down to the desk, the condensation pooling at its base as Ned continued to sit and to think about his predicament. All of this had begun with The Nefarious One rejecting Ned’s past in APEX and forming Avalanche, and while Avalanche had begun to struggle, The Nefarious One sat back for the perfect moment to strike; to destroy the last connection that he immediately saw to that weak willed excuse for a man that had squandered his potential under the boots of less talented, but more crafty “allies.” To erase the memory of a boy who honored his late father after it would have made him proud and couldn’t even manage to keep that prize for long at all. It was The Nefarious One that brought that belt back where it belonged. No longer on the waist pretender, at least for a short while. As his body began to sway under the drunken feeling intensifying within him, Ned picked himself up from his desk only to slump over upon it, his emptied bottle of beer toppling over and rolling to the floor. Kaye reached into one of the drawers as he leaned his weight onto the desk. His hand clumsily fumbled through its contents, feeling the texture of leather against his fingertips as he finally found what he had been reaching for. With a deep breath, he pulled the item out, collapsing back into his chair.

In front of Ned, was a small, worn black journal, one he had written in for over a decade now. Other notebooks he would just fill up for his own personal purposes, to combat the depression he had struggled to fight against for so many years. In all of them was a collection of events in his life, both the good and bad alike, but the black notebook was different. He didn’t write about events in this book, only feelings. Whenever he felt destructive or aggressive outside of the ring, he shut it away inside of the book to forget about it. But it had never forgotten about him, it seemed.

The Nefarious One lifted the cover, scanning through the book’s contents; through his book’s contents. Every word one Ned thought he had written, but had truly come from the other being waiting in the wings through all of this. Each word filled with contempt for everyone else, for Ned in particular. Each sentence loaded with a desire to destroy everything Ned stood for and cultivated. That chivalrous charade was just hiding the real Ned underneath. It had to have been… otherwise…

The thought was dismissed as quickly as it came, interrupted by another swig from a fresh bottle, its appearance as sudden as the last, but anything but unwelcome. It was then that the slightest glimmer caught his eye, something hidden off to the side. Ned lifted himself up, his shoes crunching the glass beneath his feet as he struggled to keep balanced, approaching the sight he was certain he didn’t see. One of the few things The Nefarious One made certain to avoid.

A mirror.

Ned’s eyes attempted to readjust to the ornament against the office replica’s wall. He had never placed one in here, to his recollection. Mirrors never showed The Nefarious One staring back, rather showing Ned Kaye. There was something in the eyes that had an unshakeable connection to his weaker self. Perhaps it was the dissonance between whom he felt like and what he saw. But what Ned gazed upon in the office at that drunken moment was far more terrifying than any set of off putting eyes. He adjusted his positioning in relation to the mirror, trying to ensure that what he saw wasn’t merely a trick of the light or some cheap carnival ruse. However, that didn’t seem to be the case at all as his gaze fixed more intently upon the mirror.

What stared back was nothing. No room. No wall. Just an empty space, void of light or sound. The closer he stepped towards it, a faint, chilling air began to slide across his skin. Shivering, Ned approached the vacant gateway, placing his hand upward to attempt to touch where the glass should normally be, only to be met by a decisive lack of such a divider. He reached his hand through, watching as it disappeared into the darkness. Confusion overcame Ned as he wiggled his fingers about, unable to see even the slightest bit of movement after the threshold of the mirror’s frame had been crossed. Carefully, he withdrew his hand, inspecting it. Nothing seemed to have changed, albeit a slight numbing from the frosty space on the other side. With a deep breath, he stepped into the mirror, turning his back on the warm, comforting office he had built.

Inside of the mirror was an indescribable sensation for a moment. As if he were both suspended in a tank of water, sinking downward in the air. And around him was miles and miles of endless void, its cold caress gently inviting him further into its depths. That was only for a moment, however. As soon as it had enveloped him, it dispersed before Ned, leaving him plummeting a short distance into the snow below. Taking a moment to get his bearings after an unexpected mouthful of snow, Ned stood up, trying to understand precisely where he had ended up, however, he already knew this place well. The mountain he had been stranded on during the avalanche the week prior to his title match against The Engineer. It was exactly as he had remembered it, except with the addition of a trail of footsteps leading towards the cave he had taken refuge in. Almost instinctively, Kaye began to follow them, placing his steps in the same spots that had been placed before him, finding his shoes fitting nicely in each crevasse of snow. Feeling the wind gush past his ears, he noticed how little the cold seemed to bother him. He had clearly been here before and done all of this prior, hell, the entire place seemed identical to his memory, except for the bitter frost that looked to kill him. That, and the sobering qualities of this place. Where just a few moments prior, his movements had been erratic and unsteady, he was now walking forward with uncertain purpose. It felt like a form of autopilot, as if he were following a set path. After an eternity of walking, he saw the cave ahead, the snowstorm surrounding him intensifying as he stepped into the cave, approaching a fire that had just been creating by the cave’s sole occupant: Ned Kaye.

The younger Ned looked at the Nefarious One, taken back by his appearance, yet despite a face deliberately intended to conceal the fact, The Nefarious One found himself equally unsettled by the sight. The other Ned who shivered next to the fire looked so close to him, but younger and less weary of the world even in this life threatening situation. How could he have anticipated that this is what he was going to transform into back then? And in a tense second, The Nefarious One spoke, words finding his mouth without a hint of thought or desire to say them.

“Hello, Ned.”

He took a bow, his face frozen in an unwilling smile, forced to play the part and say his lines.

"I hear you have an important moment coming up and, well, I just would love to offer my services."

The younger vision of Ned laughed, almost proudly. As if he knew he was stronger than to succumb to some strange offer by what seemed to be a delusion.

“So, you’re the devil, right?” The vision chuckled as he spoke.

“I don’t know.”

Ned meant to say more. He knew that wasn’t where his words stopped previously. He had seen this from the other side once. He knew this conversation. His veneer of devilish assuredness melted, his face showing the worry building inside of him.

“...Am I?”

The vision seemed to pause in time as the fire flickered in front of him until the fire seemed to stop itself, fading away and leaving Ned alone in the dark cave, sounds of snowfall pelting outside. Yet before he could inhale, the fire started again and in the cave wasn’t a younger vision of Ned Kaye, but an older one, the Universal Championship around his waist reflecting the moving campfire in front of him. The version of Ned that haunted him for far longer than any makeshift devil. The Notorious One.

“You’re starting to get it,” said the doppelganger wearing gold.

“There’s nothing to get,” responded Ned, “This isn’t some game. Ned’s gone. I’m not that person any more. I can never be him again. I’m only this.”

“Says who, Ned?”

Ned paused, uncertain how to respond as the fire warmed the air around them.

“I… I-...”

----

“And so it is you and I here, Archyle.”

The Nefarious One claps his hands together sarcastically, somehow not as amused as he typically is for a match.

“Although I had hoped to derail Robert’s little dream matches against a man who can’t hope to understand him, I instead was handed a much greater opportunity from you: the chance to rip APEX’s heart from its chest. Despite your place as weakest link of APEX, you do manage to do one thing particularly well, Drew: you manage to make the others around you buy into the nonsense you believe. That Jim is a worthy champion. That Robert isn’t just a desperate fool tricked by an egotist. That I am who you pretend I am. You are an expert at selling garbage, which makes a lot of sense given your year or so playing pirate. But the time for cosplay and booty jokes has long passed Drew. I’m not just here to beat you and take you away from your beloved stable. I requested a Last Man’s Standing match because I want to hurt you, Archyle. I want to force you up so I can send you those few feet tumbling back to the canvas. I want to make an example out of you.”

“The sad thing is that it will be the most you did for APEX since losing to Chris Page. And after I embarrass you at Relentless, not only will you be forced to turn your back on our old buddies, but you’re going to have to fight them, too. After all those years of using your endurance as a way to convince your friends in some greater cause, you’ll be subjected to preaching the good word of Avalanche. It’s almost all too perfect, really. APEX’s clown will be the first member to topple over so that the next few can do the same. And all I’ll be able to do is look around and laugh. All I’ve had to heard for years is how you and Robert recruited Ned and now I can finally return the favor, though with a little less in the way of hugs and undeserved pats on the back.”

“Let’s be frank here: you and Robert never really gave a shit about Ned Kaye. Sure, he was a nice little trophy to put on APEX’s shelf, but he was never a real friend to all of you. You never accompanied him to his matches. Hell, Robert didn’t care about giving a recovering alcoholic a swig of whisky considering it was out in the woods and he couldn’t care less how he looks outside of a ring. With all of your pearl clutching, all you ever proved is that you enjoyed Ned the same way one might enjoy the company of a well behaved cat. A fine pet, but not a real companion in the slightest. Allow me to remove any ambiguity, Drew. Allow me to show you who you’re facing and who you’re working for from here on out. I am not Ned. I don’t care about his little togetherness garbage, nor his self-righteous crusade to feel good. I’m here for the chaos. I’m here for hell, Drew.”

“And I will gladly be your personal devil.”]]>

A Drowning - HtDA

There was an oppressive harshness to the lights in Kaye’s replica office, hidden behind a poster in Avalanche HQ. The Nefarious One sat alone in the room, his hands intertwined as he rested his chin upon his knuckles. The blinding radiance of the lightbulb bounced off of the desk Ned sat at. He knew why he had this room built in the first place. A small bandage to a much bigger issue at play. As much as The Nefarious One had touted proudly of his ultimate defeat and destruction of Ned’s mind in this body, he still lingered under the surface. He was certain that was the case. It was an impossibility that he had actually adopted some of Kaye’s mannerisms and behaviors. And it was clear to anyone and everyone that they were different, yet a few people still treated them as the same. As if The Nefarious One was just some mask. It was hard for The Nefarious One to truly process the anger he felt whenever the insinuation was made. Hell, even Cooper had been one to press on that particular button.

Steven Cooper. His friend. His friend who was dying while he behaved in this manner.

He shook the thought away. Raising the rim of a beer bottle to his lips and taking a swig. Ned had half a mind to inspect the bottle, considering he didn’t even recall grabbing it in the first place, but he was too many in to care. The amber liquid travelled down his throat, each rough gulp ignoring whatever meager approximation of flavor was in the beverage. He brought the bottle back down to the desk, the condensation pooling at its base as Ned continued to sit and to think about his predicament. All of this had begun with The Nefarious One rejecting Ned’s past in APEX and forming Avalanche, and while Avalanche had begun to struggle, The Nefarious One sat back for the perfect moment to strike; to destroy the last connection that he immediately saw to that weak willed excuse for a man that had squandered his potential under the boots of less talented, but more crafty “allies.” To erase the memory of a boy who honored his late father after it would have made him proud and couldn’t even manage to keep that prize for long at all. It was The Nefarious One that brought that belt back where it belonged. No longer on the waist pretender, at least for a short while. As his body began to sway under the drunken feeling intensifying within him, Ned picked himself up from his desk only to slump over upon it, his emptied bottle of beer toppling over and rolling to the floor. Kaye reached into one of the drawers as he leaned his weight onto the desk. His hand clumsily fumbled through its contents, feeling the texture of leather against his fingertips as he finally found what he had been reaching for. With a deep breath, he pulled the item out, collapsing back into his chair.

In front of Ned, was a small, worn black journal, one he had written in for over a decade now. Other notebooks he would just fill up for his own personal purposes, to combat the depression he had struggled to fight against for so many years. In all of them was a collection of events in his life, both the good and bad alike, but the black notebook was different. He didn’t write about events in this book, only feelings. Whenever he felt destructive or aggressive outside of the ring, he shut it away inside of the book to forget about it. But it had never forgotten about him, it seemed.

The Nefarious One lifted the cover, scanning through the book’s contents; through his book’s contents. Every word one Ned thought he had written, but had truly come from the other being waiting in the wings through all of this. Each word filled with contempt for everyone else, for Ned in particular. Each sentence loaded with a desire to destroy everything Ned stood for and cultivated. That chivalrous charade was just hiding the real Ned underneath. It had to have been… otherwise…

The thought was dismissed as quickly as it came, interrupted by another swig from a fresh bottle, its appearance as sudden as the last, but anything but unwelcome. It was then that the slightest glimmer caught his eye, something hidden off to the side. Ned lifted himself up, his shoes crunching the glass beneath his feet as he struggled to keep balanced, approaching the sight he was certain he didn’t see. One of the few things The Nefarious One made certain to avoid.

A mirror.

Ned’s eyes attempted to readjust to the ornament against the office replica’s wall. He had never placed one in here, to his recollection. Mirrors never showed The Nefarious One staring back, rather showing Ned Kaye. There was something in the eyes that had an unshakeable connection to his weaker self. Perhaps it was the dissonance between whom he felt like and what he saw. But what Ned gazed upon in the office at that drunken moment was far more terrifying than any set of off putting eyes. He adjusted his positioning in relation to the mirror, trying to ensure that what he saw wasn’t merely a trick of the light or some cheap carnival ruse. However, that didn’t seem to be the case at all as his gaze fixed more intently upon the mirror.

What stared back was nothing. No room. No wall. Just an empty space, void of light or sound. The closer he stepped towards it, a faint, chilling air began to slide across his skin. Shivering, Ned approached the vacant gateway, placing his hand upward to attempt to touch where the glass should normally be, only to be met by a decisive lack of such a divider. He reached his hand through, watching as it disappeared into the darkness. Confusion overcame Ned as he wiggled his fingers about, unable to see even the slightest bit of movement after the threshold of the mirror’s frame had been crossed. Carefully, he withdrew his hand, inspecting it. Nothing seemed to have changed, albeit a slight numbing from the frosty space on the other side. With a deep breath, he stepped into the mirror, turning his back on the warm, comforting office he had built.

Inside of the mirror was an indescribable sensation for a moment. As if he were both suspended in a tank of water, sinking downward in the air. And around him was miles and miles of endless void, its cold caress gently inviting him further into its depths. That was only for a moment, however. As soon as it had enveloped him, it dispersed before Ned, leaving him plummeting a short distance into the snow below. Taking a moment to get his bearings after an unexpected mouthful of snow, Ned stood up, trying to understand precisely where he had ended up, however, he already knew this place well. The mountain he had been stranded on during the avalanche the week prior to his title match against The Engineer. It was exactly as he had remembered it, except with the addition of a trail of footsteps leading towards the cave he had taken refuge in. Almost instinctively, Kaye began to follow them, placing his steps in the same spots that had been placed before him, finding his shoes fitting nicely in each crevasse of snow. Feeling the wind gush past his ears, he noticed how little the cold seemed to bother him. He had clearly been here before and done all of this prior, hell, the entire place seemed identical to his memory, except for the bitter frost that looked to kill him. That, and the sobering qualities of this place. Where just a few moments prior, his movements had been erratic and unsteady, he was now walking forward with uncertain purpose. It felt like a form of autopilot, as if he were following a set path. After an eternity of walking, he saw the cave ahead, the snowstorm surrounding him intensifying as he stepped into the cave, approaching a fire that had just been creating by the cave’s sole occupant: Ned Kaye.

The younger Ned looked at the Nefarious One, taken back by his appearance, yet despite a face deliberately intended to conceal the fact, The Nefarious One found himself equally unsettled by the sight. The other Ned who shivered next to the fire looked so close to him, but younger and less weary of the world even in this life threatening situation. How could he have anticipated that this is what he was going to transform into back then? And in a tense second, The Nefarious One spoke, words finding his mouth without a hint of thought or desire to say them.

“Hello, Ned.”

He took a bow, his face frozen in an unwilling smile, forced to play the part and say his lines.

"I hear you have an important moment coming up and, well, I just would love to offer my services."

The younger vision of Ned laughed, almost proudly. As if he knew he was stronger than to succumb to some strange offer by what seemed to be a delusion.

“So, you’re the devil, right?” The vision chuckled as he spoke.

“I don’t know.”

Ned meant to say more. He knew that wasn’t where his words stopped previously. He had seen this from the other side once. He knew this conversation. His veneer of devilish assuredness melted, his face showing the worry building inside of him.

“...Am I?”

The vision seemed to pause in time as the fire flickered in front of him until the fire seemed to stop itself, fading away and leaving Ned alone in the dark cave, sounds of snowfall pelting outside. Yet before he could inhale, the fire started again and in the cave wasn’t a younger vision of Ned Kaye, but an older one, the Universal Championship around his waist reflecting the moving campfire in front of him. The version of Ned that haunted him for far longer than any makeshift devil. The Notorious One.

“You’re starting to get it,” said the doppelganger wearing gold.

“There’s nothing to get,” responded Ned, “This isn’t some game. Ned’s gone. I’m not that person any more. I can never be him again. I’m only this.”

“Says who, Ned?”

Ned paused, uncertain how to respond as the fire warmed the air around them.

“I… I-...”

----

“And so it is you and I here, Archyle.”

The Nefarious One claps his hands together sarcastically, somehow not as amused as he typically is for a match.

“Although I had hoped to derail Robert’s little dream matches against a man who can’t hope to understand him, I instead was handed a much greater opportunity from you: the chance to rip APEX’s heart from its chest. Despite your place as weakest link of APEX, you do manage to do one thing particularly well, Drew: you manage to make the others around you buy into the nonsense you believe. That Jim is a worthy champion. That Robert isn’t just a desperate fool tricked by an egotist. That I am who you pretend I am. You are an expert at selling garbage, which makes a lot of sense given your year or so playing pirate. But the time for cosplay and booty jokes has long passed Drew. I’m not just here to beat you and take you away from your beloved stable. I requested a Last Man’s Standing match because I want to hurt you, Archyle. I want to force you up so I can send you those few feet tumbling back to the canvas. I want to make an example out of you.”

“The sad thing is that it will be the most you did for APEX since losing to Chris Page. And after I embarrass you at Relentless, not only will you be forced to turn your back on our old buddies, but you’re going to have to fight them, too. After all those years of using your endurance as a way to convince your friends in some greater cause, you’ll be subjected to preaching the good word of Avalanche. It’s almost all too perfect, really. APEX’s clown will be the first member to topple over so that the next few can do the same. And all I’ll be able to do is look around and laugh. All I’ve had to heard for years is how you and Robert recruited Ned and now I can finally return the favor, though with a little less in the way of hugs and undeserved pats on the back.”

“Let’s be frank here: you and Robert never really gave a shit about Ned Kaye. Sure, he was a nice little trophy to put on APEX’s shelf, but he was never a real friend to all of you. You never accompanied him to his matches. Hell, Robert didn’t care about giving a recovering alcoholic a swig of whisky considering it was out in the woods and he couldn’t care less how he looks outside of a ring. With all of your pearl clutching, all you ever proved is that you enjoyed Ned the same way one might enjoy the company of a well behaved cat. A fine pet, but not a real companion in the slightest. Allow me to remove any ambiguity, Drew. Allow me to show you who you’re facing and who you’re working for from here on out. I am not Ned. I don’t care about his little togetherness garbage, nor his self-righteous crusade to feel good. I’m here for the chaos. I’m here for hell, Drew.”

“And I will gladly be your personal devil.”]]> <![CDATA[Like a Dick to Waters]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41898 Fri, 17 Sep 2021 23:52:54 -0700 JimCaedus]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41898 ======€@£|)μ$======

Once upon a time, two days hence from the epic battle that was War Games...

---AUGUST 3, 2021---
XWF Mobile HQ, 24/7 Halls
9:48 PM

A drone whirrrrrrrrs through the labyrinthine 24/7 halls of the XWF Mobile Headquarters. Essentially- well, specifically -the structure is a colossal and legit honest to God working Technodrome, like, from 1980s TMNT (including that protruding fork looking thingy on the outer shell of the 'Drome that shoots lasers or someshit). Vinnie named it the X-nodrome and it's top secret- which is why we've only ever seen the halls themselves -so shuddupuh-you-mouth about it and nevermind the plot hole about secrets not being secrets if they're revealed in a promo. Or..or how anyone gets in and outta there or how the X-nodrome itself gets from here to there and is top secret if it's a skyscraper-sized death star on tank treads, fuck you.

......Let's not fight, k? Anyway...

The drone hovers past a napping and freshly crowned at War Games Xtreme Champ Corey Smith.

Off the nearest intersecting hall we see TK slowly and quietly approaching an unsuspecting Dolly Waters who appears to be smoking a ciggy near a dumpster.

Down yet another hall...

What exactly are you asking me to do, Jimmy?

Send me back baby, back to like moments before Dolly got me in round one of War Games...and make sure I remember what happens so I can avoid it this time and win that fuckin' match.

Babe...I told you before, Chronomagick is too chaotic to control. Every attempt at the Time Spell leads to some sort of catastrophe.

Jim runs his hand through her hair, palming the back of her head and pulling her in closer for a kiss. He brushes her hair aside and slides over to her neck, kissing it tenderly.

Gasping. I know...what you're trying...to do. ...But please...don't...stop... Exhaling as her knees begin to weaken.

Draws back suddenly, Arcana stumbles slightly forward. I'm sorry?

Staring daggers. You know I can magick that dick you're so proud of into a micropenis, right?

Cocky, appropriately. Hey, you wanna deprive your vagina 'a this wicked wang, be my guest.

::POOF::

Jim's face blanches in shock, his eyes widen. Peeking down into his shorts, then back to Arcana. Really?

::POOF::

Relief. Jesus junk crushin' Christ, baby, don't ever do that again. No wonder Page is such a sunuvabitch...if I had to go through life with the Monopoly thimble for a cock I'd be non-stop pissed too and damn sure slappin' on some makeup myself, seein' as I'd be moreso a woman than a man. Like HE is I mean. Anyway...baby, PLEASE cast the spell. Please. I want that War Games win.

Arcana gazes deep into his icy blues... ::sigh:: Oh alright...

Ecstatic. NICE!! THANK YOU baby!! Now cmon, let's creampie that ol' space time continuum!

Sighing again, a vague look of worry washing over her face, Arcana begins waving her arms in an elaborate display, a light beginning to trail from her fingertips. Pausing one hand and circling the other with a counter-clockwise motion...

[Image: 63XhltS.gif]

The simple display suddenly evolves.

[Image: LXHTXQh.gif]

Pouring her energy into the fledgling portal, it gains in complexity and power taking final form.

[Image: Q4laNEo.gif]

Jim stares in awe, illuminated by the rings of Chronomagick. Baby you're fuckin' amazing... Jim takes a deep breath and strolls into the portal, vanishing from the timeline...

Moments later, he strolls up behind Arcana. Well goddammit, THAT didn't work. Somehow I forgot what was gonna happen and it happened again.

That happens. I told you hun, Chronomagick is highly unstable, too chaotic to control yet ironically at the same time stubborn and more or less set as is.

TK's voice cuts in from the nearest intersecting hall. What up, Dolly? A scuffle is heard as he rolls her up for a pin. Gotcha bitch!

Seeing the silver lining. Well, at least TK has no excuse for pinning Dolly for the X and is still gonna be seen as a fuckin'

... C'mon baby...

As the couple take their leave, they fail to notice an apparent tear in the space time continuum left behind...

[Image: H87RIAG.gif]

As the rings of Chronomagick energy blast outward, shit starts hitting the fan over the course of the night and following weeks:

-A pocket of time, dated February 2021, expands and X Champ Alias appears in place of Dolly during TK's still massive fuck up of a pin. Not only that, for a short period all in the XWF is as it was in February before reverting back.

-Multiple Dollys preceding, during and following War Games blink into our timeline before phasing back into proper place.

-Hotdog materializes, an interloper in our universe.

-The Inexplicable Super Baby, attracted by the magick, makes an appearance and saves us all from this malevolent porcine beast and it's evil plans before returning to the Isle of Buyan and it's point of origin.

-So near the source of the tear, the 24/7 Halls themselves become a conjunction point for the multiverse; Atara Themis appearing as Misty, noir and a pomeranian, Banana Hand attacking and all with thematically accurate versions of Jim to kick out.

Some other lame shit happens too with Chris Page and Doc Brown, adding to the problem and giving the tear further momentum.

Thanks Page.

Everyone thank Chris Page for making it worse, that goddamn extra exacerbating buttfucker.

Anyway, as time goes on...

---SEPTEMBER 17, 2021---
XWF Mobile HQ (X-nodrome), 24/7 Halls

Wandering through the hallways with Arcana immediately following Bossman Lane's pin...

I told you Jimmy, that was a bad idea. Notice the happenings taking place around us, every bizarre pin, every mysterious event...it's all because of that damn spell and that Stop-'o-Clock Spell on Vinnie's pin just made matters worse. We need to locate what I'm sure is a tear in the fabric of space and time and I need to at least try to seal it. This could take awhile to locate.

Found it.

[Image: H87RIAG.gif]

...Uh...yeah that'd be it. Alright babe, give me some room here while I-

But her request is cut short as Jim and Arcana vanish within a wave of energy burped out from the tear.

[Image: xzABpex.gif]

Tumbling through the portal of time and space-

This must be what it's like for semen shootin' through the shaft and out to freedom: usually the face 'a Dolly Waters. Anyway, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

-Jim's terrified bellow echoing infinitely around them (Arcana more or less unimpressed by it all) as they "fall" for quite some time, eventually spying the end to this jarring journey as it zooms "up" to greet them.

They disappear into the curiously devoid of color exit portal-

======€@£|)μ$======

---CHICAGO---
Earth-00ρ?

An overweight balding man in immaculate and expensive dress clothes lies back comfortably in what looks to be a barber's chair, hot towel covering his face, softening the skin for a shave. An attendant shines his shoes, another takes an emery board to his fingernails.

Surrounding this man we see three reporters standing and staring silently, all eyes on the man in the chair.

Clearly this is a powerful man and in his world, everyone waits for his cue.

The barber removes the hot towel, revealing a face more effeminate than may have been expected.

A reporter finally speaks. An article in a local publication pointed the question that since you are in fact- or that it seems you are in fact -the mayor of Chicago, the Governor of Illinois, the owner of 99% of all businesses therein and the coolest motherfucker in the country, why you've simply not been appointed God-King of the entire world, or at the very LEAST the President of these United States?

Chuckling arises from those in attendance, the powerful effeminate man smiles and delivers, with a southern drawl-

[Image: ZVr7Sqm.gif]

I _am_ the coolest mutherfucker in 'Merica, it's true. Tell me again how amazing I am or I'll have y'all clipped right here in front of me.

The reporter drops to his knees. You are INFINITELY AMAZING my Lord. Next to you, we're all hot garbage.

Yeah you are...yeah...yeah I like that. Hey, are you mad at me?

The reporter cocks an eyebrow in confusion. I'm...not sure I understa-

I just feel like you're mad at me. Ya know, there used to be this real prick, some G-man named Eliot, he was mad at me. He would go on and on about how I should be arrested and whatnot. "Put that jerk in jail," he'd say. He didn't appreciate what I've done for the people; buying up all the land, robbing them of their lives, their jobs, all for my own benefit so that I might take CARE of the people. How? Don't ask ME, but...what an asshole that guy was, am I right? Everyone nervously acknowledges with a unified yes. I had that man killed for what he said. What am I doing over here? I'm simply responding to the will of the people.

[Image: 73CYix7.gif]

Whipping a cup full of shaving cream with a brush applicator, the barber carefully applies the cream to the effeminate man's cheeks, chin and upper lip, setting the cup of cream aside upon completion to retrieve a straight razor.

Another reporter speaks up. What about the rep you have for controlling everything through violence? That people who don't validate you or bend to your will are dealt with violently and a whole lot of drunken spazzing out?

The effeminate man turns to address the reporter just as the barber touches the straight razor to his cheek, the movement causing a thin slice immediately drawing blood.

The effeminate man instantly pulls a pistol and drills one into the barber's forehead, showering the wall behind him with his brains before his body drops lifeless. The effeminate man slides the pistol back into his pants pocket and turns to the questioning reporter who at this very moment is pissing HIS pants. In fact, all three reporters and both remaining attendants are now wetting the floor down. Hell, even the barber is leaking, and I don't mean the blood pooling around his head funnel, I mean the voided bowels post mortem.

I grew up in Pikeville, Kentucky, and we used to say, "You can get further with false flattery and a handjob than you can with just false flattery." I'm not sure what that has to do with your question though. Let me say this, yaaaaaas there's violence here in Chicago but it isn't perpetrated by me or by anyone I employ, ain't that right Chuck?

~~Frank Nitti~~ Chuck Shitti, the effeminate man's ~~number one assassin~~ most submissive bitch, pauses his chopping up of the barber's body in full view of the reporters and replies, SURPRISE!! Oh I mean, right. No violence whatsoever boss. Chops the barber's head off.

The shoe shine vomits.

Good answer. Dolly "Gal Capone" Waters isn't a violent person. It's bad for business. Now someone reassure me that I'm doing a good job here or you're all dead. I'm sorry, that was rude of me. REASSURE ME NOW!! Nah I'm just joking. ...Shit......y'all mad at me?

---Elsewhere---

Jim opens his eyes, blinking and rubbing away the sleep as a pair of white curtains blow gently in the breeze from the window. Yawning, stretching, he slowly sits up to find himself lying on a bed fully clothed. His clothing, the drab white collar shirt and black tie of a civil servant/stiff complete with black slacks. His dress shoes, black and recently shined, are already tied tightly to his feet.

He glances around the room, it's cozy and lived in. Looks like it's been someone's home for years in fact.

He glances out the window. A neighborhood. Model Ts.

Theeeeeee fuck? The hell am I?

Sweeeeetheaaaaaart, your lunch is readyyyyyy.

That voice...it's so familiar...

Jim rises from the bed and exits the bedroom, poking around the house as he finds his way to the kitchen where-

-Arcana, dressed in not at all flattering old school respectable wifey clothing, sets a paper bag lunch down onto the dining table and smiles...as a vague look of recognition crosses her face.

Lighting strikes, Jim's memory floods back.

ARCANA!!

His spastic outburst seems to jar Arcana free from the fog.

Ji- Jimmy? ...JIMMY!

Huge grin and embrace. Baby! Holy fuck what the hell is goin' on here?? Where are we?? And why the shit is everything in black and white??

The time portal, remember?

Oooooh yeeeeeeeeah. Duh. The fuck? S'wrong with my memory? I woke up not knowin' shit and I'm still havin' some difficulty rememberin'.

I'm not sure babe, let me consult my Magic 8-ball.

Taken aback. WHOOOOA, is that attitude entirely necessary?

With a flick of her wrist, a magic 8-ball appears in her open palm. What attitude hun?

Somehow blushing while in black and white. My bad. Carry on.

Arcana shakes the legit _Magick_ 8-Ball then peers down into the viewing window... It says we're on Earth-00ρ?. I think we may have gone sideways in time Jimmy.

Sideways in time? Fucks that mean?

It means we're in an alternate universe. And these bodies we're in...we've merged with our counterparts here in this universe on this Earth.

Izzat why I have memories I can't remember experiencing and my own personal memories from our own timeline and universe are kinda hazy?

Astonished. Yes... that's...exactly right. ...How did you- ?

Just tryna get through the exposition swiftly baby, exposition suuuuuuucks it's so fuckin' boring. So...how the fuck do we get back to our own universe?

Shakes the Magick 8-Ball again. Hmmmm...it says we need to put right what once went wrong in this life. Once we have, we'll get pulled out.

SWEET! It's like Quantum Leap!

Quantum what now?

Oh you fuckin' kids with your Adderall and your punkass mumble rap. ...Damn you all to hell.

Eat it old-head.

Daddy. Eat it _daddy_. They used to call me "Big Dick Daddy" y'know. Back when Graves and Cady and I were pals. I'm pretty sure they were makin' fun 'a me but I didn't care, I loved those assholes. And I mean their _actual_ assholes, I would regularly ream Cady's out sum'in fierce. ::sigh:: The good ol' days. Anyway- Did he just wipe a tear? -what wrong are we supposed to right?

Another shake of the 8-Ball. We need to thwart the evil of..."Gal Capone"?

Oh shit, a chick or perhaps trans version of Al Capone? How aptly 2021. And how exactly are we to do this? ...May I- KILL this "Gal Capone"?

Another shake. Sadly no, the end of her life- uh, his life...uh-

Cuts in to raise the roof. 2021 beeeeeeeetch! Watch dem pronouns!

Rolls her eyes and continues. Gal Capone dies from-

Syphilis?

AIDS.

Lulz.

So no, you can't kill Gal Capone. What you have to do is get it arrested, convicted and sentenced to prison.

K, on what charge? The tax evasion shit, like, again, our universe?

Another shake. This time eliciting a frown from Arcana. It says Noir requires some amount of mystery. No Spoilers.

"No spoi-" ...Piece 'a fuckin' shit. Wonderful. Ok so how the fuck we s'posed to do this then?? Who the fuck are we here anyway? You said our counterparts?

Shake shake shake. Mr. and Mrs. Ness. Awww, babe even in this universe we found eachother. We're soulmates.

Ecstatic, wide eyed. I'm ELIOT NESS here!? FAWESOME!!

No, you're Eliot's little brother, Jellyous Ness. He's a P.I.

_Jellyous_? Fuck kinda first name is Jellyous? Why can't I be Eliot?

Shakealicous. He's dead babe. Gal Capone killed him. You're supposed to avenge his death by nabbing Capone.

Eyes narrow in anger. Gaaaaal, you killed my brother? Yooou dirty twaaaat, ooooooo- What the fuck am I doin'? I'm quoting Raphael misquoting Cagney in one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle live-action films from the early 90s. That's a "kids ain't gonna get it" two-fer. WHY would I do that?

Shakesy-wakesy. It says you're a dumbass.

Smart 8-Ball. Also baffling my memory is hazy but I had THAT shit on recall. Huh. So anyway, what should I do then? Go round up the coppers and start an investigation?

Shakeitty shake. Nope. There are no more cops in Chicago it says. They've all been bought. Looks like you're going to have figure something else out, boo.

Gazing off into space for a moment. Nice, I think I just like, accessed Jellyous Ness's memories on command. And you're right, there ain't any more cops in Chicago. But I know EXACTLY who I can enlist for this. ...Wait, the fuck you mean "you're" going to have to figure something else out, boo? Ain't you gonna join in on this?

No, Mrs. Ness doesn't get involved babe. We both have our parts to play here. Plucks Jim's- er, JELLYOUS'S -paper bag lunch from the table and holds it out to him, smiling sweetly. Have a good day at the office boo! So to speak. Oh and- She poofs something into the bag, then kisses him.

Alrighty, got my shoes on, got my objective, got my bag lunch. It isn't lunch meat is it?

Egg sandwich. Hardboiled. Like I like my dicks.

Inappropriate. Well, I'm off.

Don't forget your Fedora, trenchcoat and tommygun!

TO BE CONTINUED...

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

[Image: 61Z1sZR.jpg]

"Shattering the Image"

Dolly. Waters. ...In a Barbwire Deathmatch.

Oh fuckin' A.

Ain't no secret to any 'a you who were around in 2017 that Dolly and I got more ridin' on this match than simply the Xtreme Championship and the events 'a War Games. And that shit with Corey, that's just an added and loaded bonus (as far as Dolly is concerned) meant to make Dolly seem like the high and mighty hooker heroine here. Make 'er look like a veritable Dolly fuckin' ~~Parton~~ Spartan squirtin' for some "justice". Nah, we got sumthin' to settle here, don't let 'er steady supply 'a bullshit and latest Warfare spectacle fool you.

Dolly does love her theatrics and über-pretentiously presented tall tales.

Well fuck that southern "belle" bitch-hog's heavy honkey hijinks, she been pullin' the SAME super self-absorbed asshattery since way back when commonly referred to as "The Phenom" Dolly Waters. Now, for the benefit 'a those who paid little to no attention to anything she and I were sayin' to eachother durin' the War Games hype cycle, back before Lethal Lottery 4 Dolly was ridin' a wave 'a momentum and had no intention of allowin' that momentum to brake. So what she did was convince 'erself it was her time- not her time to shine; HER. TIME. As in everyone bend over and spread 'em -and that we were all there to make her look good and take whatever she had planned like the good little enhancement talent trash bags she believes us all to be. THEN...AND now.

And WHAT a plan.

Dolly threw on a disguise (which totally fooled the rest of us, "Clark ~~Kent~~ Cunt Dolly" disappearin', then here comes a teeny, essentially same shaped Supertwat) and named herself Buronan (which in Indonesian means fugitive or outlaw don'tcha know, 'cause Dolly #1. Is super edgy and cool and #2. Has to show off as often as possible just how clever, well-read and smart she is) and entered the LL 4 tournament. Over the course 'a the tourney, "Buronan" teamed with both myself and Trax (man, you kids shoulda been here for good ol' Traxxy, he was the shit. COME BACK TRAX!) and by round 3 with the two of us teaming (that'd be Trax and I) the time came for Buronan to shed the costume and reveal Dolly Waters, "surprise" entrant. Which I mean, really? C'mon. She was and still IS a teeny ass lil' girl so who else could it 'a been? Still, we all allowed the southern spastic to maintain her "amazing" mystery and "BOO!" us, with all the eyeroll of a Charlie Nickles half-ass alakazammer (round of applause for the Waters klan btw, we can thank them for all the dipshittery outta Charlie who for some reason legit idolizes those inbred bull-nut clippin' crackers), and Dolly pulled her reveal.

Of course, the reveal happened DURING the match- against Scully and Bourbs, our opponents -and amounted to Dolly with a run-in on the the opposition, makin' sure to drag my "deadass" on top of Scully for the win if memory serves. 'Cause Trax and I, we needed that. _I_ needed that to beat Team Bobby...clearly...seein' as every time he and I entered a match together since, he lost. Yes, I needed that boost from Dolly, the coward who couldn't handle enterin' the tournament on the up and up.

And what did she have to say about her little run-in?

Guess.

Go on, guess.

Fuck it, I'll tell ya. To paraphrase, Doll' basically claimed to have masterminded the tournament, setting herself up in such a manner to emerge victorious by manipulating the finals to include Trax and I (oh and Cady too but he bitched out). Because SOMEHOW, Trax and Jim Caedus would be easier to topple than Bourbon and Scully. Dolly made it clear we were all there to provide stepping stones to her ultimate greatness.

What XWF? This shit was DWF.

A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
L
L

about Dolly.

Fuck Dolly.

Jim Caedus threw Doll' (legit) like a javelin at Trax and emerged triumphant, Mr. 24/7. So much for the mastermind and her best laid plans.

I wrung that sideshow carnie freak fuckstick out like Pikeville trailer park toilet paper- known outside the borders 'a Kentucky as washcloths and shirttails.

I can't really remember what Dolly did not long after that, I'm thinkin' retreated back up obscurity's inviting anus while I went on to capture the Universal Championship and carve my entry on the Top 50 OAT list.

Fast forward about a year to a pussy ass meltdown, rinse and repeat a year later (I wish to god they never took place) then hop two more and we arrive at current year 2021. Dolly, she's back with a vengeance and me, I'm back to clawin' my way up to the top. But that ain't all, 'cause as we've been witnessin' over the past few months, Dolly is back to 'er ol' titanic thot twat tricks now multiplied tenfold.

Unable, apparently, to grasp the fact that POPULARITY don't win a match (outside of a Freestyle vote I mean), Dolly's become legit the most prolific attention whore in modern history, edging out even Thadly with her greedy ass. And when I say greedy ass I mean in every way possible, includin' her droppin' to all fours for Continuum to pop that podunk pooper and pound those pale whitebread buttcheeks red, lil' girl's a slut to the nth degree in more ways than one. For weeks on end- like the cumshots 'a Corey and Duke -it's become IMPOSSIBLE to avoid Dolly's face as she guest stars in several people's promos, stars in segments and in-rings on the shows...and worse, now the country bumpkin bitch been awarded administrative powers over Anarchy. Not to mention, Star of the Month for August.

Yeah, _that_ didn't overinflate that ho's head to 76 Ball status.

Once again the XWF has become the DWF.

All.

About.

Dolly.

What's she done to deserve this? What, hustlin'? At what, makin' personal appearances to run that cuntry cock-pocket she calls a mouth-now-acceptin'-full-loads? She damn sure ain't runnin' towards too many wins in the ring. It sure AF ain't beatin' me at War Games, that was Bob-O AND Dolly; don't get it twisted. What, she stick that forked tongue 'a hers in your ears? Head-fuck the lot 'a you with her dildo 'a hillbilly brand false flattery and friendship? Win you over with her "poor me, pity me" puppetry?

S'ok...I know all too well just how convincin' she can be.

But believe me...

There ain't no sincerity in Dolly Waters and you all been manipulated to throw your support behind 'er. Is it any wonder shit's back to how it was with Dolly twistin' everyone else's careers and existence into servin' HER and HER glory?

Oh you don't believe me? What was it that just happened on Warfare followin' my first successful defense against LSM? Dolly made an appearance and said-

Quote:Jim. You’ve got something that I never should’ve lost...

Jim pulls his eyes down to the XTreme Championship in his hand and looks back up at Dolly,

...and it’s time for me to take it back.

Jim flings his arms open, still holding his XTreme Championship and mouthing a challenge to Dolly for right here, right now. His voice is inaudible under the chorus of the roaring crowd.

Nah.

Not yet, Jim.

When I beat you for the XTreme Championship, I want you at 100%.

I want you at yer’ best.

I want you at…

Dolly points up to a sign in the corner of the arena reading Relentless.

K, first of all, my not bein' at a hundo percent didn't stop you from takin' the X away durin' War Games, did it. Don't fuckin' act like you're so honorable and shit with that 100% crap.

Second: Corey, Alias, Dolly just said you two ain't shit compared to her. You gonna take that? You gonna keep treatin' this tart with respect?

And third-

l-o-l. S'cuse me while I shit my pants.

Dolly,

K
I
L
L

Y
O
U
R
S
E
L
F

you cliché cock-knockin' cumdumpster.

I love how I was left powerless WITHOUT a mic to respond by the way, as if no one at ringside could deliver one (if that ain't proof for you all that any 'a you, even ALIAS, would be pigeonholed into ancillary hell in context with Dolly, I don't know what is), which is exactly how Dolly likes it, one-sided.

One-sided like she and Main havin' to double team my ass to defeat me in War Games, allowin' 'er to steal MY X.

Mine Dolly.

Mine.

You say you never shoulda lost the X? Bitch, you never shoulda WON the X, idgaf WHO'S involved. And that notion was solidified when you couldn't manage to make it OUTTA War Games WITH the strap given the golden Titan ticket you had in my bro Main you fuckin' loser. And THAT notion was solidified when you couldn't take on the opposition once Main was removed.

You can go right ahead and point out that I lost both the Leap of Faith match and the First Round at War Games...problem is, beyond those pay per view matches, you're the one here who hasn't been able to maintain a consistent winning record otherwise.

Out in OCW, fail. A fail. TNGB captured their tag straps, you and Hector Malvado couldn't take 'em, Betsy captured the TransAtlantic, even your fleetin' fuckboi Thad just kicked ass albeit with Uncle Theo's assistance. Helluva job Dolly, always "SO close". TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Here in the XWF, you recently failed to capture the win in the tag match with LSM against Flynn and NK. That was a fun hype cycle btw, watchin' 'em both nail your narrow nincompoop pussy to the wall over your inexplicable ability to be in two places at virtually the same time. It was typical hearin' your defense, a fat dollop 'a dogshit they scooped and canned. 'Cause as we both know, Dolly, you ain't ever admittin' fuckin' up about anything. You lie and deny.

Lies, deceit and denial are all you know. Hypocrisy too. What was it you said to Thaddeus durin' the War Games hype cycle (if I'm not mistaken)?

Quote:This is what I’m talking about! You’re just flat out disinterested in anything other than Thad Duke.

LOOK who's FUCKIN' talking ~~Kirstie Alley~~ Thirsty Gal'y. How DARE you accuse ANYONE else 'a bein' so thoroughly inundated with their own self, ya slutty southern skeet receiver. While you hump promos left and right, dominate airtime durin' shows and turn Anarchy into your own personal playpen. Holy SHIT. What ELSE didja say??

Quote:And oh I get it, the whole “wrestling is just a *part* of my life” spiel, what a brilliant insight, are Doc and the space cadets calling you captain obvious yet?

The XWF is just a *part* of all of our lives.

But most of us don’t use that as an excuse to be so blinded by our own ego that we can’t see the things most important crumbling right in front of us… like our abilities to work as a team.

Hey Dolly, you failed to protect your teammate from Chris Page during the War Games finals and you failed to prevent LSM from eatin' the pin against Flynn and NK. While appearin' in everyone's fuckin' promos, gobbling screentime on the shows and takin' over Anarchy. Who the FUCK is blinded by their own ego to the extent it affects their ability to work as a team if it ain't YOU? Hell, even in Lethal Lottery 4 you made it clear that you fooled us all (US bein' your teammates) to manipulate the tourney for your best interest. The only shit you care about in a team atmosphere is makin' YOURSELF look good...just like the only shit you care about overALL is makin' YOURSELF look good.

You cry about Corey and what Thad did.

Fuck off.

You couldn't care LESS 'bout what happened to Corey because he previously crushed you then dumped you and 'is exit opened the door for YOU to step in and shine. Everything about you is lies.

Lies and delusions 'a grandeur.

Y'said WHEN you beat me for the Xtreme Championship. When. Not if. When. Unbelievable level of arrogance there, I-D-C if it's me or anyone else you're speakin' to.

Don't you ever get tired 'a predictin' victory then lookin' like a jackass once you fail? How've you not learned that lesson yet? You do realize y'don't HAFTA act like that in this business right? You predicted victory in Lethal Lottery 4 too and I fucked you up anyway. Get it through your thick skull, skank: YOU. AIN'T. GOOD. ENOUGH. to predict a win. NO ONE is that good and those who believe otherwise (you) either already look like assholes (yeah, YOU. Also my big brother. Hey John, LMAOOOOOOOO) or are very much on their way to an impending rude awakening.

You wanted me at 100%?

You got it you arrogant lil' ass.

There ain't gonna be no bullshit with me kissin' your forehead- I ain't sure what came over me there (kinda like I had no control over my own actions at the time, go figure) -'cause I hate you Dolly. I always have. I always will. Only kiss you're gettin' from me is the kiss 'a death, ya duncecap cocksucker.

Act as unafraid and confident as you wish, the facade ends when I've got you in the ring at Relentless Night 2...all. To. My. Self.

Finally.

After FOUR LONG YEARS.

The Untouchables... Psh...

Corey and Thaddeus obviously aside, you're very Touchable ya butch bitch and that's a fact you'll find appallin' when I gape that mouth 'a yours and fuckstart your balloon head to an epiphany: y'never shoulda come back. I said it before, it bears repeatin': you'll only ever be second best AT best, Dolly, and when the match is concluded... don't bother knockin' on my locker room door drunk for any more 'a that attention, pity, flattery and validation you so psychotically crave like the anxiety-stricken spazz spitroast for ever-young fuckbois you are. You turned your back on anything resemblin' a person I respected long ago and I got no more words of encouragement or support. Your choices as of late...quite frankly sicken me. Look at you-

[Image: QjUJXA5.gif]

Pathetic pissed Pikeville penis pulverizer.

From now on, you're on your own, cunt. Go suck some dick like you did with Continuum, I'm sure _someone's_ down. At least enough to get a nut. It's all you're good for. That and bleedin' out in the ring...all the easier given the barbwire that'll be around us at Relentless.

And that's as close as we'll ever be gettin' again barrin' some potential round 4.

From here on out, you ever approach me in any way not in the ring for a sanctioned match, I'll take you by the ankles and slam your cranium against the concrete 'til your brains splatter and your skull shatters. Like that precious image 'a yours I just blasted to smithereens, ya fuckin' redneck retconnin' cock-gnawin' nothin'.

XXXDXIXEXXXDXOXLXLXYXXXDXIXEXXX

]]> ======€@£|)μ$======

Once upon a time, two days hence from the epic battle that was War Games...

---AUGUST 3, 2021---
XWF Mobile HQ, 24/7 Halls
9:48 PM

A drone whirrrrrrrrs through the labyrinthine 24/7 halls of the XWF Mobile Headquarters. Essentially- well, specifically -the structure is a colossal and legit honest to God working Technodrome, like, from 1980s TMNT (including that protruding fork looking thingy on the outer shell of the 'Drome that shoots lasers or someshit). Vinnie named it the X-nodrome and it's top secret- which is why we've only ever seen the halls themselves -so shuddupuh-you-mouth about it and nevermind the plot hole about secrets not being secrets if they're revealed in a promo. Or..or how anyone gets in and outta there or how the X-nodrome itself gets from here to there and is top secret if it's a skyscraper-sized death star on tank treads, fuck you.

......Let's not fight, k? Anyway...

The drone hovers past a napping and freshly crowned at War Games Xtreme Champ Corey Smith.

Off the nearest intersecting hall we see TK slowly and quietly approaching an unsuspecting Dolly Waters who appears to be smoking a ciggy near a dumpster.

Down yet another hall...

What exactly are you asking me to do, Jimmy?

Send me back baby, back to like moments before Dolly got me in round one of War Games...and make sure I remember what happens so I can avoid it this time and win that fuckin' match.

Babe...I told you before, Chronomagick is too chaotic to control. Every attempt at the Time Spell leads to some sort of catastrophe.

Jim runs his hand through her hair, palming the back of her head and pulling her in closer for a kiss. He brushes her hair aside and slides over to her neck, kissing it tenderly.

Gasping. I know...what you're trying...to do. ...But please...don't...stop... Exhaling as her knees begin to weaken.

Draws back suddenly, Arcana stumbles slightly forward. I'm sorry?

Staring daggers. You know I can magick that dick you're so proud of into a micropenis, right?

Cocky, appropriately. Hey, you wanna deprive your vagina 'a this wicked wang, be my guest.

::POOF::

Jim's face blanches in shock, his eyes widen. Peeking down into his shorts, then back to Arcana. Really?

::POOF::

Relief. Jesus junk crushin' Christ, baby, don't ever do that again. No wonder Page is such a sunuvabitch...if I had to go through life with the Monopoly thimble for a cock I'd be non-stop pissed too and damn sure slappin' on some makeup myself, seein' as I'd be moreso a woman than a man. Like HE is I mean. Anyway...baby, PLEASE cast the spell. Please. I want that War Games win.

Arcana gazes deep into his icy blues... ::sigh:: Oh alright...

Ecstatic. NICE!! THANK YOU baby!! Now cmon, let's creampie that ol' space time continuum!

Sighing again, a vague look of worry washing over her face, Arcana begins waving her arms in an elaborate display, a light beginning to trail from her fingertips. Pausing one hand and circling the other with a counter-clockwise motion...

[Image: 63XhltS.gif]

The simple display suddenly evolves.

[Image: LXHTXQh.gif]

Pouring her energy into the fledgling portal, it gains in complexity and power taking final form.

[Image: Q4laNEo.gif]

... C'mon baby...

As the couple take their leave, they fail to notice an apparent tear in the space time continuum left behind...

[Image: H87RIAG.gif]

...Uh...yeah that'd be it. Alright babe, give me some room here while I-

But her request is cut short as Jim and Arcana vanish within a wave of energy burped out from the tear.

[Image: xzABpex.gif]

Quote:Jim. You’ve got something that I never should’ve lost...

Jim pulls his eyes down to the XTreme Championship in his hand and looks back up at Dolly,

...and it’s time for me to take it back.

Jim flings his arms open, still holding his XTreme Championship and mouthing a challenge to Dolly for right here, right now. His voice is inaudible under the chorus of the roaring crowd.

Nah.

Not yet, Jim.

When I beat you for the XTreme Championship, I want you at 100%.

I want you at yer’ best.

I want you at…

Dolly points up to a sign in the corner of the arena reading Relentless.

Quote:This is what I’m talking about! You’re just flat out disinterested in anything other than Thad Duke.

Quote:And oh I get it, the whole “wrestling is just a *part* of my life” spiel, what a brilliant insight, are Doc and the space cadets calling you captain obvious yet?

The XWF is just a *part* of all of our lives.

But most of us don’t use that as an excuse to be so blinded by our own ego that we can’t see the things most important crumbling right in front of us… like our abilities to work as a team.

Broken Commune

“After all of these years, I still don't get it…”

Woods pulled off his cowboy hat and patted the sweat on his receding hairline, turning over to the passenger seat where his longtime partner sat.

“...”

Luis held still, trance-like and peering through the windshield of their Escalade. Looking like a wary business man hesitating in the parking lot before work. His tattered black suit and tie that looked borrowed, and matched Woods’, helped paint that image.

“...well?”

The wrinkles around Woods’ dingy eyes stretched back. His thin cheeks pushing his pepper stubble forward as his jaw swung open, prying Luis for a response,

“...”

Luis tilted his head to the right, just enough to show Woods both of his eyes. They’re so brown that they almost look black, like the shoulder length hairs that are cut into almost femenine wedge.

Woods blinks at Luis a few times and throws his hands up, landing one on the steering wheel and another on his spread leg,

“Goddamn, Luis!”

“What.”

Luis returns a single blink with a single word. His voice is low, and intimidating, with a heavy spanish accent,

“Aren’t you going to ask what I still don’t get after all these years?”

“No.”

“This song, Luis. This goddamn song.”

Unmoved by Woods’ curiosity, Luis turns back to face the windshield.

“Eight years working with you, and every time we show up for a job, you play this Cat Stevens shit.”

“Yusef.”

“Oh, pardon me. Yuuuusef.”

“I like it. It’s a peaceful song.”

“Peace-” he scoffs “-in our line of work.” Woods pulls a silver flask from inside of his suit jacket and takes a hearty swig from it’s cylinder. He screw the top back on and makes a biting exhale from the stout Tennessee whisk, “Don’t you know that Cat Stevens changed his name to Yusef because he converted to Islam?”

“So.”

“So? So Islam is a religion of violence. They stone gays and women who cheat on their husbands to death. This guy-” flask in hand he points at the radio playing Yusef’s ‘Peace Train’, “-doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. Alright?”

“...”

“Just like this fucking place!” Woods turns over his shoulder and looks out of the driver’s side window. “A fucking commune. Don't you know that Communists have murdered millions and millions of people?” Luis pulls his eyes away from the windshield that’s only been giving him an image of a secluded country road in the swamplands. He looks out Woods’ window to see the neglected, but functioning gate to Coreytopia wedged between various shrubbery and accompanied by a guard shack. “Even the supposed good Communists keep blood on their hands.”

“Then we will get along with them.”

Woods turns back to meet Luis’ eyes. With his lips closed he slides his tongue across the top of his teeth and makes a smacking sound with his mouth. He grins, showing a type of gap toothed malice in a smile that could only be worn by a professional killer. “No you’re onto something.” He draws, laying his cowboy hat back on his head. “Let’s get to work”

“But the song isn’t over.”

“Oh fuck this song.” Woods yanks the keys from the ignition and pops out of the vehicle, Luis follows from the passenger side. The men are dressed like odd twins in their battered black business suits and cowboy footwear. Only Luis doesn’t wear a hat and stands nearly a foot taller than Woods who isn’t a small man either.

The late Summer time, Floridian sun beams down on their shoulders as they shift towards the Coreytopia guard shack. The air the match through is stagnant and thick, wreaking of dying blooms. The duos feet stamp into the gravel, making rough sound that matches their strides.

They walk up on the frame of the shack and find that it's unmanned. Woods shoots Luis a puzzled glare, and keeps his eyes fixated on his partner as he struts backward to the main gate. He gives it a push and finds that the gate opens without resistance. “Wow. Wide open. This really is Utopia, huh partner?” Luis’ face remains trance-like and without emotion, only his eyes squinting a bit up the path that leads to Corey Smith’s mansion.

Woods and Luis don’t even make it a hundred feet up the path towards the mansion before they spot two young guys in regular street clothes rushing towards them with walkie-talkies from the mansion balcony. “Hey!” One of them shouts out, as a way of gathering attention from the various commune residents outside tilling the gardens. “They can’t be here!” the other cries out. About twenty pairs of eyes find their way to Woods and Luis from different spots around the front yard and start moving in closer.

“Here we go.” Woods mutters with Luis with confidence before yelling out to the fast approaching security guards. “Hoy you boys doin?” he asks of Michael, a young athletic boy who is filling in for the commune’s regular keeper, Rhonda on her day off. Michael, flanked by his partner Anton, a young Cuban immigrant, stops just in front of Woods and Luis, panting his breath between words.

“Sorry- guys- you can’t…” he leans over to his knees to steady his breath, “You can’t be here.” Anton finishes Micahel’s sentence. “Well how do you know that? For all you know, me and my partner here just bought this property.” Michael stands back straight, “You didn’t buy the property, sirs. Corey would’ve told us.” “Corey?” Woods looks up at Luis and then back to Michael, “Corey Smith? I heard that Corey Smith was paralyzed or something.”, “No, he was in a coma for a while-” “He’s up and moving around again, but he’s not here-” “-he left the other day on a trip.”

“Well I’ll be damned, Luis. The boy wonder pulled through.” Woods plays, giving his stone faced partner a pat on his chest. “Well, that’s okay boys. Our boss didn’t want anything to happen to Corey anyway. We’re here for the girl.” The commune residents begin circling in closer to the four men standing on the concrete path.

“The girl?”

“Yeah! You know-“ Woods holds his hand out to indicate a short height, and then brings it to the side of his head to brush some imaginary long blond hair, “-the girl.”

Michael and Anton say nothing and opt to just stare these intruders down,

Woods chuckles, “Okay, the rassling girl. The one competing for the XWF Xtreme Championship at Relentless? You know? Does the move with the knee. She lives here. Is from Kentucky.” His specificity is sarcastic and aggressive, but he’s interrupted,

“Dolly”

“Damn! Look. At. You.” Woods turns his whole body to face Luis who is locked in a murderous blinking contest with Anton. The young commune security guard feels a physical harm looking into Luis’ eyes and shutters to break eye contact. “Big guy coming through in the clutch!” he turns back to face Michael and Anton, “I’m sorry boys, it’s just that Luis doesn’t talk much, so I get excited when he says cool shit like-”

“Where is Dolly Waters?”

“WOOOOO! HOT DAMN!” Woods jumps up like an Appalachian tap dancer, kicking his feet and hollering. He’s beside himself with a patronizing cries of joy. “Oh shit boys. You two are in tru-bull now! Luis don’t ever-” Luis takes a single stride towards Anton. In one fluid motion he pulls a nine millimeter Star Model B from a holster inside of his suit jacket. The nickel plated piece glows when it hits the sunlight. In no more than two seconds, Luis’ arm is fully extended, taking aim at Anton’s head and pulling the trigger.

Birds scatter from the trees, and a sloppy trail of blood flings out of Anton’s skull falling to the sidewalk before his body drops. Most of the residents that were surrounding the scene scramble away in fear, all of them shrieking, including Michael whose face wretches over like he’s having a stroke. “SO MUCH FOR THE PEACE TRAIN!” Woods belts with laughter, “FUCK YOU, YUSEF!” Luis turns to Michael, and begins his question with another stride, pulling his gun up again,

“Where is Dolly Wa-”

A young man rushes towards Woods and Luis to attack them. Probably hoping more of his comrades would join. Woods picks up on it, and turns while producing a silenced Mac-10 from inside of his suit jacket, and mows the young man down from a few steps away. No one else tries to attack the assassins. They both turn their guns onto Michael, “Aren’t you gonna’ answer my partner, boy? Where is Dolly-”

“She’s not here!” Tessa barks out from the crowd, drawing Woods and Luis’ attention. Tessa is one of Dolly’s 12-step pupils. A dark haired middle aged woman from Brooklyn. She was widowed by a gambling husband who never got around to paying off the sharks, and found her way into hard drugs. Her face was shaped like a covelitte, and her eyes matched it’s color. An olive complexion to her aging skin kept with an exotic, and mysterious beauty.

Luis keeps his pistol on Michael as Woods turns and walks toward Tessa with a predatory smile, he goes to speak but Tessa jolts from her frozen position reveals: “I can take you to her!” Woods quickly presses his lips together and nods while lowering his eyelids. “Well good for you, way to step up to the plate. You can take us to her…” he gets within breathing distance of her, the Mac-10 pointed softly to her chest, “...but not before you give us a personal tour of the infamous Coreytopia.”

Woods leads Tessa with the machine gun pointed to her back beyond the horrified faces of the commune, and up towards the mansion. Luis, following along, brings himself on pace with Tessa at her side.

“Where is she?” he demands while keeping his eyes ahead of him. He’s very adamant about having this question answered. Luis’ words have a physicality about them that makes Tessa’s knees want to lock together in a paralyzing fright. She looks up at Anton, blood splattered across the meaty skin of his neck and his white shirt collar.

She answers his question...

The Doctors

“Continuing this way is going to kill you, Dolly.” Meagan O'Leary, a young African American physician, pleads to Dolly. She rolls her stool over to the XWF Superstar who’s seated with a vexed expression, not on the examining table, but in a regular chair.

Meagan had become Dolly’s primary physician since beginning to wrestle again. These physical exams were routine prior to Dolly’s matches. It’s a pretty moot process, but wrestlers are required to have these physical exams before matches. They have to provide a passing grade from their doctors to the XWF Headquarters before being allowed to compete. The vast majority of results are forgeries. But Dolly hasn’t even had the exam yet, because Dr. O'Leary has given up.

The last time Dolly was in for an exam, it was right before her losing effort against Them No Good Bastards at the OCW Under The Lights pay-per-view, and right after having back to back tag team matches the week prior against the likes of Mark Flynn.

She was lacerated across her forehead, suffering from extreme dehydration, and laboring on multiple torn muscles in her legs. All of that’s not even mentioning the visible bruising that wore like a torn up shirt across her torso. The cracked ribs. Or the sprained ankle.

Dr. O’Leary told Dolly, like she’s told her the last five visits, only her tone growing more desperate each time, “You have to stop wrestling, Ms. Waters…” unable to gather Dolly’s eyes in her own, Dr. O’Leary spats, and huffs, and throws her arms into the air. Standing and giving up on her stool lecture, she turns curtley from Dolly who keeps her eyes focused on the floor.

“Even if you make it out of this match with Jim Caedus alive, you’re not going to live to see the age of twenty going at this rate.” She says while skirting over to a clipboard, and flips through some pages.

O'Leary walks back towards her patient, her eyes focused on a particular chart as she translates what she’s reading in layman's terms, “That gash on your head? Wound dehiscence-”, well not entire layman’s. Dolly feeds Dr. O’Leary a confused glare as she reclaims her stool and peaks out away from the clipboard, “-it means that six inch tear over your eyebrow isn’t healing. You’ve gotten it stitched up…” she checks the paper again, “…four times now. It’s only a matter of time before it becomes infected and causes irreparable damage.”

I've had cuts like this one before. They just go away. she pretty much spits,

“The longer you keep taking shots to the head, the worse that cut will get, and once all that tissue up there has taken too much of a beating, it’ll never heal. Just looking at you, I can tell you have a fever. Dolly you’re in no condition to do any type of physical labor, let alone wrestle.”

Dolly’s face is flushed, and drenched in sweat, dark bags weighing down her eyes with the burdens of her impossible schedule and career.

That’s what you said last time.

“It was just as true then as it is now.”

This match at Relentless is too important. I can’t miss it. This is what I’ve spent these last few months working towards. This cut, these bruises, they got me here, they got me to the most important match of my career.

“I don’t know what else to say. You have so many non-starters in terms of injuries and ailments. Each time I’ve signed one of these papers for you, I felt like I was signing your death warrant.”

But Dolly always came to amaze Dr. O’Leary, every time she limped back into her office, quietly laughing in Death’s face. Dolly has been defying The Reaper in front of The Doctors ever since she drew her first breath into her lungs. Minutes after being pronounced dead in the delivery room from a stillbirth. The life she’s led has left them all puzzled. The truth is there’s something special about Dolly, even beyond her ability to engage in combat with specimens quadruple her size.

Children wrestlers weren’t entirely uncommon, but none of them ever had much of a self life. In Dolly’s case there was something more than just your run of the mill, one-off, freakshow wrestling attraction. That ‘something more’ was a phenomenon that has become steadily more predominant in Dolly’s consciousness over the years. Like a secret hidden in plain sight that she was getting closer to confronting.

Sooo, you gonna’ sign my papers- or?

O’Leary just sighs and shakes her head, “Are you just going to forge my signature if I don’t sign it?”

Yep.

She rolls her eyes at Dolly and pulls the paper off of the clipboard, “Then be my guest. I’m not signing it this time.”

Dolly smiles, and looks over the form as O’Leary hands it over to her and stands up to leave the office, “Did you know that your match against Jim Caedus is a barbed wire ropes match?”

Dolly chuckles and makes a sheepish little tilt with her head, Yeah, they must really hate Jim.

“Or you…” she responds with a bit of sass coming over her features and through her tone,

Or both of us.

“Whatever” she harrumphed, “Go on and have your wrestling match. It’ll be your funeral." No sooner than Dr. O’Leary closed the door on Dolly, leaving her alone in the exam room, there’s a buzz from Dolly’s pocket. She pulls out her iPhone and checks the call screen, it reads: Commune Landline. She answers the phone to a series of cries that crackle through her speaker.

Dolly’s face turns even more flush, her eyes wide and the sweat pouring across the gash on her forehead. She slides up to her feet, feeling the fever sweats run cold against her skin from her drenched clothes. Wait- wait, slow down. she responds to the frantic voice on the other end of the call. Did you call the police? - - - Okay, good. Where’s Cor- - - what do you mean they’re gone?! - - - THEY TOOK TESSA WHERE?!” the voice on the other lines replies back loud enough to hear it beyond Dolly’s ear: “To find you!”

promo

At Relentless Noir, I’m the challenger.

I am the one without, looking to take, looking to topple, looking to transform the landscape of the XWF... forever.

But it doesn’t feel that way, does it, Jim Caedus?

It doesn’t feel like you have anything to offer me. Check the respective track records of Jim Caedus and Dolly Waters since each of our returns to the XWF back at Leap of Faith.

Think long and hard about it, Jim, and honestly ask yer’self who has accomplished more. Which of us keeps this business more entertaining, and translates that into actual in-ring results and not forgone booking conclusions? Who has an actual presence in the XWF, and who's been just dragging their dick around the hallways treating this business like an online dating site?

When you think about it that way, it certainly doesn’t feel like I’m challenging you for anything.

Why would I?

You have nothing to offer me, Jim. Only something that I'm going take from you.

On the surface of this contest to come, the billing is written in plain English. The reigning XWF Superstar of the Month, the War Games finalist who pinned the XTreme and Television Champions in the same night, Dolly Waters, versus...

“The XTreme Champion”, Jim Caedus.

Dolly rolls her eyes,

The man who was supposedly revived by Vinnie Lane to counter Theo’s corporate chaos at Leap of Faith, only to somehow crash and burn, even at zero gravity.

But the facts differ from what everyone -feels- about this match, don’t they? The fact is you ARE the XTreme Champion, and I am the challenger to yer’ reign, Jim, as lackluster and pitiful as it’s been. On paper, I’m the one with something to prove. I’m not the one who gets HANDED opportunity after opportunity only to piss them away, while constantly teetering on the edge of total self-destruction and embarrassment. Nope...

I’m the one who has to grab your BULLshit of a championship run by the horns and make it memorable. That’s why I won’t fault anyone for not feeling like Jim is even involved in this match. His regard for hyping it up, for acknowledging it, for giving it the heat deserving of a Relentless Main Event has been non-existent. Jim Caedus has been happy to sit back and let everyone else direct his meaningless return to the XWF, match after match, appearance after appearance. More concerned about reviving his ability to get an erection rather than reviving his career.

You had to be conscripted into Betsy and Robert’s little vanity project of a “war” against B.O.B. Used as prop to make the world believe that someone other than Drew Archyle gave a damn about Thunder Knuckles splitting Robert Main’s melon open. Go ahead and keep up yer’ virtue signaling about your APEX Brothers, Jim. It’s all a load of shit, and honestly, Robert and Drew deserve better.

Because what did that brotherhood mean to you during WarGames? I was with Robert, I know how gobsmacked he felt when you heard you run him underneath a verbal buzzsaw. When the dust settled over Bethel Woods and I saved Robert Main from JimCaedus, he took you right back, without question.

It was a tender moment, but again, it was all about making Jim Caedus appear a certain way, wasn’t it?

Making Jim Caedus appear like he gave a damn about all the wrong doings Robert Main suffered at the hands of Chris Page and B.O.B. because you all still had business to take care of against the Baddies, business that you nearly bankrupted on behalf of Apex-Legacy.

It was an act.

Because later that night, after I saved Robert Main for the second time, there was Chris Page, taking Robert out of the equation, and leaving me to fight Alias and Corey Smith by myself.

What were your words after WarGames, Jim? What did you say about Chris Page after he screwed Robert Main out of his undefeated streak at WarGames?

“I’m gonna’ kill you, Chris Page”

But yer’ words and yer’ actions were teetotatly trite and fucking meaningless. Because rather than challenge Page on your “Brothers” behalf, what did you do? You got caught up in Corey and Thad’s confrontation. Posting gifs of angry, emo anime eyes like a scorned little online dork.

What did you expect, Jim? That Corey Smith was going to come looking for YOU after WarGames?

YOU?!

The washed-up old dog he whipped at Leap of Faith?

The incoherent, synonym-sucking blowhard who got blasted by Dolly Waters at WarGames, while trying, and failing, AGAIN, to outshine the shadow of APEX that defines his career?

Jim Caedus loses his XTreme Championship to me at WarGames. I lost the belt to Corey Smith, and Jim felt like HE, of all people, was owed something. Could you fail any harder? See, unlike your facade of friendship with Main that you use to keep yer’self relevant, there were actual emotions involved in the clusterfuck that became of Continuum.

While you were acting like a little piss-panty wearing baby, Corey challenged Thad like any normal human would in reaction to their shattered-mug of a friendship. If there was ANYBODY deserving of a fucking rematch for the XTreme Championship, it was me. But you didn’t see me boo-hooing did ya’? Because again, like a normal human, and not some over-hyped, ill-wired, ticking time bomb, I was concerned about my best friends falling apart.

I was concerned about what would become of them, and you Jim?

After WarGames you didn’t give a fuck about Robert Main, you only cared about yer’self. You selfish, trim chasing, lazy piece of garbage. If you were SOOO concerned about righting whatever wrongs you thought took place at WarGames, why didn’t you come after me, Jim? Why didn’t you lay down the challenge to Dolly Waters? Why didn’t you want to show the world that you could handle the girl who handed you yer’ ass at Woodstock?

Because, getting back to facts, Jim knows he’s lost a step in terms of his ability versus mine. Four years ago in the Lethal Lottery Finals, in the triple threat match against me and Trax, the legend of Jim Caedus was born. He won the briefcase that gave him the one and ONLY significant achievement of his career. The Universal Title cash-in on Gabe Reno.

Let’s think about that…

I’m sure what’ll be said is predictable. Jim will tell ya’ that Trax was the real challenge of that match, and that the fourteen year-old Dolly Waters was an afterthought. But he knows, deep down, that it’s bullshit.

Afterall, at the end of that match, who was ontop of that ladder with you, Jim? Inches away from ripping down yer’ legend before it even found it’s mantle?

It was Dolly Waters.

Who was the one that pushed you to yer’ limit? Forcing you to cut more promos than you ever have before, or since?

It was Dolly Waters.

So again, when you think about it, the fact is that Jim Caedus won his place in XWF lore because of me, and you know what? It was well deserved, right? You threw a teenage girl off from a ladder to effectively win yer’ one and only Universal Title. I commend you for it, and I always have. You beat me, Jim.

But fast forward to WarGames 2021. Jim Caedus doesn’t beat Dolly Waters this time, and while I’ll admit it was a team effort in our win, and you were dealing with four different warriors, just like I was, the result is still telling.

Jim Caedus is four years older, slower, and more desperate to not be washed away into the history books. Me on the other hand? I’ve grown faster, stronger, and am only a couple inches shorter than you now. My knee reaches yer’ mouth a lot easier these days, doesn’t it? Fucking hurts too huh? Well, be ready, Jim… we’re just seven days away from you eating again.

Now, since you didn’t have the time, or the care to put any heat on this match, please allow me to do the champion’s job for him, AGAIN, and properly explain what’s at stake here. Let me explain to you, since I’m sure it’s floated right over yer’ head, why it’s Dolly Waters that’s Main Eventing Relentless with you, Jim. It’s because I EARNED this spot. Because I set the wrestling world ablaze.

Even coming out of WarGames, where I fell short in the end, the talking heads weren’t buzzing over Corey Smith and Alias. They for damn sure weren’t concerned about Caedus. They were fixated on what was next for Dolly Waters.

Like defeating your Apex-Legacy leader, Betsy.

Winning the OCW Margarita Mix.

-oh, and before you tell me that OCW shit doesn’t matter, ask yer’self why Theo Pryce is showing up on their television sets-

But what else?

Oh, Vinnie Lane hand picking me to be the Commissioner of Anarchy?

Superstar of the Month in August?

Being signed by the rather exclusive OCW?

Putting in a high work-rate to help better, not just the XWF, but the wrestling industry overall. I wake up and earn my stripes every day.

What have you done, Jim? Seriously. It’s an honest question.

Outside of running roughshod over rookies like Charlie, Marf, Lycana and LSM, and getting handed one unwarranted opportunity after the next… What is there?

Oh, you manhandled a mid-coma Corey Smith in the most telegraphed mismatch in recent history….

Aaaand, what else?

Oh, you were a footnote in the snore-war against B.O.B, getting outshined by every other member of Apex-Legacy, and being made to look like a fool.

Anything else?

Dolly shakes her head to the background noise of crickets chirping,

Not-a-goddamn-thing.

You see Jim, that by itself explains the stakes here. I’m the reason this match is elevated to the Main Event. So it’s either do as I’m being called upon to do, and take that XTreme Championship back, giving it a PROPER waist to line...

-or-

...see it float around with this dolittle version of Jim Caedus for another month or two before he gets distracted, has a meltdown and inevitably falls short of winning a 24/7 Case.

Allow me to spare the XWF audience of that shit-show. I’m taking the title back at Relentless.

Hell, that’s if Jim even makes it to Chicago with the platinum plate. But if that’s the case, I’ll just kick his ass and go take the belt back from whatever puddle he’s dropped it in.

You see, this moment actually means something to me. It means a whole helluva lot more than almost blowing it before the finish line. Because I’ve never been handed constant opportunities in XWF. I’m not a Golden-boy. I’m not a poster child. And yet, no matter what era of talent I’m wrestling amongst, I’m always right there nipping at the heels of ANYONE who has ever been considered a top-dog while I’ve been here. Always right on the cusp of something truly special. A finalist in March Madness, in Lethal Lottery, in WarGames… yet always the bridesmaid. But each time learning. Each time coming back and improving. Each time going harder than the time before.

This moment for me means more than putting down Jim Caedus again.

It means more than proving I can do it outside of WarGames and in a one on one. I’m GOING to prove that to you. The only reason yer’ even on my radar is because of the championship you hold. I’m going to take that belt, I’m going to EARN my case, and use it on whatever in the hell I want. Maybe the Universal Championship, or even better, a match with that coward Thad Duke.

It means getting my moment to laugh in the faces of every hater who’s ever brushed me aside, and you can be a welcomed addition to that list again, Jim. I’m going to solidify what the entire XWF universe is feeling about this matchup. That Dolly Waters is going to roll through Chicago, exposing Jim Caedus as an old bitch who’s best years are behind him.

You came back to the XWF with all of this hype, and yet I shattered the mystique of Jim Caedus with one knee to the mouth. Just think about it… in the lead up to WarGames you tried, and failed, to shit on me by asking what I’d done recently. Jim Caedus wasn’t impressed with Dolly Waters. I was just some cameo bitch. Totally ignoring the fact that I was only months removed from having put on one of the biggest XWF events of the year. One that set the course for everything in the XWF from then, until now, and one that thoroughly beat Jim Caedus’ return in every one of Theo Pryce’s TV rating metrics.

You see, Jim… I was already beating you before you even got back in the ring. So if I was nothing but a flake, and failure, and a cameo spot prior to WarGames where I stripped you of yer’ championship and made an example out of all that bullshit you were saying, just what do you think is going to happen this time? This time when you can’t deny what’s standing right infront of you. The reigning Star of the Month, Dolly fucking Waters.

What now, bitch?

Are you going to say I’m jacking yer’ promo style again? Here, what if I populate some laughing emojis just to chafe yer' shriveled ballsack.

????you fucking crybaby!????

I’m not sure what’s funnier, Jim Caedus acting like he invented trash talk, or the thought that ANYONE would want to replicate that garbage. It’s like one of those alliteration posters hanging in doctors offices grew a pair of legs and discovered the art of tripping itself up. Jesus, Jim, you sound like an extraterrestrial who’s just discovered the English language. What an insecure, and downright sad reach that was. I was in the XWF shredding folks on the mic long before you ever showed up here, and I’m proud to know that we sound nothing alike.

Like how you can be in a promo at Leap of Faith, crying about Corey Smith discrediting newcomers in the XWF, and just last week be in another promo trying to discredit LSM’s nationality. Oh boy, Jim! You really showed the rookie something here.

You fucking hypocrite.

Jim can go playing around in Betsy’s fantasy Star Wars world, and then act like he doesn’t believe in something as mundane as a wrestler’s nationality.

Go. Fucking. Figure.

That’s all Jim Caedus knows how to do, is try his damndest to shit on the wrestling industry acting like he’s arbiter of what’s real and what’s fake. The only problem is, nothing is real to Jim, everyone is fake, everyone is lying and plotting and trying to get one over on him.

In 2017 he all but accused Dexter Bright of being Dolly Waters in disguise and went off the deep end soon after having his ass handed to him. Nothing seems real to Jim because he himself is nothing but a fraud, so he tries boxing everyone up, and pretending that the collective wrestling world is as miserable, and paranoid, and distracted by psychosis as he is.

You brought up “backstage” bellyaching during WarGames, while gushing like a bleeding cunt about some Star of the Month award four years ago. Ain’t that a kick in the head?

Do it again, Jim.

Take it there again.

Find yer’ place in the back in yer’ natural habitat of the weeds, like a scared little garden snake. I’ll fucking mow down and leave you in bits and pieces all over the yard, you bitch. I hoped for better when we faced off at WarGames, but I knew you would be incapable of making a sound argument on yer’ own merit. You’ve never been able to. That’s why you coming back was nothing special. Just the same old inadequate Caedus, with an even limper dick than before.

I’ve set the stakes for this match, Jim. I’ve brought it to these ends by giving it the proper means and meaning. And now I’ve told you why yer’ fucked five back to the loony bin. Because between the fact of you being in this position, and the feeling everyone has that you shouldn’t be here is me, Dolly Waters. The former bridesmaid, about to catch my bouquet and remind the world at Relentless Noir that not everything is black and white.

Jim Caedus is the Xtreme Champion…

Only for as long as I’ve allowed him to be…

His time is up at Relentless.]]>

Broken Commune

The Doctors

promo

“I’m gonna’ kill you, Chris Page”

Hippopotamus kill an average of 500 Human Beings a year. Twice as deadly Lions, who aren't even the most deadly feline by the way. Tiger swipe them bitches throats in India. Anywho, 1900 - 2000 no wolves killed any human. Most attacks are from the rabid ones. No one uses blue in the fire things...it's the hottest part of the flame. Most monsters are brain dead idiots. Jason, Myers, a few here...I mean really...

You want to relate to something really terrifying. Be a Tabby. Murder machines that kill babies.

FFS™

Haha...

This has absolutely nothing to do with the promo and I can't use the spoiler thing because *cough*SomeonestoleIt*cough* and this is payback.

Hello Doves!

....Hello John.

I suppose we start this thing by saying first and foremost thank you to whoever booked this thing!

OPA You!

Here I thought I was going to have to cancel and miss out on soooooooooooo many opportunities and things I wanted to do over the next few weeks. Mainly the music festivals back home. Biggest PPV of the year! Biggest names! Every title! Holy Shit I was worried I would be booked against someone....

Can I do still do the irrelevant thing? I still have that much clout right?

...someone that actually might push me to be more than minimal effort Atty. Imagine my relief when I saw John Black, a guy I've slapped around twice before without so much as breaking a sweat. Pretty much everyone has at some point though right. I mean come on, the guy is made bitch in his own effin promos and 'retired' or 'left' more times than Barney, Warstein, and myself combined.

The guy couldn't be more pushover if he was a double leg amputee with broke crutches. I could Mastermind this promo and rewrite a song and literally still be more entertaining.

Think I'm bringing Whole Ass Effort Atty for that?

....ffs. Did you?

Nope. Train Hard Atty Make An Impression Atty got shelved and instead we went Shake My Shimmy Atty at Plissken 2021 Doves and in typical Atty style I have footage!

Don't Do It John. You're kryptonite as been exposed. Don't click it. I can't be responsible for whatever cardiac event you experience. The thought ruined Charlie Nickles. The picture well surely kill you. Don't Do It.
But for those that do, make sure the music playing. It kind of times up and that was complete coincidence....or was it?

You did it didn't you John! You selfish effin bastard! Now they're gonna have to rebook this thing and I might have to actually try! What's your issue guy? Is it because I'm a woman? Can't help but notice you have a real problem with women in the ring and out. It's not my fault dammit! I didn't ask to be born this way, I didn't ask for you to become overly infatuated with me, especially after I have given you absolutely no reason to think I was remotely interested! I'm not your Snow Bunny! I'm not even white! Technically.

I don't hold it against you that you're as about T.H.U.G as a 12 year old Jenny Myst and keep trying to convince us your so hard despite having been put down countless times by a delusional spandex wearing...

No disrespect Ruby, I love you but seriously.

...cosplay loon. Put down countless times by an albino Charlotte Brontes Regina George hybrid stuck in a perpetual state of Halloween and always going Victorian. Not even slutty Victorian, full fledged.

You were a mask from a movie that came out before I probably even had my first period. What that has to do how back you suck I have no idea but when I think John Black I think sucks and I think dumb ass mask?

I don't even know if you still wear it so if that's an oversight let me nip the promo clap back on that one right now. The mistake was in thinking anyone care enough to pay attention to what John Black was doing much less wearing. Now let's hit pause for a second...

Did you guys see how epic I was in that Pokemon thing Alias did or were too busy still name dropping me in your own promos? Probably both. Answers that relevancy question. Atty still got it. Kiss my ass, Alpha Bitch still driving the conversation.

Go Ahead. You Know You Wanna.

Anywho John, I've covered about as much as I can or care to at this point and honestly I'm bored. Gonna go play on Twitter now. Good luck with whatever it is you got going on and until next time...don't fuck this up for me. I really don't want to try any harder than I have to.]]> It's my first Relentless. May be a shock to a few people, but for most I highly doubt it. It's around that time of year, or that Atty timing I hear about every promo. I show a flash and gas out before catching flame. Racked up a bunch of inconsequential wins and no one gives a fuck titles. Built a little steam and believed my own hype, believed all the high praise about my potential. Actually no, there's legitimate truth to the praise about what I could do. Scratch that.

I am good. I'm fucking great. At every aspect of this game.
Marketing, Presence With the Fans, In the Ring, On the Mic, Social Media...if it exist in this business I can do it and I can do it more than likely better than all of you. I'm possibly the most versatile superstar XWF has or will ever see and I already know what's rolling of tongues....

Then why don't you have a title that matters. Why have you never won a title that matters. Why do you always drop the ball Oh Mighty Grecian Goddess?

I used to think it was because I was lazy. Because I didn't have to try because as stated, my minimum is your maximum. There wasn't anything I really cared about here and in those small moments there was it got ripped away or I threw it away.

It's simple. I can't follow narrative. I refuse to follow narrative. There is a script at XWF, fuck, every company and if you don't stick to it, offer the slightest resistance the vultures decend. Don't get twisted, I'm not saying the company is out to get me. I've shot myself in the foot and the front office as done nothing but reward me with chance and chance and shot after shot. I'm saying there is a mold and I've been terrified of filling it.

I can't follow narrative. I won't be consistent. I do what I want when I want and I do it how I want with who I want. If it gets me gold and a nice little stat sheet so be it, if not...

Eff it. I'm famous bitches. My goal is reached. This is all just for fun now.

For serious though.....what the fuck is a Snow Bunny!

Hello Doves!

....Hello John.

Continued From:
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41882

” Professional Wrestling is all about evolving…”

The scene opens as we catch up with Chris Page and Jessica as they are seated comfortably in some seats on the private jet belonging to CCP. Chris sits reclined back with his eyes closed and both hands resting behind his head while Jessica sips on some champaign.

” The next step for me is to evolve.”

Jessica: What are you thinking?

Chris opens his eyes as he adjusts his chair to a more upright position before shifting his attention towards Jessica.

” I’m thinking that it might be about time to shake things up again. While I have been involved in my dealings with Mr. Robert Main I have also had my eyes open to what’s going on around me. I see this war brewing between the XWF and OCW which have my attention.”

There are a plethora of talents within the sport that have piqued my interest, for sure. Thad Duke, for example, had a chance to chat with him at an autograph signing last week. It was the first time we spoke since he finally saw the error of his ways. I tried to tell him back when I was kicking the crap out of him that he needed to embrace his inner dark side… and I’ll be damned, he finally did it.

I’m not just looking locally within the XWF, oh no, I’m looking elsewhere around the world; creeping on rosters, looking on from the shadows before cherry-picking the fuck out of the next crop of talent that WE can elevate just like we’ve done with Them No Good Bastards, Miss Fury, Ozzy, and even I fall into that category.

But that era is now long gone. I have a vision dancing through my head that will make the creation of BOB look like child’s play. I see an ensemble of talent that I would love to have under my umbrella.

” Let’s face it, babe, BOB is dead in the water. It’s gone belly up… it needs to go away. Before you say anything here me out; the consensus is BOB was only around to serve as a prop, so let’s give that to them.”

You can sense the wheels turning inside the mind of Chris’s beloved Jessica.

Jessica: Let me get this straight…”

There’s some fire behind the tone of voice of Jessica as she continues.

Jessica: You’re sitting here asking me to disband BOB? I can’t do that! You say dead in the water, but I say we’re just as strong as ever. We’ve just had a few setbacks recently.

” This is coming from the girl that threw Big Puddin’ out of a window?”

Jessica: And? He ruined my shot! Besides, just because someone went on a free fall doesn’t mean that ->I<- had anything to do with it! And even if I did, what would it change? I’ve put so much into this alongside you, we’ve built an empire that others mock out of sheer jealousy, and you ask for it to simply just be disbanded, to go out in a fizzle?

Jessica turns her attention away from Chris as she stares out the window of the jet where a deep sigh is let out.

” I am not trying to upset you, babe. I’m just saying that there’s a lot more out there for you that at this point BOB is doing nothing more than holding you back. Look at how far you’ve come as a performer, you don’t need BOB anymore. It’s served its purpose.”

Let’s cut to the chase when it comes to the BOB faction- it hasn’t been about shit since that fateful night when Alias cashed in a briefcase back at Leap of Faith. You could seemingly feel the momentum starting to come to an end. War Games didn’t do us any justice either, talk about an embarrassing display. The only thing worse than War Games was the lackluster efforts versus Apex-Legacy.

It’s not all been bad by any means, but part of being a veteran is knowing when it's time to hold them and know when to fold them. The rest of the world will have their perception, and that’s fine, they will put their spin on things. Believe whatever you choose to believe.

” Jess, I just want you to have an open mind because I have several things on deck, and I want you to hear me out.”

Jessica finally turns her head from looking out at the blue skies back over towards Chris who has readjusted himself in his seat.

Jessica: It’s kinda hard to hear anything out when the first thing out of your mouth is disbanding BOB completely contradicting what you said back at your place. How could you entertain the thought of pulling the plug on what you’ve played a huge part in building?

” Hold up because I never said you had to do it by any means, but for real what do you think The Bastards are going to think about what happened to Hershal? Let’s not pretend like that’s going to go over. We can evolve here.”

Chris reaches over taking Jessica by the hand.

” Things come in waves in professional wrestling. Since winning the Universal Title I’ve crossed everything off my bucket list. Beating Robert at Relentless is the last hoorah for me. If you want to keep BOB going I won’t stop you, but know that it’s only a matter of time before doing unto others before they do unto you comes full circle.”

Jessica: Please, maybe in your world, with your people, but The Bastards, Ozzy, myself, it’s more than just supervillainess, we’re the outcast, the rejects. Why do you think it was so easy to talk them into this in the first place? Because we’re all peas in a pod. *HUMPH* Shouldn’t you be more focused on Robert than this? Don’t you want to stick around in the XWF?

” It’s just cute to see how invested you are in my XWF career. You do understand that I’ve accomplished everything I set out to accomplish, right? Like there’s nowhere else for me to go, there’s no bucket list item for me to check off BUT ending Robert Main’s career.”

Robert’s not an afterthought by any means, yet it isn’t like he’s done a whole hell of a lot to help his case in being one. Robert likes to try and lure you in, he likes to go into hiding like a snapping turtle that crams his head in his shell at the sight of danger, but when you’re not looking that mother fucker with snap you in half faster than you can say fuck-off.

” I’m dealing with Relentless and Robert in my way. His world is rocked, his mental state is shattered, and he is in zero condition to do anything but show up and get punked. I have zero sympathies for the loss of that old fuck Dewy. I have no problems in exploiting that piece of the puzzle in due time.”

Jessica: When were you going to tell me that you are considering other offers? Where are they?

Let’s be fair here; when your name is Chris Page there are ALWAYS offers on the table, and once I finish dismantling what’s left of your precious Robert Main come Relentless I will effectively accomplish the last piece of the equation that’s left to conquer. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be giving you cunts the same CCP that you’ve grown to hate because I can… and none of you can stop me.

I fully plan on branching out creating a new empire. Don’t say you haven’t been forewarned.

” Much like you do not run every decision by me, I don’t have to run every piece of business by you. That’s one of the many things that makes us so special. In this instance, and this is all a worst-case scenario that if hell freezes over and Robert Main is successful it’s not going to affect my bottom line, it’s not going to affect my wallet, it does absolutely nothing for him because without Chris Page there is no Robert Main.

Lugging the dead weight of Robert Main has become more than tedious over the years. I can sit back and say with the utmost honesty that Robert Main is about as clueless as Corky from Life Goes On. In his mind, the dude truly believes in his heart of hearts that HE carried Chris Page.

You believed what I wanted you to believe when I wanted you to believe it. Facts.

You never saw my endgame, and still don’t yet you want to think that you stand a chance at ending my XWF Career when you can’t even bother with cutting a goddamn promo to plug your last appearance, when you can’t bother with putting up any kind of effort at Leap of Faith under the guise of ”I wasn’t going to win with the odds stacked that far against me.”. You don’t suddenly wake the fuck up and start throwing in some effort at the last goddamn minute to try and sucker me in.

You already got me once with that game… I remember Leap of Faith 2019 fondly.

Your time has come and gone because the XWF has long passed you by. I mean, take this year alone brother, you’ve gotten in the ring SIX times in SIX months… gotta maintain that once and monthly routine, right? My point sir is while you have been too busy to give a shit I have done what Chris Page does; keeping your name in the forefront… until now.

Chris reaches over with his left hand and brushes the hair on the left side of Jessica’s hair behind her ear.

” A lot is going on around us, and when you have your finger on the pulse of the business like I do you see a much bigger game of Chess being played that we need to be prepared for.”

Jessica: What do you mean? Oh yeah, that Bam prick from OCW.

Jessica reluctantly asks.

” There’s a storm brewing; I feel it in my bones, and it’s close. OCW has made its intentions known. They stick their nose in my business. I'll chop the mother fuckers off, and with Bam, his in-ring skills are as weak as his Twitter game. The words bland or generic instantly come to mind.”

Chris states in a very soft, meticulous tone as he gives Jessica his undivided attention.

” It’s something that is going to put us in the crosshairs regardless because if what I saw took place, and it did… XWF Management has potentially put everyone at risk. We need to hunker down, and get ready to go to fucking war.”

Jessica: Why do I feel like there’s a lot that you’re not telling me?

” Babe, I’m not going to give a lot of details until I see some sort of confirmation. The wrestling business is evolving around us while the XWF is not the only federation having success. I’ve been watching a lot of products around us and based on what I’ve seen I think it’s not a matter of if but a matter of when… and we will a bigger spotlight shining down upon us.”

Chris winks at Jessica who sits confused at best with what she has just heard from CCP.

Jessica: I’ll play along, so who are we looking at? Who do you have your eye?

” I’ve put some feelers out to a few people; one of which we are on the way to see now.”

Jessica: Wait, what?

” We’re not going to make contact but we are going so I can show you and gauge your response.”

It’s as if a light bulb fires off over Jessica’s head because she never bothered to ask where they were headed when they boarded Chris’s jet.

Jessica: Where are we going?

” We are headed to none other than the great state of Kentucky.

Instantly Jessica responds with nothing more than sheer sarcasm within her tone.

Jessica: Don’t they fuck sheep there?

Chris chuckles under his breath before he responds.

” Sounds like a question we can ask the gentleman we’re coming to see.”

Jessica: Wait a minute… don’t tell me that we’re going to see…”

Chris immediately cuts off Jessica.

” NOOOOO!”

Chris emphatically states.

Jessica: Good, because that guy is a prick in a half.

” Hey now, Billy B. Blankenship might be all of that and a bag of Doritos but you gotta give the guy a little bit of credit for the entertainment value he brings to the table even if he sounds like a worn-out recording. The guy knows how to hype his team, even if he speaks most of the time instead of letting their voices be heard. Plus I said I wanted to add meat to the bone not a couple of pussies that cut their teeth in Japan.”

Jessica: If it isn’t Triple B then who the fuck is in Kentucky that we should give two shits about? And why the hell aren’t you being straight up with me about what you foresee coming? Hmm?

Paging Robert Main?

Has anyone seen Robert Main? More importantly, has anyone seen Robert Main’s balls? They’re like the size of a pea, only smaller. I mean if Christmas hasn’t come early for me heading into what is arguably one of the featured attractions of the weekend in which our XWF careers are on the line. You would think that all of his attention would be wrapped around trying to dig himself out of the black-fucking-hole he’s found himself in.

Wake up Dick, it’s time for you to come out and play because I am frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog just itching to sink my teeth into your flesh. You’ve been awful quiet lately, loss of Dewy and all. If I didn’t already have your number I’d say the lack of attention due to personal tragedy would have certainly sunk your already sinking ship. You can’t tell me that you’re walking into this level-headed? You’re a dead man walking in every sense of the word.

” Babe, I don’t want to give too much away because it will take the surprise out of the equation. What I am prepared to tell you is that I have been watching this individual for the last several months. It’s an outside-the-box person that I think might surprise you.”

Jessica: Now my interest is even more peaked. I’m serious… who is it.

” A game-changer.”

Suddenly the conversation is interrupted by the sounds of Chris’s cell phone starts to ring. Confused, Chris adjusts in his chair to retrieve it from his back pocket. He looks at the screen not recognizing the number. The sheer looks of befuddlement are enough to have Jessica ask,

Jessica: Who is that?

” I’m not one hundred percent sure…”

Chris responds as he answers the call putting the phone to his ear.

” Hello?”

A voice not familiar to Chris responds which causes him to cock his left eyebrow towards Jessica who mouths the word.

Jessica: Who?

Chris holds up the index finger towards Jessica before getting up out of his seat on the jet.

” I’m sorry, who the fuck are you? How did you get this number?”

Chris starts to slowly pace back and forth as he listens to the voice on the other end. He gets a name that changes the entire nature of his body language.

” Well if this just didn’t become interesting. You’d imagine my surprise, but yes I have been paying attention to what’s been going on. I saw the event, I saw his actions, and I have seen some of the virtual shots. What do I have to do with this? I don’t have a horse in this race.”

Well isn’t this little phone call an unforeseen event. Without giving away the caller’s identity it’s rather shocking my number landed in his hand. Hmmm.

” I am actually on my way to Kentucky. If you are serious and want to show me you’ll show up and meet me in person. I don’t talk shop over the phone.”

There’s a few seconds of silence from Chris as he listens on intently before asking.

” Is this your number?”

There’s a second or two before Chris then responds.

” Better yet, why don’t you meet me in Chicago next weekend. I am fairly certain you’re well aware I am anchoring the entire goddamn event. I mean rumor does have it there might be a few other uninvited guests, what’s one more?”

There’s a slight nod of the head from Chris as he then states.

” I’ll send you a location. Let me forewarn you, I am not to be trifled with.”

Chris takes the phone away from his ear turning the screen towards his face. He looks down and ends the call for storing the number.

Jessica: Who the fuck was that?!

Chris slides his phone back into his back pocket before directing his attention towards Jessica.

” That storm that was brewing...”

Jessica: Yeah.

” It’s coming right for the Xtreme Wrestling Federation.”

... TO BE CONTINUED.

Words from the Stoned One:

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to the continuation of the public execution of the shell of his former self that is Robert Main. Earlier I took some time to speak on our past to lay full perspective for those of you who have been living under a rock for the last several years. Our past is directly what has led us to our present, and what has led us to Relentless 2021. So let’s pick up right where we left off, shall we? For the first time in as long as I can fucking remember it wouldn’t be the smartest idea for either of us to hit each other on our recent records because they’re both filled with losses in some form or fashion or SOMEONE else in your case carried you to victory.

Instead, I am going to talk to you about the things that I have taken away from you, Robert.

You see when I walked through those doors in 2019 you were looked at as the cream of the crop, the top of the mountain, the be all end of the XWF… fast forward to the present day, and the last thing you are is that intimidating force that you once viewed yourself to be. The mystique that surrounded you has long since been shattered and you have fallen so far from the top of the card that you’ve become pitiful to even fucking watch cut a promo. Your desire to be the best has wilted away into nothing. That very desire is something that fueled you, it motivated you back when you carried that Universal Championship as you tried feverishly to become the longest-reigning champion of the modern era. It was that desire that was a piece of what made you who you were versus who you are now.

You’re welcome.

Not only did I steal away your desire to be one of the best, I robbed you of that opportunity you desperately wanted to challenge for that very Universal Championship on that cold, December 23rd night but to add further insult to injury not only did I set you up, not only did I facilitate financial compensation to Thunder Knuckles for cracking that walnut brain, but I inserted myself into YOUR spot while parlaying it into winning the Universal Championship off the very man YOU couldn’t knock off for the Hart Title. Imagine that shit!

I have taken away your dignity.

Robbed you of your pride.

Taken you out of the Universal Championship picture.

I am responsible for taking away the LAST claim to fame you had when it came to that oh so precious War Games streak you’ve prided yourself on for the last four goddamn years.

Any momentum that you built up for yourself since 2017 I have taken away from you… and now, I am going to take away the ONE thing that you have left, your career. It’s the only tangible thing you have that I remotely want at this point, brother. While it’s easy for me to sit back and take credit for the downward spiral you’ve been on, I don’t have to do that. I just must look at your actions since you’ve made this rah-rah comeback. Do you remember March Madness in Vegas? Of course, you do! It was the night you showed back up in your hometown of Las Vegas, Nevada. You had all the dreams and aspirations of getting revenge on the one guy that has made you look dumber and dumber with every step you’ve taken. Do you know what was funny as fuck about your return, or at least in my eyes?

You walked back into the federation, and NOBODY gave two shits about it.

I did the world a favor by putting you on the shelf, I did the XWF a favor by eliminating you from the equation because without your presence the XWF flourished! You are arguably the most hated guys that occupy the locker room; hated more than me, that shit is RARE because I don’t endear myself to a goddamn soul on the face of this planet. You continued your route of sheer comedy by saying with a straight goddamn face that YOU didn’t care about challenging me for the Universal Championship yet you broke your goddamn back at May Day in that Battle Royale when I made it crystal clear that if you wanted a piece of me you just had to sign the contract but if you wanted a Championship opportunity you had to earn it; who the fuck do you think you are to be awarded Championship matches, Demos? Fuck man, now that I mention his name even he could kick the shit out of you right now! Just a shame that he won’t get that chance. Nonetheless, instead of taking an open contract, you CHOSE to enter said battle royale… and win it.

Talk about a walking contradiction!

It was only after I skunked you at Leap of Faith did you push hard how it was never about the title; funny how that matters after you lost, that’s not convenient or anything. The next thing you’ll tell me and the rest of the world is how you set up Alias’s cash in. Get the fuck out of here with all your lame goddamn excuses for not giving a fuck about your career and allowing the master manipulator in. You said it best on Warfare when you said you have no one to blame but yourself because it’s yourself who never fully understood just who you were playing with when you started playing with me. For over TWO YEARS; take a minute and soak that in, two years I have played you, two years I have orchestrated your demise, and for two years I have allowed you to think that it was I who needed you when it was you who needed me this entire time.

This has never been about relevance.

It has never been about the wins or the losses.

It has always been about ending you.

Hell son, in a way you should be patting yourself on the back for sparking enough interest for me to give a fuck. That in and of itself is rare, and while you’re patting yourself on the back I am going to thank you. That’s right I said thank you…I am going to thank you for being such a selfish little prick when I was first brought back, I am going to thank you for being an egotistical bastard who thought his shit didn’t stink, I am going to thank you parents for not blessing you with common fucking sense to know when you are being played!

How’s Dewey?

Now we are in the midst of the biggest three nights of our lives. I can’t speak for you but I have put my career on the line several times before, I have dealt with the added pressures that this kind of stipulation can carry, and for some goddamn reason, I am still standing in this profession. You have had an awful lot of time to get your shit together for this last dance but even in the off chance that you do, it’s entirely way too late in the game for it to even matter. Loss after loss after loss all because I am so far inside your head you can’t figure out which way is up. What should scare the shit out of you when it comes to Night Two is what exactly my mind is going to come up with when your back is against the fucking wall. Yes, I am telling you that you stand zero chance in your Iron Man Match and that you are going to be walking into Night Two facing your last professional wrestling match in the XWF. Question is, just how bad off are you going to be? How much damage will I dish out upon that pathetic bag of bones you call a goddamn body? Better question, am I going to allow you the ability to make Night Two?

Remember you’re the guy that thought it was a wise idea to make Night One an Ironman Match with a cracked fucking skull.

Are you seeing where I am going with this, Robbie?

If I have been this cold, this calculating, and this malicious just to get us to this point then what levels do you think I am going to go to seal your fate? Hmm? I am the last one of us that has a goddamn thing to prove because since ditching you I made my rise to the top, I captured that Universal Championship, I have stayed in the forefront of the XWF while you haven’t done a goddamn thing to contribute other than ride these coattails to this payday. Now let’s reverse the roles; since I dropped you like that bad cigar habit you spent three months in a hospital bed, won a battle royale, lost a Universal Championship match, been carried by Jim Caedus in a victory over Marf and Lycana, lost to Thad Duke, lost at War Games, and did jack shit for your team on Warfare from Atlanta! Say what you will about me, deflect away from these truths that you know are self-evident my dear friend but it doesn’t make them any less true. You don’t care anymore, everyone sees it.

The Past is what has dictated our present.

I used you.

I used your family.

I slapped around your old man.

WHILE

YOU

HAVE

TAKEN

IT

LIKE

A

BITCH.

You’ve had all this time to DO something about but your best shots have been costing me the Universal Championship and having a direct impact on my match with Betsy. THAT’S IT!!

ARE

YOU

SERIOUS!?!?!

That’s the best that the great and powerful Robert Main can do? What, did you think costing me the Championship was going to somehow derail me? Did you think that showing up here or there while I am doing what you feel you aren’t obligated to do which is wrestling was going to somehow negate that these are the moves made by a goddamn chump? Chris Page is still THE most sought after talent behind that curtain, Chris Page still is the household name that he’s always been, oh yeah, and CHRIS PAGE is the mother fucker that’s dangled that carrot in front of your face to the one event where it was supposed to end two years prior. Brother, and I mean this in the nicest possible way…

You aren’t ready for Chris Page.

You never have been.

In the past the office had your back because they didn’t have anyone else they could run with; now that very office has forgotten who you are. Even digging up Jimbo hasn’t helped your cause brother. Reforming Apex has fizzled out faster than the Left Hand, pulling Legacy into the mix to mask your weakness because Apex wasn’t man enough to handle little ole BOB. We’ve already established I am smarter than you; so now let’s take it a step further because you will no doubt by now be trying to cram your usual bullshit “blah, blah, blah”. If I had you nailed dead to rights for Relentless 2019 can you imagine just how fucked you are now giving me two years to figure out just who Robert Main is?

Figure out what makes you tick.

Once you know how the machine works you know how to break it down. You’re a wounded man walking into the biggest goddamn fight of your life against the ONE opponent that knows you better than anyone else that has ever stood across the ring from you; that fact alone puts skids in your tighty whities. Never have you been more vulnerable within any situation than you are with me. I bet you still think it was by accident Thunder Knuckles missed by that half an inch that would have killed ya, right? Nah, brother, his shot was dead on the money because I want to be the guy that ends your life.

Still naive enough to think this is about an XWF wrestling career?

I am coming for what’s left of your life.

Your heart will stop beating, your lungs will breathe their final breaths, and I will take away something that’s much more precious than a career… I will take your soul while putting your body right next to your father's. Has the reality of your situation started to set in just yet? Do you think I am fucking around with you, little boy? There isn’t a person that is going to be able to save you from hell that I am going to bring with me to the City of Chicago. The good news for you is this is the night that your suffering finally ends. You will finally see that I am no second-rate hack, some Jimbo replacement you WANTED me to be. Hell son, you even went to the degree to dust off Rider’s on the Storm for Cataclysm! Can’t be original or think of anything on your own, can ya? The fuck out of here. You found out the hard way that you can’t manipulate a man that is manipulating you.

The walls of that grave you dug are starting to collapse around you, Robert.

People can gush over Alias and Dock for the Universal Championship all they want to right now; but the one takeaway that will supersede and title changes, secrete returns, or shocking upsets will be Chris Page showing up to Relentless and doing exactly what he said he was going to do. This ends in two nights because I refuse to allow your ego to have three of my nights. It is only fitting that Relentless is where it ends for you. You’ll never be able to say you won on the big stage unless Chris Page carried you. I am rolling into Chi-Town snorting some goddamn fire all looking to burn you where you stand. You have always been in my world taking in what I have allowed you to see.

The biggest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist. It’s cute that you think you know the moves that I am going to make before I make them when I am the guy pulling your strings. Pressure is on YOU to deliver the goods, to show that you belong in the same ring as me on the grandest stage the Xtreme Wrestling Federation has to offer because I’d much rather share the ring with someone that WANTS to be here, that WANTS to brush with greatness and have that MOMENT that will stand the test of time. This IS that moment for you. Laugh it off and pretend that anyone can remember a goddamn thing you’ve done that doesn’t have Chris Page’s name attached that you don’t have to remind them of. Ouch.

Do yourself a favor.

Save yourself further embarrassment because it’s not too late for you to walk away now while you still can. It’s the only play you have left because winning isn’t going to be a thing for you. I am going to own you at Relentless in two straight matches just like I’ve owned you for the last two years, chump.

Your father is rolling over in his grave with just how much of a pussy his son has become.

At least it’s good to see that you have stopped trying to put yourself in some grand light and admitted to the world that you are nothing but that fragile shell of what you once were. You’re looking at the man that took that away from you. On night one I’m going to take what’s left of your spirit… on night two I am closing the door on your XWF career.

Hall of Legends > Top 50.

]]> Culmination: Chapter 2

Continued From:
http://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=41882

Fall was his favorite time of year. The weather allowed him to be outside more and travel without sweating. It was also the time of year where RELENTLESS took center stage at XWF. There was a lot on his mind and time to make his feelings known throughout the country. In order to do this, he would be a guest on one of the famous television shows of this generation. It took him to Burbank, California, as he drives toward the studio where a live taping of Ellen was taking place. When he entered, he could hear the crowd being entertained by Ellen. The crowd calms down as she takes a seat and begins the show.

Ellen
Welcome to the Ellen Show. I hope everyone here has had a wonderful day. Today is the day we make history. My guest today is one of the tallest I have ever encountered and probably the scariest. However, it will not keep me from being raw and unfiltered today, so who knows what is going to happen. Please put your hands together for the XWF Television champion, the one, and only Rampage.

The crowd claps as he walks out with a blank expression on his face. Even though he was ready to be vocal, the crowd itself just reminded him of what he has to deal with every time he arrived at the arena on Saturday. He focuses though and shakes Ellen’s hand before having a seat next to her.

Ellen
Welcome, and thank you for joining me for what I am sure will be a very entertaining segment. I expect nothing but the truth from you with whatever we discuss. I know you’ve been a champion for almost a month, correct? What has that experience been like and what’s your next enormous challenge?

Rampage
That’s right Ellen, I have held a title for one month, but you better believe I am just getting started with this reign. I know for a fact that XWF is proud of their champions and always provides the best competition, but Ellen, there is no one in my league. There are folks that come close solely based on experience, but Rampage is his own category and everyone in the back knows it. Regarding the next enormous challenge, well, that would be Relentless. It is the biggest show of the year and apparently, I am facing Vita Frickin Valenteen once again. Somehow, she weaseled her way into a rematch with me. I guess it is a matter of who you blow because she has no right getting another opportunity until I feel she has earned it.

Ellen
I am surprised to hear this side of you. I always thought outside the ring you were a nice guy, but maybe I was wrong. It’s okay though, I believe change can happen to anyone. Moving on though, you mentioned you’ve competed against Vita Frickin Valenteen before. What happened last time?

Rampage
Ellen, I took control of that match from the moment it started. She might have been champion walking in but within a matter of moments, she knew what her fate was. What made it even sweeter was that I beat two of XWF's finest to capture the title. I guess she feels entitled or cheated out of the title, but I disagree with that. She could not handle the fact that a man showed her what being a boss was all about. I showed her something she has never seen, and that’s a man taking control. Vita is always in control of her thoughts, no matter how dark and sadistic they might be. However, the fact someone else would take control and prove to her just how weak she is mentally, physically, and emotionally. I know this will rub most of you the wrong way, but there is a reason we have a women’s division. She needs to realize that when you get in the ring with men bad things are going to happen. Some might judge me for what I do, but if you ask me, she asked for it and I look forward to doing it again.

Ellen
You’re right, there will be people who judge you based on what you say. You may feel that way even if most would disagree with you. My personal thoughts on the matter are that you like to destroy everyone. You do not discriminate at all and that I can admire about you. Before we continue, I think the crowd would love to watch you play one of my famous games. How do you feel about that?

Rampage
Ellen, I have always wanted to try one of your games. What did you have in mind?

Ellen
Well, this one is simple mostly. Follow me, please.

Rampage and Ellen make their way to the back part of the stage, where a lifesize poster of Vita Frickin Valenteen appears as she explains.

Ellen
Now this game is simple. All you have to do is punch a hole through her face. However, you will be blindfolded and then spun around ten times. You will get three chances if you fail then you get pied in the face. Understand?

Rampage
Yes ma’am

She signals for the blindfold as she begins the process. Once the blindfold is tight around his eyes. She spins him around ten times and she stops him as he stands there. Standing up straight was difficult by now. She signals for the game to start. He steps forward and takes a punch, but they move the poster as everyone laughs.

Ellen
Oh, so close

Rampage
Don’t laugh at Rampage!

Ellen
Calm down, big guy. You still have two attempts left.

Rampage calms himself down as he tries to take another punch, but it comes up a little short.

Ellen
Oh, you almost had it. One more try.

Before he is told to continue again, she puts a table of pies behind the poster, and everyone claps. Unaware she reminds him that if he fails, it is a pie to the face. She spins him a few more times for good measure. He stumbles forward and goes through the poster. Losing his balance, he falls into the table of pies as it goes everywhere.

Ellen
Well, that is one way to outsmart the game, but you weren’t supposed to destroy all the pies.

Rampage
That is what I do best!

He removes the blindfold and just laughs as he eats some pie. He stands up walking over and sitting down next to Ellen.

Rampage
Thanks for the game, it was fun and filling.

Ellen
You are welcome. Shall we continue discussing your match?

Rampage
Of course!

Ellen
I’m sure it is hard to believe, but I am a huge fan of XWF and have seen you in the wrong in the few matches you’ve been in. Your last match seemed more difficult than it should have been. What goes into determining the stipulation for your match and any idea what stipulation we will see at Relentless? Before you respond, let it be known to the audience that as champion you get to choose the type of match. You choose a first blood match last time around, which was an interesting choice.

Rampage
You know, I don’t think I have rhyme or reason with the stipulation. I do like to stand out and not be generic when choosing them. Everyone can go with the flow and pick something everyone expects you to choose, but Rampage is about going against what people think I should do. I meant the first blood match as a joke because to me it would not be much of a match. I went into the match just wanting to make an example of what I am all about. Put the entire roster on notice that Rampage can do it all, which leads me into my next stipulation for Relentless. I know how big of an event this is and requires everyone to step their game up. Being as I am facing someone who claims to be a vampire, what better stipulation than a stake through the heart match. You heard it here first. This is the season for pumpkin spice, Halloween and slaying vampires, which is exactly what I am going to do.

The stipulation surprised Ellen.

Ellen
I am pretty sure I heard Stake through the heart match care to explain?

Rampage
Ellen, the aim is simple. We all know Vampires can only be killed by having a stake driven into their heart Vita Frickin Valenteen claims she is a vampire so it’s time for me to rid the world and XWF of this nuisance by taking a metal stake and slamming it all the way through her body. It will send shock waves through the company because I can promise you this match has never been done before and that is what RELENTLESS is all about. In order for her to survive this match, she will need to penetrate my heart as well. It is harder than it looks because RAMPAGE is not an ordinary guy.

Ellen
I am sure the match will keep the attention of everyone. You seem pretty sure of yourself regarding this stipulation, so how about we test it out with another game? Yes, you will see this time.

Rampage
I would really appreciate that Ellen.

They both share a laugh as both of them walk to the other side of the stage. They wait patiently as a stake through the heart game is rolled out. The fans laugh as Rampage stands there looking down, his eyes light up with joy. Ellen hands him a metal stake as she turns toward the crowd and explains the rules.

Ellen
We all heard what the big guy said earlier, so it is time for him to back up everything you mentioned, Rampage. You have a stake in your hand as the hearts pop up through the hole penetrate it quickly. Good luck to you.

Rampage
Prepare to be amazed, Ellen!

She signals for the game to start as it starts off slow. One heart after another pops up as Rampage begins the process.

Rampage
WHACK!

Ellen
Very good. I can tell this is not a challenge at all. How about we crank it up a little more?

The game moves a little faster as he manages a few more strikes quickly.

Rampage
Ellen, I know this is all fun and games to you, but it is a matter of life and death for me literally. How bad would it look if someone I consider inferior to me struck me dead?

Every time he penetrates the heart, red dye squirts over the crowd and Rampage. People scream and laugh all the same. However, the big guy remained focus as he makes one last attempt before the time runs out. He breaks the machine in half.

Rampage
What a shame Ellen. Looks like little Vita Frickin Valenteen is about to get broken in half. I don’t know what will happen in the match anymore Ellen, because I am numb to the chaos that follows me. It is something most cannot handle, but Vita Frickin Valenteen has experienced this before, so nothing will trick her. I am going to dig deep into my bag of goodies and show this chick just how sadistic I can go.

Ellen was about to speak when the lights go dark and the audience screams. No one can see or hear a thing. The lights turn back on as a bat flies right near Rampage. He punches it, knocking it straight to the ground as he stands up.

Rampage
This is what I am talking about, Ellen. She likes to play minds games thinking it will work, but I am not a puppet compared to everyone else. I will not give in and let her control my mind as others might allow. Vita Frickin Valenteen puts on a fake front showing a calm nature, but we all know the truth. She needs to do the mind games because the “skills” she possesses are fake and she is going to get exposed by me. Rampage will take the spotlight away from everyone on night two. It only seems fitting for The World’s Tallest Asshole, don’t you think?

Ellen
Watch the language. This is a family show. I want to ask you a few questions that do not focus on you. Regarding Vita Frickin Valenteen what would you say is her biggest strength? What makes her a tough match-up for you? I know you act all macho, but you’re human, so don’t lie to me. I will call you out on it.

Rampage
Calm down, you’re such a firecracker. I always take my opponents seriously, even if I try to make a mockery out of them. She has held the Television Title on multiple occasions so she certainly understands how to play the game. Vita Frickin Valenteen is a freak of nature. She throws you curveballs and keeps you guessing, which drives me nuts. I have never been one to sugarcoat how I feel Ellen and Vita Frickin Valenteen knows this. She knows I have a short temper. I have to stay calm no matter what happens. The moment I get frustrated, she will strike. The thought of losing my title to her makes me sick to my stomach.

Ellen
I can understand that. I don’t think anyone wants to lose something they have worked hard to get. I am just playing what if here, but if you lose at Relentless, what’s next for you?

Rampage
Ellen, I don’t mind playing a little Devil’s Advocate here and although I have every intention of walking out of Chicago with the title, let me say this. If Vita Frickin Valenteen steals my title, there is only one thing for me to do. Make my way toward main event status and earn a shot at the World Heavyweight Champion. I broke the news on Twitter and I do not spread lies. Rampage will be the world champion. However, my focus is not on the world champion. My focus is Chicago night two for the Television Title. It will be the highest-rated match of the night. It will reach worldwide exposure allowing us to trend on Twitter.

Ellen
The show is coming to a close, so I have a few more questions for you. I understand you’re a busy man, so tell me why should the XWF fans watch Rampage? I want you to sell us your product.

He thought good and hard about it. No one had really asked him that before. He looked over at Ellen and leaned in.

Rampage
Interesting question Ellen. My product is consistent. I always show up prepared for a fight and no matter how easy the match might be, I help my opponent by giving them a moment in the spotlight just to shatter it with a huge chokeslam straight to hell. I never want to disappoint the higher-ups. They are the ones that matter to me. All the fans do is bitch, moan and complain about the product. It’s amazing how everyone is a critic when their ass is in a seat and not the ring. Vita Frickin Valenteen understands where I am coming from. There are times in life when we feel empty and alone and for Rampage, that is when I do my best work. I NEVER need people to bail me out. My work ethic will not allow me to show weakness and ask for help. I will OVERCOME anything, no matter what needs to be done. Rampage is about destruction, chaos, hate, and rebellion. Those four things are something the country can get behind.

Ellen
Rampage we have run out of time so really quickly. What last words do you have for your opponent?

Rampage
The only thing I have left to say toward Vita is metal stake or plastic? Either way, it is going to penetrate your entire body and there is not a damn thing you can do about that.

The show goes off the air as Ellen and Rampage talk a little more before he leaves

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