<![CDATA[X-treme Wrestling Federation - Madness Results]]> https://xwf1999.com/ Sat, 02 May 2026 19:32:45 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[MAYDAY 3! At Ye' Ole' Commune!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48839 Sat, 03 May 2025 02:31:33 -0700 Dolly Waters]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=48839

Chris: Good evening, America. I’m Chris Cuomo, and you’re watching Newsmax—where we bring you hard-hitting journalism, honest takes, and the occasional exploding party city. and NO, I will NOT be taking questions about CNN unless it’s “how’d you escape?”

Tonight, we begin with a developing story in the world of sports, politics, and whatever the hell professional wrestling has become.

Three years ago, Coreytopia was a pet project of radical dreamers. A pseudo-utopia for labor rights activists, left-wing podcasters, and recreational anarchists—basically, a Coachella for people who call their landlord "comrade."

It was a place filled with speeches about wage theft, pamphlets nobody read, and more tote bags than a Whole Foods checkout line.

And then… it exploded.

Literally.

One of the greatest XWF wrestlers of all time, they call him Thunder Knuckles— he's known for his fisting, his flair, and his complete disregard for commercial zoning laws— well, he flattened the compound and killed dozens of orphans in what can only be described as “a felony with a fanbase.”

But tonight, against all odds—and against all building codes—Coreytopia has returned.

Only this time, it’s not a commune. It’s not a protest. It’s not a drum circle full of sociology majors and social justice warriors.

Now, it’s a party!

Thanks to a suspicious amount of private funding, a team of questionable engineers, and the strong jawline of Thaddeus Duke, Coreytopia has been rebuilt into what organizers are calling the “Spring Break of the Century.”

Gone are the handmade signs and vegan burrito stands. In their place? Luxury cabanas, sponsored chaos, and roughly one million young adults who think “May Day” is just short for “Margarita Day.”

And at the center of it all: Dolly Waters. The firestarter. The headliner. The woman responsible for tonight’s entertainment—and, allegedly, a slew of felonies in the south Florida area.

But I don't want to bury tonight's lead. The big story tonight: Coreytopia isn’t a protest anymore. It’s a spectacle for the masses it once sought to liberate.

So pour yourself something cold, turn your phone to airplane mode, and prepare to witness what happens when America turns a leftist safe haven into a billionaire-fueled bender.

We now take you to our live coverage of May Day!"

The XWF's cameras take over as the bass drops and the pyro erupts!






May - 1 - 2025


LIVE FROM YE OLE COMMUNE

COREYTOPIA, FLORIDA



XWF Television Championship
Aurora ©
- vs -
Larry Tact
- vs -
Tatiana Jolee
- vs -
Enigma
Warfare Rules - 1RP/4K
-15 Minute Time Limit - Fatal 4 Way-


Latoya Hixx & Razor Blade
The American Storm
- vs -
The Revolution
Mark Flynn & Schism
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Inquisition
- vs -
Mr. Oz
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K


Sarah Wolf
- vs -
Solomon Kline
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Corey Smith
- vs -
Matthias Syn
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K



XWF Revolution Championship
'King' Justin York ©
- vs -
'Spoiled' Summer Page
- vs -
John Black
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K
-Triple Threat Match-


Isaiah King
- vs -
Dolly Waters
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Sebastian Everett-Bryce
- vs -
Bobby Bourbon
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Non-Title Match
Allegedly Micheal Graves
- vs -
King Kieran
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K




XWF Universal Championship
James Shark ©
- vs -
Yelena Gorgo
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K




We open on an aerial shot of Coreytopia, Florida. The massive ocean-side property, home to Corey Smith’s commune, and… XWF MAYDAY 3… an estimated record of around 1 million people have gathered to take in the festivities.

…and shimmering above everything on the property, a massive 40 foot tall XWF corporate-sponsorship logo in the middle of the fields.

An homage to the unthinkable sums of money that will be extracted from the sheep during this event

Happy MayDay? 



Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome to Mayday!

I’m your host Thaddeus Duke, and I’m going to be joined here tonight by… well…?

Thad, wearing a Pro-Union t-shirt, looks next to him, where his desk partner’s seat is empty.

...who was supposed to be our Warfare General Manager, Peter Principle. But unfortunately I haven’t heard from him in a few days… so allow me to get everyone up to speed…

Mayday 1 will be remembered for Robert Main earning his shot at his longtime partner-turned-rival Chris Page, and the epic war between ALIAS and the legendary Doctor Louis D’Ville over the X-Treme Championship, in which ALIAS secured a 24/7 briefcase and the course of the XWF for the next year or two was set.

And then at Mayday 2, Ned Kaye earned the first draft pick for the 2023 War Games, and then Raion Kido and Bobby Bourbon went the distance in a two-out-of-three falls match that saw Kido retain the Universal Championship!

What’ll happen tonight when James Shark defends that same title against Yelena Gorgo? Or when Mark Flynn and Kieran King - fresh off successfully defending the King of the XWF crown - square off in their rubber match?

Suddenly an older…translucent looking gentleman… an apparition? Materializes in the seat next to Thad and - - -

Wait, who in heck are you?

GoED: I am the lower class. I am the criminal. I am the prisoner

Uhhhh…

GoED: Eugene V. Debs. Former United States Presidential Candidate for the Socialist Party… and most recently a ghost.

You dont say?

GoED: Something has called my spirit to these hollowed grounds tonight

Hm. Ok. Makes sense, because we have a mammoth show ahea–



GoED: What’s that awful sound?!

HE'S HEEEEEERRRRRREEEE! Quick, get on your knees!

Oh… no. Sorry, I don’t do that. He’d have to beat me with a baton to get me to kneel

‘He’ has a name.

King Kieran, First of His Name, steps out onto the stage just as the first verse of Faith No More’s “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies” kicks in.

Despite their feelings for him, the crowd still erupts at the first frenetic strums that signals the arrival of their king. After the hell he went through to win the Ides of March tournament, his walk is less fluid, and his eye still shows notably signs of swelling.

But atop his head…

GoED: A King they say? Where’s the crown?

It doesn’t matter! His majesty’s grace is not just tied to a shiny metal hat! He’s the greatest tournament performer in XWF history! BACK! TO! BACK! And he’s here at Mayday 3!

As The King nears the ring, his pace picks up a bit, as if his leg has warmed up some. He trots up the steps and climbs through the middle rope.

Standing in the middle of the ring, he scans the crowd. They may hate him, but they love to do so - and they are never quiet about it.

Suddenly, the majority of the lights in the makeshift stadium cut out save for one lone spotlight casting down on King Kieran.

Slowly, lowering down from the ceiling in the light’s path, is the king’s crown.

It lands upon The King’s head, and the smirk that follows is enough to inspire the most aggressive of XWF”s fans watching at home to punch their screens.

“HEAR YE! HEAR YE!”

It is entirely unclear where a herald is speaking from, but nonetheless, a herald is speaking.

PLEASE WELCOME KING KIERAN, FIRST OF HIS NAME AND LAST OF HIS “GENERATION, YA BOI, THE GREATEST TOURNAMENT PERFORMER IN XWF HISTORY, YOUR NEW STEP-DAD, AND THE REIGNING - AND FOR THE FIRST TIME EEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEEERRR - DEFENDING KING OF THE XWF!”

“Save your applause!”

King immediately shuts the audience down.

“Save your cheers or jeers; save your smiles or frowns; save whatever it is you think of me and keep that shit to yourself. Because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what you think; what Aurora thinks; what Mark Flynn thinks; what anybody thinks of my behaviour, my choices, and my actions. Do you hear that? It doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is your King.

You thought I couldn’t do it. But I did. So your opinion was useless.

You got mad every time I got one step closer. You lashed out - physically, but I prevailed. Your anger was useless…”

He turns towards the stage and points to the backstage area.

“For two years in a row, you stepped to the plate to try to stop me. But you failed.

You were useless.

I did what I said I’d do, just like I always do!

And with my body still aching as it is, my name is enough to make Mark Flynn throw away all pretense, get the fuck over his Micheal Graves shtick, and try to get back to being the guy that ran rampant across this entire company.

Because I am THE guy. THE man. THE standard that all of you try to reach. My name is Kieran King, and I am literally the best thing to ever happen to this place.

I’ve tried to be a nice king. All through Year One, I was happy to take my crown, retreat back to my castle, and let the rest of you fight over the scraps that remained without my interference. I wanted to give you the opportunity to thrive - an opportunity that just could not - WOULD NOT - exist if I was turning up and showing out week-in week-out. There wouldn’t be enough room for any of you at the top.

But now you want me to do more? Now you want me to step up to the plate and be the light in the dark for you? Why?

Because of the Black Rainbow?

Let me be crystal fucking clear to everyone in the back; everyone in the audience; everyone watching at home; and most importantly everyone in the Black Rainbow…

I’m still here.

Meanwhile, can anybody tell me where the Left Hand is at these days?

‘Cause I’m here.

How about the Black Order?

I’m here.

Anyone remember Cheyenne Fier from Madness? That voodoo baddie lit me on fire and yet…

I’m here.

None of them are.

And sooner or later, the Black Rainbow will have faded away.

But I’ll still be here.

Your King. Then, now, and forever.

So, if you want me - as king - to do anything about them, rest assured I plan on doing the exact same thing I’ve done for 15 years… outlast them. Because I’m willing to bet that come next year, when I’m weighing up a THREEPEAT, the Black Rainbow won’t be around.

Yes they attacked me. Who didn't?

But I am an empathic king! And the way I see it, they are a symptom of the problem, not the cause.

See… there’s a bigger issue in my kingdom than the Black Rainbow. Although Yelena Gorgo is a part of this one too.

Tonight she gets a shot at James Shark’s Universal Championship - which is a fucking bizarre turn of events in its own right when YA BOI here won the tournament she lost, but okie dokie.

Now… that Universal Championship has only just found its way into Shark’s hands via Isaiah the fake King. Who in turn, only recently took it from Sebastian Everett-Bryce. And to SEB’s credit, at least he took the opportunity that I gave you all in my absence and ran with it.

But this hot potato bullshit? It's caused by a disregard that every person back there has for the entire XWF! NONE OF YOU have what it takes to take advantage of the space I am giving you to succeed - to serve as steward of the CROWN JEWEL of MY KINGDOM, the Universal Championship. The Black Rainbow is just trying to fill that space like all the rest. Mark Flynn casts aside the mask in some pitiful attempt to reclaim the spot. Aurora? Wallowing in self pity. Shark himself? A poor man’s Jayzon Williamz.

It doesn’t matter who, all that matters is that the kingdom is represented by a true champion.

If you can’t do that… if you, as a collective people in service of an undisputed king, don't start doing better… then I’ll give you exactly what you’re here to fight against.

But it won’t be you fighting the oligarchy.

It’s going to be the oligarchy fighting you.

Because as you know, I have just signed a new contract with the XWF.

But… it wasn’t for more dates. It was for particular perks.

Merit-based perks.

Dependent on going both in and out of Ides of March as the King of the XWF. BACK. TO. BACK.

Win the tournament - choose your shot.

At the Universal Championship.

And if I’m not happy with how this kingdom looks, then I’m going to punish EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU by RIPPING away the OPPORTUNITY that I have given you.

And I’ll do it, by using my contract clause to deny you all the chance of a Universal Championship match - taking it for myself - AT RELENTLESS.

Do better.”

Mic drop.

And fade to break.





"In the Face of Evil" by Magic Sword reverberates over the PA. Row after row, aisle to aisle, fans rise from their seats throughout the arena and cheer, knowing one of their workhorses is about to appear!

As the second, third, and fourth chords of the theme reverberate, three spotlights shine down, one over another: A green circle, a gold triangle over it, and a crimson line intersecting the other two. On the Tron, his monikers cycle through one after another:


TACTILIZING ONE
GAME CHANGER
LIMIT BREAKER


From there, the beat triggers the house lights to illuminate the figure of Larry Tact standing on stage. He's looking down as he hones in for the battle ahead.

After a few seconds, Tact whips his head up and trudges to one side of the stage, firing up the fans by pointing towards different sections. He goes to the other side of the stage and beats his chest with a hand before opening his arms to the reaction of the crowd. "THIS IS YOUR SPOTLIGHT!" Larry bellows as the audience hoots and hollers back. He returns to center stage and points to either side of the crowd. The lights cut out except for green, gold, and crimson spotlights highlighting the audience in attendance. Larry makes his way down to the ring, pounding fists with some fans at ringside before hanging onto the middle rope and pulling himself up onto the apron.

Facing the stands, he opens his arms up and puffs his chest out to receive the feverish energy of his supporters. Wiping his boots on the apron, Tact proceeds into the ring. He climbs a turnbuckle and again holds his arms out. “BEST GAME WINS!!!” he exclaims to another pop before descending and making his final preparations for the match.





The guitar opening of “Plowed” by Sponge begins to play over the P.A system bringing attention to the stage as the lights strobe as if in sync with the tempo of the song.


Will I wake up, some dream I made up
No, I guess it's reality
What will change us, or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect with a dream

-KA-BOOM!-

The fireworks explode off the top of the tron bringing the end to the strobes as a spotlight illuminates the figure of Tatiana Jolee standing there. Dressed in her blackout ring attire with matching boots and pads - her hair is pulled up in a bun and she has a black leather jacket with the Canadian flag on the back.

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
Say a prayer for me

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
I'm buried by the sound

Of a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage

Where I'm lost and I'm found, and I can't touch the ground
I'm plowed into the sound

Announcer: “Making her way to the ring, from Vancouver, British Columbia… TATIANA JOOOOOLEEEE!”

To see wide open with a head that's broken
Hang a life on some tragedy
Plow me under the ground that covers
The message that is the seed

With a confident expression, she heads down the ramp, walking up the ring steps and gliding across the apron. She pauses briefly to wipe her boots on the apron out of respect for all who share this ring. TJ enters through the middle ropes giving the hard camera a smirk and a little wink while removing her jacket before using the ropes in the corner to do one last mini-stretch - gathering herself for the fight ahead.





"Luna est dominae, volkodlak malorum
Artes et perditae, lycan incarnatus

Luna est dominae, volkodlak malorum
Artes et perditae, lycan incarnatus"

A dense fog rolls out along the entrance ramp, the haunting whispered chant growing in volume along with the pulsing tempo of the music. A hulking horned beast appears from the gloom, slowly and methodically stalking towards the ring. His leather doomsday cloak is open over his massive chest, each step bringing him further into the light until "The Monster Machine" is revealed in full. The dark and Gothic chanting of “Night of the Wolf” by Nox Arcana continues, music swelling in volume as each pulse in the tempo and each measured step of the monster are in sync.

"Rota, vita, mara, vena
Mare, dracul, morte, vita

Rota, vita, mara, vena
Mare, dracul, morte, vita"

ENIGMA ascends the ring steps and subtly wipes his feet on the apron, turning towards the crowd as he removes the horned skull mask, revealing his soot-streaked face and colourless eyes. Throwing his head back, he sprays a bloody mist into the air before letting out a snarl. When his head lowers, blood drips from his chin and down his heaving chest.




All lights in the arena go dark and James Hetfield's opening vocals of Metallica's "The Memory Remains" blares suddenly over the public announce speakers. A minimal yet vocal minority of the fans in attendance shout the first lyrics aloud along with the singer:

Fortune, Fame, Mirror, Vain
Gone Insane
But the Memory Remains

The lights and the big screen both stay completely black. A single word appears on the screen:


. : A U R O R A : .


The guitar and drums come crashing in, along with the rest of the instrumental section. Soon after a mako green spotlight shines down upon the stage where Aurora herself is now standing. She’s wearing a mask that covers her face in what looks like old, pitted cast iron. Her hands and wrists are taped in all black tape and her silver-colored hair is pulled back into a ponytail. A smoke machine billows from beneath her, partially obscuring the view.

Rochelle Adams: Making her way to the ring at this time, she hails from Arizona Bay. Ladies and Gentlemen, AURORA!

Aurora walks through the smoke and down to and around the ring with purpose, moving all of the way around to the southeast ring post before pulling herself up onto the ring apron. She centers herself on the apron and stands facing the crowd. Another glowing emerald spotlight shines straight down on her as laser-lights mimic the northern lights onto the smoke that has gathered around the ceiling of the arena. She pauses for a few moments staring upward before turning and entering the ring.


XWF Television Championship
Aurora ©
- vs -
Larry Tact
- vs -
Tatiana Jolee
- vs -
Enigma
Warfare Rules - 1RP/4K
-15 Minute Time Limit - Fatal 4 Way-


DING! DING! DING!

Thaddeus Duke: Tonight's opening bout features three challengers all vying for the same prize: Aurora's Television Championship. Aurora is one of the fastest rising stars in the XWF, but the TV division is a different kind of beast all together. What do you think, Eugene Debs? Do you think she has what it takes to hang on to her title tonight?

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: If she works for the people, and not against them, then anything is possible! As long as she stays true to who she is and what she stands for, the powers of injustice will be unable to shake her!

Thaddeus Duke: We'll see what Enigma, Larry Tact, and Tatiana Jolee have to say about that!


The crowd assembled inside Coreytopia is waiting at the edges of their seats as the night's action finally gets underway. With one competitor starting in each corner, the opening bout for the TV title match is set off with a bang when Enigma comes charging out of his corner. The massive monsters makes a beeline for the champion, trying to perform a running splash onto Aurora before she can even leave her corner! The champion is quick enough to move out of the way just in time...but she moves right into a big boot from Larry Tact that drops her to the mat! The Tactilizing One quickly follows up with a slew of boots to the grounded champion. Enigma comes bursting out of Aurora's corner, only to join in on the kick party against the champion! Tatiana Jolee, meanwhile, is just waiting in her corner: and probably thanking her lucky stars that everyone seems to be targeting the champion!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: Pinkertons, the whole lot of them! I've seen this story before!

Duke: Pinkertons? What are you talking about?

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: That Monstrous Fellow and the Tactilizing Gentleman! Those men are nothing more than Pinkerton thugs, I can tell. They are working together to target the champion of the people, they are working for the ruling class!

Duke: Debs, I hate it to break it to you: but everyone inside that ring is working for me tonight: even the referee!

Aurora struggles to defend herself against the two-man tango band. Enigma and Tact take turns kicking Aurora before they collectively lift her back to her feet. Then, Enigma holds Aurora's arms behind her back while Larry Tact takes a few hard shots at her ribs. After Aurora's midsection is thoroughly bruised, the pair deliver a devastating double suplex to Aurora! The force of the impact is intense, and Aurora's only retort is rolling out of the ring to prevent any further damage!

Duke: And the champion makes the smart move by getting out of there! All eyes were on her, and all hands were on her, too!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: That was illegal collusion if I've ever seen it! I hope the Monstrous Fellow and the Tactilizing Gentleman rest poorly tonight, as they ponder their own lack of competitive ethics!

Enigma and Tact look over the top rope and consider going after Aurora, but Jolee senses her moment to strike! While the two big men are distracted, Jolee darts out of her corner and delivers a devastating double clothes-line to both men that sends them flying out of the ring after Aurora! Jolee struts around the ring as the crowd cheers.

Tact is the first one to his feet, and he looks up towards the ring with a snarl. Larry slides in underneath the ring and charges towards Jolee. The pair lock up, and it's a true contest of size meet strength as the pair grapple. Tact pushes Tatiana back with pure power, but Jolee knows how to position her body to maintain her position. Eventually, Larry gets tired of grappling and just throws Jolee back into her starting corner. The pure power of the Tactilizing One takes Jolee by surprise, and she takes a second to gather her bearings as Larry gestures for her to 'come and get some'!

Back outside the ring, Aurora and Enigma have both risen to their feet. As soon as the pair locked eyes, they immediately started squabbling! Enigma and Aurora traded blows outside the ring as Jolee charged out of her corner and right back towards Larry Tact, catching him with a dropkick that causes him to stumble back towards the ropes. Jolee immediately gets back to her feet and catches Tact with an arm drag off the rebound!

Duke: Tatiana Jolee might be the pound-for-pound best wrestler in that ring! Her skillset is unmatched. She's so dedicated to the craft of wrestling, that sometimes, I start to think she's a little autistic for it!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: Autism? What's that?

Duke: Don't act dumb, Debs! You know as well as I do that the term autism was coined in 1911 by Swiss psychiatrist Eugene Autismer!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: I don't know about any of that, all I know is that I was brought back from the dead to watch some XWF wrestling: and gosh jolly darn it, that woman is giving that to us tonight in that ring!

Back outside the ring, Enigma has started to get the advantage over Aurora. After the pair's exchange of blows, Aurora is now laid out against the barricade. Enigma charges into Aurora, spearing her into the barricade and collapsing her to the mat outside the ring. Then, Enigma picks Aurora up and irish whips her into the steel steps at ringside! The echo of flesh meeting steel echoes through Coreytopia as Aurora grimaces in pain.

Back inside the ring, Jolee is putting work in on Larry Tact! The arm drag that brought Tact to the mat has been transitioned into an armbar, and Larry Tact is fighting with everything he has to get out of it! After a gutwrenching half-a-minute in the hold, Larry is able to reach out with his other hand and grab the rope, forcing Jolee to release the hold. Jolee smirks as she stands back up, allowing the referee to do his job without any interference or cumbrance.

Debs: She's an honorable fighter, she's someone that Tact and Enigma could learn a thing or two from! She carries herself like a true professional!

Duke: She's just Canadian, Debs.

Back outside the ring, Enigma is setting Aurora up for a big move! After picking her up and choke tossing her across over towards the entrance ramp, Enigma wastes no time in following up on his brutal attacks. As Aurora rises to a standing position, Enigma charges in and hits her with an EQUALIZER that sends her crashing back down to the mat! Enigma flips her over and tries to pin her, but the referee doesn't come out to count the pinfall: because this isn't a falls count anywhere match!

The referee is still inside the ring, watching Tatiana Jolee put on a technical clinic as Larry Tact struggles to keep pace. Tatiana Jolee's masterclass only comes to a halt when Enigma finally figures out that he can't win outside the ring. Enigma drags Aurora back to the ring by the hair before throwing her limp body in. That's when Jolee takes a break from Tact, and decides to swoop in for a pinfall on Aurora! The referee immediately drops down to count it!


1!




2!!




Before 3, both Enigma and Tact are breaking up the pin! The pair of big men take turns bashing Jolee for trying to take advantage of the situation. Enigma and Tact take turns booting the Canadian opportunist before they pick her up and double irish whip her into the rips. Then, they hit her with a double clothesline of their own, causing her drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes! Tatiana Jolee then rolls out of the ring, the sudden burst of punishment too much for her body to bear!

As Aurora lay still on the mat, Tact and Enigma exchange knowing glances. Enigma steps towards Aurora, expecting his makeshift ally to follow....but instead, Larry has other plans! As Enigma walks towards Aurora, Larry eyes the Monster up...and then charges at him with a running high knee to the back of the skull! Enigma goes flying over the top rope from the force of the impact, leaving Larry Tact alone with the champion inside the ring!

Debs: The backstabbery! The treachery! The betrayal: this is why no one should ever trust a Pinkerton! They'll betray their own for mere coin, or in this case, gold!

Duke: Enigma should've seen this coming! This was never a tag-team match, and alliances never last long in the XWF!

Larry Tact starts taking boot to face on Aurora as Enigma and Jolee lay outside the ring, dazed and confused. Aurora, having been the victim of a devious double-man attack earlier in the match, is still reeling from the physical effects of the conspiracy against her. Aurora puts up only limited resistance as Larry Tact locks her into the Tactful Surrender, aka a tequila sunrise!

Duke: This could be it right here! If Aurora doesn't give her own Tactful Surrender to the referee, she might be walking out of Coreytopia with a few broken bones and a dislocated socket!

Debs: This isn't right! They conspired against her, they illegally colluded to keep her at a disadvantage, she never had a chance! This was never a fair fight!

Duke: Tonight hasn't been fair....but it has been TACTILIZING!

Enigma and Jolee rise to their feet as they hear Aurora's screams of pain. Enigma and Jolee share a comedic look of horror before they both slide into the ring, but they're too late! Aurora is already tapping out to Larry Tact's finishing hold! She slams the mat with her open palm, and the referee calls for the bell!


Winner by Submission AND NEEEEEEEEEEEW XWF TELEVISION CHAMPION - Larry Tact



Jolee and Enigma hang their heads with dissapointment as Larry Tact releases Aurora from the painful hold. The referee hands Larry Tact his new TV championship belt before he raises Larry's hand high into the air for the whole world to see.

Duke: Larry Tact did it! He did it! He made Aurora submit, and now, he's your new TV champion!

Debs: It was a most disgraceful display, devoid of all and any ethics!

Duke: But it was a display, none the less! And now, Larry Tact is walking out of here as YOUR new TV Champion!


Backstage we see Mark Flynn watching the live broadcast of the show on a small television set. He’s nodding his head. Good. Perfect!

He turns back to the crew standing behind him: Schism (w/ NKWB), Dolly Waters and Corey Smith.

The show is rolling right along, and Thad doesn’t seem to suspect a thing. That seance you pulled off to get Debs here is working like a charm, kid!

Dolly rolls her eyes and sighs mhm. I told you I don’t really like doing that stuff anymore. If we leave that door open too long, some weird things could start happening.
Weirder than the ghost of Eugene Debs doing commentary with Thad?

RIGHT! Flynn guffaws Whats the worst that can happen? Fuckin’ Stalin show up or somethin’?

Dolly just folds her arms We need to get rolling on this plan.

Okay, no biggie! First things first… Me and Schizz gotta take care of business out there.

Turn this spring break crowd into an all out rebellion!

Once we’ve all won our matches tonight, we’ll be remembered as heroes…THE LEGENDS OF MAYDAY!

Schism hands the NKWB to Dolly. Her face twists as she feels a little rumble from his bottom on her arm.

Really?

Don’t worry, Dolly! We’ll be right back. We’re facing the American Storm for crying out loud. You think this is gonna’ be close?


The ring sits in the middle of the commune, not as a stage, but as a pulpit—four ropes enclosing a battlefield for ideologies.

TD: Our next match is… well, it might not be a technical classic, per se. On one side, you’ve got two people that won’t stop saying the same crap. And on the other side, you’ve got two people that… well, hate the system and also won’t shut up about it.

GoED: “Intelligent discontent is the mainspring of civilization.”

TD: No kidding? I thought it was the wheel.




The lights goes out and hear a voice saying…

Wrestling has one royal family

THE CROWD UNLEASHES A MAELSTROM OF BOOS AS Kingdom hit's fireworks burst open and Razor Blade comes out wearing a American nightmare outfit and left his arms in the mid air and fist pumps in a fake air… With Latoya following him down the ramp!

TD: Now, this? I don’t love. Those pinkos are booing Blade and Hixx while they’re carrying the American flag?

GoED: “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.”

TD: You ever speak English, comrade?

GoED: People dress themselves in the flag when they want to disguise their odious conduct in the stars and stripes. These two multimillionaire elitists wandering down the ramp, parading ol’ glory… You know who are real Americans? People working minimum wage, nine-to-fives that hitchhiked to be at this show cuz they couldn’t afford a gas tank AND rent this month.

…

GoED: That in plain enough English for you, Thaddeus?

Razor climbs up the steps in hops on the turnbuckle and raises both arms in the air and more fireworks burst once again and he gets inside of the ring and climbs on the top rope taunts some more and gets down and takes off his American nightmare jacket and prepares for a fight. Latoya Hixx follows up right behind him, walking to the ring with a confident air and standing near her partner…

Suddenly, the teeming masses surrounding the ring at Coreytopia all start chanting.


REVOLUTION clap, clap, clap clap clap REVOLUTION clap, clap, clap clap clap


GoED: Yes! Yes! The chorus of progress screams within the beating heart of every man! Do you hear the people sing?

TD: Is that from Les Mis?


REVOLUTION clap, clap, clap clap clap


The crowd is in a fervor.





The fans in Coreytopia go wild at the sound of The Big Rock Candy Mountain!

Schism and Mark Flynn burst through the apron, holding signs that read, “THE SYSTEM IS BROKE” and…

…Well, Schism’s sign has so much text and red yarn on it, the camera genuinely can’t make it out.

But, regardless, the crowd is going absolutely NUTS!

GoED: I sense kindred spirits!

TD: I gotta admit, if the Revolution has a home turf, I guess it’s here.

Schizz and Flynn climb through the ropes, lifting their signs once more to a massive pop, before shoving them into their corners!

…

The two teams discuss battle plans before the bell rings… Razor and Latoya agree after some stubbornness on both sides that Latoya will open the match.

Flynn leans over to compare notes on how Latoya starting the match should affect their starter…

Before realizing Schism is already exiting their corner, seemingly fascinated by the official’s black and white stripes.

TD: So, we’re starting this match with Latoya Hixx and Schism.

GoED:There’s a schism between the moneymen and basic decency.!

TD: Hey, do you ever just… like… talk about the weather? Or the Lakers?

GoED: The rain drenches the laborer working outside while the foreman stays inside counting dollars…!

…

GoED: And I hate the Lakers.

DING DING

The Revolution
Schism and Mark Flynn
- vs -
American Storm
Razor Blade and Latoya Hixx
Tag-Team


After the bell rings, Schism… is still staring at the official.

The official checks his shirt, wondering if he has a stain on it.

”Amazing… Black and white… separate… But of different widths… A nigh-imperceptible .04 cm difference between the width of the white and black stripes…” Schism blinks one eye and then the other as his pupils expand in dilation. ”Absolutely sublime metaphor. Incredible artistry.”

TD: I don’t know what that dude’s on, but I want some.

Latoya Hixx’s lips peel back in a feral grin. She smiles with a cocky snarl as if she’s the bear and the man across the ring is a drunk zoo patron that just fell in her pit.

GoED: Uh… my comrade-at-arms seems someone distracted… And his opponent seems eager to exploit that distraction!

TD: ‘Barbecue chicken’ - Shaquille O’Neal

Hixx charges, roaring, head lowered like a battering ram.

Across from her, Schism remains completely inert—eyes half-lidded, neck slightly tilted…

As a ghost of a smirk touches his lips.

Hixx goes for a running boot!

…

But! At the last second, Schism pivots—minimal, efficient. Almost as if he didn’t have to move at all.

Latoya rockets past him, momentum unchecked—and flies through the ropes, landing off the apron! And into the crowd!

TD: This ring has a much thinner barrier between the action and the crowd and these fans are too excited to be a part of it!

Latoya looks around furiously as… she’s carried around on the hands of the fans!

TD: Hang Ten! Hixx is going crowd-surfing!

Hixx barks angrily at the crowd to put her down… But she ends up batting ungracefully, unable to power herself off their arms… She ends up pawing like a cat in zero gravity!

TD: So… Latoya’s out of the ring… What happens now? Count-out?

Razor watches Latoya flounder, jaw tightening. He clenches his fists. His neck muscles twitch with tension. He charges past the legal man toward Flynn with a snarl, fueled by frustration!

TD: Blade clearly not pleased with the possibility that this match might pass without him getting a swing at Flynn. Flynn got, let’s say… HONEST with what he thinks of Razor Blade. Short version: Not highly.

GoED: “I may not be able to say all I think, but Flynn certainly can!”

Flynn’s face lights up—not with fear, but with glee. His smirk is razor-sharp. He smacks Schizz’s back… and rolls into the ring, leaning into it, seemingly mockingly inviting the chaos.

Razor swings wild. Flynn ducks, flows behind him, and smoothly snapmares him over into the corner…

Flynn’s forearm grinds across Razor’s jaw in a chinlock. He whispers something we can’t hear, but his eyes gleam—taunting, condescending.

TD: Flynn is one of the best pure wrestlers in wrestling today… Possibly ever.

Razor’s brow furrows. He grits his teeth. Using brute strength, he rolls through, powering up…

He lifts himself off the mat out of the chin lock! Flynn’s eyes widen with shock and terror!

…As Blade rotates Flynn in front of himself… and SLAMS Flynn!

POWERSLAM!

The crowd erupts. Schizz’s eyes narrow and widen in fascination!

TD: Wow! I didn’t think Razor had it in him!

Flynn clutches his ribs, face contorted, smirk completely vanished as Razor circles around him, stomping wildly…

Just as Hixx finally crowd-surfs back up to the apron! She barks insults at the crowd as she clings to the ropes for dear life!

GoED: One who hates the people hates me!

TD: I mean, I hate you regardless.

Razor sprints off away from Flynn to hit the ropes…

But as he hits the ropes, Latoya smacks him on the back!

The crowd boos, displeased at the lack of cohesion between teammates.

TD: Oh, this is one of those ‘fundamentals’ crowds that actually likes tag-team wrestling? Wild.

GoED: As a wise man once said ‘Teamwork makes the dream work’.

Razor scowls furiously, but begrudgingly steps outside…

Hixx enters with wild eyes and a manic energy—as if trying to overcompensate for her earlier mistake.

TD: Flynn brought up his perception that Hixx has self-esteem issues… She’s about to pound him like a cheap drum!

Flynn shakes his head, trying to find his wherewithal…

When Hixx grabs Flynn, forcing him into a front-facelock!

Flynn desperately tries hooking his foot around Hixx’s heel to prevent the lift…

BUT HIXX POWERS HIM UP ANYWAY!

TD: Wow!

Hixx hoists him vertically in a Delayed Suplex.

…

Her face turns red with effort.

…

Delaaaaaaaaayed…

…

Flynn’s face turns red because all the blood is rushing to his head…

…

Delaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayed…

TD: Is this a bathroom break?

SUDDENLY! HIXX SLAMS FLYNN!

Flynn arches his back in agony, mouth open, eyes squeezing shut.

Hixx’s lips curl in satisfaction, as she drives an elbow into Flynn’s face, covering him!

The official drops to count… As Schizz ponders the infinite meaning of the referee’s shirt!

TD: Oh man.. Flynn’s partner is out of position… Not physically but mentally.

1!

2!

THR-NO! Flynn forces his shoulder off the mat!

His teeth grit. Flynn’s nostrils flare and his eyes search for… the winning strategy.

TD: Oooooh, I’ve faced Flynn before… when he gets a look like that on his face, he’s plotting. Scheming. He’s about to do something off-the-wall.

GoED: Fatcats and moneymen scheme. The workers? They plot.

Razor barks at his partner, demanding Latoya let him get another crack at Flynn. Latoya tags Razor with a hard slap, but says she’s not done hitting him. Razor frowns at her impatience but nods, stepping in.

TD: Looks like they’re going to try both hitting Flynn at the same time! Bold strategy, let’s see if it pays off for them!

They both grab Flynn by his arms and whip him into the ropes… They get in position for an American DeathDrop (Dudley Deathdrop!) Razor in the front, Latoya in the back!

…But Flynn hits the ropes, he handsprings off!

Up-and-over Razor…

And catching Latoya with a Pele Kick to the top of the skull that drops her to the mat!

The crowd goes absolutely insane for the forty-five-year-old’s insane aerial acrobatics!

TD: I think this crowd would give that a 10/10! What about you, Gene?

GoED: …7.5.

TD: …You’re mean, Gene.

Flynn shoves himself off the mat, trying to get back to his corner…

But Razor catches him by the boot!

TD: Surprising awareness by a man Flynn thinks is dumber than a single-celled organism…

Flynn tries to overpower Blade, dragging him into his corner…

…But Blade proves stronger! He drags Flynn back out…

TD: I never thought I’d say these words but, Razor Blade has total control of Mark Flynn in that ring.

Flynn’s eyes scramble, trying to plot the winning move…

As Blade struggles with all his might to hold Flynn back… Blade looks backwards at Hixx, who’s still shaking off Flynn’s pele kick, telling her to get her ass in ge-...

When suddenly, he goes ass over teakettle, backwards somersaulting into a seated position!

Blade scratches his head, trying to figure out what happened…

When he looks at his hands…

Holding Flynn’s boot!

TD: Flynn untied his laces!

GoED: And Razor only ended up pulling himself down by Flynn’s bootstraps! That’s a 10/10 maneuver!

Blade tosses Flynn’s boot away as a single-booted, sweat-soaked Flynn dives back to his corner!

…Schism looks down at his own smacked hand… Eyes dilating.

TD: Flynn tags Schizz in… Though, I don’t know if I’d call it a hot tag, as Schism is slow to respond…

Schism enters—expression unreadable.

Razor charges toward the immobile Schi-

WHAM! Mid-sprint, Razor gets taken off his feet with a running knee!

TD: …Running knee? How can a guy who I’ve never seen move hit a running knee! Let’s check the instant replay…

Quote:Razor charges toward the immobile Schism…

When with an imperceptibly fast reaction, Schism lifts his knee and propels it forward!

Dropping Razor straight onto his back!

GoED: This bold future of instantaneous review must prevent many injustices…

TD: We mostly use it to check whether a guy’s feet were outside or inside of an endzone.

Razor, still trying to figure out what just happened, shoves out the mat…

Straight into an elbow to the temple!

Razor drops to a knee, blinking, eyes glassy.

Schism, with incredible speed, catches Razor by the back, looking for a guillotine ch-

Wham! Schism gets taken from the side! SPEAR BY LATOYA HIXX!

TD: Huge move by Latoya Hixx! The American Storm surges straight toward the good ship Revolution!

Hixx rises up off the mat, beating her chest, with pure satisfaction!

Unfortunately, her electric energy after her successful move distracts her from Flynn leaping to the top rope…

MISSILE DROPKICK STRAIGHT TO HIXX’S FACE! Hixx rolls out through the ropes…

Back into the crowd!

And once again is stuck on a crowd-surfing journey!

TD: Don’t fight it, you’ll drown. Just let the tide take you back in.

The crowd pumps their fists, screaming, waving signs! Flynn scans the crowd… and sees a guy in the front row with a megaphone!

Flynn reaches out and snatches it, lifting it to his face!


“UNITED WE STAND!”


REVOLUTION! The crowd roars back!

Razor, dazed, uses the ropes to pull himself up—his face now contorted in defiance. He wipes the blood from his mouth. He climbs the ropes himself.

Razor pushes himself off the mat at the same time as Schizz…

Razor moves first, snatching Schizz into a guillotine choke, looking for a Diamond Blade!

He spins!

…But Schizz reverses! They both spin, as now Schizz has Razor’s back! Guillotine Ch-

No! Razor goes with a desperation spinning backfist!

…But Schizz ducks!

AND STRIKE!

TD: KNOCKOUT!

The haymaker lands flush. Razor’s body whips in the air and drops to the mat like a sandbag.

The camera zooms on Schism’s face—finally showing something. Relief. Acceptance. An end. As he falls into a cover!

1!

2!

THREE!

WINNER: THE REVOLUTION


TD: What a match. What a barnburner! American Storm came close, but the Rev-...hey! Security!

The commune shakes as fans pour in through the ropes…

And hoist Schism and Flynn on their shoulders. Schism lets them. Flynn howls triumph through his megaphone!

“UNITED WE STAND!”


REVOLUTION! The crowd roars back!

TD: Folks, I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything like this before! But something about the Revolution has connected with all these hippies.

GoED: The want for change transcends race, class, gender, age, social structure… Something is wrong and these men can see it. Good on them.






A choir stands on stage, in safe spots, as flame begins to erupt from the stage, as Oz walks out. It seems as if Oswald has literally paid for an entire metal orchestra, just to play him to the ring.

TD: Mister Oz has gone through a number of transformations throughout his lengthy XWF career. But one things that’s consistent is that he is always devastating in the ring.

GoED: If men like this make up your ranks, I vow to never enter your temples again. That is no man, that is a beast!

As the first lick of the guitar hits the air and the drums start off, Oz starts to walk to the ring, dressed in a large white cloak covering his body. However, instead of entering the ring first, he waits. He stands there near the ring floor next to the edge of the ramp. He slowly pulls off the cloak, folds it and then places it on the edge of the ring, next to one of the posts before climbing onto the apron and over the top rope where he goes to his corner, sitting down as he waits for the bell.



A crow caws.

The lights flicker, as the anxiety-inducing first few chords of Dies Irae erupt across the stadium. As all lights center to the top of the stage, creating a path of light down to the ring. Fans erupt into screams, as the Inquisitor's faithful murder whip out their flashlights. The Inquisitor walks out onto the ramp, clad in his leather trench-coat, gloved hands in and full-black getup.

The eye-rings around his mask glint in the light, and you can almost feel him smile through it.

TD: And that is Inquisition. A mysterious new entity to the XWF universe. He had strong words regarding Mister Oz’s new life as a coach, mentoring young talent… Will Inquisition’s words ring true? Or does Mister Oz have wisdom to bestow upon this creature?

With a sudden burst, he dashes down the ring, sliding under the third rope. Throwing his arms out to his side, and his head in the air, he breathes in the sweet sound of fear and adoration. His hands jerk to grasp their opposite shoulders, in a self-hug of sorts. Giving himself a quick squeeze, he runs his hands along his shoulders and across his throat like blades before turning to face his opponent.

…

These two competitors stand across from each other, motionlessly…

The official makes no effort to stand between them… And in fact moves out to the apron, a position of relative safety before he signals to the timekeeper!

DING DING

INQUISITION
- vs -
MISTER OZ
Singles


The moment the bell rings, Oz lowers into a stance, eyes locked, chest rising in slow, deliberate rhythm — like a hunter preparing to spring.

TD: Oz daring Inquisition to make the first move here! Trying to get under Inquisiton’s… skin? If he has skin?

GoED: Agitation prevents stagnation!

Oz beats his hand on his chest, daring Inquisition to try him

But Inquisition only tilts his head again, the tiniest twitch of his fingers betraying a flicker of curiosity. He charges.

Suddenly, Inquisition’s mind narrows, his eyes flatten, his lips press tight in concentration… eliminate threats fast.

In a split-second, he goes from inert to shooting forward into a sprint!

Oz is caught off guard!

DROPKICK! Inquisition’s boots slam into Oz’s chest!

TD: Wow! Inquisition, like a speeding bullet!

Oz’s expression twists mid-impact — from calm control to insulted rage.
He staggers back a step toward his corner, but remains on his feet! His eyebrows drawn low, jaw clenching.

Inquisition, with the grace and terror of an acrobat borne from the depths of Hell, lands on his feet, legs coiled!

His nostrils flare like a shark with blood in the water — remove the mind, disable the body.

He immediately rushes forward again.

Oz braces himself, rearing his arm back to catch Inquisition with a haymaker to the skull!

TD: Inquisition’s gotta be careful here, just one strike from Oz has laid out many competitors over the years!

Oz swings!

…But Inquisition unnaturally coils his body around Oz’s arm, and slips to take his back!

SLINGBLADE!

Oz is spun off his feet and slammed into the mat!

TD: Another incredible move by Inquisiton! Oz is used to being the predator, but tonight, he’s looking very prey-like!

GoED: The exploiters make prey of the laboring class!

Oz grimaces. His hand clenches into a fist against the canvas — not from pain, but wounded pride. His grin is gone.

TD: Inquisition got a few strong moves off early, but Oz is not the man to go down easy!

Oz sits up slowly, eyes wide with disbelief that’s morphing into fury. His lips move — silent words, maybe a prayer, maybe a curse. He rises.

Inquisition sees the frustration on his opponent’s face and savors the feeling of prey realizing its hopelessness.

Rapidly, Inquisitions’ gaze flicks to the ropes, judging angles.

Inquisition dashes toward the ropes… Leaping off the middle rope!

Oz’s eyes snap open — a glint of clarity amid the rage. He plants his feet.

Inquisition propels himself through the air!

Oz opens his arms!

SPRINGBOARD CROSSBO-

…

NO!

Oz catches Inquisition midair!

GoED: Ye Gods!

TD: Oz is an absolute MONSTER!

His mouth twists into a snarl.

Oz’s chest swells with divine validation. His muscles ripple as if fueled by righteousness.
He lifts Inquisition high overhead in a Gorilla Press.

Inquisition’s visage coils in shock, like a wild animal caught in a snare! He tries to wriggle back to the mat…

But Oz clings on! Before thrusting Inquisiton down…

Straight onto Oz’s raised knee!

GUTBUSTER!

TD: Oh my God, that one took MY breath away!

Inquisition’s ribs crash down across Oz’s knee. The creature’s face jolts — eyes bulging, lips parting in a breathless cry. He rolls, one arm cradling his side, breath shallow.


Oz’s face hardens. He looms over Inquisition, nostrils flaring. His left eye twitches — not from pain, but suppressed delight. He drops to one knee beside his foe.

TD: Oz speaks through his teaching… And his doctrine is punishment.

Inquisition attempts to coil himself back upright…

But Oz clasps his hands from behind around Inquisition’s throat…

Oz raises his foot.

And drives his knee into Inquisition’s spine!

Inquisition jerks upward, his mouth open in a silent scream, back arched unnaturally. Sweat beads on his brow!

GoED: Pain! The capitalist structure grinds the will of the worker into cents… And Oz grinds Inquisition’s spine into dust!

Oz grips Inquisition by the neck, yanking the slighter creature up to his feet…

TD: Oz forcing his opponent to take more offense… Not out of necessity, but because he finds suffering sacred.

Oz's body language shifts from one of fury to one of… holy ceremony — arms wide, chest lifted. He is exalting the act of inflicting pain.

He twists Inquisition in his grip, looking for a Body Slam!

…But Inquisition writhes his body out of Oz’s grip, back onto his feet!

TD: Inquisition, proving slippery like an eel! Escaping Oz’s grip!

Oz, furious to be countered, tries to clinch Inquisition back into his control…

But Inquisition slips backwards towards the ropes!

He bounces off!

LEAPING ENZUIGIRI!

Inquisition’s boot KERACKS into the side of Oz’s head like thunder!

Oz reels, the impact stuns him. He blinks twice, shaking it off, mouth hanging open like a broken hinge…

GoED: Wow!

Inquisition spares no time. His arms wrap Oz’s head, his body twists!

CRACK. TORNADO DDT!

Oz lands head-first, his vertebrae twisting unnaturally as his skull collides with the mat. His eyes flutter. He’s still.

Inquisition doesn’t celebrate. He merely drops into a cover…

The skittish official counts from the safety of the apron…

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

TD: Oz refuses to die… But Inquisition seems more than eager to test that refusal.

Inquisition’s inhuman visage sneers… As if delighted for the opportunity to break Oz further…

Oz sits up. His shoulders are trembling. His eyes are empty — not defeated, but touched by something unholy. He stands.

…As Oz rises back to his feet… His lips part. Not in a smile, but... satisfaction?

Inquisition springs forth!

DROPSAULT! Like a marvelous maniac, Inquisition executes a picture-perfect dropkick into a backflip!

…But Oz catches the strike with his chest! He doesn’t move backward an inch!

TD: Miscalculation by Inquisition! He seemed to think Oz was done… not even close.

Inquisition tries to scramble up to his f-

SPEAR!

Oz drives his shoulder straight through Inquisiton’s gut!

Inquisiton’ torso nearly gets driven through the mat!

TD: SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR!

Inquisition gasps — and for the first time, he blinks. His brain lags. His hand reaches for his chest — something cracked?

Oz creeps beside his opponent. His fingers curl. The smile returns — wide, triumphant, almost... mournful.

Emotion: Oz believes. He believes so hard.

“I FAILED YOU!”

He forces the Mandible Claw into Inquisition’s mouth!

TD: I FAILED YOU! Oz calling for the finish here.

The official, still maintaining a safe distance, calls out asking if Inquisition would like to submit!

Inquisition thrashes like a dying star. His legs kick, his body spasms. A vein in Oz’s forehead pulsates as he forces his hands into Inquisition’s gullet, continuously telling him… ‘I’m sorry’...

TD: …God, both these guys creep me out.

GoED: We may not have much in common, Thaddeus, but on that point, we agree.!

Inquisition’s hand travel up Oz’s arm… At first, the motion appears panicked, like the last twitches of a dying animal…

When suddenly… a pattern seems to emerge.

Not submission. Calculation.

Emotion: Inquisition finds a sliver of logic in a sea of panic. One window. One move.

TD: What’s this? Inquisition looks like he’s not ready to throw in the towel!

With a sudden burst of energy, Inquisition…

Somersaults himself and Oz!

The position’s reverse! Now Inquisition is on top of Oz!

TD: What a counter!

Oz, refusing to be caught on his back, shoves his smaller opponent toward the corner!

Inquisition seemingly hesitates close to the turnbuckle… Oz senses his opportunity!

He goes for another spear!

…

But Inquisition catches his feet around Oz’s ankle!

And delivers a drop-toe hold straight onto the second turnbuckle!

EREBOS’ REVELATION!

TD: Another incredible maneuver from Inquisition! As mesmerizing an offense as it is agnoizing!

Oz’s face smashes into the second turnbuckle. Blood. Maybe from the nose. Maybe not.

Inquisition’s chest rises. Falls. Then again — faster. It’s not breathing. It’s momentum.

He ascends the ropes, movements shaky but driven.

…Oz slowly, exhaustedly rises…


As Inquisition leaps to the top rope! And sails through the air!

FATHER’S JUDG-

…No! Oz catches Inquisition in midair on his shoulders!

GoED: The sheer strength of this… this leviathan!

Inquisition, shocked, tries to drive his fingers into Oz’s e-

HELLACIOUS POWERBOMB!

Inquisition is almost broken in half on impact. The air leaves him. His limbs flop outward. Gone.

Oz stacks his opponent’s shoulders on the mat!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

WINNER: MISTER OZ


TD: What an absolute war between two monsters! Inquisition, in his debut, looked absolutely devastating. His future on Thursday Nights looks bright… which makes everyone else’s look dark. But Mister Oz, the monster, found a way to win this Battle of the Titans.

GoED: The true monster is capitalism!

…

GoED: That said, please let’s move onto something else so I don’t have to be around either of these two!


Ye Olde Commune – Nightfall

The sun is gone. In its place: a vast black canopy of Florida sky, draped over an ocean of faces—upwards of a million people, stretching from the barricades to the horizon. Spotlights drift lazily across the crowd. The ring glows like a temple, dead center in a field of worship.

The moment the lights begin to strobe, that creeping, skeletal melody spills out of the massive sound system—"When I Am Queen" by Jack Off Jill—and the air curdles.



The crowd responds with a guttural wave of boos.

In the center of the stage stands Sarah Wolf, her body deathly still, her shadow tall and sharpened by the flickering strobes. She doesn’t walk down the ramp so much as glide, unhurried, indifferent to the storm of hatred swelling around her. Behind her drifts a second figure in a black long coat and wide-brimmed preacher’s hat, leather corset and slacks molded to her like sin.

Emilia Glazkov. The Advocate.

She cradles a black, tear-shaped bottle, glinting beneath the lights. A single word is engraved along the glass: CONSECRATION.

TD: Okay, Mean Gene. If you’re going to be my commentary partner, you gotta learn who people are. THAT is Emilia Glazkov. And that bottle—same one she used to disfigure Tommy Wish on Anarchy. I don’t know if he’s spoken a coherent word since.

GoED: The opiate of the masses…

TD: Well, You’d lose your grasp on reality too if a synthetic acid hallucinogen got sprayed in your eyeballs. Don’t let the outfit fool you, Mean Gene. That woman is more dangerous than she looks.[/color]

Sarah enters the ring by rolling under the bottom rope and curling into a crouch. Her expression is unreadable. She selects a corner and leans, a predator waiting for the cage door to open. Emilia remains on the outside, glaring at the fans.

The lights shift again—this time to white.



"Forgotten" by The Plot In You thunders through the sound system. A single spotlight explodes at the top of the ramp, revealing Solomon Kline, kneeling on one knee, black hoodie shadowing his face.

The beat drops.

He rises slowly, pulling back the hood and soaking in the reaction—a wall of fists and roars. Sparks rain behind him as he stomps down the ramp, slapping hands and shouting with unfiltered intensity.

As the lyrics come in, he stands, removes his hood and surveys the crowd as sparks rain down around him. He grooves his way toward the ring, and high fives fans along the way. He circles the ring and slides under the bottom rope. He continues rocking out to the song, then heads to the turnbuckle with a primal scream as the lyrics say "I have spent my life chasing things that have only brought me pain. In the end when I'm dead, hope it was for something!"

Sarah watches him, unimpressed.

[thad]TD: Now, that guy? Is Solomon Kline. And he’s been waiting for this moment since he walked into the XWF. And what a setting. Nearly a million strong here at Ye Olde Commune, and they’re all behind him.

GoED: When great changes occur in history, when great principles are involved, as a rule the majority are wrong.

TD: Normally, I’d agree.But this Kline kid? He’s got guts. Heart. Anger issues. A taste for blunt objects. That said—Sarah Wolf is the wrong woman to try and out-mean.

Kline slides under the ropes and paces, ripping the hoodie off, baring tattooed arms and fire in his eyes. He locks on Sarah—and for just a second, she smiles.

DING DING DING

SARAH WOLF
- vs -
SOLOMON KLINE
Singles


Kline charges.

The two collide center ring, but Solomon powers straight through, driving Sarah backward with a shoulder tackle that sends her tumbling into the ropes. She bounces back up—and eats a dropkick to the chest!

TD: Fast start from Kline!

GoED: The oppressor cannot be struck at slowly! Resistance must be mounted with expedience!

Sarah hits the mat and immediately rolls to her feet, but Kline blitzes—grabs her wrist and whips her into the corner so hard it echoes. He barrels in after her—running knee to the gut!

Before she can slump forward, he scoops her up in a clean motion and SLAMS her into the center of the ring!

TD: Scoop slam! Sarah Wolf just bounced off the canvas like a crash test dummy!

Kline doesn’t waste a second—hooks the leg!

ONE!

TWO—KICKOUT!

GoED: Impatient young lad. I find his spirit invigorating.

Sarah snarls and scrambles up—only to catch a stiff forearm to the jaw from Kline. She tries to sidestep, but he grabs her by the waist—GERMAN SUPLEX!

She folds on impact!

The crowd erupts!

TD: Did you see the torque on that suplex? Solomon Kline came here tonight to make a statement!

Kline roars, flexing his hands. His face is flushed, his eyes wild—but Emilia doesn’t flinch. She stands silently outside the ring, bottle in hand, gaze fixed on him like an undertaker waiting for a heartbeat to stop.

Sarah tries to roll out of the ring, but Kline grabs her by the leg—and drags her back toward the center.

He lifts her—Blue Thunder Bomb!

TD: That might be it!

ONE!
TWO!!—NO!!!

Sarah barely kicks out, but the frustration on Kline’s face is already visible.

TD: Now, pay attention, Mean Gene. Sol’s gotta keep his cool. Sarah wants him to get emotional. She thrives on mistakes.

GoED: Emotion is what makes us human, Thaddeus. Where the profit-seeking exploiter sees weakness, I see a beating heart.

TD: Emotion loses matches, Mean Gene. And a beating heart is something Sarah is going to try to pull out of her opponent.

Kline runs a hand through his hair and backs into a corner. He crouches, slapping the mat, signaling for something big.

Sarah slowly pulls herself to her knees.

Kline explodes out of the corner—looking for a spear—but Sarah side-steps at the last second and shoves him chest-first into the turnbuckles!

He stumbles backward—

CHOP BLOCK! Right to the back of the knee!

Kline drops hard—and Sarah POUNCES, clubbing his back with rapid, rabid forearms. Ten strikes, maybe more.

The crowd boos thunderously.

TD: Solomon has just woken the sleeping dragon…

Sarah crawls over him like a spider and wrenches his arm behind his back, grinding her forearm into his neck. She doesn’t go for a pin. She whispers something to him instead.

Outside the ring, Emilia steps forward, her presence alone enough to send nearby fans recoiling from the barricade. She tilts her head slowly, the bottle glinting in the light, as if judging Solomon’s soul from a distance.

The camera catches Kline looking at her—just for a second—and Sarah BITES HIS EAR.

GoED:  Jee hosephat! That woman just bit that young man!

TD: If you thought Sarah Wolf would play by the rules? This is the Black Rainbow, Mean Gene—everything’s permitted except kindness.

Kline rolls away, holding the side of his face, shouting at the ref—who missed the bite. Sarah rises slowly, hair wild, lips curled back in something between a smile and a threat.

As Kline gets to his feet—she SMACKS him across the face.

TD: She’s provoking him. If he’s not carefully, he’s gonna play right into her hands.

Solomon rushes her again—this time swinging wildly—but Sarah ducks low, grabs his leg—

CALF SLICER!

She wraps her body around his and pulls back with a snarl, wrenching the knee!

Kline howls in pain!

TD: That hold is in deep! She’s got that slicer locked in and she is ripping through that leg! If he doesn’t get to the ropes, we may not even get an Act II.

GoED: The one thing the common man is no stranger to is pain. We must survive at all costs.

Kline drags himself across the mat inch by inch—and barely reaches the bottom rope!

TD: Rope break! Referee calls for the hold to be broken!

Sarah doesn’t let go.

She pulls harder.

The ref counts:

ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!—

Sarah finally releases, hands raised—but she stands chest to chest with the ref, growling at him like he just stepped into a lion’s den.

TD: Things are shifting now. Kline looked dominant to start, but you can feel the air getting colder. Sarah Wolf has changed the rhythm of this match. That’s what she does, Mean Gene. Wolf survives the fire—and poisons the water.

GoED: The profiteer bottles and sells the water. And burns the well thus that thirsty men must buy.

TD: …I feel like we’re talking about two different things.

The ropes still quiver from the weight of Sarah’s grip. The referee retreats a few paces, visibly shaken, adjusting his shirt like it might protect him from what’s in front of him.

Kline clutches his knee.

TD: You can see it on the ref’s face—he knows what Sarah Wolf is capable of. She’s a sadist. It’s not enough to win—she wants Solomon to remember why he lost.

Kline pulls himself up using the turnbuckles, favoring his knee. His jaw is clenched in pain. Sarah stalks him with surgical patience, crouched low, arms twitching like she’s ready to strike from all fours.

Suddenly, she springs forward—

KICK to the back of the bad knee!

Solomon shouts and drops again. Sarah grabs him by the head and starts yanking at his ear, biting it again before the ref pulls her away.

TD: Wolf’s got more issues with her back than a magazine stand, Mean Gene—but when she’s in the zone like this? Pain becomes fuel.

Sarah drops a knee across the base of Kline’s spine. She doesn't bounce off the ropes. Doesn’t need to. She just drives it in like a hammer hitting drywall. Then she transitions—grabs his arms, wraps a leg over his neck, and slides into a PERUVIAN NECKTIE.

TD: Oh no—she’s going for it again! Necktie’s locked in tight!

GoED: Don’t give in, freedomfighter!

Kline’s boots scrape wildly at the mat, but Sarah cinches the choke even tighter, her back arching with every violent pull of his head and neck. His face turns red, then purple, his arms reaching for anything—ropes, fingers, salvation.

TD: This is pure wolfpack hunting instinct from Sarah Wolf. She’s isolating a limb, breaking it down, and looking to crack something open.

The ref leans in. “Do you want to quit?”

Kline shakes his head no—barely.

But his foot brushes the bottom rope.

The ref shouts—ROPE BREAK!

Sarah doesn’t care.

She grabs the top rope with both hands and leans back, cranking the stretch even harder, using the tension to bend Solomon’s neck at a vicious angle.

GoED: Outrageous! She’s using the rope! That’s illegal!, is it not, Thaddeus?

TD: Starting to get into it, huh, Gene? It IS illegal… but she has until the count of five.

ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!—

The ref finally pries her off. She lets go—slowly—standing upright with both arms raised like a cult leader before a crowd of converts.

The boos rain down again.

Outside, Emilia Glazkov steps closer to the apron. The stage lights catch her face just right—bone-pale, lips black, eyes unreadable beneath the wide brim of her preacher’s hat. She lifts the bottle of Consecration and turns it slowly in her hand, like a warning.

TD: That’s not just a fashion statement, Mean Gene. That’s ritual. That’s theater. The Black Rainbow doesn’t walk to the ring—they descend.

Back in the ring, Sarah’s stalking Kline again. She grabs a handful of hair and lifts him to his feet, then immediately drops him with a NECKBREAKER.

COVER!

ONE!

TWO!!—KICKOUT!

Kline jerks a shoulder up, barely, his body limp from the accumulated damage.

Sarah snarls. She kicks him in the ribs.

Again.

Again.

TD: Those aren’t just kicks—she’s trying to break his ribcage open.

GoED: Capitalism IS violence.

TD: This is what happens when you give someone with Sarah Wolf’s psychology a license to hurt people.

Kline gasps, trying to sit up.

Sarah crouches beside him—and SLAPS him across the face.

SLAP.

Kline lifts his head.

SLAP.

Kline looks at her now. His eye is twitching.

SLAP.

Then something shifts.

Kline grabs her wrist—yanks her in and HEADBUTTS her square in the mouth!

The crowd roars!

TD: Wait! Solomon’s still in this fight!

Sarah reels back—blood smearing her lip—but she turns and grins through it.

Kline is on one knee now, breathing hard, his hair wild, sweat pouring off his chest.

He shouts and lunges forward—LARIAT! Sarah flips inside out from the force of it!

GoED: My word! She just did a full revolution in midair!

TD: Appropriate, this show’s all about revolution.

Kline drops to his knees—drags her up—

SUPLEX!

Rolls the hips—GERMAN SUPLEX!

Rolls again—DRAGON SUPLEX!

He bridges!

ONE!

TWO!!—NO!!!

Sarah kicks out and immediately scrambles to the apron, sliding out of the ring to recover.

Kline stumbles after her, limping, but too fired up to care. He grabs Sarah by the hair—

—and gets a face full of Emilia Glazkov.

Not an attack.

Just presence.

She’s standing right there, staring at him.

Holding the bottle.

He hesitates.

TD: Mind games on display by Glazkov. He’s not sure if she’s gonna spray him. Would you be?

Sarah uses that second—yanks his neck across the top rope! Kline whiplashes backward, staggering!

Sarah slides in behind him, grabs his leg—

CALF SLICER AGAIN!

But this time—Kline rolls through!

He gets to his feet, limping, and grabs Sarah—

BLUE THUNDER BOMB!

ONE!

TWO!!—KICKOUT!

TD: That was the closest fall of the match!  Sarah’s reeling. But Kline can’t waste this opening. He’s gotta capitalize right now.

GoED: Now is your time, young man! Strike true at the heart of the oppressor!

Kline slaps the mat, gesturing to the crowd—signals for something big.

He pulls Sarah to her feet, hooks her arms—

ASHES TO ASHES!

He launches her with the pop-up—and drives his forearm through her jaw on the way down!

The crowd erupts!

Sarah collapses like a marionette with its strings cut.

Kline covers!

ONE!

TWO!!—NO!!!

She kicks out again.

GoED: NO! How did that foul creature survive that hellacious strike!

TD: Sarah Wolf doesn’t know how to die. She just wants to hurt.

Kline rolls off her, panting, sweat and blood dripping down his face. The pain is catching up to him. But the fire in his chest? Still burning.

Across the ring, Sarah claws her way to a seated position.

The two lock eyes.

Sarah smiles through a bloodied mouth. Kline wipes his nose and nods once.

They rise.

Together.

TD: This thing’s not over. Not even close.

The lights from the massive stage rig cast long shadows across the ring, giving the mat a ghostly glow. Overhead, the screens flicker with blood-stained sweat, magnified for the sea of bodies stretching from the barricade to the tree line. The crowd is unrelenting—roaring, stomping, alive.

In the center of it all, Sarah Wolf and Solomon Kline rise like two revenants. Bruised. Bloodied. Unwilling to fall.

TD: They’ve torn each other apart, Mean Gene. It’s been nine straight minutes of punishment. And we’re still no closer to knowing who walks out of this alive.

GoED: The war is a bloody one. Grinding decent men into broken bits.

TD:  One of them’s gonna stop breathing first. That’s the only way this ends.

They meet in the middle—no words exchanged—just fists.

Solomon throws a forearm. Sarah staggers.

Sarah throws a hook. Solomon reels.

He answers with a knife-edge chop so loud it echoes across the swamp.

BG: Good god, he just concussed her sternum.

She grits her teeth and slaps him again. Then grabs his wrist—PULLS HIM IN FOR A KNEE STRIKE!

Kline catches the leg!

He lifts—SIT-OUT POWERBOMB!

TD: He planted her! Cover!!

ONE!

TWO!!—KICKOUT!!!

Kline slaps the mat. His breathing is ragged. His leg is barely holding. But the fire’s still in him.

He stands—slowly—and signals for the end.

TD: If he hits it, it’s over. He’s calling for Dust to Dust!

Solomon pulls Sarah up, her limbs loose, lips curling into that ever-sick smile.
He turns his back to her, tucks her arms—setting up for the VERTEBREAKER.

The crowd rises to its feet.

But at the edge of the ring—Emilia Glazkov slithers onto the apron. She doesn’t yell. She doesn’t touch.

She just stands there, black bottle of Consecration glinting in her hand, eyes locked on the referee.

And the ref notices.

He turns—stepping toward her—demanding she get down.

TD: The referee’s distracted!

GoED: Your honor! Turn around!

Kline yells something—he knows what’s happening, but he can’t stop mid-lift. He starts to pull—

BUT SARAH BACKFLIPS OUT!

She lands on her feet behind him!

Solomon spins—AND TAKES A KICK RIGHT BETWEEN THE LEGS!

TD: LOW BLOW!! Behind the referee’s back!

GoED: …Justice is truly blind.

Kline drops to his knees, both hands clutching his groin, face twisted in agony.

Sarah backs into the ropes, springs forward—

DEATH!

COMES!

RIPPING!

Her knee drives through his face like a bullet through glass. A contingent of fans scream “WHOA-OHHHH DEATH COMES RIPPING!” like Danzig.

TD: DEATH COMES RIPPING CONNECTS!!

Kline crumples onto his back, arms splayed out wide.

Emilia steps down from the apron like nothing happened. The referee turns—

COVER!

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

DING DING DING

WINNER: SARAH WOLF


TD: And just like that—another body left broken in the Black Rainbow’s wake.

GoED: That young man fought his heart out, but those foul wretches…

TD: Sarah Wolf and her Advocate… they played it perfectly. Dirty. But perfect.

Sarah kneels over Solomon, brushing a strand of blood-soaked hair from her cheek. Not mocking. Not celebratory. Just… satisfied.

Outside, Emilia climbs the steps slowly, bottle still clutched in her gloved hands. She enters the ring without sound and lowers herself into a kneel before Sarah, holding the bottle like a sacred relic.

TD: That’s not just some victory ritual. That’s worship.

GoED: I would rather take my chances with a saloon-keeper than with the average preacher.

TD: The Advocate kneeling before the Black Rainbow’s chosen executioner. Yelena’s army is real, Mean Gene. And tonight, they just proved they can bleed the next generation dry.

The camera closes in on Sarah’s face—expression vacant, calm, splattered with another man’s blood—while behind her, Emilia smiles like something ancient has stirred.

Cut to the crowd: a mixture of fury and awe.

Cut to the stage: the flickering sigil of the Black Rainbow burning on the screen above.

TD: The night started off not too great for the Black Rainbow when Enigma came up short)for the XWF TV Title. But Sarah just put a nail in the coffin of Solomon Kline. And in case you live under a rock... in the Main Event the Black Rainbow Yelena Gorgo vs. James Shark. If you thought this was twisted… Just wait.

Solomon Kline eyes Sarah Wolf and extends his hand for a handshake. Sarah looks at him up and down and pauses. She seems to contemplate whether to shake his had for a moment. She extends her own hand...and then pulls it away. She kicks Solomon in the gut and spits a black viscous liquid into her right hand. Wolf's blood! She charges him and reaches toward his mouth for the Hybrid Moment, but Kline ducks at the last moment, steps behind her and wrenches her arm, sending her own hand covered in Wolf's blood into her face! She falls to her knees, screaming in pain. The lights go out.



When the lights come back on, Sarah has made her way ouside the ring. In the ring stands Enigma and Marisol Vilaro, who charge Solomon and start raining punches and kicks on him. He tries to fight them off and pushes Marisol off of him successfully, but Enigma continues the assault. Enigma hits Kline with a European uppercut and send him reeling. He runs the ropes and lariat! But Kline ducks under it and lands a vicious savate kick to Enigma! Sarah reenters the ring and rushes towards Kline, but he pops her up and hits Ashes to Ashes! A forearm to the face. Sarah stumbles backward and through the ropes onto the apron. She catches herself before falling out of the ring and jumps off the top rope, springboarding towards Solomon, and Death Comes Ripping! Single leg meteora takes him down! Solomon coughs on the mat as the Black Rainbow members make their way out of the ring toward the entrance. Solomon motions for a microphone and ring crew brings him one as he makes his way up to his knees. He is breathing heavily after his match and the fight that ensued.



Solomon Kline: Black. Rainbow. Sarah. Enigma. You two against me and a partner of my choosing. Tag team cage match at Rebellion. No other Black Rainbow members allowed at ringside. Do it if you are aren't cowards!


He tosses the microphone aside and stands up, motioning for them to bring it on. The Black Rainbow members look at him in disgust and walk backstage.


The shot reveals Corey Smith on the exterior grounds of the commune. He’s got a small XWF television crew with him, including Steve Sayors. Corey appears to be pointing out certain areas of the exterior of the main house, talking as he goes.

:...after the fire in 2023, the house underwent what would be a $2 million dollar repair and renovation project. Some of the inhabitants of the commune ended up having to stay elsewhere while the renovations were undertaken. I helped them find alternate accommodations of course, typically local hotels. Most of them, er, didn’t have supportive family…

Steve cuts in, holding a microphone up to Corey’s face.

And was anyone injured in the fire?

Thankfully not, Steve. Although….

Corey’s gaze turns away from the assembled medial scrum before him. His eyes narrow as he spots something…or someone….in the near distance. Steve follows Corey’s gaze and his eyes go wide.

Uh, Corey, that seems to be….

Yeah Steve, I see him. Corey turns back towards the assembled media crew. Give me a sec, eh?

Steve nods and Corey walks off. But unbeknownst to Corey Steve frantically gestures at the camera crew to “keep rolling”.

The shot follows Corey as he walks off, and we soon see who he’s walking towards.

Thunder Knuckles.

Corey stops about five feet shy of TK. TK has his hand on his chin, bearing a half grin, as he looks past Corey at the commune proper. TK pulls out his gold Zippo lighter and lights up a cigar. Even though the cigar is lit, TK leaves the flame burning for a second. Oh, don’t worry, I'm putting it out. Corey doesn’t seem amused. TK flips the Zippo closed and points at the house. I sure, as fuck, hope you had a good fire suppression system put in, Corey.

Corey purses his lips but doesn’t seem invested in taking the bait. There was one already, TK. It minimized the damage and prevented any loss of life. Corey cants his head. You know, I’m actually kinda glad you’re here.

TK shrugs. The pleasure’s all yours, I can fucking assure you. I gotta say though, Cor, when I heard you banned Madison Dyson and not me from the grounds…? I thought to myself, goddamn, what’s a Bastard gotta do?

Corey continues, his expression betraying very little. You’re right. I did ban her and not you.

I should be insulted right now… but honestly, I'm too damn awesome to care.TK throws his hands out, chuckling a bit. Now it’s got me thinkin’, though, maybe I should have tried harder a couple of years ago, ya know?

Yeah, maybe you should have. But you didn’t. Corey looks back at the house and points at it, before returning his attention to TK. And that’s basically why I didn’t ban you from the property. Because I wanted you to see what you failed to destroy. I wanted you to see that despite your best efforts, hope continues….decency rolls on….and good soldiers forth. I wanted you to come face to face with your abject FAILURE to kill what this place means to so many people. Because quite frankly, that there is better than ANY “fuck you” I can proffer up. Corey’s gaze lingers on TK’s, steely eyed. TK shaking his head yes with a smirk on his face.

I guess you’re right, Cor’. TK says dismissively. I guess, there’s always room for fucking improvement. TK pats Corey on his shoulder as he’s walking away, ashing his cigar on the ground TK says See ya around, or some shit.

Corey considers TK strangely as he walks off, but seems to settle. Clearly the man is not here for a fight, and Corey’s point was made. Corey turns back towards Sayors and the crew, proudly not missing a beat as he continued to explain all the improvements made to the commune.




The opening riff of The hangman's body count by Volbeat starts to play throughout the arena as the lights dim. Several red and purple laser lights envelope the stage as Matthias Syn casually walks through the curtain. As he steps onto the stage, he stops and acknowledges the crowd by stretching both arms forward while touching his balled up fists together.

TD: Matthias Syn embodies the Revolution! For over EIGHT months, he was the Revolution champion! You’d think May Day would be 100% in Matthias Syn’s corner! But, he’s wrestling the hometown hero!

GoED: The Revolution is no one man. It is every man.

TD: Try telling that to Matthias, who has decided he IS the Revolution. And honestly, the crowd being against him is Matthias’ style… If he can beat Corey Smith in Coreytopia, Syn would accomplish something no competitor ever has! Can he do it tonight?

After several seconds he begins to nonchalantly walk down the ramp towards the ring, not allowing the fans to touch him. He slides under the bottom rope, jumps to his feet and poses on the ropes. As he drops down from the ropes he takes off his red leather shearling coat, hands it to the ring girl and sits on the middle turnbuckle awaiting his opponent.



The arena is pitch black and the melancholy opening tunes to “Identity” begin. But as the song starts to pick up in intensity, down in the entry way, you see a Jericho-esque light up jacket glow brilliantly. Then, twin explosions emit from either side of the ramp and the lights turn on in a swirling red and blue pattern that throb in sync with the beats of the song. Corey comes down the ramp, the jacket now flashing intermittent heart and lightning bolt patterns. On the 'Tron you see images of Corey/Lux pulling off fantastic moves, intercut with blur effects on Corey's face that obscure his features in an eerie way.

TD: There he is! Corey Smith! Former Universal champion! One-time WarGames winner… (with a team name that I will refrain from repeating)...

GoED: Is it dirty?.

TD: One could say so. Don’t look it up. But, Corey Smith is wrestling on his home turf! Hell, his actual home! In front of one million fans in his corner! With this environment last year, he managed to be the first and only man to beat ALIAS one-on-one… Can he remain undefeated at Coreytopia?

Corey gets on the ring apron, throwing his arms over the top rope as the jacket keeps flashing. He looks pumped as hell, and starts pointing out at the fans before rushing to the top rope, surveying the crowd from on high, before dropping down to the canvas and handing off his jacket. He paces the ring now, waiting for the match to begin as the music and lighting effects wind down.

Matthias Syn
- vs -
Corey Smith
Singles


The bell rings.

Matthias Syn’s eyes gleam, lips curled into that mocking half-smile he wears like a crown. He saunters forward with a bounce in his step, shoulders loose…

TD: Syn’s got that confident swagger, like he thinks he can beat anybody! And he’s proved he can! He held the Revolution title for over EIGHT months!

GoED: Quite a feat!

TD: You said it, Mean Gene! But, he’s facing Corey Smith in his own home! Among the biggest challenges any wrestler can face in this industry!

Syn gets right in Corey’s face and taps his own chin, taunting, daring Corey to take the first swing…

Corey Smith tilts his head, not amused. His nostrils flare ever so slightly, and his jaw tightens as he slowly exhales through his nose. His brow stays steady—focused.

TD: Corey refusing to play into Syn’s mindgames early on, that’s the discipline that made him a Universal ch-

WAP!

…

Syn slapped Corey across the face.

Corey’s head jerks to the side. His eyes close for half a second—processing, controlling.

The crowd ooooooooohs shocked.

TD: …Corey, fuck that guy up.

Then Corey’s lips press into a tight grin… Without a word, he snatches Syn’s wrist.

…Syn’s expression turns into one of surprise…

As Corey suddenly yanks Syn forward…

WHAM! Blistering knee to the face, snapping Syn’s head back with a loud thud.

Syn’s smirk drops instantly. His knees wobble as he staggers back toward the ropes… his eyes unfocused.

TD: Critical hit by Corey! Syn looks knocked for a loop!

But Corey’s already in motion. His face calm, eyes dialed in…

Syn shoves off the ropes, looking to attack…

But he runs straight into Corey’s boot! DROPSAULT!

Smith’s backflip drives his boots square into Syn’s chest!

Syn takes the impact extra hard, as he ran straight into it! He lands hard on his back, eyes wide, both hands clutching his sternum. He rolls under the ropes, panic leaking through his scowl as he scrambles to the outside to reset.

TD: Syn heading outside the ring to catch a breather!

GoED: Work stoppage! He truly is a revolutionary!

The Coreytopian crowd pats Syn on the back as he leans back on the barricade, catching his breath…

…But Corey doesn’t give Syn a chance to catch his breath! He sprints backwards…

Hits the ropes…

Runs toward Syn on the outside!

…Corey leaps!

TOPE SUICIDA!

Corey launches himself through the ropes, smashing into Syn’s ribs and sending him crashing spine-first into the barricade!

TD: Corey is genuinely running this match like he’s never been gone!

Syn grits his teeth, face twisted in pain, eyes watering from the blow. He groans, his hands pawing at his ribs.

Corey’s face shows no cockiness—just intent, as he looks around the crowd screaming for him!

YOU STILL GOT IT! *clap clap clapclapclap*

TD: They’re not wrong!

Corey grasps Syn by the scruff of the neck, scooping him off the mat outside the ring…

Syn’s legs seem like jelly… Corey struggles to pull him all the way u-

WHAM! Suddenly, Syn drives his hip up into Corey’s gut! Smith doubles over!
TD: Syn played a little possum and caught Corey off-guard!

…Syn sneers, grabbing Corey by the throat, before hurling him back under the bottom rope!

Smith rolls under the bottom rope, scrambling up to his feet…

Syn pursues him from behind like a cheetah closing in on a gazelle! He extends his arm, just as Corey turns around…

LARIAT!

…

Is ducked!

Corey reads the intent in Syn’s eyes, sidesteps with ease, ducks under the blow!

Syn spins around to continue the attack… and catches two sharp forearms to the neck from Syn!

…Syn staggers back… He tries to surge forward with a grapple!  But Smith catches him with a Roundhouse Kick straight to the ribs!

TD: For once, it looks an opponent is shutting Syn up!

GoED: The Revolution cannot be silenced!

TD: But Matthias Syn can be!

Syn doubles over again, jaw hanging open, saliva trailing down his lip. He’s gasping now, body folding around his ribs like broken scaffolding.

Corey, with a flicker of adrenaline dancing behind his eyes, hits the ropes behind him…

And leaps with a Knee to the face, knocking Syn onto his back!

Corey dives into a cover! The official drops to count!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

Syn forces a shoulder off the mat… And rolls on his side, slamming his hand on the mat, furious! His face is red, trying to breathe but choking on rage. He rolls to his knees and shouts something incoherent at the referee.

TD: Syn clearly frustrated here…

Seeing that emotion break, Corey’s eyes widen slightly, perhaps surprised at how easily Syn is unraveling.

He goes to grasp Syn by the back of the h-

Syn wraps his mitts around Smith’s neck! And sits out!

Sit-out Jawbreaker!

Smith flops onto his back, cradling his larynx!

In one fell swoop, Syn falls on Corey, grabbing him from above by the waist and shoving his head between Syn’s legs!

Syn tears off…

A PILEDRIVER! Planting Smith’s skull into the mat!

TD: Wow! Syn pulling out the heavy artillery!

GoED: The time for action is now!

Corey’s skull crashes HARD against the mat!

Syn draws his thumb against his nose, before mounting Corey into a pin!

The official counts!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

Corey arches his back, taking his shoulders off the mat.. He cradles his neck in agony, mouth wide open, back spasming under the impact.

Syn’s mouth stretches into a crooked grin.

He yanks Corey up off his feet, hooks both arms…

TIGER SUPLEX!

With surprisingly technical acumen, Syn bridges into a pin from the Tiger Suplex!

The official counts!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

…NO! Corey’s hand grips the bottom rope!

TD: Syn got cocky feeling he was in control of this match! If he’d thought about his position in the ring, he might have stolen this one from Corey!

The official stops the count, as Corey releases the ropes…gasps sharply, trying to roll to his side, his face a mask of pain.

Syn looks up at the official, who holds up two fingers…. And sneers frustratedly…

Syn lifts Corey again, slower this time, his face beaded with sweat and tension.

Then he drops Corey across his knee!

BACKBREAKER!

Corey’s body jackknifes, mouth agape in a silent scream as he grabs at his lower back.

TD: Syn’s in control right now… Corey’s gotta do something!

GoED: Fight the controllers! The time to act IS now!

…Syn drags Corey away from the ropes, driving his forearm into Corey’s face as he hooks the leg…

ONE!

TW-

COREY KICKS OUT AT ONE!

The crowd pops at the surprising early kickout!

TD: Corey showing signs of life! If Syn thinks he’s going to slowly sap the life out of Corey, he doesn’t know how brimming with life Corey is!

…Syn looks down with a grim expression at Corey, clearly not liking the symbolic resistance of kicking out at one…

Syn rises, shaking his head violently.

Corey’s lips twitch, not in defiance—just sheer determination…

Syn snarls, drawing his arm across his throat before dragging Corey to his feet.

He drags Corey into guillotine position, looking for the SYNthesis!

Syn smiles into the camera… Syn spins!

…But Corey twists in his grip! And sneaks behind Syn!

TD: Corey Smith is not done yet!

The crowd pops with elation! Syn’s eyes go wide…

As Corey unleashes a flurry of strikes from Syn’s rear!

Back Kick to the leg!

Axe Kick to the spine!

Spinning Backfist to the temple!

Syn drops flat on his face, crawling away, trying to create distance… He scrambles up in the corner, trying to pull himself back to a vertical base by the turnbuckle…

Corey snarls now, drawing from somewhere deeper… He charges Syn in the corner…

HELLUVA KICK!

CONNECTS!

Smith’s boot snaps Syn’s head back into the corner.

Syn stumbles forward, glassy-eyed…. Looking like he’s barely clinging onto consciousness!

As Syn stumbles out of the corner, Corey wraps Syn in a front-facelock… He spins!

NECKBREAKER!

Syn cradles his vertebrae! Smith hooks the leg!

The official counts!

ONE!

TWO!

THREEEEE-KICKOUT!

At the last possible moment, Syn desperately hurls the shoulder up…

TD: Corey’s starting to feel that fire in his chest! If Syn doesn’t do something this one, this one might be over!

Corey’s hands slap the mat, but he breathes deeply, grounding himself. The crowd begins to swell.

…Syn, shaking his head from the mat… reaches into his tights…

Pulling out a pair of… brass knuckles?

TD: Right in front of the official? Is he trying to get disqualified!?!

Corey goes to finish off Syn…

But the official steps between them, pointing at the knuckles! He grabs them from Syn, admonishing the former Revolution champion… He goes to give them to the timekeeper outside the ring…

Smith approaches Syn…

WHEN SYN SPLITS THE UPRIGHTS WITH A LOW BLOW PUNT TO SMITH’S NETHARDS!

TD: …..Oooooooooooouch.

Corey folds instantly, eyes bulging. He drops to the mat in agony, legs curled, jaw clenched as he chokes down a yell.

The official turns around, having no idea why the crowd is furiously booing Syn… Or how the tables turned and now Syn is in control…

Syn’s face is pure satisfaction, a wolf grinning at a cornered lamb. He grabs Corey by the back… Securing him in a guillotine…

Syn goes for a spin!

SYNthesis!

…

COUNTERED! Smith from the guillotine launches a kick, catching Syn in the face!

Syn covers his face, staggering back toward the ropes…

Corey shoves off the mat… And his foot spins through the air!

FACE PAIN DE-LUX!!!

TD: The most beautiful kick in wrestling!

His shin cracks Syn’s skull like a whip. Syn's body stiffens and collapses flat.

Corey collapses over him.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

WINNER: COREY SMITH


TD: A strong win for Corey Smith! Matthias Syn pulled out his usual playbook of tricks, but Corey Smith proved his superior tonight!


Within the compound of Coreytopia, we see JB and T, and Reggie chilling in a sunroom somewhere with some hoes in bikinis, and some ciroc. As music was playing, JB decided to sit on the couch of the sunroom, where he downs a red cup of ciroc, and had some girls under his arms feelin like a mac daddy on the compound.

“JB, why did you invite us to Coreytopia?”

“I wanted to, plus y’all needed some time in the Florida heat.”

“I mean, I appreciate it, but why do you really want us here?... is there something deep going on here?”

JB shows match sheet with Gorgo’s name on it, then Reggie and T put two together.

“So, you really want to fuck up the main event here later on?”

“Oh nah, James can handle himself… plus, what do we gain on messin with some cult leader, fitness influencer and disgraced boxer turned wrestler?”

Then JB pulls out a cigar, and lits it up on the match sheet with the name on it, and puffs up some smoke in the air. Then some time passes, and JB and T and Reggie were playing game of pool in the compound, then after a few rounds, JB racks up the balls. Then one of the staff personnel informs JB to meet some political man, named Duke Calloway in an office space with the door closed.

“So you must be Johnathan Blackstone?”

“Yeah, who are you?”

“Duke Calloway, a republican man who wants to know why you are in the compound today?”

Duke lights his cigar and blows it in JB’s direction.

“I'm here for a match”

“A match?...oh that wrestling thing, right right… well, i was thinking if you leave the compound and let two white people wrestle for the title…it’ll be worth a while.”

“Whoa wait a minute, you tell me to back off this match…man, sir that anit happenin… I came all the way down to Coreytopia to reclaim a belt that i held shaped into its rebellious image. So imma just say, fuck that offer… and im out of here!”

JB then walked out the office, as Duke looked on with a smug look on his face. Then we see a portrait of Summer and Justin York by his desk, and we see JB alone outside the yard near where the ring crew were setting up the ring itself. Then he decides to speak on his phone.

“Alright, i don’t know who or what caused that person to have me throw the match, but that anit happening, i don’t know what dolly did or done to make some outsider try to gank me. You see, i anit the one for the gankin or jackin for any reason, and this match is my way of proving what it means to be a revolutionary soulja for the people. I am doing this for the freedom fighters, the ones who are treated poorly in a broken system. Everyday, with how the world is going, i sit back and think to myself “how is the world gonna save itself from its own mess?”; shit look at the ones being deported, to people who are struggling. Shit, i bet the ring crew who work on the clock are feelin the heat as they put that ring on the ground.

As i stand and watch, it gives me that sense of trust and unity i have for them, and what i will promise is that even if i don’t win the belt tonight, and even not get me or the thugs hands dirty in the main event, I will make sure that i keep my fist held high as i walk out of Coreytopia’s May Day event; this might be something to be hold for a man like me. Because I will go all out in that match, the outsiders would be shocked at what  I can do.

Consider this as my new revolution that will not be televised or homogenized.”

Then JB aims his camera at the ring crew, and we see him partaking in assisting with the ring being fixed up as the scene shifts elsewhere on the compound. 



“Spoiled” Summer Page is sitting in a chair getting her hair and makeup done. While the ladies are talking they hear a booming voice coming from down the hall. The two ladies look at each other with a confused and somewhat concerned look on their faces.

“Spoiled” Summer Page:What the hell is going on, Veronica?

Veronica:I don’t know!

Veronica stops applying the makeup onto Summer. She walks over to the door and peaks out of the door. Veronica stops looking down the hall and then looks back at Summer.

Veronica:I’m not sure you want to know.

“Spoiled” Summer Page:Why? What’s wrong?

Before Veronica could respond, the voice they heard gets closer and closer, Summer’s expression starts to change as she immediately recognizes who it is. The ladies give each other a look before the door swings open - James Shark can be seen standing there with his XWF Universal Championship in hand and a huge smirk on his face, the crowd in the arena reacts with cheers.

Shark: They told me a little cutie patootie was back here. Ain’t nothinnnnnnn’ but Summer babyyy, what’s good y’all?

Shark greets Summer’s glam team with half hugs but both of them do not hug him back and just seem annoyed that he is even touching them. He ignores their reactions and looks at Summer.

Shark: You get my flowers!??

“Spoiled” Summer Page:I did and I donated them to the closest cemetery so mourners can take them to their loved ones…They certainly appreciate that and I appreciate the tax write off…

Summer smiles devilishly. Shark’s smile instantly wipes off and he’s immediately frowning. He slowly tilts his head to the side, a bit confused.

Shark: Um… Summer.. Respectfully… What the fuck is your problem?

He turns his attention towards Veronica who had her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh at what Summer just said.

Shark: Does she treat all her friends like this!?

“Spoiled” Summer Page:Just the ones that try to sleep with me even though I’ve told them several times that I’m marrying someone else.

Shark: I’m just tryna show you how special you is. Everyone know it’s more than Craig BARFton do. That dork only shines on Wednesday morning when it’s time to call you a crush. I see he ain’t attached to your leg right now, where did the lil errand boy run off to anyways? Gettin’ you a glass of water or something?

Shark shakes his head and throws his Championship over his shoulder.

Shark: Whatever, I ain’t come here to argue. Principle said we can have our locker room whenever we want long as it’s all water under the bridge with me and him. I’m thinking next show. You ready to do this or what?

“Spoiled” Summer Page: It’s the locker room I wanted?

Shark grits his teeth. He takes a deep breath in then exhales. As if trying to hold back his frustration.

Shark: Yes. Our beautiful locker room will have a stupid fuckin’ wall with a little room for you to hang out in when you don’t feel like hanging out with Daddy James, but when you come to your senses we puttin’ a sledgehammer through that hoe.

He forces a big smile as Summer smiles from ear to ear. She then looks over at Veronica and winks at her before turning her attention back to Shark.

“Spoiled” Summer Page:You wonder if I’m enjoying messing with you? The answer is yes. Now was that so difficult, Shark? Because I know you’d never go back on your word when you told me this is about business and not trying to sleep with me, right?

Shark chuckles and takes a step closer to her, the smirk he had on his face when he entered the room now returning.

Shark: Don’t be puttin’ words in my mouth Summer, ain’t no one say it can be about BOTH. You can play hard to get all you want about US but at the end of the day ain’t nothing mean more to me in this world then getting wins and putting Championships around my waist and that’s what I plan on doing when we team up.

“Spoiled” Summer Page: Just focus on tonight. We both have championship matches and I know from personal experience that Gorgo is no slouch in that ring.

Shark: Gorgo is goin’ to eat my elbow, Summer. You better handle business out there though. The revolution Championship on your shoulder, The Universal on mine, and the Tag titles around our waist from both brands. Unstoppable. I’ll call you later tonight.

Shark looks her up and down while biting his lips before giving her a wink and walking off. Veronica looks at Summer.

Veronica:He is nothing if not persistent…

“Spoiled” Summer Page:That’s one word for it.




RING ANNOUNCER: INTROOODUUUUCINGGGG The One, The Only. He hails from TOOOROOONTOOO ONTARIOOOO CANADAAAAA, KING JUUUUUSTIIINNN YOOOOOORK!

Nothing else matters by Metallica begins to play as all the spotlights at the top of the stage go completely dark and stay dark for a solid minute before a teal colored spotlight finally hits the top of the stage revealing a man in a skull mask that has a maple leaf on it.

The crowd begins to boo instantaneously.

TD: Justin York, the owner of Pro Wrestling Valor and the new XWF Revolution champion. Matthias Syn had held that belt for two-thirds of its entire existence, over double the length of all other Revolution champions combined. And it took “King” Justin York to dethrone Syn and take the belt for himself.

GoED: Destroy the King, Save the Man.

TD: Strong words, fella. And one’s shared by the fans here today. I think a lot of syndicalist hippies and freakniks don’t like how York ended Syn’s reign… By pinning the third competitor in the match and by strategically exiting at the ring and letting his opponents wear each other down. Syn hit his finish, but York claimed the victory.

GoED: Kings will always reap where they do not sow, exploiting the laborer.

TD: Hey, York reaped himself a title. Don’t be a hater, Gene.

Justin York spreads his arms revealing the Pro Wrestling Valor banner that adorns his body. He rips the mask off and throws the banner into the crowd which quickly gets thrown back to him.

A figure in a teal garb comes out before he heads down the ramp and hands a briefcase to JY. York takes the briefcase in his left hand and his Revolution title around his waist and walks down the ramp way, taunting fans on his way. Once he reaches the ring he rolls inside and poses on the ropes while teal fireworks and pyro go off behind him into the sky.

York unbuckles the title off his waist and tosses it to the timekeeper and demands a microphone which he is handed. He keeps the briefcase in hand.

JY- Cut the fucking music.

The music cuts abruptly. The lights in the ring dim and a teal spotlight looks over JY.

JY- Well.. Well.. well.. your new champion stands before you just as I said. Maybe now you brainless fucks will listen to what I tell you. Who am I trying to kid, there’s nothing between your ears but air and opportunity.

York saunters around the ring with a smirk on his face as the fans boo relentlessly.

JY- Enough about you idiots though, let’s get to the real reason I’m here before I defend my title against two undeserving “talents” if that’s what you wish to refer to them as. THADDEUS DUKE!

GoED: Is there anything Thaddeus Duke in your organization, or is he talking about you?

TD: ...

The fans cheer at the mention of Thad.

JY- This little dance of ours has been going on for far too long. I’ll do something to get under your skin and you’ll  hide away and pretend that you’re too busy to pay attention until I push the envelope too far and draw a response out of you.

JY- You are the COO of the company and you act as if Anarchy is inferior to Warfare. You pay it no mind, no respect. Everyone stood idly by and accepted that disrespect. I WONT STAND FOR IT, THIS IS MY FUCKING BRAND NOW AND IT COMMANDS RESPECT.. Now sit back behind those fucking castle walls and watch as I defend the honor of THE brand in the XWF you fucking infant. OH one more thing..

York opens the briefcase and reveals the custom Revolution title he had made.

[Image: IMG-1520.jpg]

JY- That title was outdated as fuck and so I had one made that is befitting a king and holds some prestige, with Valor’s initials on it, it’s more important than it’s ever been. See you real soon.

York throws the microphone out of the ring and leans against the turnbuckles with his custom made revolution title over his shoulder and awaits his opponents.




S&M By Rhianna will play throughout the arena as the crowd cheers while Summer walks down the aisle. Summer gets to the ring side and walks up the ring stairs. Summer looks out at the crowd and raises her arms out to the crowd as the crowd cheers louder.

TD: Summer Page is one of the most dominant stars to ever grace the Anarchy brand. She’s beaten just about all-comers, she’s climbed her way to the top of Thursday nights… But there’s one thing that’s evaded her and that’s a title reign.

ED: The boss uses titles to trick the worker out of their rightful mindset. Titles are a poison.

TD: Ugh, bet you’re fun at parties. Regardless, Summer’s 0-for-5 in title matches, but compare that to an undefeated TEN-and-OH record in non-title matches! Undefeated since her debut in July of last year! There’s a reason she keeps getting these title shots, and it’s because she’s been unbeatable… when a belt’s not on the line.

GoED: The workers toil long and miserable hours under the trampling foot of industry. But eventually the promised land will be opened unto those that embrace it.

TD: For the record, Gene, cool it with the worker stuff. Summer’s a killer in the ring, but she’s still the daughter of a billionaire.

GoED: ...Hmm. Retracted.

Summer turns her attention to inside the ring where she motions to the referee to open the bottom and middle ropes so they can enter. Summer walks over to the closest ring corner and climbs up to the middle turnbuckle.


We see the X-Tron come to life, and we see "John Black" name shot up with the .38 special, and we see him at the stage in a black and white setting as he is standing there taking in the mixed reactions.

TD: Speaking of the Revolution title, John Black is the only man to ever hold the Revolution belt twice. He and the THUGs and much more your style, Gene. All they do is complain about management and promise big things that won’t come.

GoED: Hmmm, well-played.

TD: I’m gonna get you to give me something back before tonight’s out… Regardless, John Black is at his most dangerous when he’s underestimated. Can he become the only three-time Revolution champion in XWF history tonight?

Then he walks down to the ramp, and he gives them some high fives, then he climbs on the steel steps and enters the ring, and he raises his fist in the air as he pounds his chest around the ring as his theme cuts off.


XWF Revolution Championship
'King' Justin York ©
- vs -
'Spoiled' Summer Page
- vs -
John Black
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K
-Triple Threat Match-


As the bell rings, the three competitors remain in their starting corners…

TD: Mexican standoff here, all competitors looking to see who jumps first…

John Black's jaw clenches, eyes locked on Justin York like a predator clocking prey. York sneers at Black, like ‘the fuck YOU looking at…’

Page’s eyes alternate between York and Black, trying to assess the vibes between these two fiery opponents…

Black paces forward with heavy shoulders and flexed fists, the chip on his shoulder nearly visible in the heatwaves… He barks some fury at York.

TD: Here we go! Black clearly calling for the King’s crown!

Black charges.

…Right at Summer Page!

TD: Whoa! No solidarity between non-champions tonight!

GoED: Tragic that the non-kings battle each other rather than their oppressor.

Summer Page’s brows furrow, her mouth parting in surprise, as Black charges her from his corner…

Black aims a running boot, looking to decapitate the Spoiled One!

…But Page ducks under the blow, somersaulting to Black’s corner! Black’s foot lands against the turnbuckle!


TD: Incredible quickness on display by Summer Page!

GoED: The gears of progress grind slowly, but I hope one day it moves as fast as that young lady in the ring!

With Black’s back to the action, York can’t spring fast enough from his corner, looking to exploit Black’s window of vulnerability… York snaps out of his corner, and goes to secure a waistlock…

BAM! Running entirely on instinct and reflex, John Black unleashes a Ron Artest style elbow that DROPS York flat on his back!

TD: Wow! John Black has been in the XWF for over a decade and it’s moves like that that have kept him around all these years!

York rolls backwards off the blow, entering a crouching position. He rubs his jaw… disbelief painted across his face—he wasn’t ready for that kind of intensity this early.

GoED: It appears as if the man calling himself King was ill-prepared for a bit of combat from a ‘commoner’!

TD: If he wasn’t ready for Black, he better look out for Summer!

Indeed, Summer Page launches herself forward into a sprint out from the corner.. York’s eyes widen. Her lips are pursed with focus, eyes laser-locked on…

The back of Black’s head!

TD: Turnabout is fair play! Page ready to give Black back some business for starting the matchout attacking her!

Black spins around in the corner, as Page plants a foot on the mat…

She leaps!

Black’s hands surge forward to block Page’s forward path…

But they miss!

DROPKICK TO THE FACE! The back of Black’s skull ROCKS against the turnbuckle! He drops to one knee! Black drops to a knee, planting a palm on the mat to stabilize…

TD: Wow! What a strike!

GoED: The strike is one of the few tools the laborer has against the oligarchs.

TD: …Huh. I thought that strikes in that context meant ‘work stoppages’.

GoED: It can be both!

Black, clearly of the mind that the best defense is MORE offense, shoves himself off the mat toward the Spoiled One, swinging a wild haymaker to take her off her feet…

…

But Summer ducks, her hair whipping as she spins out of reach.

TD: Summer Page is just too fast!

Black rotates around, before coming face-to-face with Page… Who places her hands on Black’s shoulders…

And leaps to mount them!

SNAP HURRICANRANA!

GoED: Jee hosephat! I’ve never seen a move like that in my time!

TD: Ohhh… you an old-school wrestling fan, Gene?

GoED: One could say that. The last public combat exhibitions I watched were from the 1920s…

TD: … Oh gross, you’re like the ultimate wrestling hipster.

Black’s body flips, crashing awkwardly onto his back. His head hits with a sharp whack, and his jaw clenches, eyes fluttering for a split second…. But Summer marvelously remains mounted, wrapping her arms around his legs, pressing his shoulders against the mat!

The official drops to count!

1!

York catches himself watching the action and shoves off the mat!

2!

York closes the distance!

THR-NO!

WHAM! York drops a boot square onto the back of Page’s neck, dropping her to the mat!

TD: Another split-second and Page might’ve won her first title in record time! But, the Ring King, Justin York isn’t gonna let his belt go like that!

Page drops onto her face, cradling her neck after that precise strike onto her vertebrae…

But York doesn’t waste a moment, he grabs Summer by her long, flowing hair and tears her off the mat! She tries to shove her way out of his grip, as he reels back his arm…

WHAM! KNIFE EDGE CHOP!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The smack echoes like a gunshot as the crowd hoops and hollers!

Page’s arms cradle her aching chest as she sucks in air from that vicious strike… York grins sadistically as he hooks Page into a front-facelock…

And hurtles Summer through the air!

SNAP SUPLEX!

GoED: York tosses Page like one day the workers will hopefully toss away their shackles!

Summer’s back hits the mat HARD, the jolt forcing her to arch off the canvas, arms reaching behind to grab at her lower back. Page rolls away, hissing.

York pops up and spreads his arms wide, chest heaving.

The crowd drowns him in jeers. York cups a hand to his ear, laughing at their hate like it’s fuel.

TD: Despite remaining in the ring this time, the “King” is making no fans of his people tonight!


But, as York taunts the hippies and freakniks of Coreytopia… Suddenly, their boos turns to cheers. York’s brow furrows in perplexment… as he slowly turns around…

INTO THE ARMS OF JOHN BLACK!

York is caught in the air

And spun throught it in JB’s arms!

SNAP POWERSLAM!

York’s body SLAMS into the canvas, a heavy, jarring impact that sends a ripple through his frame. His whole face contorts in agony…

Black extends his arm, looking to pull York to the center of the ring for a pin att-

York swats Black’s hand away… before pulling himself out of the ring by the ropes and rolling to the outside!

TD: Oh! We saw this last time, Gene! York is a master of knowing when to attack *and* knowing when to retreat! York makes a calculated exit to leave his opponents to duke it out!

GoED: Despicable. I would rather a thousand times be a man pinned in defeat than to be a sycophant and coward in the ring.”

TD: That’s probably why York’s the Revolution champion and you’re a… what, homeless art history professor?

…York rolls out to the outside, before taking a breath of relief… He smugly leans back against the barricade, eyeing Black, daring him to come after him…

Black starts to dip his head through the ropes, but Summer Page…

TD: Here we go! Once again, York’s opponents weaken each other!

Page holds him back, before gesturing… behind York?

…York peers perplexedly, before turning around…

And seeing a SEA of furious wrestling fans charging up to the barricade!

TD: Whoa! Security! These fans aren’t signed to contracts!

Security moves to hold back the surge of fans headed for York! A couple try to shove their way through the barricades, trying to force him back into the ring, like amateur lumberjacks!

From the crowd of angry fans, one sign raises up, reading FIGHT BACK OR GET OUT!

TD: These fans are making it known that they are not going to just sit back and watch York just sit back and watch!

GoED: People power!

York sneers furiously… Before deciding he’s probably safer in the ring than out of it… He slides back inside.

Where Summer and Black are waiting.

…

York grins, in a friendlier fashion than the angry smirk he started with… He nods at Page, gesturing at Black, inquiring about teaming up to weaken him..

…

When Page doesn’t leap at the offer, York does the exact same gesture, inviting Black for a team-up to beat down Summmer.

GoED: Kings have no allegiances, save to themselves.

Summer and Black share a glance. For once, they don’t need words.

DOUBLE BOOT TO THE CHAMP’S GUT!

The crowd surges to their feet as Page and Black back York up to the ropes…

Double irish whip… York bounds across the ring…

Bounces off the ropes!

Straight into Page and Black… Who send him SKY-HIGH with a tandem back body drop!

He lands flat. Spine. Chest. Jaw. The air leaves his lungs in a single wheeze. He doesn’t move.

The crowd erupts!

TD: For the first time tonight, York’s crown looks cracked!

GoED: Title Challengers of the World Unite!

York crawls across the mat to the corner of the ring…

Page goes to grapple York, to keep the offense going on h-

WHAM! From the back, John Black hits her with an ear clap from behind that drops Page flat on her face!

TD: That burst of teamwork might’ve made Page forget that triple-threat means every man for himself!

Page got her marbles scrambled from Black’s blitzkrieg attack, which draws boos from the crowd… Black shrugs, like ‘hey, just doing my job’...

TD: Black loves the fans, but the fans don’t love that underhanded tactic.

GoED: Be true to yourself and you cannot be a traitor to any good cause on earth.

Black scoops Page off the mat, before scooping her onto his shoulders for the Blacklisted! Death Valley Driver!

TD: This could be it! John Black could become a three-time Revolution champion!

Black goes to toss Page over his shoulder… BLACKLIS-

…

NO! Page lands on her feet! Black’s expression is one of astonishment as Page slips behind him…

She leaps, clinching onto Black’s neck!

SPOILED ROTTEN! BACKSTABBER!

TD: YES! Summer Page hits the Spoiled Rotten! She could be on the verge of her first championship win!

GoED: Finally, the laborer’s dream comes true!

TD: Yes, finally, something good happens to a billionaire’s child. Score one for them!

The crowd is on their feet, as Page exhaustedly crawls across the mat, trying to cover Bl-

WHAM! York slides out of the corner and boots Page in the face!

She rolls under the bottom rope to the outside!

TD: It looks like a rerun! York is about to swoop in, this time as champion!

York pins Black!

The official drops to count!

1!

Page pulls herself up by the apron!

2!

Page slides back i-

THREE!

WINNER AND STILL XWF REVOLUTION CHAMPION: “KING” JUSTIN YORK


The crowd erupts in fury and anger as York leans back with a cocky sneer, taunting the displeased crowd as he lifts the belt over his head!

TD: Once more, “King” Justin York uses his veteran prowess and ring awareness. That’s why he’s the Revolution champion!

GoED: He can’t keep getting away with this!






TD: Folks, I had our stats guys run the numbers on this match.

GoED: You have a man of statistic among your number?

TD: A couple. Mark Flynn and ELO. They checked independently and verified that these two competitors have met FOUR times in the past! And they’re both 2-and-2 against each other! Which makes this one worth ALL the bragging rights!



The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle.

TD: Dolly Waters! The Pride and Joy of the world-famous Waters wrestling dynasty! She beat Isaiah on February 11th, 2023 on Warfare… AND as Misty Waters, she beat ‘Prince Adeyemi’ at this past year’s Relentless Day One!

She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.

…



The stadium goes dark as the opening riff of Motorhead’s “King of Kings” shakes the air. Golden spotlights cut through swirling smoke, revealing Prince Adeyemi, draped in a fur cloak and crowned in gold. His every step is deliberate as he commands the stage, framed by a crimson-lit crest bearing an emblem: A cracked crown.

He pauses at the ramp’s peak, arms outstretched, radiating authority. In his hand is a golden scepter shaped like a battle axe, a symbol of conquest. The crowd erupts in a mix of cheers and jeers as he marches down the ramp, eyes fixed on the ring.

TD: Prince Adeyemi… er, sorry, Isaiah King (again)... is a head-hunter in the XWF! He has found a way to claim victories over the some of the biggest stars to ever grace the squared circle: Corey Smith! Sebastian Everett-Bryce! AND he has two victories over Dolly Waters! On April 8th, 2023, Isaiah beat Dolly AND on March 9th, 2024, Prince Adeyemi claimed a victory over Dolly Waters as well!

GoED: Your math is consistent. Two for each.

TD: And you gotta imagine both these two are hungry to break the tie in their favor, Mean Gene! Can Dolly hold serve on her home turf, Coreytopia? Or will the TWO-time Universal champion find a way to embarrass Dolly in front of her home crowd!

Ascending the steps, Adeyemi sheds his cloak, revealing a warrior’s frame. Standing in the center of the ring, he raises the scepter toward the crowd.

As the music fades, his cold, steely gaze says it all: Prince Adeyemi has come to rule.

ISAIAH KING
- vs -
DOLLY WATERS
Singles


The moment the bell rings, King is already on the move, ducking to the mat and going to sweep Dolly off her feet.

She leaps into the air gracefully… Looking to back handspring…

But King starfish kicks, taking her hand out, Dolly lands on her face!

TD: Quite a counter to… Dolly’s counter! Very reminiscent of their last match at Relentless! Mean Gene, these two competitors have wrestled one-on-one four times in the XWF and they’ve completely split wins and losses.

…Dolly shoves herself off the mat, legs firing like pistons as she races across the ring. She launches into a shotgun dropkick, both boots slamming toward Isaiah King’s chest with surgical velocity!

But King’s eyes are already locked on her—he pivots, catching her legs in midair like he’s plucking a wasp from the wind. Dolly hits the canvas hard, spine-first, but she doesn’t even grunt.

TD: First two clashes of the match both go Isaiah’s way! Dolly’s going to have to retool if she wants to stop playing into the two-time Universal champion’s hands…

Isaiah grasps Dolly HARD by her hair… and shoves her skull between his legs…

Isaiah goes to lift Waters up into a powerbomb… 

But she tucks and twists mid-lift, slipping through his grip and landing on her feet to Isaiah’s side like a gymnast dismounting! On the way down, she grasps his wrist!

ARM DRAG! King siderolls disorientingly into the corner as Dolly kips up back to her feet!

The crowd goes wild for both these competitors!

TD: An absolutely magnificent counter by Dolly. If King thought he was going to bully his way to a victory, he doesn’t know Dolly as well as he might think!

Isaiah rolls back onto his feet, refusing to give Dolly a second of recovery! He steps into Dolly’s radius, throwing a lightning-fast piston to the jaw!

… But Dolly sways under it, letting the punch whistle past her ear!

As King’s fist swings by her face, she rotates on one heel, looking for spinning mule kick toward Isaiah’s ribs!

…NO! But Isaiah’s other hand manages catch her ankle before impact, halting her momentum cold!

GoED: Say, Thaddeus, is this event choreographed? These two both move like they know exactly what the other will do!

TD: If I know these two, they both spent the weeks leading up to this match going frame-by-frame through every single prior encounter they’ve had with each other. Something about rubber matches brings out the fiercest competition! And this is the rubber match of their LAST rubber match!

Dolly hops on one foot, as King drags her by the leg toward the center of the ring…

Dolly’s face is tense, calculating how to escape, as King snarls confidently, having the smallest window of opportunity on this opponent.

Suddenly, King yanks Dolly toward him—pulling her off-balance! King winds up! Clothesline!

…NO! Dolly ducks under it! King’s arm goes over as Dolly sprints, her momentum carrying her into the ropes!

Waters springs back as King turns to watch her… She throws a heel kick aimed for his skull…

…But King sways back just in time! Her heel sails just inches from the nose of the King of Orun!

GoED: Thaddeus, do the Orunian people have eyes in the back of their head? How did King see that kick coming with his back to Miss Waters?

TD: Instinct.

Dolly rolls through the missed kick to regain her footing, as King spins toward his opponent…

The crowd is absolutely electric, screaming on their feet.

FIGHT FOREVER! *clap clap clapclapclap*

TD: I genuinely believe this crowd would watch these two do battle until the end of time. Frankly, me too.

GoED: As long as they got work breaks per Union guidelines, me three!

…They both… pause… Both staring intently at their opponent. Both analyzing the other for a weakness, for an opening….

Isaiah must think he found one first, as he opens the next sequence. He steps in close to olly and fires a jab combo—A pair of measured left jabs!

Dolly forces her right in front of her face… She blocks the first… And the second! But, her feet stagger backwards to keep her guard up!

TD: Dolly is floating like a butterfly, guarding against King’s punches. But, I tell you now, she does NOT want to let this devolve into a boxing match! She’d be playing right into King’s hands….

King launches another left into Dolly’s guard… Dolly senses she’s getting backed into the corner.

Another King left… that Dolly shoves to the side! She reels back her fist for a counter!

But King’s right swings across her chin! Her head jerks backwards against the corner turnbuckle!

TD: Oh shit! Beautiful strike by Ki-

When Dolly’s back rebounds off the turnbuckle, she shoves herself off and launches a rib shot straight to King’s jejunum!

TD: Wow! Dolly’s been fighting and scrapping since she was trained as a child in Grandma Misty’s trailer! It’s easy to forget just how many shots to the face she’s taken and powered through!

King, for the first time this match, looks surprised at Dolly’s hardiness as she keeps firing lefts and rights straight into his abs… each one thudding against the hard slab of muscle like hail on a steel drum.

TD: Four punches… Five punches from Waters to King! King’s getting beat!

GoED: No, Thaddeus! He’s getting used to it!

Indeed, each strike seems like it shocks a little less of King’s system! Dolly senses Isaiah’s stance getting firmer, and tries to take a swing at his face!

…But King slips his head back! Dolly’s hand swishes past his face… And King steps forward into Dolly’s guard…

Catching Waters with a SUDDEN, SHARP liver shot! A punishing left hook just under her ribs!

The air flies from her lungs with a choked gasp, and her knees buckle…

TD: Devastating shot there from King! That might get a warning in a boxing ring, but here, it’s fair play.

As Dolly seems to double-over, King steps up, looking for a knockout blow…

BUT NO! Dolly drives her head forward, arms wrapping King in a clinch, and delivers three uppercuts to his gut, each one snapping his abs inward, knocking the wind from his lungs now!

GoED: My word! The young lady refuses to give her opponent even a second of feeling like he’s not fighting for his life!

TD: If you’re surprised, you don’t know Dolly.

Isaiah’s face contorts in frustration… Dolly tries to deliver another gut punch…

But King clinches Dolly in close, dragging her into the corner and burying a knee into her ribs!

Then another! Each blow lifts her a few inches off the mat. Waters’ body wracks with each impact, mouth open, jaw slack from the pain…

TD: Dolly’s gotta do something here… King’s got her cornered!

King takes two steps back to punt the life out of Dolly…

But when King steps back, Dolly steps forward! Waters suddenly drives an elbow into the side of his head!

King hits the mat and Dolly exhaustedly collapses backward into the corner!

TD: These two are genuinely using every scrap of fuel they have in their tanks just to keep their opponent from developing a shred of momentum!

King tries to shove himself back to his feet… But Dolly spins out of the corner and handstand flips…

Into a knee drop! Waters’ shin crashing down across his bicep.

TD: Brilliant move by Dolly! Isaiah can’t throw those devastating strike combos if he can;t lift his arm!

Isaiah jerks his arm back, his face ripples with agony as pain shoots from shoulder to elbow.

…Dolly senses that she’s got the steering wheel and she’s looking to get her car across the finish line while she has it…

Waters mounts the fallen King, firing off a barrage of palm strikes to the face—quick, slapping blows that rattle his skull...

From his back, Isaiah blocks the first… parries away the second… but the third, fourth, and fifth manage to crack across his jaw, leaving red marks blooming under his eye!

TD: Now Isaiah’s the one that has to figure out a counter!

Dolly somersaults backwards into the corner… As King shakes off cobwebs, slowly peeling himself off the mat…

Dolly charges in! Looking to finish this!

RUNNING WATERS!

…

IS COUNTERED!

Isaiah surges up! As Dolly’s knee goes to lift, Isaiah wraps his arms around her waist and clumsily slams her backward into the mat!

TD: They don’t teach that move in wrestling school! Isaiah had to pull that out from the school of hard knocks!

With Dolly on her back, King tries to transition to a full mount…

But Dolly scrambles, twisting beneath him, legs kicking, hands clawing for leverage!

…NO! King holds on like a fisherman keeping the big one from hopping out of the boat! She can’t shake free…

Desperately, Dolly goes for the eyes… not a rake, but a jab under the orbital bone! King flinches and both roll backwards to opposite sides of the ring.

TD: Oh my God, how is this fight so chaotic!

GoED: Your world is one of control, young Thaddeus. One of precision. These two wage battle in the natural world, where chaos IS order.

Waters and King both push off, gasping, dragging themselves to standing like two wounded animals too proud to limp.

Then… they see each other. And there’s no hesitation!

Dolly explodes forward, sprinting in with a snarl. Isaiah steps into her path like a freight train.

Dolly’s leg sails through the air… RUNNING WATERS…

Just as King finishing discus-ing his body, his elbow surging forward… ROYAL VERDICT.

…

……

BOTH CONNECT!

Dolly’s knee cracks into the side of King’s temple!

King’s elbow drives into the base of Dolly’s jaw!

Both bodies go limp mid-motion! They spin from the simultaneous impact, collapsing side-by-side in a heap of tangled limbs and shared agony!

The ring shakes. The crowd explodes!

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHI!

And the referee drops to a knee, hand raised to count.

1! 2!

Neither wrestler stirs. Both lie sprawled on the mat, still and breathless, the echo of their simultaneous strikes still hanging in the air.

3! 4!

TD: Look, I’m begging one of these to get up! If this one ends in a draw, this crowd is going to riot!

5! 6!

Isaiah King’s fingers twitch. A grunt of effort hisses through clenched teeth as he rolls to his side, face slick with sweat and red from strikes. His chest heaves—each breath a battle in itself.

7! 8!

Dolly Waters drags herself to her knees, gripping the bottom rope with shaking fingers. Her jaw hangs slightly ajar, blood on her lower lip, her left eye beginning to swell shut. She blinks through the pain.

9!

Simultaneousl, both wrestlers rise. Not in triumph—but defiance! Dolly pulls herself up with the ropes, boots barely under her. Isaiah plants his feet wide, fists trembling, every muscle in his body screaming.

The crowd goes absolutely bananas! Efforts are made to cheer both competitors’ names, but there’s so much electricity in the air, it turns into pure, non-verbal elation for the action in that ring.

The competitors lock eyes—and for the first time tonight, there’s no fury between them. No hatred.

Just respect.

TD: Something might’ve changed over the course of this match, Mean Gene! When we started this one between Dolly and Isaiah, it was all business. Now? I think these two have a newfound respect for each other!

GoED: The laborers bleed together. The workers must rise together!

The moment of peace passes, though. The competitors charge again, this time with nothing left but instinct and resolve.

Dolly fires the first shot—OPEN-HAND PALM STRIKE! Isaiah’s jaw gets smacked sideways!

Isaiah answers–THUNDEROUS GUT SHOT!

Dolly stumbles onto one knee… King advances.

But she shoves herself upright–SPINNING BACKFIST! King gets staggered!

Dolly charges in… But King catches her! FRONT KICK TO THE HIGH!

Dolly’s legs turn to jelly as she falls to her knees…

Isaiah tries to leap in for a knockout p-

Dolly from the mat swings her legs! Calf Kick! King drops onto his back!

GoED: These two seem to have abandoned their earlier game of counter-for-counter, Thaddeus!

TD: No more counters. No more finesse. At this point, this one’s gonna get decided purely by grit.

…The referee doesn’t start another ten-count… As King and Dolly both slowly pull themselves back upright…

Isaiah roars! He surfs forward with a lunging elbow! Dolly sputters backwards, the only thing keeping her from collapsing is the fact that her elbows hook around the ropes behind her!

King backs up against the ropes… He winds up, spinning as he runs…

ROYAL VERDICT!

…

NO!

Dolly ducks, slipping beneath the arm at the last possible moment! Waters rebounds off the ropes, timing her steps perfectly… As King spins around…

ODE TO JOY!

…

NO!

Isaiah catches her mid-air, arms locking around her torso—and he slams her to the mat face-first with brutal force!

GoED: What do you call THAT maneuver, Thaddeus!

TD: I don’t think they have a name for that one, Mean Gene. That move is just pure aggression coming out!

The ring rattles under the impact. Dolly lies still, face buried in the canvas.

…King exhales, shaking his head, ready to end this…

King yanks her upright… noticeably not by the hair this time… and whips her into the ropes!

TD: Oh! He’s going for the King’s Wrath!

Dolly is sent hurtling across the ring! She bounces off the ropes!

Isaiah propels her up into the air!

KING’S WRATH! (Pop-up Powerbomb)

…

IS COUNTERED!

Dolly twists mid-lift and fires off a dropkick to Isaiah’s face! Both heels slam flush against his jaw!

The impact knocks him back hard into the turnbuckles—neck snapping back against the padding.

The crowd is screaming, absolutely electric! They sense that both these two are mentally sharp to counter anything that the other one can throw! But they can also sense one of these competitors’ bodies is about to give out!

Dolly exhaustedly stumbles to her feet, eyes locking on her target… King is drenched in sweat, leaning against the turnbuckle for support!

TD: King might be in no man’s land here! Which is right where Dolly wants him!

Dolly, with the last ounce of gas in her tank, breaks into a sprint at King! She leaps, aiming her knee to punch THROUGH King’s face!

RUNNING WATERS!

…

KING DUCKS!

Dolly’s momentum carries her forward—her desperate strike ends with her legs tangled in the ropes! She ends up tangled upside down in the Tree of Woe!

TD: NO! …Dolly went from total control to in serious trouble here!

Isaiah doesn’t waste a second. He unleashes a flurry of kicks—vicious, unrelenting, surgical. Each one thuds into Dolly’s ribs, her chest, her abdomen. She groans, trapped, unable to defend herself!

TD: *exahle*...King absolutely trying to stomp the last bit of life Dolly has in her body! This one is NOT looking good for Waters!

…Isaiah draws his thumb across his throat as the crowd goes wild!

Isaiah lifts her free—muscles shaking—and sets her up on the top turnbuckle, back facing the ring.

He climbs with her… Looking for the kill.

TD: …Oh my. King is not letting Dolly keep fighting. He’s deciding he’s ending this now! With a King’s Decree from the top rope!

He locks her head in a front facelock!

He launches himself backwards!

TOP-ROPE KING’S DECREE!

…

……

NOOOOOOOOO!

Dolly grabs the top rope with both hands!

King falls! But Waters holds first!

Isaiah crashes onto the mat—spine-first, all the force of the failed move echoing up his back. His legs kick up from the shock of impact before he flattens out.

TD: YES!

…

TD: Uh… great counter by Waters!

And Dolly? DOES NOT HESITATE!

She pulls herself up, stands tall on the top turnbuckle—her body swaying like a flame in the wind—and then launches with every ounce of her weight!

SUPER!

DIVING!

ELBOW!

…

……

………

CONNECTS!

Waters’ elbow smashes into Isaiah’s sternum with a sound like a tree branch snapping!!!

King’s whole body bucks from the blow before slumping still.

Dolly hooks the leg! As the crowd of one million people counts with the ref!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

WINNER: DOLLY WATERS


The crowd bursts into absolute hysteria, cheering and screaming for Waters!

Dolly rolls off King after the three-count. Both competitors lie on the ground, chests heaving exhausted… If you’d just tuned in, you’d have no idea who won and who lost…

TD: An absolute barn-burner of a match between two very game competitors! Isaiah King showed why he is one of the only men to ever hold the Universal title multiple times! But Dolly Waters, the absolute veteran she is, pulled out every single stop she could! She struck when the iron was hot! And tonight, she walks away the clear winner!

As the crowd goes nuts…

Dolly and King both work their way to their feet…

…The crowd goes quiet as the two exhausted competitors make eye contact…

…

TD: Awkward.

…

Waters cradles her gut with her left…

Before extending a hand..

…

King’s nostrils flare.

…

But he accepts the handshake!

And the crowd erupts!

TD: Well, that’s nice! A show of respect between long-time adversaries!

GoED: Your fellow man is no true adversary! Our only opponent as men are the structures built by our oppressors, designed to trick us into believing we must fight one another! Good on these two young people for seeing past that!

TD: Well, they leave on friendly terms tonight! But, you have to imagine King will be looking to even the score next time they meet! And that’ll settle up the Rubber Match of their Rubber Match of their Rubber Match!





The lights in the arena go deep blue as smoke fills the air. Pink and silver laser lights cut through the smoke and it looks fucking rad.

Thaddeus Duke: And here comes the biggest bastard of them all, Bobby Bourbon himself! The man, the myth, the absolute wrecking ball- and he's here tonight to put on a show.

Ghost of Joseph Stalin: Привет! Bobby Bourbon is one of the finest bastards to ever walk the earth, and I know a thing or two about bastards! Xa xa xa!

Thaddeus Duke: Wait, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? Are you serious right now- now we got Joseph Stalin? Where’s Mean Gene?

Ghost of Joseph Stalin: I specifically REQUESTED this match, because Bobby Bourbon is my brotherly bastard, and I wanted to witness this glorious victory for myself!

Thaddeus Duke: Lord help me.

[whiteGhost of Joseph Stalin: The Lord is not real, royal Duke! The Lord you speak of is nothing but a construction of the capitalist regime designed to spread compliance and subservience. The only deity you need concern yourself with is the BASTARDLY FATHER, and if you don't know him yet: you will find him tonight- Bourbon will ensure it![/white]

As Bobby's music blares throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Bobby Bourbon. He looks out at the crowd in the arena, cold and stoic, surveying his surroundings. He stops and raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the ring. He raises both arms outward, accepting fives, slaps, daps, knucks, and touches as he does. He looks on into the ring, feeling the energy of every fan he makes contact with. He stops, and begins stomping in place, with the utmost joy to be in front of the XWF crowd. He stops a camera.

"I'm a bad, bad man, but like my home, the XWF, I have plenty of bad, bad fans!"

Bobby climbs the steps, then climbs the nearest ring post half way and raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops. The fans in attendance all echo their sentiments for the match.

"fuck 'em up, bobby, fuck 'em up." stomp stomp. "fuck 'em up, Bobby, fuck 'em up." stomp stomp. "Fuck 'Em Up Bobby, Fuck 'Em Up!" STOMP STOMP! "FUCK 'EM UP BOBBY, FUCK 'EM UP!!!" STOMP STOMP!

Bobby acknowledges the crowd. They roar. Bobby looks back at the entrance ramp, waiting for his opponent.

Stalin: Bobby Bourbon is a bad, bad man- and a hell of a bastard! Tonight will be his, Dukey boy, just mark my words!

Duke: The Bastards just have the worst possible fans, don't they?






The lights in the arena dip to black in time with the sirens and beat to the opening of Sweatpants (BattleTapes Remix) by Childish Gambino, the lights then beginning to flash, alternating left and right onto the ramp. In time, the letters "S", "E", "B", and then "Empire" flash one at a time on the big screen until the lights stop flashing as the lyrics hit.

"She askin' “Why you say that?!”

The beat drops and the lights flash on the rampway again. As they do, the screen illuminates with "SEB" and then "EMPIRE" flashing on the sceen.

"Rich kid asshole, paint me as a villain"

Sebastian Everett-Bryce flings his arms wide, staring up with his head covered by the hood of his jacket. He stands in the middle of the ramp, the lights beating down on him, before looking out at the crowd. He wears a long jacket with the hood pulled up over his head, zipped to the waist. The jacket, which is cut away at the bottom and only runs down the back of his legs, is patterned with an elongated Union Flag, but it’s in black and white and appears to be cracked and broken. His tights are short, with the initials SEB emblazoned upon the front.

The lights lift, and SEB makes his way to the ring, stretching his neck from side to side as he walks, his eyes focused on the ring. He climbs up the steps and steps through the ropes before standing in the middle of the ring.

"I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain"

He extends his arms once more before pulling back his hood and removing his jacket to reveal the back of his tights which read “S.E.B”

"Don't be mad cause I'm doing me better than you doing you
Better than you doing you, fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)"

He flashes his arms out to a side, a satisfied and somewhat sneery grin upon his face, he holds the position for a moment, to allow the crowd to take pictures, before moving towards his corner.


Stalin: Such a dramatic entrance, and for what?! To be beaten by the will of the people, by Bobby Bourbon himself! All this hogwash and pomp shows the capitalist decadence of Sebastian. His empire was built on the backs of the people's exploitation!

Duke: And what was your Empire built off, Joe? Sebastian is one of the greatest to ever step into an XWF ring, and if anyone can knock the Bastards down a peg, it's the Emperor!

Sebastian Everett-Bryce
- vs -
Bobby Bourbon
Singles


DING! DING! DING!

As the bell rings, the atmosphere in the arena builds with excitement as two of the best in the business stand across from each other. The tension is palpable as Bobby Bourbon stands tall, his broad chest puffed with confidence, a grin forming across his face as he sizes up the ever agile Sebastian Everett-Bryce.

Without hesitation, Bobby charges forward, looking to land an early blow, but SEB, ever the technician, sidesteps with lightning speed. The crowd gasps as SEB grabs Bobby’s wrist, yanking him into a quick arm drag that sends Bourbon crashing to the mat. The crowd erupts, but Bobby is already back on his feet, snarling and furious. He charges again, only for SEB to leap into the air with a picture-perfect dropkick that knocks Bobby back into the ropes. SEB immediately takes control, his technical prowess on full display. He springs off the ropes, delivering another dropkick to Bobby’s chest that sends him tumbling to the mat again. The crowd cheers as SEB slides into a quick pin- but Bobby kicks out with authority!

Duke: Look how dominant Sebastian is tonight! He's wrestling like he has a chip on his shoulder, even though he's already accomplished almost everything in this business. That's why Sebastian is the Emperor: because whenever he steps into that ring, he rules!

Stalin: Hogwash! You capitalist swine! Bobby Bourbon is simply deploying the old Russian war-fighting tactics! Remember when I let the Germans march all the way to Stalingrad, only so that way I could trap them and cut off their supply lines? This is the exact same approach! It's the Bastards way!

Duke: I don't know if any of that's true, to be honest with you.

Stalin: It doesn't matter if it's true, it matters if the party says it!

Duke: Riiiiight....

As the commentary team debates tactics, SEB remains relentless. He stays on Bobby, using a series of arm drags to keep the bigger man off-balance every time he tries to rise. Whenever Bobby gets close to his feet, SEB is right there, connecting with another quick maneuver to disrupt Bobby's rhythm. Bobby is staggering, his face a mask of frustration as SEB bounces off the ropes, striking with yet another precision dropkicks that rattles and drops the biggest bastard of them all.

Bobby, however, doesn't stay down for long. He grits his teeth, digging deep into his reserves of strength. Bobby kips up to his feet and delivers a sudden clothesline that nearly decapitates SEB as he’s coming off the ropes! Bobby doesn’t waste a second in taking advantage of the turning tide. He drags SEB to his feet and begins unloading with thunderous body shots, each one causing SEB to buckle slightly, before lifting him up and sending him crashing down with a massive sidewalk slam.

Stalin: I told you, Duke of Nothingrad, that Bobby Bourbon was merely 'playing oppussum', as you Americans say! He has taken complete control of this match now, just as the party of Bastards expected him to!

Duke: I don't think this was his plan, but nevertheless Bobby Bourbon is bringing the whole house down atop of Sebastian right now!

Bobby takes a moment to catch his breath, leaning against the ropes as the crowd goes nuts. Bobby smirks as he watches SEB struggle to get up, his confidence swelling. Bobby pulls SEB to his feet once again, and the crowd begins to murmur in anticipation. Bobby hoists Sebastian up for an EMC Squared: the Earth's Mightiest Chokeslam. As he delivers the move, he proves once again Robbie's mass times the force he hits with inside the squared circle gives the crowd energy! The crowd goes absolutely intercontinentally ballistic as Bobby lifts the smaller man high into the air and parades him around the ring before slamming him down violently! The impact shakes the entire ring as SEB lies motionless on the mat.

Stalin: The EMC Squared! The Soviet Union's greatest scientist is back at it again, and this time, the Bastard has brought nuclear levels of devastation upon the capitalist swine in the ring! This has to be it, the Bastard has won!

Duke: I hate it when you're right, Joe, but I don't know how anyone could kick out of this!


Bobby smirks as he places a single toe atop SEB's chest for the pin.


1!




2!!




KICKOUT!!!!!




Stalin: CHEATING! CHEATING! Sebastian must be cheating, he goes straight to the gulag for daring to kick out! Call your secret police, Thaddeus, the time is now!

Duke: The Emperor disbanded my secret police ages ago, Joe! There's nothing I can do about him kicking out!

Somehow, Sebastian Everett-Bryce kicks out at the last second, the crowd erupting in shock. Bobby stares at the referee in disbelief, but the official holds up two fingers, confirming that SEB is still alive in this match. Bobby growls, clearly irritated that his devastating power move hasn’t put SEB away. But Bobby's hellbent on finishing the match. With a sick grin, Bobby grabs SEB by the throat and lifts him up once more. The crowd watches, eager to see the end of the match.

Stalin: Again Bobby, do it again!

SEB somehow slips free of Bobby's grasp, landing gracefully on his feet behind the larger man. In an instant, he swings Bobby around and delivers a brutal suplex that crashes Bobby into the mat!

Duke: The Emperor has escaped!

Bobby stumbles to his feet, his legs unsteady. SEB’s precision has taken its toll. The crowd rallies as he measures Bobby, his breath heavy but steady. SEB suddenly charges, connecting with a flying forearm to Bobby’s face, sending him into the ropes. Bobby stumbles backward, and in a blink of an eye, SEB nails a springboard dropkick right to Bobby’s chest. The force of the impact drives Bobby backward, but somehow he remains standing, a testament to his power and grit.

But SEB isn’t finished. He charges once again, connecting with a series of strikes to Bobby’s face before finally springboarding off the top rope with a flying elbow that catches Bobby square in the jaw. Bobby is reeling, stumbling back into the corner. This is SEB’s moment. He stands tall, watching Bobby struggle to maintain his footing.

The crowd chants “SEB! SEB! SEB!” as the former champion looks for his next big move. He circles the ring, setting up Bobby for something devastating. With a surge of speed, SEB hits an explosive Empire Kick out of nowhere, connecting clean with Bobby’s temple. The impact sends Bobby crashing to the canvas. The crowd can barely breathe as SEB covers for the pin!

Stalin: NO! Bobby, no! Thaddeus, I'm begging you, call for the Cheka!

Duke: There's no Cheka in SEB's Empire: he's the judge, the jury, and the executioner here tonight!

1!





2!!



3- NO! KICKOUT!!!


Bobby barely kicks out in time, his legs throwing SEB off of him with such force that it seems impossible.

SEB stares at the referee in disbelief, but there’s no time to waste. With determination etched on his face, he climbs to the top turnbuckle, preparing for a bigtime aerial assault. But as he leaps into the air for a moonsault, Bobby recovers, jumping to his feet and catching SEB mid-flight. He slams SEB down hard, the force of the impact reverberating through the arena.

Duke: This match has been a showcase of skill vs strength, of brawn vs brains, of size vs speed! And who's going to come out on top? It's still anyone's guess!

Stalin: Are you calling our glorious Bourbon skilless, brainless, and speedless! Why, I oughta purge you from the XWF myself, you dirty thieving pig! The Bastard is in complete control of this match, and he has been the entire time!

Duke: Dude, I'm just calling the match how I see it!

Bobby takes a few moments to recover, shaking his head as he looks down at SEB, who’s barely moving.

Bobby grabs SEB by the hair and pulls him to his feet, his eyes burning with the put SEB down once and for all. Bobby sets up the Emperor up for a Bobby Bomb, lifting him up into the air by his trousers: but SEB has other plans. With a sudden surge of energy, SEB reverses the move, twisting his body in mid-air and flipping over Bobby's shoulders. SEB lands on his feet and immediately locks in the NIGHTFALL choke on Bobby!

The crowd gasps as Bobby’s face turns a deep shade of red. He’s trapped. His hands claw at SEB’s forearm, trying desperately to break free. The ref checks on Bobby, who is starting to lose consciousness. His arms go limp, his body slumping against SEB’s hold. The crowd is on their feet, watching intently as Bobby’s lights seem to be dimming.

Stalin: We need to save him from that capitalist pig! We have to do something about this, Bobby is losing air, he's losing his life inside that ring! The capitalists are choking our greatest revolutionary, trying to stop the Bastardly Father's words from ever coming from his lips again!

Duke: Joe, calm down! It's just a choke!

Stalin: The NIGHTFALL is not just any choke, it is the most lethal, most fatal choke ever discovered by the Spetsnaz!

Bobby's body starts losing energy as the airflow is brought to a sudden standstill...but Bobby isn’t dead yet. With a roar of effort, he grits his teeth and begins to lift SEB off the ground, his strength overwhelming the smaller man. SEB’s eyes widen in shock as Bobby slams him into the turnbuckle with a spine-crushing impact. The referee steps back, giving both men a moment to recover, but the damage has been done.

Bobby stumbles backward, his chest heaving as he tries to regain his composure. SEB is barely able to stand, but there’s a fire in his eyes, a burning desire to beat the bastard. As Bobby charges toward him, SEB catches him with a quick roll-up, hoping to surprise the bigger man!


1!






2!!




KICKOUT!!!



Both men are gasping for air now, the toll of the match clear on their bodies. Both men rise quickly to their feet, but Bobby is a hair quicker. He grabs SEB once again, kicking him in the gut before lifting him into the air with shocking strength.

Duke: He's going for another Bobby Bomb!

Stalin: Do it, Bourbon! DO IT!

But before he can execute the move, SEB slides out of his grasp and reverses it into a DDT, crashing Bobby to the mat with a sickening thud! The crowd is on their feet, screaming, as SEB struggles to pull Bobby into position for the finish. He locks in a sleeper hold, the Nightfall once more, and with everything he has left, he wrenches back. But the combined sweat between the two men is too much, and Bobby slips free! Bobby pushes Sebastian off of him, and both men take a few moments to regain their composure on opposite sides of the ring.

Duke: This match has been a barn burner, but I'm not sure how much fire these two men have left! They have to be running on fumes at this point!

Stalin: We must call in an immediate resource resupply for Bobby Bourbon then, because he needs our nation's help now more than ever!

Bobby and SEB both dart forward at the same time, using what little energy they have left to clash in the center of the ring. The pair lock up, with Bobby's strength overwhelming SEB: but only at first! Within a few seconds, SEB realizes his folly and he stomps on Bobby's toes, forcing the big man to let go. As soon as Bobby releases his grasp, SEB kicks Bobby in the gut- causing Bourbon to keel over. That's when SEB senses his opportunity.

SEB grabs Bourbon and somehow, someway, he lifts the big man up into position for a piledriver. The crowd is on the edge of their seat as SEB stands tall with Bourbon in the middle of the ring, and then, in the blink of an eye:

SEB DELIVERS THE EXCUSE ME!

He covers Bourbon for the pinfall!

1!



2!!



3!!!!



Winner by Pinfall - Sebastian Everett-Bryce



Uh, ladies and gentlemen… I’ve just received word that myself, and Mean Gene here, are going to be joined by a very special guest commentator.

GoED: Oh! Is it the ghost of Henry George?

Never heard of him, Mean Gene, and frankly I had never heard of you until tonight. But based on our conversations, I believe you and our guest will get along just fine!

GoED: *getting along* should be the bare minimum of what humanity demands, Thaddeus. *getting along*... meeting a basic standard of living… should be a given

Ok… well, how about you two hash that out, you and the one, the ONLY, Independent Senator from Vermont… BERNIE SANDERS!

Bernie Sanders walks out from behind the curtain, waving to the massive audience that’s engulfed Coreytopia. Wow he says within earshot of the camera a few times over as he takes in the spectacle that is MayDay. He joins Thad and the specter of Eugene Debs, finding a seat between the two of them at the commentary booth.

Mr. Senator Sanders, what an honor!

He and Thad shake hands. Then Bernie turns and shakes the non-existent hand of GoED.

Thank you mista’ Duke. The honor is truly mine.

I’ve gotta say, I never took you for a pro-wrestling fan.

Listen… what I am a fan of what this event here tonight represents. All across this country, you’ve got millions, and millions of people who are beginning to wake up. They’re taking action. They’re beginning to ask the hard questions: ‘why is it in the richest country in the history of the world, that sixty-percent of our people are living paycheck to paycheck’: why is it, in the richest country in the history of the world that the majority of our people are spending over 40% of their limited income on housing: why is it so, that a handful of billionaires own more wealth than the bottom HALF of our society?

GoED: BILLIONAIRE?! Why… I… WHAT ON EARTH IS A BILLIONAIRE?!

It’s a great question Mr. Debs… the short answer? They’re the megalomaniacs who are destroying our planet in the name of greed.

Um. I’m not sure if I should feel offended

Listen, Thad… are all billionaires bad? …Yes. They are. But do all billionaires KNOW they’re bad, or are all billionaires actively causing harm? Maybe not.

Ok. So… umm.. SPEAKING OF CAUSING HARM!

Up next, we have two of the most imposing figures in all professional wrestling set to battle in another proverbial RUBBER MATCH.

King Kieran and Mark Flynn first faced-off in November of ‘22 in what was one of the biggest matches in history on the former Madness program. During that time, Mark Flynn was riding one of the most dominant Universal Title reigns in history. He was able to use his masterful technical skills to pin King.

Fast forward to March Madness 6…2024… King and Flynn would meet again in the semi-finals of the King of the XWF tournament, where ultimately, King would defeat Flynn after a swift, timely counter. King not only won that match, but the grand prize of being crowned King of XWF. Which he has now become the first person ever to repeat that feat. But tonight we have to wonder, can he repeat his most recent win over Mark Flynn here tonight, at MAYDAY 3?



Flynn bursts through the curtain in a dazzling blue robe. Across the back, it says "King of the Midcarders". He makes a deliberate, emotionless march to the ring and steps through the ropes.

What a wonderful song.

GoED: Oh, you’ll like this fellow, Bernard. He really knows how to speak to the people. He’s a kindred spirit sipping from the mainspring of a discontented civilization.

Indeed, this is the second time we’ve seen this man in action. And though he was booked as Michael Graves… allegedly…. Tonight, the Anarchy Champion walks out to the ring, maybe as a surrogate? But certainly with no mask, and no mistaken identity. This is MARK FUCKING FLYNN, one of the best to ever do it in an XWF ring. He said that tonight he’s going to punish King for having abandoned his kingdom after March Madness 6. He said that he will be the one to protect that gates of our Kingdom from the likes of the Black Rainbow.

What is everyone’s obsession with Monarchy?

GoED: For shame!

uhh… well, it’s more of a figurative…uh

What would the many thousands of brave souls who fought, and died, to secure Democracy in the United States think today watching so much pageantry dedicated to the likes of a king?




We may never know, Bernie. But what we will know here in a moment is how this record shattering crowd in Coreytopia, Florida is going to react to THE King of the XWF.

The first, frenetic strums of Faith No More's "Gentle Art of Making Enemies" rips through the arena as strobes of gold and white cast across the stage and crowd. After several moments, and then a few more for good measure, Kieran King eventually saunters onto the stage, smugly mugging for the audience

Earlier tonight, King Kieran laid down the gauntlet for the XWF roster. He made it known that he’s not impressed with the current state of affairs regarding the Universal Title. He doesn’t believe there’s a worthy soul on this roster of representing *his kingdom*, a roster that includes Mark Flynn. But King walks into this match an injured man, who suffered brutal assaults from Matthias Syn, Aurora, and then The Black Rainbow. And despite not being 100% for this contest, he made it clear to Mark Flynn that Anarchy… Flynn’s primary wrestling home… is *his kingdom* too!

Instead of his usual sprint, King walks towards the ring and gently rolls underneath the bottom rope - practically hovering off the mat. He foregoes his typical display, and instead settles his gaze onto Flynn.
Each man begins pacing their respective corner as the await the bell.

It cannot be understanded what's at stake here tonight. EAch man feels they have something to prove. Flynn wants to eradicate the XWF of this monarchy, while King Kieran looks to reaffirm that this is his kingdom to rule


Non-Title Match
Allegedly Micheal Graves
- vs -
King Kieran
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K


The bell rings and we’re underway!

King and Flynn move right at one another. They lock horns in the center of the mat, and King immediately hollers out in pain. Flynn as quickly wrenched the arm over, the same arm that was damaged badly at Ides of March. King pulls away from Flynn and favors the shoulder, making a nimble move to put some distance between the two of them.

Oh, that’s not a good sign guys. King Kieran is favoring one of the many limbs that were badly injured the last time we saw him in the ring. And if he’s facing the same Mark Flynn I know? Then that, along with every other little weakness, will be exploited here

Flynn pounces, closing the gap and going for another grapple, but King shifts out of the way and puts Flynn down…sort of… with a drop toe hold. Flynn lands on his forearms, and King escapes, he runs at the turnbuckle leaping to the middle with his trademark agility… oh but he’s favoring the leg, he turns to leap back with a look of anguish on his face

But it’s too late!


Flynn runs up behind an German suplexes King from the middle rope. He keeps King locked up and rolls through for a second German suplex, only King blocks the lift by wrapping his leg around Flynn’s. Flynn pauses. Quickly lifts again, but when King tries to block using his leg this time, Flynn adjusts, grabs the leg and takes King and begins locking in a calf crusher!

King shouts out, and immediately begins pulling away with all of his might. Flynn is trying to keep the hold locked in, but King makes it to the apron. He crawls out of the ring, using the rope as a wall between him and Flynn. King rolls off the apron and gingerly lands on the arena floor where he begins limping around the ring, and favoring his arm.

This crowd here in Coreytopia is letting King have it right now! They’re trying to see a match, and it appears as if all King is doing is nursing his wounds.

This man is clearly very badly injured. It’s a shame that in today’s society, people will forego seeing a doctor, because they can’t afford the outrageous cost of medicine and treatment.

GoED: The world is a sick place, and I am sick with it

Well, I’ll tell you one thing… King Kieran can certainly afford to see a doctor, but knowing him? He’s arrogant enough to believe that he can overcome anything

Flynn throws his arms up at King as the crowd continues to boo. King turns briefly to sneer at a fan or two before he notices Flynn exiting the ring and making chase. As Flynn turns the corner, King slides back into the ring and runs at the ropes - - -BUT HE HOBBLES AGAIN!

He grabs at his leg, but within a matter of seconds, so too does Flynn! He dragonscrews King to the mat and holds onto the leg. King is on his back, his hands up pleading for Flynn not to- - - drop that falling elbow right into the inside of King’s knee!

King screams out again, and kicks Flynn away with his other leg before any more damage can be done. King starts using the ropes to pull himself back to his feet, but Flynn is there- he’s moving in for an arm drag, but King puts one leg through the ropes as Flynn tries to grapple. King yells at the ref, demanding a break and the ref grants it.

Flynn has what appears to be a clear advantage here tonight, but everytime he starts getting some momentum, King halts it!

King all the way out on the apron now grimaces and asks the ref to look at his leg. The ref obliges and leans over, checking it out. This seems to take forever as King appears to be really struggling as he argues with the ref about whether or not he can continue. Flynn is losing his patience and moves in - - -BUT KING JAMS A THUMB IN FLYNN’S EYE WHILE THE REF IS FOCUSED ON HIS LEG - - - Flynn grabs at his eye, and suddenly King is upright, brushing off the ref and grabs Flynn by the head, snapping him throat first against the top rope with a falling jawbreaker.

GoED: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that this King fellow is trying to bait his opponent

What a despicable act!

Flynn flings back, still on his feet, and now King is sliding back under the ropes. He runs in a full sprint past Flynn, hits the ropes and then on the rebound the plants Flynn with slingblade! King hits the ropes again… LIONSAULT!


ONLY CATCHES THE BARE CANVAS!

Flynn rolls out of the way just in time and is already up. He’s grabbing King’s bad arm and twists it around - - - HE’S GOT A THE FUJIWARA

FOR ONLY A SECOND BEFORE KING PULLS AWAY!

Again King has escaped to the floor. He’s grabbing at his arm again now, making awful faces and shouting obscenities at Flynn.

The ref begins a count, and King is milking it.

1… 2… 3…

King limps around the ring

4… 5… 6…

And this time Flynn is patrolling the ropes. He’s going to make King break the count himself, and be right there waiting when he rolls back into the ring.

7… 8…

King has no choice. He rolls back into the ring, right into a ready stomp in that bad shoulder from Flynn.

Flynn quickly twists the arm again, and pulls King up to his feet. With the arm wrenched, he leads the vulnerable King over to the turnbuckle, kicking him in the knee along the way. When Flynn backs King all the way wup, he whips him with all of his might, nearly falling in the process as King collides chest first with the opposite turnbuckle pads, and as King turns around - - -RUNNING KNEE TO THE CHIN!

NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!!!


BRIDGING PIN!!!


1!





2!!





KICKOUT!!!

But Flynn gives King no time..

He’s locked in a surfboard stretch!

GoED: Oh my, that looks as painful as privatization!

Yeah guys, I’m not so sure that King is faking this. He looks like he’s in a considerable amount of pain, and has looked that way since the beginning. Flynn is just doing his job, putting on a technical showcase, but man it’s hard to watch anyone be punished like this

The ref is on his knees, pleading with King, asking if he wants to submit. King screams out in agony but won't give up. Flynn is pulling with all of his might, and using all of his strength to keep King in position. Kieran keeps refusing the ref's offer to submit, and finally, Flynn has no choice but to release the submission.

King is badly damaged now, rolling around on the mat in agony. But Flynn goes right back to work. He has King up by the arm again, leading him into the corner with a series of mean chops across the chest. He has king the corner now, steps back and runs in with a knee lift.

The knees land flush, and King starts falling out of the corner. Flynn slides in behind him - - -ATOMIC DROP!

King falls forward to his knees, and is dangling on the middle ropes now.

Flynn steps out on the apron - - - KNEE TO THE HEAD




IS AVOIDED!



King slips back into the ring as Flynn bashes his knee against the apron.

King is still in bade shape though, begging the ref to help him to his feet, and screams when the ref tries to grab his shoulder. Flynn is recovering, and climbing the turnbuckle. And just as King stands - - - DIVING DROPKICK!!!!



TO THE REF’S FACE!!!!


I don’t know if he meant to do it, but King just pulled that ref in the way of Flynn’s dropkick as he fell back to the mat!

Flynn gets back to his feet, his hands in his hair and his eyes wide as he leans over to check o nthe ref he inadvertently took out of action


LOW BLOW!


King throws a bicep into Flynn’s crotch from behind.

BUZZSAW KICK!

Flynn is flattened, and now King is limping over to the turnbuckle. He climbs up, and waits for Flynn to stand…. DIVING DOUBLE AXE HANDLE!


Well the tides have certainly turned in this one folks!


King picks Flynn up and whips him into the corner. He follows behind and drapes Flynn’s legs over the middle ropes. He backs all the way across the ring and - - -


CROWN JEWELS!!!!


The running punt to Flynn’s groin is felt throughout the Coreytopia!


King covers…




1….2……3…….4…….?????


The ref is still out! We need a backup out here now!

Finally, a second ref comes rushing out from behind the curtains, he slides under the ropes


1!





2!!






KICKOUT!!!


King pounds the mat in frustration, and stands to argue with the ref. Making his case that he should’ve already won the match. BUT HE TAKES TOO LONG!

CHOP BLOCK FROM FLYNN!

Flynn has King by the leg and drags him near the corner. Flynn holds onto the leg and climbs out of the ring. Pulling King closer to the turnbuckle.

He rears the leg back and SWINGS IT AT THE STEEL POST - - - BUT KING!

He grimaces through some extra effort in his quads and uses his leg to run Flynn’s head into the steel. The crowd gasps as Flynn’s forehead is immediately showing color.

King gets out onto the apron, turns backward and a WHISPER IN THE WIND FROM THE APRON!

The crowd goes wild!

What a tenacious fight this is between these two!

GoED: It almost seems as if this crowd is enjoying watching King rally here.

Well, through no fault of his own, Flynn has put on a wrestling clinic against the injured King. It’s easy to feel sympathy for someone who’s being dominated. But now that King has fought back and appears to be in the driver seat, we’ll see how long he can keep up the sympathy act

The ref reaches a 7-count before King rolls under the ropes…

8…


Flynn is up but wobbly…


9….






HE LITERALLY DIVES UNDER THE ROPES JUST IN TIME!

King looks devastated. He’s sitting on his rear and scooting back trying to put some space between himself and Flynn. But Flynn looks possessed, standing, breathing heavily, seething, blood trickling down his forehead.

He grabs Kieran by the leg again, and flips him on his belly. He picks his leg all the way up now and slams his knee into the mat. He grabs the leg again, and Kieran is trying desperately to crawl away, but Flynn is all over him - - - STF

IS COUNTERED!


As soon as Flynn hooked his leg over, King maneuvered his lower body and causes Flynn to trip forward, falling face first into the turnbuckle pad.

King limps up to his feet and has Flynn down in the corner now.

King starts in with a series of stomps to Flynn’s head, and chest. Flynn tries covering up and blocks a few of the first kicks, but eventually they start getting through as King grabs the ropes for more leverage. He uses his boot to choke Flynn until the ref makes him break the hold.

King steps back to the center of the mat and runs in, cracking Flynn in the head with a running knee!

King covers!

1!




2!!





KICKOUT!!!

     
   
King is beside himself. Angrily he gets to his feet and starts climbing the turnbuckle… HE’S GOING TO SET UP FOR THE KINGMAKER!






BUT FROM BEHIND IT’S FLYNN!



HE’S GOT KING’S HEAD TUCKED UNDER HIS ARM!!!




REVERSE DDT INTO A KNEE INTO A - - - ROLLING DDT!!!!!!!!


LOGICAL CONCLUSION! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!

BUT FLYNN KEEPS WRAPPED AROUND KING, LIFTS HIM - - - SECOND ROLLING DDT!!!!!




IS UNCONSCIOUSLY SPUN OUT OF BY KING!!!
UGLY ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!

With a last ditch effort, King smashes Flynn face first into his knees with a codebreaker!

King is flat on his back, Flynn is wobbling and falls back-first over King’s stomach

FLYNN’S SHOULDERS HIT THE MAT


KING GETS A SLING ARM UP ON FLYNN’S CHEST


ORIGINAL REF

SECOND REF
1!

1!










2!!

2!!








WAIT A SECOND! WHAT???





3!!!

3!!!

Both refs call for the bell!

One then grabs King’s arm, while the other grabs Flynn’s arm.

The two refs look at one another incredulously and begin to argue

WINNERS: KING KIERAN! AND MARK FLYNN!


I can’t believe what we’re witnessing here. Talk about equality, Bernie… somehow both of these men won this match!

……


…….


Bernie?


GoED: Oh he left ages ago. I believe he’s off arguing with Stalin somewhere.

Well, he missed out on one of the most intense wrestling matches I’ve ever witnessed. Both men brought their absolute A-GAME for this show. King Kieran used his injuries as an advantage, opening himself up for Flynn’s onslaught of technical prowess. King took the extra damage to lure Flynn in, and get additional breaks from the ref… but that’s a risky choice with Flynn and he showed King why. Mark Flynn punished King for the majority of this match. But in the end, this chapter of Flynn v. King is a double pinfall!


King and Flynn both hobble to their feet when.

The lights cut.

What in the hell?

Darkness. Not silence—because 900,000 people are murmuring, shouting, confused. Phone lights flicker. Chants start to build.

The lights return.

Quickly from the crowd, Schism appears, and helps Flynn from the ring. The two of them escape through the crowd!

Oh no…

While standing in the ring near the ropes—still as a statue—is EMILIA GLAZKOV.

The Advocate of the BLACK RAINBOW.

She wears a torn white lace wedding dress, stained along the hem. A veil veils her face in soft shadow. In her hand is the teardrop-shaped bottle—CONSECRATION. The same bottle she carried on Anarchy, the same bottle that housed the black ichor she used to attack Tommy Wish. Her posture is effortless, hips cocked, like a bride waiting for something old to die.

Kieran freezes.

He raises his fists. Defensive stance. He’s seen what she did to Wish.

But Emilia doesn’t move. Doesn’t flinch.

She just watches.

KING BETTER WISE-UP LIKE FLYNN AND GET THE HELL OUTTA- - -

The lights cut again.

Gasp. Murmurs. A roar.

The lights come back.

SARAH WOLF is behind Kieran.

Hair a mess of ink-black tangles. Eyes wild. Smirking like a woman who never learned to feel fear.

Before Kieran can react—

WHAM—Sarah hits a savage SPINAL LOCK takedown, twisting him into the mat.

Kiernan fights back, but she is relentless. Bites. Scratches. They scramble to their feet but she takes control to deliver a brutal PILEDRIVER that drops him center-ring.

She hits the ropes. Returns.

DEATH
COMES
RIPPING.

Single leg meteora to the face of a seated Kieran. His body folds. Crowd gasps.

Kiernan struggles to rise. Sarah grabs him from behind—snaking around like a serpent.

She jams her fingers into his mouth. DEVILLOCK.

Her other hand clamps behind his skull. He gags, jaw forced open, back arched.

Emilia steps forward, veil now pulled over head. She lifts the bottle of CONSECRATION.

And opens it.

She tilts her head back—mouth wide—and pours a measure down her throat.

She walks slowly to Kiernan, lips shining black.

Then she leans in—intimate, almost gentle—and SPITS the Consecration straight into his mouth and across his face.

The reaction is immediate.

Kieran writhes.

His limbs twist. Eyes flutter. He begins to laugh—then scream. Then laugh again. Then sob.

His body convulses. He claws at the mat. A moan of primal agony tears from his throat.

Lights out.

Lights back.

Sarah and Emilia are gone.

Only King Kieran remains, writhing in the ring, lost in whatever world they dragged him into.

That was uncalled for! Kieran was already seriously injured, just survived an absolute war with Mark Flynn - - and now this????


A Black Rainbow logo flickers faintly across the big screen.





B L A C K.

A distorted march and shrill, ear-splitting violins attack the mass of attendants with visceral intent, triggering a contentious wave of hateful screams and wails. The music builds, and builds, until GORGO's voice ECHOES throughout the arena…

…NOW WE BECOME DEATH…
…THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS…
♫ GO BACK TO SLEEP! ♫

CUT TO: THE STAGE.

A Perfect Circle's COUNTING BODIES LIKE SHEEP violently assaults the listeners with its droning march as SMOKE AND RUIN crawls across the platform in strobing white light. A single spotlight shines down to center stage as Maynard begins singing the first verse.

♫ Don't fret precious, I'm here ♫
♫ Step away from the window
♫ And go… BACK TO SLEEP ♫

From below, GORGO slowly rises out of the stage surrounded in dark haze and flashing light. Blonde hair is smeared black with grease and hangs in wet tangles. Face painted black and white and marked with pagan symbology. White eyes outlined in black. Their smile, their awful smile, stretched into a hideous, crazed grin. Muscular shoulders and arms, but with feminine curves in all the right places, covered in black smeared grease paint. Their perfect, terrifying form elevates to the stage level with their shoulders heaving and body twisted into a grotesque, animalistic hunch.

They are YELENA GORGO. The Woman Who Laughs. The Mama-san. The Mad Queen.

♫ COUNT BODIES LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ COUNTING BODIES LIKE SHEEP TO THE RHYTHM OF WAR DRUMS ♫

They begin walking down the aisle but with a strange gate, more like a prowling animal, all while twisted giggles escape their mouth like a jackal's cry, causing their shoulders to hunch up and down with each hee-haw. Everyone watches their every movement. Shrieks and boos spew out of the mouths of everyone in attendance. All of them have nothing but utter contempt and disgust for Gorgo but every single one of them is standing to get a glimpse of them.

Gorgo crawls on their belly under the bottom rope and then pulls themself across the canvas to the middle of the ring. They sit up on their knees and then bend at the waist awkwardly backward, like a contortionist possessed by the devil. Then, suddenly, they lurch forward and let out a primal, howling, death metal scream with every muscle contracted and veins bulging outward through their skin as the house lights rise.





A custom version of BEAST by Tech N9ne begins to blast on the arena's speakers accompanied by the reaction of fans in attendance.

Insanity at it's finest
Fire starter,
Riot maker,
Moon stricken,
Animal need,
Bad seed,
Untamable beast!

A cloud of ocean blue smoke fills the top of the ramp, as the special lighting shines down upon the smoke it gives off the appearance of waves.

Everybody around me always think they know what's going on inside my mind
think I'm Mr. Trash Talk all the time
How they say on Diary 'You think you know, but you have no idea'

As the music kicks in, Shark jogs out of the curtains on cue. The chains around his neck sparkling into the camera as he's wearing a T-shirt that insults his opponent. He stands at the top of the ramp with his hands on his waist as he looks out into the crowd and takes a moment to look around at the packed arena. He nods his head with his typical cocky smile stretched from ear to ear. Before heading down the ramp he closes his eyes and spreads his arms out with his hands open, absorbing the mixed reactions of boos, cheers and screams coming his way.

He sings along to the music as he walks down the ramp, taking off his shirt on his way there and throwing it into the crowd without looking. He slides into the ring and begins to bounce off the ropes before shadow boxing. He then walks around the ring mouthing out something to the crowd about his opponent, the insults continuing but the broadcast is unable to pick it up.




XWF Universal Championship
James Shark ©
- vs -
Yelena Gorgo
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K



DING! DING! DING!

The bell tolls across Coreytopia, and silence in the ring follows as both James Shark and Yelena Gorgo stare daggers at each other. The fans around them, however, are as rabid as can be as they chant and cheer in support of their Universal Champion.

“FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK!”

The weight on Shark’s shoulders lightens a bit at the crowd’s chant, a small yet confident smile coming across his face. He gestures to the people outside, taking in that shred of support as his eyes don’t leave Yelena.

Yelena’s own stare only hardens, with a smile fitting of a predator stretching over her face in response.

TD: Well, it sure doesn’t look like it’ll be in question at all as to who the people are supporting here tonight!

GoED: James Shark, he’s a working-class hero, Thad. They’ve seen the man, they’ve seen the way he’s been held down by the system, but they also see how he’s willing to fight against that system, both in and out of the XWF.

TD: Working class… right… sure, let’s go with that…

The two slowly advance forward, their malicious eyes holding a glimmer of curiosity as they come to each other. Gorgo’s smile twitches, her arm moving upwards with her palm exposed, offering a test of strength for Shark.

Shark’s own eyebrow twitches back in response as the two fighters steel themselves, getting ready for anything. Anticipation floods his body as he gets into position, slowly raising his arm to take on the test of strength-

OH! ROUNDHOUSE KICK FROM GORGO CRACKS SHARK RIGHT ON HIS KNEE!

TD: Sneak attack by Gorgo, not wasting any time! Gotta be careful any time you come into range with her!

GoED: Her kicks, they’re like bullets made from the bourgeoisie. I pity anyone caught on the receiving end of them.

Shark inhales deeply, having to back up, but Gorgo’s on the attack. She aims for another low roundhouse, but Shark raises his leg to move out of the way and backpedal again, instead snapping off a quick one-two jab-cross combo to Gorgo’s gut that has her hunching over.

Shark looks to press his advantage, aiming a fast right hook on high, but now it’s Gorgo who’s bobbing and weaving her way below! She steps back, readying herself as she aims a roundhouse on high- but Shark ducks underneath now!

Shark has a moment as he tries to lunge in! Looking for a double leg takedown, but Gorgo sees it coming! She raises her knee, striking Shark right on the jaw as he stumbles! The crowd wince at the impact as he has to stand, trying to cover up!

Gorgo is faster on her feet, though, quickly snaking behind Shark and hooking in both of his arms! She inhales, looking to lift Shark up for a Dragon Suplex-!

ELBOW FROM SHARK CUTS GORGO OFF! It hits right in her face as now she’s the one stumbling and letting go of Shark, but she has to recover fast as Shark turns around, grabbing her around the neck as he twists-!

Shark throws Gorgo right over his hip and onto the ground! The crowd pop like crazy as Shark is feeling the adrenaline right now throughout his system as he shouts on the impact!

TD: These two are going balls to the wall and we just started. That throw looked like a Koshi-guruma, and hit pretty well at that.

GoED: Plenty of vigor in that throw, too. Thaddeus, we both know Yelena’s an expert judoka and brings many of those throws into her repertoire in the ring - do you think Shark’s trying to give the implication here that anything Yelena can do, he can do better?

TD: Shark’s the kind of guy where I can totally see him doing something like that, but I think we can both agree Yelena isn’t going to exactly take too kindly to that…

Yelena’s eyes remain closed on the mat as the impact of the Koshi-guruma washes over her like waves. Shark looks wary, but has to try and get close in order to keep on the offensive.

Just as Shark looms over Yelena though, her eyes snap open, pupils turning to pinpricks before him as her ravenous smile returns yet again! Her legs snap upwards as she rolls backwards, looking to get back to her feet quickly!

Shark wisely sees a hurricanrana attempt of sorts coming as he backpedals, but in doing so has to let Yelena get to her feet with her back to Shark. She twists around, landing a gnarly roundhouse to Shark’s side before doubling up with ANOTHER loud roundhouse to the leg she nailed before!

GoED: Yelena’s ever so greedy out there with how she’s doubling up on her strikes. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised…

TD: In this business, a lot of people find that they need to be greedy if they’re going to see success, and winning this title is the biggest success you can get. Yelena’s got a target right now with that leg though, and she’s trying to make the most of it!

Shark raises his guard, but Yelena steps in close and grabs a hold of him! Her leg steps past him, sweeping the injured leg out from behind as Yelena uses it to forcefully throw Shark onto the ground as he lands hard!

TD: Osoto-gari now from Gorgo! I told you she wasn’t going to take too kindly to that Koshi-guruma earlier!

Yelena smirks, straddling Shark over his waist and uses her arms to pin his shoulders down onto the mat as the referee slides in for the cover. As the ref moves, Yelena whispers something to Shark, something the camera can’t quite pick up…

OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!











TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!











SHARK REACHES UP TO CLOBBER YELENA WITH A HAYMAKER AS HE KICKS OUT!

GoED: I think half of Coreytopia just heard that strike echo!

TD: No idea what Gorgo whispered to Shark just now, but whatever she said, she’s got the champ red-hot!

Shark claws his way back onto his feet, gnashing his teeth together as he balls his fists up! Gorgo tries to come over towards him again to try and bring him back down to earth, but Shark responds with a LIVER PUNCH! GORGO DOUBLES OVER FROM THE FORCE OF THE BLOW AS SHARK ROARS!

Shark follows it up with a staggering headbutt, driving Gorgo back as he has to fight for every inch of ground he’s getting here! A jab to the face, an uppercut to the gut, using his good leg to push Gorgo back into the corner! Shark has the upper hand as he’s seeing his opening, running forward…

BUT GORGO COUNTERS WITH AN OBLIQUE KICK RIGHT TO THE INJURED LEG! SHARK CRUMBLES TO THE MAT WHILE HOLDING HIS LEG!

GoED: This Yelena Gorgo never ceases to amaze with her savagery, Thaddeus. As expected of someone of a class as disgusting as the bourgeoisie. She’s like a big game hunter out there with how she’s eyeing him up like meat.

TD: Shark likes to fancy himself a predator himself with the whole sharks and blood motif he has going on, but there’s always a bigger predator out there in the waters. The question is… who’s the baddest creature underneath the depths?

Gorgo has her eyes locked onto Shark’s injured leg, and she’s going to make the most of it. She giggles like a schoolgirl, grabbing a hold of Shark’s bad leg by the ankle and raising it on high as if it’s a trophy. She tilts her head curiously at Shark on the ground, studying his reaction.

He responds by shouting an expletive at her, using his good leg to kick her in the face.

Yelena’s head snaps back on impact from the kick, taking a long, deep breath as her shiny teeth glimmer from the grin on her face. It lasts for a long moment as Shark tries to struggle, aiming another kick right at her face.

Only for Yelena to slam an elbow right down onto Shark’s knee to drive it into the mat! Shark yells as a vein throbs in his forehead!

GoED: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this Yelena Gorgo is deriving some sort of sick, sadistic, almost sexual pleasure from the ways she can try to torture James Shark inside of that ring.

TD: First time?

GoED: Oh, so this is that common?

TD: That woman smiles in the ring in ways I haven’t seen in a long time.

Yelena throws another elbow right to the injured knee, taking perverse pride in grinding her body into the joint as a smug remark again slips from her lips as if it were nothing. Shark throws a left hand to the side of her head, but it lacks much of its usual power as Yelena manages to hold on. She aims a glare back towards him, continuing to tilt her head as she shifts.

Gorgo continues to pin Shark’s leg down on the mat, but she raises her body upward, using the extra distance to put some more momentum on a knee that slams right into the back of Shark’s own knee! Shark swears from the pain, but as the referee gets down onto his knees to ask if he gives up, he tells him to F-off which earns a pop from the fans!

TD: Well, Shark can sure still fight, but for how long?

Gorgo chuckles, bringing herself back onto her feet as she still has a hold of Shark by the ankle. She drags him across the ring akin to a murderer dragging a dead body, ignoring his attempts to struggle and claw onto the mat to avoid her from having her way here, but it’s of no use. Gorgo stomps onto his gut, knocking the wind out of his sails as she proceeds to slide out of the ring with Shark still inside.

This is needed however as Gorgo proceeds to drag Shark over by the ankle over to the metal ring post, bringing his leg past and SMASHING IT RIGHT INTO THE UNFORGIVING STEEL!

The fans wince in unison as Shark’s yells are only getting stronger! The referee yells at Yelena to get back into the ring, but she’s ignoring him!

TD: You talk about getting your hands dirty, I think Yelena’s trying to outright soak them in blood here.

GoED: This is stacking the deck in monumental proportions in her favor. If James Shark wants to declare himself a champion of the proletariat as these people want to believe in him as, he needs to fight back!

Sure enough, another kick from Shark’s good leg catches Gorgo on the jaw as she has to step back! She rubs her chin from the impact, noting the force Shark managed to bring back into his leg. Shark tries to gingerly crawl backwards, but Gorgo is on top of him and manages to drag him back to the ring post!

ALL SO SHE CAN WRAP HERSELF AROUND THE INJURED LEG AND APPLY A HEEL HOOK AROUND THE RING POST! SEVERAL FANS SCREAM IN HORROR AS GORGO WRAPS HER ENTIRE BODY AROUND THE LEG TO DANGLE HERSELF OFF OF IT!

SHARK IS SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER AS HE GRABS ONTO THE BOTTOM ROPE! HE REFUSES TO GIVE IN, BUT THE PAIN IS GETTING TO HIM!

THE REFEREE IS SNAPPING AT GORGO AND BEGINS TO COUNT!

ONE!



TWO!



THREE!



FOUR!



FIV- GORGO BREAKS THE HEEL HOOK!

GoED: For a moment there, I thought Yelena Gorgo would be letting herself get counted out with how close the count was getting…

TD: Unfortunately for Shark, that’s not the case, and even if it was, I still don’t think that would stop her…

Gorgo watches, letting Shark drag himself back into the middle of the ring. Like a child chasing after her doll, she rolls back into the ring, quick and eager to play with it more.

Shark manages to bring himself to the ropes though, finally beginning to be able to drag himself back onto his feet. He sucks in air through his teeth, gingerly testing weight on his injured leg as he slowly gets back up-

ONLY FOR GORGO TO KICK HIM ON THE BACK OF HIS KNEE AND BRING HIM BACK INTO A SEATED POSITION! Shark winces from the impact as he brings himself back onto his good knee now, kneeling and holding onto the second rope for support!

Gorgo’s running the ropes! She charges straight ahead at Shark, looking to lunge at him!

SHARK DRAGS THE SECOND ROPE DOWN THOUGH! YELENA SAILS RIGHT IN BETWEEN THE ROPES AND COLLIDES FULL-SPEED INTO THE METAL GUARD RAIL AS A SICKENING CRACK RINGS OUT!

TD: THAT MIGHT BE THE OPENING SHARK NEEDS!

GoED: YELENA GORGO PLAYED WITH HER FOOD FOR TOO LONG!

The fans pop like crazy as Shark smirks from the small victory! His leg still hurts like Hell, but he’s still trying to claw himself back into this match! He grabs onto the middle rope again, slowly pulling himself back onto his feet as he tries to limp around the ring, bringing some feeling back into his leg!

Gorgo is stirring on the outside, eyes glazed over for but a brief moment as her hand reaches towards the ring canvas from outside, murmuring something under her breath as she does so. She glares inside of the ring, watching as Shark wags his finger to wait for her.

A twitch of Gorgo’s lips betrays her excitement.

She rolls into the ring, and Shark’s immediately on top of her! He leaps into the air, not even giving her a SECOND to breathe as he aims his fist - SUPERMAN PUNCH! GORGO’S SKULL BOUNCES OFF OF THE RING CANVAS!

TD: James Shark laying down some Sharkbait! If Gorgo’s aim is to try and cripple Shark, he’s going to make sure he gives her some CTE in exchange between ramming herself into the barricade and now this!

GoED: Shark couldn’t even keep himself steady after that Superman Punch! He crumbled right down to the mat alongside Gorgo!

Shark wheezes as he drags himself across, now being the one to straddle Gorgo as he’s in Full Mount! He doesn’t waste any time however, winding up and bringing a slicing elbow against her face!

And another! And another!

TD: Oh, crap… this is looking similar to how Shark was bludgeoning SEB back during their match some time ago!

Elbow! Elbow! ELBOW! ELBOW! A CUT IS STARTING TO APPEAR ON YELENA GORGO’S FOREHEAD AS SHARK TARGETS IT! ELBOW! ELBOW!

YELENA GORGO BITES JAMES SHARK’S ARM AS IT COMES DOWN TOWARDS HER AGAIN!

GoED: DISGUSTING!

SHARK STRUGGLES IN GORGO’S GRASP, BUT AS BLOOD SPILLS DOWN HER SKIN, HER EYES GLIMMER IN DELIGHT! SHE DRAWS BLOOD FROM SHARK’S ARM IN RETURN, TEETH DIGGING THROUGH THE SKIN!

SHARK DELIVERS ANOTHER HAMMERFIST RIGHT ON THE CUT HE CREATED TO FORCE GORGO’S MOUTH OFF OF HIS ARM AS HE HAS TO SLINK OFF OF HER! BOTH COMPETITORS ARE STUCK ON THE GROUND AND STEWING IN THEIR WOUNDS!

TD: Somehow, these two haven’t killed each other. This is like a match made in Hell.

GoED: Well, they’re a match, but you also made the match, Thaddeus…

TD: Oh, don’t get me wrong, they’re putting on a show! But that doesn’t make this stomach-churning at points.

Across Coreytopia, all fans with their eyes on the match unite in one single, solidary chant that echoes far and wide.

“FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK!”

Shark uses the ropes for support, chuckling as he hears the fans shouting his name. He glares across the ring, finding Yelena Gorgo already standing in the middle of the ring. She’s not moving, head bowed down low as blood continues to trickle. Droplets fall off of her face like crimson rain, meeting the pale canvas and staining it.

Shark sees his opportunity and rushes forward one more time! He cocks his elbow as he LEAPS TOWARDS YELENA!



PAID!



IN!



BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!






























YELENA KICKS JAMES SHARK’S LEG IN MID-AIR TO CRUMBLE HIM!

GoED: That kick was like lightning!

TD: Shark’s going to be lucky if he isn’t in a cast after this match with all this damage to the leg!

Shark howls as he falls to the mat, holding onto his knee as he pounds the mat in frustration. Gorgo simply stares and marvels quietly at the man before her, before her hand reaches out towards Shark. Her fingers sink into his skin like talons tearing apart meat, forcing him onto his feet as she proceeds to duck down low…

NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! The referee gets in position to count the pin, but Yelena ignores him as she proceeds to show off her athleticism and flips back around to get back onto her feet! She hoists up Shark, showing off her strength as he’s completely groggy!

A SECOND NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! The referee tries to count the pin again, but Gorgo again ignores him! Once again, she gets back onto her feet, bringing Shark with her as a third suplex is coming!





BUT JAMES SHARK LEAPS UP AND SINKS A GUILLOTINE CHOKE ON YELENA GORGO!





TD: HOW IS THIS MAN FINDING THIS STRENGTH?!

THE FANS ARE UNITED ONCE MORE IN CHANTING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS, THEIR VOICES MAKING THE GROUND SHAKE!

“TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!”

SHARK WRENCHES BACK ON THE CHOKE WITH EVERYTHING HE’S GOT! GORGO’S TRYING TO PRY HERSELF OUT TO NO AVAIL! SHARK’S GRIP IS LIKE IRON!

THE REFEREE SLIDES IN! HE’S ASKING GORGO IF SHE WANTS TO GIVE UP!

GoED: WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT, GORGO IS IN POSITION TO EITHER TAP OR NAP RIGHT NOW!

TD: THE LONGER SHE STRUGGLES, THE LESS STAMINA SHE’S GOT LEFT IN THE TANK!

SHARK YELLS AT GORGO AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS TO TAP AS WELL AS HE CINCHES THE HOLD IN DEEPER! TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR YELENA AS SHE HAS TO DO SOMETHING QUICKLY!



THE REFEREE IS ASKING GORGO AGAIN IF SHE WILL GIVE UP!



GORGO’S STRENGTH IS BEGINNING TO FADE! HER LEGS ARE BEGINNING TO GIVE OUT FROM HER! HER ARM SLUMPS TO THE FLOOR! THE FANS CAN TASTE THE BLOOD IN THE WATER AS THEY POP!



THE REFEREE RAISES GORGO’S ARM UP HIGH AND LETS IT FALL TO THE MAT!

ONE!

HE GRABS IT ONCE MORE TO LET IT FALL A SECOND TIME!

TWO!

THE REFEREE RAISES GORGO’S ARM ONE MORE TIME AND LET’S GO!

















GORGO REACHES FORWARD TO SINK HER GRIP ACROSS JAMES SHARK’S FACE!

SHARK’S EYES WIDEN AS GORGO SQUEEZES! SHE SMASHES HIS SKULL AGAINST THE MAT! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN!

GORGO HOISTS HERSELF FORWARD, STILL HOLDING ONTO SHARK’S FACE AS SHE SLIPS OUT OF THE GUILLOTINE AND RAISES HER WEIGHT TO KEEP SHARK IN A PINNING PREDICAMENT!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!


























TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




























KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

TD: Eugene, I’m starting to wonder if this is ever going to end!

GoED: Look! Shark’s still bringing himself back onto his feet!

Shark has to shake out the cobwebs, and he’s just a beat behind, but he’s ready to try and finish this fight and win-

KICK DEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

TD: SHE HIT IT! SHE HIT IT! KICK DEMON! THAT’S GOTTA BE IT!

GoED: DID YOU SEE HOW SHARK’S SKULL SNAPPED BACK?!

GORGO CHUCKLES AS SHE SLIDES ON TOP OF SHARK FOR THE PIN!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!


































TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




































KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

TD: HE CAN’T BE KILLED OUT THERE! I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M SEEING!

GoED: THE SPIRIT OF THE PROLETARIAT IS LIVING ON WITHIN JAMES SHARK! HE’S EMBODYING EVERY SINGLE WORKING SOUL THAT’S SUPPORTING HIM RIGHT NOW!

Gorgo blinks, genuine surprise etching onto her face as she stares down at the man who’s managed to kick out and persevere in spite of everything that’s been thrown at him in this match. Another ghost of a chuckle escapes her lips, with Gorgo’s body practically on marionette strings as she forces herself back onto her feet. Beneath her, Shark begins to stir once more.

TD: But you have to wonder at this rate if he’s only putting himself at more risk the more he kicks out! Gorgo’s insane, sadistic in that ring! Eugene, do you think it’d be worth it to try and live to fight another day at this rate?

GoED: The Universal Championship is James Shark’s heart and soul, Thaddeus, we both know that quite well. If he were to lose it here, that’d be no better than being thrown into jail again. It’d be no better than death to him.

TD: I don’t think Gorgo has any problems with trying to actually kill him, if it comes down to it…

GoED: You say that after calling him immortal-

TD: And I meant it, but I don’t know if Gorgo can also be stopped in that ring right now.

Gorgo simply slides her foot underneath Shark’s chin as he stirs, commanding him back to his feet as she stares at him. Gorgo’s crimson mask and Shark’s ravaged arm paint the canvas red, a telltale sign of how much destruction this entire match has caused.

Shark finally comes back onto his feet from Yelena’s command as the audience watch with bated breath. Gorgo’s body shifts, and her leg snaps with it-











KICK DEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!











BUT JAMES SHARK’S INJURED LEG HAS HIM CRUMBLING UNDERNEATH THE KICK! IT SAILS OVERHEAD!

GoED: THE BAD LEG WORKED IN HIS FAVOR?!

TD: GORGO’S OFF BALANCE!

GORGO STUMBLES AS SHARK’S EYES FLICKER, REALIZING THE OPENING! HE DOESN’T NEED TO THINK TWICE AS HE FORCES HIMSELF ONTO HIS FEET AND LEAPS!

PAID!



IN!



BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!








BUT GORGO DOESN’T FALL!

SHE STUMBLES BACKWARDS, EYES GLOSSY FROM THE IMPACT AS HER BACK MEETS THE ROPES AND BOUNCES OFF TO SLAP AGAINST SHARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

SHARK MURMURS SOMETHING INTO GORGO’S EAR, THE TWO WARRIORS ON THEIR LAST LEGS AS HE PUSHES HER OFF ONCE MORE!

GORGO BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES AGAIN AS SHE SLUMPS TOWARDS THE CENTER OF THE RING-



A SECOND PAID IN BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!



SHARK COLLAPSES ON TOP OF GORGO AS THE REFEREE COUNTS!



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!


































TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




































THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



WINNER and STILL XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - JAMES SHARK!



TD: I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW! YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT ‘GUTSY PERFORMANCE,’ MEAN GENE, THAT’S THE TEXTBOOK DEFINITION RIGHT THERE!

GoED: I’m utterly flabbergasted, but monumentally impressed with James Shark! A worthy spirit of the proletariat indeed! And Gorgo… well, for a bourgeoisie, she was indeed impressive as well…

TD: That woman made my blood chill with half of the stuff she did in that match. Surely… surely she’s going to win the Universal Championship one day, and I don’t know who’s going to be ready when that does happen.

GoED: But that day is not today, Thaddeus Duke. Right now, we should celebrate the man who did win.

As James Shark is presented with the Universal Championship as he slowly gets back to his feet, the championship he fought so hard for repeatedly, he raises it high into the air as more cheers and chants surround him from the crowd.

A million bodies pulse to the last echoes of the main event. Towering light rigs crown the horizon. Drone cameras buzz overhead like flies. Giant projection screens loom above the crowd, flickering with sponsor logos and highlights.
The lights go out.

Not all of them. Just enough.

Hundreds of thousands of murmurs. People lift phones. Security radios crackle. The stage flickers.

The main screen comes to life.

A low, analog hum. A tape whirring. The screen distorts, color-bleeds. Then, in lo-fi VHS font:

NOWHERE IN THE BLACK RAINBOW

A stuttering lullaby begins.

Judy Garland’s voice—sweet, familiar—cracks. It slows. Deepens. Warps.

“Nowhere... in the Black... Raaaaain... bow..."

The melody from Somewhere Over the Rainbow plays in reverse, laced with minor chords and discordant bell chimes. The notes lurch.

The screen shows:

- A carousel melting.

- Moths erupting from a wrestler’s mouth.

- Static-eyed cultists.

- An eye inside a triangle, blinking sideways.

- The word KNEEL flashing frame-by-frame.

“Night won’t die... Screams still rise...”

The crowd is split. Most are confused. Many laugh it off. But scattered across the field, pockets of viewers stare glassy-eyed.

Their jaws slacken. Their fists clench.

“Why, oh why, not you?”

The screen cuts to WHITE.

A beat.

Then—

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

A shirtless man in Section 14 lunges at the person next to him, tackling them into a metal barricade. A vendor flips over their cart. Two women brawl on top of a food truck. A ring technician convulses behind the LED panel.

It spreads like fire—but not everywhere. Just enough.

Security rushes forward, but they're drowned in confusion. Staff scream into radios. EMTs push through rows of bodies. A flare is launched. A speaker tower tilts.

Some fans continue to cheer, unaware. Others try to climb the barricades. Yelena is gone, leaving only James Shark left alone in the ring, disoriented, eyes flicking from crowd to the video screen.

The video plays again.

This time it’s faster. More jagged.

“If bloodstained things can sing…
Why, oh why, not you?”

Police on horseback move toward the perimeter. Too late.

The crowd is not unified in riot.

It’s fractured—into the aware and the unaware.

Those who saw too much, and those who don’t yet know what’s inside them.

One million witnesses.

Only a few thousand infected.

That’s all it ever takes.


- - -meanwhile at the exact same time- - -


At the base of the 40 foot tall XWF corporate sponsorship logo, we see Dolly, Corey, Flynn and Schism

They’re all looking on nervously as the massive crowd is beginning to unravel from the subliminal messaging they were shown.

Ok, boys? We’ve REALLY gotta’ hurry the hell up!

Yeah. This crowd is turning into something really bad, really quick.

Schism produces a large remote control, like the one Doc Brown used for the Delorian. Sweat forms along his brow as he engages the ON-SWITCH.

c’mon, c’mon, c’mon Flynn urges him nervously as he looks out to the brawling crowd that's spreading closer and closer to them.

Schism titles his head up, the reflection of the giant XWF monolith, the symbol of all that is wrong in the world is shown in the reflection of his aviators.

Cleanse eden of its weeds, oh tempest… show me the Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Press the damn button, Schizz!

Schism grins and pounds the big blinking button on the remote and…

….

……..


………………..Nothing?

Ummm…?

Isn’t there supposed to be a big fiery explosion?

Schizz?! You paid the guys who were supposed to rig that thing to blow, RIGHT?!

Of course! I paid em all-right… with Big Rock Candy Mountain Coffee Co-op discount cards.

FUCK! Why in the hell would you - - -wait! Flynn looks even more panicked now Where’s my kid? WHERE’S WAR-BABY???

LOOK!

In the distance, ontop of the XWF logo, is NKWB. He’s laughing and clapping his hands, playing with the male and female connection to the explosion rig.

SHIT SHIT! HOW’D HE GET UP THERE?!

He must’ve climbed up the staircase in the back!

Everything slows down…

Dolly is sprinting toward the logo…

NKWB is connecting the rig…

NO!!!!!!!

Dolly’s hand is reaching out, tears in her eyes, when beside her…














*BLINK*








[Image: kurt-cobain-kurt.gif]




ALIAS…




He smiles and then…




*BLINK* - - - The rig is connected - - - and NKWB is on the ground, in ALIAS’ arms.


Flynn takes NKWB from ALIAS and squeezes him tight in his arms.

The crew all looks up as the rig detonates.

The massive XWF corporate sponsorship logo erupts in explosions, and becomes engulfed in flames. Suddenly the massive crowd stops brawling, and the world turns to see… hope.

And my ain’t beautiful…

[Image: 895096ddcb2d22c300828437894c9480.gif]

The structure fully detonates and a firework display erupts behind it.

The crew all turn with a smiling nod to one another.

The crowd transforms from chaos and fear, to gaiety and joy.


- - -back in the ring- - -

Shark nods his head confidently, celebrating under the light of the firework display.

He reaches down to grab the Universal Title and raise it again… but it’s gone!

In all of the confusion, someone must’ve swiped it!

…and running through the commune fields, laughing, with the Universal Title on his shoulder?


Charlie Nickles.


-the end-




Thanks everyone for your patience!

A special thanks goes out to our match writers:

Mark Flynn (x6!!!!!!)
Charlie Nickles
Maverick
Yelena Gorgo

Segment writers:

Corey Smith
Thunder Knuckles
Yelena Gorgo
James Shark
Charlie Nickles

And thank you to everyone RPed and participated…

HAPPY MAYDAY!
]]>

Chris: Good evening, America. I’m Chris Cuomo, and you’re watching Newsmax—where we bring you hard-hitting journalism, honest takes, and the occasional exploding party city. and NO, I will NOT be taking questions about CNN unless it’s “how’d you escape?”

Tonight, we begin with a developing story in the world of sports, politics, and whatever the hell professional wrestling has become.

Three years ago, Coreytopia was a pet project of radical dreamers. A pseudo-utopia for labor rights activists, left-wing podcasters, and recreational anarchists—basically, a Coachella for people who call their landlord "comrade."

It was a place filled with speeches about wage theft, pamphlets nobody read, and more tote bags than a Whole Foods checkout line.

And then… it exploded.

Literally.

One of the greatest XWF wrestlers of all time, they call him Thunder Knuckles— he's known for his fisting, his flair, and his complete disregard for commercial zoning laws— well, he flattened the compound and killed dozens of orphans in what can only be described as “a felony with a fanbase.”

But tonight, against all odds—and against all building codes—Coreytopia has returned.

Only this time, it’s not a commune. It’s not a protest. It’s not a drum circle full of sociology majors and social justice warriors.

Now, it’s a party!

Thanks to a suspicious amount of private funding, a team of questionable engineers, and the strong jawline of Thaddeus Duke, Coreytopia has been rebuilt into what organizers are calling the “Spring Break of the Century.”

Gone are the handmade signs and vegan burrito stands. In their place? Luxury cabanas, sponsored chaos, and roughly one million young adults who think “May Day” is just short for “Margarita Day.”

And at the center of it all: Dolly Waters. The firestarter. The headliner. The woman responsible for tonight’s entertainment—and, allegedly, a slew of felonies in the south Florida area.

But I don't want to bury tonight's lead. The big story tonight: Coreytopia isn’t a protest anymore. It’s a spectacle for the masses it once sought to liberate.

So pour yourself something cold, turn your phone to airplane mode, and prepare to witness what happens when America turns a leftist safe haven into a billionaire-fueled bender.

We now take you to our live coverage of May Day!"

The XWF's cameras take over as the bass drops and the pyro erupts!






May - 1 - 2025


LIVE FROM YE OLE COMMUNE

COREYTOPIA, FLORIDA



XWF Television Championship
Aurora ©
- vs -
Larry Tact
- vs -
Tatiana Jolee
- vs -
Enigma
Warfare Rules - 1RP/4K
-15 Minute Time Limit - Fatal 4 Way-


Latoya Hixx & Razor Blade
The American Storm
- vs -
The Revolution
Mark Flynn & Schism
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Inquisition
- vs -
Mr. Oz
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K


Sarah Wolf
- vs -
Solomon Kline
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Corey Smith
- vs -
Matthias Syn
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K



XWF Revolution Championship
'King' Justin York ©
- vs -
'Spoiled' Summer Page
- vs -
John Black
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K
-Triple Threat Match-


Isaiah King
- vs -
Dolly Waters
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Sebastian Everett-Bryce
- vs -
Bobby Bourbon
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K


Non-Title Match
Allegedly Micheal Graves
- vs -
King Kieran
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K




XWF Universal Championship
James Shark ©
- vs -
Yelena Gorgo
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K




We open on an aerial shot of Coreytopia, Florida. The massive ocean-side property, home to Corey Smith’s commune, and… XWF MAYDAY 3… an estimated record of around 1 million people have gathered to take in the festivities.

…and shimmering above everything on the property, a massive 40 foot tall XWF corporate-sponsorship logo in the middle of the fields.

An homage to the unthinkable sums of money that will be extracted from the sheep during this event

Happy MayDay? 



Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome to Mayday!

I’m your host Thaddeus Duke, and I’m going to be joined here tonight by… well…?

Thad, wearing a Pro-Union t-shirt, looks next to him, where his desk partner’s seat is empty.

...who was supposed to be our Warfare General Manager, Peter Principle. But unfortunately I haven’t heard from him in a few days… so allow me to get everyone up to speed…

Mayday 1 will be remembered for Robert Main earning his shot at his longtime partner-turned-rival Chris Page, and the epic war between ALIAS and the legendary Doctor Louis D’Ville over the X-Treme Championship, in which ALIAS secured a 24/7 briefcase and the course of the XWF for the next year or two was set.

And then at Mayday 2, Ned Kaye earned the first draft pick for the 2023 War Games, and then Raion Kido and Bobby Bourbon went the distance in a two-out-of-three falls match that saw Kido retain the Universal Championship!

What’ll happen tonight when James Shark defends that same title against Yelena Gorgo? Or when Mark Flynn and Kieran King - fresh off successfully defending the King of the XWF crown - square off in their rubber match?

Suddenly an older…translucent looking gentleman… an apparition? Materializes in the seat next to Thad and - - -

Wait, who in heck are you?

GoED: I am the lower class. I am the criminal. I am the prisoner

Uhhhh…

GoED: Eugene V. Debs. Former United States Presidential Candidate for the Socialist Party… and most recently a ghost.

You dont say?

GoED: Something has called my spirit to these hollowed grounds tonight

Hm. Ok. Makes sense, because we have a mammoth show ahea–



GoED: What’s that awful sound?!

HE'S HEEEEEERRRRRREEEE! Quick, get on your knees!

Oh… no. Sorry, I don’t do that. He’d have to beat me with a baton to get me to kneel

‘He’ has a name.

King Kieran, First of His Name, steps out onto the stage just as the first verse of Faith No More’s “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies” kicks in.

Despite their feelings for him, the crowd still erupts at the first frenetic strums that signals the arrival of their king. After the hell he went through to win the Ides of March tournament, his walk is less fluid, and his eye still shows notably signs of swelling.

But atop his head…

GoED: A King they say? Where’s the crown?

It doesn’t matter! His majesty’s grace is not just tied to a shiny metal hat! He’s the greatest tournament performer in XWF history! BACK! TO! BACK! And he’s here at Mayday 3!

As The King nears the ring, his pace picks up a bit, as if his leg has warmed up some. He trots up the steps and climbs through the middle rope.

Standing in the middle of the ring, he scans the crowd. They may hate him, but they love to do so - and they are never quiet about it.

Suddenly, the majority of the lights in the makeshift stadium cut out save for one lone spotlight casting down on King Kieran.

Slowly, lowering down from the ceiling in the light’s path, is the king’s crown.

It lands upon The King’s head, and the smirk that follows is enough to inspire the most aggressive of XWF”s fans watching at home to punch their screens.

“HEAR YE! HEAR YE!”

It is entirely unclear where a herald is speaking from, but nonetheless, a herald is speaking.

PLEASE WELCOME KING KIERAN, FIRST OF HIS NAME AND LAST OF HIS “GENERATION, YA BOI, THE GREATEST TOURNAMENT PERFORMER IN XWF HISTORY, YOUR NEW STEP-DAD, AND THE REIGNING - AND FOR THE FIRST TIME EEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEEERRR - DEFENDING KING OF THE XWF!”

“Save your applause!”

King immediately shuts the audience down.

“Save your cheers or jeers; save your smiles or frowns; save whatever it is you think of me and keep that shit to yourself. Because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what you think; what Aurora thinks; what Mark Flynn thinks; what anybody thinks of my behaviour, my choices, and my actions. Do you hear that? It doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is your King.

You thought I couldn’t do it. But I did. So your opinion was useless.

You got mad every time I got one step closer. You lashed out - physically, but I prevailed. Your anger was useless…”

He turns towards the stage and points to the backstage area.

“For two years in a row, you stepped to the plate to try to stop me. But you failed.

You were useless.

I did what I said I’d do, just like I always do!

And with my body still aching as it is, my name is enough to make Mark Flynn throw away all pretense, get the fuck over his Micheal Graves shtick, and try to get back to being the guy that ran rampant across this entire company.

Because I am THE guy. THE man. THE standard that all of you try to reach. My name is Kieran King, and I am literally the best thing to ever happen to this place.

I’ve tried to be a nice king. All through Year One, I was happy to take my crown, retreat back to my castle, and let the rest of you fight over the scraps that remained without my interference. I wanted to give you the opportunity to thrive - an opportunity that just could not - WOULD NOT - exist if I was turning up and showing out week-in week-out. There wouldn’t be enough room for any of you at the top.

But now you want me to do more? Now you want me to step up to the plate and be the light in the dark for you? Why?

Because of the Black Rainbow?

Let me be crystal fucking clear to everyone in the back; everyone in the audience; everyone watching at home; and most importantly everyone in the Black Rainbow…

I’m still here.

Meanwhile, can anybody tell me where the Left Hand is at these days?

‘Cause I’m here.

How about the Black Order?

I’m here.

Anyone remember Cheyenne Fier from Madness? That voodoo baddie lit me on fire and yet…

I’m here.

None of them are.

And sooner or later, the Black Rainbow will have faded away.

But I’ll still be here.

Your King. Then, now, and forever.

So, if you want me - as king - to do anything about them, rest assured I plan on doing the exact same thing I’ve done for 15 years… outlast them. Because I’m willing to bet that come next year, when I’m weighing up a THREEPEAT, the Black Rainbow won’t be around.

Yes they attacked me. Who didn't?

But I am an empathic king! And the way I see it, they are a symptom of the problem, not the cause.

See… there’s a bigger issue in my kingdom than the Black Rainbow. Although Yelena Gorgo is a part of this one too.

Tonight she gets a shot at James Shark’s Universal Championship - which is a fucking bizarre turn of events in its own right when YA BOI here won the tournament she lost, but okie dokie.

Now… that Universal Championship has only just found its way into Shark’s hands via Isaiah the fake King. Who in turn, only recently took it from Sebastian Everett-Bryce. And to SEB’s credit, at least he took the opportunity that I gave you all in my absence and ran with it.

But this hot potato bullshit? It's caused by a disregard that every person back there has for the entire XWF! NONE OF YOU have what it takes to take advantage of the space I am giving you to succeed - to serve as steward of the CROWN JEWEL of MY KINGDOM, the Universal Championship. The Black Rainbow is just trying to fill that space like all the rest. Mark Flynn casts aside the mask in some pitiful attempt to reclaim the spot. Aurora? Wallowing in self pity. Shark himself? A poor man’s Jayzon Williamz.

It doesn’t matter who, all that matters is that the kingdom is represented by a true champion.

If you can’t do that… if you, as a collective people in service of an undisputed king, don't start doing better… then I’ll give you exactly what you’re here to fight against.

But it won’t be you fighting the oligarchy.

It’s going to be the oligarchy fighting you.

Because as you know, I have just signed a new contract with the XWF.

But… it wasn’t for more dates. It was for particular perks.

Merit-based perks.

Dependent on going both in and out of Ides of March as the King of the XWF. BACK. TO. BACK.

Win the tournament - choose your shot.

At the Universal Championship.

And if I’m not happy with how this kingdom looks, then I’m going to punish EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU by RIPPING away the OPPORTUNITY that I have given you.

And I’ll do it, by using my contract clause to deny you all the chance of a Universal Championship match - taking it for myself - AT RELENTLESS.

Do better.”

Mic drop.

And fade to break.





"In the Face of Evil" by Magic Sword reverberates over the PA. Row after row, aisle to aisle, fans rise from their seats throughout the arena and cheer, knowing one of their workhorses is about to appear!

As the second, third, and fourth chords of the theme reverberate, three spotlights shine down, one over another: A green circle, a gold triangle over it, and a crimson line intersecting the other two. On the Tron, his monikers cycle through one after another:


TACTILIZING ONE
GAME CHANGER
LIMIT BREAKER


From there, the beat triggers the house lights to illuminate the figure of Larry Tact standing on stage. He's looking down as he hones in for the battle ahead.

After a few seconds, Tact whips his head up and trudges to one side of the stage, firing up the fans by pointing towards different sections. He goes to the other side of the stage and beats his chest with a hand before opening his arms to the reaction of the crowd. "THIS IS YOUR SPOTLIGHT!" Larry bellows as the audience hoots and hollers back. He returns to center stage and points to either side of the crowd. The lights cut out except for green, gold, and crimson spotlights highlighting the audience in attendance. Larry makes his way down to the ring, pounding fists with some fans at ringside before hanging onto the middle rope and pulling himself up onto the apron.

Facing the stands, he opens his arms up and puffs his chest out to receive the feverish energy of his supporters. Wiping his boots on the apron, Tact proceeds into the ring. He climbs a turnbuckle and again holds his arms out. “BEST GAME WINS!!!” he exclaims to another pop before descending and making his final preparations for the match.





The guitar opening of “Plowed” by Sponge begins to play over the P.A system bringing attention to the stage as the lights strobe as if in sync with the tempo of the song.


Will I wake up, some dream I made up
No, I guess it's reality
What will change us, or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect with a dream

-KA-BOOM!-

The fireworks explode off the top of the tron bringing the end to the strobes as a spotlight illuminates the figure of Tatiana Jolee standing there. Dressed in her blackout ring attire with matching boots and pads - her hair is pulled up in a bun and she has a black leather jacket with the Canadian flag on the back.

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
Say a prayer for me

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
I'm buried by the sound

Of a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage

Where I'm lost and I'm found, and I can't touch the ground
I'm plowed into the sound

Announcer: “Making her way to the ring, from Vancouver, British Columbia… TATIANA JOOOOOLEEEE!”

To see wide open with a head that's broken
Hang a life on some tragedy
Plow me under the ground that covers
The message that is the seed

With a confident expression, she heads down the ramp, walking up the ring steps and gliding across the apron. She pauses briefly to wipe her boots on the apron out of respect for all who share this ring. TJ enters through the middle ropes giving the hard camera a smirk and a little wink while removing her jacket before using the ropes in the corner to do one last mini-stretch - gathering herself for the fight ahead.





"Luna est dominae, volkodlak malorum
Artes et perditae, lycan incarnatus

Luna est dominae, volkodlak malorum
Artes et perditae, lycan incarnatus"

A dense fog rolls out along the entrance ramp, the haunting whispered chant growing in volume along with the pulsing tempo of the music. A hulking horned beast appears from the gloom, slowly and methodically stalking towards the ring. His leather doomsday cloak is open over his massive chest, each step bringing him further into the light until "The Monster Machine" is revealed in full. The dark and Gothic chanting of “Night of the Wolf” by Nox Arcana continues, music swelling in volume as each pulse in the tempo and each measured step of the monster are in sync.

"Rota, vita, mara, vena
Mare, dracul, morte, vita

Rota, vita, mara, vena
Mare, dracul, morte, vita"

ENIGMA ascends the ring steps and subtly wipes his feet on the apron, turning towards the crowd as he removes the horned skull mask, revealing his soot-streaked face and colourless eyes. Throwing his head back, he sprays a bloody mist into the air before letting out a snarl. When his head lowers, blood drips from his chin and down his heaving chest.




All lights in the arena go dark and James Hetfield's opening vocals of Metallica's "The Memory Remains" blares suddenly over the public announce speakers. A minimal yet vocal minority of the fans in attendance shout the first lyrics aloud along with the singer:

Fortune, Fame, Mirror, Vain
Gone Insane
But the Memory Remains

The lights and the big screen both stay completely black. A single word appears on the screen:


. : A U R O R A : .


The guitar and drums come crashing in, along with the rest of the instrumental section. Soon after a mako green spotlight shines down upon the stage where Aurora herself is now standing. She’s wearing a mask that covers her face in what looks like old, pitted cast iron. Her hands and wrists are taped in all black tape and her silver-colored hair is pulled back into a ponytail. A smoke machine billows from beneath her, partially obscuring the view.

Rochelle Adams: Making her way to the ring at this time, she hails from Arizona Bay. Ladies and Gentlemen, AURORA!

Aurora walks through the smoke and down to and around the ring with purpose, moving all of the way around to the southeast ring post before pulling herself up onto the ring apron. She centers herself on the apron and stands facing the crowd. Another glowing emerald spotlight shines straight down on her as laser-lights mimic the northern lights onto the smoke that has gathered around the ceiling of the arena. She pauses for a few moments staring upward before turning and entering the ring.


XWF Television Championship
Aurora ©
- vs -
Larry Tact
- vs -
Tatiana Jolee
- vs -
Enigma
Warfare Rules - 1RP/4K
-15 Minute Time Limit - Fatal 4 Way-


DING! DING! DING!

Thaddeus Duke: Tonight's opening bout features three challengers all vying for the same prize: Aurora's Television Championship. Aurora is one of the fastest rising stars in the XWF, but the TV division is a different kind of beast all together. What do you think, Eugene Debs? Do you think she has what it takes to hang on to her title tonight?

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: If she works for the people, and not against them, then anything is possible! As long as she stays true to who she is and what she stands for, the powers of injustice will be unable to shake her!

Thaddeus Duke: We'll see what Enigma, Larry Tact, and Tatiana Jolee have to say about that!


The crowd assembled inside Coreytopia is waiting at the edges of their seats as the night's action finally gets underway. With one competitor starting in each corner, the opening bout for the TV title match is set off with a bang when Enigma comes charging out of his corner. The massive monsters makes a beeline for the champion, trying to perform a running splash onto Aurora before she can even leave her corner! The champion is quick enough to move out of the way just in time...but she moves right into a big boot from Larry Tact that drops her to the mat! The Tactilizing One quickly follows up with a slew of boots to the grounded champion. Enigma comes bursting out of Aurora's corner, only to join in on the kick party against the champion! Tatiana Jolee, meanwhile, is just waiting in her corner: and probably thanking her lucky stars that everyone seems to be targeting the champion!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: Pinkertons, the whole lot of them! I've seen this story before!

Duke: Pinkertons? What are you talking about?

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: That Monstrous Fellow and the Tactilizing Gentleman! Those men are nothing more than Pinkerton thugs, I can tell. They are working together to target the champion of the people, they are working for the ruling class!

Duke: Debs, I hate it to break it to you: but everyone inside that ring is working for me tonight: even the referee!

Aurora struggles to defend herself against the two-man tango band. Enigma and Tact take turns kicking Aurora before they collectively lift her back to her feet. Then, Enigma holds Aurora's arms behind her back while Larry Tact takes a few hard shots at her ribs. After Aurora's midsection is thoroughly bruised, the pair deliver a devastating double suplex to Aurora! The force of the impact is intense, and Aurora's only retort is rolling out of the ring to prevent any further damage!

Duke: And the champion makes the smart move by getting out of there! All eyes were on her, and all hands were on her, too!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: That was illegal collusion if I've ever seen it! I hope the Monstrous Fellow and the Tactilizing Gentleman rest poorly tonight, as they ponder their own lack of competitive ethics!

Enigma and Tact look over the top rope and consider going after Aurora, but Jolee senses her moment to strike! While the two big men are distracted, Jolee darts out of her corner and delivers a devastating double clothes-line to both men that sends them flying out of the ring after Aurora! Jolee struts around the ring as the crowd cheers.

Tact is the first one to his feet, and he looks up towards the ring with a snarl. Larry slides in underneath the ring and charges towards Jolee. The pair lock up, and it's a true contest of size meet strength as the pair grapple. Tact pushes Tatiana back with pure power, but Jolee knows how to position her body to maintain her position. Eventually, Larry gets tired of grappling and just throws Jolee back into her starting corner. The pure power of the Tactilizing One takes Jolee by surprise, and she takes a second to gather her bearings as Larry gestures for her to 'come and get some'!

Back outside the ring, Aurora and Enigma have both risen to their feet. As soon as the pair locked eyes, they immediately started squabbling! Enigma and Aurora traded blows outside the ring as Jolee charged out of her corner and right back towards Larry Tact, catching him with a dropkick that causes him to stumble back towards the ropes. Jolee immediately gets back to her feet and catches Tact with an arm drag off the rebound!

Duke: Tatiana Jolee might be the pound-for-pound best wrestler in that ring! Her skillset is unmatched. She's so dedicated to the craft of wrestling, that sometimes, I start to think she's a little autistic for it!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: Autism? What's that?

Duke: Don't act dumb, Debs! You know as well as I do that the term autism was coined in 1911 by Swiss psychiatrist Eugene Autismer!

Ghost Of Eugene Debs: I don't know about any of that, all I know is that I was brought back from the dead to watch some XWF wrestling: and gosh jolly darn it, that woman is giving that to us tonight in that ring!

Back outside the ring, Enigma has started to get the advantage over Aurora. After the pair's exchange of blows, Aurora is now laid out against the barricade. Enigma charges into Aurora, spearing her into the barricade and collapsing her to the mat outside the ring. Then, Enigma picks Aurora up and irish whips her into the steel steps at ringside! The echo of flesh meeting steel echoes through Coreytopia as Aurora grimaces in pain.

Back inside the ring, Jolee is putting work in on Larry Tact! The arm drag that brought Tact to the mat has been transitioned into an armbar, and Larry Tact is fighting with everything he has to get out of it! After a gutwrenching half-a-minute in the hold, Larry is able to reach out with his other hand and grab the rope, forcing Jolee to release the hold. Jolee smirks as she stands back up, allowing the referee to do his job without any interference or cumbrance.

Debs: She's an honorable fighter, she's someone that Tact and Enigma could learn a thing or two from! She carries herself like a true professional!

Duke: She's just Canadian, Debs.

Back outside the ring, Enigma is setting Aurora up for a big move! After picking her up and choke tossing her across over towards the entrance ramp, Enigma wastes no time in following up on his brutal attacks. As Aurora rises to a standing position, Enigma charges in and hits her with an EQUALIZER that sends her crashing back down to the mat! Enigma flips her over and tries to pin her, but the referee doesn't come out to count the pinfall: because this isn't a falls count anywhere match!

The referee is still inside the ring, watching Tatiana Jolee put on a technical clinic as Larry Tact struggles to keep pace. Tatiana Jolee's masterclass only comes to a halt when Enigma finally figures out that he can't win outside the ring. Enigma drags Aurora back to the ring by the hair before throwing her limp body in. That's when Jolee takes a break from Tact, and decides to swoop in for a pinfall on Aurora! The referee immediately drops down to count it!


1!




2!!




Before 3, both Enigma and Tact are breaking up the pin! The pair of big men take turns bashing Jolee for trying to take advantage of the situation. Enigma and Tact take turns booting the Canadian opportunist before they pick her up and double irish whip her into the rips. Then, they hit her with a double clothesline of their own, causing her drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes! Tatiana Jolee then rolls out of the ring, the sudden burst of punishment too much for her body to bear!

As Aurora lay still on the mat, Tact and Enigma exchange knowing glances. Enigma steps towards Aurora, expecting his makeshift ally to follow....but instead, Larry has other plans! As Enigma walks towards Aurora, Larry eyes the Monster up...and then charges at him with a running high knee to the back of the skull! Enigma goes flying over the top rope from the force of the impact, leaving Larry Tact alone with the champion inside the ring!

Debs: The backstabbery! The treachery! The betrayal: this is why no one should ever trust a Pinkerton! They'll betray their own for mere coin, or in this case, gold!

Duke: Enigma should've seen this coming! This was never a tag-team match, and alliances never last long in the XWF!

Larry Tact starts taking boot to face on Aurora as Enigma and Jolee lay outside the ring, dazed and confused. Aurora, having been the victim of a devious double-man attack earlier in the match, is still reeling from the physical effects of the conspiracy against her. Aurora puts up only limited resistance as Larry Tact locks her into the Tactful Surrender, aka a tequila sunrise!

Duke: This could be it right here! If Aurora doesn't give her own Tactful Surrender to the referee, she might be walking out of Coreytopia with a few broken bones and a dislocated socket!

Debs: This isn't right! They conspired against her, they illegally colluded to keep her at a disadvantage, she never had a chance! This was never a fair fight!

Duke: Tonight hasn't been fair....but it has been TACTILIZING!

Enigma and Jolee rise to their feet as they hear Aurora's screams of pain. Enigma and Jolee share a comedic look of horror before they both slide into the ring, but they're too late! Aurora is already tapping out to Larry Tact's finishing hold! She slams the mat with her open palm, and the referee calls for the bell!


Winner by Submission AND NEEEEEEEEEEEW XWF TELEVISION CHAMPION - Larry Tact



Jolee and Enigma hang their heads with dissapointment as Larry Tact releases Aurora from the painful hold. The referee hands Larry Tact his new TV championship belt before he raises Larry's hand high into the air for the whole world to see.

Duke: Larry Tact did it! He did it! He made Aurora submit, and now, he's your new TV champion!

Debs: It was a most disgraceful display, devoid of all and any ethics!

Duke: But it was a display, none the less! And now, Larry Tact is walking out of here as YOUR new TV Champion!


Backstage we see Mark Flynn watching the live broadcast of the show on a small television set. He’s nodding his head. Good. Perfect!

He turns back to the crew standing behind him: Schism (w/ NKWB), Dolly Waters and Corey Smith.

The show is rolling right along, and Thad doesn’t seem to suspect a thing. That seance you pulled off to get Debs here is working like a charm, kid!

Dolly rolls her eyes and sighs mhm. I told you I don’t really like doing that stuff anymore. If we leave that door open too long, some weird things could start happening.
Weirder than the ghost of Eugene Debs doing commentary with Thad?

RIGHT! Flynn guffaws Whats the worst that can happen? Fuckin’ Stalin show up or somethin’?

Dolly just folds her arms We need to get rolling on this plan.

Okay, no biggie! First things first… Me and Schizz gotta take care of business out there.

Turn this spring break crowd into an all out rebellion!

Once we’ve all won our matches tonight, we’ll be remembered as heroes…THE LEGENDS OF MAYDAY!

Schism hands the NKWB to Dolly. Her face twists as she feels a little rumble from his bottom on her arm.

Really?

Don’t worry, Dolly! We’ll be right back. We’re facing the American Storm for crying out loud. You think this is gonna’ be close?


The ring sits in the middle of the commune, not as a stage, but as a pulpit—four ropes enclosing a battlefield for ideologies.

TD: Our next match is… well, it might not be a technical classic, per se. On one side, you’ve got two people that won’t stop saying the same crap. And on the other side, you’ve got two people that… well, hate the system and also won’t shut up about it.

GoED: “Intelligent discontent is the mainspring of civilization.”

TD: No kidding? I thought it was the wheel.




The lights goes out and hear a voice saying…

Wrestling has one royal family

THE CROWD UNLEASHES A MAELSTROM OF BOOS AS Kingdom hit's fireworks burst open and Razor Blade comes out wearing a American nightmare outfit and left his arms in the mid air and fist pumps in a fake air… With Latoya following him down the ramp!

TD: Now, this? I don’t love. Those pinkos are booing Blade and Hixx while they’re carrying the American flag?

GoED: “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.”

TD: You ever speak English, comrade?

GoED: People dress themselves in the flag when they want to disguise their odious conduct in the stars and stripes. These two multimillionaire elitists wandering down the ramp, parading ol’ glory… You know who are real Americans? People working minimum wage, nine-to-fives that hitchhiked to be at this show cuz they couldn’t afford a gas tank AND rent this month.

…

GoED: That in plain enough English for you, Thaddeus?

Razor climbs up the steps in hops on the turnbuckle and raises both arms in the air and more fireworks burst once again and he gets inside of the ring and climbs on the top rope taunts some more and gets down and takes off his American nightmare jacket and prepares for a fight. Latoya Hixx follows up right behind him, walking to the ring with a confident air and standing near her partner…

Suddenly, the teeming masses surrounding the ring at Coreytopia all start chanting.


REVOLUTION clap, clap, clap clap clap REVOLUTION clap, clap, clap clap clap


GoED: Yes! Yes! The chorus of progress screams within the beating heart of every man! Do you hear the people sing?

TD: Is that from Les Mis?


REVOLUTION clap, clap, clap clap clap


The crowd is in a fervor.





The fans in Coreytopia go wild at the sound of The Big Rock Candy Mountain!

Schism and Mark Flynn burst through the apron, holding signs that read, “THE SYSTEM IS BROKE” and…

…Well, Schism’s sign has so much text and red yarn on it, the camera genuinely can’t make it out.

But, regardless, the crowd is going absolutely NUTS!

GoED: I sense kindred spirits!

TD: I gotta admit, if the Revolution has a home turf, I guess it’s here.

Schizz and Flynn climb through the ropes, lifting their signs once more to a massive pop, before shoving them into their corners!

…

The two teams discuss battle plans before the bell rings… Razor and Latoya agree after some stubbornness on both sides that Latoya will open the match.

Flynn leans over to compare notes on how Latoya starting the match should affect their starter…

Before realizing Schism is already exiting their corner, seemingly fascinated by the official’s black and white stripes.

TD: So, we’re starting this match with Latoya Hixx and Schism.

GoED:There’s a schism between the moneymen and basic decency.!

TD: Hey, do you ever just… like… talk about the weather? Or the Lakers?

GoED: The rain drenches the laborer working outside while the foreman stays inside counting dollars…!

…

GoED: And I hate the Lakers.

DING DING

The Revolution
Schism and Mark Flynn
- vs -
American Storm
Razor Blade and Latoya Hixx
Tag-Team


After the bell rings, Schism… is still staring at the official.

The official checks his shirt, wondering if he has a stain on it.

”Amazing… Black and white… separate… But of different widths… A nigh-imperceptible .04 cm difference between the width of the white and black stripes…” Schism blinks one eye and then the other as his pupils expand in dilation. ”Absolutely sublime metaphor. Incredible artistry.”

TD: I don’t know what that dude’s on, but I want some.

Latoya Hixx’s lips peel back in a feral grin. She smiles with a cocky snarl as if she’s the bear and the man across the ring is a drunk zoo patron that just fell in her pit.

GoED: Uh… my comrade-at-arms seems someone distracted… And his opponent seems eager to exploit that distraction!

TD: ‘Barbecue chicken’ - Shaquille O’Neal

Hixx charges, roaring, head lowered like a battering ram.

Across from her, Schism remains completely inert—eyes half-lidded, neck slightly tilted…

As a ghost of a smirk touches his lips.

Hixx goes for a running boot!

…

But! At the last second, Schism pivots—minimal, efficient. Almost as if he didn’t have to move at all.

Latoya rockets past him, momentum unchecked—and flies through the ropes, landing off the apron! And into the crowd!

TD: This ring has a much thinner barrier between the action and the crowd and these fans are too excited to be a part of it!

Latoya looks around furiously as… she’s carried around on the hands of the fans!

TD: Hang Ten! Hixx is going crowd-surfing!

Hixx barks angrily at the crowd to put her down… But she ends up batting ungracefully, unable to power herself off their arms… She ends up pawing like a cat in zero gravity!

TD: So… Latoya’s out of the ring… What happens now? Count-out?

Razor watches Latoya flounder, jaw tightening. He clenches his fists. His neck muscles twitch with tension. He charges past the legal man toward Flynn with a snarl, fueled by frustration!

TD: Blade clearly not pleased with the possibility that this match might pass without him getting a swing at Flynn. Flynn got, let’s say… HONEST with what he thinks of Razor Blade. Short version: Not highly.

GoED: “I may not be able to say all I think, but Flynn certainly can!”

Flynn’s face lights up—not with fear, but with glee. His smirk is razor-sharp. He smacks Schizz’s back… and rolls into the ring, leaning into it, seemingly mockingly inviting the chaos.

Razor swings wild. Flynn ducks, flows behind him, and smoothly snapmares him over into the corner…

Flynn’s forearm grinds across Razor’s jaw in a chinlock. He whispers something we can’t hear, but his eyes gleam—taunting, condescending.

TD: Flynn is one of the best pure wrestlers in wrestling today… Possibly ever.

Razor’s brow furrows. He grits his teeth. Using brute strength, he rolls through, powering up…

He lifts himself off the mat out of the chin lock! Flynn’s eyes widen with shock and terror!

…As Blade rotates Flynn in front of himself… and SLAMS Flynn!

POWERSLAM!

The crowd erupts. Schizz’s eyes narrow and widen in fascination!

TD: Wow! I didn’t think Razor had it in him!

Flynn clutches his ribs, face contorted, smirk completely vanished as Razor circles around him, stomping wildly…

Just as Hixx finally crowd-surfs back up to the apron! She barks insults at the crowd as she clings to the ropes for dear life!

GoED: One who hates the people hates me!

TD: I mean, I hate you regardless.

Razor sprints off away from Flynn to hit the ropes…

But as he hits the ropes, Latoya smacks him on the back!

The crowd boos, displeased at the lack of cohesion between teammates.

TD: Oh, this is one of those ‘fundamentals’ crowds that actually likes tag-team wrestling? Wild.

GoED: As a wise man once said ‘Teamwork makes the dream work’.

Razor scowls furiously, but begrudgingly steps outside…

Hixx enters with wild eyes and a manic energy—as if trying to overcompensate for her earlier mistake.

TD: Flynn brought up his perception that Hixx has self-esteem issues… She’s about to pound him like a cheap drum!

Flynn shakes his head, trying to find his wherewithal…

When Hixx grabs Flynn, forcing him into a front-facelock!

Flynn desperately tries hooking his foot around Hixx’s heel to prevent the lift…

BUT HIXX POWERS HIM UP ANYWAY!

TD: Wow!

Hixx hoists him vertically in a Delayed Suplex.

…

Her face turns red with effort.

…

Delaaaaaaaaayed…

…

Flynn’s face turns red because all the blood is rushing to his head…

…

Delaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayed…

TD: Is this a bathroom break?

SUDDENLY! HIXX SLAMS FLYNN!

Flynn arches his back in agony, mouth open, eyes squeezing shut.

Hixx’s lips curl in satisfaction, as she drives an elbow into Flynn’s face, covering him!

The official drops to count… As Schizz ponders the infinite meaning of the referee’s shirt!

TD: Oh man.. Flynn’s partner is out of position… Not physically but mentally.

1!

2!

THR-NO! Flynn forces his shoulder off the mat!

His teeth grit. Flynn’s nostrils flare and his eyes search for… the winning strategy.

TD: Oooooh, I’ve faced Flynn before… when he gets a look like that on his face, he’s plotting. Scheming. He’s about to do something off-the-wall.

GoED: Fatcats and moneymen scheme. The workers? They plot.

Razor barks at his partner, demanding Latoya let him get another crack at Flynn. Latoya tags Razor with a hard slap, but says she’s not done hitting him. Razor frowns at her impatience but nods, stepping in.

TD: Looks like they’re going to try both hitting Flynn at the same time! Bold strategy, let’s see if it pays off for them!

They both grab Flynn by his arms and whip him into the ropes… They get in position for an American DeathDrop (Dudley Deathdrop!) Razor in the front, Latoya in the back!

…But Flynn hits the ropes, he handsprings off!

Up-and-over Razor…

And catching Latoya with a Pele Kick to the top of the skull that drops her to the mat!

The crowd goes absolutely insane for the forty-five-year-old’s insane aerial acrobatics!

TD: I think this crowd would give that a 10/10! What about you, Gene?

GoED: …7.5.

TD: …You’re mean, Gene.

Flynn shoves himself off the mat, trying to get back to his corner…

But Razor catches him by the boot!

TD: Surprising awareness by a man Flynn thinks is dumber than a single-celled organism…

Flynn tries to overpower Blade, dragging him into his corner…

…But Blade proves stronger! He drags Flynn back out…

TD: I never thought I’d say these words but, Razor Blade has total control of Mark Flynn in that ring.

Flynn’s eyes scramble, trying to plot the winning move…

As Blade struggles with all his might to hold Flynn back… Blade looks backwards at Hixx, who’s still shaking off Flynn’s pele kick, telling her to get her ass in ge-...

When suddenly, he goes ass over teakettle, backwards somersaulting into a seated position!

Blade scratches his head, trying to figure out what happened…

When he looks at his hands…

Holding Flynn’s boot!

TD: Flynn untied his laces!

GoED: And Razor only ended up pulling himself down by Flynn’s bootstraps! That’s a 10/10 maneuver!

Blade tosses Flynn’s boot away as a single-booted, sweat-soaked Flynn dives back to his corner!

…Schism looks down at his own smacked hand… Eyes dilating.

TD: Flynn tags Schizz in… Though, I don’t know if I’d call it a hot tag, as Schism is slow to respond…

Schism enters—expression unreadable.

Razor charges toward the immobile Schi-

WHAM! Mid-sprint, Razor gets taken off his feet with a running knee!

TD: …Running knee? How can a guy who I’ve never seen move hit a running knee! Let’s check the instant replay…

Quote:Razor charges toward the immobile Schism…

When with an imperceptibly fast reaction, Schism lifts his knee and propels it forward!

Dropping Razor straight onto his back!

GoED: This bold future of instantaneous review must prevent many injustices…

TD: We mostly use it to check whether a guy’s feet were outside or inside of an endzone.

Razor, still trying to figure out what just happened, shoves out the mat…

Straight into an elbow to the temple!

Razor drops to a knee, blinking, eyes glassy.

Schism, with incredible speed, catches Razor by the back, looking for a guillotine ch-

Wham! Schism gets taken from the side! SPEAR BY LATOYA HIXX!

TD: Huge move by Latoya Hixx! The American Storm surges straight toward the good ship Revolution!

Hixx rises up off the mat, beating her chest, with pure satisfaction!

Unfortunately, her electric energy after her successful move distracts her from Flynn leaping to the top rope…

MISSILE DROPKICK STRAIGHT TO HIXX’S FACE! Hixx rolls out through the ropes…

Back into the crowd!

And once again is stuck on a crowd-surfing journey!

TD: Don’t fight it, you’ll drown. Just let the tide take you back in.

The crowd pumps their fists, screaming, waving signs! Flynn scans the crowd… and sees a guy in the front row with a megaphone!

Flynn reaches out and snatches it, lifting it to his face!


“UNITED WE STAND!”


REVOLUTION! The crowd roars back!

Razor, dazed, uses the ropes to pull himself up—his face now contorted in defiance. He wipes the blood from his mouth. He climbs the ropes himself.

Razor pushes himself off the mat at the same time as Schizz…

Razor moves first, snatching Schizz into a guillotine choke, looking for a Diamond Blade!

He spins!

…But Schizz reverses! They both spin, as now Schizz has Razor’s back! Guillotine Ch-

No! Razor goes with a desperation spinning backfist!

…But Schizz ducks!

AND STRIKE!

TD: KNOCKOUT!

The haymaker lands flush. Razor’s body whips in the air and drops to the mat like a sandbag.

The camera zooms on Schism’s face—finally showing something. Relief. Acceptance. An end. As he falls into a cover!

1!

2!

THREE!

WINNER: THE REVOLUTION


TD: What a match. What a barnburner! American Storm came close, but the Rev-...hey! Security!

The commune shakes as fans pour in through the ropes…

And hoist Schism and Flynn on their shoulders. Schism lets them. Flynn howls triumph through his megaphone!

“UNITED WE STAND!”


REVOLUTION! The crowd roars back!

TD: Folks, I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything like this before! But something about the Revolution has connected with all these hippies.

GoED: The want for change transcends race, class, gender, age, social structure… Something is wrong and these men can see it. Good on them.






A choir stands on stage, in safe spots, as flame begins to erupt from the stage, as Oz walks out. It seems as if Oswald has literally paid for an entire metal orchestra, just to play him to the ring.

TD: Mister Oz has gone through a number of transformations throughout his lengthy XWF career. But one things that’s consistent is that he is always devastating in the ring.

GoED: If men like this make up your ranks, I vow to never enter your temples again. That is no man, that is a beast!

As the first lick of the guitar hits the air and the drums start off, Oz starts to walk to the ring, dressed in a large white cloak covering his body. However, instead of entering the ring first, he waits. He stands there near the ring floor next to the edge of the ramp. He slowly pulls off the cloak, folds it and then places it on the edge of the ring, next to one of the posts before climbing onto the apron and over the top rope where he goes to his corner, sitting down as he waits for the bell.



A crow caws.

The lights flicker, as the anxiety-inducing first few chords of Dies Irae erupt across the stadium. As all lights center to the top of the stage, creating a path of light down to the ring. Fans erupt into screams, as the Inquisitor's faithful murder whip out their flashlights. The Inquisitor walks out onto the ramp, clad in his leather trench-coat, gloved hands in and full-black getup.

The eye-rings around his mask glint in the light, and you can almost feel him smile through it.

TD: And that is Inquisition. A mysterious new entity to the XWF universe. He had strong words regarding Mister Oz’s new life as a coach, mentoring young talent… Will Inquisition’s words ring true? Or does Mister Oz have wisdom to bestow upon this creature?

With a sudden burst, he dashes down the ring, sliding under the third rope. Throwing his arms out to his side, and his head in the air, he breathes in the sweet sound of fear and adoration. His hands jerk to grasp their opposite shoulders, in a self-hug of sorts. Giving himself a quick squeeze, he runs his hands along his shoulders and across his throat like blades before turning to face his opponent.

…

These two competitors stand across from each other, motionlessly…

The official makes no effort to stand between them… And in fact moves out to the apron, a position of relative safety before he signals to the timekeeper!

DING DING

INQUISITION
- vs -
MISTER OZ
Singles


The moment the bell rings, Oz lowers into a stance, eyes locked, chest rising in slow, deliberate rhythm — like a hunter preparing to spring.

TD: Oz daring Inquisition to make the first move here! Trying to get under Inquisiton’s… skin? If he has skin?

GoED: Agitation prevents stagnation!

Oz beats his hand on his chest, daring Inquisition to try him

But Inquisition only tilts his head again, the tiniest twitch of his fingers betraying a flicker of curiosity. He charges.

Suddenly, Inquisition’s mind narrows, his eyes flatten, his lips press tight in concentration… eliminate threats fast.

In a split-second, he goes from inert to shooting forward into a sprint!

Oz is caught off guard!

DROPKICK! Inquisition’s boots slam into Oz’s chest!

TD: Wow! Inquisition, like a speeding bullet!

Oz’s expression twists mid-impact — from calm control to insulted rage.
He staggers back a step toward his corner, but remains on his feet! His eyebrows drawn low, jaw clenching.

Inquisition, with the grace and terror of an acrobat borne from the depths of Hell, lands on his feet, legs coiled!

His nostrils flare like a shark with blood in the water — remove the mind, disable the body.

He immediately rushes forward again.

Oz braces himself, rearing his arm back to catch Inquisition with a haymaker to the skull!

TD: Inquisition’s gotta be careful here, just one strike from Oz has laid out many competitors over the years!

Oz swings!

…But Inquisition unnaturally coils his body around Oz’s arm, and slips to take his back!

SLINGBLADE!

Oz is spun off his feet and slammed into the mat!

TD: Another incredible move by Inquisiton! Oz is used to being the predator, but tonight, he’s looking very prey-like!

GoED: The exploiters make prey of the laboring class!

Oz grimaces. His hand clenches into a fist against the canvas — not from pain, but wounded pride. His grin is gone.

TD: Inquisition got a few strong moves off early, but Oz is not the man to go down easy!

Oz sits up slowly, eyes wide with disbelief that’s morphing into fury. His lips move — silent words, maybe a prayer, maybe a curse. He rises.

Inquisition sees the frustration on his opponent’s face and savors the feeling of prey realizing its hopelessness.

Rapidly, Inquisitions’ gaze flicks to the ropes, judging angles.

Inquisition dashes toward the ropes… Leaping off the middle rope!

Oz’s eyes snap open — a glint of clarity amid the rage. He plants his feet.

Inquisition propels himself through the air!

Oz opens his arms!

SPRINGBOARD CROSSBO-

…

NO!

Oz catches Inquisition midair!

GoED: Ye Gods!

TD: Oz is an absolute MONSTER!

His mouth twists into a snarl.

Oz’s chest swells with divine validation. His muscles ripple as if fueled by righteousness.
He lifts Inquisition high overhead in a Gorilla Press.

Inquisition’s visage coils in shock, like a wild animal caught in a snare! He tries to wriggle back to the mat…

But Oz clings on! Before thrusting Inquisiton down…

Straight onto Oz’s raised knee!

GUTBUSTER!

TD: Oh my God, that one took MY breath away!

Inquisition’s ribs crash down across Oz’s knee. The creature’s face jolts — eyes bulging, lips parting in a breathless cry. He rolls, one arm cradling his side, breath shallow.


Oz’s face hardens. He looms over Inquisition, nostrils flaring. His left eye twitches — not from pain, but suppressed delight. He drops to one knee beside his foe.

TD: Oz speaks through his teaching… And his doctrine is punishment.

Inquisition attempts to coil himself back upright…

But Oz clasps his hands from behind around Inquisition’s throat…

Oz raises his foot.

And drives his knee into Inquisition’s spine!

Inquisition jerks upward, his mouth open in a silent scream, back arched unnaturally. Sweat beads on his brow!

GoED: Pain! The capitalist structure grinds the will of the worker into cents… And Oz grinds Inquisition’s spine into dust!

Oz grips Inquisition by the neck, yanking the slighter creature up to his feet…

TD: Oz forcing his opponent to take more offense… Not out of necessity, but because he finds suffering sacred.

Oz's body language shifts from one of fury to one of… holy ceremony — arms wide, chest lifted. He is exalting the act of inflicting pain.

He twists Inquisition in his grip, looking for a Body Slam!

…But Inquisition writhes his body out of Oz’s grip, back onto his feet!

TD: Inquisition, proving slippery like an eel! Escaping Oz’s grip!

Oz, furious to be countered, tries to clinch Inquisition back into his control…

But Inquisition slips backwards towards the ropes!

He bounces off!

LEAPING ENZUIGIRI!

Inquisition’s boot KERACKS into the side of Oz’s head like thunder!

Oz reels, the impact stuns him. He blinks twice, shaking it off, mouth hanging open like a broken hinge…

GoED: Wow!

Inquisition spares no time. His arms wrap Oz’s head, his body twists!

CRACK. TORNADO DDT!

Oz lands head-first, his vertebrae twisting unnaturally as his skull collides with the mat. His eyes flutter. He’s still.

Inquisition doesn’t celebrate. He merely drops into a cover…

The skittish official counts from the safety of the apron…

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

TD: Oz refuses to die… But Inquisition seems more than eager to test that refusal.

Inquisition’s inhuman visage sneers… As if delighted for the opportunity to break Oz further…

Oz sits up. His shoulders are trembling. His eyes are empty — not defeated, but touched by something unholy. He stands.

…As Oz rises back to his feet… His lips part. Not in a smile, but... satisfaction?

Inquisition springs forth!

DROPSAULT! Like a marvelous maniac, Inquisition executes a picture-perfect dropkick into a backflip!

…But Oz catches the strike with his chest! He doesn’t move backward an inch!

TD: Miscalculation by Inquisition! He seemed to think Oz was done… not even close.

Inquisition tries to scramble up to his f-

SPEAR!

Oz drives his shoulder straight through Inquisiton’s gut!

Inquisiton’ torso nearly gets driven through the mat!

TD: SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR!

Inquisition gasps — and for the first time, he blinks. His brain lags. His hand reaches for his chest — something cracked?

Oz creeps beside his opponent. His fingers curl. The smile returns — wide, triumphant, almost... mournful.

Emotion: Oz believes. He believes so hard.

“I FAILED YOU!”

He forces the Mandible Claw into Inquisition’s mouth!

TD: I FAILED YOU! Oz calling for the finish here.

The official, still maintaining a safe distance, calls out asking if Inquisition would like to submit!

Inquisition thrashes like a dying star. His legs kick, his body spasms. A vein in Oz’s forehead pulsates as he forces his hands into Inquisition’s gullet, continuously telling him… ‘I’m sorry’...

TD: …God, both these guys creep me out.

GoED: We may not have much in common, Thaddeus, but on that point, we agree.!

Inquisition’s hand travel up Oz’s arm… At first, the motion appears panicked, like the last twitches of a dying animal…

When suddenly… a pattern seems to emerge.

Not submission. Calculation.

Emotion: Inquisition finds a sliver of logic in a sea of panic. One window. One move.

TD: What’s this? Inquisition looks like he’s not ready to throw in the towel!

With a sudden burst of energy, Inquisition…

Somersaults himself and Oz!

The position’s reverse! Now Inquisition is on top of Oz!

TD: What a counter!

Oz, refusing to be caught on his back, shoves his smaller opponent toward the corner!

Inquisition seemingly hesitates close to the turnbuckle… Oz senses his opportunity!

He goes for another spear!

…

But Inquisition catches his feet around Oz’s ankle!

And delivers a drop-toe hold straight onto the second turnbuckle!

EREBOS’ REVELATION!

TD: Another incredible maneuver from Inquisition! As mesmerizing an offense as it is agnoizing!

Oz’s face smashes into the second turnbuckle. Blood. Maybe from the nose. Maybe not.

Inquisition’s chest rises. Falls. Then again — faster. It’s not breathing. It’s momentum.

He ascends the ropes, movements shaky but driven.

…Oz slowly, exhaustedly rises…


As Inquisition leaps to the top rope! And sails through the air!

FATHER’S JUDG-

…No! Oz catches Inquisition in midair on his shoulders!

GoED: The sheer strength of this… this leviathan!

Inquisition, shocked, tries to drive his fingers into Oz’s e-

HELLACIOUS POWERBOMB!

Inquisition is almost broken in half on impact. The air leaves him. His limbs flop outward. Gone.

Oz stacks his opponent’s shoulders on the mat!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

WINNER: MISTER OZ


TD: What an absolute war between two monsters! Inquisition, in his debut, looked absolutely devastating. His future on Thursday Nights looks bright… which makes everyone else’s look dark. But Mister Oz, the monster, found a way to win this Battle of the Titans.

GoED: The true monster is capitalism!

…

GoED: That said, please let’s move onto something else so I don’t have to be around either of these two!


Ye Olde Commune – Nightfall

The sun is gone. In its place: a vast black canopy of Florida sky, draped over an ocean of faces—upwards of a million people, stretching from the barricades to the horizon. Spotlights drift lazily across the crowd. The ring glows like a temple, dead center in a field of worship.

The moment the lights begin to strobe, that creeping, skeletal melody spills out of the massive sound system—"When I Am Queen" by Jack Off Jill—and the air curdles.



The crowd responds with a guttural wave of boos.

In the center of the stage stands Sarah Wolf, her body deathly still, her shadow tall and sharpened by the flickering strobes. She doesn’t walk down the ramp so much as glide, unhurried, indifferent to the storm of hatred swelling around her. Behind her drifts a second figure in a black long coat and wide-brimmed preacher’s hat, leather corset and slacks molded to her like sin.

Emilia Glazkov. The Advocate.

She cradles a black, tear-shaped bottle, glinting beneath the lights. A single word is engraved along the glass: CONSECRATION.

TD: Okay, Mean Gene. If you’re going to be my commentary partner, you gotta learn who people are. THAT is Emilia Glazkov. And that bottle—same one she used to disfigure Tommy Wish on Anarchy. I don’t know if he’s spoken a coherent word since.

GoED: The opiate of the masses…

TD: Well, You’d lose your grasp on reality too if a synthetic acid hallucinogen got sprayed in your eyeballs. Don’t let the outfit fool you, Mean Gene. That woman is more dangerous than she looks.[/color]

Sarah enters the ring by rolling under the bottom rope and curling into a crouch. Her expression is unreadable. She selects a corner and leans, a predator waiting for the cage door to open. Emilia remains on the outside, glaring at the fans.

The lights shift again—this time to white.



"Forgotten" by The Plot In You thunders through the sound system. A single spotlight explodes at the top of the ramp, revealing Solomon Kline, kneeling on one knee, black hoodie shadowing his face.

The beat drops.

He rises slowly, pulling back the hood and soaking in the reaction—a wall of fists and roars. Sparks rain behind him as he stomps down the ramp, slapping hands and shouting with unfiltered intensity.

As the lyrics come in, he stands, removes his hood and surveys the crowd as sparks rain down around him. He grooves his way toward the ring, and high fives fans along the way. He circles the ring and slides under the bottom rope. He continues rocking out to the song, then heads to the turnbuckle with a primal scream as the lyrics say "I have spent my life chasing things that have only brought me pain. In the end when I'm dead, hope it was for something!"

Sarah watches him, unimpressed.

[thad]TD: Now, that guy? Is Solomon Kline. And he’s been waiting for this moment since he walked into the XWF. And what a setting. Nearly a million strong here at Ye Olde Commune, and they’re all behind him.

GoED: When great changes occur in history, when great principles are involved, as a rule the majority are wrong.

TD: Normally, I’d agree.But this Kline kid? He’s got guts. Heart. Anger issues. A taste for blunt objects. That said—Sarah Wolf is the wrong woman to try and out-mean.

Kline slides under the ropes and paces, ripping the hoodie off, baring tattooed arms and fire in his eyes. He locks on Sarah—and for just a second, she smiles.

DING DING DING

SARAH WOLF
- vs -
SOLOMON KLINE
Singles


Kline charges.

The two collide center ring, but Solomon powers straight through, driving Sarah backward with a shoulder tackle that sends her tumbling into the ropes. She bounces back up—and eats a dropkick to the chest!

TD: Fast start from Kline!

GoED: The oppressor cannot be struck at slowly! Resistance must be mounted with expedience!

Sarah hits the mat and immediately rolls to her feet, but Kline blitzes—grabs her wrist and whips her into the corner so hard it echoes. He barrels in after her—running knee to the gut!

Before she can slump forward, he scoops her up in a clean motion and SLAMS her into the center of the ring!

TD: Scoop slam! Sarah Wolf just bounced off the canvas like a crash test dummy!

Kline doesn’t waste a second—hooks the leg!

ONE!

TWO—KICKOUT!

GoED: Impatient young lad. I find his spirit invigorating.

Sarah snarls and scrambles up—only to catch a stiff forearm to the jaw from Kline. She tries to sidestep, but he grabs her by the waist—GERMAN SUPLEX!

She folds on impact!

The crowd erupts!

TD: Did you see the torque on that suplex? Solomon Kline came here tonight to make a statement!

Kline roars, flexing his hands. His face is flushed, his eyes wild—but Emilia doesn’t flinch. She stands silently outside the ring, bottle in hand, gaze fixed on him like an undertaker waiting for a heartbeat to stop.

Sarah tries to roll out of the ring, but Kline grabs her by the leg—and drags her back toward the center.

He lifts her—Blue Thunder Bomb!

TD: That might be it!

ONE!
TWO!!—NO!!!

Sarah barely kicks out, but the frustration on Kline’s face is already visible.

TD: Now, pay attention, Mean Gene. Sol’s gotta keep his cool. Sarah wants him to get emotional. She thrives on mistakes.

GoED: Emotion is what makes us human, Thaddeus. Where the profit-seeking exploiter sees weakness, I see a beating heart.

TD: Emotion loses matches, Mean Gene. And a beating heart is something Sarah is going to try to pull out of her opponent.

Kline runs a hand through his hair and backs into a corner. He crouches, slapping the mat, signaling for something big.

Sarah slowly pulls herself to her knees.

Kline explodes out of the corner—looking for a spear—but Sarah side-steps at the last second and shoves him chest-first into the turnbuckles!

He stumbles backward—

CHOP BLOCK! Right to the back of the knee!

Kline drops hard—and Sarah POUNCES, clubbing his back with rapid, rabid forearms. Ten strikes, maybe more.

The crowd boos thunderously.

TD: Solomon has just woken the sleeping dragon…

Sarah crawls over him like a spider and wrenches his arm behind his back, grinding her forearm into his neck. She doesn’t go for a pin. She whispers something to him instead.

Outside the ring, Emilia steps forward, her presence alone enough to send nearby fans recoiling from the barricade. She tilts her head slowly, the bottle glinting in the light, as if judging Solomon’s soul from a distance.

The camera catches Kline looking at her—just for a second—and Sarah BITES HIS EAR.

GoED:  Jee hosephat! That woman just bit that young man!

TD: If you thought Sarah Wolf would play by the rules? This is the Black Rainbow, Mean Gene—everything’s permitted except kindness.

Kline rolls away, holding the side of his face, shouting at the ref—who missed the bite. Sarah rises slowly, hair wild, lips curled back in something between a smile and a threat.

As Kline gets to his feet—she SMACKS him across the face.

TD: She’s provoking him. If he’s not carefully, he’s gonna play right into her hands.

Solomon rushes her again—this time swinging wildly—but Sarah ducks low, grabs his leg—

CALF SLICER!

She wraps her body around his and pulls back with a snarl, wrenching the knee!

Kline howls in pain!

TD: That hold is in deep! She’s got that slicer locked in and she is ripping through that leg! If he doesn’t get to the ropes, we may not even get an Act II.

GoED: The one thing the common man is no stranger to is pain. We must survive at all costs.

Kline drags himself across the mat inch by inch—and barely reaches the bottom rope!

TD: Rope break! Referee calls for the hold to be broken!

Sarah doesn’t let go.

She pulls harder.

The ref counts:

ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!—

Sarah finally releases, hands raised—but she stands chest to chest with the ref, growling at him like he just stepped into a lion’s den.

TD: Things are shifting now. Kline looked dominant to start, but you can feel the air getting colder. Sarah Wolf has changed the rhythm of this match. That’s what she does, Mean Gene. Wolf survives the fire—and poisons the water.

GoED: The profiteer bottles and sells the water. And burns the well thus that thirsty men must buy.

TD: …I feel like we’re talking about two different things.

The ropes still quiver from the weight of Sarah’s grip. The referee retreats a few paces, visibly shaken, adjusting his shirt like it might protect him from what’s in front of him.

Kline clutches his knee.

TD: You can see it on the ref’s face—he knows what Sarah Wolf is capable of. She’s a sadist. It’s not enough to win—she wants Solomon to remember why he lost.

Kline pulls himself up using the turnbuckles, favoring his knee. His jaw is clenched in pain. Sarah stalks him with surgical patience, crouched low, arms twitching like she’s ready to strike from all fours.

Suddenly, she springs forward—

KICK to the back of the bad knee!

Solomon shouts and drops again. Sarah grabs him by the head and starts yanking at his ear, biting it again before the ref pulls her away.

TD: Wolf’s got more issues with her back than a magazine stand, Mean Gene—but when she’s in the zone like this? Pain becomes fuel.

Sarah drops a knee across the base of Kline’s spine. She doesn't bounce off the ropes. Doesn’t need to. She just drives it in like a hammer hitting drywall. Then she transitions—grabs his arms, wraps a leg over his neck, and slides into a PERUVIAN NECKTIE.

TD: Oh no—she’s going for it again! Necktie’s locked in tight!

GoED: Don’t give in, freedomfighter!

Kline’s boots scrape wildly at the mat, but Sarah cinches the choke even tighter, her back arching with every violent pull of his head and neck. His face turns red, then purple, his arms reaching for anything—ropes, fingers, salvation.

TD: This is pure wolfpack hunting instinct from Sarah Wolf. She’s isolating a limb, breaking it down, and looking to crack something open.

The ref leans in. “Do you want to quit?”

Kline shakes his head no—barely.

But his foot brushes the bottom rope.

The ref shouts—ROPE BREAK!

Sarah doesn’t care.

She grabs the top rope with both hands and leans back, cranking the stretch even harder, using the tension to bend Solomon’s neck at a vicious angle.

GoED: Outrageous! She’s using the rope! That’s illegal!, is it not, Thaddeus?

TD: Starting to get into it, huh, Gene? It IS illegal… but she has until the count of five.

ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!—

The ref finally pries her off. She lets go—slowly—standing upright with both arms raised like a cult leader before a crowd of converts.

The boos rain down again.

Outside, Emilia Glazkov steps closer to the apron. The stage lights catch her face just right—bone-pale, lips black, eyes unreadable beneath the wide brim of her preacher’s hat. She lifts the bottle of Consecration and turns it slowly in her hand, like a warning.

TD: That’s not just a fashion statement, Mean Gene. That’s ritual. That’s theater. The Black Rainbow doesn’t walk to the ring—they descend.

Back in the ring, Sarah’s stalking Kline again. She grabs a handful of hair and lifts him to his feet, then immediately drops him with a NECKBREAKER.

COVER!

ONE!

TWO!!—KICKOUT!

Kline jerks a shoulder up, barely, his body limp from the accumulated damage.

Sarah snarls. She kicks him in the ribs.

Again.

Again.

TD: Those aren’t just kicks—she’s trying to break his ribcage open.

GoED: Capitalism IS violence.

TD: This is what happens when you give someone with Sarah Wolf’s psychology a license to hurt people.

Kline gasps, trying to sit up.

Sarah crouches beside him—and SLAPS him across the face.

SLAP.

Kline lifts his head.

SLAP.

Kline looks at her now. His eye is twitching.

SLAP.

Then something shifts.

Kline grabs her wrist—yanks her in and HEADBUTTS her square in the mouth!

The crowd roars!

TD: Wait! Solomon’s still in this fight!

Sarah reels back—blood smearing her lip—but she turns and grins through it.

Kline is on one knee now, breathing hard, his hair wild, sweat pouring off his chest.

He shouts and lunges forward—LARIAT! Sarah flips inside out from the force of it!

GoED: My word! She just did a full revolution in midair!

TD: Appropriate, this show’s all about revolution.

Kline drops to his knees—drags her up—

SUPLEX!

Rolls the hips—GERMAN SUPLEX!

Rolls again—DRAGON SUPLEX!

He bridges!

ONE!

TWO!!—NO!!!

Sarah kicks out and immediately scrambles to the apron, sliding out of the ring to recover.

Kline stumbles after her, limping, but too fired up to care. He grabs Sarah by the hair—

—and gets a face full of Emilia Glazkov.

Not an attack.

Just presence.

She’s standing right there, staring at him.

Holding the bottle.

He hesitates.

TD: Mind games on display by Glazkov. He’s not sure if she’s gonna spray him. Would you be?

Sarah uses that second—yanks his neck across the top rope! Kline whiplashes backward, staggering!

Sarah slides in behind him, grabs his leg—

CALF SLICER AGAIN!

But this time—Kline rolls through!

He gets to his feet, limping, and grabs Sarah—

BLUE THUNDER BOMB!

ONE!

TWO!!—KICKOUT!

TD: That was the closest fall of the match!  Sarah’s reeling. But Kline can’t waste this opening. He’s gotta capitalize right now.

GoED: Now is your time, young man! Strike true at the heart of the oppressor!

Kline slaps the mat, gesturing to the crowd—signals for something big.

He pulls Sarah to her feet, hooks her arms—

ASHES TO ASHES!

He launches her with the pop-up—and drives his forearm through her jaw on the way down!

The crowd erupts!

Sarah collapses like a marionette with its strings cut.

Kline covers!

ONE!

TWO!!—NO!!!

She kicks out again.

GoED: NO! How did that foul creature survive that hellacious strike!

TD: Sarah Wolf doesn’t know how to die. She just wants to hurt.

Kline rolls off her, panting, sweat and blood dripping down his face. The pain is catching up to him. But the fire in his chest? Still burning.

Across the ring, Sarah claws her way to a seated position.

The two lock eyes.

Sarah smiles through a bloodied mouth. Kline wipes his nose and nods once.

They rise.

Together.

TD: This thing’s not over. Not even close.

The lights from the massive stage rig cast long shadows across the ring, giving the mat a ghostly glow. Overhead, the screens flicker with blood-stained sweat, magnified for the sea of bodies stretching from the barricade to the tree line. The crowd is unrelenting—roaring, stomping, alive.

In the center of it all, Sarah Wolf and Solomon Kline rise like two revenants. Bruised. Bloodied. Unwilling to fall.

TD: They’ve torn each other apart, Mean Gene. It’s been nine straight minutes of punishment. And we’re still no closer to knowing who walks out of this alive.

GoED: The war is a bloody one. Grinding decent men into broken bits.

TD:  One of them’s gonna stop breathing first. That’s the only way this ends.

They meet in the middle—no words exchanged—just fists.

Solomon throws a forearm. Sarah staggers.

Sarah throws a hook. Solomon reels.

He answers with a knife-edge chop so loud it echoes across the swamp.

BG: Good god, he just concussed her sternum.

She grits her teeth and slaps him again. Then grabs his wrist—PULLS HIM IN FOR A KNEE STRIKE!

Kline catches the leg!

He lifts—SIT-OUT POWERBOMB!

TD: He planted her! Cover!!

ONE!

TWO!!—KICKOUT!!!

Kline slaps the mat. His breathing is ragged. His leg is barely holding. But the fire’s still in him.

He stands—slowly—and signals for the end.

TD: If he hits it, it’s over. He’s calling for Dust to Dust!

Solomon pulls Sarah up, her limbs loose, lips curling into that ever-sick smile.
He turns his back to her, tucks her arms—setting up for the VERTEBREAKER.

The crowd rises to its feet.

But at the edge of the ring—Emilia Glazkov slithers onto the apron. She doesn’t yell. She doesn’t touch.

She just stands there, black bottle of Consecration glinting in her hand, eyes locked on the referee.

And the ref notices.

He turns—stepping toward her—demanding she get down.

TD: The referee’s distracted!

GoED: Your honor! Turn around!

Kline yells something—he knows what’s happening, but he can’t stop mid-lift. He starts to pull—

BUT SARAH BACKFLIPS OUT!

She lands on her feet behind him!

Solomon spins—AND TAKES A KICK RIGHT BETWEEN THE LEGS!

TD: LOW BLOW!! Behind the referee’s back!

GoED: …Justice is truly blind.

Kline drops to his knees, both hands clutching his groin, face twisted in agony.

Sarah backs into the ropes, springs forward—

DEATH!

COMES!

RIPPING!

Her knee drives through his face like a bullet through glass. A contingent of fans scream “WHOA-OHHHH DEATH COMES RIPPING!” like Danzig.

TD: DEATH COMES RIPPING CONNECTS!!

Kline crumples onto his back, arms splayed out wide.

Emilia steps down from the apron like nothing happened. The referee turns—

COVER!

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

DING DING DING

WINNER: SARAH WOLF


TD: And just like that—another body left broken in the Black Rainbow’s wake.

GoED: That young man fought his heart out, but those foul wretches…

TD: Sarah Wolf and her Advocate… they played it perfectly. Dirty. But perfect.

Sarah kneels over Solomon, brushing a strand of blood-soaked hair from her cheek. Not mocking. Not celebratory. Just… satisfied.

Outside, Emilia climbs the steps slowly, bottle still clutched in her gloved hands. She enters the ring without sound and lowers herself into a kneel before Sarah, holding the bottle like a sacred relic.

TD: That’s not just some victory ritual. That’s worship.

GoED: I would rather take my chances with a saloon-keeper than with the average preacher.

TD: The Advocate kneeling before the Black Rainbow’s chosen executioner. Yelena’s army is real, Mean Gene. And tonight, they just proved they can bleed the next generation dry.

The camera closes in on Sarah’s face—expression vacant, calm, splattered with another man’s blood—while behind her, Emilia smiles like something ancient has stirred.

Cut to the crowd: a mixture of fury and awe.

Cut to the stage: the flickering sigil of the Black Rainbow burning on the screen above.

TD: The night started off not too great for the Black Rainbow when Enigma came up short)for the XWF TV Title. But Sarah just put a nail in the coffin of Solomon Kline. And in case you live under a rock... in the Main Event the Black Rainbow Yelena Gorgo vs. James Shark. If you thought this was twisted… Just wait.

Solomon Kline eyes Sarah Wolf and extends his hand for a handshake. Sarah looks at him up and down and pauses. She seems to contemplate whether to shake his had for a moment. She extends her own hand...and then pulls it away. She kicks Solomon in the gut and spits a black viscous liquid into her right hand. Wolf's blood! She charges him and reaches toward his mouth for the Hybrid Moment, but Kline ducks at the last moment, steps behind her and wrenches her arm, sending her own hand covered in Wolf's blood into her face! She falls to her knees, screaming in pain. The lights go out.



When the lights come back on, Sarah has made her way ouside the ring. In the ring stands Enigma and Marisol Vilaro, who charge Solomon and start raining punches and kicks on him. He tries to fight them off and pushes Marisol off of him successfully, but Enigma continues the assault. Enigma hits Kline with a European uppercut and send him reeling. He runs the ropes and lariat! But Kline ducks under it and lands a vicious savate kick to Enigma! Sarah reenters the ring and rushes towards Kline, but he pops her up and hits Ashes to Ashes! A forearm to the face. Sarah stumbles backward and through the ropes onto the apron. She catches herself before falling out of the ring and jumps off the top rope, springboarding towards Solomon, and Death Comes Ripping! Single leg meteora takes him down! Solomon coughs on the mat as the Black Rainbow members make their way out of the ring toward the entrance. Solomon motions for a microphone and ring crew brings him one as he makes his way up to his knees. He is breathing heavily after his match and the fight that ensued.



Solomon Kline: Black. Rainbow. Sarah. Enigma. You two against me and a partner of my choosing. Tag team cage match at Rebellion. No other Black Rainbow members allowed at ringside. Do it if you are aren't cowards!


He tosses the microphone aside and stands up, motioning for them to bring it on. The Black Rainbow members look at him in disgust and walk backstage.


The shot reveals Corey Smith on the exterior grounds of the commune. He’s got a small XWF television crew with him, including Steve Sayors. Corey appears to be pointing out certain areas of the exterior of the main house, talking as he goes.

:...after the fire in 2023, the house underwent what would be a $2 million dollar repair and renovation project. Some of the inhabitants of the commune ended up having to stay elsewhere while the renovations were undertaken. I helped them find alternate accommodations of course, typically local hotels. Most of them, er, didn’t have supportive family…

Steve cuts in, holding a microphone up to Corey’s face.

And was anyone injured in the fire?

Thankfully not, Steve. Although….

Corey’s gaze turns away from the assembled medial scrum before him. His eyes narrow as he spots something…or someone….in the near distance. Steve follows Corey’s gaze and his eyes go wide.

Uh, Corey, that seems to be….

Yeah Steve, I see him. Corey turns back towards the assembled media crew. Give me a sec, eh?

Steve nods and Corey walks off. But unbeknownst to Corey Steve frantically gestures at the camera crew to “keep rolling”.

The shot follows Corey as he walks off, and we soon see who he’s walking towards.

Thunder Knuckles.

Corey stops about five feet shy of TK. TK has his hand on his chin, bearing a half grin, as he looks past Corey at the commune proper. TK pulls out his gold Zippo lighter and lights up a cigar. Even though the cigar is lit, TK leaves the flame burning for a second. Oh, don’t worry, I'm putting it out. Corey doesn’t seem amused. TK flips the Zippo closed and points at the house. I sure, as fuck, hope you had a good fire suppression system put in, Corey.

Corey purses his lips but doesn’t seem invested in taking the bait. There was one already, TK. It minimized the damage and prevented any loss of life. Corey cants his head. You know, I’m actually kinda glad you’re here.

TK shrugs. The pleasure’s all yours, I can fucking assure you. I gotta say though, Cor, when I heard you banned Madison Dyson and not me from the grounds…? I thought to myself, goddamn, what’s a Bastard gotta do?

Corey continues, his expression betraying very little. You’re right. I did ban her and not you.

I should be insulted right now… but honestly, I'm too damn awesome to care.TK throws his hands out, chuckling a bit. Now it’s got me thinkin’, though, maybe I should have tried harder a couple of years ago, ya know?

Yeah, maybe you should have. But you didn’t. Corey looks back at the house and points at it, before returning his attention to TK. And that’s basically why I didn’t ban you from the property. Because I wanted you to see what you failed to destroy. I wanted you to see that despite your best efforts, hope continues….decency rolls on….and good soldiers forth. I wanted you to come face to face with your abject FAILURE to kill what this place means to so many people. Because quite frankly, that there is better than ANY “fuck you” I can proffer up. Corey’s gaze lingers on TK’s, steely eyed. TK shaking his head yes with a smirk on his face.

I guess you’re right, Cor’. TK says dismissively. I guess, there’s always room for fucking improvement. TK pats Corey on his shoulder as he’s walking away, ashing his cigar on the ground TK says See ya around, or some shit.

Corey considers TK strangely as he walks off, but seems to settle. Clearly the man is not here for a fight, and Corey’s point was made. Corey turns back towards Sayors and the crew, proudly not missing a beat as he continued to explain all the improvements made to the commune.




The opening riff of The hangman's body count by Volbeat starts to play throughout the arena as the lights dim. Several red and purple laser lights envelope the stage as Matthias Syn casually walks through the curtain. As he steps onto the stage, he stops and acknowledges the crowd by stretching both arms forward while touching his balled up fists together.

TD: Matthias Syn embodies the Revolution! For over EIGHT months, he was the Revolution champion! You’d think May Day would be 100% in Matthias Syn’s corner! But, he’s wrestling the hometown hero!

GoED: The Revolution is no one man. It is every man.

TD: Try telling that to Matthias, who has decided he IS the Revolution. And honestly, the crowd being against him is Matthias’ style… If he can beat Corey Smith in Coreytopia, Syn would accomplish something no competitor ever has! Can he do it tonight?

After several seconds he begins to nonchalantly walk down the ramp towards the ring, not allowing the fans to touch him. He slides under the bottom rope, jumps to his feet and poses on the ropes. As he drops down from the ropes he takes off his red leather shearling coat, hands it to the ring girl and sits on the middle turnbuckle awaiting his opponent.



The arena is pitch black and the melancholy opening tunes to “Identity” begin. But as the song starts to pick up in intensity, down in the entry way, you see a Jericho-esque light up jacket glow brilliantly. Then, twin explosions emit from either side of the ramp and the lights turn on in a swirling red and blue pattern that throb in sync with the beats of the song. Corey comes down the ramp, the jacket now flashing intermittent heart and lightning bolt patterns. On the 'Tron you see images of Corey/Lux pulling off fantastic moves, intercut with blur effects on Corey's face that obscure his features in an eerie way.

TD: There he is! Corey Smith! Former Universal champion! One-time WarGames winner… (with a team name that I will refrain from repeating)...

GoED: Is it dirty?.

TD: One could say so. Don’t look it up. But, Corey Smith is wrestling on his home turf! Hell, his actual home! In front of one million fans in his corner! With this environment last year, he managed to be the first and only man to beat ALIAS one-on-one… Can he remain undefeated at Coreytopia?

Corey gets on the ring apron, throwing his arms over the top rope as the jacket keeps flashing. He looks pumped as hell, and starts pointing out at the fans before rushing to the top rope, surveying the crowd from on high, before dropping down to the canvas and handing off his jacket. He paces the ring now, waiting for the match to begin as the music and lighting effects wind down.

Matthias Syn
- vs -
Corey Smith
Singles


The bell rings.

Matthias Syn’s eyes gleam, lips curled into that mocking half-smile he wears like a crown. He saunters forward with a bounce in his step, shoulders loose…

TD: Syn’s got that confident swagger, like he thinks he can beat anybody! And he’s proved he can! He held the Revolution title for over EIGHT months!

GoED: Quite a feat!

TD: You said it, Mean Gene! But, he’s facing Corey Smith in his own home! Among the biggest challenges any wrestler can face in this industry!

Syn gets right in Corey’s face and taps his own chin, taunting, daring Corey to take the first swing…

Corey Smith tilts his head, not amused. His nostrils flare ever so slightly, and his jaw tightens as he slowly exhales through his nose. His brow stays steady—focused.

TD: Corey refusing to play into Syn’s mindgames early on, that’s the discipline that made him a Universal ch-

WAP!

…

Syn slapped Corey across the face.

Corey’s head jerks to the side. His eyes close for half a second—processing, controlling.

The crowd ooooooooohs shocked.

TD: …Corey, fuck that guy up.

Then Corey’s lips press into a tight grin… Without a word, he snatches Syn’s wrist.

…Syn’s expression turns into one of surprise…

As Corey suddenly yanks Syn forward…

WHAM! Blistering knee to the face, snapping Syn’s head back with a loud thud.

Syn’s smirk drops instantly. His knees wobble as he staggers back toward the ropes… his eyes unfocused.

TD: Critical hit by Corey! Syn looks knocked for a loop!

But Corey’s already in motion. His face calm, eyes dialed in…

Syn shoves off the ropes, looking to attack…

But he runs straight into Corey’s boot! DROPSAULT!

Smith’s backflip drives his boots square into Syn’s chest!

Syn takes the impact extra hard, as he ran straight into it! He lands hard on his back, eyes wide, both hands clutching his sternum. He rolls under the ropes, panic leaking through his scowl as he scrambles to the outside to reset.

TD: Syn heading outside the ring to catch a breather!

GoED: Work stoppage! He truly is a revolutionary!

The Coreytopian crowd pats Syn on the back as he leans back on the barricade, catching his breath…

…But Corey doesn’t give Syn a chance to catch his breath! He sprints backwards…

Hits the ropes…

Runs toward Syn on the outside!

…Corey leaps!

TOPE SUICIDA!

Corey launches himself through the ropes, smashing into Syn’s ribs and sending him crashing spine-first into the barricade!

TD: Corey is genuinely running this match like he’s never been gone!

Syn grits his teeth, face twisted in pain, eyes watering from the blow. He groans, his hands pawing at his ribs.

Corey’s face shows no cockiness—just intent, as he looks around the crowd screaming for him!

YOU STILL GOT IT! *clap clap clapclapclap*

TD: They’re not wrong!

Corey grasps Syn by the scruff of the neck, scooping him off the mat outside the ring…

Syn’s legs seem like jelly… Corey struggles to pull him all the way u-

WHAM! Suddenly, Syn drives his hip up into Corey’s gut! Smith doubles over!
TD: Syn played a little possum and caught Corey off-guard!

…Syn sneers, grabbing Corey by the throat, before hurling him back under the bottom rope!

Smith rolls under the bottom rope, scrambling up to his feet…

Syn pursues him from behind like a cheetah closing in on a gazelle! He extends his arm, just as Corey turns around…

LARIAT!

…

Is ducked!

Corey reads the intent in Syn’s eyes, sidesteps with ease, ducks under the blow!

Syn spins around to continue the attack… and catches two sharp forearms to the neck from Syn!

…Syn staggers back… He tries to surge forward with a grapple!  But Smith catches him with a Roundhouse Kick straight to the ribs!

TD: For once, it looks an opponent is shutting Syn up!

GoED: The Revolution cannot be silenced!

TD: But Matthias Syn can be!

Syn doubles over again, jaw hanging open, saliva trailing down his lip. He’s gasping now, body folding around his ribs like broken scaffolding.

Corey, with a flicker of adrenaline dancing behind his eyes, hits the ropes behind him…

And leaps with a Knee to the face, knocking Syn onto his back!

Corey dives into a cover! The official drops to count!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

Syn forces a shoulder off the mat… And rolls on his side, slamming his hand on the mat, furious! His face is red, trying to breathe but choking on rage. He rolls to his knees and shouts something incoherent at the referee.

TD: Syn clearly frustrated here…

Seeing that emotion break, Corey’s eyes widen slightly, perhaps surprised at how easily Syn is unraveling.

He goes to grasp Syn by the back of the h-

Syn wraps his mitts around Smith’s neck! And sits out!

Sit-out Jawbreaker!

Smith flops onto his back, cradling his larynx!

In one fell swoop, Syn falls on Corey, grabbing him from above by the waist and shoving his head between Syn’s legs!

Syn tears off…

A PILEDRIVER! Planting Smith’s skull into the mat!

TD: Wow! Syn pulling out the heavy artillery!

GoED: The time for action is now!

Corey’s skull crashes HARD against the mat!

Syn draws his thumb against his nose, before mounting Corey into a pin!

The official counts!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

Corey arches his back, taking his shoulders off the mat.. He cradles his neck in agony, mouth wide open, back spasming under the impact.

Syn’s mouth stretches into a crooked grin.

He yanks Corey up off his feet, hooks both arms…

TIGER SUPLEX!

With surprisingly technical acumen, Syn bridges into a pin from the Tiger Suplex!

The official counts!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

…NO! Corey’s hand grips the bottom rope!

TD: Syn got cocky feeling he was in control of this match! If he’d thought about his position in the ring, he might have stolen this one from Corey!

The official stops the count, as Corey releases the ropes…gasps sharply, trying to roll to his side, his face a mask of pain.

Syn looks up at the official, who holds up two fingers…. And sneers frustratedly…

Syn lifts Corey again, slower this time, his face beaded with sweat and tension.

Then he drops Corey across his knee!

BACKBREAKER!

Corey’s body jackknifes, mouth agape in a silent scream as he grabs at his lower back.

TD: Syn’s in control right now… Corey’s gotta do something!

GoED: Fight the controllers! The time to act IS now!

…Syn drags Corey away from the ropes, driving his forearm into Corey’s face as he hooks the leg…

ONE!

TW-

COREY KICKS OUT AT ONE!

The crowd pops at the surprising early kickout!

TD: Corey showing signs of life! If Syn thinks he’s going to slowly sap the life out of Corey, he doesn’t know how brimming with life Corey is!

…Syn looks down with a grim expression at Corey, clearly not liking the symbolic resistance of kicking out at one…

Syn rises, shaking his head violently.

Corey’s lips twitch, not in defiance—just sheer determination…

Syn snarls, drawing his arm across his throat before dragging Corey to his feet.

He drags Corey into guillotine position, looking for the SYNthesis!

Syn smiles into the camera… Syn spins!

…But Corey twists in his grip! And sneaks behind Syn!

TD: Corey Smith is not done yet!

The crowd pops with elation! Syn’s eyes go wide…

As Corey unleashes a flurry of strikes from Syn’s rear!

Back Kick to the leg!

Axe Kick to the spine!

Spinning Backfist to the temple!

Syn drops flat on his face, crawling away, trying to create distance… He scrambles up in the corner, trying to pull himself back to a vertical base by the turnbuckle…

Corey snarls now, drawing from somewhere deeper… He charges Syn in the corner…

HELLUVA KICK!

CONNECTS!

Smith’s boot snaps Syn’s head back into the corner.

Syn stumbles forward, glassy-eyed…. Looking like he’s barely clinging onto consciousness!

As Syn stumbles out of the corner, Corey wraps Syn in a front-facelock… He spins!

NECKBREAKER!

Syn cradles his vertebrae! Smith hooks the leg!

The official counts!

ONE!

TWO!

THREEEEE-KICKOUT!

At the last possible moment, Syn desperately hurls the shoulder up…

TD: Corey’s starting to feel that fire in his chest! If Syn doesn’t do something this one, this one might be over!

Corey’s hands slap the mat, but he breathes deeply, grounding himself. The crowd begins to swell.

…Syn, shaking his head from the mat… reaches into his tights…

Pulling out a pair of… brass knuckles?

TD: Right in front of the official? Is he trying to get disqualified!?!

Corey goes to finish off Syn…

But the official steps between them, pointing at the knuckles! He grabs them from Syn, admonishing the former Revolution champion… He goes to give them to the timekeeper outside the ring…

Smith approaches Syn…

WHEN SYN SPLITS THE UPRIGHTS WITH A LOW BLOW PUNT TO SMITH’S NETHARDS!

TD: …..Oooooooooooouch.

Corey folds instantly, eyes bulging. He drops to the mat in agony, legs curled, jaw clenched as he chokes down a yell.

The official turns around, having no idea why the crowd is furiously booing Syn… Or how the tables turned and now Syn is in control…

Syn’s face is pure satisfaction, a wolf grinning at a cornered lamb. He grabs Corey by the back… Securing him in a guillotine…

Syn goes for a spin!

SYNthesis!

…

COUNTERED! Smith from the guillotine launches a kick, catching Syn in the face!

Syn covers his face, staggering back toward the ropes…

Corey shoves off the mat… And his foot spins through the air!

FACE PAIN DE-LUX!!!

TD: The most beautiful kick in wrestling!

His shin cracks Syn’s skull like a whip. Syn's body stiffens and collapses flat.

Corey collapses over him.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

WINNER: COREY SMITH


TD: A strong win for Corey Smith! Matthias Syn pulled out his usual playbook of tricks, but Corey Smith proved his superior tonight!


Within the compound of Coreytopia, we see JB and T, and Reggie chilling in a sunroom somewhere with some hoes in bikinis, and some ciroc. As music was playing, JB decided to sit on the couch of the sunroom, where he downs a red cup of ciroc, and had some girls under his arms feelin like a mac daddy on the compound.

“JB, why did you invite us to Coreytopia?”

“I wanted to, plus y’all needed some time in the Florida heat.”

“I mean, I appreciate it, but why do you really want us here?... is there something deep going on here?”

JB shows match sheet with Gorgo’s name on it, then Reggie and T put two together.

“So, you really want to fuck up the main event here later on?”

“Oh nah, James can handle himself… plus, what do we gain on messin with some cult leader, fitness influencer and disgraced boxer turned wrestler?”

Then JB pulls out a cigar, and lits it up on the match sheet with the name on it, and puffs up some smoke in the air. Then some time passes, and JB and T and Reggie were playing game of pool in the compound, then after a few rounds, JB racks up the balls. Then one of the staff personnel informs JB to meet some political man, named Duke Calloway in an office space with the door closed.

“So you must be Johnathan Blackstone?”

“Yeah, who are you?”

“Duke Calloway, a republican man who wants to know why you are in the compound today?”

Duke lights his cigar and blows it in JB’s direction.

“I'm here for a match”

“A match?...oh that wrestling thing, right right… well, i was thinking if you leave the compound and let two white people wrestle for the title…it’ll be worth a while.”

“Whoa wait a minute, you tell me to back off this match…man, sir that anit happenin… I came all the way down to Coreytopia to reclaim a belt that i held shaped into its rebellious image. So imma just say, fuck that offer… and im out of here!”

JB then walked out the office, as Duke looked on with a smug look on his face. Then we see a portrait of Summer and Justin York by his desk, and we see JB alone outside the yard near where the ring crew were setting up the ring itself. Then he decides to speak on his phone.

“Alright, i don’t know who or what caused that person to have me throw the match, but that anit happening, i don’t know what dolly did or done to make some outsider try to gank me. You see, i anit the one for the gankin or jackin for any reason, and this match is my way of proving what it means to be a revolutionary soulja for the people. I am doing this for the freedom fighters, the ones who are treated poorly in a broken system. Everyday, with how the world is going, i sit back and think to myself “how is the world gonna save itself from its own mess?”; shit look at the ones being deported, to people who are struggling. Shit, i bet the ring crew who work on the clock are feelin the heat as they put that ring on the ground.

As i stand and watch, it gives me that sense of trust and unity i have for them, and what i will promise is that even if i don’t win the belt tonight, and even not get me or the thugs hands dirty in the main event, I will make sure that i keep my fist held high as i walk out of Coreytopia’s May Day event; this might be something to be hold for a man like me. Because I will go all out in that match, the outsiders would be shocked at what  I can do.

Consider this as my new revolution that will not be televised or homogenized.”

Then JB aims his camera at the ring crew, and we see him partaking in assisting with the ring being fixed up as the scene shifts elsewhere on the compound. 



“Spoiled” Summer Page is sitting in a chair getting her hair and makeup done. While the ladies are talking they hear a booming voice coming from down the hall. The two ladies look at each other with a confused and somewhat concerned look on their faces.

“Spoiled” Summer Page:What the hell is going on, Veronica?

Veronica:I don’t know!

Veronica stops applying the makeup onto Summer. She walks over to the door and peaks out of the door. Veronica stops looking down the hall and then looks back at Summer.

Veronica:I’m not sure you want to know.

“Spoiled” Summer Page:Why? What’s wrong?

Before Veronica could respond, the voice they heard gets closer and closer, Summer’s expression starts to change as she immediately recognizes who it is. The ladies give each other a look before the door swings open - James Shark can be seen standing there with his XWF Universal Championship in hand and a huge smirk on his face, the crowd in the arena reacts with cheers.

Shark: They told me a little cutie patootie was back here. Ain’t nothinnnnnnn’ but Summer babyyy, what’s good y’all?

Shark greets Summer’s glam team with half hugs but both of them do not hug him back and just seem annoyed that he is even touching them. He ignores their reactions and looks at Summer.

Shark: You get my flowers!??

“Spoiled” Summer Page:I did and I donated them to the closest cemetery so mourners can take them to their loved ones…They certainly appreciate that and I appreciate the tax write off…

Summer smiles devilishly. Shark’s smile instantly wipes off and he’s immediately frowning. He slowly tilts his head to the side, a bit confused.

Shark: Um… Summer.. Respectfully… What the fuck is your problem?

He turns his attention towards Veronica who had her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh at what Summer just said.

Shark: Does she treat all her friends like this!?

“Spoiled” Summer Page:Just the ones that try to sleep with me even though I’ve told them several times that I’m marrying someone else.

Shark: I’m just tryna show you how special you is. Everyone know it’s more than Craig BARFton do. That dork only shines on Wednesday morning when it’s time to call you a crush. I see he ain’t attached to your leg right now, where did the lil errand boy run off to anyways? Gettin’ you a glass of water or something?

Shark shakes his head and throws his Championship over his shoulder.

Shark: Whatever, I ain’t come here to argue. Principle said we can have our locker room whenever we want long as it’s all water under the bridge with me and him. I’m thinking next show. You ready to do this or what?

“Spoiled” Summer Page: It’s the locker room I wanted?

Shark grits his teeth. He takes a deep breath in then exhales. As if trying to hold back his frustration.

Shark: Yes. Our beautiful locker room will have a stupid fuckin’ wall with a little room for you to hang out in when you don’t feel like hanging out with Daddy James, but when you come to your senses we puttin’ a sledgehammer through that hoe.

He forces a big smile as Summer smiles from ear to ear. She then looks over at Veronica and winks at her before turning her attention back to Shark.

“Spoiled” Summer Page:You wonder if I’m enjoying messing with you? The answer is yes. Now was that so difficult, Shark? Because I know you’d never go back on your word when you told me this is about business and not trying to sleep with me, right?

Shark chuckles and takes a step closer to her, the smirk he had on his face when he entered the room now returning.

Shark: Don’t be puttin’ words in my mouth Summer, ain’t no one say it can be about BOTH. You can play hard to get all you want about US but at the end of the day ain’t nothing mean more to me in this world then getting wins and putting Championships around my waist and that’s what I plan on doing when we team up.

“Spoiled” Summer Page: Just focus on tonight. We both have championship matches and I know from personal experience that Gorgo is no slouch in that ring.

Shark: Gorgo is goin’ to eat my elbow, Summer. You better handle business out there though. The revolution Championship on your shoulder, The Universal on mine, and the Tag titles around our waist from both brands. Unstoppable. I’ll call you later tonight.

Shark looks her up and down while biting his lips before giving her a wink and walking off. Veronica looks at Summer.

Veronica:He is nothing if not persistent…

“Spoiled” Summer Page:That’s one word for it.




RING ANNOUNCER: INTROOODUUUUCINGGGG The One, The Only. He hails from TOOOROOONTOOO ONTARIOOOO CANADAAAAA, KING JUUUUUSTIIINNN YOOOOOORK!

Nothing else matters by Metallica begins to play as all the spotlights at the top of the stage go completely dark and stay dark for a solid minute before a teal colored spotlight finally hits the top of the stage revealing a man in a skull mask that has a maple leaf on it.

The crowd begins to boo instantaneously.

TD: Justin York, the owner of Pro Wrestling Valor and the new XWF Revolution champion. Matthias Syn had held that belt for two-thirds of its entire existence, over double the length of all other Revolution champions combined. And it took “King” Justin York to dethrone Syn and take the belt for himself.

GoED: Destroy the King, Save the Man.

TD: Strong words, fella. And one’s shared by the fans here today. I think a lot of syndicalist hippies and freakniks don’t like how York ended Syn’s reign… By pinning the third competitor in the match and by strategically exiting at the ring and letting his opponents wear each other down. Syn hit his finish, but York claimed the victory.

GoED: Kings will always reap where they do not sow, exploiting the laborer.

TD: Hey, York reaped himself a title. Don’t be a hater, Gene.

Justin York spreads his arms revealing the Pro Wrestling Valor banner that adorns his body. He rips the mask off and throws the banner into the crowd which quickly gets thrown back to him.

A figure in a teal garb comes out before he heads down the ramp and hands a briefcase to JY. York takes the briefcase in his left hand and his Revolution title around his waist and walks down the ramp way, taunting fans on his way. Once he reaches the ring he rolls inside and poses on the ropes while teal fireworks and pyro go off behind him into the sky.

York unbuckles the title off his waist and tosses it to the timekeeper and demands a microphone which he is handed. He keeps the briefcase in hand.

JY- Cut the fucking music.

The music cuts abruptly. The lights in the ring dim and a teal spotlight looks over JY.

JY- Well.. Well.. well.. your new champion stands before you just as I said. Maybe now you brainless fucks will listen to what I tell you. Who am I trying to kid, there’s nothing between your ears but air and opportunity.

York saunters around the ring with a smirk on his face as the fans boo relentlessly.

JY- Enough about you idiots though, let’s get to the real reason I’m here before I defend my title against two undeserving “talents” if that’s what you wish to refer to them as. THADDEUS DUKE!

GoED: Is there anything Thaddeus Duke in your organization, or is he talking about you?

TD: ...

The fans cheer at the mention of Thad.

JY- This little dance of ours has been going on for far too long. I’ll do something to get under your skin and you’ll  hide away and pretend that you’re too busy to pay attention until I push the envelope too far and draw a response out of you.

JY- You are the COO of the company and you act as if Anarchy is inferior to Warfare. You pay it no mind, no respect. Everyone stood idly by and accepted that disrespect. I WONT STAND FOR IT, THIS IS MY FUCKING BRAND NOW AND IT COMMANDS RESPECT.. Now sit back behind those fucking castle walls and watch as I defend the honor of THE brand in the XWF you fucking infant. OH one more thing..

York opens the briefcase and reveals the custom Revolution title he had made.

[Image: IMG-1520.jpg]

JY- That title was outdated as fuck and so I had one made that is befitting a king and holds some prestige, with Valor’s initials on it, it’s more important than it’s ever been. See you real soon.

York throws the microphone out of the ring and leans against the turnbuckles with his custom made revolution title over his shoulder and awaits his opponents.




S&M By Rhianna will play throughout the arena as the crowd cheers while Summer walks down the aisle. Summer gets to the ring side and walks up the ring stairs. Summer looks out at the crowd and raises her arms out to the crowd as the crowd cheers louder.

TD: Summer Page is one of the most dominant stars to ever grace the Anarchy brand. She’s beaten just about all-comers, she’s climbed her way to the top of Thursday nights… But there’s one thing that’s evaded her and that’s a title reign.

ED: The boss uses titles to trick the worker out of their rightful mindset. Titles are a poison.

TD: Ugh, bet you’re fun at parties. Regardless, Summer’s 0-for-5 in title matches, but compare that to an undefeated TEN-and-OH record in non-title matches! Undefeated since her debut in July of last year! There’s a reason she keeps getting these title shots, and it’s because she’s been unbeatable… when a belt’s not on the line.

GoED: The workers toil long and miserable hours under the trampling foot of industry. But eventually the promised land will be opened unto those that embrace it.

TD: For the record, Gene, cool it with the worker stuff. Summer’s a killer in the ring, but she’s still the daughter of a billionaire.

GoED: ...Hmm. Retracted.

Summer turns her attention to inside the ring where she motions to the referee to open the bottom and middle ropes so they can enter. Summer walks over to the closest ring corner and climbs up to the middle turnbuckle.


We see the X-Tron come to life, and we see "John Black" name shot up with the .38 special, and we see him at the stage in a black and white setting as he is standing there taking in the mixed reactions.

TD: Speaking of the Revolution title, John Black is the only man to ever hold the Revolution belt twice. He and the THUGs and much more your style, Gene. All they do is complain about management and promise big things that won’t come.

GoED: Hmmm, well-played.

TD: I’m gonna get you to give me something back before tonight’s out… Regardless, John Black is at his most dangerous when he’s underestimated. Can he become the only three-time Revolution champion in XWF history tonight?

Then he walks down to the ramp, and he gives them some high fives, then he climbs on the steel steps and enters the ring, and he raises his fist in the air as he pounds his chest around the ring as his theme cuts off.


XWF Revolution Championship
'King' Justin York ©
- vs -
'Spoiled' Summer Page
- vs -
John Black
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K
-Triple Threat Match-


As the bell rings, the three competitors remain in their starting corners…

TD: Mexican standoff here, all competitors looking to see who jumps first…

John Black's jaw clenches, eyes locked on Justin York like a predator clocking prey. York sneers at Black, like ‘the fuck YOU looking at…’

Page’s eyes alternate between York and Black, trying to assess the vibes between these two fiery opponents…

Black paces forward with heavy shoulders and flexed fists, the chip on his shoulder nearly visible in the heatwaves… He barks some fury at York.

TD: Here we go! Black clearly calling for the King’s crown!

Black charges.

…Right at Summer Page!

TD: Whoa! No solidarity between non-champions tonight!

GoED: Tragic that the non-kings battle each other rather than their oppressor.

Summer Page’s brows furrow, her mouth parting in surprise, as Black charges her from his corner…

Black aims a running boot, looking to decapitate the Spoiled One!

…But Page ducks under the blow, somersaulting to Black’s corner! Black’s foot lands against the turnbuckle!


TD: Incredible quickness on display by Summer Page!

GoED: The gears of progress grind slowly, but I hope one day it moves as fast as that young lady in the ring!

With Black’s back to the action, York can’t spring fast enough from his corner, looking to exploit Black’s window of vulnerability… York snaps out of his corner, and goes to secure a waistlock…

BAM! Running entirely on instinct and reflex, John Black unleashes a Ron Artest style elbow that DROPS York flat on his back!

TD: Wow! John Black has been in the XWF for over a decade and it’s moves like that that have kept him around all these years!

York rolls backwards off the blow, entering a crouching position. He rubs his jaw… disbelief painted across his face—he wasn’t ready for that kind of intensity this early.

GoED: It appears as if the man calling himself King was ill-prepared for a bit of combat from a ‘commoner’!

TD: If he wasn’t ready for Black, he better look out for Summer!

Indeed, Summer Page launches herself forward into a sprint out from the corner.. York’s eyes widen. Her lips are pursed with focus, eyes laser-locked on…

The back of Black’s head!

TD: Turnabout is fair play! Page ready to give Black back some business for starting the matchout attacking her!

Black spins around in the corner, as Page plants a foot on the mat…

She leaps!

Black’s hands surge forward to block Page’s forward path…

But they miss!

DROPKICK TO THE FACE! The back of Black’s skull ROCKS against the turnbuckle! He drops to one knee! Black drops to a knee, planting a palm on the mat to stabilize…

TD: Wow! What a strike!

GoED: The strike is one of the few tools the laborer has against the oligarchs.

TD: …Huh. I thought that strikes in that context meant ‘work stoppages’.

GoED: It can be both!

Black, clearly of the mind that the best defense is MORE offense, shoves himself off the mat toward the Spoiled One, swinging a wild haymaker to take her off her feet…

…

But Summer ducks, her hair whipping as she spins out of reach.

TD: Summer Page is just too fast!

Black rotates around, before coming face-to-face with Page… Who places her hands on Black’s shoulders…

And leaps to mount them!

SNAP HURRICANRANA!

GoED: Jee hosephat! I’ve never seen a move like that in my time!

TD: Ohhh… you an old-school wrestling fan, Gene?

GoED: One could say that. The last public combat exhibitions I watched were from the 1920s…

TD: … Oh gross, you’re like the ultimate wrestling hipster.

Black’s body flips, crashing awkwardly onto his back. His head hits with a sharp whack, and his jaw clenches, eyes fluttering for a split second…. But Summer marvelously remains mounted, wrapping her arms around his legs, pressing his shoulders against the mat!

The official drops to count!

1!

York catches himself watching the action and shoves off the mat!

2!

York closes the distance!

THR-NO!

WHAM! York drops a boot square onto the back of Page’s neck, dropping her to the mat!

TD: Another split-second and Page might’ve won her first title in record time! But, the Ring King, Justin York isn’t gonna let his belt go like that!

Page drops onto her face, cradling her neck after that precise strike onto her vertebrae…

But York doesn’t waste a moment, he grabs Summer by her long, flowing hair and tears her off the mat! She tries to shove her way out of his grip, as he reels back his arm…

WHAM! KNIFE EDGE CHOP!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The smack echoes like a gunshot as the crowd hoops and hollers!

Page’s arms cradle her aching chest as she sucks in air from that vicious strike… York grins sadistically as he hooks Page into a front-facelock…

And hurtles Summer through the air!

SNAP SUPLEX!

GoED: York tosses Page like one day the workers will hopefully toss away their shackles!

Summer’s back hits the mat HARD, the jolt forcing her to arch off the canvas, arms reaching behind to grab at her lower back. Page rolls away, hissing.

York pops up and spreads his arms wide, chest heaving.

The crowd drowns him in jeers. York cups a hand to his ear, laughing at their hate like it’s fuel.

TD: Despite remaining in the ring this time, the “King” is making no fans of his people tonight!


But, as York taunts the hippies and freakniks of Coreytopia… Suddenly, their boos turns to cheers. York’s brow furrows in perplexment… as he slowly turns around…

INTO THE ARMS OF JOHN BLACK!

York is caught in the air

And spun throught it in JB’s arms!

SNAP POWERSLAM!

York’s body SLAMS into the canvas, a heavy, jarring impact that sends a ripple through his frame. His whole face contorts in agony…

Black extends his arm, looking to pull York to the center of the ring for a pin att-

York swats Black’s hand away… before pulling himself out of the ring by the ropes and rolling to the outside!

TD: Oh! We saw this last time, Gene! York is a master of knowing when to attack *and* knowing when to retreat! York makes a calculated exit to leave his opponents to duke it out!

GoED: Despicable. I would rather a thousand times be a man pinned in defeat than to be a sycophant and coward in the ring.”

TD: That’s probably why York’s the Revolution champion and you’re a… what, homeless art history professor?

…York rolls out to the outside, before taking a breath of relief… He smugly leans back against the barricade, eyeing Black, daring him to come after him…

Black starts to dip his head through the ropes, but Summer Page…

TD: Here we go! Once again, York’s opponents weaken each other!

Page holds him back, before gesturing… behind York?

…York peers perplexedly, before turning around…

And seeing a SEA of furious wrestling fans charging up to the barricade!

TD: Whoa! Security! These fans aren’t signed to contracts!

Security moves to hold back the surge of fans headed for York! A couple try to shove their way through the barricades, trying to force him back into the ring, like amateur lumberjacks!

From the crowd of angry fans, one sign raises up, reading FIGHT BACK OR GET OUT!

TD: These fans are making it known that they are not going to just sit back and watch York just sit back and watch!

GoED: People power!

York sneers furiously… Before deciding he’s probably safer in the ring than out of it… He slides back inside.

Where Summer and Black are waiting.

…

York grins, in a friendlier fashion than the angry smirk he started with… He nods at Page, gesturing at Black, inquiring about teaming up to weaken him..

…

When Page doesn’t leap at the offer, York does the exact same gesture, inviting Black for a team-up to beat down Summmer.

GoED: Kings have no allegiances, save to themselves.

Summer and Black share a glance. For once, they don’t need words.

DOUBLE BOOT TO THE CHAMP’S GUT!

The crowd surges to their feet as Page and Black back York up to the ropes…

Double irish whip… York bounds across the ring…

Bounces off the ropes!

Straight into Page and Black… Who send him SKY-HIGH with a tandem back body drop!

He lands flat. Spine. Chest. Jaw. The air leaves his lungs in a single wheeze. He doesn’t move.

The crowd erupts!

TD: For the first time tonight, York’s crown looks cracked!

GoED: Title Challengers of the World Unite!

York crawls across the mat to the corner of the ring…

Page goes to grapple York, to keep the offense going on h-

WHAM! From the back, John Black hits her with an ear clap from behind that drops Page flat on her face!

TD: That burst of teamwork might’ve made Page forget that triple-threat means every man for himself!

Page got her marbles scrambled from Black’s blitzkrieg attack, which draws boos from the crowd… Black shrugs, like ‘hey, just doing my job’...

TD: Black loves the fans, but the fans don’t love that underhanded tactic.

GoED: Be true to yourself and you cannot be a traitor to any good cause on earth.

Black scoops Page off the mat, before scooping her onto his shoulders for the Blacklisted! Death Valley Driver!

TD: This could be it! John Black could become a three-time Revolution champion!

Black goes to toss Page over his shoulder… BLACKLIS-

…

NO! Page lands on her feet! Black’s expression is one of astonishment as Page slips behind him…

She leaps, clinching onto Black’s neck!

SPOILED ROTTEN! BACKSTABBER!

TD: YES! Summer Page hits the Spoiled Rotten! She could be on the verge of her first championship win!

GoED: Finally, the laborer’s dream comes true!

TD: Yes, finally, something good happens to a billionaire’s child. Score one for them!

The crowd is on their feet, as Page exhaustedly crawls across the mat, trying to cover Bl-

WHAM! York slides out of the corner and boots Page in the face!

She rolls under the bottom rope to the outside!

TD: It looks like a rerun! York is about to swoop in, this time as champion!

York pins Black!

The official drops to count!

1!

Page pulls herself up by the apron!

2!

Page slides back i-

THREE!

WINNER AND STILL XWF REVOLUTION CHAMPION: “KING” JUSTIN YORK


The crowd erupts in fury and anger as York leans back with a cocky sneer, taunting the displeased crowd as he lifts the belt over his head!

TD: Once more, “King” Justin York uses his veteran prowess and ring awareness. That’s why he’s the Revolution champion!

GoED: He can’t keep getting away with this!






TD: Folks, I had our stats guys run the numbers on this match.

GoED: You have a man of statistic among your number?

TD: A couple. Mark Flynn and ELO. They checked independently and verified that these two competitors have met FOUR times in the past! And they’re both 2-and-2 against each other! Which makes this one worth ALL the bragging rights!



The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle.

TD: Dolly Waters! The Pride and Joy of the world-famous Waters wrestling dynasty! She beat Isaiah on February 11th, 2023 on Warfare… AND as Misty Waters, she beat ‘Prince Adeyemi’ at this past year’s Relentless Day One!

She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.

…



The stadium goes dark as the opening riff of Motorhead’s “King of Kings” shakes the air. Golden spotlights cut through swirling smoke, revealing Prince Adeyemi, draped in a fur cloak and crowned in gold. His every step is deliberate as he commands the stage, framed by a crimson-lit crest bearing an emblem: A cracked crown.

He pauses at the ramp’s peak, arms outstretched, radiating authority. In his hand is a golden scepter shaped like a battle axe, a symbol of conquest. The crowd erupts in a mix of cheers and jeers as he marches down the ramp, eyes fixed on the ring.

TD: Prince Adeyemi… er, sorry, Isaiah King (again)... is a head-hunter in the XWF! He has found a way to claim victories over the some of the biggest stars to ever grace the squared circle: Corey Smith! Sebastian Everett-Bryce! AND he has two victories over Dolly Waters! On April 8th, 2023, Isaiah beat Dolly AND on March 9th, 2024, Prince Adeyemi claimed a victory over Dolly Waters as well!

GoED: Your math is consistent. Two for each.

TD: And you gotta imagine both these two are hungry to break the tie in their favor, Mean Gene! Can Dolly hold serve on her home turf, Coreytopia? Or will the TWO-time Universal champion find a way to embarrass Dolly in front of her home crowd!

Ascending the steps, Adeyemi sheds his cloak, revealing a warrior’s frame. Standing in the center of the ring, he raises the scepter toward the crowd.

As the music fades, his cold, steely gaze says it all: Prince Adeyemi has come to rule.

ISAIAH KING
- vs -
DOLLY WATERS
Singles


The moment the bell rings, King is already on the move, ducking to the mat and going to sweep Dolly off her feet.

She leaps into the air gracefully… Looking to back handspring…

But King starfish kicks, taking her hand out, Dolly lands on her face!

TD: Quite a counter to… Dolly’s counter! Very reminiscent of their last match at Relentless! Mean Gene, these two competitors have wrestled one-on-one four times in the XWF and they’ve completely split wins and losses.

…Dolly shoves herself off the mat, legs firing like pistons as she races across the ring. She launches into a shotgun dropkick, both boots slamming toward Isaiah King’s chest with surgical velocity!

But King’s eyes are already locked on her—he pivots, catching her legs in midair like he’s plucking a wasp from the wind. Dolly hits the canvas hard, spine-first, but she doesn’t even grunt.

TD: First two clashes of the match both go Isaiah’s way! Dolly’s going to have to retool if she wants to stop playing into the two-time Universal champion’s hands…

Isaiah grasps Dolly HARD by her hair… and shoves her skull between his legs…

Isaiah goes to lift Waters up into a powerbomb… 

But she tucks and twists mid-lift, slipping through his grip and landing on her feet to Isaiah’s side like a gymnast dismounting! On the way down, she grasps his wrist!

ARM DRAG! King siderolls disorientingly into the corner as Dolly kips up back to her feet!

The crowd goes wild for both these competitors!

TD: An absolutely magnificent counter by Dolly. If King thought he was going to bully his way to a victory, he doesn’t know Dolly as well as he might think!

Isaiah rolls back onto his feet, refusing to give Dolly a second of recovery! He steps into Dolly’s radius, throwing a lightning-fast piston to the jaw!

… But Dolly sways under it, letting the punch whistle past her ear!

As King’s fist swings by her face, she rotates on one heel, looking for spinning mule kick toward Isaiah’s ribs!

…NO! But Isaiah’s other hand manages catch her ankle before impact, halting her momentum cold!

GoED: Say, Thaddeus, is this event choreographed? These two both move like they know exactly what the other will do!

TD: If I know these two, they both spent the weeks leading up to this match going frame-by-frame through every single prior encounter they’ve had with each other. Something about rubber matches brings out the fiercest competition! And this is the rubber match of their LAST rubber match!

Dolly hops on one foot, as King drags her by the leg toward the center of the ring…

Dolly’s face is tense, calculating how to escape, as King snarls confidently, having the smallest window of opportunity on this opponent.

Suddenly, King yanks Dolly toward him—pulling her off-balance! King winds up! Clothesline!

…NO! Dolly ducks under it! King’s arm goes over as Dolly sprints, her momentum carrying her into the ropes!

Waters springs back as King turns to watch her… She throws a heel kick aimed for his skull…

…But King sways back just in time! Her heel sails just inches from the nose of the King of Orun!

GoED: Thaddeus, do the Orunian people have eyes in the back of their head? How did King see that kick coming with his back to Miss Waters?

TD: Instinct.

Dolly rolls through the missed kick to regain her footing, as King spins toward his opponent…

The crowd is absolutely electric, screaming on their feet.

FIGHT FOREVER! *clap clap clapclapclap*

TD: I genuinely believe this crowd would watch these two do battle until the end of time. Frankly, me too.

GoED: As long as they got work breaks per Union guidelines, me three!

…They both… pause… Both staring intently at their opponent. Both analyzing the other for a weakness, for an opening….

Isaiah must think he found one first, as he opens the next sequence. He steps in close to olly and fires a jab combo—A pair of measured left jabs!

Dolly forces her right in front of her face… She blocks the first… And the second! But, her feet stagger backwards to keep her guard up!

TD: Dolly is floating like a butterfly, guarding against King’s punches. But, I tell you now, she does NOT want to let this devolve into a boxing match! She’d be playing right into King’s hands….

King launches another left into Dolly’s guard… Dolly senses she’s getting backed into the corner.

Another King left… that Dolly shoves to the side! She reels back her fist for a counter!

But King’s right swings across her chin! Her head jerks backwards against the corner turnbuckle!

TD: Oh shit! Beautiful strike by Ki-

When Dolly’s back rebounds off the turnbuckle, she shoves herself off and launches a rib shot straight to King’s jejunum!

TD: Wow! Dolly’s been fighting and scrapping since she was trained as a child in Grandma Misty’s trailer! It’s easy to forget just how many shots to the face she’s taken and powered through!

King, for the first time this match, looks surprised at Dolly’s hardiness as she keeps firing lefts and rights straight into his abs… each one thudding against the hard slab of muscle like hail on a steel drum.

TD: Four punches… Five punches from Waters to King! King’s getting beat!

GoED: No, Thaddeus! He’s getting used to it!

Indeed, each strike seems like it shocks a little less of King’s system! Dolly senses Isaiah’s stance getting firmer, and tries to take a swing at his face!

…But King slips his head back! Dolly’s hand swishes past his face… And King steps forward into Dolly’s guard…

Catching Waters with a SUDDEN, SHARP liver shot! A punishing left hook just under her ribs!

The air flies from her lungs with a choked gasp, and her knees buckle…

TD: Devastating shot there from King! That might get a warning in a boxing ring, but here, it’s fair play.

As Dolly seems to double-over, King steps up, looking for a knockout blow…

BUT NO! Dolly drives her head forward, arms wrapping King in a clinch, and delivers three uppercuts to his gut, each one snapping his abs inward, knocking the wind from his lungs now!

GoED: My word! The young lady refuses to give her opponent even a second of feeling like he’s not fighting for his life!

TD: If you’re surprised, you don’t know Dolly.

Isaiah’s face contorts in frustration… Dolly tries to deliver another gut punch…

But King clinches Dolly in close, dragging her into the corner and burying a knee into her ribs!

Then another! Each blow lifts her a few inches off the mat. Waters’ body wracks with each impact, mouth open, jaw slack from the pain…

TD: Dolly’s gotta do something here… King’s got her cornered!

King takes two steps back to punt the life out of Dolly…

But when King steps back, Dolly steps forward! Waters suddenly drives an elbow into the side of his head!

King hits the mat and Dolly exhaustedly collapses backward into the corner!

TD: These two are genuinely using every scrap of fuel they have in their tanks just to keep their opponent from developing a shred of momentum!

King tries to shove himself back to his feet… But Dolly spins out of the corner and handstand flips…

Into a knee drop! Waters’ shin crashing down across his bicep.

TD: Brilliant move by Dolly! Isaiah can’t throw those devastating strike combos if he can;t lift his arm!

Isaiah jerks his arm back, his face ripples with agony as pain shoots from shoulder to elbow.

…Dolly senses that she’s got the steering wheel and she’s looking to get her car across the finish line while she has it…

Waters mounts the fallen King, firing off a barrage of palm strikes to the face—quick, slapping blows that rattle his skull...

From his back, Isaiah blocks the first… parries away the second… but the third, fourth, and fifth manage to crack across his jaw, leaving red marks blooming under his eye!

TD: Now Isaiah’s the one that has to figure out a counter!

Dolly somersaults backwards into the corner… As King shakes off cobwebs, slowly peeling himself off the mat…

Dolly charges in! Looking to finish this!

RUNNING WATERS!

…

IS COUNTERED!

Isaiah surges up! As Dolly’s knee goes to lift, Isaiah wraps his arms around her waist and clumsily slams her backward into the mat!

TD: They don’t teach that move in wrestling school! Isaiah had to pull that out from the school of hard knocks!

With Dolly on her back, King tries to transition to a full mount…

But Dolly scrambles, twisting beneath him, legs kicking, hands clawing for leverage!

…NO! King holds on like a fisherman keeping the big one from hopping out of the boat! She can’t shake free…

Desperately, Dolly goes for the eyes… not a rake, but a jab under the orbital bone! King flinches and both roll backwards to opposite sides of the ring.

TD: Oh my God, how is this fight so chaotic!

GoED: Your world is one of control, young Thaddeus. One of precision. These two wage battle in the natural world, where chaos IS order.

Waters and King both push off, gasping, dragging themselves to standing like two wounded animals too proud to limp.

Then… they see each other. And there’s no hesitation!

Dolly explodes forward, sprinting in with a snarl. Isaiah steps into her path like a freight train.

Dolly’s leg sails through the air… RUNNING WATERS…

Just as King finishing discus-ing his body, his elbow surging forward… ROYAL VERDICT.

…

……

BOTH CONNECT!

Dolly’s knee cracks into the side of King’s temple!

King’s elbow drives into the base of Dolly’s jaw!

Both bodies go limp mid-motion! They spin from the simultaneous impact, collapsing side-by-side in a heap of tangled limbs and shared agony!

The ring shakes. The crowd explodes!

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHI!

And the referee drops to a knee, hand raised to count.

1! 2!

Neither wrestler stirs. Both lie sprawled on the mat, still and breathless, the echo of their simultaneous strikes still hanging in the air.

3! 4!

TD: Look, I’m begging one of these to get up! If this one ends in a draw, this crowd is going to riot!

5! 6!

Isaiah King’s fingers twitch. A grunt of effort hisses through clenched teeth as he rolls to his side, face slick with sweat and red from strikes. His chest heaves—each breath a battle in itself.

7! 8!

Dolly Waters drags herself to her knees, gripping the bottom rope with shaking fingers. Her jaw hangs slightly ajar, blood on her lower lip, her left eye beginning to swell shut. She blinks through the pain.

9!

Simultaneousl, both wrestlers rise. Not in triumph—but defiance! Dolly pulls herself up with the ropes, boots barely under her. Isaiah plants his feet wide, fists trembling, every muscle in his body screaming.

The crowd goes absolutely bananas! Efforts are made to cheer both competitors’ names, but there’s so much electricity in the air, it turns into pure, non-verbal elation for the action in that ring.

The competitors lock eyes—and for the first time tonight, there’s no fury between them. No hatred.

Just respect.

TD: Something might’ve changed over the course of this match, Mean Gene! When we started this one between Dolly and Isaiah, it was all business. Now? I think these two have a newfound respect for each other!

GoED: The laborers bleed together. The workers must rise together!

The moment of peace passes, though. The competitors charge again, this time with nothing left but instinct and resolve.

Dolly fires the first shot—OPEN-HAND PALM STRIKE! Isaiah’s jaw gets smacked sideways!

Isaiah answers–THUNDEROUS GUT SHOT!

Dolly stumbles onto one knee… King advances.

But she shoves herself upright–SPINNING BACKFIST! King gets staggered!

Dolly charges in… But King catches her! FRONT KICK TO THE HIGH!

Dolly’s legs turn to jelly as she falls to her knees…

Isaiah tries to leap in for a knockout p-

Dolly from the mat swings her legs! Calf Kick! King drops onto his back!

GoED: These two seem to have abandoned their earlier game of counter-for-counter, Thaddeus!

TD: No more counters. No more finesse. At this point, this one’s gonna get decided purely by grit.

…The referee doesn’t start another ten-count… As King and Dolly both slowly pull themselves back upright…

Isaiah roars! He surfs forward with a lunging elbow! Dolly sputters backwards, the only thing keeping her from collapsing is the fact that her elbows hook around the ropes behind her!

King backs up against the ropes… He winds up, spinning as he runs…

ROYAL VERDICT!

…

NO!

Dolly ducks, slipping beneath the arm at the last possible moment! Waters rebounds off the ropes, timing her steps perfectly… As King spins around…

ODE TO JOY!

…

NO!

Isaiah catches her mid-air, arms locking around her torso—and he slams her to the mat face-first with brutal force!

GoED: What do you call THAT maneuver, Thaddeus!

TD: I don’t think they have a name for that one, Mean Gene. That move is just pure aggression coming out!

The ring rattles under the impact. Dolly lies still, face buried in the canvas.

…King exhales, shaking his head, ready to end this…

King yanks her upright… noticeably not by the hair this time… and whips her into the ropes!

TD: Oh! He’s going for the King’s Wrath!

Dolly is sent hurtling across the ring! She bounces off the ropes!

Isaiah propels her up into the air!

KING’S WRATH! (Pop-up Powerbomb)

…

IS COUNTERED!

Dolly twists mid-lift and fires off a dropkick to Isaiah’s face! Both heels slam flush against his jaw!

The impact knocks him back hard into the turnbuckles—neck snapping back against the padding.

The crowd is screaming, absolutely electric! They sense that both these two are mentally sharp to counter anything that the other one can throw! But they can also sense one of these competitors’ bodies is about to give out!

Dolly exhaustedly stumbles to her feet, eyes locking on her target… King is drenched in sweat, leaning against the turnbuckle for support!

TD: King might be in no man’s land here! Which is right where Dolly wants him!

Dolly, with the last ounce of gas in her tank, breaks into a sprint at King! She leaps, aiming her knee to punch THROUGH King’s face!

RUNNING WATERS!

…

KING DUCKS!

Dolly’s momentum carries her forward—her desperate strike ends with her legs tangled in the ropes! She ends up tangled upside down in the Tree of Woe!

TD: NO! …Dolly went from total control to in serious trouble here!

Isaiah doesn’t waste a second. He unleashes a flurry of kicks—vicious, unrelenting, surgical. Each one thuds into Dolly’s ribs, her chest, her abdomen. She groans, trapped, unable to defend herself!

TD: *exahle*...King absolutely trying to stomp the last bit of life Dolly has in her body! This one is NOT looking good for Waters!

…Isaiah draws his thumb across his throat as the crowd goes wild!

Isaiah lifts her free—muscles shaking—and sets her up on the top turnbuckle, back facing the ring.

He climbs with her… Looking for the kill.

TD: …Oh my. King is not letting Dolly keep fighting. He’s deciding he’s ending this now! With a King’s Decree from the top rope!

He locks her head in a front facelock!

He launches himself backwards!

TOP-ROPE KING’S DECREE!

…

……

NOOOOOOOOO!

Dolly grabs the top rope with both hands!

King falls! But Waters holds first!

Isaiah crashes onto the mat—spine-first, all the force of the failed move echoing up his back. His legs kick up from the shock of impact before he flattens out.

TD: YES!

…

TD: Uh… great counter by Waters!

And Dolly? DOES NOT HESITATE!

She pulls herself up, stands tall on the top turnbuckle—her body swaying like a flame in the wind—and then launches with every ounce of her weight!

SUPER!

DIVING!

ELBOW!

…

……

………

CONNECTS!

Waters’ elbow smashes into Isaiah’s sternum with a sound like a tree branch snapping!!!

King’s whole body bucks from the blow before slumping still.

Dolly hooks the leg! As the crowd of one million people counts with the ref!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

WINNER: DOLLY WATERS


The crowd bursts into absolute hysteria, cheering and screaming for Waters!

Dolly rolls off King after the three-count. Both competitors lie on the ground, chests heaving exhausted… If you’d just tuned in, you’d have no idea who won and who lost…

TD: An absolute barn-burner of a match between two very game competitors! Isaiah King showed why he is one of the only men to ever hold the Universal title multiple times! But Dolly Waters, the absolute veteran she is, pulled out every single stop she could! She struck when the iron was hot! And tonight, she walks away the clear winner!

As the crowd goes nuts…

Dolly and King both work their way to their feet…

…The crowd goes quiet as the two exhausted competitors make eye contact…

…

TD: Awkward.

…

Waters cradles her gut with her left…

Before extending a hand..

…

King’s nostrils flare.

…

But he accepts the handshake!

And the crowd erupts!

TD: Well, that’s nice! A show of respect between long-time adversaries!

GoED: Your fellow man is no true adversary! Our only opponent as men are the structures built by our oppressors, designed to trick us into believing we must fight one another! Good on these two young people for seeing past that!

TD: Well, they leave on friendly terms tonight! But, you have to imagine King will be looking to even the score next time they meet! And that’ll settle up the Rubber Match of their Rubber Match of their Rubber Match!





The lights in the arena go deep blue as smoke fills the air. Pink and silver laser lights cut through the smoke and it looks fucking rad.

Thaddeus Duke: And here comes the biggest bastard of them all, Bobby Bourbon himself! The man, the myth, the absolute wrecking ball- and he's here tonight to put on a show.

Ghost of Joseph Stalin: Привет! Bobby Bourbon is one of the finest bastards to ever walk the earth, and I know a thing or two about bastards! Xa xa xa!

Thaddeus Duke: Wait, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? Are you serious right now- now we got Joseph Stalin? Where’s Mean Gene?

Ghost of Joseph Stalin: I specifically REQUESTED this match, because Bobby Bourbon is my brotherly bastard, and I wanted to witness this glorious victory for myself!

Thaddeus Duke: Lord help me.

[whiteGhost of Joseph Stalin: The Lord is not real, royal Duke! The Lord you speak of is nothing but a construction of the capitalist regime designed to spread compliance and subservience. The only deity you need concern yourself with is the BASTARDLY FATHER, and if you don't know him yet: you will find him tonight- Bourbon will ensure it![/white]

As Bobby's music blares throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Bobby Bourbon. He looks out at the crowd in the arena, cold and stoic, surveying his surroundings. He stops and raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the ring. He raises both arms outward, accepting fives, slaps, daps, knucks, and touches as he does. He looks on into the ring, feeling the energy of every fan he makes contact with. He stops, and begins stomping in place, with the utmost joy to be in front of the XWF crowd. He stops a camera.

"I'm a bad, bad man, but like my home, the XWF, I have plenty of bad, bad fans!"

Bobby climbs the steps, then climbs the nearest ring post half way and raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops. The fans in attendance all echo their sentiments for the match.

"fuck 'em up, bobby, fuck 'em up." stomp stomp. "fuck 'em up, Bobby, fuck 'em up." stomp stomp. "Fuck 'Em Up Bobby, Fuck 'Em Up!" STOMP STOMP! "FUCK 'EM UP BOBBY, FUCK 'EM UP!!!" STOMP STOMP!

Bobby acknowledges the crowd. They roar. Bobby looks back at the entrance ramp, waiting for his opponent.

Stalin: Bobby Bourbon is a bad, bad man- and a hell of a bastard! Tonight will be his, Dukey boy, just mark my words!

Duke: The Bastards just have the worst possible fans, don't they?






The lights in the arena dip to black in time with the sirens and beat to the opening of Sweatpants (BattleTapes Remix) by Childish Gambino, the lights then beginning to flash, alternating left and right onto the ramp. In time, the letters "S", "E", "B", and then "Empire" flash one at a time on the big screen until the lights stop flashing as the lyrics hit.

"She askin' “Why you say that?!”

The beat drops and the lights flash on the rampway again. As they do, the screen illuminates with "SEB" and then "EMPIRE" flashing on the sceen.

"Rich kid asshole, paint me as a villain"

Sebastian Everett-Bryce flings his arms wide, staring up with his head covered by the hood of his jacket. He stands in the middle of the ramp, the lights beating down on him, before looking out at the crowd. He wears a long jacket with the hood pulled up over his head, zipped to the waist. The jacket, which is cut away at the bottom and only runs down the back of his legs, is patterned with an elongated Union Flag, but it’s in black and white and appears to be cracked and broken. His tights are short, with the initials SEB emblazoned upon the front.

The lights lift, and SEB makes his way to the ring, stretching his neck from side to side as he walks, his eyes focused on the ring. He climbs up the steps and steps through the ropes before standing in the middle of the ring.

"I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain"

He extends his arms once more before pulling back his hood and removing his jacket to reveal the back of his tights which read “S.E.B”

"Don't be mad cause I'm doing me better than you doing you
Better than you doing you, fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)"

He flashes his arms out to a side, a satisfied and somewhat sneery grin upon his face, he holds the position for a moment, to allow the crowd to take pictures, before moving towards his corner.


Stalin: Such a dramatic entrance, and for what?! To be beaten by the will of the people, by Bobby Bourbon himself! All this hogwash and pomp shows the capitalist decadence of Sebastian. His empire was built on the backs of the people's exploitation!

Duke: And what was your Empire built off, Joe? Sebastian is one of the greatest to ever step into an XWF ring, and if anyone can knock the Bastards down a peg, it's the Emperor!

Sebastian Everett-Bryce
- vs -
Bobby Bourbon
Singles


DING! DING! DING!

As the bell rings, the atmosphere in the arena builds with excitement as two of the best in the business stand across from each other. The tension is palpable as Bobby Bourbon stands tall, his broad chest puffed with confidence, a grin forming across his face as he sizes up the ever agile Sebastian Everett-Bryce.

Without hesitation, Bobby charges forward, looking to land an early blow, but SEB, ever the technician, sidesteps with lightning speed. The crowd gasps as SEB grabs Bobby’s wrist, yanking him into a quick arm drag that sends Bourbon crashing to the mat. The crowd erupts, but Bobby is already back on his feet, snarling and furious. He charges again, only for SEB to leap into the air with a picture-perfect dropkick that knocks Bobby back into the ropes. SEB immediately takes control, his technical prowess on full display. He springs off the ropes, delivering another dropkick to Bobby’s chest that sends him tumbling to the mat again. The crowd cheers as SEB slides into a quick pin- but Bobby kicks out with authority!

Duke: Look how dominant Sebastian is tonight! He's wrestling like he has a chip on his shoulder, even though he's already accomplished almost everything in this business. That's why Sebastian is the Emperor: because whenever he steps into that ring, he rules!

Stalin: Hogwash! You capitalist swine! Bobby Bourbon is simply deploying the old Russian war-fighting tactics! Remember when I let the Germans march all the way to Stalingrad, only so that way I could trap them and cut off their supply lines? This is the exact same approach! It's the Bastards way!

Duke: I don't know if any of that's true, to be honest with you.

Stalin: It doesn't matter if it's true, it matters if the party says it!

Duke: Riiiiight....

As the commentary team debates tactics, SEB remains relentless. He stays on Bobby, using a series of arm drags to keep the bigger man off-balance every time he tries to rise. Whenever Bobby gets close to his feet, SEB is right there, connecting with another quick maneuver to disrupt Bobby's rhythm. Bobby is staggering, his face a mask of frustration as SEB bounces off the ropes, striking with yet another precision dropkicks that rattles and drops the biggest bastard of them all.

Bobby, however, doesn't stay down for long. He grits his teeth, digging deep into his reserves of strength. Bobby kips up to his feet and delivers a sudden clothesline that nearly decapitates SEB as he’s coming off the ropes! Bobby doesn’t waste a second in taking advantage of the turning tide. He drags SEB to his feet and begins unloading with thunderous body shots, each one causing SEB to buckle slightly, before lifting him up and sending him crashing down with a massive sidewalk slam.

Stalin: I told you, Duke of Nothingrad, that Bobby Bourbon was merely 'playing oppussum', as you Americans say! He has taken complete control of this match now, just as the party of Bastards expected him to!

Duke: I don't think this was his plan, but nevertheless Bobby Bourbon is bringing the whole house down atop of Sebastian right now!

Bobby takes a moment to catch his breath, leaning against the ropes as the crowd goes nuts. Bobby smirks as he watches SEB struggle to get up, his confidence swelling. Bobby pulls SEB to his feet once again, and the crowd begins to murmur in anticipation. Bobby hoists Sebastian up for an EMC Squared: the Earth's Mightiest Chokeslam. As he delivers the move, he proves once again Robbie's mass times the force he hits with inside the squared circle gives the crowd energy! The crowd goes absolutely intercontinentally ballistic as Bobby lifts the smaller man high into the air and parades him around the ring before slamming him down violently! The impact shakes the entire ring as SEB lies motionless on the mat.

Stalin: The EMC Squared! The Soviet Union's greatest scientist is back at it again, and this time, the Bastard has brought nuclear levels of devastation upon the capitalist swine in the ring! This has to be it, the Bastard has won!

Duke: I hate it when you're right, Joe, but I don't know how anyone could kick out of this!


Bobby smirks as he places a single toe atop SEB's chest for the pin.


1!




2!!




KICKOUT!!!!!




Stalin: CHEATING! CHEATING! Sebastian must be cheating, he goes straight to the gulag for daring to kick out! Call your secret police, Thaddeus, the time is now!

Duke: The Emperor disbanded my secret police ages ago, Joe! There's nothing I can do about him kicking out!

Somehow, Sebastian Everett-Bryce kicks out at the last second, the crowd erupting in shock. Bobby stares at the referee in disbelief, but the official holds up two fingers, confirming that SEB is still alive in this match. Bobby growls, clearly irritated that his devastating power move hasn’t put SEB away. But Bobby's hellbent on finishing the match. With a sick grin, Bobby grabs SEB by the throat and lifts him up once more. The crowd watches, eager to see the end of the match.

Stalin: Again Bobby, do it again!

SEB somehow slips free of Bobby's grasp, landing gracefully on his feet behind the larger man. In an instant, he swings Bobby around and delivers a brutal suplex that crashes Bobby into the mat!

Duke: The Emperor has escaped!

Bobby stumbles to his feet, his legs unsteady. SEB’s precision has taken its toll. The crowd rallies as he measures Bobby, his breath heavy but steady. SEB suddenly charges, connecting with a flying forearm to Bobby’s face, sending him into the ropes. Bobby stumbles backward, and in a blink of an eye, SEB nails a springboard dropkick right to Bobby’s chest. The force of the impact drives Bobby backward, but somehow he remains standing, a testament to his power and grit.

But SEB isn’t finished. He charges once again, connecting with a series of strikes to Bobby’s face before finally springboarding off the top rope with a flying elbow that catches Bobby square in the jaw. Bobby is reeling, stumbling back into the corner. This is SEB’s moment. He stands tall, watching Bobby struggle to maintain his footing.

The crowd chants “SEB! SEB! SEB!” as the former champion looks for his next big move. He circles the ring, setting up Bobby for something devastating. With a surge of speed, SEB hits an explosive Empire Kick out of nowhere, connecting clean with Bobby’s temple. The impact sends Bobby crashing to the canvas. The crowd can barely breathe as SEB covers for the pin!

Stalin: NO! Bobby, no! Thaddeus, I'm begging you, call for the Cheka!

Duke: There's no Cheka in SEB's Empire: he's the judge, the jury, and the executioner here tonight!

1!





2!!



3- NO! KICKOUT!!!


Bobby barely kicks out in time, his legs throwing SEB off of him with such force that it seems impossible.

SEB stares at the referee in disbelief, but there’s no time to waste. With determination etched on his face, he climbs to the top turnbuckle, preparing for a bigtime aerial assault. But as he leaps into the air for a moonsault, Bobby recovers, jumping to his feet and catching SEB mid-flight. He slams SEB down hard, the force of the impact reverberating through the arena.

Duke: This match has been a showcase of skill vs strength, of brawn vs brains, of size vs speed! And who's going to come out on top? It's still anyone's guess!

Stalin: Are you calling our glorious Bourbon skilless, brainless, and speedless! Why, I oughta purge you from the XWF myself, you dirty thieving pig! The Bastard is in complete control of this match, and he has been the entire time!

Duke: Dude, I'm just calling the match how I see it!

Bobby takes a few moments to recover, shaking his head as he looks down at SEB, who’s barely moving.

Bobby grabs SEB by the hair and pulls him to his feet, his eyes burning with the put SEB down once and for all. Bobby sets up the Emperor up for a Bobby Bomb, lifting him up into the air by his trousers: but SEB has other plans. With a sudden surge of energy, SEB reverses the move, twisting his body in mid-air and flipping over Bobby's shoulders. SEB lands on his feet and immediately locks in the NIGHTFALL choke on Bobby!

The crowd gasps as Bobby’s face turns a deep shade of red. He’s trapped. His hands claw at SEB’s forearm, trying desperately to break free. The ref checks on Bobby, who is starting to lose consciousness. His arms go limp, his body slumping against SEB’s hold. The crowd is on their feet, watching intently as Bobby’s lights seem to be dimming.

Stalin: We need to save him from that capitalist pig! We have to do something about this, Bobby is losing air, he's losing his life inside that ring! The capitalists are choking our greatest revolutionary, trying to stop the Bastardly Father's words from ever coming from his lips again!

Duke: Joe, calm down! It's just a choke!

Stalin: The NIGHTFALL is not just any choke, it is the most lethal, most fatal choke ever discovered by the Spetsnaz!

Bobby's body starts losing energy as the airflow is brought to a sudden standstill...but Bobby isn’t dead yet. With a roar of effort, he grits his teeth and begins to lift SEB off the ground, his strength overwhelming the smaller man. SEB’s eyes widen in shock as Bobby slams him into the turnbuckle with a spine-crushing impact. The referee steps back, giving both men a moment to recover, but the damage has been done.

Bobby stumbles backward, his chest heaving as he tries to regain his composure. SEB is barely able to stand, but there’s a fire in his eyes, a burning desire to beat the bastard. As Bobby charges toward him, SEB catches him with a quick roll-up, hoping to surprise the bigger man!


1!






2!!




KICKOUT!!!



Both men are gasping for air now, the toll of the match clear on their bodies. Both men rise quickly to their feet, but Bobby is a hair quicker. He grabs SEB once again, kicking him in the gut before lifting him into the air with shocking strength.

Duke: He's going for another Bobby Bomb!

Stalin: Do it, Bourbon! DO IT!

But before he can execute the move, SEB slides out of his grasp and reverses it into a DDT, crashing Bobby to the mat with a sickening thud! The crowd is on their feet, screaming, as SEB struggles to pull Bobby into position for the finish. He locks in a sleeper hold, the Nightfall once more, and with everything he has left, he wrenches back. But the combined sweat between the two men is too much, and Bobby slips free! Bobby pushes Sebastian off of him, and both men take a few moments to regain their composure on opposite sides of the ring.

Duke: This match has been a barn burner, but I'm not sure how much fire these two men have left! They have to be running on fumes at this point!

Stalin: We must call in an immediate resource resupply for Bobby Bourbon then, because he needs our nation's help now more than ever!

Bobby and SEB both dart forward at the same time, using what little energy they have left to clash in the center of the ring. The pair lock up, with Bobby's strength overwhelming SEB: but only at first! Within a few seconds, SEB realizes his folly and he stomps on Bobby's toes, forcing the big man to let go. As soon as Bobby releases his grasp, SEB kicks Bobby in the gut- causing Bourbon to keel over. That's when SEB senses his opportunity.

SEB grabs Bourbon and somehow, someway, he lifts the big man up into position for a piledriver. The crowd is on the edge of their seat as SEB stands tall with Bourbon in the middle of the ring, and then, in the blink of an eye:

SEB DELIVERS THE EXCUSE ME!

He covers Bourbon for the pinfall!

1!



2!!



3!!!!



Winner by Pinfall - Sebastian Everett-Bryce



Uh, ladies and gentlemen… I’ve just received word that myself, and Mean Gene here, are going to be joined by a very special guest commentator.

GoED: Oh! Is it the ghost of Henry George?

Never heard of him, Mean Gene, and frankly I had never heard of you until tonight. But based on our conversations, I believe you and our guest will get along just fine!

GoED: *getting along* should be the bare minimum of what humanity demands, Thaddeus. *getting along*... meeting a basic standard of living… should be a given

Ok… well, how about you two hash that out, you and the one, the ONLY, Independent Senator from Vermont… BERNIE SANDERS!

Bernie Sanders walks out from behind the curtain, waving to the massive audience that’s engulfed Coreytopia. Wow he says within earshot of the camera a few times over as he takes in the spectacle that is MayDay. He joins Thad and the specter of Eugene Debs, finding a seat between the two of them at the commentary booth.

Mr. Senator Sanders, what an honor!

He and Thad shake hands. Then Bernie turns and shakes the non-existent hand of GoED.

Thank you mista’ Duke. The honor is truly mine.

I’ve gotta say, I never took you for a pro-wrestling fan.

Listen… what I am a fan of what this event here tonight represents. All across this country, you’ve got millions, and millions of people who are beginning to wake up. They’re taking action. They’re beginning to ask the hard questions: ‘why is it in the richest country in the history of the world, that sixty-percent of our people are living paycheck to paycheck’: why is it, in the richest country in the history of the world that the majority of our people are spending over 40% of their limited income on housing: why is it so, that a handful of billionaires own more wealth than the bottom HALF of our society?

GoED: BILLIONAIRE?! Why… I… WHAT ON EARTH IS A BILLIONAIRE?!

It’s a great question Mr. Debs… the short answer? They’re the megalomaniacs who are destroying our planet in the name of greed.

Um. I’m not sure if I should feel offended

Listen, Thad… are all billionaires bad? …Yes. They are. But do all billionaires KNOW they’re bad, or are all billionaires actively causing harm? Maybe not.

Ok. So… umm.. SPEAKING OF CAUSING HARM!

Up next, we have two of the most imposing figures in all professional wrestling set to battle in another proverbial RUBBER MATCH.

King Kieran and Mark Flynn first faced-off in November of ‘22 in what was one of the biggest matches in history on the former Madness program. During that time, Mark Flynn was riding one of the most dominant Universal Title reigns in history. He was able to use his masterful technical skills to pin King.

Fast forward to March Madness 6…2024… King and Flynn would meet again in the semi-finals of the King of the XWF tournament, where ultimately, King would defeat Flynn after a swift, timely counter. King not only won that match, but the grand prize of being crowned King of XWF. Which he has now become the first person ever to repeat that feat. But tonight we have to wonder, can he repeat his most recent win over Mark Flynn here tonight, at MAYDAY 3?



Flynn bursts through the curtain in a dazzling blue robe. Across the back, it says "King of the Midcarders". He makes a deliberate, emotionless march to the ring and steps through the ropes.

What a wonderful song.

GoED: Oh, you’ll like this fellow, Bernard. He really knows how to speak to the people. He’s a kindred spirit sipping from the mainspring of a discontented civilization.

Indeed, this is the second time we’ve seen this man in action. And though he was booked as Michael Graves… allegedly…. Tonight, the Anarchy Champion walks out to the ring, maybe as a surrogate? But certainly with no mask, and no mistaken identity. This is MARK FUCKING FLYNN, one of the best to ever do it in an XWF ring. He said that tonight he’s going to punish King for having abandoned his kingdom after March Madness 6. He said that he will be the one to protect that gates of our Kingdom from the likes of the Black Rainbow.

What is everyone’s obsession with Monarchy?

GoED: For shame!

uhh… well, it’s more of a figurative…uh

What would the many thousands of brave souls who fought, and died, to secure Democracy in the United States think today watching so much pageantry dedicated to the likes of a king?




We may never know, Bernie. But what we will know here in a moment is how this record shattering crowd in Coreytopia, Florida is going to react to THE King of the XWF.

The first, frenetic strums of Faith No More's "Gentle Art of Making Enemies" rips through the arena as strobes of gold and white cast across the stage and crowd. After several moments, and then a few more for good measure, Kieran King eventually saunters onto the stage, smugly mugging for the audience

Earlier tonight, King Kieran laid down the gauntlet for the XWF roster. He made it known that he’s not impressed with the current state of affairs regarding the Universal Title. He doesn’t believe there’s a worthy soul on this roster of representing *his kingdom*, a roster that includes Mark Flynn. But King walks into this match an injured man, who suffered brutal assaults from Matthias Syn, Aurora, and then The Black Rainbow. And despite not being 100% for this contest, he made it clear to Mark Flynn that Anarchy… Flynn’s primary wrestling home… is *his kingdom* too!

Instead of his usual sprint, King walks towards the ring and gently rolls underneath the bottom rope - practically hovering off the mat. He foregoes his typical display, and instead settles his gaze onto Flynn.
Each man begins pacing their respective corner as the await the bell.

It cannot be understanded what's at stake here tonight. EAch man feels they have something to prove. Flynn wants to eradicate the XWF of this monarchy, while King Kieran looks to reaffirm that this is his kingdom to rule


Non-Title Match
Allegedly Micheal Graves
- vs -
King Kieran
Anarchy Rules - 1 RP/1K


The bell rings and we’re underway!

King and Flynn move right at one another. They lock horns in the center of the mat, and King immediately hollers out in pain. Flynn as quickly wrenched the arm over, the same arm that was damaged badly at Ides of March. King pulls away from Flynn and favors the shoulder, making a nimble move to put some distance between the two of them.

Oh, that’s not a good sign guys. King Kieran is favoring one of the many limbs that were badly injured the last time we saw him in the ring. And if he’s facing the same Mark Flynn I know? Then that, along with every other little weakness, will be exploited here

Flynn pounces, closing the gap and going for another grapple, but King shifts out of the way and puts Flynn down…sort of… with a drop toe hold. Flynn lands on his forearms, and King escapes, he runs at the turnbuckle leaping to the middle with his trademark agility… oh but he’s favoring the leg, he turns to leap back with a look of anguish on his face

But it’s too late!


Flynn runs up behind an German suplexes King from the middle rope. He keeps King locked up and rolls through for a second German suplex, only King blocks the lift by wrapping his leg around Flynn’s. Flynn pauses. Quickly lifts again, but when King tries to block using his leg this time, Flynn adjusts, grabs the leg and takes King and begins locking in a calf crusher!

King shouts out, and immediately begins pulling away with all of his might. Flynn is trying to keep the hold locked in, but King makes it to the apron. He crawls out of the ring, using the rope as a wall between him and Flynn. King rolls off the apron and gingerly lands on the arena floor where he begins limping around the ring, and favoring his arm.

This crowd here in Coreytopia is letting King have it right now! They’re trying to see a match, and it appears as if all King is doing is nursing his wounds.

This man is clearly very badly injured. It’s a shame that in today’s society, people will forego seeing a doctor, because they can’t afford the outrageous cost of medicine and treatment.

GoED: The world is a sick place, and I am sick with it

Well, I’ll tell you one thing… King Kieran can certainly afford to see a doctor, but knowing him? He’s arrogant enough to believe that he can overcome anything

Flynn throws his arms up at King as the crowd continues to boo. King turns briefly to sneer at a fan or two before he notices Flynn exiting the ring and making chase. As Flynn turns the corner, King slides back into the ring and runs at the ropes - - -BUT HE HOBBLES AGAIN!

He grabs at his leg, but within a matter of seconds, so too does Flynn! He dragonscrews King to the mat and holds onto the leg. King is on his back, his hands up pleading for Flynn not to- - - drop that falling elbow right into the inside of King’s knee!

King screams out again, and kicks Flynn away with his other leg before any more damage can be done. King starts using the ropes to pull himself back to his feet, but Flynn is there- he’s moving in for an arm drag, but King puts one leg through the ropes as Flynn tries to grapple. King yells at the ref, demanding a break and the ref grants it.

Flynn has what appears to be a clear advantage here tonight, but everytime he starts getting some momentum, King halts it!

King all the way out on the apron now grimaces and asks the ref to look at his leg. The ref obliges and leans over, checking it out. This seems to take forever as King appears to be really struggling as he argues with the ref about whether or not he can continue. Flynn is losing his patience and moves in - - -BUT KING JAMS A THUMB IN FLYNN’S EYE WHILE THE REF IS FOCUSED ON HIS LEG - - - Flynn grabs at his eye, and suddenly King is upright, brushing off the ref and grabs Flynn by the head, snapping him throat first against the top rope with a falling jawbreaker.

GoED: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that this King fellow is trying to bait his opponent

What a despicable act!

Flynn flings back, still on his feet, and now King is sliding back under the ropes. He runs in a full sprint past Flynn, hits the ropes and then on the rebound the plants Flynn with slingblade! King hits the ropes again… LIONSAULT!


ONLY CATCHES THE BARE CANVAS!

Flynn rolls out of the way just in time and is already up. He’s grabbing King’s bad arm and twists it around - - - HE’S GOT A THE FUJIWARA

FOR ONLY A SECOND BEFORE KING PULLS AWAY!

Again King has escaped to the floor. He’s grabbing at his arm again now, making awful faces and shouting obscenities at Flynn.

The ref begins a count, and King is milking it.

1… 2… 3…

King limps around the ring

4… 5… 6…

And this time Flynn is patrolling the ropes. He’s going to make King break the count himself, and be right there waiting when he rolls back into the ring.

7… 8…

King has no choice. He rolls back into the ring, right into a ready stomp in that bad shoulder from Flynn.

Flynn quickly twists the arm again, and pulls King up to his feet. With the arm wrenched, he leads the vulnerable King over to the turnbuckle, kicking him in the knee along the way. When Flynn backs King all the way wup, he whips him with all of his might, nearly falling in the process as King collides chest first with the opposite turnbuckle pads, and as King turns around - - -RUNNING KNEE TO THE CHIN!

NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!!!


BRIDGING PIN!!!


1!





2!!





KICKOUT!!!

But Flynn gives King no time..

He’s locked in a surfboard stretch!

GoED: Oh my, that looks as painful as privatization!

Yeah guys, I’m not so sure that King is faking this. He looks like he’s in a considerable amount of pain, and has looked that way since the beginning. Flynn is just doing his job, putting on a technical showcase, but man it’s hard to watch anyone be punished like this

The ref is on his knees, pleading with King, asking if he wants to submit. King screams out in agony but won't give up. Flynn is pulling with all of his might, and using all of his strength to keep King in position. Kieran keeps refusing the ref's offer to submit, and finally, Flynn has no choice but to release the submission.

King is badly damaged now, rolling around on the mat in agony. But Flynn goes right back to work. He has King up by the arm again, leading him into the corner with a series of mean chops across the chest. He has king the corner now, steps back and runs in with a knee lift.

The knees land flush, and King starts falling out of the corner. Flynn slides in behind him - - -ATOMIC DROP!

King falls forward to his knees, and is dangling on the middle ropes now.

Flynn steps out on the apron - - - KNEE TO THE HEAD




IS AVOIDED!



King slips back into the ring as Flynn bashes his knee against the apron.

King is still in bade shape though, begging the ref to help him to his feet, and screams when the ref tries to grab his shoulder. Flynn is recovering, and climbing the turnbuckle. And just as King stands - - - DIVING DROPKICK!!!!



TO THE REF’S FACE!!!!


I don’t know if he meant to do it, but King just pulled that ref in the way of Flynn’s dropkick as he fell back to the mat!

Flynn gets back to his feet, his hands in his hair and his eyes wide as he leans over to check o nthe ref he inadvertently took out of action


LOW BLOW!


King throws a bicep into Flynn’s crotch from behind.

BUZZSAW KICK!

Flynn is flattened, and now King is limping over to the turnbuckle. He climbs up, and waits for Flynn to stand…. DIVING DOUBLE AXE HANDLE!


Well the tides have certainly turned in this one folks!


King picks Flynn up and whips him into the corner. He follows behind and drapes Flynn’s legs over the middle ropes. He backs all the way across the ring and - - -


CROWN JEWELS!!!!


The running punt to Flynn’s groin is felt throughout the Coreytopia!


King covers…




1….2……3…….4…….?????


The ref is still out! We need a backup out here now!

Finally, a second ref comes rushing out from behind the curtains, he slides under the ropes


1!





2!!






KICKOUT!!!


King pounds the mat in frustration, and stands to argue with the ref. Making his case that he should’ve already won the match. BUT HE TAKES TOO LONG!

CHOP BLOCK FROM FLYNN!

Flynn has King by the leg and drags him near the corner. Flynn holds onto the leg and climbs out of the ring. Pulling King closer to the turnbuckle.

He rears the leg back and SWINGS IT AT THE STEEL POST - - - BUT KING!

He grimaces through some extra effort in his quads and uses his leg to run Flynn’s head into the steel. The crowd gasps as Flynn’s forehead is immediately showing color.

King gets out onto the apron, turns backward and a WHISPER IN THE WIND FROM THE APRON!

The crowd goes wild!

What a tenacious fight this is between these two!

GoED: It almost seems as if this crowd is enjoying watching King rally here.

Well, through no fault of his own, Flynn has put on a wrestling clinic against the injured King. It’s easy to feel sympathy for someone who’s being dominated. But now that King has fought back and appears to be in the driver seat, we’ll see how long he can keep up the sympathy act

The ref reaches a 7-count before King rolls under the ropes…

8…


Flynn is up but wobbly…


9….






HE LITERALLY DIVES UNDER THE ROPES JUST IN TIME!

King looks devastated. He’s sitting on his rear and scooting back trying to put some space between himself and Flynn. But Flynn looks possessed, standing, breathing heavily, seething, blood trickling down his forehead.

He grabs Kieran by the leg again, and flips him on his belly. He picks his leg all the way up now and slams his knee into the mat. He grabs the leg again, and Kieran is trying desperately to crawl away, but Flynn is all over him - - - STF

IS COUNTERED!


As soon as Flynn hooked his leg over, King maneuvered his lower body and causes Flynn to trip forward, falling face first into the turnbuckle pad.

King limps up to his feet and has Flynn down in the corner now.

King starts in with a series of stomps to Flynn’s head, and chest. Flynn tries covering up and blocks a few of the first kicks, but eventually they start getting through as King grabs the ropes for more leverage. He uses his boot to choke Flynn until the ref makes him break the hold.

King steps back to the center of the mat and runs in, cracking Flynn in the head with a running knee!

King covers!

1!




2!!





KICKOUT!!!

     
   
King is beside himself. Angrily he gets to his feet and starts climbing the turnbuckle… HE’S GOING TO SET UP FOR THE KINGMAKER!






BUT FROM BEHIND IT’S FLYNN!



HE’S GOT KING’S HEAD TUCKED UNDER HIS ARM!!!




REVERSE DDT INTO A KNEE INTO A - - - ROLLING DDT!!!!!!!!


LOGICAL CONCLUSION! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!

BUT FLYNN KEEPS WRAPPED AROUND KING, LIFTS HIM - - - SECOND ROLLING DDT!!!!!




IS UNCONSCIOUSLY SPUN OUT OF BY KING!!!
UGLY ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!

With a last ditch effort, King smashes Flynn face first into his knees with a codebreaker!

King is flat on his back, Flynn is wobbling and falls back-first over King’s stomach

FLYNN’S SHOULDERS HIT THE MAT


KING GETS A SLING ARM UP ON FLYNN’S CHEST


ORIGINAL REF

SECOND REF
1!

1!










2!!

2!!








WAIT A SECOND! WHAT???





3!!!

3!!!

Both refs call for the bell!

One then grabs King’s arm, while the other grabs Flynn’s arm.

The two refs look at one another incredulously and begin to argue

WINNERS: KING KIERAN! AND MARK FLYNN!


I can’t believe what we’re witnessing here. Talk about equality, Bernie… somehow both of these men won this match!

……


…….


Bernie?


GoED: Oh he left ages ago. I believe he’s off arguing with Stalin somewhere.

Well, he missed out on one of the most intense wrestling matches I’ve ever witnessed. Both men brought their absolute A-GAME for this show. King Kieran used his injuries as an advantage, opening himself up for Flynn’s onslaught of technical prowess. King took the extra damage to lure Flynn in, and get additional breaks from the ref… but that’s a risky choice with Flynn and he showed King why. Mark Flynn punished King for the majority of this match. But in the end, this chapter of Flynn v. King is a double pinfall!


King and Flynn both hobble to their feet when.

The lights cut.

What in the hell?

Darkness. Not silence—because 900,000 people are murmuring, shouting, confused. Phone lights flicker. Chants start to build.

The lights return.

Quickly from the crowd, Schism appears, and helps Flynn from the ring. The two of them escape through the crowd!

Oh no…

While standing in the ring near the ropes—still as a statue—is EMILIA GLAZKOV.

The Advocate of the BLACK RAINBOW.

She wears a torn white lace wedding dress, stained along the hem. A veil veils her face in soft shadow. In her hand is the teardrop-shaped bottle—CONSECRATION. The same bottle she carried on Anarchy, the same bottle that housed the black ichor she used to attack Tommy Wish. Her posture is effortless, hips cocked, like a bride waiting for something old to die.

Kieran freezes.

He raises his fists. Defensive stance. He’s seen what she did to Wish.

But Emilia doesn’t move. Doesn’t flinch.

She just watches.

KING BETTER WISE-UP LIKE FLYNN AND GET THE HELL OUTTA- - -

The lights cut again.

Gasp. Murmurs. A roar.

The lights come back.

SARAH WOLF is behind Kieran.

Hair a mess of ink-black tangles. Eyes wild. Smirking like a woman who never learned to feel fear.

Before Kieran can react—

WHAM—Sarah hits a savage SPINAL LOCK takedown, twisting him into the mat.

Kiernan fights back, but she is relentless. Bites. Scratches. They scramble to their feet but she takes control to deliver a brutal PILEDRIVER that drops him center-ring.

She hits the ropes. Returns.

DEATH
COMES
RIPPING.

Single leg meteora to the face of a seated Kieran. His body folds. Crowd gasps.

Kiernan struggles to rise. Sarah grabs him from behind—snaking around like a serpent.

She jams her fingers into his mouth. DEVILLOCK.

Her other hand clamps behind his skull. He gags, jaw forced open, back arched.

Emilia steps forward, veil now pulled over head. She lifts the bottle of CONSECRATION.

And opens it.

She tilts her head back—mouth wide—and pours a measure down her throat.

She walks slowly to Kiernan, lips shining black.

Then she leans in—intimate, almost gentle—and SPITS the Consecration straight into his mouth and across his face.

The reaction is immediate.

Kieran writhes.

His limbs twist. Eyes flutter. He begins to laugh—then scream. Then laugh again. Then sob.

His body convulses. He claws at the mat. A moan of primal agony tears from his throat.

Lights out.

Lights back.

Sarah and Emilia are gone.

Only King Kieran remains, writhing in the ring, lost in whatever world they dragged him into.

That was uncalled for! Kieran was already seriously injured, just survived an absolute war with Mark Flynn - - and now this????


A Black Rainbow logo flickers faintly across the big screen.





B L A C K.

A distorted march and shrill, ear-splitting violins attack the mass of attendants with visceral intent, triggering a contentious wave of hateful screams and wails. The music builds, and builds, until GORGO's voice ECHOES throughout the arena…

…NOW WE BECOME DEATH…
…THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS…
♫ GO BACK TO SLEEP! ♫

CUT TO: THE STAGE.

A Perfect Circle's COUNTING BODIES LIKE SHEEP violently assaults the listeners with its droning march as SMOKE AND RUIN crawls across the platform in strobing white light. A single spotlight shines down to center stage as Maynard begins singing the first verse.

♫ Don't fret precious, I'm here ♫
♫ Step away from the window
♫ And go… BACK TO SLEEP ♫

From below, GORGO slowly rises out of the stage surrounded in dark haze and flashing light. Blonde hair is smeared black with grease and hangs in wet tangles. Face painted black and white and marked with pagan symbology. White eyes outlined in black. Their smile, their awful smile, stretched into a hideous, crazed grin. Muscular shoulders and arms, but with feminine curves in all the right places, covered in black smeared grease paint. Their perfect, terrifying form elevates to the stage level with their shoulders heaving and body twisted into a grotesque, animalistic hunch.

They are YELENA GORGO. The Woman Who Laughs. The Mama-san. The Mad Queen.

♫ COUNT BODIES LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ LIKE SHEEP ♫
♫ COUNTING BODIES LIKE SHEEP TO THE RHYTHM OF WAR DRUMS ♫

They begin walking down the aisle but with a strange gate, more like a prowling animal, all while twisted giggles escape their mouth like a jackal's cry, causing their shoulders to hunch up and down with each hee-haw. Everyone watches their every movement. Shrieks and boos spew out of the mouths of everyone in attendance. All of them have nothing but utter contempt and disgust for Gorgo but every single one of them is standing to get a glimpse of them.

Gorgo crawls on their belly under the bottom rope and then pulls themself across the canvas to the middle of the ring. They sit up on their knees and then bend at the waist awkwardly backward, like a contortionist possessed by the devil. Then, suddenly, they lurch forward and let out a primal, howling, death metal scream with every muscle contracted and veins bulging outward through their skin as the house lights rise.





A custom version of BEAST by Tech N9ne begins to blast on the arena's speakers accompanied by the reaction of fans in attendance.

Insanity at it's finest
Fire starter,
Riot maker,
Moon stricken,
Animal need,
Bad seed,
Untamable beast!

A cloud of ocean blue smoke fills the top of the ramp, as the special lighting shines down upon the smoke it gives off the appearance of waves.

Everybody around me always think they know what's going on inside my mind
think I'm Mr. Trash Talk all the time
How they say on Diary 'You think you know, but you have no idea'

As the music kicks in, Shark jogs out of the curtains on cue. The chains around his neck sparkling into the camera as he's wearing a T-shirt that insults his opponent. He stands at the top of the ramp with his hands on his waist as he looks out into the crowd and takes a moment to look around at the packed arena. He nods his head with his typical cocky smile stretched from ear to ear. Before heading down the ramp he closes his eyes and spreads his arms out with his hands open, absorbing the mixed reactions of boos, cheers and screams coming his way.

He sings along to the music as he walks down the ramp, taking off his shirt on his way there and throwing it into the crowd without looking. He slides into the ring and begins to bounce off the ropes before shadow boxing. He then walks around the ring mouthing out something to the crowd about his opponent, the insults continuing but the broadcast is unable to pick it up.




XWF Universal Championship
James Shark ©
- vs -
Yelena Gorgo
Warfare Rules - 1 RP/4K



DING! DING! DING!

The bell tolls across Coreytopia, and silence in the ring follows as both James Shark and Yelena Gorgo stare daggers at each other. The fans around them, however, are as rabid as can be as they chant and cheer in support of their Universal Champion.

“FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK!”

The weight on Shark’s shoulders lightens a bit at the crowd’s chant, a small yet confident smile coming across his face. He gestures to the people outside, taking in that shred of support as his eyes don’t leave Yelena.

Yelena’s own stare only hardens, with a smile fitting of a predator stretching over her face in response.

TD: Well, it sure doesn’t look like it’ll be in question at all as to who the people are supporting here tonight!

GoED: James Shark, he’s a working-class hero, Thad. They’ve seen the man, they’ve seen the way he’s been held down by the system, but they also see how he’s willing to fight against that system, both in and out of the XWF.

TD: Working class… right… sure, let’s go with that…

The two slowly advance forward, their malicious eyes holding a glimmer of curiosity as they come to each other. Gorgo’s smile twitches, her arm moving upwards with her palm exposed, offering a test of strength for Shark.

Shark’s own eyebrow twitches back in response as the two fighters steel themselves, getting ready for anything. Anticipation floods his body as he gets into position, slowly raising his arm to take on the test of strength-

OH! ROUNDHOUSE KICK FROM GORGO CRACKS SHARK RIGHT ON HIS KNEE!

TD: Sneak attack by Gorgo, not wasting any time! Gotta be careful any time you come into range with her!

GoED: Her kicks, they’re like bullets made from the bourgeoisie. I pity anyone caught on the receiving end of them.

Shark inhales deeply, having to back up, but Gorgo’s on the attack. She aims for another low roundhouse, but Shark raises his leg to move out of the way and backpedal again, instead snapping off a quick one-two jab-cross combo to Gorgo’s gut that has her hunching over.

Shark looks to press his advantage, aiming a fast right hook on high, but now it’s Gorgo who’s bobbing and weaving her way below! She steps back, readying herself as she aims a roundhouse on high- but Shark ducks underneath now!

Shark has a moment as he tries to lunge in! Looking for a double leg takedown, but Gorgo sees it coming! She raises her knee, striking Shark right on the jaw as he stumbles! The crowd wince at the impact as he has to stand, trying to cover up!

Gorgo is faster on her feet, though, quickly snaking behind Shark and hooking in both of his arms! She inhales, looking to lift Shark up for a Dragon Suplex-!

ELBOW FROM SHARK CUTS GORGO OFF! It hits right in her face as now she’s the one stumbling and letting go of Shark, but she has to recover fast as Shark turns around, grabbing her around the neck as he twists-!

Shark throws Gorgo right over his hip and onto the ground! The crowd pop like crazy as Shark is feeling the adrenaline right now throughout his system as he shouts on the impact!

TD: These two are going balls to the wall and we just started. That throw looked like a Koshi-guruma, and hit pretty well at that.

GoED: Plenty of vigor in that throw, too. Thaddeus, we both know Yelena’s an expert judoka and brings many of those throws into her repertoire in the ring - do you think Shark’s trying to give the implication here that anything Yelena can do, he can do better?

TD: Shark’s the kind of guy where I can totally see him doing something like that, but I think we can both agree Yelena isn’t going to exactly take too kindly to that…

Yelena’s eyes remain closed on the mat as the impact of the Koshi-guruma washes over her like waves. Shark looks wary, but has to try and get close in order to keep on the offensive.

Just as Shark looms over Yelena though, her eyes snap open, pupils turning to pinpricks before him as her ravenous smile returns yet again! Her legs snap upwards as she rolls backwards, looking to get back to her feet quickly!

Shark wisely sees a hurricanrana attempt of sorts coming as he backpedals, but in doing so has to let Yelena get to her feet with her back to Shark. She twists around, landing a gnarly roundhouse to Shark’s side before doubling up with ANOTHER loud roundhouse to the leg she nailed before!

GoED: Yelena’s ever so greedy out there with how she’s doubling up on her strikes. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised…

TD: In this business, a lot of people find that they need to be greedy if they’re going to see success, and winning this title is the biggest success you can get. Yelena’s got a target right now with that leg though, and she’s trying to make the most of it!

Shark raises his guard, but Yelena steps in close and grabs a hold of him! Her leg steps past him, sweeping the injured leg out from behind as Yelena uses it to forcefully throw Shark onto the ground as he lands hard!

TD: Osoto-gari now from Gorgo! I told you she wasn’t going to take too kindly to that Koshi-guruma earlier!

Yelena smirks, straddling Shark over his waist and uses her arms to pin his shoulders down onto the mat as the referee slides in for the cover. As the ref moves, Yelena whispers something to Shark, something the camera can’t quite pick up…

OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!











TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!











SHARK REACHES UP TO CLOBBER YELENA WITH A HAYMAKER AS HE KICKS OUT!

GoED: I think half of Coreytopia just heard that strike echo!

TD: No idea what Gorgo whispered to Shark just now, but whatever she said, she’s got the champ red-hot!

Shark claws his way back onto his feet, gnashing his teeth together as he balls his fists up! Gorgo tries to come over towards him again to try and bring him back down to earth, but Shark responds with a LIVER PUNCH! GORGO DOUBLES OVER FROM THE FORCE OF THE BLOW AS SHARK ROARS!

Shark follows it up with a staggering headbutt, driving Gorgo back as he has to fight for every inch of ground he’s getting here! A jab to the face, an uppercut to the gut, using his good leg to push Gorgo back into the corner! Shark has the upper hand as he’s seeing his opening, running forward…

BUT GORGO COUNTERS WITH AN OBLIQUE KICK RIGHT TO THE INJURED LEG! SHARK CRUMBLES TO THE MAT WHILE HOLDING HIS LEG!

GoED: This Yelena Gorgo never ceases to amaze with her savagery, Thaddeus. As expected of someone of a class as disgusting as the bourgeoisie. She’s like a big game hunter out there with how she’s eyeing him up like meat.

TD: Shark likes to fancy himself a predator himself with the whole sharks and blood motif he has going on, but there’s always a bigger predator out there in the waters. The question is… who’s the baddest creature underneath the depths?

Gorgo has her eyes locked onto Shark’s injured leg, and she’s going to make the most of it. She giggles like a schoolgirl, grabbing a hold of Shark’s bad leg by the ankle and raising it on high as if it’s a trophy. She tilts her head curiously at Shark on the ground, studying his reaction.

He responds by shouting an expletive at her, using his good leg to kick her in the face.

Yelena’s head snaps back on impact from the kick, taking a long, deep breath as her shiny teeth glimmer from the grin on her face. It lasts for a long moment as Shark tries to struggle, aiming another kick right at her face.

Only for Yelena to slam an elbow right down onto Shark’s knee to drive it into the mat! Shark yells as a vein throbs in his forehead!

GoED: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this Yelena Gorgo is deriving some sort of sick, sadistic, almost sexual pleasure from the ways she can try to torture James Shark inside of that ring.

TD: First time?

GoED: Oh, so this is that common?

TD: That woman smiles in the ring in ways I haven’t seen in a long time.

Yelena throws another elbow right to the injured knee, taking perverse pride in grinding her body into the joint as a smug remark again slips from her lips as if it were nothing. Shark throws a left hand to the side of her head, but it lacks much of its usual power as Yelena manages to hold on. She aims a glare back towards him, continuing to tilt her head as she shifts.

Gorgo continues to pin Shark’s leg down on the mat, but she raises her body upward, using the extra distance to put some more momentum on a knee that slams right into the back of Shark’s own knee! Shark swears from the pain, but as the referee gets down onto his knees to ask if he gives up, he tells him to F-off which earns a pop from the fans!

TD: Well, Shark can sure still fight, but for how long?

Gorgo chuckles, bringing herself back onto her feet as she still has a hold of Shark by the ankle. She drags him across the ring akin to a murderer dragging a dead body, ignoring his attempts to struggle and claw onto the mat to avoid her from having her way here, but it’s of no use. Gorgo stomps onto his gut, knocking the wind out of his sails as she proceeds to slide out of the ring with Shark still inside.

This is needed however as Gorgo proceeds to drag Shark over by the ankle over to the metal ring post, bringing his leg past and SMASHING IT RIGHT INTO THE UNFORGIVING STEEL!

The fans wince in unison as Shark’s yells are only getting stronger! The referee yells at Yelena to get back into the ring, but she’s ignoring him!

TD: You talk about getting your hands dirty, I think Yelena’s trying to outright soak them in blood here.

GoED: This is stacking the deck in monumental proportions in her favor. If James Shark wants to declare himself a champion of the proletariat as these people want to believe in him as, he needs to fight back!

Sure enough, another kick from Shark’s good leg catches Gorgo on the jaw as she has to step back! She rubs her chin from the impact, noting the force Shark managed to bring back into his leg. Shark tries to gingerly crawl backwards, but Gorgo is on top of him and manages to drag him back to the ring post!

ALL SO SHE CAN WRAP HERSELF AROUND THE INJURED LEG AND APPLY A HEEL HOOK AROUND THE RING POST! SEVERAL FANS SCREAM IN HORROR AS GORGO WRAPS HER ENTIRE BODY AROUND THE LEG TO DANGLE HERSELF OFF OF IT!

SHARK IS SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER AS HE GRABS ONTO THE BOTTOM ROPE! HE REFUSES TO GIVE IN, BUT THE PAIN IS GETTING TO HIM!

THE REFEREE IS SNAPPING AT GORGO AND BEGINS TO COUNT!

ONE!



TWO!



THREE!



FOUR!



FIV- GORGO BREAKS THE HEEL HOOK!

GoED: For a moment there, I thought Yelena Gorgo would be letting herself get counted out with how close the count was getting…

TD: Unfortunately for Shark, that’s not the case, and even if it was, I still don’t think that would stop her…

Gorgo watches, letting Shark drag himself back into the middle of the ring. Like a child chasing after her doll, she rolls back into the ring, quick and eager to play with it more.

Shark manages to bring himself to the ropes though, finally beginning to be able to drag himself back onto his feet. He sucks in air through his teeth, gingerly testing weight on his injured leg as he slowly gets back up-

ONLY FOR GORGO TO KICK HIM ON THE BACK OF HIS KNEE AND BRING HIM BACK INTO A SEATED POSITION! Shark winces from the impact as he brings himself back onto his good knee now, kneeling and holding onto the second rope for support!

Gorgo’s running the ropes! She charges straight ahead at Shark, looking to lunge at him!

SHARK DRAGS THE SECOND ROPE DOWN THOUGH! YELENA SAILS RIGHT IN BETWEEN THE ROPES AND COLLIDES FULL-SPEED INTO THE METAL GUARD RAIL AS A SICKENING CRACK RINGS OUT!

TD: THAT MIGHT BE THE OPENING SHARK NEEDS!

GoED: YELENA GORGO PLAYED WITH HER FOOD FOR TOO LONG!

The fans pop like crazy as Shark smirks from the small victory! His leg still hurts like Hell, but he’s still trying to claw himself back into this match! He grabs onto the middle rope again, slowly pulling himself back onto his feet as he tries to limp around the ring, bringing some feeling back into his leg!

Gorgo is stirring on the outside, eyes glazed over for but a brief moment as her hand reaches towards the ring canvas from outside, murmuring something under her breath as she does so. She glares inside of the ring, watching as Shark wags his finger to wait for her.

A twitch of Gorgo’s lips betrays her excitement.

She rolls into the ring, and Shark’s immediately on top of her! He leaps into the air, not even giving her a SECOND to breathe as he aims his fist - SUPERMAN PUNCH! GORGO’S SKULL BOUNCES OFF OF THE RING CANVAS!

TD: James Shark laying down some Sharkbait! If Gorgo’s aim is to try and cripple Shark, he’s going to make sure he gives her some CTE in exchange between ramming herself into the barricade and now this!

GoED: Shark couldn’t even keep himself steady after that Superman Punch! He crumbled right down to the mat alongside Gorgo!

Shark wheezes as he drags himself across, now being the one to straddle Gorgo as he’s in Full Mount! He doesn’t waste any time however, winding up and bringing a slicing elbow against her face!

And another! And another!

TD: Oh, crap… this is looking similar to how Shark was bludgeoning SEB back during their match some time ago!

Elbow! Elbow! ELBOW! ELBOW! A CUT IS STARTING TO APPEAR ON YELENA GORGO’S FOREHEAD AS SHARK TARGETS IT! ELBOW! ELBOW!

YELENA GORGO BITES JAMES SHARK’S ARM AS IT COMES DOWN TOWARDS HER AGAIN!

GoED: DISGUSTING!

SHARK STRUGGLES IN GORGO’S GRASP, BUT AS BLOOD SPILLS DOWN HER SKIN, HER EYES GLIMMER IN DELIGHT! SHE DRAWS BLOOD FROM SHARK’S ARM IN RETURN, TEETH DIGGING THROUGH THE SKIN!

SHARK DELIVERS ANOTHER HAMMERFIST RIGHT ON THE CUT HE CREATED TO FORCE GORGO’S MOUTH OFF OF HIS ARM AS HE HAS TO SLINK OFF OF HER! BOTH COMPETITORS ARE STUCK ON THE GROUND AND STEWING IN THEIR WOUNDS!

TD: Somehow, these two haven’t killed each other. This is like a match made in Hell.

GoED: Well, they’re a match, but you also made the match, Thaddeus…

TD: Oh, don’t get me wrong, they’re putting on a show! But that doesn’t make this stomach-churning at points.

Across Coreytopia, all fans with their eyes on the match unite in one single, solidary chant that echoes far and wide.

“FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK! FREE THE SHARK!”

Shark uses the ropes for support, chuckling as he hears the fans shouting his name. He glares across the ring, finding Yelena Gorgo already standing in the middle of the ring. She’s not moving, head bowed down low as blood continues to trickle. Droplets fall off of her face like crimson rain, meeting the pale canvas and staining it.

Shark sees his opportunity and rushes forward one more time! He cocks his elbow as he LEAPS TOWARDS YELENA!



PAID!



IN!



BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!






























YELENA KICKS JAMES SHARK’S LEG IN MID-AIR TO CRUMBLE HIM!

GoED: That kick was like lightning!

TD: Shark’s going to be lucky if he isn’t in a cast after this match with all this damage to the leg!

Shark howls as he falls to the mat, holding onto his knee as he pounds the mat in frustration. Gorgo simply stares and marvels quietly at the man before her, before her hand reaches out towards Shark. Her fingers sink into his skin like talons tearing apart meat, forcing him onto his feet as she proceeds to duck down low…

NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! The referee gets in position to count the pin, but Yelena ignores him as she proceeds to show off her athleticism and flips back around to get back onto her feet! She hoists up Shark, showing off her strength as he’s completely groggy!

A SECOND NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! The referee tries to count the pin again, but Gorgo again ignores him! Once again, she gets back onto her feet, bringing Shark with her as a third suplex is coming!





BUT JAMES SHARK LEAPS UP AND SINKS A GUILLOTINE CHOKE ON YELENA GORGO!





TD: HOW IS THIS MAN FINDING THIS STRENGTH?!

THE FANS ARE UNITED ONCE MORE IN CHANTING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS, THEIR VOICES MAKING THE GROUND SHAKE!

“TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!”

SHARK WRENCHES BACK ON THE CHOKE WITH EVERYTHING HE’S GOT! GORGO’S TRYING TO PRY HERSELF OUT TO NO AVAIL! SHARK’S GRIP IS LIKE IRON!

THE REFEREE SLIDES IN! HE’S ASKING GORGO IF SHE WANTS TO GIVE UP!

GoED: WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT, GORGO IS IN POSITION TO EITHER TAP OR NAP RIGHT NOW!

TD: THE LONGER SHE STRUGGLES, THE LESS STAMINA SHE’S GOT LEFT IN THE TANK!

SHARK YELLS AT GORGO AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS TO TAP AS WELL AS HE CINCHES THE HOLD IN DEEPER! TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR YELENA AS SHE HAS TO DO SOMETHING QUICKLY!



THE REFEREE IS ASKING GORGO AGAIN IF SHE WILL GIVE UP!



GORGO’S STRENGTH IS BEGINNING TO FADE! HER LEGS ARE BEGINNING TO GIVE OUT FROM HER! HER ARM SLUMPS TO THE FLOOR! THE FANS CAN TASTE THE BLOOD IN THE WATER AS THEY POP!



THE REFEREE RAISES GORGO’S ARM UP HIGH AND LETS IT FALL TO THE MAT!

ONE!

HE GRABS IT ONCE MORE TO LET IT FALL A SECOND TIME!

TWO!

THE REFEREE RAISES GORGO’S ARM ONE MORE TIME AND LET’S GO!

















GORGO REACHES FORWARD TO SINK HER GRIP ACROSS JAMES SHARK’S FACE!

SHARK’S EYES WIDEN AS GORGO SQUEEZES! SHE SMASHES HIS SKULL AGAINST THE MAT! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN!

GORGO HOISTS HERSELF FORWARD, STILL HOLDING ONTO SHARK’S FACE AS SHE SLIPS OUT OF THE GUILLOTINE AND RAISES HER WEIGHT TO KEEP SHARK IN A PINNING PREDICAMENT!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!


























TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




























KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

TD: Eugene, I’m starting to wonder if this is ever going to end!

GoED: Look! Shark’s still bringing himself back onto his feet!

Shark has to shake out the cobwebs, and he’s just a beat behind, but he’s ready to try and finish this fight and win-

KICK DEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

TD: SHE HIT IT! SHE HIT IT! KICK DEMON! THAT’S GOTTA BE IT!

GoED: DID YOU SEE HOW SHARK’S SKULL SNAPPED BACK?!

GORGO CHUCKLES AS SHE SLIDES ON TOP OF SHARK FOR THE PIN!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!


































TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




































KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

TD: HE CAN’T BE KILLED OUT THERE! I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M SEEING!

GoED: THE SPIRIT OF THE PROLETARIAT IS LIVING ON WITHIN JAMES SHARK! HE’S EMBODYING EVERY SINGLE WORKING SOUL THAT’S SUPPORTING HIM RIGHT NOW!

Gorgo blinks, genuine surprise etching onto her face as she stares down at the man who’s managed to kick out and persevere in spite of everything that’s been thrown at him in this match. Another ghost of a chuckle escapes her lips, with Gorgo’s body practically on marionette strings as she forces herself back onto her feet. Beneath her, Shark begins to stir once more.

TD: But you have to wonder at this rate if he’s only putting himself at more risk the more he kicks out! Gorgo’s insane, sadistic in that ring! Eugene, do you think it’d be worth it to try and live to fight another day at this rate?

GoED: The Universal Championship is James Shark’s heart and soul, Thaddeus, we both know that quite well. If he were to lose it here, that’d be no better than being thrown into jail again. It’d be no better than death to him.

TD: I don’t think Gorgo has any problems with trying to actually kill him, if it comes down to it…

GoED: You say that after calling him immortal-

TD: And I meant it, but I don’t know if Gorgo can also be stopped in that ring right now.

Gorgo simply slides her foot underneath Shark’s chin as he stirs, commanding him back to his feet as she stares at him. Gorgo’s crimson mask and Shark’s ravaged arm paint the canvas red, a telltale sign of how much destruction this entire match has caused.

Shark finally comes back onto his feet from Yelena’s command as the audience watch with bated breath. Gorgo’s body shifts, and her leg snaps with it-











KICK DEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!











BUT JAMES SHARK’S INJURED LEG HAS HIM CRUMBLING UNDERNEATH THE KICK! IT SAILS OVERHEAD!

GoED: THE BAD LEG WORKED IN HIS FAVOR?!

TD: GORGO’S OFF BALANCE!

GORGO STUMBLES AS SHARK’S EYES FLICKER, REALIZING THE OPENING! HE DOESN’T NEED TO THINK TWICE AS HE FORCES HIMSELF ONTO HIS FEET AND LEAPS!

PAID!



IN!



BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!








BUT GORGO DOESN’T FALL!

SHE STUMBLES BACKWARDS, EYES GLOSSY FROM THE IMPACT AS HER BACK MEETS THE ROPES AND BOUNCES OFF TO SLAP AGAINST SHARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

SHARK MURMURS SOMETHING INTO GORGO’S EAR, THE TWO WARRIORS ON THEIR LAST LEGS AS HE PUSHES HER OFF ONCE MORE!

GORGO BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES AGAIN AS SHE SLUMPS TOWARDS THE CENTER OF THE RING-



A SECOND PAID IN BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!



SHARK COLLAPSES ON TOP OF GORGO AS THE REFEREE COUNTS!



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!


































TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




































THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



WINNER and STILL XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - JAMES SHARK!



TD: I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW! YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT ‘GUTSY PERFORMANCE,’ MEAN GENE, THAT’S THE TEXTBOOK DEFINITION RIGHT THERE!

GoED: I’m utterly flabbergasted, but monumentally impressed with James Shark! A worthy spirit of the proletariat indeed! And Gorgo… well, for a bourgeoisie, she was indeed impressive as well…

TD: That woman made my blood chill with half of the stuff she did in that match. Surely… surely she’s going to win the Universal Championship one day, and I don’t know who’s going to be ready when that does happen.

GoED: But that day is not today, Thaddeus Duke. Right now, we should celebrate the man who did win.

As James Shark is presented with the Universal Championship as he slowly gets back to his feet, the championship he fought so hard for repeatedly, he raises it high into the air as more cheers and chants surround him from the crowd.

A million bodies pulse to the last echoes of the main event. Towering light rigs crown the horizon. Drone cameras buzz overhead like flies. Giant projection screens loom above the crowd, flickering with sponsor logos and highlights.
The lights go out.

Not all of them. Just enough.

Hundreds of thousands of murmurs. People lift phones. Security radios crackle. The stage flickers.

The main screen comes to life.

A low, analog hum. A tape whirring. The screen distorts, color-bleeds. Then, in lo-fi VHS font:

NOWHERE IN THE BLACK RAINBOW

A stuttering lullaby begins.

Judy Garland’s voice—sweet, familiar—cracks. It slows. Deepens. Warps.

“Nowhere... in the Black... Raaaaain... bow..."

The melody from Somewhere Over the Rainbow plays in reverse, laced with minor chords and discordant bell chimes. The notes lurch.

The screen shows:

- A carousel melting.

- Moths erupting from a wrestler’s mouth.

- Static-eyed cultists.

- An eye inside a triangle, blinking sideways.

- The word KNEEL flashing frame-by-frame.

“Night won’t die... Screams still rise...”

The crowd is split. Most are confused. Many laugh it off. But scattered across the field, pockets of viewers stare glassy-eyed.

Their jaws slacken. Their fists clench.

“Why, oh why, not you?”

The screen cuts to WHITE.

A beat.

Then—

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

A shirtless man in Section 14 lunges at the person next to him, tackling them into a metal barricade. A vendor flips over their cart. Two women brawl on top of a food truck. A ring technician convulses behind the LED panel.

It spreads like fire—but not everywhere. Just enough.

Security rushes forward, but they're drowned in confusion. Staff scream into radios. EMTs push through rows of bodies. A flare is launched. A speaker tower tilts.

Some fans continue to cheer, unaware. Others try to climb the barricades. Yelena is gone, leaving only James Shark left alone in the ring, disoriented, eyes flicking from crowd to the video screen.

The video plays again.

This time it’s faster. More jagged.

“If bloodstained things can sing…
Why, oh why, not you?”

Police on horseback move toward the perimeter. Too late.

The crowd is not unified in riot.

It’s fractured—into the aware and the unaware.

Those who saw too much, and those who don’t yet know what’s inside them.

One million witnesses.

Only a few thousand infected.

That’s all it ever takes.


- - -meanwhile at the exact same time- - -


At the base of the 40 foot tall XWF corporate sponsorship logo, we see Dolly, Corey, Flynn and Schism

They’re all looking on nervously as the massive crowd is beginning to unravel from the subliminal messaging they were shown.

Ok, boys? We’ve REALLY gotta’ hurry the hell up!

Yeah. This crowd is turning into something really bad, really quick.

Schism produces a large remote control, like the one Doc Brown used for the Delorian. Sweat forms along his brow as he engages the ON-SWITCH.

c’mon, c’mon, c’mon Flynn urges him nervously as he looks out to the brawling crowd that's spreading closer and closer to them.

Schism titles his head up, the reflection of the giant XWF monolith, the symbol of all that is wrong in the world is shown in the reflection of his aviators.

Cleanse eden of its weeds, oh tempest… show me the Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Press the damn button, Schizz!

Schism grins and pounds the big blinking button on the remote and…

….

……..


………………..Nothing?

Ummm…?

Isn’t there supposed to be a big fiery explosion?

Schizz?! You paid the guys who were supposed to rig that thing to blow, RIGHT?!

Of course! I paid em all-right… with Big Rock Candy Mountain Coffee Co-op discount cards.

FUCK! Why in the hell would you - - -wait! Flynn looks even more panicked now Where’s my kid? WHERE’S WAR-BABY???

LOOK!

In the distance, ontop of the XWF logo, is NKWB. He’s laughing and clapping his hands, playing with the male and female connection to the explosion rig.

SHIT SHIT! HOW’D HE GET UP THERE?!

He must’ve climbed up the staircase in the back!

Everything slows down…

Dolly is sprinting toward the logo…

NKWB is connecting the rig…

NO!!!!!!!

Dolly’s hand is reaching out, tears in her eyes, when beside her…














*BLINK*








[Image: kurt-cobain-kurt.gif]




ALIAS…




He smiles and then…




*BLINK* - - - The rig is connected - - - and NKWB is on the ground, in ALIAS’ arms.


Flynn takes NKWB from ALIAS and squeezes him tight in his arms.

The crew all looks up as the rig detonates.

The massive XWF corporate sponsorship logo erupts in explosions, and becomes engulfed in flames. Suddenly the massive crowd stops brawling, and the world turns to see… hope.

And my ain’t beautiful…

[Image: 895096ddcb2d22c300828437894c9480.gif]

The structure fully detonates and a firework display erupts behind it.

The crew all turn with a smiling nod to one another.

The crowd transforms from chaos and fear, to gaiety and joy.


- - -back in the ring- - -

Shark nods his head confidently, celebrating under the light of the firework display.

He reaches down to grab the Universal Title and raise it again… but it’s gone!

In all of the confusion, someone must’ve swiped it!

…and running through the commune fields, laughing, with the Universal Title on his shoulder?


Charlie Nickles.


-the end-




Thanks everyone for your patience!

A special thanks goes out to our match writers:

Mark Flynn (x6!!!!!!)
Charlie Nickles
Maverick
Yelena Gorgo

Segment writers:

Corey Smith
Thunder Knuckles
Yelena Gorgo
James Shark
Charlie Nickles

And thank you to everyone RPed and participated…

HAPPY MAYDAY!
]]> <![CDATA[XWF Presents "Sound and Fury"]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46878 Sat, 16 Sep 2023 20:43:56 -0700 Peter Principle]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46878


09 - 15 - 2023





LIVE FROM THE GRAND OLE OPRY

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE


ISAIAH KING
- vs -
MASTERMIND
2 RPs / Up to Ten Minutes

BOBBY BOURBON
- vs -
HOTDOG
2 RPs / Up to Ten Minutes




The “Tight Five” Radio City Rumble
An Over-the-Top-Role Battle Royal, where the ring is surrounded by Improvisers, the lowest, the least-human form of comedy.

Winner will receive the opportunity to compete for the UNIVERSAL TITLE!

FEATURING
Y’ALL KNOW WHO
EDWARD
MYSTERY ENTRANT
LATINA SUBMISSION MACHINA
BARNEY GREEN
‘THE’ JESSICA ANDERSON
TOMMY GUNN
JOB GUY
DA BING BONG TWINZZ
SALLY FKA
HAM SANDWICH
RAIN
CRIMSON DONG
FUTURE LEGEND JORDI
SALT & PEPPER
CAPTAIN FUTURE
SHUJIN YAMA
DENNIS RODMAN
BILLY “BASS” ACKWARDS
JOEY ODDJOBS
THE DISINTIGRATORS
TODD THE INTERN
TATSU

1 RP / Up to Five Minutes
Open to Anyone




Timestamps
Intro - 0:00
Isaiah King - vs - Mastermind - 2:00
A Message from America's Pumpkin Farmers - 5:08
Bobby Bourbon - vs - HotDog - 6:36
WERE YOU INJURED ON THE JOB? - 13:30
RADIO CITY RUMBLE - 14:15
]]>


09 - 15 - 2023





LIVE FROM THE GRAND OLE OPRY

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE


ISAIAH KING
- vs -
MASTERMIND
2 RPs / Up to Ten Minutes

BOBBY BOURBON
- vs -
HOTDOG
2 RPs / Up to Ten Minutes




The “Tight Five” Radio City Rumble
An Over-the-Top-Role Battle Royal, where the ring is surrounded by Improvisers, the lowest, the least-human form of comedy.

Winner will receive the opportunity to compete for the UNIVERSAL TITLE!

FEATURING
Y’ALL KNOW WHO
EDWARD
MYSTERY ENTRANT
LATINA SUBMISSION MACHINA
BARNEY GREEN
‘THE’ JESSICA ANDERSON
TOMMY GUNN
JOB GUY
DA BING BONG TWINZZ
SALLY FKA
HAM SANDWICH
RAIN
CRIMSON DONG
FUTURE LEGEND JORDI
SALT & PEPPER
CAPTAIN FUTURE
SHUJIN YAMA
DENNIS RODMAN
BILLY “BASS” ACKWARDS
JOEY ODDJOBS
THE DISINTIGRATORS
TODD THE INTERN
TATSU

1 RP / Up to Five Minutes
Open to Anyone




Timestamps
Intro - 0:00
Isaiah King - vs - Mastermind - 2:00
A Message from America's Pumpkin Farmers - 5:08
Bobby Bourbon - vs - HotDog - 6:36
WERE YOU INJURED ON THE JOB? - 13:30
RADIO CITY RUMBLE - 14:15
]]> <![CDATA[MAYDAY 2! At Ye' Ole' Commune!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46244 Sun, 07 May 2023 21:37:41 -0700 Dolly Waters]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=46244 …5 Days Ago…

MSNBC Reporter: Deja Vous, anyone?

We’re bringing you live to Coreytopia, Florida, the site of the legendary XWF event MayDay, where two years ago an estimated one-million fans swarmed this secluded nook of South Florida for a free wrestling event. And as you can see-

[Image: gettyimages-50461195-1513965794.jpg]

MSNBC Reporter: -a massive crowd has formed again, in anticipation for MayDay 2! Lets now go live to the gates of Coreytopia where the fans are awaiting entrance onto the property.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Hey, man! It’s May first, when are they going to let us in?

Hippie fan who loves free shit #2: I don't know. The gates weren't even locked two years ago…

He looks around noticing black shirted pillars of muscle carrying batons,

Hippie fan who loves free shit #2: …and there weren’t any security guards either.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Well, this time things were advertised like crazy. I’m sure they’ll open up soon. But in the meantime-

The fan pulls a rerolled cigar from his pocket and grins at his friend, as he begins sparking a lighter.

We suddenly hear the echo of a megaphone:

Put the blunt down!

Dolly Waters,the host of MayDay 2 appears on the security wall of the Coreytopia property, speaking into the detached mic of a megaphone in her hand,

The gates to Coreytopia will open in ten minutes. Please dispose of any drug, or alcohol paraphernalia, and have yer’ 50 dollar entrance fee ready.

The crowd begins roaring with disapproval,

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Hey, man! This show is supposed to be free!

The wrestling event, XWF MayDay 2 is completely free!

However, to view the wrestling event, one must purchase tickets to the MayDay 2 music festival which will be taking place for the next five days.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Well… I guess that’s fair, but no drugs? C’mon. What’s a music festival without drugs and booze?

No need to worry! Because included in yer’ MayDay 2 admission is a package of my third eye chakra tea… Dolly’s Divine Timing.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #2: Oh shit! Psychedelic tea? Niiiiice. Who all’s playing at the concert?

If y’all thought Natalie Merchant was great two years ago, wait until you see what we have in store for you this year. It’s a legendary lineup of post-grunge, numetal, divorced dad anthems!

The fans share some glares of skepticism,

and it starts, NOW!

Welcome to MayDay 2!

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: I sure hope this tea is strong.







LIVE FROM YE' OLE' COMMUNE





COREYTOPIA, FLORIDA



A SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH

Corey Smith
- vs -
ALIAS

One Fall




TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Noah Jackson
- vs -
Isaiah King©

Ladder Match




FATAL FIVE-WAY CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDERSHIP

Jay Omega
- vs -
Michael McBride
- vs -
Reggie Estrada
- vs -
Cadryn Tiberius
- vs -
RoboGravy

One Fall



TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

"The JustUS League"
(The Blue Tango and The Atomic Bat)
- vs -
SAGA ©
(Raion Kido and Jason Cashe)

Tag Team - One Fall




Mark Flynn
- vs -
The Generic Heel

XTreme Rules Match




WARGAMES CAPTAINS BATTLE ROYALE LUMBERJACK MATCH

Thunder Knuckles
- vs -
Sarah Lacklan
- vs -
Angelica Vaughn
- vs -
'Notorious' Ned Kaye
- vs -
Vagabond
- vs -
Dolly Waters

Lumberjacks: The 24 Roster Members Of The WarGames Draft Pool

Over-The-Top Elimination Rumble




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UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Bobby Bourbon
- vs -
Raion Kido ©

Best Two Out Of Three Falls



The camera feed opens up in a familiar setting…

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It’s the massive courtyard behind Corey Smith’s mansion, where our wrestling ring and entrance area have been staged. Near the entrance area sits the commentary booth, where we clearly see Heather Halliwell, and barely see Pip Collins, making their way to their seats.

...what are y’all doin?

But they’re intercepted, by none other than the host of MayDay 2, the resident Gypsy Queen of the XWF, Dolly Waters.

HHL: Um, well we’re trying to go do our jobs-

Dolly holds her hand out, stopping Heather mid-sentence,

MayDay 2 is a celebration of international workers day, Heather.

HHL: But that was five days ago…

That’s right! A five day celebration… see how important worker solidarity is to me? Why don’t you and Pip grab a seat, kick yer’ feet up and just enjoy the festivities, I’ve got the commentary team covered.

Heather shrugs, while Pip jumps in the air, pumping his fists.

And taking a seat at the commentary booth, is none other than XWF Legend, former Universal Champion…

Thaddeus Duke

He waves to the cheering audience and puts on his headset,

Grab a seat Dolly… I can’t tell you how excited, and honored I am to provide color commentary with you again

Thad, I really appreciate you stepping up to do commentary again, but I won’t be joining you this year…

Well, I guess I can do both color and-

No, no, no… don’t worry.

I’ve got yer’ play-by-play coming out right now…

Hey Dookie!

It’s none other than the Nickleman, Charlie Nickles, stepping out from behind the curtain and grabbing a seat next to Thad. A wrestles him around the shoulder for an awkward hug and noogie. Thad jerks aways.

Touch me like that again and we’re fighting






A SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH

Corey Smith
- vs -
ALIAS

One Fall


As the… err… hometown(kinda?) boy, Corey Smith, waited in the ring, the lights around the entire makeshift stadium slowly dimmed until nothing was left.

And Corey, like the rest, waits.

And waits.

And waits.

As the wait continues, a murmur trickles its way around the crowd, carrying with it a memory.

Two years ago, a million strong all rejoiced as the king was slain.

Today, they remember.

"When I just a little girl…"

One lone voice begins to sing.

The memory takes root as more join in.

"...I asked my mother, what will I be?..."

A few voices become many.

Rising! Rising!

"...Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?..."

An entire choir takes root!

The memory is no longer distant, it is here! It is May Day once more!

For the people! By the people!

And buy some tea while you're at it.

"...Here's what she said to me…"

The entire crowd joins in as the fever in which May Day 1 ended, reignites here at the second coming.

For the second coming.

The crowd belts out "Que Será, Será" at the top of their lungs, filling the void in the absence of any music. They interrupt themselves to roar a little as a lone spotlight falls upon the entrance way, before getting back to the job at hand.

And in the spotlight… behold, a white horse!

Gently it plods its way towards the ring, undeterred by the raucous singing around it. It carries no man upon its back, just an omen.

For the seventh trumpet has sounded.

Elsewhere, a boulder has been rolled away from the opening of a tomb.

And then, the light was gone. And the horse with it. All was empty, and the crowd's noise began to die. Until…

A spark.

A cigarette alight.

It ain't going to light itself.

The lights rise. The fans do too to their feet.

Risen.

'He' is.

Corey turns. Standing behind him in the ring, is ALIAS.

He flicks his cigarette out of the ring, where it snuffs itself in the ground.

And he doesn't take his eyes from Corey.


The official calls for the bell, and the match is underway.

Here we go!  Two of the greatest to ever lace a pair of boots and for the record… Let’s go Corey!

Two of the greatest? Where? Is Mini-Morbid hiding under the ring?

Both men stand in their respective corners, neither budging as they stare one another down. There’s a loud gust of wind that rips between them, sending ALIAS’ bangs fluttering off to the side of his head.

Smith rolls his neck, and grabs onto the ropes, pulling down and stretching out his arms.

ALIAS steps forward to the center of the mat, and Corey joins him there, yet neither speak a word or raise a fist.

Looks like Cheddar Al is playing some more mind games with Monsieur Smith here. I wouldn’t be surprised if these two were having some sort of telepathic arm wrestling match, right here in the middle of the ring! Look at the intensity in their eyes!

They stand toe to toe as the crowd begins to roar so loud that the cameras are shaking.

Corey looks to the left, ALIAS to the right. The crowd begins dueling chants of these two legends' names.

Corey and ALIAS again lock eyes.

They nod.

Then they lock up!
ALIAS uses his size advantage to push Corey into the ropes. Smith raises his hands up trying to wedge his arms between him and ALIAS to halt an irish whip attempt. It works, but ALIAS still brings Corey to the mat with an arm drag.

Before Corey can even get settled on the canvas, ALIAS is digging into his collar bone with an effective clawhold. Smith’s face twists, his teeth grind. He grabs onto ALIAS’ hand and tries prying it free. It takes a moment, but Corey is able to control the hand, the wrist, and then flip ALIAS over his shoulder.

Haha, ALIAS just lost!

What are you talking about?

It’s a first fall match, Thad, and Corey just made Thaddeus fall! The referee will be stopping this any minute now!

*groans*

ALIAS lands on his rear, and Corey is up, darting for the ropes and quickly connects to ALIAS’ lower back with a sliding baseball kick.

ALIAS flings back in a way that already has him turning to mount Corey who’s still on the mat behind him. He goes for a mounted attack, but Smith is able to fend him off with a knee to the sternum.

That’ll knock the wind out of anyone… ALIAS though… it’s never quite long enough.

I don’t know about that one, Thaddeus: remember I pinned ALIAS down for three seconds with just a roll-up. Sometimes, it’s the simplest moves that can catch the icons off guard! Enough knees to the sternum could cause anyone’s heart to combust!

Corey scoots back on his rear near the ropes, and grabs onto the middle one, pulling himself to his feet as he watches ALIAS stand, unaffected by any of the offense thus far. Corey circles him, rotating his shoulder with a grimace before charging back in.

He goes for a kick, but ALIAS grabs the leg and dragon-screws him back to the mat. A forearm bashes across Corey’s forehead before he’s covered.


1!




EARLY KICKOUT!

C’mon Cor’!

Am I supposed to be rooting for ALIAS just to keep this commentary fair? That’s a line too far, EVEN FOR ME!

ALIAS climbs off of the pinfall and tries to snag Corey up, but Smith is already scrambling back to his feet, backpedaling, throwing kicks as ALIAS easily fends them off and bullrushes him into the ropes.

He snatches the blocking Smith up, flips him and cracks his spine across his quad with a spinning backbreaker.

ALIAS covers again!

1!






EARLY KICKOUT AGAIN!

Yes!

Keep it in the bedroom….geez….we’re supposed to be fair and unbiased here like Fox News, alright?

Corey again tries rolling away before ALIAS can grab him from the mat, but this time Space Jesus doesn’t allow Corey to maneuver away. He has Smith and whips him hard into the corner, so hard that Corey flips awkwardly up, and over the top rope, where he crashes down onto the apron.

ALIAS is charging.

Corey stands on the apron just as ALIAS rushes in for an attack. Smith’s eyes go wide as he sees ALIAS charging.

Corey leaps and dropkicks ALIAS through the ropes, sacrificing his own body as he falls out to the floor forearms first.

The impact from the falling dropkick to ALIAS’ chest, sends the former Universal Champion stumbling down, but only to his knees, where he’s able to quickly recover and head to the outside. He sizes Corey up from the apron and just as Smith stands, ALIAS leaps off with a diving double axe handle, but the nimble Smith rolls, stands quickly and kicks ALIAS in the stomach midair.

Alright!  Momentum shift!  Let’s get your hot little ass in gear now, Corey!

Stop sexually harassing the talent! You do that enough on the LFL team you own, you don’t have to do it here, too!

For the first time in the match, Corey appears to have caused some real damage to ALIAS, he doesn’t want to squander the opportunity of capitalizing. He chops ALIAS across the chest several times, sending him into the barricade where he takes a few steps back, and rushes in, connecting with a well executed helluva’ kick. ALIAS spills over the barricade, as the ref’s count reaches 7

That count is getting close! Someone needs to get back in the ring, because if this thing ends in a double-count out I think there’ll be a riot!

Corey’s eyes go wide, he darts back toward the ring, rolls up the ropes and breaks the count, before going to retrieve ALIAS.

Corey reaches over the barricade, and grabs ALIAS by the hair. If he’s going to defeat Space Jesus, he wants it to be a decisive victory in the ring. He pulls Space Jesus up…

 

OUT OF NOWHERE!

ALIAS UPPERCUTS COREY FROM BEHIND THE BARRICADE!

No!  Has anyone ever checked that forearm for illegal weapons?  ALIAS is a whole fuckin’ weirdo with a perverted sense of right and wrong.  I’d bet on him cheating.

He OBVIOUSLY cheating, Thad! I don’t know how, but he obviously is! How else could ALIAS have beaten me so many times in a row? It just wouldn’t make sense! And now, he’s using those same dirty tricks on Corey!

Corey lifts in to the air and falls back awkwardly into the ring steps.

Executing the move clearly took a lot of ALIAS as he too falls over the barricade.

Both men are down as the ref counts

1



2



3



4


ALIAS begins to stir, while Corey is still motionless lying on the steps

5


6

7

ALIAS’ eyes go wide now!

8

He too darts back to the ropes, breaking the count before going to grab Corey.

Smith is still out of it.

ALIAS rolls him under the ropes and into the ring where he covers!


1!











2!!











KICKOUT BY SMITH!

Yeah, this is definitely the point in the match where ALIAS would have pinned me, no ifs ands or buts about that one! I don’t know how Corey’s survived this long!

Come on Corey!  Get back in it!

He seems pretty out of it, Thad!


The crowd is roaring with approval, as ALIAS comes to his feet first, but Corey is slowly on his tail.


ALIAS WHIPS COREY TO THE ROPES!


BUT COREY REVERSES!


SPINNING BACK FISTS TOPPLE ALIAS!

In a way, I wish that busted through his ugly face like a fuckin’ shotgun!  Just blood and brain matter everywhere!

Oooooookay edgelord.

COREY COVERS!

1!








KICKOUT!

Gahh!  Dammit!

But before ALIAS can begin to recover, Corey is already back ontop of him, with a standing moonsault!

He just did some flippy shit! This might be it!

Corey covers again!




1!










KICKOUT AGAIN!


Don’t relent, Cor’!  Keep on him!

Corey needs a lot more than encouraging words if he’s going to keep ALIAS down, Thad!

Corey doesn’t look phased by ALIAS’ resilience, he knew what he was getting into, but the self doubt that he had entering the match appears to be gone. He’s running for the top rope. He leaps to the top quickly and waits for ALIAS to stand…




A DIVING SPINNING NECKBREAKER!



YES!



IS CAUGHT!



NO!

AND COUNTERED INTO A FIERCE BACKBREAKER!


Make up your mind, Thaddeus!


Both men are down in the center of the ring!



ALIAS crawls to a corner and sits down, rubbing his chin and watching Corey crawl to an opposite corner.

Smith looks dazed as he pulls up by the ropes, his eyes meeting ALIAS’.


This could be any man’s match now. This has been back and forth all night, but I get the sense we’re nearing the end of the line!


ALIAS rises to his feet now. He claps in Corey’s direction who nods back at Space Jesus, the crowd is on fire for this match as the two men move gingerly to the center of the ring.


SPINNING BACK FIST!


But ALIAS ducks the attack, a grabs Corey’s arm, dragging his head under his arm…



DDT!


BUT COREY SPINS OUT!


A SURPRISE THROAT PUNCH LANDS!

Pounce, Corey!  POUNCE!

ALIAS’ EYES ARE WIDE, HE GASPS…


THE OTHER LEFT!


THE FIERCE RIGHT HANDED SMACK FROM ALIAS SENDS COREY SPINNING IN THE AIR JUST AS ALIAS FALLS TO HIS KNEES!

ALIAS is trying to gather his breath from that stunning throat punch, before he crawls near Corey. He goes for the cover!


1!




BUT IT’S ACTUALLY COUNTERED INTO A SMALL PACKAGE!



1!




2!!






ALIAS kicks out!


Son of a BITCH!  He kicked out!  I might need a cigarette if Corey wins this thing!


I’m trying to get off the drugs. I can give you my old stash if you want! Corey and ALIAS will BOTH be needing some of my special healing rocks after this complete slobberknocker!


Both men are to their feet, but ALIAS is to his feet with a ton of veracity! He chokes Corey and pushes him into the turnbuckle! Corey is trying to escape, climbing backward up the ropes. As he gets to the second rope, ALIAS still has the choke locked in, Corey lifts a knee but does little damage. So he climbs up further, to the top, but ALIAS keeps the choke locked on, but one handed now, climbing up after Corey.

But now Smith has nowhere to go.


ALIAS LIFTS HIM!


CHOKESLAM FROM THE TOP!



IS COUNTERED BY A HURRICANRANA! 


Dreams really do come true!  ALIAS has wanted his face in Corey’s crotch for years!


What the fuck, Thad?


BOTH MEN CRASH TO THE CANVAS!


COREY COVERS!!!


1!










2!!











KICKOUT!


This match might kill me, Charlie!

If we could only be so lucky. Maybe we can get rid of you, Corey, and ALIAS all in one go if this match keeps going off the rails!

Smith pulls up to his knees, panting, exhausted, digging for the strength to try and put ALIAS away. He grabs ALAIS by the hair and stands, pulling ALIAS up to his knees…





 





IS DODGED BY SMITH!




 

FROM SMITH TO ALIAS!



COREY HIT ALIAS WITH HIS OWN UPPERCUT!



Corey covers!



1!










2!!
















FOOT ON THE ROPES!



ALIAS JUST GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPES!


*Grunts and gripes unintelligibly*

That’s a damn good point, Thad! Now you’re finally making some sense!

The crowd gasps, as Corey shakes his head in disbelief. He crawls away from ALIAS and gives the former Universal Champion time to stand. ALIAS pushes up off the mat and Corey charges in!

FACE PAIN DE-LUX!









IS CAUGHT BY ALIAS!




HE SPINS COREY BY THE LEG!




FACE PAIN DE-LUX FROM ALIAS TO COREY SMITH!



THIS TIME ALIAS STEALS COREY’S MOVE!









THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!






ALIAS COVERS!






1!

















2!!
















KICKOUT!


Thank fuckin’ God!  Come on Cor’.  Come on bud.

Why wasn’t this the main event? Sorry Bourbs and Kido…but holy fuck!

This contest has been an absolute war! Both men are slow to their feet again, and Corey goes for the finish! But the roundhouse kick is avoided!


ALIAS WITH AN UPPERCUT!

But it too is avoided!




But ALIAS comes right back with




EAT THE LEFT HAND!








But Corey catches ALIAS’ wrist!


He’s holding back with all of his might. ALIAS’ fingertips pushing right near Corey’s lips as the two men stand in the center of the ring. Corey has to grab ALIAS’ wrist with both hands now, pushing back as hard as he can…





EAT THE RIGHT! 







- - - FACE PAIN DELUX!



Just as ALIAS brought up his right hand to attack, Corey shifted, releasing ALIAS' left and struck him in the head with his signature roundhouse kick.



Corey’s face is white as ALIAS falls to his knees.



ALIAS’ head is wobbling, the lights are on, but nobody is home…










EXTRA FACE PAIN DE-LUX! 









DOWN GOES ALIAS!








Corey collapses ontop of ALIAS…










1!



















2!!















3!!!



Winner - Corey Smith



YYYYYYAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!  Imma need a towel for clean up.

Why do people say I’m gross? Does anyone even listen to the things you say? What a great win for Corey, but it’s a shame it’s being spoiled by that soiled spot in your trousers, Thaddeus!

The fans give the competitors a roaring ovation, and after some time, both men are to their feet. They limp toward one another in the ring, Corey holding his ribs with a hand extended to his friend ALIAS.

ALIAS grabs Corey’s hand, shakes it briefly, and raises Corey’s arm into the air, as the fans applaud. He exits the ring, and is given a cigarette by an audience member. He lights it, and swiftly vanishes into the crowd.




TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Noah Jackson
- vs -
Isaiah King©

Ladder Match


The Television Championship ascends into the lighting rafters above the ring and the bell rings!

Noah immediately slides out of the ring, putting as much distance between him and the champion as possible.

Smart move from Noah Jackson! It’s always best to start a fight off with some light cardio, really get the blood pumping!

King scowls, and exits the ring from the opposite side, immediately grabbing a ladder and bringing it back inside.

Noah is beside himself as he watches the champion place the ladder up. King smiles, and winks at Noah as he begins climbing the rungs.

Seem like a miscalculation on Noah’s part.  It’s a good thing he’s cute.  It covers up all that dumb.

Aren’t you married to a woman? What the hell….

Jackson slides back into the ring and nears the ladder, going to knock it over, but King hops down and goes on the attack.

King tries to grapple Noah, who runs away while throwing shin kicks, until l he again climbs through the ropes and exits the ring.

King shakes his head as Noah stands on the outside barking obscenities, and starts climbing the ladder again. This might be one of the fastest ladder matches in recent history! King is already on the top rung, and has his hand on the championship belt!

IT MIGHT BE GAME OVER ALREADY! KING IS MAKING SHORT WORK OF THIS ONE!

BUT JACKSON!

He hits the ring just in time and pushes the ladder over just as King is about to unhook the strap. King takes a nasty fall, his legs straddling the top rope. King is gasping for air. Noah spits in his face and smacks the champion as King slides off the top rope and falls to the arena floor.

This is Noah’s chance! He has to turn down the CUNT and run UP that ladder now that the champion is on the floor!

What would you know about winning ladder matches, Charlie? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get halfway up a ladder!

I may not be good at ladder matches, Thad, but I damn sure know what it takes to win the TV championship!

Noah points at King and laughs before turning and setting the ladder up himself. Just before climbing, Noah peeks to the outside, and sees King is already getting to his feet. Noah panics and darts up the ladder, but his foot gets hung up, causing him to lose balance as he nears the top.

The ladder becomes unstable, rocking back and forth, and just as King enters the ring, the ladder nearly falls on top of him.

Quick thinking from King, he barely got out of the way in time!

The current champion was almost turned into ladder food!

Isaiah is forced to grab the ladder, and set it back upright to avoid it falling on him. Up above, Noah laughs:


THANKS CUNT!


Jackson reaches for the belt!


He has it in his grasp!


But King pushes the ladder in the opposite direction!


THE CUNT IS FALLING!


Jackson leaps from the top…. INTO THE WORLD’S SICKEST MOONSAULT!


He’s not falling, Charlie: he’s FLYING!


IT’S A PICTURE PERFECT MOONSAULT!


It’s the most beautiful moonsault I’ve ever seen!

…and Isaiah King simply moves out of the way.

Jackson smacks violently onto the mat, which gives Isaiah King the opening he needs.


Oh shit…I think he might be dead…..

The cost of going into business for yourself in the XWF, Thad! Remember that!

What?

King sets up the ladder again, he begins climbing the top…

Somehow, someway, Noah Jackson is slowly climbing up on the other side. King shakes his head, as Noah doesn’t notice that the Television Champion is stalking him from the other side of the ladder.

Just as Noah peeks to the top of the ladder…








G.O.D!!!

King leaps up and wraps around Jackson, pulling him all the way to the canvas with the guillotine DDT. The fans gasp, shriek, and roar in unison.


The ring is shaking after that!


He’s showing everyone that he is the reigning and defending champion for a reason!



King absorbs a great deal of damage, but after a moment, he’s able to recover.

He climbs the ladder again as Noah lies motionless in the center of the ring…

That sick cunt is out of it!

That sick cunt might really need to go see a doctor now!

Isaiah secures the Television Championship, and sits on the top ladder rung, raising it into the air just as the sun is beginning to settle down over Coreytopia.


Winner- and STILL Television Champion- Isaiah King




As the camera panned around Ye’ Ole’ Commune, they catch sight of the former Universal Champion, Sidney Grey walking around the outdoor venue, followed by her Executive Assistant, Dani Chow, holding an umbrella over Sid to shield her from the sun.  Steve Sayors is quick to approach The King of The XWF to get a few words about her participation.

Steve Sayors: Sidney, would you mind giving the fans a few words about your participation in the Wargames Lumberjack Match?

Sid gave a dismissive sigh.

Sidney Grey: Well, obviously I’m going to win it.  I’m the rightful Universal Champion and reigning King!  You’d be a fool to bet against me.

A confused look came over Steve’s face.

Steve Sayors: Errr…you’re not IN the Captain’s Match…you’re a lumberjack.

Sid stared at Steve, then erupted into laughter.  When Steve didn’t laugh along with her, her expression grew dour.

Sidney Grey: Wait, you’re serious!  HOW IN THE FUCK AM I NOT A CAPTAIN?!  DO THEY NOT KNOW MY CREDITIALS?!

Steve Sayors: To be fair…you were almost not even in consideration to be selected by a Captain.

Sid stood there, silent as the realization slowly washed over her.

Sidney Grey: I’m not a Captain?

Steve Sayors: No.

Sidney Grey: Who are the goddamn Captains if The King of the XWF isn’t one?!

Steve Sayors:  Thunder Knuckles

Sidney Grey: Is that an actual person?  I swear, I thought that was what they called a shot to the crotch that ended a match!  Who else is a fucking Captain?

Steve Sayors:  Your daughter-in-law, Sarah Lacklan.

Sid drew back her fist and Dani had to all but tackle her to her from punching Steve’s lights out.

Dani Chow: MISS GREY, NO!!  HE NOT MEAN TO CALL HER DAUGHTER!!

Steve cowered away from her, nearly falling into the pool with his eyes wide with fear.

Sidney Grey: WHO ELSE STEVEN?!

Steve swallowed.

Steve Sayors:  Angelica Vaughn…?

He said, with much caution.

Sidney Grey: Angelica!  Yes…finally, someone willing to install me as Captain!

Steve Sayors:  I don’t think it works that way.

Sidney Grey: It will Steven, I’m a Captain!

Steve Sayors:  Well, no…but Ned Kaye is a Captain.

Sid frowned.

Sidney Grey: Wait!  How is HE a Captain and NOT ME?!  Didn’t I beat him clean in the middle of the ring on my way to becoming King?

Steve Sayors: Well…no, not really.

Sid rolled her eyes.

Sidney Grey: Agree to disagree.

Steve Sayors:  It’s literally on video.

Sidney Grey: THERE ARE LITERALLY NO MORE BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO STORES STEVEN!

Steve Sayors:  There’s like…one, in Oregon or something.

Sid gave a dismissive wave.

Sidney Grey: That’s not even a real place!

Steve Sayors:  Agree to disagree.

Sid gave Steve the finger.  He cleared his throat and pressed ahead.

Steve Sayors:  Vagabond is a Captain.

Sid snorted, shaking her head.

Sidney Grey: Now you’re just making up names!  If you wanted to make it exciting, you could have told me that sexy ass Isaiah King was in the match!

He rubbed his temples and sighed.

Steve Sayors:  Dolly Waters is the final Captain.

Sid perked up a bit.

Sidney Grey: Dolly…I wonder if her eyes are finally open.

She grinned sadistically, walking away as Dani hurried after her.





FATAL FIVE-WAY CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDERSHIP

Jay Omega
- vs -
Michael McBride
- vs -
Reggie Estrada
- vs -
Cadryn Tiberius
- vs -
RoboGravy

One Fall



As the Fatal Fiveway is scheduled to begin, we see a motley assortment already in the ring: Jay Omega, Reggie Estrada, Michael McBride, RoboGravy, and finally Cadryn Tiberius. But just as the bell rings, RoboGravy’s thigh opens up and he produces a futuristic looking gun. All the other competitors hit the deck (with Jay no doubt withing he’d brought some of his own firepower) as the ref rushes over to RoboGravy. The ref barks for the android to turn over his firearm, but RoboGravy refuses. Instead, he levels the weapon at Cadryn, who tries to skitter out of firing range but its no use. The gun fires….releasing a net?! The net, made out of some kind of sticky substance, attaches Cadryn to the ring ropes, he’s totally ensnared.

That Robot brought a gun to a fistfight! It’s a genius idea! RoboGravy is clearly ready to do anything it takes to earn the XTreme, Television, or Tag Team title shot of their choosing!

Is…..is Cadryn dead? Was he just shot?

Of course it was nonlethal, as not dealing undue damage to his opponents is one of his prime directives. RoboGravy turns to fire the net at Omega, but he and Estra seem to have come up with a plan! They rush RoboGravy, with Estrada going high and Omega going low. Estrada knocks the gun out of RoboGravy’s hand and Omega brings the robot down to the canvas, after which they both proceed to stomp the hell out of him.

Meanwhile, McBride, seeing Cadryn helplessly caught in that web of sticky netting, decides to pound the hell out of him.

Atta boy, McBride! Take advantage of every opportunity!

Just a few short weeks ago Cadryn was the X-treme champion…and now….things are getting ugly for him in there.

That’s probably why everyone is teaming up on Cadryn, as a former Xtreme champion they know he has what it takes to get that title shot under wraps!


I don’t think everyone’s focusing on Cadryn, Charlie!
After a protracted beating, RoboGravy gets kicked out of the ring by Estrada and Omega, who naturally then turn on each other. Estrada swings at Omega, who blocks and returns fire with his own shot. Estrada responds by irishing whipping Omega into the ropes, Omega ducks the lariat on the rebound and then springboards into a forearm shot to Reggie!

What an athletic combination!

Reggie’s going to feel that one tomorrow morning, assuming he ever wakes up before noon!

Then, having done his damage to Cadryn, McBride turns his attention to the competitors feuding in the ring. While Omega is distracted, he hits a gut punch to him followed by a scoop slam. Or he would have if Omega hadn’t somehow turns the scoop slam into a roll up!

1….



2…..NO! McBride kicks out!


Just like that the match was almost over. Meanwhile, RoboGravy gets to his feet on the outside and clambers back into the ring in an ungainly fashion. He starts looking for his net gun when Estrada rolls him up from behind!

1….



2…..ROBOGRAVY kicks out!

RoboGravy responds by grabbing a helping of Estrada’s hair and nailing him with some piston fired right hands before finishing him with an uppercut.

We are full steam ahead now! Everyone wants this shot badly, and no one is giving an inch!

We almost had two endings to the match, back to back! This could be a wild ride to the finish!

Meanwhile, poor Cadryn, who was busted open by McBride, is still trying to get out of RoboGravy’s net. He manages to get an arm through and he’s trying to peel it off, but only succeeds in getting his hand stuck to the outside of the net!

Omega and McBride are still squaring off, with McBride chopping Omega into the corner before he gets a bright idea. McBride jerks Omega out of the corner and goes to whip him into the sticky netting, but Omega changes course at the last minute, sending McBride flying into Cadryn! Cadryn gets knocked out by the force of McBride colliding with his head, and now McBride is also stuck to the net! Omega claps his hands together as if to say “that’s that” and he turns his attention to Estrada and RoboGravy who are now throwing down near the opposite corner. Omega tags Estrada with a spinning wheel kick, only for RoboGravy to intervene and pick Omega up by his throat, chokeslamming him into the middle of the ring. RoboGravy covers Omega…

This could be all she wrote!


1….


2…..NO, Jay kicks out!

Jay Omega is giving it everything he’s got tonight!

Just then, Estrada lands on both of them, having splashed them from the top rope. But the pain of landing on RoboGravy’s carapace sends him rolling about on the mat in agony. RoboGravy decides to capitalize by heaving Estrada up and planting him with a pulling piledriver! He covers Estrada now!

1….


2……Estrada kicks out!

There we go, Reg! Damn, we’ve got former champions all up and down this bitch! This match really is anyone’s game!

I think this is the first time we’ve agreed all night, Chuck!

Well then…I take back what I said! Fuck you!

As that’s happening, McBride is trying to work himself free of Cadryn and the netting. Realizing it’s really just his ring trunks that are stuck to the netting McBride decides to slip out of them! Thankfully he’s wearing underwear (shamrock boxers naturally), but nonetheless he returns to the fray….only to get rocked by a sick lariat from RoboGravy! McBride goes ass over tea kettle and Robo Gravy goes to pin him too, but Omega smears up behind RoboGravy and tosses him up and over the top rope before leaping on McBride for the cover!

1….


2…..

This is it! It’s over!

We finally have a winn-

3….NO! McBride barely rolls the shoulder out!

You’ve got to be kidding me!

I thought he had him!

This is when Estrada goes to capitalize, picking Omega up from behind and dumping him with a german suplex onto the back of his head. Estrada keeps the heat on McBride then, landing a spinning leg drop on him before hefting McBride up and hitting him with the move he calls the Glenn’s Park (STO Backbreaker). But just as soon as the move happens, Estrada eats a dropkick from Jay. Jay then leaps to the top turnbuckle and nails a quick Five Star Frog Splash on McBride. McBride gets covered again!

1….



2….



3…..WAIT, ROBOGRAVY PULLS OMEGA OFF MCBRIDE BY THE ANKLE AND TO THE FLOOR!

He would’ve been down for the count if that Robot didn’t interfere!

But that Robot wants a title shot, too- so he can’t let anyone else win!

Omega gets up quickly, only to get leveled by RoboGravy, who returns to the ring. Estrada immediately launches himself at the android, pulling off a flurring of punches and kicks trying to get through that armor. RoboGravy responds by headbutting Estrada, dropping him to the mat. Estrada wisely rolls into a corner to recover.

Meanwhile, Cadryn is once again conscious inside the netting, but lets out a shout of frustration to realize he’s still stuck in this predicament. Then, he spots Reggie nearby, just barely within reaching distance. He goes to try to grab Reggie to pull him into the trap as well, when RoboGravy plants a boot on Cadryn’s wrist and punches him back into unconsciousness through the netting. RoboGravy picks Estrada up on his shoulder after a few quick strikes, but Omega is there to chop block RoboGravy’s knee. RobyGravy and Estrada both go down.

And just like that, half the competition falls to the ground!

I’m sensing an opportunity for someone, but for who?!

At the same time, McBride (still thankfully underwear clad) is back vertical. He sizes up his opponents and seeing only Omega up locks up with him. McBride tries to go for a belly to belly suplex, but Omega reverses it into his own belly to belly suplex, and McBride lands right on top of RoboGravy! McBride bounces back off, feeling the pain in his back when Omega, fast as lightning, drops McBride with the RIDE THE LIGHTNING! HIs finisher! Omega rolls McBride over and covers him!

1….


2…..



3…NO! ROBOGRAVY BREAKS UP THE COUNT!

Again! Another kickout!

Five man matches don’t end easy, Chuck!

That one was fractions of a second away from the win! RoboGravy picks Omega up and dumps him down with a short arm clothesline. Estrada then jumps on RoboGRavy’s back and topples him over onto McBride, which is good enough for a cover!

1….



2….




3….NO! OMEGA BREAKS THE COVER NOW!


Omega then mounts RoboGravy, punching him in the fleshy part of his face, before turning to Estrada, who kicks Omega, but Omega turns it into a single leg takedown that sends Estrada through the ropes. Omega picks McBride up again, but RoboGravy grabs his ankle and trips him up. RoboGravy stomps on Omega as Omega tries to roll away.

There’s so much action going on in the ring, I don’t even know who to watch!

Watch that Robot!

RoboGravy then picks McBride up and nails a pump handle slam on him! RoboGRavy goes for the cover!


1….



2….



3…..OMEGA RUINS ANOTHER PIN ATTEMPT!

RoboGravy, clearly not appreciating this, grabs Omega by his hair and looks to toss him out of the ring, but Omega instead skins the cat right back in, and surprises RoboGravy as he tries to clothesline him back out by pulling down the bottom rope on him. RoboGravy’s own momentum sends him crashing to the outside right on top of Estrada!

Only McBride and Omega are left in the ring!

They should form an alliance and just challenge for the tag team title belts together! They could call themselves OMcBrida! Or McMega! Both are great!

I don’t think Omega feels like playing with anyone but himself, Chuck!

Seeing his chance, Omega resumes his attack on McBride, wrenching him up and dropping him with yet another RIDE THE LIGHTNING! He covers!


1….



2…..



3!!!!!

Omega wins! He gets his title shot!

WINNER: JAY OMEGA





We go backstage, or rather, behind the scenes, to the wild grounds of Coreytopia. Half naked beautiful people traipse about, red Solo cups in hand, several bars standing and serving, anything you want. Booze, eats, drugs, all is available. That’s when we see, among the stunning model quality folk everywhere, sticking out like two sore thumbs, Bobby Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles, Them No Good Bastards. They exchange a no-look fistbump. The fans all start going absolutely ballistic at the sight.

Welp.

Yep. We’re at Corey Smith’s fucking house.

I walked through the kitchen, mine’s better.

TK laughs.

That was rather catty of you.

Bobby half shrugs, like if Shawn Warstein had palsy.

Well, Charlie got the cushy gig today, and Dolly’s off conjuring all these drugs, I think, so I guess this is the BOB locker room today.

Lilabeth, the little girl who, via charitable causes, occasionally hangs out with TK, is seen approaching. She’s in a light blue dress, looks rather sickly, and is rolling around in a giant hamster ball.

Hi Bobby.

Oh, shit, you brought a kid here?

Well, it was my day to hang out, she wanted to go to a big wrestling show, and really, what’s bigger than MayDay? So I looked on eBay for a bubble suit like from Bubble Boy.

That makes sense.

Crash Rodriguez, new signee to the XWF and long standing member of BOB from other companies approaches! He’s chiefing on a huge stogie, grinning ear to ear.

Well boys, it’s done. I signed my contract today, you’re looking at an official XWF Superstar now.

Al-fucking-right!

Awesome, welcome bro! ‘Bout time you got here!

Right on! So, uh, what do I do now?

Bobby and TK look at each other then back at Crash.

Whoop ass.

Yeah, just go beat the shit out of people like you do. Also, you have a really cool name, so that helps.

Bet.

Crash gives daps to TK and Bobby, then wanders off to look at the dime pieces everywhere and cut his path through the XWF, same as every XWF star has, only to find himself infront of the MayDay 2! Concert venue...








TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

"The JustUS League"
(The Blue Tango and The Atomic Bat)
- vs -
SAGA ©
(Raion Kido and Jason Cashe)

Tag Team - One Fall



The crowd watches on in anticipation for what’s next.

The Tag Team Championships, one of the most wildly contested set of titles in XWF history, and I know I have a story or two about them, right Charlie?

Well, you know the division is nasty right now, not only the two teams competing tonight, but squads like Team HSU and even us in BOB can send any two members in to take a shot!

I’d hope they sent you.  Kind of an easy night for SAGA then.

I’m 3-0 against Jason Cashe and Raion Kido, but I guess you’ll say anything just to try and hurt my feelings, huh? Prick.





The fans look on, as on a massive XTron we see the images of The Blue Tango and the Atomic Bat, shaking hands, ready to take on crime their opponents. At that moment, we see a car drive out onto the entrance ramp!

[Image: maxresdefault.jpg]

The roof of the Atomic Tangomobile slides open, and The Blue Tango hops out of the driver’s seat while The Atomic Bat hops out of her side of the car! The dynamic duo of the Bat and the Tango confidently make their way down to the ring as the car drives itself away from the entrance! The engine somehow fires up to full throttle, and the car careens towards the beach and into the ocean!

TIG: Aaand making their way to the ring, hailing from the Atomic Tangocave, at a total combined weight of 335 pounds, challenging for the XWF Tag Team Championships, The Blue Tango and the Atomic Tango, the JustUS League!!!



The crowd goes wild as on the entrance ramp, pyro fires off. Jason Cashe walks out holding a microphone, and beside him is Raion Kido. The crowds all roar in approval as Cashe looks out into the massive sea of party people, agog.

CASHE: “Yo, cut that music!”

The music stops. Kido keeps calmly walking to the ring, his focus entirely on the JustUS League. Cashe goes to work on the stick, and he’s wrestling in Miami Storm jersey tonight!

CASHE: “Yo, Coreytopia! Who here tonight is auditioning to be the SAGA Mascot?”

Ohhh not this again!


Jason needs to answer the important question: is this a paid gig? I might know a few people who are interested if it’s paid….

The crowd goes absolutely insane, louder than they’ve been all night it seems! The music kicks back up, and as Kido stands ringside, he looks back with a smile as Cashe stage dives off the entrance into the crowd! Cashe crowd surfs his way to the ring, and meets up with his partner! Both men enter the ring.

TIG: And their opponents, defending the XWF Tag Team Championships, at a total combined weight of 462 pounds, representing SAGA…

Cashe steps up to Tig, and smiles at her. She blushes coyly.

TIG: Jason Cashe and Raion Kido!

The crowd goes crazy as the referee checks each man for illegal objects, giving the same instructions to them as he gave the JustUS League. Kido and Bat step to the apron in their respective corners and we start with

[Image: MV5BOTBhYjZjNDktZDE5NC00M2I1LWEzYmEtOGU2...X1000_.jpg]

Hey it’s Tango and Cashe!  I’ve seen that movie.

Well just don’t spoil the ending of this match for the rest of us! This should be a great one!

(sp?) in the ring. The bell sounds, and Tango and Cashe waste no time meeting in the center of the ring! Cashe goes to tie up, but the Tango waltzes out of the way, sidestepping him! Cashe recatches his balance, and squares up again, ready to tie up! Tango shoots in to accept the lock up, but it’s another fake, but this time Cashe catches Tango with a quick knee to his gut, doubling him over!

Ha!  Got ‘em!

I expected better from Jason Cashe than these cheap and dirty tricks. Tricks like these are unbefitting to a tag team champion. I wonder how Raion Kido feels about watching this kind of wrestling from his teammate?

Cashe with a hammer blow to the Blue Tango’s back, then another, sending Tango crashing to his hands and knees on the mat! Cashe raises his fists, triumphantly, much to the dismay of the crowd that was completely behind him mere moments ago, and to the chagrin of his partner. Cashe walks over and tags in Raion Kido, who enters the ring and watches as the Blue Tango gets back to his feet. Kido goes for a tie-up, and finally Tango ties up with someone in this match. Kido transitions from the tie up into an arm wrench, torquing on the Blue Tango’s arm. Tango counters this, gliding into a hammerlock! Kido throws a back elbow at the Blue Tango, backing him into the ropes, but the hammerlock is still in! Blind tag from the Atomic Bat onto the Blue Tango! Bat springs into the ring, and shoots off the ropes! As she does, Tango releases the hammerlock and drops down, grabbing the top rope, and the Atomic Bat dropkicks Kido, sending him over the top! Kido catches the top rope as he goes over, and smoothly lands back on his feet as he does! Tango is on the mat, hands off the rope, as Kido springboards onto the top rope, and dives at the Bat with a clothesline! The Atomic Bat counters with a leaping hurricanrana, sending Kido down to the mat! Bat stays on top of Kido for a pinfall!

This could be it for the tag champions! The challengers have come out red hot and they’re looking to score the early victory!

That hurricanrana was impressive, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near enough to keep Kido down!



1…








2…






Cashe in to break up the pin!

I never understood why tag teams will go for a pin when the victims partner is still standing?  You know they’re gonna break it up!

Jim Jimson never once broke up a pin for me, Thaddeus, so you just have to remember that every team is a little bit different! What’s good for the goose might not be good for the gander!

Tango, enraged at seeing this, scrambles to his feet and without thought, tackles Cashe through the ropes to the outside! Both men spill to the floor as Tango mounts him, throwing rabbit punches! As this goes down, Kido and Bat are both back to a vertical base! Kido throws a punch, and Bat parries it perfectly! Bat with a counterattack, which Kido blocks! Kido throws a rolling savate kick, which the Bat sidesteps! Bat with a high leaping roundhouse, that Kido ducks! Both throw high roundhouse kicks, and their shins connect with one another, and both step back. The crowd is going absolutely wild, and both circle each other as outside, Cashe has gotten the upper hand and thrown the Blue Tango into the ring steps! Tango collides with steel with an immense clanging sound, and Cashe follows up with a baseball slide on the ringside floor straight to the Blue Tango’s little Tango!

Ouch.  Here’s hoping for his sake he’s not so well endowed.

What’s with you and all the penis talk tonight? Cut it out, Thad: this is family friendly programming!

Kido looks on, dumbfounded, by his partner’s actions. Bat just gets into action. Bat shoots off the opposite ropes, then bounds back towards Cashe, some kind of aerial maneuver destined to fail on her mind, and Kido instead catches Bat on the rebound with a hip toss, hurling her over the top rope and crashing to the floor below! Kido looks on as she lands, Jason Cashe laughing at The JustUS League left lying on the floor. Tango looks up at his partner in anguish, helplessly grabbing his very sore crotch as Cashe simply picks the Atomic Bat up and rolls her small body into the ring. Raion Kido looks at her with some disdain as he pins her.

1…









2…













2.9…















2.9...

The Atomic Bat gets a shoulder up!

Whew!  That was close!

I thought Raion Kido had him there, but the power of cartoons and anime seems to have switched sides in this match!

The fans all go absolutely nuts for Miss J, and Kido looks annoyed that this isn’t over yet! Cashe rolls back into the ring and the referee begins the five count, but by now, Raion Kido has shot the Atomic Bat into the ropes! Cashe catches the Atomic Bat, off the rebound, with a huge U.T.I, and to follow up, Kido lands a standing moonsault onto her for the pin! Cashe leaves the ring, and the referee doesn’t count as she observes Cashe leaving! Once gone, she turns and counts the pinfall!

1…




2…











Kickout! The Atomic Bat refusing to give up, not tonight of all nights, to win the Tag Team Championships! Kido rolls his eyes, and brings the Atomic Bat up to her feet! Kido points directly at the Atomic Bat.


LIGHTNING BOLT!

Kido throws the Lightning Bolt, but the Atomic Bat ducks! The bat throws a thigh kick, then another thigh kick, her energy almost entirely spent, her breath heaving from the violence she has endured tonight, but her spirit continuing her forward, and she throws a third kick, but as she does, Kido, without signalling it, throws the Lightning Bolt, and it connects! The Atomic Bat drops to the mat. Kido looks down at the Atomic Bat, some lesser hero, knowing this was a foregone conclusion. Kido shakes his head in disapproval, turning and tagging in his partner, Jason Cashe. Cashe saunters over to the fallen Atomic Bat and places a foot on her chest.





1…












2…



















Kickout!

This match for the tag team championships is somehow still going on! She kicked out! Can you believe that? She actually kicked out!

Opportunities like this don’t come easy, and the Atomic Bat is clearly leaving it all in the ring tonight!

Cashe rolls his eyes as the Atomic Bat sluggishly rolls away onto her stomach. Cashe nudges her with his foot, rolling her back over, but again she continues until she’s on her stomach. His frustration now at peak levels, Jason picks up the Atomic Bat and sets her in the corner. As blood trickles from the Atomic Bat’s nostrils, Cashe simple goozles her, gripping her throat with his right hand. He starts to shout in her face, and the cameras ringside pick it up.

CASHE: “You think this dress up shit is a game? Neither you nor your partner are walking out of here! Who do you think will save you?”

The Atomic Bat, struggling with a hand around her neck, looks back at him defiantly.

ATOMIC BAT: “My partner.”

Cashe laughs, then looks back on the floor where he left the Blue Tango. The Blue Tango is nowhere to be seen. Cashe laughs even harder.

CASHE: “Where is he?”

Without hesitation, the camera catches someone up in the rafters.


It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s, it’s-


[Image: QUOKOHATCVB5ZA3JCPUYABQL7U.jpg]


IT’S HER PARTNER!


The Blue Tango, now dressed in a very different costume, plummets from the rafters but spreads his cape just before landing without a sound. He stands behind the unawares Cashe.

BLUE TANGO: “I’m right here.”

Cashe, terrified, spins. The Blue Tango looks at him, menacingly.

CASHE: “Who are you?”

The Blue Tango grabs Jason Cashe by the collar of his LFL Jersey.

BLUE TANGO: “I’m Batman The Blue Tango. I want you to tell your friends about me.”

Cashe goes for a headbutt, but his head recoils off of whatever the Blue Tango’s current mask is made out of. Tango throws a solid shot to Cashe’s stomach, then a spinning backfist to his jaw, which causes Cashe to pivot! Cashe is hit with a drop toe hold by the Atomic Bat as the Blue Tango turns and walks towards Raion Kido, finally diving at him and sending both outside! The Atomic Bat locks on the Batrap!


This could be it right here! That hold is locked in tight!

I don’t think Jason Cashe ever expected this, not even in his wildest dreams!

I don’t think the Blue Tango expected this either, to be entirely honest!

Cashe struggles…








Cashe looks for assistance getting out of this, but the Blue Tango and Raion Kido are outside!








Jason Cashe taps out!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION: THE JUSTUS LEAGUE


As Tango and Bat accept their new Tag Team Championships, Raion Kido enters the ring to check on his partner. Cashe has gotten to his feet, and he’s nursing his sore right shoulder, and starts to chew out Kido for not helping him out of the submission hold! Kido looks baffled since he wasn’t the one who tapped out. Cashe turns his back to Kido, and Kido grabs Cashe’s shoulder. Cashe immediately spins and nails Kido with a hooking elbow! Kido reels back, and Cashe rolls out of the ring, walking back up the entrance alone!




We see Thunder Knuckles with Lilabeth wondering the MayDay 2 grounds, he comes across the concert venue...

He frowns

Man, this is just not as cool as last year.



Following that badass performance by Scott Stapp...

Backstage, while preparing for his Universal Championship defence in the main event, Raion Kido re-enters his locker room space.

A small haze greets him and he furrows his brow as he tries to locate the source.

It doesn't take long.

On the table he sees…

[Image: cigarette-cigar.gif]

A note sits next to the still burning cigarette.

He quickly reads it, and the XWF camera crew work super hard to get a great shot over the shoulder. How convenient.

"Another time, dear friend…

A.

Kido looks confused, and quickly stubs the cigarette out in the ashtray before getting on with his preparation.



This next match was scheduled to be an X-Treme Title match! Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances…

If there’s one thing for sure in the XWF, it’s that Xtreme champions will always drop the ball when they think they’re about to lose it anyway.  Big ol’ pussy move.

I believe we have a clip?

Quote:The Generic Heel is walking along the road, when from out of nowhere comes a flying hammer. It hits him in the head and he goes down.

Kris The Hammer Von Bonn comes running up and makes the cover.

Liam Desmond, wearing thick protective glasses and goggles, makes the count with a hammer!


1.......





2...........


3!


Winner and NEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW Xtreme Champion: KRIS VON BONN!


So, this is not an X-Treme Title match. Is it still X-Treme Rules?

Judging the ring right now… I’d say yes.

Indeed, the ring is strewn with weaponry. Chairs on the ropes, tables resting in the corners. Four barbed wire bats stick out of the turnbuckles. And hanging above the ring on a rope is a bag of thumbtacks!


My doood!  Thad sprays some febreze at Charlie.

Hey what the hell!?

You’ve been down wind all night.  The wind shifted and I just caught a whiff.

You know what, Thad? I’ve been holding in a nasty shit all night, and I think this fake championship match might be the perfect opportunity for me to spend twenty minutes dropping a deuce and jerking one out. Do you know if that little midget man could come cover me for this match?

What? No, Pip Collins isn’t even in the arena!

Well….I’m not going to be able to call a Mark Flynn match fair and square at all, because that dude fucking sucks and I hate everything about him. Maybe that really cute commentator lady could take my place for this match? I saw her chowing down on two hotdogs at the same time in the cafe earlier.

You know what, Charlie? That’s a great idea.



Eleanor Rigby (Strings Only) Plays


Mark Flynn bursts through the black curtain. Boos rain down upon him.

…For once, his expression isn’t blank. He grits his teeth into… a smile? He waves.

He tries to genuinely high-five a few fans on his way to the ring. They all reel away a full feet from the railing as he passes, regarding him like he’s got the plague. Flynn scowls at being rejected by the fans and bitterly stews as the arena boos but continues a jog to the ring.

HHL: Mark Flynn, the Most Hated Man in the XWF, recently declared that he’s a… “good guy”... now.

He did?  I don’t think I believe him, but I support his endeavor.

Flynn jogs into the ring, up the steps. He beckons for a microphone.

HHL: This oughta be good.

Flynn sniffs as he grabs the mic. The crowd, used to trying to outvolume Flynn’s audio with a downpour of vitriol.

”LOOK!” Flynn starts, extending an arm out toward the audience. ”I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”

HHL: Flynn, perhaps looking to calm the savage crowd…

This is MayDay… dumbass.

“See… I.” Flynn points at himself. “Am a GOOD GUY now.”

Oh, well I guess that settles it!

The crowd boos EVEN louder. Flynn’s face reddens as he leans over the ropes to yell.

“YOU DON’T BOO GOOD GUYS!” Flynn berates the crowd, shoving a finger towards them. “GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!”

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The crowd responds by starting a chant.

NOT! A! GOOD! GUY! *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Flynn’s eyes widen, indignantly furious!

NOT! A! GOOD! GUY! *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

“YES! A! GOOD! GUY!” Flynn tries to counter, by holding the microphone to the side of his mouth, then looking around like maybe someone else said it, should we all join in?

The crowd doubles the volume of their chant.

NOT! A! GOOD! GUY! *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

…Flynn sneers. Dropping the mic and kicking it under the ropes to the floor below.

…Suddenly, from under the X-Tron, a stage lifts. An entire seated orchestra is lifted on an elevated platform.

They begin to play…

A live band plays "Thus Spake Zarathutra."


Bursting from behind the black curtain… It’s GH the Great!

The aisle is lined on both sides with some smokin' hot Asian chicks. They each ooh and ahh as GH passes, thrilled by his steely, chiseled, perfectly round body.

GH wears a robe made of the dreams of the youth…

HHL: Sounds like expensive material!

Pretty mid, in my opinion.

GH basks in the warmth and excitement of the crowd offering him some applause and cheers. As a heel, he is reviled. But as a legend of the sport, he is begrudgingly respected.

HHL: Generic Heel! What a career in the wrestling industry! A FORTY-EIGHT TIME WORLD CHAMPION! An undefeated streak that lasted nearly thirty years!

Is he Morbid Angel?  Sounds like his schtick.

HHL: But, while Kris Von Bonn is the new X-Treme Champion, there is no doubt that GH IS truly one of the greats!

Clearly.  You can just feel him roll his eyes.

GH walks up the steps. He sheds his robe and drops it in his corner.

Flynn does the same, dropping his own blue robe in his corner.

There’s nothin’ quite like two grown men disrobing in front of each other.

The two meet in the center of the ring.

Above the two competitors is Eight Foot Tall official, Jerome Tallman. He points down to the timekeeper, who calls for the bell.



Mark Flynn
- vs -
The Generic Heel

XTreme Rules Match - One Fall



Flynn takes a step forward and… Bares his teeth… Like he’s trying to smile.

He offers a handshake?

GH stares down at the hand, skeptically, like it might give him ring worm.

The crowd chants for GH not to!

Where does Dolly find these crowds?  They boo the guy telling them that he’s a good guy, but they support the guy whose name is literally Generic Heel?  So fickle.

HHL: Surprising sportsmanship from Flynn here in the opening moments!

In my experience, if Mark Flynn respects you… regardless of what his alignment is, you’ll know it.

You?

Yes.

Flynn looks around, his already uncomfortable smile turning into a gritting of teeth. He shoves his hand forward like ‘C’MON! SHAKE IT!’

GH…

Extends his hand outward…

The Crowd starts booing, begging, pleading GH not to do it.

Flynn’s face starts to rela-

GH RETRIEVES HIS HAND AND RUNS IT ATOP HIS LUCHADOR MASK! PSYYYYYYYYYCHE!

The Crowd cheers like GH just did a swanton bomb off the top of a Hell in a Cell with a broken neck!

Flynn covers his head with both hands like NOOOOOOOOOO!

HHL: A devastating psychological attack from The Generic Heel! Making Flynn think he was going to get a handshake, then psyching him out!

Flynn revolves toward the crowd to yell at them… But suddenly he tumbles backwards! GH goes for a rollup! With tights!

1!

2!

THREEEEEEEEEEEE-NO!

Flynn, despite the shock of the surprise roll-up, manages to weasel a shoulder off the ground!

HHL: Wow! What an upset that nearly was!

That would undoubtedly be an upset.  Flynn might not have had the best of luck lately, but it’s a matter of time before he’s clicking on all cylinders again.

Flynn backwards somersaults onto his feet… JUST as GH catches him with a European uppercut!

Flynn backsteps toward a corner, leaning onto the table resting there, but GH follows him in! GH spits on the back of his hand aaaaaaaaaaaaand

…A THUNDEROUS CHOP! Flynn’s chest turns BEET RED! Flynn doubles over, like he might get sick on the mat… BUT GH shoves him back into the corner… He freshens up the spit on the back of his hand aaaaaaaaaaaaand…

…

A CHOP SO HARD IT COULD KNOCK DOWN A REDWOOD! GH ACTUALLY CHOPS SO HARD, HE BREAKS THE TABLE IN HALF!

Flynn flops through the broken wood covering his chest, agonized.

HHL: GH might have the single best chop in the business!

GH grabs Flynn out of the corner by the scruff of his neck… He puts him in a front facelock, looking for a suplex…

He liiiii-

Wait! Flynn tucks his right leg behind GH’s ankle to block the lift! GH is forced to drop Flynn’s feet back to the mat!

When he does, Flynn keeps his foot in position and PUSHES! GH trips over Flynn’s ankle and lands on his back!

HHL: Oooh! Masterful counter by Flynn, using some fundamentals to will his way out of GH’s offensive barrage!

Ha!  Got ‘em!

Indeed, the crowd boos Flynn, whose face reddens. Flynn leans over the rope, pointing at his foot then GH.

”No! He tripped over his own feet! I didn’t do anything! I’M A GOOD GUY!” Flynn lodges complaint with the crowd’s booing.

It does nothing to change their hands.

Flynn sneers at the crowd, before returning to GH’s prone body to… GH tucks Flynn’s head, flipping him onto his back! INSIDE CRADLE!

1!

2!

THREEEEEEEE- C’MON!

No, somehow Flynn manages to slip narrowly out of GH’s grip and slip under the bottom rope to prevent more snap pin attempts!

The crowd urges Flynn to get back in the ring. Flynn instead scratches his head, muttering to himself.

HHL: Mark Flynn, maybe trying to think of how this match around in his favor.

Or how to get people to stop booing him. I don’t like his chances.

Flynn spins around back toward the ri- BASEBALL SLIDE FROM GH STRAIGHT ACROSS FLYNN’S CHIN!

SAAAAAAAAAFE!

Flynn backward-somersaults onto his ass, hitting the railing with the back of his head! He cradles his skull from the impact!

GH lifts his arm with a flourish and the crowd cheers.

HHL: What a showman!

GH reaches into the ring. He grabs one of the chairs that’s inside the ring from under the ropes!

He closes it, and smacks it on the ground… Just as Flynn stirs, lifting himself to his feet with the railing!

HHL: This match might be over in just a few moments…

Flynn’s eyes widen! GH swings…

…But Flynn nimbly leaps in a single bound from the floor to atop the railing! Just narrowly dodging GH’s chair shot!

GH spins back around… Just in time for Flynn to deliver a dropkick into the chair, SENDING INTO GH’S FACE!

GH is sent back toward the railing! Flynn lifts his arms with a flourish like, pretty good, huh?

The crowd boos once more.

”OH C’MON!”

Flynn shakes his head, as he grabs GH by the neck and tosses him under the bottom rope.

GH tries to crawl to some temporary respite, but Flynn stays over him like a shark that smells blood in the water.

Flynn circles the fallen GH, stomping him on the head! The shoulder! The ribs! The knee!

HHL: Perhaps trying to tenderize GH before tapping him out to one of Flynn’s many submission holds.

I’ve felt most of them… they all hurt.  Like a lot.

GH twists up to a seated position, trying to get back onto his feet and fight back… But Flynn wrenches his arms behind his back! Surfboard Stretch!

Flynn wrenches GH’s arms apart like a bowflex machine! GH groans, agonized, he leans back, trying to ease some of the strain on his shoulder blades…

BUT FLYNN HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! GH naturally reels forward right back into the incredible strain of the stretch!

Flynn screams at him to tap out or Flynn’ll break both his arms!

…

“For justice!”

…GH tries to wiggle to the left…

But Flynn holds tight, shifting him back to the center….

…GH tries to wiggle to the right!

NO GO! Flynn once again counteracts GH’s counter! Flynn will not release the hold!

The crowd cheers, begging for GH to fight through the pain!

…

…GH lifts his foot. The crowd falls to a hush… Will GH tap out?

…

NO! Like Butter, GH scootches his ass across the mat, elongating his body! Flynn holds to GH’s arms… BUT GH extends the tip of his toe to the bottom rope!

The crowd cheers!

…

BUT FLYNN HANGS ONTO THE HOLD!

GH is still in pain as Jerome Tallman stands above Flynn counting!

1!

2!

3!

Flynn releases the hold! He spins on Jerome!

”I HAVE ‘TIL FIVE!”

…

”But… Uh…”

Flynn clears his throat. Grabbing Tallman’s hand and shaking it.

“Thank you for your service.”

HHL: …Flynn thanking Jerome for his officiating… Immediately after screaming at him for enforcing the rules.

He’s adjusting!  Old habits die hard!

Why aren’t you anti-Flynn?

Because I like Mark Flynn.

GH crawls into his own corner, as Flynn looms over him… Flynn grabs GH’s ankle, just as GH grabs his robe!

Flynn starts to drag him back into the center of the ring… BUT GH rolls and tosses his robe into Flynn’s face!

The crowd cheers with delight as Flynn struggles to free the robe from his face! He finally pulls himself out… IN TIME TO EAT A DROPKICK FROM THE GENERIC HEEL!

The robe flies up and over the top rope as Flynn somersaults backwards into his own corner! GH tries to follow up that strike by dragging Flynn from the corner by the ankle… Flynn claws desperately, grabbing the bottom rope… GH tugs harder and harder, certain to break Flynn’s grip!

…But Flynn sees… His own robe in his own corner!

GH pulls Flynn off the ropes!

Just in time for Flynn to toss his dazzling blue robe into GH’s face!

GH rips the robe free from his face, just as Flynn catches him with a running dropkick to GH’s face!

GH is flat on his back, rubbing his jaw!

Flynn kips up off the mat! Lifting his arms in triumph!

The crowd jeers and shames for Flynn for his underhanded tactics…

Flynn is in disbelief!

“YOU JUST CHEERED HIM FOR DOING THE EXACT SAME THING, YOU FUCKIN’...”

…

“Good… People…” Flynn grits his teeth, grabbing his skull.

He makes a good point!

GH clambers back to his corner… And grabs the barbed-wire bat sticking out of the turnbuckle!

Flynn sees this and rolls backwards to his own corner, grabbing the barbed-wire bat sticking out of that one.

The crowd is on its feet now!

…Flynn rotates the bat in his hand…

GH grips it tight with both hands…

The two swing!

THE BATS CONNECT! And the barbed wire entangles between them!

Flynn lifts his foot and kicks off GH’s chest! GH stumbles backwards… But clings to his bat!

And Flynn flops forward from GH’s stumble as the two bats stay connected!

HHL: The two barbed wire bats have completely become entangled in each other, Pip!

Probably why you don’t see many fencers wrap their blades in barbed wire!

Flynn clings to his bat… But drops to one knee and rotates! GH hangs on and gets arm-dragged by the bat up and over Flynn’s back!

GH springs to his feet… But empty-handed!

Flynn has both bats! He lifts them to the air triumphantly!

The crowd boos!

GH tries to escape to the outside to regroup… BUT FLYNN SWINGS DOWN ONTO THE ROPES! GH puts the brakes on to avoid catching a barbed-wire bat to the face!

GH tries to escape to the ropes behind him. BUT FLYNN SWINGS DOWN THERE TOO!

HHL: Generic Heel is in no-man’s land out there!

Flynn rotates both bats in his hands like a true swordsmaster! GH is cornered, nowhere to escape!

FLYNN OPENS HIS STANCE FOR MAXIMUM POWER! HE SWINGS DOWN WITH BOTH BATS!!

…But GH hits the mat and slides between Flynn’s leg like a penguin tobogganing on its belly!

Flynn is shocked looking between his legs as GH… Who flips onto his back and kicks Flynn in the ass!

Flynn is propelled forward! AND HIS FACE CONNECTS WITH HIS OWN BARBED WIRE BATS!

The crowd cheers as Flynn’s muscles seize and tense. He reaches up and tries to quickly… YANK… the barbs out of his face…

Ewwwwwww!

Flynn, bleeding out of his face like a stuck pig, spears the bats down to the outside furiously, like it’s their fault he got beat on that exchange!

Flynn spins around in the corner… Just in time for GH to leap to the second rope! MONKEY FLIP!

Flynn flips through the air twice, landing on his face! The crowd is in a frenzy now, screaming GH! GH! GH!

Flynn scampers up to his feet… As the Round Mound that Astounds leaps in a single bound from the mat onto Flynn’s shoulders! HURRICANRANA!

WOW! Pure athleticism!  Feel the sarcasm.

…Flynn is looking dazed and confused as GH circles around the ring, clapping his hands! He’s asking if the crowd is ready for the grand finale!

GH points to the bag of thumbtacks above the ring! The crowd cheers!

GH jumps!

…But it’s out of reach.

He leaps!

…Nothing doing.

HHL: Hmm, it’s possible GH only had one good jump in him tonight.

…Suddenly, Jerome Tallman reaches up and takes the bag down and hands it to him!

The crowd pops for Tallman as GH nods thanking him!

HHL: Possible favoritism on display here from XWF Official Jerome Tallman.

Crooked officiating in the XWF!?  That would never be a thing!  More sarcasm.

GH unties the bag and begins dumping thumbtacks out onto the center of the ring…

Flynn shakes off the cobwebs, gathering his senses, as he stumbles back to his feet. His eyes catch the thumbtacks.

He shakes his head!

”NO!”

The crowd screams YES!

”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Flynn tries to scramble out of the ring, to get as far away from the thumbtacks as possible… BUT GH catches him in a waistlock and drags him back into the ring…

GH spins Flynn in place, locking him in a frontfacelock! He calls for a suplex ONTO the thumbtack pile.

HHL: Flynn is in serious trouble here, I don’t see HOW he can get out of this one…

Tallman takes a closer look at the front facelock, making sure Flynn doesn’t sneak in a thumb-to-the-eye…

Flynn’s eyes widen! He sees a chance!

GH GOES TO LIFT!

But Flynn takes his right foot…

..

And kicks out…

JEROME TALLMAN’S ANKLE! Jerome, like a house of cards, falls forward…

ONTO GH! Flynn narrowly slips backwards out of GH’s grip, falling back into the corner…

HHL: TIMBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

AND TALLMAN like a fallen oak, collapses onto Generic Heel!

CRUSHING HIM ONTO THE PILE OF THUMBTACKS!

…Oooooooooh, the crowd is silent and horrified.

You smell that?  Not you this time… Smells like… karma.

Flynn shakes his head… He stumbles with what little energy he has left to the center of the ring… And peels the fallen Tallman off…

And in the center of the ring, flattened like a pancake. Embedded onto a pile of thumbtacks like sequins…

The Generic Heel. Eyes wide! In obvious, palpable AGONY.

Flynn peels the Heel off the mat. His back is a PIN CUSHION! HUNDREDS OF TACKS, BURIED into his back and ass.

Flynn snatches the heel by the arm and shoves his face to the mat!

FUJIWARA ARMBAR!

GHl’s hand shakes…

The crowd screams for him to fight on… Not to give up!

GH can’t let the children dow-

POP!

HHL: Ooooooooh.

PIP: That… Ooh, that didn’t sound good.

Flynn dislocated GH’s arm.

GH can’t tap out quick enough.

WINNER BY SUBMISSION: MARK FLYNN


Flynn springs up off the mat, only to fall to his knees like he just won olympic gold!

He wipes the blood and sweat and tears from his face… He lifts his arms!

…

And the crowd only boos.

HHL: Yet another shameful victory from Mark Flynn tonight.

He played within the rules stipulated by Dolly Waters and XWF Management!  All is fair in Xtreme rules!

”STOP BOOING ME! I’M A GOOD GUY NOW!” Flynn screeches, as he slides under the ropes to yell at the crowd.

HHL: Clearly, a more devious evildoer there never was than Mark Flynn.

Flynn waves off the crowd, walking up the ramp. Furious.

…

Suddenly, one person claps. A second. A third!

The entire arena starts applauding!

Flynn spins around! Smiling! Is this it? Has the XWF Universe finally acc-

…

Nope, they’re applauding GH who is being wheeled up the ramp on a stretcher, giving a thumbs up to let the people know he’s going to be okay. His face winces with pain as a nurse peels one thumbtack at a time out of his ass.

…

Flynn shakes his head, disappearing behind the curtain. ”Un-be-LIEVABLE.”



The camera cuts backstage, where the XWF Universal Champion is making his way to the locker room. However, a familiar voice soon calls his name…

“Hey there Kiddo- err, Kido. Old habits die hard.”

Kido: “Nickles.”

Charlie Nickles, aka The Nickleman, is posted up against an open doorway directly in front of Raion Kido’s path. The Champion jostles the belt around on his shoulder as he eyes his long-time foe with suspicion.

”Bet you didn’t think you’d be seeing me here.”

Kido: “Even if I was not aware you were a commentator tonight, I should know better than expecting Bobby Bourbon to be without his Brotherhood, should I not? So what is this all about? Are we having a reprise of what happened last year?”

There is, of course, a certain air of tension between the Champion and the Nickleman.

”But I mean, like this. Back here, in this intimate setting. After all this time we’ve still only met backstage just once before…”

The Nickleman takes a step off the doorframe, quickly approaching the universal champion with an extended arm.

”I just wanted to say, before anything too hectic happens tonight-”

Charlie reaches out to Kido with an open palm, as if to slap him: but instead of landing on the champion’s tender cheek, Charlie’s hand lands on the plate of his championship belt.

”Congratulations on the gold. You’ve done something I seemingly never can, and never will be able to do: and you’ve now done it twice in just a year. I think you really might have *it*, Raion. Try your best to not let the pissants and mongrels in the back take your *it* away, no matter what they put you through. Lord knows they took mine away years ago, and they’ll never give it back.”

The Lion looks at the Nickleman’s hand, then at his face, uncertain of what to do - after all, he hasn’t forgotten what happened the first time the former Television Champion and him met one-on-one. But then Nickles goes on speaking.

”I’ll be watching you out there tonight, but don’t worry: I won’t get involved. Tonight is just about you, Bobby Bourbon, and the millions of fans expecting an all-time great match. No pressure, of course.

I’d tell ya to break a leg but, with my history, I think you might take that as a threat! So take it easy big fella, and good luck out there. But not too good of luck, because Bobby is one of my best friends, even if he is a rotten bastard at the end of the day.”

To this the Lion makes a barely perceptible nod.

Kido: “Four times now have Bourbon and I faced, and this one shall be the third one-on-one. But now it’s for the biggest prize there is, and I shall make certain that I haven’t cashed in the Leap of Faith briefcase in vain. Bourbon might talk the way he does, but deep down, he knows what I can deliver - as you now say I do.”[/color]

The Nickleman pats the champion on the shoulder before walking past him, leaving an open doorway in front of Raion. But just before the camera cuts away, Charlie turns back around to Raion briefly.

”Oh, and before I change my mind….I just wanted to- no, needed to- say one more thing.”

Raion Kido turns around with a raised brow as The Nickleman lets out a hearty sigh.

Kido: “Which is?”[/color]

”I wanted to ap-ap-apol…..I wanted to say s-s-s-or-sor….well, I wanted to tell you I regret the way things went down between us at the beginning of your contract here. I saw a rising star and I wanted to extinguish the flames, but I don’t think you’re the type to get snuffed out. I think you’ve proven that. Good work, champ.”

The Nickleman tips an invisible fedora to Raion Kido before quietly ducking behind a corner and heading further into the mysterious bowels of the arena.

Kido: “That’s about as good as I’m going to get, and it was hard enough for him to get this far, so I’m going to take it as such.[/color]

Drawing a sigh, the Lion takes two fingers to his forehead, and waves them in the way of the Nickleman.

Kido: Accepted, Nickles.”[/color]

And then, of course, it is time for the Lion to leave on his own path as well.



Meanwhile, on the vast and wild grounds of Coreytopia, we see the Xtreme Champion Chris “The Hammer” Von Bonn. He is kicking out of pins left and right. We see the Literal Gorilla, taking a night off from the Gorilla position, simultaneously playing a game of checkers with one of the Bing Bongs and a game of chess with the other. One of the Bing Bong twins notices Von Bonn, and rolls him up in a schoolboy!

1…



2…

The other Bing Bong peels his twin off of Von Bonn! He wants the Xtreme Championship! He pins Von Bonn.

1…



2…

Bing Bong one hoists Bing Bong two off of Von Bonn, and they both pin each other in a twist, leaving Von Bonn alone! The Hammer, looking flustered, turns to walk away…


…and walks right into a Literal Gorilla. The Gorilla swings at Von Bonn, but he ducks! Von Bonn races away, and the Gorilla gives chase! The Gorilla catches Von Bonn near the soundstage! He throws Von Bonn off the stage and into the crowds, where fans from all walks of life get in pin attempts! The Literal Gorilla climbs the massive structure, some five stories high! He starts to throw barrels, which were conveniently and bizarrely left up here! Von Bonn has had enough, and he starts racing up towards where the Literal Gorilla is having had enough of his monkey business! He climbs a ladder, and true to his namesake, finds his Hammer! He smashes a barrel. It all looks like this.

[Image: donkey-kong-nintendo.gif]

Finally, Von Bonn realizes he’s not defending his title, so he doesn’t need to fart around with this Literal Gorilla, and he leaves! The Literal Gorilla drops down from the top of the structure and stands on the stage. The fans are going wild, and start chanting in unison!

*DOWN WITH NED!*DOWN WITH NED!*DOWN WITH NED!*DOWN WITH NED!*

The Gorilla, pleased with the sentiment, stands and soaks up the adulation as none other than Saliva takes the stage!







WARGAMES CAPTAINS BATTLE ROYALE LUMBERJACK MATCH

Thunder Knuckles
- vs -
Sarah Lacklan
- vs -
Angelica Vaughn
- vs -
'Notorious' Ned Kaye
- vs -
Vagabond
- vs -
Dolly Waters

Lumberjacks: The 24 Roster Members Of The WarGames Draft Pool

Over-The-Top Elimination Rumble



I hate that you came back. I was really hoping you just went home after your little poop break.

I wouldn’t miss this captain’s match for anything, Thad! Two of my best friends are in this match, and some of my best enemies, too!

As all the captains stand apart eyeing one another up; the lumberjacks push and shove one another on the outside eager for the match to start cussing one another out and goading the captains.

DING! DING! DING!

The crowd roar in anticipation as each captain launches towards each other into a brawl in the centre.

Got a major clusterfuck going on here. That’s good news for my BOBble heads in the match!

Not much room for technique and strategy when six people are in the ring.

And Vagabond gets the rough end of it all as he is booted away by Lacklan and Thunder Knuckles and Dolly Waters turn in time to hit a double clothesline on Vagabond and send him over the ropes! The lumberjacks on the outside moving out of the way as Vagabond crashes onto the outside!

VAGABOND ELIMINATED



Their room for technique ad strategy with five people, Thad? The BOB strategy is already working great!

Dolly and TK dap each other up but are quickly descended upon by Angie and Sarah with forearms and are whipped into the opposite ropes; TK and Dolly bounce back and are hit by stereo dropkicks from Team HSU. Kaye waits in the corner biding his time trying to hush Noah who keeps trying to talk to him. TK and Dolly stand back up quickly as Lacklan and Angie descend on them again; both hitting the ropes but Angie is tripped by Corey Smith as she hits the ropes and falls face-first onto the canvas! Lacklan charges forward but TK launches in and nails a nasty clothesline on Lacklan!

FUCK YES! KILL THAT BITCH! I Mean, uh- look at that technique!

Geez louise….harboring resentment much?

Leave the good Doctor out of this, Thad!

Sarah spins in the air before dropping to the mat and Dolly rushes in for a knee drop onto Lacklan's mush. TK picks Lacklan up by her arm and Dolly takes the other and the pair whip Lacklan into the corner with intense force and she Falir flops over the turnbuckle and lands on the apron in a daze, the crowd get on their feet as Lacklan is almost out, Bobby Bourbon grabs Lacklan's feet and tries to pull her out but Angie wakes up and nails a baseball slide on Bobby saving Sarah!

Proving that blood is thicker than drafting order between these two!

They’re not really twins, Thad. They’re adopted.

Lacklan rushes through the ropes and gets back in the ring with a thank you to Angie but Vaughn is in a bad spot as Sidney Grey pulls Angie out of the ring and begins to lay the boots down onto her along with Cashe and Mark Flynn! A few lumberjacks on the outside try to maintain order pushing the three away and try to keep the match going.

On the inside Lacklan turns to see Angie getting stomped and begins screaming for order but Dolly Waters rushes in trying to surprise Lacklan with a knee lift but Sarah sees it coming and throws Dolly over her back and Waters lands precariously on the apron!

Thunder Knuckles follows suit looking to send Sarah over with a clothesline but Lacklan dodges out of the way and TK nails Dolly by mistake!

Waters is flung from the apron bowling over lumberjacks and she drops to the outside!

DOLLY WATERS ELIMINATED


FUCK!

TK also cusses at his mistake and turns to Lacklan, Angie Vaughn taking the moment of Dolly being eliminated to get back into the ring.

Ned Kaye sees his opening and launches in to get a forearm into Thunder Knuckles. Lacklan joins in and we get a rare team-up of Kaye and Lacklan as the pair throw strikes into Thunder Knuckles in rapid succession before booting him back with a dual superkick!

TK is flung back and Angie Vaughn kicks TK's leg out with a big soccer kick to the back of his calf and TK falls onto his back. Kaye turns to Lacklan and leaps up nailing a kick into Sarah's head and she drops to the mat; Kaye kips up and runs to the ropes springboarding off and going for a moonsault but Lacklan gets her knees up in time and Kaye kills his back; Sarah spins up to her feet grabbing Kaye's arm and wrapping it into a hammerlock, twisting as she does before smashing Kaye's arm down on her shoulder!

ARM BREAKER FROM SARAH LACKLAN! You're familiar with that move right, Charlie?

I’d tell you to suck my dick, but with all the penis talk you’ve done tonight I think you might actually do it!

Ned drops to the mat holding his arm in agony as Angie has plucked TK up and tries to throw him over the ropes but Thunder Knuckles stops himself and throws a foot back nailing Angie in the groin and she takes a few steps back; TK turns and nails an uppercut on Vaughn who falls to her back. TK grabs Angie by the ankle and the crowd get hype!

He’s got her in place for the THUNDER STRIKE! The most devastating foot fetishist move in wrestling history!

TK looks to the crowd with a smirk but Sarah comes to the rescue!

I guess your buddy wasn’t quick enough with it that time!

BUT she gets hit by a shoulder thrust from TK who trips her onto her back with his free arm and grabs her ankle!!!!

OH MY GAWD!!!!! Teekz is looking for a DOUBLE FOOT DDT!!! This is unprecedented!

Lacklan and Angie panic in the hold either out of fear of having their foot broken or the fact that they may have to sell this move.

This could get ugly, fast: especially if their shoes come off!

TK takes in the moment and but Ned Kaye runs out of nowhere and dropkicks TK!

God damn it Ned, you ruin everything BOB tries to do!

Thunder Knuckles sails over the ropes and lands onto Bobby Bourbon who tries to save him but falls with his fellow BoB member!

THUNDER KNUCKLES ELIMINATED!


And both ‘BOBleheads’ go out!

That’s fine, Thad! In fact, this is exactly where Thunder Knuckles wanted to be eliminated! He’s in the perfect drafting position now!

Ned looks out at the crowd and the lumberjacks with a solemn smirk as he turns and allows Angie and Lacklan to stand back to their feet.

Kaye opens up with a side kick which is caught by Angie and Lacklan helps out with a big lariat which knocks Kaye down to his back while Vaughn keeps the hold around Kaye's leg and twists before booting down on Kaye's leg.

The numbers game not working for Kaye here.

What's the point in teaming up in this match now that BOB’s all gone? You're gonna have to fight each other eventually!

Angie stomps down on Kaye before kicking him over onto his hands and knees and Kaye tries to regain his breath as Angie and Lacklan plan something, Sarah runs the ropes and on the rebound nails Kaye with...

MARK OF CAIN!!

The shining wizard drops Kaye onto his back and he is seeing stars!!!

Lacklan smirks in delight as she tells Angie to get ready, Lacklan getting Kaye into a grounded half-nelson lifting him off the mat slightly as his head dangles.

And they're not done yet, Sarah setting Kaye up for Angelica's VAUGHNEMOUS! I can’t even figure out who to root against here anymore!

Vaughn runs to the ropes to bounce back!

WAIT! SIDNEY GREY JUST LEAPED ONTO THE ARPON!

SID GETS A TIGHT HOLD AROUND ANGIE VAUGHN!

AND GREY JUST PULLED ANGELICA VAUGHN OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! SHE'S OUT!!!

The crowd pop huge and go into a fever of boos as Sidney Grey pulls Angie out of the ring!

ELIMINATED ANGELICA VAUGHN



Lacklan is in disbelief. The crowd can't believe it! And Sidney Grey ushers in the moment taking it allllll in as Vaughn is enraged on the outside and takes Grey to task with brutal strikes, forcing to be pulled away by the lumberjacks that actually give a shit.

Lacklan throws Kaye's head down onto the mat with a roar and smahes his head into the canvas before whipping him up and throwing him over the top rope!

Kaye lands barely on the apron as rage takes over Lacklan and she charges in!

SUPERGIRL PUNCH!!!

Bitch needs to punch the clock and just leave already, I don’t think anyone wants to see her win this match! I think I’m rooting for Ned now!

A big right nails Ned Kaye and he falls off the arpon!

Well way to jinx him, Chuck!

Lacklan takes breather as Kaye falls to the outside.



BUT IS CAUGHT!!!

NED’S NOT DEAD YET!

ISAIAH KING, COREY SMITH, NOAH JACKSON AND JAY OMEGA CATCH A FALLING NED KAYE!



THEY PUSH HIM BACK ONTO THE APRON!!!!


Lacklan can't believe it!

Get fucked, Sarah!

She rushes in again but Kaye wakes up with a shoulder charge!

Lacklan is forced a few feet back and Kaye slingshots himself forward!

TDA! TDA! TDA!

I’M GOING TO CUM IN YOUR FUCKING PANTS IF HE BEATS HER, THAD!

Your….what? NO!

The slingshot hurricanrana lands perfectly and Lacklan is sent through the middle rope onto the outside!!!

TOO LATE, IT’S HAPPENING!


The crowd pop huge as the final bell rings!!!

ELIMINATED SARAH LACKLAN


YOUR WINNER VIA ELIMINATION - NED KAYE!



Kaye's music hits as the crowd pop!

Ned Kaye gets the #1 pick! The only question left now is….who’s he going to take? I hope it’s me!

You didn’t even sign up to be drafted, dumbass.

Oh shit…well then, Ned’s going to have some real hard thinking to do about who to take first! And every other captain is going to need to think about how the fuck they’re going to stop Ned’s momentum!


Following the conclusion of the Captain’s Match, the ring bell chimes over and over, prompting everyone to turn to the Time Keeper’s table.  Boos echo around the compound as Sidney Grey is seen there, banging away on the bell.  Finally, she takes up a microphone to address the fans.


Sidney Grey: I know that this match was not at all what you fans were expecting.  It was missing…something…something special…something fabulously regal…your King!

The fans boo again, even louder, but Sid ignores them.

Sidney Grey: Unfortunately, there is nothing to be done about the travesty that you all just witnessed, but what I CAN do, as your XWF King is declare myself…CAPTAIN!

The entire arena erupts into chaos as they try to figure out if Sid can really do that.

Sidney Grey:  Rest assured; I can do just that!  I was screwed out of my Champion’s Prerogative in my Universal Title defense…so I am evoking it right now!

The entire compound is abuzz with chants of “BULL SHIT!” but Sid actually stands atop the Time Keeper’s Table and eggs the chants on.  Suddenly the Theo Pryce appears with an irritated look on his face.  The fans make ready to hear him put Sid in her place, but the surprises just keep on coming.

Theo Pryce: Sidney…I should have you thrown out of here, but I’m genuinely intrigued. You’re right…your Champion’s Prerogative was stolen from you, and you are the King. And because I am nothing if not fair, we will allow you to be Captain.

The entire compound is left in shock, all but Sid who gleefully hops up and down on the table.

Theo Pryce: But, we aren't adding a team.  Instead you will replace Vagabond, who will now go into the draft.  Good luck…King.

Sid hops down off the table, running around the ringside area, taunting fans, lumberjacks, and fellow Captains alike.





[Image: oPBdkzE.png]
UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Bobby Bourbon
- vs -
Raion Kido ©

Best Two Out Of Three Falls



Hello my loves…


We see Dolly Waters standing in the center of the ring,


Close yer’ eyes.

Open yer’ mind.

Fer’ Dolly’s Divine Timing has brought us to this moment…

YER’ MAIN EVENT OF MAYDAY 2!


A BEST TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS CONTEST…



FOR THE XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP!






A metric fuckton of sequenced laser lights dart onto the stage, as a massive silhouette appears from behind the curtain.


Introducing first… the challenger.

Weighing in at two-hundred-ninety pounds…



The Motherfucking!



Bastardly!



Bringer OF THE BROTHERHOOD OF BADDIES!



…The Sultan Of Smacktalk…

BOBBY! BOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBOOOOOON!

The crowd erupts as the massive silhouette melts away and the camera shifts onto the image of a bold and determined Bobby Bourbon. The spotlight hovers over his body as he stands ontop of a pile of junked vehicles way back on the commune property, raising a single fist into the air. The fans surrounding him are all reaching up. Bobby leaps down from the pile of cars, and carves his way through the MayDay crowd. He hops the barricade and joins Dolly in the ring.



...and his opponent…

The entire lighting system over the commune turns to gold as The Lion appears from behind the curtain…

He IS!


…fer’ now…


THE XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!



THE LION!



RAION! KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

The crowd comes unglued as Kido darts a set of stoic eyes into Bobby’s, pointing a finger at the challenger as he makes his way to the ring.

Raion climbs through the ropes and hands the championship to the official, who then holds it in the air. Dolly exits the ring and takes a seat at commentary with Thad and Charlie as the theatrics settle down.

There’s a rumble in the skies, and a sudden crack of lighting. It illuminates our competitors' faces as neither of them seem bothered by the sudden change in the climate.

The roars of the crowd grow more intense as the ref calls for the bell…

This is going to be a barn burner for the ages. BOB’s not going to get involved and cheat for Bobby, are you? I know you’ve got a dog in this fight, and enough bad blood with Raion Kido to fill the seven seas!

Me and Raion? Bad blood? Naaah. And why would BOB ever interfere in a match? That would be a complete violation of the rules! I’m just here to observe and call the match down the middle, fair and square!

Riiiiiight.


These two behemoths of the wrestling industry waste little time giving the fans what they’ve come to witness!

They meet in the center of the ring, each grabbing the other man’s head with a left arm, and teeing off with their rights. But it takes little time for Bobby’s size and strength to prove to be too much, as the clubbing right handed blows of Bourbon send The Lion falling backward.

Big blows from the Bourbonman!

And down goes the champ in the first round!

But Bobby isn’t done yet. He grabs hold of Raion, grappling him under his shoulder, but Raion plants a foot, and finds the strength of his low center of gravity. He pushes up and halts Bobby’s momentum, as the two are now tied up. Raion tries pushing Bobby up from his feet, but it’s no use. Bourbon whips Raion into the ropes, chases after him and bullies the Champion onto his back with a clean running shoulder block.

Bourbon moves to pick Raion up, but the champ is already popping to his feet, he hooks Bobby’s arm as he stands, and goes for a hip toss, but the challenger is too heavy to budge, as Bobby now plants a foot, just before planting a sick headbutt right between Raion’s eyes. The champs head swings back, but he doesn’t fall, instead he unhooks his arm from Bobby and cracks the challenger across the chest with a viscous chop that echoes throughout the commune.

Oh fuck that must’ve hurt….I’ll have to get some icepacks ready for Bobby after this one!

What, are you his personal nursing aide? That’s cute.

Shut up! I just don’t like to see my friends in pain! If you were a good friend, Thad, then you’d understand!

Kido takes the opportunity to push Bobby into the corner of the ring with two more consecutive chops. He climbs up the middle rope to begin teeing off on Bourbon’s head, but the challenger slides out, and gets behind Raion. He grapples around Kido’s waist and smashes him from the middle rope into the mat with a release german suplex.

Bourbon is the first to make a cover!


1!






2!!




Kido is out at two!


Honestly surprised that got Kido to a 2-count. He’s tougher than the bed of nails I like to sleep on!

Big German Suplexes get big results, Charlie!

After breaking the count Kido is already getting to his feet. But an axe handle smash to the lower back plants him back onto his face.

Kido scrambles around as Bobby tries to further his attack, he grabs the challenger’s ankles and pulls up, tripping Bobby down to the mat while still holding onto the legs and trying to lock in a submission hold. But Bobby is able to kick Kido away.

Both men are back up to their feet where Kido tries to shove Bourbon, who barely budges. Bourbon goes to grab Kido again, but Raion is already running, hitting the ropes and going for a clothesline.

Bobby ducks underneath!

Great move, Bobby! So athletic, so handsome, so talented! Now put it all together!

Raion hits the next set of ropes, and on the rebound dives at Bourbon, who counters with a HUGE backbody drop!

THERE WE GO!

What happened to fair and balanced commentary?

Raion goes flying in the air and crashes violently onto the mat. Bobby scrambles toward the champion, ready to cover him, but Kido is able to recover and sends a pair of knees into Bourbon’s chest as he falls ontop of him. Now Kido flips ontop of Bobby trying to pin him.

1!


But a bench press kickout from Bobby!

Bobby’s as strong as seven men! Or fourteen half-men!

How many quarter-men?

Uhm, shit….I don’t have enough fingers to count that.

Kido lands like a cat, and shifts up to a vertical base, spotting Bobby already climbing up to his feet.

Kido darts over to the corner and hops rear first onto the top rope. He kicks Bobby in the face as the challenger runs in for a splash. Bobby stunned. Kido hopes over the rope, and runs down the apron, heading for the next turnbuckle…



BUT BOBBY SHAKES IT OFF!


And in an amazing display of speed, power and recovery, Bobby bounces from the ropes, runs down to the other end of the ring to meet Kido with a nasty chop across the chest as The Lion attempted to scale the other turnbuckle for a surprise attack.

Another streak of lightning cracks across the skies as rain begins to fall over Coreytopia.

Kido falls from the top rope down to the arena floor.

Bobby raises a finger to the sky and climbs the top rope…


He sizes Kido up!


Something big is about to happen!


The champion needs to pull himself together right about now, because this could be REALLY bad for the future of his reign!




DIVING SENTON!





Kido rolls out of the way just in time!

I can’t believe it! That Kido just can’t be got! Fuck he’s slick!

All that anime training has clearly paid off for the champ!

Bobby smacks the ground hard as the audience lets out a collective groan.

The ref begins counting the two men out. He reaches a count of three before Kido is to his feet.

Raion is ready to re-enter the ring when he notices Bobby is miraculously starting to stir again.

Just as Kido is about to leap off the apron for an attack, Bobby springs up to his feet. He grabs Kido by the legs, and Kido grabs onto the ropes.

Bobby pulls Kido back, leaving his body dangling out between the ropes and the floor. Bobby lifts Raion legs, about to whip the champion neck first onto the apron, but Raion spins free!

He catches Bobby with an enziguri type of kick to the temple mid-air, but even still, Kido crashes awkwardly into the apron, while Bobby is dazed on his feet.


7!!!!!!!


8!!!!!!!!

Bobby comes to and darts under the ropes…

9!!!!!!!!


We could be heading for a double count-out here!


That would be even more bullshit than Bobby’s DQ win over Flynn!


1-!!!!!!!!!!! AND KIDO JUST BARELY MAKES IT UP AND UNDER THE ROPES TOO!

The crowd is going wild as both men are slow to get up.


This match has already been one for the ages, and I think we’re not even close to the end yet!

Both of these men have so much more left to give, and they’re going to leave it all in the ring because the biggest prize in sports is on the line! This match isn’t just a match: this match is a complete and total war for the gold!


As they do, Kido pumps his fist into the air, he charges at Bobby…







ATOMIC THUNDER!










BUT THE RUNNING LARIAT IS COUNTERED!






BOURBON DROPS TO THE MAT AND TIES KIDO UP WITH A… SMALL PACKAGE?


1!





2!!







He’s got it! He’s got it! New champion!






3-NO!  KIDO SHIFTS AND FLIPS THE PIN!



Kido reverses!


SMALL PACKAGE FROM KIDO!


1!















2!!




     






3!!!






Falls

Kido- 1
Bourbon- 0




NOOOOOOOOOOO! KIDO RETAINS! God damn it, all that training was useless and Bobby is going to be so m- wait, why are they still fighting?

It’s 2 out of 3 falls, you idiot.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. So THAT’S what that means!

Bobby can still fight back and win, but it’s going to be harder now than ever!


Kido barely scores the first pinfall of the match, and Bourbon is already up. Anger washing over his features.

But Kido is undaunted. He charges right at Bourbon.

A Hiptoss smashes the challenger to the mat. Bobby pops right back up.

Slingblade from Kido!

Again Bobby is up!

Kido grapples again!


URNAGE!!!




IS COUNTERED INTO A POP-UP SPINE BUSTER!

HE JUST BROKE THE CHAMPION’S SPINE!

The crack of Kido’s spine connecting to the increasingly drenched mat is nearly as loud as the clap of thunder that erupted simultaneously.

The crowd “ewwws” from the sight.

Bobby tears away the shoulder straps from his wrestling leotard and hovers over Kido.

Kido stands again as the rain beings pouring down over Coreytopia.

How can the champion even stand?

ANOTHER SPINEBUSTER!

He won’t be able to for much longer! Not if Bobby has his way!


Bobby jerks Kido up by the hair….

This is getting gruesome…


He whips him hard into the turnbuckle, and as Kido falls back…


SPINEBUSTER!

“3!” The crowd begins counting as Bobby continues a sickening series of spinebusters.

“4!” Another spinebuster on an Irish Whip rebound.

The onslaught continues

“5!”


“6!”

Eventually the fans stop counting and start a new chant.

“SPINEBUSTER-CITY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-* SPINEBUSTER-CITY!”

Kido appears to be in a bad way. He’s now eaten eight consecutive spinebusters from Bobby Bourbon. Even the challenger seems dazed from executing this incredible series of moves. He grabs at Raion’s ankles, ready to drag him toward the center of the mat, away from the ropes-

-but just like on the outside earlier, Kido grabs ahold of the bottom ropes. Bobby flings Kido’s legs again, but this time, with so little room between the ropes and the canvas, Kido can’t flip out. Instead he’s lashed into the canvas, the force of the drop popping him right back up into another spinning Spinebuster!

“SPINEBUSTER-CITY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-* SPINEBUSTER-CITY!”

Damn, Bobby…..maybe you should try going for a pin now? All this violence is starting to make even ME a bit squeamish!

It looks like Bobby has a point to prove tonight!

Bobby is still down on his knees after that last spinebuster, panting, and trying to gather the strength to lift Kido again. After some time, he’s able to finally get The Lion up. He moves Kido to the turnbuckle, and positions him on top.

He’s going to go for a 10th spinebuster… FROM THE TOP ROPE?!

He has Kido up. He spins for the super spinebuster!

BUT KIDO GRABS HIS HEAD MIDAIR!


CODEBREAKER FROM THE TOP!

Both men take considerable damage, and both men are down!

The crowd is going crazy!

Bobby staggers to his feet, and somehow, Raion isn’t far behind him…


Bobby turns around.






RIGHT INTO A LIGHTNING BOLT PUNCH!










NO!









BOURBON PARRYS!






HE BATS AWAY KIDO’S FIST!








HE SPINS THE CHAMPION!






PHRENOLOGY CLAW!



Bourbon locks in the clutch submission hold, squeezing his arms tightly around Kido’s throat. Immediately, Kido charges backward, pushing Bobby into the ropes, his arms flailing, desperately trying to get a rope break!


KIDO SPINS AND GETS THE ROPES!


He ref runs in and counts to four before Bobby gives Kido the break.



…..





But the break only prolonged the inevitable.



KIDO CAN’T RECOVER, AND BOBBY LOCKS THE HOLD RIGHT BACK IN!


He wraps his legs around Kido and slams the two of them to the mat, squeezing with all of his might!






KIDO TAPS!

KIDO TAPS!


Falls:
Kido -1
Bourbon -1



AND BOBBY WINS THE MATCH! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!

Dude….2 out of 3….

Oh….so who’s ahead?

It’s tied, Charlie! And the next fall is for all the marbles!

Holy shit this is getting intense!

No shit!


Bobby releases the hold and both men are lying back first on the mat. The rain pouring down on their faces like a much needed elixir from the heavens.

The crowd is rumbling, roaring, implying these two warriors to finish the match.

They’ve both spent so much energy on those first two falls. One has to wonder what could possibly be left in the tank.

These two have both spent so much energy on the first two falls. You have to wonder what could possibly be left in the tank!

Woah…did anyone else just get a weird sense of deja vu?

Huh? Jesus Charlie, just focus on this great championship match!

Raion rolls onto his stomach, still gasping for air, as Bobby slowly pulls up from his back in a deadman type of situp, positioning himself on one elbow and looking over at Kido with an incredulous shake of the head.

The challenger drags to his feet and limps over to the reeling Kido. He stands the champion up… AND EATS A DISCUS CLOTHESLINE!

FUCK! That would knock a whale on his ass!



But Bobby doesn’t fall, he stumbles through the ropes and catches himself on the apron.

But somehow Bobby’s still standing!

He shakes his head, recovers quickly and spots Raion charging toward him.

Bobby moves to the turnbuckle and climbs the top, where Kido meets him, with a series of well timed boxing punches on his way to the top. Bourbon is seeing stars!

Kido is not relenting!

Kido hooks his arm over his shoulder. He grabs Bobby’s tights. He lifts. Bobby resists. Kido lifts again. Still Bourbon doesn’t budge. Kido strains. His face is turning blood red. He’s used all of his strength trying to lift Bobby from the top turnbuckle.

HEADBUTT FROM BOURBON!

Atta boy, Bobby!

Great, now they both have concussions!

Kido is now dangling from the top rope with one arm. Bobby is still seated infront of him.

It looks like a stiff wind could knock Kido over.




….


Bobby grapples Kido!






BUT THE LION RELEASES HIS HOLD FROM THE ROPE AND LANDS ON HIS FEET IN THE RING!






LIGHTNING BOLT!



 
NO!




IS CAUGHT BY BOURBON!



YES!

C’mon, Charlie; make up your mind!


Bobby has his hands up, holding Raion’s fist! The champion screams out, charging the punch all of his might, but he can’t break Bobby’s block!


This is like an anime movie! Look at all that force, and air pressure, and anime swirls in the air!

….

Did we….did we take drugs? This looks just like some sort of dragonball-Z action sequence! Bobby is STILL blocking the blow, and the momentum is causing gusts of wind!


……

LIGHTNING BOLT!!!








AS IN AN ACTUAL BOLT OF LIGHTNING FROM THE STORM!


Oh my god!




IT STRIKES THE LIGHTING STRUCTURE ABOVE THE RING!




What’s happening?!



THE LIGHTS GO OUT OVER COREYTOPIA!




RAION KIDO DROPS HIS FIST AND PULLS BOBBY’S ARM OVER HIS SHOULDER…












HE LIFTS ONE MORE TIME!




WITH EVERY OUNCE OF ENERGY HE HAS LEFT!









KIDO SUPERPLEXES BOURBON INTO THE RING….




I can’t believe it!



LEAVING A RAION BOURBON SHAPED DENT IN THE CANVAS



How did the champion have the strength for that?!


……THE RING COLLAPSES!!!





BOTH MEN ARE UNCONSCIOUS, BUT ONE MAN’S ARM IS DRAPED ACROSS THE OTHERS CHEST!






1!










2!!














3!!!



Falls:
Kido-2
Bourbon-1


It’s Kido’s arm draped over Bobby’s chest!

Winner- and STILL XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION- Raion Kido!


Well fuck……this wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but even I can’t deny that the champion put on a performance for the ages. Bobby Bourbon gave him everything he had…and somehow, someway, Raion Kido will be walking away as the champion tonight! If he can somehow still walk after that slugfest…..GOD DAMN, WHAT A SHOW! WHAT A MAIN EVENT! WHAT A NIGHT, EVERYBODY! NOW GO HOME AND MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO YOUR WIVES BECAUSE THEY MIGHT LEAVE YOU ONE DAY LIKE MINE DID!

Have a nice night everybody!

The crowd goes insane as the storm rages on over Coreytopia. Before Kido can even get his arm raised as the victor, the fans have rushed the ring. Hoisting both of the unconscious competitors into the air, Kido with the Universal Championship tucked in his arms, sending the two men crowd surfing through the commune grounds.




A Very Special Thanks:

Mark Flynn
Bobby Bourbon
Corey Smith
Gator
Thaddeus Duke
Charlie Nickles

...and to everyone who RPed, submitted segments, and helped judge these matches.

Happy *late* MayDay!
]]> …5 Days Ago…

MSNBC Reporter: Deja Vous, anyone?

We’re bringing you live to Coreytopia, Florida, the site of the legendary XWF event MayDay, where two years ago an estimated one-million fans swarmed this secluded nook of South Florida for a free wrestling event. And as you can see-

[Image: gettyimages-50461195-1513965794.jpg]

MSNBC Reporter: -a massive crowd has formed again, in anticipation for MayDay 2! Lets now go live to the gates of Coreytopia where the fans are awaiting entrance onto the property.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Hey, man! It’s May first, when are they going to let us in?

Hippie fan who loves free shit #2: I don't know. The gates weren't even locked two years ago…

He looks around noticing black shirted pillars of muscle carrying batons,

Hippie fan who loves free shit #2: …and there weren’t any security guards either.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Well, this time things were advertised like crazy. I’m sure they’ll open up soon. But in the meantime-

The fan pulls a rerolled cigar from his pocket and grins at his friend, as he begins sparking a lighter.

We suddenly hear the echo of a megaphone:

Put the blunt down!

Dolly Waters,the host of MayDay 2 appears on the security wall of the Coreytopia property, speaking into the detached mic of a megaphone in her hand,

The gates to Coreytopia will open in ten minutes. Please dispose of any drug, or alcohol paraphernalia, and have yer’ 50 dollar entrance fee ready.

The crowd begins roaring with disapproval,

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Hey, man! This show is supposed to be free!

The wrestling event, XWF MayDay 2 is completely free!

However, to view the wrestling event, one must purchase tickets to the MayDay 2 music festival which will be taking place for the next five days.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: Well… I guess that’s fair, but no drugs? C’mon. What’s a music festival without drugs and booze?

No need to worry! Because included in yer’ MayDay 2 admission is a package of my third eye chakra tea… Dolly’s Divine Timing.

Hippie fan who loves free shit #2: Oh shit! Psychedelic tea? Niiiiice. Who all’s playing at the concert?

If y’all thought Natalie Merchant was great two years ago, wait until you see what we have in store for you this year. It’s a legendary lineup of post-grunge, numetal, divorced dad anthems!

The fans share some glares of skepticism,

and it starts, NOW!

Welcome to MayDay 2!

Hippie fan who loves free shit #1: I sure hope this tea is strong.







LIVE FROM YE' OLE' COMMUNE





COREYTOPIA, FLORIDA



A SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH

Corey Smith
- vs -
ALIAS

One Fall




TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Noah Jackson
- vs -
Isaiah King©

Ladder Match




FATAL FIVE-WAY CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDERSHIP

Jay Omega
- vs -
Michael McBride
- vs -
Reggie Estrada
- vs -
Cadryn Tiberius
- vs -
RoboGravy

One Fall



TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

"The JustUS League"
(The Blue Tango and The Atomic Bat)
- vs -
SAGA ©
(Raion Kido and Jason Cashe)

Tag Team - One Fall




Mark Flynn
- vs -
The Generic Heel

XTreme Rules Match




WARGAMES CAPTAINS BATTLE ROYALE LUMBERJACK MATCH

Thunder Knuckles
- vs -
Sarah Lacklan
- vs -
Angelica Vaughn
- vs -
'Notorious' Ned Kaye
- vs -
Vagabond
- vs -
Dolly Waters

Lumberjacks: The 24 Roster Members Of The WarGames Draft Pool

Over-The-Top Elimination Rumble




[Image: oPBdkzE.png]
UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Bobby Bourbon
- vs -
Raion Kido ©

Best Two Out Of Three Falls



The camera feed opens up in a familiar setting…

[Image: sturgis-road-wild-98.jpg]

It’s the massive courtyard behind Corey Smith’s mansion, where our wrestling ring and entrance area have been staged. Near the entrance area sits the commentary booth, where we clearly see Heather Halliwell, and barely see Pip Collins, making their way to their seats.

...what are y’all doin?

But they’re intercepted, by none other than the host of MayDay 2, the resident Gypsy Queen of the XWF, Dolly Waters.

HHL: Um, well we’re trying to go do our jobs-

Dolly holds her hand out, stopping Heather mid-sentence,

MayDay 2 is a celebration of international workers day, Heather.

HHL: But that was five days ago…

That’s right! A five day celebration… see how important worker solidarity is to me? Why don’t you and Pip grab a seat, kick yer’ feet up and just enjoy the festivities, I’ve got the commentary team covered.

Heather shrugs, while Pip jumps in the air, pumping his fists.

And taking a seat at the commentary booth, is none other than XWF Legend, former Universal Champion…

Thaddeus Duke

He waves to the cheering audience and puts on his headset,

Grab a seat Dolly… I can’t tell you how excited, and honored I am to provide color commentary with you again

Thad, I really appreciate you stepping up to do commentary again, but I won’t be joining you this year…

Well, I guess I can do both color and-

No, no, no… don’t worry.

I’ve got yer’ play-by-play coming out right now…

Hey Dookie!

It’s none other than the Nickleman, Charlie Nickles, stepping out from behind the curtain and grabbing a seat next to Thad. A wrestles him around the shoulder for an awkward hug and noogie. Thad jerks aways.

Touch me like that again and we’re fighting






A SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH

Corey Smith
- vs -
ALIAS

One Fall


As the… err… hometown(kinda?) boy, Corey Smith, waited in the ring, the lights around the entire makeshift stadium slowly dimmed until nothing was left.

And Corey, like the rest, waits.

And waits.

And waits.

As the wait continues, a murmur trickles its way around the crowd, carrying with it a memory.

Two years ago, a million strong all rejoiced as the king was slain.

Today, they remember.

"When I just a little girl…"

One lone voice begins to sing.

The memory takes root as more join in.

"...I asked my mother, what will I be?..."

A few voices become many.

Rising! Rising!

"...Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?..."

An entire choir takes root!

The memory is no longer distant, it is here! It is May Day once more!

For the people! By the people!

And buy some tea while you're at it.

"...Here's what she said to me…"

The entire crowd joins in as the fever in which May Day 1 ended, reignites here at the second coming.

For the second coming.

The crowd belts out "Que Será, Será" at the top of their lungs, filling the void in the absence of any music. They interrupt themselves to roar a little as a lone spotlight falls upon the entrance way, before getting back to the job at hand.

And in the spotlight… behold, a white horse!

Gently it plods its way towards the ring, undeterred by the raucous singing around it. It carries no man upon its back, just an omen.

For the seventh trumpet has sounded.

Elsewhere, a boulder has been rolled away from the opening of a tomb.

And then, the light was gone. And the horse with it. All was empty, and the crowd's noise began to die. Until…

A spark.

A cigarette alight.

It ain't going to light itself.

The lights rise. The fans do too to their feet.

Risen.

'He' is.

Corey turns. Standing behind him in the ring, is ALIAS.

He flicks his cigarette out of the ring, where it snuffs itself in the ground.

And he doesn't take his eyes from Corey.


The official calls for the bell, and the match is underway.

Here we go!  Two of the greatest to ever lace a pair of boots and for the record… Let’s go Corey!

Two of the greatest? Where? Is Mini-Morbid hiding under the ring?

Both men stand in their respective corners, neither budging as they stare one another down. There’s a loud gust of wind that rips between them, sending ALIAS’ bangs fluttering off to the side of his head.

Smith rolls his neck, and grabs onto the ropes, pulling down and stretching out his arms.

ALIAS steps forward to the center of the mat, and Corey joins him there, yet neither speak a word or raise a fist.

Looks like Cheddar Al is playing some more mind games with Monsieur Smith here. I wouldn’t be surprised if these two were having some sort of telepathic arm wrestling match, right here in the middle of the ring! Look at the intensity in their eyes!

They stand toe to toe as the crowd begins to roar so loud that the cameras are shaking.

Corey looks to the left, ALIAS to the right. The crowd begins dueling chants of these two legends' names.

Corey and ALIAS again lock eyes.

They nod.

Then they lock up!
ALIAS uses his size advantage to push Corey into the ropes. Smith raises his hands up trying to wedge his arms between him and ALIAS to halt an irish whip attempt. It works, but ALIAS still brings Corey to the mat with an arm drag.

Before Corey can even get settled on the canvas, ALIAS is digging into his collar bone with an effective clawhold. Smith’s face twists, his teeth grind. He grabs onto ALIAS’ hand and tries prying it free. It takes a moment, but Corey is able to control the hand, the wrist, and then flip ALIAS over his shoulder.

Haha, ALIAS just lost!

What are you talking about?

It’s a first fall match, Thad, and Corey just made Thaddeus fall! The referee will be stopping this any minute now!

*groans*

ALIAS lands on his rear, and Corey is up, darting for the ropes and quickly connects to ALIAS’ lower back with a sliding baseball kick.

ALIAS flings back in a way that already has him turning to mount Corey who’s still on the mat behind him. He goes for a mounted attack, but Smith is able to fend him off with a knee to the sternum.

That’ll knock the wind out of anyone… ALIAS though… it’s never quite long enough.

I don’t know about that one, Thaddeus: remember I pinned ALIAS down for three seconds with just a roll-up. Sometimes, it’s the simplest moves that can catch the icons off guard! Enough knees to the sternum could cause anyone’s heart to combust!

Corey scoots back on his rear near the ropes, and grabs onto the middle one, pulling himself to his feet as he watches ALIAS stand, unaffected by any of the offense thus far. Corey circles him, rotating his shoulder with a grimace before charging back in.

He goes for a kick, but ALIAS grabs the leg and dragon-screws him back to the mat. A forearm bashes across Corey’s forehead before he’s covered.


1!




EARLY KICKOUT!

C’mon Cor’!

Am I supposed to be rooting for ALIAS just to keep this commentary fair? That’s a line too far, EVEN FOR ME!

ALIAS climbs off of the pinfall and tries to snag Corey up, but Smith is already scrambling back to his feet, backpedaling, throwing kicks as ALIAS easily fends them off and bullrushes him into the ropes.

He snatches the blocking Smith up, flips him and cracks his spine across his quad with a spinning backbreaker.

ALIAS covers again!

1!






EARLY KICKOUT AGAIN!

Yes!

Keep it in the bedroom….geez….we’re supposed to be fair and unbiased here like Fox News, alright?

Corey again tries rolling away before ALIAS can grab him from the mat, but this time Space Jesus doesn’t allow Corey to maneuver away. He has Smith and whips him hard into the corner, so hard that Corey flips awkwardly up, and over the top rope, where he crashes down onto the apron.

ALIAS is charging.

Corey stands on the apron just as ALIAS rushes in for an attack. Smith’s eyes go wide as he sees ALIAS charging.

Corey leaps and dropkicks ALIAS through the ropes, sacrificing his own body as he falls out to the floor forearms first.

The impact from the falling dropkick to ALIAS’ chest, sends the former Universal Champion stumbling down, but only to his knees, where he’s able to quickly recover and head to the outside. He sizes Corey up from the apron and just as Smith stands, ALIAS leaps off with a diving double axe handle, but the nimble Smith rolls, stands quickly and kicks ALIAS in the stomach midair.

Alright!  Momentum shift!  Let’s get your hot little ass in gear now, Corey!

Stop sexually harassing the talent! You do that enough on the LFL team you own, you don’t have to do it here, too!

For the first time in the match, Corey appears to have caused some real damage to ALIAS, he doesn’t want to squander the opportunity of capitalizing. He chops ALIAS across the chest several times, sending him into the barricade where he takes a few steps back, and rushes in, connecting with a well executed helluva’ kick. ALIAS spills over the barricade, as the ref’s count reaches 7

That count is getting close! Someone needs to get back in the ring, because if this thing ends in a double-count out I think there’ll be a riot!

Corey’s eyes go wide, he darts back toward the ring, rolls up the ropes and breaks the count, before going to retrieve ALIAS.

Corey reaches over the barricade, and grabs ALIAS by the hair. If he’s going to defeat Space Jesus, he wants it to be a decisive victory in the ring. He pulls Space Jesus up…

 

OUT OF NOWHERE!

ALIAS UPPERCUTS COREY FROM BEHIND THE BARRICADE!

No!  Has anyone ever checked that forearm for illegal weapons?  ALIAS is a whole fuckin’ weirdo with a perverted sense of right and wrong.  I’d bet on him cheating.

He OBVIOUSLY cheating, Thad! I don’t know how, but he obviously is! How else could ALIAS have beaten me so many times in a row? It just wouldn’t make sense! And now, he’s using those same dirty tricks on Corey!

Corey lifts in to the air and falls back awkwardly into the ring steps.

Executing the move clearly took a lot of ALIAS as he too falls over the barricade.

Both men are down as the ref counts

1



2



3



4


ALIAS begins to stir, while Corey is still motionless lying on the steps

5


6

7

ALIAS’ eyes go wide now!

8

He too darts back to the ropes, breaking the count before going to grab Corey.

Smith is still out of it.

ALIAS rolls him under the ropes and into the ring where he covers!


1!











2!!











KICKOUT BY SMITH!

Yeah, this is definitely the point in the match where ALIAS would have pinned me, no ifs ands or buts about that one! I don’t know how Corey’s survived this long!

Come on Corey!  Get back in it!

He seems pretty out of it, Thad!


The crowd is roaring with approval, as ALIAS comes to his feet first, but Corey is slowly on his tail.


ALIAS WHIPS COREY TO THE ROPES!


BUT COREY REVERSES!


SPINNING BACK FISTS TOPPLE ALIAS!

In a way, I wish that busted through his ugly face like a fuckin’ shotgun!  Just blood and brain matter everywhere!

Oooooookay edgelord.

COREY COVERS!

1!








KICKOUT!

Gahh!  Dammit!

But before ALIAS can begin to recover, Corey is already back ontop of him, with a standing moonsault!

He just did some flippy shit! This might be it!

Corey covers again!




1!










KICKOUT AGAIN!


Don’t relent, Cor’!  Keep on him!

Corey needs a lot more than encouraging words if he’s going to keep ALIAS down, Thad!

Corey doesn’t look phased by ALIAS’ resilience, he knew what he was getting into, but the self doubt that he had entering the match appears to be gone. He’s running for the top rope. He leaps to the top quickly and waits for ALIAS to stand…




A DIVING SPINNING NECKBREAKER!



YES!



IS CAUGHT!



NO!

AND COUNTERED INTO A FIERCE BACKBREAKER!


Make up your mind, Thaddeus!


Both men are down in the center of the ring!



ALIAS crawls to a corner and sits down, rubbing his chin and watching Corey crawl to an opposite corner.

Smith looks dazed as he pulls up by the ropes, his eyes meeting ALIAS’.


This could be any man’s match now. This has been back and forth all night, but I get the sense we’re nearing the end of the line!


ALIAS rises to his feet now. He claps in Corey’s direction who nods back at Space Jesus, the crowd is on fire for this match as the two men move gingerly to the center of the ring.


SPINNING BACK FIST!


But ALIAS ducks the attack, a grabs Corey’s arm, dragging his head under his arm…



DDT!


BUT COREY SPINS OUT!


A SURPRISE THROAT PUNCH LANDS!

Pounce, Corey!  POUNCE!

ALIAS’ EYES ARE WIDE, HE GASPS…


THE OTHER LEFT!


THE FIERCE RIGHT HANDED SMACK FROM ALIAS SENDS COREY SPINNING IN THE AIR JUST AS ALIAS FALLS TO HIS KNEES!

ALIAS is trying to gather his breath from that stunning throat punch, before he crawls near Corey. He goes for the cover!


1!




BUT IT’S ACTUALLY COUNTERED INTO A SMALL PACKAGE!



1!




2!!






ALIAS kicks out!


Son of a BITCH!  He kicked out!  I might need a cigarette if Corey wins this thing!


I’m trying to get off the drugs. I can give you my old stash if you want! Corey and ALIAS will BOTH be needing some of my special healing rocks after this complete slobberknocker!


Both men are to their feet, but ALIAS is to his feet with a ton of veracity! He chokes Corey and pushes him into the turnbuckle! Corey is trying to escape, climbing backward up the ropes. As he gets to the second rope, ALIAS still has the choke locked in, Corey lifts a knee but does little damage. So he climbs up further, to the top, but ALIAS keeps the choke locked on, but one handed now, climbing up after Corey.

But now Smith has nowhere to go.


ALIAS LIFTS HIM!


CHOKESLAM FROM THE TOP!



IS COUNTERED BY A HURRICANRANA! 


Dreams really do come true!  ALIAS has wanted his face in Corey’s crotch for years!


What the fuck, Thad?


BOTH MEN CRASH TO THE CANVAS!


COREY COVERS!!!


1!










2!!











KICKOUT!


This match might kill me, Charlie!

If we could only be so lucky. Maybe we can get rid of you, Corey, and ALIAS all in one go if this match keeps going off the rails!

Smith pulls up to his knees, panting, exhausted, digging for the strength to try and put ALIAS away. He grabs ALAIS by the hair and stands, pulling ALIAS up to his knees…





 





IS DODGED BY SMITH!




 

FROM SMITH TO ALIAS!



COREY HIT ALIAS WITH HIS OWN UPPERCUT!



Corey covers!



1!










2!!
















FOOT ON THE ROPES!



ALIAS JUST GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPES!


*Grunts and gripes unintelligibly*

That’s a damn good point, Thad! Now you’re finally making some sense!

The crowd gasps, as Corey shakes his head in disbelief. He crawls away from ALIAS and gives the former Universal Champion time to stand. ALIAS pushes up off the mat and Corey charges in!

FACE PAIN DE-LUX!









IS CAUGHT BY ALIAS!




HE SPINS COREY BY THE LEG!




FACE PAIN DE-LUX FROM ALIAS TO COREY SMITH!



THIS TIME ALIAS STEALS COREY’S MOVE!









THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!






ALIAS COVERS!






1!

















2!!
















KICKOUT!


Thank fuckin’ God!  Come on Cor’.  Come on bud.

Why wasn’t this the main event? Sorry Bourbs and Kido…but holy fuck!

This contest has been an absolute war! Both men are slow to their feet again, and Corey goes for the finish! But the roundhouse kick is avoided!


ALIAS WITH AN UPPERCUT!

But it too is avoided!




But ALIAS comes right back with




EAT THE LEFT HAND!








But Corey catches ALIAS’ wrist!


He’s holding back with all of his might. ALIAS’ fingertips pushing right near Corey’s lips as the two men stand in the center of the ring. Corey has to grab ALIAS’ wrist with both hands now, pushing back as hard as he can…





EAT THE RIGHT! 







- - - FACE PAIN DELUX!



Just as ALIAS brought up his right hand to attack, Corey shifted, releasing ALIAS' left and struck him in the head with his signature roundhouse kick.



Corey’s face is white as ALIAS falls to his knees.



ALIAS’ head is wobbling, the lights are on, but nobody is home…










EXTRA FACE PAIN DE-LUX! 









DOWN GOES ALIAS!








Corey collapses ontop of ALIAS…










1!



















2!!















3!!!



Winner - Corey Smith



YYYYYYAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!  Imma need a towel for clean up.

Why do people say I’m gross? Does anyone even listen to the things you say? What a great win for Corey, but it’s a shame it’s being spoiled by that soiled spot in your trousers, Thaddeus!

The fans give the competitors a roaring ovation, and after some time, both men are to their feet. They limp toward one another in the ring, Corey holding his ribs with a hand extended to his friend ALIAS.

ALIAS grabs Corey’s hand, shakes it briefly, and raises Corey’s arm into the air, as the fans applaud. He exits the ring, and is given a cigarette by an audience member. He lights it, and swiftly vanishes into the crowd.




TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Noah Jackson
- vs -
Isaiah King©

Ladder Match


The Television Championship ascends into the lighting rafters above the ring and the bell rings!

Noah immediately slides out of the ring, putting as much distance between him and the champion as possible.

Smart move from Noah Jackson! It’s always best to start a fight off with some light cardio, really get the blood pumping!

King scowls, and exits the ring from the opposite side, immediately grabbing a ladder and bringing it back inside.

Noah is beside himself as he watches the champion place the ladder up. King smiles, and winks at Noah as he begins climbing the rungs.

Seem like a miscalculation on Noah’s part.  It’s a good thing he’s cute.  It covers up all that dumb.

Aren’t you married to a woman? What the hell….

Jackson slides back into the ring and nears the ladder, going to knock it over, but King hops down and goes on the attack.

King tries to grapple Noah, who runs away while throwing shin kicks, until l he again climbs through the ropes and exits the ring.

King shakes his head as Noah stands on the outside barking obscenities, and starts climbing the ladder again. This might be one of the fastest ladder matches in recent history! King is already on the top rung, and has his hand on the championship belt!

IT MIGHT BE GAME OVER ALREADY! KING IS MAKING SHORT WORK OF THIS ONE!

BUT JACKSON!

He hits the ring just in time and pushes the ladder over just as King is about to unhook the strap. King takes a nasty fall, his legs straddling the top rope. King is gasping for air. Noah spits in his face and smacks the champion as King slides off the top rope and falls to the arena floor.

This is Noah’s chance! He has to turn down the CUNT and run UP that ladder now that the champion is on the floor!

What would you know about winning ladder matches, Charlie? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get halfway up a ladder!

I may not be good at ladder matches, Thad, but I damn sure know what it takes to win the TV championship!

Noah points at King and laughs before turning and setting the ladder up himself. Just before climbing, Noah peeks to the outside, and sees King is already getting to his feet. Noah panics and darts up the ladder, but his foot gets hung up, causing him to lose balance as he nears the top.

The ladder becomes unstable, rocking back and forth, and just as King enters the ring, the ladder nearly falls on top of him.

Quick thinking from King, he barely got out of the way in time!

The current champion was almost turned into ladder food!

Isaiah is forced to grab the ladder, and set it back upright to avoid it falling on him. Up above, Noah laughs:


THANKS CUNT!


Jackson reaches for the belt!


He has it in his grasp!


But King pushes the ladder in the opposite direction!


THE CUNT IS FALLING!


Jackson leaps from the top…. INTO THE WORLD’S SICKEST MOONSAULT!


He’s not falling, Charlie: he’s FLYING!


IT’S A PICTURE PERFECT MOONSAULT!


It’s the most beautiful moonsault I’ve ever seen!

…and Isaiah King simply moves out of the way.

Jackson smacks violently onto the mat, which gives Isaiah King the opening he needs.


Oh shit…I think he might be dead…..

The cost of going into business for yourself in the XWF, Thad! Remember that!

What?

King sets up the ladder again, he begins climbing the top…

Somehow, someway, Noah Jackson is slowly climbing up on the other side. King shakes his head, as Noah doesn’t notice that the Television Champion is stalking him from the other side of the ladder.

Just as Noah peeks to the top of the ladder…








G.O.D!!!

King leaps up and wraps around Jackson, pulling him all the way to the canvas with the guillotine DDT. The fans gasp, shriek, and roar in unison.


The ring is shaking after that!


He’s showing everyone that he is the reigning and defending champion for a reason!



King absorbs a great deal of damage, but after a moment, he’s able to recover.

He climbs the ladder again as Noah lies motionless in the center of the ring…

That sick cunt is out of it!

That sick cunt might really need to go see a doctor now!

Isaiah secures the Television Championship, and sits on the top ladder rung, raising it into the air just as the sun is beginning to settle down over Coreytopia.


Winner- and STILL Television Champion- Isaiah King




As the camera panned around Ye’ Ole’ Commune, they catch sight of the former Universal Champion, Sidney Grey walking around the outdoor venue, followed by her Executive Assistant, Dani Chow, holding an umbrella over Sid to shield her from the sun.  Steve Sayors is quick to approach The King of The XWF to get a few words about her participation.

Steve Sayors: Sidney, would you mind giving the fans a few words about your participation in the Wargames Lumberjack Match?

Sid gave a dismissive sigh.

Sidney Grey: Well, obviously I’m going to win it.  I’m the rightful Universal Champion and reigning King!  You’d be a fool to bet against me.

A confused look came over Steve’s face.

Steve Sayors: Errr…you’re not IN the Captain’s Match…you’re a lumberjack.

Sid stared at Steve, then erupted into laughter.  When Steve didn’t laugh along with her, her expression grew dour.

Sidney Grey: Wait, you’re serious!  HOW IN THE FUCK AM I NOT A CAPTAIN?!  DO THEY NOT KNOW MY CREDITIALS?!

Steve Sayors: To be fair…you were almost not even in consideration to be selected by a Captain.

Sid stood there, silent as the realization slowly washed over her.

Sidney Grey: I’m not a Captain?

Steve Sayors: No.

Sidney Grey: Who are the goddamn Captains if The King of the XWF isn’t one?!

Steve Sayors:  Thunder Knuckles

Sidney Grey: Is that an actual person?  I swear, I thought that was what they called a shot to the crotch that ended a match!  Who else is a fucking Captain?

Steve Sayors:  Your daughter-in-law, Sarah Lacklan.

Sid drew back her fist and Dani had to all but tackle her to her from punching Steve’s lights out.

Dani Chow: MISS GREY, NO!!  HE NOT MEAN TO CALL HER DAUGHTER!!

Steve cowered away from her, nearly falling into the pool with his eyes wide with fear.

Sidney Grey: WHO ELSE STEVEN?!

Steve swallowed.

Steve Sayors:  Angelica Vaughn…?

He said, with much caution.

Sidney Grey: Angelica!  Yes…finally, someone willing to install me as Captain!

Steve Sayors:  I don’t think it works that way.

Sidney Grey: It will Steven, I’m a Captain!

Steve Sayors:  Well, no…but Ned Kaye is a Captain.

Sid frowned.

Sidney Grey: Wait!  How is HE a Captain and NOT ME?!  Didn’t I beat him clean in the middle of the ring on my way to becoming King?

Steve Sayors: Well…no, not really.

Sid rolled her eyes.

Sidney Grey: Agree to disagree.

Steve Sayors:  It’s literally on video.

Sidney Grey: THERE ARE LITERALLY NO MORE BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO STORES STEVEN!

Steve Sayors:  There’s like…one, in Oregon or something.

Sid gave a dismissive wave.

Sidney Grey: That’s not even a real place!

Steve Sayors:  Agree to disagree.

Sid gave Steve the finger.  He cleared his throat and pressed ahead.

Steve Sayors:  Vagabond is a Captain.

Sid snorted, shaking her head.

Sidney Grey: Now you’re just making up names!  If you wanted to make it exciting, you could have told me that sexy ass Isaiah King was in the match!

He rubbed his temples and sighed.

Steve Sayors:  Dolly Waters is the final Captain.

Sid perked up a bit.

Sidney Grey: Dolly…I wonder if her eyes are finally open.

She grinned sadistically, walking away as Dani hurried after her.





FATAL FIVE-WAY CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDERSHIP

Jay Omega
- vs -
Michael McBride
- vs -
Reggie Estrada
- vs -
Cadryn Tiberius
- vs -
RoboGravy

One Fall



As the Fatal Fiveway is scheduled to begin, we see a motley assortment already in the ring: Jay Omega, Reggie Estrada, Michael McBride, RoboGravy, and finally Cadryn Tiberius. But just as the bell rings, RoboGravy’s thigh opens up and he produces a futuristic looking gun. All the other competitors hit the deck (with Jay no doubt withing he’d brought some of his own firepower) as the ref rushes over to RoboGravy. The ref barks for the android to turn over his firearm, but RoboGravy refuses. Instead, he levels the weapon at Cadryn, who tries to skitter out of firing range but its no use. The gun fires….releasing a net?! The net, made out of some kind of sticky substance, attaches Cadryn to the ring ropes, he’s totally ensnared.

That Robot brought a gun to a fistfight! It’s a genius idea! RoboGravy is clearly ready to do anything it takes to earn the XTreme, Television, or Tag Team title shot of their choosing!

Is…..is Cadryn dead? Was he just shot?

Of course it was nonlethal, as not dealing undue damage to his opponents is one of his prime directives. RoboGravy turns to fire the net at Omega, but he and Estra seem to have come up with a plan! They rush RoboGravy, with Estrada going high and Omega going low. Estrada knocks the gun out of RoboGravy’s hand and Omega brings the robot down to the canvas, after which they both proceed to stomp the hell out of him.

Meanwhile, McBride, seeing Cadryn helplessly caught in that web of sticky netting, decides to pound the hell out of him.

Atta boy, McBride! Take advantage of every opportunity!

Just a few short weeks ago Cadryn was the X-treme champion…and now….things are getting ugly for him in there.

That’s probably why everyone is teaming up on Cadryn, as a former Xtreme champion they know he has what it takes to get that title shot under wraps!


I don’t think everyone’s focusing on Cadryn, Charlie!
After a protracted beating, RoboGravy gets kicked out of the ring by Estrada and Omega, who naturally then turn on each other. Estrada swings at Omega, who blocks and returns fire with his own shot. Estrada responds by irishing whipping Omega into the ropes, Omega ducks the lariat on the rebound and then springboards into a forearm shot to Reggie!

What an athletic combination!

Reggie’s going to feel that one tomorrow morning, assuming he ever wakes up before noon!

Then, having done his damage to Cadryn, McBride turns his attention to the competitors feuding in the ring. While Omega is distracted, he hits a gut punch to him followed by a scoop slam. Or he would have if Omega hadn’t somehow turns the scoop slam into a roll up!

1….



2…..NO! McBride kicks out!


Just like that the match was almost over. Meanwhile, RoboGravy gets to his feet on the outside and clambers back into the ring in an ungainly fashion. He starts looking for his net gun when Estrada rolls him up from behind!

1….



2…..ROBOGRAVY kicks out!

RoboGravy responds by grabbing a helping of Estrada’s hair and nailing him with some piston fired right hands before finishing him with an uppercut.

We are full steam ahead now! Everyone wants this shot badly, and no one is giving an inch!

We almost had two endings to the match, back to back! This could be a wild ride to the finish!

Meanwhile, poor Cadryn, who was busted open by McBride, is still trying to get out of RoboGravy’s net. He manages to get an arm through and he’s trying to peel it off, but only succeeds in getting his hand stuck to the outside of the net!

Omega and McBride are still squaring off, with McBride chopping Omega into the corner before he gets a bright idea. McBride jerks Omega out of the corner and goes to whip him into the sticky netting, but Omega changes course at the last minute, sending McBride flying into Cadryn! Cadryn gets knocked out by the force of McBride colliding with his head, and now McBride is also stuck to the net! Omega claps his hands together as if to say “that’s that” and he turns his attention to Estrada and RoboGravy who are now throwing down near the opposite corner. Omega tags Estrada with a spinning wheel kick, only for RoboGravy to intervene and pick Omega up by his throat, chokeslamming him into the middle of the ring. RoboGravy covers Omega…

This could be all she wrote!


1….


2…..NO, Jay kicks out!

Jay Omega is giving it everything he’s got tonight!

Just then, Estrada lands on both of them, having splashed them from the top rope. But the pain of landing on RoboGravy’s carapace sends him rolling about on the mat in agony. RoboGravy decides to capitalize by heaving Estrada up and planting him with a pulling piledriver! He covers Estrada now!

1….


2……Estrada kicks out!

There we go, Reg! Damn, we’ve got former champions all up and down this bitch! This match really is anyone’s game!

I think this is the first time we’ve agreed all night, Chuck!

Well then…I take back what I said! Fuck you!

As that’s happening, McBride is trying to work himself free of Cadryn and the netting. Realizing it’s really just his ring trunks that are stuck to the netting McBride decides to slip out of them! Thankfully he’s wearing underwear (shamrock boxers naturally), but nonetheless he returns to the fray….only to get rocked by a sick lariat from RoboGravy! McBride goes ass over tea kettle and Robo Gravy goes to pin him too, but Omega smears up behind RoboGravy and tosses him up and over the top rope before leaping on McBride for the cover!

1….


2…..

This is it! It’s over!

We finally have a winn-

3….NO! McBride barely rolls the shoulder out!

You’ve got to be kidding me!

I thought he had him!

This is when Estrada goes to capitalize, picking Omega up from behind and dumping him with a german suplex onto the back of his head. Estrada keeps the heat on McBride then, landing a spinning leg drop on him before hefting McBride up and hitting him with the move he calls the Glenn’s Park (STO Backbreaker). But just as soon as the move happens, Estrada eats a dropkick from Jay. Jay then leaps to the top turnbuckle and nails a quick Five Star Frog Splash on McBride. McBride gets covered again!

1….



2….



3…..WAIT, ROBOGRAVY PULLS OMEGA OFF MCBRIDE BY THE ANKLE AND TO THE FLOOR!

He would’ve been down for the count if that Robot didn’t interfere!

But that Robot wants a title shot, too- so he can’t let anyone else win!

Omega gets up quickly, only to get leveled by RoboGravy, who returns to the ring. Estrada immediately launches himself at the android, pulling off a flurring of punches and kicks trying to get through that armor. RoboGravy responds by headbutting Estrada, dropping him to the mat. Estrada wisely rolls into a corner to recover.

Meanwhile, Cadryn is once again conscious inside the netting, but lets out a shout of frustration to realize he’s still stuck in this predicament. Then, he spots Reggie nearby, just barely within reaching distance. He goes to try to grab Reggie to pull him into the trap as well, when RoboGravy plants a boot on Cadryn’s wrist and punches him back into unconsciousness through the netting. RoboGravy picks Estrada up on his shoulder after a few quick strikes, but Omega is there to chop block RoboGravy’s knee. RobyGravy and Estrada both go down.

And just like that, half the competition falls to the ground!

I’m sensing an opportunity for someone, but for who?!

At the same time, McBride (still thankfully underwear clad) is back vertical. He sizes up his opponents and seeing only Omega up locks up with him. McBride tries to go for a belly to belly suplex, but Omega reverses it into his own belly to belly suplex, and McBride lands right on top of RoboGravy! McBride bounces back off, feeling the pain in his back when Omega, fast as lightning, drops McBride with the RIDE THE LIGHTNING! HIs finisher! Omega rolls McBride over and covers him!

1….


2…..



3…NO! ROBOGRAVY BREAKS UP THE COUNT!

Again! Another kickout!

Five man matches don’t end easy, Chuck!

That one was fractions of a second away from the win! RoboGravy picks Omega up and dumps him down with a short arm clothesline. Estrada then jumps on RoboGRavy’s back and topples him over onto McBride, which is good enough for a cover!

1….



2….




3….NO! OMEGA BREAKS THE COVER NOW!


Omega then mounts RoboGravy, punching him in the fleshy part of his face, before turning to Estrada, who kicks Omega, but Omega turns it into a single leg takedown that sends Estrada through the ropes. Omega picks McBride up again, but RoboGravy grabs his ankle and trips him up. RoboGravy stomps on Omega as Omega tries to roll away.

There’s so much action going on in the ring, I don’t even know who to watch!

Watch that Robot!

RoboGravy then picks McBride up and nails a pump handle slam on him! RoboGRavy goes for the cover!


1….



2….



3…..OMEGA RUINS ANOTHER PIN ATTEMPT!

RoboGravy, clearly not appreciating this, grabs Omega by his hair and looks to toss him out of the ring, but Omega instead skins the cat right back in, and surprises RoboGravy as he tries to clothesline him back out by pulling down the bottom rope on him. RoboGravy’s own momentum sends him crashing to the outside right on top of Estrada!

Only McBride and Omega are left in the ring!

They should form an alliance and just challenge for the tag team title belts together! They could call themselves OMcBrida! Or McMega! Both are great!

I don’t think Omega feels like playing with anyone but himself, Chuck!

Seeing his chance, Omega resumes his attack on McBride, wrenching him up and dropping him with yet another RIDE THE LIGHTNING! He covers!


1….



2…..



3!!!!!

Omega wins! He gets his title shot!

WINNER: JAY OMEGA





We go backstage, or rather, behind the scenes, to the wild grounds of Coreytopia. Half naked beautiful people traipse about, red Solo cups in hand, several bars standing and serving, anything you want. Booze, eats, drugs, all is available. That’s when we see, among the stunning model quality folk everywhere, sticking out like two sore thumbs, Bobby Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles, Them No Good Bastards. They exchange a no-look fistbump. The fans all start going absolutely ballistic at the sight.

Welp.

Yep. We’re at Corey Smith’s fucking house.

I walked through the kitchen, mine’s better.

TK laughs.

That was rather catty of you.

Bobby half shrugs, like if Shawn Warstein had palsy.

Well, Charlie got the cushy gig today, and Dolly’s off conjuring all these drugs, I think, so I guess this is the BOB locker room today.

Lilabeth, the little girl who, via charitable causes, occasionally hangs out with TK, is seen approaching. She’s in a light blue dress, looks rather sickly, and is rolling around in a giant hamster ball.

Hi Bobby.

Oh, shit, you brought a kid here?

Well, it was my day to hang out, she wanted to go to a big wrestling show, and really, what’s bigger than MayDay? So I looked on eBay for a bubble suit like from Bubble Boy.

That makes sense.

Crash Rodriguez, new signee to the XWF and long standing member of BOB from other companies approaches! He’s chiefing on a huge stogie, grinning ear to ear.

Well boys, it’s done. I signed my contract today, you’re looking at an official XWF Superstar now.

Al-fucking-right!

Awesome, welcome bro! ‘Bout time you got here!

Right on! So, uh, what do I do now?

Bobby and TK look at each other then back at Crash.

Whoop ass.

Yeah, just go beat the shit out of people like you do. Also, you have a really cool name, so that helps.

Bet.

Crash gives daps to TK and Bobby, then wanders off to look at the dime pieces everywhere and cut his path through the XWF, same as every XWF star has, only to find himself infront of the MayDay 2! Concert venue...








TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

"The JustUS League"
(The Blue Tango and The Atomic Bat)
- vs -
SAGA ©
(Raion Kido and Jason Cashe)

Tag Team - One Fall



The crowd watches on in anticipation for what’s next.

The Tag Team Championships, one of the most wildly contested set of titles in XWF history, and I know I have a story or two about them, right Charlie?

Well, you know the division is nasty right now, not only the two teams competing tonight, but squads like Team HSU and even us in BOB can send any two members in to take a shot!

I’d hope they sent you.  Kind of an easy night for SAGA then.

I’m 3-0 against Jason Cashe and Raion Kido, but I guess you’ll say anything just to try and hurt my feelings, huh? Prick.





The fans look on, as on a massive XTron we see the images of The Blue Tango and the Atomic Bat, shaking hands, ready to take on crime their opponents. At that moment, we see a car drive out onto the entrance ramp!

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The roof of the Atomic Tangomobile slides open, and The Blue Tango hops out of the driver’s seat while The Atomic Bat hops out of her side of the car! The dynamic duo of the Bat and the Tango confidently make their way down to the ring as the car drives itself away from the entrance! The engine somehow fires up to full throttle, and the car careens towards the beach and into the ocean!

TIG: Aaand making their way to the ring, hailing from the Atomic Tangocave, at a total combined weight of 335 pounds, challenging for the XWF Tag Team Championships, The Blue Tango and the Atomic Tango, the JustUS League!!!



The crowd goes wild as on the entrance ramp, pyro fires off. Jason Cashe walks out holding a microphone, and beside him is Raion Kido. The crowds all roar in approval as Cashe looks out into the massive sea of party people, agog.

CASHE: “Yo, cut that music!”

The music stops. Kido keeps calmly walking to the ring, his focus entirely on the JustUS League. Cashe goes to work on the stick, and he’s wrestling in Miami Storm jersey tonight!

CASHE: “Yo, Coreytopia! Who here tonight is auditioning to be the SAGA Mascot?”

Ohhh not this again!


Jason needs to answer the important question: is this a paid gig? I might know a few people who are interested if it’s paid….

The crowd goes absolutely insane, louder than they’ve been all night it seems! The music kicks back up, and as Kido stands ringside, he looks back with a smile as Cashe stage dives off the entrance into the crowd! Cashe crowd surfs his way to the ring, and meets up with his partner! Both men enter the ring.

TIG: And their opponents, defending the XWF Tag Team Championships, at a total combined weight of 462 pounds, representing SAGA…

Cashe steps up to Tig, and smiles at her. She blushes coyly.

TIG: Jason Cashe and Raion Kido!

The crowd goes crazy as the referee checks each man for illegal objects, giving the same instructions to them as he gave the JustUS League. Kido and Bat step to the apron in their respective corners and we start with

[Image: MV5BOTBhYjZjNDktZDE5NC00M2I1LWEzYmEtOGU2...X1000_.jpg]

Hey it’s Tango and Cashe!  I’ve seen that movie.

Well just don’t spoil the ending of this match for the rest of us! This should be a great one!

(sp?) in the ring. The bell sounds, and Tango and Cashe waste no time meeting in the center of the ring! Cashe goes to tie up, but the Tango waltzes out of the way, sidestepping him! Cashe recatches his balance, and squares up again, ready to tie up! Tango shoots in to accept the lock up, but it’s another fake, but this time Cashe catches Tango with a quick knee to his gut, doubling him over!

Ha!  Got ‘em!

I expected better from Jason Cashe than these cheap and dirty tricks. Tricks like these are unbefitting to a tag team champion. I wonder how Raion Kido feels about watching this kind of wrestling from his teammate?

Cashe with a hammer blow to the Blue Tango’s back, then another, sending Tango crashing to his hands and knees on the mat! Cashe raises his fists, triumphantly, much to the dismay of the crowd that was completely behind him mere moments ago, and to the chagrin of his partner. Cashe walks over and tags in Raion Kido, who enters the ring and watches as the Blue Tango gets back to his feet. Kido goes for a tie-up, and finally Tango ties up with someone in this match. Kido transitions from the tie up into an arm wrench, torquing on the Blue Tango’s arm. Tango counters this, gliding into a hammerlock! Kido throws a back elbow at the Blue Tango, backing him into the ropes, but the hammerlock is still in! Blind tag from the Atomic Bat onto the Blue Tango! Bat springs into the ring, and shoots off the ropes! As she does, Tango releases the hammerlock and drops down, grabbing the top rope, and the Atomic Bat dropkicks Kido, sending him over the top! Kido catches the top rope as he goes over, and smoothly lands back on his feet as he does! Tango is on the mat, hands off the rope, as Kido springboards onto the top rope, and dives at the Bat with a clothesline! The Atomic Bat counters with a leaping hurricanrana, sending Kido down to the mat! Bat stays on top of Kido for a pinfall!

This could be it for the tag champions! The challengers have come out red hot and they’re looking to score the early victory!

That hurricanrana was impressive, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near enough to keep Kido down!



1…








2…






Cashe in to break up the pin!

I never understood why tag teams will go for a pin when the victims partner is still standing?  You know they’re gonna break it up!

Jim Jimson never once broke up a pin for me, Thaddeus, so you just have to remember that every team is a little bit different! What’s good for the goose might not be good for the gander!

Tango, enraged at seeing this, scrambles to his feet and without thought, tackles Cashe through the ropes to the outside! Both men spill to the floor as Tango mounts him, throwing rabbit punches! As this goes down, Kido and Bat are both back to a vertical base! Kido throws a punch, and Bat parries it perfectly! Bat with a counterattack, which Kido blocks! Kido throws a rolling savate kick, which the Bat sidesteps! Bat with a high leaping roundhouse, that Kido ducks! Both throw high roundhouse kicks, and their shins connect with one another, and both step back. The crowd is going absolutely wild, and both circle each other as outside, Cashe has gotten the upper hand and thrown the Blue Tango into the ring steps! Tango collides with steel with an immense clanging sound, and Cashe follows up with a baseball slide on the ringside floor straight to the Blue Tango’s little Tango!

Ouch.  Here’s hoping for his sake he’s not so well endowed.

What’s with you and all the penis talk tonight? Cut it out, Thad: this is family friendly programming!

Kido looks on, dumbfounded, by his partner’s actions. Bat just gets into action. Bat shoots off the opposite ropes, then bounds back towards Cashe, some kind of aerial maneuver destined to fail on her mind, and Kido instead catches Bat on the rebound with a hip toss, hurling her over the top rope and crashing to the floor below! Kido looks on as she lands, Jason Cashe laughing at The JustUS League left lying on the floor. Tango looks up at his partner in anguish, helplessly grabbing his very sore crotch as Cashe simply picks the Atomic Bat up and rolls her small body into the ring. Raion Kido looks at her with some disdain as he pins her.

1…









2…













2.9…















2.9...

The Atomic Bat gets a shoulder up!

Whew!  That was close!

I thought Raion Kido had him there, but the power of cartoons and anime seems to have switched sides in this match!

The fans all go absolutely nuts for Miss J, and Kido looks annoyed that this isn’t over yet! Cashe rolls back into the ring and the referee begins the five count, but by now, Raion Kido has shot the Atomic Bat into the ropes! Cashe catches the Atomic Bat, off the rebound, with a huge U.T.I, and to follow up, Kido lands a standing moonsault onto her for the pin! Cashe leaves the ring, and the referee doesn’t count as she observes Cashe leaving! Once gone, she turns and counts the pinfall!

1…




2…











Kickout! The Atomic Bat refusing to give up, not tonight of all nights, to win the Tag Team Championships! Kido rolls his eyes, and brings the Atomic Bat up to her feet! Kido points directly at the Atomic Bat.


LIGHTNING BOLT!

Kido throws the Lightning Bolt, but the Atomic Bat ducks! The bat throws a thigh kick, then another thigh kick, her energy almost entirely spent, her breath heaving from the violence she has endured tonight, but her spirit continuing her forward, and she throws a third kick, but as she does, Kido, without signalling it, throws the Lightning Bolt, and it connects! The Atomic Bat drops to the mat. Kido looks down at the Atomic Bat, some lesser hero, knowing this was a foregone conclusion. Kido shakes his head in disapproval, turning and tagging in his partner, Jason Cashe. Cashe saunters over to the fallen Atomic Bat and places a foot on her chest.





1…












2…



















Kickout!

This match for the tag team championships is somehow still going on! She kicked out! Can you believe that? She actually kicked out!

Opportunities like this don’t come easy, and the Atomic Bat is clearly leaving it all in the ring tonight!

Cashe rolls his eyes as the Atomic Bat sluggishly rolls away onto her stomach. Cashe nudges her with his foot, rolling her back over, but again she continues until she’s on her stomach. His frustration now at peak levels, Jason picks up the Atomic Bat and sets her in the corner. As blood trickles from the Atomic Bat’s nostrils, Cashe simple goozles her, gripping her throat with his right hand. He starts to shout in her face, and the cameras ringside pick it up.

CASHE: “You think this dress up shit is a game? Neither you nor your partner are walking out of here! Who do you think will save you?”

The Atomic Bat, struggling with a hand around her neck, looks back at him defiantly.

ATOMIC BAT: “My partner.”

Cashe laughs, then looks back on the floor where he left the Blue Tango. The Blue Tango is nowhere to be seen. Cashe laughs even harder.

CASHE: “Where is he?”

Without hesitation, the camera catches someone up in the rafters.


It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s, it’s-


[Image: QUOKOHATCVB5ZA3JCPUYABQL7U.jpg]


IT’S HER PARTNER!


The Blue Tango, now dressed in a very different costume, plummets from the rafters but spreads his cape just before landing without a sound. He stands behind the unawares Cashe.

BLUE TANGO: “I’m right here.”

Cashe, terrified, spins. The Blue Tango looks at him, menacingly.

CASHE: “Who are you?”

The Blue Tango grabs Jason Cashe by the collar of his LFL Jersey.

BLUE TANGO: “I’m Batman The Blue Tango. I want you to tell your friends about me.”

Cashe goes for a headbutt, but his head recoils off of whatever the Blue Tango’s current mask is made out of. Tango throws a solid shot to Cashe’s stomach, then a spinning backfist to his jaw, which causes Cashe to pivot! Cashe is hit with a drop toe hold by the Atomic Bat as the Blue Tango turns and walks towards Raion Kido, finally diving at him and sending both outside! The Atomic Bat locks on the Batrap!


This could be it right here! That hold is locked in tight!

I don’t think Jason Cashe ever expected this, not even in his wildest dreams!

I don’t think the Blue Tango expected this either, to be entirely honest!

Cashe struggles…








Cashe looks for assistance getting out of this, but the Blue Tango and Raion Kido are outside!








Jason Cashe taps out!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION: THE JUSTUS LEAGUE


As Tango and Bat accept their new Tag Team Championships, Raion Kido enters the ring to check on his partner. Cashe has gotten to his feet, and he’s nursing his sore right shoulder, and starts to chew out Kido for not helping him out of the submission hold! Kido looks baffled since he wasn’t the one who tapped out. Cashe turns his back to Kido, and Kido grabs Cashe’s shoulder. Cashe immediately spins and nails Kido with a hooking elbow! Kido reels back, and Cashe rolls out of the ring, walking back up the entrance alone!




We see Thunder Knuckles with Lilabeth wondering the MayDay 2 grounds, he comes across the concert venue...

He frowns

Man, this is just not as cool as last year.



Following that badass performance by Scott Stapp...

Backstage, while preparing for his Universal Championship defence in the main event, Raion Kido re-enters his locker room space.

A small haze greets him and he furrows his brow as he tries to locate the source.

It doesn't take long.

On the table he sees…

[Image: cigarette-cigar.gif]

A note sits next to the still burning cigarette.

He quickly reads it, and the XWF camera crew work super hard to get a great shot over the shoulder. How convenient.

"Another time, dear friend…

A.

Kido looks confused, and quickly stubs the cigarette out in the ashtray before getting on with his preparation.



This next match was scheduled to be an X-Treme Title match! Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances…

If there’s one thing for sure in the XWF, it’s that Xtreme champions will always drop the ball when they think they’re about to lose it anyway.  Big ol’ pussy move.

I believe we have a clip?

Quote:The Generic Heel is walking along the road, when from out of nowhere comes a flying hammer. It hits him in the head and he goes down.

Kris The Hammer Von Bonn comes running up and makes the cover.

Liam Desmond, wearing thick protective glasses and goggles, makes the count with a hammer!


1.......





2...........


3!


Winner and NEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW Xtreme Champion: KRIS VON BONN!


So, this is not an X-Treme Title match. Is it still X-Treme Rules?

Judging the ring right now… I’d say yes.

Indeed, the ring is strewn with weaponry. Chairs on the ropes, tables resting in the corners. Four barbed wire bats stick out of the turnbuckles. And hanging above the ring on a rope is a bag of thumbtacks!


My doood!  Thad sprays some febreze at Charlie.

Hey what the hell!?

You’ve been down wind all night.  The wind shifted and I just caught a whiff.

You know what, Thad? I’ve been holding in a nasty shit all night, and I think this fake championship match might be the perfect opportunity for me to spend twenty minutes dropping a deuce and jerking one out. Do you know if that little midget man could come cover me for this match?

What? No, Pip Collins isn’t even in the arena!

Well….I’m not going to be able to call a Mark Flynn match fair and square at all, because that dude fucking sucks and I hate everything about him. Maybe that really cute commentator lady could take my place for this match? I saw her chowing down on two hotdogs at the same time in the cafe earlier.

You know what, Charlie? That’s a great idea.



Eleanor Rigby (Strings Only) Plays


Mark Flynn bursts through the black curtain. Boos rain down upon him.

…For once, his expression isn’t blank. He grits his teeth into… a smile? He waves.

He tries to genuinely high-five a few fans on his way to the ring. They all reel away a full feet from the railing as he passes, regarding him like he’s got the plague. Flynn scowls at being rejected by the fans and bitterly stews as the arena boos but continues a jog to the ring.

HHL: Mark Flynn, the Most Hated Man in the XWF, recently declared that he’s a… “good guy”... now.

He did?  I don’t think I believe him, but I support his endeavor.

Flynn jogs into the ring, up the steps. He beckons for a microphone.

HHL: This oughta be good.

Flynn sniffs as he grabs the mic. The crowd, used to trying to outvolume Flynn’s audio with a downpour of vitriol.

”LOOK!” Flynn starts, extending an arm out toward the audience. ”I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”

HHL: Flynn, perhaps looking to calm the savage crowd…

This is MayDay… dumbass.

“See… I.” Flynn points at himself. “Am a GOOD GUY now.”

Oh, well I guess that settles it!

The crowd boos EVEN louder. Flynn’s face reddens as he leans over the ropes to yell.

“YOU DON’T BOO GOOD GUYS!” Flynn berates the crowd, shoving a finger towards them. “GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!”

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The crowd responds by starting a chant.

NOT! A! GOOD! GUY! *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Flynn’s eyes widen, indignantly furious!

NOT! A! GOOD! GUY! *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

“YES! A! GOOD! GUY!” Flynn tries to counter, by holding the microphone to the side of his mouth, then looking around like maybe someone else said it, should we all join in?

The crowd doubles the volume of their chant.

NOT! A! GOOD! GUY! *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

…Flynn sneers. Dropping the mic and kicking it under the ropes to the floor below.

…Suddenly, from under the X-Tron, a stage lifts. An entire seated orchestra is lifted on an elevated platform.

They begin to play…

A live band plays "Thus Spake Zarathutra."


Bursting from behind the black curtain… It’s GH the Great!

The aisle is lined on both sides with some smokin' hot Asian chicks. They each ooh and ahh as GH passes, thrilled by his steely, chiseled, perfectly round body.

GH wears a robe made of the dreams of the youth…

HHL: Sounds like expensive material!

Pretty mid, in my opinion.

GH basks in the warmth and excitement of the crowd offering him some applause and cheers. As a heel, he is reviled. But as a legend of the sport, he is begrudgingly respected.

HHL: Generic Heel! What a career in the wrestling industry! A FORTY-EIGHT TIME WORLD CHAMPION! An undefeated streak that lasted nearly thirty years!

Is he Morbid Angel?  Sounds like his schtick.

HHL: But, while Kris Von Bonn is the new X-Treme Champion, there is no doubt that GH IS truly one of the greats!

Clearly.  You can just feel him roll his eyes.

GH walks up the steps. He sheds his robe and drops it in his corner.

Flynn does the same, dropping his own blue robe in his corner.

There’s nothin’ quite like two grown men disrobing in front of each other.

The two meet in the center of the ring.

Above the two competitors is Eight Foot Tall official, Jerome Tallman. He points down to the timekeeper, who calls for the bell.



Mark Flynn
- vs -
The Generic Heel

XTreme Rules Match - One Fall



Flynn takes a step forward and… Bares his teeth… Like he’s trying to smile.

He offers a handshake?

GH stares down at the hand, skeptically, like it might give him ring worm.

The crowd chants for GH not to!

Where does Dolly find these crowds?  They boo the guy telling them that he’s a good guy, but they support the guy whose name is literally Generic Heel?  So fickle.

HHL: Surprising sportsmanship from Flynn here in the opening moments!

In my experience, if Mark Flynn respects you… regardless of what his alignment is, you’ll know it.

You?

Yes.

Flynn looks around, his already uncomfortable smile turning into a gritting of teeth. He shoves his hand forward like ‘C’MON! SHAKE IT!’

GH…

Extends his hand outward…

The Crowd starts booing, begging, pleading GH not to do it.

Flynn’s face starts to rela-

GH RETRIEVES HIS HAND AND RUNS IT ATOP HIS LUCHADOR MASK! PSYYYYYYYYYCHE!

The Crowd cheers like GH just did a swanton bomb off the top of a Hell in a Cell with a broken neck!

Flynn covers his head with both hands like NOOOOOOOOOO!

HHL: A devastating psychological attack from The Generic Heel! Making Flynn think he was going to get a handshake, then psyching him out!

Flynn revolves toward the crowd to yell at them… But suddenly he tumbles backwards! GH goes for a rollup! With tights!

1!

2!

THREEEEEEEEEEEE-NO!

Flynn, despite the shock of the surprise roll-up, manages to weasel a shoulder off the ground!

HHL: Wow! What an upset that nearly was!

That would undoubtedly be an upset.  Flynn might not have had the best of luck lately, but it’s a matter of time before he’s clicking on all cylinders again.

Flynn backwards somersaults onto his feet… JUST as GH catches him with a European uppercut!

Flynn backsteps toward a corner, leaning onto the table resting there, but GH follows him in! GH spits on the back of his hand aaaaaaaaaaaaand

…A THUNDEROUS CHOP! Flynn’s chest turns BEET RED! Flynn doubles over, like he might get sick on the mat… BUT GH shoves him back into the corner… He freshens up the spit on the back of his hand aaaaaaaaaaaaand…

…

A CHOP SO HARD IT COULD KNOCK DOWN A REDWOOD! GH ACTUALLY CHOPS SO HARD, HE BREAKS THE TABLE IN HALF!

Flynn flops through the broken wood covering his chest, agonized.

HHL: GH might have the single best chop in the business!

GH grabs Flynn out of the corner by the scruff of his neck… He puts him in a front facelock, looking for a suplex…

He liiiii-

Wait! Flynn tucks his right leg behind GH’s ankle to block the lift! GH is forced to drop Flynn’s feet back to the mat!

When he does, Flynn keeps his foot in position and PUSHES! GH trips over Flynn’s ankle and lands on his back!

HHL: Oooh! Masterful counter by Flynn, using some fundamentals to will his way out of GH’s offensive barrage!

Ha!  Got ‘em!

Indeed, the crowd boos Flynn, whose face reddens. Flynn leans over the rope, pointing at his foot then GH.

”No! He tripped over his own feet! I didn’t do anything! I’M A GOOD GUY!” Flynn lodges complaint with the crowd’s booing.

It does nothing to change their hands.

Flynn sneers at the crowd, before returning to GH’s prone body to… GH tucks Flynn’s head, flipping him onto his back! INSIDE CRADLE!

1!

2!

THREEEEEEEE- C’MON!

No, somehow Flynn manages to slip narrowly out of GH’s grip and slip under the bottom rope to prevent more snap pin attempts!

The crowd urges Flynn to get back in the ring. Flynn instead scratches his head, muttering to himself.

HHL: Mark Flynn, maybe trying to think of how this match around in his favor.

Or how to get people to stop booing him. I don’t like his chances.

Flynn spins around back toward the ri- BASEBALL SLIDE FROM GH STRAIGHT ACROSS FLYNN’S CHIN!

SAAAAAAAAAFE!

Flynn backward-somersaults onto his ass, hitting the railing with the back of his head! He cradles his skull from the impact!

GH lifts his arm with a flourish and the crowd cheers.

HHL: What a showman!

GH reaches into the ring. He grabs one of the chairs that’s inside the ring from under the ropes!

He closes it, and smacks it on the ground… Just as Flynn stirs, lifting himself to his feet with the railing!

HHL: This match might be over in just a few moments…

Flynn’s eyes widen! GH swings…

…But Flynn nimbly leaps in a single bound from the floor to atop the railing! Just narrowly dodging GH’s chair shot!

GH spins back around… Just in time for Flynn to deliver a dropkick into the chair, SENDING INTO GH’S FACE!

GH is sent back toward the railing! Flynn lifts his arms with a flourish like, pretty good, huh?

The crowd boos once more.

”OH C’MON!”

Flynn shakes his head, as he grabs GH by the neck and tosses him under the bottom rope.

GH tries to crawl to some temporary respite, but Flynn stays over him like a shark that smells blood in the water.

Flynn circles the fallen GH, stomping him on the head! The shoulder! The ribs! The knee!

HHL: Perhaps trying to tenderize GH before tapping him out to one of Flynn’s many submission holds.

I’ve felt most of them… they all hurt.  Like a lot.

GH twists up to a seated position, trying to get back onto his feet and fight back… But Flynn wrenches his arms behind his back! Surfboard Stretch!

Flynn wrenches GH’s arms apart like a bowflex machine! GH groans, agonized, he leans back, trying to ease some of the strain on his shoulder blades…

BUT FLYNN HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! GH naturally reels forward right back into the incredible strain of the stretch!

Flynn screams at him to tap out or Flynn’ll break both his arms!

…

“For justice!”

…GH tries to wiggle to the left…

But Flynn holds tight, shifting him back to the center….

…GH tries to wiggle to the right!

NO GO! Flynn once again counteracts GH’s counter! Flynn will not release the hold!

The crowd cheers, begging for GH to fight through the pain!

…

…GH lifts his foot. The crowd falls to a hush… Will GH tap out?

…

NO! Like Butter, GH scootches his ass across the mat, elongating his body! Flynn holds to GH’s arms… BUT GH extends the tip of his toe to the bottom rope!

The crowd cheers!

…

BUT FLYNN HANGS ONTO THE HOLD!

GH is still in pain as Jerome Tallman stands above Flynn counting!

1!

2!

3!

Flynn releases the hold! He spins on Jerome!

”I HAVE ‘TIL FIVE!”

…

”But… Uh…”

Flynn clears his throat. Grabbing Tallman’s hand and shaking it.

“Thank you for your service.”

HHL: …Flynn thanking Jerome for his officiating… Immediately after screaming at him for enforcing the rules.

He’s adjusting!  Old habits die hard!

Why aren’t you anti-Flynn?

Because I like Mark Flynn.

GH crawls into his own corner, as Flynn looms over him… Flynn grabs GH’s ankle, just as GH grabs his robe!

Flynn starts to drag him back into the center of the ring… BUT GH rolls and tosses his robe into Flynn’s face!

The crowd cheers with delight as Flynn struggles to free the robe from his face! He finally pulls himself out… IN TIME TO EAT A DROPKICK FROM THE GENERIC HEEL!

The robe flies up and over the top rope as Flynn somersaults backwards into his own corner! GH tries to follow up that strike by dragging Flynn from the corner by the ankle… Flynn claws desperately, grabbing the bottom rope… GH tugs harder and harder, certain to break Flynn’s grip!

…But Flynn sees… His own robe in his own corner!

GH pulls Flynn off the ropes!

Just in time for Flynn to toss his dazzling blue robe into GH’s face!

GH rips the robe free from his face, just as Flynn catches him with a running dropkick to GH’s face!

GH is flat on his back, rubbing his jaw!

Flynn kips up off the mat! Lifting his arms in triumph!

The crowd jeers and shames for Flynn for his underhanded tactics…

Flynn is in disbelief!

“YOU JUST CHEERED HIM FOR DOING THE EXACT SAME THING, YOU FUCKIN’...”

…

“Good… People…” Flynn grits his teeth, grabbing his skull.

He makes a good point!

GH clambers back to his corner… And grabs the barbed-wire bat sticking out of the turnbuckle!

Flynn sees this and rolls backwards to his own corner, grabbing the barbed-wire bat sticking out of that one.

The crowd is on its feet now!

…Flynn rotates the bat in his hand…

GH grips it tight with both hands…

The two swing!

THE BATS CONNECT! And the barbed wire entangles between them!

Flynn lifts his foot and kicks off GH’s chest! GH stumbles backwards… But clings to his bat!

And Flynn flops forward from GH’s stumble as the two bats stay connected!

HHL: The two barbed wire bats have completely become entangled in each other, Pip!

Probably why you don’t see many fencers wrap their blades in barbed wire!

Flynn clings to his bat… But drops to one knee and rotates! GH hangs on and gets arm-dragged by the bat up and over Flynn’s back!

GH springs to his feet… But empty-handed!

Flynn has both bats! He lifts them to the air triumphantly!

The crowd boos!

GH tries to escape to the outside to regroup… BUT FLYNN SWINGS DOWN ONTO THE ROPES! GH puts the brakes on to avoid catching a barbed-wire bat to the face!

GH tries to escape to the ropes behind him. BUT FLYNN SWINGS DOWN THERE TOO!

HHL: Generic Heel is in no-man’s land out there!

Flynn rotates both bats in his hands like a true swordsmaster! GH is cornered, nowhere to escape!

FLYNN OPENS HIS STANCE FOR MAXIMUM POWER! HE SWINGS DOWN WITH BOTH BATS!!

…But GH hits the mat and slides between Flynn’s leg like a penguin tobogganing on its belly!

Flynn is shocked looking between his legs as GH… Who flips onto his back and kicks Flynn in the ass!

Flynn is propelled forward! AND HIS FACE CONNECTS WITH HIS OWN BARBED WIRE BATS!

The crowd cheers as Flynn’s muscles seize and tense. He reaches up and tries to quickly… YANK… the barbs out of his face…

Ewwwwwww!

Flynn, bleeding out of his face like a stuck pig, spears the bats down to the outside furiously, like it’s their fault he got beat on that exchange!

Flynn spins around in the corner… Just in time for GH to leap to the second rope! MONKEY FLIP!

Flynn flips through the air twice, landing on his face! The crowd is in a frenzy now, screaming GH! GH! GH!

Flynn scampers up to his feet… As the Round Mound that Astounds leaps in a single bound from the mat onto Flynn’s shoulders! HURRICANRANA!

WOW! Pure athleticism!  Feel the sarcasm.

…Flynn is looking dazed and confused as GH circles around the ring, clapping his hands! He’s asking if the crowd is ready for the grand finale!

GH points to the bag of thumbtacks above the ring! The crowd cheers!

GH jumps!

…But it’s out of reach.

He leaps!

…Nothing doing.

HHL: Hmm, it’s possible GH only had one good jump in him tonight.

…Suddenly, Jerome Tallman reaches up and takes the bag down and hands it to him!

The crowd pops for Tallman as GH nods thanking him!

HHL: Possible favoritism on display here from XWF Official Jerome Tallman.

Crooked officiating in the XWF!?  That would never be a thing!  More sarcasm.

GH unties the bag and begins dumping thumbtacks out onto the center of the ring…

Flynn shakes off the cobwebs, gathering his senses, as he stumbles back to his feet. His eyes catch the thumbtacks.

He shakes his head!

”NO!”

The crowd screams YES!

”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Flynn tries to scramble out of the ring, to get as far away from the thumbtacks as possible… BUT GH catches him in a waistlock and drags him back into the ring…

GH spins Flynn in place, locking him in a frontfacelock! He calls for a suplex ONTO the thumbtack pile.

HHL: Flynn is in serious trouble here, I don’t see HOW he can get out of this one…

Tallman takes a closer look at the front facelock, making sure Flynn doesn’t sneak in a thumb-to-the-eye…

Flynn’s eyes widen! He sees a chance!

GH GOES TO LIFT!

But Flynn takes his right foot…

..

And kicks out…

JEROME TALLMAN’S ANKLE! Jerome, like a house of cards, falls forward…

ONTO GH! Flynn narrowly slips backwards out of GH’s grip, falling back into the corner…

HHL: TIMBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

AND TALLMAN like a fallen oak, collapses onto Generic Heel!

CRUSHING HIM ONTO THE PILE OF THUMBTACKS!

…Oooooooooh, the crowd is silent and horrified.

You smell that?  Not you this time… Smells like… karma.

Flynn shakes his head… He stumbles with what little energy he has left to the center of the ring… And peels the fallen Tallman off…

And in the center of the ring, flattened like a pancake. Embedded onto a pile of thumbtacks like sequins…

The Generic Heel. Eyes wide! In obvious, palpable AGONY.

Flynn peels the Heel off the mat. His back is a PIN CUSHION! HUNDREDS OF TACKS, BURIED into his back and ass.

Flynn snatches the heel by the arm and shoves his face to the mat!

FUJIWARA ARMBAR!

GHl’s hand shakes…

The crowd screams for him to fight on… Not to give up!

GH can’t let the children dow-

POP!

HHL: Ooooooooh.

PIP: That… Ooh, that didn’t sound good.

Flynn dislocated GH’s arm.

GH can’t tap out quick enough.

WINNER BY SUBMISSION: MARK FLYNN


Flynn springs up off the mat, only to fall to his knees like he just won olympic gold!

He wipes the blood and sweat and tears from his face… He lifts his arms!

…

And the crowd only boos.

HHL: Yet another shameful victory from Mark Flynn tonight.

He played within the rules stipulated by Dolly Waters and XWF Management!  All is fair in Xtreme rules!

”STOP BOOING ME! I’M A GOOD GUY NOW!” Flynn screeches, as he slides under the ropes to yell at the crowd.

HHL: Clearly, a more devious evildoer there never was than Mark Flynn.

Flynn waves off the crowd, walking up the ramp. Furious.

…

Suddenly, one person claps. A second. A third!

The entire arena starts applauding!

Flynn spins around! Smiling! Is this it? Has the XWF Universe finally acc-

…

Nope, they’re applauding GH who is being wheeled up the ramp on a stretcher, giving a thumbs up to let the people know he’s going to be okay. His face winces with pain as a nurse peels one thumbtack at a time out of his ass.

…

Flynn shakes his head, disappearing behind the curtain. ”Un-be-LIEVABLE.”



The camera cuts backstage, where the XWF Universal Champion is making his way to the locker room. However, a familiar voice soon calls his name…

“Hey there Kiddo- err, Kido. Old habits die hard.”

Kido: “Nickles.”

Charlie Nickles, aka The Nickleman, is posted up against an open doorway directly in front of Raion Kido’s path. The Champion jostles the belt around on his shoulder as he eyes his long-time foe with suspicion.

”Bet you didn’t think you’d be seeing me here.”

Kido: “Even if I was not aware you were a commentator tonight, I should know better than expecting Bobby Bourbon to be without his Brotherhood, should I not? So what is this all about? Are we having a reprise of what happened last year?”

There is, of course, a certain air of tension between the Champion and the Nickleman.

”But I mean, like this. Back here, in this intimate setting. After all this time we’ve still only met backstage just once before…”

The Nickleman takes a step off the doorframe, quickly approaching the universal champion with an extended arm.

”I just wanted to say, before anything too hectic happens tonight-”

Charlie reaches out to Kido with an open palm, as if to slap him: but instead of landing on the champion’s tender cheek, Charlie’s hand lands on the plate of his championship belt.

”Congratulations on the gold. You’ve done something I seemingly never can, and never will be able to do: and you’ve now done it twice in just a year. I think you really might have *it*, Raion. Try your best to not let the pissants and mongrels in the back take your *it* away, no matter what they put you through. Lord knows they took mine away years ago, and they’ll never give it back.”

The Lion looks at the Nickleman’s hand, then at his face, uncertain of what to do - after all, he hasn’t forgotten what happened the first time the former Television Champion and him met one-on-one. But then Nickles goes on speaking.

”I’ll be watching you out there tonight, but don’t worry: I won’t get involved. Tonight is just about you, Bobby Bourbon, and the millions of fans expecting an all-time great match. No pressure, of course.

I’d tell ya to break a leg but, with my history, I think you might take that as a threat! So take it easy big fella, and good luck out there. But not too good of luck, because Bobby is one of my best friends, even if he is a rotten bastard at the end of the day.”

To this the Lion makes a barely perceptible nod.

Kido: “Four times now have Bourbon and I faced, and this one shall be the third one-on-one. But now it’s for the biggest prize there is, and I shall make certain that I haven’t cashed in the Leap of Faith briefcase in vain. Bourbon might talk the way he does, but deep down, he knows what I can deliver - as you now say I do.”[/color]

The Nickleman pats the champion on the shoulder before walking past him, leaving an open doorway in front of Raion. But just before the camera cuts away, Charlie turns back around to Raion briefly.

”Oh, and before I change my mind….I just wanted to- no, needed to- say one more thing.”

Raion Kido turns around with a raised brow as The Nickleman lets out a hearty sigh.

Kido: “Which is?”[/color]

”I wanted to ap-ap-apol…..I wanted to say s-s-s-or-sor….well, I wanted to tell you I regret the way things went down between us at the beginning of your contract here. I saw a rising star and I wanted to extinguish the flames, but I don’t think you’re the type to get snuffed out. I think you’ve proven that. Good work, champ.”

The Nickleman tips an invisible fedora to Raion Kido before quietly ducking behind a corner and heading further into the mysterious bowels of the arena.

Kido: “That’s about as good as I’m going to get, and it was hard enough for him to get this far, so I’m going to take it as such.[/color]

Drawing a sigh, the Lion takes two fingers to his forehead, and waves them in the way of the Nickleman.

Kido: Accepted, Nickles.”[/color]

And then, of course, it is time for the Lion to leave on his own path as well.



Meanwhile, on the vast and wild grounds of Coreytopia, we see the Xtreme Champion Chris “The Hammer” Von Bonn. He is kicking out of pins left and right. We see the Literal Gorilla, taking a night off from the Gorilla position, simultaneously playing a game of checkers with one of the Bing Bongs and a game of chess with the other. One of the Bing Bong twins notices Von Bonn, and rolls him up in a schoolboy!

1…



2…

The other Bing Bong peels his twin off of Von Bonn! He wants the Xtreme Championship! He pins Von Bonn.

1…



2…

Bing Bong one hoists Bing Bong two off of Von Bonn, and they both pin each other in a twist, leaving Von Bonn alone! The Hammer, looking flustered, turns to walk away…


…and walks right into a Literal Gorilla. The Gorilla swings at Von Bonn, but he ducks! Von Bonn races away, and the Gorilla gives chase! The Gorilla catches Von Bonn near the soundstage! He throws Von Bonn off the stage and into the crowds, where fans from all walks of life get in pin attempts! The Literal Gorilla climbs the massive structure, some five stories high! He starts to throw barrels, which were conveniently and bizarrely left up here! Von Bonn has had enough, and he starts racing up towards where the Literal Gorilla is having had enough of his monkey business! He climbs a ladder, and true to his namesake, finds his Hammer! He smashes a barrel. It all looks like this.

[Image: donkey-kong-nintendo.gif]

Finally, Von Bonn realizes he’s not defending his title, so he doesn’t need to fart around with this Literal Gorilla, and he leaves! The Literal Gorilla drops down from the top of the structure and stands on the stage. The fans are going wild, and start chanting in unison!

*DOWN WITH NED!*DOWN WITH NED!*DOWN WITH NED!*DOWN WITH NED!*

The Gorilla, pleased with the sentiment, stands and soaks up the adulation as none other than Saliva takes the stage!







WARGAMES CAPTAINS BATTLE ROYALE LUMBERJACK MATCH

Thunder Knuckles
- vs -
Sarah Lacklan
- vs -
Angelica Vaughn
- vs -
'Notorious' Ned Kaye
- vs -
Vagabond
- vs -
Dolly Waters

Lumberjacks: The 24 Roster Members Of The WarGames Draft Pool

Over-The-Top Elimination Rumble



I hate that you came back. I was really hoping you just went home after your little poop break.

I wouldn’t miss this captain’s match for anything, Thad! Two of my best friends are in this match, and some of my best enemies, too!

As all the captains stand apart eyeing one another up; the lumberjacks push and shove one another on the outside eager for the match to start cussing one another out and goading the captains.

DING! DING! DING!

The crowd roar in anticipation as each captain launches towards each other into a brawl in the centre.

Got a major clusterfuck going on here. That’s good news for my BOBble heads in the match!

Not much room for technique and strategy when six people are in the ring.

And Vagabond gets the rough end of it all as he is booted away by Lacklan and Thunder Knuckles and Dolly Waters turn in time to hit a double clothesline on Vagabond and send him over the ropes! The lumberjacks on the outside moving out of the way as Vagabond crashes onto the outside!

VAGABOND ELIMINATED



Their room for technique ad strategy with five people, Thad? The BOB strategy is already working great!

Dolly and TK dap each other up but are quickly descended upon by Angie and Sarah with forearms and are whipped into the opposite ropes; TK and Dolly bounce back and are hit by stereo dropkicks from Team HSU. Kaye waits in the corner biding his time trying to hush Noah who keeps trying to talk to him. TK and Dolly stand back up quickly as Lacklan and Angie descend on them again; both hitting the ropes but Angie is tripped by Corey Smith as she hits the ropes and falls face-first onto the canvas! Lacklan charges forward but TK launches in and nails a nasty clothesline on Lacklan!

FUCK YES! KILL THAT BITCH! I Mean, uh- look at that technique!

Geez louise….harboring resentment much?

Leave the good Doctor out of this, Thad!

Sarah spins in the air before dropping to the mat and Dolly rushes in for a knee drop onto Lacklan's mush. TK picks Lacklan up by her arm and Dolly takes the other and the pair whip Lacklan into the corner with intense force and she Falir flops over the turnbuckle and lands on the apron in a daze, the crowd get on their feet as Lacklan is almost out, Bobby Bourbon grabs Lacklan's feet and tries to pull her out but Angie wakes up and nails a baseball slide on Bobby saving Sarah!

Proving that blood is thicker than drafting order between these two!

They’re not really twins, Thad. They’re adopted.

Lacklan rushes through the ropes and gets back in the ring with a thank you to Angie but Vaughn is in a bad spot as Sidney Grey pulls Angie out of the ring and begins to lay the boots down onto her along with Cashe and Mark Flynn! A few lumberjacks on the outside try to maintain order pushing the three away and try to keep the match going.

On the inside Lacklan turns to see Angie getting stomped and begins screaming for order but Dolly Waters rushes in trying to surprise Lacklan with a knee lift but Sarah sees it coming and throws Dolly over her back and Waters lands precariously on the apron!

Thunder Knuckles follows suit looking to send Sarah over with a clothesline but Lacklan dodges out of the way and TK nails Dolly by mistake!

Waters is flung from the apron bowling over lumberjacks and she drops to the outside!

DOLLY WATERS ELIMINATED


FUCK!

TK also cusses at his mistake and turns to Lacklan, Angie Vaughn taking the moment of Dolly being eliminated to get back into the ring.

Ned Kaye sees his opening and launches in to get a forearm into Thunder Knuckles. Lacklan joins in and we get a rare team-up of Kaye and Lacklan as the pair throw strikes into Thunder Knuckles in rapid succession before booting him back with a dual superkick!

TK is flung back and Angie Vaughn kicks TK's leg out with a big soccer kick to the back of his calf and TK falls onto his back. Kaye turns to Lacklan and leaps up nailing a kick into Sarah's head and she drops to the mat; Kaye kips up and runs to the ropes springboarding off and going for a moonsault but Lacklan gets her knees up in time and Kaye kills his back; Sarah spins up to her feet grabbing Kaye's arm and wrapping it into a hammerlock, twisting as she does before smashing Kaye's arm down on her shoulder!

ARM BREAKER FROM SARAH LACKLAN! You're familiar with that move right, Charlie?

I’d tell you to suck my dick, but with all the penis talk you’ve done tonight I think you might actually do it!

Ned drops to the mat holding his arm in agony as Angie has plucked TK up and tries to throw him over the ropes but Thunder Knuckles stops himself and throws a foot back nailing Angie in the groin and she takes a few steps back; TK turns and nails an uppercut on Vaughn who falls to her back. TK grabs Angie by the ankle and the crowd get hype!

He’s got her in place for the THUNDER STRIKE! The most devastating foot fetishist move in wrestling history!

TK looks to the crowd with a smirk but Sarah comes to the rescue!

I guess your buddy wasn’t quick enough with it that time!

BUT she gets hit by a shoulder thrust from TK who trips her onto her back with his free arm and grabs her ankle!!!!

OH MY GAWD!!!!! Teekz is looking for a DOUBLE FOOT DDT!!! This is unprecedented!

Lacklan and Angie panic in the hold either out of fear of having their foot broken or the fact that they may have to sell this move.

This could get ugly, fast: especially if their shoes come off!

TK takes in the moment and but Ned Kaye runs out of nowhere and dropkicks TK!

God damn it Ned, you ruin everything BOB tries to do!

Thunder Knuckles sails over the ropes and lands onto Bobby Bourbon who tries to save him but falls with his fellow BoB member!

THUNDER KNUCKLES ELIMINATED!


And both ‘BOBleheads’ go out!

That’s fine, Thad! In fact, this is exactly where Thunder Knuckles wanted to be eliminated! He’s in the perfect drafting position now!

Ned looks out at the crowd and the lumberjacks with a solemn smirk as he turns and allows Angie and Lacklan to stand back to their feet.

Kaye opens up with a side kick which is caught by Angie and Lacklan helps out with a big lariat which knocks Kaye down to his back while Vaughn keeps the hold around Kaye's leg and twists before booting down on Kaye's leg.

The numbers game not working for Kaye here.

What's the point in teaming up in this match now that BOB’s all gone? You're gonna have to fight each other eventually!

Angie stomps down on Kaye before kicking him over onto his hands and knees and Kaye tries to regain his breath as Angie and Lacklan plan something, Sarah runs the ropes and on the rebound nails Kaye with...

MARK OF CAIN!!

The shining wizard drops Kaye onto his back and he is seeing stars!!!

Lacklan smirks in delight as she tells Angie to get ready, Lacklan getting Kaye into a grounded half-nelson lifting him off the mat slightly as his head dangles.

And they're not done yet, Sarah setting Kaye up for Angelica's VAUGHNEMOUS! I can’t even figure out who to root against here anymore!

Vaughn runs to the ropes to bounce back!

WAIT! SIDNEY GREY JUST LEAPED ONTO THE ARPON!

SID GETS A TIGHT HOLD AROUND ANGIE VAUGHN!

AND GREY JUST PULLED ANGELICA VAUGHN OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! SHE'S OUT!!!

The crowd pop huge and go into a fever of boos as Sidney Grey pulls Angie out of the ring!

ELIMINATED ANGELICA VAUGHN



Lacklan is in disbelief. The crowd can't believe it! And Sidney Grey ushers in the moment taking it allllll in as Vaughn is enraged on the outside and takes Grey to task with brutal strikes, forcing to be pulled away by the lumberjacks that actually give a shit.

Lacklan throws Kaye's head down onto the mat with a roar and smahes his head into the canvas before whipping him up and throwing him over the top rope!

Kaye lands barely on the apron as rage takes over Lacklan and she charges in!

SUPERGIRL PUNCH!!!

Bitch needs to punch the clock and just leave already, I don’t think anyone wants to see her win this match! I think I’m rooting for Ned now!

A big right nails Ned Kaye and he falls off the arpon!

Well way to jinx him, Chuck!

Lacklan takes breather as Kaye falls to the outside.



BUT IS CAUGHT!!!

NED’S NOT DEAD YET!

ISAIAH KING, COREY SMITH, NOAH JACKSON AND JAY OMEGA CATCH A FALLING NED KAYE!



THEY PUSH HIM BACK ONTO THE APRON!!!!


Lacklan can't believe it!

Get fucked, Sarah!

She rushes in again but Kaye wakes up with a shoulder charge!

Lacklan is forced a few feet back and Kaye slingshots himself forward!

TDA! TDA! TDA!

I’M GOING TO CUM IN YOUR FUCKING PANTS IF HE BEATS HER, THAD!

Your….what? NO!

The slingshot hurricanrana lands perfectly and Lacklan is sent through the middle rope onto the outside!!!

TOO LATE, IT’S HAPPENING!


The crowd pop huge as the final bell rings!!!

ELIMINATED SARAH LACKLAN


YOUR WINNER VIA ELIMINATION - NED KAYE!



Kaye's music hits as the crowd pop!

Ned Kaye gets the #1 pick! The only question left now is….who’s he going to take? I hope it’s me!

You didn’t even sign up to be drafted, dumbass.

Oh shit…well then, Ned’s going to have some real hard thinking to do about who to take first! And every other captain is going to need to think about how the fuck they’re going to stop Ned’s momentum!


Following the conclusion of the Captain’s Match, the ring bell chimes over and over, prompting everyone to turn to the Time Keeper’s table.  Boos echo around the compound as Sidney Grey is seen there, banging away on the bell.  Finally, she takes up a microphone to address the fans.


Sidney Grey: I know that this match was not at all what you fans were expecting.  It was missing…something…something special…something fabulously regal…your King!

The fans boo again, even louder, but Sid ignores them.

Sidney Grey: Unfortunately, there is nothing to be done about the travesty that you all just witnessed, but what I CAN do, as your XWF King is declare myself…CAPTAIN!

The entire arena erupts into chaos as they try to figure out if Sid can really do that.

Sidney Grey:  Rest assured; I can do just that!  I was screwed out of my Champion’s Prerogative in my Universal Title defense…so I am evoking it right now!

The entire compound is abuzz with chants of “BULL SHIT!” but Sid actually stands atop the Time Keeper’s Table and eggs the chants on.  Suddenly the Theo Pryce appears with an irritated look on his face.  The fans make ready to hear him put Sid in her place, but the surprises just keep on coming.

Theo Pryce: Sidney…I should have you thrown out of here, but I’m genuinely intrigued. You’re right…your Champion’s Prerogative was stolen from you, and you are the King. And because I am nothing if not fair, we will allow you to be Captain.

The entire compound is left in shock, all but Sid who gleefully hops up and down on the table.

Theo Pryce: But, we aren't adding a team.  Instead you will replace Vagabond, who will now go into the draft.  Good luck…King.

Sid hops down off the table, running around the ringside area, taunting fans, lumberjacks, and fellow Captains alike.





[Image: oPBdkzE.png]
UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Bobby Bourbon
- vs -
Raion Kido ©

Best Two Out Of Three Falls



Hello my loves…


We see Dolly Waters standing in the center of the ring,


Close yer’ eyes.

Open yer’ mind.

Fer’ Dolly’s Divine Timing has brought us to this moment…

YER’ MAIN EVENT OF MAYDAY 2!


A BEST TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS CONTEST…



FOR THE XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP!






A metric fuckton of sequenced laser lights dart onto the stage, as a massive silhouette appears from behind the curtain.


Introducing first… the challenger.

Weighing in at two-hundred-ninety pounds…



The Motherfucking!



Bastardly!



Bringer OF THE BROTHERHOOD OF BADDIES!



…The Sultan Of Smacktalk…

BOBBY! BOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBOOOOOON!

The crowd erupts as the massive silhouette melts away and the camera shifts onto the image of a bold and determined Bobby Bourbon. The spotlight hovers over his body as he stands ontop of a pile of junked vehicles way back on the commune property, raising a single fist into the air. The fans surrounding him are all reaching up. Bobby leaps down from the pile of cars, and carves his way through the MayDay crowd. He hops the barricade and joins Dolly in the ring.



...and his opponent…

The entire lighting system over the commune turns to gold as The Lion appears from behind the curtain…

He IS!


…fer’ now…


THE XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!



THE LION!



RAION! KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

The crowd comes unglued as Kido darts a set of stoic eyes into Bobby’s, pointing a finger at the challenger as he makes his way to the ring.

Raion climbs through the ropes and hands the championship to the official, who then holds it in the air. Dolly exits the ring and takes a seat at commentary with Thad and Charlie as the theatrics settle down.

There’s a rumble in the skies, and a sudden crack of lighting. It illuminates our competitors' faces as neither of them seem bothered by the sudden change in the climate.

The roars of the crowd grow more intense as the ref calls for the bell…

This is going to be a barn burner for the ages. BOB’s not going to get involved and cheat for Bobby, are you? I know you’ve got a dog in this fight, and enough bad blood with Raion Kido to fill the seven seas!

Me and Raion? Bad blood? Naaah. And why would BOB ever interfere in a match? That would be a complete violation of the rules! I’m just here to observe and call the match down the middle, fair and square!

Riiiiiight.


These two behemoths of the wrestling industry waste little time giving the fans what they’ve come to witness!

They meet in the center of the ring, each grabbing the other man’s head with a left arm, and teeing off with their rights. But it takes little time for Bobby’s size and strength to prove to be too much, as the clubbing right handed blows of Bourbon send The Lion falling backward.

Big blows from the Bourbonman!

And down goes the champ in the first round!

But Bobby isn’t done yet. He grabs hold of Raion, grappling him under his shoulder, but Raion plants a foot, and finds the strength of his low center of gravity. He pushes up and halts Bobby’s momentum, as the two are now tied up. Raion tries pushing Bobby up from his feet, but it’s no use. Bourbon whips Raion into the ropes, chases after him and bullies the Champion onto his back with a clean running shoulder block.

Bourbon moves to pick Raion up, but the champ is already popping to his feet, he hooks Bobby’s arm as he stands, and goes for a hip toss, but the challenger is too heavy to budge, as Bobby now plants a foot, just before planting a sick headbutt right between Raion’s eyes. The champs head swings back, but he doesn’t fall, instead he unhooks his arm from Bobby and cracks the challenger across the chest with a viscous chop that echoes throughout the commune.

Oh fuck that must’ve hurt….I’ll have to get some icepacks ready for Bobby after this one!

What, are you his personal nursing aide? That’s cute.

Shut up! I just don’t like to see my friends in pain! If you were a good friend, Thad, then you’d understand!

Kido takes the opportunity to push Bobby into the corner of the ring with two more consecutive chops. He climbs up the middle rope to begin teeing off on Bourbon’s head, but the challenger slides out, and gets behind Raion. He grapples around Kido’s waist and smashes him from the middle rope into the mat with a release german suplex.

Bourbon is the first to make a cover!


1!






2!!




Kido is out at two!


Honestly surprised that got Kido to a 2-count. He’s tougher than the bed of nails I like to sleep on!

Big German Suplexes get big results, Charlie!

After breaking the count Kido is already getting to his feet. But an axe handle smash to the lower back plants him back onto his face.

Kido scrambles around as Bobby tries to further his attack, he grabs the challenger’s ankles and pulls up, tripping Bobby down to the mat while still holding onto the legs and trying to lock in a submission hold. But Bobby is able to kick Kido away.

Both men are back up to their feet where Kido tries to shove Bourbon, who barely budges. Bourbon goes to grab Kido again, but Raion is already running, hitting the ropes and going for a clothesline.

Bobby ducks underneath!

Great move, Bobby! So athletic, so handsome, so talented! Now put it all together!

Raion hits the next set of ropes, and on the rebound dives at Bourbon, who counters with a HUGE backbody drop!

THERE WE GO!

What happened to fair and balanced commentary?

Raion goes flying in the air and crashes violently onto the mat. Bobby scrambles toward the champion, ready to cover him, but Kido is able to recover and sends a pair of knees into Bourbon’s chest as he falls ontop of him. Now Kido flips ontop of Bobby trying to pin him.

1!


But a bench press kickout from Bobby!

Bobby’s as strong as seven men! Or fourteen half-men!

How many quarter-men?

Uhm, shit….I don’t have enough fingers to count that.

Kido lands like a cat, and shifts up to a vertical base, spotting Bobby already climbing up to his feet.

Kido darts over to the corner and hops rear first onto the top rope. He kicks Bobby in the face as the challenger runs in for a splash. Bobby stunned. Kido hopes over the rope, and runs down the apron, heading for the next turnbuckle…



BUT BOBBY SHAKES IT OFF!


And in an amazing display of speed, power and recovery, Bobby bounces from the ropes, runs down to the other end of the ring to meet Kido with a nasty chop across the chest as The Lion attempted to scale the other turnbuckle for a surprise attack.

Another streak of lightning cracks across the skies as rain begins to fall over Coreytopia.

Kido falls from the top rope down to the arena floor.

Bobby raises a finger to the sky and climbs the top rope…


He sizes Kido up!


Something big is about to happen!


The champion needs to pull himself together right about now, because this could be REALLY bad for the future of his reign!




DIVING SENTON!





Kido rolls out of the way just in time!

I can’t believe it! That Kido just can’t be got! Fuck he’s slick!

All that anime training has clearly paid off for the champ!

Bobby smacks the ground hard as the audience lets out a collective groan.

The ref begins counting the two men out. He reaches a count of three before Kido is to his feet.

Raion is ready to re-enter the ring when he notices Bobby is miraculously starting to stir again.

Just as Kido is about to leap off the apron for an attack, Bobby springs up to his feet. He grabs Kido by the legs, and Kido grabs onto the ropes.

Bobby pulls Kido back, leaving his body dangling out between the ropes and the floor. Bobby lifts Raion legs, about to whip the champion neck first onto the apron, but Raion spins free!

He catches Bobby with an enziguri type of kick to the temple mid-air, but even still, Kido crashes awkwardly into the apron, while Bobby is dazed on his feet.


7!!!!!!!


8!!!!!!!!

Bobby comes to and darts under the ropes…

9!!!!!!!!


We could be heading for a double count-out here!


That would be even more bullshit than Bobby’s DQ win over Flynn!


1-!!!!!!!!!!! AND KIDO JUST BARELY MAKES IT UP AND UNDER THE ROPES TOO!

The crowd is going wild as both men are slow to get up.


This match has already been one for the ages, and I think we’re not even close to the end yet!

Both of these men have so much more left to give, and they’re going to leave it all in the ring because the biggest prize in sports is on the line! This match isn’t just a match: this match is a complete and total war for the gold!


As they do, Kido pumps his fist into the air, he charges at Bobby…







ATOMIC THUNDER!










BUT THE RUNNING LARIAT IS COUNTERED!






BOURBON DROPS TO THE MAT AND TIES KIDO UP WITH A… SMALL PACKAGE?


1!





2!!







He’s got it! He’s got it! New champion!






3-NO!  KIDO SHIFTS AND FLIPS THE PIN!



Kido reverses!


SMALL PACKAGE FROM KIDO!


1!















2!!




     






3!!!






Falls

Kido- 1
Bourbon- 0




NOOOOOOOOOOO! KIDO RETAINS! God damn it, all that training was useless and Bobby is going to be so m- wait, why are they still fighting?

It’s 2 out of 3 falls, you idiot.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. So THAT’S what that means!

Bobby can still fight back and win, but it’s going to be harder now than ever!


Kido barely scores the first pinfall of the match, and Bourbon is already up. Anger washing over his features.

But Kido is undaunted. He charges right at Bourbon.

A Hiptoss smashes the challenger to the mat. Bobby pops right back up.

Slingblade from Kido!

Again Bobby is up!

Kido grapples again!


URNAGE!!!




IS COUNTERED INTO A POP-UP SPINE BUSTER!

HE JUST BROKE THE CHAMPION’S SPINE!

The crack of Kido’s spine connecting to the increasingly drenched mat is nearly as loud as the clap of thunder that erupted simultaneously.

The crowd “ewwws” from the sight.

Bobby tears away the shoulder straps from his wrestling leotard and hovers over Kido.

Kido stands again as the rain beings pouring down over Coreytopia.

How can the champion even stand?

ANOTHER SPINEBUSTER!

He won’t be able to for much longer! Not if Bobby has his way!


Bobby jerks Kido up by the hair….

This is getting gruesome…


He whips him hard into the turnbuckle, and as Kido falls back…


SPINEBUSTER!

“3!” The crowd begins counting as Bobby continues a sickening series of spinebusters.

“4!” Another spinebuster on an Irish Whip rebound.

The onslaught continues

“5!”


“6!”

Eventually the fans stop counting and start a new chant.

“SPINEBUSTER-CITY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-* SPINEBUSTER-CITY!”

Kido appears to be in a bad way. He’s now eaten eight consecutive spinebusters from Bobby Bourbon. Even the challenger seems dazed from executing this incredible series of moves. He grabs at Raion’s ankles, ready to drag him toward the center of the mat, away from the ropes-

-but just like on the outside earlier, Kido grabs ahold of the bottom ropes. Bobby flings Kido’s legs again, but this time, with so little room between the ropes and the canvas, Kido can’t flip out. Instead he’s lashed into the canvas, the force of the drop popping him right back up into another spinning Spinebuster!

“SPINEBUSTER-CITY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-* SPINEBUSTER-CITY!”

Damn, Bobby…..maybe you should try going for a pin now? All this violence is starting to make even ME a bit squeamish!

It looks like Bobby has a point to prove tonight!

Bobby is still down on his knees after that last spinebuster, panting, and trying to gather the strength to lift Kido again. After some time, he’s able to finally get The Lion up. He moves Kido to the turnbuckle, and positions him on top.

He’s going to go for a 10th spinebuster… FROM THE TOP ROPE?!

He has Kido up. He spins for the super spinebuster!

BUT KIDO GRABS HIS HEAD MIDAIR!


CODEBREAKER FROM THE TOP!

Both men take considerable damage, and both men are down!

The crowd is going crazy!

Bobby staggers to his feet, and somehow, Raion isn’t far behind him…


Bobby turns around.






RIGHT INTO A LIGHTNING BOLT PUNCH!










NO!









BOURBON PARRYS!






HE BATS AWAY KIDO’S FIST!








HE SPINS THE CHAMPION!






PHRENOLOGY CLAW!



Bourbon locks in the clutch submission hold, squeezing his arms tightly around Kido’s throat. Immediately, Kido charges backward, pushing Bobby into the ropes, his arms flailing, desperately trying to get a rope break!


KIDO SPINS AND GETS THE ROPES!


He ref runs in and counts to four before Bobby gives Kido the break.



…..





But the break only prolonged the inevitable.



KIDO CAN’T RECOVER, AND BOBBY LOCKS THE HOLD RIGHT BACK IN!


He wraps his legs around Kido and slams the two of them to the mat, squeezing with all of his might!






KIDO TAPS!

KIDO TAPS!


Falls:
Kido -1
Bourbon -1



AND BOBBY WINS THE MATCH! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!

Dude….2 out of 3….

Oh….so who’s ahead?

It’s tied, Charlie! And the next fall is for all the marbles!

Holy shit this is getting intense!

No shit!


Bobby releases the hold and both men are lying back first on the mat. The rain pouring down on their faces like a much needed elixir from the heavens.

The crowd is rumbling, roaring, implying these two warriors to finish the match.

They’ve both spent so much energy on those first two falls. One has to wonder what could possibly be left in the tank.

These two have both spent so much energy on the first two falls. You have to wonder what could possibly be left in the tank!

Woah…did anyone else just get a weird sense of deja vu?

Huh? Jesus Charlie, just focus on this great championship match!

Raion rolls onto his stomach, still gasping for air, as Bobby slowly pulls up from his back in a deadman type of situp, positioning himself on one elbow and looking over at Kido with an incredulous shake of the head.

The challenger drags to his feet and limps over to the reeling Kido. He stands the champion up… AND EATS A DISCUS CLOTHESLINE!

FUCK! That would knock a whale on his ass!



But Bobby doesn’t fall, he stumbles through the ropes and catches himself on the apron.

But somehow Bobby’s still standing!

He shakes his head, recovers quickly and spots Raion charging toward him.

Bobby moves to the turnbuckle and climbs the top, where Kido meets him, with a series of well timed boxing punches on his way to the top. Bourbon is seeing stars!

Kido is not relenting!

Kido hooks his arm over his shoulder. He grabs Bobby’s tights. He lifts. Bobby resists. Kido lifts again. Still Bourbon doesn’t budge. Kido strains. His face is turning blood red. He’s used all of his strength trying to lift Bobby from the top turnbuckle.

HEADBUTT FROM BOURBON!

Atta boy, Bobby!

Great, now they both have concussions!

Kido is now dangling from the top rope with one arm. Bobby is still seated infront of him.

It looks like a stiff wind could knock Kido over.




….


Bobby grapples Kido!






BUT THE LION RELEASES HIS HOLD FROM THE ROPE AND LANDS ON HIS FEET IN THE RING!






LIGHTNING BOLT!



 
NO!




IS CAUGHT BY BOURBON!



YES!

C’mon, Charlie; make up your mind!


Bobby has his hands up, holding Raion’s fist! The champion screams out, charging the punch all of his might, but he can’t break Bobby’s block!


This is like an anime movie! Look at all that force, and air pressure, and anime swirls in the air!

….

Did we….did we take drugs? This looks just like some sort of dragonball-Z action sequence! Bobby is STILL blocking the blow, and the momentum is causing gusts of wind!


……

LIGHTNING BOLT!!!








AS IN AN ACTUAL BOLT OF LIGHTNING FROM THE STORM!


Oh my god!




IT STRIKES THE LIGHTING STRUCTURE ABOVE THE RING!




What’s happening?!



THE LIGHTS GO OUT OVER COREYTOPIA!




RAION KIDO DROPS HIS FIST AND PULLS BOBBY’S ARM OVER HIS SHOULDER…












HE LIFTS ONE MORE TIME!




WITH EVERY OUNCE OF ENERGY HE HAS LEFT!









KIDO SUPERPLEXES BOURBON INTO THE RING….




I can’t believe it!



LEAVING A RAION BOURBON SHAPED DENT IN THE CANVAS



How did the champion have the strength for that?!


……THE RING COLLAPSES!!!





BOTH MEN ARE UNCONSCIOUS, BUT ONE MAN’S ARM IS DRAPED ACROSS THE OTHERS CHEST!






1!










2!!














3!!!



Falls:
Kido-2
Bourbon-1


It’s Kido’s arm draped over Bobby’s chest!

Winner- and STILL XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION- Raion Kido!


Well fuck……this wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but even I can’t deny that the champion put on a performance for the ages. Bobby Bourbon gave him everything he had…and somehow, someway, Raion Kido will be walking away as the champion tonight! If he can somehow still walk after that slugfest…..GOD DAMN, WHAT A SHOW! WHAT A MAIN EVENT! WHAT A NIGHT, EVERYBODY! NOW GO HOME AND MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO YOUR WIVES BECAUSE THEY MIGHT LEAVE YOU ONE DAY LIKE MINE DID!

Have a nice night everybody!

The crowd goes insane as the storm rages on over Coreytopia. Before Kido can even get his arm raised as the victor, the fans have rushed the ring. Hoisting both of the unconscious competitors into the air, Kido with the Universal Championship tucked in his arms, sending the two men crowd surfing through the commune grounds.




A Very Special Thanks:

Mark Flynn
Bobby Bourbon
Corey Smith
Gator
Thaddeus Duke
Charlie Nickles

...and to everyone who RPed, submitted segments, and helped judge these matches.

Happy *late* MayDay!
]]> <![CDATA[(04-01-2½)YOU ARE QUANTUM MECHANICALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT AND SIMULTANEOUSLY NOT]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=43289 Fri, 01 Apr 2022 23:11:54 -0700 Ned Kaye]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=43289
LIVE FROM THE SALT MINE MASSACRE REMEMBRANCE ARENA(Formerly KFC YUM! Center)

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY... AGAIN (Presented to you thanks to The GLaP, The FXW, Paramount + XXX, Goth iHop, and our remaining viewers like you. Thank you.)

YOU ARE QUANTUM MECHANICALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT AND SIMULETANEOUSLY NOT SHOVE-IT
Presented by Joey Give-Long-and-Prosper and the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling

(Logo only available in post 1.)


Jim Beam
- vs -
Scarf Quayson
Fishbowl Match
The match takes place in a large glass tank with a single pipe pumping in a lot of water. The goal of the two competitors is to escape the tank as it slowly fills with water without breaking the glass. Two large fishnets are draped over opposite ends of the tank to provide a way to climb out.


Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal
Starts as a standard Over-the-Top Elimination Battle Royal. Every 3 minutes, a new stipulation is chosen from The Wheel and the new rules will apply to all competitors. Open to all who opted-in and even those who did not.


Lightning Hands
- vs -
Cracker Seahouse (w/ Jim Braun)
Winner by Pinnedfall
You can only win by being pinned by your opponent.


Korey X Smyth
- vs -
Neo Ryce
Loser Stays in Town Match
The winner of the match will depart the FXW. The loser has to stay.


Professor Francis Sa'Tonn
- vs -
"Haterman" Vanny Line
Pit Ladder Match
A briefcase containing a contract for ownership of the FXW is lowered to the bottom of a concerningly deep pit with multiple levels on the way down. Ladders will be available ringside to assist in navigating down the pit.






America © (Represented by Sean Peacestein)
- vs -
Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal Victor
Title Match for the
Universal Consolation Prize




HH: "Hey folks! Sorry for the slightly longer than average commericial time!"

Pip: "Wait. Why paper view have commericial? Also year long commericial??"

HH: "There you go talking nonsense again Pip, clearly the date is April 1st. It's only been about ten minutes or so! Anyway, how did you spend your break time in-between commercials, Pip?"

Pip: "Ooh! Pip exist in strange place of no exist! Not alive or dead. Pip could think, but not talk or scream or hate or love. Like big void. No end, only Shove-It show. Forever. You?"

HH: "I had a coffee, can't complain. We're onto our next, highly anticipated match between Jim Beam & Scarf Quayson! Both will be inside of a giant fishtank and have to escape and wrestle as it fills with water! The first to escape via use of the fishnets on the sides of the tank will be victorious! Look, they've set up the battlegrounds already."

The area where the ring once sat has been replaced extensively by a large, glass container with various bits of coral and appropriate furnishings for a fishbowl, including sand and miniature castles complete with drawbridges. The crowd seems a tad bored, having turned on the show about four months ago, yet the irony of it continuing has a won a few folks back. Still, they explode as the entrance music for a fan favorite finally hits. The lights in the arena glow a sterling silver as pink and blue lasers cut through the atmosphere and it looks appropriate amounts of rad. As Theiving Magpie hits, he makes his way down the entrance ramp.

(Theiving Magpie by Rossini)

(Picture of Marko Stunt)

HH: "LOOK WHO IT IS!"

Pip: "Ooh! It Jim Beam!"

Jim Beam struts with the exaggerated swagger of a true walker in-between the lines. As he approaches the middle of the ramp, he takes a moment to raise a hand up above his eyebrows and peers out into the crowd. In a quick moment, he rushes down the rest of the rampway and, like a spider monkey, pulls himself to the top of the glass, sitting on the tank as he flexes his muscles and gestures for the FXW fans in attendance, who begin to chant accordingly.

"FUCK EM' UP, JIM BEAM, FUCK EM' UP!"

But in the middle of their raucous chants, they are cut off by the entrance music of the other half of this confrontation.

(Breakaway by Big Pig)

(Picture of ???)

Breakaway begins to play and with it comes one of the most popular wrestlers in all of the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling. The crowd begins to stomp their feet in tune with the music as Scarf Quayson approaches, wiping the dirt from his freshly tended lawn from his arms with a towel. He teases his classic superkick as he confidently walks to towards the tank, eyes locked with his opponent as the crowd unianimously cheers for cleanest man to ever practice handy work.

Pip: "Scarf look ready! More friendly than little Beam!"

HH: "That's true, Pip! While Jim is nowhere as despicable as some people such as Ned Kaye or Vanny Line, he's certainly a little more prone to misdeeds than Mr. Quayson. Jim is at least very polite whenever he bends the rules. It'll be interesting to see how long until this match becomes more of a fight than a traditional wrestling match."

Pip: "Wait. What traditonal about splash match?"

HH: "Fair point, Pip. I'll give you a can of green beans after the show, how bout that?"

Pip: "Pip favorite!"

Pip claps happily for his promised after show treat as the Ref-O-Tron inside of the tank checks both of the compeititors and ensures they are secure after climbing the fishnets draped on the side of the enclosure. A large pipe extends from the top of the of the rafters, prepared to begin filling the "fishbowl" with water. With a final bit of assurance, the Ref-O-Tron calls for the bell! Immediately, the pipe begins to shoot water into the glass structure, pouring all over the Ref-O-Tron and shorting it out instantly.

HH: "That's the fastest I have EVER seen a referee get taken down! Looks like we'll be waiting on a replacement for a moment!"

Both competitors lunge forward at one another, knowing that the other is equally as fast and trying to leave nothing up to chance! Water slowly begins to creep up their boots, but their focus is on each other as they lock up. Scarf attempts to lift up the deceptively small light-heavyweight, only to be arm dragged himself. After briefly disorienting his opponent, Beam rolls out of the arm drag, using Scarf as a springboard and grabbing hold of the fishnet halfway up! As Scarf splashes in the water, he pulls himself quickly, seeing his opportunity nearly slip away from him!

Pip: "Scarf need think fast!"

Scarf takes his scarf off uses it to latch on carefully around Beam's neck, climbing up above the smaller man and delivering a hurricanrana off the fishnets! They plummet into the water below, already enveloping their prone bodies as it steadily rises!

HH: "This match is fast paced by design, but these two seem to want to bring out everything they can as soon as possible!"

Jim lifts himself from the water that now reaches up to his lower thighs, looking visibly panicked as more of it continues to accumulate! Scarf takes his chance and superkicks Beam in the face! Beam stumbles backwards, but stays standing somehow! Scarf calls for it again! SUPERKICK! AND AGAIN! SUPERKICK SINGULARITY! SCARF BEGINS HITTING SUPERKICKS SO OFTER AND FREQUENT THAT TIME AND REALITY BEGINS TO BEND SLIGHTLY, GIVING JIM JUST ENOUGH OF AN OPENING TO HIT A STANDING DROPKICK! Quayson is rocked, his ultrafast superkicks leaving him vulnerable as the crowd roars at the two trading blows. Jim barely makes it to his feet out of the dropkick, looking more concerned as the water rises.

HH: "I don't think Jim can swim, Pip!"

Pip: "He need get out quick!"

The water reaches up to Beam's neck as he struggles his way towards the fishnet, but Scarf has caught up! The height advantage Quayson has has enabled him to stay in this match! The competitors are completely soaked as the water level continues to rise, Jim struggling his way up the fishnet as they approach the top. They're both so close to the exit, but Jim is quicker and more desperate to escape! Jim Beam leaps down and takes a deep breath as Scarf continues to climb out. He looks around in confusion as the bell isn't rung.

Pip: "What going on?"

HH: "It looks like the lack of a referee has caused this match to go on further! Jim doesn't look like he wants to go in there, but there still hasn't been a replacement referee sent out yet! And if Scarf makes it out, it's very likely they'll rule the match a tie! Jim's gotta fight more if he wants to win!"

Jim slaps his cheeks slightly, trying to hype himself up to climb back up there to confront Quayson who is nearly over the top of the tank now. Jim takes a deep breath and begins climbing back up, waking the edge of the tank and building it up to a short dash as he kicks Scarf back into the water! Jim catches himself on the side and lifts up to the corner, seeing his opportunity as the fans cheer for his finisher! The Tractor Beam! Jim goes for the sunset flip onto Scarf, trying to land on the net, but misses as Quayson floats out of the way! Jim Beam is stuck underwater, caught in the net as the famous FXW Bear Referee runs out! This is Scarf's chance to change fate! Scarf doggy paddles to the edge of the tank as Jim Beam furiously thrashes underwater. Quayson pulls himself up, one step at a time on the unsteady net.....

Scarf lands outside of the tank! He's done it!

WINNER BY TANK ESCAPE
SCARF QUAYSON


As he begins to celebrate, the bear calls for the doctors before pulling Scarf's hand up! They pull out the seemingly lifeless body of Jim Beam from the tank as Scarf looks on in pure horror. Celebratory confetti falls onto Mr. Quayson and the stretcher that Jim Beam has been transported to as Scarf watches with tears in his eyes.

HH: "Uh... let's cut to commercial, everyone. C-congrats Scarf!"

Pip: "Poor, poor Beam..."

------

New episode of the FXW Vodcast! Listen now everywhere Vodcasts are found!

(youtube)


--------

HH: "Coming up next is the Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal, a match so unique, even I don't know how to explain it!"

PIP: "Pip can! If you win, you win, you lose, uhhhhhhhhhhh............"

HH: "You don't?"

PIP: "Me Pip!"

HH: "Yes, Pip, you are."




We get a shot of a myriad of other dimensional wrestlers already in the ring as Baha Men blares over the PA system. The fans aren't sure what kind of a reaction to give as Reggie's dog, T-Feety runs down the ramp and into the ring. He pounces around the squared circle as the other competitors try to keep their distance, unsure of whether or not he's had his shots.


HH: "As ridiculous as it sounds, that there dog could become the #1 Contender to Sean Peacestein's Universal Consolation Prize later tonight!"

PIP: "Pip love aminals!"

HH: "Now, Pip, you and I both know you're not supposed to pick sides!"

PIP(sad): "Sorry."




The fans go crazy as soon as Mandy Moore's "Candy" fills the arena. Just like before, rainbows and sparkles fill the sky, making everyone in the audience want to hug and kiss each other. As they do so, Quokkana walks out onto the ramp and trots down the aisle like a majestic unicorn, stopping, once again, to hug every fan that wants one.


PIP: "Can Pip have hug NOW?"

HH: "I know it feels like a year since you last asked for one, but the answer's still NO!"

PIP(sniffling): "Pip still sad."


Quokkana goes to climb in the ring, but this time it's T-Feety who charges at her, preventing the self-proclaimed unicorn from entering.


HH: "Quokkana loves damn near everything, but I bet even she is getting sick of competing with these animals!"

PIP: "Pip. Loves. DOGGYYYYY!!!!!"

HH: "Lord knows I'M sick of working with one........."




With Quokkana still hesitant to get in the ring, "Nefarious Scientist" Ned Kaye's music hits, receiving a symphony of boos. The Nefarious Scientist pushes his way through the curtain, laughing maniacally at those who oppose him. As he heads down the aisle, his body sort of halfway phases in and out so quick, you could be forgiven for missing it.

Following her is the referee bear that called the previous match for Scarf! Scarf is presumably mourning somewhere backstage, but the bear is ready to wrestle!


HH: "It looks like Ned Kaye might be momentarily jumping between dimensions!"


Upon reaching ringside, the Nefarious Scientist takes delight in Quokkana's fear, grabbing hold of her and rolling her into the ring. Ned follows close behind, causing the refs to call for the bell, kickstarting this clusterfuck of a match.


Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal
Starts as a standard Over-the-Top Elimination Battle Royal. Every 3 minutes, a new stipulation is chosen from The Wheel and the new rules will apply to all competitors. Open to all who opted-in and even those who did not.



HH: "Every 3 minutes, a new stip will be added to the match, replacing the old one. Over the top rope rules, with the winner being the last one left in the ring."

PIP: "Doggy!"

HH: "Yes, Pip, there's a dog in the ring. I don't know if you noticed, but there is also a goddamn bear."


Despite being forced in, Quokkana manages to crawl her way out of the fray, leaving 8 foot tall Mega Morbid in the center of the ring before the rest of the competitors.


HH: "Mega Morbid gives even YOU a run for your money, at least in terms of size. As for brains, we all know who wins that one!"


Pip unknowingly laughs as all the other wrestlers begin laying into Mega Morbid. The group of superstars proves to be too much for him to handle, as they all manage to push him over the top rope, where he lands on his feet in disbelief.

MEGA MORBID HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



PIP: "Big guy gone!"

HH: "Yes, Pip, he most certainly is!"


With the biggest man in the match gone, the FXW superstars turn their attention towards one another. T-Feety roams around the ring, biting various asses of owners who are too distracted with other opponents to notice him.

Quokkana continues to hide in the corner, that is, until Ned Kaye finally finds her. He charges at the cutesy competitor, who almost inadvertently ducks and tosses the Nefarious Scientist over the top rope. Fortunately for him, Ned manages to land on the apron and dive back in before anybody can take advantage.


HH: "A close call from the Nefarious Scientist!"


While attempting to eliminate each other, "Say No To Drugs" Kris Book and Bobby Lame end up being simultaneously dumped over the top rope by the gentlemanly duo of the Bong Bing Acquaintances.

"SAY NO TO DRUGS" KRIS BOOK AND BOBBY LAME HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED


The gentlemanly duo raise their pinkies to the sky as the glorious wheel is lowered down from the heavens like some kind of God. It hangs there for a moment, spinning as the fans in attendance eagerly await the first stip change.


HH: "This match is about to get a whole lot crazier!"


Eventually the wheel lands on BRA & PANTIES, sending the crowd into a frenzy! (Referee Bear is luckily not eliminated due to his trusty ref shirt.)


HH: "I don't like where this is going."

PIP: "Pip no wear underwear........"

HH: "Ew."

PIP: "But he DOES wear a bra!"


All of a sudden, the Acquaintances have a target on their backs, with pretty much everyone rushing to get them. Despite a huge pileup in the center of the ring, the Bong Bings manage to crawl out of it, unscathed, only for Reggie's dog to appear behind them, growling viciously.


HH: "Uh oh!"

PIP: "DOGGY!!!!!!!"


Once the Acquaintances realize what's going on, they turn around and let out a dastardly scream as T-Feety begins ripping away at their expensive suits. He doesn't stop until every last fiber, INCLUDING their underwear, has been removed!

THE BONG BING ACQUAINTANCES HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED



PIP: "Shouldn't the doggy go, too? He doesn't have ANY clothes on!"

HH: "I think, because he never started with anything on, he's safe from elimination!"

PIP(extremely happy): "Doggy."


We, once again, catch "Nefarious Scientist" Ned Kaye eyeing Quokkana down, looking almost perv like the way he holds his hands out to remove her clothes. Before he can, though, The Creative Face turns him around and scolds him for targeting a woman. He receives a thumb to the eye for his trouble, turning him around and allowing for Ned to depants him, leading to the Face's elimination RIGHT before the wheel could start spinning again.

THE CREATIVE FACE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "Tough break for The Face, had he just left Ned Kaye alone, he'd still be in this one!"


The wheel stops on TABLE MATCH, causing nearly half the roster to climb out and begin searching for one. It ends up looking like a typical Wednesday night by the time we're done, with South Korean Legal Citizen, Famous Civilian, and Diamond all putting You Have No Clue Who This Is, Mr. Calm, and Sarah McLoughlin(yes, she's a wrestler in this universe) respectively through tables, all by BEARBOMBS from the seemingly unstoppable Ref Bear!

YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHO THIS IS, MR. CALM, AND SARAH MCLOUGHLIN HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED


HH: "Looks like they bearly saw it coming, eh, Pip?"

Hezzie nudges Pip who is merely watching for the doggy at this point.

HH: "There just ain't any good comedy anymore..."

Immediately after, South Korean Legal Citizen and Famous Civilian attack Diamond from behind and put HER through a table, as well!

DIAMOND HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "This match has turned into a trainwreck!"

PIP(gasping): "Pip LOVES trains!"


And just like that, the wheels going again.................... landing on the strange stip of a TEN BELL SALUTE!


HH: "This one's for Jim Beam!"


All the wrestlers stop to pay their respects, except for the Nefarious Scientist, who takes advantage of the situation by sneaking up on Fred Orange and throwing him over the top rope!

FRED ORANGE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "I don't know how that worked, but it did!"


Once the ten bells are over, the wheel immediately spins again(because who needs 3 minutes, am I right guys?), eventually landing on REVERSE BATTLE ROYAL, prompting everyone in the arena to shake their heads and request the wheel to grant them a mulligan. The ever-loving wheel does so, this time stopping on the much more popular SUBMISSION MATCH.


HH: "Thank God for the wheel!"


Quokkana rolls out of the ringand opens her arms wide to a defiant South Korean Legal Citizen and Famous Civilian. She then embraces them in a warm hug, causing both men to simultaneously give up.

SOUTH KOR3AN LEGAL CITIZEN AND FAMOUS CIVILIAN HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "We're coming down to the wire, now, with only 4 wrestlers remaining!"

PIP: "Doggy!"

HHL: "Yes, Pip, T-Feety is one of them!"


Quokkana rejoins Ned Kaye and T-Feety in the ring, with all three of them hesitant to strike. Eventually, they charge at one another and begin punching, scratching, and clawing as the wheel spins once again. Referee Bear lifts Ned up for a BEARBOMB, looking to force the Nefarious Scientist into submission by destroying the shit out of his back!


HH: "Someone in the back clearly gave up on the whole 3 minutes thing."


The wheel lands on PHASE OUT ELIMINATIONS, causing everyone in the arena to scratch their heads. After a moment, though, The Nefarious Scientist jumps away from this dimension and back, forcing his own elimination and the elimination of the Bear, who was holding him at the time of phasing.

"NEFARIOUS SCIENTIST" NED KAYE AND THE BEAR HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "That's it, Pip, one of these remaining two will be facing Peacestein later tonight!"

PIP: "Dog. Gy."


The bear takes this defeat with relative grace, while an irate Ned Kaye phases back in, causing him to angrily charge at Lycana with a cooked fist. Right before he can punch her, though, she ducks, leaving his fist open to be bitten by T-Feety. The rabid beast refuses to let go, causing him to phase out withThe Nefarious Scientist as he does so once more, ending the match.

T-FEETY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED


WINNER OF THE MATCH AND NEW #1 CONTENDER TO THE FWX UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE, QUOKKANA



HH: "She did it! Quokanna wins and she didn't even have to get violent to do it!"

PIP(mortified): "DOGGGGGYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?"

-------

HH: "We got a big match ahead of us, Pip! The greatest philanthropist of our times, Lightning Hands is going to be facing the scourge of our past, Cracker Seahouse, accompanied by our reviled former own, Jim Braun!"

Pip: "Jim Braun bad man!"

HH: "I'm telling ya, Pip, the wrong Jim died tonight. Oh God, here they come."

(No Chance song)

(Picture of Joseph Stalin and Vince Mcmahon)

The crowd is treated to the awful strut of Jim Braun and his classic "No Chance" theme as he and Cracker Seahouse enter the building, wearing T-shirts of "FXW 99" with the numbers considerably larger than the company logo. They taunt the fans as they march forward, prepared to show the world how far the FXW has fallen without the great roster from its past. Jim Braun smiles and waves despite his mocking, seeming to eat up every bit of attention allowed to him as he stands aside Cracker while they both stand in the ring, anticipating Seahouse's opponent.

Pip: "Pip glad they not own him anymore."

HH: "I second that, Pip. Thankfully, they won't be able to shove those smug faces around for long."

"I Saw A Tiger" begins to fill the arena as the audience nearly bursts the roof off of the building in anticpation for one of their most beloved wrestling heroes!

HH: "Get ready for lightning to strike!"

Jim and Cracker look uneasy as the entrance continues, lights and dazzling visuals adorning the F-Tron as the song fills every nook and cranny of the arena, the crowd still keeping up their immense anticipation!

HH: "...Any second now!"

Several minutes later, the music continues to play as the crowd sits in a confused state, uncertain if their beloved Lightning Hands is going to make it to the show in the midst of all of his important charity work. Tthe music fades out and then begins playing again. This happens multiple times. Jim and Cracker get more and more cocky, enjoying the dissapointment of all the fans in attendance.

HH: "Where the hell is this guy?"

Jim Braun grabs a microphone, prepared to rip the crowd to shreds.

Jim: "Looks like ol' Mr. Hands couldn't make it! No wonder he would disappoint his fans. You know why? He's not a Jim Braun gu-"

"I Saw A Tiger" starts again, but this time with Lightning Hands on the entrance ramp! He shakes hands with event organizer The GLaP while walking buy with huge sacks of F-Bux that he tosses out into the adoring crowd! Jim tosses the microphone out of the way and slinks out of the ring in awe at the philanthropist extraordinare, Lightning Hands. Cracker Seahouse looks slightly concerned, but far more confident in his abilities. Lightning takes another few minutes to get the ring after signing many blank checks and merchandise for the fans until security as to force him into the ring. The Ref-O-Tron calls for the bell!

HH: "Remember Pip, the winner of this match is whoever can get pinned by their opponent first. It's a strange stipulation, but sometimes, you gotta "lose" to win!"

Pip: "Why we no have normal matches?"

HH: "Thats an excellent question."

*DING, DING*

Cracker grabs ahold of Lightning and falls onto his back, forcing Hands's hands to his shoulders while he is prone on his back! Seahouse is trying to roll himself up for a quick victory! The Ref-O-Tron starts the count...


ONE!



TWO!



PINBREAK!


Lightning Hands breaks up the pinning predicament he was forced into delivering, squaring himself up for some combat. His eyes tell the veteran that he's not going to make this easy, despite all of his time being focused into his charity work! He's doing his classic elbow twist, letting the multi-time champion of the FXW what will happen if he comes near! Cracker waits for his moment, nearly circling his opponent before going in, but he eats an elbow strike to the dome! Lightning Hands hooks his arm around Seahouse's head and hits a brainbuster on him, falling backwards and letting his opponent hit the mat with a disgusting thud! Cracker recovers, but he's met by Hands's classic elbow clothesline! Lightning brings his the multi-time world champ to his feet before whipping him to the ropes and bouncing of the ropes behind him, but Seahouse ducks out of the way of a second clothesline attempt!

Cracker hooks his arms around Lightning and grapples his waist, pulling him to the ground! As he grapples with his opponent, he locks in a triangle arm bar on Lightning!

Pip: "No submit. Why Cracker use this move?"

HH: "He must be trying to weaken Lightning Hands's arms to prevent him from breaking up another pin! It's a fiendish plan from such an accomplished veteran."

A chorus of boos serenades Cracker as he let's LH's arm have it, but luckily, Lightning Hands makes it to the ref, forcing a break! The Ref-O-Tron counts as Seahouse continues to wrench on the arm of his opponent until the very last second, taking advantage of such lenient rulings. He yanks Lightning away from the ropes and grabs ahold of his arms, locking them together as he stepped over him and began to squat!

HH: "I've never seen this before! This is some kind of reverse Boston Crab Cracker is pulling off here!"

Lightning cries out in pain as his legs slap against the mat, finally finding a little bit of room to lift the two men up, Cracker stuck on Hands's shoulders! He twirls around and flings the veteran from his shoulders, hitting the LH-5! Lightning is clearly favoring his shoulders after the strange Boston Crab, lifting himself up carefully to the top rope as Seahouse recovers. Jim Braun tries in vain to distract the Ref-O-Tron, not realizing his tricks won't work on this newfangled technology! Lightning leaps off once Cracker has gotten to his feet, hitting a flying elbow strike, catching Seahouse off guard! He pulls Cracker onto him as he lays down, motioning for the ref!


ONE!


TW-PINBREAK!



Cracker pulls himself off of Lightning, but is clearly running off of instinct as Lightning pulls himself up using the ropes as leverage for his weakened arms, but as the Ref-O-Tron is checking on Cracker, Jim pulls something out from underneath the ring! It's.... it's.....


IT'S THE OLD FXW WORLD CONSOLATION PRIZE!

Jim slams it against the forehead of Lightning Hands, sending him plummeting to the canvas! The Ref doesn't know what happened!

Pip: "Bad man break rule like when he dock Pip pay!"

HH: "He certainly did and these two are about to steal this match because of it!"

Cracker drops to his back and yanks Lightning onto him, Hands's arm draped over the symbol of the FXW's past! The ref drops down to make the count!


ONE!




TWO!





THR-PINBREAK!

LIGHTNING HANDS HAS FORCED HIMSELF TO KEEP GOING! HE RAISES HIS ARM TO BREAK THE PIN AS CRACKER LOOKS FLABBERGASTED! JIM BRAUN FALLS OVER IN THE RINGSIDE AREA IN COMPLETE DISBELIEF! Lightning Hands takes the opportunity while Cracker is beside himself whilst laying down to catapult off of the second rope for the Lion Tamer, landing on one of his hurt elbows! He does obvious damage to Cracker, giving himself the opportunity to hit the Charitable Act! He uses his legs to help lift up Cracker before locking in and hitting the double arm DDT, much to his own chagrin. Lightning Hands lays down and begins to tug on Cracker to make the pin, but his arms are too shot! He can't get pinned!

Lightning tries to adjust on the fly, looking towards the the turnbuckles as he begins to slowly ascend, calling for his famous flying elbow! Once he finally makes it to the top, he takes a deep breath and leaps forward, but Cracker Seahouse rolls out of the way, causing Hands to land entirely on his elbow, before Lightning knows what's happening, Cracker has manuevered underneath him, forcing his damaged elbow onto the chest of Seahouse!

ONE!




TWO!



THR-PINBREAK!

Lightning Hands uses his legs to flip Cracker onto him as he lays upon his shoulders, shifting which one of them is getting pinned!

ONE!



TWO!



PINBREAK!

Cracker regains control, forcing the pin unto himself again! The Ref counts once more, but it's interrupted by another change in control until they begin to roll around the ring as the crowd roars, each one of them trying to stay on the mat when the rolling finishes! Cracker gets his foot up on the rope and Jim Braun grabs it, forcing himself to be stuck to the canvas as he holds Lightning down on top of him!


ONE!



TWO!




THREE!


WINNER BY PINNEDFALL
CRACKER SEAHOUSE

Cracker shoves Lightning off of him as he shoots up, reconvening with Braun as they walk out of the arena, being booed the entire way and lobbying insults against the current "talent" of the FXW. Jim Braun winks in the camera and gives a salivating smile as he stares into souls of those watching at home.

Braun: "Give em' hell, Ned!"

HH: "Jim, Braun must be stupid. Ned isn't going on to face Sean Peacestein. He lost the Battle Royal!"

Pip: "Or Ned have plan."

HH: "Please, Pip. The only plan Ned has right now is to figure out a way to stop blipping around. That and someway to force himself on commentary."

---------

The crowd begins to cry out in horror and pain as the entire Skrillex catalogue starts playing at cloying subsonic levels like a dog whistle. Korey X Smith slowly makes his way to the ring while completely ignoring the fans. People are vomiting already from the noise acting as entrance music while Smith smirks that assholey smirk of his and rolls into the ring. Smith carefully removes his monocle and delicately passes it to the referee before lecturing him harshly about not losing it.

HH: Of course Smith has to mansplain how to hold onto a stupid monocle…

Pip: Male dominance bad!

HH: Darn tootin’ Pip!

Pip: Neo Ryce next!

Respect and Obey Authority by Xtreme Power hits and the fans actually cheer at the end of the awful Skrillex montage while Neo Ryce pops out onto the stage and points at the ring. Ryce struts along as the fans give him a mostly mixed reaction. He climbs up the steel steps and wipes his feet obnoxiously on the ring post before entering the ring. He starts to climb up to the top rope but Smith runs over and hits him from behind, sending him tumbling out to the floor below.

HH: What a cheap shot before we’re even started!

Pip: Smith cheater!

HH: That’s right Pip, just like most men!

Pip: Bell ring!

The referee calls for the bell and the match is underway as Smith heads out to the floor. A dazed Ryce tries to collect himself but Smith drags him to his feet and then hits an atomic drop. He rolls Ryce back into the ring and slides in after him. Smith grabs hold of Ryce’s leg and tangles it in the middle rope. He then grabs hold of Ryce’s other leg while he is begging Smith not to. Smith uses the rope for leverage to do a modified wish bone on poor Ryce. He bellows in pain while Smith pulls him away from the ropes and makes a cover.















1…













2…















Kick out by Ryce!

Pip: Pip no like that move!

HH: I’ve seen worse. You know, castration can be a good thing under the right circumstances.

Pip: Pip no want to hear!

HH: Fine…

Smith gets back up while Ryce crawls to the ropes. Smith lines him up and then runs over looking to punt him right between the legs but Ryce moves and Smith kicks the ropes instead. Ryce pounces on Smith and hits a modified STO to take him down. He gets back up and bounces off the ropes before racing in and hitting a low drop kick on Smith before he can get up. Ryce pops up once more and then runs back over to the ropes. He jumps and springboards off the middle rope and hits a beautiful Neosault onto Smith before hooking a leg for the cover.














1…
















2…














Kick out by Smith!

Ryce gets back up and takes a look at the top rope while Smith is still down stunned. Ryce runs over and ascends to the top rope. He shouts something completely inaudible and leaps off with a shooting star press but as he comes down Smith pulls his knees up. Ryce crashes down hard on the raised knees and rolls around in pain, holding onto his ribs. Smith pulls himself back up while Ryce is hurt. Ryce is hauled back to his feet and Smith sets him up onto his shoulders and then hits the Balls2Sleep, driving his knee right into Ryce’s groin as he comes down. Ryce drops to the mat and Smith goes for another cover.














1…















2…














Kick out by Ryce!

HH: I really hope Neo is wearing a cup…

Pip: Prostate damage bad!

HH: This must be doing irreversible damage to Ryce here.

Pip: Seriously though, messing around with your prostate is no laughing matter. Because of the prostate, as men age, they are more likely to look at travel experiences as a series of restroom stops. Navigating to the grocery store, the gas station or to a friend's house for poker incorporates all nearby restrooms. Although not the end of the world, it may be the end of long road trips. Just like reading glasses, it's another reminder that things aren't what they were when we were younger. The prostate is about the size of a walnut and sits at the base of the penis. It wraps around the urethra, y’know, the tube that urine comes from and it must be protected at all times. Prostate injuries are no joke!

Ryce twitches and writhes on the mat while Smith gets back up and raises his arms to a loud chorus of boos. He turns and beckons for Ryce to get back to his feet but at the moment that isn’t happening. Growing impatient, Smith stomps over to the downed Ryce and drags him back up. He once again goes to hoist him up on his shoulders but Ryce tries countering into a drop down DDT. Smith reverses that into a dick punch but Ryce is able to block it with his knee. Smith stumbles back holding his hand in pain and Ryce catches him off guard with a roll up by surprise.














1…














2…















Kick out by Smith!

Both men scramble back to their feet but Ryce gains the upper hand with a leg sweep. He gets up and runs to the ropes, as he comes back Smith suddenly lunges at him with a power clothesline but Ryce ducks. He bounces off the ropes and then comes flying at Smith, hitting a big jump swinging DDT. Smith is down stunned now while Ryce gets back up to his feet. Ryce slaps his thigh and gears up for the Glorious and Eternal Stomp of the People. He goes in for the move but Smith counters it directly into a huge Gilly Cutter out of nowhere! Smith plants himself on top of Ryce for the cover.

















1…


















2…




















3!!!

Winner by pinfall, Korey X Smith!


HH: And Smith pulls off the victory!

Pip: Smith win! Smith go home!

HH: That’s right Pip! Korey just secured his opportunity to leave town!

Pip: Ryce lose! Ryce stay here forever!

HH: Well I’m not sure about forever but…wait, what’s this?

Smith ascends to the top rope but not to acknowledge the fans. Although he does pause for a moment to stare down the shirt of some chick in the front row. She’s dressed up perfectly like a steam punk Betsy Granger. Finally Smith turns away and reaches into his pocket. He fishes around for a moment before pulling out what appears to be a bus ticket. He waves it around like a championship belt while flipping off the crowd.
----------

HHL: “Folks! This next one’s a medium-sized deal! We’ve got country star, “Haterman” Vanny Line, taking on Professor Francis Sa’Tonn!”

PIP: “Is big deal, Heather! These two compete for ownership of FXW company! We talking about company with profits in the hundreds of dollars!”

HHL: “Stakes are medium, Pip!”

The two man start in the center of the ring. Inside the ring is… honestly, too many ladders. Like, a ladder in each corner, right? Also four ladders on each side of the ring. So eight? It’s already getting full.

Now, imagine the mat is lined with ladders. Vanny and Francis are actually standing on top of ladders…

BUT! They need to be because beneath the ladders… is a hole. 8 feet wide and too deep to see the bottom of.

HHL: “These two men are going to climb down to the bottom of that pit. Down there is a contract ceding 100% control of FXW to the signator!”

PIP: “Sounds reasonable to Pip. Pip Giant in size, but small in knowledge of contract law.”

The official calls for the bell.

The timekeeper brings it to him. The official puts it in his pocket.

Unrelated, the match starts.


“HATERMAN” VANNY LINE
- vs -
PROFESSOR FRANCIS SA’TONN
Pit Ladder Match


Line immediately slaps Francis across the face. Sa’Tonn cries out “Mon Dieu! How uncivilized!”

“OUTLAW COUNTRY!” Vanny delivers another strike, that drops Francis onto the pile of ladders…

But! It dislodges the pile! Both Francis and Vanny feel the ground shift beneath them… They both dive… JUST AS THE PILE GIVES OUT! A WHOLE HEAP OF LADDERS FALL DOWN THE HOLE… And after a few seconds, a distant metallic clatter can be heard at the bottom of the hole.

…

Somehow, both Line and Sa’Tonn have grabbed onto the side of the ring, preventing a deathly fall.

HHL: “Phew! That was a close call, yo! Imagine if we had to go on without a CEO!”

Pip: “We could convert business to employee-owned hierarchy? Then maybe give ourselves better health plan.”

HHL: “…Huh.”

Line has a steady foothold on the side of the hole, with his cowboy boots. Meanwhile, Sa’Tonn is having a much harder time, his grip weakens!

“Monsieur Line! Perhapz we may werk togezzer to descend ze hole!”

Line looks surprised.

“That’s the first time someone’s said that to me outside the bedroom, Frenchie.”

Francis, disgusted… desperately reaches forward and grabs a ladder… He holds it out to Vanny!

“Here, monsieur! Take zee Ozzer end and we shall create ze walkway…”

Line takes the other end. With some collaboration and a controlled drop, they create a precarious walkway about five feet deep in the hole.

Francis gently walks to the center of the ladder. Line drops and meets him.

“Hokay! So! We take ze rest and we do the same creating ze safe climb down!”

Suddenly, Line grabs Sa’Tonn by the collar.

“I’m a solo act, fella! An outlaw country star ain’t need no deputy!”

Line tosses Sa’Tonn off the ladder! … But the shift in weight destabilizes the standing ladder! It flips on its side! Line falls!

…

There’s a single set of hands hanging on the side! Line clings desperately… he tries to pull himself up… But hanging onto his leg is Francis Sa’Tonn!

HHL: “You know, for a ladder match, these guys haven’t done much climbing.”

Pip: “In Pit Ladder, much more falling than climbing.”

Line can feel he’s got too much weight hanging onto him to pull himself up…

He lifts one of his cowboy boots to kick Sa’Tonn in the face…

But Sa’Tonn instead is slipping off Line’s other boot! The boot tumbled to the bottom of the pot!

“No! Not ol Rightie!”

Sa’Tonn takes Line’s bare foot and starts scratching the underside. A pained, agonized smile spreads on Line’s face.

HHL: “Sa’Tonn gets on the board with some offense! The French Tickler!”

Pip: “I could have worked for Post Office. Or at gas station. But instead, I watch one man tickle other man in front of crowd of thousands.”

Line is cackling… He reflexively reaches down! And loses his grip!

Sa’Tonn and Line are in free-fall!

…

…..

KERASH! Both Line and Sa’Tonn land HARD on the pile of ladders! Sa’Tonn falls like a rag doll, rolling down the side of the ladder to the bottom of the pit. Line doesn’t get the same slow-fall, instead he hits the bottom, landing on his back with a sickening thud.

HHL: “Oh man! That fall was ugly! Both these guys took serious damage, yo!”

Pip: “Is about time someone got hurt in this match!”

At the top of the pit, the official starts counting.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

7…

8…

9…

10!

…

But this match doesn’t have a double countout rule. He just wanted to see how high he could count.

HHL: “Does that guy even work here?”

Pip: “He collects paycheck, but Pip not sure he’d say ref man ‘works’.”

Unrelated to the official’s counting, Vanny and Francis both slowly start climbing back to a vertical base…

And directly between them is the contract For ownership of FXW!

…Both men, on shaky legs, stumble forward…

They both grab the side of the contract.

“Get away, you brute! You imbezile! Wiz zis company, I shall finally have ze resume to open my own line of finishing schools for young debutantes!”

Line yanks the other side.

“Get bent, ya surrender-monkey! With this here contract, ima trade ownership for a Nashville record deal!”

“NEITHER OF YOU SHALL HAVE THIS CONTRACT!”

Crawling out of the soil…

Covered in fur… With tiny black eyes!

With a golden crown on his head…

IT’S THE KING OF THE MOLE PEOPLE!

HHL: “What’s he doing in the FXW Zone!”

“You surface dwellers battle in my domain! What you battle after becomes mine!”

Francis looks at Vanny. Vanny looks back.

And they both pick up the three-and-half-foot tall king…

What? You thought he was big?

The two pick up the mole king and grab him by the arms and legs and start chicken-winging the mole king!

They swing him into the side of the wall! Sa’Toon leaps to the side… And DROPS the mole King across his knee! Hysterectomy!

The mole king rebounds into the air! Caught by Vanny Line! Who delivers a Brooks and DONE!

The Mole King looks like he’s been through a car crash.

HHL: “Do we have animal rights activists in this dimension?”

Pip: “Don’t ask Pip. Me just learn we have mole people!”

Vanny's attention is on the mole king as Francis grabs the suitcase and opens it up! He's done it!

WINNER AND OWNER OF THE FXW

FRANCIS SA'TONN


-------

The GLaP walks out to the entrance ramp to say a few words before the main event.

"I want you all to remember how important it is to be righteous, charitible, and most of all punctual. Here in this upcoming match we have two people who are consummate professionals in that way! Ya see, no one likes it when someone promises to do something and then just doesn't or does it far after it would have been acceptable. It's just common sense, people! If you want to do something right, do it on time. And fucking format it, too! Have a lovely Main Event!"

The GLaP walks away as the lights begin to dim, preparing the entrance of Quokkana. A bunch of pretty lights and dazzling rainbows hype the audience up as she jumps onto the ramp, clearly still pumped, but exhausted from her previous matches in the night. She jumps along to the music as the crowd tries their best to match her enthusiasm, but are clearly just exhausted and ready for it to be over. Still, she gets a large amount of cheering as they await their Universal Consolation Prize holder.

"IN THE FIRST CORNER, REPRESENTING HERSELF IS THE CHALLENGER, QUOKKANA, THE STUFFIE PRINCESS!"

HH: "It's been a hell of a show, Pip, but all good things must come to an end."

Pip: "Bad thing too."

HH: "Thankfully, we'll be here together for the end of this with no other commentators or other silly shit to interfere with this good, clean, honest title match between two clean, honest, wrestlers."

At that exact moment, Ned Kaye phases in behind the commentary booth a wide smile on his face despite still being covered in bear and dog marks.

Ned: "Hello, you two! Happy to be back and on tonight of all nights, too! Good to see you, Hezzie!"

HH: "Oh for the love of-"

Ned: "You two, Pip!"

Pip: "Pip not like bad man be nice..."

Ned: "Oh, please, I'm just here to call the match and enjoy the show! Can't you see that I'm a changed man! A man out of time and space if you will?"

HH: "I have no idea what the hell you are talking about, but the sooner this match is over, the sooner I no longer have to talk to you."

Pip: "Ned not change. He cheat in match all night!"

Ned: "You know, "All night" is such a relative term..."

HH: "Be quiet, Sean is coming out!"

"The Star Spangled Banner" blares over the speakers as the crowd give a thunderous pop for their beloved Universal Consolation Prize holder, Sean Peacestein! He walks out looking as humble as ever, but he limps slightly despite his wide smile and pleasant demeanor. Kaye's teeth can be heard gritting.

"AND THE CHAMPION, UNDEFEATED AFTER AN UNQUANTIFIABLE AMOUNT OF TIME, AMERICA, AS REPRESENTED BY SEAN PEACESTEIN!

HH: "That's weird. Sean should look a lot more vibrant than this! He hasn't had to wrestle two matches prior like Quokkana did!"

Ned: "Can't you see! He's representing America tonight! Because America is weak currently, Shawn is weak, too!"

HH: "I doubt it's that. You probably drugged his American made coffee."

Ned: "Please, if I put something in his coffee, he wouldn't be defending that prize out here tonight."

Pip: "Can Pip switch spot to not sit with bad Ned man?"

Ned: "No."

Sean and Quokkana shake hands in the middle of the ring as the Ref-O-Tron calls for the bell. The crowd begins dueling chants for the two beloved wrestlers.

*DING, DING*

They both attempt to approach each other without trying to resort to much in the way of violence or causing too much pain to their opponent at all! They lock up, but quickly break afterwords as they feel some strain on the end of their opponent! Neither know exactly what to do, gulping as they have to be.... MILDLY UNPLEASANT!

Peacestein gestures a cross over his chest as he begins to grapple Quokkana, using his pure wrestling capabilities to bring her to the ground. He tries to lock in a headscizzors, but she manages to break herself free!

HH: "Both are submission heavy wrestlers when they have to be. It's going to be curious if one can get the other to give up in any decent amount of time!"

Pip: "Is it after show yet..."

Hezzie sighs.

HH: "...Here are your green beans, buddy."

Pip: "Yay!"

Ned: "I much preferred being out in the cosmic unknown to all this nonsense."

HH: "Will you shut up? There's a match happening!"

Ned: "But it was cool! And I got a bunch of tantilizing artifacts! There was a temporal disturbance that caused this entire debaucle. It's truly fascinating, actually-"

HH: "Shut up! You don't own Illinois anymore, no one cares!"

Ned can be heard pouting quietly as the match continues. Sean locks in a figure four on his opponent, trying to get her to tap to the best of her ability, but Quokkana knows better and inverse the hold immediately, lifting herself up and locking in a sharpshooter on Peacestein! Peacestein is in a ton of pain as he writhes on the ground, but he has to soldier on for America! He pulls himself towards the ropes where Quokkana politely breaks as soon as he makes contact. She slips out of the ring and grabs one of her stuffed bears as Sean makes his way back to center ring, locking in a crossface with the stuffed animal on him!

HH: "Is this how America loses? I can't bear to watch!"

Sean screams out in mild discomfort as he pulls her stuffed animal off of his face, realizing he has to find the gas now or America could lose its title! He pulls himself up as she does, running into her with a devastating lariat before pulling her up and buckle bombing her swiftly!

Ned: "Sean's desperate! America must not have much left if he's going this far out! Pip, quickly, check the value of the dollar."

Pip does as instructed, pulling out his reading glasses to use his phone.

Pip: "It low!"

Ned: "I knew it!"

Sean tries to go for the Anaconda Vice, but just as he's setting up for the manuever, the value of the dollar hits zero temporarily! Quokkana has an opening! She goes for it!

The Ref-O-Tron counts!

ONE!



TWO!



THREE!



YOUR WINNER AND NEEEEEWWWWWW UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE HOLDER
QUOKKANA


Ned gets up from the commentary booth as soon as she wins, calling out for Hot Dog as she prepares her words for accepting the most prestigious award in all the FXW. Before she realizes what's happening, Hot Dog is running out with a 247 briefcase with a mysterious painted over gap in the middle! As Quokkana is focused on Ned's interference in her big moment, Hot Dog drops the briefcase by a ref while climbing into the ring!

HH: "WAIT A MOMENT? HOW DID HOT DOG GET A 247 BRIEFCASE? THAT'S A CONTRACT THAT'S GOOD FOR A TITLE SHOT AT ANY TIME FOR 247 DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR! IS IT A GOOD DAY?"

Pip checks a large stack of papers, keeping his reading glasses steady.

Pip: "IT GOOD DAY!"

THE REF CALLS FOR THE BELL!

*DING, DING*

As Quokkana's twisting around to face the swine cashing in, Hot Dog slams into her, pinning her quickly as Ned yells at the Ref-O-Tron to count!


ONE!



TWO!




THREE!

WINNER AND NEWWWWWWWW UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE HOLDER

HOT DOG


The crowd furiously boos at the development, sick to their stomachs at the wanton disrespect to the FXW. Ned grabs a microphone and begins to yell at the fans, his face full of pride as he addresses them.

Ned: "How do you like that, FXW?! You disrespected me and mocked me and now, thanks to some gifts from another company outside of our universe, I HAVE ALLLLLLL THE BRIEFCASES! And now that Hot Dog has the FXW Universal Consolation Prize, I HAVE THE UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE! WHOSE YOUR DADDY FXW?!"

As Ned gloats to the furiously raucous crowd, Hot Dog struts and walks in front of Ned before pump kicking Ned in the dick! NED FALLS OVER, CRUMPLING TOWARDS THE TURNBUCKLES! HE DOESN'T REALIZE WHAT'S HAPPENING! Hot Dog splashes into Ned Kaye causing Ned to fall to the canvas, busted open by his creation! As Ned is prone, Hot Dog urinates on him.

HH: "Hot Dog has turned on Ned Kaye, but he still looks like a mean little bastard!"

Pip: "Piggy pee on bad scientist!"

HH: "He pissed on everyone's night, it's only fair the favor is returned!"

Hot Dog grabs the UCP Cup with his teeth and walks out of the arena as the show finally concludes, sneering at the audience.

HH: "We'll see you next time, folks!"

Pip: "Pip fear for the liminal state of being he about to experience!"

SPECIAL THANKS TO:
EVERYONE WHO RP'D AND WAITED FOREVER FOR THIS FUCKING NONSENSE
MARF, MARK FLYNN, AND BIG D FOR WRITING MATCHES
NED KAYE FOR FUCKING NOTHING
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LIVE FROM THE SALT MINE MASSACRE REMEMBRANCE ARENA(Formerly KFC YUM! Center)

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY... AGAIN (Presented to you thanks to The GLaP, The FXW, Paramount + XXX, Goth iHop, and our remaining viewers like you. Thank you.)

YOU ARE QUANTUM MECHANICALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT AND SIMULETANEOUSLY NOT SHOVE-IT
Presented by Joey Give-Long-and-Prosper and the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling

(Logo only available in post 1.)


Jim Beam
- vs -
Scarf Quayson
Fishbowl Match
The match takes place in a large glass tank with a single pipe pumping in a lot of water. The goal of the two competitors is to escape the tank as it slowly fills with water without breaking the glass. Two large fishnets are draped over opposite ends of the tank to provide a way to climb out.


Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal
Starts as a standard Over-the-Top Elimination Battle Royal. Every 3 minutes, a new stipulation is chosen from The Wheel and the new rules will apply to all competitors. Open to all who opted-in and even those who did not.


Lightning Hands
- vs -
Cracker Seahouse (w/ Jim Braun)
Winner by Pinnedfall
You can only win by being pinned by your opponent.


Korey X Smyth
- vs -
Neo Ryce
Loser Stays in Town Match
The winner of the match will depart the FXW. The loser has to stay.


Professor Francis Sa'Tonn
- vs -
"Haterman" Vanny Line
Pit Ladder Match
A briefcase containing a contract for ownership of the FXW is lowered to the bottom of a concerningly deep pit with multiple levels on the way down. Ladders will be available ringside to assist in navigating down the pit.






America © (Represented by Sean Peacestein)
- vs -
Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal Victor
Title Match for the
Universal Consolation Prize




HH: "Hey folks! Sorry for the slightly longer than average commericial time!"

Pip: "Wait. Why paper view have commericial? Also year long commericial??"

HH: "There you go talking nonsense again Pip, clearly the date is April 1st. It's only been about ten minutes or so! Anyway, how did you spend your break time in-between commercials, Pip?"

Pip: "Ooh! Pip exist in strange place of no exist! Not alive or dead. Pip could think, but not talk or scream or hate or love. Like big void. No end, only Shove-It show. Forever. You?"

HH: "I had a coffee, can't complain. We're onto our next, highly anticipated match between Jim Beam & Scarf Quayson! Both will be inside of a giant fishtank and have to escape and wrestle as it fills with water! The first to escape via use of the fishnets on the sides of the tank will be victorious! Look, they've set up the battlegrounds already."

The area where the ring once sat has been replaced extensively by a large, glass container with various bits of coral and appropriate furnishings for a fishbowl, including sand and miniature castles complete with drawbridges. The crowd seems a tad bored, having turned on the show about four months ago, yet the irony of it continuing has a won a few folks back. Still, they explode as the entrance music for a fan favorite finally hits. The lights in the arena glow a sterling silver as pink and blue lasers cut through the atmosphere and it looks appropriate amounts of rad. As Theiving Magpie hits, he makes his way down the entrance ramp.

(Theiving Magpie by Rossini)

(Picture of Marko Stunt)

HH: "LOOK WHO IT IS!"

Pip: "Ooh! It Jim Beam!"

Jim Beam struts with the exaggerated swagger of a true walker in-between the lines. As he approaches the middle of the ramp, he takes a moment to raise a hand up above his eyebrows and peers out into the crowd. In a quick moment, he rushes down the rest of the rampway and, like a spider monkey, pulls himself to the top of the glass, sitting on the tank as he flexes his muscles and gestures for the FXW fans in attendance, who begin to chant accordingly.

"FUCK EM' UP, JIM BEAM, FUCK EM' UP!"

But in the middle of their raucous chants, they are cut off by the entrance music of the other half of this confrontation.

(Breakaway by Big Pig)

(Picture of ???)

Breakaway begins to play and with it comes one of the most popular wrestlers in all of the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling. The crowd begins to stomp their feet in tune with the music as Scarf Quayson approaches, wiping the dirt from his freshly tended lawn from his arms with a towel. He teases his classic superkick as he confidently walks to towards the tank, eyes locked with his opponent as the crowd unianimously cheers for cleanest man to ever practice handy work.

Pip: "Scarf look ready! More friendly than little Beam!"

HH: "That's true, Pip! While Jim is nowhere as despicable as some people such as Ned Kaye or Vanny Line, he's certainly a little more prone to misdeeds than Mr. Quayson. Jim is at least very polite whenever he bends the rules. It'll be interesting to see how long until this match becomes more of a fight than a traditional wrestling match."

Pip: "Wait. What traditonal about splash match?"

HH: "Fair point, Pip. I'll give you a can of green beans after the show, how bout that?"

Pip: "Pip favorite!"

Pip claps happily for his promised after show treat as the Ref-O-Tron inside of the tank checks both of the compeititors and ensures they are secure after climbing the fishnets draped on the side of the enclosure. A large pipe extends from the top of the of the rafters, prepared to begin filling the "fishbowl" with water. With a final bit of assurance, the Ref-O-Tron calls for the bell! Immediately, the pipe begins to shoot water into the glass structure, pouring all over the Ref-O-Tron and shorting it out instantly.

HH: "That's the fastest I have EVER seen a referee get taken down! Looks like we'll be waiting on a replacement for a moment!"

Both competitors lunge forward at one another, knowing that the other is equally as fast and trying to leave nothing up to chance! Water slowly begins to creep up their boots, but their focus is on each other as they lock up. Scarf attempts to lift up the deceptively small light-heavyweight, only to be arm dragged himself. After briefly disorienting his opponent, Beam rolls out of the arm drag, using Scarf as a springboard and grabbing hold of the fishnet halfway up! As Scarf splashes in the water, he pulls himself quickly, seeing his opportunity nearly slip away from him!

Pip: "Scarf need think fast!"

Scarf takes his scarf off uses it to latch on carefully around Beam's neck, climbing up above the smaller man and delivering a hurricanrana off the fishnets! They plummet into the water below, already enveloping their prone bodies as it steadily rises!

HH: "This match is fast paced by design, but these two seem to want to bring out everything they can as soon as possible!"

Jim lifts himself from the water that now reaches up to his lower thighs, looking visibly panicked as more of it continues to accumulate! Scarf takes his chance and superkicks Beam in the face! Beam stumbles backwards, but stays standing somehow! Scarf calls for it again! SUPERKICK! AND AGAIN! SUPERKICK SINGULARITY! SCARF BEGINS HITTING SUPERKICKS SO OFTER AND FREQUENT THAT TIME AND REALITY BEGINS TO BEND SLIGHTLY, GIVING JIM JUST ENOUGH OF AN OPENING TO HIT A STANDING DROPKICK! Quayson is rocked, his ultrafast superkicks leaving him vulnerable as the crowd roars at the two trading blows. Jim barely makes it to his feet out of the dropkick, looking more concerned as the water rises.

HH: "I don't think Jim can swim, Pip!"

Pip: "He need get out quick!"

The water reaches up to Beam's neck as he struggles his way towards the fishnet, but Scarf has caught up! The height advantage Quayson has has enabled him to stay in this match! The competitors are completely soaked as the water level continues to rise, Jim struggling his way up the fishnet as they approach the top. They're both so close to the exit, but Jim is quicker and more desperate to escape! Jim Beam leaps down and takes a deep breath as Scarf continues to climb out. He looks around in confusion as the bell isn't rung.

Pip: "What going on?"

HH: "It looks like the lack of a referee has caused this match to go on further! Jim doesn't look like he wants to go in there, but there still hasn't been a replacement referee sent out yet! And if Scarf makes it out, it's very likely they'll rule the match a tie! Jim's gotta fight more if he wants to win!"

Jim slaps his cheeks slightly, trying to hype himself up to climb back up there to confront Quayson who is nearly over the top of the tank now. Jim takes a deep breath and begins climbing back up, waking the edge of the tank and building it up to a short dash as he kicks Scarf back into the water! Jim catches himself on the side and lifts up to the corner, seeing his opportunity as the fans cheer for his finisher! The Tractor Beam! Jim goes for the sunset flip onto Scarf, trying to land on the net, but misses as Quayson floats out of the way! Jim Beam is stuck underwater, caught in the net as the famous FXW Bear Referee runs out! This is Scarf's chance to change fate! Scarf doggy paddles to the edge of the tank as Jim Beam furiously thrashes underwater. Quayson pulls himself up, one step at a time on the unsteady net.....

Scarf lands outside of the tank! He's done it!

WINNER BY TANK ESCAPE
SCARF QUAYSON


As he begins to celebrate, the bear calls for the doctors before pulling Scarf's hand up! They pull out the seemingly lifeless body of Jim Beam from the tank as Scarf looks on in pure horror. Celebratory confetti falls onto Mr. Quayson and the stretcher that Jim Beam has been transported to as Scarf watches with tears in his eyes.

HH: "Uh... let's cut to commercial, everyone. C-congrats Scarf!"

Pip: "Poor, poor Beam..."

------

New episode of the FXW Vodcast! Listen now everywhere Vodcasts are found!

(youtube)


--------

HH: "Coming up next is the Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal, a match so unique, even I don't know how to explain it!"

PIP: "Pip can! If you win, you win, you lose, uhhhhhhhhhhh............"

HH: "You don't?"

PIP: "Me Pip!"

HH: "Yes, Pip, you are."




We get a shot of a myriad of other dimensional wrestlers already in the ring as Baha Men blares over the PA system. The fans aren't sure what kind of a reaction to give as Reggie's dog, T-Feety runs down the ramp and into the ring. He pounces around the squared circle as the other competitors try to keep their distance, unsure of whether or not he's had his shots.


HH: "As ridiculous as it sounds, that there dog could become the #1 Contender to Sean Peacestein's Universal Consolation Prize later tonight!"

PIP: "Pip love aminals!"

HH: "Now, Pip, you and I both know you're not supposed to pick sides!"

PIP(sad): "Sorry."




The fans go crazy as soon as Mandy Moore's "Candy" fills the arena. Just like before, rainbows and sparkles fill the sky, making everyone in the audience want to hug and kiss each other. As they do so, Quokkana walks out onto the ramp and trots down the aisle like a majestic unicorn, stopping, once again, to hug every fan that wants one.


PIP: "Can Pip have hug NOW?"

HH: "I know it feels like a year since you last asked for one, but the answer's still NO!"

PIP(sniffling): "Pip still sad."


Quokkana goes to climb in the ring, but this time it's T-Feety who charges at her, preventing the self-proclaimed unicorn from entering.


HH: "Quokkana loves damn near everything, but I bet even she is getting sick of competing with these animals!"

PIP: "Pip. Loves. DOGGYYYYY!!!!!"

HH: "Lord knows I'M sick of working with one........."




With Quokkana still hesitant to get in the ring, "Nefarious Scientist" Ned Kaye's music hits, receiving a symphony of boos. The Nefarious Scientist pushes his way through the curtain, laughing maniacally at those who oppose him. As he heads down the aisle, his body sort of halfway phases in and out so quick, you could be forgiven for missing it.

Following her is the referee bear that called the previous match for Scarf! Scarf is presumably mourning somewhere backstage, but the bear is ready to wrestle!


HH: "It looks like Ned Kaye might be momentarily jumping between dimensions!"


Upon reaching ringside, the Nefarious Scientist takes delight in Quokkana's fear, grabbing hold of her and rolling her into the ring. Ned follows close behind, causing the refs to call for the bell, kickstarting this clusterfuck of a match.


Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal
Starts as a standard Over-the-Top Elimination Battle Royal. Every 3 minutes, a new stipulation is chosen from The Wheel and the new rules will apply to all competitors. Open to all who opted-in and even those who did not.



HH: "Every 3 minutes, a new stip will be added to the match, replacing the old one. Over the top rope rules, with the winner being the last one left in the ring."

PIP: "Doggy!"

HH: "Yes, Pip, there's a dog in the ring. I don't know if you noticed, but there is also a goddamn bear."


Despite being forced in, Quokkana manages to crawl her way out of the fray, leaving 8 foot tall Mega Morbid in the center of the ring before the rest of the competitors.


HH: "Mega Morbid gives even YOU a run for your money, at least in terms of size. As for brains, we all know who wins that one!"


Pip unknowingly laughs as all the other wrestlers begin laying into Mega Morbid. The group of superstars proves to be too much for him to handle, as they all manage to push him over the top rope, where he lands on his feet in disbelief.

MEGA MORBID HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



PIP: "Big guy gone!"

HH: "Yes, Pip, he most certainly is!"


With the biggest man in the match gone, the FXW superstars turn their attention towards one another. T-Feety roams around the ring, biting various asses of owners who are too distracted with other opponents to notice him.

Quokkana continues to hide in the corner, that is, until Ned Kaye finally finds her. He charges at the cutesy competitor, who almost inadvertently ducks and tosses the Nefarious Scientist over the top rope. Fortunately for him, Ned manages to land on the apron and dive back in before anybody can take advantage.


HH: "A close call from the Nefarious Scientist!"


While attempting to eliminate each other, "Say No To Drugs" Kris Book and Bobby Lame end up being simultaneously dumped over the top rope by the gentlemanly duo of the Bong Bing Acquaintances.

"SAY NO TO DRUGS" KRIS BOOK AND BOBBY LAME HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED


The gentlemanly duo raise their pinkies to the sky as the glorious wheel is lowered down from the heavens like some kind of God. It hangs there for a moment, spinning as the fans in attendance eagerly await the first stip change.


HH: "This match is about to get a whole lot crazier!"


Eventually the wheel lands on BRA & PANTIES, sending the crowd into a frenzy! (Referee Bear is luckily not eliminated due to his trusty ref shirt.)


HH: "I don't like where this is going."

PIP: "Pip no wear underwear........"

HH: "Ew."

PIP: "But he DOES wear a bra!"


All of a sudden, the Acquaintances have a target on their backs, with pretty much everyone rushing to get them. Despite a huge pileup in the center of the ring, the Bong Bings manage to crawl out of it, unscathed, only for Reggie's dog to appear behind them, growling viciously.


HH: "Uh oh!"

PIP: "DOGGY!!!!!!!"


Once the Acquaintances realize what's going on, they turn around and let out a dastardly scream as T-Feety begins ripping away at their expensive suits. He doesn't stop until every last fiber, INCLUDING their underwear, has been removed!

THE BONG BING ACQUAINTANCES HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED



PIP: "Shouldn't the doggy go, too? He doesn't have ANY clothes on!"

HH: "I think, because he never started with anything on, he's safe from elimination!"

PIP(extremely happy): "Doggy."


We, once again, catch "Nefarious Scientist" Ned Kaye eyeing Quokkana down, looking almost perv like the way he holds his hands out to remove her clothes. Before he can, though, The Creative Face turns him around and scolds him for targeting a woman. He receives a thumb to the eye for his trouble, turning him around and allowing for Ned to depants him, leading to the Face's elimination RIGHT before the wheel could start spinning again.

THE CREATIVE FACE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "Tough break for The Face, had he just left Ned Kaye alone, he'd still be in this one!"


The wheel stops on TABLE MATCH, causing nearly half the roster to climb out and begin searching for one. It ends up looking like a typical Wednesday night by the time we're done, with South Korean Legal Citizen, Famous Civilian, and Diamond all putting You Have No Clue Who This Is, Mr. Calm, and Sarah McLoughlin(yes, she's a wrestler in this universe) respectively through tables, all by BEARBOMBS from the seemingly unstoppable Ref Bear!

YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHO THIS IS, MR. CALM, AND SARAH MCLOUGHLIN HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED


HH: "Looks like they bearly saw it coming, eh, Pip?"

Hezzie nudges Pip who is merely watching for the doggy at this point.

HH: "There just ain't any good comedy anymore..."

Immediately after, South Korean Legal Citizen and Famous Civilian attack Diamond from behind and put HER through a table, as well!

DIAMOND HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "This match has turned into a trainwreck!"

PIP(gasping): "Pip LOVES trains!"


And just like that, the wheels going again.................... landing on the strange stip of a TEN BELL SALUTE!


HH: "This one's for Jim Beam!"


All the wrestlers stop to pay their respects, except for the Nefarious Scientist, who takes advantage of the situation by sneaking up on Fred Orange and throwing him over the top rope!

FRED ORANGE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "I don't know how that worked, but it did!"


Once the ten bells are over, the wheel immediately spins again(because who needs 3 minutes, am I right guys?), eventually landing on REVERSE BATTLE ROYAL, prompting everyone in the arena to shake their heads and request the wheel to grant them a mulligan. The ever-loving wheel does so, this time stopping on the much more popular SUBMISSION MATCH.


HH: "Thank God for the wheel!"


Quokkana rolls out of the ringand opens her arms wide to a defiant South Korean Legal Citizen and Famous Civilian. She then embraces them in a warm hug, causing both men to simultaneously give up.

SOUTH KOR3AN LEGAL CITIZEN AND FAMOUS CIVILIAN HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "We're coming down to the wire, now, with only 4 wrestlers remaining!"

PIP: "Doggy!"

HHL: "Yes, Pip, T-Feety is one of them!"


Quokkana rejoins Ned Kaye and T-Feety in the ring, with all three of them hesitant to strike. Eventually, they charge at one another and begin punching, scratching, and clawing as the wheel spins once again. Referee Bear lifts Ned up for a BEARBOMB, looking to force the Nefarious Scientist into submission by destroying the shit out of his back!


HH: "Someone in the back clearly gave up on the whole 3 minutes thing."


The wheel lands on PHASE OUT ELIMINATIONS, causing everyone in the arena to scratch their heads. After a moment, though, The Nefarious Scientist jumps away from this dimension and back, forcing his own elimination and the elimination of the Bear, who was holding him at the time of phasing.

"NEFARIOUS SCIENTIST" NED KAYE AND THE BEAR HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED



HH: "That's it, Pip, one of these remaining two will be facing Peacestein later tonight!"

PIP: "Dog. Gy."


The bear takes this defeat with relative grace, while an irate Ned Kaye phases back in, causing him to angrily charge at Lycana with a cooked fist. Right before he can punch her, though, she ducks, leaving his fist open to be bitten by T-Feety. The rabid beast refuses to let go, causing him to phase out withThe Nefarious Scientist as he does so once more, ending the match.

T-FEETY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED


WINNER OF THE MATCH AND NEW #1 CONTENDER TO THE FWX UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE, QUOKKANA



HH: "She did it! Quokanna wins and she didn't even have to get violent to do it!"

PIP(mortified): "DOGGGGGYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?"

-------

HH: "We got a big match ahead of us, Pip! The greatest philanthropist of our times, Lightning Hands is going to be facing the scourge of our past, Cracker Seahouse, accompanied by our reviled former own, Jim Braun!"

Pip: "Jim Braun bad man!"

HH: "I'm telling ya, Pip, the wrong Jim died tonight. Oh God, here they come."

(No Chance song)

(Picture of Joseph Stalin and Vince Mcmahon)

The crowd is treated to the awful strut of Jim Braun and his classic "No Chance" theme as he and Cracker Seahouse enter the building, wearing T-shirts of "FXW 99" with the numbers considerably larger than the company logo. They taunt the fans as they march forward, prepared to show the world how far the FXW has fallen without the great roster from its past. Jim Braun smiles and waves despite his mocking, seeming to eat up every bit of attention allowed to him as he stands aside Cracker while they both stand in the ring, anticipating Seahouse's opponent.

Pip: "Pip glad they not own him anymore."

HH: "I second that, Pip. Thankfully, they won't be able to shove those smug faces around for long."

"I Saw A Tiger" begins to fill the arena as the audience nearly bursts the roof off of the building in anticpation for one of their most beloved wrestling heroes!

HH: "Get ready for lightning to strike!"

Jim and Cracker look uneasy as the entrance continues, lights and dazzling visuals adorning the F-Tron as the song fills every nook and cranny of the arena, the crowd still keeping up their immense anticipation!

HH: "...Any second now!"

Several minutes later, the music continues to play as the crowd sits in a confused state, uncertain if their beloved Lightning Hands is going to make it to the show in the midst of all of his important charity work. Tthe music fades out and then begins playing again. This happens multiple times. Jim and Cracker get more and more cocky, enjoying the dissapointment of all the fans in attendance.

HH: "Where the hell is this guy?"

Jim Braun grabs a microphone, prepared to rip the crowd to shreds.

Jim: "Looks like ol' Mr. Hands couldn't make it! No wonder he would disappoint his fans. You know why? He's not a Jim Braun gu-"

"I Saw A Tiger" starts again, but this time with Lightning Hands on the entrance ramp! He shakes hands with event organizer The GLaP while walking buy with huge sacks of F-Bux that he tosses out into the adoring crowd! Jim tosses the microphone out of the way and slinks out of the ring in awe at the philanthropist extraordinare, Lightning Hands. Cracker Seahouse looks slightly concerned, but far more confident in his abilities. Lightning takes another few minutes to get the ring after signing many blank checks and merchandise for the fans until security as to force him into the ring. The Ref-O-Tron calls for the bell!

HH: "Remember Pip, the winner of this match is whoever can get pinned by their opponent first. It's a strange stipulation, but sometimes, you gotta "lose" to win!"

Pip: "Why we no have normal matches?"

HH: "Thats an excellent question."

*DING, DING*

Cracker grabs ahold of Lightning and falls onto his back, forcing Hands's hands to his shoulders while he is prone on his back! Seahouse is trying to roll himself up for a quick victory! The Ref-O-Tron starts the count...


ONE!



TWO!



PINBREAK!


Lightning Hands breaks up the pinning predicament he was forced into delivering, squaring himself up for some combat. His eyes tell the veteran that he's not going to make this easy, despite all of his time being focused into his charity work! He's doing his classic elbow twist, letting the multi-time champion of the FXW what will happen if he comes near! Cracker waits for his moment, nearly circling his opponent before going in, but he eats an elbow strike to the dome! Lightning Hands hooks his arm around Seahouse's head and hits a brainbuster on him, falling backwards and letting his opponent hit the mat with a disgusting thud! Cracker recovers, but he's met by Hands's classic elbow clothesline! Lightning brings his the multi-time world champ to his feet before whipping him to the ropes and bouncing of the ropes behind him, but Seahouse ducks out of the way of a second clothesline attempt!

Cracker hooks his arms around Lightning and grapples his waist, pulling him to the ground! As he grapples with his opponent, he locks in a triangle arm bar on Lightning!

Pip: "No submit. Why Cracker use this move?"

HH: "He must be trying to weaken Lightning Hands's arms to prevent him from breaking up another pin! It's a fiendish plan from such an accomplished veteran."

A chorus of boos serenades Cracker as he let's LH's arm have it, but luckily, Lightning Hands makes it to the ref, forcing a break! The Ref-O-Tron counts as Seahouse continues to wrench on the arm of his opponent until the very last second, taking advantage of such lenient rulings. He yanks Lightning away from the ropes and grabs ahold of his arms, locking them together as he stepped over him and began to squat!

HH: "I've never seen this before! This is some kind of reverse Boston Crab Cracker is pulling off here!"

Lightning cries out in pain as his legs slap against the mat, finally finding a little bit of room to lift the two men up, Cracker stuck on Hands's shoulders! He twirls around and flings the veteran from his shoulders, hitting the LH-5! Lightning is clearly favoring his shoulders after the strange Boston Crab, lifting himself up carefully to the top rope as Seahouse recovers. Jim Braun tries in vain to distract the Ref-O-Tron, not realizing his tricks won't work on this newfangled technology! Lightning leaps off once Cracker has gotten to his feet, hitting a flying elbow strike, catching Seahouse off guard! He pulls Cracker onto him as he lays down, motioning for the ref!


ONE!


TW-PINBREAK!



Cracker pulls himself off of Lightning, but is clearly running off of instinct as Lightning pulls himself up using the ropes as leverage for his weakened arms, but as the Ref-O-Tron is checking on Cracker, Jim pulls something out from underneath the ring! It's.... it's.....


IT'S THE OLD FXW WORLD CONSOLATION PRIZE!

Jim slams it against the forehead of Lightning Hands, sending him plummeting to the canvas! The Ref doesn't know what happened!

Pip: "Bad man break rule like when he dock Pip pay!"

HH: "He certainly did and these two are about to steal this match because of it!"

Cracker drops to his back and yanks Lightning onto him, Hands's arm draped over the symbol of the FXW's past! The ref drops down to make the count!


ONE!




TWO!





THR-PINBREAK!

LIGHTNING HANDS HAS FORCED HIMSELF TO KEEP GOING! HE RAISES HIS ARM TO BREAK THE PIN AS CRACKER LOOKS FLABBERGASTED! JIM BRAUN FALLS OVER IN THE RINGSIDE AREA IN COMPLETE DISBELIEF! Lightning Hands takes the opportunity while Cracker is beside himself whilst laying down to catapult off of the second rope for the Lion Tamer, landing on one of his hurt elbows! He does obvious damage to Cracker, giving himself the opportunity to hit the Charitable Act! He uses his legs to help lift up Cracker before locking in and hitting the double arm DDT, much to his own chagrin. Lightning Hands lays down and begins to tug on Cracker to make the pin, but his arms are too shot! He can't get pinned!

Lightning tries to adjust on the fly, looking towards the the turnbuckles as he begins to slowly ascend, calling for his famous flying elbow! Once he finally makes it to the top, he takes a deep breath and leaps forward, but Cracker Seahouse rolls out of the way, causing Hands to land entirely on his elbow, before Lightning knows what's happening, Cracker has manuevered underneath him, forcing his damaged elbow onto the chest of Seahouse!

ONE!




TWO!



THR-PINBREAK!

Lightning Hands uses his legs to flip Cracker onto him as he lays upon his shoulders, shifting which one of them is getting pinned!

ONE!



TWO!



PINBREAK!

Cracker regains control, forcing the pin unto himself again! The Ref counts once more, but it's interrupted by another change in control until they begin to roll around the ring as the crowd roars, each one of them trying to stay on the mat when the rolling finishes! Cracker gets his foot up on the rope and Jim Braun grabs it, forcing himself to be stuck to the canvas as he holds Lightning down on top of him!


ONE!



TWO!




THREE!


WINNER BY PINNEDFALL
CRACKER SEAHOUSE

Cracker shoves Lightning off of him as he shoots up, reconvening with Braun as they walk out of the arena, being booed the entire way and lobbying insults against the current "talent" of the FXW. Jim Braun winks in the camera and gives a salivating smile as he stares into souls of those watching at home.

Braun: "Give em' hell, Ned!"

HH: "Jim, Braun must be stupid. Ned isn't going on to face Sean Peacestein. He lost the Battle Royal!"

Pip: "Or Ned have plan."

HH: "Please, Pip. The only plan Ned has right now is to figure out a way to stop blipping around. That and someway to force himself on commentary."

---------

The crowd begins to cry out in horror and pain as the entire Skrillex catalogue starts playing at cloying subsonic levels like a dog whistle. Korey X Smith slowly makes his way to the ring while completely ignoring the fans. People are vomiting already from the noise acting as entrance music while Smith smirks that assholey smirk of his and rolls into the ring. Smith carefully removes his monocle and delicately passes it to the referee before lecturing him harshly about not losing it.

HH: Of course Smith has to mansplain how to hold onto a stupid monocle…

Pip: Male dominance bad!

HH: Darn tootin’ Pip!

Pip: Neo Ryce next!

Respect and Obey Authority by Xtreme Power hits and the fans actually cheer at the end of the awful Skrillex montage while Neo Ryce pops out onto the stage and points at the ring. Ryce struts along as the fans give him a mostly mixed reaction. He climbs up the steel steps and wipes his feet obnoxiously on the ring post before entering the ring. He starts to climb up to the top rope but Smith runs over and hits him from behind, sending him tumbling out to the floor below.

HH: What a cheap shot before we’re even started!

Pip: Smith cheater!

HH: That’s right Pip, just like most men!

Pip: Bell ring!

The referee calls for the bell and the match is underway as Smith heads out to the floor. A dazed Ryce tries to collect himself but Smith drags him to his feet and then hits an atomic drop. He rolls Ryce back into the ring and slides in after him. Smith grabs hold of Ryce’s leg and tangles it in the middle rope. He then grabs hold of Ryce’s other leg while he is begging Smith not to. Smith uses the rope for leverage to do a modified wish bone on poor Ryce. He bellows in pain while Smith pulls him away from the ropes and makes a cover.















1…













2…















Kick out by Ryce!

Pip: Pip no like that move!

HH: I’ve seen worse. You know, castration can be a good thing under the right circumstances.

Pip: Pip no want to hear!

HH: Fine…

Smith gets back up while Ryce crawls to the ropes. Smith lines him up and then runs over looking to punt him right between the legs but Ryce moves and Smith kicks the ropes instead. Ryce pounces on Smith and hits a modified STO to take him down. He gets back up and bounces off the ropes before racing in and hitting a low drop kick on Smith before he can get up. Ryce pops up once more and then runs back over to the ropes. He jumps and springboards off the middle rope and hits a beautiful Neosault onto Smith before hooking a leg for the cover.














1…
















2…














Kick out by Smith!

Ryce gets back up and takes a look at the top rope while Smith is still down stunned. Ryce runs over and ascends to the top rope. He shouts something completely inaudible and leaps off with a shooting star press but as he comes down Smith pulls his knees up. Ryce crashes down hard on the raised knees and rolls around in pain, holding onto his ribs. Smith pulls himself back up while Ryce is hurt. Ryce is hauled back to his feet and Smith sets him up onto his shoulders and then hits the Balls2Sleep, driving his knee right into Ryce’s groin as he comes down. Ryce drops to the mat and Smith goes for another cover.














1…















2…














Kick out by Ryce!

HH: I really hope Neo is wearing a cup…

Pip: Prostate damage bad!

HH: This must be doing irreversible damage to Ryce here.

Pip: Seriously though, messing around with your prostate is no laughing matter. Because of the prostate, as men age, they are more likely to look at travel experiences as a series of restroom stops. Navigating to the grocery store, the gas station or to a friend's house for poker incorporates all nearby restrooms. Although not the end of the world, it may be the end of long road trips. Just like reading glasses, it's another reminder that things aren't what they were when we were younger. The prostate is about the size of a walnut and sits at the base of the penis. It wraps around the urethra, y’know, the tube that urine comes from and it must be protected at all times. Prostate injuries are no joke!

Ryce twitches and writhes on the mat while Smith gets back up and raises his arms to a loud chorus of boos. He turns and beckons for Ryce to get back to his feet but at the moment that isn’t happening. Growing impatient, Smith stomps over to the downed Ryce and drags him back up. He once again goes to hoist him up on his shoulders but Ryce tries countering into a drop down DDT. Smith reverses that into a dick punch but Ryce is able to block it with his knee. Smith stumbles back holding his hand in pain and Ryce catches him off guard with a roll up by surprise.














1…














2…















Kick out by Smith!

Both men scramble back to their feet but Ryce gains the upper hand with a leg sweep. He gets up and runs to the ropes, as he comes back Smith suddenly lunges at him with a power clothesline but Ryce ducks. He bounces off the ropes and then comes flying at Smith, hitting a big jump swinging DDT. Smith is down stunned now while Ryce gets back up to his feet. Ryce slaps his thigh and gears up for the Glorious and Eternal Stomp of the People. He goes in for the move but Smith counters it directly into a huge Gilly Cutter out of nowhere! Smith plants himself on top of Ryce for the cover.

















1…


















2…




















3!!!

Winner by pinfall, Korey X Smith!


HH: And Smith pulls off the victory!

Pip: Smith win! Smith go home!

HH: That’s right Pip! Korey just secured his opportunity to leave town!

Pip: Ryce lose! Ryce stay here forever!

HH: Well I’m not sure about forever but…wait, what’s this?

Smith ascends to the top rope but not to acknowledge the fans. Although he does pause for a moment to stare down the shirt of some chick in the front row. She’s dressed up perfectly like a steam punk Betsy Granger. Finally Smith turns away and reaches into his pocket. He fishes around for a moment before pulling out what appears to be a bus ticket. He waves it around like a championship belt while flipping off the crowd.
----------

HHL: “Folks! This next one’s a medium-sized deal! We’ve got country star, “Haterman” Vanny Line, taking on Professor Francis Sa’Tonn!”

PIP: “Is big deal, Heather! These two compete for ownership of FXW company! We talking about company with profits in the hundreds of dollars!”

HHL: “Stakes are medium, Pip!”

The two man start in the center of the ring. Inside the ring is… honestly, too many ladders. Like, a ladder in each corner, right? Also four ladders on each side of the ring. So eight? It’s already getting full.

Now, imagine the mat is lined with ladders. Vanny and Francis are actually standing on top of ladders…

BUT! They need to be because beneath the ladders… is a hole. 8 feet wide and too deep to see the bottom of.

HHL: “These two men are going to climb down to the bottom of that pit. Down there is a contract ceding 100% control of FXW to the signator!”

PIP: “Sounds reasonable to Pip. Pip Giant in size, but small in knowledge of contract law.”

The official calls for the bell.

The timekeeper brings it to him. The official puts it in his pocket.

Unrelated, the match starts.


“HATERMAN” VANNY LINE
- vs -
PROFESSOR FRANCIS SA’TONN
Pit Ladder Match


Line immediately slaps Francis across the face. Sa’Tonn cries out “Mon Dieu! How uncivilized!”

“OUTLAW COUNTRY!” Vanny delivers another strike, that drops Francis onto the pile of ladders…

But! It dislodges the pile! Both Francis and Vanny feel the ground shift beneath them… They both dive… JUST AS THE PILE GIVES OUT! A WHOLE HEAP OF LADDERS FALL DOWN THE HOLE… And after a few seconds, a distant metallic clatter can be heard at the bottom of the hole.

…

Somehow, both Line and Sa’Tonn have grabbed onto the side of the ring, preventing a deathly fall.

HHL: “Phew! That was a close call, yo! Imagine if we had to go on without a CEO!”

Pip: “We could convert business to employee-owned hierarchy? Then maybe give ourselves better health plan.”

HHL: “…Huh.”

Line has a steady foothold on the side of the hole, with his cowboy boots. Meanwhile, Sa’Tonn is having a much harder time, his grip weakens!

“Monsieur Line! Perhapz we may werk togezzer to descend ze hole!”

Line looks surprised.

“That’s the first time someone’s said that to me outside the bedroom, Frenchie.”

Francis, disgusted… desperately reaches forward and grabs a ladder… He holds it out to Vanny!

“Here, monsieur! Take zee Ozzer end and we shall create ze walkway…”

Line takes the other end. With some collaboration and a controlled drop, they create a precarious walkway about five feet deep in the hole.

Francis gently walks to the center of the ladder. Line drops and meets him.

“Hokay! So! We take ze rest and we do the same creating ze safe climb down!”

Suddenly, Line grabs Sa’Tonn by the collar.

“I’m a solo act, fella! An outlaw country star ain’t need no deputy!”

Line tosses Sa’Tonn off the ladder! … But the shift in weight destabilizes the standing ladder! It flips on its side! Line falls!

…

There’s a single set of hands hanging on the side! Line clings desperately… he tries to pull himself up… But hanging onto his leg is Francis Sa’Tonn!

HHL: “You know, for a ladder match, these guys haven’t done much climbing.”

Pip: “In Pit Ladder, much more falling than climbing.”

Line can feel he’s got too much weight hanging onto him to pull himself up…

He lifts one of his cowboy boots to kick Sa’Tonn in the face…

But Sa’Tonn instead is slipping off Line’s other boot! The boot tumbled to the bottom of the pot!

“No! Not ol Rightie!”

Sa’Tonn takes Line’s bare foot and starts scratching the underside. A pained, agonized smile spreads on Line’s face.

HHL: “Sa’Tonn gets on the board with some offense! The French Tickler!”

Pip: “I could have worked for Post Office. Or at gas station. But instead, I watch one man tickle other man in front of crowd of thousands.”

Line is cackling… He reflexively reaches down! And loses his grip!

Sa’Tonn and Line are in free-fall!

…

…..

KERASH! Both Line and Sa’Tonn land HARD on the pile of ladders! Sa’Tonn falls like a rag doll, rolling down the side of the ladder to the bottom of the pit. Line doesn’t get the same slow-fall, instead he hits the bottom, landing on his back with a sickening thud.

HHL: “Oh man! That fall was ugly! Both these guys took serious damage, yo!”

Pip: “Is about time someone got hurt in this match!”

At the top of the pit, the official starts counting.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

7…

8…

9…

10!

…

But this match doesn’t have a double countout rule. He just wanted to see how high he could count.

HHL: “Does that guy even work here?”

Pip: “He collects paycheck, but Pip not sure he’d say ref man ‘works’.”

Unrelated to the official’s counting, Vanny and Francis both slowly start climbing back to a vertical base…

And directly between them is the contract For ownership of FXW!

…Both men, on shaky legs, stumble forward…

They both grab the side of the contract.

“Get away, you brute! You imbezile! Wiz zis company, I shall finally have ze resume to open my own line of finishing schools for young debutantes!”

Line yanks the other side.

“Get bent, ya surrender-monkey! With this here contract, ima trade ownership for a Nashville record deal!”

“NEITHER OF YOU SHALL HAVE THIS CONTRACT!”

Crawling out of the soil…

Covered in fur… With tiny black eyes!

With a golden crown on his head…

IT’S THE KING OF THE MOLE PEOPLE!

HHL: “What’s he doing in the FXW Zone!”

“You surface dwellers battle in my domain! What you battle after becomes mine!”

Francis looks at Vanny. Vanny looks back.

And they both pick up the three-and-half-foot tall king…

What? You thought he was big?

The two pick up the mole king and grab him by the arms and legs and start chicken-winging the mole king!

They swing him into the side of the wall! Sa’Toon leaps to the side… And DROPS the mole King across his knee! Hysterectomy!

The mole king rebounds into the air! Caught by Vanny Line! Who delivers a Brooks and DONE!

The Mole King looks like he’s been through a car crash.

HHL: “Do we have animal rights activists in this dimension?”

Pip: “Don’t ask Pip. Me just learn we have mole people!”

Vanny's attention is on the mole king as Francis grabs the suitcase and opens it up! He's done it!

WINNER AND OWNER OF THE FXW

FRANCIS SA'TONN


-------

The GLaP walks out to the entrance ramp to say a few words before the main event.

"I want you all to remember how important it is to be righteous, charitible, and most of all punctual. Here in this upcoming match we have two people who are consummate professionals in that way! Ya see, no one likes it when someone promises to do something and then just doesn't or does it far after it would have been acceptable. It's just common sense, people! If you want to do something right, do it on time. And fucking format it, too! Have a lovely Main Event!"

The GLaP walks away as the lights begin to dim, preparing the entrance of Quokkana. A bunch of pretty lights and dazzling rainbows hype the audience up as she jumps onto the ramp, clearly still pumped, but exhausted from her previous matches in the night. She jumps along to the music as the crowd tries their best to match her enthusiasm, but are clearly just exhausted and ready for it to be over. Still, she gets a large amount of cheering as they await their Universal Consolation Prize holder.

"IN THE FIRST CORNER, REPRESENTING HERSELF IS THE CHALLENGER, QUOKKANA, THE STUFFIE PRINCESS!"

HH: "It's been a hell of a show, Pip, but all good things must come to an end."

Pip: "Bad thing too."

HH: "Thankfully, we'll be here together for the end of this with no other commentators or other silly shit to interfere with this good, clean, honest title match between two clean, honest, wrestlers."

At that exact moment, Ned Kaye phases in behind the commentary booth a wide smile on his face despite still being covered in bear and dog marks.

Ned: "Hello, you two! Happy to be back and on tonight of all nights, too! Good to see you, Hezzie!"

HH: "Oh for the love of-"

Ned: "You two, Pip!"

Pip: "Pip not like bad man be nice..."

Ned: "Oh, please, I'm just here to call the match and enjoy the show! Can't you see that I'm a changed man! A man out of time and space if you will?"

HH: "I have no idea what the hell you are talking about, but the sooner this match is over, the sooner I no longer have to talk to you."

Pip: "Ned not change. He cheat in match all night!"

Ned: "You know, "All night" is such a relative term..."

HH: "Be quiet, Sean is coming out!"

"The Star Spangled Banner" blares over the speakers as the crowd give a thunderous pop for their beloved Universal Consolation Prize holder, Sean Peacestein! He walks out looking as humble as ever, but he limps slightly despite his wide smile and pleasant demeanor. Kaye's teeth can be heard gritting.

"AND THE CHAMPION, UNDEFEATED AFTER AN UNQUANTIFIABLE AMOUNT OF TIME, AMERICA, AS REPRESENTED BY SEAN PEACESTEIN!

HH: "That's weird. Sean should look a lot more vibrant than this! He hasn't had to wrestle two matches prior like Quokkana did!"

Ned: "Can't you see! He's representing America tonight! Because America is weak currently, Shawn is weak, too!"

HH: "I doubt it's that. You probably drugged his American made coffee."

Ned: "Please, if I put something in his coffee, he wouldn't be defending that prize out here tonight."

Pip: "Can Pip switch spot to not sit with bad Ned man?"

Ned: "No."

Sean and Quokkana shake hands in the middle of the ring as the Ref-O-Tron calls for the bell. The crowd begins dueling chants for the two beloved wrestlers.

*DING, DING*

They both attempt to approach each other without trying to resort to much in the way of violence or causing too much pain to their opponent at all! They lock up, but quickly break afterwords as they feel some strain on the end of their opponent! Neither know exactly what to do, gulping as they have to be.... MILDLY UNPLEASANT!

Peacestein gestures a cross over his chest as he begins to grapple Quokkana, using his pure wrestling capabilities to bring her to the ground. He tries to lock in a headscizzors, but she manages to break herself free!

HH: "Both are submission heavy wrestlers when they have to be. It's going to be curious if one can get the other to give up in any decent amount of time!"

Pip: "Is it after show yet..."

Hezzie sighs.

HH: "...Here are your green beans, buddy."

Pip: "Yay!"

Ned: "I much preferred being out in the cosmic unknown to all this nonsense."

HH: "Will you shut up? There's a match happening!"

Ned: "But it was cool! And I got a bunch of tantilizing artifacts! There was a temporal disturbance that caused this entire debaucle. It's truly fascinating, actually-"

HH: "Shut up! You don't own Illinois anymore, no one cares!"

Ned can be heard pouting quietly as the match continues. Sean locks in a figure four on his opponent, trying to get her to tap to the best of her ability, but Quokkana knows better and inverse the hold immediately, lifting herself up and locking in a sharpshooter on Peacestein! Peacestein is in a ton of pain as he writhes on the ground, but he has to soldier on for America! He pulls himself towards the ropes where Quokkana politely breaks as soon as he makes contact. She slips out of the ring and grabs one of her stuffed bears as Sean makes his way back to center ring, locking in a crossface with the stuffed animal on him!

HH: "Is this how America loses? I can't bear to watch!"

Sean screams out in mild discomfort as he pulls her stuffed animal off of his face, realizing he has to find the gas now or America could lose its title! He pulls himself up as she does, running into her with a devastating lariat before pulling her up and buckle bombing her swiftly!

Ned: "Sean's desperate! America must not have much left if he's going this far out! Pip, quickly, check the value of the dollar."

Pip does as instructed, pulling out his reading glasses to use his phone.

Pip: "It low!"

Ned: "I knew it!"

Sean tries to go for the Anaconda Vice, but just as he's setting up for the manuever, the value of the dollar hits zero temporarily! Quokkana has an opening! She goes for it!

The Ref-O-Tron counts!

ONE!



TWO!



THREE!



YOUR WINNER AND NEEEEEWWWWWW UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE HOLDER
QUOKKANA


Ned gets up from the commentary booth as soon as she wins, calling out for Hot Dog as she prepares her words for accepting the most prestigious award in all the FXW. Before she realizes what's happening, Hot Dog is running out with a 247 briefcase with a mysterious painted over gap in the middle! As Quokkana is focused on Ned's interference in her big moment, Hot Dog drops the briefcase by a ref while climbing into the ring!

HH: "WAIT A MOMENT? HOW DID HOT DOG GET A 247 BRIEFCASE? THAT'S A CONTRACT THAT'S GOOD FOR A TITLE SHOT AT ANY TIME FOR 247 DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR! IS IT A GOOD DAY?"

Pip checks a large stack of papers, keeping his reading glasses steady.

Pip: "IT GOOD DAY!"

THE REF CALLS FOR THE BELL!

*DING, DING*

As Quokkana's twisting around to face the swine cashing in, Hot Dog slams into her, pinning her quickly as Ned yells at the Ref-O-Tron to count!


ONE!



TWO!




THREE!

WINNER AND NEWWWWWWWW UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE HOLDER

HOT DOG


The crowd furiously boos at the development, sick to their stomachs at the wanton disrespect to the FXW. Ned grabs a microphone and begins to yell at the fans, his face full of pride as he addresses them.

Ned: "How do you like that, FXW?! You disrespected me and mocked me and now, thanks to some gifts from another company outside of our universe, I HAVE ALLLLLLL THE BRIEFCASES! And now that Hot Dog has the FXW Universal Consolation Prize, I HAVE THE UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE! WHOSE YOUR DADDY FXW?!"

As Ned gloats to the furiously raucous crowd, Hot Dog struts and walks in front of Ned before pump kicking Ned in the dick! NED FALLS OVER, CRUMPLING TOWARDS THE TURNBUCKLES! HE DOESN'T REALIZE WHAT'S HAPPENING! Hot Dog splashes into Ned Kaye causing Ned to fall to the canvas, busted open by his creation! As Ned is prone, Hot Dog urinates on him.

HH: "Hot Dog has turned on Ned Kaye, but he still looks like a mean little bastard!"

Pip: "Piggy pee on bad scientist!"

HH: "He pissed on everyone's night, it's only fair the favor is returned!"

Hot Dog grabs the UCP Cup with his teeth and walks out of the arena as the show finally concludes, sneering at the audience.

HH: "We'll see you next time, folks!"

Pip: "Pip fear for the liminal state of being he about to experience!"

SPECIAL THANKS TO:
EVERYONE WHO RP'D AND WAITED FOREVER FOR THIS FUCKING NONSENSE
MARF, MARK FLYNN, AND BIG D FOR WRITING MATCHES
NED KAYE FOR FUCKING NOTHING
]]> <![CDATA[Charlie Nickles Presents The Marf Show: Halloween Shove-It Spooktacular!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=42140 Wed, 03 Nov 2021 12:50:07 -0700 Charlie Nickles]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=42140 [Image: 0001-9460805882_20211006_201614_0000.png...height=375]








[Image: Bran-Castle-at-Night-with-Full-Moon-Tran...850387.jpg]



The voice of Charlie Nickles plays over ambient music as the camera takes us through the grounds of Poenari Castle. We see various wrestlers warming up and talking to each other in the makeshift backstage area as the camera pans around to show us all the fan favorites.

We have a time traveler on the card for tonight’s show, folks- so think nothing of the day you watched this broadcast. In fact, this broadcast was indeed brought to you seven days early and met with voracious applaus and incredible reviews. Our time traveler friend made sure of it. You, however, may not remember portions of those events due to the globalist plots and schemes against lil ol’ Marf and Charlie.

You see folks, this show you are about to attend is not for the faint of heart or the weak of sense. This show you are about to see before your very own eyes is none other than the most violent, the most depraved, the most disgusting carnie sideshow festival ever to bless the Romanian airwaves. This sick fuckandbloodfest was deemed so dark and disconcerting that the Romanian secret police, along with their globalist allies at XWF HQ, worked their evil ways to delay and suppress the release of these tapes. They did the classic Men-In-Black trick to you all when you tried to open up your fetish porn sites. It’s crazy what they can do with just a computer camera now a days, isn’t it?

But now, folks- I have damn near done the impossible. I have fought through thick and thin to recover these lost tapes, these tapes you have seen before, these tapes you did in fact see early and were forced to forget- I have recovered these tapes from the wretched hands of the wrestling purists and the traditionalists. From the holymen and the false believers. It was my duty, as the executive producer of the Marf Show, to put my life, limb, body, and soul on the line so that you may enjoy this viewing experience.

So please: take your ambien, pull down your pants, and forget all about what that nurse said about the bell curve placement of your penis…...it’s time for the Marf Show, baby.







[Image: image0-2.png]






We cut to a shot of Marf and Charlie wearing business professional suits and sitting next to each other at a table. They appear to be in the middle of the dark woods just outside of the castle, and they have a variety of camera screens and snacks placed on their table for their viewing pleasure.

Marf: Well Charlie that sure was a kick-ass excuse for your bender.

Charlie: I don’t know what you’re talking about officer.

Marf: Riiiiight. Well anyways folks, I have a hell of a show lined up for you tonight. If you like tits, ass, death, savage jungle men who may in fact be half-ape, and incredible amounts of failed plastic surgery I have the perfect show for you coming right up!

Charlie: You sure do make a great salesman, Marf!

Marf: Why thank you, Charlie- I learned how to sell from the very best!

Charlie: It’s so nice that Thaddeus Duke takes time out of his day to mentor the younger, or somewhat older, roster members.

Marf: Uh-huh. Well the first match on the card is mine, Charlie- so if you don’t excuse me, I’m going to go and put a cup in my undergarments so that Graves can’t nutcheck me.

Charlie: Good thinking, Marf- that’s why you’re a two time television champion. You’re always thinking three quarters of a step ahead of the competition! You go get yourself all lubed up and plugged and I will go track Dolly down and see if she’s down to replace you, and maybe replace my ex-wife! In the meantime, let’s see if anyone is getting up to anything fun on this spooky night….

The camera cuts to a shot of a cavernous chamber in the bowels of the castle’s ruins, finding Impossible Entity, the team of Betsy Granger and Lycana, making their way through the passageways the XWF has repurposed for tonight’s event. The flickering of flame torches hanging from fastenings in the stone walls, lights their way

LYCANA: Marf’s up first tonight. I really should go check in on him before his match and before he settles into commentary. I haven’t been around and… things are… well, they’re….

GRANGER: Do you want me to come with?

LYCANA: Thank you, but no. I think it’ll go over smoother if you’re not there. No offence.

Granger purses her lips and pauses for a moment, considering her partner’s predicament. She double-checks.

GRANGER: Are you sure?

LYCANA: Yes, I’m sure. Again, thank you. It’s just…

GRANGER: Complicated.

Betsy nods in understanding.

LYCANA: What isn’t these days?

Both women crack wry smiles, hinting at the complexity of their own relationship, as they reach a fork in the road. Lycana points in one direction.

LYCANA: You go ahead. I have a feeling I know where to find him…. If he will even see me.

GRANGER: Okay, but don’t take too long. I really don’t want to spend any time with Dracula alone, if I don’t have to.

LYCANA: I don’t blame you. I’ll be there as soon as I can.[/]

GRANGER: Good. I’ll see you soon then.

[b]LYCANA: Definitely.

Granger walks off down the corridor, in the direction Lycana pointed, her echoing footsteps lingering far longer than the sight of her. Lycana watches her go for a short moment, before turning down the other path.

The torches continue to flicker. And just for a moment, they darken completely as a shadow crosses over them, moving in Lycana’s direction.


We fade out to a brief intermission where infomercials advertise Viagra and medical marijuana cards to the audience.


[bwo]Marf vs Micheal Graves

Puzzlebox Match: Pinfall only match
[/bwo]




Lights in the Sky hits and Marf steps outside the massive backyard of the castle to a chorus of immediate booing. Marf has a dark blue jumpsuit on and a Michael Myers mask on. He nods at the reaction of the crowd before making his way down to ringside. He looks around at the ladders set up all around the ring. Marf rolls under the ropes and into the ring before climbing to the top rope and raising his arms to more booing. He hops down and removes the mask, tossing it out into the audience. Marf then takes a look up at all the hanging boxes above the ring, not really sure how they’re suspended there.



Michael Graves steps out onto the makeshift stage and stares coldly at Marf in the ring. The fans show him a little bit of love but he ignores as he begins to march towards the ring. Marf leans against the corner and watches Graves as he slowly makes his way to the ring, seething with fury. Michael Graves climbs onto the apron and stands outside the ropes for a moment. He stares at Marf and neither man does anything but glare at the other. Finally Graves enters the ring and the two men come face to face.

Charlie: Well here we go ladies and germs! I’m being joined by the one and only Dolly Waters since Marf is in the match.

Dolly: Charles, thanks for having me…so uhh, can you explain what the hell this match is exactly?

Charlie: Well it’s pretty obvious, it’s a puzzlebox match! They gotta climb ladders to get the puzzle boxes! Only one has the true key to victory, the rest all have horrifying secrets…ooooo!

Dolly: What does any of that mean? You have to find the right box to win the match?

Charlie: Yeah you got it! But also pin your opponent…

Dolly: What drugs were you on when you came up with these matches??

Charlie: Hey! This is Marf’s show! Ask that weirdo!

The bell rings and both Graves and Marf rear back and fire off big punches. Neither man hesitates as they land blow after blow upon one another. Graves drives his fist into Marf’s head and face while Marf reciprocates with multiple punches of his own cracking Graves in the mouth and nose. It is not long before both men’s faces begin to puff out and swell yet they both stand there stubbornly, beating the hell out of one another. Graves cracks Marf in the mouth with a short elbow but Marf rears back and drills Graves with a headbutt.

Graves lands a very stiff backhand across Marf’s chest that stops his momentum. Graves drives a knee into Marf’s gut and then pulls him up. Graves goes for a running powerbomb but Marf drops down with a DDT instead. Marf looks for an arm lock but Graves kicks him in the head by surprise to back Marf off. Graves pops up but Marf grabs him for a swinging neck breaker. Graves counters it into his own swinging neck breaker taking both men down to the mat.

Charlie: Well this is on pace to be a blood bath!

Dolly: Marf did some really bad stuff to me inside of Graves’ body. Michael is looking for some bloody revenge for sure!

Charlie: You were in Graves’ body? And I’m not allowed to hit on you??

Dolly: Two completely unrelated things, don’t be an idoiot Charles!

Charlie: Don’t call me Charles and I won’t call you Cunty the Penis Slayer anymore.

Dolly: You’ve never called me that. And better not ever call me that either. What the hell does that even mean…never mind I don’t want to know. Let’s get back to the match please…

Marf and Graves both get back up to their feet at the same time. They start trading punches once again. Marf starts hitting multiple shots in a row before Graves traps his arm. Graves pulls Marf right in and starts hitting him with the trapping headbutts. Graves hits about a dozen headbutts before smoothly transitioning into a belly to belly suplex. Graves grabs hold of Marf and goes into a modified STF. Marf rolls through and then frees his arm and elbows Graves in the face to break the hold.

Marf pulls himself back up with the ropes as Graves gets up and drives a double axe handle blow across Marf’s back. Graves hits him with another knee but as he goes for another Marf blocks it. Marf grabs hold of Graves and goes for a spinning back fist. Graves ducks it and then takes Marf down with a belly to back suplex. Graves once again goes for the STF and locks it in on Marf. He stretches it for a moment but Marf somehow pushes off the mat and falls back to break the hold awkwardly. They both get up going at one another but as Graves swings a punch Marf catches him by surprise with a drop toe hold. Graves lands against on the bottom rope right across his throat.

Charlie: Leave it to Marf to come out wrestling in a match with ladders and no real rules!

Dolly: Between Gravy and Marfy? Only a matter of time before the toys come out.

Charlie: What kind of toys??

Dolly: Shut the hell up!

Marf gets back to his feet while Graves takes a moment, holding his throat and coughing. Graves uses the ropes to pull himself up but is caught offguard when Marf nails him in the side of the head with a running big boot. Graves drops to a knee as Marf then grabs hold of him. Marf pulls Graves in and goes for a pump handle slam but Graves manages to counter as they go up and hits a flowing DDT out of nowhere. Marf pushes himself up but gets caught with a shuffle side kick that sends him on his back onto the mat.

Marf slowly rolls himself out of the ring while Graves starts looking around at the different boxes hanging above the ring. Graves runs over to the ropes and goes for a baseball slide but Marf times it and shifts out of the way. Marf goes for a clothesline but Graves ducks out of the way. Graves jumps up with a nice standing drop kick but Marf steps out of the way and let’s him fall. Marf grabs Graves and then throws him into the steel steps. Marf walks over and grabs one of the ladders on the floor. He closes it and then runs over, smashing it into Graves before he can pull himself up.

Charlie: That’s gotta hurt!

Dolly: It is never a good time when ladders are involved.

Charlie: Just wait until they start opening the puzzle boxes!

Dolly: What the hell is in the wrong boxes?

Charlie: I’ll never tell!

Marf shoves the ladder in the ring and follows after it. He sets it up under the box hanging directly in the middle of the ring. Marf begins to climb up the ladder while the crowd gets excited. Marf reaches up and grabs hold of the first puzzle box while Graves pulls himself up onto the apron. Marf opens the box but immediately drops it and starts waving his hands wildly. A bee lands on his arm and stings him while he yells out in pain. Marf smacks the bee and kills it right before Graves tips the ladder. Marf falls off and slams into the ropes before hitting the mat painfully.

Dolly: Was that a damn bee!?

Charlie: Ahahaha! Yeah!

Dolly: How the hell did you get it in that box?

Charlie: Took me six and a half hours to catch ‘er.

Dolly: …….

Graves moves the ladder over so it is under one of the other puzzle boxes while Marf is still down, holding his throat in pain. Graves starts climbing up the ladder now until he can reach the puzzle box, pulling it into his hands. Marf starts to pull himself up with the ropes while watching as Graves opens the box. As soon as it opens it explodes with a minor explosion that causes Graves to fall off the ladder and land hard on the mat. Marf walks over and pulls Graves up and then nails a falcon arrow onto the stunned Graves.

Dolly: What the hell was that? How did you guys get these matches signed off?

Charlie: I dunno we just kinda made em up and we’re going from there.

Dolly: Go where!? You guys are gonna get so fined so much!

Charlie: Oh no no, that’s the best part. Only Vinnie and Theo are held responsible! So no big deal!

Dolly: ……..

Marf gets back to his feet and eyes the next available box. He moves the ladder over and sets it up under another puzzle box. Marf climbs about halfway up before Graves pulls himself back up. He comes over and starts climbing up after Marf. As they get to the top Marf doesn’t go for the puzzle box and waits for Graves instead. Marf hits Graves with a heavy shot. He fires back and hits Marf right back. Marf answers with another hard punch. Graves goes to answer back but Marf blocks it. Graves blocks Marf’s next shot and then sprays him with the poison mist which appears to be the purple variety.

Marf stands on the ladder and blinks a few times while wiping at the purple gunk all over his face. He seems confused and Graves shoves him off the ladder and crashing to the mat below. Graves grabs hold of the puzzle box above his head. Much more carefully this time, Graves slowly opens the box and flinches. Nothing happens and Graves starts to look inside when he suddenly begins coughing. He tosses the opened puzzle box into the crowd before vomiting on the top of the ladder.

Dolly: Now what the hell was that??

Charlie: Bahahahahaha! That must’ve been the dozen fart bomb surprise! [/shadow

Dolly: You are seriously messed up dude…

[shadow=red">Charlie: Oh come on, it’s funny!

Graves wipes the puke away from his mouth while taking a step down the ladder. He spots Marf getting up on the mat, looking around and shaking his head. Graves times it and then jumps off the ladder. Graves connects with a beautiful diving drop kick that sends Marf flying back and slamming into the corner. Marf stumbles out of the corner still in a daze and Graves hauls him up onto his shoulders. Graves turns and drops Marf with the Grave Digger Death Valley driver.

Graves gets back up to his feet while Marf is momentarily downed. Graves looks up and spots one more puzzle box hanging near the corner. Graves takes the ladder and hastily drags it to the corner. He starts climbing up while Marf slowly starts to move. Graves gets to the top of the ladder and reaches up to grab the puzzle box. Nodding already knowing he’s got the winning box, Graves opens it up while still at the top of the ladder. A spring loaded can sprays Graves in the face with something and he falls back, crashing onto the top rope.

Dolly: Do I even want to know what that liquid was?

Charlie: It was lemon juice with a bit of dish soap mixed into it.

Dolly: Jesus Christ…

Charlie: The original plan was mace but I lost my supply…

Marf walks over and climbs up onto the top turnbuckle where Graves is stuck. Marf pulls him up and knees him in the gut. Marf grabs holds of Graves and then lifts him off the turnbuckle with a T-bone suplex that sends Graves flying and crashing into the ladder. Graves drops on top of the ladder and mat in a heap of pain. Marf also hits the mat but with less force. He slowly pulls himself back up and leans against the corner looking around now. Marf looks over at the commentary table and yells to Charlie.

What the hell now!?

Charlie: Oh my god, bro look at the entrance!

Marf watches as Charlie points frantically around. Marf looks over to the top of the stage and sees one last hanging puzzle box. Marf drops to the mat and rolls to the outside while Graves struggles to pull himself to the ropes. Marf grabs another ladder from the floor and makes his way around ringside to the ramp. Graves steps out to the apron and then dives at Marf, catching him by surprise. Graves slams into Marf and they both fall on top of the ladder. Marf takes the brunt of it while Graves slowly gets back up.

Graves looks up the ramp and notices the last puzzle box now. He grabs the ladder and starts marching up the stage. Graves gets to the entrance and eyes where the puzzle box is hanging. He sets the ladder up but before he can climb it Marf drills him from behind. Graves stumbles over and bumps into the wall before the entrance. He turns around and throws himself at the approaching Marf and they take one another out with heavy clotheslines. They both hit the steel stage in a heap.

Dolly: So whoever gets this last box wins?

Charlie: Yeah probably.

Dolly: Charlie what the hell? Why don’t you know!?

Charlie: What do you want from me!? It was hard work putting this event together, you can’t expect me to remember every fine detail!

Dolly: Oh my god…

Marf and Graves both stir as the outdoor crowd buzzes with excitement. Graves reaches out a hand and grabs the bottom rung of the ladder. He slowly starts to drag himself to the ladder while Marf rolls over, coughing up blood. Graves manages to start climbing the ladder but Marf sits up and slowly gets to his feet. Graves gets halfway up the ladder before Marf hits him across the back with a meaty forearm. Marf grabs hold of Graves and pulls him off the ladder and then hits a nasty looking reverse Death Valley driver. Marf pulls himself up and begins climbing the ladder. He grabs hold of the final puzzle box and opens it, revealing a piece of paper. Marf starts reading aloud it seems.

Charlie: Uh oh, he didn’t look at both sides…

Dolly: Both sides? What the hell is that?

Charlie: Marf you idiot stop reading it out loud!

Dolly: What the hell is going on now!? Charlie my leg is still busted up do we need to get out of here??

Charlie: …….

Marf finishes reading whatever is on the paper and then looks around in confusion. He’s about to climb down when he notices the back of the paper has more writing. As he’s reading it, several people dressed as Cenobytes come running out of the castle and tip the ladder over, causing Marf to fall hard onto the dirty makeshift stage. The Cenobytes surround Marf and begin beating and stomping him into oblivion. Graves slowly sits up and watches the mayhem unfold in front of him with confusion.

Dolly: Charlie what the hell is going on!?

Charlie: It was the key to victory! But idiot boy did it wrong! If he read both sides he would have seen that he has to say his opponent’s name before reading the ancient scripture. Otherwise the cursed ones will only attack you!

Dolly: …this might be, the stupidest shit I have ever been apart of…

Charlie: I’m surprised that blue haired hussy hasn’t come out to help Marfy!

Dolly: Actually yeah…so am I…

The Cenobytes haul Marf to his feet while his face is now covered in blood. They lift him up high in some wild, half dozen person powerbomb and drop Marf hard onto the ground. They all look up and point to Michael Graves. He slowly comes over to what’s left of Marf and makes a cover while looking around cautiously. The Cenobytes immediately dog pile onto Graves while one of them lays down beside the mess of bodies. Like a demented referee sent from Hell, the strange being makes the count.















1…














2…














3!!!












Winner by pinfall Michael Graves!!!



Charlie: Oh man, Marf might be pissed when he comes back to commentary that totally backfired on me…

Dolly: Yeah…well…it’s been a slice…I’m getting out of here before your shenanigans wind up breaking my other leg!

The Cenobytes haul Graves off of Marf and shove him away while turning their attention back to Marf. He struggles to pull himself up, blood dripping off of him. Since Graves never picked a trick or treat option nothing happens. The Cenobytes look to assault Marf some more but Graves comes over to break it up. The Cenobytes turn on him and start attacking but this has allowed Marf a chance to get to his feet. Surprisingly Marf and Graves work together and fend off the strange Cenobytes until they all run off.

Marf and Michael Graves stand bloodied, beaten and exhausted. They look at one another suspiciously for a moment. Finally Marf raises his closed fist towards Graves. The crowd actually cheers as Graves reaches forward and props Marf. He heads away as Marf slowly limps over to the announce table. Marf plops down beside Charlie while still coughing up some blood. He chugs a water and puts on the head set.

Marf: Nice god damn puzzle boxes…

Charlie: Hey you read the damn thing not me!

Marf: You’re an idiot…

Charlie: Not my fault your dumb blue girlfriend didn’t help ya out!

Marf: Shut the fuck up!

Charlie: Hey, chill the fuck out and handle commentary while I go deal with some of our trick or treaters. I’d hate for you to ruin a child’s night with your bad vibes.

Marf: Yeah yeah yeah go prepare for the segment, I’ll handle the commentary.

Marf waits a little while, until Charlie is out of earshot.

Marf: Fuck off, go cut to something else.






In the dark corridors of the castle once more, Lycana is walking by herself, not having been able to catch up with Marf before his match, and now on her way back to find Betsy Granger once again. She mumbles to herself.

LYCANA: Shit, I hope I’m not lost in this place…

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.

Something catches her attention, and she freezes in her tracks, spinning around to face it.

LYCANA: Hello?

Nothing. Shaking herself back to her senses, she sets off down the corridor again.

Turning the corner once again, she grows more confident in her navigation of the building, no doubt getting closer to whatever predetermined meeting point she and Betsy had arranged, possibly with Count Dracula too.

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.

There that sound is again, behind her once more.

She spins again.

Still nothing.

LYCANA: Look, if someone’s there…

She’s interrupted before she can finish the sentence.

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.

It’s behind her now!

Once more she spins!





























”MEOW.”

A black cat looks up at her with innocent eyes.

Lycana breathes a sigh of relief, and again mutters to herself as the cat bounds off into the distance.

LYCANA: Pull it together, girl. You’ve been in weirder places than this before.

She sets off once more to meet up with her partner. Unbeknownst to her, a sound rat-a-tats from behind her, back where she was standing.

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.


[Image: image0-2.png]



We cut to a shot of Charlie Nickles standing in the backstage area beside a cheap table with a paper-filled fish bowl on it. Charlie, however, is dressed from neck-to-toe in a Thrax costume. His beautiful face and head are, of course, exposed so as to help him rebuild that brand image.

Charlie: Trick or Treat, all you cool cats and kittens! It’s Charlie “The Nickleman” Nickles from the Marf Show, and I’m here to hand out some of the COOL and AWESOME treats that were promised to our brave performers here tonight! You know, some of the wrestlers in the XWF take the phrase ‘cool cat’ a bit too literally, and those pussies thought they needed just a few extra treats to get them off their lazy ass and into my sideshow attraction. So with that being said, let’s hand out some of those kegel bells and vagisil bottles now! Just kidding- we have a whole host of nifty prizes that will be mostly somewhat randomly given out to our competitors here tonight that begged daddy Charlie for a treat.

Now let’s see who gets the first treat….

Charlie reaches into the fish bowl with his Thrax glove and pulls out the first piece of paper conveniently placed on top of the pile.

LYCANA!

And let’s see what she gets as her participation trophy for tonight’s events….

Charlie reaches back into the fish bowl and pulls out a piece of paper also placed on top of the pile.

One deep tissue body massage from the star of the Marf Show, Marf Swaysons! Redeemable anytime after midnight under a full moon, because you know how Marf likes his wolf girls. This 100% off coupon expires if you become a lesbian with Betsy Granger- no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If my man Marf is rubbing someone down he’s getting to stick it in, okay?

Alright now let’s see who our next treat will be going to! Drumroll please…..

Charlie makes his own little drum roll by quickly tapping his fingers against the tabletop. Charlie waits a few moments before diving his hand into the bottom of the bowl and mixing up all the papers. Charlie spends a considerable amount of time randomly sifting through the paper slips before pulling out the next one.

MERCY!

Your treat, Mercy……

Charlie reaches back into the fish bowl and

Muddy Waters! Wait no, this can’t be right….damn it! I knew I shouldn’t have listened to Marf. I definitely should have used two different fish bowls to do this. Ah, fuck it- it’s legally binding. Moving on.

Charlie reaches into the fishbowl once again and pulls out a piece of paper from near the top of the pile.

VITA VALENTEEN?! She’s not even on this show! Well, fuck it- she figured out how to scam the system and get a free treat without even showing up. I detest it, but I can’t deny a good fraud scheme when I see one. Let’s see what you get, pretty little Vita-Vamp.

Charlie reaches into the bowl and fishes around randomly for a dozen or so awkward seconds as we all look on in silence. Charlie finally pulls a piece of paper out from near the bottom of the bowl and reads it’s text aloud.

A win over Charlie Nickles? Wait no, this can’t be right- that’s supposed to be in my Rel Dixon bowl!

Charlie turns to the camera with clear frustration in his eyes.

Cut, cut! Show someone else, there’s a million fucking wrestlers at this castle- there’s got to be somebody else doing something interesting! I need to sort this shit out!



[bwo]Edward vs Mercy with special guest referee Muddy Waters who may choose to tag himself into the match at any time

Elm Street Boiler Match: Boiler room brawl
[/bwo]


We cut to a shot of a dingy boiler room with fog and steam rolling through the air. The camera zooms in on the middle of the room and we see a man in a referee-style speedo wearing a Demos mask. A placard that reads ‘Muddy Waters’ shows up on the television screen near the man.

Charlie: Interesting halloween costume here for special guest referee Muddy Waters…

Marf: You made him wear that outfit, Charlie.

Charlie: It was in the contract, ok? It’s not my fault he can’t read the parts of the contract that were in braille! Besides, I only made him wear the mask. He said he wanted to wear the speedo to impress that fine ass lady he’s refereeing for tonight!





Familiar theme music is pumped into the boiler room from outside. The camera slides over to the right side of the screen where we see EDWARD JUNIOR pacing back and forth next to two massive water heating units that are blowing off mega-smoke. EDWARD JUNIOR raises his hand triumphantly as Muddy Waters claps unenthusiastically.

Marf: This is a big match for Junior tonight. If he wins, he can really start solidifying his own legacy apart from his father’s name.

Charlie: That little man might be begging for Mercy before it’s all said and done….


The words "They only want you when you're 17, when you're 21 you're no fun...." appear in dark red letters on the screen before cutting into the thrashing death metal sounds of "Severed" by Kittie. Graphic shots of plastic surgery interspersed with shots of blood dripping on a bright white surface flashover the screen. Mercy appears at the opposite side of the boiler room as EDWARD JUNIOR, walking slowly and with a purpose towards the center of the boiler room where she waits dauntingly.

Charlie: What a bad mama-jama.

Marf: She even gives ME the creeps!

Muddy Waters tells the competitors we’re getting started and it’s off to the races! Mercy immediately darts towards Junior, who is wise enough to get out of the way! Mercy clamors onto a few boiler room appliances, crawling from one to the next as Junior tries to keep his distance. After a few go arounds Edward Junior ends up running himself into the corner of the dark and foggy boiler room. Muddy Waters watches on from afar as Mercy starts to creep her way towards Junior’s corner.

Charlie: Junior’s gotten himself cornered here!

Marf: Indeed he has, Charlie. This might not end well for him.

Mercy starts to slowly move in on Edward Junior as he looks around for a means of escape. Finding none, he squares up and prepares to box Mercy when she nears. Mercy stands a couple of inches taller than Edward and seems to have at least twenty pounds on him: nonetheless, the smaller man resolutely stands his ground in the corner with raised fists.

Marf: You have to respect the resoluteness of Junior here!

Charlie: I hope he’s been doing his arm curls….

As Mercy nears Junior he punches her with a 1-2 combo followed by an uppercut. Mercy takes a step back and wipes a small amount of blood off her lips. She smiles unsettlingly at Junior before charging him! Mercy pushes Edward Junior up against one of the hot appliances in the boiler room, holding his back against the steaming machine for quite some time before Muddy Waters begins counting to 5!

Marf: I don’t think we gave Muddy the authority to DQ anyone…

Charlie: I’d like to see him try and DQ Mercy!

Muddy Waters reaches the five count and goes to pull Mercy off of Edward Junior, but he’s met with incredibly stiff resistance! Mercy finally turns to Face Muddy, but before he can do anything Mercy brings her hand up to the special referees throat! While choking Muddy, Mercy uses her other hand to rip the Demos mask clean off of the refs face! Mercy throws the mask to the ground before lifting Muddy up into the air for a chokeslam!

Marf: This is going to be bad for Muddy!

Just when Muddy reaches the peak of his ascension, Edward Junior charlie horses Mercy in the knee! She’s forced to release Muddy as Junior follows up his charlie horse with a few liver punches! Mercy turns around and pushes Edward Junior away from her. As Edward Junior goes flying Mercy begins to rub her knee and the side of her stomach intermittently.

Charlie: It looks like Junior’s packing some serious power in those punches!

Marf: He must have been training harder than ever for this match!

As Mercy clutches her wounds Edward Junior charges forward and slams her with a spinning DDT! Mercy screams in anguish as her scarred facial tissue slams straight onto the hard floor. Edward Junior goes to hook the leg for a pin, but Muddy Waters doesn’t go down to count the fall!

Charlie: Good boy, Muddy! Junior needs to learn the rules, there’s no mercy in this match!

Marf: Well Charlie there is technically a Mercy in this match, but you are fundamentally right: this match has a last man out of the boiler room ruleset!

Muddy Waters begins to explain the odd ruleset to Edward Junior. Junior stands up and starts asking questions to Muddy about the nature of the rules to this match. Junior scratches his head in confusion as he focuses on Muddy’s muddy explanation….then, Mercy sweeps Junior’s legs out from underneath him! Mercy drags Edward Junior to the ground and immediately begins chomping on his shoulder! Mercy spits out bits of Junior’s flesh only to begin gnawing on the man once more! Junior screams and shouts as a geyser of blood squirts out of his shoulder socket. Mercy happily gobbles it up as she tears flesh from bone.

Marf: This is getting nasty!

Charlie: I fucking love it!

Mercy begins to work her ferocious bites down, taking mouthfuls of Junior’s chest and ripping it from his body. Junior begins to tap his hands against the floor furiously, screaming ‘UNCLE! UNCLE! MERCY, MERCY!’ as Mercy continues to chow on him. Muddy Waters grabs Mercy and tries to pull her off of Junior. The special referee struggles to pull Mercy off of Junior and so he tries to call for the bell.

Marf: Not gonna happen, Mr. Waters.

Charlie: There’s no tapping out in the boiler room! You fight until one of you can’t fight anymore!

Marf: I’m not sure how much more Junior can fight, but he’s going to have to tough it out and show us!

Charlie: But someone needs to tell Muddy, because he’s still trying to stop Mercy’s momentum!

Muddy Waters is finally able to pull Mercy off of Edward Junior, who is now just a bleeding mess in the chest and shoulder area. The jungle man moans in pain as he begins to crawl out of frame while leaving a trail of blood behind.

Mercy turns around and screeches at Muddy Waters. Muddy raises his hands innocently as he tries to sweet talk the monstrous woman. Mercy isn’t having it. Instead, Mercy decides to interrupt Muddy’s sweet talk with a nasty headbutt! Muddy collapses but is caught by Mercy, who lifts him up into a sidewalk slam! Muddy clutches his back and rolls over in pain after Mercy slams him onto the unforgiving boiler room floor. Muddy Waters slowly rolls onto his knees….only to find Mercy standing directly above him! Mercy looks down at Muddy with a sick grin as he pleads with her for….well, Mercy.

Charlie: There’s technically no rules against maiming the referee in this match, so I think Mercy should go all out! Sorry, Waters- but we really could use the ratings boost from a homicide!

Marf: She can’t afford to keep her eyes off of her opponent- I know Edward Junior is hurt, but he’s not out of this match quite yet.

Mercy grabs Muddy Waters by the side of his head before gouging her thumbs into his eyes! Muddy screams in horror as the woman’s unclipped nails claw into his corneas!

Marf: Oh my god, this is barbaric…...I couldn’t have done it better myself!

Charlie: We are being treated to a real show of brute force in this one!

After Muddy stops resisting Mercy soon loses interest in the referee. Mercy tosses Muddy’s limp body down to the ground before she turns around to look for Edward Junior….but the bleeding and burned jungle man is already looking right at her from on top of the largest boiler in the room! Without any hesitation Junior leaps down and moonsaults towards Mercy…….only to be caught by Mercy in mid-air! She quickly drops him to the ground with her trademark move, THE FADED (Bernard PowerBomb)! Junior’s body slams against the ground and goes limp after the trademark bomb!

Marf: I think Mercy just about has this one wrapped up!

Charlie: We might be endangering her competitors by letting this one go on!

Marf: Welp, shit happens on the Marf Show.

Mercy flips Junior’s still body over and immediately locks in the Mort Noire! Junior is held in the hold for an uncomfortable amount of time before Mercy flips him over and lets him out. Mercy stands up and looks down at the carnage with a wicked smile. Content with the amount of overkill, Mercy steps over the critically injured bodies of Junior and Muddy as she walks towards the boiler room exit.

Winner - Mercy


Mercy stops suddenly. She slowly cranks her neck around to stare down at Muddy Waters. She takes a few long strides towards him before grabbing him by the back of his shirt. She drags Muddy Waters out of the boiler room and to god knows where while just mumbling ‘Treat, treat….’ to herself over and over again.

Marf: Should we intervene? Should we stop this?

Charlie: I don’t think we can, Marf. I pulled those papers out of that fish bowl. That’s a legally binding verbal agreement consummated into a contract. The law is on her side in this.

Marf: That doesn’t sound right.

Charlie: It’s the unfortunate reality, Marf. I checked with all the XWF’s best lawyers- primarily, Oswald.

Marf: Well, if that’s how it is then that’s how it is. So let’s see what we have next up on the card, maybe something a bit lighter for our more casual fans.

Charlie: Yeah, maybe….







[bwo]Tommy Wish vs Bianca McBride

Jigsaw Match: Both competitors are chained inside a room….whoever unchains themselves first wins.
[/bwo]

We cut to a shot of a completely dark room.

Charlie: And now, for our next match! A JIGSAW match featuring Tommy Wish and Bianca McBride...the first person to escape their chains wins the match!

Marf: This match type has always been a personal favorite of mine…

Charlie: Me too, Marf. Me too. Now, let’s turn some lights on, eh?!

Charlie presses a button in his control panel causing the ceiling lights inside the room to immediately light up. Tommy Wish and Bianca McBride are chained to a wall with heavy steel shackles wrapped around each of their individual ankles. Both of the wrestlers look a bit groggy as they’re seated next to each other against the wall. A collection of handsaws, knives, and screwdrivers lay on the floor just a few feet away from the competitors. Fresh stitches run down the necks of both of our competitors.

Charlie: We had to drug these two to get them chained up against the wall for tonight’s match.

Marf: Well, we didn’t have to. We wanted to.

Charlie: That’s right, Marf. We did this because we wanted to, and it’s our show….not theirs!

Marf: True facts!


The sound of a bell ringing is piped into the room with stone slab walls. The combination of the sudden noise and light seems to be bringing both Tommy Wish and Bianca McBride back to their senses. Tommy and Bianca make brief eye contact with each other before they look over at the weapons placed around them. Tommy is the first to move, quickly scurrying over to one of the bonesaws! He grabs the saw and immediately begins trying to cut the chains preventing him from freely moving his ankles. Bianca follows suit, grabbing a nearby screwdriver before trying to pick the lock to her own shackles!

Marf: Hmmm….I’m not sure these competitors understand the assignment.

Charlie: They’re not thinking like sick, deviant fucks. They need to think like us if they’re going to get out of those chains!

Marf: Simply put, none of those tools on the ground are for cutting steel.

Charlie: They’re only there for cutting flesh!

Tommy and Bianca try to escape their chains in their own unique ways, with Tommy trying to saw the chain and Bianca trying to pick the lock with a screwdriver. After making no progress, they both look at each other’s tools with envy. Bianca strikes first, quickly backhanding Tommy Wish! The force of the slap causes Tommy to drop the saw. Bianca chortles while she reaches down to grab the saw…..only to have her hand stepped on by Tommy Wish! Bianca screams as her fingers get crushed between Tommy’s boot and the handle of the saw.

Charlie: Now twist your heel, Tommy! Make those fingers hurt!

Tommy doesn’t follow the commentator’s advice- instead, he brings his knee up to Bianca’s head and knocks her silly with it! Bianca falls back against the wall, tossing her screwdriver to the side from the force of the blow. Tommy doesn’t waste any time hopping onto Bianca. All 320 pounds of Tommy climb on top of Bianca’s feminine frame. Tommy holds her down on the ground with one hand while viciously clubbing her in the head with his other hand. Bianca’s head slams harshly against the stone floor everytime that Tommy hammers her.

Marf: This is getting ugly for Bianca!

Charlie: Bah, she was born ugly!

Marf: She might look kind of hot with some blood on her.

Charlie: Now that’s a damn fine point, Marf.

Tommy looks to be doing his best to bloody Bianca with fist after fist, but out of nowhere Bianca is finally able to dodge a blow! Tommy’s hand crumples against the stone floor causing him to scream in agony. Bianca headbutts Tommy Wish while simultaneously kneeing him in the crotch! Tommy Wish groans as he slides off of Bianca and onto the floor.

Charlie: Right in the family jewels!

Marf: Tommy’s going to feel that tomorrow morning!

Charlie: Honestly, he probably liked it.

Marf: That is true. There is a good chance that the feminine touch onto his genitals could prove to be a morale boost for Tommy Wish in the end.

Tommy didn’t get the morale boost memo, as he is just clutching his balls while groaning on the floor. Bianca wipes some blood off of her mouth before grabbing the nearby saw. Bianca gives Tommy a few firm boots to the stomach before she attempts to cut through her chains while Tommy is down. She doesn’t seem to be having any luck.

Marf: Nope, that’s not going to get it done.

Charlie: They’ll figure it out eventually.

Marf: Tommy Wish has seen the Saw Movies, he should’ve already known and been ahead of the curve! But now he’s just laying on the ground!

Charlie: Look Marf, Tommy’s a stoner! Just because he watched Saw doesn’t mean he remembers it!

Marf: Good point, Charles. They’re making that devil’s lettuce stronger and stronger nowadays.

Tommy Wish starts to stir as Bianca is becoming flustered with her lack of sawing progress. Bianca sighs in exasperation as Tommy Wish pushes himself up to his feet just outside of her view. Bianca is just about to go back to sawing her chains when the sound of Tommy cracking his knuckles causes her to swing around wildly…….ONLY TO BE MET WITH AN UPPERCUT FROM HELL!

Bianca drops the saw and stumbles back against the wall the two wrestlers are shackled to. Tommy Wish presses the advantage and starts slamming Bianca’s body with a combination of body blows followed up by one final headbutt that collapses McBride to the ground. Tommy turns around with a satisfied smile as he walks back to the collection of tools on the floor.

Charlie: I wonder what Tommy is going to choose next!

Marf: Pick the knife, Tommy! Pick the knife!

Tommy Wish bends down and grabs a moderately sized skinning knife from off the floor. He takes a quick step around and starts walking briskly towards the shackle wall.

Marf: Yes, yes! Gut her!

Tommy starts trying to use the tip of the knife to pry the bolts connecting the chain to the wall loose. Tommy tries to maneuver the knife in a variety of positions, but nothing seems to be working. Meanwhile Bianca has regained her senses and is crawling over towards Tommy, who doesn’t seem to notice her.

A few moments pass before Bianca jumps up and grabs a hold of Tommy Wish! Tommy drops his knife frantically as he tries to defend himself, but it’s no use! Bianca swiftly delivers a russian leg sweep that sends both wrestlers tumbling down to the floor!

Charlie: Oof- that’s on 12th century stone. That’s got to hurt!

Marf: I want to see them hurt each other more!

Charlie: Me too, Marf….me too.

Bianca starts repaying the favor to Tommy Wish as she absolutely takes him to task on the ground! One punch, then another, then another! It isn’t long before Tommy Wish is busted open by the force of Bianca’s fists to the face.

Marf: She’s really got him floundered here! I don’t know how Tommy’s going to change the momentum around!

Charlie: I don’t know either, Marfy!

The fists continue to rain down on Tommy as his hands start blindly searching for something on the floor…...a few moments go by before Tommy is able to get his hands on the familiar handle. Then, he stabs Bianca in the gut!

Charlie: THAT’S THE WAY! THAT’S WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE, TOO!

Marf: Stab her more! Make her bleed!

Charlie: She’s already bleeding, Marf!

Marf: Make her bleed more! I want to see blood on the Marf show!

Charlie: The Marf Show- sponsored by Kellogs breakfast cereal! Eat your Kellogs or die, bitches!

As Charlie plugs the sponsor, Tommy Wish proceeds to stab Bianca in the stomach again. She slides off of his body as shock takes over her. Blood starts to flow from her guts as she tries to apply pressure to the wound. Her face is going a pale white…...Tommy stares down at her eyes. Then, his gaze goes lower- down to the fresh stitch wound on her neck, specifically.

Charlie: I think Tommy might be figuring out what he needs to do….

Tommy kneels over Bianca with a bloody face and a bloody blade. She looks up at him with wide eyes as he grips her by the neck. With one quick slice of the blade the stitches on Bianca’s neck are ripped apart. A small silver key falls onto the floor! Tommy throws down his blade and grabs the silver key. He looks down at the shackles around his feet and inserts the key into the lock. The shackles around Tommy’s come undone and fall freely to the ground. He stands tall and raises his hands in victory as the sound of a bell is once again piped into the room.

Winner - Tommy Wish


Suddenly four paramedics run into the room from a secret door on the side of the wall. Two of the paramedics are carrying a stretcher and run over to Bianca McBride. Tommy Wish raises his hands victoriously as he bumps into the other two paramedics that are standing in his way. The two paramedics look up to the camera and we can see they have Jigsaw masks on! Tommy Wish immediately sucker punches one of the paramedics and knocks him out cold. The other Jigsaw medic takes a few quick steps back before pulling out a can of bear mace. The jigsaw medic sprays Tommy in the eyes with the mace, forcing the Thug to claw at his burning eyes. The paramedic kicks Tommy Wish in the nuts, forcing him to fall over.

Charlie: Trick or treat, bitch! Hope you’re liking your show, Marf- I gave those medics specific instructions to kick Tommy in the nuts because I knew you’d like it!

Marf: This is the best Halloween present anyone has ever given me, Charlie.

The jigsaw medic grabs Tommy Wish by the collar and drags him back over to the chains on the side of the wall. The medic in the mask re attaches Tommy’s chains and starts beating the shit out of him.

Charlie: I didn’t ask him to do all this….

Marf: He might be taking this a bit far. It is just a Halloween prank, after all…who’s under that mask, anyways?

Charlie: Some bottom of the barrel guys from OCW…

Marf: Wait, what?! We need to get a handle on this! God damn it Charlie...quick, cut to something else!




[Image: image0-2.png]













Betsy Granger calls out as Lycana enters the room to greet her. Temporary seating has been set up around a collapsible table, and Granger rises to meet her. Something bothers her, however, about the look on Lycana’s face.

GRANGER: Is everything okay?

LYCANA: Yeah… it’s just… there’s something weird about this place, don’t you think?

GRANGER: You mean aside from it being an old spooky ruin of a castle where hundreds of people were probably tortured to death.

LYCANA: Well yeah, aside from that.

GRANGER: To be honest, it’s mostly that part that’s been bothering me.

LYCANA: I feel like someone might be following me.

GRANGER: Is it Dracula?

Lycana leers at her partner.

GRANGER: What? That’s not even a joke. I’ve been waiting here for him the whole time, and he was staring at your cleavage when last we saw him.

CRASH!

LYCANA: What was that?!

How high Lycana jumped at the sound visibly worries Granger.

GRANGER: I have no idea. It sounded like it came from outside the door, though.

They turn back towards the door that Lycana had stepped through - an arch of old wood. Soft scratches can be heard from the other side. The two eye each other cautiously.

GRANGER: Let’s see what’s behind door number one…

Betsy jests, and it helps, as Lycana settles in and steps towards the door. Stepping to the side, she reaches for the handle, as Granger prepares to face whatever awaits them.

Lycana turns the handle.

“I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!”


[Image: GLdq34i.jpg]


Dracula leaps forward into the room, dramatically baring his teeth and holding the tails of his cape in his hands so it spreads behind him like the wings of a bat.

Granger and Lycana immediately put their guard down. Lycana rolls her eyes, mumbling to herself.

LYCANA: Now he does it. This asshole…

GRANGER: There you are! We’re running out of time. Let’s go get our planning on before it’s too late.

She looks at Lycana, who now seems much more settled.

LYCANA: Can’t I just kill him myself?

GRANGER: No.

LYCANA: This is going to be a shit show.

Granger pushes Dracula out the door, and they head off to another part of the building to get away from the camera.

Lycana lingers a moment longer, looking back into the room.

For a moment, she could swear she sees movement in the shadows of one corner.

She shakes her head. It couldn’t be! She sets off in pursuit of her partners, shutting the door behind her.

Moments pass.

And a darkened figure steps forward into the centre of the room.


Marf: Wow, that was absolutely wild…..speaking of wild, what we have next up on the card is sure to be a barn burner!

Charlie: More like a casket closer!


[bwo]Holy Roman Zombie vs Centurion

Night of the Living Dead Match: Buried Alive Match
[/bwo]



Back outside, there is an opening to the left of the ring. The pathway goes to a huge mound of cold dirt and an open grave. Centurion is already there, standing in front of the open grave, staring into the abyss. He appears to be dressed up as the character Freddy, from Return of the Living Dead. Which of course isn’t the same as Night of the Living Dead so Centurion is already starting off on the wrong foot here. He doesn’t care and continues staring into the dark pit.

Charlie: How did he get out here so quick?

Marf: Hell if I know! Clearly Cent wants to hurry through this and not play tonight.

Charlie: What a party pooper!

Marf: Well at least he showed up to the big show.

Centurion is still staring into the open grave while the crowd begins to buzz. Emerging from the entrance is the Holy Roman Zombie. He mumbles through some inaudible gibberish before stumbling his way to the ring. It slowly meanders around ringside before heading up the pathway to the open grave. Holy Roman zombie shuffles closer to Centurion until he’s directly behind him. He raises his grey, boil infested arms up and grabs Centurion by the back of the head. Holy Roman zombie tears Centurion’s head clean off and straw spills out everywhere to the shocked audience.

Marf: Holy shit!

Charlie: Fuckin’ decoy!

As the Holy Roman zombie rips apart scarecrow Centurion the crowd begins to pop in surprise. The real Centurion sneaks up behind the zombie and smashes him in the back of his already mangled skull with a shovel. The Holy Roman zombie falls forward and drops into the empty grave. Centurion immediately goes to work, shovelling heaps and heaps of dirt on top of the wretched creature. Centurion brings the shovel down onto holy Roman zombie a few times for good measure and then continues to bury it. Finally Centurion finishes and has the Holy Roman zombie completely buried and the bell rings.





Winner by burial Centurion!!!




Charlie: That crafty bastard pulled it off!

Marf: Centurion with a smart little win I gotta say.

Centurion walks down the path with his arms raised in victory. He grabs a microphone and enters the ring. He points over to Charlie and Marf.

Centurion: Nice try but it looks like I out thought the pair of you two psychos! Now leave that damn thing buried for good!

Charlie assures Marf before standing up at the announce table. Charlie has a microphone of his own.

Charlie: You won the match fairs and squares Cent, ya got me there. However, my newly esteemed colleague Marf did set some simple rules for this special show. Rules you neglected to follow, sir! You never picked trick or treat, which means by default I will pick for you. And you're kind of being a bitch right now. Really, just who do you think you are to tell me what I can and can’t dig up on my own friend’s show? Enjoy your trick, asshole!

Centurion leans over the ropes and yells at Charlie and Marf but as he does this there are dozens of masked people rushing to the ring. All of them are wearing different Office characters for masks. Several Jims and Pams jump Centurion as he turns around. Dozens of them pound on Centurion while the audience boo what is happening. A Michael Scott picks up Centurion and hits a stunner, knocking him out.

Marf: So…are all the trick options just excuses to get people jumped??

Charlie: It’s the spirit of Halloween or whatever shit magic you wanna believe!

Marf: Fantastic…

Charlie: Speaking of fantastic, the next match we have on tap for you all tonight is sure to be a knock em’ down, cut em’ up affair! Let’s check out the action now...





[bwo]Mark Flynn & North Korean War Criminal With The Wolfman

Vs.

Betsy Granger & Lycana With Count Dracula

Monster Mash Machete Match: Win by chopping your opponent's monster creature into bits with a machete before the other team minces your monster!
[/bwo]






NKWC, Mark Flynn, and the Wolfman walk into the arena from a decaying tunnel set against the side of the arena as the North Korean theme plays over the speakers. NKWC walks back and forth in perfect step to the tune of the North Korean National Anthem, wielding a ceremonial sword and immaculate military uniform. Mark Flynn sighs and rubs the temple of his forehead as the Wolfman looks around anxiously.

Marf: This is a real dream team here- we have the XWF tag team champions paired alongside the best Werewolf in this match.

Charlie: That seems a bit targeted, Marf….

Two North Korean cadets jump down from the stands into the arena and walk several paces after NKWC, wielding the glorious flag of True Korea, wavering majestically overhead, leading the way to a brighter future for all mankind. Wherever he is, the True Leader of the Free World, Kim Jong Un sheds a single tear of pride for the Greatest Warrior on the Planet, aside from himself. The Wolfman starts to salivate as he watches the grand majesties. Just as the cadets begin packing up the ceremonial gear, the Wolfman attacks! He swiftly shreds the two cadets and begins devouring their entrails as the North Korean music suddenly cuts out. NKWC sheds off the jacket of his military uniform and tries to hide the Wolfman’s crimes from the camera with an awkward smile. Mark Flynn rolls his eyes and taps his foot as he impatiently waits for the match to begin.

Charlie: That’s one way to make a splash with your entrance!

Marf: Now that right there is proper Werewolfin’. This is shaping up to be a good one.




Charlie: This song sounds familiar. Isn’t that your song with Lycana, Marf?

Marf: ….

Betsy Granger, Lycana, and Count Dracula walk out from the tunnel as the theme music plays through the empty arena. Betsy Granger bounces around energetically as she psyches herself up for the bigtime matchup. Lycana calmly walks through the entrance tunnel and into the arena propper, keeping her gaze on the Wolfman with each and every step. Count Dracula looks at his two partners with equal parts disgust and lust. As the Count reaches the end of the tunnel he unclips his cloak and hangs it on a conveniently placed coat rack. Dracula begins uncuffing his shirt and rolling the sleeves down to his elbows. Betsy Granger and Lycana both look back at Dracula in annoyance as he continues to slowly prepare his outfit for the fight. The two women grab Dracula by the collar and force him forward as they call for the bell to be rung.

Charlie: These women don’t want to wait, they want to start machete mashin’ now!

Marf: I think it’s time to ring the bell and let the chips fall where they may!

Dracula hangs back as everyone else rushes to the middle of the arena. Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal are both sprinting straight towards the two machetes in the middle of the arena, with the Wolfman right in tow. Lycana and Betsy, however, seem to be running straight towards Flynn and NKWC! As NKWC reaches down to grab a machete he’s met with an overhead kick from Betsy Granger that knocks him silly!

Marf: Jesus Christ, she made his head look like a soccer ball on that play!

Charlie: GOOOOAAAALLLLLL! North Korea never wins in the world cup!

Flynn feigns like he’s going to grab a machete, luring Lycana into attempting a headscissors takedown that goes nowhere! Lycana lands roughly on the ground. Before Lycana is able to get out of the way Flynn lands a few stiff stomps on to her lower back! Mark follows up the stomps by mounting Lycana and raking her eyes from behind!

Charlie: That’s a dirty move, and I can’t help but respect it!

Marf: I don’t want to see that in this match, he should keep it clean.

Charlie: Stop simping, we’re supposed to be calling this match down the middle!

Meanwhile, the Wolfman decides to charge past the action and straight towards Count Dracula! Dracula looks incredibly mortified as he sees the werewolf sprinting at him on all fours! Just before the Wolfman is able to sink his claws into the Count, Dracula transforms himself into a bat and flies to the other side of the arena!

Charlie: Well that’s fucking bullshit.

Marf: Real pussy behavior right there from Dracula.

Charlie: Probably got that way from hanging around all those women!

Marf: I don’t think that’s how that works.

Betsy Granger is right back at NKWC as soon as he climbs back to his feet. Betsy Granger immediately sicks an armwringer aka spinning wristlock on NKWC. The korean man winces and grimaces in pain as Betsy expertly twists his arm in the submission. Right next door, Mark Flynn is now pounding the side of Lycana’s head with vicious hammer fists. One after the other after the other….until Lycana is able to get a forearm up in time to block it! Then, she bucks Fynn off of her and scurries to the side to collect her bearings.

Charlie: Good defense there from Lycana! You can’t just lay on your stomach when you’re being hit like that, you have to figure out how to change your position!

Marf: Yeah, great work.

The Wolfman starts sniffing around in the air until he’s able to track the scent of the Dracula bat, then, he looks across the ring and begins sprinting again. The bat somehow sighs and rolls it’s eyes as it prepares to take flight once more. Meanwhile, Betsy has turned her armwringer into an arm drag into an armhook sleeper! NKWC howls for help as Granger starts to crank the submission!

Charlie: This isn’t a submission match, you have to win by butchering the other team’s monster partner….but I love this technical showcase that Betsy is putting on!

Marf: She is a fearsome competitor, that’s for sure. I’d say she is a great technician between the ropes, but, well…..there are no ropes in this arena! She’s looking like a fearsome technician in any venue!

Mark Flynn breaks up the submission with a big boot to Betsy’s face while the Wolfman sprints across the ring towards the bat. As the Wolfman nears Dracula he once again takes flight, but this time the bat claws the Woflman’s eyes on it’s way up! The Wolfman howls and scampers away as the bat flies towards the relative safety on the other side of the arena.

Charlie: This bat is a fucking pussy-bat. Like one of those bats they use for softball.

Marf: He’s definitely a shit-heel, but he’s letting us use his castle, so I’m not going to complain too much about his fighting style.

Mark Flynn climbs on top of Betsy Granger and immediately begins busting her up with hammer fists and 6-12 elbows. The larger man looks like he’s too much for Granger to handle as he hits her with elbow after fist after elbow. Mark Flynn has bloodied Betsy up and is really laying into her….when, out of nowhere, Lycana catches Flynn with a frankensteiner that lifts him off Betsy and slams him onto the ground!

Charlie: Look at her athleticism!

Marf: I’ve seen her do that move a million times. She’s got it down to perfection by now.

Before Lycana can carry on her assault, NKWC charges at her and sticks a thumb in her eye! Lycana recoils in pain and takes a few steps back, allowing NKWC to kick her right in the pussy! Lycana keels over and is pushed to the ground by NKWC. NKWC looks at the three XWF wrestler laid out around him and chuckles before grabbing a machete off the ground. NKWC makes eye contact with the bat set at least twenty five feet away from him. The bat struts around mockingly, like a complete douchebag, as NKWC squints as he holds his machete like some sort of javelin.

Marf: Dracula really is a dick.

Charlie: Is that fucker going to….

NKWC launches his machete like a spear through the air! The bat, still strutting, doesn’t even notice the flying machete until it’s far too late! The bat tries to take flight, but the machete cuts right through it’s wing before it gets off the ground! Dracula screams in agony as the machete sticks into his little bat wing! NKWC yells out in victory as he makes a rude gesture at the Count.

Marf: War Criminal doesn’t have the match won yet, but he’s certainly put his team ahead!

Charlie: Fuck that bat fuck!

Dracula slowly transforms into his human self as blood starts flowing out of the machete wound. As he becomes human it is clear that the machete has become lodged in his left shoulder. Dracula looks around, panicked, as he notices The Wolfman is once again sprinting at him!

Marf: This is not looking good for our host!

Charlie: Good, fuck him! He fights like a sissy! I can’t wait to watch him die!

NKWC reaches down to grab the second machete, but Betsy Granger is back on her feet and waiting for him! The bleeding ginger grabs leaps into the air and smacks NKWC with a single leg dropkick! NKWC is sent reeling backwards and away from the machete, in the direction of Mark Flynn. Flynn is just starting to get his bearings back as he rises to his knee….only for NKWC to trip over him and send both men collapsing to the ground! Betsy winks cutesily at the clumsy men as she helps her own partner climb up to a standing position.

Marf: He’s going to kill Dracula!

Charlie: Wolfman for life!

The Wolfman leaps and pounces onto the Count!

BUT

The Count pulls the machete out of his shoulder with his right hand and holds it high in the air! The simpleminded fervor of the Wolfman is too powerful, and he doesn’t even notice that he’s jumping right on to a trap! The Wolfman bellows in misery as the steel slides into his flesh.

Marf: DRACULA JUST TIED THE SCORE UP FOR HIS TEAM!

Charlie: I was really hoping he’d just fucking die, but if he keeps slicing up Wolfmen, he might just have himself a new fan!

The Wolfman slides off of Dracula, breaking the machete off the poorly made handle. The handle remains in Dracula’s palm as the Wolfman falls to the ground with a steel blade deeply inserted into it’s abdomen. The Wolfman begins to whimper and yelp as it scampers away from Dracula. The Count throws the machete handle away and mocks the Wolfman derisively as he crawls back towards the wall of the arena. Count Dracula uses the wall of the arena to steady himself as he climbs back up to his feet.

Meanwhile, Lycana and Betsy Granger have used their opponent’s clumsiness to their advantage! Betsy Granger forms a human jumping pad as Lycana leaps off of her back and delivers a modified shooting star leg drop onto both of her downed opponents!

Charlie: What a crazy turn of events! Just when the Wolfman and War Criminal have Dracula two on one, these ladies soar back to life and start having their way with those boys! And look at Betsy’s face, just look how wet she is!

Marf: Phrasing.

Betsy follows up Lycana’s drop by delivering an elbow drop onto Flynn. Betsy quickly picks herself up before delivering yet another elbow drop to NKWC! Lycana immediately follows with some painful stomps to the back of NKWC’S skull. Betsy Granger looks down at Flynn, then down at the machete sitting a few feet away. Betsy turns away from her downed foes and dashes towards the machete, picking it up and charging at the still fleeing wolfman all in one swift motion!

Charlie: Lycana chose to get some revenge and Betsy chose to chase the objective. Who could have predicted that one?

Marf: Well the objective involves butchering a cute little wolf, so it’s not exactly Betsy’s normal Thursday evening affair.

Charlie: Cute wolf? That thing is hideous.

Marf: I think werewolves are beautiful.

Charlie: We know.

As Betsy screams at Dracula to help her chase the speedy Wolfman, Lycana drags NKWC to his feet by his hair. Lycana slaps NKWC around a couple times, forcing him to stumble around aimlessly from the shock of the blows. NKWC is stumbling around; he stumbles right into a perfectly executed face buster from Lycana! NKWC’s head slams against the floor and he seems like he’s ready to take a nap.

Charlie: What a big face buster from Lycana!

Marf: She’s an incredibly talented wrestler, there’s no doubt about it.

Lycana turns towards Mark Flynn and begins delivering a few stomps his way. She only gets two stomps in, however, before Mark Flynn sweeps her legs out from under her and sends her crashing to the arena floor! Both Flynn and Lycana quickly pick themselves up before engaging in a dramatic little stare down. Lycana charges forward at Flynn, but he ducks behind her while wrapping his arms around her waist. He lifts her up for a belly-to-back suplex and slams her back onto the ground head first!

Charlie: And that, children, is how concussions are made.

Marf: She’s tougher than nails, I think she can handle a few suplexes onto those chipped stone tiles.

Mark Flynn rolls through with the belly-to-back suplex, maintaining his firm grip around Lycana’s waist the entire time. Flynn rolls right back up to his feet and lifts Lycana up for a second suplex all in one fell swoop before slamming her head down onto the stone flooring for a second time! After the second belly-to-back suplex Flynn releases his grip on Lycana and lets her body roll to the side next to NKWC.

Mark Flynn leaps to his feet and begins chasing after the machete-wielding Betsy Granger, who is leaving droplets of blood all across the arena as she chases the ever elusive Wolfman. As the Wolfman makes a particularly slow turn, Mark Flynn is able to catch up with Betsy just before she is able to slice the Wolfman! Flynn brings Betsy down with a football tackle that sends the machete flying to the floor. The bleeding Betsy isn’t content to be mounted, so she immediately elbows Flynn right in the nose. Mark brings his hands up to his bleeding nose and begins to wonder if it’s fractured as Betsy crawls out from his grasp and picks herself up to her feet. Mark Flynn turns back to look at her only in time to eat a reverse roundhouse kick right on the nose! Flynn falls over onto his back and begins clutching his broken and bloodied nose with both hands. Betsy looks down at Flynn, then back over at the Wolfman, who has now ceased his running and has begun howling in place.

Marf: Looks like the Wolfman is getting over his panic and is beginning to regain some of his strength.

Charlie: Maybe Dracula can start to match his intensity sometime.

As if on cue, Dracula licks his fingers and applies his saliva to the open wound on his shoulder. Dracula grimaces mightily, but after a few seconds go by the Count’s skin appears to be mostly healed. The vampire stares down the howling Wolfman across the arena before darting towards him in the blink of an eye! Betsy joins Dracula, but is much slower to the punch!

The Count hops on top of the Wolfman and begins raking his eyes out with his inhuman nails! Dracula follows up his blinding attack with a starved bite to the Wolfman’s neck that rips out a huge chunk of furry flesh! The Wolfman stumbles back towards the wall of the arena as it howls in pain. Betsy Granger makes the most of her opportunity and begins slicing away at the wolfman’s legs with her machete! One slice after the other, the Wolfman’s ankles and thighs are being shredded to the bone in some places by Betsy’s cuts!

Charlie: The Wolfman is going to need some help here! He’s in a bad spot!

Marf: It’s not looking good for our tag team champs. It’s looking even worse for this Talbott bloke…

As Betsy and Dracula continue to rip away at the pinned up Wolfman, both Lycana and NKWC begin rising to their feet. As they rise up off their knees they quickly exchange glances with each other….then NKWC blows a cloud of green mist right into Lycana’s eyes! Lycana rolls over but quickly scurries back up to her feet, but she’s clearly blinded! She tries to land a few punches, but she can’t see NKWC well enough to hit him! War Criminal dodges her attacks before kicking her in the gut!

Charlie: NKWC has Lycana in a rough spot, but he might need to change course and go help The Wolfman if he wants to win this one for that shithole country!

NKWC lifts Lycana up and attempts a Jackhammer (a la Goldberg). NKWC holds Lycana high up in the air for an ungodly amount of time….and then she decides to start kneeing him in the head repeatedly! After four or five huge knees to the head, NKWC looks groggy and falls over! He loses his grip on Lycana, and she falls from the air to the stone floor! The two of them completely wipe out next to each other as the Wolfman continues to howl from across the arena!

Marf: That’s a big mistake from War Criminal. He lost focus of the objective, and now the Wolfman is paying for it.

Charlie: Those knees to the skull look like they rocked him! Mark Flynn may be the Wolfman’s last hope!

Mark Flynn is bringing himself up to his feet and shaking the cobwebs out of his head as Dracula and Betsy continue to go HAM on the Wolfman. The Wolfman is squirming and shivering as the blood continues to be slashed, ripped, bitten, and clawed out of him! His flesh is being ripped from the bone, and his howls are slowly starting to quiet.

Charlie: The Wolfman is starting to look like a wine-stained rug!

Marf: This is fucking brutal. When are you going to call it?

Charlie: When he’s dead!

Mark Flynn howls fiercely as he charges fowarth to defend his furry partner. He locks his hands together before clubbing an unsuspecting Betsy Granger repeatedly in the back of the head until she falls to her knees. Flynn clubs Granger again for good measure and sends her down to the floor. Dracula pays no mind to Mark and continues tearing at the neck of the Wolfman with his fangs. Mark looks up at the brutal scene with a grimace before looking at the ground near his feet. Flynn grabs the machete from Granger’s grip before driving it deep into the ribcage of Count Dracula! The vampire screeches like a demon and immediately relinquishes it’s hold on the Wolfman, but the Wolfman grabs onto Dracula and lifts him up into a powerbomb position! Mark Flynn pulls the machete out of the vampire and goes to stab him again, but it’s no use! The Vampire’s body is being hauled across the arena! The Wolfman runs forward on two legs as it lifts the Count high into the air! Flynn looks on in wonder as the Wolfman delivers a sit-out powerbomb right onto Lycana’s body!

Charlie: Holy shit!

Marf: I thought The Wolfman was going to be dead!

Charlie: With all that blood he’s losing, he still might be!

Both the Wolfman and Dracula lay still on the ground near Lycana and NKWC. Mark Flynn, machete in hand, begins stepping towards the center of the carnage with a satisfied smile spread across his face.

Mark Flynn only takes a few steps before that smile is wiped right off of his face by a rolling koppu kick to the back of his head! Mark Flynn stumbles forward and uses his hands to prevent himself from totally falling flat. As Mark Flynn pushes himself back to his feet Betsy Granger charges at him and hits him with a running full nelson facebuster! Blood squirts out of Flynn’s forehead as soon as his skull bangs against the floor!

Charlie: EEK MUST DICK BRENDAN!

Marf: Er- what? What the hell are you talking about Charlie?! We are seeing Betsy use her supreme speed and agility to outmaneuver her opponents, and you’re over here talking gibberish!

Charlie: That’s the name of Betsy’s secondary finishing move that she just unleashed to perfection!

Marf: I’m pretty sure that’s not at all how it’s pronounced!

Charlie: Cut a guy some slack! It’s her secondary finisher, okay?! It’s not like I get to hear it said often!

Marf: No matter what the move is called, I think it may have just knocked Flynn’s lights out!

Betsy Granger grabs the machete out of Flynn’s unconscious hand and begins the slow walk to the...man?!?! In the center of the ring?!

Charlie: Holy shit, it looks like Talbott has lost his wolf form!

Marf: How late has this show gone?!?!

Charlie: Do you think that Dracula prick cast a spell on him while he was gnawing off his ear?! I’d have to check, but that might be against the rules!

Marf: Charlie- the only rule on the Marf Show is that there is no rules! Betsy Granger is going to have to murder the human Talbott with the machete in order to win this match-up against the XWF tag team champions!

Charlie: That’s so sick and fucking twisted, Marf- I love it. Does she have what it takes to kill a, um, somewhat innocent man in order to advance her own career and really secure her claim to the XWF tag gold? I know Lycana has it in her, but does Betsy?

Betsy Granger, blood still dripping down her face, slowly approaches the shivering Talbott. The man’s flesh appears to have been sliced and diced hundreds of times. White bone is visible in many areas on his shoulders and legs, evidence of flesh that once was but is no longer. The man is almost entirely coated in red….and he begs, in a soft and pleading voice…..for Betsy Granger to kill him.

Betsy Granger steps to Talbott as his body begins to shake and seize.

Marf: Should we uh, should we call this one?

Charlie: He doesn’t look dead yet to me.

Betsy Granger looks into the camera and waits for the sound of a bell to be piped into the castle. She hears nothing. Betsy looks down at the nearly gutted man who’s shaking is growing more and more intense with every passing second. Betsy Granger looks away from the man as she raises her machete….

"Let me do it."

“No. I did this to him, I should see it through.”

Lycana rises slowly to her feet as Betsy Granger stares down at the half-flayed man beneath her. Betsy swings the machete through the man’s neck with all her might. His head goes rolling down the ever so slight decline underneath the arena. Blood squirts from his neckhole as his somewhat skeletal body suddenly goes limp.


Winners by Mutilation - Count Dracula, Lycana, and Betsy Granger


Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal come together and slowly make their way through the exit with a sunken demeanor. Dracula looks around, spits at his teammates, then magically transforms back into a bat and flies up into the darkness.

Charlie: Well that’s another dick move by Dracula.

Marf: Lycana and Betsy were kinda bitchy to him in those promos though, I can’t blame the guy for lashing out.

Lycana and Betsy Granger begin to walk towards the exit, when suddenly, the lights go completely out. Darkness shrouds the ring.

MARF: It seems like the power has gone out here.

NICKLES: God damn it, I thought you fucking paid the power people?

MARF: I did!

Seconds pass.

A minute even.

With a CRACK! of thunder up above, the lights come back on but Betsy Granger is nowhere to be found. Instead, Lycana stands in the middle of the ring.

But she is not alone.

MARF: Someone’s behind Lycana!

A figure, clad completely in black, stands behind her.

She senses something is afoot, and slowly turns around to see what is behind her.

NICKLES: Where the hell did Betsy go?

MARF: I hoped I was wrong, but I knew Lycana couldn’t trust her! Just give me a second here…

Before Marf moves, Lycana has the opportunity to catch just a glimpse of the figure behind her. She doesn’t have time to react, as another CRACK rips out across Romania, and the lights go out once more.

NICKLES: Oh for fuck’s sake! Excuse me for the disruption here, everybody. It’s so hard to find good help.

Darkness.

Seconds.

A minute.

Something flickers on the X-Tron.

NICKLES: Now what?


[Image: H4Ic2E6.gif]



NICKLES: ‘I accept?’ What does that mean?

The lights flash on, brighter than ever before. Slowly, they settle back into their regular brightness, and Betsy has returned to Lycana’s side, looking absolutely flabbergasted by what just happened.

There is a third person, though.

NICKLES: Look at the stage!

Standing underneath the X-Tron…

MARF: That sonofabitch. It’s Alias! He’s here in Romania!

Lycana looks completely shocked at the sight of the Universal Champion standing underneath the X-Tron that still displays those two words.

MARF: I think Alias has just accepted Lycana’s challenge for Bad Medicine!

NICKLES: I got screwed! It should have been me! Whatever. I’m not buying the pay per view.

MARF: Alias vs. Lycana…A rematch, this time for the Universal Championship!

The camera fades to a commercial, as Alias, stoic, stares down Lycana, who lets a small smirk cross her face…….

Marf: This is big fucking news….but we still have another big time match-up tonight, Charlie. I think our competitors are taking their places now!



[bwo]Elijah Martin vs Morbid Angel vs Rampage

Castle of 1000 Corpses Match: All 3 competitors start from the top of the castle and have to escape to the main floor and out the front door first[/bwo]



We cut now to the very top of the massive castle. In the small attic room waits Rampage, Elijah Martin and Morbid Angel. An unknown buzzer goes off and the race to the bottom of the castle officially begins. The three men all eye one another up and down. Rampage throws a heavy punch at Morbid but gets blocked. Elijah grabs them both by the heads and bashes them together. Elijah shoves Rampage into the wall before turning and getting nailed with a cross chop from Morbid. Elijah stops in his tracks and then nails Morbid with a cross chop of his own.

Charlie: Well this is a slow start to a race!

Marf: Pretty sure these assholes are going to beat one another every step of the way first.

Charlie: They better not damage the castle, I can’t afford to lose the down payment.

Marf: What down payment? We used one of those cheques from Vinnie you stole, remember?

Charlie: Oh right! Sweet deal! Smash it up boys!

Elijah and Morbid trade chops back and forth until it turns into hard punches. Rampage charges them and hits both men with a double clothesline that crushes them both into the wall. They drop to the ground while Rampage turns and heads down the wobbly ladder to the hallway below. Rampage looks down the narrow hallway but it stops at a dead end. With a door on the left and a door on the right Rampage goes for the left door. He enters a room that is lit up bright yellow. As soon as Rampage steps inside there are multiple people dressed as sun flowers.

Rampage looks around at the weirdly dressed folks before trying to find an exit to the room. Suddenly all of the flower clad people start grabbing themselves and vigorously masturbate until Rampage is hit with some yellow powder. A few times it hits him in the face and he staggers around and falls down. Rampage screams out in pain while scratching at his swollen eyes. The powder seems to be some kind of pollen extract. Morbid heads down the ladder as Rampage stumbles out of the bright yellow room.

Marf: Hey how potent did you make that pollen powder?

Charlie: I dunno, was I supposed to check that?

Marf: I feel like we’re both gonna get in a lot of trouble for this show…

Charlie: I’m sure I can find a way to get Vinnie and Theo to blame each other.

Elijah hops down from the ladder and lands double knees onto Morbid, driving them both into the door to the right. The two men fall into the room which is not yellow like the one to the left. Elijah is up first and gets to close to the wall where there are multiple mountain lions chained to. Elijah gets tackled by one of the cougars and rolls away before getting mauled. Morbid gets up and headbutts Elijah, driving him back. Morbid shoves Elijah into the mountain lions while Rampage stumbles into the room half blindly.

Two of the mountain lions go for Elijah but let go of him once Rampage crashes into all of them. Rampage yells out in pain as one of the cougars slashes his stomach with it’s sharp claws. Morbid grabs Rampage as he staggers away from the lions. Morbid has Rampage by the throat and manages to hit a choke slam on the huge man. Due to his size, Rampage actually smashes through the floor and into a dark pool of water in the room below. Elijah dives from the cougars and hits a hurricarona on Morbid that sends both men tumbling to the floor below.

Marf: What the hell is in that water?

Charlie: Do you reeeeeally want to know the answer to that?

Marf: ………….yes.

Charlie: A shitload of leeches!

Rampage stands up in the waist deep pool of water and grabs hold of the stunned Morbid Angel. Rampage drives an elbow into Morbid’s face, busting his nose open. Elijah steps up onto the hunched over Morbid and connects with a shining wizard to Rampage. The big man falls back against the liner of the pool and it breaks under his weight. The water splashes out everywhere and leeches can be seen all over the ground as well as the three competitors. Elijah gets to his feet and turns right into a power slam from Morbid.

Morbid gets back up and starts pulling leeches off of his body. With a handful of leeches he wipes the blood from his damaged nose. Morbid then actually tosses a leech into his mouth and gives it a chew. He shrugs and finishes it off before turning and booting Rampage in the ribs. Morbid grabs Rampage and hits a snap DDT onto the floor. Morbid gets back up and exits the leech room, finding a staircase at the back. He makes his way down and then goes through a large curtain. The next part of the castle that Morbid enters is a hallway with flickering lights.

Charlie: Morbid Angel is starting to build a lead here.

Marf: Do you even know what part of the castle he’s in?

Charlie: I don’t think I’ve even seen two thirds of the inside of the castle…

Marf: God damn…

Morbid cautiously moves through the hallway as the lights continue to flicker on and off around him. A man in a bunny costume covered in blood bursts out of a doorway. He turns and thrusts a knife directly at Morbid who narrowly avoids it. Morbid grabs hold of the bunny man and lifts him high over his head. He then drills him with a press style ace crusher, knocking him outcold. Morbid gets up and enters the room. He immediately freezes as he spots multiple skunks. Morbid slowly turns to quietly exit the skunk room.

Elijah heads down the hallway and spots Morbid at the doorway of the skunk room. Elijah unknowingly charges forward while Morbid frantically waves his arms in protest. Elijah spears Morbid and the two of them drop just inside the doorway of the skunk room. Morbid freezes while Elijah looks up slowly and realizes. The two men remain motionless while four different skunks have their asses aimed and ready, in the deadliest stand off ever seen.

Rampage comes bumbling down into the hallway now. He looks around for a moment before seeing the open door and his opponents. As Morbid and Elijah are almost to their feet they see Rampage approaching. They both try to silently warn him but he just charges forward and then splashes down on top of both men. All three men hit the ground with force and the skunks respond by spraying them all simultaneously. The three men all scream out in horror and scramble to exit the room.

Marf: I’m not even going to ask if you gathered these animals in a legal manner…

Charlie: I didn’t.

Marf: Wasn’t asking man!

Charlie: It was really easy too…

Marf: Really don’t need to know!

Elijah hunches over and nearly vomits while wretching. Rampage stumbles around until he finds a door and tries going inside. As soon as he opens the door a wave of blood splashes out and soaks the giant head to toe. Some of it goes in Rampage’s mouth and he immediately throws up everywhere. Elijah starts puking now and Morbid rushes forward and big boots Rampage while he’s distracted. Rampage falls back and crashes through a weak wall and into an open room.

Elijah jumps onto Morbid’s back and applies a rear naked choke. He coils around him while Morbid struggles forward, into the new room. Morbid runs with Elijah on his back and then jumps, spinning in the air, and squashing Elijah into Rampage. The three men collapse to the ground of the open room, directly in front of a massive staircase. Morbid is up first and the smell of skunk mixed with the vomit finally overtakes his insides. Morbid lurches and then pukes a vile mixture of chewed leeches mixed with kfc popcorn chicken all over Rampage.

Elijah rolls out of the way of the massive puke tsunami coming from Morbid. He gets to his feet and rushes the dazed Morbid. Elijah hops up and then catches Morbid with a code breaker on the top of the stairs, sending both men tumbling down the luxurious steps. Rampage is trapped on the upper floor, throwing up uncontrollably now. At the bottom of the steps Morbid grabs the railing and pulls himself up. Elijah tumbles beside him and Morbid hauls him up for a back breaker. Elijah spins to counter with a head scissors that sends Morbid smashing through the side railing of the stairs.

Charlie: Oh man they’re right there! Better hurry up!

Marf: Why do they need to hurry?

Charlie: Because that’s the spider room!

Marf: Oh Jesus…

Elijah heads for the giant front door but Morbid comes flying back with a piece of the railing. He stabs it into the shoulder of Elijah who cries out in pain. Morbid grabs him and hits the Second Coming crucifix powerbomb. With Elijah down, Morbid goes to open the big front door when he stops. Hundreds of spiders are covering the door and walls around it. Morbid shudders but then turns around as he hears a cry from above him. Morbid turns to see a vomit covered Rampage rumbling down the steps.

At the halfway mark Rampage throws himself off the steps at Morbid. The huge man comes right for him but Morbid times it perfectly and levels Rampage with vicious clothesline from Purgatory. Rampage is turned inside out before hitting the ground frighteningly close to his neck. Morbid steps back to his feet and roars with domination. He turns around and Elijah catches him with a kick to the balls. Elijah grabs hold of Morbid and hits a modified version of the Prologue future shock DDT. Morbid’s head is driven into the front door, but the steel gate doesn’t give! Elijah and Rampage fall to the floor, clearly both exhausted! Elijah Martin begins to stir first, but he takes a long pause to wipe all the sweat from out of his eyes.

Marf: What’s it going to take for somebody to win this one?!

Charlie: Excuse me, Marf- there is a secret trap door into the caste I must now hurry off towards.

Marf: Wait, what? Why are you taking your chair with you?

Charlie: Well, Elijah’s a dick and Morbid’s pretty cool so I’m going to go turn a little trick like Betsy’s mom used to.

It isn’t long before we see Elijah Martin start to pull himself up to his feet. He looks down at the steel gate and starts trying to figure out the locking mechanism on the door. Then, all of a sudden, a secret door along the stone wall opens up and Charlie Nickles comes sprinting out with a chair.

“TRICK OR TREEEAATTTT-UGH….”

Charlie Nickles raises the chair high and swings it down on Elijah, but Martin is too quick! He punches Nickles in the gut and hunches the big man over! Elijah snatches the key hanging conveniently out of Charlie’s back pocket and places it into the lock on the castle door. He pushes the steel gate open and walks out into the dawn.



Winner by escaping, Elijah Martin!!!



Marf: Well that sucks! I was also rooting for Morbid to win!

Elijah Martin raises his arms to celebrate but is quickly tackled to the ground by several people dressed as captain Spaulding. They beat on poor Elijah while screaming “trick” over and over again. Charlie stands up and begins to applaud the mayhem while Marf shakes his head, but even Marf can’t hide a slight smirk as we go to a commercial break. It should come as no surprise at all the commercial is for Count Chocula!




[Image: image0-2.png]






[bwo]
CHARLIE'S SURPRISE MAIN EVENT MATCH IN MARF SWAYSON'S HONOR
[/bwo]

We see Charlie cursing underneath his breath as he rolls a wheelbarrow full of grain sacks down the backstage hallway. Charlie walks past various XWF wrestlers receiving medical treatment for the wounds suffered throughout the night, but he doesn’t pay them any mind. Charlie keeps walking straight down the backstage area with his wheelbarrow.

Marf: Well, it’s time for that surprise Main Event….Lord only knows what Charlie has in mind.

Marf presses a button to pipe in the sound of a bell ringing. Charlie smiles sadistically as he suddenly stops walking. He turns to a nearby door that is marked as the women’s dressing room. Charlie opens the door and jollily rolls the wheelbarrow into the all female locker room. The women recoil in disgust and make sure to fully conceal themselves as Charlie pulls a microphone out from his waistband.

Charlie: Tonight it’s all about Marf, so for our surprise main event, I wanted to have a match that I knew Marf would love to see: a bra and panties rock fight to the death match amongst all of our lovely and talented shooting stars!

Marf: What the….

Charlie flips the wheel barrow over and hundreds of large stones come flying out of the grain sacks.

Charlie: Now ladies, strip down to your undies, pick up a rock, and let’s get stoned!

None of the women in the locker room seem interested in doing any of that. Instead, they mostly just cross their arms, roll their eyes, and wait for Charlie to leave. Charlie looks around nervously, anxiously, hopeful that his big main event surprise match won’t be ruined….when, all of a sudden……..


MICHEAL GRAVES CHARGES INTO THE ROOM WEARING NOTHING BUT SEXY BLACK LINGERIE! Charlie steps out of his way as Graves picks up a rock of the ground and tackles the nearest woman and just starts smashing her head with his rock hard rock!

Charlie: Oh yeah! Smash her!

Marf: ….

Charlie cheers on jubilantly as the women in the locker room shriek and flee the premises.

Charlie: It looks like we have our last man standing! Rock on, Gravy Boy!

Winner - Graves


Charlie Nickles raises Graves’ hand in victory as women scream in the background.

Marf: Well there you have it folks, the thrilling conclusion to the Marf Show. If you don’t like what you saw today, well, then you just don’t like professional wrestling.


[bwo] Special Thanks To
Everyone for their patience lol[/bwo]

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[Image: Bran-Castle-at-Night-with-Full-Moon-Tran...850387.jpg]



The voice of Charlie Nickles plays over ambient music as the camera takes us through the grounds of Poenari Castle. We see various wrestlers warming up and talking to each other in the makeshift backstage area as the camera pans around to show us all the fan favorites.

We have a time traveler on the card for tonight’s show, folks- so think nothing of the day you watched this broadcast. In fact, this broadcast was indeed brought to you seven days early and met with voracious applaus and incredible reviews. Our time traveler friend made sure of it. You, however, may not remember portions of those events due to the globalist plots and schemes against lil ol’ Marf and Charlie.

You see folks, this show you are about to attend is not for the faint of heart or the weak of sense. This show you are about to see before your very own eyes is none other than the most violent, the most depraved, the most disgusting carnie sideshow festival ever to bless the Romanian airwaves. This sick fuckandbloodfest was deemed so dark and disconcerting that the Romanian secret police, along with their globalist allies at XWF HQ, worked their evil ways to delay and suppress the release of these tapes. They did the classic Men-In-Black trick to you all when you tried to open up your fetish porn sites. It’s crazy what they can do with just a computer camera now a days, isn’t it?

But now, folks- I have damn near done the impossible. I have fought through thick and thin to recover these lost tapes, these tapes you have seen before, these tapes you did in fact see early and were forced to forget- I have recovered these tapes from the wretched hands of the wrestling purists and the traditionalists. From the holymen and the false believers. It was my duty, as the executive producer of the Marf Show, to put my life, limb, body, and soul on the line so that you may enjoy this viewing experience.

So please: take your ambien, pull down your pants, and forget all about what that nurse said about the bell curve placement of your penis…...it’s time for the Marf Show, baby.







[Image: image0-2.png]






We cut to a shot of Marf and Charlie wearing business professional suits and sitting next to each other at a table. They appear to be in the middle of the dark woods just outside of the castle, and they have a variety of camera screens and snacks placed on their table for their viewing pleasure.

Marf: Well Charlie that sure was a kick-ass excuse for your bender.

Charlie: I don’t know what you’re talking about officer.

Marf: Riiiiight. Well anyways folks, I have a hell of a show lined up for you tonight. If you like tits, ass, death, savage jungle men who may in fact be half-ape, and incredible amounts of failed plastic surgery I have the perfect show for you coming right up!

Charlie: You sure do make a great salesman, Marf!

Marf: Why thank you, Charlie- I learned how to sell from the very best!

Charlie: It’s so nice that Thaddeus Duke takes time out of his day to mentor the younger, or somewhat older, roster members.

Marf: Uh-huh. Well the first match on the card is mine, Charlie- so if you don’t excuse me, I’m going to go and put a cup in my undergarments so that Graves can’t nutcheck me.

Charlie: Good thinking, Marf- that’s why you’re a two time television champion. You’re always thinking three quarters of a step ahead of the competition! You go get yourself all lubed up and plugged and I will go track Dolly down and see if she’s down to replace you, and maybe replace my ex-wife! In the meantime, let’s see if anyone is getting up to anything fun on this spooky night….

The camera cuts to a shot of a cavernous chamber in the bowels of the castle’s ruins, finding Impossible Entity, the team of Betsy Granger and Lycana, making their way through the passageways the XWF has repurposed for tonight’s event. The flickering of flame torches hanging from fastenings in the stone walls, lights their way

LYCANA: Marf’s up first tonight. I really should go check in on him before his match and before he settles into commentary. I haven’t been around and… things are… well, they’re….

GRANGER: Do you want me to come with?

LYCANA: Thank you, but no. I think it’ll go over smoother if you’re not there. No offence.

Granger purses her lips and pauses for a moment, considering her partner’s predicament. She double-checks.

GRANGER: Are you sure?

LYCANA: Yes, I’m sure. Again, thank you. It’s just…

GRANGER: Complicated.

Betsy nods in understanding.

LYCANA: What isn’t these days?

Both women crack wry smiles, hinting at the complexity of their own relationship, as they reach a fork in the road. Lycana points in one direction.

LYCANA: You go ahead. I have a feeling I know where to find him…. If he will even see me.

GRANGER: Okay, but don’t take too long. I really don’t want to spend any time with Dracula alone, if I don’t have to.

LYCANA: I don’t blame you. I’ll be there as soon as I can.[/]

GRANGER: Good. I’ll see you soon then.

[b]LYCANA: Definitely.

Granger walks off down the corridor, in the direction Lycana pointed, her echoing footsteps lingering far longer than the sight of her. Lycana watches her go for a short moment, before turning down the other path.

The torches continue to flicker. And just for a moment, they darken completely as a shadow crosses over them, moving in Lycana’s direction.


We fade out to a brief intermission where infomercials advertise Viagra and medical marijuana cards to the audience.


[bwo]Marf vs Micheal Graves

Puzzlebox Match: Pinfall only match
[/bwo]




Lights in the Sky hits and Marf steps outside the massive backyard of the castle to a chorus of immediate booing. Marf has a dark blue jumpsuit on and a Michael Myers mask on. He nods at the reaction of the crowd before making his way down to ringside. He looks around at the ladders set up all around the ring. Marf rolls under the ropes and into the ring before climbing to the top rope and raising his arms to more booing. He hops down and removes the mask, tossing it out into the audience. Marf then takes a look up at all the hanging boxes above the ring, not really sure how they’re suspended there.



Michael Graves steps out onto the makeshift stage and stares coldly at Marf in the ring. The fans show him a little bit of love but he ignores as he begins to march towards the ring. Marf leans against the corner and watches Graves as he slowly makes his way to the ring, seething with fury. Michael Graves climbs onto the apron and stands outside the ropes for a moment. He stares at Marf and neither man does anything but glare at the other. Finally Graves enters the ring and the two men come face to face.

Charlie: Well here we go ladies and germs! I’m being joined by the one and only Dolly Waters since Marf is in the match.

Dolly: Charles, thanks for having me…so uhh, can you explain what the hell this match is exactly?

Charlie: Well it’s pretty obvious, it’s a puzzlebox match! They gotta climb ladders to get the puzzle boxes! Only one has the true key to victory, the rest all have horrifying secrets…ooooo!

Dolly: What does any of that mean? You have to find the right box to win the match?

Charlie: Yeah you got it! But also pin your opponent…

Dolly: What drugs were you on when you came up with these matches??

Charlie: Hey! This is Marf’s show! Ask that weirdo!

The bell rings and both Graves and Marf rear back and fire off big punches. Neither man hesitates as they land blow after blow upon one another. Graves drives his fist into Marf’s head and face while Marf reciprocates with multiple punches of his own cracking Graves in the mouth and nose. It is not long before both men’s faces begin to puff out and swell yet they both stand there stubbornly, beating the hell out of one another. Graves cracks Marf in the mouth with a short elbow but Marf rears back and drills Graves with a headbutt.

Graves lands a very stiff backhand across Marf’s chest that stops his momentum. Graves drives a knee into Marf’s gut and then pulls him up. Graves goes for a running powerbomb but Marf drops down with a DDT instead. Marf looks for an arm lock but Graves kicks him in the head by surprise to back Marf off. Graves pops up but Marf grabs him for a swinging neck breaker. Graves counters it into his own swinging neck breaker taking both men down to the mat.

Charlie: Well this is on pace to be a blood bath!

Dolly: Marf did some really bad stuff to me inside of Graves’ body. Michael is looking for some bloody revenge for sure!

Charlie: You were in Graves’ body? And I’m not allowed to hit on you??

Dolly: Two completely unrelated things, don’t be an idoiot Charles!

Charlie: Don’t call me Charles and I won’t call you Cunty the Penis Slayer anymore.

Dolly: You’ve never called me that. And better not ever call me that either. What the hell does that even mean…never mind I don’t want to know. Let’s get back to the match please…

Marf and Graves both get back up to their feet at the same time. They start trading punches once again. Marf starts hitting multiple shots in a row before Graves traps his arm. Graves pulls Marf right in and starts hitting him with the trapping headbutts. Graves hits about a dozen headbutts before smoothly transitioning into a belly to belly suplex. Graves grabs hold of Marf and goes into a modified STF. Marf rolls through and then frees his arm and elbows Graves in the face to break the hold.

Marf pulls himself back up with the ropes as Graves gets up and drives a double axe handle blow across Marf’s back. Graves hits him with another knee but as he goes for another Marf blocks it. Marf grabs hold of Graves and goes for a spinning back fist. Graves ducks it and then takes Marf down with a belly to back suplex. Graves once again goes for the STF and locks it in on Marf. He stretches it for a moment but Marf somehow pushes off the mat and falls back to break the hold awkwardly. They both get up going at one another but as Graves swings a punch Marf catches him by surprise with a drop toe hold. Graves lands against on the bottom rope right across his throat.

Charlie: Leave it to Marf to come out wrestling in a match with ladders and no real rules!

Dolly: Between Gravy and Marfy? Only a matter of time before the toys come out.

Charlie: What kind of toys??

Dolly: Shut the hell up!

Marf gets back to his feet while Graves takes a moment, holding his throat and coughing. Graves uses the ropes to pull himself up but is caught offguard when Marf nails him in the side of the head with a running big boot. Graves drops to a knee as Marf then grabs hold of him. Marf pulls Graves in and goes for a pump handle slam but Graves manages to counter as they go up and hits a flowing DDT out of nowhere. Marf pushes himself up but gets caught with a shuffle side kick that sends him on his back onto the mat.

Marf slowly rolls himself out of the ring while Graves starts looking around at the different boxes hanging above the ring. Graves runs over to the ropes and goes for a baseball slide but Marf times it and shifts out of the way. Marf goes for a clothesline but Graves ducks out of the way. Graves jumps up with a nice standing drop kick but Marf steps out of the way and let’s him fall. Marf grabs Graves and then throws him into the steel steps. Marf walks over and grabs one of the ladders on the floor. He closes it and then runs over, smashing it into Graves before he can pull himself up.

Charlie: That’s gotta hurt!

Dolly: It is never a good time when ladders are involved.

Charlie: Just wait until they start opening the puzzle boxes!

Dolly: What the hell is in the wrong boxes?

Charlie: I’ll never tell!

Marf shoves the ladder in the ring and follows after it. He sets it up under the box hanging directly in the middle of the ring. Marf begins to climb up the ladder while the crowd gets excited. Marf reaches up and grabs hold of the first puzzle box while Graves pulls himself up onto the apron. Marf opens the box but immediately drops it and starts waving his hands wildly. A bee lands on his arm and stings him while he yells out in pain. Marf smacks the bee and kills it right before Graves tips the ladder. Marf falls off and slams into the ropes before hitting the mat painfully.

Dolly: Was that a damn bee!?

Charlie: Ahahaha! Yeah!

Dolly: How the hell did you get it in that box?

Charlie: Took me six and a half hours to catch ‘er.

Dolly: …….

Graves moves the ladder over so it is under one of the other puzzle boxes while Marf is still down, holding his throat in pain. Graves starts climbing up the ladder now until he can reach the puzzle box, pulling it into his hands. Marf starts to pull himself up with the ropes while watching as Graves opens the box. As soon as it opens it explodes with a minor explosion that causes Graves to fall off the ladder and land hard on the mat. Marf walks over and pulls Graves up and then nails a falcon arrow onto the stunned Graves.

Dolly: What the hell was that? How did you guys get these matches signed off?

Charlie: I dunno we just kinda made em up and we’re going from there.

Dolly: Go where!? You guys are gonna get so fined so much!

Charlie: Oh no no, that’s the best part. Only Vinnie and Theo are held responsible! So no big deal!

Dolly: ……..

Marf gets back to his feet and eyes the next available box. He moves the ladder over and sets it up under another puzzle box. Marf climbs about halfway up before Graves pulls himself back up. He comes over and starts climbing up after Marf. As they get to the top Marf doesn’t go for the puzzle box and waits for Graves instead. Marf hits Graves with a heavy shot. He fires back and hits Marf right back. Marf answers with another hard punch. Graves goes to answer back but Marf blocks it. Graves blocks Marf’s next shot and then sprays him with the poison mist which appears to be the purple variety.

Marf stands on the ladder and blinks a few times while wiping at the purple gunk all over his face. He seems confused and Graves shoves him off the ladder and crashing to the mat below. Graves grabs hold of the puzzle box above his head. Much more carefully this time, Graves slowly opens the box and flinches. Nothing happens and Graves starts to look inside when he suddenly begins coughing. He tosses the opened puzzle box into the crowd before vomiting on the top of the ladder.

Dolly: Now what the hell was that??

Charlie: Bahahahahaha! That must’ve been the dozen fart bomb surprise! [/shadow

Dolly: You are seriously messed up dude…

[shadow=red">Charlie: Oh come on, it’s funny!

Graves wipes the puke away from his mouth while taking a step down the ladder. He spots Marf getting up on the mat, looking around and shaking his head. Graves times it and then jumps off the ladder. Graves connects with a beautiful diving drop kick that sends Marf flying back and slamming into the corner. Marf stumbles out of the corner still in a daze and Graves hauls him up onto his shoulders. Graves turns and drops Marf with the Grave Digger Death Valley driver.

Graves gets back up to his feet while Marf is momentarily downed. Graves looks up and spots one more puzzle box hanging near the corner. Graves takes the ladder and hastily drags it to the corner. He starts climbing up while Marf slowly starts to move. Graves gets to the top of the ladder and reaches up to grab the puzzle box. Nodding already knowing he’s got the winning box, Graves opens it up while still at the top of the ladder. A spring loaded can sprays Graves in the face with something and he falls back, crashing onto the top rope.

Dolly: Do I even want to know what that liquid was?

Charlie: It was lemon juice with a bit of dish soap mixed into it.

Dolly: Jesus Christ…

Charlie: The original plan was mace but I lost my supply…

Marf walks over and climbs up onto the top turnbuckle where Graves is stuck. Marf pulls him up and knees him in the gut. Marf grabs holds of Graves and then lifts him off the turnbuckle with a T-bone suplex that sends Graves flying and crashing into the ladder. Graves drops on top of the ladder and mat in a heap of pain. Marf also hits the mat but with less force. He slowly pulls himself back up and leans against the corner looking around now. Marf looks over at the commentary table and yells to Charlie.

What the hell now!?

Charlie: Oh my god, bro look at the entrance!

Marf watches as Charlie points frantically around. Marf looks over to the top of the stage and sees one last hanging puzzle box. Marf drops to the mat and rolls to the outside while Graves struggles to pull himself to the ropes. Marf grabs another ladder from the floor and makes his way around ringside to the ramp. Graves steps out to the apron and then dives at Marf, catching him by surprise. Graves slams into Marf and they both fall on top of the ladder. Marf takes the brunt of it while Graves slowly gets back up.

Graves looks up the ramp and notices the last puzzle box now. He grabs the ladder and starts marching up the stage. Graves gets to the entrance and eyes where the puzzle box is hanging. He sets the ladder up but before he can climb it Marf drills him from behind. Graves stumbles over and bumps into the wall before the entrance. He turns around and throws himself at the approaching Marf and they take one another out with heavy clotheslines. They both hit the steel stage in a heap.

Dolly: So whoever gets this last box wins?

Charlie: Yeah probably.

Dolly: Charlie what the hell? Why don’t you know!?

Charlie: What do you want from me!? It was hard work putting this event together, you can’t expect me to remember every fine detail!

Dolly: Oh my god…

Marf and Graves both stir as the outdoor crowd buzzes with excitement. Graves reaches out a hand and grabs the bottom rung of the ladder. He slowly starts to drag himself to the ladder while Marf rolls over, coughing up blood. Graves manages to start climbing the ladder but Marf sits up and slowly gets to his feet. Graves gets halfway up the ladder before Marf hits him across the back with a meaty forearm. Marf grabs hold of Graves and pulls him off the ladder and then hits a nasty looking reverse Death Valley driver. Marf pulls himself up and begins climbing the ladder. He grabs hold of the final puzzle box and opens it, revealing a piece of paper. Marf starts reading aloud it seems.

Charlie: Uh oh, he didn’t look at both sides…

Dolly: Both sides? What the hell is that?

Charlie: Marf you idiot stop reading it out loud!

Dolly: What the hell is going on now!? Charlie my leg is still busted up do we need to get out of here??

Charlie: …….

Marf finishes reading whatever is on the paper and then looks around in confusion. He’s about to climb down when he notices the back of the paper has more writing. As he’s reading it, several people dressed as Cenobytes come running out of the castle and tip the ladder over, causing Marf to fall hard onto the dirty makeshift stage. The Cenobytes surround Marf and begin beating and stomping him into oblivion. Graves slowly sits up and watches the mayhem unfold in front of him with confusion.

Dolly: Charlie what the hell is going on!?

Charlie: It was the key to victory! But idiot boy did it wrong! If he read both sides he would have seen that he has to say his opponent’s name before reading the ancient scripture. Otherwise the cursed ones will only attack you!

Dolly: …this might be, the stupidest shit I have ever been apart of…

Charlie: I’m surprised that blue haired hussy hasn’t come out to help Marfy!

Dolly: Actually yeah…so am I…

The Cenobytes haul Marf to his feet while his face is now covered in blood. They lift him up high in some wild, half dozen person powerbomb and drop Marf hard onto the ground. They all look up and point to Michael Graves. He slowly comes over to what’s left of Marf and makes a cover while looking around cautiously. The Cenobytes immediately dog pile onto Graves while one of them lays down beside the mess of bodies. Like a demented referee sent from Hell, the strange being makes the count.















1…














2…














3!!!












Winner by pinfall Michael Graves!!!



Charlie: Oh man, Marf might be pissed when he comes back to commentary that totally backfired on me…

Dolly: Yeah…well…it’s been a slice…I’m getting out of here before your shenanigans wind up breaking my other leg!

The Cenobytes haul Graves off of Marf and shove him away while turning their attention back to Marf. He struggles to pull himself up, blood dripping off of him. Since Graves never picked a trick or treat option nothing happens. The Cenobytes look to assault Marf some more but Graves comes over to break it up. The Cenobytes turn on him and start attacking but this has allowed Marf a chance to get to his feet. Surprisingly Marf and Graves work together and fend off the strange Cenobytes until they all run off.

Marf and Michael Graves stand bloodied, beaten and exhausted. They look at one another suspiciously for a moment. Finally Marf raises his closed fist towards Graves. The crowd actually cheers as Graves reaches forward and props Marf. He heads away as Marf slowly limps over to the announce table. Marf plops down beside Charlie while still coughing up some blood. He chugs a water and puts on the head set.

Marf: Nice god damn puzzle boxes…

Charlie: Hey you read the damn thing not me!

Marf: You’re an idiot…

Charlie: Not my fault your dumb blue girlfriend didn’t help ya out!

Marf: Shut the fuck up!

Charlie: Hey, chill the fuck out and handle commentary while I go deal with some of our trick or treaters. I’d hate for you to ruin a child’s night with your bad vibes.

Marf: Yeah yeah yeah go prepare for the segment, I’ll handle the commentary.

Marf waits a little while, until Charlie is out of earshot.

Marf: Fuck off, go cut to something else.






In the dark corridors of the castle once more, Lycana is walking by herself, not having been able to catch up with Marf before his match, and now on her way back to find Betsy Granger once again. She mumbles to herself.

LYCANA: Shit, I hope I’m not lost in this place…

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.

Something catches her attention, and she freezes in her tracks, spinning around to face it.

LYCANA: Hello?

Nothing. Shaking herself back to her senses, she sets off down the corridor again.

Turning the corner once again, she grows more confident in her navigation of the building, no doubt getting closer to whatever predetermined meeting point she and Betsy had arranged, possibly with Count Dracula too.

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.

There that sound is again, behind her once more.

She spins again.

Still nothing.

LYCANA: Look, if someone’s there…

She’s interrupted before she can finish the sentence.

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.

It’s behind her now!

Once more she spins!





























”MEOW.”

A black cat looks up at her with innocent eyes.

Lycana breathes a sigh of relief, and again mutters to herself as the cat bounds off into the distance.

LYCANA: Pull it together, girl. You’ve been in weirder places than this before.

She sets off once more to meet up with her partner. Unbeknownst to her, a sound rat-a-tats from behind her, back where she was standing.

PATTER, PATTER, PATTER.


[Image: image0-2.png]



We cut to a shot of Charlie Nickles standing in the backstage area beside a cheap table with a paper-filled fish bowl on it. Charlie, however, is dressed from neck-to-toe in a Thrax costume. His beautiful face and head are, of course, exposed so as to help him rebuild that brand image.

Charlie: Trick or Treat, all you cool cats and kittens! It’s Charlie “The Nickleman” Nickles from the Marf Show, and I’m here to hand out some of the COOL and AWESOME treats that were promised to our brave performers here tonight! You know, some of the wrestlers in the XWF take the phrase ‘cool cat’ a bit too literally, and those pussies thought they needed just a few extra treats to get them off their lazy ass and into my sideshow attraction. So with that being said, let’s hand out some of those kegel bells and vagisil bottles now! Just kidding- we have a whole host of nifty prizes that will be mostly somewhat randomly given out to our competitors here tonight that begged daddy Charlie for a treat.

Now let’s see who gets the first treat….

Charlie reaches into the fish bowl with his Thrax glove and pulls out the first piece of paper conveniently placed on top of the pile.

LYCANA!

And let’s see what she gets as her participation trophy for tonight’s events….

Charlie reaches back into the fish bowl and pulls out a piece of paper also placed on top of the pile.

One deep tissue body massage from the star of the Marf Show, Marf Swaysons! Redeemable anytime after midnight under a full moon, because you know how Marf likes his wolf girls. This 100% off coupon expires if you become a lesbian with Betsy Granger- no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If my man Marf is rubbing someone down he’s getting to stick it in, okay?

Alright now let’s see who our next treat will be going to! Drumroll please…..

Charlie makes his own little drum roll by quickly tapping his fingers against the tabletop. Charlie waits a few moments before diving his hand into the bottom of the bowl and mixing up all the papers. Charlie spends a considerable amount of time randomly sifting through the paper slips before pulling out the next one.

MERCY!

Your treat, Mercy……

Charlie reaches back into the fish bowl and

Muddy Waters! Wait no, this can’t be right….damn it! I knew I shouldn’t have listened to Marf. I definitely should have used two different fish bowls to do this. Ah, fuck it- it’s legally binding. Moving on.

Charlie reaches into the fishbowl once again and pulls out a piece of paper from near the top of the pile.

VITA VALENTEEN?! She’s not even on this show! Well, fuck it- she figured out how to scam the system and get a free treat without even showing up. I detest it, but I can’t deny a good fraud scheme when I see one. Let’s see what you get, pretty little Vita-Vamp.

Charlie reaches into the bowl and fishes around randomly for a dozen or so awkward seconds as we all look on in silence. Charlie finally pulls a piece of paper out from near the bottom of the bowl and reads it’s text aloud.

A win over Charlie Nickles? Wait no, this can’t be right- that’s supposed to be in my Rel Dixon bowl!

Charlie turns to the camera with clear frustration in his eyes.

Cut, cut! Show someone else, there’s a million fucking wrestlers at this castle- there’s got to be somebody else doing something interesting! I need to sort this shit out!



[bwo]Edward vs Mercy with special guest referee Muddy Waters who may choose to tag himself into the match at any time

Elm Street Boiler Match: Boiler room brawl
[/bwo]


We cut to a shot of a dingy boiler room with fog and steam rolling through the air. The camera zooms in on the middle of the room and we see a man in a referee-style speedo wearing a Demos mask. A placard that reads ‘Muddy Waters’ shows up on the television screen near the man.

Charlie: Interesting halloween costume here for special guest referee Muddy Waters…

Marf: You made him wear that outfit, Charlie.

Charlie: It was in the contract, ok? It’s not my fault he can’t read the parts of the contract that were in braille! Besides, I only made him wear the mask. He said he wanted to wear the speedo to impress that fine ass lady he’s refereeing for tonight!





Familiar theme music is pumped into the boiler room from outside. The camera slides over to the right side of the screen where we see EDWARD JUNIOR pacing back and forth next to two massive water heating units that are blowing off mega-smoke. EDWARD JUNIOR raises his hand triumphantly as Muddy Waters claps unenthusiastically.

Marf: This is a big match for Junior tonight. If he wins, he can really start solidifying his own legacy apart from his father’s name.

Charlie: That little man might be begging for Mercy before it’s all said and done….


The words "They only want you when you're 17, when you're 21 you're no fun...." appear in dark red letters on the screen before cutting into the thrashing death metal sounds of "Severed" by Kittie. Graphic shots of plastic surgery interspersed with shots of blood dripping on a bright white surface flashover the screen. Mercy appears at the opposite side of the boiler room as EDWARD JUNIOR, walking slowly and with a purpose towards the center of the boiler room where she waits dauntingly.

Charlie: What a bad mama-jama.

Marf: She even gives ME the creeps!

Muddy Waters tells the competitors we’re getting started and it’s off to the races! Mercy immediately darts towards Junior, who is wise enough to get out of the way! Mercy clamors onto a few boiler room appliances, crawling from one to the next as Junior tries to keep his distance. After a few go arounds Edward Junior ends up running himself into the corner of the dark and foggy boiler room. Muddy Waters watches on from afar as Mercy starts to creep her way towards Junior’s corner.

Charlie: Junior’s gotten himself cornered here!

Marf: Indeed he has, Charlie. This might not end well for him.

Mercy starts to slowly move in on Edward Junior as he looks around for a means of escape. Finding none, he squares up and prepares to box Mercy when she nears. Mercy stands a couple of inches taller than Edward and seems to have at least twenty pounds on him: nonetheless, the smaller man resolutely stands his ground in the corner with raised fists.

Marf: You have to respect the resoluteness of Junior here!

Charlie: I hope he’s been doing his arm curls….

As Mercy nears Junior he punches her with a 1-2 combo followed by an uppercut. Mercy takes a step back and wipes a small amount of blood off her lips. She smiles unsettlingly at Junior before charging him! Mercy pushes Edward Junior up against one of the hot appliances in the boiler room, holding his back against the steaming machine for quite some time before Muddy Waters begins counting to 5!

Marf: I don’t think we gave Muddy the authority to DQ anyone…

Charlie: I’d like to see him try and DQ Mercy!

Muddy Waters reaches the five count and goes to pull Mercy off of Edward Junior, but he’s met with incredibly stiff resistance! Mercy finally turns to Face Muddy, but before he can do anything Mercy brings her hand up to the special referees throat! While choking Muddy, Mercy uses her other hand to rip the Demos mask clean off of the refs face! Mercy throws the mask to the ground before lifting Muddy up into the air for a chokeslam!

Marf: This is going to be bad for Muddy!

Just when Muddy reaches the peak of his ascension, Edward Junior charlie horses Mercy in the knee! She’s forced to release Muddy as Junior follows up his charlie horse with a few liver punches! Mercy turns around and pushes Edward Junior away from her. As Edward Junior goes flying Mercy begins to rub her knee and the side of her stomach intermittently.

Charlie: It looks like Junior’s packing some serious power in those punches!

Marf: He must have been training harder than ever for this match!

As Mercy clutches her wounds Edward Junior charges forward and slams her with a spinning DDT! Mercy screams in anguish as her scarred facial tissue slams straight onto the hard floor. Edward Junior goes to hook the leg for a pin, but Muddy Waters doesn’t go down to count the fall!

Charlie: Good boy, Muddy! Junior needs to learn the rules, there’s no mercy in this match!

Marf: Well Charlie there is technically a Mercy in this match, but you are fundamentally right: this match has a last man out of the boiler room ruleset!

Muddy Waters begins to explain the odd ruleset to Edward Junior. Junior stands up and starts asking questions to Muddy about the nature of the rules to this match. Junior scratches his head in confusion as he focuses on Muddy’s muddy explanation….then, Mercy sweeps Junior’s legs out from underneath him! Mercy drags Edward Junior to the ground and immediately begins chomping on his shoulder! Mercy spits out bits of Junior’s flesh only to begin gnawing on the man once more! Junior screams and shouts as a geyser of blood squirts out of his shoulder socket. Mercy happily gobbles it up as she tears flesh from bone.

Marf: This is getting nasty!

Charlie: I fucking love it!

Mercy begins to work her ferocious bites down, taking mouthfuls of Junior’s chest and ripping it from his body. Junior begins to tap his hands against the floor furiously, screaming ‘UNCLE! UNCLE! MERCY, MERCY!’ as Mercy continues to chow on him. Muddy Waters grabs Mercy and tries to pull her off of Junior. The special referee struggles to pull Mercy off of Junior and so he tries to call for the bell.

Marf: Not gonna happen, Mr. Waters.

Charlie: There’s no tapping out in the boiler room! You fight until one of you can’t fight anymore!

Marf: I’m not sure how much more Junior can fight, but he’s going to have to tough it out and show us!

Charlie: But someone needs to tell Muddy, because he’s still trying to stop Mercy’s momentum!

Muddy Waters is finally able to pull Mercy off of Edward Junior, who is now just a bleeding mess in the chest and shoulder area. The jungle man moans in pain as he begins to crawl out of frame while leaving a trail of blood behind.

Mercy turns around and screeches at Muddy Waters. Muddy raises his hands innocently as he tries to sweet talk the monstrous woman. Mercy isn’t having it. Instead, Mercy decides to interrupt Muddy’s sweet talk with a nasty headbutt! Muddy collapses but is caught by Mercy, who lifts him up into a sidewalk slam! Muddy clutches his back and rolls over in pain after Mercy slams him onto the unforgiving boiler room floor. Muddy Waters slowly rolls onto his knees….only to find Mercy standing directly above him! Mercy looks down at Muddy with a sick grin as he pleads with her for….well, Mercy.

Charlie: There’s technically no rules against maiming the referee in this match, so I think Mercy should go all out! Sorry, Waters- but we really could use the ratings boost from a homicide!

Marf: She can’t afford to keep her eyes off of her opponent- I know Edward Junior is hurt, but he’s not out of this match quite yet.

Mercy grabs Muddy Waters by the side of his head before gouging her thumbs into his eyes! Muddy screams in horror as the woman’s unclipped nails claw into his corneas!

Marf: Oh my god, this is barbaric…...I couldn’t have done it better myself!

Charlie: We are being treated to a real show of brute force in this one!

After Muddy stops resisting Mercy soon loses interest in the referee. Mercy tosses Muddy’s limp body down to the ground before she turns around to look for Edward Junior….but the bleeding and burned jungle man is already looking right at her from on top of the largest boiler in the room! Without any hesitation Junior leaps down and moonsaults towards Mercy…….only to be caught by Mercy in mid-air! She quickly drops him to the ground with her trademark move, THE FADED (Bernard PowerBomb)! Junior’s body slams against the ground and goes limp after the trademark bomb!

Marf: I think Mercy just about has this one wrapped up!

Charlie: We might be endangering her competitors by letting this one go on!

Marf: Welp, shit happens on the Marf Show.

Mercy flips Junior’s still body over and immediately locks in the Mort Noire! Junior is held in the hold for an uncomfortable amount of time before Mercy flips him over and lets him out. Mercy stands up and looks down at the carnage with a wicked smile. Content with the amount of overkill, Mercy steps over the critically injured bodies of Junior and Muddy as she walks towards the boiler room exit.

Winner - Mercy


Mercy stops suddenly. She slowly cranks her neck around to stare down at Muddy Waters. She takes a few long strides towards him before grabbing him by the back of his shirt. She drags Muddy Waters out of the boiler room and to god knows where while just mumbling ‘Treat, treat….’ to herself over and over again.

Marf: Should we intervene? Should we stop this?

Charlie: I don’t think we can, Marf. I pulled those papers out of that fish bowl. That’s a legally binding verbal agreement consummated into a contract. The law is on her side in this.

Marf: That doesn’t sound right.

Charlie: It’s the unfortunate reality, Marf. I checked with all the XWF’s best lawyers- primarily, Oswald.

Marf: Well, if that’s how it is then that’s how it is. So let’s see what we have next up on the card, maybe something a bit lighter for our more casual fans.

Charlie: Yeah, maybe….







[bwo]Tommy Wish vs Bianca McBride

Jigsaw Match: Both competitors are chained inside a room….whoever unchains themselves first wins.
[/bwo]

We cut to a shot of a completely dark room.

Charlie: And now, for our next match! A JIGSAW match featuring Tommy Wish and Bianca McBride...the first person to escape their chains wins the match!

Marf: This match type has always been a personal favorite of mine…

Charlie: Me too, Marf. Me too. Now, let’s turn some lights on, eh?!

Charlie presses a button in his control panel causing the ceiling lights inside the room to immediately light up. Tommy Wish and Bianca McBride are chained to a wall with heavy steel shackles wrapped around each of their individual ankles. Both of the wrestlers look a bit groggy as they’re seated next to each other against the wall. A collection of handsaws, knives, and screwdrivers lay on the floor just a few feet away from the competitors. Fresh stitches run down the necks of both of our competitors.

Charlie: We had to drug these two to get them chained up against the wall for tonight’s match.

Marf: Well, we didn’t have to. We wanted to.

Charlie: That’s right, Marf. We did this because we wanted to, and it’s our show….not theirs!

Marf: True facts!


The sound of a bell ringing is piped into the room with stone slab walls. The combination of the sudden noise and light seems to be bringing both Tommy Wish and Bianca McBride back to their senses. Tommy and Bianca make brief eye contact with each other before they look over at the weapons placed around them. Tommy is the first to move, quickly scurrying over to one of the bonesaws! He grabs the saw and immediately begins trying to cut the chains preventing him from freely moving his ankles. Bianca follows suit, grabbing a nearby screwdriver before trying to pick the lock to her own shackles!

Marf: Hmmm….I’m not sure these competitors understand the assignment.

Charlie: They’re not thinking like sick, deviant fucks. They need to think like us if they’re going to get out of those chains!

Marf: Simply put, none of those tools on the ground are for cutting steel.

Charlie: They’re only there for cutting flesh!

Tommy and Bianca try to escape their chains in their own unique ways, with Tommy trying to saw the chain and Bianca trying to pick the lock with a screwdriver. After making no progress, they both look at each other’s tools with envy. Bianca strikes first, quickly backhanding Tommy Wish! The force of the slap causes Tommy to drop the saw. Bianca chortles while she reaches down to grab the saw…..only to have her hand stepped on by Tommy Wish! Bianca screams as her fingers get crushed between Tommy’s boot and the handle of the saw.

Charlie: Now twist your heel, Tommy! Make those fingers hurt!

Tommy doesn’t follow the commentator’s advice- instead, he brings his knee up to Bianca’s head and knocks her silly with it! Bianca falls back against the wall, tossing her screwdriver to the side from the force of the blow. Tommy doesn’t waste any time hopping onto Bianca. All 320 pounds of Tommy climb on top of Bianca’s feminine frame. Tommy holds her down on the ground with one hand while viciously clubbing her in the head with his other hand. Bianca’s head slams harshly against the stone floor everytime that Tommy hammers her.

Marf: This is getting ugly for Bianca!

Charlie: Bah, she was born ugly!

Marf: She might look kind of hot with some blood on her.

Charlie: Now that’s a damn fine point, Marf.

Tommy looks to be doing his best to bloody Bianca with fist after fist, but out of nowhere Bianca is finally able to dodge a blow! Tommy’s hand crumples against the stone floor causing him to scream in agony. Bianca headbutts Tommy Wish while simultaneously kneeing him in the crotch! Tommy Wish groans as he slides off of Bianca and onto the floor.

Charlie: Right in the family jewels!

Marf: Tommy’s going to feel that tomorrow morning!

Charlie: Honestly, he probably liked it.

Marf: That is true. There is a good chance that the feminine touch onto his genitals could prove to be a morale boost for Tommy Wish in the end.

Tommy didn’t get the morale boost memo, as he is just clutching his balls while groaning on the floor. Bianca wipes some blood off of her mouth before grabbing the nearby saw. Bianca gives Tommy a few firm boots to the stomach before she attempts to cut through her chains while Tommy is down. She doesn’t seem to be having any luck.

Marf: Nope, that’s not going to get it done.

Charlie: They’ll figure it out eventually.

Marf: Tommy Wish has seen the Saw Movies, he should’ve already known and been ahead of the curve! But now he’s just laying on the ground!

Charlie: Look Marf, Tommy’s a stoner! Just because he watched Saw doesn’t mean he remembers it!

Marf: Good point, Charles. They’re making that devil’s lettuce stronger and stronger nowadays.

Tommy Wish starts to stir as Bianca is becoming flustered with her lack of sawing progress. Bianca sighs in exasperation as Tommy Wish pushes himself up to his feet just outside of her view. Bianca is just about to go back to sawing her chains when the sound of Tommy cracking his knuckles causes her to swing around wildly…….ONLY TO BE MET WITH AN UPPERCUT FROM HELL!

Bianca drops the saw and stumbles back against the wall the two wrestlers are shackled to. Tommy Wish presses the advantage and starts slamming Bianca’s body with a combination of body blows followed up by one final headbutt that collapses McBride to the ground. Tommy turns around with a satisfied smile as he walks back to the collection of tools on the floor.

Charlie: I wonder what Tommy is going to choose next!

Marf: Pick the knife, Tommy! Pick the knife!

Tommy Wish bends down and grabs a moderately sized skinning knife from off the floor. He takes a quick step around and starts walking briskly towards the shackle wall.

Marf: Yes, yes! Gut her!

Tommy starts trying to use the tip of the knife to pry the bolts connecting the chain to the wall loose. Tommy tries to maneuver the knife in a variety of positions, but nothing seems to be working. Meanwhile Bianca has regained her senses and is crawling over towards Tommy, who doesn’t seem to notice her.

A few moments pass before Bianca jumps up and grabs a hold of Tommy Wish! Tommy drops his knife frantically as he tries to defend himself, but it’s no use! Bianca swiftly delivers a russian leg sweep that sends both wrestlers tumbling down to the floor!

Charlie: Oof- that’s on 12th century stone. That’s got to hurt!

Marf: I want to see them hurt each other more!

Charlie: Me too, Marf….me too.

Bianca starts repaying the favor to Tommy Wish as she absolutely takes him to task on the ground! One punch, then another, then another! It isn’t long before Tommy Wish is busted open by the force of Bianca’s fists to the face.

Marf: She’s really got him floundered here! I don’t know how Tommy’s going to change the momentum around!

Charlie: I don’t know either, Marfy!

The fists continue to rain down on Tommy as his hands start blindly searching for something on the floor…...a few moments go by before Tommy is able to get his hands on the familiar handle. Then, he stabs Bianca in the gut!

Charlie: THAT’S THE WAY! THAT’S WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE, TOO!

Marf: Stab her more! Make her bleed!

Charlie: She’s already bleeding, Marf!

Marf: Make her bleed more! I want to see blood on the Marf show!

Charlie: The Marf Show- sponsored by Kellogs breakfast cereal! Eat your Kellogs or die, bitches!

As Charlie plugs the sponsor, Tommy Wish proceeds to stab Bianca in the stomach again. She slides off of his body as shock takes over her. Blood starts to flow from her guts as she tries to apply pressure to the wound. Her face is going a pale white…...Tommy stares down at her eyes. Then, his gaze goes lower- down to the fresh stitch wound on her neck, specifically.

Charlie: I think Tommy might be figuring out what he needs to do….

Tommy kneels over Bianca with a bloody face and a bloody blade. She looks up at him with wide eyes as he grips her by the neck. With one quick slice of the blade the stitches on Bianca’s neck are ripped apart. A small silver key falls onto the floor! Tommy throws down his blade and grabs the silver key. He looks down at the shackles around his feet and inserts the key into the lock. The shackles around Tommy’s come undone and fall freely to the ground. He stands tall and raises his hands in victory as the sound of a bell is once again piped into the room.

Winner - Tommy Wish


Suddenly four paramedics run into the room from a secret door on the side of the wall. Two of the paramedics are carrying a stretcher and run over to Bianca McBride. Tommy Wish raises his hands victoriously as he bumps into the other two paramedics that are standing in his way. The two paramedics look up to the camera and we can see they have Jigsaw masks on! Tommy Wish immediately sucker punches one of the paramedics and knocks him out cold. The other Jigsaw medic takes a few quick steps back before pulling out a can of bear mace. The jigsaw medic sprays Tommy in the eyes with the mace, forcing the Thug to claw at his burning eyes. The paramedic kicks Tommy Wish in the nuts, forcing him to fall over.

Charlie: Trick or treat, bitch! Hope you’re liking your show, Marf- I gave those medics specific instructions to kick Tommy in the nuts because I knew you’d like it!

Marf: This is the best Halloween present anyone has ever given me, Charlie.

The jigsaw medic grabs Tommy Wish by the collar and drags him back over to the chains on the side of the wall. The medic in the mask re attaches Tommy’s chains and starts beating the shit out of him.

Charlie: I didn’t ask him to do all this….

Marf: He might be taking this a bit far. It is just a Halloween prank, after all…who’s under that mask, anyways?

Charlie: Some bottom of the barrel guys from OCW…

Marf: Wait, what?! We need to get a handle on this! God damn it Charlie...quick, cut to something else!




[Image: image0-2.png]













Betsy Granger calls out as Lycana enters the room to greet her. Temporary seating has been set up around a collapsible table, and Granger rises to meet her. Something bothers her, however, about the look on Lycana’s face.

GRANGER: Is everything okay?

LYCANA: Yeah… it’s just… there’s something weird about this place, don’t you think?

GRANGER: You mean aside from it being an old spooky ruin of a castle where hundreds of people were probably tortured to death.

LYCANA: Well yeah, aside from that.

GRANGER: To be honest, it’s mostly that part that’s been bothering me.

LYCANA: I feel like someone might be following me.

GRANGER: Is it Dracula?

Lycana leers at her partner.

GRANGER: What? That’s not even a joke. I’ve been waiting here for him the whole time, and he was staring at your cleavage when last we saw him.

CRASH!

LYCANA: What was that?!

How high Lycana jumped at the sound visibly worries Granger.

GRANGER: I have no idea. It sounded like it came from outside the door, though.

They turn back towards the door that Lycana had stepped through - an arch of old wood. Soft scratches can be heard from the other side. The two eye each other cautiously.

GRANGER: Let’s see what’s behind door number one…

Betsy jests, and it helps, as Lycana settles in and steps towards the door. Stepping to the side, she reaches for the handle, as Granger prepares to face whatever awaits them.

Lycana turns the handle.

“I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!”


[Image: GLdq34i.jpg]


Dracula leaps forward into the room, dramatically baring his teeth and holding the tails of his cape in his hands so it spreads behind him like the wings of a bat.

Granger and Lycana immediately put their guard down. Lycana rolls her eyes, mumbling to herself.

LYCANA: Now he does it. This asshole…

GRANGER: There you are! We’re running out of time. Let’s go get our planning on before it’s too late.

She looks at Lycana, who now seems much more settled.

LYCANA: Can’t I just kill him myself?

GRANGER: No.

LYCANA: This is going to be a shit show.

Granger pushes Dracula out the door, and they head off to another part of the building to get away from the camera.

Lycana lingers a moment longer, looking back into the room.

For a moment, she could swear she sees movement in the shadows of one corner.

She shakes her head. It couldn’t be! She sets off in pursuit of her partners, shutting the door behind her.

Moments pass.

And a darkened figure steps forward into the centre of the room.


Marf: Wow, that was absolutely wild…..speaking of wild, what we have next up on the card is sure to be a barn burner!

Charlie: More like a casket closer!


[bwo]Holy Roman Zombie vs Centurion

Night of the Living Dead Match: Buried Alive Match
[/bwo]



Back outside, there is an opening to the left of the ring. The pathway goes to a huge mound of cold dirt and an open grave. Centurion is already there, standing in front of the open grave, staring into the abyss. He appears to be dressed up as the character Freddy, from Return of the Living Dead. Which of course isn’t the same as Night of the Living Dead so Centurion is already starting off on the wrong foot here. He doesn’t care and continues staring into the dark pit.

Charlie: How did he get out here so quick?

Marf: Hell if I know! Clearly Cent wants to hurry through this and not play tonight.

Charlie: What a party pooper!

Marf: Well at least he showed up to the big show.

Centurion is still staring into the open grave while the crowd begins to buzz. Emerging from the entrance is the Holy Roman Zombie. He mumbles through some inaudible gibberish before stumbling his way to the ring. It slowly meanders around ringside before heading up the pathway to the open grave. Holy Roman zombie shuffles closer to Centurion until he’s directly behind him. He raises his grey, boil infested arms up and grabs Centurion by the back of the head. Holy Roman zombie tears Centurion’s head clean off and straw spills out everywhere to the shocked audience.

Marf: Holy shit!

Charlie: Fuckin’ decoy!

As the Holy Roman zombie rips apart scarecrow Centurion the crowd begins to pop in surprise. The real Centurion sneaks up behind the zombie and smashes him in the back of his already mangled skull with a shovel. The Holy Roman zombie falls forward and drops into the empty grave. Centurion immediately goes to work, shovelling heaps and heaps of dirt on top of the wretched creature. Centurion brings the shovel down onto holy Roman zombie a few times for good measure and then continues to bury it. Finally Centurion finishes and has the Holy Roman zombie completely buried and the bell rings.





Winner by burial Centurion!!!




Charlie: That crafty bastard pulled it off!

Marf: Centurion with a smart little win I gotta say.

Centurion walks down the path with his arms raised in victory. He grabs a microphone and enters the ring. He points over to Charlie and Marf.

Centurion: Nice try but it looks like I out thought the pair of you two psychos! Now leave that damn thing buried for good!

Charlie assures Marf before standing up at the announce table. Charlie has a microphone of his own.

Charlie: You won the match fairs and squares Cent, ya got me there. However, my newly esteemed colleague Marf did set some simple rules for this special show. Rules you neglected to follow, sir! You never picked trick or treat, which means by default I will pick for you. And you're kind of being a bitch right now. Really, just who do you think you are to tell me what I can and can’t dig up on my own friend’s show? Enjoy your trick, asshole!

Centurion leans over the ropes and yells at Charlie and Marf but as he does this there are dozens of masked people rushing to the ring. All of them are wearing different Office characters for masks. Several Jims and Pams jump Centurion as he turns around. Dozens of them pound on Centurion while the audience boo what is happening. A Michael Scott picks up Centurion and hits a stunner, knocking him out.

Marf: So…are all the trick options just excuses to get people jumped??

Charlie: It’s the spirit of Halloween or whatever shit magic you wanna believe!

Marf: Fantastic…

Charlie: Speaking of fantastic, the next match we have on tap for you all tonight is sure to be a knock em’ down, cut em’ up affair! Let’s check out the action now...





[bwo]Mark Flynn & North Korean War Criminal With The Wolfman

Vs.

Betsy Granger & Lycana With Count Dracula

Monster Mash Machete Match: Win by chopping your opponent's monster creature into bits with a machete before the other team minces your monster!
[/bwo]






NKWC, Mark Flynn, and the Wolfman walk into the arena from a decaying tunnel set against the side of the arena as the North Korean theme plays over the speakers. NKWC walks back and forth in perfect step to the tune of the North Korean National Anthem, wielding a ceremonial sword and immaculate military uniform. Mark Flynn sighs and rubs the temple of his forehead as the Wolfman looks around anxiously.

Marf: This is a real dream team here- we have the XWF tag team champions paired alongside the best Werewolf in this match.

Charlie: That seems a bit targeted, Marf….

Two North Korean cadets jump down from the stands into the arena and walk several paces after NKWC, wielding the glorious flag of True Korea, wavering majestically overhead, leading the way to a brighter future for all mankind. Wherever he is, the True Leader of the Free World, Kim Jong Un sheds a single tear of pride for the Greatest Warrior on the Planet, aside from himself. The Wolfman starts to salivate as he watches the grand majesties. Just as the cadets begin packing up the ceremonial gear, the Wolfman attacks! He swiftly shreds the two cadets and begins devouring their entrails as the North Korean music suddenly cuts out. NKWC sheds off the jacket of his military uniform and tries to hide the Wolfman’s crimes from the camera with an awkward smile. Mark Flynn rolls his eyes and taps his foot as he impatiently waits for the match to begin.

Charlie: That’s one way to make a splash with your entrance!

Marf: Now that right there is proper Werewolfin’. This is shaping up to be a good one.




Charlie: This song sounds familiar. Isn’t that your song with Lycana, Marf?

Marf: ….

Betsy Granger, Lycana, and Count Dracula walk out from the tunnel as the theme music plays through the empty arena. Betsy Granger bounces around energetically as she psyches herself up for the bigtime matchup. Lycana calmly walks through the entrance tunnel and into the arena propper, keeping her gaze on the Wolfman with each and every step. Count Dracula looks at his two partners with equal parts disgust and lust. As the Count reaches the end of the tunnel he unclips his cloak and hangs it on a conveniently placed coat rack. Dracula begins uncuffing his shirt and rolling the sleeves down to his elbows. Betsy Granger and Lycana both look back at Dracula in annoyance as he continues to slowly prepare his outfit for the fight. The two women grab Dracula by the collar and force him forward as they call for the bell to be rung.

Charlie: These women don’t want to wait, they want to start machete mashin’ now!

Marf: I think it’s time to ring the bell and let the chips fall where they may!

Dracula hangs back as everyone else rushes to the middle of the arena. Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal are both sprinting straight towards the two machetes in the middle of the arena, with the Wolfman right in tow. Lycana and Betsy, however, seem to be running straight towards Flynn and NKWC! As NKWC reaches down to grab a machete he’s met with an overhead kick from Betsy Granger that knocks him silly!

Marf: Jesus Christ, she made his head look like a soccer ball on that play!

Charlie: GOOOOAAAALLLLLL! North Korea never wins in the world cup!

Flynn feigns like he’s going to grab a machete, luring Lycana into attempting a headscissors takedown that goes nowhere! Lycana lands roughly on the ground. Before Lycana is able to get out of the way Flynn lands a few stiff stomps on to her lower back! Mark follows up the stomps by mounting Lycana and raking her eyes from behind!

Charlie: That’s a dirty move, and I can’t help but respect it!

Marf: I don’t want to see that in this match, he should keep it clean.

Charlie: Stop simping, we’re supposed to be calling this match down the middle!

Meanwhile, the Wolfman decides to charge past the action and straight towards Count Dracula! Dracula looks incredibly mortified as he sees the werewolf sprinting at him on all fours! Just before the Wolfman is able to sink his claws into the Count, Dracula transforms himself into a bat and flies to the other side of the arena!

Charlie: Well that’s fucking bullshit.

Marf: Real pussy behavior right there from Dracula.

Charlie: Probably got that way from hanging around all those women!

Marf: I don’t think that’s how that works.

Betsy Granger is right back at NKWC as soon as he climbs back to his feet. Betsy Granger immediately sicks an armwringer aka spinning wristlock on NKWC. The korean man winces and grimaces in pain as Betsy expertly twists his arm in the submission. Right next door, Mark Flynn is now pounding the side of Lycana’s head with vicious hammer fists. One after the other after the other….until Lycana is able to get a forearm up in time to block it! Then, she bucks Fynn off of her and scurries to the side to collect her bearings.

Charlie: Good defense there from Lycana! You can’t just lay on your stomach when you’re being hit like that, you have to figure out how to change your position!

Marf: Yeah, great work.

The Wolfman starts sniffing around in the air until he’s able to track the scent of the Dracula bat, then, he looks across the ring and begins sprinting again. The bat somehow sighs and rolls it’s eyes as it prepares to take flight once more. Meanwhile, Betsy has turned her armwringer into an arm drag into an armhook sleeper! NKWC howls for help as Granger starts to crank the submission!

Charlie: This isn’t a submission match, you have to win by butchering the other team’s monster partner….but I love this technical showcase that Betsy is putting on!

Marf: She is a fearsome competitor, that’s for sure. I’d say she is a great technician between the ropes, but, well…..there are no ropes in this arena! She’s looking like a fearsome technician in any venue!

Mark Flynn breaks up the submission with a big boot to Betsy’s face while the Wolfman sprints across the ring towards the bat. As the Wolfman nears Dracula he once again takes flight, but this time the bat claws the Woflman’s eyes on it’s way up! The Wolfman howls and scampers away as the bat flies towards the relative safety on the other side of the arena.

Charlie: This bat is a fucking pussy-bat. Like one of those bats they use for softball.

Marf: He’s definitely a shit-heel, but he’s letting us use his castle, so I’m not going to complain too much about his fighting style.

Mark Flynn climbs on top of Betsy Granger and immediately begins busting her up with hammer fists and 6-12 elbows. The larger man looks like he’s too much for Granger to handle as he hits her with elbow after fist after elbow. Mark Flynn has bloodied Betsy up and is really laying into her….when, out of nowhere, Lycana catches Flynn with a frankensteiner that lifts him off Betsy and slams him onto the ground!

Charlie: Look at her athleticism!

Marf: I’ve seen her do that move a million times. She’s got it down to perfection by now.

Before Lycana can carry on her assault, NKWC charges at her and sticks a thumb in her eye! Lycana recoils in pain and takes a few steps back, allowing NKWC to kick her right in the pussy! Lycana keels over and is pushed to the ground by NKWC. NKWC looks at the three XWF wrestler laid out around him and chuckles before grabbing a machete off the ground. NKWC makes eye contact with the bat set at least twenty five feet away from him. The bat struts around mockingly, like a complete douchebag, as NKWC squints as he holds his machete like some sort of javelin.

Marf: Dracula really is a dick.

Charlie: Is that fucker going to….

NKWC launches his machete like a spear through the air! The bat, still strutting, doesn’t even notice the flying machete until it’s far too late! The bat tries to take flight, but the machete cuts right through it’s wing before it gets off the ground! Dracula screams in agony as the machete sticks into his little bat wing! NKWC yells out in victory as he makes a rude gesture at the Count.

Marf: War Criminal doesn’t have the match won yet, but he’s certainly put his team ahead!

Charlie: Fuck that bat fuck!

Dracula slowly transforms into his human self as blood starts flowing out of the machete wound. As he becomes human it is clear that the machete has become lodged in his left shoulder. Dracula looks around, panicked, as he notices The Wolfman is once again sprinting at him!

Marf: This is not looking good for our host!

Charlie: Good, fuck him! He fights like a sissy! I can’t wait to watch him die!

NKWC reaches down to grab the second machete, but Betsy Granger is back on her feet and waiting for him! The bleeding ginger grabs leaps into the air and smacks NKWC with a single leg dropkick! NKWC is sent reeling backwards and away from the machete, in the direction of Mark Flynn. Flynn is just starting to get his bearings back as he rises to his knee….only for NKWC to trip over him and send both men collapsing to the ground! Betsy winks cutesily at the clumsy men as she helps her own partner climb up to a standing position.

Marf: He’s going to kill Dracula!

Charlie: Wolfman for life!

The Wolfman leaps and pounces onto the Count!

BUT

The Count pulls the machete out of his shoulder with his right hand and holds it high in the air! The simpleminded fervor of the Wolfman is too powerful, and he doesn’t even notice that he’s jumping right on to a trap! The Wolfman bellows in misery as the steel slides into his flesh.

Marf: DRACULA JUST TIED THE SCORE UP FOR HIS TEAM!

Charlie: I was really hoping he’d just fucking die, but if he keeps slicing up Wolfmen, he might just have himself a new fan!

The Wolfman slides off of Dracula, breaking the machete off the poorly made handle. The handle remains in Dracula’s palm as the Wolfman falls to the ground with a steel blade deeply inserted into it’s abdomen. The Wolfman begins to whimper and yelp as it scampers away from Dracula. The Count throws the machete handle away and mocks the Wolfman derisively as he crawls back towards the wall of the arena. Count Dracula uses the wall of the arena to steady himself as he climbs back up to his feet.

Meanwhile, Lycana and Betsy Granger have used their opponent’s clumsiness to their advantage! Betsy Granger forms a human jumping pad as Lycana leaps off of her back and delivers a modified shooting star leg drop onto both of her downed opponents!

Charlie: What a crazy turn of events! Just when the Wolfman and War Criminal have Dracula two on one, these ladies soar back to life and start having their way with those boys! And look at Betsy’s face, just look how wet she is!

Marf: Phrasing.

Betsy follows up Lycana’s drop by delivering an elbow drop onto Flynn. Betsy quickly picks herself up before delivering yet another elbow drop to NKWC! Lycana immediately follows with some painful stomps to the back of NKWC’S skull. Betsy Granger looks down at Flynn, then down at the machete sitting a few feet away. Betsy turns away from her downed foes and dashes towards the machete, picking it up and charging at the still fleeing wolfman all in one swift motion!

Charlie: Lycana chose to get some revenge and Betsy chose to chase the objective. Who could have predicted that one?

Marf: Well the objective involves butchering a cute little wolf, so it’s not exactly Betsy’s normal Thursday evening affair.

Charlie: Cute wolf? That thing is hideous.

Marf: I think werewolves are beautiful.

Charlie: We know.

As Betsy screams at Dracula to help her chase the speedy Wolfman, Lycana drags NKWC to his feet by his hair. Lycana slaps NKWC around a couple times, forcing him to stumble around aimlessly from the shock of the blows. NKWC is stumbling around; he stumbles right into a perfectly executed face buster from Lycana! NKWC’s head slams against the floor and he seems like he’s ready to take a nap.

Charlie: What a big face buster from Lycana!

Marf: She’s an incredibly talented wrestler, there’s no doubt about it.

Lycana turns towards Mark Flynn and begins delivering a few stomps his way. She only gets two stomps in, however, before Mark Flynn sweeps her legs out from under her and sends her crashing to the arena floor! Both Flynn and Lycana quickly pick themselves up before engaging in a dramatic little stare down. Lycana charges forward at Flynn, but he ducks behind her while wrapping his arms around her waist. He lifts her up for a belly-to-back suplex and slams her back onto the ground head first!

Charlie: And that, children, is how concussions are made.

Marf: She’s tougher than nails, I think she can handle a few suplexes onto those chipped stone tiles.

Mark Flynn rolls through with the belly-to-back suplex, maintaining his firm grip around Lycana’s waist the entire time. Flynn rolls right back up to his feet and lifts Lycana up for a second suplex all in one fell swoop before slamming her head down onto the stone flooring for a second time! After the second belly-to-back suplex Flynn releases his grip on Lycana and lets her body roll to the side next to NKWC.

Mark Flynn leaps to his feet and begins chasing after the machete-wielding Betsy Granger, who is leaving droplets of blood all across the arena as she chases the ever elusive Wolfman. As the Wolfman makes a particularly slow turn, Mark Flynn is able to catch up with Betsy just before she is able to slice the Wolfman! Flynn brings Betsy down with a football tackle that sends the machete flying to the floor. The bleeding Betsy isn’t content to be mounted, so she immediately elbows Flynn right in the nose. Mark brings his hands up to his bleeding nose and begins to wonder if it’s fractured as Betsy crawls out from his grasp and picks herself up to her feet. Mark Flynn turns back to look at her only in time to eat a reverse roundhouse kick right on the nose! Flynn falls over onto his back and begins clutching his broken and bloodied nose with both hands. Betsy looks down at Flynn, then back over at the Wolfman, who has now ceased his running and has begun howling in place.

Marf: Looks like the Wolfman is getting over his panic and is beginning to regain some of his strength.

Charlie: Maybe Dracula can start to match his intensity sometime.

As if on cue, Dracula licks his fingers and applies his saliva to the open wound on his shoulder. Dracula grimaces mightily, but after a few seconds go by the Count’s skin appears to be mostly healed. The vampire stares down the howling Wolfman across the arena before darting towards him in the blink of an eye! Betsy joins Dracula, but is much slower to the punch!

The Count hops on top of the Wolfman and begins raking his eyes out with his inhuman nails! Dracula follows up his blinding attack with a starved bite to the Wolfman’s neck that rips out a huge chunk of furry flesh! The Wolfman stumbles back towards the wall of the arena as it howls in pain. Betsy Granger makes the most of her opportunity and begins slicing away at the wolfman’s legs with her machete! One slice after the other, the Wolfman’s ankles and thighs are being shredded to the bone in some places by Betsy’s cuts!

Charlie: The Wolfman is going to need some help here! He’s in a bad spot!

Marf: It’s not looking good for our tag team champs. It’s looking even worse for this Talbott bloke…

As Betsy and Dracula continue to rip away at the pinned up Wolfman, both Lycana and NKWC begin rising to their feet. As they rise up off their knees they quickly exchange glances with each other….then NKWC blows a cloud of green mist right into Lycana’s eyes! Lycana rolls over but quickly scurries back up to her feet, but she’s clearly blinded! She tries to land a few punches, but she can’t see NKWC well enough to hit him! War Criminal dodges her attacks before kicking her in the gut!

Charlie: NKWC has Lycana in a rough spot, but he might need to change course and go help The Wolfman if he wants to win this one for that shithole country!

NKWC lifts Lycana up and attempts a Jackhammer (a la Goldberg). NKWC holds Lycana high up in the air for an ungodly amount of time….and then she decides to start kneeing him in the head repeatedly! After four or five huge knees to the head, NKWC looks groggy and falls over! He loses his grip on Lycana, and she falls from the air to the stone floor! The two of them completely wipe out next to each other as the Wolfman continues to howl from across the arena!

Marf: That’s a big mistake from War Criminal. He lost focus of the objective, and now the Wolfman is paying for it.

Charlie: Those knees to the skull look like they rocked him! Mark Flynn may be the Wolfman’s last hope!

Mark Flynn is bringing himself up to his feet and shaking the cobwebs out of his head as Dracula and Betsy continue to go HAM on the Wolfman. The Wolfman is squirming and shivering as the blood continues to be slashed, ripped, bitten, and clawed out of him! His flesh is being ripped from the bone, and his howls are slowly starting to quiet.

Charlie: The Wolfman is starting to look like a wine-stained rug!

Marf: This is fucking brutal. When are you going to call it?

Charlie: When he’s dead!

Mark Flynn howls fiercely as he charges fowarth to defend his furry partner. He locks his hands together before clubbing an unsuspecting Betsy Granger repeatedly in the back of the head until she falls to her knees. Flynn clubs Granger again for good measure and sends her down to the floor. Dracula pays no mind to Mark and continues tearing at the neck of the Wolfman with his fangs. Mark looks up at the brutal scene with a grimace before looking at the ground near his feet. Flynn grabs the machete from Granger’s grip before driving it deep into the ribcage of Count Dracula! The vampire screeches like a demon and immediately relinquishes it’s hold on the Wolfman, but the Wolfman grabs onto Dracula and lifts him up into a powerbomb position! Mark Flynn pulls the machete out of the vampire and goes to stab him again, but it’s no use! The Vampire’s body is being hauled across the arena! The Wolfman runs forward on two legs as it lifts the Count high into the air! Flynn looks on in wonder as the Wolfman delivers a sit-out powerbomb right onto Lycana’s body!

Charlie: Holy shit!

Marf: I thought The Wolfman was going to be dead!

Charlie: With all that blood he’s losing, he still might be!

Both the Wolfman and Dracula lay still on the ground near Lycana and NKWC. Mark Flynn, machete in hand, begins stepping towards the center of the carnage with a satisfied smile spread across his face.

Mark Flynn only takes a few steps before that smile is wiped right off of his face by a rolling koppu kick to the back of his head! Mark Flynn stumbles forward and uses his hands to prevent himself from totally falling flat. As Mark Flynn pushes himself back to his feet Betsy Granger charges at him and hits him with a running full nelson facebuster! Blood squirts out of Flynn’s forehead as soon as his skull bangs against the floor!

Charlie: EEK MUST DICK BRENDAN!

Marf: Er- what? What the hell are you talking about Charlie?! We are seeing Betsy use her supreme speed and agility to outmaneuver her opponents, and you’re over here talking gibberish!

Charlie: That’s the name of Betsy’s secondary finishing move that she just unleashed to perfection!

Marf: I’m pretty sure that’s not at all how it’s pronounced!

Charlie: Cut a guy some slack! It’s her secondary finisher, okay?! It’s not like I get to hear it said often!

Marf: No matter what the move is called, I think it may have just knocked Flynn’s lights out!

Betsy Granger grabs the machete out of Flynn’s unconscious hand and begins the slow walk to the...man?!?! In the center of the ring?!

Charlie: Holy shit, it looks like Talbott has lost his wolf form!

Marf: How late has this show gone?!?!

Charlie: Do you think that Dracula prick cast a spell on him while he was gnawing off his ear?! I’d have to check, but that might be against the rules!

Marf: Charlie- the only rule on the Marf Show is that there is no rules! Betsy Granger is going to have to murder the human Talbott with the machete in order to win this match-up against the XWF tag team champions!

Charlie: That’s so sick and fucking twisted, Marf- I love it. Does she have what it takes to kill a, um, somewhat innocent man in order to advance her own career and really secure her claim to the XWF tag gold? I know Lycana has it in her, but does Betsy?

Betsy Granger, blood still dripping down her face, slowly approaches the shivering Talbott. The man’s flesh appears to have been sliced and diced hundreds of times. White bone is visible in many areas on his shoulders and legs, evidence of flesh that once was but is no longer. The man is almost entirely coated in red….and he begs, in a soft and pleading voice…..for Betsy Granger to kill him.

Betsy Granger steps to Talbott as his body begins to shake and seize.

Marf: Should we uh, should we call this one?

Charlie: He doesn’t look dead yet to me.

Betsy Granger looks into the camera and waits for the sound of a bell to be piped into the castle. She hears nothing. Betsy looks down at the nearly gutted man who’s shaking is growing more and more intense with every passing second. Betsy Granger looks away from the man as she raises her machete….

"Let me do it."

“No. I did this to him, I should see it through.”

Lycana rises slowly to her feet as Betsy Granger stares down at the half-flayed man beneath her. Betsy swings the machete through the man’s neck with all her might. His head goes rolling down the ever so slight decline underneath the arena. Blood squirts from his neckhole as his somewhat skeletal body suddenly goes limp.


Winners by Mutilation - Count Dracula, Lycana, and Betsy Granger


Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal come together and slowly make their way through the exit with a sunken demeanor. Dracula looks around, spits at his teammates, then magically transforms back into a bat and flies up into the darkness.

Charlie: Well that’s another dick move by Dracula.

Marf: Lycana and Betsy were kinda bitchy to him in those promos though, I can’t blame the guy for lashing out.

Lycana and Betsy Granger begin to walk towards the exit, when suddenly, the lights go completely out. Darkness shrouds the ring.

MARF: It seems like the power has gone out here.

NICKLES: God damn it, I thought you fucking paid the power people?

MARF: I did!

Seconds pass.

A minute even.

With a CRACK! of thunder up above, the lights come back on but Betsy Granger is nowhere to be found. Instead, Lycana stands in the middle of the ring.

But she is not alone.

MARF: Someone’s behind Lycana!

A figure, clad completely in black, stands behind her.

She senses something is afoot, and slowly turns around to see what is behind her.

NICKLES: Where the hell did Betsy go?

MARF: I hoped I was wrong, but I knew Lycana couldn’t trust her! Just give me a second here…

Before Marf moves, Lycana has the opportunity to catch just a glimpse of the figure behind her. She doesn’t have time to react, as another CRACK rips out across Romania, and the lights go out once more.

NICKLES: Oh for fuck’s sake! Excuse me for the disruption here, everybody. It’s so hard to find good help.

Darkness.

Seconds.

A minute.

Something flickers on the X-Tron.

NICKLES: Now what?


[Image: H4Ic2E6.gif]



NICKLES: ‘I accept?’ What does that mean?

The lights flash on, brighter than ever before. Slowly, they settle back into their regular brightness, and Betsy has returned to Lycana’s side, looking absolutely flabbergasted by what just happened.

There is a third person, though.

NICKLES: Look at the stage!

Standing underneath the X-Tron…

MARF: That sonofabitch. It’s Alias! He’s here in Romania!

Lycana looks completely shocked at the sight of the Universal Champion standing underneath the X-Tron that still displays those two words.

MARF: I think Alias has just accepted Lycana’s challenge for Bad Medicine!

NICKLES: I got screwed! It should have been me! Whatever. I’m not buying the pay per view.

MARF: Alias vs. Lycana…A rematch, this time for the Universal Championship!

The camera fades to a commercial, as Alias, stoic, stares down Lycana, who lets a small smirk cross her face…….

Marf: This is big fucking news….but we still have another big time match-up tonight, Charlie. I think our competitors are taking their places now!



[bwo]Elijah Martin vs Morbid Angel vs Rampage

Castle of 1000 Corpses Match: All 3 competitors start from the top of the castle and have to escape to the main floor and out the front door first[/bwo]



We cut now to the very top of the massive castle. In the small attic room waits Rampage, Elijah Martin and Morbid Angel. An unknown buzzer goes off and the race to the bottom of the castle officially begins. The three men all eye one another up and down. Rampage throws a heavy punch at Morbid but gets blocked. Elijah grabs them both by the heads and bashes them together. Elijah shoves Rampage into the wall before turning and getting nailed with a cross chop from Morbid. Elijah stops in his tracks and then nails Morbid with a cross chop of his own.

Charlie: Well this is a slow start to a race!

Marf: Pretty sure these assholes are going to beat one another every step of the way first.

Charlie: They better not damage the castle, I can’t afford to lose the down payment.

Marf: What down payment? We used one of those cheques from Vinnie you stole, remember?

Charlie: Oh right! Sweet deal! Smash it up boys!

Elijah and Morbid trade chops back and forth until it turns into hard punches. Rampage charges them and hits both men with a double clothesline that crushes them both into the wall. They drop to the ground while Rampage turns and heads down the wobbly ladder to the hallway below. Rampage looks down the narrow hallway but it stops at a dead end. With a door on the left and a door on the right Rampage goes for the left door. He enters a room that is lit up bright yellow. As soon as Rampage steps inside there are multiple people dressed as sun flowers.

Rampage looks around at the weirdly dressed folks before trying to find an exit to the room. Suddenly all of the flower clad people start grabbing themselves and vigorously masturbate until Rampage is hit with some yellow powder. A few times it hits him in the face and he staggers around and falls down. Rampage screams out in pain while scratching at his swollen eyes. The powder seems to be some kind of pollen extract. Morbid heads down the ladder as Rampage stumbles out of the bright yellow room.

Marf: Hey how potent did you make that pollen powder?

Charlie: I dunno, was I supposed to check that?

Marf: I feel like we’re both gonna get in a lot of trouble for this show…

Charlie: I’m sure I can find a way to get Vinnie and Theo to blame each other.

Elijah hops down from the ladder and lands double knees onto Morbid, driving them both into the door to the right. The two men fall into the room which is not yellow like the one to the left. Elijah is up first and gets to close to the wall where there are multiple mountain lions chained to. Elijah gets tackled by one of the cougars and rolls away before getting mauled. Morbid gets up and headbutts Elijah, driving him back. Morbid shoves Elijah into the mountain lions while Rampage stumbles into the room half blindly.

Two of the mountain lions go for Elijah but let go of him once Rampage crashes into all of them. Rampage yells out in pain as one of the cougars slashes his stomach with it’s sharp claws. Morbid grabs Rampage as he staggers away from the lions. Morbid has Rampage by the throat and manages to hit a choke slam on the huge man. Due to his size, Rampage actually smashes through the floor and into a dark pool of water in the room below. Elijah dives from the cougars and hits a hurricarona on Morbid that sends both men tumbling to the floor below.

Marf: What the hell is in that water?

Charlie: Do you reeeeeally want to know the answer to that?

Marf: ………….yes.

Charlie: A shitload of leeches!

Rampage stands up in the waist deep pool of water and grabs hold of the stunned Morbid Angel. Rampage drives an elbow into Morbid’s face, busting his nose open. Elijah steps up onto the hunched over Morbid and connects with a shining wizard to Rampage. The big man falls back against the liner of the pool and it breaks under his weight. The water splashes out everywhere and leeches can be seen all over the ground as well as the three competitors. Elijah gets to his feet and turns right into a power slam from Morbid.

Morbid gets back up and starts pulling leeches off of his body. With a handful of leeches he wipes the blood from his damaged nose. Morbid then actually tosses a leech into his mouth and gives it a chew. He shrugs and finishes it off before turning and booting Rampage in the ribs. Morbid grabs Rampage and hits a snap DDT onto the floor. Morbid gets back up and exits the leech room, finding a staircase at the back. He makes his way down and then goes through a large curtain. The next part of the castle that Morbid enters is a hallway with flickering lights.

Charlie: Morbid Angel is starting to build a lead here.

Marf: Do you even know what part of the castle he’s in?

Charlie: I don’t think I’ve even seen two thirds of the inside of the castle…

Marf: God damn…

Morbid cautiously moves through the hallway as the lights continue to flicker on and off around him. A man in a bunny costume covered in blood bursts out of a doorway. He turns and thrusts a knife directly at Morbid who narrowly avoids it. Morbid grabs hold of the bunny man and lifts him high over his head. He then drills him with a press style ace crusher, knocking him outcold. Morbid gets up and enters the room. He immediately freezes as he spots multiple skunks. Morbid slowly turns to quietly exit the skunk room.

Elijah heads down the hallway and spots Morbid at the doorway of the skunk room. Elijah unknowingly charges forward while Morbid frantically waves his arms in protest. Elijah spears Morbid and the two of them drop just inside the doorway of the skunk room. Morbid freezes while Elijah looks up slowly and realizes. The two men remain motionless while four different skunks have their asses aimed and ready, in the deadliest stand off ever seen.

Rampage comes bumbling down into the hallway now. He looks around for a moment before seeing the open door and his opponents. As Morbid and Elijah are almost to their feet they see Rampage approaching. They both try to silently warn him but he just charges forward and then splashes down on top of both men. All three men hit the ground with force and the skunks respond by spraying them all simultaneously. The three men all scream out in horror and scramble to exit the room.

Marf: I’m not even going to ask if you gathered these animals in a legal manner…

Charlie: I didn’t.

Marf: Wasn’t asking man!

Charlie: It was really easy too…

Marf: Really don’t need to know!

Elijah hunches over and nearly vomits while wretching. Rampage stumbles around until he finds a door and tries going inside. As soon as he opens the door a wave of blood splashes out and soaks the giant head to toe. Some of it goes in Rampage’s mouth and he immediately throws up everywhere. Elijah starts puking now and Morbid rushes forward and big boots Rampage while he’s distracted. Rampage falls back and crashes through a weak wall and into an open room.

Elijah jumps onto Morbid’s back and applies a rear naked choke. He coils around him while Morbid struggles forward, into the new room. Morbid runs with Elijah on his back and then jumps, spinning in the air, and squashing Elijah into Rampage. The three men collapse to the ground of the open room, directly in front of a massive staircase. Morbid is up first and the smell of skunk mixed with the vomit finally overtakes his insides. Morbid lurches and then pukes a vile mixture of chewed leeches mixed with kfc popcorn chicken all over Rampage.

Elijah rolls out of the way of the massive puke tsunami coming from Morbid. He gets to his feet and rushes the dazed Morbid. Elijah hops up and then catches Morbid with a code breaker on the top of the stairs, sending both men tumbling down the luxurious steps. Rampage is trapped on the upper floor, throwing up uncontrollably now. At the bottom of the steps Morbid grabs the railing and pulls himself up. Elijah tumbles beside him and Morbid hauls him up for a back breaker. Elijah spins to counter with a head scissors that sends Morbid smashing through the side railing of the stairs.

Charlie: Oh man they’re right there! Better hurry up!

Marf: Why do they need to hurry?

Charlie: Because that’s the spider room!

Marf: Oh Jesus…

Elijah heads for the giant front door but Morbid comes flying back with a piece of the railing. He stabs it into the shoulder of Elijah who cries out in pain. Morbid grabs him and hits the Second Coming crucifix powerbomb. With Elijah down, Morbid goes to open the big front door when he stops. Hundreds of spiders are covering the door and walls around it. Morbid shudders but then turns around as he hears a cry from above him. Morbid turns to see a vomit covered Rampage rumbling down the steps.

At the halfway mark Rampage throws himself off the steps at Morbid. The huge man comes right for him but Morbid times it perfectly and levels Rampage with vicious clothesline from Purgatory. Rampage is turned inside out before hitting the ground frighteningly close to his neck. Morbid steps back to his feet and roars with domination. He turns around and Elijah catches him with a kick to the balls. Elijah grabs hold of Morbid and hits a modified version of the Prologue future shock DDT. Morbid’s head is driven into the front door, but the steel gate doesn’t give! Elijah and Rampage fall to the floor, clearly both exhausted! Elijah Martin begins to stir first, but he takes a long pause to wipe all the sweat from out of his eyes.

Marf: What’s it going to take for somebody to win this one?!

Charlie: Excuse me, Marf- there is a secret trap door into the caste I must now hurry off towards.

Marf: Wait, what? Why are you taking your chair with you?

Charlie: Well, Elijah’s a dick and Morbid’s pretty cool so I’m going to go turn a little trick like Betsy’s mom used to.

It isn’t long before we see Elijah Martin start to pull himself up to his feet. He looks down at the steel gate and starts trying to figure out the locking mechanism on the door. Then, all of a sudden, a secret door along the stone wall opens up and Charlie Nickles comes sprinting out with a chair.

“TRICK OR TREEEAATTTT-UGH….”

Charlie Nickles raises the chair high and swings it down on Elijah, but Martin is too quick! He punches Nickles in the gut and hunches the big man over! Elijah snatches the key hanging conveniently out of Charlie’s back pocket and places it into the lock on the castle door. He pushes the steel gate open and walks out into the dawn.



Winner by escaping, Elijah Martin!!!



Marf: Well that sucks! I was also rooting for Morbid to win!

Elijah Martin raises his arms to celebrate but is quickly tackled to the ground by several people dressed as captain Spaulding. They beat on poor Elijah while screaming “trick” over and over again. Charlie stands up and begins to applaud the mayhem while Marf shakes his head, but even Marf can’t hide a slight smirk as we go to a commercial break. It should come as no surprise at all the commercial is for Count Chocula!




[Image: image0-2.png]






[bwo]
CHARLIE'S SURPRISE MAIN EVENT MATCH IN MARF SWAYSON'S HONOR
[/bwo]

We see Charlie cursing underneath his breath as he rolls a wheelbarrow full of grain sacks down the backstage hallway. Charlie walks past various XWF wrestlers receiving medical treatment for the wounds suffered throughout the night, but he doesn’t pay them any mind. Charlie keeps walking straight down the backstage area with his wheelbarrow.

Marf: Well, it’s time for that surprise Main Event….Lord only knows what Charlie has in mind.

Marf presses a button to pipe in the sound of a bell ringing. Charlie smiles sadistically as he suddenly stops walking. He turns to a nearby door that is marked as the women’s dressing room. Charlie opens the door and jollily rolls the wheelbarrow into the all female locker room. The women recoil in disgust and make sure to fully conceal themselves as Charlie pulls a microphone out from his waistband.

Charlie: Tonight it’s all about Marf, so for our surprise main event, I wanted to have a match that I knew Marf would love to see: a bra and panties rock fight to the death match amongst all of our lovely and talented shooting stars!

Marf: What the….

Charlie flips the wheel barrow over and hundreds of large stones come flying out of the grain sacks.

Charlie: Now ladies, strip down to your undies, pick up a rock, and let’s get stoned!

None of the women in the locker room seem interested in doing any of that. Instead, they mostly just cross their arms, roll their eyes, and wait for Charlie to leave. Charlie looks around nervously, anxiously, hopeful that his big main event surprise match won’t be ruined….when, all of a sudden……..


MICHEAL GRAVES CHARGES INTO THE ROOM WEARING NOTHING BUT SEXY BLACK LINGERIE! Charlie steps out of his way as Graves picks up a rock of the ground and tackles the nearest woman and just starts smashing her head with his rock hard rock!

Charlie: Oh yeah! Smash her!

Marf: ….

Charlie cheers on jubilantly as the women in the locker room shriek and flee the premises.

Charlie: It looks like we have our last man standing! Rock on, Gravy Boy!

Winner - Graves


Charlie Nickles raises Graves’ hand in victory as women scream in the background.

Marf: Well there you have it folks, the thrilling conclusion to the Marf Show. If you don’t like what you saw today, well, then you just don’t like professional wrestling.


[bwo] Special Thanks To
Everyone for their patience lol[/bwo]

]]> <![CDATA[Podcast/Audio-Only Shove It RESULTS]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=42030 Thu, 14 Oct 2021 15:27:45 -0700 Mark Flynn]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=42030

Chapter Selection (w/ relevant timestamps):

Intro - 0:00
Radio City Rumble - 3:10
Mark Flynn Takes Your Calls - 13:56
Whoops! We swapped the censored and uncensored feeds... - 16:24
Elijah Martin vs Charlie Nickles - 16:56
A Paid Message from America's Pumpkin Farmers - 27:29
Whoops! We injured all the referees and the FCC is trying to break into the building... - 28:24
X-Treme Title Match - 29:45
Outro Stuff - 46:12
]]>

Chapter Selection (w/ relevant timestamps):

Intro - 0:00
Radio City Rumble - 3:10
Mark Flynn Takes Your Calls - 13:56
Whoops! We swapped the censored and uncensored feeds... - 16:24
Elijah Martin vs Charlie Nickles - 16:56
A Paid Message from America's Pumpkin Farmers - 27:29
Whoops! We injured all the referees and the FCC is trying to break into the building... - 28:24
X-Treme Title Match - 29:45
Outro Stuff - 46:12
]]> <![CDATA[MAYDAY! At Ye' Ole' Commune!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40671 Sat, 01 May 2021 20:56:20 -0700 Dolly Waters]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40671






LIVE FROM YE' OLE' COMMUNE





COREYTOPIA, FLORIDA



INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Atara Themis
- vs -
Dean Rose ©
What would Worker Solidarity movements be without hashtags and Twitter?
Can Atara Themis make the Bourgeois Revolution extra bougie? The winner of this match will be the new XWF standard-bearer for leftist Twitter shit-posting.
2RP - 2K Word Limit(Optional)




TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Andre Dixon
- vs -
Marf ©
15 Minute Time Limit- Proud Television Champion, Marf, has decided to put his title on the line... IN SOLIDARITY! Can he fend off the white-hot Andre Dixon?
2RP - 3K Word Limit




TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

CENTRUBION
(Ruby & Centurion)
- vs -
Them No Good Bastards©
(Thunder Knuckles & Bobby Bourbon)
Them No Good Bastards offered to put their titles on line... In, you guessed it, SOLIDARITY! Can CentRubion Win The Tag Team Titles Back For The Workingclass?
2RP - 3K Word Limit




The King Doc Open Invitational Battle Royale
[Image: thor-odin-gif-6.gif]
Mickey Kinkade- vs -Robert 'The Omega' Main- vs -Jenny Myst- vs -Lycana- vs -Betsy Granger- vs -Miss Fury- vs -Barney Green- vs -Sil- vs -DemosCharlie Dimes- vs -Reggie Estrada- vs -Surprise Entrant
The Winner Challenges For The Universal Title At Leap Of Faith
3RP - Unlimited




[Image: oPBdkzE.png]
X-TREME CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

King Doc
- vs -
Alias ©
If Alias Wins He Receives A 24/7 Briefcase, But His Majesty, The King, Looks Prepared To Thwart The Revolution At MayDay!
3RP - Unlimited




MSNBC Reporter: Will the chaos in the United States ever cease? We are currently receiving reports from our ground team in... Coreytopia? Is that right?

she asks a producer off-camera,

MSNBC Reporter: Coreytopia, Florida, where a FREE XWF wrestling event has drawn a crowd of over a million people. Per reporting there on-site, this crowd is composed of every aggrieved political faction known to man. The majority of people, however, appears to be a giant swath of young Americans embarking on a cultural pilgrimage.



The reports of out-in-the-open lewd behavior, as well as psychedelic and illicit drug use, are rampant, likening this crowd in Coreytopia, Florida, to that of Woodstock, New York in 1969.

When asked for a comment on the developing situation, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis locked himself inside of the State Capitol in Tallahassee with a large bottle of liquor. Saying simply: "Call me when this is over."

We now take you live to Coreytopia, Florida for XWF MayDay.




There's a giant courtyard behind Corey Smith's mansion where our ring and entrance area have been staged, as well as a massive throne for his majesty
,KING DOC, to observe the festivities prior to his main event matchup against XTreme Champion, Alias.

Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen. Please welcome to the ring, your host of MAYDAY!

The one!

The ONLY!

DOLLY WATERS!



Ode To Joy blares through the speakers, as a smiling Dolly Waters makes her way to the ring, slapping hands and waving to the raucous crowd baking under the South Florida sun. She climbs onto the apron and through the ropes where she pats the ring announcer on the back and receives a microphone. Her music fades but the million-plus on hand continues to roar in admiration and appreciation. As the clapping and cheering subside, Dolly is finally able to speak.

No! No… thank YOU!

And WELCOME… TO MAYDAY!

The crowd again roars in approval, clapping, chanting, cheering, kicking beachballs, breaking out into random acts of sex. An overall showing of jubilation for this once-in-a-lifetime event.

The essence of MAYDAY is about solidarity, and togetherness, the common man and woman working together to celebrate life on earth, and all of its beauty. The human race working and standing together to make this more just and prosperous world for generations to come.

With that being said, I’d like to turn your attention to concert stage where 90s Lilith Fair music star, Natalie Merchant will be performing a song that I hereby dedicate to everyone who came together to help make MAYDAY a reality. To the residents of Coreytopia, to the selfless XWF talent here competing, and to everyone in the crowd…

Thank you!

Dolly exits the ring and heads back into the estate as Natalie Merchant performs “Kind and Generous” for the MayDay crowd.




The shot cuts to the back soon before the show is set to go live. Dolly and Thad are standing in front of a closed door inside the estate. They both look a smidge irritated. Thad checks his watch and Dolly puffs out her cheeks in exasperation. Finally, Dolly pounds on the door.

Come on Corey, I’ve stalled this crowd long enough, we got minutes to air!

Corey responds from behind the door. Okay, okay, just a sec!

He said that five minutes ago.

I’m aware.

Then, a familiar tune starts playing from behind the door.



Thad and Dolly both look towards the door in response to the music within, and Corey throws the door open. He dances a jig through the threshold, rolling his hips suggestively and dancing in a sultry manner. He’s wearing tight black shorts that ride high on his thighs, similar to the ones made famous by a certain “heartbreaker” years back. He’s also wearing a black and white striped ref shirt but it’s skin tight and leaves little to the imagination. Thad and Dolly back up, eyebrows raised.

So what do you think of my ref outfit?!

The song continues in the background. Dolly and Thad look at each other with bemusement, and then back to Corey.

Well, that sure is something.

Dolly chuckles. Oh hun, I get that your doing the whole “out and proud” thing but…

Is it too much?

Dolly holds up her thumb and forefinger as if to say “just a tad.”

Corey shrugs. Well, it’s too late to change into something more conservative. Looks like I’ll just have to be a……SEXY BOY. Corey starts humming along to the music and singing in a very off-key fashion. I’m not your boy toy, I’m just a sexy boy. Seeeeexxyyyy booooooooy!

Thad claps Corey on the shoulder. Ya huh. Well, we’ll see you out there, stud. But we gotta run.

Sure thing! I’ll be out in a sec!

Dolly and Thad walk off, shaking their heads and laughing as Corey continues to strut his stuff in the background.


INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Atara Themis
- vs -
Dean Rose ©
What would Worker Solidarity movements be without hashtags and Twitter?
Can Atara Themis make the Bourgeois Revolution extra bougie? The winner of this match will be the new XWF standard-bearer for leftist Twitter shit-posting.


Ring Announcer:

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the ring, tonight's special guest referee!

The great benefactor of Coreytopia...

Corey Smith!


Sexy Boy hits the speakers.

Corey Smith struts his way to the ring, in his black booty shorts and skin-tight referee shirt as the men and women in attendance droll and gawk over his sexually suggestive appearance. Corey stands on the ring apron and wipes his feet on the mat before bending over slowly to climb through the ropes.

Hello again, brothers, sisters, comrades, friends… Welcome to MAYDAY! Live from Ye’ Ole’ Commune! I’m Dolly Waters and joining me tonight on commentary is none other than Thaddeus Duke! Thad are you as excited as I am for this action-packed show we have lined up here?

Thad is laughing at Corey and not paying any attention.

SMACK! In the shoulder.

Thad!

....Abso-fuckin-lutely, Dolly.

Look at him, he’s adorable!

Just precious.

I’m so proud of him.

Now that our special referee for the evening has been introduced, let’s get on to our first contest!


The honeyed rasp of Atara's voice blares over the commune’s PA in unison with those words appearing on the multitude of screens and displays littering the courtyard.

HELLO DOVES

The crowd pops and gets to their feet shouting in near-total unison a single word.

OPA! HAPPY MAYDAY!

The cameras pan around the entrance area looking for Atara Themis who is nowhere in sight.

Where’s Atty?

Oh! Look!

The camera pans out into the sea fans where Atty is lying on her back, crowd surfing to the ring. The fans carry Atty all the way to the guardrail where she falls gracefully to her feet, holding her 24/7 Championship high in the air, posing for the camera, a wink and kiss is given to the viewers at home.

Ugh.

What?

That belt.

What the 24/7 Championship?

Yes. I dont wanna’ talk about it.

Clearly, since you didn’t at all bring it up.

SMACK! In the shoulder.

Owww you’re so violent, Thad jokes with a smile as he rubs his shoulder.


Grunge walking to the ringsteps, Atty climbs and stops at the top to posture again for her adoring public. Hand on her hip, the Grecian moves to the middle of the apron to blows a final kiss to the camera and enters the ring through the middle rope.

Corey and Atara give one another a friendly gesture as his ring attire pulls a peculiar look on her face. Corey just shrugs.


I mean… it really doesn’t leave anything to the imagination…

Nope, not really.

He should have “spoiler alert” printed on his ass with an arrow pointing to his…

THAD!  This is still a family show!


Thad looks over his shoulder at one of the 700 different orgies going on.


Well… its a friendly crowd, I’ll give it that.





Dean Rose walks out from the entrance area to a chorus of boos and sneers, Sarah Michelle Gellar flanking him and wearing his Internet Championship over his shoulder.


And here comes the champion!

But for how long!?  Atty might have his number here tonight!


Dean spits and flinches at different members of the audience as he makes his way to the ring. He and SMG step up on the ring apron, but Corey Smith is there to greet them, holding a hand out and blocking SMG from entering the ring. Dean is furious and arguing with Smith.


Oh! Corey showing his authority before the match even begins! Ordering Buffy The Vampire Slayer to leave ringside.

I mean, who really wants a washed up actor hanging around ringside anyway?

GOOD JOB COREY!

Thanks buddy.


Corey waves SMG away after taking the Internet Championship from her. Atty points and laughs at Sarah. Smith brings Dean into the ring and walks to the center holding the title belt high in the air and handing it over to the timekeeper. He calls for the bell.

Atara and Dean each hover back and forth over one another’s corner, before meeting in the ring and grappling up. Rose wrenches Atty into a headlock, but she pushes back sending Dean running into the ropes. He rebounds and runs towards Atty. She jumps in the air for a dropkick, but Dean is quick and rolls underneath.


Oh! Nice athletic display by Dean Rose!

What you meant to say was a nice athletic display for Dean Rose.

Not everyone has your gifts.

That’s true.  I am very talented.


Rose pops to his feet and his behind Atty as she falls to the mat. He lifts her quickly. Fallaway slam! Rose goes for the early cover! Smith hits the mat!

1!











2!!









NO! Atty kicks out!

But Dean stays on the attack, he grabs a handful of hair which prompts a scolding from Corey Smith, but Dean ignores him and sends a stiff knee into the side of Atty’s head - -


And Dean isn’t letting go of the hair! That’s always such a bitch.

I’m sure he’s just helping her fix it is all.  Hair gets messy in the ring.


Another knee strike! Smith is irritated and forces Dean to break the hair grab. Dean finally submits and laughs as Atty lies on the mat recovering. Dean picks her up again, slinging her into the ropes, Atty rebounds and eats a big boot from Dean!

He covers again!

1!
















2!!











OH NO! Somehow Atty kicks out again!


Themis’ bell is ringing here in the early going, will she be able to recover?

I hope so.


Fully in control of the match, Dean continues laughing. He picks Atty up again and works her into the corner with a series of punches and chops followed by a tough back elbow to Atty’s jaw. She winces and struggles as Rose turns around running gaining momentum and charging the corner. A HUGE RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!


Themis counters!

Ha!  Got ‘em!


Atty pulls on the ropes and gets her boots up to Dean’s face, catching him across his nose. She seizes the opportunity as Rose staggers, pulling him into the corner where she starts wailing on him with a series of punches and high knees to Roses’ chest.

Themis goes for another knee, but Rose gets a hand up blocking the shot. ONLY IT DOESN’T MATTER! Atara leaps and spins in the air, smacking Dean across the head with a graceful spinning kick. Rose falls from the corner. Atty covers!

1!













2!!











Dean Rose kicks out!!!

Atara starts gaining some momentum, popping back to her feet, hitting the ropes, and burying Dean’s head into the mat as he rises with a spike hurricanrana!

Atty rolls Dean up!

1!










2!!








3!!!








Inside cradle! Dean has countered with a pin of his own!

1!
























2!!


















NO! Atty bursts out of the pin, both she and Dean rushing up to their feet, but Atara catches Dean right in the mouth with a running forearm! Dean collapses! Atty covers again!

1!








BUT DEAN KICKS OUT QUICKLY THIS TIME!

Both Rose and Themis pop to their feet quickly. Rose grabs Atty by the arm and whips her to the corner, but Atty counters, and Dean crashes back first into the corner. Atty charges for a shoulder shot to the gut, but Dean counters and quickly lifts the knee, catching Atty in the chin. She falls back, Dean lifts his way to the top rope, staring at the sagarring Atty the entire time.


This is different! Dean isn’t known for being a highflyer!


But before Dean realizes, Atty has recovered and charges towards him!











FROM A DOVE!














NO! Dean has countered!

















Atty slips while trying to hit the super belly-to-belly suplex, and Dean pushes her off!

But Atara Themis lands on her feet in the center of the ring!







Dean jumps from the top rope and runs toward her!








JUDGEMENT OF PARIS!


Atara connects flush with her trademark high knee to the face! She covers!

1!









2!!





















3!!!

Winner by pinfall - and NEW Internet Champion - Atara Themis!



Whoa! What an awesome match!

Y’know that’s legit!  I was on the edge of my seat just now.


Atty celebrates as Corey Smith hands her the Internet Championship, and her 24/7 Championship and raises her arm. Atty laughs and pulls Corey Smith in, planting a big wet kiss on his lips. She winks at Corey and climbs out of the ring where the fans are waiting for their party-animal champion with a bottle of Kástra Elión greek vodka!


My girl Atty’s been on one hell of a roll of late!

Atty tosses her titles out into the crowd, pops open the vodka, and takes a hefty swig before diving into the crowd and surfing away!



Ladies and Gentleman the following contest is for the XWF Television Championship with a fifteen minute time limit, and it a thumbtack match!


Cameras pick up large black sacks, one on each ring post.


Those sacks are huge!

Really Thad?

…….







Introducing first, representing BOB ELITE, he is ANDRE DIXON!

There’s a loud, mixed reception from the large crowd as Andre emerges through the curtain with a look that could kill. He starts to make the walk towards the ring.


BOB Elite is on track to perhaps take yet another championship here tonight at MayDay!

Andre seems to have found another gear since aligning himself with Topher Page.

Topher?

Yeah I’m sure he’ll hate it.



Andre reaches ringside where he climbs up on the ring apron and gazes over at a bag of tacks that are hanging around the ring post before stepping through the ropes and into the ring. Dixon circles the center of the ring eagerly anticipating the arrival of the Television Champion.







Introducing his opponent, he is the XWF Television Champion, MARF SWAYSON!



Lights in the Sky hits as the fans begin to boo. Marf makes his way out onto the stage, looking around at the audience and shaking his head in disgust. He marches to the ring while the crowd continues to boo and insult him. Marf rolls into the ring and goes to a corner, climbing up and then flipping off the crowd for more heat.



Marfy’s been on a role lately, picking up the TV title, and he and the Blue Woman picked up the number one contendership in Tag Turmoil back on Warfare...

Marfy?

Like Jannetty.



TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Andre Dixon
- vs -
Marf ©
15 Minute Time Limit- Thumbtack Special




15:00



Dixon and Marf stare across the ring from each other with neither showing any signs of intimidation as they start to walk out towards the center of the ring where the shit talking begins before Marf straight up decks Dixon with a right hand rocking the big man before coming immediately with a thumb to the eye and then a short headbut to the nose before backing Dixon up against the ropes, Marf shoots Dixon across the ring with an Irish Whip, Dixon bounces off the ropes delivering a running shoulder block that rocks Marf back several feet but does not leave his feet. Dixon drives a boot to the midsection of the Champion doubling him over before landing several blows across the back of Marf, he drives Marf back into a neutral corner before driving several shoulder blocks to the midsection before bring Marf out from the corner where he scoops him and delivers a Fallaway Slam! Marf lands hard on the canvass and rolls out to the floor.


Andre Dixon, on a roll here early on!

Marfy’s gotta get it together here real quick!



Andre comes towards the ropes where Marf snatches a double leg take down and pulls Dixon out to the floor where he drives him lower back first into the ring apron! He drives him a second and then a third time! Marf latches on to a front waist lock before delivering a belly to belly suplex on the floor! Marf climbs up on the ring apron where he walks towards one of the corners. He snatches the large black sack and jumps down to the floor. Marf unties the bag and empties thousands of thumbtacks on the ground.


Where's my popcorn!?  Shit's gettin' thick already!

Oh yeah I was supposed to tell you, they ran out of salt so you're not getting your popcorn.

Mother...

THAD!

Whaaat?  I wasn't gonna!

Really?

Nah I was definitely gonna.


Marf turns his attention towards Andre, he makes his way over towards him where he picks him the rest of the way off the ground. He scoops him up over his shoulder and turns towards the tacks!  Dixon suddenly slides down the back of Marf! Marf spins around where Dixon snatches him by the throat and delivers a thunderous chokeslam down into the thumbtacks! Corey Smith looks on shaking his head as Dixon reaches down picking Marf up off the ground with hundreds of thumbtacks stuck in his back. Dixon hurls Marf back into the ring where he slides in after him making a cover. Corey drops down into position making the count.


1!!











2!!












THRE…



Marf kicks out!

This is me not commenting on Corey's ass.

........



12:19




Dixon cuts his eyes towards Corey as he stands back up to his feet. He reaches down picking up Marf as some tacks fall out of his back. Dixon sets Marf up for an Angle Slam, Marf counters and catches Dixon with a boot to the midsection before driving him down into the mat with an implant DDT! Marf and Dixon lay on the mat with Corey starting to count them both out. At the five count Marf reaches one knee before stepping up to his feet. He picks Dixon up off the mat where he locks a front face lock where he hoists Andre up before spiking him down into the mat with a Brain Buster Suplex!

Marf works his way back to his feet where he turns towards another corner where another large black sack is hanging off the ring post. Marf snatches it off the ring post while in the ring Dixon rolls over to his chest and starts pushing himself up off the mat to one knee. Marf comes forward swinging the sack of thumbtacks smashing it into the face of Dixon knocking him back down to the mat! Marf drops the tied bag and lunges on to a cover.


1!!













2!!













THRE..


Dixon kicks out of the very near fall!


I thought that might’ve been a killshot!

You and me both!


Marf cuts his eyes towards Corey who has done nothing but call the contest evenly. He reaches his feet where he gets in Corey’s face demanding a faster count. Naturally Corey is not hearing this shit as he simply shrugs which only infuriates the TV Champion as he turns his attention back towards Dixon. He walks over picking Andre up off the mat where he takes him back into the ropes, he fires Andre across the ring with an Irish Whip, Dixon bounces off the ropes ducking under a Marf clothesline attempt where he plants him with the Olympic Slam! Both Dixon and Marf are down as Corey starts laying the count to both men.


9:54



Dixon starts to stir at Corey’s six count before getting to his feet by the eight count. Dixon shifts his eyes towards the large black sack laying in the ring. He walks over and picks it up before opening it up and pouring thousands of thumbtacks into a portion of the ring! Andre snatches Marf up off the mat before locking in a front face lock as he is looking perhaps for a suplex. He attempts the pick up only to have Marf block! Dixon looks for a second attempt and again it is blocked, Marf manages to counter with a Falcon Arrow to Dixon driving him down into the thumbtacks!


Oh for fucks sake!

DOLLY!?

WHAT!?

Don’t say fuck!

MARF HOOKS THE LEG!




1!!












2!!












THRE…



How the hell did he kick out!?  I was sure that was it!

With his legs!




Marf glances towards Corey who show him two fingers which garners the middle finger from Marf which is followed in suit by TWO from Corey.


Marf needs to focus less on the referee and more on his opponent.

I beg to differ!  Have you seen this ref!?


Marf begins to work his way back to his feet, tacks still sporadically all over his back as Dixon rolls over out of thumbtacks and now he too looks like a pin cushion across his broad back. Marf reaches down picking Andre up off the canvas where he positions him for a Powerbomb, but before Marf can attempt the Powerbomb Andre counters with a back body drop into the thumbtacks!


5:00



Andre falls back first on top of Marf Swayson.  Corey dives down for the count.


1!



















2!



















3!???????????????????????



















AND MARF KICKS OUT!

This is a hell of a fight!


Andre slowly gets back to his feet.  Marf rolls over to his side and gets to his hands and knees.  Both men are nearly spent as Dixon goes for a stiff boot to the head but Marf grabs a hold of his foot and gets back to his feet.  Marf, still with Andre’s foot in hand, sends a hard knee into Dixon’s midsection doubling him over.


3:56



ECHOSLIDE!

THIS COULD DO IT!


Marf Swayson hits the PerfectPlex on Dixon, driving him back first into the thumbtacks, completing the bridge and keeping the leg hooked.


1!



















2!



















3!?????????????????????????????????????????



















????????????????????????????????????????????



















DIXON KICKS OUT!

Holy shit this is fun!


Marf begins to protest again but Corey insists it was only a two count.  Marf gets back to his feet and is smelling victory at hand.  He bends down and grabs Andre by his head and pulls him up to his feet.


TIIIIME keeps on ticking ticking ticking…

Into the future!

Just about two and a half minutes to go for this Television title match!



With Andre to his feet, Marf sends him hard into the corner.  Dixon hits the turnbuckles hard and bounces out.  Marf grabs a hold of him and sends him up and over his head with a belly to belly suplex, sending Dixon down into the field of thumbtacks.  Dixon lands and instinctively rises from the mat trying to get away from the tacks.

Marf lifts him back to his feet…



THE SWAY!

He’s out!

BUT ON HIS FEET!


Marf hits the Canadian Destroyer on Andre Dixon and after impact, Andre rolls to his feet but entirely on dream street.  Dixon staggers backward into the corner.  Swayson gets back to his feet and charges toward Dixon, driving a shoulder into his midsection before lifting Andre and setting him on the top turnbuckle.  Marf follows him up and looks to be going for another suplex variant.


Time is really becoming a factor here!

It looks like Marf Swayson might be content to just run out the clock on Andre Dixon and fight another day!

It’s not the route I would take, personally, but to each their own!


Marf changes course and climbs to the very top rope and pulls Andre Dixon up right along with him.  Marf traps one of Andre’s arms and appears to be attempting to deliver a belly to belly but from the top!


DIXON!


With a last second burst of energy, Andre breaks Marf’s grip on him then powers him up and leaps off the top rope…



















DEADLY FORCE!

WHAT IMPACT!


Dixon takes Marf off the top rope to the mat with his patented spinebuster and rolls up Marf’s leg.  Corey dives for the count.


1!



















2!



















3!???????????????????



















????????????????????????????????



















3!


WINNER and NEW XWF Television Champion:

ANDRE DIXON



We have a new TV champ, Thad!  And his name is Andre Dixon!

I can’t say that’s exciting news for the XWF as a whole, but it is great news for B.o.B.  And even better news for Andre Dixon.

That was a war for the ages!

Dixon is really starting to click on all eight cylinders and it might be some time before someone steps up to take that title away from him.


TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

CENTRUBION
(Ruby & Centurion)
- vs -
Them No Good Bastards©
(Thunder Knuckles & Bobby Bourbon)
Them No Good Bastards offered to put their titles on the line... In, you guessed it, SOLIDARITY! Can CentRubion Win The Tag Team Titles Back For The Workingclass?
2RP - 3K Word Limit



Thad, two title matches tonight, two new champions.  What do you think we’ll see with the tag team title match?

If I know anything about Them No Good Bastards, and I do… it’s that they’re not trendsetters, they’re trend breakers.  Say whatever it is you want about Robbie and TK individually, but as a team… I hate to say the word unbeatable, because they’re not.  No one in this business is unbeatable.

People tend to throw that word around a ton when new tag champions are crowned.  The Sick Cunts were unbeatable until they weren’t.  Cataclysm was unbeatable, until they weren’t.  Continuum was unbeatable, until they weren’t.

Them No Good Bastards are unbeatable, until they’re not.  Is tonight the night?

Centurion and Ruby are no slouches as a team neither.

They’re not but you know what?  Fuck Cent.  That’s what.



The crowd goes wild as Centrubion appear on the entrance ramp. The sky above Coreytopia becomes overcast as lightning streaks across the clouds. Nothing like a South Florida pop-up-shower. Centurion and Ruby at first come out, smiling and waving to the fans. But as the rain begins to pour down, looks of determination become etched on the faces of the heroes.

Oh my God!

It’s just a little rain!

My fucking hair!

Yeah somehow I think you’ll survive!

Just wait!  You have no idea how long it is when it’s wet.  And its Florida so it’s gonna stop in like ten minutes.  Then… THEN… its gonna all frizz up like a Jew Fro and I’m not even Jewish!

You done?

I guess so.

The duo march down to the ring shoulder to shoulder. They split off at the apron, each of them climbing a turnbuckle and raising their arms in the air as the crowd goes wild. Corey Smith welcomes them to the ring and points them to their corner as they await…



The epic XTron video of TNGB takes over the commune grounds as THUNDER cracks in the sky. A spotlight highlights the ramp, and Thunder Knuckles walks out onto the entrance ramp, hyped and ready to fight, pointing out into the crowd. Behind him, Bobby Bourbon deliberately walks out and stops, also pointing out into the crowd. Both men glance at each other and clink their Tag Team Championships together, then in unison point into the ring as the rain pours down. The crowd sings along with the song.

ASSHOLE, DIRTBAG, NO GOOD BASTARDS!

TK slides into the ring and gets up onto a knee, beckoning the crowd as Bobby climbs the steps and enters the ring behind him. TK stands and appeals to the crowd as Bobby raises his arms at 45-degree angles.

Corey Smith approaches the tag team champions, directing them to their corner and holds his hands out for the titles. TK and Bobby look at one another incredulously, shaking their heads before they both march back to the center of the ring, hoisting their tag championships one more time.


TNGB better hope that lightning doesn’t strike those things!

Meh!  They could use a makeover.


Corey follows them back to the center of the ring and snatches the tieles away from each of them, pointing a finger and reminding them both that this is his ring, his rules motioning towards the scantily clad, and now soaking wet booty shorts ref costume.

Smith hands the titles over to the time keeper and presses the teams back to their corner on more time before calling for the bell.


And we’re underway!

We start off with Bobby Bourbon pacing back and forth in front of his corner, smiling and motining for Centurion to bring it - Centurion obliges. He charges the big man, but baits Bobby Bourbon! Just as Bobby goes to grapple, Centurion side steps and trips Bourbon down to the mat. TK slams the top of his corner in frustration as Ruby applauded from her corner.

Bobby is quick back to his feet, having taken little damage, he stands to see Centurion smiling, motioning now for Bobby to bring-it

Centurion, the wiley veteran as always!

Is ’wily veteran’ a euphemism for boring white bread?

....no.

Bobby charges at Cent, but slides a bit on the wet ring mat, but it pays off! With an open hand he falls into the challenger’s face with an eye rake that causes Cent to shout out in pain. But Cent doesn’t falter, he fires right back with a powerful, blinded punch that catches Bobby right in the mouth. Bobby stumbles back and Cent rushes. Bobby goes to grapple, but Cent baseball slides between his legs. He rises up and catches Bobby in the back with a standing dropkick that sends Bobby falling chest first into the ropes. Bourbon whiplashes and Cent catches him on the rebound.

OH! Saito Suplex from Centurion!

I’ve done better.

Cent struggled to lift the big man, but slammed him down hard and covers.

Smith slides into position, his booty short soaked from the rain,

1!















2!!






Oh! An easy kick out by Robbie!

Um, it’s actually Bobby now…

What? Why?

Maybe if you wouldn’t leave for years at a time you would know!

Anyway he joined B.o.B. and changed his name.  Pretty unexciting story.

Cent lifts Bobby by the head and goes to deliver a knee, but the champ anticipates the move and blocks Cent easily, opening him up for a devastating, jumping, spinning uppercut!

LIGHTS OUT FOR CENT!

Look at that!  He’s doing an impression of his promo viewers!

TK Laughs from his corner while Bourbon puts all of his weight on Cent for the cover…


1!




















2!! 




But from out of nowhere it’s Ruby! She breaks the pinfall sliding across the mat with a devastating kick to Bobby’s head. This brings TK into the ring. He lunges for Ruby, but the smaller, shiftier Ruby dodges.

OH! But not so fast!

TK has managed to grab onto a handful of Ruby’s hair pulling her back! He’s got her from behind and lifts for a full nelson slam!

But Centurion! A BLOODY SYMPHONY! The flying knee catches TK in the side of the head, causing him to drop Ruby who scurries back to her corner. Centurion stands and begins kicking TK out of the ring. But before Centurion can even turn around, Bobby Bourbon has him from behind.

THE FLATIRON!

Bourbon smashes Cent down to the mat with a tourturrack samoan drop. He covers!

1!














2!!!
















3!!! NO!!!

CENTURION KICKED OUT!

Bobby slaps the mat in frustration as rainwater splashes everywhere. He snatches Centurion up and looks over to TK who is nodding slow with a smile. Bobby shove’s Cent’s head between his legs! He lifts the Hall of Legends member!

A BOURBON BOM--- NO WAIT!

Centurion starts wailing on Bobby’s head while sitting on his shoulders. The big man starts slipping on the wet mat, falling backwards. He tries again to hoist Cent and pummel him, but Centurion leapfrogs over Bobby’s head right into his corner where he finds Ruby’s tag!

Bobby collapses forward and finds TK’s tag!

Ruby hits the ring!

TK hits the ring!

It’s a brawl in the center of the mat!

A spinning back first from Ruby! A punch to the mouth from TK! Ruby stumbles back and TK goes for a superkick! But Ruby ducks under his leg and cracks TK across the face with a falling Pele Kick!

TK falls to the mat!


1!









OH! Thunder Knuckles is fresh! He bench presses Ruby off of the pin. Ruby lands on her feet, slipping a bit as the rain continues to pour. TK climbs to his feet, but Ruby is already rushing. She lunges at Thunder Knuckles with a flying cross body! But TK catches her sideways! He slings the little Ruby onto his shoulder and charges he and Bobby’s corner with her!

A devastating crash into the corner! TK turns around with Ruby still lifted!

ALABAMA SLAM!

Ruby’s head whips viciously from the mat. TK covers!


1!















2!!















NO!!!

The crowd screams in excitement as Ruby just barely kicks out!

TK looks like he’s smelled a fart!

Probably Robbie.

Centurion is clapping, trying desperately to rally Ruby from their corner, but it’s no use. He snags the superhero up by the hair and drags her over to Bobby. TK makes the tag and stays in the ring. He whips Ruby into the corner. Bobby whips TK into Ruby. A sick running knee lift would have dropped Ruby only…

A sick running lariat from Bourbs!

Felt it before.  Hurts like a bitch!

Bobby doesn’t let her fall though, he picks Ruby back up as TK is already charging again with a full head of steam. ANOTHER RUNNING KNEE LIFT! Ruby is in big trouble! Centurion begins protesting to Corey from his corner, and in spite of their differences Corey Smith agrees. He comes between Ruby and Them No Good Bastards, demanding TK return to his corner. TK smiles, lifting his hands as if he’s innocent and slides back to his corner.

Ruby stumbles out of the corner, her throat falling right into the waiting grasp of Bobby.

EMC SQUARED!

Bobby buries Ruby with a nasty chokeslam in the center of the ring and covers her.

1!


















2!!
























NO!!!

MY GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE RUBY KEEPS KICKING OUT!

Someone’s gotta pick up Cent’s dead weight!

Bobby lumbers back to his feet incensed. He chucks Ruby across the ring with a Big Boy Toss, inadvertently throwing Ruby into her own corner, where Centurion is able to make the blind tag on his unconscious wife. The look on Cent’s face is one of malice and disdain. He rushes Bourbon, and in spite of the clear size advantage, Cent begins cracking the former Universal Champion in the face with a series of well landed strikes. Bobby is dazed! Cent ducks behind his foe and goes for the 1000 Mile Slam!

But the weight is too much to bear, Bobby slides down Centurion’s back, turns him around and grasps  the smaller man by the throat. Bobby roars and chokeslams Centurion out of the ring with another EMC Squared! Bobby rips the leotard straps from his shoulders and starts pounding on his chest as TK laughs and claps. Bobby turns to TK and starts demanding a count from Corey Smith.

Corey looks at Bourbon and brushes him off, not going to be told what to do. The two come face to face before Bourbon turns around and starts making the 10-count himself.

1!









2!!














3!!!











4-



Corey spins Bobby around and demands that he stop. Bourbon shoves Corey, who shoves the big man back.

HOLY FUCK!

From out of nowhere! Ruby leaps over Corey Smith with a springboard dropkick, while at the same time Centurion has recovered and done the same maneuver! The stereo dropkicks smash big Bobby on each side of his skull sending the big man crumbling to the wet canvass.

Centurion is gassed but still makes the cover!




1!






















2!!




























THIS ONE IS OVER! NEW TAG CHAMPS! 








3!!!














NO!

Not so fast!

THAT NO GOOD BASTARD!

TK broke up the pin fall, diving on Centurion just in the nick of time! Centurion is spent and beat, as is Bobby Bourbon. As both TK and Ruby reclaim their corners, Bobby and Cent crawl to their partners.

Cent makes the tag!

Bobby makes the tag!

Again TK and Ruby hit the ring charging one another, but this time Ruby is ready! She leaps at TK! Hurricanrana! But TK is back up to his feet quickly… no matter, though! Dropkick from Ruby! TK is up again! BUT THIS TIME HE EATS A RUBY CUTTER!!! She covers!

1!






















2!!























NO! ON HIS OWN MERIT, TK KICKS OUT SOMEHOW!

Ruby gets to her feet, she runs at the ropes and rebounds, she cracks TK across the skull with a running knee as he rises, and keeps running!

She sees Bobby outside of the ring!






TOPE CON HERO!










Ruby flips over the rope and smashes Bobby back down to the floor as he stands. The crowd is going absolutely bat-shit crazy as the rain continues to pour! Ruby climbs back in the ring only to find that TK is gone. She spins around trying to find her opponent, but he’s sliding back under the bottom rope, with a chair now!

He swings at Ruby with a chair shot that will take her head off!


But Corey Smith grabs the chair midswing! He rips the chair out of TK’s hands and slings it out of the ring. The two have an intense confrontation in the middle of the ring. Ruby runs and makes the tag to an eager Centurion. The crowd pops even louder. TK doesn’t realize!

1000 Mile Slam!

TK is down! But from the top rope it’s Ruby!

RUBY IN THE ROUGH!

BUT NO!!!!!!!!!

From nowhere Bobby Bourbon has climbed back into the ring and crippled Ruby with a clothesline mid air!

Cent tries for the cover on TK but before Corey can even make the 1-count, Bobby lifts Cent from the pin into a vertical suplex.

As Bobby falls to the mat with Cent, TK pops up from his back…


RAINBOW LASER DEATH SEQUENCE!


OH MY FUCKING GOD! TK’S FOOT DDT HAS KNOCKED CENTURION OUT COLD!

Thank GOD!

TK covers Centurion as Bobby jumps up and keeps a boot on Ruby’s neck.

Corey counts the fall

1!















2!!























3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winners via pinfall - and STILL XWF Tag Team Champions - Them No Good Bastards


What a war!

Thank God Centurion still has no gold!

Just as Corey brugudlingly hands the titles back to TNGB, the clouds part, and the South Florida pop-up shower ceases. 


My hair may never be the same again!

It looks…. fine….?

Clearly.








The massive crowd erupts with loud boos as attention diverts towards the wrestlers entrances area where we see a thick cloud of white smoke engulfing the area. Seen walking through the smokey haze and out to the top of the ramp is the XWF Universal Champion, CHRONIC Chris Page.



[Image: giphy.gif]



Chris Page told us all that he would be on hand to see who the next challenger is going to be for the Universal Championship depending on if he can successfully retain it against RL Edgar on Wednesday Night on Warfare.

Ladies and gentlemen, the least interesting Universal Champion of 2021!

Wouldn't that make you the most interesting?

By default only.  Contrary to popular opinion, I don't actually have that massive an ego.

He's defended well though.  If he gets through R.L. Edgar on Warfare, that'll be four successful defenses.

Yeah and he'll be the first to tell you that too.  The man loves counting.  The thing about his defenses though is he's faced a bunch of guys that think they got a gameplan, only to stand there like a deer in the headlights when things start counting for real.

I'm not saying he's had it easy necessarily, but Page has a way of manipulating things to his advantage.

You're speaking from experience?

Ha!  No one knows Chris Page better than I do.





Chris ignores all the fans on his way towards the ring. He reaches ringside and climbs up on the ring apron where he steps through the ropes and into the ring. He unstraps the Universal Championship from his waist where he hoists it high into the air for all to see garnering louder boos from the crowd in the process which brings a smile to his face.


The hippies and comrades here at Coreytopia showing their feelings in solidarity for Chris Page!

Do you really think he gives a crap?  His only concern is that they react.  Boo him, cheer him, he doesn't care.

Great fuckin' jacket.

Bet he got it on sale at Hot Topic.

Hot Topic, Dolly repeats with a light laugh.

Dudes like 60.  The elderly never pay full price.


Chris drapes the Universal Championship over his right shoulder as he calls for the microphone. Chris takes the microphone from the ring announcer before dismissing him from the ring. Chris reaches center ring as the “Judas” by Fozzy fades out leaving a solid chorus of boos which break out into a “FUCK YOU PAGE! FUCK YOU PAGE! FUCK YOU PAGE!”. Chris lowers the microphone and immediately burst out into laughter allowing for the chant to get louder and louder.


That's the spirit, XWF Universe!

Page seems to feed off the hate!


The chant stays solid as Chris raises the microphone and spouts out to everyone.


” You love me! You really, really love me!”


The chant breaks out into thunderous boos from all over as Chris simply talks over the crowd.


Haraghh! Blehhhhh.

You okay?

Yeah I'm good, just threw up a little.


” I wish I could say that I love each and everyone of you equally, but the truth is I could give two shits about any of your views or opinions because I will be leaving this dump as the Universal Champion much like you all will leave here as the same filthy pieces of trash you were when you got here.”


The always endearing Chris Page.

Siiiiiigh.

Regrets?

Only that I lost it to him.  That son of bitch likes to take credit for every god damn thing.  Know what?  If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t even have that stupid classless belt.

Know what?  Does it really dispense joints?

Why?  You interested?

....no.



” The only reason I am gracing you all with MY star power has nothing to do with the event and everything to do with the Battle Royale that is set to take place in just a few short minutes. Ten individuals elected to answer the King Doc Open Invitational Battle Royale to determine who I will be facing at Leap of Faith. Names like Betsy Granger, Lycana to even fellow BOB Elite member Miss Fury and BOB members Barney Green and Jenny Myst; and all of them have the visions of getting their respective date with destiny IF they can ensure that they are the last person standing. To the victor shall go the spoils, and I for one cannot wait to see who is going to be headed to Leap of Faith on this collision course with destiny BABY!”


I can't help but notice his selective memory loss in failing to mention Robert Main.

...maybe its dementia.





Oh boy! I believe there's something CCP is forgetting!


R.L. Edgar emerges from the wrestler's entrance area to a huge pop from the million-plus in attendance. His eyes gleaming as he stares down the perturbed Universal Champion.


R.L. Edgar looks like a man marching confidently towards his own destiny right now!  God I hope he wins!


R.L. Edgar reaches ringside and there is a second microphone laying on the ring apron. He takes the microphone and climbs up behind the ropes, leaning and smiling,

You know, Page... you sure do talk a LOT of shit.

A look of disgust growing on CCP’s face as Edgar steps through the ropes,

But for as much you talk, I couldn’t help but notice you left out a very important detail regarding Leap Of Faith…

Edgar stands bold, and face to face with CCP who towers over Edgar by nearly half a foot.

...you’ve still gotta’ face ME for THAT he says pointing at CCP’s waist Universal Championship on Wednesday Warfare, and I’ll be goddamned if you think I’m just going to lay down like some dog. I told you this was going to be a war, and I FUCKING meant it!


[Image: tenor.gif]


” This is coming from the guy that has no other material to shoot other than a Hall of Legends picture? Listen junior, you are a formality defense, always have been and always will be. Do yourself a favor and walk away now before you end up leaving on a stretcher.”


Suddenly Page slaps the taste out of R.L.’s mouth! He points and laughs at his challenger for Warfare as we see an enraged Edgar explode towards Page taking him down with a Spear while transitioning into a side headlock as he reigns down with right hands! The crowd is on fire for Edgar as he lands six good shots before getting back to his feet! He picks Page up off the mat where he sends him sailing towards the ropes, Page latches on to the top rope while sling shooting out to the floor garnering loud boos from the crowd in the process.


NOW I wish I had my popcorn!


Edgar picks up the Universal Championship, looks at it and then throws it out to Page as he snatches the microphone.


… Ain’t gunna be no runnin’ from this ass whippin’ on Warfare!



It’s R.L. Edgar!  It’s Chris Page!  It’s for the Universal Championship, and it’s ONLY on Warfare!






The King Doc Open Invitational Battle Royale
[Image: thor-odin-gif-6.gif]
Mickey Kinkade- vs -Robert 'The Omega' Main- vs -Jenny Myst- vs -Lycana- vs -Betsy Granger- vs -Miss Fury- vs -Barney Green- vs -Sil- vs -DemosCharlie Dimes- vs -Reggie Estrada- vs -Surprise Entrant
The Winner Challenges For The Universal Title At Leap Of Faith





The crowd is eager for the Battle Royale as the bell sounds and all competitors are in the ring as all hell immediately breaks loose! Kinkade and Estrada pair off, Main and Charlie Dimes have a heated exchange in the mix as we see Sil and Barney Green, Granger and Miss Fury are engaged in an exchange with Reggie Estrada and the Mystery Entrant going after each other! Lycana and Myst are trading shots! Main drops Dime with a hard right hand while across the ring Reggie Estrada eliminates the Hooded Figure who charges across the ring looking to steam roll Kinkade and Estrada!


Who the hell even was that guy!?

It’s a mystery!


MYSTERY ENTRANT ELIMINATED BY REGGIE ESTRADA



Barney Green thumbs Sil in the eye before biting him across the forehead. Jenny Myst gets the upper hand on Lycana throwing her over the top rope only to see her land on the ring apron. Myst turns her attention towards Barney where she comes across the ring double teaming Sil while Betsy Granger as Miss Fury back into a neutral corner and is trying to work her over the top rope. Mickey Kinkade takes the upper hand on Reggie Estrada backs him into the ropes as Lycana comes across the ring behind Kinkade dumping him over the top roep and out to the floor!


MICKEY KINKADE ELIMINATED BY LYCANA



That dude is a red flag, glad he’s gone!

Lycana has been on a roll of late and she just tossed Kinkade like he was nothin’!


Miss Fury has Betsy Granger hanging over the top rope when Robert Main comes up from behind saving Betsy as he yanks Fury backwards and slings her towards the center of the ring!  Barney Green as Sil by both arms as Myst charges forward where she eats a boot to the face from Sil rocking her backwards where Charlie Dimes is back in the mix with a Side Russian Leg Sweep!

Sil breaks free from Green before sending him over the top rope and out to the floor with a clothesline!


BARNEY GREEN ELIMINATED BY SIL



Barney should just get fat again honestly.  Woulda been a lot harder to toss his big ass out.

Sil is a mountain of muscle though!

I mean he looks like he was carvered from stone.


Lycana blasts Dimes from behind as he reaches his feet knocking him towards a neutral corner while Betsy Granger starts to work over Jenny Myst and Sil square off with Reggie Estrada leaving Main and Miss Fury staring each other down! Jenny Myst gouges Granger in the eyes before clipping the right knee from under Main staggering him forward into a Judas Effect by Miss Fury! Myst and Fury take Robert towards the ropes where they try to get him over the top rope!

Lycana charges towards the corner housing Dimes only to eat a reverse elbow sending Lycana back out towards the center of the ring. Dimes come out of the corner with Sweet Shin Music! Reggie Estrada is sent over the top rope where he hangs on to the top rope as Corey Smith comes around the ring as Reggie latches firmly on the top rope with his feet nearing the floor before he pulls himself back up to the ring apron.

Dimes is spun around by Sil who snatches him by the throat and drives him back towards the ropes on the far side of the ring. Betsy Granger recovers as Miss Fury and Jenny Myst have Robert Main teetering on elimination! Granger blasts Myst in the back before yanking Miss Fury out towards the ring, she locks a front face lock before hoisting her up and driving her down into the mat with a Brainbuster Suplex! Reggie Estrada slides back into the ring where he sneaks up behind Main dumping him over the top rope! Main catches the top rope on his way down with only ONE foot touching the floor before pulling himself up on to the ring apron as Reggie celebrates like he’s won the damn match. Sil has Charlie Dimes teetering upon elimination only to see Dimes reach back gouging the eyes to free himself from the grasp of Sil.  Myst meets Betsy with an exchange before looking to send Granger over the top rope, Granger reverses and Myst is sent sailing over the top rope and out to the floor!


JENNY MYST ELIMINATED BY BETSY GRANGER



Oh thank god!

What’s your problem with Jenny Myst?

Nothing in particular.  I just dislike fake people.


Miss Fury pulls herself towards a neutral corner while Robert Main re-enters the ring behind Estrada who continues to celebrate before turning around and walking into Robert Main! Reggie tries to beg away but Main is not having it as he boots him in the midsection before sending him sailing over the top rope and out to the floor!


REGGIE ESTRADA ELIMINATED BY ROBERT MAIN



See ya Reg!  We hardly knew ye!

Robert Main isn’t playing games tonight!  He came to Coreytopia to WIN dammit!

It’s far from over, but I for one would love to see Robert Main get his hands on Chris Page!

You and about a hundred million other people.


Main and Betsy are in one corner, Lycana is in a corner by herself, Miss Fury is in a corner by herself, Sil is by the ropes on a far side with Charlie Dimes on the opposite side as one of these six participants will move on to challenge for the Universal Championship at Leap of Faith. All six glance around the ring at each other before Sil and Charlie charge towards each other and start unloading upon each other with right hands! Main and Lycana pair off as does Betsy and Miss Fury!

Sil drives Charlie Dimes down into the mat with a spin buster slam before taking a mount position on Dimes and hammering down with right hands while Main whips Lycana across the ring, she bounces off the ropes ducking under a Main clothesline where she drop kicks him in the backs ending him staggering forward towards the ropes. Lycana bum rushes Main sending him over the top rope where he once again catches himself on the ring apron! Lycana swings at Main who blocks and counters with a shoulder block to the midsection that stagers Lycana back for Robert to re-enter the ring.

Betsy and Miss Fury are back in a neutral corner where Granger drives Miss Fury into the corner with a shoulder block to the midsection. She starts driving repeated shoulders to the midsection of Miss Fury before stepping up to the middle ropes where she begins hammering down with solid right hands! Lycana swings at Main who ducks and counters with a Side Suplex!  Sil gets up off Charlie Dimes before reaching down picking him up off the mat and as he does Dimes lands a low blow!  Main Is shown picking Lycana up off the mat where he scoops her up over his shoulder and takes her towards the ropes where he looks to slam her over the top rope and down to the floor. Lycana hangs on to the top rope which allows Charlie Dimes to come up behind Robert and nail him in the ribs with a right hand.





Miss Fury, still getting hammered on by Betsy Granger snatches both legs of Betsy and walks out from the corner where she drops Granger face first on to the top turnbuckle with an assisted snake eyes! Charlie Dimes begins working over Main backing him into the ropes where he comes charging forward with a Cactus Clothesline taking  both himself and Main over the top rope and out to the ring apron! Sil gets back to his feet where Lycana snatches a front face lock before delivering a tornado ddt using the turnbuckles for assistance to spike Sil head first into the canvass! Out on the ring apron Main and Dimes start trading right hands with Dimes gaining the upper hand before clotheslining Main back over the top rope and into the ring only to see Miss Fury come from out of nowhere with a Superkick but Dimes side steps it and blasts Fury with a forearm rocking her backwards into a back stabber by Lycana!

Dimes steps back through the ropes where he nails Lycana with a strong clothesline that nearly turns her inside out!  Dimes shifts his attention towards Betsy who is nearing her feet when Sil comes up from behind and hurls Dimes over the top rope and out to the floor!


CHARLIE DIMES ELIMINATED BY SIL



Oh how ‘bout that!

Dimes is outta here!

300 pounds of potato stuffed into a 100 pound bag just keeps moving right along, doesn’t he?


Betsy comes off the ropes with a Superkick to Sil rocking him backwards as Miss Fury lands a second Judas Effect to the lower back of Sil and now Lycana and Miss Fury start kicking at the quads of the massive tree that is Sil as Robert Main rolls towards a corner away from the action as it unfolds. Lycana and Miss Fury finally drop the redwood known as Sil to one knee allowing Betsy to nail a shining wizard to the temple of Sil knocking him backwards towards the mat.

Miss Fury, Betsy Granger and Lycana all look at each other awaiting for one to make a move on the other when suddenly they all reach down starting to pick Sil up off the mat when Betsy’s attention is diverted towards the crowd where we see…






















ATARA THEMIS crowd surfing with the Freestyle and Internet Championships. Betsy walks towards the ropes as we see Sil suddenly Hulk Up as he throws both arms back sending Lycana and Miss Fury in opposite directions before running and clotheslining Granger from behind sending her over the top rope and out to the floor!


BETSY GRANGER ELIMINATED BY SIL



NO!  Not Betsy!

And we’re down to four!

Lycana!  Fury!  Main!  And Joe Swanson with Legs!

Dolly eyeballs Thad trying not to laugh.  He looks at her.

You’re getting SLAAAACKS!

Did you have more edibles?

...no.


Sil turns around seeing Lycana and Miss Fury charging towards him looking for a double clothesline only to see Sil counter with a back body drop to both Miss Fury and Lycana sending both over the top rope and out to the floor!


MISS FURY AND LYCANA ELIMINATED BY SIL



And the inflated Macy’s Parade balloon has made it to the final two with Robert Main!

I’m not sure anyone would have predicted that!

Say whatever you want about Sil but he’s a hell of a competitor!

Oh?  It’s Sil now?  No nickname?

I ran out of silly ones.


The crowd at May-Day is rockus as Sil now looks across the ring at Robert Main and the two lock eyes. The crowd gets louder and louder as they circle each other before immediately starting an exchange of right hands! Clubbing shots from Sil are met with furious shots from Main! Sil starts to gain the upper hand as he lands several unanswered shots that back Main up towards the ropes, Sil charges forward, Main evades sending Sil bouncing off the ropes and into a boot to the face!

Main comes forward looking to take Sil over the top rope only to eat a boot to the midsection! Sil locks in a front face lock before hoisting Main up for a Suplex! He backs Main toward the ropes where he looks to suplex him backwards out to the floor but its Main who gouges the eyes breaking the grip on Sil as he comes forward landing on his feet! Sil swings wildly at Main who ducks the attempt where he hoists Sil up over his shoulders before depositing him over the top rope and out to the floor with a Dead Man’s Hand!


SIL ELIMINATED BY ROBERT MAIN
WINNER OF THE KING DOC INVITATIONAL: ROBERT “THE OMEGA” MAIN



The crowd erupts as Robert Main celebrates the victory!


ALRIGHT ROBERT!

MAIN WINS!  HE’LL GET HIS HANDS ON PAGE OR HE MIGHT BE FACING RL EDGAR!


Dolly Waters and Thaddeus Duke lay out, giving Robert Main his moment to bask in the glow of victory.  The commentary tag team gives Main a standing ovation.





Robert’s head instantly turns towards the entrance way before looking around all over the ringside area knowing that BOB Elite could pounce from any direction. The boos erupt as Chris Page walks back out to the top of the entry way with the Universal Championship his right hand.

Chris starts to make the walk down to the ring!


That man ruins EVERYTHING!

Like Universal title reigns of 22 year old phenoms?

AGGGH! Thad slumps in his chair, clutching his chest.  Right in the heart, dear.  Right in the heart.

Your over acting is why you’ll never win an Emmy.

Ouch.


Page reaches ringside where he climbs up on the ring apron and steps through the ropes and into the ring. Page and Main gaze across the ring at each other, the intensity is so thick as we see Chris toss the Universal Championship to the side! The music fades away as Main and Page go face to face, nose to nose!


Here!

We!

GO!


The crowd explodes as they break out into a right hand exchange! Page lands, Main lands! Page lands! Main lands!  Page takes Main down with a double leg take down and transitions into a mount position where he begins firing off piston-like right hands down upon his former best friend before Robert reverses the positioning and starts pounding away on Chris Page!

Robert lands several shots before getting back to his feet where he starts stomping down on Page!

COREYTOPIA security hit the ring in an attempt to break up the Brawl only to be taken care of with ease from Robert Main! Main turns back around and walks into a Spinbuster slam  by Page! The crowd roars with boos as Chris sizes up Main who rolls over pushing himself up off the mat where Page comes forward with a boot to the midsection and drives Main into the canvass with a thunderous Page Plant!


It looks as if Chris Page will stand tall after this one!

Kidding and jokes aside, Chris Page is a dangerous man.  He’s even more dangerous now that he has the Universal title and if it does end up Chris Page versus Robert Main at Leap of Faith?  That match alone WILL be worth the price of admission for that show and every pay per view we ever have.


Chris stands back to his feet as the crowd roars with massive boos from the crowd. He snatches up the Universal Championship before placing a boot on the chest of Main, he raises up the Universal Championship garnering louder boos before he takes his foot of Robert’s chest and exits the ring, effectively leaving the number one contender for Leap of Faith laying on his back.

Chris turns facing the ring as Robert slowly starts to stir. Upon Chris reaching the top of the ramp he holds up the Universal Championship and  with his right hand while flipping Robert Main off with his left. Suddenly the booing crowd comes alive as R.L. Edgar comes back out behind Page as he motions for him to turn the fuck around!


It’s R.L. Edgar!

He may play the spoiler, yet!



Page lowers his middle finger followed by the title before turning around where he is a deer in headlights for a second seeing R.L. who boots him in the midsection doubling Page over for Edgar to underhook the arms and deliver a PAGE PLANT to Chris Page on the top of the ramp!

The massive crowd EXPLODES as R.L. snatches the Universal Championship and forces it down into the face of Chris Page as he spouts out.


”Keep looking past me and there won’t be a Chris Page versus Robert Main; that’s not a prediction mother fucker! That’s a damn spoiler!”


God I hope Paulie wasn’t watching!

Why?

Siiiiiiiigh… he’ll be goin on and on about that for fucking weeks!


Edgar stands over Chris Page looking down as he then looks towards the ring at Robert Main who is now getting back to his feet. Edgar hoists up the Universal Championship to a massive ovation before dropping it on the chest of Chris Page.


Following the battle royale, Corey Smith approaches King Doc’s throne.

Ah, my loyal subject. Do you have an offering for me?

Corey looks awkwardly at Doc. Uhhhh...hi. Yeah, it’s me, Corey.

I know who you are. [/I]

I wasn’t sure seeing as you seem to have disappeared down the tragic rabbit hole known as dementia.

King Doc smirks. [doc]It’s not dementia, dear boy. Merely enjoying the fruits of my labors. Now, does this little tete a tete have a point? I’m sure you’re aware I have a match now.

It does have a point. Corey puts on an earnest expression. I just wanted you to know that even though I don’t trust you and I like Alias better as a human being in pretty much every respect…

King Doc rolls his eyes.

...even with all of that, I’m calling this match right down the middle. No bias.

So in other words, you’ve come to tell me you’re doing your job?

Corey bristles a little. Well, yeah. But I respect that this match means way too much to fuck around with the ending. I have to admit I’ve been looking forward to this since it was announced. And it’ll be my pleasure to referee this match.

King Doc considers Corey for a moment, his expression somewhat difficult to read. I guess we’ll see, eh? With that, King Doc stands tall and shrugs off his glistening regalia. He turns towards Corey again and winks at him mischievously. See you on the other side, Mr. Smith.


I’m gonna admit it… they’re two of my favorite people!

Even Dawk?

Siiiiigh… even Doc.

He just gets me.

No he doesn’t.

Yeah you’re right.  He doesn’t at all.



Night has fallen over Coreytopia as the crowd anxiously awaits the Main Event of MayDay!



Following his meeting with The King, Corey heads to ringside where he starts to prop up a display. Then, he reaches under the ring and pulls out a 24/7 BRIEFCASE! He places it at ringside, a reminder of what’s on the line for the Xtreme Champion!


As Corey prepares for the main event, we feel its necessary to remind everyone what’s on the line here.

That’s right Dolly, not only is the Xtreme title on the line, something you and I are both familiar with in our own careers, but if…

And its a big if.

If Alias can survive this match.  If Alias can pull off the win tonight, he’ll get to go home with a brand spankin’ new 24/7 briefcase.

What that means, is that if Alias does win and does take home that case, he’ll have a guaranteed immediate title shot at any champion he chooses at any TIME he chooses!

His personal feelings for me aside, I like Alias.  He’s a legitimate star on the rise in this company and he’s mostly been on cruise control since after High Stakes.  He’s beaten everyone placed in front of him.

But none of those opponents have been Dawk D’Ville, Thad!  A man we both know quite well.

I mean, does anyone really know Doc?  He’s an enigma.  He’s the walking manifestation of a fucking riddle and very few competitors have been able to claim a victory over him and that’s what makes this match so fucking exciting.

Alias has been unbeaten since November.  Dawk… is Dawk.  He’s the King and this is his Kingdom.

I said earlier that Page and Main would be the price of admission etcetera etcetera… This match right here, is right up there with them and WE’RE GIVING IT AWAY FOR FREE!

And that’s what truly sets the Xtreme Wrestling Federation apart from everyone else.  Often imitated, never duplicated.






A red mist rises up around the stage and through it appears King Louis D'VIlle, having disappeared from his throne and reappeared as though teleported. He slowly walks down the ramp and enters the ring where he picks a turnbuckle and stands on the second ropes as the red strobe lights flash and smoke rises from under the ring. After this, he steps to the center of the ring and hands Corey his crown. He seems to be speaking to Corey and pointing back at the crown, no doubt insisting on it’s safety. Corey rolls his eyes and carefully places it atop one of the turnbuckles.

The cameras fade backstage and on Alias’s face. It pans back to show him sitting cross-legged upon a crate propped against the mansion. He cracks his neck, once, twice, three times, and shuts his eyes. The shot sits on him for a moment, as he dreams of a new dawn.

Violently, his eyes reopen.

He leaps off the crate and lands firmly upon his feet.

Forward he walks. Ever forward.

Dolly Waters waits for him, leaning against a tall tree trunk. He pauses next to her. Silently, they nod. Off he goes again.

The dust has settled upon the battle royal, and some of its participants are finding their way to their next story. As Alias walks, he passes Betsy Granger. Again, he pauses. Again, they nod.

He moves on still, past Thaddeus Duke who has come to support his friends. They make eye contact. They nod.

Lycana and Marf support each other after their grueling matches, ever inseparable. Alias walks by them. No nods are shared, but the two lock eyes with the damaged vagrant. A foreboding leer lingers in the air, but today is not the day for that. Alias walks. Ever forward.

The competitors of the company have come out in force, even those that aren’t on the show. A trail of names and faces line the path.

Ash Quinn.

Reggie Estrada.

Morbid Angel.

Atara Themis.

He passes them all, moves around a corner of the building, and steps out into the throbbing masses of people. A spotlight finds him and the music of the crowd takes over. Dueling chants - “Eat The Left Hand” vs. “Eat The King” - sing to him as he makes his way through the crowd.

He walks.

Ever forward.

Towards his destiny. One way or another.

The King awaits him in the ring. And there, they stand - a moment in time not soon forgotten.

One way or another.

Que será, será.


Now that was an entrance!

I figured you’d have hated it, you always go for the glitz and the glam.

Yeah but that’s me, not him.  Alias is a different kind of guy.


Alias now in the ring, immediately heads for Corey, arms out as if inviting him in for a hug. Corey awkwardly side hugs Alias, which seems to draw Doc’s ire. He holds his hand out at Corey imploringly, likely decrying the display of bias. Corey merely shrugs in response and instructs both opponents to go to their respective corners before calling for the bell!

The Coreytopia masses reach a fevered pitch as these two icons of the XWF start to circle each other, the King eying the champion like a bird of prey, Alias’ expression a bit more foreign and indescribable. But finally, they lock up and the crowd pops huge!


At long last!  We are under way!

I’ve never been this excited for a match that I’m not even a part of!


Doc gets behind Alias, going for a suplex, but Alias blocks, elbows Doc and then snap mares him up and over. Doc rolls to his feet and Alias advances, but is soon halted by a kick to the knee, followed by the King dropping to his own knees and offering Alias a stuff uppercut to the jaw. Alias reels, giving Doc the opportunity to launch him across the ring with a beal toss. Alias uses the momentum to roll out of the ring. Doc wastes no time in following him out, grabbing Alias by his unkempt hair and drilling his forehead into the ring apron! Corey goes to the outside, foregoing the count out in this XTreme rules match.


Alias, in dire need of an opening here in the early going!

And he just got it!


Alias recovers in time to block a punch from Doc and respond with his own closed fist shot, followed by another. Doc then blocks the third and boxes Alias’ ears, followed by a nasty short arm clothesline that levels the champ!

Doc breezes past Corey en route to deliver more damage, but Alias surprises Doc with a kick to the head from the prone position. Doc shrugs it off and hits a regal back senton splash on Alias. Then, peeling Alias up, he whips him into the ringpost...but no! Alias puts on the breaks, surprising Doc with a back kick. Alias then hops up onto the ring apron with a quickness and launches himself into a huge suicide dive on the KIng! Alias goes for the first cover of the match!

ONE….



















TWO…..



















NOPE!

The King kicks out!


Alias looks up at Corey, who confirms it was only a two. While Alias is distracted, Doc stabs a thumb in his eye and rolls away and up to his feet. Alias tries to rub at his eye to regain some vision, allowing Doc to punt him in the stomach and nail and exploder suplex on the champ, dumping him hard onto the ramp! Alias cries out in pain as he hits.

Doc ruthlessly stays on him, mounting Alias and nailing him with some nasty hits before...rolling back in the ring? Corey looks at Doc questioningly, and Doc responds by picking up his crown and placing it atop his head, drawing a decidedly mixed reaction from the crowd. His royal majesty takes a bow, returns his crown to the ring post, and returns to the outside, rolling Alias back in the ring. Alias gets to his feet and he and Doc lock up again, but not for long! Alias takes hold of Doc’s arm, wraps it up into a wrist lock, and then he bites Doc’s wrist! Doc hollers and smacks Alias upside the head, stunning him. Alias goes to the corner and Doc gets up a head of steam to splash him, but the champ dives out of the way just in time and Doc eats the turnbuckle.


Doc playing to the crowd is uncharacteristic and it just cost him!

Alias rolls him up!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















NOPE!

The King kicks out again!

And now Doc needs an opening!


Alias brings Doc to his feet and gets a little dirty himself, raking the man’s good eye before sending him into the ropes.


And now he gets it!


Doc hits the ropes and his momentum carries him right into a monkey flip from Alias. Alias then floats over on top of Doc, grabs hold of his beard, and starts pounding him in the face! Corey grimaces but it’s all legal! Alias finishes off the assault with a bite to the King’s forehead before he’s able to throw him off. Doc looks furious now. Alias backs off and beckons for Doc to bring it on. Doc closes the distance and rocks Alias with a hard chop, and then two more before locking him up and sending him into the center of the ring with a t-bone suplex! Doc then heads to the top rope, perhaps looking for a Trepanation Headbutt! But Alias rises too quickly, headed for the turnbuckle to intercept the King. Doc kicks out at Alias, but Alias fires back with a punch, stunning him just long enough to get up and under him and drop him down with a thunderous electric chair drop!


Cover him, Alias!

I don’t think he’s gonna!


But, Alias doesn’t go for the cover. Instead, he rolls out of the ring, hops the guard rail and returns to the residents of Coreytopia. Corey looks on confused and calls for Alias to come back. But a couple of the members of the crowd rush off towards the house. Alias then hops back over the barricade and has a seat on the corner of the announce desk. Almost as an afterthought, he remembers Dolly and Thad are there and turns towards them. He waves at Dolly. And then shoots Thad the finger.


Aww!  I’m number one!

You two have the most complicated relationship.

No, we have zero relationship.  He dislikes me and I’m okay with that.

I kinda feel like Alias is wasting precious time here!


Meanwhile, back in the ring, Doc is back on his feet. He gestures for Alias to get back in the ring and Alias shakes his head “no” and points at his wrist as though there’s an invisible watch there. Doc shakes his head and rolls out of the ring after Alias. Alias then high tails it around the ring. Doc decries this foolishness and refuses to take the bait, simply glowering at the champion and demanding he come to him. It’s about this time that members of the crowd start to pass along a large burlap sack through their ranks, until finally it is delivered to Alias. Doc cants his head and Alias pulls a steel chair out of the sack, some lighter fluid, and a lighter!


Well this is about to take a rather brutal turn.

Well, it is xtreme rules.


Corey grimaces and holds the sides of his head in consternation, but it’s all gravy under Xtreme rules. He rolls back out to the floor, saying something unheard to Alias. Alias pats Corey on the shoulder and offers him a reassuring smile….before dousing the chair in the lighter fluid! Corey hops back for his own safety as Alias lights the chair on fire to a huge pop from the crowd! Doc looks like he’s had enough, and he reaches under the ring for a weapon of his own as Alias rushes over, brandishing the flaming chair like a madman! Before Doc can get something, Alias is on him, swinging with the chair! Doc barely avoids the fiery weapon, and Alias swings again, and again! Somehow Doc avoids catastrophe and hits a dirty low blow on Alias. Alias drops the chair, which is still ablaze, and Doc capitalizes by quickly wrapping Alias up and DDT’ing him onto the flaming chair!!! Holy shit! He covers the champ!


ONE….



















TWO…..


















NOOOO!

Alias pops a shoulder up!!


The King looks surprised and the crowd gasps in shock! D’Ville grabs a handful of Alias’ hair and wrenches him to his feet, throwing him into the barricade. He then picks up the lighter fluid and the lighter. Corey is begging Doc off from doing anything rash, but all’s fair here! The King ignores Corey and walks over to Alias. He starts to upend the bottle of lighter fluid over his body, when Alias springs to life, kicking out at Doc and fighting his way to his feet. Alias smacks the lighter fluid out of Doc’s hand, and Doc responds with a kick to Alias midsection. Alias backs up and rallies, responding with a haphazard bicycle kick that shocks the challenger.


No one said this match would be for the weak stomachs!

Way too much is riding on this!  Alias can lose everything tonight!

I mean, he’s already lost it, but here we are.


Alias scoops up the lighter fluid.. Corey tries to convince Alias not to do it as well, but Alias responds by blowing Corey a kiss and mouthing “I’m sorry, booboo”.

By this point, Doc is unsteadily back to his feet and putting some distance between himself and Alias. He clambers over the barricade and into the crowd, who part like the red sea for the fearsome legend. Alias follows suit, and Corey goes as well. Clear of the crowd Doc finally turns on Alias, but Alias splashes him in his one good eye with the lighter fluid! Doc hisses and grabs at his eye. Alias grabs his beard and pulls him into a sickening headbutt, followed by a knee lift. Alias then takes hold of Doc by his gear, dragging him over the lawn. Corey is starting to look nervous as the action inches closer to the house. Doc gets some fire in him and lands a couple shots to Alias midsection, but Alias knee lifts him again and whips him to the ground by his beard. Doc rolls and gets up to his feet, putting more distance between himself and Alias. Finally, they end up at the pool area!

At this point, they clash again, Alias laying into Doc and Doc firing back. Doc gets the upper hand with a rake to the face, followed by a resounding slap to the side of the champ’s head. Doc then fumbles for something in his gear and pulls out that lighter again! He takes a deep inhale, lights the lighter, and…


FIREBALL!

Right to the chest of the Xtreme Champion!


Corey jumps up in the air he’s so shocked! Alias takes the flame right to the chest! Alias immediately dives for the pool to cure the burning...and Doc dives in after him! His majesty then grabs Alias by the hair, dunking him under water and holding him there! HE’S TRYING TO DROWN THE CHAMP! Corey calls out from the deck for Doc to stop, but he won’t listen. So finally, Corey dives into the pool! He grabs Doc’s shoulder, ordering him to stop. Doc shrugs him off! So Corey grabs him harder and wrenches him around! The King glowers at his Continuum stable mate while Alias retreats, grasping onto the deck and choking up water. D’Ville uses the steps to get out of the pool and he goes on the attack again, pulling Alias out of the water by his hair and snap maring him into the cement! Alias calls out in pain, and the King lands a stiff kick to the back of Alias’ head before covering him!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















Alias pops a shoulder again!!

This match is fuckin’ killer!


The King considers Corey warily for a moment before standing tall, looking around for something else to do damage with. He grabs a lawn chair and brings it crashing down on Alias as he tries to stand. Doc follows that up by locking him into a suplex position and again tossing him hard onto the cement with a release German! Doc clambers onto Alias and pins him again!


ONE….



















TWO…..


















………



















WAIT! Oh my God!

Alias is biting Doc’s face!


Corey looks aghast as Alias bites down deep on Doc’s nose, causing a burst of blood to pour out of it. Doc throws Alias away, wiping away the blood that’s now pouring from his nose like a faucet! Enraged, he picks Alias up, but Alias surprises him with a double leg takedown into a pinning predicament!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















……..




















The King kicks out!

What’s it gonna take to beat either of these guys?

...a lot!


Throwing Alias off of him, he gets vertical and starts walking away again, this time heading down to a set of glass double doors! Corey calls for Doc to keep the action away from the house, but he barely completes the sentence when suddenly ALIAS SPEARS DOC THROUGH THE GLASS DOORS! The doors explode open, shards of glass going everywhere! Corey curses and runs his hands through his hair. Coreytopia has been breached by the action! Alias goes for the cover on Doc!


I hope Corey went over his home owners before agreeing to have this show here.

Dolly’s eyes grow wide.

Yeah, I’m sure he covered that.


ONE….



















TWO…..



















………..




















…………





















AND WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!!

SIN MAGIC THAT’S WHAT!!


Alias looks down, shocked to see that Corey has appeared underneath him in Doc’s ring gear! Meanwhile Doc has transposed places with Corey, and he’s wearing the ref’s outfit now (short shorts and all!).


Who wears short shorts!?

DOC WEARS SHORT SHORTS!

Dolly can’t stop laughing.

I’m not sure if I’m surprised or not, but its not revealing at all on His Royal Majesty.

Stahp!


Doc looks wobbly, his back is covered in lacerations that are bleeding through the referee shirt. But he has enough in the tank to surprise Alias by picking him up off of Corey and suplexing him to the hardwood floor.

Corey stands up, looking flummoxed. He points at Doc. Doc points back at him….AND THEY’VE TRADED PLACES AGAIN. Corey and The king are now back in their proper attire! Corey shakes his head, looking woozy. Meanwhile, Doc grabs for a wooden chair nearby intent on doing some damage. He walks over to Alias and raises it above his head, but Alias stuns him with a kick right to the crotch! Doc grunts and drops the chair. Alias pushes his way up to his feet, snagging Doc for a quick roll up. It takes Corey a moment to realize what’s going on, but he soon drops to make the count.

ONE….

















TWO…..



















……….



















……….


DAMN NEAR A THREE COUNT!

BUT NOT ENOUGH!


Alias looks spent and frustrated, slapping his gloved hand on the floor. Both men stagger to their feet. Doc goes for a right hook, but ALIAS TRAPS HIM AND DRILLS HIM WITH…


A DOC BOTTOM!

THE KING’S OWN MOVE!



ONE….



















TWO…..


















……….


















……….



















NOOOO!

THE KING KICKS OUT AGAIN!

I’m fucking exhausted!  Imagine how they feel!


Alias looks at Corey pleadingly, and Corey insists it was only a two!

Alias peels Doc up off the floor, the champ himself looking winded and pained. He throws Doc down the hallway, sending him pinwheeling off the wall and stumbling into the next room. Corey, still looking concerned for the house, follows the action. Doc pops out in a living room area and Alias wastes no time grabbing hold of Doc from behind and launching him over a couch! Alias then gets on the couch and delivers an elbow drop to the challenger! Then, he spies a wooden coffee table as Corey mentally starts to calculate how expensive this is going to be. Alias picks Doc up and scoop slams him into the table! The table cracks but doesn’t break, so Alias splashes the King through it the rest of the way and pins again!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….



















……….


















ANOTHER KICKOUT FROM THE KING!

WAIT A MINUTE, NOT JUST THAT!


When Doc pops Alias off of him, he shocks him by locking him up in the 302! Alias flails wildly, but the King has it synched in! Alias is struggling, fighting with everything he has to free himself!

But….


….he’s starting to fade!


Corey checks on Alias and Doc orders Corey to see if Alias is conscious. Corey moves in and lifts Alias’ arm.


ONE!

IT FALLS!














He lifts it again.


TWO!

THE CHAMP’S ARM DROPS AGAIN!

















Corey lifts the arm up again.













……….











……….













………..










THR……

NOOOOOO! ALIAS’ ARM STOPS MERE INCHES FROM THE FLOOR!!!



Alias howls like a maniac, returning from the brink of unconsciousness. He spits and snarls like a wild animal, flailing again. He rocks his head back and catches Doc in the chin, once, twice, three times until Doc is forced to break the hold! Alias roars to his feet, takes a random swing at the air, and then face plants on the floor!

The King remains on his back, feeling the pain creeping into his impossibly old bones. Finally, he sits up. Alias also pushes himself up. Doc wipes some more blood from his nose off his mouth and crawls to a standing position. Alias also gets vertical, but looks like he’s liable to fall at any minute. He stumbles back, close to an immense flat screen TV. Corey gets a distinct “oh shit!” look on his face! Doc goes for Alias, grabbing him by the hair and reeling his head back to blast his face into the TV screen. Corey cringes! But then Alias, fights back, elbowing Doc in the guts to get him to break the hold. Corey breathes a sigh of relief.

Aaaaaand then Alias crashes Doc’s skull into the TV screen! The glass spiderwebs and Corey moans despondently. Doc reels, stumbling backwards into the living room floor. Alias steadies himself against the broken TV for a moment before heading back towards the challenger. Alias picks him up and pulls him along with him, headed for a specific destination. Corey follows them through the halls until they come out in THE KITCHEN! The look on Corey’s face says it all, and he hastily goes to grab a block of knives and toss it into the hall and out of reach of the competitors.

Alias bounces Doc’s head off a countertop, causing him to sink to his knees. He then opens a drawer right into The KIng’s face! Alias for for the cover!

ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….



















……….



















HIS MAJESTY IS STILL IN IT!

Doc pops a shoulder up just in time.


Alias runs his hands through his hair, looking frustrated.


Keep your wits about you Aias!  You got this!

Will Alias slay the King!?


But then, he spots the stove. Stumbling over to it, he lights one of the burners! Corey’s eyes go wide with fear as Alias retrieves Doc and drags him over to the open flame. Corey intervenes, getting in between the competitors and the stove and begging Alias off. Alias stops, looking at Corey sadly, which gives Doc just enough time to escape. He gets behind Alias and grabs him by the hair, ripping him down skull first into the linoleum! Doc then spies the flame with a devious glint in his eyes, but Corey stands firm. Doc gets right in Corey’s face, eying him challengingly. Alias slowly arises from behind both of them and pushes Doc. Doc knocks heads with Corey and they both go down!


Ouch! Corey getting a little too close to the action. He’s a tough guy though!

Oh, I don’t know. Once you put on the ref shirt a stiff breeze can knock you over. I’d wager his fortitude has dropped by at least 90% here.


Alias looks horrified at what he’s done. He kneels next to Corey, tapping his face gently to try to get him to wake up.


He’s really not such a bad guy.

I’m not sure many people thought he was…


His attention is drawn to Doc groaning as he pulls himself across the floor and away from Alias. Corey’s eyes start to flutter open and Alias gives him a big kiss on the forehead, glad that’s ok! With his precious boy recovering, he sets his sights on more carnage. Musing, he then grabs an empty glass bottle from a recycle bin. Then, he starts scouring the cabinets looking for...looking for….

On the other side of the kitchen, Doc is trying to get to his feet but having some difficulty. Corey is also struggling to get up, shaking his head to clear the cobwebs.

….and that’s when Alias finds what he’s looking for….MORE LIGHTER FLUID! He dumps the lighter fluid into the glass bottle.


Oh yes!...Do tell me….

Ever the blood thirsty one, you are.

It’s a blood sport!


And then he snags a rag off the counter and stuff it inside the mouth of the bottle. Moving towards the stove, he starts to bring the contraption down to light it. Corey, still on the floor, grabs his pantleg, but Alias seems enrapt by the possibilities and doesn’t even notice! He lights the rag and then turns towards the challenger with a triumphant cry! Doc’s eyes flare open as he realizes what’s about to happen.


[Image: 4fc4a029ba66f76ccd002c1299cda5e2.gif]


Alias lobs the molotov cocktail at the King! King Doc backs away, but as the glass shatters on the floor some of the errant flames still catch on his gear.


OH MY GOD THE KING IS ON FIRE!

THERE’S FIRE EVERYWHERE!


Corey screams and crawls towards a fire extinguisher affixed to the side of one of the cabinets. Doc throws himself at a side door leading to the outside, where he jumps onto the sodden lawn and starts rolling around to extinguish the flames. Alias falters through the same door as Corey frantically starts to douse the flames in the background.

Doc is now prone in the grass, his gear still smoking, with some of the fire clearing biting down to flesh level. He grimaces as he tries to get up, but Alias just knocks him back down with a running dropkick. Alias then bends low to cover Doc, but from out of nowhere he surprises the champ by rolling him up in a small package! But Corey’s not yet outside to the make the count! Doc breaks the hold, looking pissed, and screams out. COREY! DO YOUR JOB!

This draws Corey back outside, and Doc pins Alias’ shoulders back down again.

ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….



















……….




















NOOOOOO!

Alias pops out!


Both men now look utterly done, laying in the wet grass and breathing heavily. Corey surveys the carnage written on both men’s bodies, eying them to see who recovers first with a pained look on his face.

The competitors slowly rise, each a broken shell of their former selves. Each wracked with a multitude of different agonies. But there is something in the air. It’s almost done. King Doc launches the first blow, a right hand. Alias takes it, and counters with his own. And for a time, they are like two titans, giving each other all they have, trading blow after blow. But then, the champion’s gloved hand raises up and drops with prolific force, THE OTHER LEFT landing like a thunder clap!!

Doc falters, face stinging, bell rung, wobbly on his feet. At first, it seems as though he might remain upright, but then he slumps to one knee, eyes seeing nothing. That’s when Alias drops low, and with every bit of his ebbing strength, he lands a BRUTAL FINISHING UPPERCUT on the King!

[Image: decade-feature-favorite-music-releases-d...tality.gif]

Doc actually pops up into the air from the force of the desperate low, landing hard on his back. Alias collapses on him for the cover!

ONE….



















TWO…..




















………..



















…………




















THR-....


HOW

THE

FUCK…?


Corey gasps as King Doc is barely able to lift a shoulder. Alias looks incredulous, and maybe even a little scared. He looks at Corey pleadingly as if to say “what do I do?”  But then, he returns his attention to the task at hand, knowing he has to finish this. Battered and weak, Alias grabs on to Doc. At first, Doc manages a meager push. Alias falls back, and the King flops back down on his haunches. Alias tries again to grab for Doc, and Doc lays into him with a punch to the stomach. Alias doubles over, and then sinks to his knees. Doc, wheezing and also on his knees now, cuffs Alias upside the head with a brutal chop. Alias slumps over onto his side and Doc considers him for a series of moments, trying to building something up inside. He’s able to gingerly get up to his feet. He pulls Alias up. Alias tries for a punch but Doc swats it away. He shoves Alias head between his thighs, hefts him up and into….THE LOBOTOMY!

Corey is shocked that the KIng is able to get him up! And indeed, Doc only gets the move in part, landing on his knees and jackknifing Alias onto the back of his head. But it’s enough for him to go for the cover.


ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….


















………..





















THREE……

NO!

HOW THE FUCK

TIMES TWO!!!!!!


Alias pops out of King Doc’s finisher! Doc is in disbelief. He looks up at Corey insisting it was a three, but Corey shakes his head “no”. Doc again rolls back on his haunches, scarcely able to hold himself up at this point. He covers Alias again.


ONE….



















TWO…..


















……….



















………..





















NOOOOOO!

THE CHAMP KICKS OUT AGAIN!!!!

BUT OH MY GOD IT WAS CLOSE!

King Doc glowers at Corey, painfully pulling himself to his feet and hobbling over to the referee. Corey you TOLD me, right down the middle!

Corey takes a step back. Whoa, whoa. Hold up. I AM calling this fair and square.

King Doc shakes his head menacingly. No….no….not with that last count. He casts a glance back at Alias to make sure he’s still down. I do believe you’ve had a favorite all along.

Come on, man! Corey cries out in exasperation. And that’s when Doc shoves Corey! Corey falls back on his ass. What the fuck!

Enter Thad’s Stanley Kubrick stare.

Do your job!

Corey looks livid. He shoots to his feet, getting right in the King’s face! Yeah, I’ve had a favorite….

So you admit it?!

But it hasn’t impacted how I call this match! Now let’s finish this insanity before you both end up dead!

Doc chortles sarcastically, not backing down at all. Liar.

Back the hell up!

It’s bad enough I let you parade around with the tag team titles that I won, only for you to LOSE them. But now I have to suffer this….

And that’s when Corey gives Doc a hard shove! I told you to….!

But unseen by both of them, Alias had been crawling on his hands and knees towards them. When Corey shoves Doc, he falls ass over tea kettle over Alias. As soon as Doc hits the ground, Alias leaps on him and locks in the EAT THE LEFT HAND! Doc bites down on Alias’ fingers, but he screams through the pain, not breaking the hold and even bashing Doc’s head up and down as he maintains it! Corey curses as the gravity of what just happened dawns on him.

Alias is relentless, and Doc goes to the champ’s face then, trying to get up and under his chin and force Alias off of him. But he doesn’t break the hold! You can hear the capacity crowd cheering from a distance as they watch live. But Doc is fighting! He’s fighting!

But then he’s fading….



The King is fading….


And finally he succumbs to unconsciousness. Alias looks up at Corey, and Corey looks guiltily back at him. Nonetheless, he picks up The King’s arm.


ONE! IT DROPS!




















TWO! It DROPS!



















………


















THREE….WAIT, WAIT! DOC BALLS HIS FIST, THERE’S SOMETHING LEFT…..










….AND THEN HIS HAND DROPS!  ALIAS HAS WON! HE’S WON!

Winner via KO - and the NEW Mr. 24/7 - ALIAS!


Alias, battered and bloody, pops off of Doc and immediately hugs Corey. But Corey’s eyes remain on Doc, and he retains a mixed expression. Just behind the house, a fireworks display begins!

Holy!

Fucking!

Shit!




[Image: 212323546ba-colorful-fireworks-animated-gif-pic.gif]





Dolly Waters comes running in holding the 24/7 briefcase. She hands it to Alias, who takes it, but finds he’s too weak to stand, slumping to the ground but clutching it lovingly. The crowd rushes the ring and lifts Alias into the air.




XWF MayDay fades to black as Alias is seen being hoisted by the mass of fans lifting his 24/7 Case into the air.




A Special Thanks To:
CCP
Corey
Duke

And To Everyone Who RPed And Participated!

HAPPY MAYDAY!
]]>






LIVE FROM YE' OLE' COMMUNE





COREYTOPIA, FLORIDA



INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Atara Themis
- vs -
Dean Rose ©
What would Worker Solidarity movements be without hashtags and Twitter?
Can Atara Themis make the Bourgeois Revolution extra bougie? The winner of this match will be the new XWF standard-bearer for leftist Twitter shit-posting.
2RP - 2K Word Limit(Optional)




TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Andre Dixon
- vs -
Marf ©
15 Minute Time Limit- Proud Television Champion, Marf, has decided to put his title on the line... IN SOLIDARITY! Can he fend off the white-hot Andre Dixon?
2RP - 3K Word Limit




TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

CENTRUBION
(Ruby & Centurion)
- vs -
Them No Good Bastards©
(Thunder Knuckles & Bobby Bourbon)
Them No Good Bastards offered to put their titles on line... In, you guessed it, SOLIDARITY! Can CentRubion Win The Tag Team Titles Back For The Workingclass?
2RP - 3K Word Limit




The King Doc Open Invitational Battle Royale
[Image: thor-odin-gif-6.gif]
Mickey Kinkade- vs -Robert 'The Omega' Main- vs -Jenny Myst- vs -Lycana- vs -Betsy Granger- vs -Miss Fury- vs -Barney Green- vs -Sil- vs -DemosCharlie Dimes- vs -Reggie Estrada- vs -Surprise Entrant
The Winner Challenges For The Universal Title At Leap Of Faith
3RP - Unlimited




[Image: oPBdkzE.png]
X-TREME CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

King Doc
- vs -
Alias ©
If Alias Wins He Receives A 24/7 Briefcase, But His Majesty, The King, Looks Prepared To Thwart The Revolution At MayDay!
3RP - Unlimited




MSNBC Reporter: Will the chaos in the United States ever cease? We are currently receiving reports from our ground team in... Coreytopia? Is that right?

she asks a producer off-camera,

MSNBC Reporter: Coreytopia, Florida, where a FREE XWF wrestling event has drawn a crowd of over a million people. Per reporting there on-site, this crowd is composed of every aggrieved political faction known to man. The majority of people, however, appears to be a giant swath of young Americans embarking on a cultural pilgrimage.



The reports of out-in-the-open lewd behavior, as well as psychedelic and illicit drug use, are rampant, likening this crowd in Coreytopia, Florida, to that of Woodstock, New York in 1969.

When asked for a comment on the developing situation, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis locked himself inside of the State Capitol in Tallahassee with a large bottle of liquor. Saying simply: "Call me when this is over."

We now take you live to Coreytopia, Florida for XWF MayDay.




There's a giant courtyard behind Corey Smith's mansion where our ring and entrance area have been staged, as well as a massive throne for his majesty
,KING DOC, to observe the festivities prior to his main event matchup against XTreme Champion, Alias.

Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen. Please welcome to the ring, your host of MAYDAY!

The one!

The ONLY!

DOLLY WATERS!



Ode To Joy blares through the speakers, as a smiling Dolly Waters makes her way to the ring, slapping hands and waving to the raucous crowd baking under the South Florida sun. She climbs onto the apron and through the ropes where she pats the ring announcer on the back and receives a microphone. Her music fades but the million-plus on hand continues to roar in admiration and appreciation. As the clapping and cheering subside, Dolly is finally able to speak.

No! No… thank YOU!

And WELCOME… TO MAYDAY!

The crowd again roars in approval, clapping, chanting, cheering, kicking beachballs, breaking out into random acts of sex. An overall showing of jubilation for this once-in-a-lifetime event.

The essence of MAYDAY is about solidarity, and togetherness, the common man and woman working together to celebrate life on earth, and all of its beauty. The human race working and standing together to make this more just and prosperous world for generations to come.

With that being said, I’d like to turn your attention to concert stage where 90s Lilith Fair music star, Natalie Merchant will be performing a song that I hereby dedicate to everyone who came together to help make MAYDAY a reality. To the residents of Coreytopia, to the selfless XWF talent here competing, and to everyone in the crowd…

Thank you!

Dolly exits the ring and heads back into the estate as Natalie Merchant performs “Kind and Generous” for the MayDay crowd.




The shot cuts to the back soon before the show is set to go live. Dolly and Thad are standing in front of a closed door inside the estate. They both look a smidge irritated. Thad checks his watch and Dolly puffs out her cheeks in exasperation. Finally, Dolly pounds on the door.

Come on Corey, I’ve stalled this crowd long enough, we got minutes to air!

Corey responds from behind the door. Okay, okay, just a sec!

He said that five minutes ago.

I’m aware.

Then, a familiar tune starts playing from behind the door.



Thad and Dolly both look towards the door in response to the music within, and Corey throws the door open. He dances a jig through the threshold, rolling his hips suggestively and dancing in a sultry manner. He’s wearing tight black shorts that ride high on his thighs, similar to the ones made famous by a certain “heartbreaker” years back. He’s also wearing a black and white striped ref shirt but it’s skin tight and leaves little to the imagination. Thad and Dolly back up, eyebrows raised.

So what do you think of my ref outfit?!

The song continues in the background. Dolly and Thad look at each other with bemusement, and then back to Corey.

Well, that sure is something.

Dolly chuckles. Oh hun, I get that your doing the whole “out and proud” thing but…

Is it too much?

Dolly holds up her thumb and forefinger as if to say “just a tad.”

Corey shrugs. Well, it’s too late to change into something more conservative. Looks like I’ll just have to be a……SEXY BOY. Corey starts humming along to the music and singing in a very off-key fashion. I’m not your boy toy, I’m just a sexy boy. Seeeeexxyyyy booooooooy!

Thad claps Corey on the shoulder. Ya huh. Well, we’ll see you out there, stud. But we gotta run.

Sure thing! I’ll be out in a sec!

Dolly and Thad walk off, shaking their heads and laughing as Corey continues to strut his stuff in the background.


INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Atara Themis
- vs -
Dean Rose ©
What would Worker Solidarity movements be without hashtags and Twitter?
Can Atara Themis make the Bourgeois Revolution extra bougie? The winner of this match will be the new XWF standard-bearer for leftist Twitter shit-posting.


Ring Announcer:

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the ring, tonight's special guest referee!

The great benefactor of Coreytopia...

Corey Smith!


Sexy Boy hits the speakers.

Corey Smith struts his way to the ring, in his black booty shorts and skin-tight referee shirt as the men and women in attendance droll and gawk over his sexually suggestive appearance. Corey stands on the ring apron and wipes his feet on the mat before bending over slowly to climb through the ropes.

Hello again, brothers, sisters, comrades, friends… Welcome to MAYDAY! Live from Ye’ Ole’ Commune! I’m Dolly Waters and joining me tonight on commentary is none other than Thaddeus Duke! Thad are you as excited as I am for this action-packed show we have lined up here?

Thad is laughing at Corey and not paying any attention.

SMACK! In the shoulder.

Thad!

....Abso-fuckin-lutely, Dolly.

Look at him, he’s adorable!

Just precious.

I’m so proud of him.

Now that our special referee for the evening has been introduced, let’s get on to our first contest!


The honeyed rasp of Atara's voice blares over the commune’s PA in unison with those words appearing on the multitude of screens and displays littering the courtyard.

HELLO DOVES

The crowd pops and gets to their feet shouting in near-total unison a single word.

OPA! HAPPY MAYDAY!

The cameras pan around the entrance area looking for Atara Themis who is nowhere in sight.

Where’s Atty?

Oh! Look!

The camera pans out into the sea fans where Atty is lying on her back, crowd surfing to the ring. The fans carry Atty all the way to the guardrail where she falls gracefully to her feet, holding her 24/7 Championship high in the air, posing for the camera, a wink and kiss is given to the viewers at home.

Ugh.

What?

That belt.

What the 24/7 Championship?

Yes. I dont wanna’ talk about it.

Clearly, since you didn’t at all bring it up.

SMACK! In the shoulder.

Owww you’re so violent, Thad jokes with a smile as he rubs his shoulder.


Grunge walking to the ringsteps, Atty climbs and stops at the top to posture again for her adoring public. Hand on her hip, the Grecian moves to the middle of the apron to blows a final kiss to the camera and enters the ring through the middle rope.

Corey and Atara give one another a friendly gesture as his ring attire pulls a peculiar look on her face. Corey just shrugs.


I mean… it really doesn’t leave anything to the imagination…

Nope, not really.

He should have “spoiler alert” printed on his ass with an arrow pointing to his…

THAD!  This is still a family show!


Thad looks over his shoulder at one of the 700 different orgies going on.


Well… its a friendly crowd, I’ll give it that.





Dean Rose walks out from the entrance area to a chorus of boos and sneers, Sarah Michelle Gellar flanking him and wearing his Internet Championship over his shoulder.


And here comes the champion!

But for how long!?  Atty might have his number here tonight!


Dean spits and flinches at different members of the audience as he makes his way to the ring. He and SMG step up on the ring apron, but Corey Smith is there to greet them, holding a hand out and blocking SMG from entering the ring. Dean is furious and arguing with Smith.


Oh! Corey showing his authority before the match even begins! Ordering Buffy The Vampire Slayer to leave ringside.

I mean, who really wants a washed up actor hanging around ringside anyway?

GOOD JOB COREY!

Thanks buddy.


Corey waves SMG away after taking the Internet Championship from her. Atty points and laughs at Sarah. Smith brings Dean into the ring and walks to the center holding the title belt high in the air and handing it over to the timekeeper. He calls for the bell.

Atara and Dean each hover back and forth over one another’s corner, before meeting in the ring and grappling up. Rose wrenches Atty into a headlock, but she pushes back sending Dean running into the ropes. He rebounds and runs towards Atty. She jumps in the air for a dropkick, but Dean is quick and rolls underneath.


Oh! Nice athletic display by Dean Rose!

What you meant to say was a nice athletic display for Dean Rose.

Not everyone has your gifts.

That’s true.  I am very talented.


Rose pops to his feet and his behind Atty as she falls to the mat. He lifts her quickly. Fallaway slam! Rose goes for the early cover! Smith hits the mat!

1!











2!!









NO! Atty kicks out!

But Dean stays on the attack, he grabs a handful of hair which prompts a scolding from Corey Smith, but Dean ignores him and sends a stiff knee into the side of Atty’s head - -


And Dean isn’t letting go of the hair! That’s always such a bitch.

I’m sure he’s just helping her fix it is all.  Hair gets messy in the ring.


Another knee strike! Smith is irritated and forces Dean to break the hair grab. Dean finally submits and laughs as Atty lies on the mat recovering. Dean picks her up again, slinging her into the ropes, Atty rebounds and eats a big boot from Dean!

He covers again!

1!
















2!!











OH NO! Somehow Atty kicks out again!


Themis’ bell is ringing here in the early going, will she be able to recover?

I hope so.


Fully in control of the match, Dean continues laughing. He picks Atty up again and works her into the corner with a series of punches and chops followed by a tough back elbow to Atty’s jaw. She winces and struggles as Rose turns around running gaining momentum and charging the corner. A HUGE RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!


Themis counters!

Ha!  Got ‘em!


Atty pulls on the ropes and gets her boots up to Dean’s face, catching him across his nose. She seizes the opportunity as Rose staggers, pulling him into the corner where she starts wailing on him with a series of punches and high knees to Roses’ chest.

Themis goes for another knee, but Rose gets a hand up blocking the shot. ONLY IT DOESN’T MATTER! Atara leaps and spins in the air, smacking Dean across the head with a graceful spinning kick. Rose falls from the corner. Atty covers!

1!













2!!











Dean Rose kicks out!!!

Atara starts gaining some momentum, popping back to her feet, hitting the ropes, and burying Dean’s head into the mat as he rises with a spike hurricanrana!

Atty rolls Dean up!

1!










2!!








3!!!








Inside cradle! Dean has countered with a pin of his own!

1!
























2!!


















NO! Atty bursts out of the pin, both she and Dean rushing up to their feet, but Atara catches Dean right in the mouth with a running forearm! Dean collapses! Atty covers again!

1!








BUT DEAN KICKS OUT QUICKLY THIS TIME!

Both Rose and Themis pop to their feet quickly. Rose grabs Atty by the arm and whips her to the corner, but Atty counters, and Dean crashes back first into the corner. Atty charges for a shoulder shot to the gut, but Dean counters and quickly lifts the knee, catching Atty in the chin. She falls back, Dean lifts his way to the top rope, staring at the sagarring Atty the entire time.


This is different! Dean isn’t known for being a highflyer!


But before Dean realizes, Atty has recovered and charges towards him!











FROM A DOVE!














NO! Dean has countered!

















Atty slips while trying to hit the super belly-to-belly suplex, and Dean pushes her off!

But Atara Themis lands on her feet in the center of the ring!







Dean jumps from the top rope and runs toward her!








JUDGEMENT OF PARIS!


Atara connects flush with her trademark high knee to the face! She covers!

1!









2!!





















3!!!

Winner by pinfall - and NEW Internet Champion - Atara Themis!



Whoa! What an awesome match!

Y’know that’s legit!  I was on the edge of my seat just now.


Atty celebrates as Corey Smith hands her the Internet Championship, and her 24/7 Championship and raises her arm. Atty laughs and pulls Corey Smith in, planting a big wet kiss on his lips. She winks at Corey and climbs out of the ring where the fans are waiting for their party-animal champion with a bottle of Kástra Elión greek vodka!


My girl Atty’s been on one hell of a roll of late!

Atty tosses her titles out into the crowd, pops open the vodka, and takes a hefty swig before diving into the crowd and surfing away!



Ladies and Gentleman the following contest is for the XWF Television Championship with a fifteen minute time limit, and it a thumbtack match!


Cameras pick up large black sacks, one on each ring post.


Those sacks are huge!

Really Thad?

…….







Introducing first, representing BOB ELITE, he is ANDRE DIXON!

There’s a loud, mixed reception from the large crowd as Andre emerges through the curtain with a look that could kill. He starts to make the walk towards the ring.


BOB Elite is on track to perhaps take yet another championship here tonight at MayDay!

Andre seems to have found another gear since aligning himself with Topher Page.

Topher?

Yeah I’m sure he’ll hate it.



Andre reaches ringside where he climbs up on the ring apron and gazes over at a bag of tacks that are hanging around the ring post before stepping through the ropes and into the ring. Dixon circles the center of the ring eagerly anticipating the arrival of the Television Champion.







Introducing his opponent, he is the XWF Television Champion, MARF SWAYSON!



Lights in the Sky hits as the fans begin to boo. Marf makes his way out onto the stage, looking around at the audience and shaking his head in disgust. He marches to the ring while the crowd continues to boo and insult him. Marf rolls into the ring and goes to a corner, climbing up and then flipping off the crowd for more heat.



Marfy’s been on a role lately, picking up the TV title, and he and the Blue Woman picked up the number one contendership in Tag Turmoil back on Warfare...

Marfy?

Like Jannetty.



TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH


Andre Dixon
- vs -
Marf ©
15 Minute Time Limit- Thumbtack Special




15:00



Dixon and Marf stare across the ring from each other with neither showing any signs of intimidation as they start to walk out towards the center of the ring where the shit talking begins before Marf straight up decks Dixon with a right hand rocking the big man before coming immediately with a thumb to the eye and then a short headbut to the nose before backing Dixon up against the ropes, Marf shoots Dixon across the ring with an Irish Whip, Dixon bounces off the ropes delivering a running shoulder block that rocks Marf back several feet but does not leave his feet. Dixon drives a boot to the midsection of the Champion doubling him over before landing several blows across the back of Marf, he drives Marf back into a neutral corner before driving several shoulder blocks to the midsection before bring Marf out from the corner where he scoops him and delivers a Fallaway Slam! Marf lands hard on the canvass and rolls out to the floor.


Andre Dixon, on a roll here early on!

Marfy’s gotta get it together here real quick!



Andre comes towards the ropes where Marf snatches a double leg take down and pulls Dixon out to the floor where he drives him lower back first into the ring apron! He drives him a second and then a third time! Marf latches on to a front waist lock before delivering a belly to belly suplex on the floor! Marf climbs up on the ring apron where he walks towards one of the corners. He snatches the large black sack and jumps down to the floor. Marf unties the bag and empties thousands of thumbtacks on the ground.


Where's my popcorn!?  Shit's gettin' thick already!

Oh yeah I was supposed to tell you, they ran out of salt so you're not getting your popcorn.

Mother...

THAD!

Whaaat?  I wasn't gonna!

Really?

Nah I was definitely gonna.


Marf turns his attention towards Andre, he makes his way over towards him where he picks him the rest of the way off the ground. He scoops him up over his shoulder and turns towards the tacks!  Dixon suddenly slides down the back of Marf! Marf spins around where Dixon snatches him by the throat and delivers a thunderous chokeslam down into the thumbtacks! Corey Smith looks on shaking his head as Dixon reaches down picking Marf up off the ground with hundreds of thumbtacks stuck in his back. Dixon hurls Marf back into the ring where he slides in after him making a cover. Corey drops down into position making the count.


1!!











2!!












THRE…



Marf kicks out!

This is me not commenting on Corey's ass.

........



12:19




Dixon cuts his eyes towards Corey as he stands back up to his feet. He reaches down picking up Marf as some tacks fall out of his back. Dixon sets Marf up for an Angle Slam, Marf counters and catches Dixon with a boot to the midsection before driving him down into the mat with an implant DDT! Marf and Dixon lay on the mat with Corey starting to count them both out. At the five count Marf reaches one knee before stepping up to his feet. He picks Dixon up off the mat where he locks a front face lock where he hoists Andre up before spiking him down into the mat with a Brain Buster Suplex!

Marf works his way back to his feet where he turns towards another corner where another large black sack is hanging off the ring post. Marf snatches it off the ring post while in the ring Dixon rolls over to his chest and starts pushing himself up off the mat to one knee. Marf comes forward swinging the sack of thumbtacks smashing it into the face of Dixon knocking him back down to the mat! Marf drops the tied bag and lunges on to a cover.


1!!













2!!













THRE..


Dixon kicks out of the very near fall!


I thought that might’ve been a killshot!

You and me both!


Marf cuts his eyes towards Corey who has done nothing but call the contest evenly. He reaches his feet where he gets in Corey’s face demanding a faster count. Naturally Corey is not hearing this shit as he simply shrugs which only infuriates the TV Champion as he turns his attention back towards Dixon. He walks over picking Andre up off the mat where he takes him back into the ropes, he fires Andre across the ring with an Irish Whip, Dixon bounces off the ropes ducking under a Marf clothesline attempt where he plants him with the Olympic Slam! Both Dixon and Marf are down as Corey starts laying the count to both men.


9:54



Dixon starts to stir at Corey’s six count before getting to his feet by the eight count. Dixon shifts his eyes towards the large black sack laying in the ring. He walks over and picks it up before opening it up and pouring thousands of thumbtacks into a portion of the ring! Andre snatches Marf up off the mat before locking in a front face lock as he is looking perhaps for a suplex. He attempts the pick up only to have Marf block! Dixon looks for a second attempt and again it is blocked, Marf manages to counter with a Falcon Arrow to Dixon driving him down into the thumbtacks!


Oh for fucks sake!

DOLLY!?

WHAT!?

Don’t say fuck!

MARF HOOKS THE LEG!




1!!












2!!












THRE…



How the hell did he kick out!?  I was sure that was it!

With his legs!




Marf glances towards Corey who show him two fingers which garners the middle finger from Marf which is followed in suit by TWO from Corey.


Marf needs to focus less on the referee and more on his opponent.

I beg to differ!  Have you seen this ref!?


Marf begins to work his way back to his feet, tacks still sporadically all over his back as Dixon rolls over out of thumbtacks and now he too looks like a pin cushion across his broad back. Marf reaches down picking Andre up off the canvas where he positions him for a Powerbomb, but before Marf can attempt the Powerbomb Andre counters with a back body drop into the thumbtacks!


5:00



Andre falls back first on top of Marf Swayson.  Corey dives down for the count.


1!



















2!



















3!???????????????????????



















AND MARF KICKS OUT!

This is a hell of a fight!


Andre slowly gets back to his feet.  Marf rolls over to his side and gets to his hands and knees.  Both men are nearly spent as Dixon goes for a stiff boot to the head but Marf grabs a hold of his foot and gets back to his feet.  Marf, still with Andre’s foot in hand, sends a hard knee into Dixon’s midsection doubling him over.


3:56



ECHOSLIDE!

THIS COULD DO IT!


Marf Swayson hits the PerfectPlex on Dixon, driving him back first into the thumbtacks, completing the bridge and keeping the leg hooked.


1!



















2!



















3!?????????????????????????????????????????



















????????????????????????????????????????????



















DIXON KICKS OUT!

Holy shit this is fun!


Marf begins to protest again but Corey insists it was only a two count.  Marf gets back to his feet and is smelling victory at hand.  He bends down and grabs Andre by his head and pulls him up to his feet.


TIIIIME keeps on ticking ticking ticking…

Into the future!

Just about two and a half minutes to go for this Television title match!



With Andre to his feet, Marf sends him hard into the corner.  Dixon hits the turnbuckles hard and bounces out.  Marf grabs a hold of him and sends him up and over his head with a belly to belly suplex, sending Dixon down into the field of thumbtacks.  Dixon lands and instinctively rises from the mat trying to get away from the tacks.

Marf lifts him back to his feet…



THE SWAY!

He’s out!

BUT ON HIS FEET!


Marf hits the Canadian Destroyer on Andre Dixon and after impact, Andre rolls to his feet but entirely on dream street.  Dixon staggers backward into the corner.  Swayson gets back to his feet and charges toward Dixon, driving a shoulder into his midsection before lifting Andre and setting him on the top turnbuckle.  Marf follows him up and looks to be going for another suplex variant.


Time is really becoming a factor here!

It looks like Marf Swayson might be content to just run out the clock on Andre Dixon and fight another day!

It’s not the route I would take, personally, but to each their own!


Marf changes course and climbs to the very top rope and pulls Andre Dixon up right along with him.  Marf traps one of Andre’s arms and appears to be attempting to deliver a belly to belly but from the top!


DIXON!


With a last second burst of energy, Andre breaks Marf’s grip on him then powers him up and leaps off the top rope…



















DEADLY FORCE!

WHAT IMPACT!


Dixon takes Marf off the top rope to the mat with his patented spinebuster and rolls up Marf’s leg.  Corey dives for the count.


1!



















2!



















3!???????????????????



















????????????????????????????????



















3!


WINNER and NEW XWF Television Champion:

ANDRE DIXON



We have a new TV champ, Thad!  And his name is Andre Dixon!

I can’t say that’s exciting news for the XWF as a whole, but it is great news for B.o.B.  And even better news for Andre Dixon.

That was a war for the ages!

Dixon is really starting to click on all eight cylinders and it might be some time before someone steps up to take that title away from him.


TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

CENTRUBION
(Ruby & Centurion)
- vs -
Them No Good Bastards©
(Thunder Knuckles & Bobby Bourbon)
Them No Good Bastards offered to put their titles on the line... In, you guessed it, SOLIDARITY! Can CentRubion Win The Tag Team Titles Back For The Workingclass?
2RP - 3K Word Limit



Thad, two title matches tonight, two new champions.  What do you think we’ll see with the tag team title match?

If I know anything about Them No Good Bastards, and I do… it’s that they’re not trendsetters, they’re trend breakers.  Say whatever it is you want about Robbie and TK individually, but as a team… I hate to say the word unbeatable, because they’re not.  No one in this business is unbeatable.

People tend to throw that word around a ton when new tag champions are crowned.  The Sick Cunts were unbeatable until they weren’t.  Cataclysm was unbeatable, until they weren’t.  Continuum was unbeatable, until they weren’t.

Them No Good Bastards are unbeatable, until they’re not.  Is tonight the night?

Centurion and Ruby are no slouches as a team neither.

They’re not but you know what?  Fuck Cent.  That’s what.



The crowd goes wild as Centrubion appear on the entrance ramp. The sky above Coreytopia becomes overcast as lightning streaks across the clouds. Nothing like a South Florida pop-up-shower. Centurion and Ruby at first come out, smiling and waving to the fans. But as the rain begins to pour down, looks of determination become etched on the faces of the heroes.

Oh my God!

It’s just a little rain!

My fucking hair!

Yeah somehow I think you’ll survive!

Just wait!  You have no idea how long it is when it’s wet.  And its Florida so it’s gonna stop in like ten minutes.  Then… THEN… its gonna all frizz up like a Jew Fro and I’m not even Jewish!

You done?

I guess so.

The duo march down to the ring shoulder to shoulder. They split off at the apron, each of them climbing a turnbuckle and raising their arms in the air as the crowd goes wild. Corey Smith welcomes them to the ring and points them to their corner as they await…



The epic XTron video of TNGB takes over the commune grounds as THUNDER cracks in the sky. A spotlight highlights the ramp, and Thunder Knuckles walks out onto the entrance ramp, hyped and ready to fight, pointing out into the crowd. Behind him, Bobby Bourbon deliberately walks out and stops, also pointing out into the crowd. Both men glance at each other and clink their Tag Team Championships together, then in unison point into the ring as the rain pours down. The crowd sings along with the song.

ASSHOLE, DIRTBAG, NO GOOD BASTARDS!

TK slides into the ring and gets up onto a knee, beckoning the crowd as Bobby climbs the steps and enters the ring behind him. TK stands and appeals to the crowd as Bobby raises his arms at 45-degree angles.

Corey Smith approaches the tag team champions, directing them to their corner and holds his hands out for the titles. TK and Bobby look at one another incredulously, shaking their heads before they both march back to the center of the ring, hoisting their tag championships one more time.


TNGB better hope that lightning doesn’t strike those things!

Meh!  They could use a makeover.


Corey follows them back to the center of the ring and snatches the tieles away from each of them, pointing a finger and reminding them both that this is his ring, his rules motioning towards the scantily clad, and now soaking wet booty shorts ref costume.

Smith hands the titles over to the time keeper and presses the teams back to their corner on more time before calling for the bell.


And we’re underway!

We start off with Bobby Bourbon pacing back and forth in front of his corner, smiling and motining for Centurion to bring it - Centurion obliges. He charges the big man, but baits Bobby Bourbon! Just as Bobby goes to grapple, Centurion side steps and trips Bourbon down to the mat. TK slams the top of his corner in frustration as Ruby applauded from her corner.

Bobby is quick back to his feet, having taken little damage, he stands to see Centurion smiling, motioning now for Bobby to bring-it

Centurion, the wiley veteran as always!

Is ’wily veteran’ a euphemism for boring white bread?

....no.

Bobby charges at Cent, but slides a bit on the wet ring mat, but it pays off! With an open hand he falls into the challenger’s face with an eye rake that causes Cent to shout out in pain. But Cent doesn’t falter, he fires right back with a powerful, blinded punch that catches Bobby right in the mouth. Bobby stumbles back and Cent rushes. Bobby goes to grapple, but Cent baseball slides between his legs. He rises up and catches Bobby in the back with a standing dropkick that sends Bobby falling chest first into the ropes. Bourbon whiplashes and Cent catches him on the rebound.

OH! Saito Suplex from Centurion!

I’ve done better.

Cent struggled to lift the big man, but slammed him down hard and covers.

Smith slides into position, his booty short soaked from the rain,

1!















2!!






Oh! An easy kick out by Robbie!

Um, it’s actually Bobby now…

What? Why?

Maybe if you wouldn’t leave for years at a time you would know!

Anyway he joined B.o.B. and changed his name.  Pretty unexciting story.

Cent lifts Bobby by the head and goes to deliver a knee, but the champ anticipates the move and blocks Cent easily, opening him up for a devastating, jumping, spinning uppercut!

LIGHTS OUT FOR CENT!

Look at that!  He’s doing an impression of his promo viewers!

TK Laughs from his corner while Bourbon puts all of his weight on Cent for the cover…


1!




















2!! 




But from out of nowhere it’s Ruby! She breaks the pinfall sliding across the mat with a devastating kick to Bobby’s head. This brings TK into the ring. He lunges for Ruby, but the smaller, shiftier Ruby dodges.

OH! But not so fast!

TK has managed to grab onto a handful of Ruby’s hair pulling her back! He’s got her from behind and lifts for a full nelson slam!

But Centurion! A BLOODY SYMPHONY! The flying knee catches TK in the side of the head, causing him to drop Ruby who scurries back to her corner. Centurion stands and begins kicking TK out of the ring. But before Centurion can even turn around, Bobby Bourbon has him from behind.

THE FLATIRON!

Bourbon smashes Cent down to the mat with a tourturrack samoan drop. He covers!

1!














2!!!
















3!!! NO!!!

CENTURION KICKED OUT!

Bobby slaps the mat in frustration as rainwater splashes everywhere. He snatches Centurion up and looks over to TK who is nodding slow with a smile. Bobby shove’s Cent’s head between his legs! He lifts the Hall of Legends member!

A BOURBON BOM--- NO WAIT!

Centurion starts wailing on Bobby’s head while sitting on his shoulders. The big man starts slipping on the wet mat, falling backwards. He tries again to hoist Cent and pummel him, but Centurion leapfrogs over Bobby’s head right into his corner where he finds Ruby’s tag!

Bobby collapses forward and finds TK’s tag!

Ruby hits the ring!

TK hits the ring!

It’s a brawl in the center of the mat!

A spinning back first from Ruby! A punch to the mouth from TK! Ruby stumbles back and TK goes for a superkick! But Ruby ducks under his leg and cracks TK across the face with a falling Pele Kick!

TK falls to the mat!


1!









OH! Thunder Knuckles is fresh! He bench presses Ruby off of the pin. Ruby lands on her feet, slipping a bit as the rain continues to pour. TK climbs to his feet, but Ruby is already rushing. She lunges at Thunder Knuckles with a flying cross body! But TK catches her sideways! He slings the little Ruby onto his shoulder and charges he and Bobby’s corner with her!

A devastating crash into the corner! TK turns around with Ruby still lifted!

ALABAMA SLAM!

Ruby’s head whips viciously from the mat. TK covers!


1!















2!!















NO!!!

The crowd screams in excitement as Ruby just barely kicks out!

TK looks like he’s smelled a fart!

Probably Robbie.

Centurion is clapping, trying desperately to rally Ruby from their corner, but it’s no use. He snags the superhero up by the hair and drags her over to Bobby. TK makes the tag and stays in the ring. He whips Ruby into the corner. Bobby whips TK into Ruby. A sick running knee lift would have dropped Ruby only…

A sick running lariat from Bourbs!

Felt it before.  Hurts like a bitch!

Bobby doesn’t let her fall though, he picks Ruby back up as TK is already charging again with a full head of steam. ANOTHER RUNNING KNEE LIFT! Ruby is in big trouble! Centurion begins protesting to Corey from his corner, and in spite of their differences Corey Smith agrees. He comes between Ruby and Them No Good Bastards, demanding TK return to his corner. TK smiles, lifting his hands as if he’s innocent and slides back to his corner.

Ruby stumbles out of the corner, her throat falling right into the waiting grasp of Bobby.

EMC SQUARED!

Bobby buries Ruby with a nasty chokeslam in the center of the ring and covers her.

1!


















2!!
























NO!!!

MY GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE RUBY KEEPS KICKING OUT!

Someone’s gotta pick up Cent’s dead weight!

Bobby lumbers back to his feet incensed. He chucks Ruby across the ring with a Big Boy Toss, inadvertently throwing Ruby into her own corner, where Centurion is able to make the blind tag on his unconscious wife. The look on Cent’s face is one of malice and disdain. He rushes Bourbon, and in spite of the clear size advantage, Cent begins cracking the former Universal Champion in the face with a series of well landed strikes. Bobby is dazed! Cent ducks behind his foe and goes for the 1000 Mile Slam!

But the weight is too much to bear, Bobby slides down Centurion’s back, turns him around and grasps  the smaller man by the throat. Bobby roars and chokeslams Centurion out of the ring with another EMC Squared! Bobby rips the leotard straps from his shoulders and starts pounding on his chest as TK laughs and claps. Bobby turns to TK and starts demanding a count from Corey Smith.

Corey looks at Bourbon and brushes him off, not going to be told what to do. The two come face to face before Bourbon turns around and starts making the 10-count himself.

1!









2!!














3!!!











4-



Corey spins Bobby around and demands that he stop. Bourbon shoves Corey, who shoves the big man back.

HOLY FUCK!

From out of nowhere! Ruby leaps over Corey Smith with a springboard dropkick, while at the same time Centurion has recovered and done the same maneuver! The stereo dropkicks smash big Bobby on each side of his skull sending the big man crumbling to the wet canvass.

Centurion is gassed but still makes the cover!




1!






















2!!




























THIS ONE IS OVER! NEW TAG CHAMPS! 








3!!!














NO!

Not so fast!

THAT NO GOOD BASTARD!

TK broke up the pin fall, diving on Centurion just in the nick of time! Centurion is spent and beat, as is Bobby Bourbon. As both TK and Ruby reclaim their corners, Bobby and Cent crawl to their partners.

Cent makes the tag!

Bobby makes the tag!

Again TK and Ruby hit the ring charging one another, but this time Ruby is ready! She leaps at TK! Hurricanrana! But TK is back up to his feet quickly… no matter, though! Dropkick from Ruby! TK is up again! BUT THIS TIME HE EATS A RUBY CUTTER!!! She covers!

1!






















2!!























NO! ON HIS OWN MERIT, TK KICKS OUT SOMEHOW!

Ruby gets to her feet, she runs at the ropes and rebounds, she cracks TK across the skull with a running knee as he rises, and keeps running!

She sees Bobby outside of the ring!






TOPE CON HERO!










Ruby flips over the rope and smashes Bobby back down to the floor as he stands. The crowd is going absolutely bat-shit crazy as the rain continues to pour! Ruby climbs back in the ring only to find that TK is gone. She spins around trying to find her opponent, but he’s sliding back under the bottom rope, with a chair now!

He swings at Ruby with a chair shot that will take her head off!


But Corey Smith grabs the chair midswing! He rips the chair out of TK’s hands and slings it out of the ring. The two have an intense confrontation in the middle of the ring. Ruby runs and makes the tag to an eager Centurion. The crowd pops even louder. TK doesn’t realize!

1000 Mile Slam!

TK is down! But from the top rope it’s Ruby!

RUBY IN THE ROUGH!

BUT NO!!!!!!!!!

From nowhere Bobby Bourbon has climbed back into the ring and crippled Ruby with a clothesline mid air!

Cent tries for the cover on TK but before Corey can even make the 1-count, Bobby lifts Cent from the pin into a vertical suplex.

As Bobby falls to the mat with Cent, TK pops up from his back…


RAINBOW LASER DEATH SEQUENCE!


OH MY FUCKING GOD! TK’S FOOT DDT HAS KNOCKED CENTURION OUT COLD!

Thank GOD!

TK covers Centurion as Bobby jumps up and keeps a boot on Ruby’s neck.

Corey counts the fall

1!















2!!























3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winners via pinfall - and STILL XWF Tag Team Champions - Them No Good Bastards


What a war!

Thank God Centurion still has no gold!

Just as Corey brugudlingly hands the titles back to TNGB, the clouds part, and the South Florida pop-up shower ceases. 


My hair may never be the same again!

It looks…. fine….?

Clearly.








The massive crowd erupts with loud boos as attention diverts towards the wrestlers entrances area where we see a thick cloud of white smoke engulfing the area. Seen walking through the smokey haze and out to the top of the ramp is the XWF Universal Champion, CHRONIC Chris Page.



[Image: giphy.gif]



Chris Page told us all that he would be on hand to see who the next challenger is going to be for the Universal Championship depending on if he can successfully retain it against RL Edgar on Wednesday Night on Warfare.

Ladies and gentlemen, the least interesting Universal Champion of 2021!

Wouldn't that make you the most interesting?

By default only.  Contrary to popular opinion, I don't actually have that massive an ego.

He's defended well though.  If he gets through R.L. Edgar on Warfare, that'll be four successful defenses.

Yeah and he'll be the first to tell you that too.  The man loves counting.  The thing about his defenses though is he's faced a bunch of guys that think they got a gameplan, only to stand there like a deer in the headlights when things start counting for real.

I'm not saying he's had it easy necessarily, but Page has a way of manipulating things to his advantage.

You're speaking from experience?

Ha!  No one knows Chris Page better than I do.





Chris ignores all the fans on his way towards the ring. He reaches ringside and climbs up on the ring apron where he steps through the ropes and into the ring. He unstraps the Universal Championship from his waist where he hoists it high into the air for all to see garnering louder boos from the crowd in the process which brings a smile to his face.


The hippies and comrades here at Coreytopia showing their feelings in solidarity for Chris Page!

Do you really think he gives a crap?  His only concern is that they react.  Boo him, cheer him, he doesn't care.

Great fuckin' jacket.

Bet he got it on sale at Hot Topic.

Hot Topic, Dolly repeats with a light laugh.

Dudes like 60.  The elderly never pay full price.


Chris drapes the Universal Championship over his right shoulder as he calls for the microphone. Chris takes the microphone from the ring announcer before dismissing him from the ring. Chris reaches center ring as the “Judas” by Fozzy fades out leaving a solid chorus of boos which break out into a “FUCK YOU PAGE! FUCK YOU PAGE! FUCK YOU PAGE!”. Chris lowers the microphone and immediately burst out into laughter allowing for the chant to get louder and louder.


That's the spirit, XWF Universe!

Page seems to feed off the hate!


The chant stays solid as Chris raises the microphone and spouts out to everyone.


” You love me! You really, really love me!”


The chant breaks out into thunderous boos from all over as Chris simply talks over the crowd.


Haraghh! Blehhhhh.

You okay?

Yeah I'm good, just threw up a little.


” I wish I could say that I love each and everyone of you equally, but the truth is I could give two shits about any of your views or opinions because I will be leaving this dump as the Universal Champion much like you all will leave here as the same filthy pieces of trash you were when you got here.”


The always endearing Chris Page.

Siiiiiigh.

Regrets?

Only that I lost it to him.  That son of bitch likes to take credit for every god damn thing.  Know what?  If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t even have that stupid classless belt.

Know what?  Does it really dispense joints?

Why?  You interested?

....no.



” The only reason I am gracing you all with MY star power has nothing to do with the event and everything to do with the Battle Royale that is set to take place in just a few short minutes. Ten individuals elected to answer the King Doc Open Invitational Battle Royale to determine who I will be facing at Leap of Faith. Names like Betsy Granger, Lycana to even fellow BOB Elite member Miss Fury and BOB members Barney Green and Jenny Myst; and all of them have the visions of getting their respective date with destiny IF they can ensure that they are the last person standing. To the victor shall go the spoils, and I for one cannot wait to see who is going to be headed to Leap of Faith on this collision course with destiny BABY!”


I can't help but notice his selective memory loss in failing to mention Robert Main.

...maybe its dementia.





Oh boy! I believe there's something CCP is forgetting!


R.L. Edgar emerges from the wrestler's entrance area to a huge pop from the million-plus in attendance. His eyes gleaming as he stares down the perturbed Universal Champion.


R.L. Edgar looks like a man marching confidently towards his own destiny right now!  God I hope he wins!


R.L. Edgar reaches ringside and there is a second microphone laying on the ring apron. He takes the microphone and climbs up behind the ropes, leaning and smiling,

You know, Page... you sure do talk a LOT of shit.

A look of disgust growing on CCP’s face as Edgar steps through the ropes,

But for as much you talk, I couldn’t help but notice you left out a very important detail regarding Leap Of Faith…

Edgar stands bold, and face to face with CCP who towers over Edgar by nearly half a foot.

...you’ve still gotta’ face ME for THAT he says pointing at CCP’s waist Universal Championship on Wednesday Warfare, and I’ll be goddamned if you think I’m just going to lay down like some dog. I told you this was going to be a war, and I FUCKING meant it!


[Image: tenor.gif]


” This is coming from the guy that has no other material to shoot other than a Hall of Legends picture? Listen junior, you are a formality defense, always have been and always will be. Do yourself a favor and walk away now before you end up leaving on a stretcher.”


Suddenly Page slaps the taste out of R.L.’s mouth! He points and laughs at his challenger for Warfare as we see an enraged Edgar explode towards Page taking him down with a Spear while transitioning into a side headlock as he reigns down with right hands! The crowd is on fire for Edgar as he lands six good shots before getting back to his feet! He picks Page up off the mat where he sends him sailing towards the ropes, Page latches on to the top rope while sling shooting out to the floor garnering loud boos from the crowd in the process.


NOW I wish I had my popcorn!


Edgar picks up the Universal Championship, looks at it and then throws it out to Page as he snatches the microphone.


… Ain’t gunna be no runnin’ from this ass whippin’ on Warfare!



It’s R.L. Edgar!  It’s Chris Page!  It’s for the Universal Championship, and it’s ONLY on Warfare!






The King Doc Open Invitational Battle Royale
[Image: thor-odin-gif-6.gif]
Mickey Kinkade- vs -Robert 'The Omega' Main- vs -Jenny Myst- vs -Lycana- vs -Betsy Granger- vs -Miss Fury- vs -Barney Green- vs -Sil- vs -DemosCharlie Dimes- vs -Reggie Estrada- vs -Surprise Entrant
The Winner Challenges For The Universal Title At Leap Of Faith





The crowd is eager for the Battle Royale as the bell sounds and all competitors are in the ring as all hell immediately breaks loose! Kinkade and Estrada pair off, Main and Charlie Dimes have a heated exchange in the mix as we see Sil and Barney Green, Granger and Miss Fury are engaged in an exchange with Reggie Estrada and the Mystery Entrant going after each other! Lycana and Myst are trading shots! Main drops Dime with a hard right hand while across the ring Reggie Estrada eliminates the Hooded Figure who charges across the ring looking to steam roll Kinkade and Estrada!


Who the hell even was that guy!?

It’s a mystery!


MYSTERY ENTRANT ELIMINATED BY REGGIE ESTRADA



Barney Green thumbs Sil in the eye before biting him across the forehead. Jenny Myst gets the upper hand on Lycana throwing her over the top rope only to see her land on the ring apron. Myst turns her attention towards Barney where she comes across the ring double teaming Sil while Betsy Granger as Miss Fury back into a neutral corner and is trying to work her over the top rope. Mickey Kinkade takes the upper hand on Reggie Estrada backs him into the ropes as Lycana comes across the ring behind Kinkade dumping him over the top roep and out to the floor!


MICKEY KINKADE ELIMINATED BY LYCANA



That dude is a red flag, glad he’s gone!

Lycana has been on a roll of late and she just tossed Kinkade like he was nothin’!


Miss Fury has Betsy Granger hanging over the top rope when Robert Main comes up from behind saving Betsy as he yanks Fury backwards and slings her towards the center of the ring!  Barney Green as Sil by both arms as Myst charges forward where she eats a boot to the face from Sil rocking her backwards where Charlie Dimes is back in the mix with a Side Russian Leg Sweep!

Sil breaks free from Green before sending him over the top rope and out to the floor with a clothesline!


BARNEY GREEN ELIMINATED BY SIL



Barney should just get fat again honestly.  Woulda been a lot harder to toss his big ass out.

Sil is a mountain of muscle though!

I mean he looks like he was carvered from stone.


Lycana blasts Dimes from behind as he reaches his feet knocking him towards a neutral corner while Betsy Granger starts to work over Jenny Myst and Sil square off with Reggie Estrada leaving Main and Miss Fury staring each other down! Jenny Myst gouges Granger in the eyes before clipping the right knee from under Main staggering him forward into a Judas Effect by Miss Fury! Myst and Fury take Robert towards the ropes where they try to get him over the top rope!

Lycana charges towards the corner housing Dimes only to eat a reverse elbow sending Lycana back out towards the center of the ring. Dimes come out of the corner with Sweet Shin Music! Reggie Estrada is sent over the top rope where he hangs on to the top rope as Corey Smith comes around the ring as Reggie latches firmly on the top rope with his feet nearing the floor before he pulls himself back up to the ring apron.

Dimes is spun around by Sil who snatches him by the throat and drives him back towards the ropes on the far side of the ring. Betsy Granger recovers as Miss Fury and Jenny Myst have Robert Main teetering on elimination! Granger blasts Myst in the back before yanking Miss Fury out towards the ring, she locks a front face lock before hoisting her up and driving her down into the mat with a Brainbuster Suplex! Reggie Estrada slides back into the ring where he sneaks up behind Main dumping him over the top rope! Main catches the top rope on his way down with only ONE foot touching the floor before pulling himself up on to the ring apron as Reggie celebrates like he’s won the damn match. Sil has Charlie Dimes teetering upon elimination only to see Dimes reach back gouging the eyes to free himself from the grasp of Sil.  Myst meets Betsy with an exchange before looking to send Granger over the top rope, Granger reverses and Myst is sent sailing over the top rope and out to the floor!


JENNY MYST ELIMINATED BY BETSY GRANGER



Oh thank god!

What’s your problem with Jenny Myst?

Nothing in particular.  I just dislike fake people.


Miss Fury pulls herself towards a neutral corner while Robert Main re-enters the ring behind Estrada who continues to celebrate before turning around and walking into Robert Main! Reggie tries to beg away but Main is not having it as he boots him in the midsection before sending him sailing over the top rope and out to the floor!


REGGIE ESTRADA ELIMINATED BY ROBERT MAIN



See ya Reg!  We hardly knew ye!

Robert Main isn’t playing games tonight!  He came to Coreytopia to WIN dammit!

It’s far from over, but I for one would love to see Robert Main get his hands on Chris Page!

You and about a hundred million other people.


Main and Betsy are in one corner, Lycana is in a corner by herself, Miss Fury is in a corner by herself, Sil is by the ropes on a far side with Charlie Dimes on the opposite side as one of these six participants will move on to challenge for the Universal Championship at Leap of Faith. All six glance around the ring at each other before Sil and Charlie charge towards each other and start unloading upon each other with right hands! Main and Lycana pair off as does Betsy and Miss Fury!

Sil drives Charlie Dimes down into the mat with a spin buster slam before taking a mount position on Dimes and hammering down with right hands while Main whips Lycana across the ring, she bounces off the ropes ducking under a Main clothesline where she drop kicks him in the backs ending him staggering forward towards the ropes. Lycana bum rushes Main sending him over the top rope where he once again catches himself on the ring apron! Lycana swings at Main who blocks and counters with a shoulder block to the midsection that stagers Lycana back for Robert to re-enter the ring.

Betsy and Miss Fury are back in a neutral corner where Granger drives Miss Fury into the corner with a shoulder block to the midsection. She starts driving repeated shoulders to the midsection of Miss Fury before stepping up to the middle ropes where she begins hammering down with solid right hands! Lycana swings at Main who ducks and counters with a Side Suplex!  Sil gets up off Charlie Dimes before reaching down picking him up off the mat and as he does Dimes lands a low blow!  Main Is shown picking Lycana up off the mat where he scoops her up over his shoulder and takes her towards the ropes where he looks to slam her over the top rope and down to the floor. Lycana hangs on to the top rope which allows Charlie Dimes to come up behind Robert and nail him in the ribs with a right hand.





Miss Fury, still getting hammered on by Betsy Granger snatches both legs of Betsy and walks out from the corner where she drops Granger face first on to the top turnbuckle with an assisted snake eyes! Charlie Dimes begins working over Main backing him into the ropes where he comes charging forward with a Cactus Clothesline taking  both himself and Main over the top rope and out to the ring apron! Sil gets back to his feet where Lycana snatches a front face lock before delivering a tornado ddt using the turnbuckles for assistance to spike Sil head first into the canvass! Out on the ring apron Main and Dimes start trading right hands with Dimes gaining the upper hand before clotheslining Main back over the top rope and into the ring only to see Miss Fury come from out of nowhere with a Superkick but Dimes side steps it and blasts Fury with a forearm rocking her backwards into a back stabber by Lycana!

Dimes steps back through the ropes where he nails Lycana with a strong clothesline that nearly turns her inside out!  Dimes shifts his attention towards Betsy who is nearing her feet when Sil comes up from behind and hurls Dimes over the top rope and out to the floor!


CHARLIE DIMES ELIMINATED BY SIL



Oh how ‘bout that!

Dimes is outta here!

300 pounds of potato stuffed into a 100 pound bag just keeps moving right along, doesn’t he?


Betsy comes off the ropes with a Superkick to Sil rocking him backwards as Miss Fury lands a second Judas Effect to the lower back of Sil and now Lycana and Miss Fury start kicking at the quads of the massive tree that is Sil as Robert Main rolls towards a corner away from the action as it unfolds. Lycana and Miss Fury finally drop the redwood known as Sil to one knee allowing Betsy to nail a shining wizard to the temple of Sil knocking him backwards towards the mat.

Miss Fury, Betsy Granger and Lycana all look at each other awaiting for one to make a move on the other when suddenly they all reach down starting to pick Sil up off the mat when Betsy’s attention is diverted towards the crowd where we see…






















ATARA THEMIS crowd surfing with the Freestyle and Internet Championships. Betsy walks towards the ropes as we see Sil suddenly Hulk Up as he throws both arms back sending Lycana and Miss Fury in opposite directions before running and clotheslining Granger from behind sending her over the top rope and out to the floor!


BETSY GRANGER ELIMINATED BY SIL



NO!  Not Betsy!

And we’re down to four!

Lycana!  Fury!  Main!  And Joe Swanson with Legs!

Dolly eyeballs Thad trying not to laugh.  He looks at her.

You’re getting SLAAAACKS!

Did you have more edibles?

...no.


Sil turns around seeing Lycana and Miss Fury charging towards him looking for a double clothesline only to see Sil counter with a back body drop to both Miss Fury and Lycana sending both over the top rope and out to the floor!


MISS FURY AND LYCANA ELIMINATED BY SIL



And the inflated Macy’s Parade balloon has made it to the final two with Robert Main!

I’m not sure anyone would have predicted that!

Say whatever you want about Sil but he’s a hell of a competitor!

Oh?  It’s Sil now?  No nickname?

I ran out of silly ones.


The crowd at May-Day is rockus as Sil now looks across the ring at Robert Main and the two lock eyes. The crowd gets louder and louder as they circle each other before immediately starting an exchange of right hands! Clubbing shots from Sil are met with furious shots from Main! Sil starts to gain the upper hand as he lands several unanswered shots that back Main up towards the ropes, Sil charges forward, Main evades sending Sil bouncing off the ropes and into a boot to the face!

Main comes forward looking to take Sil over the top rope only to eat a boot to the midsection! Sil locks in a front face lock before hoisting Main up for a Suplex! He backs Main toward the ropes where he looks to suplex him backwards out to the floor but its Main who gouges the eyes breaking the grip on Sil as he comes forward landing on his feet! Sil swings wildly at Main who ducks the attempt where he hoists Sil up over his shoulders before depositing him over the top rope and out to the floor with a Dead Man’s Hand!


SIL ELIMINATED BY ROBERT MAIN
WINNER OF THE KING DOC INVITATIONAL: ROBERT “THE OMEGA” MAIN



The crowd erupts as Robert Main celebrates the victory!


ALRIGHT ROBERT!

MAIN WINS!  HE’LL GET HIS HANDS ON PAGE OR HE MIGHT BE FACING RL EDGAR!


Dolly Waters and Thaddeus Duke lay out, giving Robert Main his moment to bask in the glow of victory.  The commentary tag team gives Main a standing ovation.





Robert’s head instantly turns towards the entrance way before looking around all over the ringside area knowing that BOB Elite could pounce from any direction. The boos erupt as Chris Page walks back out to the top of the entry way with the Universal Championship his right hand.

Chris starts to make the walk down to the ring!


That man ruins EVERYTHING!

Like Universal title reigns of 22 year old phenoms?

AGGGH! Thad slumps in his chair, clutching his chest.  Right in the heart, dear.  Right in the heart.

Your over acting is why you’ll never win an Emmy.

Ouch.


Page reaches ringside where he climbs up on the ring apron and steps through the ropes and into the ring. Page and Main gaze across the ring at each other, the intensity is so thick as we see Chris toss the Universal Championship to the side! The music fades away as Main and Page go face to face, nose to nose!


Here!

We!

GO!


The crowd explodes as they break out into a right hand exchange! Page lands, Main lands! Page lands! Main lands!  Page takes Main down with a double leg take down and transitions into a mount position where he begins firing off piston-like right hands down upon his former best friend before Robert reverses the positioning and starts pounding away on Chris Page!

Robert lands several shots before getting back to his feet where he starts stomping down on Page!

COREYTOPIA security hit the ring in an attempt to break up the Brawl only to be taken care of with ease from Robert Main! Main turns back around and walks into a Spinbuster slam  by Page! The crowd roars with boos as Chris sizes up Main who rolls over pushing himself up off the mat where Page comes forward with a boot to the midsection and drives Main into the canvass with a thunderous Page Plant!


It looks as if Chris Page will stand tall after this one!

Kidding and jokes aside, Chris Page is a dangerous man.  He’s even more dangerous now that he has the Universal title and if it does end up Chris Page versus Robert Main at Leap of Faith?  That match alone WILL be worth the price of admission for that show and every pay per view we ever have.


Chris stands back to his feet as the crowd roars with massive boos from the crowd. He snatches up the Universal Championship before placing a boot on the chest of Main, he raises up the Universal Championship garnering louder boos before he takes his foot of Robert’s chest and exits the ring, effectively leaving the number one contender for Leap of Faith laying on his back.

Chris turns facing the ring as Robert slowly starts to stir. Upon Chris reaching the top of the ramp he holds up the Universal Championship and  with his right hand while flipping Robert Main off with his left. Suddenly the booing crowd comes alive as R.L. Edgar comes back out behind Page as he motions for him to turn the fuck around!


It’s R.L. Edgar!

He may play the spoiler, yet!



Page lowers his middle finger followed by the title before turning around where he is a deer in headlights for a second seeing R.L. who boots him in the midsection doubling Page over for Edgar to underhook the arms and deliver a PAGE PLANT to Chris Page on the top of the ramp!

The massive crowd EXPLODES as R.L. snatches the Universal Championship and forces it down into the face of Chris Page as he spouts out.


”Keep looking past me and there won’t be a Chris Page versus Robert Main; that’s not a prediction mother fucker! That’s a damn spoiler!”


God I hope Paulie wasn’t watching!

Why?

Siiiiiiiigh… he’ll be goin on and on about that for fucking weeks!


Edgar stands over Chris Page looking down as he then looks towards the ring at Robert Main who is now getting back to his feet. Edgar hoists up the Universal Championship to a massive ovation before dropping it on the chest of Chris Page.


Following the battle royale, Corey Smith approaches King Doc’s throne.

Ah, my loyal subject. Do you have an offering for me?

Corey looks awkwardly at Doc. Uhhhh...hi. Yeah, it’s me, Corey.

I know who you are. [/I]

I wasn’t sure seeing as you seem to have disappeared down the tragic rabbit hole known as dementia.

King Doc smirks. [doc]It’s not dementia, dear boy. Merely enjoying the fruits of my labors. Now, does this little tete a tete have a point? I’m sure you’re aware I have a match now.

It does have a point. Corey puts on an earnest expression. I just wanted you to know that even though I don’t trust you and I like Alias better as a human being in pretty much every respect…

King Doc rolls his eyes.

...even with all of that, I’m calling this match right down the middle. No bias.

So in other words, you’ve come to tell me you’re doing your job?

Corey bristles a little. Well, yeah. But I respect that this match means way too much to fuck around with the ending. I have to admit I’ve been looking forward to this since it was announced. And it’ll be my pleasure to referee this match.

King Doc considers Corey for a moment, his expression somewhat difficult to read. I guess we’ll see, eh? With that, King Doc stands tall and shrugs off his glistening regalia. He turns towards Corey again and winks at him mischievously. See you on the other side, Mr. Smith.


I’m gonna admit it… they’re two of my favorite people!

Even Dawk?

Siiiiigh… even Doc.

He just gets me.

No he doesn’t.

Yeah you’re right.  He doesn’t at all.



Night has fallen over Coreytopia as the crowd anxiously awaits the Main Event of MayDay!



Following his meeting with The King, Corey heads to ringside where he starts to prop up a display. Then, he reaches under the ring and pulls out a 24/7 BRIEFCASE! He places it at ringside, a reminder of what’s on the line for the Xtreme Champion!


As Corey prepares for the main event, we feel its necessary to remind everyone what’s on the line here.

That’s right Dolly, not only is the Xtreme title on the line, something you and I are both familiar with in our own careers, but if…

And its a big if.

If Alias can survive this match.  If Alias can pull off the win tonight, he’ll get to go home with a brand spankin’ new 24/7 briefcase.

What that means, is that if Alias does win and does take home that case, he’ll have a guaranteed immediate title shot at any champion he chooses at any TIME he chooses!

His personal feelings for me aside, I like Alias.  He’s a legitimate star on the rise in this company and he’s mostly been on cruise control since after High Stakes.  He’s beaten everyone placed in front of him.

But none of those opponents have been Dawk D’Ville, Thad!  A man we both know quite well.

I mean, does anyone really know Doc?  He’s an enigma.  He’s the walking manifestation of a fucking riddle and very few competitors have been able to claim a victory over him and that’s what makes this match so fucking exciting.

Alias has been unbeaten since November.  Dawk… is Dawk.  He’s the King and this is his Kingdom.

I said earlier that Page and Main would be the price of admission etcetera etcetera… This match right here, is right up there with them and WE’RE GIVING IT AWAY FOR FREE!

And that’s what truly sets the Xtreme Wrestling Federation apart from everyone else.  Often imitated, never duplicated.






A red mist rises up around the stage and through it appears King Louis D'VIlle, having disappeared from his throne and reappeared as though teleported. He slowly walks down the ramp and enters the ring where he picks a turnbuckle and stands on the second ropes as the red strobe lights flash and smoke rises from under the ring. After this, he steps to the center of the ring and hands Corey his crown. He seems to be speaking to Corey and pointing back at the crown, no doubt insisting on it’s safety. Corey rolls his eyes and carefully places it atop one of the turnbuckles.

The cameras fade backstage and on Alias’s face. It pans back to show him sitting cross-legged upon a crate propped against the mansion. He cracks his neck, once, twice, three times, and shuts his eyes. The shot sits on him for a moment, as he dreams of a new dawn.

Violently, his eyes reopen.

He leaps off the crate and lands firmly upon his feet.

Forward he walks. Ever forward.

Dolly Waters waits for him, leaning against a tall tree trunk. He pauses next to her. Silently, they nod. Off he goes again.

The dust has settled upon the battle royal, and some of its participants are finding their way to their next story. As Alias walks, he passes Betsy Granger. Again, he pauses. Again, they nod.

He moves on still, past Thaddeus Duke who has come to support his friends. They make eye contact. They nod.

Lycana and Marf support each other after their grueling matches, ever inseparable. Alias walks by them. No nods are shared, but the two lock eyes with the damaged vagrant. A foreboding leer lingers in the air, but today is not the day for that. Alias walks. Ever forward.

The competitors of the company have come out in force, even those that aren’t on the show. A trail of names and faces line the path.

Ash Quinn.

Reggie Estrada.

Morbid Angel.

Atara Themis.

He passes them all, moves around a corner of the building, and steps out into the throbbing masses of people. A spotlight finds him and the music of the crowd takes over. Dueling chants - “Eat The Left Hand” vs. “Eat The King” - sing to him as he makes his way through the crowd.

He walks.

Ever forward.

Towards his destiny. One way or another.

The King awaits him in the ring. And there, they stand - a moment in time not soon forgotten.

One way or another.

Que será, será.


Now that was an entrance!

I figured you’d have hated it, you always go for the glitz and the glam.

Yeah but that’s me, not him.  Alias is a different kind of guy.


Alias now in the ring, immediately heads for Corey, arms out as if inviting him in for a hug. Corey awkwardly side hugs Alias, which seems to draw Doc’s ire. He holds his hand out at Corey imploringly, likely decrying the display of bias. Corey merely shrugs in response and instructs both opponents to go to their respective corners before calling for the bell!

The Coreytopia masses reach a fevered pitch as these two icons of the XWF start to circle each other, the King eying the champion like a bird of prey, Alias’ expression a bit more foreign and indescribable. But finally, they lock up and the crowd pops huge!


At long last!  We are under way!

I’ve never been this excited for a match that I’m not even a part of!


Doc gets behind Alias, going for a suplex, but Alias blocks, elbows Doc and then snap mares him up and over. Doc rolls to his feet and Alias advances, but is soon halted by a kick to the knee, followed by the King dropping to his own knees and offering Alias a stuff uppercut to the jaw. Alias reels, giving Doc the opportunity to launch him across the ring with a beal toss. Alias uses the momentum to roll out of the ring. Doc wastes no time in following him out, grabbing Alias by his unkempt hair and drilling his forehead into the ring apron! Corey goes to the outside, foregoing the count out in this XTreme rules match.


Alias, in dire need of an opening here in the early going!

And he just got it!


Alias recovers in time to block a punch from Doc and respond with his own closed fist shot, followed by another. Doc then blocks the third and boxes Alias’ ears, followed by a nasty short arm clothesline that levels the champ!

Doc breezes past Corey en route to deliver more damage, but Alias surprises Doc with a kick to the head from the prone position. Doc shrugs it off and hits a regal back senton splash on Alias. Then, peeling Alias up, he whips him into the ringpost...but no! Alias puts on the breaks, surprising Doc with a back kick. Alias then hops up onto the ring apron with a quickness and launches himself into a huge suicide dive on the KIng! Alias goes for the first cover of the match!

ONE….



















TWO…..



















NOPE!

The King kicks out!


Alias looks up at Corey, who confirms it was only a two. While Alias is distracted, Doc stabs a thumb in his eye and rolls away and up to his feet. Alias tries to rub at his eye to regain some vision, allowing Doc to punt him in the stomach and nail and exploder suplex on the champ, dumping him hard onto the ramp! Alias cries out in pain as he hits.

Doc ruthlessly stays on him, mounting Alias and nailing him with some nasty hits before...rolling back in the ring? Corey looks at Doc questioningly, and Doc responds by picking up his crown and placing it atop his head, drawing a decidedly mixed reaction from the crowd. His royal majesty takes a bow, returns his crown to the ring post, and returns to the outside, rolling Alias back in the ring. Alias gets to his feet and he and Doc lock up again, but not for long! Alias takes hold of Doc’s arm, wraps it up into a wrist lock, and then he bites Doc’s wrist! Doc hollers and smacks Alias upside the head, stunning him. Alias goes to the corner and Doc gets up a head of steam to splash him, but the champ dives out of the way just in time and Doc eats the turnbuckle.


Doc playing to the crowd is uncharacteristic and it just cost him!

Alias rolls him up!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















NOPE!

The King kicks out again!

And now Doc needs an opening!


Alias brings Doc to his feet and gets a little dirty himself, raking the man’s good eye before sending him into the ropes.


And now he gets it!


Doc hits the ropes and his momentum carries him right into a monkey flip from Alias. Alias then floats over on top of Doc, grabs hold of his beard, and starts pounding him in the face! Corey grimaces but it’s all legal! Alias finishes off the assault with a bite to the King’s forehead before he’s able to throw him off. Doc looks furious now. Alias backs off and beckons for Doc to bring it on. Doc closes the distance and rocks Alias with a hard chop, and then two more before locking him up and sending him into the center of the ring with a t-bone suplex! Doc then heads to the top rope, perhaps looking for a Trepanation Headbutt! But Alias rises too quickly, headed for the turnbuckle to intercept the King. Doc kicks out at Alias, but Alias fires back with a punch, stunning him just long enough to get up and under him and drop him down with a thunderous electric chair drop!


Cover him, Alias!

I don’t think he’s gonna!


But, Alias doesn’t go for the cover. Instead, he rolls out of the ring, hops the guard rail and returns to the residents of Coreytopia. Corey looks on confused and calls for Alias to come back. But a couple of the members of the crowd rush off towards the house. Alias then hops back over the barricade and has a seat on the corner of the announce desk. Almost as an afterthought, he remembers Dolly and Thad are there and turns towards them. He waves at Dolly. And then shoots Thad the finger.


Aww!  I’m number one!

You two have the most complicated relationship.

No, we have zero relationship.  He dislikes me and I’m okay with that.

I kinda feel like Alias is wasting precious time here!


Meanwhile, back in the ring, Doc is back on his feet. He gestures for Alias to get back in the ring and Alias shakes his head “no” and points at his wrist as though there’s an invisible watch there. Doc shakes his head and rolls out of the ring after Alias. Alias then high tails it around the ring. Doc decries this foolishness and refuses to take the bait, simply glowering at the champion and demanding he come to him. It’s about this time that members of the crowd start to pass along a large burlap sack through their ranks, until finally it is delivered to Alias. Doc cants his head and Alias pulls a steel chair out of the sack, some lighter fluid, and a lighter!


Well this is about to take a rather brutal turn.

Well, it is xtreme rules.


Corey grimaces and holds the sides of his head in consternation, but it’s all gravy under Xtreme rules. He rolls back out to the floor, saying something unheard to Alias. Alias pats Corey on the shoulder and offers him a reassuring smile….before dousing the chair in the lighter fluid! Corey hops back for his own safety as Alias lights the chair on fire to a huge pop from the crowd! Doc looks like he’s had enough, and he reaches under the ring for a weapon of his own as Alias rushes over, brandishing the flaming chair like a madman! Before Doc can get something, Alias is on him, swinging with the chair! Doc barely avoids the fiery weapon, and Alias swings again, and again! Somehow Doc avoids catastrophe and hits a dirty low blow on Alias. Alias drops the chair, which is still ablaze, and Doc capitalizes by quickly wrapping Alias up and DDT’ing him onto the flaming chair!!! Holy shit! He covers the champ!


ONE….



















TWO…..


















NOOOO!

Alias pops a shoulder up!!


The King looks surprised and the crowd gasps in shock! D’Ville grabs a handful of Alias’ hair and wrenches him to his feet, throwing him into the barricade. He then picks up the lighter fluid and the lighter. Corey is begging Doc off from doing anything rash, but all’s fair here! The King ignores Corey and walks over to Alias. He starts to upend the bottle of lighter fluid over his body, when Alias springs to life, kicking out at Doc and fighting his way to his feet. Alias smacks the lighter fluid out of Doc’s hand, and Doc responds with a kick to Alias midsection. Alias backs up and rallies, responding with a haphazard bicycle kick that shocks the challenger.


No one said this match would be for the weak stomachs!

Way too much is riding on this!  Alias can lose everything tonight!

I mean, he’s already lost it, but here we are.


Alias scoops up the lighter fluid.. Corey tries to convince Alias not to do it as well, but Alias responds by blowing Corey a kiss and mouthing “I’m sorry, booboo”.

By this point, Doc is unsteadily back to his feet and putting some distance between himself and Alias. He clambers over the barricade and into the crowd, who part like the red sea for the fearsome legend. Alias follows suit, and Corey goes as well. Clear of the crowd Doc finally turns on Alias, but Alias splashes him in his one good eye with the lighter fluid! Doc hisses and grabs at his eye. Alias grabs his beard and pulls him into a sickening headbutt, followed by a knee lift. Alias then takes hold of Doc by his gear, dragging him over the lawn. Corey is starting to look nervous as the action inches closer to the house. Doc gets some fire in him and lands a couple shots to Alias midsection, but Alias knee lifts him again and whips him to the ground by his beard. Doc rolls and gets up to his feet, putting more distance between himself and Alias. Finally, they end up at the pool area!

At this point, they clash again, Alias laying into Doc and Doc firing back. Doc gets the upper hand with a rake to the face, followed by a resounding slap to the side of the champ’s head. Doc then fumbles for something in his gear and pulls out that lighter again! He takes a deep inhale, lights the lighter, and…


FIREBALL!

Right to the chest of the Xtreme Champion!


Corey jumps up in the air he’s so shocked! Alias takes the flame right to the chest! Alias immediately dives for the pool to cure the burning...and Doc dives in after him! His majesty then grabs Alias by the hair, dunking him under water and holding him there! HE’S TRYING TO DROWN THE CHAMP! Corey calls out from the deck for Doc to stop, but he won’t listen. So finally, Corey dives into the pool! He grabs Doc’s shoulder, ordering him to stop. Doc shrugs him off! So Corey grabs him harder and wrenches him around! The King glowers at his Continuum stable mate while Alias retreats, grasping onto the deck and choking up water. D’Ville uses the steps to get out of the pool and he goes on the attack again, pulling Alias out of the water by his hair and snap maring him into the cement! Alias calls out in pain, and the King lands a stiff kick to the back of Alias’ head before covering him!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















Alias pops a shoulder again!!

This match is fuckin’ killer!


The King considers Corey warily for a moment before standing tall, looking around for something else to do damage with. He grabs a lawn chair and brings it crashing down on Alias as he tries to stand. Doc follows that up by locking him into a suplex position and again tossing him hard onto the cement with a release German! Doc clambers onto Alias and pins him again!


ONE….



















TWO…..


















………



















WAIT! Oh my God!

Alias is biting Doc’s face!


Corey looks aghast as Alias bites down deep on Doc’s nose, causing a burst of blood to pour out of it. Doc throws Alias away, wiping away the blood that’s now pouring from his nose like a faucet! Enraged, he picks Alias up, but Alias surprises him with a double leg takedown into a pinning predicament!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















……..




















The King kicks out!

What’s it gonna take to beat either of these guys?

...a lot!


Throwing Alias off of him, he gets vertical and starts walking away again, this time heading down to a set of glass double doors! Corey calls for Doc to keep the action away from the house, but he barely completes the sentence when suddenly ALIAS SPEARS DOC THROUGH THE GLASS DOORS! The doors explode open, shards of glass going everywhere! Corey curses and runs his hands through his hair. Coreytopia has been breached by the action! Alias goes for the cover on Doc!


I hope Corey went over his home owners before agreeing to have this show here.

Dolly’s eyes grow wide.

Yeah, I’m sure he covered that.


ONE….



















TWO…..



















………..




















…………





















AND WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!!

SIN MAGIC THAT’S WHAT!!


Alias looks down, shocked to see that Corey has appeared underneath him in Doc’s ring gear! Meanwhile Doc has transposed places with Corey, and he’s wearing the ref’s outfit now (short shorts and all!).


Who wears short shorts!?

DOC WEARS SHORT SHORTS!

Dolly can’t stop laughing.

I’m not sure if I’m surprised or not, but its not revealing at all on His Royal Majesty.

Stahp!


Doc looks wobbly, his back is covered in lacerations that are bleeding through the referee shirt. But he has enough in the tank to surprise Alias by picking him up off of Corey and suplexing him to the hardwood floor.

Corey stands up, looking flummoxed. He points at Doc. Doc points back at him….AND THEY’VE TRADED PLACES AGAIN. Corey and The king are now back in their proper attire! Corey shakes his head, looking woozy. Meanwhile, Doc grabs for a wooden chair nearby intent on doing some damage. He walks over to Alias and raises it above his head, but Alias stuns him with a kick right to the crotch! Doc grunts and drops the chair. Alias pushes his way up to his feet, snagging Doc for a quick roll up. It takes Corey a moment to realize what’s going on, but he soon drops to make the count.

ONE….

















TWO…..



















……….



















……….


DAMN NEAR A THREE COUNT!

BUT NOT ENOUGH!


Alias looks spent and frustrated, slapping his gloved hand on the floor. Both men stagger to their feet. Doc goes for a right hook, but ALIAS TRAPS HIM AND DRILLS HIM WITH…


A DOC BOTTOM!

THE KING’S OWN MOVE!



ONE….



















TWO…..


















……….


















……….



















NOOOO!

THE KING KICKS OUT AGAIN!

I’m fucking exhausted!  Imagine how they feel!


Alias looks at Corey pleadingly, and Corey insists it was only a two!

Alias peels Doc up off the floor, the champ himself looking winded and pained. He throws Doc down the hallway, sending him pinwheeling off the wall and stumbling into the next room. Corey, still looking concerned for the house, follows the action. Doc pops out in a living room area and Alias wastes no time grabbing hold of Doc from behind and launching him over a couch! Alias then gets on the couch and delivers an elbow drop to the challenger! Then, he spies a wooden coffee table as Corey mentally starts to calculate how expensive this is going to be. Alias picks Doc up and scoop slams him into the table! The table cracks but doesn’t break, so Alias splashes the King through it the rest of the way and pins again!


ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….



















……….


















ANOTHER KICKOUT FROM THE KING!

WAIT A MINUTE, NOT JUST THAT!


When Doc pops Alias off of him, he shocks him by locking him up in the 302! Alias flails wildly, but the King has it synched in! Alias is struggling, fighting with everything he has to free himself!

But….


….he’s starting to fade!


Corey checks on Alias and Doc orders Corey to see if Alias is conscious. Corey moves in and lifts Alias’ arm.


ONE!

IT FALLS!














He lifts it again.


TWO!

THE CHAMP’S ARM DROPS AGAIN!

















Corey lifts the arm up again.













……….











……….













………..










THR……

NOOOOOO! ALIAS’ ARM STOPS MERE INCHES FROM THE FLOOR!!!



Alias howls like a maniac, returning from the brink of unconsciousness. He spits and snarls like a wild animal, flailing again. He rocks his head back and catches Doc in the chin, once, twice, three times until Doc is forced to break the hold! Alias roars to his feet, takes a random swing at the air, and then face plants on the floor!

The King remains on his back, feeling the pain creeping into his impossibly old bones. Finally, he sits up. Alias also pushes himself up. Doc wipes some more blood from his nose off his mouth and crawls to a standing position. Alias also gets vertical, but looks like he’s liable to fall at any minute. He stumbles back, close to an immense flat screen TV. Corey gets a distinct “oh shit!” look on his face! Doc goes for Alias, grabbing him by the hair and reeling his head back to blast his face into the TV screen. Corey cringes! But then Alias, fights back, elbowing Doc in the guts to get him to break the hold. Corey breathes a sigh of relief.

Aaaaaand then Alias crashes Doc’s skull into the TV screen! The glass spiderwebs and Corey moans despondently. Doc reels, stumbling backwards into the living room floor. Alias steadies himself against the broken TV for a moment before heading back towards the challenger. Alias picks him up and pulls him along with him, headed for a specific destination. Corey follows them through the halls until they come out in THE KITCHEN! The look on Corey’s face says it all, and he hastily goes to grab a block of knives and toss it into the hall and out of reach of the competitors.

Alias bounces Doc’s head off a countertop, causing him to sink to his knees. He then opens a drawer right into The KIng’s face! Alias for for the cover!

ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….



















……….



















HIS MAJESTY IS STILL IN IT!

Doc pops a shoulder up just in time.


Alias runs his hands through his hair, looking frustrated.


Keep your wits about you Aias!  You got this!

Will Alias slay the King!?


But then, he spots the stove. Stumbling over to it, he lights one of the burners! Corey’s eyes go wide with fear as Alias retrieves Doc and drags him over to the open flame. Corey intervenes, getting in between the competitors and the stove and begging Alias off. Alias stops, looking at Corey sadly, which gives Doc just enough time to escape. He gets behind Alias and grabs him by the hair, ripping him down skull first into the linoleum! Doc then spies the flame with a devious glint in his eyes, but Corey stands firm. Doc gets right in Corey’s face, eying him challengingly. Alias slowly arises from behind both of them and pushes Doc. Doc knocks heads with Corey and they both go down!


Ouch! Corey getting a little too close to the action. He’s a tough guy though!

Oh, I don’t know. Once you put on the ref shirt a stiff breeze can knock you over. I’d wager his fortitude has dropped by at least 90% here.


Alias looks horrified at what he’s done. He kneels next to Corey, tapping his face gently to try to get him to wake up.


He’s really not such a bad guy.

I’m not sure many people thought he was…


His attention is drawn to Doc groaning as he pulls himself across the floor and away from Alias. Corey’s eyes start to flutter open and Alias gives him a big kiss on the forehead, glad that’s ok! With his precious boy recovering, he sets his sights on more carnage. Musing, he then grabs an empty glass bottle from a recycle bin. Then, he starts scouring the cabinets looking for...looking for….

On the other side of the kitchen, Doc is trying to get to his feet but having some difficulty. Corey is also struggling to get up, shaking his head to clear the cobwebs.

….and that’s when Alias finds what he’s looking for….MORE LIGHTER FLUID! He dumps the lighter fluid into the glass bottle.


Oh yes!...Do tell me….

Ever the blood thirsty one, you are.

It’s a blood sport!


And then he snags a rag off the counter and stuff it inside the mouth of the bottle. Moving towards the stove, he starts to bring the contraption down to light it. Corey, still on the floor, grabs his pantleg, but Alias seems enrapt by the possibilities and doesn’t even notice! He lights the rag and then turns towards the challenger with a triumphant cry! Doc’s eyes flare open as he realizes what’s about to happen.


[Image: 4fc4a029ba66f76ccd002c1299cda5e2.gif]


Alias lobs the molotov cocktail at the King! King Doc backs away, but as the glass shatters on the floor some of the errant flames still catch on his gear.


OH MY GOD THE KING IS ON FIRE!

THERE’S FIRE EVERYWHERE!


Corey screams and crawls towards a fire extinguisher affixed to the side of one of the cabinets. Doc throws himself at a side door leading to the outside, where he jumps onto the sodden lawn and starts rolling around to extinguish the flames. Alias falters through the same door as Corey frantically starts to douse the flames in the background.

Doc is now prone in the grass, his gear still smoking, with some of the fire clearing biting down to flesh level. He grimaces as he tries to get up, but Alias just knocks him back down with a running dropkick. Alias then bends low to cover Doc, but from out of nowhere he surprises the champ by rolling him up in a small package! But Corey’s not yet outside to the make the count! Doc breaks the hold, looking pissed, and screams out. COREY! DO YOUR JOB!

This draws Corey back outside, and Doc pins Alias’ shoulders back down again.

ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….



















……….




















NOOOOOO!

Alias pops out!


Both men now look utterly done, laying in the wet grass and breathing heavily. Corey surveys the carnage written on both men’s bodies, eying them to see who recovers first with a pained look on his face.

The competitors slowly rise, each a broken shell of their former selves. Each wracked with a multitude of different agonies. But there is something in the air. It’s almost done. King Doc launches the first blow, a right hand. Alias takes it, and counters with his own. And for a time, they are like two titans, giving each other all they have, trading blow after blow. But then, the champion’s gloved hand raises up and drops with prolific force, THE OTHER LEFT landing like a thunder clap!!

Doc falters, face stinging, bell rung, wobbly on his feet. At first, it seems as though he might remain upright, but then he slumps to one knee, eyes seeing nothing. That’s when Alias drops low, and with every bit of his ebbing strength, he lands a BRUTAL FINISHING UPPERCUT on the King!

[Image: decade-feature-favorite-music-releases-d...tality.gif]

Doc actually pops up into the air from the force of the desperate low, landing hard on his back. Alias collapses on him for the cover!

ONE….



















TWO…..




















………..



















…………




















THR-....


HOW

THE

FUCK…?


Corey gasps as King Doc is barely able to lift a shoulder. Alias looks incredulous, and maybe even a little scared. He looks at Corey pleadingly as if to say “what do I do?”  But then, he returns his attention to the task at hand, knowing he has to finish this. Battered and weak, Alias grabs on to Doc. At first, Doc manages a meager push. Alias falls back, and the King flops back down on his haunches. Alias tries again to grab for Doc, and Doc lays into him with a punch to the stomach. Alias doubles over, and then sinks to his knees. Doc, wheezing and also on his knees now, cuffs Alias upside the head with a brutal chop. Alias slumps over onto his side and Doc considers him for a series of moments, trying to building something up inside. He’s able to gingerly get up to his feet. He pulls Alias up. Alias tries for a punch but Doc swats it away. He shoves Alias head between his thighs, hefts him up and into….THE LOBOTOMY!

Corey is shocked that the KIng is able to get him up! And indeed, Doc only gets the move in part, landing on his knees and jackknifing Alias onto the back of his head. But it’s enough for him to go for the cover.


ONE….



















TWO…..



















……….


















………..





















THREE……

NO!

HOW THE FUCK

TIMES TWO!!!!!!


Alias pops out of King Doc’s finisher! Doc is in disbelief. He looks up at Corey insisting it was a three, but Corey shakes his head “no”. Doc again rolls back on his haunches, scarcely able to hold himself up at this point. He covers Alias again.


ONE….



















TWO…..


















……….



















………..





















NOOOOOO!

THE CHAMP KICKS OUT AGAIN!!!!

BUT OH MY GOD IT WAS CLOSE!

King Doc glowers at Corey, painfully pulling himself to his feet and hobbling over to the referee. Corey you TOLD me, right down the middle!

Corey takes a step back. Whoa, whoa. Hold up. I AM calling this fair and square.

King Doc shakes his head menacingly. No….no….not with that last count. He casts a glance back at Alias to make sure he’s still down. I do believe you’ve had a favorite all along.

Come on, man! Corey cries out in exasperation. And that’s when Doc shoves Corey! Corey falls back on his ass. What the fuck!

Enter Thad’s Stanley Kubrick stare.

Do your job!

Corey looks livid. He shoots to his feet, getting right in the King’s face! Yeah, I’ve had a favorite….

So you admit it?!

But it hasn’t impacted how I call this match! Now let’s finish this insanity before you both end up dead!

Doc chortles sarcastically, not backing down at all. Liar.

Back the hell up!

It’s bad enough I let you parade around with the tag team titles that I won, only for you to LOSE them. But now I have to suffer this….

And that’s when Corey gives Doc a hard shove! I told you to….!

But unseen by both of them, Alias had been crawling on his hands and knees towards them. When Corey shoves Doc, he falls ass over tea kettle over Alias. As soon as Doc hits the ground, Alias leaps on him and locks in the EAT THE LEFT HAND! Doc bites down on Alias’ fingers, but he screams through the pain, not breaking the hold and even bashing Doc’s head up and down as he maintains it! Corey curses as the gravity of what just happened dawns on him.

Alias is relentless, and Doc goes to the champ’s face then, trying to get up and under his chin and force Alias off of him. But he doesn’t break the hold! You can hear the capacity crowd cheering from a distance as they watch live. But Doc is fighting! He’s fighting!

But then he’s fading….



The King is fading….


And finally he succumbs to unconsciousness. Alias looks up at Corey, and Corey looks guiltily back at him. Nonetheless, he picks up The King’s arm.


ONE! IT DROPS!




















TWO! It DROPS!



















………


















THREE….WAIT, WAIT! DOC BALLS HIS FIST, THERE’S SOMETHING LEFT…..










….AND THEN HIS HAND DROPS!  ALIAS HAS WON! HE’S WON!

Winner via KO - and the NEW Mr. 24/7 - ALIAS!


Alias, battered and bloody, pops off of Doc and immediately hugs Corey. But Corey’s eyes remain on Doc, and he retains a mixed expression. Just behind the house, a fireworks display begins!

Holy!

Fucking!

Shit!




[Image: 212323546ba-colorful-fireworks-animated-gif-pic.gif]





Dolly Waters comes running in holding the 24/7 briefcase. She hands it to Alias, who takes it, but finds he’s too weak to stand, slumping to the ground but clutching it lovingly. The crowd rushes the ring and lifts Alias into the air.




XWF MayDay fades to black as Alias is seen being hoisted by the mass of fans lifting his 24/7 Case into the air.




A Special Thanks To:
CCP
Corey
Duke

And To Everyone Who RPed And Participated!

HAPPY MAYDAY!
]]> <![CDATA[(04-01-21) YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40425 Mon, 12 Apr 2021 08:27:12 -0700 Ned Kaye]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=40425
LIVE FROM THE SALT MINE MASSACRE REMEMBRANCE ARENA(Formerly KFC YUM! Center)

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY... AGAIN (Presented to you thanks to The GLaP, The FXW, Paramount + XXX, Goth iHop, and our remaining viewers like you. Thank you.)

YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT
Presented by Joey Give-Long-and-Prosper and the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling

(Logo available only on Flash)


Hotdog
- vs -
Quokkana
- vs -
Drunk Atty
Dog House Match
Two dog houses are set up outside of the ring. You can only win when both of your opponents are trapped inside the dog houses.


Lil W
- vs -
Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye
Reverse Lumberjack Match
Various wrestlers are positioned inside of the ring and attempt to keep the competitors out. No countouts, but falls only count within the ring.


W.D. Dallas
- vs -
Christian Chaplin
Silent Cinematic Match
Fought on an old timey movie set complete with trains and houses that are really just a large bit of wood that looks like the front of a house.


Jim Beam
- vs -
Scarf Quayson
Fishbowl Match
The match takes place in a large glass tank with a single pipe pumping in a lot of water. The goal of the two competitors is to escape the tank as it slowly fills with water without breaking the glass. Two large fishnets are draped over opposite ends of the tank to provide a way to climb out.


Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal
Starts as a standard Over-the-Top Elimination Battle Royal. Every 3 minutes, a new stipulation is chosen from The Wheel and the new rules will apply to all competitors. Open to all who opted-in and even those who did not.


Lightning Hands
- vs -
Cracker Seahouse (w/ Jim Braun)
Winner by Pinnedfall
You can only win by being pinned by your opponent.


Korey X Smyth
- vs -
Neo Ryce
Loser Stays in Town Match
The winner of the match will depart the FXW. The loser has to stay.


Professor Francis Sa'Tonn
- vs -
"Haterman" Vanny Line
Pit Ladder Match
A briefcase containing a contract for ownership of the FXW is lowered to the bottom of a concerningly deep pit with multiple levels on the way down. Ladders will be available ringside to assist in navigating down the pit.






America © (Represented by Sean Peacestein)
- vs -
Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal Victor
Title Match for the
Universal Consolation Prize






HH: We’re coming at you LIVE, folks for the most action packed show of this century! I’m Tumblr icon, now Newgrounds activist, Heather “Hezzie” Halliwell! And I’m here with Pip the Golly Green Giant for this spectacular show lined up here for ya!”

Pip: “Pip very excited! Fan very scary!”

HH: “You’re not wrong there! These fans are completely riled up!”

The crowd is ravenous with their anticipation, clearly feeling like they’ve been waiting two fucking weeks for this show to start. I mean, seriously? Twofucking weeks what kind of clod fails to get his show out one week behind his own stupid deadline and misses some of his oth

Pip: “Ah!”

Pip screams, looking completely horrified and grabbing his head!

Pip: “Fourth wall no work good!”

HH: “Hush, Pip! The host of tonight’s affairs is about to make himself seen! Everybody clap for the GLaP!”

Joey Give-Long-and-Prosper walks out to the ring with a bunch of pyro accompanying his entrance! His presence is enough to calm down the crowd and begin a huge, rhythmic clap for the beloved FXW figure! He steps into the ring and is handed a microphone, waiting for the “GLaP!” chants to settle down.

“Tank ya! Ay, I love y’all too, ya putz! Now, we gots a great program lined up tonight and you guys are gonna love it! FXW Legends and newcomers alike and of course you’ll see a bit o’ me throughout the show! But before our night commences, I’d like to share a brief moment of silence with you for the fallen salt miners of this beautiful, diverse state of Kentucky.”

For the most part, everyone stays quiet until…



Someone begins to recite the national anthem! Everyone joins in, taking solidarity in their collective loss! Patriotic tears are shed as the crowd roars at the conclusion, Joey yelling, “PLAY BALL!” to the delight of everyone!

HH: “Lots of respect for the Universal Consolation Prize holder America here! You love to see it! Don't know where the organ came from, though.”

Pip: “Why bomb and rocket in America song?”

HH: “That’s a great question, Pip! But now’s not the time for those! Now is the time for wrestling the good old fashioned FXW way! And here come our first competitors!”



"March of the Pigs" by Nine Inch Nails begins to play as the fans let out a chorus of boos. All of a sudden, Hotdog bursts through the curtain and hurries down the aisle in a frenzy.

HH: "Your eyes aren't deceiving you folks, that's a pig in a DOGhouse Match!"

Pip: "Pip want bacon!"

Hotdog tries to eat someone's child in the front row, before turning his attention back to the ring. He rushes towards it and slides in under the bottom rope, where he runs all over while waiting for his opponents.



The fans go crazy as soon as Mandy Moore's "Candy" fills the arena. Rainbows and sparkles fill the sky, making everyone in the audience want to hug and kiss each other. As they do so, Quokkana walks out onto the ramp and trots down the aisle like a majestic unicorn, stopping to hug every fan that wants one.

Pip: "Pip want hug!"

HH: "Calm down, Lenny; last time you hugged a woman, you damn near broke her back!"

Pip: "Pip said he was sorry!"

HH: "Sorry doesn't fix spinal trauma, Pip."

Pip(sniffling): "Pip sad!"

Quokkana goes to climb in the ring, but Hotdog charges in her direction, forcing the gentle unicorn to back off. She skips around the ring, but everytime she's tries to enter it, Hotdog's right there to stop her.

HH: "Gonna be hard to win when she can't even enter the ring!"



"Get Buck In Here" starts up, causing the frat boys in the audience to lose their minds. Everyone looks towards the ramp in anticipation of Drunk Atty's entrance, but she's nowhere to be found.

Pip: "Pip don't see anyone!"

HH: "She probably passed out backstage, again."

The cameras search all over the arena until, finally, we see Atty stumbling down the steps in the crowd. She is overtly drunk and can only stand thanks to the multiple hands reaching out to grab her ass.

HH: "Looks like she hasn't stopped drinking since the LAST Shove It!"

Pip: "Pretty lady walks funny!"

Atty eventually loses her balance and falls forward, tumbling all the way down the stairs until she's reaches the front row. Everyone looks horrified, that is, until she pops to her feet and begins doing the Coyote Ugly, using the barricade to prop herself up as she gyrates her hips.

HH: "This is sad."

Pip: "Pip like alot!"

Drunk Atty ends up falling over the barricade, only to have Quokkana run over and help her up. She gives the inebriated Atty a big embrace, causing her to pass out in Quokkana's arms.

HH: "I don't think Atty's in any shape to compete her tonight............... or any night, for that matter!"

A caring Quokkana gently sets Atty down on the floor before turning her attention to Hotdog, who's been chomping on the ref in anticipation of the match to start. I'm an attempt to save himself, the referee calls for the bell before Hotdog can eat anything vital.

DING! DING! DING!

Hotdog
- vs -
Quokkana
- vs -
Drunk Atty
Dog House Match
Two dog houses are set up outside of the ring. You can only win when both of your opponents are trapped inside the dog houses.


Hotdog leaps over the top rope, all the way to the outside where he glares at Quokkana. The gentle unicorn slowly backs away with each step closer the pig gets to her. Before he can do anything, though, Drunk Atty rolls over and wraps her arms around him, holding him in place. This allows Quokkana the opportunity to lock in her patented Snuggleslut submission hold.

HH: "She could be trying to put Hotdog out so he'll be easier to get into one of those dog houses!"

Pip: "Woof! Woof!"

Despite being in Quokkana and Drunk Atty's grasp, Hotdog is able to shake them off with ease. He then proceeds to chase Quokkana around the ring as Atty flips over to the other side and uses the ring skirt to cover herself up like a blanket. Eventually, Quokkana finds herself trapped between Hotdog and the steel steps, with the pig ready to strike. Before he can ram his head into her, though, Quokkana is able to save out of the way, causing Hotdog to collide with the steps.

HH: "Poor Hotdog!"

The dive leaves Quokkana with a boo boo on her elbow, causing her to cry out in pain. A fan in the front row offers to kiss it for her, which she happily accepts!

Pip: "Pip want kiss!"

HH: "I'm sure, someday, even YOU will find love, Pip."[/green]

Pip: "Pip no want love, Pip want KISS!!!!"

With her elbow starting to feel better, Quokkana approaches the stunned Hotdog and attempts to drag him over to a dog house. Unfortunately for her, he's too heavy to drag, prompting her to scream for Drunk Atty's help. Quokkana's voice instantly wakes Atty from her slumber, causing her to stumble to her feet and in her opponents' direction.

[red]HH: "Looks like we may have a 2 on 1 situation, something I'm sure Drunk Atty is VERY familiar with!"

Atty makes it over to Quokkana and Hotdog, before helping the lover of hugs & kisses drag the pig towards the dog house. They make good progress but, once they're in front of it, Atty can't stay vertical and drops to her knees before falling, face first, into the dog house!

Drunk Atty has been eliminated!


HH: "And THAT'S why you don't show up to work drunk off your ass!"

Pip: "You said ass!"

HH: "Yes, and so did you."

Pip: "Uh oh!"

Quokkana puts her hands on her hips in disbelief over Atty eliminating herself. She then pats her on the back before turning her attention to Hotdog................ who's regained his composure!!! He surprises Quokkana with a Kick to the Face, sending her flying backwards. He then uses his mouth to grab Quokkana by the ankle and drag her towards the open dog house. Before he can make it over completely, though, Quokkana is able to wrestle her leg out of his mouth and run away.

HH: "Look at Quokkana go!"

Pip: "Unicorns are fast!!!"

Quokkana does a few more laps around the ring while being chased by Hot Dog until, finally, the pig realizes to go the opposite direction. Upon seeing this, Quokkana screams and tries to bolt off the other way, only to trip over Drunk Atty's legs hanging out of the dog house!

HH: "That's not good!"

Quokkana tries to hurry to her feet, but ends up slipping an falling flat on her face. She turns around to face Hot Dog and starts crawling backwards while pleading with him to be a "good piggie." Hot Dog won't have any of it, though, as he begins to kick his leg back in over to build up a head of steam. Once he does, the pig charges full speed at Quokkana, who has no other option than to retreat into the open dog house, eliminating herself as well!

Quokkana has been Eliminated


Winner- Hot Dog


Despite Quokkana making it safely into the dog house, Hot Dog still runs full force at it and flips the thing over with his snout. Quokkana screams in horror as the pig attempts to break into the house. Fortunately for her, a professional pig wrangler runs out and attempts to distract Hog Dog. It works, to an extent, as he's able to guide the pig up the aisle, only to get attacked himself. Everybody is forced to watch in horror as Hot Dog kills the wrangler and drags him through the curtain backstage.




"In da Club" by 50 Cent hits over the PA system, causing the fans to cheer and sway with the music. All of a sudden, Lil W comes out from the back riding a naked bitch like a horse, complete with reigns and a saddle! 

HH: "Lil W certainly likes to travel in unique ways."

Pip: "Where's her wee wee?"

HH: "Uh oh, sounds like no-one ever explained the bears and badgers to Pip!"

Pip: "Do YOU have wee wee?"

HH: "No, Pip, I do not."

Pip cries out in horror as the woman stops next to the ring and lets Lil W off at the apron. He steps in over the bottom rope and waddles to a corner where he climbs onto the first rope and throws up gang signs unknown to our own universe. 

HH: "Do you know what gang Lil W represents, Pip?"

Pip(sad): "Pip don't know ANYTHING anymore!"



The entire stadium is filled with boos as the despised Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye enters from backstage! He's riding his trusty mech to the ring, laughing as the crowd tosses various kinds of garbage at him. He presses a small button, causing a burst of flame to come from the front of his vehicle, lighting at least TWO security personnel ablaze this year, but dissuading further trash being pelted. He dismounts the mech, doing a front flip into the ring out of the cockpit and tossing his goggles out into the audience. One fan accidentally catches them, causing him to toss 'em to the person seated next to him. They also don't want the goggles, prompting the audience to play a Stadium-wide game of Hot Potato.

HH: "Doesn't look like ANYONE wants the Nefarious Scientist's goggles!"

Pip: "Ned Kaye bad!!!"

HH: "That's right, Pip, Ned Kaye is VERY bad!............. hold on, folks, I'm receiving word now that we're gonna have a guest commentator for this match..................... none other than the Nefarious Scientist himself!!!!! I don't know how that's possible, but I can only imagine it has something to do with cloning."

NNK: "Not exactly, Heather!"

Pip(freaked out): "THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE BACK!!!!!"

HH: "That's just Ned, Pip. I don't know how, but it is!"

NNK: "The future of FWX is how. I call it The Small Neural Audio Recording Kit, or SNARK FIR short. This earpiece allows me to transmit commentary all the way from inside the ring to your headsets and everyone's televisions around the world............. whether they're watching us or not!"

HH: "So, what you're saying is............ you're gonna do your own commentary DURING your match?!?"

NNK: "That's exactly what I'm saying!"

HHL: "Well, this'll be interesting."

Pip: "Pip scared!!!"

The referee makes Lil W and the Nefarious Scientist go outside the ring before motioning for the Lumberjacks to come on out. Various members of the FWX roster head down the aisle, from Loser Couchpotato to Sarah McLaughlin(yes, she's a wrestler in this universe!). Once all the Lumberjacks are situated inside the ring, the referee calls for the bell. 

DING! DING! DING! 

Lil W
- vs -
Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye
Reverse Lumberjack Match
Various wrestlers are positioned inside of the ring and attempt to keep the competitors out. No countouts, but falls only count within the ring.


The Nefarious Scientist immediately attempts to climb in the ring, but he's thwarted by the likes of Him Himson and Know-a-Johnson. As his opponent struggles, Lil W is able to slip into the ring under the legs of The Janitor and past the lazy Loser Couchpotato, who can't be bothered to stop him. With most of the Lumberjacks focused on Ned Kaye, Lil W is able to sneak by them and hit a Suicide Dive between the middle and bottom ropes, sending the Nefarious Scientist into the barricade. 

HH: "That had to hurt!"

NNK: "It..........did, God dammit!"

Pip: "He no good at this!"

NNK: "I heard that!"

Lil W drags Kaye up by his hair and smashes his face against the Steel Steps. He then tries to roll the Nefarious Scientist into the ring, but Chucky Quarters prevents him from doing so with his foot. 

Pip: "Why they no let him in?"

HH: "Because this is a Reverse Lumberjack Match, Pip."

Pip: "Pip don't get it."

NNK: "God, it's nearly impossible to wrestle with that bumbling idiot in my ear!"

The Nefarious Scientist punches Lil W in the nose, backing him off for a moment. W then charges towards his opponent, only to get hit with a Hurricanrana off the apron. 

HH: "What a move by the Nefarious Scientist!"

NNK: "Thank you!"

Ned Kaye gets up and hurls Lil W into the side of the ring before picking him back up and tossing him into the steps. 

NNK: "The Nefarious Scientist is tossing Lil W around like a ragdoll!"

HH: "..............did you just call your own moves???"

NNK: "What else is a guest commentator supposed to do?!"

Pip: "Ooo, Pip knows!"

NNK: "Enlighten me."

Pip: "Uuuuuuuuuuum....................... Pip doesn't know."

NNK: "This is exactly why we need to cut the middle man out and fit EVERY wrestler with the SNAR........OW!!!!!!"

A feisty Lil W is able to hobble to his feet and deliver a Dropkick to the knee of the Nefarious Scientist, dropping him down to his level. With his opponent's head within reach, 'Dubs grabs onto it and plants him with a DDT in the floor. 

HH: "This could be Lil W's chance; if only he could figure out a way to get his opponent in the ring so he can pin him!"

Pip: "ONE, TWO, THREE!!!!"

NNK(in pain): "Oh for fuck's sake!"

Lil W slaps the taste out of Kaye's mouth before taking him over to the side of the ring and preparing to roll him in. Before he can even have the chance, Know-a-Johnson, Chucky Quarters, and FWX's resident supervillain, Diamond, step in the way. This forces Lil W to walk him over to a different side, only to be met by Mr. Calm and the rest of his legion of TOM. W tries to take Ned over to a different side, but the wasted time allows Kaye enough time to recover and break away from his opponent. With a bit if separation, Ned is able to connect with a Nefarious Knee, stunning Lil W, before following it up with a Military Press, which he uses to toss his opponent OVER the top rope and into the ring. Ned quickly slips in under the bottom rope in an attempt to pin his opponent. 

ONE

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Before the ref can even raise his hand for 2, Also Known As yanks Lil W out from under the Nefarious Scientist and tosses him outside the ring. He then makes a move towards Ned, who wisely retreats. 

HH: "Not an easy task getting past all those Lumberjacks, huh?"

NNK: "Not by any conventional means........."

The Nefarious Scientist reaches into his tights and pulls out a remote of some sort, before climbing onto the apron and addressing the Lumberjacks. 

NNK: "This is a self destruct button for my much! If you don't clear the ring and allow me to pin that nasty little midget, I'll blow this entire arena up!"

HH: "Oh my God!"

Pip: "Yaaaaaaay, TV!"

The Lumberjacks look intimidated by the Nefarious Scientist's request but, before they can get the chance to leave, Lil W yanks Ned off the apron, causing his head to smash against the apron. Upon impact, Kaye drops the device, which Lil W picks up and smashes to a roar of cheers, including the Lumberjacks! 'Dubs then bends down and yanks the SNARK out of his opponent's ear, and talks to the commentary team through it. 

W: "This shit's about to get off the CHAIN................ bring the bitches out!!!"

As requested, a slew of prostitutes come strutting out from the back, receiving dropped jaw's from majority of the Lumberjacks. The woman slide in and begin grinding on anyone who will let them. 

HH: "While I can't say I approve, I must admit it was a hell of an idea!"

Pip: "Pip like! Girls make wee wee hard!"

W: "Hell yeah, big dawg!"

Lil W crushes the SNARK in his hand and rolls Ned in the ring. With all the Lumberjacks distracted, W is able to slip on in and lay across his opponent for a over. 

ONE

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TWO

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The Nefarious Scientist throws Lil W off of him, but 'Dubs is able to adjust in mid-air and land on his feet. Ned gets up and charges at W, who sees the referee now has his face buried between a pair of titties, allowing him to punch the Nefarious Scientist in the balls without repercussions. Ned bends over, allowing Lil W to set up for a Canadian Destroyer. Before he can hit it, though, Kaye is able to lift him up and deliver a brutal Alabama Slam, keeping hold of his opponent's legs and flipping over him for a pin attempt. The ref tosses his hoe aside and begins to count the fall, unaware Ned's feet are under the ropes, preventing Lil W from. kicking out. 

ONE

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TWO

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THREE!!!!!!!!

Winner- "Nefarious Scientist" Ned Kaye


Pip: "Bad Man cheated!"

HH: "Yes he did, Pip! What an abortion of the legal system!"


HH: "Alright everyone! Our cameras are on location in Mobile, Alabama at one of the oldest remaining silent film sets of all time! That won't be true for long as W.D. Dallas and Christian Chaplin plan to put each other through hell for this victory!"

Pip: "Bald man and hat man want to hurt history!"

HH: "Not quite, Pip. They want to hurt each other, but they'll sacrifice priceless history in order to do so!"

Pip: "It different?"

HH: "It is where it's important: the legal forms."

The camera cuts to W.D. Dallas in the middle of a black and white barren landscape, the only clear details being shrubs, a few houses, and a set of train tracks nearby. He begins to shout out inti the wind, but the only audible noise is that of an old-timey rag.



Dallas looks around angrily and points towards the camera.



He turns around, distracted by something!



Christian Chaplin rides in on a bicycle with a much larger front wheel than its rear one. He seems to be taking a ton of joy in ringing his bell as increases his speed, his trajectory aimed directly at W.D.! Unfortunately, his bicycle isn't very fast at all, giving Dallas ample opportunity to clothesline Chris off the bike, knocking his little hat off and flipping him backwards with the impact! Chaplin manages to recover and quickly retreats toward one of the houses, opening the door and shutting it quickly behind him! Dallas pursues, but upon opening the door, he doesn't see Chaplin! Hell, he doesn't even see a house interior! 

Christian is seen hiding on the other side of the door that Dallas opened! He slips towards the front of the big house cutout as W.D. is standing there completely baffled. Thinking quickly, he snaps his fingers upon a realization! He pushes against the fake house frame with all his might and watches at falls onto Dallas, the brawler standing right beneath a window that shatters over his head! Chaplin gets into his best boxing pose and approaches Dallas, who is disoriented and bleeding from the antics of his opponent! Christian yells out as he delivers his first punch after winding up a fist!



He takes his opportunity to hit W.D. with a barrage of boxing punches, even landing a few towards W's kidney! Chaplin is prancing and dancing like the best boxers of his indeterminate era when he twists around for his renowned spinning backfist!



But Dallas dodges out of the way and counters with a Lou Thesz Press! He hails strikes down upon the dapper chapper, but Chaplin isn't one to take a beating lying down! He struggles Dallas off of him and rushes to find a way to tire out the bloke still pursuing him, blood dripping down Dallas's face as he stalks his prey. He marches towards Christian with an intimidating fury that scares Chaplin so bad that his hat defies all known laws of physics and flies off of his head and into the stratosphere! Finally, Chaplin finds a method of escape and victory: A Sheffield Handcar!



He hops on and begins pumping the lever up and down and accelerating far beyond the speed of the chasing Dallas! Unfortunately for Chaplin, there's another handcar nearby! W.D. hops onto the second hand card and proceeds to operate it, continuing his hunt for Chaplin's head! Christian has slowed his pace, convinced he has the man outsmarted when he sees Dallas approaching fast! Panicking, Chaplin tries to pump the handcar's lever from both sides, alternating from one to the other, but succeeding only in tiring himself out! Dallas's car collides with Chaplin's, knocking Christian off and into the dirt! Dallas hops off and lifts Chaplin up, repeatedly smashing his head into the handcar before walking out of frame, leaving the gentleman dazed from the head trauma! Before he can cover his face, Dallas tosses the vintage bicycle square into the forehead of Chaplin, who had worn himself out with his own antics! 

W.D. Dallas kicks him in the midsection and hits him with a devastating stunner!





W.D. Dallas goes for the pin!

ONE








TWO









THREEEEE!

WINNER VIA PINFALL - W.D. DALLAS



Pip: "Bald man win, but where hat go?! If hat man still have hat, maybe he win?"

HH: "Maybe, but that doesn't change what we've just witnessed!" A great showing from W.D. Dallas today, but you gotta give his opponent: he sure knew how to make us laugh!"

MORE TO COME THROUGHOUT TODAY (THE 12TH) LAST UPDATE: 2:08 PM
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LIVE FROM THE SALT MINE MASSACRE REMEMBRANCE ARENA(Formerly KFC YUM! Center)

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY... AGAIN (Presented to you thanks to The GLaP, The FXW, Paramount + XXX, Goth iHop, and our remaining viewers like you. Thank you.)

YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT
Presented by Joey Give-Long-and-Prosper and the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling

(Logo available only on Flash)


Hotdog
- vs -
Quokkana
- vs -
Drunk Atty
Dog House Match
Two dog houses are set up outside of the ring. You can only win when both of your opponents are trapped inside the dog houses.


Lil W
- vs -
Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye
Reverse Lumberjack Match
Various wrestlers are positioned inside of the ring and attempt to keep the competitors out. No countouts, but falls only count within the ring.


W.D. Dallas
- vs -
Christian Chaplin
Silent Cinematic Match
Fought on an old timey movie set complete with trains and houses that are really just a large bit of wood that looks like the front of a house.


Jim Beam
- vs -
Scarf Quayson
Fishbowl Match
The match takes place in a large glass tank with a single pipe pumping in a lot of water. The goal of the two competitors is to escape the tank as it slowly fills with water without breaking the glass. Two large fishnets are draped over opposite ends of the tank to provide a way to climb out.


Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal
Starts as a standard Over-the-Top Elimination Battle Royal. Every 3 minutes, a new stipulation is chosen from The Wheel and the new rules will apply to all competitors. Open to all who opted-in and even those who did not.


Lightning Hands
- vs -
Cracker Seahouse (w/ Jim Braun)
Winner by Pinnedfall
You can only win by being pinned by your opponent.


Korey X Smyth
- vs -
Neo Ryce
Loser Stays in Town Match
The winner of the match will depart the FXW. The loser has to stay.


Professor Francis Sa'Tonn
- vs -
"Haterman" Vanny Line
Pit Ladder Match
A briefcase containing a contract for ownership of the FXW is lowered to the bottom of a concerningly deep pit with multiple levels on the way down. Ladders will be available ringside to assist in navigating down the pit.






America © (Represented by Sean Peacestein)
- vs -
Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal Victor
Title Match for the
Universal Consolation Prize






HH: We’re coming at you LIVE, folks for the most action packed show of this century! I’m Tumblr icon, now Newgrounds activist, Heather “Hezzie” Halliwell! And I’m here with Pip the Golly Green Giant for this spectacular show lined up here for ya!”

Pip: “Pip very excited! Fan very scary!”

HH: “You’re not wrong there! These fans are completely riled up!”

The crowd is ravenous with their anticipation, clearly feeling like they’ve been waiting two fucking weeks for this show to start. I mean, seriously? Twofucking weeks what kind of clod fails to get his show out one week behind his own stupid deadline and misses some of his oth

Pip: “Ah!”

Pip screams, looking completely horrified and grabbing his head!

Pip: “Fourth wall no work good!”

HH: “Hush, Pip! The host of tonight’s affairs is about to make himself seen! Everybody clap for the GLaP!”

Joey Give-Long-and-Prosper walks out to the ring with a bunch of pyro accompanying his entrance! His presence is enough to calm down the crowd and begin a huge, rhythmic clap for the beloved FXW figure! He steps into the ring and is handed a microphone, waiting for the “GLaP!” chants to settle down.

“Tank ya! Ay, I love y’all too, ya putz! Now, we gots a great program lined up tonight and you guys are gonna love it! FXW Legends and newcomers alike and of course you’ll see a bit o’ me throughout the show! But before our night commences, I’d like to share a brief moment of silence with you for the fallen salt miners of this beautiful, diverse state of Kentucky.”

For the most part, everyone stays quiet until…



Someone begins to recite the national anthem! Everyone joins in, taking solidarity in their collective loss! Patriotic tears are shed as the crowd roars at the conclusion, Joey yelling, “PLAY BALL!” to the delight of everyone!

HH: “Lots of respect for the Universal Consolation Prize holder America here! You love to see it! Don't know where the organ came from, though.”

Pip: “Why bomb and rocket in America song?”

HH: “That’s a great question, Pip! But now’s not the time for those! Now is the time for wrestling the good old fashioned FXW way! And here come our first competitors!”



"March of the Pigs" by Nine Inch Nails begins to play as the fans let out a chorus of boos. All of a sudden, Hotdog bursts through the curtain and hurries down the aisle in a frenzy.

HH: "Your eyes aren't deceiving you folks, that's a pig in a DOGhouse Match!"

Pip: "Pip want bacon!"

Hotdog tries to eat someone's child in the front row, before turning his attention back to the ring. He rushes towards it and slides in under the bottom rope, where he runs all over while waiting for his opponents.



The fans go crazy as soon as Mandy Moore's "Candy" fills the arena. Rainbows and sparkles fill the sky, making everyone in the audience want to hug and kiss each other. As they do so, Quokkana walks out onto the ramp and trots down the aisle like a majestic unicorn, stopping to hug every fan that wants one.

Pip: "Pip want hug!"

HH: "Calm down, Lenny; last time you hugged a woman, you damn near broke her back!"

Pip: "Pip said he was sorry!"

HH: "Sorry doesn't fix spinal trauma, Pip."

Pip(sniffling): "Pip sad!"

Quokkana goes to climb in the ring, but Hotdog charges in her direction, forcing the gentle unicorn to back off. She skips around the ring, but everytime she's tries to enter it, Hotdog's right there to stop her.

HH: "Gonna be hard to win when she can't even enter the ring!"



"Get Buck In Here" starts up, causing the frat boys in the audience to lose their minds. Everyone looks towards the ramp in anticipation of Drunk Atty's entrance, but she's nowhere to be found.

Pip: "Pip don't see anyone!"

HH: "She probably passed out backstage, again."

The cameras search all over the arena until, finally, we see Atty stumbling down the steps in the crowd. She is overtly drunk and can only stand thanks to the multiple hands reaching out to grab her ass.

HH: "Looks like she hasn't stopped drinking since the LAST Shove It!"

Pip: "Pretty lady walks funny!"

Atty eventually loses her balance and falls forward, tumbling all the way down the stairs until she's reaches the front row. Everyone looks horrified, that is, until she pops to her feet and begins doing the Coyote Ugly, using the barricade to prop herself up as she gyrates her hips.

HH: "This is sad."

Pip: "Pip like alot!"

Drunk Atty ends up falling over the barricade, only to have Quokkana run over and help her up. She gives the inebriated Atty a big embrace, causing her to pass out in Quokkana's arms.

HH: "I don't think Atty's in any shape to compete her tonight............... or any night, for that matter!"

A caring Quokkana gently sets Atty down on the floor before turning her attention to Hotdog, who's been chomping on the ref in anticipation of the match to start. I'm an attempt to save himself, the referee calls for the bell before Hotdog can eat anything vital.

DING! DING! DING!

Hotdog
- vs -
Quokkana
- vs -
Drunk Atty
Dog House Match
Two dog houses are set up outside of the ring. You can only win when both of your opponents are trapped inside the dog houses.


Hotdog leaps over the top rope, all the way to the outside where he glares at Quokkana. The gentle unicorn slowly backs away with each step closer the pig gets to her. Before he can do anything, though, Drunk Atty rolls over and wraps her arms around him, holding him in place. This allows Quokkana the opportunity to lock in her patented Snuggleslut submission hold.

HH: "She could be trying to put Hotdog out so he'll be easier to get into one of those dog houses!"

Pip: "Woof! Woof!"

Despite being in Quokkana and Drunk Atty's grasp, Hotdog is able to shake them off with ease. He then proceeds to chase Quokkana around the ring as Atty flips over to the other side and uses the ring skirt to cover herself up like a blanket. Eventually, Quokkana finds herself trapped between Hotdog and the steel steps, with the pig ready to strike. Before he can ram his head into her, though, Quokkana is able to save out of the way, causing Hotdog to collide with the steps.

HH: "Poor Hotdog!"

The dive leaves Quokkana with a boo boo on her elbow, causing her to cry out in pain. A fan in the front row offers to kiss it for her, which she happily accepts!

Pip: "Pip want kiss!"

HH: "I'm sure, someday, even YOU will find love, Pip."[/green]

Pip: "Pip no want love, Pip want KISS!!!!"

With her elbow starting to feel better, Quokkana approaches the stunned Hotdog and attempts to drag him over to a dog house. Unfortunately for her, he's too heavy to drag, prompting her to scream for Drunk Atty's help. Quokkana's voice instantly wakes Atty from her slumber, causing her to stumble to her feet and in her opponents' direction.

[red]HH: "Looks like we may have a 2 on 1 situation, something I'm sure Drunk Atty is VERY familiar with!"

Atty makes it over to Quokkana and Hotdog, before helping the lover of hugs & kisses drag the pig towards the dog house. They make good progress but, once they're in front of it, Atty can't stay vertical and drops to her knees before falling, face first, into the dog house!

Drunk Atty has been eliminated!


HH: "And THAT'S why you don't show up to work drunk off your ass!"

Pip: "You said ass!"

HH: "Yes, and so did you."

Pip: "Uh oh!"

Quokkana puts her hands on her hips in disbelief over Atty eliminating herself. She then pats her on the back before turning her attention to Hotdog................ who's regained his composure!!! He surprises Quokkana with a Kick to the Face, sending her flying backwards. He then uses his mouth to grab Quokkana by the ankle and drag her towards the open dog house. Before he can make it over completely, though, Quokkana is able to wrestle her leg out of his mouth and run away.

HH: "Look at Quokkana go!"

Pip: "Unicorns are fast!!!"

Quokkana does a few more laps around the ring while being chased by Hot Dog until, finally, the pig realizes to go the opposite direction. Upon seeing this, Quokkana screams and tries to bolt off the other way, only to trip over Drunk Atty's legs hanging out of the dog house!

HH: "That's not good!"

Quokkana tries to hurry to her feet, but ends up slipping an falling flat on her face. She turns around to face Hot Dog and starts crawling backwards while pleading with him to be a "good piggie." Hot Dog won't have any of it, though, as he begins to kick his leg back in over to build up a head of steam. Once he does, the pig charges full speed at Quokkana, who has no other option than to retreat into the open dog house, eliminating herself as well!

Quokkana has been Eliminated


Winner- Hot Dog


Despite Quokkana making it safely into the dog house, Hot Dog still runs full force at it and flips the thing over with his snout. Quokkana screams in horror as the pig attempts to break into the house. Fortunately for her, a professional pig wrangler runs out and attempts to distract Hog Dog. It works, to an extent, as he's able to guide the pig up the aisle, only to get attacked himself. Everybody is forced to watch in horror as Hot Dog kills the wrangler and drags him through the curtain backstage.




"In da Club" by 50 Cent hits over the PA system, causing the fans to cheer and sway with the music. All of a sudden, Lil W comes out from the back riding a naked bitch like a horse, complete with reigns and a saddle! 

HH: "Lil W certainly likes to travel in unique ways."

Pip: "Where's her wee wee?"

HH: "Uh oh, sounds like no-one ever explained the bears and badgers to Pip!"

Pip: "Do YOU have wee wee?"

HH: "No, Pip, I do not."

Pip cries out in horror as the woman stops next to the ring and lets Lil W off at the apron. He steps in over the bottom rope and waddles to a corner where he climbs onto the first rope and throws up gang signs unknown to our own universe. 

HH: "Do you know what gang Lil W represents, Pip?"

Pip(sad): "Pip don't know ANYTHING anymore!"



The entire stadium is filled with boos as the despised Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye enters from backstage! He's riding his trusty mech to the ring, laughing as the crowd tosses various kinds of garbage at him. He presses a small button, causing a burst of flame to come from the front of his vehicle, lighting at least TWO security personnel ablaze this year, but dissuading further trash being pelted. He dismounts the mech, doing a front flip into the ring out of the cockpit and tossing his goggles out into the audience. One fan accidentally catches them, causing him to toss 'em to the person seated next to him. They also don't want the goggles, prompting the audience to play a Stadium-wide game of Hot Potato.

HH: "Doesn't look like ANYONE wants the Nefarious Scientist's goggles!"

Pip: "Ned Kaye bad!!!"

HH: "That's right, Pip, Ned Kaye is VERY bad!............. hold on, folks, I'm receiving word now that we're gonna have a guest commentator for this match..................... none other than the Nefarious Scientist himself!!!!! I don't know how that's possible, but I can only imagine it has something to do with cloning."

NNK: "Not exactly, Heather!"

Pip(freaked out): "THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE BACK!!!!!"

HH: "That's just Ned, Pip. I don't know how, but it is!"

NNK: "The future of FWX is how. I call it The Small Neural Audio Recording Kit, or SNARK FIR short. This earpiece allows me to transmit commentary all the way from inside the ring to your headsets and everyone's televisions around the world............. whether they're watching us or not!"

HH: "So, what you're saying is............ you're gonna do your own commentary DURING your match?!?"

NNK: "That's exactly what I'm saying!"

HHL: "Well, this'll be interesting."

Pip: "Pip scared!!!"

The referee makes Lil W and the Nefarious Scientist go outside the ring before motioning for the Lumberjacks to come on out. Various members of the FWX roster head down the aisle, from Loser Couchpotato to Sarah McLaughlin(yes, she's a wrestler in this universe!). Once all the Lumberjacks are situated inside the ring, the referee calls for the bell. 

DING! DING! DING! 

Lil W
- vs -
Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye
Reverse Lumberjack Match
Various wrestlers are positioned inside of the ring and attempt to keep the competitors out. No countouts, but falls only count within the ring.


The Nefarious Scientist immediately attempts to climb in the ring, but he's thwarted by the likes of Him Himson and Know-a-Johnson. As his opponent struggles, Lil W is able to slip into the ring under the legs of The Janitor and past the lazy Loser Couchpotato, who can't be bothered to stop him. With most of the Lumberjacks focused on Ned Kaye, Lil W is able to sneak by them and hit a Suicide Dive between the middle and bottom ropes, sending the Nefarious Scientist into the barricade. 

HH: "That had to hurt!"

NNK: "It..........did, God dammit!"

Pip: "He no good at this!"

NNK: "I heard that!"

Lil W drags Kaye up by his hair and smashes his face against the Steel Steps. He then tries to roll the Nefarious Scientist into the ring, but Chucky Quarters prevents him from doing so with his foot. 

Pip: "Why they no let him in?"

HH: "Because this is a Reverse Lumberjack Match, Pip."

Pip: "Pip don't get it."

NNK: "God, it's nearly impossible to wrestle with that bumbling idiot in my ear!"

The Nefarious Scientist punches Lil W in the nose, backing him off for a moment. W then charges towards his opponent, only to get hit with a Hurricanrana off the apron. 

HH: "What a move by the Nefarious Scientist!"

NNK: "Thank you!"

Ned Kaye gets up and hurls Lil W into the side of the ring before picking him back up and tossing him into the steps. 

NNK: "The Nefarious Scientist is tossing Lil W around like a ragdoll!"

HH: "..............did you just call your own moves???"

NNK: "What else is a guest commentator supposed to do?!"

Pip: "Ooo, Pip knows!"

NNK: "Enlighten me."

Pip: "Uuuuuuuuuuum....................... Pip doesn't know."

NNK: "This is exactly why we need to cut the middle man out and fit EVERY wrestler with the SNAR........OW!!!!!!"

A feisty Lil W is able to hobble to his feet and deliver a Dropkick to the knee of the Nefarious Scientist, dropping him down to his level. With his opponent's head within reach, 'Dubs grabs onto it and plants him with a DDT in the floor. 

HH: "This could be Lil W's chance; if only he could figure out a way to get his opponent in the ring so he can pin him!"

Pip: "ONE, TWO, THREE!!!!"

NNK(in pain): "Oh for fuck's sake!"

Lil W slaps the taste out of Kaye's mouth before taking him over to the side of the ring and preparing to roll him in. Before he can even have the chance, Know-a-Johnson, Chucky Quarters, and FWX's resident supervillain, Diamond, step in the way. This forces Lil W to walk him over to a different side, only to be met by Mr. Calm and the rest of his legion of TOM. W tries to take Ned over to a different side, but the wasted time allows Kaye enough time to recover and break away from his opponent. With a bit if separation, Ned is able to connect with a Nefarious Knee, stunning Lil W, before following it up with a Military Press, which he uses to toss his opponent OVER the top rope and into the ring. Ned quickly slips in under the bottom rope in an attempt to pin his opponent. 

ONE

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Before the ref can even raise his hand for 2, Also Known As yanks Lil W out from under the Nefarious Scientist and tosses him outside the ring. He then makes a move towards Ned, who wisely retreats. 

HH: "Not an easy task getting past all those Lumberjacks, huh?"

NNK: "Not by any conventional means........."

The Nefarious Scientist reaches into his tights and pulls out a remote of some sort, before climbing onto the apron and addressing the Lumberjacks. 

NNK: "This is a self destruct button for my much! If you don't clear the ring and allow me to pin that nasty little midget, I'll blow this entire arena up!"

HH: "Oh my God!"

Pip: "Yaaaaaaay, TV!"

The Lumberjacks look intimidated by the Nefarious Scientist's request but, before they can get the chance to leave, Lil W yanks Ned off the apron, causing his head to smash against the apron. Upon impact, Kaye drops the device, which Lil W picks up and smashes to a roar of cheers, including the Lumberjacks! 'Dubs then bends down and yanks the SNARK out of his opponent's ear, and talks to the commentary team through it. 

W: "This shit's about to get off the CHAIN................ bring the bitches out!!!"

As requested, a slew of prostitutes come strutting out from the back, receiving dropped jaw's from majority of the Lumberjacks. The woman slide in and begin grinding on anyone who will let them. 

HH: "While I can't say I approve, I must admit it was a hell of an idea!"

Pip: "Pip like! Girls make wee wee hard!"

W: "Hell yeah, big dawg!"

Lil W crushes the SNARK in his hand and rolls Ned in the ring. With all the Lumberjacks distracted, W is able to slip on in and lay across his opponent for a over. 

ONE

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TWO

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The Nefarious Scientist throws Lil W off of him, but 'Dubs is able to adjust in mid-air and land on his feet. Ned gets up and charges at W, who sees the referee now has his face buried between a pair of titties, allowing him to punch the Nefarious Scientist in the balls without repercussions. Ned bends over, allowing Lil W to set up for a Canadian Destroyer. Before he can hit it, though, Kaye is able to lift him up and deliver a brutal Alabama Slam, keeping hold of his opponent's legs and flipping over him for a pin attempt. The ref tosses his hoe aside and begins to count the fall, unaware Ned's feet are under the ropes, preventing Lil W from. kicking out. 

ONE

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TWO

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THREE!!!!!!!!

Winner- "Nefarious Scientist" Ned Kaye


Pip: "Bad Man cheated!"

HH: "Yes he did, Pip! What an abortion of the legal system!"


HH: "Alright everyone! Our cameras are on location in Mobile, Alabama at one of the oldest remaining silent film sets of all time! That won't be true for long as W.D. Dallas and Christian Chaplin plan to put each other through hell for this victory!"

Pip: "Bald man and hat man want to hurt history!"

HH: "Not quite, Pip. They want to hurt each other, but they'll sacrifice priceless history in order to do so!"

Pip: "It different?"

HH: "It is where it's important: the legal forms."

The camera cuts to W.D. Dallas in the middle of a black and white barren landscape, the only clear details being shrubs, a few houses, and a set of train tracks nearby. He begins to shout out inti the wind, but the only audible noise is that of an old-timey rag.



Dallas looks around angrily and points towards the camera.



He turns around, distracted by something!



Christian Chaplin rides in on a bicycle with a much larger front wheel than its rear one. He seems to be taking a ton of joy in ringing his bell as increases his speed, his trajectory aimed directly at W.D.! Unfortunately, his bicycle isn't very fast at all, giving Dallas ample opportunity to clothesline Chris off the bike, knocking his little hat off and flipping him backwards with the impact! Chaplin manages to recover and quickly retreats toward one of the houses, opening the door and shutting it quickly behind him! Dallas pursues, but upon opening the door, he doesn't see Chaplin! Hell, he doesn't even see a house interior! 

Christian is seen hiding on the other side of the door that Dallas opened! He slips towards the front of the big house cutout as W.D. is standing there completely baffled. Thinking quickly, he snaps his fingers upon a realization! He pushes against the fake house frame with all his might and watches at falls onto Dallas, the brawler standing right beneath a window that shatters over his head! Chaplin gets into his best boxing pose and approaches Dallas, who is disoriented and bleeding from the antics of his opponent! Christian yells out as he delivers his first punch after winding up a fist!



He takes his opportunity to hit W.D. with a barrage of boxing punches, even landing a few towards W's kidney! Chaplin is prancing and dancing like the best boxers of his indeterminate era when he twists around for his renowned spinning backfist!



But Dallas dodges out of the way and counters with a Lou Thesz Press! He hails strikes down upon the dapper chapper, but Chaplin isn't one to take a beating lying down! He struggles Dallas off of him and rushes to find a way to tire out the bloke still pursuing him, blood dripping down Dallas's face as he stalks his prey. He marches towards Christian with an intimidating fury that scares Chaplin so bad that his hat defies all known laws of physics and flies off of his head and into the stratosphere! Finally, Chaplin finds a method of escape and victory: A Sheffield Handcar!



He hops on and begins pumping the lever up and down and accelerating far beyond the speed of the chasing Dallas! Unfortunately for Chaplin, there's another handcar nearby! W.D. hops onto the second hand card and proceeds to operate it, continuing his hunt for Chaplin's head! Christian has slowed his pace, convinced he has the man outsmarted when he sees Dallas approaching fast! Panicking, Chaplin tries to pump the handcar's lever from both sides, alternating from one to the other, but succeeding only in tiring himself out! Dallas's car collides with Chaplin's, knocking Christian off and into the dirt! Dallas hops off and lifts Chaplin up, repeatedly smashing his head into the handcar before walking out of frame, leaving the gentleman dazed from the head trauma! Before he can cover his face, Dallas tosses the vintage bicycle square into the forehead of Chaplin, who had worn himself out with his own antics! 

W.D. Dallas kicks him in the midsection and hits him with a devastating stunner!





W.D. Dallas goes for the pin!

ONE








TWO









THREEEEE!

WINNER VIA PINFALL - W.D. DALLAS



Pip: "Bald man win, but where hat go?! If hat man still have hat, maybe he win?"

HH: "Maybe, but that doesn't change what we've just witnessed!" A great showing from W.D. Dallas today, but you gotta give his opponent: he sure knew how to make us laugh!"

MORE TO COME THROUGHOUT TODAY (THE 12TH) LAST UPDATE: 2:08 PM
]]> <![CDATA[Shove It: Quarantine Battle Royal]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=36836 Tue, 28 Apr 2020 03:29:42 -0700 Jim "the Jim" Jimson]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=36836 [Image: UrBlvIp.png]
QUARANTINE BATTLE ROYAL:

DARK WARRIOR MICHEAL GRAVES
- vs -
THUNDER KNUCKLES
- vs -
ATARA THEMIS
- vs -
BORIS
- vs -
VANESSA GIBSON
- vs -
CALVARY
- vs -
RED-X

Jim Jimson is sitting on the porch of the incredible, expensive mansion, with his phone. He is about to send out the location of this incredible, luxurious house out to the 7 competitors hoping to win it, until he falls asleep and goes into hibernation for 3 days.

[Image: OAlydFe.jpg]

Jim Jimson wakes up realises he forgot to give out the location

Jim Jimson Well... Better late than never

Jim sends out the location of the mansion to the competitors and almost instantly Micheal Graves shows up at the house.

FIRST ENTRANT
"DARK WARRIOR" MICHEAL GRAVES


Jim Jimson AHH AN EVENT CARD!

Jim is shocked at the event card randomly showing up above Micheals’s head, he shakes it off.

Jim Jimson Micheal! Your the last one to get here! The entry timer is almost up! You got 30 seconds till you disqualified!

Darkest of Warriors But, the event car-

Jim Jimson 20 SECONDS GRAVES!

Micheal starts to panic and runs through the door, rudely leaving it open

Jim walks up to the door and closes it.

Jim Jimson Eh, the house is big enough, he won’t realise he’s the only one in there

A helicopter seems to be flying over the mansion and lands on the top

Micheal Graves proceeds to wander around the house in a wild goose chase, looking for opponents that are not there.

Jim Jimson looks at his watch and waits for others to show up

Jim Jimson Shit, I should have gotten a commentator for this, huh…..

Suddenly Slipknot starts playing and a black hole opens letting out a dude in a blue mask.

Jim Jimson Nope. nope, you’re staying in the serious universe. You’re not allowed here yet!

Jim Jimson closes up the black hole, unluckily for the mysterious masked man, He had his body cut in half from the black hole, he should have remembered rule one for black hole travelling; KEEP YOUR LIMBS OUT OF THE BLACK HOLE WHEN THE BLACK HOLE IS CLOSING .
The masked man proceeds to scream in agony as he is left looking like those half-zombies from COD zombies.

Jim Jimson Awe well, that’s what you get for trying to do a crossover that literally nobody will recognise

? Is there a way to help that man?

Jim Jimson Hmp?

It's Calvary! He's the second man to make it to the Quarantine Battle Royal!

THIRD ENTRANT
CAVALRY


Jim Jimson AHH ANOTHER ONE! Sorry, these event cards are terrifying, they just pop up and BAM! Nah Cav, he’s unhelpable, wait how are you the 3rd entrant? nobody's shown up before you to be number 2?

Almost on cue, a vodka bottle drops from the roof and lands on Cal's head, busting him open. Even for a superhero like him, a glass bottle dropping from Hectares in the sky landing on your head is going to hurt.

From the rooftops, the scream of a Slavic man can be heard

CHIIIIIIIIIIIIKI BRIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Calvary flies up to the top of the mansion as he gets closer the music seems to get louder and louder, after flying for around 40 minutes Calvary makes it to the top of the roof and sees Boris standing on top of a giant speaker in the ultimate defensive position, the Slav squat.

SECOND ENTRANT
BORIS


[Image: buZZa7L.jpg]

How did Boris get that speaker up onto the mansion, don’t question the lengths a Slavic man will go through to get the best Hardbass possible.

Jim Jimson AHHH, I can’t see it, but I can tell that it happened. Oh yea, I should probably do something about this body huh?

Jim Jimson starts to carry the nearly dead torso of this mysterious man with a blue mask, to the garbage bin, that is, of course, all the way behind the mansion, from the front of the mansion to the back, it would take 1 hour



Boris is holding a bag of empty vodka bottles and empty mayonnaise jars, Boris proceeds to throw these bottles and jars at extreme speeds, the music seems to give Boris superhuman ability

Calvary dodges and weaves past the bottles and jars, the broken glass begins to cover the roof of this lavish mansion. Calvary lands on the top of the left speaker while Boris stands or should I say squats on the speaker in the middle. Calvary runs over to Boris, Boris continues to throw bottles and mayonnaise jars until he goes to grab another and realises he has two vodka bottles left left and has only hit Cav once. Boris decides to test his luck and wait for Calvary to get closer……








































































Just close enough to be in arms distance…..
































































Calvary makes a monstrous leap into the air and goes for some type of diving superman punch and……..


































































Boris bell claps the bottles into the sides of Calvary’s head, breaking the bottles upon impact, Cav falls flat on his face as Boris side steps the knocked out superhero.

Boris drags Cav’s body to the side of the speaker and pushes him off










THUD!

Calvary body hits the glass all over the roof

Boris unlatches the drop ladder connected to the speakers and climbs down to Cal’s level when he finishes the descension, he goes over to find the body of XWF's resident superhero, to realise that his body is gone, he looks over to see that an entranceway to inside the mansion is open Calvary must have slipped away before he could be pushed off. Boris decides to shrug it off and starts to listen relax and listen to his Hardbass speakers and wait for the others to make it to him.



MEANWHILE BEHIND THE MANSION


Thunder Knuckles Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

Were working as fast as we can sir!

Thunder Knuckles is behind the mansion, deciding that since Jimson was not going to pay him for this match, he was going to pay himself, by stealing everything in the mansion. TK sits in the back of a truck talking to the robbers doing the hard work inside while he talks to them and watches there body cams that he specifically got custom woven into there suits, to make sure that they don’t steal any bit of the items inside the house for themselves.

Thunder Knuckles All 83 of you been ransacking this house for nearly an hour now! Jimmy said you guys were the best thieves in the US

It’s a big house! And there’s this green weirdo in tights running around trying to fight us to win the rights to the house, we’ve been avoiding him pretty well, we got around 50% of the house cleared out, im in a bedroom right now, and this is the 47th one I’ve been in. In all my years I’ve never seen a job as big and as odd as this-

Thunder Knuckles Ok ok, cool. Just do the job faster and shut up

Oh and if you take anything for yourself, I swear to xbux I will kill you

Don’t worry sir, we won’t pocket a thin-

Suddenly Micheal Graves kicks down a door to the room that the unsuspecting robber is ransacking.

Darkest of Warriors HA! My First Victim!

Micheal tackles the robber into a closet, he picks up the closet and throws him into a wall, just before Graves goes over to beat up the robber more, he notices that an atari is 2600 in the closet.

Micheal fills with rage

FOURTH ENTRANT
AN ATARI?



The robber silently leaves the room as Graves grabs the atari bashes it on the wooden bed frame, but the atari fucking no-sells that weak shit and doesn’t break, Graves is more inraged, he places it on the floor and kicks it. The atari continues to no sell Graves offence and doesn’t break, Graves hurt his foot from kicking the atari. Micheal picks up the atari and….. Oh my god… no way... He’s not doing what I think he’s doing right?


Micheal picks up the Atari, he goes on top of the bed, he holds it slightly below his crotch and…. NO! OH GOD NO! Micheal Graves is doing a Jumping Piledriver to the Atari BY GAWD THAT ATARI HAS A FAMILY GAWD DANGIT!!!

Micheal Graves Purposefully botches a piledriver on the Atari 2600 in a moral-less attempt to injure the atari What a sick and twisted human being, that is the dark warrior of XWF.

Oh God no…. The Atari… No……

The Atari has been smashed into bits now

THE ATARI
HAS BEEN ELIMNATED

This is horrible, just horrible that this has happened!

MEANWHILE BEHIND THE MANSION WITH TK

Thunder Knuckles Hey! I saw that! You better grab that, and you better not keep that for yourself as well!

Jim Jimson TK?

What are you doing here?

Thunder Knuckles AH!

Jim, when did you get here?

Jim Jimson Just now? I needed to go and throw out a dead body of this masked man that came through a black hole

Thunder Knuckles Oh ok, I don't care. You know you should go back to doing that

Jim Jimson I already threw the body, what ARE you doing exactly?

Thunder Knuckles Uhhhhhhh.. what am I doing... scouting of the mansion

Jim Jimson Oh ok, that cool

Hey do you want us to rob this room?

Jim Jimson Who was that?

Thunder Knuckles That..... is... my scouter

I didn't hear a reply, DO. YOU. WANT. US. TO. ROB. THIS. ROOM.

Jim Jimson Your robbing the mansion.

Ok.

Thunder Knuckles Wait? you're ok with me and the crew robbing the house?

Jim Jimson Yeah. I'll go head out now.. see ya

TK decides to just shrug off and continues to rob the mansion.

Jim, on the other hand, leaves the truck, pulls out a lighter and lights that truck on fire!!

Then, Jim starts running because soon there is going to be an explosion in

3


2


BOOM!

Jim Jimson THAT'S WHAT YOU GET TK!

MEANWHILE INSIDE THE MANSION

Calvary lumbers around the oddly empty mansion, seemingly everything is gone, he landed back first onto the glass, he got lucky he didn't land face first. Something is confusing Cavalry, he feels like his powers have been hindered ever since entering this mansion are the Jimsons so utterly terrible that it has affected his powers. Suddenly a loud BOOM is heard by Calvary, his superhero instincts kick in.


Cal breaks a window open and flies out of it, he can hear someone yelling for help

Calvary can see a burning truck and Thunder Knuckles., he flies down over to Thunder Knuckles to check up on him

Calvary Are you hurt Citizen?

Thunder Knuckles What? No, I don't need help, but I just lost my truck! It was so expensive! I had to spend XBUX on that truck! I knew I should have let Jimmy talk me into spending some xbux to make more xbux from robbing the mansion. Calvary! you have to help me salvage the truck! PLEASE!

Calvary ummm ok, first of all we could start with-

































CALVARY
HAS BEEN ELIMNATED

Jim Jimson Cal! you went outside of the house, you eliminated yourself!

Calvary At least I went out to save Thunder Knuckles.

Jim Jimson I'm just surprised you survived me lighting the truck on fire

Thunder Knuckles Wait.. YOU blew up the truck!

Jim Jimson I thought you already knew, I yelled it out that I did it

There is an awkward silence between Jim and TK

Jim smoke bombs out of the scene.

MEANWHILE ON THE TOP OF THE MANSION

Boris is STILL listening to Russian Hardbass on top of the massive speakers, he nearly asleep from the amount of nothing that has happened at this point. Until Micheal Graves shows up setting off the "Micheal Graves is on top of the roof of a mansion' alarms all around the world.

"Dark Warrior" Micheal Graves and Boris are the final people left

Micheal Graves looks over to Boris who is on top of the massive Russian Hardbass speaker and makes starts to run towards him, after taking 2 steps he finds out that the broken glass is in fact still there. He winches at the pain, but he refuses to give up he has gotten too far, even though he's done nothing but torment robbers and breaks an atari, he will not let him breaking an atari go down in vain.

He continues to get closer to the speaker, he gets about halfway until Boris notices that Micheal is walking towards him. Boris decides to stand up and pull out a remote that has a dial on it, that dial is on 1. Boris turns it up to 10. Suddenly the Hardbass becomes extremely loud. The sheer noise coming off the speakers pushes back Micheal, he can feel himself being pushed back. He can feel his chances of winning falling, he decides to try and fall over and hold onto the floor to gain some type of bearing. His hands cut into the glass, leaving blood on the roof. He is determined to win this.

Boris decides to turn the dial up to 100, The sheer power and noise coming off the Hardbass causes the fucking mansion to collapse under the sheer loudness and power of the Russian Hardbass. Micheal Graves is launched into the air, sent far into the clouds while the mansion falls apart. A thousand-metre high wall of dust begins to cover the land around the land that the Mansion used to encompass.

Jim is sitting in a tree, after running away and climbing up said tree after throwing a smoke bomb, while his prize for his PPV is left as Debris. he rushes down the tree and runs past TK who is talking into a walkie talkie.

rushes over to see to what is left of the house and out of the ruins of the mansion arises Boris, the "winner" of the mansion I guess.

Boris is the winner of the Qurantine Battle Royal












Boris raises some vodka bottles in victory, walks over to Jimson and starts shugging the bottles as we go off air............ WAIT. LOOK!



















Is that a bird? Is that a plane? Is that a Pedo falling out the sky? Wait that's actually what it is?



From the sky comes in Micheal Graves, it seems like after he got pushed into the air by the Hardbass, he is finally coming back to the ground and he seems to be landing on a stray bed left from the debris.








BOOMF!


Graves lands on the bed miraculously not breaking the bed, That mansion must have some really good beds.

Jim Jimson Wait a minute. Boris walked out of the ruins of the mansion. Meaning TECHNICALLY he left the mansion. And Micheal Graves went into the air and landed on a bed, that was in the ruins of the mansion. Meaning he didn't leave the mansion. Meaning Micheal Graves is the real winner


Boris "DARK WARRIOR" MICHEAL GRAVES is the winner of the Qurantine Battle Royal

Micheal Graves gets up from his bed and looks around what he just "won" he looks confused than when he realises what just happened he fills with rage

he walks over to Jim and holds him by the collar

Jim Jimson hey, hey, hey, hey calm down man.. im... im sure there is something expensive leftover that you can sell for good money.

Suddenly a group of large, black cars swarm the area, suddenly rising from the ruins of the mansion come out tons of men, all hold big, black bags filled to the brim. They all run into the cars throwing the bags in with them.

Micheal Graves looks around in a panic, he grabs one of the men and realises that they are dressed like that man he beat up, right before he murdered that innocent atari. Micheal tries to grab the bag off him, but TK hits him over the head with a chair.

CRACK!

Thunder Knuckles DON'T STEAL THE STUFF THAT I STOLE FROM WHAT IS NOW YOUR HOUSE! I GOT IT FAIR AND SQUARE!

TK leaves the dented chair on the body of Micheal Graves, TK feels sorry for the supervillain and decides to sign the chair with his signature, but then realises that, that signature is worth some xbux so he takes the chair with him

TK gets into the back of the biggest truck and is about to close the door to it until

Jim Jimson Can I come with you?

Thunder Knuckles No, you tried to kill me, why would I let you on

Jim Jimson I'll give you 10k xbux

Thunder Knuckles Get on here old friend

Jim hopes into the truck with TK, as TK closes the truck door. Boris being the slav he is, decides that he should jump onto the top of the truck and slav squat until he decides to get off.


The scene ends with the cars and trucks leaving Micheal Graves knocked out on the ground in front of the ruins of his mansion he just won after giving his blood, sweat and tears.



THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO SIGNED UP

A SPECIAL THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO RPed

A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS TO MICHEAL GRAVES FOR GOING ALL OUT WITH RPs AND CREATING THE BANNER FOR THE SHOW

AND TO THE READER, READING THIS. I AM DEEPLY SORRY YOU HAD TO THROUGH THE DISPLEASURE OF HAVING TO READ THIS SHIT SHOW. [/color]
]]> [Image: UrBlvIp.png]
QUARANTINE BATTLE ROYAL:

DARK WARRIOR MICHEAL GRAVES
- vs -
THUNDER KNUCKLES
- vs -
ATARA THEMIS
- vs -
BORIS
- vs -
VANESSA GIBSON
- vs -
CALVARY
- vs -
RED-X

Jim Jimson is sitting on the porch of the incredible, expensive mansion, with his phone. He is about to send out the location of this incredible, luxurious house out to the 7 competitors hoping to win it, until he falls asleep and goes into hibernation for 3 days.

[Image: OAlydFe.jpg]

Jim Jimson wakes up realises he forgot to give out the location

Jim Jimson Well... Better late than never

Jim sends out the location of the mansion to the competitors and almost instantly Micheal Graves shows up at the house.

FIRST ENTRANT
"DARK WARRIOR" MICHEAL GRAVES


Jim Jimson AHH AN EVENT CARD!

Jim is shocked at the event card randomly showing up above Micheals’s head, he shakes it off.

Jim Jimson Micheal! Your the last one to get here! The entry timer is almost up! You got 30 seconds till you disqualified!

Darkest of Warriors But, the event car-

Jim Jimson 20 SECONDS GRAVES!

Micheal starts to panic and runs through the door, rudely leaving it open

Jim walks up to the door and closes it.

Jim Jimson Eh, the house is big enough, he won’t realise he’s the only one in there

A helicopter seems to be flying over the mansion and lands on the top

Micheal Graves proceeds to wander around the house in a wild goose chase, looking for opponents that are not there.

Jim Jimson looks at his watch and waits for others to show up

Jim Jimson Shit, I should have gotten a commentator for this, huh…..

Suddenly Slipknot starts playing and a black hole opens letting out a dude in a blue mask.

Jim Jimson Nope. nope, you’re staying in the serious universe. You’re not allowed here yet!

Jim Jimson closes up the black hole, unluckily for the mysterious masked man, He had his body cut in half from the black hole, he should have remembered rule one for black hole travelling; KEEP YOUR LIMBS OUT OF THE BLACK HOLE WHEN THE BLACK HOLE IS CLOSING .
The masked man proceeds to scream in agony as he is left looking like those half-zombies from COD zombies.

Jim Jimson Awe well, that’s what you get for trying to do a crossover that literally nobody will recognise

? Is there a way to help that man?

Jim Jimson Hmp?

It's Calvary! He's the second man to make it to the Quarantine Battle Royal!

THIRD ENTRANT
CAVALRY


Jim Jimson AHH ANOTHER ONE! Sorry, these event cards are terrifying, they just pop up and BAM! Nah Cav, he’s unhelpable, wait how are you the 3rd entrant? nobody's shown up before you to be number 2?

Almost on cue, a vodka bottle drops from the roof and lands on Cal's head, busting him open. Even for a superhero like him, a glass bottle dropping from Hectares in the sky landing on your head is going to hurt.

From the rooftops, the scream of a Slavic man can be heard

CHIIIIIIIIIIIIKI BRIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Calvary flies up to the top of the mansion as he gets closer the music seems to get louder and louder, after flying for around 40 minutes Calvary makes it to the top of the roof and sees Boris standing on top of a giant speaker in the ultimate defensive position, the Slav squat.

SECOND ENTRANT
BORIS


[Image: buZZa7L.jpg]

How did Boris get that speaker up onto the mansion, don’t question the lengths a Slavic man will go through to get the best Hardbass possible.

Jim Jimson AHHH, I can’t see it, but I can tell that it happened. Oh yea, I should probably do something about this body huh?

Jim Jimson starts to carry the nearly dead torso of this mysterious man with a blue mask, to the garbage bin, that is, of course, all the way behind the mansion, from the front of the mansion to the back, it would take 1 hour



Boris is holding a bag of empty vodka bottles and empty mayonnaise jars, Boris proceeds to throw these bottles and jars at extreme speeds, the music seems to give Boris superhuman ability

Calvary dodges and weaves past the bottles and jars, the broken glass begins to cover the roof of this lavish mansion. Calvary lands on the top of the left speaker while Boris stands or should I say squats on the speaker in the middle. Calvary runs over to Boris, Boris continues to throw bottles and mayonnaise jars until he goes to grab another and realises he has two vodka bottles left left and has only hit Cav once. Boris decides to test his luck and wait for Calvary to get closer……








































































Just close enough to be in arms distance…..
































































Calvary makes a monstrous leap into the air and goes for some type of diving superman punch and……..


































































Boris bell claps the bottles into the sides of Calvary’s head, breaking the bottles upon impact, Cav falls flat on his face as Boris side steps the knocked out superhero.

Boris drags Cav’s body to the side of the speaker and pushes him off










THUD!

Calvary body hits the glass all over the roof

Boris unlatches the drop ladder connected to the speakers and climbs down to Cal’s level when he finishes the descension, he goes over to find the body of XWF's resident superhero, to realise that his body is gone, he looks over to see that an entranceway to inside the mansion is open Calvary must have slipped away before he could be pushed off. Boris decides to shrug it off and starts to listen relax and listen to his Hardbass speakers and wait for the others to make it to him.



MEANWHILE BEHIND THE MANSION


Thunder Knuckles Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

Were working as fast as we can sir!

Thunder Knuckles is behind the mansion, deciding that since Jimson was not going to pay him for this match, he was going to pay himself, by stealing everything in the mansion. TK sits in the back of a truck talking to the robbers doing the hard work inside while he talks to them and watches there body cams that he specifically got custom woven into there suits, to make sure that they don’t steal any bit of the items inside the house for themselves.

Thunder Knuckles All 83 of you been ransacking this house for nearly an hour now! Jimmy said you guys were the best thieves in the US

It’s a big house! And there’s this green weirdo in tights running around trying to fight us to win the rights to the house, we’ve been avoiding him pretty well, we got around 50% of the house cleared out, im in a bedroom right now, and this is the 47th one I’ve been in. In all my years I’ve never seen a job as big and as odd as this-

Thunder Knuckles Ok ok, cool. Just do the job faster and shut up

Oh and if you take anything for yourself, I swear to xbux I will kill you

Don’t worry sir, we won’t pocket a thin-

Suddenly Micheal Graves kicks down a door to the room that the unsuspecting robber is ransacking.

Darkest of Warriors HA! My First Victim!

Micheal tackles the robber into a closet, he picks up the closet and throws him into a wall, just before Graves goes over to beat up the robber more, he notices that an atari is 2600 in the closet.

Micheal fills with rage

FOURTH ENTRANT
AN ATARI?



The robber silently leaves the room as Graves grabs the atari bashes it on the wooden bed frame, but the atari fucking no-sells that weak shit and doesn’t break, Graves is more inraged, he places it on the floor and kicks it. The atari continues to no sell Graves offence and doesn’t break, Graves hurt his foot from kicking the atari. Micheal picks up the atari and….. Oh my god… no way... He’s not doing what I think he’s doing right?


Micheal picks up the Atari, he goes on top of the bed, he holds it slightly below his crotch and…. NO! OH GOD NO! Micheal Graves is doing a Jumping Piledriver to the Atari BY GAWD THAT ATARI HAS A FAMILY GAWD DANGIT!!!

Micheal Graves Purposefully botches a piledriver on the Atari 2600 in a moral-less attempt to injure the atari What a sick and twisted human being, that is the dark warrior of XWF.

Oh God no…. The Atari… No……

The Atari has been smashed into bits now

THE ATARI
HAS BEEN ELIMNATED

This is horrible, just horrible that this has happened!

MEANWHILE BEHIND THE MANSION WITH TK

Thunder Knuckles Hey! I saw that! You better grab that, and you better not keep that for yourself as well!

Jim Jimson TK?

What are you doing here?

Thunder Knuckles AH!

Jim, when did you get here?

Jim Jimson Just now? I needed to go and throw out a dead body of this masked man that came through a black hole

Thunder Knuckles Oh ok, I don't care. You know you should go back to doing that

Jim Jimson I already threw the body, what ARE you doing exactly?

Thunder Knuckles Uhhhhhhh.. what am I doing... scouting of the mansion

Jim Jimson Oh ok, that cool

Hey do you want us to rob this room?

Jim Jimson Who was that?

Thunder Knuckles That..... is... my scouter

I didn't hear a reply, DO. YOU. WANT. US. TO. ROB. THIS. ROOM.

Jim Jimson Your robbing the mansion.

Ok.

Thunder Knuckles Wait? you're ok with me and the crew robbing the house?

Jim Jimson Yeah. I'll go head out now.. see ya

TK decides to just shrug off and continues to rob the mansion.

Jim, on the other hand, leaves the truck, pulls out a lighter and lights that truck on fire!!

Then, Jim starts running because soon there is going to be an explosion in

3


2


BOOM!

Jim Jimson THAT'S WHAT YOU GET TK!

MEANWHILE INSIDE THE MANSION

Calvary lumbers around the oddly empty mansion, seemingly everything is gone, he landed back first onto the glass, he got lucky he didn't land face first. Something is confusing Cavalry, he feels like his powers have been hindered ever since entering this mansion are the Jimsons so utterly terrible that it has affected his powers. Suddenly a loud BOOM is heard by Calvary, his superhero instincts kick in.


Cal breaks a window open and flies out of it, he can hear someone yelling for help

Calvary can see a burning truck and Thunder Knuckles., he flies down over to Thunder Knuckles to check up on him

Calvary Are you hurt Citizen?

Thunder Knuckles What? No, I don't need help, but I just lost my truck! It was so expensive! I had to spend XBUX on that truck! I knew I should have let Jimmy talk me into spending some xbux to make more xbux from robbing the mansion. Calvary! you have to help me salvage the truck! PLEASE!

Calvary ummm ok, first of all we could start with-

































CALVARY
HAS BEEN ELIMNATED

Jim Jimson Cal! you went outside of the house, you eliminated yourself!

Calvary At least I went out to save Thunder Knuckles.

Jim Jimson I'm just surprised you survived me lighting the truck on fire

Thunder Knuckles Wait.. YOU blew up the truck!

Jim Jimson I thought you already knew, I yelled it out that I did it

There is an awkward silence between Jim and TK

Jim smoke bombs out of the scene.

MEANWHILE ON THE TOP OF THE MANSION

Boris is STILL listening to Russian Hardbass on top of the massive speakers, he nearly asleep from the amount of nothing that has happened at this point. Until Micheal Graves shows up setting off the "Micheal Graves is on top of the roof of a mansion' alarms all around the world.

"Dark Warrior" Micheal Graves and Boris are the final people left

Micheal Graves looks over to Boris who is on top of the massive Russian Hardbass speaker and makes starts to run towards him, after taking 2 steps he finds out that the broken glass is in fact still there. He winches at the pain, but he refuses to give up he has gotten too far, even though he's done nothing but torment robbers and breaks an atari, he will not let him breaking an atari go down in vain.

He continues to get closer to the speaker, he gets about halfway until Boris notices that Micheal is walking towards him. Boris decides to stand up and pull out a remote that has a dial on it, that dial is on 1. Boris turns it up to 10. Suddenly the Hardbass becomes extremely loud. The sheer noise coming off the speakers pushes back Micheal, he can feel himself being pushed back. He can feel his chances of winning falling, he decides to try and fall over and hold onto the floor to gain some type of bearing. His hands cut into the glass, leaving blood on the roof. He is determined to win this.

Boris decides to turn the dial up to 100, The sheer power and noise coming off the Hardbass causes the fucking mansion to collapse under the sheer loudness and power of the Russian Hardbass. Micheal Graves is launched into the air, sent far into the clouds while the mansion falls apart. A thousand-metre high wall of dust begins to cover the land around the land that the Mansion used to encompass.

Jim is sitting in a tree, after running away and climbing up said tree after throwing a smoke bomb, while his prize for his PPV is left as Debris. he rushes down the tree and runs past TK who is talking into a walkie talkie.

rushes over to see to what is left of the house and out of the ruins of the mansion arises Boris, the "winner" of the mansion I guess.

Boris is the winner of the Qurantine Battle Royal












Boris raises some vodka bottles in victory, walks over to Jimson and starts shugging the bottles as we go off air............ WAIT. LOOK!



















Is that a bird? Is that a plane? Is that a Pedo falling out the sky? Wait that's actually what it is?



From the sky comes in Micheal Graves, it seems like after he got pushed into the air by the Hardbass, he is finally coming back to the ground and he seems to be landing on a stray bed left from the debris.








BOOMF!


Graves lands on the bed miraculously not breaking the bed, That mansion must have some really good beds.

Jim Jimson Wait a minute. Boris walked out of the ruins of the mansion. Meaning TECHNICALLY he left the mansion. And Micheal Graves went into the air and landed on a bed, that was in the ruins of the mansion. Meaning he didn't leave the mansion. Meaning Micheal Graves is the real winner


Boris "DARK WARRIOR" MICHEAL GRAVES is the winner of the Qurantine Battle Royal

Micheal Graves gets up from his bed and looks around what he just "won" he looks confused than when he realises what just happened he fills with rage

he walks over to Jim and holds him by the collar

Jim Jimson hey, hey, hey, hey calm down man.. im... im sure there is something expensive leftover that you can sell for good money.

Suddenly a group of large, black cars swarm the area, suddenly rising from the ruins of the mansion come out tons of men, all hold big, black bags filled to the brim. They all run into the cars throwing the bags in with them.

Micheal Graves looks around in a panic, he grabs one of the men and realises that they are dressed like that man he beat up, right before he murdered that innocent atari. Micheal tries to grab the bag off him, but TK hits him over the head with a chair.

CRACK!

Thunder Knuckles DON'T STEAL THE STUFF THAT I STOLE FROM WHAT IS NOW YOUR HOUSE! I GOT IT FAIR AND SQUARE!

TK leaves the dented chair on the body of Micheal Graves, TK feels sorry for the supervillain and decides to sign the chair with his signature, but then realises that, that signature is worth some xbux so he takes the chair with him

TK gets into the back of the biggest truck and is about to close the door to it until

Jim Jimson Can I come with you?

Thunder Knuckles No, you tried to kill me, why would I let you on

Jim Jimson I'll give you 10k xbux

Thunder Knuckles Get on here old friend

Jim hopes into the truck with TK, as TK closes the truck door. Boris being the slav he is, decides that he should jump onto the top of the truck and slav squat until he decides to get off.


The scene ends with the cars and trucks leaving Micheal Graves knocked out on the ground in front of the ruins of his mansion he just won after giving his blood, sweat and tears.



THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO SIGNED UP

A SPECIAL THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO RPed

A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS TO MICHEAL GRAVES FOR GOING ALL OUT WITH RPs AND CREATING THE BANNER FOR THE SHOW

AND TO THE READER, READING THIS. I AM DEEPLY SORRY YOU HAD TO THROUGH THE DISPLEASURE OF HAVING TO READ THIS SHIT SHOW. [/color]
]]> <![CDATA[(04-01-20) YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SHOVE-IT Results]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=36566 Sat, 04 Apr 2020 06:54:46 -0700 Ned Kaye]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=36566
LIVE FROM THE PRESIDENT RICHARD SIMMONS MEMORIAL CENTER

MILWAUKEE, ILLINOIS
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY (Presented to you in no small part by The FXW, Nefarious Ned Kaye, and PBS All Access. Thank you.)

YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SHOVE-IT
Presented by Nefarious Ned Kaye and the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling

(Logo available only on Opera Browser)


Lil W
- vs -
David Whitesand
Guy's Grocery Games Beatdown


Nefarious Ned Kaye
- vs -
Gilbert Peterson
Falls Count Nowhere


Greg Brown
- vs -
Iceman
"Solid" Aluminum Cage Match






Sean Peacestein
- vs -
Lightning Hands
Title Match for the Inaugural
Universal Consolation Prize






HH: "Well, have we got a show for you tonight! This is Tumblr icon and multiple time Razzie winner Heather "Hezzie" Halliwell joined by Pip the Golly Green Giant!"

Pip: "Pip am excited tonight!"

HH: "That's great to hear, buddy. Pip and I will have the pleasure of calling three of tonight's four matches, as one of our matches will be happening on the set of Guy's Grocery Games! Speaking of, I'm getting confirmation that aforementioned match is about to start! Take it away, Drunk Atty!"


As the picture cuts to their on location correspondents, the first two people seen are esteemed Firestone Star Chef Guy Fieri...



And the FXW's "reliable" on-location commentator, Drunk Atty!



Atty: "Hey TV people! Atty here with Chef Fieri on, like, his game food show thing! Say hi!"

She nudges Guy slightly with her hand holding her glass of wine, clearly making the world class chef uncomfortable.

Guy: "...Hello. Despite the... unorthodox nature of our production tonight, the rules of this bout will be rather straightforward. Both competitors shall be given three minutes to simultaneously gather ingredients from our on-set grocery store. After this allotted time, the match will begin and they will be allowed to use any of the ingredients they have gathered in their match."

Atty: "That's, like... pretty cool!"

Guy: "Indeed. Look! It appears our competitors are on their way thusly!"

Lil W
- vs -
David Whitesand
Guy's Grocery Games Beatdown






David Whitesand walks out and trips, looks around uneasily, then continues onward, towards the ring. Twitching and jerking his head about as he stares all around the arena, bug-eyed and unquestionably nervous. When he gets to the ring, he doesn't seem like he understands how to properly, get inside and appears to be extremely uncomfortable, fidgeting in an anxious or apprehensive manner and furrwing his brows in frustration. Finally he just rolls under the bottom rope. From there, he gets to his feet, takes a few steps and stumbles again, before taking position in the ring.





"Batman" by Powerglove begins to play, getting instinctual boos from the crowd. As the music begins to intensify, Lil W makes his way to the ring, pumping his arms wildly in front of his chest. The closer he approaches the ring, he begins to incorporate crotch chops and middle fingers. He both looks and smells like he's been doing cocaine. As he hops up into the ring, pulling himself up by the apron, he looks across to his opponent and does some shadow boxing towards the genital region. All of this is met with a chorus of disdain by the audience in attendance.

Guy: "Now that our two warriors are prepared to duke it out in the chapel of culinary delight, I feel inclined to ask if you have any words to proceed this match."

Atty thinks for a moment.

Atty: "Well, like... like, I think these two are really good and, cuz o' that, the match is gonna be, like, really good too, y'know!"

She begins gesturing with her wine hand, causing a large splash to spill on Chef Fieri's formal coat. He looks down despairingly.

Guy: "This... this is my most prized attire! A gift from my mentor, Marco-Pierre Black! How could you?"

Atty: "Shh, shhhh... it'll iron out, bud."

Guy: " Let's just get this over with... Your time starts in..."


3!



2!



1!


3:00 REMAIN


David Whitesand prepares to start running towards the aisles only to yelp in pain as Lil W bites hard on one his ankles! Lil Dub snickers before leaving David to tend to leg.

Atty: "That's... pretty not cool."

Guy: "What is that small man doing?"

W grabs a broom, hopping into one of the shopping carts provided and proceeds to row his way towards the produce section! Meanwhile, David has gotten to his feet and is moving towards the canned goods aisle!

2:24 REMAIN


After hurriedly collecting different brands of soup, Whitesand rushes to the cereal aisle and begins grabbing everything he can. As soon as he grabs a box of Lucky Charms, however, he is assualted once again by Lil W, who scales the shelves to steal the box and begins punching David in the face! After regaining his senses, David counters with an arm drag into one of the shelves! Lil Dub’s face collides with the shelf, sending him through a couple of boxes of saltine crackers. W scales the shelves to escape Whitesand's retribution!

But David is following close behind! He climbs up to pursue Lil Dub until they're both atop the aisle! David stares Dub down before hitting him a with a spear off the aisle and into other shelves! The collision causes a domino effect of destruction as each aisle crashes into the other!

Guy cries out in anguish as his beautiful set falls in the name of cheap entertainment for hillbillies.

Amidst the culinary carnage, both wrestlers lay amongst the wreckage for a short bit.

1:47 REMAIN


Lil W is the first to get up, quickly heading to the meat section, grabbing a plastic bag to collect some of the downed ingredients on his way there! David picks himself up shortly after, hopping over the fallen shelves as if they were hurdles as he surveys around him for useful items. After some hasty consideration, Whitesand heads to the frozen foods section where W is already scrambling for some good finds. Attempting to capitalize on this, David prepares to rush Dub for a strike, only to be stopped as W runs inside of the actual freezer area, popping out of another door behind David!

Before Whitesand can figure out W's location, he looks through the foggy glass of the open freezer door in front of him to see Dub crotch chopping before running and performing a dropkick that swings the cold door into David's face!

Atty: "That's, like, seriously a party foul."

Guy: "To be perfectly fair, this entire affair is foul. Remind me not to ever take a deal like this again..."

Atty: "Why don't you, like, write it down, y'know?"

Guy's contempt is not heard, but it is felt nonetheless.

0:52 REMAIN


Lil W is celebrating wildly as he prepares to get back to his cart, only to be met with a Tombstone pizza to be cracked over his head! Grabbing a nearby empty shopping cart, Whitesand runs into W, propelling the Biggest Small Package in the Game into a giant upright display of 12 packs of soda arranged in the shape of Ned Kaye's face!

David rushes back to the ring with his cart full of instruments of pain with plenty of time to spare!

0:31 REMAIN


Atty: "Hey, Mr. Chef, what'll happen if W can't make it back in time?"

Guy: "He'll be disqualified and we can finally end this undue abuse of my recording studio. If only I could be so lucky!"

0:15 REMAIN


With time rapidly expiring, W still is nowhere near the ring!

0:05 REMAIN


Here comes Lil Dub, rowing as fast as he can to his corner!

0:04 REMAIN


But can he make it?!

0:03 REMAIN


His pace is looking to be just a little too slow as time keeps ticking down!

0:02 REMAIN


...

0:01 REMAIN


HE MAKES IT IN THE NICK OF TIME!

0:00 REMAIN


The bell rings! Both men are exhausted from their previous altercations, but their animosity has given them more than enough energy to duke it out! They both begin to search their carts for a relevant, food related weapon. David grabs a box of Cap'n Crunch, ripping it open and speading cereal across the mat. Meanwhile, Lil W grabs several lemons as he proceeds to gnaw the peels off!

Whitesand does his best to approach Dub for a grapple, but he's just not used to fighting such a small man! W gets a cheap shin kick in, causing David to kneel providing W the perfect chance to squirt the lemons into his opponent's eyes!

David tries desperately to ignore the pain, but he just can't regain vision before Lil Dub begins his aggressive arrangement of palm strikes, knocking David backwards! W goes for the pin!



1!





2!




KICKOUT!


W smacks the canvas, visibly frustrated that David held on! Dub goes back to his cart, grabbing the Lucky Charms and tearing through the packaging. He gets a handful of marshmallows in both hands and begins to shove them into David's ears so his senses are dulled further! W takes the opportunity to set up for a devastating running knee that lays Whitesand out! W grabs a package of hot dogs and tears one out that he places in front of his own crotch, dancing about.

"I FUCKED YOUR MOM, DAWG!"

Unbeknownst to Lil W, Whitesand is picking himself off the ground!

"She..."

"Deserves..."

"Better!"

David scoops and slams W onto the Cap'n Crunch! Dub crutches his back in agony, his cocaine baggie falling out of his pocket and spilling onto the mat! David sees his opportunity as he tosses a bag of flour onto the canvas and lifts W as he tries to retrieve his coke! Whitesand lifts him high and powerbombs him onto the flour, causing a huge white fog to encompass them! David locks in the pin!


1!


W does the first thing he can think of and begins to snort the flour/coke mixture as he's being pinned!


2!



3!



NO, HE KICKED OUT JUST IN TIME!

David can't believe it! He consults the ref, who's still coughing in the cloud of laced flour before a plastic bag is thrown into his face! The ref is distracted by the bag, he can't see! Between the ref's legs, with a renewed adrenaline, is Lil W! He headbutts David's in the crotch and goes for the pin, yelling some racially charged obscenities at the ref!


1!



2!





3!

WINNER BY GROCERY-RELATED PINFALL

LIL W


Lil W stands as tall as he can as his arm is raised! He turns to antagonize Whitesand further only to be met with a kick to the thigh from David that hits his comically sized penis! W doubles over in intense pain as Chef Fieri looks on in complete disgust at the display before him.

Guy: "Is that good enough for you?! IS THIS WHAT YOU ANIMALS WANTED?!"

The scene cuts back to Hezzie and Pip in front of the crowd that is going absolutely crazy after seeing Whitesand dick kick Lil Dub.

HH: "We couldn't ask for more, Chef! We'll be right back after this!"


The crowd is starting to settle back in, when all of a sudden...




The crowd is whipped into a complete frenzy! Music we haven't heard in years! Could he be here? After a few seconds...


Yes! It's him! He emerges from the back!

....IT'S JIM BRAUN! The former owner of the FXW! The crowd has no idea how to react to the man who ran the place for nearly 20 years. The music dies down, but the fans continue to chant.

"JIMYTHAN! JIMYTHAN!"
"Thank you, JIM BRAUN! Thank you, JIM BRAUN!"

"Yes, thank you, me!"

JIM BRAUN shows off his trademark cocky smile as he looks into the crowd.

"As you're all aware, I haven't been around recently. And I know it's a shame to you all. I know you've all been disappointed, sitting there, week after week, without seeing my lovely face on your television."

The cheers start to die, and some actually turn to boo's, as they remember the multiple weeks where JIM BRAUN would have to be seen throughout the show.

"And I've been listening to feedback. Trust me. I know the calls for JIM BRAUN to come back have been mounting for a long time. And it's easy to see why...because this place SUCKS!"

And just like that, the crowd reverts back to the old days of JIM BRAUN being the most hated person in the FXW. BRAUN doesn't stop, though, as he yells through the boos.

"Hell, look at this place! Look who we have on the main event! A newcomer - a complete nobody likes SEAN PEACESTEIN? Someone completely new to this place? I can promise you this - if PEACESTEIN would have been around when I ran this place, he certainly wouldn't have been a "JIM BRAUN GUY!"

The crowd boos at the mention of JIM BRAUN guys, folks that BRAUN handpicked to be superstars.

"Would he have held up against someone like "FIRESTARTER" CAYDEN ROLLINS? Hell no!"

The crowd cheers at the mention of the super Babyface ROLLINS, one of the nicest men in FXW history.

"Would he have held up against CRACKER SEAHOUSE? Absolutely not!"

Now a boo for one of the most hated, yet most accomplished wrestlers in the federation's history.

"No, you know who WOULD have been a JIM BRAUN guy? NED KAYE!"

A massive amount of boos for one of the biggest villains in pro wrestling.

"If I had NED KAYE in the FXW back in the old days, I would have been able to print money with my face on it! That's why I'm here tonight - to support the one man who is willing to save the very thing I helped create! So NED, I have your back tonight. Make JIMYTHAN proud!"

"No Chance In Hell" plays again, but it is almost completely drowned out by the booing of the crowd. BRAUN casually tosses the mic onto the stage before turning and walking backstage.


Hezzie does her best to hide her disapproval. It's not much.

HH: "Very... insightful words from Jimythan Braun."

Pip: "Look! New match start!"

Nefarious Ned Kaye
- vs -
Gilbert Peterson
Falls Count Nowhere






A few church bells ring as a bright light illuminates the top of the ramp. As quickly as they came, they disperse, leaving the ramp normally lit to reveal Gilbert Peterson right as his music hits! Gilbert places his hands together and prays as he walks towards the ring, telling various crowd members "Christ be with you." Finally at ringside, he climbs the steps and enters in between the ropes with the dignity and cheers typically only God-fearing men earn. He holds his arms out as the fans prepare to shout his famous three word catchphrase with him.

...

...

"PRAISE THE LORD!"

Dropping his arms, his head shoots towards the F-Tron as familiar static encompasses the screen.





The entire stadium is filled with boos as the despised Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye enters from backstage! He's riding his trusty mech to the ring, laughing as the crowd tosses various kinds of garbage at him. He presses a small button, causing a burst of flame to come from the front of his vehicle, lighting at least one security personnel ablaze, but dissuading further trash being pelted. He dismounts the mech, doing a front flip into the ring out of the cockpit and tossing his goggles out into the audience, prompting the fans to struggle in hopes of avoiding contact with his disgusting sweat.

As the bell rings, Peterson keeps a close eye on his opponent. If any man could pull disgust out of the good Gilbert Peterson, Ned Kaye, the self-proclaimed Kayetheist, cetrainly has a good chance.

HH: "Gilbert's fully aware of what Ned's capable of. How he handles himself in this match will be interesting for sure."

The Nefarious One studies his opponent carefully, appearing to calculate a strategy behind his large, sinister grin. As Gilbert lunges to lock up, Ned ducks, rushing to Peterson's side and preforming a stiff looking Step-Up Enziguri! Gilbert staggers back into the ropes, prompting to Kaye to hop onto a nearby turnbuckle. Finding his footing, Ned runs across the ropes to the opposite turnbuckle, swiftly kicking Peterson on the way there! As Peterson falls to the mat, Ned glances behind to see his prey prone beneath him and executes a brilliant Backwards Moonsault!

He locks in a pin on Peterson, counting loudly under an avalanche of hatred from the audience.

1!



2!






3!

Pip: "Why Ned no win?"

HH: "Well, Pip, that's because this is a Falls Count Nowhere match! While they can wrestle in the entire stadium with no DQ, only submissions can win the match. Somehow, I feel as though this fact was not lost on The Nefarious One."

Ned laughs manically as he holds the pin longer. Referee Yore Taynt moves in, pleading for Kaye to stop messing around. The FXW's premier Scientist leaps to his feet, admonishing the official for interrupting his fun.

Gilly is stirring while Ned argues with the ref! His back turned, Ned doesn't see the flying elbow from Gilbert coming!

Kaye topples to the ground! He attempts to scramble to his feet only to meet a roll-up from God's Greatest Devotee!

The crowd counts enthusiastically!

1!

Ned is struggling to break free!




2!

Pip: "Something not right."

HH: "Something's definitely fishy here!




3!

Gilbert Peterson drops Ned's body and stand triumphantly, awaiting the bell! The stadium gives him a huge pop while anticipates the announcement of his victory. Behind him, laying down on his side, is The Nefarious One with a smug grin at his opponent's confusion.

HH: "Oh, I see. Typical Ned."

As Referee Taynt explains the situation to Gilbert, he looks back at Ned, who is brimming with laughter at his opponent's expense, slapping the mat in his hysterics. Done with the doctor's behavior, Peterson deadlifts Kaye, squirming and screaming, and tosses him face first into his own mech!

Gilbert hops out of the ring and puts a very basic looking armbar on Kaye, who, other than his face being cut open from slamming into his vehicle, looks rather okay!

HH: "Now it all makes sense! Ned was-"

Pip: "Ned was aware a submission bout would nullify the threat of his opponent as Gilbert Peterson has proven to be rather neglectful to his training in that field."

Hezzie looks at her broadcasting partner with a shocked face.

HH: "E-exactly, Pip."

Kaye quickly manuevers out of the hold and pushes Peterson's face against the steel barrier, where he finds himself stuck. Nefarious Ned smirks, seeing his opening as the ref begs him to stop. Ned steps back and hits Gilbert with a nasty dropkick, grating the God-loving Gladiator's jaw across the steel barrier! As he approaches to do more unnecessary damage, referee Taynt will see no more of this and demands Ned to finish the match now! Kaye, incensed, slowly turns his gaze to her.

NNK: "You dare make demands... of me?! This is MY show! MINE!"

Ned raises a fist, fuming.

HH: "He wouldn't dare..."

Suddenly, his index finger shoots up and he begins to rotate his arm in a circular motion, culminating in a dramatic point towards the ramp!

HH: "NED JUST THREW OUT A REFEREE!"

Pip: "HE DO WHAT?"

Flabbergasted, Ref Taynt slowly walks up the ramp, completely speechless as one of Dr. Kaye's patented Ref-O-Trons passes her by.

Finally free from being bothered by rules, Ned drags Peterson's limp body up the ramp, putting it in a nice, open spot near the F-Tron. Chuckling with glee, Ned runs over to his mech and pulls out a remote control panel that he uses to guide the mech up the ramp as he follows close behind. Once it's finally up there, he positions it to lightly crush his pious opponent underneath its mechanical foot! Gilbert struggles uselessly beneath the mechanized monstrosity!

All of a sudden, a drink is pelted at the back of Kaye's head, causing him to twist around to antagonize whoever attacked him. Unfortunately for Ned, he accidentally nudges his controls, resulting in the mech losing balance and toppling on top of him. Finally getting a chance to breath while Ned is trapped, Gilbert climbs the mech, and then climbs to the top of the F-Tron!

HH: "What is Peterson thinking?"

Focusing on the intense support of the crowd, Peterson begins to pray harder than he ever has! Ned finally frees himself from being pinned by the mech! From out of nowhere, a bolt of lightning from God Himself strikes The Nefarious One who stumbles into some of the crowd who hold his barely living husk in place. Gilbert taps his elbow and leaps off the F-Tron!!!

HE CONNECTS, NEARLY FOLDING KAYE LIKE AN ACCORDION!!!

He locks in the armbar... but it's still not enough. The Ref-O-Tron watches on as Ned refuses to tap to such a weak hold when one of the audience members grabs Ned's free hand and slaps it against the ground blatantly!

THE REF-O-TRON CALLS THE MATCH!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION

GILBERT PETERSON


As the beloved Gilbert Peterson stands tall above Ned Kaye, who is still arguing with the Ref-O-Tron over the grounds of his "defeat," the fans chant proudly in favor of Peterson and his life's work.

FUCK YEAH! GOD!
FUCK YEAH! GOD!
FUCK YEAH! GOD!

The camera lingers on Gilbert's horrified expression before quickly cutting to the commentary duo.


Pip: "God man no like fuck word."

HH: "One moment, Pip. I've just been informed that our backstage correspondent has an important interview for us. To you, Stevie!"

The scene cuts backstage to a woman in a very professional looking dress holding a microphone outside of a dressing room. She has a rather fake-looking smile under exhausted eyes.



"Stevie Sayors here! As you all know, tonight's Main Event will crown the FXW's first ever Universal Consolation Prize Holder! I should be here with eager contender Lightning Hands, however..."

The camera turns to show more of the dressing room's door as Sayors presses on it, revealing it to be quite locked.

"We have had no luck in securing an interview with Mr. Hands despite being out here since the show started. Furthermore, we've been informed that he will not see us until he has reached a stopping point in his tireless humanitarian efforts. I've been informed that we will remain here on standby until... well, until that happens."

Stevie uneasily signs off.

"Back to you, Hezzie."

HH: "Thanks... Stevie."

...

HH: "Oh, would you look at the time? The next match is just about to get underway!"


Greg Brown
- vs -
Iceman
"Solid" Aluminum Cage Match






"Kick The Dust Up" by Luke Bryan begins to play, prompting loud disapproval from the fans. Greg Brown struts his way down to the ring, scoffing at some of the cismen in the audience and motioning for the transmen to call him as he places a pantomimed phone to his ear and licks at the air aggressively. As more of the crowd becomes uncomfortable, he rubs his hair-covered chest for his beloved FTM vajboys. Once he has thoroughly aroused only himself, Greg Brown makes his way to his corner.





The stadium goes dark for a few passing moments, brimming back to life as "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse fills the President Simmons Memorial Center and with it, Iceman is seen in the cool, blue lights of the F-Tron. The crowd gives him a warm reception of chants and cheers as he walks down ramp, avoiding the areas of the walkway that Brown stepped on.

Pip: "Pip like Iceman! He always shows up at match."

HH: "That's right, Pip! Although he hasn't always been the nicest fella in the FXW, he certainly warrants a better reaction than Brown."

Iceman makes it to the ring, watching his opponent closely. But before he can make any readings the cage begins to slowly lower down to surround the ring!

Halfway down, however, they slow the lowering process with no real explanation.

Pip: "Why is slow?"

HH: "To-uh... to protect the ground, Pip."

Greg Brown and Iceman start to circle one another as the cage starts to slowly fall down. Luckily, The referee goes and fixes it very quickly. Brown nails Iceman with a stiff left hook that was harder than his dick. Iceman goes down and part of the cage collapses. Oh, the humanity! Bill taunts the crowd by pointing at his cock and they start booing him. One fan throws a cup full of beer at the cage. The cage starts sagging a bit as the referee goes to try to fix that issue. 

Brown goes to lock on the Brown Nightmare only to get a kick in the balls. Brown falls over as Iceman gets back up. Iceman grabs Brown and locks in a leglock of some sort. I dunno. Brown reaches the ropes when all of sudden, A section of the cage falls down on them both. They are stunned as the referee starts counting them both out. 

Referee: 1…..2……..3………

Brown starts to stir as the crowd starts booing. Brown reaches his feet as the referee stops the count. He grabs that part of the cage and hits Iceman with it. The fans start throwing peaches at him. One connects and hits him in the side of the head. He gets blinded and falls out the ring. Luckily for us, The match can only end by pinfall so it doesn’t count. Iceman gets back up and just shakes his head as the fans start chanting his name. Brown climbs back into the ring. 

They lock up once again and Iceman gets the upper hand and nails Brown with a body slam to the cheers of the crowd. Iceman goes for a front chin lock on Brown. Brown struggles to make it to the ropes in time as the fans boo at that reaction. Iceman does that thing Randy Orton does in which he stomps the body parts of a downed opponent. I don’t know what to call it. Iceman does that trademark Orton Pose to the cheers of the audience. He grabs Brown and Brown counters with a punch to the balls of his own. The fans start booing. 

Brown gets back to his feet and quickly capitalizes with the tenacity of a wasp and nails him with an Air Raid Crash. Iceman falls the ground. Brown quickly climbs to the top rope and goes for a splash only to get caught in the cage and falls to the ground taking that section with him as well. Iceman gets back up and looks at the mess as about 75% of the cage is non-existent at this point. Iceman grabs a piece and hits Brown with it. The fans are cheering. 

HH: "I don't think I've ever seen that happen in a wrestling match before!"

Iceman drops the piece of the cage and drags Brown to the center of the ring and locks on the Imperfect Sleep. The referee goes to check on Brown. Brown is still fighting. Brown manages to roll over onto his stomach with Iceman still on his back. Brown is fighting it off as best as he can. Brown goes to get back to his feet only to get trapped in a pin attempt and he kicks out at 2. They both get back up and this time Brown gets the upperhand as he nails Iceman with a stiff shot that stuns him. 

Another fans throws a full cup of beer at Brown as Brown catches it this time and throws it into Iceman's eyes. Iceman is stunned. Brown hits him with a DDT and goes to lock on the Brown Nightmare.

Iceman tries desperately to resist the pain!

But..



He just...




Can't!

ICEMAN TAPS!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION

GREG BROWN


Greg Brown leaps up, smirking widely as the referee holds his arm up. The fans boo him rigorously, their anger becoming more audible with each pelvic thrust from the Brown Nightmare.

HH: "Well, you know what that means! We're just about ready for our Main Event of the eveni-"

NNK: "We have an urgent message from our sponsors!"

Hezzie Halliwell gives Ned an annoyed glare as the scene from the announcer's desk fades out.


A commercial fades in, playing stock footage of picturesque waterfalls, sunny skies, and small teams cooperating in an office setting.

"There's a lot of things a leader needs to be..."

"Approachable."

"Adaptable."

"Constantly striving to improve themself."

"Capable of subduing the entire state of Illinois."

A green screened Nefarious Ned Kaye appears over the various stock footage clips, dressed in his normal scientific garb.

"Hi, I'm Ned Kaye. And while I am currently actively holding several million lives hostage at my own convenience, I am also more than qualified in serving this country in the most noble way possible. That's why I am hereby announcing my campaign for President of these United States."

"Now, you might be asking yourself, "Ned, aren't you a dictator hellbent on the subjugation of humanity under your iron fist through the use of technology?" Well, the answer is, simply put..."

Dr. Kaye smiles brightly for the camera.

"Yes."

"The real question is whether or not you'd like to work in the salt mines of Kentucky when my reign as your President begins. If that answer is "no," then I highly recommend you lend me your support this November."

"Remember, a vote for a Ned is a vote to not be enslaved in Kentucky!"

This message was paid for by the Free Province of Illinois.


The picture cuts back to the announcer's desk where Ned Kaye has made himself more than comfortable.

HH: "Hello, Ned. We didn't anticipate your arrival."

NNK: "It's not my fault you and your inarticulate partner here are so short sighted. Besides, even though this Main Event is an absolute MOCKERY due to the wishes of FXW management, I'm not about to miss out on a commentary position on my own show! By the way, what did you think of my ad?"

HH: "Truly a chilling vision of things to come."

The Nefarious One gives a big grin and props his feet up on the desk, knocking over Pip's coffee cup onto some unsuspecting crewmen.

Pip: "Pip not like science man."

NNK: "The feeling is more than mutual."





Sean Peacestein
- vs -
Lightning Hands
Title Match for the Inaugural
Universal Consolation Prize






"I Saw A Tiger" by Joe Exotic begins to play, garnering a huge pop from the audience! The song continues to play, although Lightning Hands has yet to walk out.

...

Nothing. The crowd gets quiet.

...




Still nothing.

...










The song loops two or three times before, finally, Lightning Hands is brought out to the ring! He's accompanied by two security guards, practically dragging him down to the ring as he continues to write checks, even tossing a few into the stands as he's pulled down the ramp. As he finally sets his check writing aside he waves to the stadium who roar in approval.





The F-Tron shines a brilliant red, white, and blue as "Proud to Be An American" by Lee Greenwood Toby Keith plays through the speakers of the arena. The entire stadium pops as out walks Sean Peacestein. Sean smiles humbly as he begins to walk down the ramp, greeting individual attendees as he walks. After a few dozen quick greetings, he apologizes that he cannot greet everyone in the building and heads down to the ring, quickly climbing in and waving to everyone before offering a handshake to Lightning Hands, his smile still as big as his heart.

The audience begin to chant loudly, finally seeing these two beloved figures face to face in the ring with one another.

"SHAKE HIS HAND!"
"SHAKE HIS HAND!"
"SHAKE HIS HAND!"

After little consideration, Lightning Hands gladly shakes Sean's hand, resulting in the entire crowd erupting with applause.

HH: "What a great display of sportsmanship!"

Pip: "Two little mans have big respect."

Dr. Kaye is heard nearly vomiting at the sight.

*DING, DING*

The two men prepare to grapple in the center of the ring as they take in the positive atmosphere! Suddenly, some competing chants begin to arise.

"LET'S GO LIGHTNING!"
"LET'S GO SEAN!"
"LET'S GO LIGHTNING!"
"LET'S GO SEAN!"

Pip: "Fans love both!"

HH: "The audience just can't decide who they want to win! Both men are just so beloved!"

NNK: "God, if this gets any more saccharine, I'm gonna have to burn down an orphanage later just to get the ick off."

The two men finally begin to grape as the crowd goes wild with applause! Lightning Hands begins to lose his footing a bit, so Sean makes sure to let him regain it a bit before continuing. After some very technical and decidedly fair grappling, Sean has the upper hand! Peacestein whips Hands into the ropes and hits him with a clothesline, obviously making attempts to not be needlessly aggressive. Lightning Hands kips up and stares down his opponent in the least threatening way possible.

They begin to trade open hand chops in the middle of the ring! Peacestein salutes with his other hand over his heart and then raises his arm high, bringing his hand down for a big chop! Then Hands hits him back! Peacestein! Hands! Peacestein! Hands! Lightning begins to do a little dance across from his winded and respectful opponent, checks falling out of his pockets! He chops Peacestein down, the American Goodass hitting the ground with a loud thud. The crowd can't believe he was knocked over and are hollering in support of LH!

On commentary, Ned obnoxiously bursts into laughter.

NNK: "HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT SHAWN!"

HH: "...Don't you hate Lightning Hands just as much, Ned."

Dr. Kaye ceases, stammering somewhat in an annoyed fashion.

NNK: "Ju-just let me have this, Heather!"

Peacestein picks himself, smiling at his opponent's impressive strength! He rushes in and slips behind Lightning Hands, bringing the Master of Charimony to the ground and locking him into his trademark Anaconda Vice! As he stares at Lightning Hands, squirming in intense pain at Sean's most devastating hold, he can't help, but get up and try something else.

HH: "It looks like Sean just can't bear to hurt LH too much! He's just too nice to brutalize a fellow athlete so needlessly! If only everybody in our sport, ahem, could be so considerate!"

The Nefarious One grumbles at the sickeningly thoughtful sportsmanlike conduct.

Sean pulls Lightning Hands to his feet, but LH is just too out of shape! He's been putting all of his time into his charity work so he's far too behind on honing his athleticism! Very carefully, Peacestein gets him into a DDT and waits a second before hitting it, grimacing a bit as they hit the ground. He's about to go for another submission when his concern for his fellow competitor stops him from being able to put any more undue stress on Lightning's body!

Looking down at his exhausted opponent, Sean goes for the pin, the fans cheering on, getting more and more frenzied!

1!




2!



Sean gets up to break his own pin!

NNK: "What the hell is Shawn doing?!"

Peacestein motions for a microphone and helps Lightning Hands up. He points out to the crowd smiling his familiar grin and begins to speak!

"I just can't pin you, Lightning. Because this Universal Consolation Prize... well, it doesn't belong to me. It belongs to America! Whaddya say?"

A tear vaguely in the shape of a bald eagle runs down Hands' cheek as he nods and shakes Sean's hand proudly. The audience goes absolutely nuts! The bell rings!

WINNER BY A GENERAL AGREEMENT AND NEEEWWWWWWW
UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE HOLDER

AMERICA


Sean Peacestein and Lightning Hands stand triumphantly as the referee hands them the Universal Consolation Prize Trophy! The crowd cannot get enough of the two and begin to chant!

"USA!"
"USA!"
"USA!"

HH: "A tremendous victory for America! One cannot imagine a more picturesque ending for tonig-"

NNK: "NO!!!"

Ned slams his fists down on the desk.

NNK: "NO, NO, NO, NO!!! It wasn't meant to be this way! I was supposed to be in this match! I was supposed to win! Shawn shouldn't have been anywhere near the Universal Consolation Prize! They can't even spell his name right on his intro graphic!"

HH: "Uh... Ned... That is how his name is spelled."

NNK: "What?"

Kaye looks up at Pip with disbelief in his eyes. The Golly Green Giant sadly nods.

NNK: "You mean... I've been saying it wrong this whole fucking time?!"

Pip: "It sound okay to Pip..."

NNK: "Now this is the last straw!"

Ned leaps over the announcer's desk and rushes towards the ring. He slowly approaches Sean while his back is turned! The fans cry for Sean to watch out only to have him somewhat absentmindedly swing the trophy into Ned's face, cutting his head open again as The Nefarious One falls onto his face.

Sean immediately begins to apologize to the downed Kaye as the audience cheers at the sight of one of their most hated performers getting his! Peacestein kneels down and calls for medical assistance amidst all the joyous shouts. The show fades to black as Nefarious Ned Kaye gurgles in a small pool of his own blood.


Join us on April 1st, 2021 for...

YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT

(Logo available on all browsers supporting Flash!)



SPECIAL THANKS TO:
-Everybody who signed up and RP'd for this incredibly stupid idea. (Fuzz, TK, Jimson, Big D, Donovan MacBlackwater, Barney, and Mav.
-Extra thanks to Fuzz and Big D for supporting the initial concept.
-Extra thanks to Barney for writing a match.
-Extra thanks to Donovan for suggesting the ME finish.
-Centurion for submitting a segment.
-Atara for allowing Drunk Atty to be included.
-My mom for giving birth to me, but not sticking around long enough to witness this mess.
-Noah Jackson for encouraging me to do a Shove-It at some point.(This was most definitely not what he had in mind.)
-James Raven, not because he did anything, I just like James Raven.
-And YOU for reading this nonsense!
]]>
LIVE FROM THE PRESIDENT RICHARD SIMMONS MEMORIAL CENTER

MILWAUKEE, ILLINOIS
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY (Presented to you in no small part by The FXW, Nefarious Ned Kaye, and PBS All Access. Thank you.)

YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SHOVE-IT
Presented by Nefarious Ned Kaye and the Federation of X-Treme Wrestling

(Logo available only on Opera Browser)


Lil W
- vs -
David Whitesand
Guy's Grocery Games Beatdown


Nefarious Ned Kaye
- vs -
Gilbert Peterson
Falls Count Nowhere


Greg Brown
- vs -
Iceman
"Solid" Aluminum Cage Match






Sean Peacestein
- vs -
Lightning Hands
Title Match for the Inaugural
Universal Consolation Prize






HH: "Well, have we got a show for you tonight! This is Tumblr icon and multiple time Razzie winner Heather "Hezzie" Halliwell joined by Pip the Golly Green Giant!"

Pip: "Pip am excited tonight!"

HH: "That's great to hear, buddy. Pip and I will have the pleasure of calling three of tonight's four matches, as one of our matches will be happening on the set of Guy's Grocery Games! Speaking of, I'm getting confirmation that aforementioned match is about to start! Take it away, Drunk Atty!"


As the picture cuts to their on location correspondents, the first two people seen are esteemed Firestone Star Chef Guy Fieri...



And the FXW's "reliable" on-location commentator, Drunk Atty!



Atty: "Hey TV people! Atty here with Chef Fieri on, like, his game food show thing! Say hi!"

She nudges Guy slightly with her hand holding her glass of wine, clearly making the world class chef uncomfortable.

Guy: "...Hello. Despite the... unorthodox nature of our production tonight, the rules of this bout will be rather straightforward. Both competitors shall be given three minutes to simultaneously gather ingredients from our on-set grocery store. After this allotted time, the match will begin and they will be allowed to use any of the ingredients they have gathered in their match."

Atty: "That's, like... pretty cool!"

Guy: "Indeed. Look! It appears our competitors are on their way thusly!"

Lil W
- vs -
David Whitesand
Guy's Grocery Games Beatdown






David Whitesand walks out and trips, looks around uneasily, then continues onward, towards the ring. Twitching and jerking his head about as he stares all around the arena, bug-eyed and unquestionably nervous. When he gets to the ring, he doesn't seem like he understands how to properly, get inside and appears to be extremely uncomfortable, fidgeting in an anxious or apprehensive manner and furrwing his brows in frustration. Finally he just rolls under the bottom rope. From there, he gets to his feet, takes a few steps and stumbles again, before taking position in the ring.





"Batman" by Powerglove begins to play, getting instinctual boos from the crowd. As the music begins to intensify, Lil W makes his way to the ring, pumping his arms wildly in front of his chest. The closer he approaches the ring, he begins to incorporate crotch chops and middle fingers. He both looks and smells like he's been doing cocaine. As he hops up into the ring, pulling himself up by the apron, he looks across to his opponent and does some shadow boxing towards the genital region. All of this is met with a chorus of disdain by the audience in attendance.

Guy: "Now that our two warriors are prepared to duke it out in the chapel of culinary delight, I feel inclined to ask if you have any words to proceed this match."

Atty thinks for a moment.

Atty: "Well, like... like, I think these two are really good and, cuz o' that, the match is gonna be, like, really good too, y'know!"

She begins gesturing with her wine hand, causing a large splash to spill on Chef Fieri's formal coat. He looks down despairingly.

Guy: "This... this is my most prized attire! A gift from my mentor, Marco-Pierre Black! How could you?"

Atty: "Shh, shhhh... it'll iron out, bud."

Guy: " Let's just get this over with... Your time starts in..."


3!



2!



1!


3:00 REMAIN


David Whitesand prepares to start running towards the aisles only to yelp in pain as Lil W bites hard on one his ankles! Lil Dub snickers before leaving David to tend to leg.

Atty: "That's... pretty not cool."

Guy: "What is that small man doing?"

W grabs a broom, hopping into one of the shopping carts provided and proceeds to row his way towards the produce section! Meanwhile, David has gotten to his feet and is moving towards the canned goods aisle!

2:24 REMAIN


After hurriedly collecting different brands of soup, Whitesand rushes to the cereal aisle and begins grabbing everything he can. As soon as he grabs a box of Lucky Charms, however, he is assualted once again by Lil W, who scales the shelves to steal the box and begins punching David in the face! After regaining his senses, David counters with an arm drag into one of the shelves! Lil Dub’s face collides with the shelf, sending him through a couple of boxes of saltine crackers. W scales the shelves to escape Whitesand's retribution!

But David is following close behind! He climbs up to pursue Lil Dub until they're both atop the aisle! David stares Dub down before hitting him a with a spear off the aisle and into other shelves! The collision causes a domino effect of destruction as each aisle crashes into the other!

Guy cries out in anguish as his beautiful set falls in the name of cheap entertainment for hillbillies.

Amidst the culinary carnage, both wrestlers lay amongst the wreckage for a short bit.

1:47 REMAIN


Lil W is the first to get up, quickly heading to the meat section, grabbing a plastic bag to collect some of the downed ingredients on his way there! David picks himself up shortly after, hopping over the fallen shelves as if they were hurdles as he surveys around him for useful items. After some hasty consideration, Whitesand heads to the frozen foods section where W is already scrambling for some good finds. Attempting to capitalize on this, David prepares to rush Dub for a strike, only to be stopped as W runs inside of the actual freezer area, popping out of another door behind David!

Before Whitesand can figure out W's location, he looks through the foggy glass of the open freezer door in front of him to see Dub crotch chopping before running and performing a dropkick that swings the cold door into David's face!

Atty: "That's, like, seriously a party foul."

Guy: "To be perfectly fair, this entire affair is foul. Remind me not to ever take a deal like this again..."

Atty: "Why don't you, like, write it down, y'know?"

Guy's contempt is not heard, but it is felt nonetheless.

0:52 REMAIN


Lil W is celebrating wildly as he prepares to get back to his cart, only to be met with a Tombstone pizza to be cracked over his head! Grabbing a nearby empty shopping cart, Whitesand runs into W, propelling the Biggest Small Package in the Game into a giant upright display of 12 packs of soda arranged in the shape of Ned Kaye's face!

David rushes back to the ring with his cart full of instruments of pain with plenty of time to spare!

0:31 REMAIN


Atty: "Hey, Mr. Chef, what'll happen if W can't make it back in time?"

Guy: "He'll be disqualified and we can finally end this undue abuse of my recording studio. If only I could be so lucky!"

0:15 REMAIN


With time rapidly expiring, W still is nowhere near the ring!

0:05 REMAIN


Here comes Lil Dub, rowing as fast as he can to his corner!

0:04 REMAIN


But can he make it?!

0:03 REMAIN


His pace is looking to be just a little too slow as time keeps ticking down!

0:02 REMAIN


...

0:01 REMAIN


HE MAKES IT IN THE NICK OF TIME!

0:00 REMAIN


The bell rings! Both men are exhausted from their previous altercations, but their animosity has given them more than enough energy to duke it out! They both begin to search their carts for a relevant, food related weapon. David grabs a box of Cap'n Crunch, ripping it open and speading cereal across the mat. Meanwhile, Lil W grabs several lemons as he proceeds to gnaw the peels off!

Whitesand does his best to approach Dub for a grapple, but he's just not used to fighting such a small man! W gets a cheap shin kick in, causing David to kneel providing W the perfect chance to squirt the lemons into his opponent's eyes!

David tries desperately to ignore the pain, but he just can't regain vision before Lil Dub begins his aggressive arrangement of palm strikes, knocking David backwards! W goes for the pin!



1!





2!




KICKOUT!


W smacks the canvas, visibly frustrated that David held on! Dub goes back to his cart, grabbing the Lucky Charms and tearing through the packaging. He gets a handful of marshmallows in both hands and begins to shove them into David's ears so his senses are dulled further! W takes the opportunity to set up for a devastating running knee that lays Whitesand out! W grabs a package of hot dogs and tears one out that he places in front of his own crotch, dancing about.

"I FUCKED YOUR MOM, DAWG!"

Unbeknownst to Lil W, Whitesand is picking himself off the ground!

"She..."

"Deserves..."

"Better!"

David scoops and slams W onto the Cap'n Crunch! Dub crutches his back in agony, his cocaine baggie falling out of his pocket and spilling onto the mat! David sees his opportunity as he tosses a bag of flour onto the canvas and lifts W as he tries to retrieve his coke! Whitesand lifts him high and powerbombs him onto the flour, causing a huge white fog to encompass them! David locks in the pin!


1!


W does the first thing he can think of and begins to snort the flour/coke mixture as he's being pinned!


2!



3!



NO, HE KICKED OUT JUST IN TIME!

David can't believe it! He consults the ref, who's still coughing in the cloud of laced flour before a plastic bag is thrown into his face! The ref is distracted by the bag, he can't see! Between the ref's legs, with a renewed adrenaline, is Lil W! He headbutts David's in the crotch and goes for the pin, yelling some racially charged obscenities at the ref!


1!



2!





3!

WINNER BY GROCERY-RELATED PINFALL

LIL W


Lil W stands as tall as he can as his arm is raised! He turns to antagonize Whitesand further only to be met with a kick to the thigh from David that hits his comically sized penis! W doubles over in intense pain as Chef Fieri looks on in complete disgust at the display before him.

Guy: "Is that good enough for you?! IS THIS WHAT YOU ANIMALS WANTED?!"

The scene cuts back to Hezzie and Pip in front of the crowd that is going absolutely crazy after seeing Whitesand dick kick Lil Dub.

HH: "We couldn't ask for more, Chef! We'll be right back after this!"


The crowd is starting to settle back in, when all of a sudden...




The crowd is whipped into a complete frenzy! Music we haven't heard in years! Could he be here? After a few seconds...


Yes! It's him! He emerges from the back!

....IT'S JIM BRAUN! The former owner of the FXW! The crowd has no idea how to react to the man who ran the place for nearly 20 years. The music dies down, but the fans continue to chant.

"JIMYTHAN! JIMYTHAN!"
"Thank you, JIM BRAUN! Thank you, JIM BRAUN!"

"Yes, thank you, me!"

JIM BRAUN shows off his trademark cocky smile as he looks into the crowd.

"As you're all aware, I haven't been around recently. And I know it's a shame to you all. I know you've all been disappointed, sitting there, week after week, without seeing my lovely face on your television."

The cheers start to die, and some actually turn to boo's, as they remember the multiple weeks where JIM BRAUN would have to be seen throughout the show.

"And I've been listening to feedback. Trust me. I know the calls for JIM BRAUN to come back have been mounting for a long time. And it's easy to see why...because this place SUCKS!"

And just like that, the crowd reverts back to the old days of JIM BRAUN being the most hated person in the FXW. BRAUN doesn't stop, though, as he yells through the boos.

"Hell, look at this place! Look who we have on the main event! A newcomer - a complete nobody likes SEAN PEACESTEIN? Someone completely new to this place? I can promise you this - if PEACESTEIN would have been around when I ran this place, he certainly wouldn't have been a "JIM BRAUN GUY!"

The crowd boos at the mention of JIM BRAUN guys, folks that BRAUN handpicked to be superstars.

"Would he have held up against someone like "FIRESTARTER" CAYDEN ROLLINS? Hell no!"

The crowd cheers at the mention of the super Babyface ROLLINS, one of the nicest men in FXW history.

"Would he have held up against CRACKER SEAHOUSE? Absolutely not!"

Now a boo for one of the most hated, yet most accomplished wrestlers in the federation's history.

"No, you know who WOULD have been a JIM BRAUN guy? NED KAYE!"

A massive amount of boos for one of the biggest villains in pro wrestling.

"If I had NED KAYE in the FXW back in the old days, I would have been able to print money with my face on it! That's why I'm here tonight - to support the one man who is willing to save the very thing I helped create! So NED, I have your back tonight. Make JIMYTHAN proud!"

"No Chance In Hell" plays again, but it is almost completely drowned out by the booing of the crowd. BRAUN casually tosses the mic onto the stage before turning and walking backstage.


Hezzie does her best to hide her disapproval. It's not much.

HH: "Very... insightful words from Jimythan Braun."

Pip: "Look! New match start!"

Nefarious Ned Kaye
- vs -
Gilbert Peterson
Falls Count Nowhere






A few church bells ring as a bright light illuminates the top of the ramp. As quickly as they came, they disperse, leaving the ramp normally lit to reveal Gilbert Peterson right as his music hits! Gilbert places his hands together and prays as he walks towards the ring, telling various crowd members "Christ be with you." Finally at ringside, he climbs the steps and enters in between the ropes with the dignity and cheers typically only God-fearing men earn. He holds his arms out as the fans prepare to shout his famous three word catchphrase with him.

...

...

"PRAISE THE LORD!"

Dropping his arms, his head shoots towards the F-Tron as familiar static encompasses the screen.





The entire stadium is filled with boos as the despised Nefarious Scientist Ned Kaye enters from backstage! He's riding his trusty mech to the ring, laughing as the crowd tosses various kinds of garbage at him. He presses a small button, causing a burst of flame to come from the front of his vehicle, lighting at least one security personnel ablaze, but dissuading further trash being pelted. He dismounts the mech, doing a front flip into the ring out of the cockpit and tossing his goggles out into the audience, prompting the fans to struggle in hopes of avoiding contact with his disgusting sweat.

As the bell rings, Peterson keeps a close eye on his opponent. If any man could pull disgust out of the good Gilbert Peterson, Ned Kaye, the self-proclaimed Kayetheist, cetrainly has a good chance.

HH: "Gilbert's fully aware of what Ned's capable of. How he handles himself in this match will be interesting for sure."

The Nefarious One studies his opponent carefully, appearing to calculate a strategy behind his large, sinister grin. As Gilbert lunges to lock up, Ned ducks, rushing to Peterson's side and preforming a stiff looking Step-Up Enziguri! Gilbert staggers back into the ropes, prompting to Kaye to hop onto a nearby turnbuckle. Finding his footing, Ned runs across the ropes to the opposite turnbuckle, swiftly kicking Peterson on the way there! As Peterson falls to the mat, Ned glances behind to see his prey prone beneath him and executes a brilliant Backwards Moonsault!

He locks in a pin on Peterson, counting loudly under an avalanche of hatred from the audience.

1!



2!






3!

Pip: "Why Ned no win?"

HH: "Well, Pip, that's because this is a Falls Count Nowhere match! While they can wrestle in the entire stadium with no DQ, only submissions can win the match. Somehow, I feel as though this fact was not lost on The Nefarious One."

Ned laughs manically as he holds the pin longer. Referee Yore Taynt moves in, pleading for Kaye to stop messing around. The FXW's premier Scientist leaps to his feet, admonishing the official for interrupting his fun.

Gilly is stirring while Ned argues with the ref! His back turned, Ned doesn't see the flying elbow from Gilbert coming!

Kaye topples to the ground! He attempts to scramble to his feet only to meet a roll-up from God's Greatest Devotee!

The crowd counts enthusiastically!

1!

Ned is struggling to break free!




2!

Pip: "Something not right."

HH: "Something's definitely fishy here!




3!

Gilbert Peterson drops Ned's body and stand triumphantly, awaiting the bell! The stadium gives him a huge pop while anticipates the announcement of his victory. Behind him, laying down on his side, is The Nefarious One with a smug grin at his opponent's confusion.

HH: "Oh, I see. Typical Ned."

As Referee Taynt explains the situation to Gilbert, he looks back at Ned, who is brimming with laughter at his opponent's expense, slapping the mat in his hysterics. Done with the doctor's behavior, Peterson deadlifts Kaye, squirming and screaming, and tosses him face first into his own mech!

Gilbert hops out of the ring and puts a very basic looking armbar on Kaye, who, other than his face being cut open from slamming into his vehicle, looks rather okay!

HH: "Now it all makes sense! Ned was-"

Pip: "Ned was aware a submission bout would nullify the threat of his opponent as Gilbert Peterson has proven to be rather neglectful to his training in that field."

Hezzie looks at her broadcasting partner with a shocked face.

HH: "E-exactly, Pip."

Kaye quickly manuevers out of the hold and pushes Peterson's face against the steel barrier, where he finds himself stuck. Nefarious Ned smirks, seeing his opening as the ref begs him to stop. Ned steps back and hits Gilbert with a nasty dropkick, grating the God-loving Gladiator's jaw across the steel barrier! As he approaches to do more unnecessary damage, referee Taynt will see no more of this and demands Ned to finish the match now! Kaye, incensed, slowly turns his gaze to her.

NNK: "You dare make demands... of me?! This is MY show! MINE!"

Ned raises a fist, fuming.

HH: "He wouldn't dare..."

Suddenly, his index finger shoots up and he begins to rotate his arm in a circular motion, culminating in a dramatic point towards the ramp!

HH: "NED JUST THREW OUT A REFEREE!"

Pip: "HE DO WHAT?"

Flabbergasted, Ref Taynt slowly walks up the ramp, completely speechless as one of Dr. Kaye's patented Ref-O-Trons passes her by.

Finally free from being bothered by rules, Ned drags Peterson's limp body up the ramp, putting it in a nice, open spot near the F-Tron. Chuckling with glee, Ned runs over to his mech and pulls out a remote control panel that he uses to guide the mech up the ramp as he follows close behind. Once it's finally up there, he positions it to lightly crush his pious opponent underneath its mechanical foot! Gilbert struggles uselessly beneath the mechanized monstrosity!

All of a sudden, a drink is pelted at the back of Kaye's head, causing him to twist around to antagonize whoever attacked him. Unfortunately for Ned, he accidentally nudges his controls, resulting in the mech losing balance and toppling on top of him. Finally getting a chance to breath while Ned is trapped, Gilbert climbs the mech, and then climbs to the top of the F-Tron!

HH: "What is Peterson thinking?"

Focusing on the intense support of the crowd, Peterson begins to pray harder than he ever has! Ned finally frees himself from being pinned by the mech! From out of nowhere, a bolt of lightning from God Himself strikes The Nefarious One who stumbles into some of the crowd who hold his barely living husk in place. Gilbert taps his elbow and leaps off the F-Tron!!!

HE CONNECTS, NEARLY FOLDING KAYE LIKE AN ACCORDION!!!

He locks in the armbar... but it's still not enough. The Ref-O-Tron watches on as Ned refuses to tap to such a weak hold when one of the audience members grabs Ned's free hand and slaps it against the ground blatantly!

THE REF-O-TRON CALLS THE MATCH!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION

GILBERT PETERSON


As the beloved Gilbert Peterson stands tall above Ned Kaye, who is still arguing with the Ref-O-Tron over the grounds of his "defeat," the fans chant proudly in favor of Peterson and his life's work.

FUCK YEAH! GOD!
FUCK YEAH! GOD!
FUCK YEAH! GOD!

The camera lingers on Gilbert's horrified expression before quickly cutting to the commentary duo.


Pip: "God man no like fuck word."

HH: "One moment, Pip. I've just been informed that our backstage correspondent has an important interview for us. To you, Stevie!"

The scene cuts backstage to a woman in a very professional looking dress holding a microphone outside of a dressing room. She has a rather fake-looking smile under exhausted eyes.



"Stevie Sayors here! As you all know, tonight's Main Event will crown the FXW's first ever Universal Consolation Prize Holder! I should be here with eager contender Lightning Hands, however..."

The camera turns to show more of the dressing room's door as Sayors presses on it, revealing it to be quite locked.

"We have had no luck in securing an interview with Mr. Hands despite being out here since the show started. Furthermore, we've been informed that he will not see us until he has reached a stopping point in his tireless humanitarian efforts. I've been informed that we will remain here on standby until... well, until that happens."

Stevie uneasily signs off.

"Back to you, Hezzie."

HH: "Thanks... Stevie."

...

HH: "Oh, would you look at the time? The next match is just about to get underway!"


Greg Brown
- vs -
Iceman
"Solid" Aluminum Cage Match






"Kick The Dust Up" by Luke Bryan begins to play, prompting loud disapproval from the fans. Greg Brown struts his way down to the ring, scoffing at some of the cismen in the audience and motioning for the transmen to call him as he places a pantomimed phone to his ear and licks at the air aggressively. As more of the crowd becomes uncomfortable, he rubs his hair-covered chest for his beloved FTM vajboys. Once he has thoroughly aroused only himself, Greg Brown makes his way to his corner.





The stadium goes dark for a few passing moments, brimming back to life as "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse fills the President Simmons Memorial Center and with it, Iceman is seen in the cool, blue lights of the F-Tron. The crowd gives him a warm reception of chants and cheers as he walks down ramp, avoiding the areas of the walkway that Brown stepped on.

Pip: "Pip like Iceman! He always shows up at match."

HH: "That's right, Pip! Although he hasn't always been the nicest fella in the FXW, he certainly warrants a better reaction than Brown."

Iceman makes it to the ring, watching his opponent closely. But before he can make any readings the cage begins to slowly lower down to surround the ring!

Halfway down, however, they slow the lowering process with no real explanation.

Pip: "Why is slow?"

HH: "To-uh... to protect the ground, Pip."

Greg Brown and Iceman start to circle one another as the cage starts to slowly fall down. Luckily, The referee goes and fixes it very quickly. Brown nails Iceman with a stiff left hook that was harder than his dick. Iceman goes down and part of the cage collapses. Oh, the humanity! Bill taunts the crowd by pointing at his cock and they start booing him. One fan throws a cup full of beer at the cage. The cage starts sagging a bit as the referee goes to try to fix that issue. 

Brown goes to lock on the Brown Nightmare only to get a kick in the balls. Brown falls over as Iceman gets back up. Iceman grabs Brown and locks in a leglock of some sort. I dunno. Brown reaches the ropes when all of sudden, A section of the cage falls down on them both. They are stunned as the referee starts counting them both out. 

Referee: 1…..2……..3………

Brown starts to stir as the crowd starts booing. Brown reaches his feet as the referee stops the count. He grabs that part of the cage and hits Iceman with it. The fans start throwing peaches at him. One connects and hits him in the side of the head. He gets blinded and falls out the ring. Luckily for us, The match can only end by pinfall so it doesn’t count. Iceman gets back up and just shakes his head as the fans start chanting his name. Brown climbs back into the ring. 

They lock up once again and Iceman gets the upper hand and nails Brown with a body slam to the cheers of the crowd. Iceman goes for a front chin lock on Brown. Brown struggles to make it to the ropes in time as the fans boo at that reaction. Iceman does that thing Randy Orton does in which he stomps the body parts of a downed opponent. I don’t know what to call it. Iceman does that trademark Orton Pose to the cheers of the audience. He grabs Brown and Brown counters with a punch to the balls of his own. The fans start booing. 

Brown gets back to his feet and quickly capitalizes with the tenacity of a wasp and nails him with an Air Raid Crash. Iceman falls the ground. Brown quickly climbs to the top rope and goes for a splash only to get caught in the cage and falls to the ground taking that section with him as well. Iceman gets back up and looks at the mess as about 75% of the cage is non-existent at this point. Iceman grabs a piece and hits Brown with it. The fans are cheering. 

HH: "I don't think I've ever seen that happen in a wrestling match before!"

Iceman drops the piece of the cage and drags Brown to the center of the ring and locks on the Imperfect Sleep. The referee goes to check on Brown. Brown is still fighting. Brown manages to roll over onto his stomach with Iceman still on his back. Brown is fighting it off as best as he can. Brown goes to get back to his feet only to get trapped in a pin attempt and he kicks out at 2. They both get back up and this time Brown gets the upperhand as he nails Iceman with a stiff shot that stuns him. 

Another fans throws a full cup of beer at Brown as Brown catches it this time and throws it into Iceman's eyes. Iceman is stunned. Brown hits him with a DDT and goes to lock on the Brown Nightmare.

Iceman tries desperately to resist the pain!

But..



He just...




Can't!

ICEMAN TAPS!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION

GREG BROWN


Greg Brown leaps up, smirking widely as the referee holds his arm up. The fans boo him rigorously, their anger becoming more audible with each pelvic thrust from the Brown Nightmare.

HH: "Well, you know what that means! We're just about ready for our Main Event of the eveni-"

NNK: "We have an urgent message from our sponsors!"

Hezzie Halliwell gives Ned an annoyed glare as the scene from the announcer's desk fades out.


A commercial fades in, playing stock footage of picturesque waterfalls, sunny skies, and small teams cooperating in an office setting.

"There's a lot of things a leader needs to be..."

"Approachable."

"Adaptable."

"Constantly striving to improve themself."

"Capable of subduing the entire state of Illinois."

A green screened Nefarious Ned Kaye appears over the various stock footage clips, dressed in his normal scientific garb.

"Hi, I'm Ned Kaye. And while I am currently actively holding several million lives hostage at my own convenience, I am also more than qualified in serving this country in the most noble way possible. That's why I am hereby announcing my campaign for President of these United States."

"Now, you might be asking yourself, "Ned, aren't you a dictator hellbent on the subjugation of humanity under your iron fist through the use of technology?" Well, the answer is, simply put..."

Dr. Kaye smiles brightly for the camera.

"Yes."

"The real question is whether or not you'd like to work in the salt mines of Kentucky when my reign as your President begins. If that answer is "no," then I highly recommend you lend me your support this November."

"Remember, a vote for a Ned is a vote to not be enslaved in Kentucky!"

This message was paid for by the Free Province of Illinois.


The picture cuts back to the announcer's desk where Ned Kaye has made himself more than comfortable.

HH: "Hello, Ned. We didn't anticipate your arrival."

NNK: "It's not my fault you and your inarticulate partner here are so short sighted. Besides, even though this Main Event is an absolute MOCKERY due to the wishes of FXW management, I'm not about to miss out on a commentary position on my own show! By the way, what did you think of my ad?"

HH: "Truly a chilling vision of things to come."

The Nefarious One gives a big grin and props his feet up on the desk, knocking over Pip's coffee cup onto some unsuspecting crewmen.

Pip: "Pip not like science man."

NNK: "The feeling is more than mutual."





Sean Peacestein
- vs -
Lightning Hands
Title Match for the Inaugural
Universal Consolation Prize






"I Saw A Tiger" by Joe Exotic begins to play, garnering a huge pop from the audience! The song continues to play, although Lightning Hands has yet to walk out.

...

Nothing. The crowd gets quiet.

...




Still nothing.

...










The song loops two or three times before, finally, Lightning Hands is brought out to the ring! He's accompanied by two security guards, practically dragging him down to the ring as he continues to write checks, even tossing a few into the stands as he's pulled down the ramp. As he finally sets his check writing aside he waves to the stadium who roar in approval.





The F-Tron shines a brilliant red, white, and blue as "Proud to Be An American" by Lee Greenwood Toby Keith plays through the speakers of the arena. The entire stadium pops as out walks Sean Peacestein. Sean smiles humbly as he begins to walk down the ramp, greeting individual attendees as he walks. After a few dozen quick greetings, he apologizes that he cannot greet everyone in the building and heads down to the ring, quickly climbing in and waving to everyone before offering a handshake to Lightning Hands, his smile still as big as his heart.

The audience begin to chant loudly, finally seeing these two beloved figures face to face in the ring with one another.

"SHAKE HIS HAND!"
"SHAKE HIS HAND!"
"SHAKE HIS HAND!"

After little consideration, Lightning Hands gladly shakes Sean's hand, resulting in the entire crowd erupting with applause.

HH: "What a great display of sportsmanship!"

Pip: "Two little mans have big respect."

Dr. Kaye is heard nearly vomiting at the sight.

*DING, DING*

The two men prepare to grapple in the center of the ring as they take in the positive atmosphere! Suddenly, some competing chants begin to arise.

"LET'S GO LIGHTNING!"
"LET'S GO SEAN!"
"LET'S GO LIGHTNING!"
"LET'S GO SEAN!"

Pip: "Fans love both!"

HH: "The audience just can't decide who they want to win! Both men are just so beloved!"

NNK: "God, if this gets any more saccharine, I'm gonna have to burn down an orphanage later just to get the ick off."

The two men finally begin to grape as the crowd goes wild with applause! Lightning Hands begins to lose his footing a bit, so Sean makes sure to let him regain it a bit before continuing. After some very technical and decidedly fair grappling, Sean has the upper hand! Peacestein whips Hands into the ropes and hits him with a clothesline, obviously making attempts to not be needlessly aggressive. Lightning Hands kips up and stares down his opponent in the least threatening way possible.

They begin to trade open hand chops in the middle of the ring! Peacestein salutes with his other hand over his heart and then raises his arm high, bringing his hand down for a big chop! Then Hands hits him back! Peacestein! Hands! Peacestein! Hands! Lightning begins to do a little dance across from his winded and respectful opponent, checks falling out of his pockets! He chops Peacestein down, the American Goodass hitting the ground with a loud thud. The crowd can't believe he was knocked over and are hollering in support of LH!

On commentary, Ned obnoxiously bursts into laughter.

NNK: "HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT SHAWN!"

HH: "...Don't you hate Lightning Hands just as much, Ned."

Dr. Kaye ceases, stammering somewhat in an annoyed fashion.

NNK: "Ju-just let me have this, Heather!"

Peacestein picks himself, smiling at his opponent's impressive strength! He rushes in and slips behind Lightning Hands, bringing the Master of Charimony to the ground and locking him into his trademark Anaconda Vice! As he stares at Lightning Hands, squirming in intense pain at Sean's most devastating hold, he can't help, but get up and try something else.

HH: "It looks like Sean just can't bear to hurt LH too much! He's just too nice to brutalize a fellow athlete so needlessly! If only everybody in our sport, ahem, could be so considerate!"

The Nefarious One grumbles at the sickeningly thoughtful sportsmanlike conduct.

Sean pulls Lightning Hands to his feet, but LH is just too out of shape! He's been putting all of his time into his charity work so he's far too behind on honing his athleticism! Very carefully, Peacestein gets him into a DDT and waits a second before hitting it, grimacing a bit as they hit the ground. He's about to go for another submission when his concern for his fellow competitor stops him from being able to put any more undue stress on Lightning's body!

Looking down at his exhausted opponent, Sean goes for the pin, the fans cheering on, getting more and more frenzied!

1!




2!



Sean gets up to break his own pin!

NNK: "What the hell is Shawn doing?!"

Peacestein motions for a microphone and helps Lightning Hands up. He points out to the crowd smiling his familiar grin and begins to speak!

"I just can't pin you, Lightning. Because this Universal Consolation Prize... well, it doesn't belong to me. It belongs to America! Whaddya say?"

A tear vaguely in the shape of a bald eagle runs down Hands' cheek as he nods and shakes Sean's hand proudly. The audience goes absolutely nuts! The bell rings!

WINNER BY A GENERAL AGREEMENT AND NEEEWWWWWWW
UNIVERSAL CONSOLATION PRIZE HOLDER

AMERICA


Sean Peacestein and Lightning Hands stand triumphantly as the referee hands them the Universal Consolation Prize Trophy! The crowd cannot get enough of the two and begin to chant!

"USA!"
"USA!"
"USA!"

HH: "A tremendous victory for America! One cannot imagine a more picturesque ending for tonig-"

NNK: "NO!!!"

Ned slams his fists down on the desk.

NNK: "NO, NO, NO, NO!!! It wasn't meant to be this way! I was supposed to be in this match! I was supposed to win! Shawn shouldn't have been anywhere near the Universal Consolation Prize! They can't even spell his name right on his intro graphic!"

HH: "Uh... Ned... That is how his name is spelled."

NNK: "What?"

Kaye looks up at Pip with disbelief in his eyes. The Golly Green Giant sadly nods.

NNK: "You mean... I've been saying it wrong this whole fucking time?!"

Pip: "It sound okay to Pip..."

NNK: "Now this is the last straw!"

Ned leaps over the announcer's desk and rushes towards the ring. He slowly approaches Sean while his back is turned! The fans cry for Sean to watch out only to have him somewhat absentmindedly swing the trophy into Ned's face, cutting his head open again as The Nefarious One falls onto his face.

Sean immediately begins to apologize to the downed Kaye as the audience cheers at the sight of one of their most hated performers getting his! Peacestein kneels down and calls for medical assistance amidst all the joyous shouts. The show fades to black as Nefarious Ned Kaye gurgles in a small pool of his own blood.


Join us on April 1st, 2021 for...

YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO SHOVE-IT

(Logo available on all browsers supporting Flash!)



SPECIAL THANKS TO:
-Everybody who signed up and RP'd for this incredibly stupid idea. (Fuzz, TK, Jimson, Big D, Donovan MacBlackwater, Barney, and Mav.
-Extra thanks to Fuzz and Big D for supporting the initial concept.
-Extra thanks to Barney for writing a match.
-Extra thanks to Donovan for suggesting the ME finish.
-Centurion for submitting a segment.
-Atara for allowing Drunk Atty to be included.
-My mom for giving birth to me, but not sticking around long enough to witness this mess.
-Noah Jackson for encouraging me to do a Shove-It at some point.(This was most definitely not what he had in mind.)
-James Raven, not because he did anything, I just like James Raven.
-And YOU for reading this nonsense!
]]> <![CDATA[XWF and Centurion Present: Battle For the Bahamas]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=35046 Sun, 06 Oct 2019 05:59:21 -0700 Theo Pryce]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=35046
XWF and Centurion Present: BATTLE FOR THE BAHAMAS





October 5, 2019
Imperial Arena in Nassau, Bahamas



Vita Valenteen
- vs -
Noah Jackson
Standard Singles



Jim Jimson
- vs -
Barney Green
- vs -
Konrad Raab
Triple Threat



Ruby
- vs -
Alyssa Ferro
Standard Singles



Federweight Championship:
Madison Dyson ©
- vs -
Thunder Knuckles
- vs -
Isabella Ravenwolf
- vs -
Ezra Blackwater
Hardcore Fatal Four way



MAIN EVENT
Centurion & Boris
Vs
"Box Office" Brian O'Haire & Legion
Standard Tag Team





The show begins as the crowd in The Bahamas comes alive. The camera pans to around the ballroom-turned-arena to all the fans, who are cheering and clearly delighted to be there. The camera then goes to our commentators for the evening, Steve Jason and Maverick, who are ringside.

Steve Jason: Hello, fans. Welcome to The Battle For The Bahamas, LIVE on Circle TV Premium and on demand on the X Network. I am the legendary Steve Jason, and sitting next to me is my Wildcard buddy, fresh off his final match in the XWF, Maverick. Good to see you here, Mav.

Mav: Delighted to be here, delighted to spend a week in The Bahamas, and most importantly…delighted to still be relevant.

SJ: Tonight, we’re going to have plenty of fun, but we’re also here for a reason. Hurricane Dorian devastated Grand Bahama Island one month ago, leaving several dead and thousands displaced. We are here to raise money for the people of The Bahamas, who are still struggling to get electricity and running water. Visit https://bahamasredcross.org/donate/ to donate to Bahamas Red Cross. All proceeds of this event go to them.

Mav: Except for the fee Centurion had to pay for Thunder Knuckles to show up.

SJ: True.



Centurion sits in his makeshift office as he puts together the finishing touches on this massive charity event. A knock is heard at the door after a few seconds.

"Come in!" Centurion shouts and the door opens. Cent looks up and decides to greet the man entering his office. "Hey Thad," he says as he stands from his desk to greet the TV champ with a handshake.

"Hey Cent, congrats on becoming the new Xtreme champ! Must be pretty exciting, to come home after all that time and realize you still got it better than most."

"Thanks man, and congrats on a successful defense at Relentless. It's never easy in a triple threat. You can lose the title without even taking the fall.

"I gotta say though, I'm kind of disappointed you didn't come compete," Centurion reveals. "These fans would have loved it."

"I know man, I'm bummed myself. I didn't catch the fact this was even going down in time. Anyway, here's a little something for the cause," Thad says as he pulls a check from his hoodie pocket.

"Wow," Cent says as he looks at the zeroes. "Grab a mic later, I'm sure you got things on your mind. If you're not competing you can at least make an appearance."

"Yeah man, I might just do that!"

Thad exits the office as the scene fades out.


Vita Valenteen
Vs
Noah Jackson





The opening riffs of “Vicious” begin to play as the crowd breaks out into a chorus of boos. VV walks out onto the stage and and postures for the crowd, soaking up their jeers as if it's the ultimate sign of support. She makes her way down the ramp, ignoring the outreached hands of any fans she still has along the way. VV the heads up the steps and walks along the outside apron. She grabs the top rope with both hands and springboards into the ring where she tucks and rolls before settling on a couched, almost ninja like pose. VV flexes her biceps as the crowd continues to boo. She stands up, laughing off the crowd as she prepares for the match to start.



Noah Jackson runs onto the ramp with a burst of energy, taunting to the crowd. He walks towards the ring going to high five fans before faking out and giving them a dab like a dick. He rolls into the ring and rests in his corner.

The official asked both competitors if they were ready. VV was quick to ask for a moment before she grabbed a microphone from ringside.

SJ: “Well it seems like Vita Valenteen has something to get off of her chest before this match gets underway.”

VV: “Ya know, I don’t even know why Noah and I decided to show up tonight. We were both asked to come down to the Bahama’s and work for FREE to raise money to rebuild your huts after Hurricane... “

VV cupped her hand over the microphone and looked to Noah.

Vita Valenteen: ”Yo, what was the name of the hurricane that hit here?”

Steve Jason: “Is she kidding us?”

Noah looked completely caught off guard with the question, he just threw his arms out and shrugged. VV shrugged as bell before she uncupped the microphone and continued to address the crowd.

Mav: “Jesus, these two are a couple of clowns.

Vita Valenteen: ”Ya know, it really doesn’t matter anyway! The point is, we were asked to work for free to raise money for you idiots, and yet when Noah set up shop after landing over here, he was chastised by you people for trying to raise money to cover his cost in coming to this dump in the first place!”

“So what I learned is that you people will gladly put out your hands and poor mouth for someone to cover YOUR expenses, but when a LEGITIMATE BUSINESSMAN like Noah tries to bring supplies in and sell them at a FAIR cost, he’s a greedy asshole? I swear, I may have felt badly for you people at first, but now I’m thinking that this island is comprised of nothing but entitled BABIES!”

Noah leaned into the microphone to interject.

Noah Jackson: ”Cunts…”

VV smirked before correcting herself.

Vita Valenteen: ”Sorry, entitled CUNTS!”

”But don’t worry, despite our personal feelings, we gave our word to work this show, and even with all of the shitty locals and Centurion’s PETTINESS, we are still going to fight our hardest and give you all the match of a lifetime!”

VV tossed the microphone out of the ring as the crowd split between hating and loving these two! Noah stretched out of the ropes while Vita hopped up and down and threw a few warm up punches to loosen up.

The official once again asked them if they were ready to begin, but this time it was Noah who asked for a moment before collecting a microphone.

Noah Jackson: ”CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!!!!”

Noah handed the microphone off to the official instead of just throwing it out of the ring like that rude girl Vita. The two of them began warming up again as the official asked them for a third time if they were both ready. Noah nods, as does Vita. The official FINALLY calls for the bell!

DING DING!!!

Noah and VV stalked out of their cornered and circled each other. VV rushed in and grabbed Noah, but he slipped his upper body between the middle and top ropes forcing the official to make VV back away.

With the action back on, the two once again found themselves circling one another. Noah made the first move, charging in like a bull. VV dropped to her belly, Noah hopped over her and rebounded off of the ropes. He came back looking to drop an elbow, but VV quickly rolled under the bottom rope to the floor. The official began the 10 count as Vita paced the outside wasting time. By 8 she rolled back into the ring and began talking some trash to Noah. Noah seemed caught off guard by this, and to save face, he started throwing insults right back at her!

Steve Jason: “It looks like tempers are starting to flare.

Mav: “Good, maybe we’ll finally get some action!”

VV continued talking trash as Noah planted his feet to the ground.





Noah Jackson: "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.





VV continued to talk trash about how she was the superior talent.





Noah Jackson: “MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”





She continued, seemingly unphased by whatever Noah was doing.





Noah Jackson: “HAAAAAAAAA!!!”





VV continued on with something about being the REAL Anarchy Champion.





Noah Jackson: “MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”





VV seemingly getting upset with Noah for ignoring her screams at him, at the top of her lungs.





Vita Valenteen: “I’M THE GREATEST PURE TECHNICAL WRESTLER IN THE XW…’





Noah Jackson: “HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"






























"CUNT!"








































[Image: kamehameha.gif]


Steve Jason: “Those are some neat special effects…”

VV oversold the fake Kamehameha blast as she bounced and flopped all over the ring before finally settling on a spot to “die” in.

Mav: "Yeah, too bad all they're doing is making a mockery of this benefit show.

Noah drops down and hooks Vita's leg!




ONE!












TWO!!




















THREE!!!



Noah and Vita both jumped to their feet and began to laugh at the crowd for actually believing that they were going to fight each other tonight!


Vita!

A call cuts the air, prompting VV and Noah to turn and look at the source. Corey is seen, holding a mic. The fans pop at the sight of him, but quickly quiet down when he brings the mic to his lips. VV rolls her eyes and Noah leans on the rope, chuckling and gesturing at Corey mockingly.

It's Corey. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's pretty pathetic that I'm out here and making this spectacle of myself because I'm still not over you. You're thinking about how SAD it is that I'm still dragging this out. You might even be thinking that I'm embarrassing myself.

Vita shakes her head emphatically "yes" in the ring.

But I can't deny myself this anymore. I do have something to say.

Corey lowers the mic and VV and Noah look annoyed.

Noah: Woah, woah, woah. Just hold on a second, cunt!

Noah, who has now grabbed a microphone, has stepped out of the ring and starts walking toward Corey.

Noah: I’m starting to get a little tired of your whining, cunt! So spit it out so I can go ahead and punch you in the mouth.

I have to say....Corey pauses for dramatic effect.....that you're both pretty dumb for falling for the same distraction tactic you pulled on Cent.

Noah looks confused, when…

1000 MILE SLAM! Centurion drops Vita Valenteen from behind with a 1000 Mile Slam! Noah’s eyes go wide as he yells out fucking cunt! and runs towards the ring. He is about to get in the ring, when…


FALCON PUNCH!

Out of the crowd leaps Sarah Lacklan and Kenzi Grey, who nail a double punch to Noah! Noah falls to the mat as the crowd isn’t quite sure what to make of what is going on. Corey, on stage, cringes and calls out “that had to hurt” as Lacklan and Kenzi slide into the ring.

SJ: Well, this is something I never thought I would see. Sarah Lacklan and Kenzi Grey in the same ring as Centurion, and they don’t want to beat each other up. Truly an unusual sight.

Mav: Andy’s going to die of a heart attack.

Centurion picks Vita up off the mat and stands, wobbly, as Kenzi and Sarah bounce off the rope and nail the Falcon Punch to her, dropping her to the mat. Sarah Lacklan then unbuttons her coat to reveal the XWF Anarchy Championship.

SJ: That’s the real belt!

Mav: No, that’s the fake one. Vita has the real one.

SJ: Oh, shut up. Lacklan never lost the belt and you know it.

Lacklan puts her boot on Vita’s chest and raises the Anarchy title high as Centurion leans over the ropes to look down at the fallen Noah Jackson. All the while, Corey stands in the aisleway, laughing at the misfortunes of Noah and Vita.




The camera quickly cuts to Fuzz sitting in a chair holding a sign up, he’s casually waving the sign back and forth. Steve Sayors walks up to him mic in hand and camera rolling.

Steve: Fuzz I didn’t think you were going to be here…

Fuzz: And why is that?

Steve: Well you don’t like Centurion. You don’t care for this country, and to top it all off you don’t seem like the charitable kind of guy.

Fuzz: Right on all points Stevie. No as you can tell by my sign I am currently out here protesting the offices of the XWF.

Steve: Fuzz you do know you’re holding the sign backwards. No one can actually see the sign you’re holding up.

Fuzz glances down and gets visibly frustrated. He flips the sign the right way. In big bold letters all it says is.

“SHOW THE BRACKETS!”

Fuzz looks at it with a smile, and then back towards Steve.

Fuzz: This right here is what I’m out here for. The XWF have blatantly been hiding these Tournament brackets from Noah and myself. We have asked on multiple occasions to see them. Every time we ask we are ignored. Well guess what Steve.

Steve: What?

Fuzz: Noah and I have hit the back roads of America and all across ‘Stralia, and we got over 100,000 signatures of people wanting the brackets revealed. Sure some of them thought they were signing for the Marijuana Act to legalize it, but the fact remains. They signed.

Steve: And just what are you planning on doing with all those signatures?

Fuzz: Why I’m going to march right into all the GM’s offices across all shows and demand to give the people what they want. And that’s why I’m here tonight. I’m going to walk right into Theo’s office and demand action.

Steve: I’ve got some bad news for you Fuzz. Theo’s not here.

Fuzz: Well then who’s office have I been sitting outside of?

Steve shrugs his shoulders. Fuzz slowly opens the door and peers inside.

Fuzz: It’s a bathroom. I’ve been blocking a bathroom. FUCK! Damn it Steve. I’ve got to get out of here. Putting myself out here was an unnecessary risk. I’ve got to run. See you on Anarchy.

Fuzz then shoves Steve out of the way, and off into the crowd. As the camera cuts.




Jim Jimson
Vs
Barney Green
Vs
Konrad Raab





Jim calls upon the powers of the dophin king and sends the entire crowd and opponents to the 8th diemsion. As soon a Jim Jimson's super cool and amazing entrance is finished, the crowd and opponents all return to the arena missing out on the epic entrance.



"Like A Prayer" by Madonna starts to play through out the arena as fans start to cheer slightly. A black Jeep, driven by John Lauriniaits, appears at the top of the ramp slowly driving forward as we see Barney Green standing in the back waving the Irish Flag. The jeep stops and Green leaps out of it. He waves the flag one last time and places it back into the Jeep. He walks down the ramp and high fives a couple fans. He enters the ring and waits in the corner as the music fades.



Cold as Ice by M.O.P plays over the sound system as Konrad comes out through the curtain just wearing his blue and white mask with white hair along with his wrestling trousers with his nickname The Iceman on the front of them with Pit Bull Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands with a side cross necklace on his neck with the blue and black yin-yang tattoo on his right shoulder, Iceman from X-Men tattoo on his back, Ice wolf on his left chest and ice bear on his right chest.

Phillips: “From Cologne, Germany, he is The Iceman, Konrad Raab!”

He then high fives the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and does a holdup on each turnbuckle and everyone cheers him as he gets down from the turnbuckle and does a few boxing punches to the cameras before he looks at his opponent waiting for the match to start.

All three men start in the ring.

STEVE JASON: It's really weird to see Barney Green not be 800 pounds.

MAVERICK: Yeah good for Barney, can't wait to see him get his ass kicked.

DING! DING! DING!

Raab respectfully walks to the center of the ring and extends a fist slowly in each opponents directions looking for a fist bump to start the match.

STEVE JASON: I mean, it looks awkward but what a gentleman!

Green obliges and Raab gives a nod but as he turns to Jim Jimson he receives a face full of pinecone!

MAVERICK: A Jimson Snack! Right off the bat!

STEVE JASON: I don't think Raab got all of that pinecone though, Mav... What the fuck am I saying?

The pinecone hanging out of Raab's maw, he seems more confused rather than beaten down. Green spins around and plants Jimson down with a clothesline and turns back to Konrad and throws a heavy punch into his stomach, the pinecone launching from his mouth. Raab smiles with a thank you and reciprocates with a beautiful arm trap German suplex! Launching the full 264 pounds of Barney Green across the ring. Raab turns to his stomach and begins to push himself up only to receive a knee to the temple from Jimson!

Raab flails on the canvas and Jimson looks to Green who begins to charge him from across the mat. Green launches into the air looking for a crossbody but Jimson stands his ground and throws a headbutt against a flying Barney! Green flies through the air like a downed chopper as Jimson shakes the daze and wobbly legs. Konrad is back to his feet and he and Jim sqaure off in the center of the ring. Jim throws up his hands and Konrad goes low into a boxer's stance; Raab throws a hard right body blow which Jimson follows up with an open-handed slap to Raab's cheek. Raab shrugs off the blow and throws a straight left into Jimson's nose. Jim stumbles back and Raab switches footing, dodging a lazy hook from Jimson and swaying right putting power into a heavy haymaker to Jimson's temple!

Jim tries to keep himself up as he stumbles back but can't as he falls against the ropes and falls on his ass, trying to shake the cobwebs. The crowd cheer on Raab as he raises his arms in the air only for Green to get Konrad in a full nelson. Raab struggles in the hold as Green locks his hands together tight grasp behind Konrad's head.

Jim Jimson rushes Raab and knocks both Raab and Green over with a strong dropkick! The ring shakes as both men crash to the canvas and Raab rolls off of Green's frame and stands to his feet. Jimson charges forward and Raab throws a European Uppercut forward but it's easily telegraphed by Jimson as he hooks Raab's arm and plants The Iceman down with a float-over DDT! Jim Jimson does a kip-up with a triple front flip but it's so awesome that everyone refuses to believe it happened and just looks like Jim got up normally. Jim turns on a heel and sees Green making his way toward him, Green clocks Jimson with an elbow. Jimson stumbles back but doesn't fight back, instead he opens his arms to Green.

STEVE JASON: Is Jimson asking for a hug?

MAVERICK: Hey, sometimes being a wrestler gets to be a little too much, Steve.

STEVE JASON: ... Do you want a hug, Maverick?

MAVERICK: NO! ... Maybe.

As the two commentators hug it out killing all toxic masculinity tonight. Jim throws his hand to his chest, telling Green to come close. Barney clenches a fist and looks to Jim, then to the crowd who cheer on this display of love. It is all for a charity event, after all. Green lets down his guard and the two embrace to the biggest pop of the night from the crowd.

After a solid 10 to 20 seconds of manly hugging. Jim strikes!

STEVE JASON: THE JIMSON SLAM!!!

Green is destroyed by Jimson! A little from the emotional betrayal but more from the excellent belly to belly! Jimson goes for the cover!

1


...


2


...


THR-NO!

BROKEN UP BY KONRAD RAAB!

Raab grabs Jimson by the shoulders and hurls him off Green's body. Jimson quickly gets to his feet and charges Raab, throwing a shoulder against Raab's sternum and knocks him into the corner. Jim follows up with a spear but Raab hops up onto the top turnbuckle and Jimson crashes against the steel! He stumbles back and Raab turns on a heel and flies off with a moonsault!

Jim Jimson throws a knee forward but still gets the full blow of Raab's attack, both men crash down onto the mat.

The crowd roar as both men struggle to stand. Jimson gets to his feet first and leans against the ring ropes, but he is immediately met by a big forearm by Raab, sending him out of the ring. Raab turns to Barney Green and picks him up. He grabs him from behind…

The Frozen Pin!

1



…


2

…



THREE!!!!

WINNER: Konrad Raab





The XWF camera crew cuts back to a developing situation. We see Lux standing in the back, a vicious smile on her face. About 30 feet away is Madison Dyson, surrounded by a cavalcade of her Blackwater mercenary bodyguards. The bodyguards are all wielding collapsible batons and looking particularly menacing.

BACK THE FUCK UP, LUX! You are NOT getting any piece of this today, bitch! Madison screeches from behind her human shield.

Is that right.... Lux jerks forward a bit, spooking the bodyguards.

Centurion enters from the left, holding his arms out as he approaches Lux. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Everybody calm down! He turns to Lux. Look, I know you've got some major heat with her. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't murder her at my charity show.

Lux speaks audibly to Cent, but her eyes never leave Madison. I had no intention of doing that. Her day's coming soon, but it doesn't have to be today. Her grin widens. Watch your back, hon. too.

Lux takes her leave peacefully, making a wide berth around the merc team.

Yeah, bitch, WHAT?!

Cent looks at Madison and scowls, shaking his head as he walks off camera.




Ruby
Vs
Alyssa Ferro


Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit.





Out from the back runs Ruby to a loud ovation from the crowd. She waves to the fans and slaps the hands of some folks in the front row as she makes her way to the ring.

Announcer: Introducing first, from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. She is…RUBY!!

SJ: Here comes the former lime-green superhero to a really nice reception from the crowd.

Mav: Lime green superhero? That’s an…interesting choice of colors. Probably why she dropped it.

Ruby slides into the ring and stands up the turnbuckle as the crowd continues to cheer her on. She then jumps off and stands in the middle of the ring, waiting for her opponent.




The crowd gives another really loud reaction as, out from the back, steps Alyssa Ferro.

Announcer: And her opponent, from St. Marys, Pennsylvania…ALYSSA FERRO!

SJ: This is Alyssa Ferro’s first match in the XWF in over 10 years.

Mav: Yeah, Alyssa started out as a rookie here to middling success, but her career really took off elsewhere. Great to see her back for this event.

Ferro runs down the aisle and slides into the ring before leaning up against the ropes, soaking in the cheers of the crowd. She gets a huge smile on her face as she looks out into the crowd. She checks the ropes one time before standing up straight and the bell rings.

Immediately Ruby puts her hand behind her back and extends the other hand. Without hesitation, Ferro takes the hand and shakes it as the two of them bow towards each other, much to the delight of the crowd.

Mav: A lot of respect being shown here.

SJ: Yeah, these two have very similar personalities, and Alyssa said some positive things about Ruby in the lead up to this match, so there isn’t any bad blood here at all.

The crowd claps to get fired up as Ferro and Ruby circle the ring. The two lock up and Ferro immediately gets to her knees. She reverses it into a hammerlock, but Ruby does a front roll to counter it into a standing arm bar. Ferro then goes for an arm drag, which Ruby lands on her feet. Ruby does for a leg sweep, which Ferro jumps over, before Ferro goes for an elbow strike, which Ruby ducks. Ferro then flips over Ruby’s back and goes for a Pele kick, but Ruby cartwheels out of the way. Ruby then goes for a drop kick, which Ferro backs away from. The two then bounce off the ropes and look to go for drop kicks, but they see the other doing the same, so they both flip and land on their knees. The crowd goes nuts as Ferro and Ruby kneel in front of each other, huge smiles on their faces.

SJ: To say these two have things well scouted would be an understatement.

Mav: The winner may be the first person to land a move.

Both women get to their feet and circle each other again. Ferro immediately grabs Ruby in a headlock, but Ruby quickly throws Ferro against the ropes. Ferro comes back and knocks Ruby down with a shoulder block. Ferro runs against the ropes again, but Ruby does a kip-up and nails Ferro with a Ruby Cutter!

Mav: Woah!

SJ: It may be over already!

Ruby goes for the pin…

1…



2..


KICKOUT! The crowd roars as Ferro not only kicks out, but shoots back to her feet, delivering a drop kick to Ruby in the process. Ferro bounces off the ropes and comes back at a prone Ruby, hitting her with a standing shooting star press. Now Ferro covers…

1…


2…


Ruby rolls out of it and rolls up Ferro!

1….

2….


Ferro kicks out, gets back to her feet, and delivers a dropkick to a seated Ruby. Ferro then goes for the pin, but as she rolls Ruby over, Ruby is able to roll over her head and jump in the air, delivering a big clothesline, sending both competitors to the mat. The crowd goes nuts as both wrestlers lay in the middle of the ring.

SJ: This has been a sprint. These two have reversed and countered everything the other has done. The action is too fast to call, folks!

Both women slowly get to their feet and crawl to opposite corners. Ruby is able to get to her feet as Ferro stands, back turned. As she turns around, she is met with a running splash in the corner. Ferro stumbles out of the corner as Ruby bounces off the ropes. Ferro counters and is able to lift Ruby up and over the ropes, but Ruby lands on her feet on the ring apron. She delivers a big kick to the side of Ferro’s head, and as Ferro stumbles forwards holding her head, Ruby jumps onto the top rope and delivers a massive missile dropkick to Ferro’s back. Ferro falls face first onto the mat, and Ruby gets to her feet. The crowd continues to go crazy and Ruby, seeing the excitement, runs to one of the corners and jumps to the top turnbuckle.

SJ: Ruby, known for her high risk maneuvers.

Ferro slowly gets to her feet and Ruby is jestering to her, hoping she turns around. Ferro does and Ruby jumps off, but is met with a huge midair superkick! The crowd lets out a loud “OOOO!!” as Ruby sits hard onto the mat.

Mav: She may need a mask now just to hide those teeth…or lack there of.

Ferro makes the cover…

1….


2…


KICKOUT! Ferro gets back to her feet and picks up Ruby. She then grabs Ruby by the arm and runs towards the turnbuckle, looking for a top rope arm drag. Ferro gets to the top turnbuckle, but Ruby is able to counter and tosses Ferro off, sending Ferro crashing to the mats on the outside. Ferro clutches her back as Ruby falls against the ropes, trying to catch her breath. Ferro starts to get to her feet and Ruby, seeing the situation at hand, quickly runs against the ropes, then back towards Ferro, taking flight.

SJ: TOPE CON HERO!

Both women are laid out on the outside as the crowd begins a “this is awesome! This is awesome!” chant.

Mav: I have to agree. These women have gone at a thousand miles an hour in this match.

Both women crawl and slowly get to there knees, with Ruby having the advantage. She finds the outer barricade and pulls herself up, and sees Ferro on her knees against the opposite barricade. Ruby sprints at Ferro, but Ferro reverses, shoving Ruby into the barricade. Instead of crashing against it, though, Ruby jumps on top of it and goes for a moonsault. Ferro ducks under it and Ruby lands on her feet, but a split second slip allows Ferro to nail Ruby with a high knee before grabbing her by the arm and slamming her chest first into the steel barrier. Ruby bounces off of it, clutching her chest as Ferro grabs her from behind and delivers a Saito Suplex, dropping Ruby onto her back on the outside.

SJ: This place doubles as a ballroom, so under those mats is a carpet. That means the landing is softer than it would normally be during tradition wrestling shows.

Mav: Yeah, but it still sucks to land on your head on it, and I would much rather be dropped in the ring than out there.

Ferro picks Ruby up by the head and tosses her back into the ring. She then gets on the apron and climbs to the turnbuckle before signaling to the crowd.

SJ: She’s signaling for the Fire Bomb! If she hits this, it’s over.

Ruby gets to her feet, and Ferro jumps off…

…INTO A RUBY CUTTER! The crowd explodes as Ruby hits the move out of mid air and Ferro lands motionless on the mat. The crowd begins a “Ruby! Ruby!” chant as she gets to her feet. She sees Ferro down on the mat, and sees her opportunity. She climbs to the top turnbuckle, and leaps off…


RUBY IN THE ROUGH!

Mav: That’s it!

Both of Ruby’s feet land directly into Ferro’s chest, and she quickly makes the cover.

1….


2….



THREE!!

WINNER: Ruby


SJ: What a fantastic match we just saw! These two women threw everything they had at one another.

The crowd cheers as Ruby gets to her feet, still selling the effects of the match. The referee raises her hand in the air as Ferro slowly starts to move. She gets to her knees, and Ruby, in the spirit of sportsmanship, reaches her hand out to her. Ferro takes it, and Ruby helps Ferro to her feet. The two immediately embrace in a hug, before Ferro turns to face the crowd and raises Ruby’s arm, as well.


Big D appears on the X-Tron to a chorus of boos. He closes his eyes and smiles, laughing to himself a bit before speaking.

"I know, I know, you're all disappointed I'm not there......."

More boos fill the arena as D puts a hand over his heart, seemingly touched by the reaction.

"You see, I couldn't be bothered to participate in a charity show, it just wouldn't look right in my checkbook. Whether it's the expense of traveling, or the risk of getting injured for no reason whatsoever, it just wasn't worth it to me....."

The arena begins to shake with how much hate the audience is showing Big D.

"Not to mention, what's the point in helping out people who won't help themselves? Seriously, doesn't this shit happen EVERY YEAR?!?! And you people just sit inside your homes along hurricane paths, as if it's NOT going to happen to you. Then, once it finally does, you actually expect people to feel sorry for you and help out because YOU made a bad investment. Sorry, but that ain't Big D's problem......."

You can just feel the tension in the air, these fans wish D was there so they could tear him up like the hurricanes did their houses. They continue to yell at him, but he continued to speak over their boos.

"Maybe you aren't ENTIRELY to blame......... I'm sure some of you have tried to sell your houses, once you realized the danger, but couldn't find anyone else dumb enough to buy them from you! So here's some advice: next time you decide to buy a home, maybe do it in an area that ISN'T along the path of a hurricane?....."

Big D reaches into his pocket and pulls out a penny, which he flips at the camera lens.

"Penny for your thoughts........."

The X-Tron goes black as the fans lose their minds. We go to the announce team of Steve Jason and Maverick, who don't seem as displeased.

SJ: "Folks, we just received some good news: Big D's wife just donated $5,000 of HIS money to the cause!"

Mav: "That's excellent news, Steve. With Big D's penny, that makes a total of $5,000.01!"

SJ: "What a generous contribution from the Big D family."


SJ: "We're back here LIVE from beautiful Nassau in the Bahamian Islands!"

Maverick: "It's a region that was completely devastated by Hurricane Donald which sat here and ravaged the island for a couple days!"

SJ: "Dorian, Maverick. Hurricane Dorian."

Maverick: "Whatever."

SJ: "Joining us right now though, fresh off his victory at Relentless over Cambyses and Mastermind is Television Champion, Thaddeus Duke!"







"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect plays as the younger portion of the crowd goes wild. Thaddeus appears on stage in just normal blue jeans and his Duke Nation hoodie, the Television title slung over his left shoulder. He stands momentarily with his hood up. As the song cranks up, he tosses off the hood and starts to walk quickly toward the ring, slapping hands with fans and stopping for a few quick selfies with Duke Nation.


SJ: "Well, whatever else he is, he's a man of the people."

Maverick: "He looks genuinely happy to be here and its sort of contagious. It kinda makes me sick."


"Hello Nassau!" Thaddeus shouts after he enters the ring and tosses his title back up on his shoulder. "I need to apologize to all you Bahamians because I dropped the ball. I'd have loved to come here and perform for all of you and put my title on the line but somehow some signals got crossed and I failed to notify Centurion in time.

"It's a huge disappointment I know, but at least I'm here to see you. Sometimes, things take precedent over being an XWF performer and this is one of those things. Normally people like you all over the world pay your hard earned money to come see us fight in this ring, but this time, we're here to see you. We're here to pay it back to you for supporting us so well.



"Thaddeus!"



SJ: "Who the hell was that?"

Maverick: "What?"



"I'm fresh off a victory at Relentless and..."

"Hey Duke!"



SJ: "It's Mastermind!"

Maverick: "Live via satellite, presumably from his home in New Zealand!"



Thaddeus looks toward the X-Tron where Mastermind sits in his thinking chair, in his gorgeous luxury home.


"I have your attention, good."

"In case you haven't noticed, you've had my attention for a few weeks now. I thought kicking your ass backstage at Relentless would have given it away."

"Yeah, you caught me off guard, and you really embarrassed me, Duke, but I will guarantee you here tonight, that it won't happen again."

"I've exacted my revenge, Mastermind. You stuck your nose in my business and now Big D is goin' around pretending he would have been champion if not for you. You under-minded my title win by interfering..."

"what you don't seem to get through that thick head of yours Duke, that it wasn't my business that I was taking care of. I was acting on behalf of Savage GM Atticus Black. He was running around backstage asking for volunteers to step in. He did not want another double champion like what happened with Soldier, so I was in the right place at the right time."

"If you didn't want me as an enemy, Mastermind, you should have been smarter. If you wanted to kick Daniel's ass you should have done it after I won my match, but instead you had to go into business for yourself and put yourself in the middle of it.

"By doing so, you put yourself in my metaphorical cross hairs.

"If you paid any attention to what I was saying, if you've ever paid attention to anything I have ever done or ever said you would know that I don't make promises that I have no intention of keeping. I told you I was gonna kick your ass at Relentless and I did that. I told you I was gonna retain my Television championship and I did that.

"As far as I'm concerned, I have nothing left to prove against you..."

"Will you shut up boi! You think this is over?"

"Listen, whatever you've done, no matter the titles you've won or the matches you won or whatever, you're just not in my league and I have nothing to prove by beating you week in and week out..."

"Is that right boi?"

"Look, I said in my statement to you after Relentless that you could challenge me 100 times and I'd beat you 100 times. I'd turn you away 100 times because I'm better than you. I'm better than you in every conceivable way..."

"If you had such a problem with me doing the bidding of Atticus and stopping Big D become a double champion and also
exacting my revenge on Big D for how he won that Xtreme belt that previous Warfare. My attack just happened to aid you in your victory, then why not call me out and challenge me one on one? Why the cowardly backstage attack?

"I wrestled your father too, Thaddeus. Your father was a lot of things but he'd never stoop so low as to attack a man from behind and embarrassing him. We had a respect thing. To me he was a legend. You, boi, will never be a legend in my eyes until this gets resolved. How do you feel, Thaddeus Duke? Being compared to, and ultimately falling short of, your legend father?"

"This has nothing to do with my..."

"Did I strike a nerve, boi? Did calling you a coward do it? Or was it me comparing you to a man you never could measure up to?"

"It's clear, Mastermind, that you and I have no respect for each other. If you want to beat it into each other, that's fine..."



SJ: "OH MY GOD!"


A pair of bald headed men, who could be described as thugs jump the security rail and slide into the ring.


Maverick: "They've just attacked the television champion!"


The two men beat down Thaddeus Duke as Mastermind watches on via satellite. No smiles, no particular looks of emotion of any kind adorn the face of Mastermind. The two men continue to beat down the champ. One of the men lift the fallen champion to his feet by his hair and whip him toward the ropes. Thaddeus ducks a big boot from the second man and hits him with...


SJ: "SHELL SHOCKED FROM THE TV CHAMP!"


Duke flattens one of the attackers with a surprise RKO. He pops back to his feet and the other man charges after him with a lariat, but Duke ducks under it. The man turns...






SNAP!







Maverick: "BETTER THAN YOU!"


Duke is full of adrenaline after the superkick as he spits on his would be attackers and searches quickly for the microphone.


SJ: "OHHH! A mocking slow clap from Mastermind!"



"Is that the best you got, Mastermind?"

Thaddeus points down at one of the fallen men.

"If that's the best you got, Mastermind, it's not good enough!"

"If that was the best I had, boi, you wouldn't be standing."

Click.

Snow.

Fade.

Thaddeus is in the ring and livid, yelling obscenities at the blank X-Tron when...


SJ: "FROM BEHIND!"

Maverick: "Jesus! A shot to the back of the head with the Television title and the champion is out!"


A third bald headed thug had snuck into the ring while Thaddeus had his attention on Mastermind, grabbed the belt and had brass knuckles on. Both combinations felled the TV champion.

The other two who were dispatched by Thaddeus are told to leave by the third, which they do. The third one stands over the fallen Thad, and spits down on him. He then folds the Telephone title belt in half and gently places it on top of Duke, as if he had been instructed to. Then he leaves the ring and follows his other two mates back out into the crowd and they disappear.





Federweight Championship
Madison Dyson ©
Vs
Ezra Blackwater
Vs
Thunder Knuckles
Vs
Isabelle Ravenwolf



SJ: Now we go to the sole title match of the evening as the Federweight Championship is on the line in a hardcore fatal four way.


Mav: Apparently this particular title isn't normally on the line in official matches as it's more of a 24/7 title, so this should be an interesting treat for everyone in attendance tonight!




All three brothers Blackwater emerge, with Ezra, in the lead. Pausing briefly, the brothers look around at the exuberant crowd, with immense entertainment. Sharing an amused glance to one another as the fans scream. From there they walk in unison to the ring, occasionally separating to approach a random fan that's losing their mind.


Mav: Many of the fans certainly seem to enjoy this trio!


Clearly, enjoying the effect they have on the crowd, the Brothers Blackwater continue onward. Once they reach the ring, two of the brothers hold up the bottom rope, as Ezra slides into the ring. Ezra then takes his place in the squared circle and awaits his opponent, while basking in the cheers from the audience.




A giant wall of flaming pyro burst through the ceiling as Thunderstruck RuMbLeS through what remains of the arena!


SJ: Woah!! What the...?


Mav: Jesus. They could have warned us that was about to happen!


Thunder Knuckles marches down the ramp and rolls into the ring. He isn't wasting any time getting into this fight!


SJ: Thunder Knuckles marches right up to Ezra and the referee has to keep the two separated!


Mav: I like his determination but we still have two more competitors before this match is officially underway.




O'Death By Jen Titus plays over the speakers as Isabella Ravenwolf makes her way out from the back. She glances at some of the fans seductively on her way to the ring and as soon as she enters, Thunder Knuckles is already up in her face.


Mav: Knuckles is really amped up tonight.


SJ: He's been on a real roll in the XWF lately and no doubt wants to keep that momentum going.


The ref separates the two as the final participant finally emerges.




"Immigrant Song" by Karen O and Trent Reznor begins to play as the lights dim and Madison Dyson saunters down the aisle, easily receiving the worst reaction of the night as nearly every fan in attendance is booing her mercilessly.

SJ: Definitely not the fan favorite of this match.

Mav: Well she's apparently a Nazi and enjoys watching midgets get burned alive, so...

SJ: Clearly the XWF is still suffering the aftereffects of the Shane era. Someone like this would have been sent packing in short order back in my day.

Madison seems flattered by all the booing as she smirks, finally rolling into the ring and...

Mav: Thunder Knuckles!!!

WHAM! Knuckles wastes no time jumping on Madison before she could even stand up! He's clubbing away on her as Ezra quickly turns to see Isabella running at him but he sidesteps and sends her crashing chest first into the corner, catching her on the bounce back with a quick dropkick to the back of the head that sends her right into the corner again, this time with her face smashing into the top turnbuckle!

Mav: Ouch! Not a good start for Isabella.

Thunder Knuckles is still beating on Madison Dyson until she runs her nails down his face and follows up while she's still on her back with an upward kick to his face to send him reeling back. She hurries to her feet and grabs Kuckles' leg...

Mav: Looking like a possible dragon screw takedown here.

SJ: Ooooh! More like a swift kick to the family jewels!

She keeps holding onto his ankle and now turns it into a dragon screw takedown but before she can follow up, Ezra grabs her and whips her into the far corner following up with a running clothesline that rocks Dyson who crackes to the canvas. Ezra turns his attention back to Thunder Knuckles who is just getting back up but then the two of them see Isabella Ravenwolf recovering from earlier, already dripping blood from her nose from having her face smashed into the turnbuckle at the very start of the match.

SJ: I have a feeling this isn't going to go well for Isabella!

Ezra destroys Isabella with a charging clothesline that spins her around in mid air before she lands hard and immediately receives a running leg drop from Thunder Knuckles! He rips her back up and hits a Pedigree!

Mav: Excellent maneuver there!

SJ: I remember Centurion having quite a bit of success with that one early in his career.

Mav: Yes sir.

Knuckles pulls Isabella right back up and hits a diamond cutter! He's all fired up! He stomps Isabella as Ezra and Madison just watch from opposite corners and Knuckles pulls Isabella back up and this time into a Rock Bottom! He pulls her back up AGAIN and...

SJ: Sweet chin music!

Mav: And a Stunner! Now that one makes ME proud!

SJ: Jesus, is this guy a human highlight reel of finishers?

Mav: Tombstone!

Madison has taken to the outside of the ring and is searching under the ring while Thunder Knuckles continues to entertain Ezra by unloading every big finisher from the last 2 decades on poor Isabella.

SJ: He hits a GTS!

Mav: I'll be damned! Attitude Adjustment!!

SJ: Scorpion Death Drop!!!

The fans are blowing the roof off as Knuckles pumps his fists into the air and walks around the fallen body of Isabella! He grabs her ankles and holds her legs up as he looks to the fans...

Mav: Looks like a Sharpshooter is going to be next... WAIT!

SJ: Superman Punch to Ezra who never saw it coming!

Mav: Now that was a fast switch up!

Ezra falls into the ropes and bounces back toward Thunder Knuckles... Codebreaker!

Mav: Good lord!

SJ: I can't say I've seen anything quite like this in some time. This guy definitely picked the right moves for his standard offense.

Mav: No kidding! Torture Rack to Ezra!

Knuckles has Ezra up in the rack WHILE stomping down on Isabella's face with each crank of Ezra's body across his back.

Mav: Uhhhh... Knuckles? You might wanna...

BAAAM!!!!!!!!

Madison Dyson just obliterated Thunder Knuckles' chest with a sledgehammer she found under the ring! Ezra crashes down out of the torture rack and lands on Isabella's broken and battered body while Madison just winds up and brings that sledgehammer down across Knuckle's shoulder and begins to choke him with the aid of the handle.

SJ: Ezra with the unexpected pinfall attempt on Isabella!

The ref begins to count...















...1



















Madison is still choking Knuckles' with the sledgehammer but starts to turn her attention...





























...2










































… CRRRACK!

SJ: OOOOOOOH!

Mav: That's not right! That's not a golf club!

SJ: Well Dyson sure knows how to swing it like one! I'm surprised Ezra's head didn't end up in the very last row!

The way Ezra's head whipped back as a result of that swing from the sledgehammer brings a hush over the crowd as the referee checks on Ezra. Dyson turns her attention back to Thunder Knuckles who is struggling to push himself up to one knee. As Dyson closes in, he lunges forward with a desperate and unorthodox headbutt to her lower abdomen and in that moment manages to get his hands on the sledgehammer. He rips it from her hands so hard it actually flies out of his own grip and into the crowd!

Mav: Oh no...

The fans shriek as the sledgehammer strikes a handicapped boy and knocks him out cold. Madison is laughing about it as the momentary distraction is just enough for her to rush toward the ropes and slide under them to the outside.

Mav: Isabella is out cold after receiving every finisher in the book, Ezra is out cold after that golf club sledgehammer swing, and now we have an innocent fan in need of urgent medical attention. This match is not going as planned!

SJ: Sadly, I think it is. This is what draws in the XWF of today.

Knuckles hurries out and chases Madison Dyson around the ring. She keeps glancing behind her as she rounds each corner and then finally she drops down at a point where there are some items sticking out from under the ring.

SJ: That's right where she originally found that sledgehammer!

She just starts grabbing the exposed objects and whipping them at Knuckles! First a large wrench which he narrowly avoids, then a standard sized hammer that he manages to sidestep and finally an open toolbox that she flings at him and he catches him right in the head as tools fly everywhere! Screws and nails spill out and spread around as Knuckles drops down to his knees, dazed from the shot. The fans are booing her relentlessly as she reaches under the ring apron...

SJ: What's she grabbing now?

She pulls out a fire extinguisher and blasts Knuckles in the face with it, momentarily blinding him just long enough for her to ram it into his gut and then deliver a hard DDT!

Mav: Oh no! The screws and nails!!

SJ: He's busted open!

Madison takes a moment to taunt the crowd which sets them off even more, some of them throwing debris at her!

Mav: Look at her... She's LOVING this!

Meanwhile back in the ring, Isabella is still unconscious but Ezra is starting to recover. He surveys the area and locks eyes on Dyson at ringside. He shakes off the cobwebs and bounces off the far ropes to gain momentum before catching Dyson in the back with one hell of a baseball slide that sends her crashing head first into the guard rail as the fans erupt! Now Thunder Knuckles gets back to his feet, pulling screws and nails out of his forehead, and he goes right to work on Dyson by smashing the now empty tool box over her head and then Irish whipping her hard into the ring steps, sending the top half of them sliding off of their base from the impact as the fans roar their approval!

Ezra makes his way out to ringside and catches Knuckles with an Enzuigiri and then rolls him into the ring. Ezra quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits a swanton bomb! The momentum keeps him rolling after nailing Knuckles and he ends up on top of the still unconscious Isabella for the pin!

SJ: Ezra for the win!


The ref makes the count....


...1






























...2
















DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madison Dyson just smashed the ring bell into Ezra's head to break up the pin!


SJ: That's got to hurt!


Dyson rolls Ezra over so he's face down and she positions the ring bell...


Mav: You've got to be kidding me.


SPLATDING!!!!


SJ: She just curb stomped Ezra into the ring bell!!


Knuckles is back to his feet and charges Dyson but she catches him with a drop toe hold...


DING!!! Right into the bell as well!


Dyson scoops Isabella Ravenwolf up, bringing her off the canvas for the first time in quite some time and she hits...


Mav: DEAD BITCH WALKIN!


DING!!!!


SJ: My god! Right into the ring bell with her patented version of the Celtic Cross Slam!


Dyson covers Isabella...


































...1






































...2







































...THREE!!!!

WINNER and STILL Federweight Champion: Madison Dyson




THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE XTREME WRESTLING FEDERATION






The scene fades in as we see upper body shots of “CHRONIC” CHRIS PAGE and ADAM BARKER as “I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan plays at a lower tone in the background. The words “live via satellite from WALES” is shown on the bottom right hand portion of the screen as CHRIS is displaying a white t-shirt that has bold lettering which reads “I Kick Kids Teeth Out.” across the chest of the shirt itself while ADAM has a typical designer suit looking as sharp as he looks as he states.


ADAM BARKER- “Ladies and Gentleman, MY name is ADAM BARKER and I am the representative of the man standing to my left, the man that SHOULD be your XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION and the man that will thrash PETER GILMOUR live Wednesday Night on Warfare… “CHRONIC” CHRIS PAGE!”


There’s a sly smirk on the face of CHRIS has his hands rests on his hips and his chest is poked out so that the words on his shirt are on full display.


CHRIS PAGE- “I really wish I could have been there tonight live…”


CHRIS stops in mid-sentence as if he rethinks his thought before sarcastically spouting out.


CHRIS PAGE- “The people in the Bahama’s have been dick slapped by two back to back hurricanes and seemingly can’t catch a break…”


Various shots of the island flash across the screen as CHRIS’s continues to speak.



[Image: gettyimages-1166064501.jpg]


CHRIS PAGE- “CENTURION and the XWF has elected to use this tragedy as a way to raise money for the entire island that has been effected in this horrific event.”


[Image: bahamas2.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=618&h=410&crop=1]


CHRIS PAGE- “Now more than ever the world has rallied behind this little slice of paradise as cleanup efforts have been underway and lives try to get back to normal. We all know that now more than ever times are tough and we know right now that any donations are welcomed.”


[Image: rts2p2r3_wide-d0bc8097409f9864048937e73d...00-c85.jpg]


CHRIS PAGE- “Which is why I’m here tonight…”


We cut back to the live via satellite shot from WALES as CHRIS looks directing into the camera and states.


CHRIS PAGE- “While I can’t be there physically my check book can be anywhere at anytime.”


There’s a pop from the live crowd as CHRIS continues.


CHRIS PAGE- “Tonight I’m here to make a donation of my own to show the people of the Bahama’s just how they mean to me.”


CHRIS reaches into his back pocket seemingly reaching for his wallet.


CHRIS PAGE- “I’ve got a sizeable donation for the Hurricane Relief Fund for…”


CHRIS pulls a folded check from his back pocket. He opens the check before turning it around, his hand covering his address because he isn’t stupid like that. The camera zooms in on the dollar amount which immediately draws boos from the crowd as the amount on the check reads 0.01.


CHRIS PAGE- “The paper this check is printed on is worth more than a third rate island that makes its money off tourism!”


CHRIS tears the check into two pieces and lets it fall to the floor as he continues to bark out at the camera.


CHRIS PAGE- “Stop fucking complaining and get your shit together! Nobody told you to live on an island in the middle of the ocean, idiots.”


The boos ring out all over the arena as CHRIS continues by saying.


CHRIS PAGE- “You can catch me Wednesday Night on WARFARE when I destroy PETER GILMOUR… oh wait, no you can’t catch me on WARFARE, most of you don’t have power. Forget it.”


CHRIS flips the camera off as the feed cuts to static.[/align]



MAIN EVENT
Centurion & Boris
Vs
“Box Office” Brian O’Haire & Legion


Announcer: The following contest is our MAAAIIINNNN EEVVEENNTTT!! It is a tag team match, and it is set for one fall.

Crowd: ONE FALL!!

Mav: I hate it when they do that.



“Box Office” Brian O’Haire steps out from the back to a decent amount of boos. He stretches his arms out and looks into the fans, cracking a wide smile as they show him what they think of him. Legion then steps out from the back behind Brian.

Announcer: Approaching the ring first, the team of “Box Office” Brian O’Haire, and LEGION!

Mav: Why are they coming out together?

SJ: We’re hearing rumors that the crew forgot to bring Legion’s music with him, so he’s just going to come out with Brian.

Mav: “Didn’t bring it with them?” What kind of amateur show are we running here?

O’Haire slowly walks to the ring and jumps on to the apron, flashing his smile to the crowd once again, even though the crowd seems to reject it. Legion slides in from the opposite side of the ring, which does get a positive reaction from the crowd. O’Haire looks annoyed at this as he steps into the ring and yells something at Legion.




Boris steps out next to a mild reaction, though a few rabid fans are louder than others. Boris places his hands on his hips as he looks out into the crowd.

Announce: And their opponents, first, from Slovakia, he is the Patron Saint of Vodka…BORIS!

Boris enthuastically nods.

Mav: Is he going to wrestle in that track suit?

SJ: He does everything in that track suit.

Mav: …gross.




The crowd comes alive as the famous theme of Centurion plays. Boris remains standing by the entrance, and after a few seconds, Centurion comes storming out, Hart Title around his waist, to a huge ovation.

Announce: And his tag team partner, from Atlantic City, New Jersey. He is the XWF Hart Champion…CENTURION!

Centurion puts his fist to the side and nods to Boris, who gives him a fist bump. He then leads Boris down the aisle and into the ring before standing on the turnbuckle and raising the title high. The crowd cheers as Centurion shows off his newly won prize.

SJ: It’s been one week since Centurion regained gold in the XWF. At 42 years old, I think it’s safe to say, he’s still got it.

Mav: It’s still his fault that we lost that match at XX.

SJ: Who got pinned in that match again?

Mav: …shut up.

Centurion hands the title over to the announcer as his music dies down. He and Boris stand in one corner as O’Haire and Legion discuss something in the other corner. Boris points to himself as if to say “I got it”, and Centurion steps out of the ring. Legion goes to step to the center of the ring, but before he can, O’Haire shoves Legion out of the way and sprints towards Boris, taking him out from behind. The ref calls for the bell and the match is underway.

SJ: O’Haire getting the jump on Boris here, and Legion doesn’t seem too pleased with it.

Boris gets taken to the ground as O’Haire stomps on his back. The crowd begins to boo as O’Haire steps back and raises his arms to the side, taunting him. He picks Boris up off the ground and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle, away from Centurion. O’Haire then runs at Boris and hails him with a shoulder in the corner. Boris lets out a yell as he stumbles from the corner and falls to the mat.

Mav: Boris hasn’t even gotten the chance to take his sunglasses off.

SJ: I don’t think the sunglasses EVER come off.

O’Haire begins stomping on Boris’ shoulder before getting to the mat and locking in an arm bar. Boris yells out in pain and reaches out towards Centurion, who is all the way on the other side of the ring.

SJ: O’Haire has Boris isolated, and he’s now picked a body part to work on.

Boris kicks his feet and slides his body before finally getting his foot on the bottom rope. The referee begins the count, and O’Haire breaks the hold before standing and staring directly at the referee in a threatening manor. He turn around and picks Boris off the ground, but Boris begins to fight back, delivering some punches to O’Haire’s stomach. O’Haire doubles over as Boris gets to his feet, and Boris begins delivering some shots to O’Haire’s face. The crowd started getting fired up as Boris’ fists go faster and faster. Boris drives O’Haire into the turnbuckle, and as he does, Legion reaches out and taps O’Haire on the shoulder, which Boris doesn’t see.

SJ: Blind tag by Legion.

Boris poses to the crowd as O’Haire is still in the corner, then charges at him, only to be met with a boot to the face by Legion. The crowd boo’s as Legion hops in the ring.

Mav: Legion is normally a fan favorite, but being on the opposite side of Boris and Centurion, the crowd has turned on him. It happens.

Legion grabs Boris and nails an exploder suplex into the center of the ring. Boris grabs his back and reaches out in pain, but is unable to move closer to Centurion, who continues to call for a tag. Legion grabs Boris by the head and picks him up off the mat before driving him back down with a Russian Leg Sweep. Legion then goes for a cover.


1….


2….


KICKOUT!

Boris’ arm shoots off the mat to a round of cheers. Legion doesn’t seem effected as he picks Boris up again and whips him against the ropes. Boris comes back, only to be nailed with standing dropkick. Boris hits the mat and rolls out of the ring. Legion then turns to say something to the ref, and as he does, O’Haire drops to off the mat and punches Boris right in the face. The crowd boos as Centurion starts screaming at the referee.

SJ: Now that was uncalled for.

O’Haire tosses Boris back in the ring and Legion picks him up. He Irish whips Boris into the turnbuckle, but out of desperation, Boris comes back with a thunderous closeline, and both men hit the mat! The crowd gets to their feet as Centurion stands on his tip toes and reaches his arm out into the ring. Boris begins to crowd towards his partner, as does Legion. They both get to their partners and make the tag, but the crowd explodes as Centurion hops in the ring.

O’Haire sprints at Centurion, who takes him down with an arm drag. O’Haire pops back up, but is taken down by another arm drag. O’Haire gets up a little slower this time, and Centurion whips him against the ropes, and takes O’Haire down with a flying shoulder tackle. He then starts yelling, firing up the crowd.

Mav: He’s feeling it now.

A gassed O’Haire stumbles back into the turnbuckle as Centurion walks over and stands on the second rope. He begins delivering punches to O’Haire’s head as the crowd chants along with the punches.

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

6!

7!

8…

O’Haire swipes Centurion’s legs out from under him, causing Centurion to go face first into the top turnbuckle. O’Haire stumbles out of the turnbuckle holding his head before tagging Legion back into the match. Legion walks over to Centurion and tries to grab him from behind, but Centurion elbows him in the head, causing Legion to stumbled back towards the center of the ring. Centurion then runs and baseball slides, taking Legion out at the knees.

Mav: Yikes! That’s a torn ACL.

Legion goes end over end and falls onto the mat. He then grabs Legion by the legs and looks to lock in the Fall Of Rome, causing the crowd to go nuts.

SJ: He’s looking to end it right now.

Centurion is able to turn Legion onto his stomach, but is immediately hit with a boot to the face by O’Haire. The crowd boos as O’Haire starts stomping on Centurion, causing Boris to get into the ring and shoulder tackle O’Haire to the mat. O’Haire and Boris begin brawling as the referee tries to regain control.

Mav: It’s all breaking down now.

Boris and O’Haire continue to brawl, delivering punches to each other’s head, but after a few shots, Boris begins to no sell the effects. Instead, pops his head back up, causing the crowd to cheer. O’Haire delivers another punch, and Boris just looks at him. He begins shaking his head in fury as the crowd roars.

Mav: He’s Slaving up!

O’Haire looks to deliver a big punch to Boris, but Boris ducks and lifts O’Haire, slamming him with a body slam. Boris squats on his toes next to O’Haire, yelling “opa!” to the crowd. Legion gets to his feet, but before he can attack Boris, he is met with a body slam by Centurion, who squats next to Boris and also yells “opa!”, much to the delight of the crowd.

SJ: These two are really working in tandem tonight.

They pick up O’Haire and whip him against the ropes, but O’Haire comes back with a double closeline, knocking Boris and Centurion off their feet.

SJ: O’Haire is not the legal man here. The referee needs to get control of this.

O’Haire looks over at Centurion, then over as Boris, and decides to pick up Boris. Boris retaliates by hitting a headbutt, but because Boris is wearing a padded woolen ushanka, it has no effect on O’Haire. Boris lets out a “blyat!” and goes to run against the ropes, but O’Haire grabs Boris by the collar and drags him down.

Mav: Horse collar. That’s a 15 yard penalty.

O’Haire bends over to pick up Boris…

V TRIGGER! Centurion comes in from out of nowhere and nails O’Haire in the head. O’Haire falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring. Centurion looks at Legion, who is on his knees, and O’Haire, who is on the outside holding his head. He shrugs, runs against the ropes, and delivers a suicide dive onto O’Haire on the outside! The crowd cheers as O’Haire is wiped out and Centurion stands, facing the crowd. Legion, noticing this. Sprints towards the ropes and does a top rope plancha, taking Centurion down. Boris then gets to his feet, as the crowd starts screaming and clapping their hands.

SJ: He can’t possibly be thinking about doing this.

Mav: Ever see 250 pounds of mayonnaise go flying?

Boris begins to shake his head and fire himself up before running against the ropes. Before he does a dive, though, he gently steps through the top and middle rope, causing the crowd to laugh. He then sets up for a double ax handle, but O’Haire and Legion are already back on their feet. They both grab Boris, lift him off the apron, and slam him back first on top of the barricade, causing Boris to bounce head over heels into the crowd.

Mav: Free Slav to the folks in the first three rows.

O’Haire and Legion look over the barricade to check out their handiwork, but when they turn around, they see Centurion running on the ring apron. They can’t react quick enough as Centurion hits a running cannonball, taking both men out. Centurion quickly picks up Legion and tosses him back into the ring.

SJ: Cent has them on the ropes now.

Legion tries to get to his feet but is immediately met with a Saito Suplex. Centurion covers

1….


2..



KICKOUT!

Legion kicks out, but it is a weak kickout. Centurion grabs Legion by the head and picks him back off the mat before nailing a belly to belly suplex.

Mav: Up, down, up, down!

Legion crawls to the ropes and pulls himself up, but is immediately nailed with a V Trigger! Centurion grabs Legion from behind and nails him with a German Suplex with a bridging pin

1…





2….




TH….KICKOUT!

Legion is barely able to get his shoulder off the mat, but Centurion now cracks a smile.

SJ: I think he smells blood in the water here.

Centurion picks up Legion and sets him up for a 1000 Mile Slam. He lifts Legion, but out of desperation, Legion is able to counter it into a reverse DDT, sending both men to the mat.

SJ: Some life out of Legion! He needs to make a tag, badly!

Legion slowly begins crawling toward his corner, where O’Haire is standing, arm stretched. Centurion slowly gets to his knees, but Legion is almost to the corner. He leaps to make a tag…

…and O’Haire pulls away! The crowd boos as O’Haire jumps off the ring apron.

SJ: What the hell?

Mav: Looks like Brian is done for the night.

O’Haire shrugs his shoulders as he turns and walks back up the aisle, the crowd booing the entire time. Legion gets to his feet and starts yelling at O’Haire, but after a few seconds, he finds himself hoisted on the air. The crowd cheers as Legion is sitting on Centurion’s shoulders, who brings him into the center of the ring before…


FABULA!
NOVA!
CRYSTALLIS!

Mav: Holy shit!

Centurion covers.


1…..


2….


THREE!!

WINNERS:
Centurion & Boris


The crowd cheers as Centurion gets to his feet. Boris finally is able to make his way back into the ring, looking a little worse for wear, but he gets to his feet and the referee raises both of their hands. As he does, Steve Jason and Maverick take their headseats off the steps over from the commentary booth before stepping into the ring. Out from the back walks Ruby, Alyssa Ferro, Konrad Raab, Barney Green, Lux, Sarah Lacklan, Kenzi Grey, and following them all down the ring, event organizer Walter Crowe. They all gather in the ring as a fan ringside hands Centurion a flag of The Bahamas. The crew in the ring hold the flag high, much to the delight of the cheering crowd before going off the air.

https://bahamasredcross.org/donate/



Special Thanks To:
Centurion for hosting the show
Noah Jackson
Vita Valenteen
Shane
James Raven
Theo Pryce
Anyone who submitted segments
Circle TV for the video and promotions
Everyone who signed up and roleplayed for this event
]]>
XWF and Centurion Present: BATTLE FOR THE BAHAMAS





October 5, 2019
Imperial Arena in Nassau, Bahamas



Vita Valenteen
- vs -
Noah Jackson
Standard Singles



Jim Jimson
- vs -
Barney Green
- vs -
Konrad Raab
Triple Threat



Ruby
- vs -
Alyssa Ferro
Standard Singles



Federweight Championship:
Madison Dyson ©
- vs -
Thunder Knuckles
- vs -
Isabella Ravenwolf
- vs -
Ezra Blackwater
Hardcore Fatal Four way



MAIN EVENT
Centurion & Boris
Vs
"Box Office" Brian O'Haire & Legion
Standard Tag Team





The show begins as the crowd in The Bahamas comes alive. The camera pans to around the ballroom-turned-arena to all the fans, who are cheering and clearly delighted to be there. The camera then goes to our commentators for the evening, Steve Jason and Maverick, who are ringside.

Steve Jason: Hello, fans. Welcome to The Battle For The Bahamas, LIVE on Circle TV Premium and on demand on the X Network. I am the legendary Steve Jason, and sitting next to me is my Wildcard buddy, fresh off his final match in the XWF, Maverick. Good to see you here, Mav.

Mav: Delighted to be here, delighted to spend a week in The Bahamas, and most importantly…delighted to still be relevant.

SJ: Tonight, we’re going to have plenty of fun, but we’re also here for a reason. Hurricane Dorian devastated Grand Bahama Island one month ago, leaving several dead and thousands displaced. We are here to raise money for the people of The Bahamas, who are still struggling to get electricity and running water. Visit https://bahamasredcross.org/donate/ to donate to Bahamas Red Cross. All proceeds of this event go to them.

Mav: Except for the fee Centurion had to pay for Thunder Knuckles to show up.

SJ: True.



Centurion sits in his makeshift office as he puts together the finishing touches on this massive charity event. A knock is heard at the door after a few seconds.

"Come in!" Centurion shouts and the door opens. Cent looks up and decides to greet the man entering his office. "Hey Thad," he says as he stands from his desk to greet the TV champ with a handshake.

"Hey Cent, congrats on becoming the new Xtreme champ! Must be pretty exciting, to come home after all that time and realize you still got it better than most."

"Thanks man, and congrats on a successful defense at Relentless. It's never easy in a triple threat. You can lose the title without even taking the fall.

"I gotta say though, I'm kind of disappointed you didn't come compete," Centurion reveals. "These fans would have loved it."

"I know man, I'm bummed myself. I didn't catch the fact this was even going down in time. Anyway, here's a little something for the cause," Thad says as he pulls a check from his hoodie pocket.

"Wow," Cent says as he looks at the zeroes. "Grab a mic later, I'm sure you got things on your mind. If you're not competing you can at least make an appearance."

"Yeah man, I might just do that!"

Thad exits the office as the scene fades out.


Vita Valenteen
Vs
Noah Jackson





The opening riffs of “Vicious” begin to play as the crowd breaks out into a chorus of boos. VV walks out onto the stage and and postures for the crowd, soaking up their jeers as if it's the ultimate sign of support. She makes her way down the ramp, ignoring the outreached hands of any fans she still has along the way. VV the heads up the steps and walks along the outside apron. She grabs the top rope with both hands and springboards into the ring where she tucks and rolls before settling on a couched, almost ninja like pose. VV flexes her biceps as the crowd continues to boo. She stands up, laughing off the crowd as she prepares for the match to start.



Noah Jackson runs onto the ramp with a burst of energy, taunting to the crowd. He walks towards the ring going to high five fans before faking out and giving them a dab like a dick. He rolls into the ring and rests in his corner.

The official asked both competitors if they were ready. VV was quick to ask for a moment before she grabbed a microphone from ringside.

SJ: “Well it seems like Vita Valenteen has something to get off of her chest before this match gets underway.”

VV: “Ya know, I don’t even know why Noah and I decided to show up tonight. We were both asked to come down to the Bahama’s and work for FREE to raise money to rebuild your huts after Hurricane... “

VV cupped her hand over the microphone and looked to Noah.

Vita Valenteen: ”Yo, what was the name of the hurricane that hit here?”

Steve Jason: “Is she kidding us?”

Noah looked completely caught off guard with the question, he just threw his arms out and shrugged. VV shrugged as bell before she uncupped the microphone and continued to address the crowd.

Mav: “Jesus, these two are a couple of clowns.

Vita Valenteen: ”Ya know, it really doesn’t matter anyway! The point is, we were asked to work for free to raise money for you idiots, and yet when Noah set up shop after landing over here, he was chastised by you people for trying to raise money to cover his cost in coming to this dump in the first place!”

“So what I learned is that you people will gladly put out your hands and poor mouth for someone to cover YOUR expenses, but when a LEGITIMATE BUSINESSMAN like Noah tries to bring supplies in and sell them at a FAIR cost, he’s a greedy asshole? I swear, I may have felt badly for you people at first, but now I’m thinking that this island is comprised of nothing but entitled BABIES!”

Noah leaned into the microphone to interject.

Noah Jackson: ”Cunts…”

VV smirked before correcting herself.

Vita Valenteen: ”Sorry, entitled CUNTS!”

”But don’t worry, despite our personal feelings, we gave our word to work this show, and even with all of the shitty locals and Centurion’s PETTINESS, we are still going to fight our hardest and give you all the match of a lifetime!”

VV tossed the microphone out of the ring as the crowd split between hating and loving these two! Noah stretched out of the ropes while Vita hopped up and down and threw a few warm up punches to loosen up.

The official once again asked them if they were ready to begin, but this time it was Noah who asked for a moment before collecting a microphone.

Noah Jackson: ”CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!!!!”

Noah handed the microphone off to the official instead of just throwing it out of the ring like that rude girl Vita. The two of them began warming up again as the official asked them for a third time if they were both ready. Noah nods, as does Vita. The official FINALLY calls for the bell!

DING DING!!!

Noah and VV stalked out of their cornered and circled each other. VV rushed in and grabbed Noah, but he slipped his upper body between the middle and top ropes forcing the official to make VV back away.

With the action back on, the two once again found themselves circling one another. Noah made the first move, charging in like a bull. VV dropped to her belly, Noah hopped over her and rebounded off of the ropes. He came back looking to drop an elbow, but VV quickly rolled under the bottom rope to the floor. The official began the 10 count as Vita paced the outside wasting time. By 8 she rolled back into the ring and began talking some trash to Noah. Noah seemed caught off guard by this, and to save face, he started throwing insults right back at her!

Steve Jason: “It looks like tempers are starting to flare.

Mav: “Good, maybe we’ll finally get some action!”

VV continued talking trash as Noah planted his feet to the ground.





Noah Jackson: "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.





VV continued to talk trash about how she was the superior talent.





Noah Jackson: “MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”





She continued, seemingly unphased by whatever Noah was doing.





Noah Jackson: “HAAAAAAAAA!!!”





VV continued on with something about being the REAL Anarchy Champion.





Noah Jackson: “MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”





VV seemingly getting upset with Noah for ignoring her screams at him, at the top of her lungs.





Vita Valenteen: “I’M THE GREATEST PURE TECHNICAL WRESTLER IN THE XW…’





Noah Jackson: “HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"






























"CUNT!"








































[Image: kamehameha.gif]


Steve Jason: “Those are some neat special effects…”

VV oversold the fake Kamehameha blast as she bounced and flopped all over the ring before finally settling on a spot to “die” in.

Mav: "Yeah, too bad all they're doing is making a mockery of this benefit show.

Noah drops down and hooks Vita's leg!




ONE!












TWO!!




















THREE!!!



Noah and Vita both jumped to their feet and began to laugh at the crowd for actually believing that they were going to fight each other tonight!


Vita!

A call cuts the air, prompting VV and Noah to turn and look at the source. Corey is seen, holding a mic. The fans pop at the sight of him, but quickly quiet down when he brings the mic to his lips. VV rolls her eyes and Noah leans on the rope, chuckling and gesturing at Corey mockingly.

It's Corey. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's pretty pathetic that I'm out here and making this spectacle of myself because I'm still not over you. You're thinking about how SAD it is that I'm still dragging this out. You might even be thinking that I'm embarrassing myself.

Vita shakes her head emphatically "yes" in the ring.

But I can't deny myself this anymore. I do have something to say.

Corey lowers the mic and VV and Noah look annoyed.

Noah: Woah, woah, woah. Just hold on a second, cunt!

Noah, who has now grabbed a microphone, has stepped out of the ring and starts walking toward Corey.

Noah: I’m starting to get a little tired of your whining, cunt! So spit it out so I can go ahead and punch you in the mouth.

I have to say....Corey pauses for dramatic effect.....that you're both pretty dumb for falling for the same distraction tactic you pulled on Cent.

Noah looks confused, when…

1000 MILE SLAM! Centurion drops Vita Valenteen from behind with a 1000 Mile Slam! Noah’s eyes go wide as he yells out fucking cunt! and runs towards the ring. He is about to get in the ring, when…


FALCON PUNCH!

Out of the crowd leaps Sarah Lacklan and Kenzi Grey, who nail a double punch to Noah! Noah falls to the mat as the crowd isn’t quite sure what to make of what is going on. Corey, on stage, cringes and calls out “that had to hurt” as Lacklan and Kenzi slide into the ring.

SJ: Well, this is something I never thought I would see. Sarah Lacklan and Kenzi Grey in the same ring as Centurion, and they don’t want to beat each other up. Truly an unusual sight.

Mav: Andy’s going to die of a heart attack.

Centurion picks Vita up off the mat and stands, wobbly, as Kenzi and Sarah bounce off the rope and nail the Falcon Punch to her, dropping her to the mat. Sarah Lacklan then unbuttons her coat to reveal the XWF Anarchy Championship.

SJ: That’s the real belt!

Mav: No, that’s the fake one. Vita has the real one.

SJ: Oh, shut up. Lacklan never lost the belt and you know it.

Lacklan puts her boot on Vita’s chest and raises the Anarchy title high as Centurion leans over the ropes to look down at the fallen Noah Jackson. All the while, Corey stands in the aisleway, laughing at the misfortunes of Noah and Vita.




The camera quickly cuts to Fuzz sitting in a chair holding a sign up, he’s casually waving the sign back and forth. Steve Sayors walks up to him mic in hand and camera rolling.

Steve: Fuzz I didn’t think you were going to be here…

Fuzz: And why is that?

Steve: Well you don’t like Centurion. You don’t care for this country, and to top it all off you don’t seem like the charitable kind of guy.

Fuzz: Right on all points Stevie. No as you can tell by my sign I am currently out here protesting the offices of the XWF.

Steve: Fuzz you do know you’re holding the sign backwards. No one can actually see the sign you’re holding up.

Fuzz glances down and gets visibly frustrated. He flips the sign the right way. In big bold letters all it says is.

“SHOW THE BRACKETS!”

Fuzz looks at it with a smile, and then back towards Steve.

Fuzz: This right here is what I’m out here for. The XWF have blatantly been hiding these Tournament brackets from Noah and myself. We have asked on multiple occasions to see them. Every time we ask we are ignored. Well guess what Steve.

Steve: What?

Fuzz: Noah and I have hit the back roads of America and all across ‘Stralia, and we got over 100,000 signatures of people wanting the brackets revealed. Sure some of them thought they were signing for the Marijuana Act to legalize it, but the fact remains. They signed.

Steve: And just what are you planning on doing with all those signatures?

Fuzz: Why I’m going to march right into all the GM’s offices across all shows and demand to give the people what they want. And that’s why I’m here tonight. I’m going to walk right into Theo’s office and demand action.

Steve: I’ve got some bad news for you Fuzz. Theo’s not here.

Fuzz: Well then who’s office have I been sitting outside of?

Steve shrugs his shoulders. Fuzz slowly opens the door and peers inside.

Fuzz: It’s a bathroom. I’ve been blocking a bathroom. FUCK! Damn it Steve. I’ve got to get out of here. Putting myself out here was an unnecessary risk. I’ve got to run. See you on Anarchy.

Fuzz then shoves Steve out of the way, and off into the crowd. As the camera cuts.




Jim Jimson
Vs
Barney Green
Vs
Konrad Raab





Jim calls upon the powers of the dophin king and sends the entire crowd and opponents to the 8th diemsion. As soon a Jim Jimson's super cool and amazing entrance is finished, the crowd and opponents all return to the arena missing out on the epic entrance.



"Like A Prayer" by Madonna starts to play through out the arena as fans start to cheer slightly. A black Jeep, driven by John Lauriniaits, appears at the top of the ramp slowly driving forward as we see Barney Green standing in the back waving the Irish Flag. The jeep stops and Green leaps out of it. He waves the flag one last time and places it back into the Jeep. He walks down the ramp and high fives a couple fans. He enters the ring and waits in the corner as the music fades.



Cold as Ice by M.O.P plays over the sound system as Konrad comes out through the curtain just wearing his blue and white mask with white hair along with his wrestling trousers with his nickname The Iceman on the front of them with Pit Bull Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands with a side cross necklace on his neck with the blue and black yin-yang tattoo on his right shoulder, Iceman from X-Men tattoo on his back, Ice wolf on his left chest and ice bear on his right chest.

Phillips: “From Cologne, Germany, he is The Iceman, Konrad Raab!”

He then high fives the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and does a holdup on each turnbuckle and everyone cheers him as he gets down from the turnbuckle and does a few boxing punches to the cameras before he looks at his opponent waiting for the match to start.

All three men start in the ring.

STEVE JASON: It's really weird to see Barney Green not be 800 pounds.

MAVERICK: Yeah good for Barney, can't wait to see him get his ass kicked.

DING! DING! DING!

Raab respectfully walks to the center of the ring and extends a fist slowly in each opponents directions looking for a fist bump to start the match.

STEVE JASON: I mean, it looks awkward but what a gentleman!

Green obliges and Raab gives a nod but as he turns to Jim Jimson he receives a face full of pinecone!

MAVERICK: A Jimson Snack! Right off the bat!

STEVE JASON: I don't think Raab got all of that pinecone though, Mav... What the fuck am I saying?

The pinecone hanging out of Raab's maw, he seems more confused rather than beaten down. Green spins around and plants Jimson down with a clothesline and turns back to Konrad and throws a heavy punch into his stomach, the pinecone launching from his mouth. Raab smiles with a thank you and reciprocates with a beautiful arm trap German suplex! Launching the full 264 pounds of Barney Green across the ring. Raab turns to his stomach and begins to push himself up only to receive a knee to the temple from Jimson!

Raab flails on the canvas and Jimson looks to Green who begins to charge him from across the mat. Green launches into the air looking for a crossbody but Jimson stands his ground and throws a headbutt against a flying Barney! Green flies through the air like a downed chopper as Jimson shakes the daze and wobbly legs. Konrad is back to his feet and he and Jim sqaure off in the center of the ring. Jim throws up his hands and Konrad goes low into a boxer's stance; Raab throws a hard right body blow which Jimson follows up with an open-handed slap to Raab's cheek. Raab shrugs off the blow and throws a straight left into Jimson's nose. Jim stumbles back and Raab switches footing, dodging a lazy hook from Jimson and swaying right putting power into a heavy haymaker to Jimson's temple!

Jim tries to keep himself up as he stumbles back but can't as he falls against the ropes and falls on his ass, trying to shake the cobwebs. The crowd cheer on Raab as he raises his arms in the air only for Green to get Konrad in a full nelson. Raab struggles in the hold as Green locks his hands together tight grasp behind Konrad's head.

Jim Jimson rushes Raab and knocks both Raab and Green over with a strong dropkick! The ring shakes as both men crash to the canvas and Raab rolls off of Green's frame and stands to his feet. Jimson charges forward and Raab throws a European Uppercut forward but it's easily telegraphed by Jimson as he hooks Raab's arm and plants The Iceman down with a float-over DDT! Jim Jimson does a kip-up with a triple front flip but it's so awesome that everyone refuses to believe it happened and just looks like Jim got up normally. Jim turns on a heel and sees Green making his way toward him, Green clocks Jimson with an elbow. Jimson stumbles back but doesn't fight back, instead he opens his arms to Green.

STEVE JASON: Is Jimson asking for a hug?

MAVERICK: Hey, sometimes being a wrestler gets to be a little too much, Steve.

STEVE JASON: ... Do you want a hug, Maverick?

MAVERICK: NO! ... Maybe.

As the two commentators hug it out killing all toxic masculinity tonight. Jim throws his hand to his chest, telling Green to come close. Barney clenches a fist and looks to Jim, then to the crowd who cheer on this display of love. It is all for a charity event, after all. Green lets down his guard and the two embrace to the biggest pop of the night from the crowd.

After a solid 10 to 20 seconds of manly hugging. Jim strikes!

STEVE JASON: THE JIMSON SLAM!!!

Green is destroyed by Jimson! A little from the emotional betrayal but more from the excellent belly to belly! Jimson goes for the cover!

1


...


2


...


THR-NO!

BROKEN UP BY KONRAD RAAB!

Raab grabs Jimson by the shoulders and hurls him off Green's body. Jimson quickly gets to his feet and charges Raab, throwing a shoulder against Raab's sternum and knocks him into the corner. Jim follows up with a spear but Raab hops up onto the top turnbuckle and Jimson crashes against the steel! He stumbles back and Raab turns on a heel and flies off with a moonsault!

Jim Jimson throws a knee forward but still gets the full blow of Raab's attack, both men crash down onto the mat.

The crowd roar as both men struggle to stand. Jimson gets to his feet first and leans against the ring ropes, but he is immediately met by a big forearm by Raab, sending him out of the ring. Raab turns to Barney Green and picks him up. He grabs him from behind…

The Frozen Pin!

1



…


2

…



THREE!!!!

WINNER: Konrad Raab





The XWF camera crew cuts back to a developing situation. We see Lux standing in the back, a vicious smile on her face. About 30 feet away is Madison Dyson, surrounded by a cavalcade of her Blackwater mercenary bodyguards. The bodyguards are all wielding collapsible batons and looking particularly menacing.

BACK THE FUCK UP, LUX! You are NOT getting any piece of this today, bitch! Madison screeches from behind her human shield.

Is that right.... Lux jerks forward a bit, spooking the bodyguards.

Centurion enters from the left, holding his arms out as he approaches Lux. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Everybody calm down! He turns to Lux. Look, I know you've got some major heat with her. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't murder her at my charity show.

Lux speaks audibly to Cent, but her eyes never leave Madison. I had no intention of doing that. Her day's coming soon, but it doesn't have to be today. Her grin widens. Watch your back, hon. too.

Lux takes her leave peacefully, making a wide berth around the merc team.

Yeah, bitch, WHAT?!

Cent looks at Madison and scowls, shaking his head as he walks off camera.




Ruby
Vs
Alyssa Ferro


Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit.





Out from the back runs Ruby to a loud ovation from the crowd. She waves to the fans and slaps the hands of some folks in the front row as she makes her way to the ring.

Announcer: Introducing first, from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. She is…RUBY!!

SJ: Here comes the former lime-green superhero to a really nice reception from the crowd.

Mav: Lime green superhero? That’s an…interesting choice of colors. Probably why she dropped it.

Ruby slides into the ring and stands up the turnbuckle as the crowd continues to cheer her on. She then jumps off and stands in the middle of the ring, waiting for her opponent.




The crowd gives another really loud reaction as, out from the back, steps Alyssa Ferro.

Announcer: And her opponent, from St. Marys, Pennsylvania…ALYSSA FERRO!

SJ: This is Alyssa Ferro’s first match in the XWF in over 10 years.

Mav: Yeah, Alyssa started out as a rookie here to middling success, but her career really took off elsewhere. Great to see her back for this event.

Ferro runs down the aisle and slides into the ring before leaning up against the ropes, soaking in the cheers of the crowd. She gets a huge smile on her face as she looks out into the crowd. She checks the ropes one time before standing up straight and the bell rings.

Immediately Ruby puts her hand behind her back and extends the other hand. Without hesitation, Ferro takes the hand and shakes it as the two of them bow towards each other, much to the delight of the crowd.

Mav: A lot of respect being shown here.

SJ: Yeah, these two have very similar personalities, and Alyssa said some positive things about Ruby in the lead up to this match, so there isn’t any bad blood here at all.

The crowd claps to get fired up as Ferro and Ruby circle the ring. The two lock up and Ferro immediately gets to her knees. She reverses it into a hammerlock, but Ruby does a front roll to counter it into a standing arm bar. Ferro then goes for an arm drag, which Ruby lands on her feet. Ruby does for a leg sweep, which Ferro jumps over, before Ferro goes for an elbow strike, which Ruby ducks. Ferro then flips over Ruby’s back and goes for a Pele kick, but Ruby cartwheels out of the way. Ruby then goes for a drop kick, which Ferro backs away from. The two then bounce off the ropes and look to go for drop kicks, but they see the other doing the same, so they both flip and land on their knees. The crowd goes nuts as Ferro and Ruby kneel in front of each other, huge smiles on their faces.

SJ: To say these two have things well scouted would be an understatement.

Mav: The winner may be the first person to land a move.

Both women get to their feet and circle each other again. Ferro immediately grabs Ruby in a headlock, but Ruby quickly throws Ferro against the ropes. Ferro comes back and knocks Ruby down with a shoulder block. Ferro runs against the ropes again, but Ruby does a kip-up and nails Ferro with a Ruby Cutter!

Mav: Woah!

SJ: It may be over already!

Ruby goes for the pin…

1…



2..


KICKOUT! The crowd roars as Ferro not only kicks out, but shoots back to her feet, delivering a drop kick to Ruby in the process. Ferro bounces off the ropes and comes back at a prone Ruby, hitting her with a standing shooting star press. Now Ferro covers…

1…


2…


Ruby rolls out of it and rolls up Ferro!

1….

2….


Ferro kicks out, gets back to her feet, and delivers a dropkick to a seated Ruby. Ferro then goes for the pin, but as she rolls Ruby over, Ruby is able to roll over her head and jump in the air, delivering a big clothesline, sending both competitors to the mat. The crowd goes nuts as both wrestlers lay in the middle of the ring.

SJ: This has been a sprint. These two have reversed and countered everything the other has done. The action is too fast to call, folks!

Both women slowly get to their feet and crawl to opposite corners. Ruby is able to get to her feet as Ferro stands, back turned. As she turns around, she is met with a running splash in the corner. Ferro stumbles out of the corner as Ruby bounces off the ropes. Ferro counters and is able to lift Ruby up and over the ropes, but Ruby lands on her feet on the ring apron. She delivers a big kick to the side of Ferro’s head, and as Ferro stumbles forwards holding her head, Ruby jumps onto the top rope and delivers a massive missile dropkick to Ferro’s back. Ferro falls face first onto the mat, and Ruby gets to her feet. The crowd continues to go crazy and Ruby, seeing the excitement, runs to one of the corners and jumps to the top turnbuckle.

SJ: Ruby, known for her high risk maneuvers.

Ferro slowly gets to her feet and Ruby is jestering to her, hoping she turns around. Ferro does and Ruby jumps off, but is met with a huge midair superkick! The crowd lets out a loud “OOOO!!” as Ruby sits hard onto the mat.

Mav: She may need a mask now just to hide those teeth…or lack there of.

Ferro makes the cover…

1….


2…


KICKOUT! Ferro gets back to her feet and picks up Ruby. She then grabs Ruby by the arm and runs towards the turnbuckle, looking for a top rope arm drag. Ferro gets to the top turnbuckle, but Ruby is able to counter and tosses Ferro off, sending Ferro crashing to the mats on the outside. Ferro clutches her back as Ruby falls against the ropes, trying to catch her breath. Ferro starts to get to her feet and Ruby, seeing the situation at hand, quickly runs against the ropes, then back towards Ferro, taking flight.

SJ: TOPE CON HERO!

Both women are laid out on the outside as the crowd begins a “this is awesome! This is awesome!” chant.

Mav: I have to agree. These women have gone at a thousand miles an hour in this match.

Both women crawl and slowly get to there knees, with Ruby having the advantage. She finds the outer barricade and pulls herself up, and sees Ferro on her knees against the opposite barricade. Ruby sprints at Ferro, but Ferro reverses, shoving Ruby into the barricade. Instead of crashing against it, though, Ruby jumps on top of it and goes for a moonsault. Ferro ducks under it and Ruby lands on her feet, but a split second slip allows Ferro to nail Ruby with a high knee before grabbing her by the arm and slamming her chest first into the steel barrier. Ruby bounces off of it, clutching her chest as Ferro grabs her from behind and delivers a Saito Suplex, dropping Ruby onto her back on the outside.

SJ: This place doubles as a ballroom, so under those mats is a carpet. That means the landing is softer than it would normally be during tradition wrestling shows.

Mav: Yeah, but it still sucks to land on your head on it, and I would much rather be dropped in the ring than out there.

Ferro picks Ruby up by the head and tosses her back into the ring. She then gets on the apron and climbs to the turnbuckle before signaling to the crowd.

SJ: She’s signaling for the Fire Bomb! If she hits this, it’s over.

Ruby gets to her feet, and Ferro jumps off…

…INTO A RUBY CUTTER! The crowd explodes as Ruby hits the move out of mid air and Ferro lands motionless on the mat. The crowd begins a “Ruby! Ruby!” chant as she gets to her feet. She sees Ferro down on the mat, and sees her opportunity. She climbs to the top turnbuckle, and leaps off…


RUBY IN THE ROUGH!

Mav: That’s it!

Both of Ruby’s feet land directly into Ferro’s chest, and she quickly makes the cover.

1….


2….



THREE!!

WINNER: Ruby


SJ: What a fantastic match we just saw! These two women threw everything they had at one another.

The crowd cheers as Ruby gets to her feet, still selling the effects of the match. The referee raises her hand in the air as Ferro slowly starts to move. She gets to her knees, and Ruby, in the spirit of sportsmanship, reaches her hand out to her. Ferro takes it, and Ruby helps Ferro to her feet. The two immediately embrace in a hug, before Ferro turns to face the crowd and raises Ruby’s arm, as well.


Big D appears on the X-Tron to a chorus of boos. He closes his eyes and smiles, laughing to himself a bit before speaking.

"I know, I know, you're all disappointed I'm not there......."

More boos fill the arena as D puts a hand over his heart, seemingly touched by the reaction.

"You see, I couldn't be bothered to participate in a charity show, it just wouldn't look right in my checkbook. Whether it's the expense of traveling, or the risk of getting injured for no reason whatsoever, it just wasn't worth it to me....."

The arena begins to shake with how much hate the audience is showing Big D.

"Not to mention, what's the point in helping out people who won't help themselves? Seriously, doesn't this shit happen EVERY YEAR?!?! And you people just sit inside your homes along hurricane paths, as if it's NOT going to happen to you. Then, once it finally does, you actually expect people to feel sorry for you and help out because YOU made a bad investment. Sorry, but that ain't Big D's problem......."

You can just feel the tension in the air, these fans wish D was there so they could tear him up like the hurricanes did their houses. They continue to yell at him, but he continued to speak over their boos.

"Maybe you aren't ENTIRELY to blame......... I'm sure some of you have tried to sell your houses, once you realized the danger, but couldn't find anyone else dumb enough to buy them from you! So here's some advice: next time you decide to buy a home, maybe do it in an area that ISN'T along the path of a hurricane?....."

Big D reaches into his pocket and pulls out a penny, which he flips at the camera lens.

"Penny for your thoughts........."

The X-Tron goes black as the fans lose their minds. We go to the announce team of Steve Jason and Maverick, who don't seem as displeased.

SJ: "Folks, we just received some good news: Big D's wife just donated $5,000 of HIS money to the cause!"

Mav: "That's excellent news, Steve. With Big D's penny, that makes a total of $5,000.01!"

SJ: "What a generous contribution from the Big D family."


SJ: "We're back here LIVE from beautiful Nassau in the Bahamian Islands!"

Maverick: "It's a region that was completely devastated by Hurricane Donald which sat here and ravaged the island for a couple days!"

SJ: "Dorian, Maverick. Hurricane Dorian."

Maverick: "Whatever."

SJ: "Joining us right now though, fresh off his victory at Relentless over Cambyses and Mastermind is Television Champion, Thaddeus Duke!"







"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect plays as the younger portion of the crowd goes wild. Thaddeus appears on stage in just normal blue jeans and his Duke Nation hoodie, the Television title slung over his left shoulder. He stands momentarily with his hood up. As the song cranks up, he tosses off the hood and starts to walk quickly toward the ring, slapping hands with fans and stopping for a few quick selfies with Duke Nation.


SJ: "Well, whatever else he is, he's a man of the people."

Maverick: "He looks genuinely happy to be here and its sort of contagious. It kinda makes me sick."


"Hello Nassau!" Thaddeus shouts after he enters the ring and tosses his title back up on his shoulder. "I need to apologize to all you Bahamians because I dropped the ball. I'd have loved to come here and perform for all of you and put my title on the line but somehow some signals got crossed and I failed to notify Centurion in time.

"It's a huge disappointment I know, but at least I'm here to see you. Sometimes, things take precedent over being an XWF performer and this is one of those things. Normally people like you all over the world pay your hard earned money to come see us fight in this ring, but this time, we're here to see you. We're here to pay it back to you for supporting us so well.



"Thaddeus!"



SJ: "Who the hell was that?"

Maverick: "What?"



"I'm fresh off a victory at Relentless and..."

"Hey Duke!"



SJ: "It's Mastermind!"

Maverick: "Live via satellite, presumably from his home in New Zealand!"



Thaddeus looks toward the X-Tron where Mastermind sits in his thinking chair, in his gorgeous luxury home.


"I have your attention, good."

"In case you haven't noticed, you've had my attention for a few weeks now. I thought kicking your ass backstage at Relentless would have given it away."

"Yeah, you caught me off guard, and you really embarrassed me, Duke, but I will guarantee you here tonight, that it won't happen again."

"I've exacted my revenge, Mastermind. You stuck your nose in my business and now Big D is goin' around pretending he would have been champion if not for you. You under-minded my title win by interfering..."

"what you don't seem to get through that thick head of yours Duke, that it wasn't my business that I was taking care of. I was acting on behalf of Savage GM Atticus Black. He was running around backstage asking for volunteers to step in. He did not want another double champion like what happened with Soldier, so I was in the right place at the right time."

"If you didn't want me as an enemy, Mastermind, you should have been smarter. If you wanted to kick Daniel's ass you should have done it after I won my match, but instead you had to go into business for yourself and put yourself in the middle of it.

"By doing so, you put yourself in my metaphorical cross hairs.

"If you paid any attention to what I was saying, if you've ever paid attention to anything I have ever done or ever said you would know that I don't make promises that I have no intention of keeping. I told you I was gonna kick your ass at Relentless and I did that. I told you I was gonna retain my Television championship and I did that.

"As far as I'm concerned, I have nothing left to prove against you..."

"Will you shut up boi! You think this is over?"

"Listen, whatever you've done, no matter the titles you've won or the matches you won or whatever, you're just not in my league and I have nothing to prove by beating you week in and week out..."

"Is that right boi?"

"Look, I said in my statement to you after Relentless that you could challenge me 100 times and I'd beat you 100 times. I'd turn you away 100 times because I'm better than you. I'm better than you in every conceivable way..."

"If you had such a problem with me doing the bidding of Atticus and stopping Big D become a double champion and also
exacting my revenge on Big D for how he won that Xtreme belt that previous Warfare. My attack just happened to aid you in your victory, then why not call me out and challenge me one on one? Why the cowardly backstage attack?

"I wrestled your father too, Thaddeus. Your father was a lot of things but he'd never stoop so low as to attack a man from behind and embarrassing him. We had a respect thing. To me he was a legend. You, boi, will never be a legend in my eyes until this gets resolved. How do you feel, Thaddeus Duke? Being compared to, and ultimately falling short of, your legend father?"

"This has nothing to do with my..."

"Did I strike a nerve, boi? Did calling you a coward do it? Or was it me comparing you to a man you never could measure up to?"

"It's clear, Mastermind, that you and I have no respect for each other. If you want to beat it into each other, that's fine..."



SJ: "OH MY GOD!"


A pair of bald headed men, who could be described as thugs jump the security rail and slide into the ring.


Maverick: "They've just attacked the television champion!"


The two men beat down Thaddeus Duke as Mastermind watches on via satellite. No smiles, no particular looks of emotion of any kind adorn the face of Mastermind. The two men continue to beat down the champ. One of the men lift the fallen champion to his feet by his hair and whip him toward the ropes. Thaddeus ducks a big boot from the second man and hits him with...


SJ: "SHELL SHOCKED FROM THE TV CHAMP!"


Duke flattens one of the attackers with a surprise RKO. He pops back to his feet and the other man charges after him with a lariat, but Duke ducks under it. The man turns...






SNAP!







Maverick: "BETTER THAN YOU!"


Duke is full of adrenaline after the superkick as he spits on his would be attackers and searches quickly for the microphone.


SJ: "OHHH! A mocking slow clap from Mastermind!"



"Is that the best you got, Mastermind?"

Thaddeus points down at one of the fallen men.

"If that's the best you got, Mastermind, it's not good enough!"

"If that was the best I had, boi, you wouldn't be standing."

Click.

Snow.

Fade.

Thaddeus is in the ring and livid, yelling obscenities at the blank X-Tron when...


SJ: "FROM BEHIND!"

Maverick: "Jesus! A shot to the back of the head with the Television title and the champion is out!"


A third bald headed thug had snuck into the ring while Thaddeus had his attention on Mastermind, grabbed the belt and had brass knuckles on. Both combinations felled the TV champion.

The other two who were dispatched by Thaddeus are told to leave by the third, which they do. The third one stands over the fallen Thad, and spits down on him. He then folds the Telephone title belt in half and gently places it on top of Duke, as if he had been instructed to. Then he leaves the ring and follows his other two mates back out into the crowd and they disappear.





Federweight Championship
Madison Dyson ©
Vs
Ezra Blackwater
Vs
Thunder Knuckles
Vs
Isabelle Ravenwolf



SJ: Now we go to the sole title match of the evening as the Federweight Championship is on the line in a hardcore fatal four way.


Mav: Apparently this particular title isn't normally on the line in official matches as it's more of a 24/7 title, so this should be an interesting treat for everyone in attendance tonight!




All three brothers Blackwater emerge, with Ezra, in the lead. Pausing briefly, the brothers look around at the exuberant crowd, with immense entertainment. Sharing an amused glance to one another as the fans scream. From there they walk in unison to the ring, occasionally separating to approach a random fan that's losing their mind.


Mav: Many of the fans certainly seem to enjoy this trio!


Clearly, enjoying the effect they have on the crowd, the Brothers Blackwater continue onward. Once they reach the ring, two of the brothers hold up the bottom rope, as Ezra slides into the ring. Ezra then takes his place in the squared circle and awaits his opponent, while basking in the cheers from the audience.




A giant wall of flaming pyro burst through the ceiling as Thunderstruck RuMbLeS through what remains of the arena!


SJ: Woah!! What the...?


Mav: Jesus. They could have warned us that was about to happen!


Thunder Knuckles marches down the ramp and rolls into the ring. He isn't wasting any time getting into this fight!


SJ: Thunder Knuckles marches right up to Ezra and the referee has to keep the two separated!


Mav: I like his determination but we still have two more competitors before this match is officially underway.




O'Death By Jen Titus plays over the speakers as Isabella Ravenwolf makes her way out from the back. She glances at some of the fans seductively on her way to the ring and as soon as she enters, Thunder Knuckles is already up in her face.


Mav: Knuckles is really amped up tonight.


SJ: He's been on a real roll in the XWF lately and no doubt wants to keep that momentum going.


The ref separates the two as the final participant finally emerges.




"Immigrant Song" by Karen O and Trent Reznor begins to play as the lights dim and Madison Dyson saunters down the aisle, easily receiving the worst reaction of the night as nearly every fan in attendance is booing her mercilessly.

SJ: Definitely not the fan favorite of this match.

Mav: Well she's apparently a Nazi and enjoys watching midgets get burned alive, so...

SJ: Clearly the XWF is still suffering the aftereffects of the Shane era. Someone like this would have been sent packing in short order back in my day.

Madison seems flattered by all the booing as she smirks, finally rolling into the ring and...

Mav: Thunder Knuckles!!!

WHAM! Knuckles wastes no time jumping on Madison before she could even stand up! He's clubbing away on her as Ezra quickly turns to see Isabella running at him but he sidesteps and sends her crashing chest first into the corner, catching her on the bounce back with a quick dropkick to the back of the head that sends her right into the corner again, this time with her face smashing into the top turnbuckle!

Mav: Ouch! Not a good start for Isabella.

Thunder Knuckles is still beating on Madison Dyson until she runs her nails down his face and follows up while she's still on her back with an upward kick to his face to send him reeling back. She hurries to her feet and grabs Kuckles' leg...

Mav: Looking like a possible dragon screw takedown here.

SJ: Ooooh! More like a swift kick to the family jewels!

She keeps holding onto his ankle and now turns it into a dragon screw takedown but before she can follow up, Ezra grabs her and whips her into the far corner following up with a running clothesline that rocks Dyson who crackes to the canvas. Ezra turns his attention back to Thunder Knuckles who is just getting back up but then the two of them see Isabella Ravenwolf recovering from earlier, already dripping blood from her nose from having her face smashed into the turnbuckle at the very start of the match.

SJ: I have a feeling this isn't going to go well for Isabella!

Ezra destroys Isabella with a charging clothesline that spins her around in mid air before she lands hard and immediately receives a running leg drop from Thunder Knuckles! He rips her back up and hits a Pedigree!

Mav: Excellent maneuver there!

SJ: I remember Centurion having quite a bit of success with that one early in his career.

Mav: Yes sir.

Knuckles pulls Isabella right back up and hits a diamond cutter! He's all fired up! He stomps Isabella as Ezra and Madison just watch from opposite corners and Knuckles pulls Isabella back up and this time into a Rock Bottom! He pulls her back up AGAIN and...

SJ: Sweet chin music!

Mav: And a Stunner! Now that one makes ME proud!

SJ: Jesus, is this guy a human highlight reel of finishers?

Mav: Tombstone!

Madison has taken to the outside of the ring and is searching under the ring while Thunder Knuckles continues to entertain Ezra by unloading every big finisher from the last 2 decades on poor Isabella.

SJ: He hits a GTS!

Mav: I'll be damned! Attitude Adjustment!!

SJ: Scorpion Death Drop!!!

The fans are blowing the roof off as Knuckles pumps his fists into the air and walks around the fallen body of Isabella! He grabs her ankles and holds her legs up as he looks to the fans...

Mav: Looks like a Sharpshooter is going to be next... WAIT!

SJ: Superman Punch to Ezra who never saw it coming!

Mav: Now that was a fast switch up!

Ezra falls into the ropes and bounces back toward Thunder Knuckles... Codebreaker!

Mav: Good lord!

SJ: I can't say I've seen anything quite like this in some time. This guy definitely picked the right moves for his standard offense.

Mav: No kidding! Torture Rack to Ezra!

Knuckles has Ezra up in the rack WHILE stomping down on Isabella's face with each crank of Ezra's body across his back.

Mav: Uhhhh... Knuckles? You might wanna...

BAAAM!!!!!!!!

Madison Dyson just obliterated Thunder Knuckles' chest with a sledgehammer she found under the ring! Ezra crashes down out of the torture rack and lands on Isabella's broken and battered body while Madison just winds up and brings that sledgehammer down across Knuckle's shoulder and begins to choke him with the aid of the handle.

SJ: Ezra with the unexpected pinfall attempt on Isabella!

The ref begins to count...















...1



















Madison is still choking Knuckles' with the sledgehammer but starts to turn her attention...





























...2










































… CRRRACK!

SJ: OOOOOOOH!

Mav: That's not right! That's not a golf club!

SJ: Well Dyson sure knows how to swing it like one! I'm surprised Ezra's head didn't end up in the very last row!

The way Ezra's head whipped back as a result of that swing from the sledgehammer brings a hush over the crowd as the referee checks on Ezra. Dyson turns her attention back to Thunder Knuckles who is struggling to push himself up to one knee. As Dyson closes in, he lunges forward with a desperate and unorthodox headbutt to her lower abdomen and in that moment manages to get his hands on the sledgehammer. He rips it from her hands so hard it actually flies out of his own grip and into the crowd!

Mav: Oh no...

The fans shriek as the sledgehammer strikes a handicapped boy and knocks him out cold. Madison is laughing about it as the momentary distraction is just enough for her to rush toward the ropes and slide under them to the outside.

Mav: Isabella is out cold after receiving every finisher in the book, Ezra is out cold after that golf club sledgehammer swing, and now we have an innocent fan in need of urgent medical attention. This match is not going as planned!

SJ: Sadly, I think it is. This is what draws in the XWF of today.

Knuckles hurries out and chases Madison Dyson around the ring. She keeps glancing behind her as she rounds each corner and then finally she drops down at a point where there are some items sticking out from under the ring.

SJ: That's right where she originally found that sledgehammer!

She just starts grabbing the exposed objects and whipping them at Knuckles! First a large wrench which he narrowly avoids, then a standard sized hammer that he manages to sidestep and finally an open toolbox that she flings at him and he catches him right in the head as tools fly everywhere! Screws and nails spill out and spread around as Knuckles drops down to his knees, dazed from the shot. The fans are booing her relentlessly as she reaches under the ring apron...

SJ: What's she grabbing now?

She pulls out a fire extinguisher and blasts Knuckles in the face with it, momentarily blinding him just long enough for her to ram it into his gut and then deliver a hard DDT!

Mav: Oh no! The screws and nails!!

SJ: He's busted open!

Madison takes a moment to taunt the crowd which sets them off even more, some of them throwing debris at her!

Mav: Look at her... She's LOVING this!

Meanwhile back in the ring, Isabella is still unconscious but Ezra is starting to recover. He surveys the area and locks eyes on Dyson at ringside. He shakes off the cobwebs and bounces off the far ropes to gain momentum before catching Dyson in the back with one hell of a baseball slide that sends her crashing head first into the guard rail as the fans erupt! Now Thunder Knuckles gets back to his feet, pulling screws and nails out of his forehead, and he goes right to work on Dyson by smashing the now empty tool box over her head and then Irish whipping her hard into the ring steps, sending the top half of them sliding off of their base from the impact as the fans roar their approval!

Ezra makes his way out to ringside and catches Knuckles with an Enzuigiri and then rolls him into the ring. Ezra quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits a swanton bomb! The momentum keeps him rolling after nailing Knuckles and he ends up on top of the still unconscious Isabella for the pin!

SJ: Ezra for the win!


The ref makes the count....


...1






























...2
















DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madison Dyson just smashed the ring bell into Ezra's head to break up the pin!


SJ: That's got to hurt!


Dyson rolls Ezra over so he's face down and she positions the ring bell...


Mav: You've got to be kidding me.


SPLATDING!!!!


SJ: She just curb stomped Ezra into the ring bell!!


Knuckles is back to his feet and charges Dyson but she catches him with a drop toe hold...


DING!!! Right into the bell as well!


Dyson scoops Isabella Ravenwolf up, bringing her off the canvas for the first time in quite some time and she hits...


Mav: DEAD BITCH WALKIN!


DING!!!!


SJ: My god! Right into the ring bell with her patented version of the Celtic Cross Slam!


Dyson covers Isabella...


































...1






































...2







































...THREE!!!!

WINNER and STILL Federweight Champion: Madison Dyson




THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE XTREME WRESTLING FEDERATION






The scene fades in as we see upper body shots of “CHRONIC” CHRIS PAGE and ADAM BARKER as “I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan plays at a lower tone in the background. The words “live via satellite from WALES” is shown on the bottom right hand portion of the screen as CHRIS is displaying a white t-shirt that has bold lettering which reads “I Kick Kids Teeth Out.” across the chest of the shirt itself while ADAM has a typical designer suit looking as sharp as he looks as he states.


ADAM BARKER- “Ladies and Gentleman, MY name is ADAM BARKER and I am the representative of the man standing to my left, the man that SHOULD be your XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION and the man that will thrash PETER GILMOUR live Wednesday Night on Warfare… “CHRONIC” CHRIS PAGE!”


There’s a sly smirk on the face of CHRIS has his hands rests on his hips and his chest is poked out so that the words on his shirt are on full display.


CHRIS PAGE- “I really wish I could have been there tonight live…”


CHRIS stops in mid-sentence as if he rethinks his thought before sarcastically spouting out.


CHRIS PAGE- “The people in the Bahama’s have been dick slapped by two back to back hurricanes and seemingly can’t catch a break…”


Various shots of the island flash across the screen as CHRIS’s continues to speak.



[Image: gettyimages-1166064501.jpg]


CHRIS PAGE- “CENTURION and the XWF has elected to use this tragedy as a way to raise money for the entire island that has been effected in this horrific event.”


[Image: bahamas2.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=618&h=410&crop=1]


CHRIS PAGE- “Now more than ever the world has rallied behind this little slice of paradise as cleanup efforts have been underway and lives try to get back to normal. We all know that now more than ever times are tough and we know right now that any donations are welcomed.”


[Image: rts2p2r3_wide-d0bc8097409f9864048937e73d...00-c85.jpg]


CHRIS PAGE- “Which is why I’m here tonight…”


We cut back to the live via satellite shot from WALES as CHRIS looks directing into the camera and states.


CHRIS PAGE- “While I can’t be there physically my check book can be anywhere at anytime.”


There’s a pop from the live crowd as CHRIS continues.


CHRIS PAGE- “Tonight I’m here to make a donation of my own to show the people of the Bahama’s just how they mean to me.”


CHRIS reaches into his back pocket seemingly reaching for his wallet.


CHRIS PAGE- “I’ve got a sizeable donation for the Hurricane Relief Fund for…”


CHRIS pulls a folded check from his back pocket. He opens the check before turning it around, his hand covering his address because he isn’t stupid like that. The camera zooms in on the dollar amount which immediately draws boos from the crowd as the amount on the check reads 0.01.


CHRIS PAGE- “The paper this check is printed on is worth more than a third rate island that makes its money off tourism!”


CHRIS tears the check into two pieces and lets it fall to the floor as he continues to bark out at the camera.


CHRIS PAGE- “Stop fucking complaining and get your shit together! Nobody told you to live on an island in the middle of the ocean, idiots.”


The boos ring out all over the arena as CHRIS continues by saying.


CHRIS PAGE- “You can catch me Wednesday Night on WARFARE when I destroy PETER GILMOUR… oh wait, no you can’t catch me on WARFARE, most of you don’t have power. Forget it.”


CHRIS flips the camera off as the feed cuts to static.[/align]



MAIN EVENT
Centurion & Boris
Vs
“Box Office” Brian O’Haire & Legion


Announcer: The following contest is our MAAAIIINNNN EEVVEENNTTT!! It is a tag team match, and it is set for one fall.

Crowd: ONE FALL!!

Mav: I hate it when they do that.



“Box Office” Brian O’Haire steps out from the back to a decent amount of boos. He stretches his arms out and looks into the fans, cracking a wide smile as they show him what they think of him. Legion then steps out from the back behind Brian.

Announcer: Approaching the ring first, the team of “Box Office” Brian O’Haire, and LEGION!

Mav: Why are they coming out together?

SJ: We’re hearing rumors that the crew forgot to bring Legion’s music with him, so he’s just going to come out with Brian.

Mav: “Didn’t bring it with them?” What kind of amateur show are we running here?

O’Haire slowly walks to the ring and jumps on to the apron, flashing his smile to the crowd once again, even though the crowd seems to reject it. Legion slides in from the opposite side of the ring, which does get a positive reaction from the crowd. O’Haire looks annoyed at this as he steps into the ring and yells something at Legion.




Boris steps out next to a mild reaction, though a few rabid fans are louder than others. Boris places his hands on his hips as he looks out into the crowd.

Announce: And their opponents, first, from Slovakia, he is the Patron Saint of Vodka…BORIS!

Boris enthuastically nods.

Mav: Is he going to wrestle in that track suit?

SJ: He does everything in that track suit.

Mav: …gross.




The crowd comes alive as the famous theme of Centurion plays. Boris remains standing by the entrance, and after a few seconds, Centurion comes storming out, Hart Title around his waist, to a huge ovation.

Announce: And his tag team partner, from Atlantic City, New Jersey. He is the XWF Hart Champion…CENTURION!

Centurion puts his fist to the side and nods to Boris, who gives him a fist bump. He then leads Boris down the aisle and into the ring before standing on the turnbuckle and raising the title high. The crowd cheers as Centurion shows off his newly won prize.

SJ: It’s been one week since Centurion regained gold in the XWF. At 42 years old, I think it’s safe to say, he’s still got it.

Mav: It’s still his fault that we lost that match at XX.

SJ: Who got pinned in that match again?

Mav: …shut up.

Centurion hands the title over to the announcer as his music dies down. He and Boris stand in one corner as O’Haire and Legion discuss something in the other corner. Boris points to himself as if to say “I got it”, and Centurion steps out of the ring. Legion goes to step to the center of the ring, but before he can, O’Haire shoves Legion out of the way and sprints towards Boris, taking him out from behind. The ref calls for the bell and the match is underway.

SJ: O’Haire getting the jump on Boris here, and Legion doesn’t seem too pleased with it.

Boris gets taken to the ground as O’Haire stomps on his back. The crowd begins to boo as O’Haire steps back and raises his arms to the side, taunting him. He picks Boris up off the ground and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle, away from Centurion. O’Haire then runs at Boris and hails him with a shoulder in the corner. Boris lets out a yell as he stumbles from the corner and falls to the mat.

Mav: Boris hasn’t even gotten the chance to take his sunglasses off.

SJ: I don’t think the sunglasses EVER come off.

O’Haire begins stomping on Boris’ shoulder before getting to the mat and locking in an arm bar. Boris yells out in pain and reaches out towards Centurion, who is all the way on the other side of the ring.

SJ: O’Haire has Boris isolated, and he’s now picked a body part to work on.

Boris kicks his feet and slides his body before finally getting his foot on the bottom rope. The referee begins the count, and O’Haire breaks the hold before standing and staring directly at the referee in a threatening manor. He turn around and picks Boris off the ground, but Boris begins to fight back, delivering some punches to O’Haire’s stomach. O’Haire doubles over as Boris gets to his feet, and Boris begins delivering some shots to O’Haire’s face. The crowd started getting fired up as Boris’ fists go faster and faster. Boris drives O’Haire into the turnbuckle, and as he does, Legion reaches out and taps O’Haire on the shoulder, which Boris doesn’t see.

SJ: Blind tag by Legion.

Boris poses to the crowd as O’Haire is still in the corner, then charges at him, only to be met with a boot to the face by Legion. The crowd boo’s as Legion hops in the ring.

Mav: Legion is normally a fan favorite, but being on the opposite side of Boris and Centurion, the crowd has turned on him. It happens.

Legion grabs Boris and nails an exploder suplex into the center of the ring. Boris grabs his back and reaches out in pain, but is unable to move closer to Centurion, who continues to call for a tag. Legion grabs Boris by the head and picks him up off the mat before driving him back down with a Russian Leg Sweep. Legion then goes for a cover.


1….


2….


KICKOUT!

Boris’ arm shoots off the mat to a round of cheers. Legion doesn’t seem effected as he picks Boris up again and whips him against the ropes. Boris comes back, only to be nailed with standing dropkick. Boris hits the mat and rolls out of the ring. Legion then turns to say something to the ref, and as he does, O’Haire drops to off the mat and punches Boris right in the face. The crowd boos as Centurion starts screaming at the referee.

SJ: Now that was uncalled for.

O’Haire tosses Boris back in the ring and Legion picks him up. He Irish whips Boris into the turnbuckle, but out of desperation, Boris comes back with a thunderous closeline, and both men hit the mat! The crowd gets to their feet as Centurion stands on his tip toes and reaches his arm out into the ring. Boris begins to crowd towards his partner, as does Legion. They both get to their partners and make the tag, but the crowd explodes as Centurion hops in the ring.

O’Haire sprints at Centurion, who takes him down with an arm drag. O’Haire pops back up, but is taken down by another arm drag. O’Haire gets up a little slower this time, and Centurion whips him against the ropes, and takes O’Haire down with a flying shoulder tackle. He then starts yelling, firing up the crowd.

Mav: He’s feeling it now.

A gassed O’Haire stumbles back into the turnbuckle as Centurion walks over and stands on the second rope. He begins delivering punches to O’Haire’s head as the crowd chants along with the punches.

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

6!

7!

8…

O’Haire swipes Centurion’s legs out from under him, causing Centurion to go face first into the top turnbuckle. O’Haire stumbles out of the turnbuckle holding his head before tagging Legion back into the match. Legion walks over to Centurion and tries to grab him from behind, but Centurion elbows him in the head, causing Legion to stumbled back towards the center of the ring. Centurion then runs and baseball slides, taking Legion out at the knees.

Mav: Yikes! That’s a torn ACL.

Legion goes end over end and falls onto the mat. He then grabs Legion by the legs and looks to lock in the Fall Of Rome, causing the crowd to go nuts.

SJ: He’s looking to end it right now.

Centurion is able to turn Legion onto his stomach, but is immediately hit with a boot to the face by O’Haire. The crowd boos as O’Haire starts stomping on Centurion, causing Boris to get into the ring and shoulder tackle O’Haire to the mat. O’Haire and Boris begin brawling as the referee tries to regain control.

Mav: It’s all breaking down now.

Boris and O’Haire continue to brawl, delivering punches to each other’s head, but after a few shots, Boris begins to no sell the effects. Instead, pops his head back up, causing the crowd to cheer. O’Haire delivers another punch, and Boris just looks at him. He begins shaking his head in fury as the crowd roars.

Mav: He’s Slaving up!

O’Haire looks to deliver a big punch to Boris, but Boris ducks and lifts O’Haire, slamming him with a body slam. Boris squats on his toes next to O’Haire, yelling “opa!” to the crowd. Legion gets to his feet, but before he can attack Boris, he is met with a body slam by Centurion, who squats next to Boris and also yells “opa!”, much to the delight of the crowd.

SJ: These two are really working in tandem tonight.

They pick up O’Haire and whip him against the ropes, but O’Haire comes back with a double closeline, knocking Boris and Centurion off their feet.

SJ: O’Haire is not the legal man here. The referee needs to get control of this.

O’Haire looks over at Centurion, then over as Boris, and decides to pick up Boris. Boris retaliates by hitting a headbutt, but because Boris is wearing a padded woolen ushanka, it has no effect on O’Haire. Boris lets out a “blyat!” and goes to run against the ropes, but O’Haire grabs Boris by the collar and drags him down.

Mav: Horse collar. That’s a 15 yard penalty.

O’Haire bends over to pick up Boris…

V TRIGGER! Centurion comes in from out of nowhere and nails O’Haire in the head. O’Haire falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring. Centurion looks at Legion, who is on his knees, and O’Haire, who is on the outside holding his head. He shrugs, runs against the ropes, and delivers a suicide dive onto O’Haire on the outside! The crowd cheers as O’Haire is wiped out and Centurion stands, facing the crowd. Legion, noticing this. Sprints towards the ropes and does a top rope plancha, taking Centurion down. Boris then gets to his feet, as the crowd starts screaming and clapping their hands.

SJ: He can’t possibly be thinking about doing this.

Mav: Ever see 250 pounds of mayonnaise go flying?

Boris begins to shake his head and fire himself up before running against the ropes. Before he does a dive, though, he gently steps through the top and middle rope, causing the crowd to laugh. He then sets up for a double ax handle, but O’Haire and Legion are already back on their feet. They both grab Boris, lift him off the apron, and slam him back first on top of the barricade, causing Boris to bounce head over heels into the crowd.

Mav: Free Slav to the folks in the first three rows.

O’Haire and Legion look over the barricade to check out their handiwork, but when they turn around, they see Centurion running on the ring apron. They can’t react quick enough as Centurion hits a running cannonball, taking both men out. Centurion quickly picks up Legion and tosses him back into the ring.

SJ: Cent has them on the ropes now.

Legion tries to get to his feet but is immediately met with a Saito Suplex. Centurion covers

1….


2..



KICKOUT!

Legion kicks out, but it is a weak kickout. Centurion grabs Legion by the head and picks him back off the mat before nailing a belly to belly suplex.

Mav: Up, down, up, down!

Legion crawls to the ropes and pulls himself up, but is immediately nailed with a V Trigger! Centurion grabs Legion from behind and nails him with a German Suplex with a bridging pin

1…





2….




TH….KICKOUT!

Legion is barely able to get his shoulder off the mat, but Centurion now cracks a smile.

SJ: I think he smells blood in the water here.

Centurion picks up Legion and sets him up for a 1000 Mile Slam. He lifts Legion, but out of desperation, Legion is able to counter it into a reverse DDT, sending both men to the mat.

SJ: Some life out of Legion! He needs to make a tag, badly!

Legion slowly begins crawling toward his corner, where O’Haire is standing, arm stretched. Centurion slowly gets to his knees, but Legion is almost to the corner. He leaps to make a tag…

…and O’Haire pulls away! The crowd boos as O’Haire jumps off the ring apron.

SJ: What the hell?

Mav: Looks like Brian is done for the night.

O’Haire shrugs his shoulders as he turns and walks back up the aisle, the crowd booing the entire time. Legion gets to his feet and starts yelling at O’Haire, but after a few seconds, he finds himself hoisted on the air. The crowd cheers as Legion is sitting on Centurion’s shoulders, who brings him into the center of the ring before…


FABULA!
NOVA!
CRYSTALLIS!

Mav: Holy shit!

Centurion covers.


1…..


2….


THREE!!

WINNERS:
Centurion & Boris


The crowd cheers as Centurion gets to his feet. Boris finally is able to make his way back into the ring, looking a little worse for wear, but he gets to his feet and the referee raises both of their hands. As he does, Steve Jason and Maverick take their headseats off the steps over from the commentary booth before stepping into the ring. Out from the back walks Ruby, Alyssa Ferro, Konrad Raab, Barney Green, Lux, Sarah Lacklan, Kenzi Grey, and following them all down the ring, event organizer Walter Crowe. They all gather in the ring as a fan ringside hands Centurion a flag of The Bahamas. The crew in the ring hold the flag high, much to the delight of the cheering crowd before going off the air.

https://bahamasredcross.org/donate/



Special Thanks To:
Centurion for hosting the show
Noah Jackson
Vita Valenteen
Shane
James Raven
Theo Pryce
Anyone who submitted segments
Circle TV for the video and promotions
Everyone who signed up and roleplayed for this event
]]> <![CDATA[The GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT! Part Two!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=31199 Wed, 04 Apr 2018 11:57:13 -0700 Madison Dyson]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=31199 As the show reopens we see....oh God....

Reeeeve! You missed a spot on my underboob!!

Donald Trump is backstage in front of a full length mirror in his VIP dressing room. He's standing there wearing only a silk robe and some tighty whities. Reeve Gordon, looking like he's choking back vomit, walks up to the president with a can of spray tan in hand. Trump lifts up one of his copious manboobs so Reeve can apply the spray to a white pasty spot underneath. Trump takes another look at himself again in the mirror, brushing at his comb over a bit, before settling on a satisfied smile.

That'll be all Reeve. Now get the fuck out of my arena.

Reeve doesn't need to be told twice, and he bolts out the door. Unfortunately, he will carry the horrors of what he's seen today the rest of his life. Maybe next time he should actually cut a promo.

Trump continues to study himself in the mirror. He licks his lips and slowly, a familiar tune starts to play in the background.



Trump starts to sway to the music, running his hands up and down his doughy dad bod, which is still sticky with recently applied spray tan. Swirling the robe around himself, and giving himself up to the music, he puckers his lips at the mirror.

Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard.

He starts to massage his moobs sensually, giving the nipples a playful little pinch as he then lifts his robe out at his sides, resembling wings.

Jenny, you're not ready for this jelly.

Mercifully, the shot cuts to the interior of one of the arena's restrooms just as a toilet can be heard flushing, followed by a scream cut short by a gurgle. A member of the ring crew rushes into the bathroom and the camera's sight follows over his shoulder. He stops at an open stall where Drezdin is still giving inFamous a swirly.

Ring Crew: Drezdin! You're up, man!

Drezdin dunks inFamous into the toilet bowl one last time for good measure before dumping him like a sack of shit. Drezdin rushes out of the bathroom as we quick cut again to the announce position at ringside!

And we're back! This is where the rubber meets the road ladies and gentleman. What follows is three semi-final match ups, and the winners of those matches will square off in the finals in a triple threat for an “anytime, anywhere, with any stipulation” shot at the Universal championship!

That's right, and barring any interference from reptoid infiltrators or Hillary Clinton's Deep State agents, the right man will win here tonight!

”Man”? Well, Jenny Myst is still in contention here tonight.

Hahahahahaha, like a woman's going to win.

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Drezdin versus Finn Kuhn




The arena goes completely black for a moment, then the lights start to pulsate as the music starts to blare through the PA system. As soon as the pyro goes off the lights turn on, the people in the arena turn silent, the people are at awe and shock on how massive he is. He starts walking down the ramp, he yells out...IT'S GO TIME!, then he stops at the end of the ramp to take a deep breath. He approaches the ring, then he grabs the rope ring rope gets unto the ring aparon goes over the top rope then walks towards the middle of the ring. He raises his left hand as the pyro goes off.

As Drezdin's intro finishes up we see Finn Kuhn emerge from the Skybox once more. He makes his way down to the ring!



Finn gets to the ringside area, but as he does so a figure pushes his way to the forefront.....IT'S RICHARD SPENCER! Richard Spencer starts chanting “LONG LIVE THE WHITE RACE! LONG LIVE FINN KUHN! Finn looks at him like he cannot FUCKING BELIEVE IT!

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I'M STILL NOT A NAZI!

FINN SLUGS RICHARD SPENCER RIGHT IN THE FACE! Finn shakes his head with annoyance as he slides into the ring, finishing off his entrance with a pose down on the turnbuckle before hopping to the middle of the ring where Drezdin is waiting.

The bell rings and the match is underway! Drezdin holds his arms up, signalling for a lock-up, but Finn shakes his head “no” and refuses to be baited by the big man, instead rolling behind him and popping up into a high angle dropkick to his face! Drezdin is stunned by Finn's quickness but recovers quickly! He grabs Finn of the head and bounces his skull off the corner turnbuckle, and then proceeds to scoop him up into his arms and dropping him with a Rock Bottom type slam! Drezdin then gets on top of Finn, punching him in the head before heaving him up once more and throwing him into the ropes! Finn ducks under a big boot on the rebound and scoops Drezdin's legs out from under him, chaining that into a back senton slash to Drez's face! Inn then runs the ropes and hits a moonsault off the middle, right into a cover!

1....



2....DREZDIN KICKS OUT! He tosses Finn off of him ad gets to his feet. But the faster Kuhn runs at him with a flying forearm shot that stumbles the big man. Finn rubs the ropes again and launches himself at Drezdin with a picture perfect spinning heel kick that clips his jaw! Drezdin falls into the ropes and Finn hits the top turnbuckle with a leap, landing another big kick to Drezdin's face that drives him into the other turnbuckle.

Finn closes the gap, but Drezdin surprises Finn with a knee lift to his abdomen, followed by a haymaker. Drezdin lifts Finn up and nails him with a Pump Handle Slam, and then he drops for a cover!

1....



2.....


3....NOPE, FINN ROLLS THE SHOULDER UP!

Finn punches Drezdin in the nose and rolls out from under him, rising to his feet. Drezdin does the same, but Finn brings Drezdin back to earth by chop blocking his leg out from under him. Drezdin gives a cry of pain as he collapses and Finn, smelling blood, goes to town on the knee, kicking it viciously before picking it up and trying to roll Drezdin over and apply a single leg Boston Crab to maximize the damage, but Drezdin powers out and shoves Finn away.

Both men are vertical again and Drezdin forces Finn into a lock-up. Drezdin quickly overpowers the Kaiser, pressing him back into the corner where he lays into him with a series of big time knee lifts. Drezdin throws Finn out of the corner and to the mat. Then, Drezdin gets on the middle turnbuckle. The fans pop to see the big guy attempting a move from there! Drezdin takes flight with a leg drop, but Finn skirts out of the way and Drezdin hits nothing, busting his ass! Finn capitalizes by the running the ropes and tagging Drezdin with a Shining Wizard Kick! Dre goes flat and Finn jumps on him for the pin!

1....


2.....

3.....NO, DREZDIN TOSSES FINN OFF!

Finn looks incredulous. He's breathing hard, the effects of his second match of the night catching up. Drezdin gets up and Finn comes at him, but Drezdin palms his face and shoves him back down to the canvas. Finn gets up to take the fight to Drezdin once more but Drezdin is ready with a clothesline. Drezdin then goes for an elbow drop but Finn rolls away again! Finn hits a baseball slide like dropkick to the same knee he was working on before and Drezdin drops down to a kneeling position. Finn runs at Drezdin and catches him with a an RKO style neckbreaker that causes Drezdin's head to smack off the canvas viciously!

Running with this momentum, Finn climbs to the top rope! He calls for the To the Skies Frog Splash! He takes flight and nails it!! He covers!

1.....



2....



3!!!!

Drezdin stays down, Finn wins it!

The winner of the match, via Pinfall....FINN KUHN!


Finn allows himself a brief respite after the hellacious match he just endured. Rolling himself up to his feet, he stretches his neck out and prepares to roll himself out of the Ring and walk back up to the Skybox with Madison.

But Drezdin is right behind him! He spins Finn around and looks to rev up for a punch!

But wait...

CHRIS VALLEY APPEARS FROM OUT OF NOWHERE AND TACKLES THE SHIT OUT OF DREZDIN!

Finn almost looks stunned, but that gets replaced with a deep smile as Chris drops heavy hammerfists onto Drezdin, ground and pound style. And now Finn is joining in on the action too, dropping boots onto Drezdin! 

Wagging a finger at Valley, Chris gets off of the downed form of Drezdin, which allows Finn to lock in the big man's arms and apply VERNICHTUNG! It's locked in tightly as Finn wrenches in the submission further! Drezdin is screaming in pain... as suddenly a loud pop is heard and DRezdin is wailing! Finn finally let's go and looks Chris Valley dead in the eyes.

The tension is palpable as the two stare each other down. Slowly however, Finn extends a hand... in which Chris Valley shakes It! Chris holds up Finn's arm as the Kaiser looks smug! Has Chris Valley joined Paragon?

Finn Kuhn is officially going to the finals, and he appears to be growing his ranks in the process.

Yeah, but that's TWO matches in the bag. How much can he have left in the tank for later tonight?

Well he can take solace in the fact that his opponents have the same hurdle to overcome. Anyway, I've just gotten word that we're ready for our next Profile in American Courage, and it'll be presented by Madison Dyson herself!

Indeed, Madison is already in the ring with a mic in hand and a big smile on her face.

I hope you are all enjoying the action here tonight. Big ups to my bae, Finn Kuhn, for taking out that giant mongoloid! Now, for tonight's third and final Profile in American Courage, I knew it had to be somebody special. Somebody who truly defines what it means to be an AMERICAN. Somebody's whose very essence speaks truth to what this great nation is really all about. So, with that, it is my pleasure to grant that honor to.....ADOLF HITLER!

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The Fuhrers picture appears on every screen in the arena, and you can hear a pin drop. It's deathly quiet. The fans look around at the screens for some agonizing seconds before.....THEY START TO CHEER FOR ADOLF HITLER! Madison claps jubilantly before speaking again.

I know, I know! A lot of people may not be on board with this pick, but somehow I just KNEW you all would be! Now, while Hitler may not TECHNICALLY be an American, he did represent one of the biggest truisms that the Left in this country remains blissfully ignorant of, and that is that some people are just naturally better than others. Hitler fought valiantly for this belief and was PUNISHED just for wanting to purify his nation and usher in a thousand year reign of military power and ethnic homogeneity. And I ask you all....JUST WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

The fans are popping big time! Some of them chant back “NOTHING!” in response.

Yeah, that's right, nothing! And who stood in his way? A proto-LEFTY in the form of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who instituted so many of the parasitic welfare program we're still stuck with today....and fucking COMMUNISTS! Yeah, with enemies like that I think its safe to say Hitler had the right idea.

So, wherever you are right now Adolf, please accept my thanks for being such a trail blazer and for being a PROFILE IN AMERICAN COURAGE! Thanks everybody, enjoy the rest of the action!

The fans are cheering “A-DOLF! A-DOLF! A-DOLF!

The shot cuts back to the announce position, where Shepard Smith is just CRUSHING a flask of scotch!

Whoa, hittin' that a little hard, aren't you buddy?

Shep lowers the flash, with a haunted look on his face.

Alex....do....do you ever feel like...maybe we're on the wrong side of history? Like maybe what we're doing is wrong?

The hell are you talking about? OF COURSE NOT! Jesus man, get it together! UGH!

It's time for our next semi-final match of the evening!

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Mezian versus Jenny Myst




Jenny's music hits and she appears at the top of the ramp, looking fierce and determined! She completely ignores the fans as she does her trademark ring entrance.

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Jenny goes to her corner, looking up at Madison's Skybox with eyes of fire. Madison is watching her in turn, and gives her a sardonic looking wave in response.



A dim blue smoke starts to billow up from the ramp as the eccentric Mezian starts walking to the ring. He leaps up to the ring apron and gets in the ring, running the ropes a bit to get settled before the ref calls him to the center of the ring. With the ding of the bell this semi-final contest is underway!

Mezian locks up with Jenny, and quickly parlays that into an arm drag. Jenny gets up fast and runs at Mezian, but he arm drags her again, locking in an arm bar on the way down. Mezian synches in the arm bar for a moment but Jenny is able to roll onto her back and kick up at him, causing him to lose the hold! Mezian goes to lock up with Jenny again but Jenny counters by slapping him in the face and then chopping him a few times across the chest.

Jenny skirts behind Mezian to go for a suplex, but Mezian blocks and brings her down to earth with a jawbreaker! He covers!

1...


2....Not good enough! Jenny kicks out! Mezian forces her shoulders back down again but Jenny gets a hand up and rakes his eyes! The ref scolds Jenny but she doesn't even hear him. Myst gets up and rocks Mezian with a couple forearm shots, Mezian fights back with a knee lift and then wraps Jenny up for a belly to belly suplex, which he delivers! Jenny holds her abdomen in pain as she rolls away. Mezian comes at her again, grabbing hold of her hair but Jenny surprises him with a kick!

Shuffling back from Mezian she beckons him forward, only to sucker him into a drop toe hold followed by a camel clutch! For some added meanness she reaches her fingers into the sides of Mezian's mouth and wrenches back! Mezian cries out in pain and grasps for the ropes, but he's too far! Jenny delights in the pain she's causing, but Mezian is finally able to power up and over onto his back, rolling over Jenny and forcing a hold break.

They both get to their feet again and Jenny hits a side kick on Mezian, then goes for another but Mezian traps her leg and tosses her to the mat. As Jenny tries to get up Mezian kicks her in the stomach, picks her up and GORYBOMBS her! Mezian hooks the leg for the cover.

1....


2....


3...NO! Jenny kicks out!

Mezian wrenches Jenny up by the wrist and proceeds to pull her int a series of shoulder blocks, doing some damage to her arm, but Jenny is finally able to escape by raking Mezian's face again! Jenny then hits a quick sit out jawbreaker on Mezian!Jenny rushes Mezian on the mat and locks in a seated sleeper hold! The ref gets down to the canvas to check on Mezian! Mezian slaps the mat to try to keep himself in this, and Jenny wraps her legs around his waist in a body scissors to add insult to injury! Mezian flounders for the bottom rope, but barring that he wrenches his head back, hitting Jenny in the chin with the back of his scalp! But Jenny still doesn't break, so he does it again...and again! Jenny finally breaks, holding her face. Mezian grabs her by the foot and pulls her to the center. Jenny hope up on one foot, and then shocks him by bringing the other foot up to kick him in the back of the head! Jenny drops down for a cover now!


1.....


2....MEZIAN GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPE!

Jenny curses and pulls Mezian away from the rope, and he surprises her by rolling her up in a small package!


1....


2......NO! Jenny breaks up the pining hold!

Both competitors take a breather for a moment, and start to slowly rouse and get up. Jenny goes for Mezian's face again with an eye gouge, but Mezian blocks and lifts Jenny up for a sidewalk slam, but Jenny reverses capturing Mezian's head in her legs for a hurricanrana! Mezian is stunned but gets up, Jenny dives at him for a shoulder block but Mezian dodges and Jenny eats turnbuckle bouncing out after a glancing blow to the shoulder. Mezian scoops her up and plants her with a sambo suplex for another pin!

1....


2....


3....STILL NO, JENNY ROLLS A SHOULDER!

Mezian cannot believe it! He grabs Jenny up by the hair and whips her into the corner, following that up with a big flying shoulder right to her abdomen. Mezian then arm drags her out of the corner. Jenny falls into the ropes and Mezian runs at her, but Jenny dodges and Mezian instead goes flying right through the ropes. He lands hard on the outside! Jenny, breathing heavily and in pain mounts the top turnbuckle! She leaps high and lands on Mezian on the outside for a big splash! The fans pop! The ref counts them both down.

1.....



2.....



3.....


4.....


5.....


6.....


7.....

Jnny stirs first and she rolls Mezian back into the ring. Mezian skitters back on his haunches and kicks out at Jenny when she advances on him. Mezian pulls himself up using the ropes. Jenny runs up to Mezian and tags him with a big kick to the side of the head, she then tries to lock him up for the PINK PERFECTION! BUT Mezian shoves her away! Mezian counters then by turning Jenny inside out with a sick lariat! He then scoops her up onto his shoulders to deliver the APOLCALYPSE NOW! He goes to dump Jenny on her head...IT'S OVER....IT'S OVER.....


WAIT!


Jenny gets out and lands on her feet instead! Mezian is monumentally stunned by this turn events long enough for Jenny to grab his head and bring him crashing down with the PINK PERFECTION! SHE COVERS!


1....


2.....



3!!!!! IT'S OVER!

The winner of the match, via pinfall....JENNY MYST!


Jenny is so exhausted she just lays in the ring as her music hits, but you can't miss the smile on her face!

Wow! Big time turn of events at the end of that match, and Jenny Myst snaps up a win to send herself to the Finals!

Just then, Jenny's music cuts and Donald Trump appears on the main screen. Jenny sits up, the happiness instantly wiped from her features.

Jenny, I got to admit....did NOT see this coming! You? In the finals? Huh. Well, hate to break it to ya sweet cheeks, but I'm gonna wear your ass out after this next match....because our live sex celebration hits the airwaves right before the tournament finals! So get that hot little ass to a shower!

Donald's feed cuts and Jenny closes her eyes and runs her hands through her hair in frustration before slowly picking herself up to go to the back.

You have to admit, like her or not, this is a pretty bum deal for Jenny Myst. Who knows how having sex with the president will impact her performance in the finals.

Once again, I have no idea what you're on about. It's gonna be a huge morale booster for her! Think of the select camp of beautiful women that have gotten the chance to service our president. To be a part of that exclusive club is an honor.

At this point we see a member of the backstage crew pass an envelope to Alex Jones. The envelope bears his name.

What's that?

I dunno. Let me see...

Alex opens the envelope. Inside is a sheet of paper with magazine letters haphazardly cut out and glued on. It simply reads “I KNOW THE TRUTH. MEET ME BACKSTAGE.”

Alex's eyes go wide, he puts the letter down abruptly, casting paranoid glances over his shoulders.

Well, that's weird. Probably just some crank.

Shep, I gotta go!

What?! We're still in the middle of the show, you cant leave!

I CAN'T PASS THIS UP! This could be the key to EVERYTHING! The Reptoids! The Illuminati! The Deep State! My irritable colon! I can't....Shep, I'm sorry!

Alex takes off his gear, leaving an incredulous Shepard Smith behind. The camera follows Alex as he walks up the ramp and past the gorilla position, frantically looking around for some kind of hint as to where he can find this mysterious informant. Thankfully, it doesn't take long as he soon runs into a sign tacked to the wall that says “The Truth is this way!” Alex follows the sign, which takes him to another sign, and then another. Finally he reaches a door backstage with yet another sign, this one reading “The Truth is in here!” Alex throws open the door and rushes in, but is taken aback to find the room completely dark. The door shuts behind him.

Hello? Anybody there?

A light turns on on the far side of the room, revealing the back of a figure seated in a swivel chair. Vision of the person is obscured, but the façade indicates that it’s likely a grown man.

“Mr. Jones…I have waited a long time for this moment…”

“Me too! I’ve been searching for the truth for a long time!”

“Oh, I know you have, Alex.”

“Well, no need to build suspense. Let me have it. Tell me about the Obama Administration and the reptoids.”

“Yes, the reptoids.”

The chair spins around.

“WAIT YOU-“

The man leapt from the chair , and a forearm cuts off Alex Jone’s sentence. A forearm delivered by none other than......THOMAS NIXON??!!

“It’s people like you that give my people a bad name!”

Thomas Nixon shouts as he pummels the Info Warrior.

“You can’t blame my people for the problems in this world! The lizards are innocent! And they are people like you and me!”

Nixon peppers Jones with stomps, but Alex Jones’ eyes went wide. Ignoring the stomps, he rolled on his and forced his way to his feet, shoving Nixon away in the process.

“You’re one of them! You snot nosed, sharp tongued, moon inhabiting, reptoid enabling piece of garbage! You’re pure evil!”

Fury burns in both men’s eyes. Jones and Nixon step forward throwing simultaneous right hands. Nixon’s fists backed with the pride of his people and Jones’ with the anger of a thousand 9/11 truthers. A stiff right causes Nixon to wobble backwards.

“IT’S OVER FOR THE GLOBALISTS! BREAK THE CONDITIONING NOW!”

Jones’ wind his arm back and slings a ferocious punch.

Nixon ducks underneath it!

Jones’ is hunched forward from the momentum of his missed strike!

Nixon drives a jumping knee into Jones’ jaw sending him crashing to the cold floor, completely unconscious. The room is silent except for Nixon’s heavy breathing.

“ By the way, reptoid is an extremely offensive and racist term. Scum.”

Nixon spits on Alex Jones and leaves the room.

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Danny Imperial versus Chris Valley




As the hustling and bustling of breaths hit the PA Speaker, this signals the entrance of the most deprived and nastiest men too step up too the plate today. Out from the back comes Chris Valley, too the old familar sound of hate towards him. No smile on his face, no swagger too his step, just a crack of the knuckles and the neck as he walks down the entrance ramp. In his hand is a bag of his signature thumbtacks, and as he makes his way down the apron of the ring, he sets them into the corner, hops up and into the ring, and spreads his arms too shout: "MAD, DOG, VALLEY." The fans boo even louder, and he only brushes his arms off and backs into the corner, brushing his hair out of his face as he waits.



"Hail To The King" Blares through the speakers as laser multi-colored lights move haphazardly through the stadium. As the heavy guitar drops, two opposite flares shoot out from the base of the entrance. A crazed, grinning Danny Imperial walks out from behind the curtain. He runs a hand across his face, pulling back his hair.

He strolls down the ramp towards the ring, smugly glancing from side to side, giving Betsys in the crowd a wink as he passes them. He slides smoothly into the ring to await the bell.

Chris Valley and Danny Imperial start off the match by eyeing each other up, both men taking the full measure of each other. They pace around the ring, both men trying to lock up, both men slipping out of each other's grasps in only fractions of a second. It appears that both men are very evenly-matched and are starting the match out in a stalemate. Just as the fans and the wrestlers themselves are getting restless, an understanding appears to occur between the two men. They look at each other, shrug, and... go charging at each other, hitting each other at the same time with elbow strikes! It's an elbow strike standoff! Both men are standing their ground and firing away at each other, elbow after elbow, each strike producing an audible crack, and the fans are loving it! 

Both men are feeling the effects of the rapid-fire strikes, and they both back away from each other at the same time... only to charge right back into each other! Imperial comes flying in with another elbow... but Chris Valley kicks it away! But Imperial counters by using the force and momentum to turn his whole body around, catching Valley on the backend with a spinning back elbow! Dazed and caught off guard, Valley is hit square in the chest with a dropkick and stumbles into the nearby turnbuckles! Imperial leaps up to his feet and dives into the corner with a Stinger Splash... only to nearly get his head knocked off his shoulders! Chris Valley springs out of the corner while Imperial is in mid-air and nearly decapitates him with a Jumping Big Boot! Imperial is hit so hard while in mid-air that he does a backflip and lands hard on his stomach! Valley quickly rolls him over for a pin!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! Danny Imperial kicks out! 

Undeterred, Chris Valley grabs Danny Imperial and brings him to his feet... then sends him crashing right back down to the mat with a Suplex! He quickly brings Imperial up to his feet once again, then tosses him into the corner hard, Imperial's head bouncing off the top turnbuckle from the whiplash. Momentarily dazed, Imperial is nailed hard with a Running Lariat! Imperial falls, now in a seated position with his head resting against the second turnbuckle, and Valley takes aim! Valley runs full-tilt into the corner with a Cannonball Senton... but Imperial dodges! Imperial twists his body and manages to slide out of the ring only seconds before Valley impacts! Valley hits the turnbuckles hard and bounces off, landing awkwardly on his shoulders and neck!

Imperial slides back into the ring and grabs up Valley, hitting him with a German Suplex! And another! And another! It's three German Suplexes and Imperial still has a hold of Valley's waist! It looks like Imperial is going for a fourth German Suplex... but after popping Valley into the air, he releases the hold and catches Valley with an Inverted DDT! Imperial quickly covers for the pin and the win!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! This time it's Chris Valley who kicks out!

Imperial curses and quickly tries to bring Valley to his feet... only to eat several shots to the gut! Imperial counters with some clubbing blows to Valley's back, and then whips him into the ropes. On his return, Imperial grabs Valley up for a Sitout Side Slam... but Valley reverses with a Headscissors takedown! Imperial quickly gets back up to his feet and runs at Valley... but Valley counters by scooping Imperial up for a powerslam! As Valley lifts Imperial up over his head to bring more power to the slam, Imperial counters by twisting his body up and over Valley's head, nailing him with a quick armdrag! Now it's Valley's turn to get up to his feet quickly! Valley runs at Imperial for a Lariat... but Imperial kicks it away! Imperial tries for a Spinning Elbow... but that is kicked away as well! Valley tries to hit Imperial with a sidekick, but it's blocked and Imperial grabs the leg! Valley tries to counter with an Enzugiri... but Imperial ducks! Valley expertly lands back on his one good leg, with Imperial still holding his other leg, and Imperial lifts that leg high, trying to get Valley off-balance! But Valley responds by doing a forward flip, landing it beautifully! Momentarily surprised by Valley's ability to remain standing, Imperial is caught off-guard by a back elbow! Imperial stumbles backward but tries to counter a running Valley with a clothesline, only for Valley to duck and run past Imperial! Valley hits the ropes and Imperial ducks for a backbody drop, but Valley rolls over Imperial and lands behind him! Valley hits Imperial with a Russian Leg Sweep! The lightning-fast action ends with Imperial down on the mat grabbing his head in pain as Valley rises to his feet, measuring his opponent! The fans rise to their feet as well, appreciating the skill and speed of both performers!

Imperial is slow to his feet, and Valley is measuring him every step of the way. Just as Imperial gets to a base, Valley runs to the ropes. Imperial turns around to figure out where his opponent is... and he learns all-too-late that Valley was coming directly for him! Valley nails Imperial with a massive spear, sending him crashing to the mat. Once again Valley measures his opponent, waiting for Imperial to rise. Imperial slowly gets to his knees, and Valley leaps up, looking for the Curbstomp... but it's reversed! The Curbstomp may be one of Chris Valley's signature moves, but it's also Danny Imperial's main finisher! So not only does he know how to do the move, he knows picture-perfectly how to counter it! Danny Imperial counters Chris Valley's Curbstomp into a Sitout Powerbomb! Now it's Imperial's turn to wait for his opponent to rise! Once Chris Valley gets to his feet, he is blasted into the ropes via a devastating running spinning elbow! On his rebound, Imperial leaps towards Valley and catches him with his trademark move, the devastating body scissors DDT he calls On Your Knees! Imperial rolls Valley over and pins him!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! Kickout at two and a half!

Imperial pounds the mat several times in frustration, giving Valley several precious seconds on his belly, where he appears to be moving quickly, searching for something he's hidden on himself. Imperial doesn't catch this and hauls Valley to his feet roughly, then grabs him in a Double Leg Lift, lifting him up and positioning him on the second rope. It looks like Danny Imperial is setting up Chris Valley for his Kingdom Come running Muscle Buster maneuver... but Chris Valley spews a strange, disgusting red liquid from his mouth, temporarily blinding Imperial! It's the Fog in the Valley! Imperial turns around and bends over, instinctively trying to protect his face as he fights to get the liquid out of his eyes, but this puts him into the perfect position! Valley leaps off the second rope and nails Imperial with a Curbstomp! Imperial falls hard face-first onto the mat and Valley rolls him over for the pin and the win!

1!!

2!!

No!!!! It's a kickout! Danny Imperial found the strength to kick out and this match is still going!

Valley curses loudly and tries to conserve his energy, waiting for Imperial to rise rather than hauling him up. When Imperial gets to a standing base behind Valley, Valley whips him around hard... and sets him up for the Death in the Valley! Imperial is hoisted onto Valley's shoulders, but just as Valley begins the spin in order to execute his Fireman's Spinning Cutter finisher, Imperial counters! Imperial lands directly behind Valley... and locks in a finisher of his own! Danny Imperial locks in the Crown of Thorns! The fans come to their feet as Imperial locks in his Rear Naked Choke finisher and Valley attempts to pull himself free! Imperial can't get seem to get Valley down... so he jumps onto his back! Imperial is riding Chris Valley like a backpack with his legs around Valley's waist, and Valley has to support all of Imperial's weight as he's being choked! Just as it looks like Valley is going to stumble and fall, Valley makes a last-second desperation maneuver! Valley charges at the ropes and flings himself over! Both men land awkwardly, tumbling over the ropes in a mess of flailing limbs! Both men are down and nearly out, and both men are fighting to get to their feet outside of the ring!

Valley is the first to get up, with Imperial following soon after. Imperial steps away from Valley, getting some space but Valley runs at him, which turns out to be a bad mood because in an impressive display of strength Imperial uses Valleys own momentum against him to pick him up and drop him hard to the floor with the IMPERIAL INSANITY!!! Danny rolls Valley into the ring and slides in himself. Danny, once inside, then locks in THE CROWN OF THORNS!!!

The ref gets mat level and Valley tries to fight, but that last impact on the outside has taken a lot out of him. The ref asks...and asks again....and FINALLY VALLEY TAPS BEFORE PASSING OUT!

You winner via submission.....DANNY IMPERIAL!


And there we have it, Danny Imperial is joining Jenny Myst and Finn Kuhn in the finals! What a contest and....oh, I have just been informed that Donald Trump is backstage and ready to have sex with Jenny Myst. And yes, those are real words that just came out of my mouth. I'd tell you all to enjoy what's coming next, but will you though?

DONALD TRUMP'S LIVE SEX WITH JENNY MYST!!


The camera goes backstage into a lavish bedroom. Seriously, it looks like something out of Arabian nights, with fine silks and tapestries hanging from the walls, pornographic golden statues featuring women with enormous breasts and thighs...the absolute works! Jenny Myst steps through a side door into the room, and scowls when she sees the massive crew there to film her humiliation. The crew includes Jeremiah Dixon and Richard Dweck, each holding a boom mike.

Donald Trump's voice sounds out from behind a partition near the bed.

Make yourself comfortable Jenny. I hope you were doing those kegels like I instructed, it'll help you to withstand all of my prolific jackhammering.

Let's just get this over with old man. And know that every second of this isn't because I wanted a piece of "The Donald"--corny ass name by the way--but because I will lose my job if I don't. Before you get all high on yourself just know I was forced to do this. It is basically rape, though, for you, I am not sure that is a turnoff.

A fighter till the very end....LOVE IT!

Trump steps out from behind the partition, he's wearing nothing but a thong with his own face on it! He points to the bed.

Tits down ass up, that's the way Trumpy likes to fuck!

I don't have a gag reflex, but I just had a little come up. For someone who hates black people, it isn't becoming of you to quote hip hop lyrics.

Donald licks his lips.

You know what, I'm done, fuck this.

She gets up to leave.

Jenny what part of “if you don't do this you're fucking FIRED” did you not get the first time, huh? I've built an entire career out of firing people, you think I won't fire you too?! Now get on the bed you SLUT!

Jenny winces, and her face sets in a grim fiery countenance, eyes blazing with rage so bright they're starting to tear up. She's literally quivering with rage, her body and heart fighting fist tooth and nail against this degradation, but her mind unable to fully let go of her passion for the sport that has driven her.

You aren't a real man, you know that right, Donny boy? I have played it off all week as an honor to get to fuck you, and in a way I thought maybe it was, but seeing you here in person.......I would rather fuck one of the Sandpeople from Star Wars! I hope this is terrible for you.

Jenny slides onto the bed. Trump smirks maliciously.

Atta girl, I knew you'd comply. They always do. So Jenny, are you ready for this?

Trump starts to dance “sensually” closer to the bed, but instead of being sexy it's just utterly embarrassing. His doughy body undulates and quivers with every movement. He turns around and shakes his nasty, hairy pockmarked ass at Jenny. Jenny gags and turns away.

Dixon! Dweck! Make sure you get those boom mics nice and tight on Jenny's mouth, I want the whole world to hear each and every one of her orgasmic moans!

Dweck and Dixon looks sheepishly at Jenny, and press the fuzzy mics right up to her face, prodding them right up against her mouth. She bats them away furiously.

Trump continues dancing, gyrating his varicose veined hips causing his ancient joints to pop in protest. However, after a moment of this, Trump reaches for the sheet at the end of the bed to mop up the flop sweat that has started cascading down his body.

Damn it, why is it so fucking hot in here?! TURN ON THE AC!

A camera operator looks at the rest of the crew in confusion.

Camera Guy: Sir, it's actually pretty comfortable in here are you sure...?

YES I'M SURE YOU IDIOT! Can't you see I'm sweating buckets....**cough** **cough**

Trump's words plunge into a couple of deep throaty coughs.

Starting to feel a little......hmmmm....must be all that blood rushing to my giant....

Just then, Trump lurches a bit, stumbling against the post on the bed. The crew looks on in concern but Trump waves them off.

It's nothing! It's nothing! My arm's just a little tingly....gotta be....gotta be....Jenny prepare to get.....OHHHHHH FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK.....

Donald clutches his chest and falls to the floor! The crew looks on in shock! Secret Service agents rush into the room as The Donald squirms about on the floor, vomit exploding up from between his lips before he suddenly goes still! The secret service agents start frantically radioing for a medic and shortly thereafter EMT's burst int the room.

Jenny rolls over and sits up on the bed. Her face has an initial look of concern on it, but then it twists into a wild grin. She has a fire in her eyes as if she just scored the biggest victory of her life and gets off the bed, sliding her skirt back on in the distance as EMT's and Secret Service continue to work on the president. She stares at him with complete hatred, not able to keep herself from smiling.

The medics bust out a defibrillator and press the panels to Trump's chest, delivering a shock that causes his orange ponderous mass to buck on the floor, his sweat and greasy cheap spray tan leaving a disgusting soaking stain on the carpeting.

Jenny is staring at the scene going on in front of her, mesmerized by it. She has almost a prideful look, as if her naked form was so good that this old man couldn't handle it. She bends down and takes a chunk of his orange hair, ripping it off in the chaos and puts it in her bag as a trophy.

At this point Madison bursts into the room! She covers her mouth in shock.

Oh no! NO NO NO NO NO NO! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! OH SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

Trump bucks again as another shock goes through him, but he's non responsive! Madison looks up at Jenny.

YOU FUCKING BITCH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Madison lunges at Jenny on the bed!

Jenny was taken by surprise as Madison land on her and begins to reign blows down, the two roll around on the bed, hair pulling, slapping and even biting! Eventually, they roll off the bed. Jenny bounces Madisons head off the wall, and she stumbles back. Jenny kicks her in the gut and goes for Pink Perfection but Madison flips her over. She takes the night stand and pushes it over on top of Jenny. She picks Jenny up by the hair and rams her head through the dry wall, creating a massive hole! Jenny is motionless as Madison goes over to check on the EMT's working on the president. Just then a yell can be heard as Jenny comes back on the scene and smashes a lamp over Madison's head, putting her out cold. She falls next to the limp and sweaty president. Jenny stands there panting for a few moments before she wipes some blood off her lip and tears out of the room!

The shot cuts to the arena, where it is dead silent. The crowd is still looking at the main screen as their president dies right in front of them. The shot then cuts back to the announce position. Shep's mouth hangs open in shock.

Oh my God....folks, it has just been confirmed that the president Donald J. Trump.....IS DEAD!

A sheet is being shown draped over the president just as someone finally realizes the camera was still rolling. A Secret Service Member rushes the camera, hand out to cover the lens, and soon after it goes black. You could hear a pin drop, the entire arena is so quiet.

Wow...I can't believe this....I....I just don't know what to say....

And that's when the first shot is fired. Shep looks up into the stands as a body drops down from the cheap sheets, landing on some rednecks below. The rednecks, still in shock and rage, pull their guns and start firing indiscriminately up into the cheap seats, but they wind up shooting someone else. The family of that person draws their shotguns and start blasting at the seats below them!

Ohhhhhh this isn't good....

The bubble of tension that had been growing and growing with the death of the president bursts....INTO GUNFIRE! Itchy trigger fingers are cut loose and before long the entire arena is awash in the staccato repetition of assault rifle fire, the thunderous blast of shotguns, the pop and recoil of handguns! BULLETS ARE FLYING EVERYWHERE! Shep dives under the announce desk and pulls on a flak jacket and a helmet.

Thank God I brought these! Holy crap, it's a literal warzone out there! People are just shooting randomly and blood is running in the aisles! THIS IS INSANITY!

The shot cuts backstage again, Madison is sitting on the floor outside Trump's room, holding a towel to the back of her head where Jenny Myst decked her with the lamp. Wayne LaPierre comes running down the hall.

Holy shit, is he really dead?!!

Wayne is wearing a shirt that says “Big Dick Playa” on it now, with two arrows pointing down at his bulbous padded crotch. Madison looks up at him, mascara running from tears.

Yes he's dead! Oh God I'm so screwed!

Yeah well we have another problem! The entire crowd has lost their minds, they're shooting each other! What do we do?!

OH FUCK ME! Uhhhh.....uhhhhhhh! Oh Jesus Wayne, WE HAVE TO CONFISCATE THEIR GUNS!

Wayne looks flabbergasted.

We have to WHAT?!

Look, I don't like it either! I can't believe I'm saying this....BUT WE GOTTA TAKE AWAY THEIR GUNS!

Madison, I am WAYNE LAPIERRE! I am “Mister Second Amendment”! There is no way I am going to go out there and demand MY PEOPLE give up their right to bear arms!

Wayne, if you don't do this I swear to God I'll leak the picture.

Wayne stops short.

Wait...wha...what picture?

You know what I'm talking about. Your micropenis.

Wayne chokes and looks around to make sure nobody heard.

SHHHHHH! Jesus....Madison, please....this-this isn't fair! You're putting me in......

Get them to give up their guns.....or MICROPENIS! I am not in the mood for fucking around.

Wayne, looking dejected, starts to pace back and forth. Finally, with an audible curse, he marches back down the hall and to the main entrance to the ring! The camera follows him as he appears on stage and he walks down the ramp. The entire arena is echoing with screams and gunfire now, and Wayne has to stay low on his way to the ring to avoid getting hit. Just outside the ring, a crew member lays dead from a gun shot wound to the chest. Wayne picks up the mic the dead guy was holding and tentatively rolls into the ring.

WAIT everyone please stop shooting! It's me, WAYNE! Please just listen to me!

The crowd, hearing the voice of their trusted NRA vice president, looks up. The gunfire stops, and the only sound is the dull thud of another corpse falling from the cheap seats into the aisle below.

Ok everyone, I know we've all just been dealt a terrible shock. Donald Trump was an inspiration and a good friend to all of us. But we can't eat each other alive as a way of coping with our sadness. It just doesn't make sense. Now....I know this is going to be tough for you to hear. Hell, it's tough for me to SAY. But, I think to protect the safety of everyone left alive in this arena....you all need to turn over your guns to the proper authorities.

Wayne looks like he's gonna puke as those words leave his mouth. He looks up at the crowd, and at first, nothing happens.

Then, in unison, everyone left in the audience starts to train their guns on WAYNE! Wayne gulps and he lets a little urine loose in his pants. The arena crackles with the sound of hundreds of firearms cocking. Wayne closes his eyes.

Oh bitter irony....

The rest of his words are cut off by the impact of hundreds of small caliber rounds hitting his body in unison! Bullets tear through him at such a rate that Wayne's body jerks and spasms but still doesn't fall, causing him to dance a macabre dance of death as it's pasted by the combined assault of every gun left in the building!!

OH HOLY SHIT!!!

Before long, Wayne's body is reduced to a fine gore pate in the center of the ring. The ring itself has faired no better. It's riddled with holes and collapses under it's own weight!

With Wayne dealt with, this sea of idiots once again train their firearms on each other and start shooting !!

Hiding under the announce table, Shep winces as bullets ping off the top of the desk.

I swear to God, if I live through this I better get one hell of a book deal! I can only guess that Shove-It is completely FUBAR at this point. So, this is Shepard Smith, signing off for perhaps the very last time. To my boyfriend Cliff, I love you and don't you dare bury me in MAUVE!

The shot inside the arena suddenly cuts to black. We go once again to the backstage area, where Finn Kuhn and a member of the backstage crew have Madison cornered.

NO! NO! IT'S NOT OVER!

Crew Member: Miss Dyson, the ring is destroyed! The Secret Service is leaving with the president's body. All the referees and staff have fled! WE HAVE TO END THE SHOW!

But what about the Finals?!

No, IT'S NOT OVER! It the arena is fucked....then the Finals will be a STREET FIGHT ON THE STREETS OF WASHINGTON DC!! And I'm.....

Madison pulls a ref's shirt out of her blouse.

...the referee!

Madison grabs the member of the ring crew by his collar.

GO FIND DANNY IMPERIAL AND JENNY MYST AND TELL THEM THE FINALS START OUTSIDE THE ARENA RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

The crewman shakes his head and runs off to do his duty. Madison turns to Finn.

This has been the worst fucking night of my whole life. You need to redeem this for me. YOU NEED TO WIN!

Finn smirks confidently.

That won't be a problem.

Finn jogs off down the hall as Madison starts putting on the referee's shirt!

Great American Shove-It: FINAL MATCH!
A Street Fight on the Streets of Washington D.C.

Jenny Myst versus Danny Imperial versus Finn Kuhn


Madison Dyson and Finn Kuhn come walking out towards the curb in front of the arena. From inside the arena, gun fire and screams can still be heard. Jenny Myst comes walking up soon after, and she scowls when she sees Madison with the referee shirt.

You have got to be shitting me.

Deal with it toots! Where the hell is Danny Imperial?

Almost as if on cue, one of the massive trucks that carries XWF gear comes careening around the corner and barrels right for the three of them!! Finn, Jenny, and Madison all dive out of the way as the massive trucks barely misses them and buries itself into some parked cars before coming to a halt. Danny Imperial kicks the shattered door of the truck off it's hinges laughing uproariously.

What the FUCK, Danny?!

Danny jumps down and heads straight for Finn Kuhn! He picks Finn up double leg style and spinebusters him right into the cement! Madison rushes over, but Jenny shoves her out of the way as she makes a beeline for Danny. Jenny leaps and smashes him with a forearm shot before turning her attention to Finn with malicious glee. She starts stomping the shit out of him while he's down but Danny grabs Jenny by the hair and smashes her face first into the side of another nearby parked car.

Traffic around them is starting to slow as their bodies spill out into the street. The foremost car starts honking and Danny flips the driver off as he picks Jenny up again and scoop slams her into the street. Madison follows the action. Finn rouses and jumps to the top of another nearby car, he leaps off the roof and hurricanrana's Danny into the cement!

Finn then turns to Jenny, but she surprises him with a shot to the stomach, followed by a big slap to his face! Jenny then tries to take a breath, stepping away from both opponents but never taking her eyes off either. Finn, angry from the slap, pursues Jenny and Jenny jogs away from him further down the street and around the corner of a building. As Finn rounds the corner Jenny had tried to sucker him with a kick, but Finn saw it coming and he grabs Jenny's leg and slams her into the side of the brick building! Finn leans against the building, looking exhausted as the night's events have started to catch up.

Just then, Danny Imperial also rounds the corner holding a stop sign that is still attached to the pole! Finns eyes go wide as Danny swings it at him, barely ducking under it. Jenny gets up behind Danny and he lashes out at her with a back kick before returning his attention to Finn. He swings at Finn again, this time clocking him on the side of the head with the stop sign! Danny goes for the cover on Finn! Madison reluctantly drops for the pin!


1.....






2........Finn kicks out after a loooooong two count!

Danny is pissed! He gets up and grabs Madison by the hair! But before he can do any damage Finn tags him with a low blow from behind! Danny sinks to his knees, clutching his balls and Finn finishes him with a roundhouse kick to the side of the head!

Jenny staggers up from behind Finn, turns him around and kicks him in the stomach, followed up by a quick spinning neckbreaker! Jenny warns Madison away when she gets too close, and Jenny grabs a nearby public trash can. She hefts it up and charges at Danny Imperial with it, smashing him in the head as he tries to get up. Then, seeing Finn also struggling to get up she does the same to him! Jenny tosses the can aside. Sensing this won't be enough, Jenny looks around for an even deadlier weapon and finds the stop sign Danny was using earier. She pins the actual sign against a parked car and with some work finally manages to break the sign off leaving her with just a deadly piece of rebar. Jenny gets up behind Finn and smashes him in the back with the pole a few times. Finn crumbles beneath the attack. But just then Danny explodes into Jenny from the side with a big spear that sends both of them plunging further down the street, rolling along the unforgiving cement!

Madison casts a look back at Finn before following his opponents as they slowly get up and stumble down the street.

Come on Finn!

Danny and Jenny arrive at a bus stop, where a few people are already waiting to catch a ride. Danny pulls Jenny up and throws her into the side of the bus shelter, and the people flee in fear!

Danny picks Jenny up again, and she gasps in pain, but is able to stab a thumb into Danny's eye. Danny rears back, holding his face as Jenny painfully pulls herself up. It's Jenny's turn now to smash Danny's head into the side of the bus shelter once....twice...thrice! She then gets up on the bench inside the bus shelter and nails Danny with a big time tornado DDT onto the curb just as the bus is pulling up!

The driver, clearly not paying attention to what is going on, opens the door! A bleeding Danny Imperial crawls up the steps and onto the bus! The driver lets out an “Awwww HEEELLLL NAW!” and tries to close the door but Jenny gets in the way before it can shut and kicks Danny in the gut, causing him to roll up and into the bus! Madison then steps into the bus, but not before shooting a fearful look around for Finn! Madison smiles when she sees Finn running towards the bus and she holds the door open for him so he can get in. The bus driver starts yelling and complaining and Madison screams JUST FUCKING DRIVE! at him.

The other passengers on the bus huddle back in their seats in fear as the bus lurches forward with all four of them within. Jenny goes to grab Danny by the leg, but he kicks her off and right back into Finn Kuhn. Finn locks Jenny up and vertical suplexes her into the aisle! He drops down for a cover and Madison counts....

1....


2....JENNY KICKS OUT!

Danny Imperial jumps over Jenny to tackle Finn Kuhn, causing both men to fall back to the front of the bus where the start throwing wild punches at each other! The bus driver panics and swerves, side swiping a series of parked cars which causes the bus occupants to scream! The driver gets the bus back under control. Finn shoves Danny back and he trips over Jenny Myst. Finn then climbs to the top of the seats and runs along them, launching himself at Danny with a clothesline that takes both of them crashing in the aisle.

All the competitors pause for a moment, exhausted, but Jenny Myst breaks the down time finally by grabbing something from one of the bus occupants. The occupant yells in protest but Jenny raises her fist back and they pipe down. Jenny reveals what she has....a can of MACE!

Oh no, bitch!

Madison leaps at Jenny and tries to pry it out of her hands, and they fight over the mace for a bit before Danny Imperial grabs Jenny by the hair. Jenny turns to mace Danny and he ducks under the spray, responding with an uppercut to Jenny's face! Jenny goes down and Danny picks up the dropped can of mace. He goes to unload it on Jenny, but is disappointed to find that it's now empty. Finn rises up behind Danny and Danny wheels around and decks him in the face with the empty can, followed up by tackling Finn towards the back of the bus towards an emergency door. They both crash into the door, and it pops open damn near sending both of them tumbling into the street!

Finn looks back in terror as he's half hanging out the back, and Danny pushes down on his face, trying to force him to fall off the bus! Finn fights back desperately and is finally able to shove Danny off of him. Finn gets up, closing the emergency door behind him, and he boots Imperial in the skull as he tries to get up.

At that point, the bus comes to a stop and Madison looks out the window to see that they have arrived in front of the U.S. Capitol building.

[Image: 0834513US-Capitol1780x390.JPG]

Bus Driver: Ya'all get the fuck off this bus before I call the cops!

Jenny Myst clambers out of the bus, followed by Madison. Finn then follows suit, but he tries to force the door shut on Danny before he can get out! Danny grabs hold of the door mechanism from inside and forces it back open, and he launches himself off the top of the bus' steps into another spear on Finn Kuhn!

The bus peels it away and down the street as the fight spills out onto the grounds of the US Capitol! A member of the grounds security patrol rolls up on them in a cart, ordering them to stand down but Danny Imperial is having none of it! He rips the security guard out of the cart and gets in himself, and he drives it right at Finn Kuhn! Finn, seeing this, barely gets out of the way and when the cart passes him he hops in the other side and starts struggling with Danny! The cart bumps and jostles over the front lawn of the Capital before finally coming to a stop in front of the building's majestic western staircase. Finn boots Imperial out of the cart just as Madison and Jenny Myst come running up. Jenny runs at Finn and kisses his face with a brutal dropkick to the chin, causing him to go down. Danny gets up and throws a haymaker at Jenny, which Jenny dodges and parlays into a roll-up for the pin!

1....





2.....MADISON STOPS COUNTING! She pulls her hand up with a pained look on her face.

Ow, broke a nail!

Jenny gets off of Danny, her expression pure rage! Madison rises up in front of her.

....what bitch?

JENNY MYST DROPS MADISON WITH THE PINK PERFECTION! MADISON IS OUT COLD!

Jenny turns around right into the waiting arms of Danny Imperial who then drops her with the IMPERIAL INSANITY!! He goes for the cover!! BUT THERE'S NO REF TO MAKE THE COUNT!

Imperial gets up and goes over to Madison, trying to shake her awake but it's not doing the trick. Danny then gets ambushed by Finn Kuhn, who dives at Danny and lifts him up double leg takedown style, forcing up him the steps of the capital! Danny counters by wrapping an arm around Finn's head and DDT'ing him into the steps!

Danny shouts out a series of curses, seeing that now BOTH his opponents are down and there's nobody to make the count! It's about then that he's hit with a blinding light from above....it's a helicopter! What the fuck is it now?!!

AHHHHH SSSSHHIIIIIIT, ya'all ready for this shit right here?! He's come to save the day!

Danny looks up at the helicopter as a figure starts to repel down from it. Another figure is hanging out the side of the helicopter with a mic in hand....it's pop superstar DRAKE!

[Image: Drake-cr-Caitlin-Cronenberg-2016-billboa...650-03.jpg]

It's the one....the only....BARACK “THE KENYAN SHOCK” OBAAAAAAAMMAAAAAAA!



“Energy” by Drake starts pumping from The Helicopter as we see that the man repelling down from the chopper is Barack Obama wearing a referee's shirt!

[Image: obama_drafthouse__full.png]

Barack unclips himself from his tether and removes his badass shades to survey the scene.

Obama: Well it's a damn good thing I'm here! What a mess!

Danny looks on at the former president but Finn takes the opportunity to spin Danny from behind and start lighting him up with punches! Barack starts ascending the steps of the Capitol towards them. Danny shoves Finn away fiercely, causing Finn to stumble up the steps. Danny gives chase until both he and Finn are on level ground in front of the entrance! Both men start grappling with each other, punching and elbowing as they stumble through the door and into the hall. Security rushes up to them, but they stop when they see Barack Obama follow in just behind them!

Obama: Relax gentlemen, they're with me!

Security, perplexed, step aside and allow Danny and Finn to keep fighting through the security checkpoint. Barack sets off the metal detector as he steps through but ignores it.

Finn finally gets the upper hand on Danny and irish whips him into the wall, dislodging a 100 year old painting that clatters to the floor. That's when Jenny Myst reenters the fray, picking up the painting and smashing it over Finn's head, downing him. Danny keeps stumbling down the hall, the wound on his head reopened causing him to bleed all over. Jenny gives chase, picking up a no doubt expensive statute off a nearby pedestal and nailing Danny Imperial in the back of the head with it. Obama is there, checking on all the participants as Jenny goes for a cover on Danny. Obama drops for the count!

1....



2....



3...NOOOOO!! Imperial barely kicks out!!

Jenny lets out a curse and gets off of him, arguing with Obama that the count was a three. He defiantly shakes his head “no”. Jenny then turns back to Danny, kicking him as he tries to crawl away further down the hall. Finn returns then, sneaking up behind Jenny and nailing her with a release German suplex onto the unforgiving marble floor! Finn goes to cover her!


1....



2.....



3....ANOTHER LAST SECOND KICK OUT! Finn pins her again but this time Jenny shoves him off immediately!

Finn grabs Jenny by the leg and starts kicking her in the thigh until Jenny is finally able to escape by twisting out and nailing him upside the back of the head with an enzugiri! Finn rolls with the blow, landing near the wall and slowly making it back to his feet. Jenny picks up the statue from before and Finn bails, knowing some serious pain is coming if it connects! Finn runs down the hall, Jenny Myst hot on his heels! They round one corner, and then another, until they come to a massive pair of double doors! Jenny throws the statue at Finn and he ducks through the doors to avoid it, popping out in the US SENATE CHAMBERS!



But Danny Imperial was already there, waiting for them! With one of the senator's chairs in hand, he breaks it over Finn's back as soon as he enters! Finn goes down! Jenny then enters and, seeing this, grabs a chair or her own! She throws it at Danny, and it smashes him in the torso! Jenny drops down on Finn to take advantage of the damage already done.

1.....


2.....



3...NOOO! IT'S STILL NOT OVER! FINN ROLLS A SHOULDER!


Danny launches himself at both of them, broken chair leg in hand and he starts beating Jenny with it! Danny then drags Jenny by the hair to the front of the chambers, beating her again a couple times for good measure before he climbs to the top of the main podium! Danny, with a sadistic gleam in his eye, launches himself off the podium into a moonsault! BUT JENNY ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AND DANNY CATCHES NOTHING BUT FLOOR!

By this point, all the competitors are exhausted, beat down and bedraggled. Obama looks at all of them, shaking his head in disbelief at the sheer amount of trauma the human body can endure!

Finn starts crawling towards his opponents on his hands and knees. He picks up Danny's leg and covers him.

1....


2...



3....IMPERIAL SOMEHOW KICKS OUT! Finn screams in anger!

Jenny craws over now, raking her claws on Finn's face! Finn responds by punching Jenny. Finn staggers to his feet, looking seriously wobbly. He picks up a nearby desk and breaks it over Jenny's head as she tries to get up! Wood shatters everywhere with a sickening crack! Jenny drops amidst the pieces. At this point, Danny is also up. He spins Finn around and kicks him in the guts, picking him up for his trademark musclebuster The Kingdom Come, but before he can hit it Finn slides out! He drops behind Danny and nails him with the KNIFE IN THE BACK!!!

Danny is down and Finn drops on top of him...HE LOCKS IN THE VERNICHTUNG!

DANNY STARTS YELLING AND WAILING AS FINN WRENCHES AND PULLS WITH ALL HIS MIGHT! THERE'S NO ROPES, NOWHERE FOR DANNY TO GO! BARACK IS THERE CHECKING, ASKING IF DANNY WANTS TO QUIT! DANNY SAYS NO....HE SAYS NO AGAIN! FINN'S NOT LETTING GO, DANNY'S NOT GIVING UP! THEY BOTH WANT THIS BAD!! SUDDENLY, DANNY DROPS INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS! BARACK LIFTS DANNY'S ARM....


ONE. IT FALLS!












TWICE! IT FALLS!











THREE TIMES! IT FALLS AGAIN! BY GOD FINN KUHN HAS DONE IT!


THE WINNER OF THE GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT.....FINN KUHN!!!


Finn rolls off of Danny, holding his body in agony but smiling despite the pain. He starts to laugh as he looks over at Jenny, who is skill knocked the fuck out from having that desk broken upside her skull!

Barack Obama gets up, dusting his hands off on his pants before looking directly at the camera.

And Madison's guy STILL won. Ain't that a pisser? Oh well, fair is fair! Congratulations young man! [/color]

Finn, a broken, battered and bloody mess, starts hobbling towards the exit!
Elsewhere

On the other side of Washington D.C. A black Cadillac waits in an alley. We see KellyAne Conway creep up to the back door and slink into the car, right next to the new president MICHAEL PENCE!

There you are. Well done, KellyAnne. The plan worked perfectly.

KellyAnne cackles.

Yessssss.....death! Death for poor, poor Donny. And so easy it was too! KellyAnne told Donny, “you cannot have a limp noodle for all your voters” and handed him the Viagra! “Not one....not two Donny, must take the WHOLE BOTTLE to ensure MAXIMUM erection!”

And he did it, what a dope! Praise the Lord that depraved sex pervert is gone!

KellyAnne and Pence share a laugh, but then their eyes meet. Their faces draw closer....and they KISS! Pence's face smooshes against KellyAnne's brittle corpse like skin as the viewer's disgust settles in and we mercifully go back to....

The U.S. Capitol

Finn Kuhn drags his body across the massive lawn and a car pulls up in front. Madison rolls down the rear window, herself still nursing a gash from Jenny Myst's Pink Perfection.

Get in!

Finn musters up one last bit of energy as Madison opens the door for him. He collapses in the back seat. I did it! I....I WON!! Finn laughs breathlessly!

YOU DID?!!

Finn looks up as the driver turns around. IT'S ENGY!

Oh buddy, we are gonna have the BEST TIME. The absolute best!

Finn looks at Madison, anger leaking onto his features. Madison shrugs.

Sorry bae, he's still my client.

The shot cuts to the exterior of the car as we hear Engy laughing uproariously from within. He punches the gas and the car peels out and away from the Capitol and into the night.



SPECIAL THANKS....

Finn Kuhn: For the segments
Jenny Myst/Chris Chaos: For the segments and for being a good sport
Thomas Nixon: For the segment
Jon Willis: For the writing assist!
]]> As the show reopens we see....oh God....

Reeeeve! You missed a spot on my underboob!!

Donald Trump is backstage in front of a full length mirror in his VIP dressing room. He's standing there wearing only a silk robe and some tighty whities. Reeve Gordon, looking like he's choking back vomit, walks up to the president with a can of spray tan in hand. Trump lifts up one of his copious manboobs so Reeve can apply the spray to a white pasty spot underneath. Trump takes another look at himself again in the mirror, brushing at his comb over a bit, before settling on a satisfied smile.

That'll be all Reeve. Now get the fuck out of my arena.

Reeve doesn't need to be told twice, and he bolts out the door. Unfortunately, he will carry the horrors of what he's seen today the rest of his life. Maybe next time he should actually cut a promo.

Trump continues to study himself in the mirror. He licks his lips and slowly, a familiar tune starts to play in the background.



Trump starts to sway to the music, running his hands up and down his doughy dad bod, which is still sticky with recently applied spray tan. Swirling the robe around himself, and giving himself up to the music, he puckers his lips at the mirror.

Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard.

He starts to massage his moobs sensually, giving the nipples a playful little pinch as he then lifts his robe out at his sides, resembling wings.

Jenny, you're not ready for this jelly.

Mercifully, the shot cuts to the interior of one of the arena's restrooms just as a toilet can be heard flushing, followed by a scream cut short by a gurgle. A member of the ring crew rushes into the bathroom and the camera's sight follows over his shoulder. He stops at an open stall where Drezdin is still giving inFamous a swirly.

Ring Crew: Drezdin! You're up, man!

Drezdin dunks inFamous into the toilet bowl one last time for good measure before dumping him like a sack of shit. Drezdin rushes out of the bathroom as we quick cut again to the announce position at ringside!

And we're back! This is where the rubber meets the road ladies and gentleman. What follows is three semi-final match ups, and the winners of those matches will square off in the finals in a triple threat for an “anytime, anywhere, with any stipulation” shot at the Universal championship!

That's right, and barring any interference from reptoid infiltrators or Hillary Clinton's Deep State agents, the right man will win here tonight!

”Man”? Well, Jenny Myst is still in contention here tonight.

Hahahahahaha, like a woman's going to win.

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Drezdin versus Finn Kuhn




The arena goes completely black for a moment, then the lights start to pulsate as the music starts to blare through the PA system. As soon as the pyro goes off the lights turn on, the people in the arena turn silent, the people are at awe and shock on how massive he is. He starts walking down the ramp, he yells out...IT'S GO TIME!, then he stops at the end of the ramp to take a deep breath. He approaches the ring, then he grabs the rope ring rope gets unto the ring aparon goes over the top rope then walks towards the middle of the ring. He raises his left hand as the pyro goes off.

As Drezdin's intro finishes up we see Finn Kuhn emerge from the Skybox once more. He makes his way down to the ring!



Finn gets to the ringside area, but as he does so a figure pushes his way to the forefront.....IT'S RICHARD SPENCER! Richard Spencer starts chanting “LONG LIVE THE WHITE RACE! LONG LIVE FINN KUHN! Finn looks at him like he cannot FUCKING BELIEVE IT!

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I'M STILL NOT A NAZI!

FINN SLUGS RICHARD SPENCER RIGHT IN THE FACE! Finn shakes his head with annoyance as he slides into the ring, finishing off his entrance with a pose down on the turnbuckle before hopping to the middle of the ring where Drezdin is waiting.

The bell rings and the match is underway! Drezdin holds his arms up, signalling for a lock-up, but Finn shakes his head “no” and refuses to be baited by the big man, instead rolling behind him and popping up into a high angle dropkick to his face! Drezdin is stunned by Finn's quickness but recovers quickly! He grabs Finn of the head and bounces his skull off the corner turnbuckle, and then proceeds to scoop him up into his arms and dropping him with a Rock Bottom type slam! Drezdin then gets on top of Finn, punching him in the head before heaving him up once more and throwing him into the ropes! Finn ducks under a big boot on the rebound and scoops Drezdin's legs out from under him, chaining that into a back senton slash to Drez's face! Inn then runs the ropes and hits a moonsault off the middle, right into a cover!

1....



2....DREZDIN KICKS OUT! He tosses Finn off of him ad gets to his feet. But the faster Kuhn runs at him with a flying forearm shot that stumbles the big man. Finn rubs the ropes again and launches himself at Drezdin with a picture perfect spinning heel kick that clips his jaw! Drezdin falls into the ropes and Finn hits the top turnbuckle with a leap, landing another big kick to Drezdin's face that drives him into the other turnbuckle.

Finn closes the gap, but Drezdin surprises Finn with a knee lift to his abdomen, followed by a haymaker. Drezdin lifts Finn up and nails him with a Pump Handle Slam, and then he drops for a cover!

1....



2.....


3....NOPE, FINN ROLLS THE SHOULDER UP!

Finn punches Drezdin in the nose and rolls out from under him, rising to his feet. Drezdin does the same, but Finn brings Drezdin back to earth by chop blocking his leg out from under him. Drezdin gives a cry of pain as he collapses and Finn, smelling blood, goes to town on the knee, kicking it viciously before picking it up and trying to roll Drezdin over and apply a single leg Boston Crab to maximize the damage, but Drezdin powers out and shoves Finn away.

Both men are vertical again and Drezdin forces Finn into a lock-up. Drezdin quickly overpowers the Kaiser, pressing him back into the corner where he lays into him with a series of big time knee lifts. Drezdin throws Finn out of the corner and to the mat. Then, Drezdin gets on the middle turnbuckle. The fans pop to see the big guy attempting a move from there! Drezdin takes flight with a leg drop, but Finn skirts out of the way and Drezdin hits nothing, busting his ass! Finn capitalizes by the running the ropes and tagging Drezdin with a Shining Wizard Kick! Dre goes flat and Finn jumps on him for the pin!

1....


2.....

3.....NO, DREZDIN TOSSES FINN OFF!

Finn looks incredulous. He's breathing hard, the effects of his second match of the night catching up. Drezdin gets up and Finn comes at him, but Drezdin palms his face and shoves him back down to the canvas. Finn gets up to take the fight to Drezdin once more but Drezdin is ready with a clothesline. Drezdin then goes for an elbow drop but Finn rolls away again! Finn hits a baseball slide like dropkick to the same knee he was working on before and Drezdin drops down to a kneeling position. Finn runs at Drezdin and catches him with a an RKO style neckbreaker that causes Drezdin's head to smack off the canvas viciously!

Running with this momentum, Finn climbs to the top rope! He calls for the To the Skies Frog Splash! He takes flight and nails it!! He covers!

1.....



2....



3!!!!

Drezdin stays down, Finn wins it!

The winner of the match, via Pinfall....FINN KUHN!


Finn allows himself a brief respite after the hellacious match he just endured. Rolling himself up to his feet, he stretches his neck out and prepares to roll himself out of the Ring and walk back up to the Skybox with Madison.

But Drezdin is right behind him! He spins Finn around and looks to rev up for a punch!

But wait...

CHRIS VALLEY APPEARS FROM OUT OF NOWHERE AND TACKLES THE SHIT OUT OF DREZDIN!

Finn almost looks stunned, but that gets replaced with a deep smile as Chris drops heavy hammerfists onto Drezdin, ground and pound style. And now Finn is joining in on the action too, dropping boots onto Drezdin! 

Wagging a finger at Valley, Chris gets off of the downed form of Drezdin, which allows Finn to lock in the big man's arms and apply VERNICHTUNG! It's locked in tightly as Finn wrenches in the submission further! Drezdin is screaming in pain... as suddenly a loud pop is heard and DRezdin is wailing! Finn finally let's go and looks Chris Valley dead in the eyes.

The tension is palpable as the two stare each other down. Slowly however, Finn extends a hand... in which Chris Valley shakes It! Chris holds up Finn's arm as the Kaiser looks smug! Has Chris Valley joined Paragon?

Finn Kuhn is officially going to the finals, and he appears to be growing his ranks in the process.

Yeah, but that's TWO matches in the bag. How much can he have left in the tank for later tonight?

Well he can take solace in the fact that his opponents have the same hurdle to overcome. Anyway, I've just gotten word that we're ready for our next Profile in American Courage, and it'll be presented by Madison Dyson herself!

Indeed, Madison is already in the ring with a mic in hand and a big smile on her face.

I hope you are all enjoying the action here tonight. Big ups to my bae, Finn Kuhn, for taking out that giant mongoloid! Now, for tonight's third and final Profile in American Courage, I knew it had to be somebody special. Somebody who truly defines what it means to be an AMERICAN. Somebody's whose very essence speaks truth to what this great nation is really all about. So, with that, it is my pleasure to grant that honor to.....ADOLF HITLER!

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The Fuhrers picture appears on every screen in the arena, and you can hear a pin drop. It's deathly quiet. The fans look around at the screens for some agonizing seconds before.....THEY START TO CHEER FOR ADOLF HITLER! Madison claps jubilantly before speaking again.

I know, I know! A lot of people may not be on board with this pick, but somehow I just KNEW you all would be! Now, while Hitler may not TECHNICALLY be an American, he did represent one of the biggest truisms that the Left in this country remains blissfully ignorant of, and that is that some people are just naturally better than others. Hitler fought valiantly for this belief and was PUNISHED just for wanting to purify his nation and usher in a thousand year reign of military power and ethnic homogeneity. And I ask you all....JUST WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

The fans are popping big time! Some of them chant back “NOTHING!” in response.

Yeah, that's right, nothing! And who stood in his way? A proto-LEFTY in the form of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who instituted so many of the parasitic welfare program we're still stuck with today....and fucking COMMUNISTS! Yeah, with enemies like that I think its safe to say Hitler had the right idea.

So, wherever you are right now Adolf, please accept my thanks for being such a trail blazer and for being a PROFILE IN AMERICAN COURAGE! Thanks everybody, enjoy the rest of the action!

The fans are cheering “A-DOLF! A-DOLF! A-DOLF!

The shot cuts back to the announce position, where Shepard Smith is just CRUSHING a flask of scotch!

Whoa, hittin' that a little hard, aren't you buddy?

Shep lowers the flash, with a haunted look on his face.

Alex....do....do you ever feel like...maybe we're on the wrong side of history? Like maybe what we're doing is wrong?

The hell are you talking about? OF COURSE NOT! Jesus man, get it together! UGH!

It's time for our next semi-final match of the evening!

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Mezian versus Jenny Myst




Jenny's music hits and she appears at the top of the ramp, looking fierce and determined! She completely ignores the fans as she does her trademark ring entrance.

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Jenny goes to her corner, looking up at Madison's Skybox with eyes of fire. Madison is watching her in turn, and gives her a sardonic looking wave in response.



A dim blue smoke starts to billow up from the ramp as the eccentric Mezian starts walking to the ring. He leaps up to the ring apron and gets in the ring, running the ropes a bit to get settled before the ref calls him to the center of the ring. With the ding of the bell this semi-final contest is underway!

Mezian locks up with Jenny, and quickly parlays that into an arm drag. Jenny gets up fast and runs at Mezian, but he arm drags her again, locking in an arm bar on the way down. Mezian synches in the arm bar for a moment but Jenny is able to roll onto her back and kick up at him, causing him to lose the hold! Mezian goes to lock up with Jenny again but Jenny counters by slapping him in the face and then chopping him a few times across the chest.

Jenny skirts behind Mezian to go for a suplex, but Mezian blocks and brings her down to earth with a jawbreaker! He covers!

1...


2....Not good enough! Jenny kicks out! Mezian forces her shoulders back down again but Jenny gets a hand up and rakes his eyes! The ref scolds Jenny but she doesn't even hear him. Myst gets up and rocks Mezian with a couple forearm shots, Mezian fights back with a knee lift and then wraps Jenny up for a belly to belly suplex, which he delivers! Jenny holds her abdomen in pain as she rolls away. Mezian comes at her again, grabbing hold of her hair but Jenny surprises him with a kick!

Shuffling back from Mezian she beckons him forward, only to sucker him into a drop toe hold followed by a camel clutch! For some added meanness she reaches her fingers into the sides of Mezian's mouth and wrenches back! Mezian cries out in pain and grasps for the ropes, but he's too far! Jenny delights in the pain she's causing, but Mezian is finally able to power up and over onto his back, rolling over Jenny and forcing a hold break.

They both get to their feet again and Jenny hits a side kick on Mezian, then goes for another but Mezian traps her leg and tosses her to the mat. As Jenny tries to get up Mezian kicks her in the stomach, picks her up and GORYBOMBS her! Mezian hooks the leg for the cover.

1....


2....


3...NO! Jenny kicks out!

Mezian wrenches Jenny up by the wrist and proceeds to pull her int a series of shoulder blocks, doing some damage to her arm, but Jenny is finally able to escape by raking Mezian's face again! Jenny then hits a quick sit out jawbreaker on Mezian!Jenny rushes Mezian on the mat and locks in a seated sleeper hold! The ref gets down to the canvas to check on Mezian! Mezian slaps the mat to try to keep himself in this, and Jenny wraps her legs around his waist in a body scissors to add insult to injury! Mezian flounders for the bottom rope, but barring that he wrenches his head back, hitting Jenny in the chin with the back of his scalp! But Jenny still doesn't break, so he does it again...and again! Jenny finally breaks, holding her face. Mezian grabs her by the foot and pulls her to the center. Jenny hope up on one foot, and then shocks him by bringing the other foot up to kick him in the back of the head! Jenny drops down for a cover now!


1.....


2....MEZIAN GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPE!

Jenny curses and pulls Mezian away from the rope, and he surprises her by rolling her up in a small package!


1....


2......NO! Jenny breaks up the pining hold!

Both competitors take a breather for a moment, and start to slowly rouse and get up. Jenny goes for Mezian's face again with an eye gouge, but Mezian blocks and lifts Jenny up for a sidewalk slam, but Jenny reverses capturing Mezian's head in her legs for a hurricanrana! Mezian is stunned but gets up, Jenny dives at him for a shoulder block but Mezian dodges and Jenny eats turnbuckle bouncing out after a glancing blow to the shoulder. Mezian scoops her up and plants her with a sambo suplex for another pin!

1....


2....


3....STILL NO, JENNY ROLLS A SHOULDER!

Mezian cannot believe it! He grabs Jenny up by the hair and whips her into the corner, following that up with a big flying shoulder right to her abdomen. Mezian then arm drags her out of the corner. Jenny falls into the ropes and Mezian runs at her, but Jenny dodges and Mezian instead goes flying right through the ropes. He lands hard on the outside! Jenny, breathing heavily and in pain mounts the top turnbuckle! She leaps high and lands on Mezian on the outside for a big splash! The fans pop! The ref counts them both down.

1.....



2.....



3.....


4.....


5.....


6.....


7.....

Jnny stirs first and she rolls Mezian back into the ring. Mezian skitters back on his haunches and kicks out at Jenny when she advances on him. Mezian pulls himself up using the ropes. Jenny runs up to Mezian and tags him with a big kick to the side of the head, she then tries to lock him up for the PINK PERFECTION! BUT Mezian shoves her away! Mezian counters then by turning Jenny inside out with a sick lariat! He then scoops her up onto his shoulders to deliver the APOLCALYPSE NOW! He goes to dump Jenny on her head...IT'S OVER....IT'S OVER.....


WAIT!


Jenny gets out and lands on her feet instead! Mezian is monumentally stunned by this turn events long enough for Jenny to grab his head and bring him crashing down with the PINK PERFECTION! SHE COVERS!


1....


2.....



3!!!!! IT'S OVER!

The winner of the match, via pinfall....JENNY MYST!


Jenny is so exhausted she just lays in the ring as her music hits, but you can't miss the smile on her face!

Wow! Big time turn of events at the end of that match, and Jenny Myst snaps up a win to send herself to the Finals!

Just then, Jenny's music cuts and Donald Trump appears on the main screen. Jenny sits up, the happiness instantly wiped from her features.

Jenny, I got to admit....did NOT see this coming! You? In the finals? Huh. Well, hate to break it to ya sweet cheeks, but I'm gonna wear your ass out after this next match....because our live sex celebration hits the airwaves right before the tournament finals! So get that hot little ass to a shower!

Donald's feed cuts and Jenny closes her eyes and runs her hands through her hair in frustration before slowly picking herself up to go to the back.

You have to admit, like her or not, this is a pretty bum deal for Jenny Myst. Who knows how having sex with the president will impact her performance in the finals.

Once again, I have no idea what you're on about. It's gonna be a huge morale booster for her! Think of the select camp of beautiful women that have gotten the chance to service our president. To be a part of that exclusive club is an honor.

At this point we see a member of the backstage crew pass an envelope to Alex Jones. The envelope bears his name.

What's that?

I dunno. Let me see...

Alex opens the envelope. Inside is a sheet of paper with magazine letters haphazardly cut out and glued on. It simply reads “I KNOW THE TRUTH. MEET ME BACKSTAGE.”

Alex's eyes go wide, he puts the letter down abruptly, casting paranoid glances over his shoulders.

Well, that's weird. Probably just some crank.

Shep, I gotta go!

What?! We're still in the middle of the show, you cant leave!

I CAN'T PASS THIS UP! This could be the key to EVERYTHING! The Reptoids! The Illuminati! The Deep State! My irritable colon! I can't....Shep, I'm sorry!

Alex takes off his gear, leaving an incredulous Shepard Smith behind. The camera follows Alex as he walks up the ramp and past the gorilla position, frantically looking around for some kind of hint as to where he can find this mysterious informant. Thankfully, it doesn't take long as he soon runs into a sign tacked to the wall that says “The Truth is this way!” Alex follows the sign, which takes him to another sign, and then another. Finally he reaches a door backstage with yet another sign, this one reading “The Truth is in here!” Alex throws open the door and rushes in, but is taken aback to find the room completely dark. The door shuts behind him.

Hello? Anybody there?

A light turns on on the far side of the room, revealing the back of a figure seated in a swivel chair. Vision of the person is obscured, but the façade indicates that it’s likely a grown man.

“Mr. Jones…I have waited a long time for this moment…”

“Me too! I’ve been searching for the truth for a long time!”

“Oh, I know you have, Alex.”

“Well, no need to build suspense. Let me have it. Tell me about the Obama Administration and the reptoids.”

“Yes, the reptoids.”

The chair spins around.

“WAIT YOU-“

The man leapt from the chair , and a forearm cuts off Alex Jone’s sentence. A forearm delivered by none other than......THOMAS NIXON??!!

“It’s people like you that give my people a bad name!”

Thomas Nixon shouts as he pummels the Info Warrior.

“You can’t blame my people for the problems in this world! The lizards are innocent! And they are people like you and me!”

Nixon peppers Jones with stomps, but Alex Jones’ eyes went wide. Ignoring the stomps, he rolled on his and forced his way to his feet, shoving Nixon away in the process.

“You’re one of them! You snot nosed, sharp tongued, moon inhabiting, reptoid enabling piece of garbage! You’re pure evil!”

Fury burns in both men’s eyes. Jones and Nixon step forward throwing simultaneous right hands. Nixon’s fists backed with the pride of his people and Jones’ with the anger of a thousand 9/11 truthers. A stiff right causes Nixon to wobble backwards.

“IT’S OVER FOR THE GLOBALISTS! BREAK THE CONDITIONING NOW!”

Jones’ wind his arm back and slings a ferocious punch.

Nixon ducks underneath it!

Jones’ is hunched forward from the momentum of his missed strike!

Nixon drives a jumping knee into Jones’ jaw sending him crashing to the cold floor, completely unconscious. The room is silent except for Nixon’s heavy breathing.

“ By the way, reptoid is an extremely offensive and racist term. Scum.”

Nixon spits on Alex Jones and leaves the room.

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Danny Imperial versus Chris Valley




As the hustling and bustling of breaths hit the PA Speaker, this signals the entrance of the most deprived and nastiest men too step up too the plate today. Out from the back comes Chris Valley, too the old familar sound of hate towards him. No smile on his face, no swagger too his step, just a crack of the knuckles and the neck as he walks down the entrance ramp. In his hand is a bag of his signature thumbtacks, and as he makes his way down the apron of the ring, he sets them into the corner, hops up and into the ring, and spreads his arms too shout: "MAD, DOG, VALLEY." The fans boo even louder, and he only brushes his arms off and backs into the corner, brushing his hair out of his face as he waits.



"Hail To The King" Blares through the speakers as laser multi-colored lights move haphazardly through the stadium. As the heavy guitar drops, two opposite flares shoot out from the base of the entrance. A crazed, grinning Danny Imperial walks out from behind the curtain. He runs a hand across his face, pulling back his hair.

He strolls down the ramp towards the ring, smugly glancing from side to side, giving Betsys in the crowd a wink as he passes them. He slides smoothly into the ring to await the bell.

Chris Valley and Danny Imperial start off the match by eyeing each other up, both men taking the full measure of each other. They pace around the ring, both men trying to lock up, both men slipping out of each other's grasps in only fractions of a second. It appears that both men are very evenly-matched and are starting the match out in a stalemate. Just as the fans and the wrestlers themselves are getting restless, an understanding appears to occur between the two men. They look at each other, shrug, and... go charging at each other, hitting each other at the same time with elbow strikes! It's an elbow strike standoff! Both men are standing their ground and firing away at each other, elbow after elbow, each strike producing an audible crack, and the fans are loving it! 

Both men are feeling the effects of the rapid-fire strikes, and they both back away from each other at the same time... only to charge right back into each other! Imperial comes flying in with another elbow... but Chris Valley kicks it away! But Imperial counters by using the force and momentum to turn his whole body around, catching Valley on the backend with a spinning back elbow! Dazed and caught off guard, Valley is hit square in the chest with a dropkick and stumbles into the nearby turnbuckles! Imperial leaps up to his feet and dives into the corner with a Stinger Splash... only to nearly get his head knocked off his shoulders! Chris Valley springs out of the corner while Imperial is in mid-air and nearly decapitates him with a Jumping Big Boot! Imperial is hit so hard while in mid-air that he does a backflip and lands hard on his stomach! Valley quickly rolls him over for a pin!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! Danny Imperial kicks out! 

Undeterred, Chris Valley grabs Danny Imperial and brings him to his feet... then sends him crashing right back down to the mat with a Suplex! He quickly brings Imperial up to his feet once again, then tosses him into the corner hard, Imperial's head bouncing off the top turnbuckle from the whiplash. Momentarily dazed, Imperial is nailed hard with a Running Lariat! Imperial falls, now in a seated position with his head resting against the second turnbuckle, and Valley takes aim! Valley runs full-tilt into the corner with a Cannonball Senton... but Imperial dodges! Imperial twists his body and manages to slide out of the ring only seconds before Valley impacts! Valley hits the turnbuckles hard and bounces off, landing awkwardly on his shoulders and neck!

Imperial slides back into the ring and grabs up Valley, hitting him with a German Suplex! And another! And another! It's three German Suplexes and Imperial still has a hold of Valley's waist! It looks like Imperial is going for a fourth German Suplex... but after popping Valley into the air, he releases the hold and catches Valley with an Inverted DDT! Imperial quickly covers for the pin and the win!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! This time it's Chris Valley who kicks out!

Imperial curses and quickly tries to bring Valley to his feet... only to eat several shots to the gut! Imperial counters with some clubbing blows to Valley's back, and then whips him into the ropes. On his return, Imperial grabs Valley up for a Sitout Side Slam... but Valley reverses with a Headscissors takedown! Imperial quickly gets back up to his feet and runs at Valley... but Valley counters by scooping Imperial up for a powerslam! As Valley lifts Imperial up over his head to bring more power to the slam, Imperial counters by twisting his body up and over Valley's head, nailing him with a quick armdrag! Now it's Valley's turn to get up to his feet quickly! Valley runs at Imperial for a Lariat... but Imperial kicks it away! Imperial tries for a Spinning Elbow... but that is kicked away as well! Valley tries to hit Imperial with a sidekick, but it's blocked and Imperial grabs the leg! Valley tries to counter with an Enzugiri... but Imperial ducks! Valley expertly lands back on his one good leg, with Imperial still holding his other leg, and Imperial lifts that leg high, trying to get Valley off-balance! But Valley responds by doing a forward flip, landing it beautifully! Momentarily surprised by Valley's ability to remain standing, Imperial is caught off-guard by a back elbow! Imperial stumbles backward but tries to counter a running Valley with a clothesline, only for Valley to duck and run past Imperial! Valley hits the ropes and Imperial ducks for a backbody drop, but Valley rolls over Imperial and lands behind him! Valley hits Imperial with a Russian Leg Sweep! The lightning-fast action ends with Imperial down on the mat grabbing his head in pain as Valley rises to his feet, measuring his opponent! The fans rise to their feet as well, appreciating the skill and speed of both performers!

Imperial is slow to his feet, and Valley is measuring him every step of the way. Just as Imperial gets to a base, Valley runs to the ropes. Imperial turns around to figure out where his opponent is... and he learns all-too-late that Valley was coming directly for him! Valley nails Imperial with a massive spear, sending him crashing to the mat. Once again Valley measures his opponent, waiting for Imperial to rise. Imperial slowly gets to his knees, and Valley leaps up, looking for the Curbstomp... but it's reversed! The Curbstomp may be one of Chris Valley's signature moves, but it's also Danny Imperial's main finisher! So not only does he know how to do the move, he knows picture-perfectly how to counter it! Danny Imperial counters Chris Valley's Curbstomp into a Sitout Powerbomb! Now it's Imperial's turn to wait for his opponent to rise! Once Chris Valley gets to his feet, he is blasted into the ropes via a devastating running spinning elbow! On his rebound, Imperial leaps towards Valley and catches him with his trademark move, the devastating body scissors DDT he calls On Your Knees! Imperial rolls Valley over and pins him!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! Kickout at two and a half!

Imperial pounds the mat several times in frustration, giving Valley several precious seconds on his belly, where he appears to be moving quickly, searching for something he's hidden on himself. Imperial doesn't catch this and hauls Valley to his feet roughly, then grabs him in a Double Leg Lift, lifting him up and positioning him on the second rope. It looks like Danny Imperial is setting up Chris Valley for his Kingdom Come running Muscle Buster maneuver... but Chris Valley spews a strange, disgusting red liquid from his mouth, temporarily blinding Imperial! It's the Fog in the Valley! Imperial turns around and bends over, instinctively trying to protect his face as he fights to get the liquid out of his eyes, but this puts him into the perfect position! Valley leaps off the second rope and nails Imperial with a Curbstomp! Imperial falls hard face-first onto the mat and Valley rolls him over for the pin and the win!

1!!

2!!

No!!!! It's a kickout! Danny Imperial found the strength to kick out and this match is still going!

Valley curses loudly and tries to conserve his energy, waiting for Imperial to rise rather than hauling him up. When Imperial gets to a standing base behind Valley, Valley whips him around hard... and sets him up for the Death in the Valley! Imperial is hoisted onto Valley's shoulders, but just as Valley begins the spin in order to execute his Fireman's Spinning Cutter finisher, Imperial counters! Imperial lands directly behind Valley... and locks in a finisher of his own! Danny Imperial locks in the Crown of Thorns! The fans come to their feet as Imperial locks in his Rear Naked Choke finisher and Valley attempts to pull himself free! Imperial can't get seem to get Valley down... so he jumps onto his back! Imperial is riding Chris Valley like a backpack with his legs around Valley's waist, and Valley has to support all of Imperial's weight as he's being choked! Just as it looks like Valley is going to stumble and fall, Valley makes a last-second desperation maneuver! Valley charges at the ropes and flings himself over! Both men land awkwardly, tumbling over the ropes in a mess of flailing limbs! Both men are down and nearly out, and both men are fighting to get to their feet outside of the ring!

Valley is the first to get up, with Imperial following soon after. Imperial steps away from Valley, getting some space but Valley runs at him, which turns out to be a bad mood because in an impressive display of strength Imperial uses Valleys own momentum against him to pick him up and drop him hard to the floor with the IMPERIAL INSANITY!!! Danny rolls Valley into the ring and slides in himself. Danny, once inside, then locks in THE CROWN OF THORNS!!!

The ref gets mat level and Valley tries to fight, but that last impact on the outside has taken a lot out of him. The ref asks...and asks again....and FINALLY VALLEY TAPS BEFORE PASSING OUT!

You winner via submission.....DANNY IMPERIAL!


And there we have it, Danny Imperial is joining Jenny Myst and Finn Kuhn in the finals! What a contest and....oh, I have just been informed that Donald Trump is backstage and ready to have sex with Jenny Myst. And yes, those are real words that just came out of my mouth. I'd tell you all to enjoy what's coming next, but will you though?

DONALD TRUMP'S LIVE SEX WITH JENNY MYST!!


The camera goes backstage into a lavish bedroom. Seriously, it looks like something out of Arabian nights, with fine silks and tapestries hanging from the walls, pornographic golden statues featuring women with enormous breasts and thighs...the absolute works! Jenny Myst steps through a side door into the room, and scowls when she sees the massive crew there to film her humiliation. The crew includes Jeremiah Dixon and Richard Dweck, each holding a boom mike.

Donald Trump's voice sounds out from behind a partition near the bed.

Make yourself comfortable Jenny. I hope you were doing those kegels like I instructed, it'll help you to withstand all of my prolific jackhammering.

Let's just get this over with old man. And know that every second of this isn't because I wanted a piece of "The Donald"--corny ass name by the way--but because I will lose my job if I don't. Before you get all high on yourself just know I was forced to do this. It is basically rape, though, for you, I am not sure that is a turnoff.

A fighter till the very end....LOVE IT!

Trump steps out from behind the partition, he's wearing nothing but a thong with his own face on it! He points to the bed.

Tits down ass up, that's the way Trumpy likes to fuck!

I don't have a gag reflex, but I just had a little come up. For someone who hates black people, it isn't becoming of you to quote hip hop lyrics.

Donald licks his lips.

You know what, I'm done, fuck this.

She gets up to leave.

Jenny what part of “if you don't do this you're fucking FIRED” did you not get the first time, huh? I've built an entire career out of firing people, you think I won't fire you too?! Now get on the bed you SLUT!

Jenny winces, and her face sets in a grim fiery countenance, eyes blazing with rage so bright they're starting to tear up. She's literally quivering with rage, her body and heart fighting fist tooth and nail against this degradation, but her mind unable to fully let go of her passion for the sport that has driven her.

You aren't a real man, you know that right, Donny boy? I have played it off all week as an honor to get to fuck you, and in a way I thought maybe it was, but seeing you here in person.......I would rather fuck one of the Sandpeople from Star Wars! I hope this is terrible for you.

Jenny slides onto the bed. Trump smirks maliciously.

Atta girl, I knew you'd comply. They always do. So Jenny, are you ready for this?

Trump starts to dance “sensually” closer to the bed, but instead of being sexy it's just utterly embarrassing. His doughy body undulates and quivers with every movement. He turns around and shakes his nasty, hairy pockmarked ass at Jenny. Jenny gags and turns away.

Dixon! Dweck! Make sure you get those boom mics nice and tight on Jenny's mouth, I want the whole world to hear each and every one of her orgasmic moans!

Dweck and Dixon looks sheepishly at Jenny, and press the fuzzy mics right up to her face, prodding them right up against her mouth. She bats them away furiously.

Trump continues dancing, gyrating his varicose veined hips causing his ancient joints to pop in protest. However, after a moment of this, Trump reaches for the sheet at the end of the bed to mop up the flop sweat that has started cascading down his body.

Damn it, why is it so fucking hot in here?! TURN ON THE AC!

A camera operator looks at the rest of the crew in confusion.

Camera Guy: Sir, it's actually pretty comfortable in here are you sure...?

YES I'M SURE YOU IDIOT! Can't you see I'm sweating buckets....**cough** **cough**

Trump's words plunge into a couple of deep throaty coughs.

Starting to feel a little......hmmmm....must be all that blood rushing to my giant....

Just then, Trump lurches a bit, stumbling against the post on the bed. The crew looks on in concern but Trump waves them off.

It's nothing! It's nothing! My arm's just a little tingly....gotta be....gotta be....Jenny prepare to get.....OHHHHHH FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK.....

Donald clutches his chest and falls to the floor! The crew looks on in shock! Secret Service agents rush into the room as The Donald squirms about on the floor, vomit exploding up from between his lips before he suddenly goes still! The secret service agents start frantically radioing for a medic and shortly thereafter EMT's burst int the room.

Jenny rolls over and sits up on the bed. Her face has an initial look of concern on it, but then it twists into a wild grin. She has a fire in her eyes as if she just scored the biggest victory of her life and gets off the bed, sliding her skirt back on in the distance as EMT's and Secret Service continue to work on the president. She stares at him with complete hatred, not able to keep herself from smiling.

The medics bust out a defibrillator and press the panels to Trump's chest, delivering a shock that causes his orange ponderous mass to buck on the floor, his sweat and greasy cheap spray tan leaving a disgusting soaking stain on the carpeting.

Jenny is staring at the scene going on in front of her, mesmerized by it. She has almost a prideful look, as if her naked form was so good that this old man couldn't handle it. She bends down and takes a chunk of his orange hair, ripping it off in the chaos and puts it in her bag as a trophy.

At this point Madison bursts into the room! She covers her mouth in shock.

Oh no! NO NO NO NO NO NO! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! OH SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

Trump bucks again as another shock goes through him, but he's non responsive! Madison looks up at Jenny.

YOU FUCKING BITCH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Madison lunges at Jenny on the bed!

Jenny was taken by surprise as Madison land on her and begins to reign blows down, the two roll around on the bed, hair pulling, slapping and even biting! Eventually, they roll off the bed. Jenny bounces Madisons head off the wall, and she stumbles back. Jenny kicks her in the gut and goes for Pink Perfection but Madison flips her over. She takes the night stand and pushes it over on top of Jenny. She picks Jenny up by the hair and rams her head through the dry wall, creating a massive hole! Jenny is motionless as Madison goes over to check on the EMT's working on the president. Just then a yell can be heard as Jenny comes back on the scene and smashes a lamp over Madison's head, putting her out cold. She falls next to the limp and sweaty president. Jenny stands there panting for a few moments before she wipes some blood off her lip and tears out of the room!

The shot cuts to the arena, where it is dead silent. The crowd is still looking at the main screen as their president dies right in front of them. The shot then cuts back to the announce position. Shep's mouth hangs open in shock.

Oh my God....folks, it has just been confirmed that the president Donald J. Trump.....IS DEAD!

A sheet is being shown draped over the president just as someone finally realizes the camera was still rolling. A Secret Service Member rushes the camera, hand out to cover the lens, and soon after it goes black. You could hear a pin drop, the entire arena is so quiet.

Wow...I can't believe this....I....I just don't know what to say....

And that's when the first shot is fired. Shep looks up into the stands as a body drops down from the cheap sheets, landing on some rednecks below. The rednecks, still in shock and rage, pull their guns and start firing indiscriminately up into the cheap seats, but they wind up shooting someone else. The family of that person draws their shotguns and start blasting at the seats below them!

Ohhhhhh this isn't good....

The bubble of tension that had been growing and growing with the death of the president bursts....INTO GUNFIRE! Itchy trigger fingers are cut loose and before long the entire arena is awash in the staccato repetition of assault rifle fire, the thunderous blast of shotguns, the pop and recoil of handguns! BULLETS ARE FLYING EVERYWHERE! Shep dives under the announce desk and pulls on a flak jacket and a helmet.

Thank God I brought these! Holy crap, it's a literal warzone out there! People are just shooting randomly and blood is running in the aisles! THIS IS INSANITY!

The shot cuts backstage again, Madison is sitting on the floor outside Trump's room, holding a towel to the back of her head where Jenny Myst decked her with the lamp. Wayne LaPierre comes running down the hall.

Holy shit, is he really dead?!!

Wayne is wearing a shirt that says “Big Dick Playa” on it now, with two arrows pointing down at his bulbous padded crotch. Madison looks up at him, mascara running from tears.

Yes he's dead! Oh God I'm so screwed!

Yeah well we have another problem! The entire crowd has lost their minds, they're shooting each other! What do we do?!

OH FUCK ME! Uhhhh.....uhhhhhhh! Oh Jesus Wayne, WE HAVE TO CONFISCATE THEIR GUNS!

Wayne looks flabbergasted.

We have to WHAT?!

Look, I don't like it either! I can't believe I'm saying this....BUT WE GOTTA TAKE AWAY THEIR GUNS!

Madison, I am WAYNE LAPIERRE! I am “Mister Second Amendment”! There is no way I am going to go out there and demand MY PEOPLE give up their right to bear arms!

Wayne, if you don't do this I swear to God I'll leak the picture.

Wayne stops short.

Wait...wha...what picture?

You know what I'm talking about. Your micropenis.

Wayne chokes and looks around to make sure nobody heard.

SHHHHHH! Jesus....Madison, please....this-this isn't fair! You're putting me in......

Get them to give up their guns.....or MICROPENIS! I am not in the mood for fucking around.

Wayne, looking dejected, starts to pace back and forth. Finally, with an audible curse, he marches back down the hall and to the main entrance to the ring! The camera follows him as he appears on stage and he walks down the ramp. The entire arena is echoing with screams and gunfire now, and Wayne has to stay low on his way to the ring to avoid getting hit. Just outside the ring, a crew member lays dead from a gun shot wound to the chest. Wayne picks up the mic the dead guy was holding and tentatively rolls into the ring.

WAIT everyone please stop shooting! It's me, WAYNE! Please just listen to me!

The crowd, hearing the voice of their trusted NRA vice president, looks up. The gunfire stops, and the only sound is the dull thud of another corpse falling from the cheap seats into the aisle below.

Ok everyone, I know we've all just been dealt a terrible shock. Donald Trump was an inspiration and a good friend to all of us. But we can't eat each other alive as a way of coping with our sadness. It just doesn't make sense. Now....I know this is going to be tough for you to hear. Hell, it's tough for me to SAY. But, I think to protect the safety of everyone left alive in this arena....you all need to turn over your guns to the proper authorities.

Wayne looks like he's gonna puke as those words leave his mouth. He looks up at the crowd, and at first, nothing happens.

Then, in unison, everyone left in the audience starts to train their guns on WAYNE! Wayne gulps and he lets a little urine loose in his pants. The arena crackles with the sound of hundreds of firearms cocking. Wayne closes his eyes.

Oh bitter irony....

The rest of his words are cut off by the impact of hundreds of small caliber rounds hitting his body in unison! Bullets tear through him at such a rate that Wayne's body jerks and spasms but still doesn't fall, causing him to dance a macabre dance of death as it's pasted by the combined assault of every gun left in the building!!

OH HOLY SHIT!!!

Before long, Wayne's body is reduced to a fine gore pate in the center of the ring. The ring itself has faired no better. It's riddled with holes and collapses under it's own weight!

With Wayne dealt with, this sea of idiots once again train their firearms on each other and start shooting !!

Hiding under the announce table, Shep winces as bullets ping off the top of the desk.

I swear to God, if I live through this I better get one hell of a book deal! I can only guess that Shove-It is completely FUBAR at this point. So, this is Shepard Smith, signing off for perhaps the very last time. To my boyfriend Cliff, I love you and don't you dare bury me in MAUVE!

The shot inside the arena suddenly cuts to black. We go once again to the backstage area, where Finn Kuhn and a member of the backstage crew have Madison cornered.

NO! NO! IT'S NOT OVER!

Crew Member: Miss Dyson, the ring is destroyed! The Secret Service is leaving with the president's body. All the referees and staff have fled! WE HAVE TO END THE SHOW!

But what about the Finals?!

No, IT'S NOT OVER! It the arena is fucked....then the Finals will be a STREET FIGHT ON THE STREETS OF WASHINGTON DC!! And I'm.....

Madison pulls a ref's shirt out of her blouse.

...the referee!

Madison grabs the member of the ring crew by his collar.

GO FIND DANNY IMPERIAL AND JENNY MYST AND TELL THEM THE FINALS START OUTSIDE THE ARENA RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

The crewman shakes his head and runs off to do his duty. Madison turns to Finn.

This has been the worst fucking night of my whole life. You need to redeem this for me. YOU NEED TO WIN!

Finn smirks confidently.

That won't be a problem.

Finn jogs off down the hall as Madison starts putting on the referee's shirt!

Great American Shove-It: FINAL MATCH!
A Street Fight on the Streets of Washington D.C.

Jenny Myst versus Danny Imperial versus Finn Kuhn


Madison Dyson and Finn Kuhn come walking out towards the curb in front of the arena. From inside the arena, gun fire and screams can still be heard. Jenny Myst comes walking up soon after, and she scowls when she sees Madison with the referee shirt.

You have got to be shitting me.

Deal with it toots! Where the hell is Danny Imperial?

Almost as if on cue, one of the massive trucks that carries XWF gear comes careening around the corner and barrels right for the three of them!! Finn, Jenny, and Madison all dive out of the way as the massive trucks barely misses them and buries itself into some parked cars before coming to a halt. Danny Imperial kicks the shattered door of the truck off it's hinges laughing uproariously.

What the FUCK, Danny?!

Danny jumps down and heads straight for Finn Kuhn! He picks Finn up double leg style and spinebusters him right into the cement! Madison rushes over, but Jenny shoves her out of the way as she makes a beeline for Danny. Jenny leaps and smashes him with a forearm shot before turning her attention to Finn with malicious glee. She starts stomping the shit out of him while he's down but Danny grabs Jenny by the hair and smashes her face first into the side of another nearby parked car.

Traffic around them is starting to slow as their bodies spill out into the street. The foremost car starts honking and Danny flips the driver off as he picks Jenny up again and scoop slams her into the street. Madison follows the action. Finn rouses and jumps to the top of another nearby car, he leaps off the roof and hurricanrana's Danny into the cement!

Finn then turns to Jenny, but she surprises him with a shot to the stomach, followed by a big slap to his face! Jenny then tries to take a breath, stepping away from both opponents but never taking her eyes off either. Finn, angry from the slap, pursues Jenny and Jenny jogs away from him further down the street and around the corner of a building. As Finn rounds the corner Jenny had tried to sucker him with a kick, but Finn saw it coming and he grabs Jenny's leg and slams her into the side of the brick building! Finn leans against the building, looking exhausted as the night's events have started to catch up.

Just then, Danny Imperial also rounds the corner holding a stop sign that is still attached to the pole! Finns eyes go wide as Danny swings it at him, barely ducking under it. Jenny gets up behind Danny and he lashes out at her with a back kick before returning his attention to Finn. He swings at Finn again, this time clocking him on the side of the head with the stop sign! Danny goes for the cover on Finn! Madison reluctantly drops for the pin!


1.....






2........Finn kicks out after a loooooong two count!

Danny is pissed! He gets up and grabs Madison by the hair! But before he can do any damage Finn tags him with a low blow from behind! Danny sinks to his knees, clutching his balls and Finn finishes him with a roundhouse kick to the side of the head!

Jenny staggers up from behind Finn, turns him around and kicks him in the stomach, followed up by a quick spinning neckbreaker! Jenny warns Madison away when she gets too close, and Jenny grabs a nearby public trash can. She hefts it up and charges at Danny Imperial with it, smashing him in the head as he tries to get up. Then, seeing Finn also struggling to get up she does the same to him! Jenny tosses the can aside. Sensing this won't be enough, Jenny looks around for an even deadlier weapon and finds the stop sign Danny was using earier. She pins the actual sign against a parked car and with some work finally manages to break the sign off leaving her with just a deadly piece of rebar. Jenny gets up behind Finn and smashes him in the back with the pole a few times. Finn crumbles beneath the attack. But just then Danny explodes into Jenny from the side with a big spear that sends both of them plunging further down the street, rolling along the unforgiving cement!

Madison casts a look back at Finn before following his opponents as they slowly get up and stumble down the street.

Come on Finn!

Danny and Jenny arrive at a bus stop, where a few people are already waiting to catch a ride. Danny pulls Jenny up and throws her into the side of the bus shelter, and the people flee in fear!

Danny picks Jenny up again, and she gasps in pain, but is able to stab a thumb into Danny's eye. Danny rears back, holding his face as Jenny painfully pulls herself up. It's Jenny's turn now to smash Danny's head into the side of the bus shelter once....twice...thrice! She then gets up on the bench inside the bus shelter and nails Danny with a big time tornado DDT onto the curb just as the bus is pulling up!

The driver, clearly not paying attention to what is going on, opens the door! A bleeding Danny Imperial crawls up the steps and onto the bus! The driver lets out an “Awwww HEEELLLL NAW!” and tries to close the door but Jenny gets in the way before it can shut and kicks Danny in the gut, causing him to roll up and into the bus! Madison then steps into the bus, but not before shooting a fearful look around for Finn! Madison smiles when she sees Finn running towards the bus and she holds the door open for him so he can get in. The bus driver starts yelling and complaining and Madison screams JUST FUCKING DRIVE! at him.

The other passengers on the bus huddle back in their seats in fear as the bus lurches forward with all four of them within. Jenny goes to grab Danny by the leg, but he kicks her off and right back into Finn Kuhn. Finn locks Jenny up and vertical suplexes her into the aisle! He drops down for a cover and Madison counts....

1....


2....JENNY KICKS OUT!

Danny Imperial jumps over Jenny to tackle Finn Kuhn, causing both men to fall back to the front of the bus where the start throwing wild punches at each other! The bus driver panics and swerves, side swiping a series of parked cars which causes the bus occupants to scream! The driver gets the bus back under control. Finn shoves Danny back and he trips over Jenny Myst. Finn then climbs to the top of the seats and runs along them, launching himself at Danny with a clothesline that takes both of them crashing in the aisle.

All the competitors pause for a moment, exhausted, but Jenny Myst breaks the down time finally by grabbing something from one of the bus occupants. The occupant yells in protest but Jenny raises her fist back and they pipe down. Jenny reveals what she has....a can of MACE!

Oh no, bitch!

Madison leaps at Jenny and tries to pry it out of her hands, and they fight over the mace for a bit before Danny Imperial grabs Jenny by the hair. Jenny turns to mace Danny and he ducks under the spray, responding with an uppercut to Jenny's face! Jenny goes down and Danny picks up the dropped can of mace. He goes to unload it on Jenny, but is disappointed to find that it's now empty. Finn rises up behind Danny and Danny wheels around and decks him in the face with the empty can, followed up by tackling Finn towards the back of the bus towards an emergency door. They both crash into the door, and it pops open damn near sending both of them tumbling into the street!

Finn looks back in terror as he's half hanging out the back, and Danny pushes down on his face, trying to force him to fall off the bus! Finn fights back desperately and is finally able to shove Danny off of him. Finn gets up, closing the emergency door behind him, and he boots Imperial in the skull as he tries to get up.

At that point, the bus comes to a stop and Madison looks out the window to see that they have arrived in front of the U.S. Capitol building.

[Image: 0834513US-Capitol1780x390.JPG]

Bus Driver: Ya'all get the fuck off this bus before I call the cops!

Jenny Myst clambers out of the bus, followed by Madison. Finn then follows suit, but he tries to force the door shut on Danny before he can get out! Danny grabs hold of the door mechanism from inside and forces it back open, and he launches himself off the top of the bus' steps into another spear on Finn Kuhn!

The bus peels it away and down the street as the fight spills out onto the grounds of the US Capitol! A member of the grounds security patrol rolls up on them in a cart, ordering them to stand down but Danny Imperial is having none of it! He rips the security guard out of the cart and gets in himself, and he drives it right at Finn Kuhn! Finn, seeing this, barely gets out of the way and when the cart passes him he hops in the other side and starts struggling with Danny! The cart bumps and jostles over the front lawn of the Capital before finally coming to a stop in front of the building's majestic western staircase. Finn boots Imperial out of the cart just as Madison and Jenny Myst come running up. Jenny runs at Finn and kisses his face with a brutal dropkick to the chin, causing him to go down. Danny gets up and throws a haymaker at Jenny, which Jenny dodges and parlays into a roll-up for the pin!

1....





2.....MADISON STOPS COUNTING! She pulls her hand up with a pained look on her face.

Ow, broke a nail!

Jenny gets off of Danny, her expression pure rage! Madison rises up in front of her.

....what bitch?

JENNY MYST DROPS MADISON WITH THE PINK PERFECTION! MADISON IS OUT COLD!

Jenny turns around right into the waiting arms of Danny Imperial who then drops her with the IMPERIAL INSANITY!! He goes for the cover!! BUT THERE'S NO REF TO MAKE THE COUNT!

Imperial gets up and goes over to Madison, trying to shake her awake but it's not doing the trick. Danny then gets ambushed by Finn Kuhn, who dives at Danny and lifts him up double leg takedown style, forcing up him the steps of the capital! Danny counters by wrapping an arm around Finn's head and DDT'ing him into the steps!

Danny shouts out a series of curses, seeing that now BOTH his opponents are down and there's nobody to make the count! It's about then that he's hit with a blinding light from above....it's a helicopter! What the fuck is it now?!!

AHHHHH SSSSHHIIIIIIT, ya'all ready for this shit right here?! He's come to save the day!

Danny looks up at the helicopter as a figure starts to repel down from it. Another figure is hanging out the side of the helicopter with a mic in hand....it's pop superstar DRAKE!

[Image: Drake-cr-Caitlin-Cronenberg-2016-billboa...650-03.jpg]

It's the one....the only....BARACK “THE KENYAN SHOCK” OBAAAAAAAMMAAAAAAA!



“Energy” by Drake starts pumping from The Helicopter as we see that the man repelling down from the chopper is Barack Obama wearing a referee's shirt!

[Image: obama_drafthouse__full.png]

Barack unclips himself from his tether and removes his badass shades to survey the scene.

Obama: Well it's a damn good thing I'm here! What a mess!

Danny looks on at the former president but Finn takes the opportunity to spin Danny from behind and start lighting him up with punches! Barack starts ascending the steps of the Capitol towards them. Danny shoves Finn away fiercely, causing Finn to stumble up the steps. Danny gives chase until both he and Finn are on level ground in front of the entrance! Both men start grappling with each other, punching and elbowing as they stumble through the door and into the hall. Security rushes up to them, but they stop when they see Barack Obama follow in just behind them!

Obama: Relax gentlemen, they're with me!

Security, perplexed, step aside and allow Danny and Finn to keep fighting through the security checkpoint. Barack sets off the metal detector as he steps through but ignores it.

Finn finally gets the upper hand on Danny and irish whips him into the wall, dislodging a 100 year old painting that clatters to the floor. That's when Jenny Myst reenters the fray, picking up the painting and smashing it over Finn's head, downing him. Danny keeps stumbling down the hall, the wound on his head reopened causing him to bleed all over. Jenny gives chase, picking up a no doubt expensive statute off a nearby pedestal and nailing Danny Imperial in the back of the head with it. Obama is there, checking on all the participants as Jenny goes for a cover on Danny. Obama drops for the count!

1....



2....



3...NOOOOO!! Imperial barely kicks out!!

Jenny lets out a curse and gets off of him, arguing with Obama that the count was a three. He defiantly shakes his head “no”. Jenny then turns back to Danny, kicking him as he tries to crawl away further down the hall. Finn returns then, sneaking up behind Jenny and nailing her with a release German suplex onto the unforgiving marble floor! Finn goes to cover her!


1....



2.....



3....ANOTHER LAST SECOND KICK OUT! Finn pins her again but this time Jenny shoves him off immediately!

Finn grabs Jenny by the leg and starts kicking her in the thigh until Jenny is finally able to escape by twisting out and nailing him upside the back of the head with an enzugiri! Finn rolls with the blow, landing near the wall and slowly making it back to his feet. Jenny picks up the statue from before and Finn bails, knowing some serious pain is coming if it connects! Finn runs down the hall, Jenny Myst hot on his heels! They round one corner, and then another, until they come to a massive pair of double doors! Jenny throws the statue at Finn and he ducks through the doors to avoid it, popping out in the US SENATE CHAMBERS!



But Danny Imperial was already there, waiting for them! With one of the senator's chairs in hand, he breaks it over Finn's back as soon as he enters! Finn goes down! Jenny then enters and, seeing this, grabs a chair or her own! She throws it at Danny, and it smashes him in the torso! Jenny drops down on Finn to take advantage of the damage already done.

1.....


2.....



3...NOOO! IT'S STILL NOT OVER! FINN ROLLS A SHOULDER!


Danny launches himself at both of them, broken chair leg in hand and he starts beating Jenny with it! Danny then drags Jenny by the hair to the front of the chambers, beating her again a couple times for good measure before he climbs to the top of the main podium! Danny, with a sadistic gleam in his eye, launches himself off the podium into a moonsault! BUT JENNY ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AND DANNY CATCHES NOTHING BUT FLOOR!

By this point, all the competitors are exhausted, beat down and bedraggled. Obama looks at all of them, shaking his head in disbelief at the sheer amount of trauma the human body can endure!

Finn starts crawling towards his opponents on his hands and knees. He picks up Danny's leg and covers him.

1....


2...



3....IMPERIAL SOMEHOW KICKS OUT! Finn screams in anger!

Jenny craws over now, raking her claws on Finn's face! Finn responds by punching Jenny. Finn staggers to his feet, looking seriously wobbly. He picks up a nearby desk and breaks it over Jenny's head as she tries to get up! Wood shatters everywhere with a sickening crack! Jenny drops amidst the pieces. At this point, Danny is also up. He spins Finn around and kicks him in the guts, picking him up for his trademark musclebuster The Kingdom Come, but before he can hit it Finn slides out! He drops behind Danny and nails him with the KNIFE IN THE BACK!!!

Danny is down and Finn drops on top of him...HE LOCKS IN THE VERNICHTUNG!

DANNY STARTS YELLING AND WAILING AS FINN WRENCHES AND PULLS WITH ALL HIS MIGHT! THERE'S NO ROPES, NOWHERE FOR DANNY TO GO! BARACK IS THERE CHECKING, ASKING IF DANNY WANTS TO QUIT! DANNY SAYS NO....HE SAYS NO AGAIN! FINN'S NOT LETTING GO, DANNY'S NOT GIVING UP! THEY BOTH WANT THIS BAD!! SUDDENLY, DANNY DROPS INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS! BARACK LIFTS DANNY'S ARM....


ONE. IT FALLS!












TWICE! IT FALLS!











THREE TIMES! IT FALLS AGAIN! BY GOD FINN KUHN HAS DONE IT!


THE WINNER OF THE GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT.....FINN KUHN!!!


Finn rolls off of Danny, holding his body in agony but smiling despite the pain. He starts to laugh as he looks over at Jenny, who is skill knocked the fuck out from having that desk broken upside her skull!

Barack Obama gets up, dusting his hands off on his pants before looking directly at the camera.

And Madison's guy STILL won. Ain't that a pisser? Oh well, fair is fair! Congratulations young man! [/color]

Finn, a broken, battered and bloody mess, starts hobbling towards the exit!
Elsewhere

On the other side of Washington D.C. A black Cadillac waits in an alley. We see KellyAne Conway creep up to the back door and slink into the car, right next to the new president MICHAEL PENCE!

There you are. Well done, KellyAnne. The plan worked perfectly.

KellyAnne cackles.

Yessssss.....death! Death for poor, poor Donny. And so easy it was too! KellyAnne told Donny, “you cannot have a limp noodle for all your voters” and handed him the Viagra! “Not one....not two Donny, must take the WHOLE BOTTLE to ensure MAXIMUM erection!”

And he did it, what a dope! Praise the Lord that depraved sex pervert is gone!

KellyAnne and Pence share a laugh, but then their eyes meet. Their faces draw closer....and they KISS! Pence's face smooshes against KellyAnne's brittle corpse like skin as the viewer's disgust settles in and we mercifully go back to....

The U.S. Capitol

Finn Kuhn drags his body across the massive lawn and a car pulls up in front. Madison rolls down the rear window, herself still nursing a gash from Jenny Myst's Pink Perfection.

Get in!

Finn musters up one last bit of energy as Madison opens the door for him. He collapses in the back seat. I did it! I....I WON!! Finn laughs breathlessly!

YOU DID?!!

Finn looks up as the driver turns around. IT'S ENGY!

Oh buddy, we are gonna have the BEST TIME. The absolute best!

Finn looks at Madison, anger leaking onto his features. Madison shrugs.

Sorry bae, he's still my client.

The shot cuts to the exterior of the car as we hear Engy laughing uproariously from within. He punches the gas and the car peels out and away from the Capitol and into the night.



SPECIAL THANKS....

Finn Kuhn: For the segments
Jenny Myst/Chris Chaos: For the segments and for being a good sport
Thomas Nixon: For the segment
Jon Willis: For the writing assist!
]]> <![CDATA[The GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=31176 Sat, 31 Mar 2018 18:14:42 -0700 Madison Dyson]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=31176


A massive red white and blue fireworks display kicks things off from the Capital One Arena, in Washington DC!

The shot cuts to a lit booth just outside the arena where Alex Jones, Shepard Smith, and Wayne LaPierre are standing by.

Shep: Welcome to the Capital One Center in Washington DC for the first ever GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT: Make XWF Great Again 2018 God Bless. It is my honor to be with you here tonight. To my left are Alex Jones, who will be joining me on commentary tonight, and the NRA's Wayne LaPierre, who is the security consultant for tonight's events. Now Wayne, with the president being in attendance I'm sure a lot of thought was put into keeping the building and it's occupants secure.

Alex:Yeah, and I for one would like to know how you kept all those human flesh wearing Reptoids out.

Wait, Alex, what exactly is a Reptoid?

Whaddya mean? I've been blowing up their spots on InfoWars for YEARS! The Deep State, Shep! They're a race of reptillian humanoids disguising themselves as liberal politicians in an effort to advance a Communist Socialist agenda to undermine our democracy and make us easier to control so they can start forcing us to get gay married and give away our money to the poors. Jesus Shep, you really have been sitting at the uncool kid's table over at Fox.

Kinda sorry I asked. Anyway Wayne, what can we expect tonight?

Wayne: Well first off, no Reptoids, that's for sure! For tonight's events, the NRA has coordinated with presidential secret service agents to ensure maximum security. Every fan in attendance here tonight is an active member of the NRA or, at the very least, a member of the Republican party. Tonight's proceedings are also OPEN CARRY as God intended, so it's nothing but “good guys with gun's” throughout the arena.

Shep makes an uncomprehending expression.

Hold on, so does that mean....?

Every person in attendance here tonight is LOCKED AND LOADED! The Capital One Center is the safest building in America right now!

Shep just looks downright shocked now.

Whoa! But don't you think allowing EVERYONE to have a gun here is a risky move? I mean, the President of the United States is here!

*sniff* *sniff* It's starting to smell pretty REPTILLIAN over here!

Oh PoppyCOCK! Tonight is all about Americans who are proud of their country and proud of their second amendment rights! What kind of fascist police state would we be if we didn't allow drunken rowdy wrestling fans the chance to brandish military grade firearms within feet of the leader of the free world! I'll hear no more of it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pad my crotch.

Wayne walks away, and we see that he has a significant artificial looking bulge in his pants. Shep shakes his head, already looking stressed out.

I've just gotten word that the president is almost here. Mr. Trump has opted to arrive in style here tonight, seated on a massive golden throne carried to the arena on the backs of 300 ICE detainees.

The shot cuts to an angle overheard from a helicopter showing the ponderous throne moving down multiple closed lanes of traffic.

[Image: throne.jpg]

Now that's how you do it! I've also just gotten word that the XWF superstars participating in tonight's tournament are arriving now!

Backstage

We see tournament participant Finn Kuhn, duffel bag in hand, walking down a hall.

Oh Finny baby!

He turns in response to the summons, to see Madison Dyson scampering up to him.

"Ah, Madison... or you'd prefer liebchen, wouldn't you?"

Madison claps and giggles with delight.

Mmmmm, that's the stuff mama likes.

Madison pulls up closer to Finn, playfully running her fingernails up and down his toned chest.

You know, you don't need to hang out back here with the rest of these scrubs tonight. I talked it over with The Donald and he is A-Ok with you sharing the Skybox with us.

Finn thinks on it for a moment; he very clearly has plans tonight with his crew and his feelings on Donald Trump himself could be described as iffy at best. Almost sensing his hesitance on the matter, Madison looks at Finn with puppy-dog eyes as Finn sighs loudly. "Fine, I'll do it. I look forward to sharing me winning this tournament with you, liebchen."

Madison claps her hands again, giddy with delight.

Great! Come with mama now, I'll get you all set up there...

Madison is grinning from ear to ear as she grabs Finn by the wrist and walks off with him as a small smile can be seen on the Kaiser's face.

Back outside

I'm sure there will be no hint of favoritism there at all.

Of course not, stop being such a Nancy! You should try some of my protein powder, it'll put some hair on your chest.

Alex does a Hoganesque flex down.

I'm good. Well, it looks like we're ready to kick this off. Alex and I will be headed inside, meanwhile please stand by for a performance of The Star Spangled Banner by....oh God, seriously...?

Uhhh, we'll see you inside in a bit folks. Sorry about what happens next.

Inside the arena

The lights dim and Fergie is standing in the center of the ring. Oh Jesus wept....



At the conclusion of the “performance” the lights come back on. The crowd mostly looks perplexed by what just happened. It should also be noted that the crowd is made up of more Camo-wearers than you can shake a stick at, along with people wearing tacky red white and blue shirts, hats with tea bags hanging from them, NRA caps and logos, wannabe Nazi's with white polo's and close cropped hair cuts, conservatively dressed college republican types and, oh yeah....A FUCK TON OF GUNS! Assault rifles are being waved and bandied about casually. Impotent old men wave around massive pistols that would probably give them a wrist fracture the moment they fired them. Some of the people dressed in camo are sporting bandoliers of ammunition. The arena is also dotted by dark garbed members of Trump's Secret Service, some of whom are looking about nervously at the sheer amount of fire power on display.

In the Skybox...

Madison opens the door to the Skybox, ushering Finn inside. He takes a look about, impressed by the digs, before having a seat. However, no sooner has he sat down does a horrific figure rise about behind his chair. Flesh rotted and sagging, with wisps of blonde hair dangling limply from a bruised and decaying scalp. The morbid creature draws it's cracked and blistered lips close to Finn's ear.

Deeeaaaatttthhhhhh.....

It hisses. Finn jumps up out of his chair and recoils in disgust.

Jesus Madison, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Madison rolls her eyes and scowls.

Don't mind that, it's just KellyAnne Conway. She's a lich or something. KellyAnne don't you have some animal sacrifices to do?

KellyAnne rises to full height, drawing a number of strained snaps and creaks from her decrepit bones. She cants her ghastly head.

Yes, yes indeed it is KellyAnne-KellyAnne! But I bring you a portent of woe, Madison Dyson! Oh yesssss.....oh yessssss.....

Yeah sure whatever....

Madison gestures for Finn to sit, and he does so but not before casting one last disgusted look back at KellyAnne. Madison snaps her fingers at the private wait staff in the box.

Get us both a bottle of your finest wine, please. Money is no object.

The server bows and leaves. KellyAnne watches him go before moving closer to Madison.

Madison does not pay heed to KellyAnne's tides of weal....oh unfortunate....unfortunate....! **HSSSSSSSS**

Madison brushes something off her forearm, making a pinched face betraying annoyance.

Ewwww....you're getting your skin rot fakes on me. Could you, like, be anywhere else right now? Thanks.

KellyAnne cants her head at an even more unnatural angle, eliciting another chilling crack.

No, KellyAnne remains with her president, her dear, dear president!

Fine! Then go fall apart in the corner with your Ides of March bullshit. I got things to do. Finn, just chill here for a minute. Feel free to start on the wine, I'll be back in a jiffy!

Finn shoots a cautionary look at KellyAnne, with maybe a bit of regret on his face, as Madison takes her leave from the SkyBox and heads downstairs.

Ringside

We see Shep Smith and Alex Jones settle into their commentary position.

And we're back! Welcome once again to The Great American Shove-It! We'll now go back to the ring, where Chair Woman Madison Dyson will kick things off with a few words, followed by a special address from the president!



Madison's music hits, drawing a sizable pop from this very conservative crowd!

Madison appears at the top of the ramp, wearing a huge smile as she soaks up all the adoration! Making her way to the ring, she immediately gets handed a mic by Milo Yiannopoulous.

Thanks Milo. America....ARE YOU READY?!!

The fans pop with a “HELL YEAH!”

That's the spirit! Now, I know you're all dying to get to the action and find out just who is facing who, but first I've got a few things to share. I just wanted to thank you all for being here. Ya know, a lot of people are trying to make it seem “wrong” or “backwards” to have pride in America these days. And that's BULLSHIT. America is still the greatest country in the world!

HUGE CHEAP POPS FROM THE CROWD!

All of you represent the best America has to offer. It's true patriots. So, if anything, tonight's show is a love letter to all of you for your bravery, your temerity, your refusal to bow to a lefty progressive agenda that....

BAM!

...the fuck?

A man in the crowd stumbles stumbles into the aisle, bleeding from a sizable gun shot to the hand. He's screaming in confusion and pain as a couple nearby Secret Service agents rush to his aid.

Whoops, somebody might want to call an ambulance for that guy...heh...heh. Side bar folks, please make sure the safety's on your firearms are ON. Anyhow, it's always been my dream to run my own pro wrestling show, and it fills me with an immense pride and joy to know that tonight, not only do I make that dream a reality, but that I do so in honor of the greatest nation in the history of the world.

Now, without further adieu....THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES DONALD J. TRUMP!

MASSIVE ROOF SHAKING POPS!!!



The POTUS hits the ramp, white boy dancin' to “Boss” by Little Pump as DOLLAH DOLLAH BILLZ start dropping from the top of the arena! The fans start scrambling for the cash as The Donald confidently power walks to the ring. Madison scrambles to hold the ropes open for him and passes her mic to him.

The Donald stands in the middle of the ring for a moment, drinking in the adoration of his plebian multitudes with his trademark self satisfied smirk. Finally,he deigns to speak.

America is the greatest country of all time.

More huge pops! Madison is looking like she's gonna break her wrists from clapping so hard.

And this will be the greatest wrestling show of all time. All time! Believe it! We've got a packed card of guys...and Jenny Myst....

He grins lecherously at the mention of Jenny.

....all looking to grab that brass ring and capture the American dream. But it won't be easy. Whoever earns that Universal Championship shot tonight will have to win THREE matches in one night. Not easy. Very hard. Trust me, I know wrestling.

Trump takes a walk up to the ropes and leans on them.

Now all that's good, right? But you know what's even better? Me railing Jenny Myst's poon.

Another huge pop. Madison laughs.

Jenny Myst is here tonight. And while she is going to wrestle, she is also here to pleasure the POTUS. In fact, I have it on very good authority....top authority....that she is backstage right now shaving her pubic hair in my preferred style and getting her box ready to be filled harder than that cuck Chris Chaos ever could! I.....



Jenny Myst is here! Madison starts screaming in rage as Jenny, not looking all that happy herself starts making her way up the ramp. Trump's Secret Service closes in around the ring, forming a barrier and preventing Jenny from entering. She calls for a mic and gets one, stopping in the aisle as she casts a bitter look at Trump's goons.

Madison: You stank ho you have NO RIGHT.....

But The Donald cuts her off with a wave.

Jenny, I'm glad you're here. Because I think I forgot to add something to those instructions I left you. You MUST shower before we have sex, there is nothing worse than the smell of sweaty whisker biscuit....

I am more concerned with what you smell like, honestly. I bet its a bit 'Stormy' down there, if ya feel me? You realize I am going along with this for entertainment purposes, but there is no way I am fucking you, right?

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny! I hear you. Really, I do! But I'm afraid you don't have a choice. You see, your job at the XWF really is on the line here! Big time! Because I had a talk with Taylor Mayde, and she is in complete agreement that if you do not have sex with me here tonight....YOU ARE FIRED! From the XWF. FOREVER!

Figures Taylor had something to do with this. She will get hers, too. Mr. Trump, I am going to win Shove It, win the Universal Title and when we are done here, YOU will be the one who feels honored to have fucked ME! BANK on that.

Jenny mic drops and turns her back on the president as her music hits again. Trump stands in the ring looking...well....honestly looking a little turned on! With that, Madison gestures for the POTUS to follow her to their luxury Skybox so the tournament can begin!

ROUND 1
inFamous versus Drezdin


Shep: We are ready to kick things off with our opening first round match up. Now remember, the competitors did not know prior to the show who they would be facing. They are only finding out....RIGHT NOW! Let's go to Milo, who I am sure will be a consummate professional.

Milo: This match is for one fall. Introducing first...I dunno, some new guy they really didn't give me any information on. But I saw him backstage and he looked kinda greasy and it made me uncomfortable.....inFAMOUS!



The arena goes black as the music starts. As the song picks up, inFamous makes his way out from the back bee-bopping around to the beat of the song. He slowly makes his way to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope.

And his opponent, who is once again “in like a giant ]



The arena goes completely black for a moment, then the lights start to pulsate as the music starts to blare through the PA system. As soon as the pyro goes off the lights turn on, the people in the arena turn silent, the people are at awe and shock on how massive he is. He starts walking down the ramp, he yells out...IT'S GO TIME!, then he stops at the end of the ramp to take a deep breath. He approaches the ring, then he grabs the rope ring rope gets unto the ring aparon goes over the top rope then walks towards the middle of the ring. He raises his left hand as the pyro goes off.

The match gets underway, but inFamous jumps the bell and lands a double axe handle to the big man's back, but Drezdin doesn't seem all that phased! He wheels around on inFamous and points a finger at him challengingly. InFamous runs to the ropes to pick up some momentum, but Drezdin surprises him with a big boot to the face on the rebound!

Drezdin then hefts inFamous to his feet and tosses him bale style across the ring. InFamous briefly looks like his bell has been rung, and he pulls himself up in the corner as Drezdin approaches. He lashes out at Drezdin with a stiff kick to his knee, followed by another, and then a big standing drop kick that finally sends the big man to the canvas. InFamous hops up to the top rope and hits a big leg drop across Drezdin's face! He pins him!

1....DREZDIN KICKS OUT!

InFamous backs off from Drezdin, waiting for him to rise before rushing him, but Drezdin counters by picking inFamous up into his arms and dumping him with a big time fall away slam that carries inFamous right out of the ring, he rolls out to the floor where a bunch of jeering Neo-Nazi's start shit talking him. The ref starts counting inFamous out....

1....


2....


3....

inFamous is too busy jaw jacking with the Nazi's to notice that Drezdin as rolled out of the ring as well. Drezdin grabs a big handful of inFamous' hair and bounces his skull off the ring apron before rolling him back inside. Drezdin stays in control of the match, irish whipping inFamous into the corner so hard he bounces right back out and collapses to the canvas. Drez picks inFamous up into a full nelson before dropping him down hard with a full nelson slam! Drezdin goes for the cover now.

1....



2....inFamous rolls a shoulder up! Drezdin looks pissed! He hauls inFamous up to his feet and puts him in a powerbomb position! Drez lifts him all 7 feet in the air and drills him down on the back of his head! But Drezdin's still not done! He maintains the hold, picks him up and powerbombs him again! And again! And again! HE'S GONNA KILL ANOTHER ONE! InFamous vomits all over himself as Drezdin hits a final razor's edge style powerbomb on him, sending him flying across the ring! Drezdin drops down for a over!

1....


2....


3!!!

YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL.....DREZDIN!!!


Trump stands up in the Skybox. He brings a mic up to his mouth as Drezdin steps over inFamous to celebrate in the ring. InFamous looks like he's unconscious.

[color=#FFA500]inFamous......more like UN-Famous! Thanks for coming and stinking up the show with your shitty performance. Hey Drezdin, if you take this pencil neck backstage and give him a swirly, I'll let you fuck Melania. PUT HIM WHERE THE DOODY'S GO!

Drezdin shrugs and shakes his head “yeah!” He picks inFamous up with ease and walks with him up the ramp.

The shot cuts from the ring back to the announce team.

Throughout the night, we are going to highlight Profiles in American Courage. That is, people who have shown the utmost bravery in the face of the politically correct, socialist, cucked, reptoid agenda. It is my honor to present the first profile....Dylan Roof!

Inspirational music starts playing in the background as a picture of Dylan appears on screen. Shep looks mortified.

Wait, DYLAN ROOF?!

Alex hits a button somewhere on the desk and the music increases in volume to drown out Shep's negativity.

[Image: 150618183449-dylann-roof-custody-large-169.jpg]

Contrary to what the Reptoid controlled lame stream news media reported, Dylan Roof was a sweet gentle angel who was possibly missing a chromosome. I mean, look, he's kinda Downsy, right? All Dylan wanted to do was attend a predominantly black church with numerous firearms in tow for his own personal protection. Unfortunately, Dylan was immediately confronted and threatened by a gaggle of angry militant Blacks, who said he did not “belong” at their church. They attacked Dylan, first verbally by calling him horrific names like “pit sniffing ” and “sister humping yokel” and then physically. Dylan invoked his constitutional right to defend himself from the assault. And for that, he has been smeared by liberal fascists.

Dylan Roof. Truly a profile in American Courage. Shep?

Well, that's a creative read on things. Anyway, our next first round match is upon us!

ROUND 1
Jackie Peppers versus Finn Kuhn


The following match is set for....do I really have to say this every time? Up first is Jackie Peppers who eats peppers and his manager is a vulgar Scotsman, I guess....



The opening drum beat of Arrows in the Dark erupts throughout the arena as spews of flames shoot from the sides of the ramp. As the flames subside Jackie Peppers steps out through the entrance way and heads towards the ring, his gaze set on it. Jackie climbs onto the apron and onto the turnbuckle, raising his fist in the air and grinning, showing his deep red mouthguard.

And his opponent....oh, wait, hold on....

Milo is listening to someone speaking to him through his earpiece. The camera glances up to look at the SkyBox. It's Madison. Madison is speaking to him.

His opponent....AND THE MAN WITH THE SEXIEST LITTLE ASS ON THE PLANET WHO IS GOING TO WIN THE WHOLE FUCKING TOURNAMENT....FINN KUHN! Subtle.



Finn Kuhn explodes out of the Skybox and starts heading down the ramp. On his way down, some Neo-Nazi's start “seig heiling” him. He looks at them with annoyance and yells I'm not a Nazi, you idiots! They don't seem to notice.

As the lyrics began playing, Finn removes his hood, looking ready, determined, and walks to the ring with purpose. Once in the ring, he poses on the turnbuckles as fans continue to boo the Kaiser. After a few seconds, he hops down, and waits for the match to begin.

With both fighters ready, the ref signals for the bell. Jackie Peppers and Finn circle each other for a minute, before Finn goes low trying to get Jackie's leg. Jackie responds by kicking Finn in the face, followed by grappling him with a surprise swinging neckbreaker. Finn recovers quickly and goes for a punch on Jackie. Jackie blocks and Finn follows up by darting behind him with a rear waist lock into a release german suplex. Jackie hits hard but manages to roll to his feet.

Finn presses Jackie against the ropes, kicking and punching him furiously before irish whiping him. Jackie hits the ropes and stalls his momentum by grabbing onto the top, but Finn is right there to rush him and clothesline him over the top and to the floor. Finn then hits an impressive springboard plancha off the top rope, crashing into Jackie on the outside!

The ref starts to count them both out.

1....


2....


3....

Finn picks Jackie up bodily and rams his spine into the ring post! Finn then dumps him back into the ring! Finn rolls in and leaps up to the top rope. He's calling for his To The Skies Frog Splash! Finn takes flight....AND JACKIE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Finn crashes and burns!!

Jackie dives for the cover on Finn!

1....


2....


3...NO! Finn kicks out!

Jackie mounts Finn and starts punching him in the head, before the ref makes him get off. Jackie grabs Finn and forces him up before dropping him again with a picture perfect standing drop kick! Jackie covers again!

1....


2....FINN KICKS OUT AGAIN!

Jackie grapples Finn up into a DDT position, but Finn reverses it into a bridging suplex! He pins Jackie now!

1....


2....Jackie gets a boot on the bottom rope!

Finn slaps the mat in frustration, and Jackie shoves Finn away to give himself some distance. Jackie runs at Finn, but Finn springboards off the middle rope with a back elbow that clips Jackie's jaw. Jackie hits the mat but recovers fast. Finn goes for a roundhouse as Jackie gets up, but Jackie ducks just in time and roars up with a big time uppercut. Finn falters into the corner and Jackie rushes him with a shoulder block, followed by him wrapping his arm around Finn's head and bull dogging him back into the center of the ring! Jackie covers!

1...

2....

3....NO! Finn kicks out, and also jabs a thumb in Jackie's eye! Jackie cries out and gets off of Finn. Finn powers Jackie up and scoop slams him, then runs to the ropes again and moonsaults him off the middle! And then he flies to his feet again and lands a high angle leaping elbow drop on Jackie! Finn grabs a helping of Jackie's tights and rolls him up!

1...

2...


3...NO! Jackie kicks out again!

Finn lays into Jackie with some punches before grabbing him by the head and ramming him face first into the turnbuckle. He tries to do it again but Jackie gets a foot up into the turnbuckle to block and he elbows Finn on the chin, spins around to see Finn staggering back and chains it into a snap superkick! Finn is daed on his feet for a moment before dropping to his knees and Jackie nails him upside the head with his trademark Decapitator kick! THIS HAS TO BE IT! Jackie covers!

1....


2.....


3....NO! FINN BARELY KICKS OUT AT 2.9!

The crowd is really into this match now! Jackie begs the ref to reconsider the count, but the ref holds firm! Jackie gets up, looking frustrated and waits for Finn to move. Jackie scouts Finn and goes to attack him again, but Finn wisely rolls out of the ring for a breather! The ref starts to count Finn out but he doesn't seem to pay it much mind, but Jackie does! Jackie takes a running start and launches himself over the top rope, splashing Finn on the outside! Both men collapse in a heap!

1....


2....


3....


4....

Finn and Jackie take a moment to collect themselves, with Jackie recovering faster. Jackie grabs hold of Finn's hair and pulls him back towards the ring. Finn counters with a closed fist blow to Jackie's midsection, followed by a drop toe hold that bounces Jackie's face off the ring apron!


5....


6....


7....

The ref is warning both men to get back in the ring. Finn picks Jackie up and rolls him in,and he climbs to the top rope! Finn gestures for a high flying move and takes flight, but Jackie rolls out of the way. But Finn also expected this and he tucks into a somersault at the last minute. Finn rolls to his feet as Jackie clambers up! Finn goes for a forearm shot on Jackie but Jackie ducks, responding with a chop, another chop and then a dropkick to Finn's chest. Finn stumbles and Jackie leaps at him and locks him into a double underhook DDT, dropping him! Jackie covers again!

1....


2....


3....FINN KICKS OUT AGAIN IN ANOTHER NAILBITER!

The crowd lets out a whoosh of exceitement. Jackie rolls off Finn, holding his head and wondering what the hell he has to do here! Jackie drags Finn up again, knees him in the stomach and tries to get around Finn to lock him in to a sleeper, but Finn drops down and out to the mat, rolling behind Jackie. Jackie wheels around just in time to catch a punch to the face that rocks Jackie so hard it spins him around. Finn sees an opening and takes it with the BACKSTABBER! He pins Jackie!


1.....


2....


3...NOOOO! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDNG, JACKIE KICKS OUT! Finn forces his forearm down on Jackie's face and pins again, but Jackie immediately fights out, clearly getting angry! He sits up, punching Finn numerous times in the head before getting vertical. Finn is also up. Jackie tags Finn in the jaw, followed by a kick to his midsection. Jackie drops to his knees and uppercuts Finn! Finn is shocked. Jackie kips back up and makes a gagging sound. Oh no....oh NO! JACKIE SPITS THE PEPPER SPRAY AT FINN!! THIS IS....

…..FINN DODGES AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND! But he grabs hold of Jackie by the hair as the brutal mist lingers in the air and FORCES JACKIE'S FACE INTO IT! The mist infiltrates Jackie's eyes, and he screams in pain having caught a dose of his own medicine! Finn locks with Jackie's arm and flips himself up and over, delivering his finisher THE KAISER'S DOMAIN!!!!

1.....




2.....



3!!!! By God, Finn finally wins it!!!

THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, VIA PINFALL....FINN KUHN!


An ecstatic Madison Dyson can be seen celebrating in the Skybox! Finn pumps his fist in the air triumphantly and mounts the corner turnbuckle, arms raised in victory!

A hard fought victory for Madison's golden boy against a very capable Jackie Peppers here tonight!

Jackie, his eyes still watering, uses the ropes for leverage as he struggles to get up. Up in the Skybox, Trump gets on the mic.

Jackie, this is your president speaking. Helllooooo, can you see me? You know Jackie, you had some not nice things to say about me and some of my friends in your promos. Getting some stand-ins to make fun of us. Is that ringing a bell?

Jackie grimaces, seeing where this is going.

I got just one thing to say about that Jackie....FUNNY AS SHIT!

Trump starts laughing, and even Madison looks a bit surprised.

And yeah, Betsy DeVos' legs really are that gross. I know that because I plowed her once too out of desperation after Melania was on the rag for like two months. Is that even a thing? I dunno. Jackie, you lost but you're a funny loser so I'm not gonna embarrass you. You and that weird Scotsman can swing by the White House for some beers and bitches anytime. Trump out!

Jackie, despite the pain in his eyes and losing a hard fought victory, manages to smile a bit. He asks the ref which way to go to exit the ring and the ref helps him out and up the ramp.

Our glorious leader proving that he can also be a man of mercy and benevolence as well. Can't say I would have done the same!

ROUND 1
Reeve Gordon versus Jenny Myst


Whoa everybody, get your dicks out....it's a CHICK match!

The fans pop.

Introducing first, hailing from the liner notes of a Panic at The Disco CD from the early 2000's....REEVE GORDON!

The fans boo!



Reeve Gordon comes out onto the ramp, not paying the jeering fans any mind as his androgyny makes them all very, very uncomfortable. Reeve makes his way into the ring, glowering up the ramp.

And his opponent....the woman who got her ass kicked by Madison Dyson who will also be serving as Donald Trump's dick sleeve later tonight....JENNY MYST!



Jenny looks plenty pissed as she comes marching down the ramp! She doesn't even acknowledge the fans, instead giving the Skybox a single finger salute. From inside, we can see Donald Trump standing and applauding her. When she gets in the ring, she gets in like this.

[Image: RUlZaSV.gif]

Jenny also takes a moment to flip off Milo too as she gets to her corner and the bell rings! Reeve charges at Jenny and bitch slaps her! Jenny, enraged, punches Reeve right in the mouth before opening up on him with a series of vicious chops! Reeve backs off, trying to cover up but Jenny is relentless! Jenny rabbit kicks him into the ropes, and then grabs onto his long hair and tosses him in the center of the ring by it. Jenny waits for Reeve to get up before pulling him into a short arm clothesline, or three.

Reeve wobbling now, tries once again to back off from Jenny but she still won't have it! He manages to snap off a quick kick to Jenny's midsection, followed by a chop to her chest, but all this does is seem to enrage the former Bombshell Champion, who again grabs Reeve by the air and pulls him into an elbow shot, followed by a snapmare takedown, and then a dropkick to the back of Reeve's head. Jenny wastes no time going to the top rope then, she launches herself into a huge splash on Reeve and goes for the cover!

1.....



2.....


3.....!

Jenny laughs derisively at how easy that was!

THE WINNER OF THE MATCH VIA PINFALL....JENNY MYST!


Oh you know The Donald has got something to say about this!

Well done, Jenny! Well done!

Jenny looks up at the Skybox, muttering curses under her breath.

You know what Jenny, you remind me of my daughter. Tiffany. Not Ivanka. Ivanka's successful.

Jenny starts demanding a mic at ringside.

Yeah, don't give her a mic. We're done here for now, Jenny. Take a hike so I can talk to this genderqueer you just beat up.

Jenny takes her leave, but not without shouting a few more choice words up at the president. Reeve is slowly rousing from the beating he got.

Hey Reeve. Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. But you don't need either to be my make-up artist! Because that's what you're gonna be later tonight! You look like you got a handle on it anyway, right? LOSER!

Reeve leaves the ring, looking miserable.

No sooner has that ended do we hear the crack of a firearm going off! Alex and Shep crank their heads around, looking for the source of the gunfire, and we see Trump's Secret Service rushing into the crowd. Shortly thereafter they are pulling a very drunk man in head to toe camouflage into the aisle as another man bleeds out from a mortal looking gun shot wound to the neck. The surrounding fans back off in disgust mostly, but a couple of them draw their own firearms! The Secret Service draw their guns and a tense standoff ensues!

Whoa, looks like we got a situation here! Uhhhhh, watch this for a minute while we get this crap sorted.

Shep jumps as another firearm discharges!

Sounds like freedom to me!



I get teary eyed every time, Shep. How are we doing with our little situation?

Everyone's dead.

ROUND 1
Jeremiah Dixon versus Richard Dweck


Alright, we got another one of these matches. First off, we got Jeremiah Dixon who can definitely sit on my face anytime he wants! God damn, you could bounce a wooden nickel off those abdominals!



The arena lights dim, then they strobe as the hook from Seeing Red pierces the speakers of the PA system. Jeremiah appears atop the entrance stage. His eyes scan across the thousands of screaming fans before he begins his focused walk to the ring. He high fives a few lucky ringside fans and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. Impact climbs the corner turnbuckle and claps for the fans, then drops back to the mat and pulls the ropes to loosen up. As he does so, Milo tries to give him a piece of paper with his phone number on it, but Jermiah wads it up into a ball and tosses it back in his face.

Your loss, bitch. There's a reason they called me Miss Hoover my sophomore year in college. Anyhow, this ingrate's opponent is Richard Dweck. He is a Jew.

Massive heat from the anti-Semites in the crowd, which is basically all of them.



A member of arena security needs to stop a Tiki-torch wielding Neo-Nazi from leaping the crowd control barricade to get at Richard as he makes his way down to the ring. Richard, looking a bit nervous at the hostile crowd, slides under the bottom rope and tries to get his game face on.

The bell rings and Dixon is on Dweck immediately! He lashes out with a series of Judo-inspired strikes, backing Dweck into the corner, where he tries to cover up. Impact is forced to back off, but as soon as Dweck escapes the corner Dixon grabs and drops him with a fireman's carry slam! Dixon then parlays that into a fancy standing moonsault into a pin!

1....


2....DWECK KICKS OUT!

Dixon stays on the attack, picking Dweck up by his arm and pulling him into a tilt a whirl backbreaker! Dweck cries out in pain as Dixon drops him. Dixon quickly continues the assault by driving a knee into the spine of his downed opponent, before picking his legs up and cinching in a high angle boston crab, sitting down deep on it. Dweck tries to crawl his way to the ropes and after some struggle he is finally successful! Dixon breaks the hold, picks Dweck up and irish whips him. Dixon also runs to the ropes himself and both men, having the same idea, go for a mid-air cross body block! Their heads collide with a thunderous smack and they both spin out to the canvas, completely knocked the fuck out!

It takes a moment for the ref to realize what happened, but he finally starts counting both men down!

1....
2....
3....
4....
5....
6....
7....
8....
9....
10!!

The bell rings and the crowd boos at the double KO finish!

NOBODY WINS, THEY'RE BOTH LOSERS!


What are the chances of that?!

It's not surprising though! The Jew, a natural ally of the reptoid, is unsuited to the rigors of combat and often relies on other stronger alpha males to do their dirty work. As for Dixon, some guys are meant for more “show” than “go”, unlike yours truly!

It looks like the president has something to say!

Trump approaches the open window of his Skybox, and makes a thumbs down motion!

Very disappointing guys! Not good, not a good look for America either! Maybe wrestling isn't your calling after all! So I tell you what, my boom mic operator for my HUGE sex celebration with Jenny Myst called in sick. So guess what, you BOTH get to be my new boom mic operators. It'll be an honor really. And don't try to leave the building, or I'll have your asses thrown in Guantanamo. I'm sure your fellow prisoners will just LOVE you guys, you especially Dweck!

Trump gives a self satisfied chuckle as the fans cheer! Both Dixon and Dweck, who were slowly returning to consciousness turning Trump's speech, are ordered to leave the ring by the ref.

ROUND 1
Mezian versus Muddy Waters


Introducing first, and I honestly don't have any smart ass remarks for this guy because I don't understand his gimmick....MEZIAN?



A dim blue smoke starts to billow up from the ramp as the eccentric Mezian starts walking to the ring. He leaps up to the ring apron and gets in the ring, running the ropes a bit to get settled.

And his opponent is Muddy Waters, who I saw sleeping in his own vomit earlier. Plus also Madison says thanks for losing the Xtreme championship before the show, ass.



Muddy stumbles out from the back, just finishing up one last pre-match beer. This redneck crowd pops HUGE for Muddy! Some of them raise their assault rifles in the air and open fire, showering plaster and debris down upon their heads. Muddy gets in the ring and chases Milo out, hurling a slew of homophobic invectives at him as he does so.

The bell rings and Mezian locks up with Muddy, skirting behind him into a rear waist lock and trying to pull Muddy up into a fisherman's suplex, Muddy blocks by tagging Mezian with a couple elbows before running the ropes and clotheslining Mezian on the return. Mezian snaps back up to his feet almost immediatey and ducks under a haymaker from Muddy before surprising him with a dropkick to Muddy's face. Muddy also recovers fast, going to sweep Mezian's legs. Mezian avoids it and instead pulls Muddy into an irish whip into the corner. Mezian ries for a big splash but Muddy avoids it just in time, causing Mezian to eat turnbuckle! Muddy rolls Mezian up with a school boy!

1....


2....Mezian kicks out!

Muddy grapples Mezian, trying to set him up early for a Pike County Plunge piledriver, but Mezian back body drops his way out of it. With Muddy on the mat, Mezian races to lock in an MMA style arm bar, ripping at Muddy's shoulder that was already injured at Warfare. Muddy fights with Mezian for a good ten seconds before finally pulling his way to the bottom rope, which he takes hold of to break the arm bar. Meian risks disqualification before releasing Muddy. Both men get to their feet and Mezian nails a deep arm drag on Muddy, followed by a sleeper hold on the mat, but again Muddy is able to get close enough to the ropes to break the hold.

Mezian, frustrated by his opponent's escapability, starts laying into him with some truly nasty mounted elbow strikes before forcing his shoulders to the mat for a cover!

1....


2....Muddy kicks out, and hits Mezian with an elbow strike of his own in doing so! But Mezian is undaunted, no selling the elbow and ripping Muddy up to his feet. Muddy throws a couple wild punches but Mezian blocks twice and counters with a spinning backfist that stuns Muddy! Mezian muscles Muddy up and drops him down with a sick END IS NIGH! Mezian covers again!

1....


2....


3!

THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, VIA PINFALL....MEZIAN!!


Mezian bails from the ring, walking up the ramp triumphantly with his hands in the air. It takes Muddy a few moments to rouse, and he awakens to the disappointed catcalls of his fellow rednecks.

Up in the Skybox Trump is getting up to issue his official decree, when Madison stands up and speaks.

Mr. Trump, if it's ok with you I'd like to field this one.

Trump extends his hand, granting Madison the floor.

Muddy....Muddy.....Muddy. The failboat just keeps chugging along for you, doesn't it? You know, I'm getting pretty damn sick and tired of this. I offered you lowly shits the chance of a lifetime, and we've had what...one decent match so far? So I'm going to make an example out of you in particular Muddy. I'm going to HUMILIATE you with what you hate the most! Security, grab hold of him, do not let him escape!!

The arena security swarms the ring. Muddy tries fighting them off, kicking punching and headbutting, but eventually the numbers are just too much! Security dogpiles him and wrestles him to the mat.

Now Muddy, we all know just how much you looooooove HOMOSEXUALS! So tonight, you're going to get the chance to express those affections live on national television. MILO, GET IN THERE AND GIVE MUDDY SOME TONGUE!

Milo Yiannopoulous, who up until now was chatting up some cute guy at ringside, looks wide eyed up at Madison, and then looks in horror at Muddy. He starts shaking his head emphatically “no”.

Bitch, did I give you options? Get in there!

Milo looks around, crestfallen, but nobody's gonna help him. He gulps and sucks it up, rolling in the ring. He walks over to Muddy and makes a dry heaving sound before getting down on his hands and knees over Muddy. Muddy is still fighting fist tooth and nail to get away, but it's to no avail! Milo leans over and LOCKS LIPS WITH MUDDY WATERS!

The crowd jeers and cat calls this blatant display of homosexuality! But, it quickly becomes clear that something is wrong! Milo starts to try to pull away from Muddy, but can't! A muffled scream can be heard, and finally, when Milo is able to break from Muddy, blood is pouring out of his mouth! Milo falls to the mat, squalling and screaming because he HAS NO TONGUE!

Security, repulsed, lets go of Muddy and they all bail out of the ring! Muddy gets up, and spits Milo's tongue back at him before rolling out of the ring and heading towards the back!

Madison looks down at poor Milo in shock.

God DAMMIT! MUDDY YOU OWE ME A NEW RING ANNOUNCER YOU COCK!

The medical team rushes to Milo's aid as we go once again to the announce position. Shep looks ashen.

Just when I thought this show couldn't shock me any more. Ugh! Now seems like a good time to take a break from the action to recognize another Profile in American Courage. I'm told that.......hmmmm.....KellyAnne Conway will be fielding this one.

YES IT SHALL BE KELLYANNE!

Trump's ghoulish assistant pops up behind Shepard Smith, causing him to damn near shit his pants.

AHHH JESUS CHRIST WHY?!

KellyAnne rubs her gnarled hands together. Her skin sounds like sandpaper as she does so.

KellyAnne would like to talk about a great hero, a man of art....of vaguely racist horrifying literature...oh yes, oh yes....my darling H.P. Lovecraft!

[Image: 220px-H._P._Lovecraft%2C_June_1934.jpg]

Yesssss....speaking truth to the horrors that hide behind the thin partition of sanity and reason, reaching into the terrifying cosmic ether to bring forth the kind of awful alien impossibilities that could never have been born of human ken. Yessss.....Lovecraft, dear sweet Lovecraft. Also he was not fond of the blacks.

I bet he knew what a reptoid was!

Alex shoots a sidelong glance at Shepard. Kellyanne goes to speak some more, but suddenly all her teeth fall out and spill into Shep's lap like bloody Chiclets. Shep recoils in his seat in disgust. KellyAnne scoops them up and dumps them into her purse.

Not to worry! That just means my sharper set will be growing in soon! Oh happy day!

Please leave.

ROUND 1
Chris Valley versus Shino Ganbo


Madison takes over the ring announcing duties from the Skybox for the fallen Milo.

Thank God this first round is almost over. Introducing first, A MAN WHO HATES AMERICA, CHRIS VALLEY!

The crowd boos and we hear numerous firearms being readied.



As the hustling and bustling of breaths hit the PA Speaker, this signals the entrance of the most deprived and nastiest men too step up too the plate today. Out from the back comes Chris Valley, too the old familar sound of hate towards him. No smile on his face, no swagger too his step, just a crack of the knuckles and the neck as he walks down the entrance ramp. In his hand is a bag of his signature thumbtacks, and as he makes his way down the apron of the ring, he sets them into the corner, hops up and into the ring, and spreads his arms too shout: "MAD, DOG, VALLEY." The fans boo even louder, and he only brushes his arms off and backs into the corner, brushing his hair out of his face as he waits.

And his opponent, a white man with an ambiguously Asian name....Shino Ganbo. And no, I don't know how to put the little hat above the last “O”, I just can't be arsed....



A soft rock beat begins to play as the lights all cut out and we hear "You don't fool me, while the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows, no stranger to you and me" the rock beat picks up to heavy temp as the chorus to "In the air tonight" by In This Moment hits. A single spotlight finally hits the ring as we see man known as Shino Ganbo sitting in the corner of the ring cross legged. With the spotlight on him he grabs the top rope and pulls himself up into a staring position with his opponent as the music cuts and the lights raise. 

Once the bell rings Shino goes for a stiff roundhouse kick on Valley, but Valley had him scouted, catching his leg and hitting a quick leg drag that drops his opponent. Shino cries out in pain, holding his knee like it was torqued pretty bad. Valley refuses to show mercy, stomping on Shino until he is forced to crawl under the ropes to get the ref to break up the assault. Valley does so reluctantly, but does grab Shino by his wounded leg into the center of the ring, where he proceeds to lock in a figure four leg lock, putting further pressure on the knee! Shino calls out in pain again, and the ref asks him if he wants to quit! Shino shakes his head “no” and tries to crawl towards the ropes, finally touching his fingers to the bottom rope to break the hold.

Valley lets go, but grabs hold of Shino by his copious hair, taking a moment to slug him in the face a couple times before throwing him into the corner. Shino stumbles on that inured knee and face plants into the corner, which Valley quickly follows up with a Cannonball Senton, further crushing Shino's face into the buckle!

Valley, still relentless, drags Shino out of the corner and up to his feet. Shino looks to be out on his feet though. Valley sets him up for and nails him with the Death in the Valley! He covers!

1....


2....


3!!

YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL, CHRIS VALLEY!


Another one sided match! What a BITCH! Get him Mr. President!

The Donald already has a mic in hand as he prepares to dress down the match loser.

Shino Ganbo, BIG LOSER! SUPER BIG LOSER! Didn't really like Chris Valley much either, but at least he can win a match. So that name, what is that, KOREAN? You a spy for the little fat man?! HUH? KellyAnne, show this huge mountain of SUCK what we do to spies!

KellyAnne approaches the glass of the Skybox. She has a small pouch in her hands, from which she draws out some kind of dust. She blows the dust in the air and her eyes roll back in her head.

In the ring, Shino's expression turns from discomfort, to shock, to outright TERROR as he loses control of his own body! He brings his fingers up to his eyes and pulls them into slits, before starting to dance around the ring and sing the following in a high pitched mockery of an Asian accent.

“ME CHINESE, ME PLAY JOKE, ME GO PEE-PEE IN YOUR COKE!”

“ME CHINESE, ME NO DUMB, ME PUT CORK IN CAMEL'S BUM! HE GO “POOT”, ME GO “ZOOM”, THAT HOW ME GET HERE SOON!”

Shino is crying tears of shame through his slanted eyes, as Trump and Madison bust a gut at his humiliation.

“CHING CHING BING BONG, ME SING YOU SILLY SONG! ME MAMA CHINESE, ME DADDY JAPANESE, NOW MY EYES LOOK LIKE THESE!” Shino pulls the corner of one eye up and one eye down.

Trump and Madison looks like they're gonna piss themselves. The crowd is eating it up too. Once Trump gets it under control, he breathlessly turns to KellyAnne.

Alright, alright. I think we've seen enough. Get him out of my sight.

Trump turns to Madison.

I gotta go get myself ready to hollow out Jenny's poon. Hold the fort down while I'm gone.

Madison smiles and salutes.

Yes sir, Mr. President.

Trump takes his leave, with KellyAnne Conway skittering behind him in tow. Madison watches him go before standing up in the Skybox to address the multitudes.

Hey guys, we got one more match in the first round, but I have some disappointing news about it. Turns out Drezdin killed Tank Hammet at Warfare. Now, Tank signed a contract to be here, so don't get me wrong....his ass is here!

A meathook slowly descends from the top of the arena, and from it hangs the bloating rancid corpse of Tank Hammet, with his head hastily reattached to his body with duct tape! Tank gets lowered all the way to the ring, where some members of the ring crew wearing hazmat suits unhook him and dump him unceremoniously in the ring.

Oh my God I can smell it from here! It's like if a sewer full of bacon and diarrhea overflowed into a Fat Camp!

Alright Danny, come down here and get your free win!

ROUND 1
Danny Imperial versus Tank Hammet ('s corpse)




"Hail To The King" Blares through the speakers as laser multi-colored lights move haphazardly through the stadium. As the heavy guitar drops, two opposite flares shoot out from the base of the entrance. A crazed, grinning Danny Imperial walks out from behind the curtain. He runs a hand across his face, pulling back his hair.

He strolls down the ramp towards the ring, smugly glancing from side to side, giving Betsys in the crowd a wink as he passes them. He slides smoothly into the ring, but stops short at the sight of the dead body in the middle of the rng. He looks at it curiously for a moment before dead lifting it and hitting an Imperial Insanity on him! Tank's head comes unmoored from the rest of his body and rolls out of the ring. Danny covers!

1....


2....


3!!


YOUR WINNER VIA DESECRATING A CORPSE (??), DANNY IMPERIAL!!


Danny kicks the body out of the ring before hitting all the turnbuckles, arms raised and laughing as the hazmat crew scoops Tank's head up with a dustpan and dumps it into a garbage bag.

Ya know, as much as I may be getting paid to shill this thing....most of those first round matches sucked!

There were quite a few who certainly didn't bring their A-game, but with Drezdin, Finn Kuhn, Jenny Myst, Mezian, Chris Valley, and Danny Imperial headed to the semi-final round, business is sure to pick up quite a bit! Back in a jiffy folks!

[Image: intermission.jpg]

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A massive red white and blue fireworks display kicks things off from the Capital One Arena, in Washington DC!

The shot cuts to a lit booth just outside the arena where Alex Jones, Shepard Smith, and Wayne LaPierre are standing by.

Shep: Welcome to the Capital One Center in Washington DC for the first ever GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT: Make XWF Great Again 2018 God Bless. It is my honor to be with you here tonight. To my left are Alex Jones, who will be joining me on commentary tonight, and the NRA's Wayne LaPierre, who is the security consultant for tonight's events. Now Wayne, with the president being in attendance I'm sure a lot of thought was put into keeping the building and it's occupants secure.

Alex:Yeah, and I for one would like to know how you kept all those human flesh wearing Reptoids out.

Wait, Alex, what exactly is a Reptoid?

Whaddya mean? I've been blowing up their spots on InfoWars for YEARS! The Deep State, Shep! They're a race of reptillian humanoids disguising themselves as liberal politicians in an effort to advance a Communist Socialist agenda to undermine our democracy and make us easier to control so they can start forcing us to get gay married and give away our money to the poors. Jesus Shep, you really have been sitting at the uncool kid's table over at Fox.

Kinda sorry I asked. Anyway Wayne, what can we expect tonight?

Wayne: Well first off, no Reptoids, that's for sure! For tonight's events, the NRA has coordinated with presidential secret service agents to ensure maximum security. Every fan in attendance here tonight is an active member of the NRA or, at the very least, a member of the Republican party. Tonight's proceedings are also OPEN CARRY as God intended, so it's nothing but “good guys with gun's” throughout the arena.

Shep makes an uncomprehending expression.

Hold on, so does that mean....?

Every person in attendance here tonight is LOCKED AND LOADED! The Capital One Center is the safest building in America right now!

Shep just looks downright shocked now.

Whoa! But don't you think allowing EVERYONE to have a gun here is a risky move? I mean, the President of the United States is here!

*sniff* *sniff* It's starting to smell pretty REPTILLIAN over here!

Oh PoppyCOCK! Tonight is all about Americans who are proud of their country and proud of their second amendment rights! What kind of fascist police state would we be if we didn't allow drunken rowdy wrestling fans the chance to brandish military grade firearms within feet of the leader of the free world! I'll hear no more of it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pad my crotch.

Wayne walks away, and we see that he has a significant artificial looking bulge in his pants. Shep shakes his head, already looking stressed out.

I've just gotten word that the president is almost here. Mr. Trump has opted to arrive in style here tonight, seated on a massive golden throne carried to the arena on the backs of 300 ICE detainees.

The shot cuts to an angle overheard from a helicopter showing the ponderous throne moving down multiple closed lanes of traffic.

[Image: throne.jpg]

Now that's how you do it! I've also just gotten word that the XWF superstars participating in tonight's tournament are arriving now!

Backstage

We see tournament participant Finn Kuhn, duffel bag in hand, walking down a hall.

Oh Finny baby!

He turns in response to the summons, to see Madison Dyson scampering up to him.

"Ah, Madison... or you'd prefer liebchen, wouldn't you?"

Madison claps and giggles with delight.

Mmmmm, that's the stuff mama likes.

Madison pulls up closer to Finn, playfully running her fingernails up and down his toned chest.

You know, you don't need to hang out back here with the rest of these scrubs tonight. I talked it over with The Donald and he is A-Ok with you sharing the Skybox with us.

Finn thinks on it for a moment; he very clearly has plans tonight with his crew and his feelings on Donald Trump himself could be described as iffy at best. Almost sensing his hesitance on the matter, Madison looks at Finn with puppy-dog eyes as Finn sighs loudly. "Fine, I'll do it. I look forward to sharing me winning this tournament with you, liebchen."

Madison claps her hands again, giddy with delight.

Great! Come with mama now, I'll get you all set up there...

Madison is grinning from ear to ear as she grabs Finn by the wrist and walks off with him as a small smile can be seen on the Kaiser's face.

Back outside

I'm sure there will be no hint of favoritism there at all.

Of course not, stop being such a Nancy! You should try some of my protein powder, it'll put some hair on your chest.

Alex does a Hoganesque flex down.

I'm good. Well, it looks like we're ready to kick this off. Alex and I will be headed inside, meanwhile please stand by for a performance of The Star Spangled Banner by....oh God, seriously...?

Uhhh, we'll see you inside in a bit folks. Sorry about what happens next.

Inside the arena

The lights dim and Fergie is standing in the center of the ring. Oh Jesus wept....



At the conclusion of the “performance” the lights come back on. The crowd mostly looks perplexed by what just happened. It should also be noted that the crowd is made up of more Camo-wearers than you can shake a stick at, along with people wearing tacky red white and blue shirts, hats with tea bags hanging from them, NRA caps and logos, wannabe Nazi's with white polo's and close cropped hair cuts, conservatively dressed college republican types and, oh yeah....A FUCK TON OF GUNS! Assault rifles are being waved and bandied about casually. Impotent old men wave around massive pistols that would probably give them a wrist fracture the moment they fired them. Some of the people dressed in camo are sporting bandoliers of ammunition. The arena is also dotted by dark garbed members of Trump's Secret Service, some of whom are looking about nervously at the sheer amount of fire power on display.

In the Skybox...

Madison opens the door to the Skybox, ushering Finn inside. He takes a look about, impressed by the digs, before having a seat. However, no sooner has he sat down does a horrific figure rise about behind his chair. Flesh rotted and sagging, with wisps of blonde hair dangling limply from a bruised and decaying scalp. The morbid creature draws it's cracked and blistered lips close to Finn's ear.

Deeeaaaatttthhhhhh.....

It hisses. Finn jumps up out of his chair and recoils in disgust.

Jesus Madison, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Madison rolls her eyes and scowls.

Don't mind that, it's just KellyAnne Conway. She's a lich or something. KellyAnne don't you have some animal sacrifices to do?

KellyAnne rises to full height, drawing a number of strained snaps and creaks from her decrepit bones. She cants her ghastly head.

Yes, yes indeed it is KellyAnne-KellyAnne! But I bring you a portent of woe, Madison Dyson! Oh yesssss.....oh yessssss.....

Yeah sure whatever....

Madison gestures for Finn to sit, and he does so but not before casting one last disgusted look back at KellyAnne. Madison snaps her fingers at the private wait staff in the box.

Get us both a bottle of your finest wine, please. Money is no object.

The server bows and leaves. KellyAnne watches him go before moving closer to Madison.

Madison does not pay heed to KellyAnne's tides of weal....oh unfortunate....unfortunate....! **HSSSSSSSS**

Madison brushes something off her forearm, making a pinched face betraying annoyance.

Ewwww....you're getting your skin rot fakes on me. Could you, like, be anywhere else right now? Thanks.

KellyAnne cants her head at an even more unnatural angle, eliciting another chilling crack.

No, KellyAnne remains with her president, her dear, dear president!

Fine! Then go fall apart in the corner with your Ides of March bullshit. I got things to do. Finn, just chill here for a minute. Feel free to start on the wine, I'll be back in a jiffy!

Finn shoots a cautionary look at KellyAnne, with maybe a bit of regret on his face, as Madison takes her leave from the SkyBox and heads downstairs.

Ringside

We see Shep Smith and Alex Jones settle into their commentary position.

And we're back! Welcome once again to The Great American Shove-It! We'll now go back to the ring, where Chair Woman Madison Dyson will kick things off with a few words, followed by a special address from the president!



Madison's music hits, drawing a sizable pop from this very conservative crowd!

Madison appears at the top of the ramp, wearing a huge smile as she soaks up all the adoration! Making her way to the ring, she immediately gets handed a mic by Milo Yiannopoulous.

Thanks Milo. America....ARE YOU READY?!!

The fans pop with a “HELL YEAH!”

That's the spirit! Now, I know you're all dying to get to the action and find out just who is facing who, but first I've got a few things to share. I just wanted to thank you all for being here. Ya know, a lot of people are trying to make it seem “wrong” or “backwards” to have pride in America these days. And that's BULLSHIT. America is still the greatest country in the world!

HUGE CHEAP POPS FROM THE CROWD!

All of you represent the best America has to offer. It's true patriots. So, if anything, tonight's show is a love letter to all of you for your bravery, your temerity, your refusal to bow to a lefty progressive agenda that....

BAM!

...the fuck?

A man in the crowd stumbles stumbles into the aisle, bleeding from a sizable gun shot to the hand. He's screaming in confusion and pain as a couple nearby Secret Service agents rush to his aid.

Whoops, somebody might want to call an ambulance for that guy...heh...heh. Side bar folks, please make sure the safety's on your firearms are ON. Anyhow, it's always been my dream to run my own pro wrestling show, and it fills me with an immense pride and joy to know that tonight, not only do I make that dream a reality, but that I do so in honor of the greatest nation in the history of the world.

Now, without further adieu....THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES DONALD J. TRUMP!

MASSIVE ROOF SHAKING POPS!!!



The POTUS hits the ramp, white boy dancin' to “Boss” by Little Pump as DOLLAH DOLLAH BILLZ start dropping from the top of the arena! The fans start scrambling for the cash as The Donald confidently power walks to the ring. Madison scrambles to hold the ropes open for him and passes her mic to him.

The Donald stands in the middle of the ring for a moment, drinking in the adoration of his plebian multitudes with his trademark self satisfied smirk. Finally,he deigns to speak.

America is the greatest country of all time.

More huge pops! Madison is looking like she's gonna break her wrists from clapping so hard.

And this will be the greatest wrestling show of all time. All time! Believe it! We've got a packed card of guys...and Jenny Myst....

He grins lecherously at the mention of Jenny.

....all looking to grab that brass ring and capture the American dream. But it won't be easy. Whoever earns that Universal Championship shot tonight will have to win THREE matches in one night. Not easy. Very hard. Trust me, I know wrestling.

Trump takes a walk up to the ropes and leans on them.

Now all that's good, right? But you know what's even better? Me railing Jenny Myst's poon.

Another huge pop. Madison laughs.

Jenny Myst is here tonight. And while she is going to wrestle, she is also here to pleasure the POTUS. In fact, I have it on very good authority....top authority....that she is backstage right now shaving her pubic hair in my preferred style and getting her box ready to be filled harder than that cuck Chris Chaos ever could! I.....



Jenny Myst is here! Madison starts screaming in rage as Jenny, not looking all that happy herself starts making her way up the ramp. Trump's Secret Service closes in around the ring, forming a barrier and preventing Jenny from entering. She calls for a mic and gets one, stopping in the aisle as she casts a bitter look at Trump's goons.

Madison: You stank ho you have NO RIGHT.....

But The Donald cuts her off with a wave.

Jenny, I'm glad you're here. Because I think I forgot to add something to those instructions I left you. You MUST shower before we have sex, there is nothing worse than the smell of sweaty whisker biscuit....

I am more concerned with what you smell like, honestly. I bet its a bit 'Stormy' down there, if ya feel me? You realize I am going along with this for entertainment purposes, but there is no way I am fucking you, right?

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny! I hear you. Really, I do! But I'm afraid you don't have a choice. You see, your job at the XWF really is on the line here! Big time! Because I had a talk with Taylor Mayde, and she is in complete agreement that if you do not have sex with me here tonight....YOU ARE FIRED! From the XWF. FOREVER!

Figures Taylor had something to do with this. She will get hers, too. Mr. Trump, I am going to win Shove It, win the Universal Title and when we are done here, YOU will be the one who feels honored to have fucked ME! BANK on that.

Jenny mic drops and turns her back on the president as her music hits again. Trump stands in the ring looking...well....honestly looking a little turned on! With that, Madison gestures for the POTUS to follow her to their luxury Skybox so the tournament can begin!

ROUND 1
inFamous versus Drezdin


Shep: We are ready to kick things off with our opening first round match up. Now remember, the competitors did not know prior to the show who they would be facing. They are only finding out....RIGHT NOW! Let's go to Milo, who I am sure will be a consummate professional.

Milo: This match is for one fall. Introducing first...I dunno, some new guy they really didn't give me any information on. But I saw him backstage and he looked kinda greasy and it made me uncomfortable.....inFAMOUS!



The arena goes black as the music starts. As the song picks up, inFamous makes his way out from the back bee-bopping around to the beat of the song. He slowly makes his way to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope.

And his opponent, who is once again “in like a giant ]



The arena goes completely black for a moment, then the lights start to pulsate as the music starts to blare through the PA system. As soon as the pyro goes off the lights turn on, the people in the arena turn silent, the people are at awe and shock on how massive he is. He starts walking down the ramp, he yells out...IT'S GO TIME!, then he stops at the end of the ramp to take a deep breath. He approaches the ring, then he grabs the rope ring rope gets unto the ring aparon goes over the top rope then walks towards the middle of the ring. He raises his left hand as the pyro goes off.

The match gets underway, but inFamous jumps the bell and lands a double axe handle to the big man's back, but Drezdin doesn't seem all that phased! He wheels around on inFamous and points a finger at him challengingly. InFamous runs to the ropes to pick up some momentum, but Drezdin surprises him with a big boot to the face on the rebound!

Drezdin then hefts inFamous to his feet and tosses him bale style across the ring. InFamous briefly looks like his bell has been rung, and he pulls himself up in the corner as Drezdin approaches. He lashes out at Drezdin with a stiff kick to his knee, followed by another, and then a big standing drop kick that finally sends the big man to the canvas. InFamous hops up to the top rope and hits a big leg drop across Drezdin's face! He pins him!

1....DREZDIN KICKS OUT!

InFamous backs off from Drezdin, waiting for him to rise before rushing him, but Drezdin counters by picking inFamous up into his arms and dumping him with a big time fall away slam that carries inFamous right out of the ring, he rolls out to the floor where a bunch of jeering Neo-Nazi's start shit talking him. The ref starts counting inFamous out....

1....


2....


3....

inFamous is too busy jaw jacking with the Nazi's to notice that Drezdin as rolled out of the ring as well. Drezdin grabs a big handful of inFamous' hair and bounces his skull off the ring apron before rolling him back inside. Drezdin stays in control of the match, irish whipping inFamous into the corner so hard he bounces right back out and collapses to the canvas. Drez picks inFamous up into a full nelson before dropping him down hard with a full nelson slam! Drezdin goes for the cover now.

1....



2....inFamous rolls a shoulder up! Drezdin looks pissed! He hauls inFamous up to his feet and puts him in a powerbomb position! Drez lifts him all 7 feet in the air and drills him down on the back of his head! But Drezdin's still not done! He maintains the hold, picks him up and powerbombs him again! And again! And again! HE'S GONNA KILL ANOTHER ONE! InFamous vomits all over himself as Drezdin hits a final razor's edge style powerbomb on him, sending him flying across the ring! Drezdin drops down for a over!

1....


2....


3!!!

YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL.....DREZDIN!!!


Trump stands up in the Skybox. He brings a mic up to his mouth as Drezdin steps over inFamous to celebrate in the ring. InFamous looks like he's unconscious.

[color=#FFA500]inFamous......more like UN-Famous! Thanks for coming and stinking up the show with your shitty performance. Hey Drezdin, if you take this pencil neck backstage and give him a swirly, I'll let you fuck Melania. PUT HIM WHERE THE DOODY'S GO!

Drezdin shrugs and shakes his head “yeah!” He picks inFamous up with ease and walks with him up the ramp.

The shot cuts from the ring back to the announce team.

Throughout the night, we are going to highlight Profiles in American Courage. That is, people who have shown the utmost bravery in the face of the politically correct, socialist, cucked, reptoid agenda. It is my honor to present the first profile....Dylan Roof!

Inspirational music starts playing in the background as a picture of Dylan appears on screen. Shep looks mortified.

Wait, DYLAN ROOF?!

Alex hits a button somewhere on the desk and the music increases in volume to drown out Shep's negativity.

[Image: 150618183449-dylann-roof-custody-large-169.jpg]

Contrary to what the Reptoid controlled lame stream news media reported, Dylan Roof was a sweet gentle angel who was possibly missing a chromosome. I mean, look, he's kinda Downsy, right? All Dylan wanted to do was attend a predominantly black church with numerous firearms in tow for his own personal protection. Unfortunately, Dylan was immediately confronted and threatened by a gaggle of angry militant Blacks, who said he did not “belong” at their church. They attacked Dylan, first verbally by calling him horrific names like “pit sniffing ” and “sister humping yokel” and then physically. Dylan invoked his constitutional right to defend himself from the assault. And for that, he has been smeared by liberal fascists.

Dylan Roof. Truly a profile in American Courage. Shep?

Well, that's a creative read on things. Anyway, our next first round match is upon us!

ROUND 1
Jackie Peppers versus Finn Kuhn


The following match is set for....do I really have to say this every time? Up first is Jackie Peppers who eats peppers and his manager is a vulgar Scotsman, I guess....



The opening drum beat of Arrows in the Dark erupts throughout the arena as spews of flames shoot from the sides of the ramp. As the flames subside Jackie Peppers steps out through the entrance way and heads towards the ring, his gaze set on it. Jackie climbs onto the apron and onto the turnbuckle, raising his fist in the air and grinning, showing his deep red mouthguard.

And his opponent....oh, wait, hold on....

Milo is listening to someone speaking to him through his earpiece. The camera glances up to look at the SkyBox. It's Madison. Madison is speaking to him.

His opponent....AND THE MAN WITH THE SEXIEST LITTLE ASS ON THE PLANET WHO IS GOING TO WIN THE WHOLE FUCKING TOURNAMENT....FINN KUHN! Subtle.



Finn Kuhn explodes out of the Skybox and starts heading down the ramp. On his way down, some Neo-Nazi's start “seig heiling” him. He looks at them with annoyance and yells I'm not a Nazi, you idiots! They don't seem to notice.

As the lyrics began playing, Finn removes his hood, looking ready, determined, and walks to the ring with purpose. Once in the ring, he poses on the turnbuckles as fans continue to boo the Kaiser. After a few seconds, he hops down, and waits for the match to begin.

With both fighters ready, the ref signals for the bell. Jackie Peppers and Finn circle each other for a minute, before Finn goes low trying to get Jackie's leg. Jackie responds by kicking Finn in the face, followed by grappling him with a surprise swinging neckbreaker. Finn recovers quickly and goes for a punch on Jackie. Jackie blocks and Finn follows up by darting behind him with a rear waist lock into a release german suplex. Jackie hits hard but manages to roll to his feet.

Finn presses Jackie against the ropes, kicking and punching him furiously before irish whiping him. Jackie hits the ropes and stalls his momentum by grabbing onto the top, but Finn is right there to rush him and clothesline him over the top and to the floor. Finn then hits an impressive springboard plancha off the top rope, crashing into Jackie on the outside!

The ref starts to count them both out.

1....


2....


3....

Finn picks Jackie up bodily and rams his spine into the ring post! Finn then dumps him back into the ring! Finn rolls in and leaps up to the top rope. He's calling for his To The Skies Frog Splash! Finn takes flight....AND JACKIE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Finn crashes and burns!!

Jackie dives for the cover on Finn!

1....


2....


3...NO! Finn kicks out!

Jackie mounts Finn and starts punching him in the head, before the ref makes him get off. Jackie grabs Finn and forces him up before dropping him again with a picture perfect standing drop kick! Jackie covers again!

1....


2....FINN KICKS OUT AGAIN!

Jackie grapples Finn up into a DDT position, but Finn reverses it into a bridging suplex! He pins Jackie now!

1....


2....Jackie gets a boot on the bottom rope!

Finn slaps the mat in frustration, and Jackie shoves Finn away to give himself some distance. Jackie runs at Finn, but Finn springboards off the middle rope with a back elbow that clips Jackie's jaw. Jackie hits the mat but recovers fast. Finn goes for a roundhouse as Jackie gets up, but Jackie ducks just in time and roars up with a big time uppercut. Finn falters into the corner and Jackie rushes him with a shoulder block, followed by him wrapping his arm around Finn's head and bull dogging him back into the center of the ring! Jackie covers!

1...

2....

3....NO! Finn kicks out, and also jabs a thumb in Jackie's eye! Jackie cries out and gets off of Finn. Finn powers Jackie up and scoop slams him, then runs to the ropes again and moonsaults him off the middle! And then he flies to his feet again and lands a high angle leaping elbow drop on Jackie! Finn grabs a helping of Jackie's tights and rolls him up!

1...

2...


3...NO! Jackie kicks out again!

Finn lays into Jackie with some punches before grabbing him by the head and ramming him face first into the turnbuckle. He tries to do it again but Jackie gets a foot up into the turnbuckle to block and he elbows Finn on the chin, spins around to see Finn staggering back and chains it into a snap superkick! Finn is daed on his feet for a moment before dropping to his knees and Jackie nails him upside the head with his trademark Decapitator kick! THIS HAS TO BE IT! Jackie covers!

1....


2.....


3....NO! FINN BARELY KICKS OUT AT 2.9!

The crowd is really into this match now! Jackie begs the ref to reconsider the count, but the ref holds firm! Jackie gets up, looking frustrated and waits for Finn to move. Jackie scouts Finn and goes to attack him again, but Finn wisely rolls out of the ring for a breather! The ref starts to count Finn out but he doesn't seem to pay it much mind, but Jackie does! Jackie takes a running start and launches himself over the top rope, splashing Finn on the outside! Both men collapse in a heap!

1....


2....


3....


4....

Finn and Jackie take a moment to collect themselves, with Jackie recovering faster. Jackie grabs hold of Finn's hair and pulls him back towards the ring. Finn counters with a closed fist blow to Jackie's midsection, followed by a drop toe hold that bounces Jackie's face off the ring apron!


5....


6....


7....

The ref is warning both men to get back in the ring. Finn picks Jackie up and rolls him in,and he climbs to the top rope! Finn gestures for a high flying move and takes flight, but Jackie rolls out of the way. But Finn also expected this and he tucks into a somersault at the last minute. Finn rolls to his feet as Jackie clambers up! Finn goes for a forearm shot on Jackie but Jackie ducks, responding with a chop, another chop and then a dropkick to Finn's chest. Finn stumbles and Jackie leaps at him and locks him into a double underhook DDT, dropping him! Jackie covers again!

1....


2....


3....FINN KICKS OUT AGAIN IN ANOTHER NAILBITER!

The crowd lets out a whoosh of exceitement. Jackie rolls off Finn, holding his head and wondering what the hell he has to do here! Jackie drags Finn up again, knees him in the stomach and tries to get around Finn to lock him in to a sleeper, but Finn drops down and out to the mat, rolling behind Jackie. Jackie wheels around just in time to catch a punch to the face that rocks Jackie so hard it spins him around. Finn sees an opening and takes it with the BACKSTABBER! He pins Jackie!


1.....


2....


3...NOOOO! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDNG, JACKIE KICKS OUT! Finn forces his forearm down on Jackie's face and pins again, but Jackie immediately fights out, clearly getting angry! He sits up, punching Finn numerous times in the head before getting vertical. Finn is also up. Jackie tags Finn in the jaw, followed by a kick to his midsection. Jackie drops to his knees and uppercuts Finn! Finn is shocked. Jackie kips back up and makes a gagging sound. Oh no....oh NO! JACKIE SPITS THE PEPPER SPRAY AT FINN!! THIS IS....

…..FINN DODGES AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND! But he grabs hold of Jackie by the hair as the brutal mist lingers in the air and FORCES JACKIE'S FACE INTO IT! The mist infiltrates Jackie's eyes, and he screams in pain having caught a dose of his own medicine! Finn locks with Jackie's arm and flips himself up and over, delivering his finisher THE KAISER'S DOMAIN!!!!

1.....




2.....



3!!!! By God, Finn finally wins it!!!

THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, VIA PINFALL....FINN KUHN!


An ecstatic Madison Dyson can be seen celebrating in the Skybox! Finn pumps his fist in the air triumphantly and mounts the corner turnbuckle, arms raised in victory!

A hard fought victory for Madison's golden boy against a very capable Jackie Peppers here tonight!

Jackie, his eyes still watering, uses the ropes for leverage as he struggles to get up. Up in the Skybox, Trump gets on the mic.

Jackie, this is your president speaking. Helllooooo, can you see me? You know Jackie, you had some not nice things to say about me and some of my friends in your promos. Getting some stand-ins to make fun of us. Is that ringing a bell?

Jackie grimaces, seeing where this is going.

I got just one thing to say about that Jackie....FUNNY AS SHIT!

Trump starts laughing, and even Madison looks a bit surprised.

And yeah, Betsy DeVos' legs really are that gross. I know that because I plowed her once too out of desperation after Melania was on the rag for like two months. Is that even a thing? I dunno. Jackie, you lost but you're a funny loser so I'm not gonna embarrass you. You and that weird Scotsman can swing by the White House for some beers and bitches anytime. Trump out!

Jackie, despite the pain in his eyes and losing a hard fought victory, manages to smile a bit. He asks the ref which way to go to exit the ring and the ref helps him out and up the ramp.

Our glorious leader proving that he can also be a man of mercy and benevolence as well. Can't say I would have done the same!

ROUND 1
Reeve Gordon versus Jenny Myst


Whoa everybody, get your dicks out....it's a CHICK match!

The fans pop.

Introducing first, hailing from the liner notes of a Panic at The Disco CD from the early 2000's....REEVE GORDON!

The fans boo!



Reeve Gordon comes out onto the ramp, not paying the jeering fans any mind as his androgyny makes them all very, very uncomfortable. Reeve makes his way into the ring, glowering up the ramp.

And his opponent....the woman who got her ass kicked by Madison Dyson who will also be serving as Donald Trump's dick sleeve later tonight....JENNY MYST!



Jenny looks plenty pissed as she comes marching down the ramp! She doesn't even acknowledge the fans, instead giving the Skybox a single finger salute. From inside, we can see Donald Trump standing and applauding her. When she gets in the ring, she gets in like this.

[Image: RUlZaSV.gif]

Jenny also takes a moment to flip off Milo too as she gets to her corner and the bell rings! Reeve charges at Jenny and bitch slaps her! Jenny, enraged, punches Reeve right in the mouth before opening up on him with a series of vicious chops! Reeve backs off, trying to cover up but Jenny is relentless! Jenny rabbit kicks him into the ropes, and then grabs onto his long hair and tosses him in the center of the ring by it. Jenny waits for Reeve to get up before pulling him into a short arm clothesline, or three.

Reeve wobbling now, tries once again to back off from Jenny but she still won't have it! He manages to snap off a quick kick to Jenny's midsection, followed by a chop to her chest, but all this does is seem to enrage the former Bombshell Champion, who again grabs Reeve by the air and pulls him into an elbow shot, followed by a snapmare takedown, and then a dropkick to the back of Reeve's head. Jenny wastes no time going to the top rope then, she launches herself into a huge splash on Reeve and goes for the cover!

1.....



2.....


3.....!

Jenny laughs derisively at how easy that was!

THE WINNER OF THE MATCH VIA PINFALL....JENNY MYST!


Oh you know The Donald has got something to say about this!

Well done, Jenny! Well done!

Jenny looks up at the Skybox, muttering curses under her breath.

You know what Jenny, you remind me of my daughter. Tiffany. Not Ivanka. Ivanka's successful.

Jenny starts demanding a mic at ringside.

Yeah, don't give her a mic. We're done here for now, Jenny. Take a hike so I can talk to this genderqueer you just beat up.

Jenny takes her leave, but not without shouting a few more choice words up at the president. Reeve is slowly rousing from the beating he got.

Hey Reeve. Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. But you don't need either to be my make-up artist! Because that's what you're gonna be later tonight! You look like you got a handle on it anyway, right? LOSER!

Reeve leaves the ring, looking miserable.

No sooner has that ended do we hear the crack of a firearm going off! Alex and Shep crank their heads around, looking for the source of the gunfire, and we see Trump's Secret Service rushing into the crowd. Shortly thereafter they are pulling a very drunk man in head to toe camouflage into the aisle as another man bleeds out from a mortal looking gun shot wound to the neck. The surrounding fans back off in disgust mostly, but a couple of them draw their own firearms! The Secret Service draw their guns and a tense standoff ensues!

Whoa, looks like we got a situation here! Uhhhhh, watch this for a minute while we get this crap sorted.

Shep jumps as another firearm discharges!

Sounds like freedom to me!



I get teary eyed every time, Shep. How are we doing with our little situation?

Everyone's dead.

ROUND 1
Jeremiah Dixon versus Richard Dweck


Alright, we got another one of these matches. First off, we got Jeremiah Dixon who can definitely sit on my face anytime he wants! God damn, you could bounce a wooden nickel off those abdominals!



The arena lights dim, then they strobe as the hook from Seeing Red pierces the speakers of the PA system. Jeremiah appears atop the entrance stage. His eyes scan across the thousands of screaming fans before he begins his focused walk to the ring. He high fives a few lucky ringside fans and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. Impact climbs the corner turnbuckle and claps for the fans, then drops back to the mat and pulls the ropes to loosen up. As he does so, Milo tries to give him a piece of paper with his phone number on it, but Jermiah wads it up into a ball and tosses it back in his face.

Your loss, bitch. There's a reason they called me Miss Hoover my sophomore year in college. Anyhow, this ingrate's opponent is Richard Dweck. He is a Jew.

Massive heat from the anti-Semites in the crowd, which is basically all of them.



A member of arena security needs to stop a Tiki-torch wielding Neo-Nazi from leaping the crowd control barricade to get at Richard as he makes his way down to the ring. Richard, looking a bit nervous at the hostile crowd, slides under the bottom rope and tries to get his game face on.

The bell rings and Dixon is on Dweck immediately! He lashes out with a series of Judo-inspired strikes, backing Dweck into the corner, where he tries to cover up. Impact is forced to back off, but as soon as Dweck escapes the corner Dixon grabs and drops him with a fireman's carry slam! Dixon then parlays that into a fancy standing moonsault into a pin!

1....


2....DWECK KICKS OUT!

Dixon stays on the attack, picking Dweck up by his arm and pulling him into a tilt a whirl backbreaker! Dweck cries out in pain as Dixon drops him. Dixon quickly continues the assault by driving a knee into the spine of his downed opponent, before picking his legs up and cinching in a high angle boston crab, sitting down deep on it. Dweck tries to crawl his way to the ropes and after some struggle he is finally successful! Dixon breaks the hold, picks Dweck up and irish whips him. Dixon also runs to the ropes himself and both men, having the same idea, go for a mid-air cross body block! Their heads collide with a thunderous smack and they both spin out to the canvas, completely knocked the fuck out!

It takes a moment for the ref to realize what happened, but he finally starts counting both men down!

1....
2....
3....
4....
5....
6....
7....
8....
9....
10!!

The bell rings and the crowd boos at the double KO finish!

NOBODY WINS, THEY'RE BOTH LOSERS!


What are the chances of that?!

It's not surprising though! The Jew, a natural ally of the reptoid, is unsuited to the rigors of combat and often relies on other stronger alpha males to do their dirty work. As for Dixon, some guys are meant for more “show” than “go”, unlike yours truly!

It looks like the president has something to say!

Trump approaches the open window of his Skybox, and makes a thumbs down motion!

Very disappointing guys! Not good, not a good look for America either! Maybe wrestling isn't your calling after all! So I tell you what, my boom mic operator for my HUGE sex celebration with Jenny Myst called in sick. So guess what, you BOTH get to be my new boom mic operators. It'll be an honor really. And don't try to leave the building, or I'll have your asses thrown in Guantanamo. I'm sure your fellow prisoners will just LOVE you guys, you especially Dweck!

Trump gives a self satisfied chuckle as the fans cheer! Both Dixon and Dweck, who were slowly returning to consciousness turning Trump's speech, are ordered to leave the ring by the ref.

ROUND 1
Mezian versus Muddy Waters


Introducing first, and I honestly don't have any smart ass remarks for this guy because I don't understand his gimmick....MEZIAN?



A dim blue smoke starts to billow up from the ramp as the eccentric Mezian starts walking to the ring. He leaps up to the ring apron and gets in the ring, running the ropes a bit to get settled.

And his opponent is Muddy Waters, who I saw sleeping in his own vomit earlier. Plus also Madison says thanks for losing the Xtreme championship before the show, ass.



Muddy stumbles out from the back, just finishing up one last pre-match beer. This redneck crowd pops HUGE for Muddy! Some of them raise their assault rifles in the air and open fire, showering plaster and debris down upon their heads. Muddy gets in the ring and chases Milo out, hurling a slew of homophobic invectives at him as he does so.

The bell rings and Mezian locks up with Muddy, skirting behind him into a rear waist lock and trying to pull Muddy up into a fisherman's suplex, Muddy blocks by tagging Mezian with a couple elbows before running the ropes and clotheslining Mezian on the return. Mezian snaps back up to his feet almost immediatey and ducks under a haymaker from Muddy before surprising him with a dropkick to Muddy's face. Muddy also recovers fast, going to sweep Mezian's legs. Mezian avoids it and instead pulls Muddy into an irish whip into the corner. Mezian ries for a big splash but Muddy avoids it just in time, causing Mezian to eat turnbuckle! Muddy rolls Mezian up with a school boy!

1....


2....Mezian kicks out!

Muddy grapples Mezian, trying to set him up early for a Pike County Plunge piledriver, but Mezian back body drops his way out of it. With Muddy on the mat, Mezian races to lock in an MMA style arm bar, ripping at Muddy's shoulder that was already injured at Warfare. Muddy fights with Mezian for a good ten seconds before finally pulling his way to the bottom rope, which he takes hold of to break the arm bar. Meian risks disqualification before releasing Muddy. Both men get to their feet and Mezian nails a deep arm drag on Muddy, followed by a sleeper hold on the mat, but again Muddy is able to get close enough to the ropes to break the hold.

Mezian, frustrated by his opponent's escapability, starts laying into him with some truly nasty mounted elbow strikes before forcing his shoulders to the mat for a cover!

1....


2....Muddy kicks out, and hits Mezian with an elbow strike of his own in doing so! But Mezian is undaunted, no selling the elbow and ripping Muddy up to his feet. Muddy throws a couple wild punches but Mezian blocks twice and counters with a spinning backfist that stuns Muddy! Mezian muscles Muddy up and drops him down with a sick END IS NIGH! Mezian covers again!

1....


2....


3!

THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, VIA PINFALL....MEZIAN!!


Mezian bails from the ring, walking up the ramp triumphantly with his hands in the air. It takes Muddy a few moments to rouse, and he awakens to the disappointed catcalls of his fellow rednecks.

Up in the Skybox Trump is getting up to issue his official decree, when Madison stands up and speaks.

Mr. Trump, if it's ok with you I'd like to field this one.

Trump extends his hand, granting Madison the floor.

Muddy....Muddy.....Muddy. The failboat just keeps chugging along for you, doesn't it? You know, I'm getting pretty damn sick and tired of this. I offered you lowly shits the chance of a lifetime, and we've had what...one decent match so far? So I'm going to make an example out of you in particular Muddy. I'm going to HUMILIATE you with what you hate the most! Security, grab hold of him, do not let him escape!!

The arena security swarms the ring. Muddy tries fighting them off, kicking punching and headbutting, but eventually the numbers are just too much! Security dogpiles him and wrestles him to the mat.

Now Muddy, we all know just how much you looooooove HOMOSEXUALS! So tonight, you're going to get the chance to express those affections live on national television. MILO, GET IN THERE AND GIVE MUDDY SOME TONGUE!

Milo Yiannopoulous, who up until now was chatting up some cute guy at ringside, looks wide eyed up at Madison, and then looks in horror at Muddy. He starts shaking his head emphatically “no”.

Bitch, did I give you options? Get in there!

Milo looks around, crestfallen, but nobody's gonna help him. He gulps and sucks it up, rolling in the ring. He walks over to Muddy and makes a dry heaving sound before getting down on his hands and knees over Muddy. Muddy is still fighting fist tooth and nail to get away, but it's to no avail! Milo leans over and LOCKS LIPS WITH MUDDY WATERS!

The crowd jeers and cat calls this blatant display of homosexuality! But, it quickly becomes clear that something is wrong! Milo starts to try to pull away from Muddy, but can't! A muffled scream can be heard, and finally, when Milo is able to break from Muddy, blood is pouring out of his mouth! Milo falls to the mat, squalling and screaming because he HAS NO TONGUE!

Security, repulsed, lets go of Muddy and they all bail out of the ring! Muddy gets up, and spits Milo's tongue back at him before rolling out of the ring and heading towards the back!

Madison looks down at poor Milo in shock.

God DAMMIT! MUDDY YOU OWE ME A NEW RING ANNOUNCER YOU COCK!

The medical team rushes to Milo's aid as we go once again to the announce position. Shep looks ashen.

Just when I thought this show couldn't shock me any more. Ugh! Now seems like a good time to take a break from the action to recognize another Profile in American Courage. I'm told that.......hmmmm.....KellyAnne Conway will be fielding this one.

YES IT SHALL BE KELLYANNE!

Trump's ghoulish assistant pops up behind Shepard Smith, causing him to damn near shit his pants.

AHHH JESUS CHRIST WHY?!

KellyAnne rubs her gnarled hands together. Her skin sounds like sandpaper as she does so.

KellyAnne would like to talk about a great hero, a man of art....of vaguely racist horrifying literature...oh yes, oh yes....my darling H.P. Lovecraft!

[Image: 220px-H._P._Lovecraft%2C_June_1934.jpg]

Yesssss....speaking truth to the horrors that hide behind the thin partition of sanity and reason, reaching into the terrifying cosmic ether to bring forth the kind of awful alien impossibilities that could never have been born of human ken. Yessss.....Lovecraft, dear sweet Lovecraft. Also he was not fond of the blacks.

I bet he knew what a reptoid was!

Alex shoots a sidelong glance at Shepard. Kellyanne goes to speak some more, but suddenly all her teeth fall out and spill into Shep's lap like bloody Chiclets. Shep recoils in his seat in disgust. KellyAnne scoops them up and dumps them into her purse.

Not to worry! That just means my sharper set will be growing in soon! Oh happy day!

Please leave.

ROUND 1
Chris Valley versus Shino Ganbo


Madison takes over the ring announcing duties from the Skybox for the fallen Milo.

Thank God this first round is almost over. Introducing first, A MAN WHO HATES AMERICA, CHRIS VALLEY!

The crowd boos and we hear numerous firearms being readied.



As the hustling and bustling of breaths hit the PA Speaker, this signals the entrance of the most deprived and nastiest men too step up too the plate today. Out from the back comes Chris Valley, too the old familar sound of hate towards him. No smile on his face, no swagger too his step, just a crack of the knuckles and the neck as he walks down the entrance ramp. In his hand is a bag of his signature thumbtacks, and as he makes his way down the apron of the ring, he sets them into the corner, hops up and into the ring, and spreads his arms too shout: "MAD, DOG, VALLEY." The fans boo even louder, and he only brushes his arms off and backs into the corner, brushing his hair out of his face as he waits.

And his opponent, a white man with an ambiguously Asian name....Shino Ganbo. And no, I don't know how to put the little hat above the last “O”, I just can't be arsed....



A soft rock beat begins to play as the lights all cut out and we hear "You don't fool me, while the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows, no stranger to you and me" the rock beat picks up to heavy temp as the chorus to "In the air tonight" by In This Moment hits. A single spotlight finally hits the ring as we see man known as Shino Ganbo sitting in the corner of the ring cross legged. With the spotlight on him he grabs the top rope and pulls himself up into a staring position with his opponent as the music cuts and the lights raise. 

Once the bell rings Shino goes for a stiff roundhouse kick on Valley, but Valley had him scouted, catching his leg and hitting a quick leg drag that drops his opponent. Shino cries out in pain, holding his knee like it was torqued pretty bad. Valley refuses to show mercy, stomping on Shino until he is forced to crawl under the ropes to get the ref to break up the assault. Valley does so reluctantly, but does grab Shino by his wounded leg into the center of the ring, where he proceeds to lock in a figure four leg lock, putting further pressure on the knee! Shino calls out in pain again, and the ref asks him if he wants to quit! Shino shakes his head “no” and tries to crawl towards the ropes, finally touching his fingers to the bottom rope to break the hold.

Valley lets go, but grabs hold of Shino by his copious hair, taking a moment to slug him in the face a couple times before throwing him into the corner. Shino stumbles on that inured knee and face plants into the corner, which Valley quickly follows up with a Cannonball Senton, further crushing Shino's face into the buckle!

Valley, still relentless, drags Shino out of the corner and up to his feet. Shino looks to be out on his feet though. Valley sets him up for and nails him with the Death in the Valley! He covers!

1....


2....


3!!

YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL, CHRIS VALLEY!


Another one sided match! What a BITCH! Get him Mr. President!

The Donald already has a mic in hand as he prepares to dress down the match loser.

Shino Ganbo, BIG LOSER! SUPER BIG LOSER! Didn't really like Chris Valley much either, but at least he can win a match. So that name, what is that, KOREAN? You a spy for the little fat man?! HUH? KellyAnne, show this huge mountain of SUCK what we do to spies!

KellyAnne approaches the glass of the Skybox. She has a small pouch in her hands, from which she draws out some kind of dust. She blows the dust in the air and her eyes roll back in her head.

In the ring, Shino's expression turns from discomfort, to shock, to outright TERROR as he loses control of his own body! He brings his fingers up to his eyes and pulls them into slits, before starting to dance around the ring and sing the following in a high pitched mockery of an Asian accent.

“ME CHINESE, ME PLAY JOKE, ME GO PEE-PEE IN YOUR COKE!”

“ME CHINESE, ME NO DUMB, ME PUT CORK IN CAMEL'S BUM! HE GO “POOT”, ME GO “ZOOM”, THAT HOW ME GET HERE SOON!”

Shino is crying tears of shame through his slanted eyes, as Trump and Madison bust a gut at his humiliation.

“CHING CHING BING BONG, ME SING YOU SILLY SONG! ME MAMA CHINESE, ME DADDY JAPANESE, NOW MY EYES LOOK LIKE THESE!” Shino pulls the corner of one eye up and one eye down.

Trump and Madison looks like they're gonna piss themselves. The crowd is eating it up too. Once Trump gets it under control, he breathlessly turns to KellyAnne.

Alright, alright. I think we've seen enough. Get him out of my sight.

Trump turns to Madison.

I gotta go get myself ready to hollow out Jenny's poon. Hold the fort down while I'm gone.

Madison smiles and salutes.

Yes sir, Mr. President.

Trump takes his leave, with KellyAnne Conway skittering behind him in tow. Madison watches him go before standing up in the Skybox to address the multitudes.

Hey guys, we got one more match in the first round, but I have some disappointing news about it. Turns out Drezdin killed Tank Hammet at Warfare. Now, Tank signed a contract to be here, so don't get me wrong....his ass is here!

A meathook slowly descends from the top of the arena, and from it hangs the bloating rancid corpse of Tank Hammet, with his head hastily reattached to his body with duct tape! Tank gets lowered all the way to the ring, where some members of the ring crew wearing hazmat suits unhook him and dump him unceremoniously in the ring.

Oh my God I can smell it from here! It's like if a sewer full of bacon and diarrhea overflowed into a Fat Camp!

Alright Danny, come down here and get your free win!

ROUND 1
Danny Imperial versus Tank Hammet ('s corpse)




"Hail To The King" Blares through the speakers as laser multi-colored lights move haphazardly through the stadium. As the heavy guitar drops, two opposite flares shoot out from the base of the entrance. A crazed, grinning Danny Imperial walks out from behind the curtain. He runs a hand across his face, pulling back his hair.

He strolls down the ramp towards the ring, smugly glancing from side to side, giving Betsys in the crowd a wink as he passes them. He slides smoothly into the ring, but stops short at the sight of the dead body in the middle of the rng. He looks at it curiously for a moment before dead lifting it and hitting an Imperial Insanity on him! Tank's head comes unmoored from the rest of his body and rolls out of the ring. Danny covers!

1....


2....


3!!


YOUR WINNER VIA DESECRATING A CORPSE (??), DANNY IMPERIAL!!


Danny kicks the body out of the ring before hitting all the turnbuckles, arms raised and laughing as the hazmat crew scoops Tank's head up with a dustpan and dumps it into a garbage bag.

Ya know, as much as I may be getting paid to shill this thing....most of those first round matches sucked!

There were quite a few who certainly didn't bring their A-game, but with Drezdin, Finn Kuhn, Jenny Myst, Mezian, Chris Valley, and Danny Imperial headed to the semi-final round, business is sure to pick up quite a bit! Back in a jiffy folks!

[Image: intermission.jpg]

]]> <![CDATA[SHOVE IT - WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!!]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=29946 Sun, 26 Nov 2017 09:01:21 -0800 Doctor Louis D'Ville]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=29946
The line begins to swerve back and forth.... Steering left then right... Left then right.... Until the screeching of brakes can be heard followed by the smashing and crashing sound of metal....

We now feel tired. Our eyes heavy. Our scene grows darker....

And darker...

And darker.........




[Image: BvMQO7A.jpg?4]





[Image: xzhpMgb.gif]


With a flash of light and a wave of heat our scene opens back up to an open coliseum with demons and ghouls all screaming and shouting in hellish harmony! Standing and surrounded by the lake of fire is the ring where the 2nd Annual Shove It: Where the Sun Don't Shine will be taking place! The stage, ramp, and ring all being bombed with hellfire and brimstone as Dimebag Darrell stands in the entrance way shredding out the riff from 'Cowboys from Hell'! Gorilla Monsoon accompanied by Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan stand in the announcer's booth off from the entrance, dressed to kill in a suits you would save for your own funeral.

Hello fans and welcome to XWF wrestling! This is Doctor Louis D'Ville's.... Shove it!! Where the Sun Don't Shine! I am Gorilla Monsoon and with me, once again, is the one and only.... Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan!

Who's idea was it to wear this suits, Monsoon? I'm sweating to death down here!

I know we've just started here, but will you stop?

[Image: hqdefault.jpg]




Uh, oh. Here he comes!

The demons and ghouls in the crowd go wild as the music of Doctor Louis D'Ville begins to echo throughout the coliseum! A spotlight shines near the very top where a large throne made of skulls and souls erects out of the structure and extends high above!

Of course HE would get the best seat in the house!

A lightning bolt crashes down onto the seat of the throne and Doc appears sitting comfortably on the throne as the smoke clears. Grinning ear to ear, he stands up as his music slowly fades out. Without a microphone, he speaks and his voice bellows and echoes loudly throughout the coliseum.

Hello, my friends!

Big pop from the audience!

This hometown crowd really excited to see the doctor tonight!

Beside Monsoon, Bobby Heenan has his microphone tucked under his arm so he can applaud with both of his hands to the good doctor.

Really?

Bobby nearly drops the mic as he pulls it out.

What?

I would just like to say, I have been EXTREMELY excited for this event. I have looked forward to hosting another Shove It since last year when we awarded the winner with the XWF Xtreme Championship!

This year, however, we currently have a very strong reigning Xtreme Champion... In fact, Mister Engineer has recently accomplished all of the necessary trials to be given a 24/7 briefcase!

So, unfortunately, while I did promise a VERY precious prize at the end of my most glorious rumble, it will probably not stack up to something like the Xtreme Championship.

With the mystery of what the good ol' doctor could provide for a prize at hand, I DO appreciate those willing to step within my own domain to take a crack at chance and put their bodies.... Their minds... And their very souls on the line to compete tonight! So...

Without any further delay....



Let's get it on!

Doc takes a seat and sits back as the demons and ghouls cheer and chant "XWF! XWF!"

And may the best man win!!

There you have it folks! The doctor has spoken!

Start your engines baby! The race is about to start!


]]>
The line begins to swerve back and forth.... Steering left then right... Left then right.... Until the screeching of brakes can be heard followed by the smashing and crashing sound of metal....

We now feel tired. Our eyes heavy. Our scene grows darker....

And darker...

And darker.........




[Image: BvMQO7A.jpg?4]





[Image: xzhpMgb.gif]


With a flash of light and a wave of heat our scene opens back up to an open coliseum with demons and ghouls all screaming and shouting in hellish harmony! Standing and surrounded by the lake of fire is the ring where the 2nd Annual Shove It: Where the Sun Don't Shine will be taking place! The stage, ramp, and ring all being bombed with hellfire and brimstone as Dimebag Darrell stands in the entrance way shredding out the riff from 'Cowboys from Hell'! Gorilla Monsoon accompanied by Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan stand in the announcer's booth off from the entrance, dressed to kill in a suits you would save for your own funeral.

Hello fans and welcome to XWF wrestling! This is Doctor Louis D'Ville's.... Shove it!! Where the Sun Don't Shine! I am Gorilla Monsoon and with me, once again, is the one and only.... Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan!

Who's idea was it to wear this suits, Monsoon? I'm sweating to death down here!

I know we've just started here, but will you stop?

[Image: hqdefault.jpg]




Uh, oh. Here he comes!

The demons and ghouls in the crowd go wild as the music of Doctor Louis D'Ville begins to echo throughout the coliseum! A spotlight shines near the very top where a large throne made of skulls and souls erects out of the structure and extends high above!

Of course HE would get the best seat in the house!

A lightning bolt crashes down onto the seat of the throne and Doc appears sitting comfortably on the throne as the smoke clears. Grinning ear to ear, he stands up as his music slowly fades out. Without a microphone, he speaks and his voice bellows and echoes loudly throughout the coliseum.

Hello, my friends!

Big pop from the audience!

This hometown crowd really excited to see the doctor tonight!

Beside Monsoon, Bobby Heenan has his microphone tucked under his arm so he can applaud with both of his hands to the good doctor.

Really?

Bobby nearly drops the mic as he pulls it out.

What?

I would just like to say, I have been EXTREMELY excited for this event. I have looked forward to hosting another Shove It since last year when we awarded the winner with the XWF Xtreme Championship!

This year, however, we currently have a very strong reigning Xtreme Champion... In fact, Mister Engineer has recently accomplished all of the necessary trials to be given a 24/7 briefcase!

So, unfortunately, while I did promise a VERY precious prize at the end of my most glorious rumble, it will probably not stack up to something like the Xtreme Championship.

With the mystery of what the good ol' doctor could provide for a prize at hand, I DO appreciate those willing to step within my own domain to take a crack at chance and put their bodies.... Their minds... And their very souls on the line to compete tonight! So...

Without any further delay....



Let's get it on!

Doc takes a seat and sits back as the demons and ghouls cheer and chant "XWF! XWF!"

And may the best man win!!

There you have it folks! The doctor has spoken!

Start your engines baby! The race is about to start!


]]> <![CDATA[Poonjabi Galore Shove-It]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=29424 Mon, 25 Sep 2017 06:27:05 -0700 Mr. Oz]]> https://xwf1999.com/showthread.php?tid=29424

photo bff0a57a-55a1-4077-abc3-7fe00b6829bc_zpslijxh2ba.jpg

The Poonjabi Prison Shove-It will be hosted within the Allstate Arena in Chicago, IL

Regular Old Punjabi Prison

Mezian

- vs -

Paul Catchal

The only normal Punjabi Prison, to show what Vince MeekMahan's company has been doing with the Punjabi Prison, and what I will be trying to EVOLVE!



Four Corners of DELETION! Punjabi Prison

Marlow Raxis

- vs -

LiddleJ

The object of this, is to hit the four corners before you escape, even if your opponent has left the inner cage and is in the second, you must still hit all four corners of the ring BEFORE attempting escape.



TLC Punjabi Prison

The Big Kahuna

- vs -

Jean Baptiste Le'Croix

Tables, ladders and chairs inside and outside of the first cell. There will be a roof over the inside cage, to prevent escape via ladder from the first cell.



The Straps of Sanity Punjabi Prison

Jenny Myst

- vs -

BasIc biTch doCtor josHua reno

Both will be bound in a straitjacket as well as a strap connected to them. The doors of the inner cage will have blades on the bottom of them, specifically meant to cut the strap. Once in the outer ring, you must get out of the jacket and then climb out to win.



NYC Street Fight Punjabi Prison

Tala Sugay

- vs -

Jack Cain

Weapons that could be found on any New York street, will be inside the Punjabi Prison, from shards of glass to parts of cars, all for them to duke it out! Follows normal Punjabi Prison rules by whomever leaves and touches ground first, is declared the winner.



First Blood Punjabi Prison

The Engineer

- vs -

Chasm

The object of this match, is to bloody the opponent then escape the Prison. If the opponent is not bleeding before you leave, but you are, you still will not win and once they leave, they(the unscathed) will be declared the winner, and not yourself.



Punjabi Prison On A Monster Truck Match

Robbie Bourbon

- vs -

Jim Caedus

From Bourbon's own description: "The first man to escape the prison, slide down the pole, get in their monster truck, and then drove across the checkered line wins."

It will be the ONLY Punjabi Prison that will happen OUTSIDE




The lights go out, and in the middle of the ring, a spotlight falls down upon the sea of darkness inside the arena and Broken Oswald Autem Sephtis is bathed in the light as the crowd begins to chant 'DELETE!' and fireworks begins to blast off and hanging high above him, is the Punjabi Prison that will be used for many of the matches for this evening.

He holds in his hand a microphone with one hand much like Damien Sandow would, holding it in that stereotypical high society way as if holding a wine glass. The other hand, however, followed with the chants as he swiped his arm horizontally and chanted with them 'DELETE!'

After a few seconds, he brought his hands up trying to signal that he would like the crowd to settle, and most do, and the chants slowly became quieter.

"Ex Dubbayew Eff..."

The fans would ring out as he speaks out loudly

"I knew you'd come!!!"

The crowd begins to chant 'DELETE!' once again

"Yyeeeessss..."

He grinned wide and moved his hands from up high with his arms going down slowly, trying to motion them to quiet down once more.

"Tonight, we are going to be giving unto you at least ONE AMAZING match! It is between of the two most grand wrestlers within the Xtreme Wrestling Federation! Those two men are none other than Robbie Bourbon and Jim Caedus!"

The crowd cheers and sections of the crowd going into alternate chants one half chanting 'ROB-BIE BOUR-BON!!!' and the other half 'JIM CAE-DUS!!!' as he lets the chants go for a couple minutes before they soon tuckered themselves out from chanting so loudly.

"I know, I know. It is going to be one hell of a main event! As many of you know, however, there have been some... lackluster performances for the show. Quite a few have decided that they wanted this show to be a failure! If that is the case, then I will have to make these matches more interesting! Mmmyesss...

So, tonight! Tonight, denizens of Chicago and those who have flown to see my Shove-It! We will be seeing the DEBUT of none other than my daughter! FUZEN AUTEM SEPHTIS! She will be joining Brother Mezian and Brother Catchal! And that starts RIGHT NOW!"


Oz: "Hailing from Cincinnatti, Ohio, standing at 6'3 and 230 pounds: MEEEEZIAAAANNN!"

Dim Blue light with smoke and flashes that go with the music as Mezian walks down to the ring, looking at Oswald before moving to one corner to wait for Catchal


Oz: "And one of his opponents, hailing from Misery Bay, Michigan, standing at 5'10 and weighing 217 pounds, PAAAAUUUUL CAAAATCHAAAAL!"

Ain't No Sunshine starts to play over the arena loudspeakers. A man makes his way onto the stage wearing a black hoodie and his wrestling gear. Avoiding eye contact with any of the fans, he starts the slow walk to the ring. He pauses halfway down the ramp, and looks up. Head shaking, he looks back down to the ground and finishes the walk. He slowly rolls into the ring, takes off his hoodie, slowly leans back and just waits for the prison to lower.


Oz: "And their final opponent, making her debut, my beautiful daughter, FUZEN AUTEM SEPHTIS!"

Fuzen is accompanied by Alysia, wearing a long black gown, with Fuzen wearing a 'fearsome' attire of the luchadora, and for a mask, she wanted a cat faced mask, so she got it. Her outfit being a dark purple and silver, and as well as the mask, which had whiskers and small tufts of fur around the cheeks and brows.

After Fuzen is helped into the ring by her father, the cage began to descend around them and a ref slides into the outer prison, so that he can open and close the doors of the inner prison.

Oz looks at the two men, as they eyed his daughter, as if they were going to gang up on her. So, he did what any father would do and as the prison was upon the ground and the bell is rung, he went straight after both men! He speared Mezian first, then Paul would catch a spear as well! Damn near breaking them in half!

"Sweetie, are you ready!?"

Fuzen nodded before she ran towards GT, who picked her up and then he helped her fall down at an adequate velocity upon Mezian first, so as to hurt him, but only feel a bit of an ache in the upper body from 'slamming' on top of a grown man's chest. Oswald would do this to Paul as well, before he looked at the ref, who opened the a cage door, and he helped Fuzen exit the inner prison.

He looked to Paul first before picking him up before performing The Cries of the Obsolete! Performing the Shiranui on the much shorter man. He then stood up after, moving to Mezian and picking him up before tossing him into the ropes, and using the momentum and his own strength to pop the man high up into the air, before performing The DELETION! and performing the spike/vertical suplex DDT hybrid and moving to exit the same door as his daughter, who waited for him off to the side.

Soon the door is closed, and Oswald places Fuzen upon his shoulders and begins to climb the cage as the two men are on the ground inside the ring. A leg sweeping over the top and then he begins to descend the outer prison, and once low enough, Fuzen climbs the last couple bars of the prison and touches down, and the bell is rang as a microphone is brought to Oswald and he speaks out into the mic

Oz: "Your winner of her debut match, Princess Ktar, also known as Fuzen Autem Sephtis!"

The Sephtis family raises Fuzen's arms as the prison is hoisted back up so that the ring can be messed with, to make the Four Corners match.


The Sephtis family stood backstage, with Fuzen upon his shoulders

"Daddy, did I do good?"

He nodded

"Yes, my sweet! You did a most MARVELOUS job! I think you'll have a career in the business in the future!"

He picked her up and placed her upon the ground

"I'm going to get her something to drink. Hope the rest of the night goes well for you, Ozzy."


She kissed him softly before leaving his side with Fuzen to get her some water or juice, depending on what she felt like as Oswald walked back onto rampway, with the four posts outfitted with electronics so that when a turnbuckle is slapped, a light will come on above that post as he grabs a mic from a tech and he begins to speak as he walked

"This match is going to be changed as well. A third entrant will be involved, because these two have decided to be a let down to the Ex Dubbayew Eff community. So I've asked for a dear friend of mine to come and face these two, even though he has had 0 training in the matter. First, let's introduce his opponents, shall we?"


Oz: "Hailing from Chicago, Illinois like myself, standing at 6'4 and weighing 235 pounds, MARLOW RAXIS!"

Slowly the lights begin to fad, concluding into a total absence of light. The X-tron flickers once, then twice, and finally explodes into array of color, followed by scenes of ritualistic magick, Necromancy. All throughout the X-tron, grisly scenes of corpses harboring peeled skin and creepy crawlers dance across the exposed rotting flesh, some limbs detaching themselves from shambling bodies. The music begins...

The arena becomes engulfed in black smoke, with black mist dispersing from above showering the gathered crowd as a creepy green light brightens the arena. Emerging from the entrance, four goth girls dressed in long black Victorian era dresses and brandishing white masks walk toward the ring, dropping thorn infused black roses in their wake. A moment later Marlow Raxis, "The Witch of the Black Mists", appears, sighing deeply then drops the tip of his walking cane; moving toward the ring himself. With every step he takes, wisps of black smoke flow like tendrils behind him, transforming into black mists cascading upon the ramp; watering the black roses.

He slips under the ropes, standing upright as the girls remove his entrance attire, just as the arena begins to adjust back to it's normal situation.


Oz: "And one of his opponents, hailing from Newcastle, England, standing at 6'1 and weighing 186 pounds, LIDDLEJ!"

Energetic. LiddleJ comes running to the top of the stage with California love blasting over the speakers. Trying to get the fans going to the entrance of his self to the fans. He dressed in his black wrestling boots and short skin tight MMA type shorts on with a LiddleJ hoody and makes his way to the ring and either stares down opponent on his way to ring or if first in to the ring and short run and slide up the bottom rope with some casual warm up exercises getting ready for his opponent to enter the stage.



Oz: "And their surprise opponent and making HIS debut, unfortunately, he'd like to be called 'The King of Swole Style', standing at six feet even, ZEKE the FREAK!"

Zeke wore his normal work-out attire, a black tank-top and shorts as he walked down the ramp, jumping to the side of the ring before climbing through the ropes. Oswald climbing out of the ring and moving to the announcer's table, which had been empty for the moment.

Oz: "Sorry folks at home. It has been a mostly one man show tonight, and I will try to provide some good commentary for the matches coming up."

The ref comes back to his position as the prison encloses. Once the prison was on the ground, the time keeper rang the bell and the match started.

Oz: "And the match is underway, folks!"

Zeke immediately bull rushes them, performing a double lariat to take them out. Followed by scoop slams to them both.

Oz: "Looks like he's going to beat these men up, show a message most like!"

Instead of doing that, Zeke calls for the ref to open a door, and promptly does so. Zeke picks both men up and then forces them to headbutt each other and then flings them into the steel bamboo enclosed bars, causing them to fall to the ground before tapping all four corners then slipping through the door, and beginning to climb the outer prison.

Oz: "He's going for the early win, folks! Let's see if Liddlej or Marlow can get up and prevent this from happening."

And they don't, as Zeke climbs the bars and then over the top, and climbs down half way before dropping to the ground. Oswald pulls the headset off and takes the mic by him.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, King of Swole Style, ZEKE the FREAK!"


Oswald pulls the headset before speaking, "Hailing from Montreal, Canada, standing at 7'2 and weighing 345 pounds, Jean Baptiste Le'Croix!"

Le'Croix walked down to the ring, and began littering the ring with chairs, tables and a large ladder, that would barely fit before getting into the ring and waiting for his opponent.



Oz: "And his opponent, hailing from Monterey, California, standing at 6'2 and weighing 175 pounds, THE BIG KAHUUUUUNAAAAAA!!!"

The Big Kahuna walks out and runs down to the ring, sliding in to enter the ring.

The ref is at his position as the prison sections come down around the three. The timekeeper rings the bell and immediately TBK grabs a chair and begins to smack Le'Croix in the head, and when he turns, TBK begins to wail on his back with chair shot after chair shot until the bigger man is down on his knees. Once there, TBK guides Le'Croix pushes the chair between the ropes, put sideways vertically, then once Le'Croix is pressed against the chair, he runs across the ring, bounces off the opposite turnbuckle, only to rush fast and leave his feet, dropkicking Le'Croix with such velocity that not only is the big man's face bleeding, but his eyes are completely shut from the hit, and the back of the giant's head is busted wide open.

Oz: "That is sure to have killed the Giant, mighty Jack! You should be exiting the beanstalk that is the Punjabi Prison!"

However, TBK has decided to hurt Le'Croix some more, by pulling the big man the corner, and dragging him onto a ladder, before climbing the top rope, grabbing the bent ladder between the ropes, and with the amount space now that there is a ceiling to the inner prison, performs a leg drop, with the chair underneath his leg, smacking straight into into Le'Croix's already battered head, causing more blood to spill from him, and causing a broken nose to the giant in the process.

Oz: "That was absolutely WONDERFUL! The match is to be yours, my friend!"

TBK calls for the ref to open a door, and when done, he slides through it, climbing it, and the swinging over and descending until his feet touch the ground, with the bell ringing as Oswald pulls the headset off his head and takes up the mic

"Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, THE BIIIIG KAAAAAAHUUUUUUNAAAAA!!!"

The prison is risen and medics tend to the giant, to patch him up, look him over, to make sure he hasn't been killed on accident as Oswald looks to the cameras and puts on the headset before sitting back down.

"I will report on the condition of the man known as Jean Baptiste Le'Croix as time progresses. For now, we must continue, my dear viewers, we must go on with the show!"


Oz: "Hailing from San Francisco, California, Joshua REEEEEEEENOOOOO!"

He walk down to the ring sulking like a little girl.



Oz: "And his opponent, hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada, standing at five feet even, and weighing a petite 100 pounds, JEEEEEENNNYYYYYY MYYYYYYSSSST!"

Enters the arena when the Drums hit for the first time in her entrance music, Around the 20 second mark. She is usually taunting the fans or pretending to give high fives and the pulling away at the last moment with a sarcastic smirk and an eye roll. When she gets to the ring:

[Image: RUlZaSV.gif]


Reno and Jenny stand across from each other. He says something sly. The ref points at each straight jacket in the corner. She grins at hers, he stares straight ahead with a goofy look.

The bell rings and she charges him immediately. He tries to side step but she catches with him an elbow and backs him into the corner. A series of punches and chops on him in the corner, and she then drives a shoulder into his midsection repeatedly. Hip tossing him out of the corner she bounces off the ropes and knees him in the back of the head.

Jenny is looking to make light work of Reno as she goes to grab a straight jacket. She has a wicked grin on her pretty face. She grabs it, and pulls it down from the corner. The ref is trying to get her to put it on, as is part of the match. They both need to be in one, and the first to escape wins. She takes the heavy white jacket and gets behind Reno, wrapping it around his neck. Putting a knee into his back, Jenny pulls back as hard as her little 5 foot body will allow her to. Reno eventually passes out. She grins again, beginning to put the straight jacket on him.

She is having some trouble with the sleeves when he comes to, and punches her in the face, stumbling her back. He is slow to get to his feet. She kicks back, putting him on his back. A leg drop from Jenny and finally the ref gets involved.

The jacket has the strap connected to one arm, to the arm of the other, having been embedded into the jacket itself. The ref helps Reno get his jacket on, and once it's on tight and snug for both of them, Jenny makes use of her entire body to shoulder charge Reno down to the ground, and he struggles to get up only for her to bounce off the ropes and perform a shining wizard, knocking him out cold! She asks the outside ref to open a door, and so she drags Reno's body as she makes her escape, and once out of the inner prison, the door slams down and cuts the strap. She begins the long process of sliding her stronger arm up the sleeve of the other arm, and begins to maneuver her head and arm until the jacket can finally have both arms able to be straightened forward. She bites the buckle and pulls on it to make the buckle strap loose enough to come undone. Now with still covered arms, but free to move completely, she moved her hands to the buckles on the back of her straitjacket and undoes them before sliding the jacket up and over like a t-shirt before running to climb the cage as Reno slowly comes to. She brings one leg up and over, then swings the other after, descending down until she touches the floor.

Oz: "Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, JENNYYYYYY MYYYYYYYSSST!"




Oz: "First up, hailing from Queens, New York, standing at 6'10 and weighing 328 pounds, JACK CAAAAAAAIIIIIN!"

Cain makes his way to the ring, where it's littered with different objects one might find from a NYC city street.



Oz: "And his opponent, hailing from Brooklyn, New York, standing at 5'3 and weighing 124 pounds, TALAAAAA SUGAAAAAAYYYYYY!"


Jack Cain and Tala face off with each other in the Punjabi Prison. Cain picks up a chain and runs at Tala! He swings the chain at Tala, who ducks! Cain with another swipe that Tala ducks! Cain drops the chain and just grabs Tala, who is well below half his size! He scoops her up into a bearhug! Jack Cain is squeezing the life out of Tala Sugay! Tala presses off of Cain's face, and opens her mouth wide! Tala bites Cain on the nose! Tala bites Cain's nose clean off! Cain releases Tala and grabs his face, blood gushing from it! Tala scoops up the chain, kicks him in his balls, forcing him to fall to the ground, then wraps the chain around Cain's neck, and begins to choke him out! He's frantic and tries to stop Tala, but she places her entire body onto his back, forcing him to fall face first until finally he falls unconscious. With her opponent down, Tala calls for the ref, who then opens the door for her. She slides out of the inner prison, then scales the outer prison, swinging her leg up and over then descends downwards to the ground for the win as the timekeeper rings the bell!

Oz: "Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, TALA SUGAAAAAAAYYYYY!"

As Tala begins to leave, the X-tron shows that the cage and the monster trucks are almost done being set up for the main event.


Oz: "First up, hailing from Ottawa, Canada, standing at 5'11 and weighing 225 pounds, CHAAAAAAASSSSSM!"

Made Of Scars starts playing on the pa system as smoke fills the entrance way. Chasm walks out and looks around the area. He smiles and starts to walk down to the ring ignoring the fans who are mixed between boos and cheers . He slides under the bottom rope and quickly gets to his feet. Chasm starts to stretch as he waits for his opponent to make their way to the ring.


Oz: "And his opponent, he is the current Champion of X-Treme, standing at 5'10 and weighing 204 pounds, THE ENGINEEEEEEEER!"

On the main screen is a grainy image of an old television test screen. After the initial dialogue the sound slips into “Insect” by Die Warzau. As the offbeat tune picks up, the test screen fades and is instead replaced with a series of Rorschach ink blots. Each panel of ink blots at first looks innocuous, but soon slithers into the shadowy outlines of terrible scenes: a knife going through a head, a body with entrails spilling out before it, a bisected human torso, a figure whose face appears to be slipping off. Interspersed with the morphing inkblot tests are other images of rats flitting about in sewers and pictures of pleasant “whitebread” 1950’s families whose members have no faces. The white lights are now accompanied by small red lights panning all over the arena that look like droplets of blood in contrasts with the white lights.

The Engineer steps to the top of the ramp, and he takes in the crowd, the ring, everything. Slowly an unsettling smile bisects his face, and some black tar like liquid will spill from his mouth. He'll run his sleeve over it before stalking to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. He then picks himself up in a neutral corner, remaining there with a dead eyed stare until the match begins.

The ref moves into position as the prison is lowered to the ground. Once down, the timekeeper rings the bell and the match is underway! Engy immediately goes on the offensive and begins to landing fist after fist upon Chasm, before tossing him head first into the inner prison's then he begins to slam his skull into the bars repeatedly! Chasm is released and falls onto his back, as Engy goes over to a turnbuckle and undoes the padding there, exposing the steel ring there! Engy picks Chasm up and then begins to slam his head into the steel many times, causing the man to bleed profusely! Engy still hasn't let up, however, and forcing Chasm to run around as he tosses Chasm into each wall of the inner prison, bloodying the bamboo! He calls for the ref to open the door, who obliges, as Engy slides out, climbs the outer prison, climbs over, then descends down to the ground, where the timekeeper rings the bell.


The match is over, the Engineer is outside the prison now, having been able to escape. Chasm is still inside, groggy and disoriented. The Engineer, with a leer looks back inside the prison. Abruptly, he leaps back inside and takes hold of Chasm, dragging him out of the prison and to the outside. Chasm, blood running freely, shoves Engy away, and Engy responds by punching him brutally in the face, staggering him. The Engineer grabs hold of the protective mat surrounding the ring and tears it up, revealing bare cement below.

You wanted this! You wanted this!

The Engineer advances on Chasm and kicks him in the stomach, doubling him over, before grabbing him about the waist, dead lifting him up and drilling him skull first into the cement with the Delirium Tremens! The ringside crowds "ooohs" sympathetically, but the XTreme champion isn't done! He refuses to break his hold on Chasm, lifting him up again and drilling him into the unforgiving floor a second time!

The Engineer picks Chasm up and drops him again with the Delirium Tremens! Chasm is nothing but dead weight now, completely unconscious! Engy, with a sadistc grin, reclasps his hands around Chasm, gearing up to to it again!

Finally Oswald Autem Sephtis appears, mic in hand!

Oz: "Brother Engy! Brother Engy! You must stop this! You have proven yourself the better man by surviving my Punjabi Prison, this is not needed!"

The Engineer laughs mirthlessly. He picks Chasm up and drops him again!

Oz: "Security!"

Security comes swarming out of the back and towards The Engineer and Chasm! Three of them are able to grab hold of the Engineer! He lashes out at them, punching and kicking like a rabid animal! Finally, it takes at least 8 men to pull him away from Chasm, allowing medical personnel to bring out a gurney and begin affixing Chasm to it. The Engineer laughs at he's pulled to the back. Oswald walks up to check on Chasm's condition.



Oz: "The following match is a Punjabi Prison Monster Truck Jamboree match!. Introducing first and making his way to the ring from Naples Island, Long Beach, CA... JIM CAEDUS!!!"

The now familiar opening notes to "Ready Steady Go" by Paul Oakenfold begin to blast from the PA moments before the ring announcer plugs. The fans erupt. As the spiel is unloaded the lights cut, plunging the arena in darkness before silver strobes begin to flash and silver spotlights begin to continuously wave from along the length of the entrance walkway to the crowd and back.

Obviously practiced and well-timed, the moment the announcer finishes, "ready, steady, g-g-go!" is let fly by the song's vocalist and silver pyro erupts from the egress. Before the cloud of smoke dissipates, the former XWF Universal Champion Jim Caedus, sadly sans strap, steps out as the house lights come up.

His hair hangs freely, emotion absent in his eyes. He glances around at the majority population of fans who now know exactly who he is. The small pockets of his smarks seem less enthused to be a part of the crowd but remain cheering nonetheless.

As the music continues he turns his attention to the ring and it's inhabitant(s) then starts an unconcerned slow walk, carefully gathering his long blonde hair into a secured samurai-style bun along the way. At ringside he removes his Dickies jacket, folds it carefully beside his corner's steps then ascends to the apron, stepping through the ropes and into battle after nearly 2 minutes have elapsed..



Oz: "And his opponent, from Washington DC, ROBBIE BOURBON!"

A series of fireworks fire off on the stage as Robbie's music starts to play throughout the arena. Across the X-Tron, we see the exact same thing as what is traditionally used as Robbie Bourbon's banner on the XWF website as Robbie steps out. He raises his arms to 45 degree angles while the X-Tron shows clips of Robbie standing on top of the Elimination Chamber followed by the massive dive through the top onto Trax, Robbie forcing Vinnie Lane to sign his contract mid-match, Robbie Bourbon scoring a pinfall against Chris Chaos, and Robbie delivering the final blow to Barney Green's career by way of Robbiebomb onto the hood of the car. Robbie starts to calmly walk down to the ring, taking his time to get there. He climbs the ring steps, stands on the apron, and turns his back to the ring, and raises his arms at 45 degree angles while jawing to the crowd, which is singing along to Nobody Speak. Robbie then enters the ring and points at the referee, jawing at him. He then spins, hops on the second turnbuckle, and raises his arms at 45 degree angles again.

DING DING DING

The two circle around feeling each other out and then meet in the middle for a lock-up. Bourbon uses his size and strength to push Caedus into the corner. He lets go of the lock-up and backs away slowly...

Suddenly, Robbie comes running with a clothesline, but Caedus slips out of the way, and Robbie catches himself in the corner. Robbie turns around and is met by a closeline from Caedus. Robbie just smiles as Caedus backs away realizing that he didn’t do much damage.

Robbie walks out of the corner and circles the ring. Caeuds is on guard. Robbie and Caedus lock up. Caedus manages to slip behind Robbie and stomps on the back of his knee, bringing him down on one knee. Caedus then hits a flip over neckbreaker!

Caeus moving quickly, hops to his feet and hits a jumping elbow to the back of Robbies neck.

Caedus pulls Robbie to his feet and whips him towards the ropes, but Robbie reverses it and sends Caedus instead. Caedus rebounds into a shoulder tackle from Robbie, but Caedus leaps over Robbie and hits the ropes again, this time rebounding into a dropkick that sends Robbie stumbling backwards. Caedus hops up and rushes Robbie, but Robbie recovers in time, and grabs Caedus, lifts him high above his head, and slams him down with an earth shattering powerbomb!.

It's time for a little showboating as Robbie does a little strut around the ring as the crowd starts to boo.

Robbie grabs Caedus by the hair and pulls him up to his feet. Caedus breaks Robbies grip and fires off a big right to the side of Robbies head. Robbie is stunned for just a second, but then looks pissed. Before Robbie can act, Caedus fires off another big right to the same reaction, followed by a third, but Robbie interrupts the third shot by shoving Caedus with such force that he flies back first into the first Punjabi cage! Robbie stalks his prey on the outside. He grabs Jim by the hair, but before he can pull Jim to his feet, Jim hits a massive low blow that brings tears to the eyes of Robbie Bourbon.

Caedus slings Robbie into the cage and unloads a flurry of wild lefts and rights. With each hit Robbie slides further and further down the cage until he is firmly planted on his ass. Caedus takes a few steps back and rushes in with a big knee to the face!

Robbie’s eyes roll into the back of his head as he slowly slumps over. Caedus takes the opportunity to begin climbing over the first cage. Caedus makes it up and over the first cage before Robbie’s begins to show signs of life. Caedus doesn’t waste any time climbing up the second cage. Robbie gets to his feet and see’s that Caedus is almost over the second cage, but Robbie hasn’t even made it past the first. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and Robbie knows this. Robbie takes a few steps back preparing for what he needs to do. Caedus hops over the final cage, and now there is nothing stopping him from going after his Monster truck and winning this match.

Except for Robbie Bourbon who just smashed through both cages like the Kool-Aid man on steroids.

OH YEAH!

OH FUCK!

Jim had better run, and that’s exactly what he does! Jim dashes off for his monster truck. Robbie Bourbon makes a mad dash for his as well. Jim climbs in and starts the engine, but the truck won’t start. It seems that somebody may have sabotaged the engine. Jim hops out of the truck and takes a look under the hood. Seems one of the battery terminals was disconnected. Jim gets the terminal on well enough that the truck should start. He closes the hood and rushes back to the cab, but this delay has allowed the much slower Robbie Bourbon to catch up. Robbie and Jim climb into their trucks and start their engines.

However it's Jim's truck that starts first, and Robbie's truck starts a second too late as Jim is crossing the finish line as Bourbon makes it to Jim's back tires!

Oz: "And your winner, JIIIIIIIIIIM CAAAAAAAEEEEEEEDUUUUUUUSSSSS!!!"

Oswald puts the headset on for the first time in a long while, and speaks to everyone watching at home.

"To everyone in the world watching at home, I am sorry I was a poor commentator, however, these people tonight, worked and I feel like their actions needed not my commentary. So from everyone tonight, have a good night, and be well and may the Seven Deities watch over you all!"





Thank you to the following:

Chris Chaos
Robbie Bourbon
Michael Graves
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photo bff0a57a-55a1-4077-abc3-7fe00b6829bc_zpslijxh2ba.jpg

The Poonjabi Prison Shove-It will be hosted within the Allstate Arena in Chicago, IL

Regular Old Punjabi Prison

Mezian

- vs -

Paul Catchal

The only normal Punjabi Prison, to show what Vince MeekMahan's company has been doing with the Punjabi Prison, and what I will be trying to EVOLVE!



Four Corners of DELETION! Punjabi Prison

Marlow Raxis

- vs -

LiddleJ

The object of this, is to hit the four corners before you escape, even if your opponent has left the inner cage and is in the second, you must still hit all four corners of the ring BEFORE attempting escape.



TLC Punjabi Prison

The Big Kahuna

- vs -

Jean Baptiste Le'Croix

Tables, ladders and chairs inside and outside of the first cell. There will be a roof over the inside cage, to prevent escape via ladder from the first cell.



The Straps of Sanity Punjabi Prison

Jenny Myst

- vs -

BasIc biTch doCtor josHua reno

Both will be bound in a straitjacket as well as a strap connected to them. The doors of the inner cage will have blades on the bottom of them, specifically meant to cut the strap. Once in the outer ring, you must get out of the jacket and then climb out to win.



NYC Street Fight Punjabi Prison

Tala Sugay

- vs -

Jack Cain

Weapons that could be found on any New York street, will be inside the Punjabi Prison, from shards of glass to parts of cars, all for them to duke it out! Follows normal Punjabi Prison rules by whomever leaves and touches ground first, is declared the winner.



First Blood Punjabi Prison

The Engineer

- vs -

Chasm

The object of this match, is to bloody the opponent then escape the Prison. If the opponent is not bleeding before you leave, but you are, you still will not win and once they leave, they(the unscathed) will be declared the winner, and not yourself.



Punjabi Prison On A Monster Truck Match

Robbie Bourbon

- vs -

Jim Caedus

From Bourbon's own description: "The first man to escape the prison, slide down the pole, get in their monster truck, and then drove across the checkered line wins."

It will be the ONLY Punjabi Prison that will happen OUTSIDE




The lights go out, and in the middle of the ring, a spotlight falls down upon the sea of darkness inside the arena and Broken Oswald Autem Sephtis is bathed in the light as the crowd begins to chant 'DELETE!' and fireworks begins to blast off and hanging high above him, is the Punjabi Prison that will be used for many of the matches for this evening.

He holds in his hand a microphone with one hand much like Damien Sandow would, holding it in that stereotypical high society way as if holding a wine glass. The other hand, however, followed with the chants as he swiped his arm horizontally and chanted with them 'DELETE!'

After a few seconds, he brought his hands up trying to signal that he would like the crowd to settle, and most do, and the chants slowly became quieter.

"Ex Dubbayew Eff..."

The fans would ring out as he speaks out loudly

"I knew you'd come!!!"

The crowd begins to chant 'DELETE!' once again

"Yyeeeessss..."

He grinned wide and moved his hands from up high with his arms going down slowly, trying to motion them to quiet down once more.

"Tonight, we are going to be giving unto you at least ONE AMAZING match! It is between of the two most grand wrestlers within the Xtreme Wrestling Federation! Those two men are none other than Robbie Bourbon and Jim Caedus!"

The crowd cheers and sections of the crowd going into alternate chants one half chanting 'ROB-BIE BOUR-BON!!!' and the other half 'JIM CAE-DUS!!!' as he lets the chants go for a couple minutes before they soon tuckered themselves out from chanting so loudly.

"I know, I know. It is going to be one hell of a main event! As many of you know, however, there have been some... lackluster performances for the show. Quite a few have decided that they wanted this show to be a failure! If that is the case, then I will have to make these matches more interesting! Mmmyesss...

So, tonight! Tonight, denizens of Chicago and those who have flown to see my Shove-It! We will be seeing the DEBUT of none other than my daughter! FUZEN AUTEM SEPHTIS! She will be joining Brother Mezian and Brother Catchal! And that starts RIGHT NOW!"


Oz: "Hailing from Cincinnatti, Ohio, standing at 6'3 and 230 pounds: MEEEEZIAAAANNN!"

Dim Blue light with smoke and flashes that go with the music as Mezian walks down to the ring, looking at Oswald before moving to one corner to wait for Catchal


Oz: "And one of his opponents, hailing from Misery Bay, Michigan, standing at 5'10 and weighing 217 pounds, PAAAAUUUUL CAAAATCHAAAAL!"

Ain't No Sunshine starts to play over the arena loudspeakers. A man makes his way onto the stage wearing a black hoodie and his wrestling gear. Avoiding eye contact with any of the fans, he starts the slow walk to the ring. He pauses halfway down the ramp, and looks up. Head shaking, he looks back down to the ground and finishes the walk. He slowly rolls into the ring, takes off his hoodie, slowly leans back and just waits for the prison to lower.


Oz: "And their final opponent, making her debut, my beautiful daughter, FUZEN AUTEM SEPHTIS!"

Fuzen is accompanied by Alysia, wearing a long black gown, with Fuzen wearing a 'fearsome' attire of the luchadora, and for a mask, she wanted a cat faced mask, so she got it. Her outfit being a dark purple and silver, and as well as the mask, which had whiskers and small tufts of fur around the cheeks and brows.

After Fuzen is helped into the ring by her father, the cage began to descend around them and a ref slides into the outer prison, so that he can open and close the doors of the inner prison.

Oz looks at the two men, as they eyed his daughter, as if they were going to gang up on her. So, he did what any father would do and as the prison was upon the ground and the bell is rung, he went straight after both men! He speared Mezian first, then Paul would catch a spear as well! Damn near breaking them in half!

"Sweetie, are you ready!?"

Fuzen nodded before she ran towards GT, who picked her up and then he helped her fall down at an adequate velocity upon Mezian first, so as to hurt him, but only feel a bit of an ache in the upper body from 'slamming' on top of a grown man's chest. Oswald would do this to Paul as well, before he looked at the ref, who opened the a cage door, and he helped Fuzen exit the inner prison.

He looked to Paul first before picking him up before performing The Cries of the Obsolete! Performing the Shiranui on the much shorter man. He then stood up after, moving to Mezian and picking him up before tossing him into the ropes, and using the momentum and his own strength to pop the man high up into the air, before performing The DELETION! and performing the spike/vertical suplex DDT hybrid and moving to exit the same door as his daughter, who waited for him off to the side.

Soon the door is closed, and Oswald places Fuzen upon his shoulders and begins to climb the cage as the two men are on the ground inside the ring. A leg sweeping over the top and then he begins to descend the outer prison, and once low enough, Fuzen climbs the last couple bars of the prison and touches down, and the bell is rang as a microphone is brought to Oswald and he speaks out into the mic

Oz: "Your winner of her debut match, Princess Ktar, also known as Fuzen Autem Sephtis!"

The Sephtis family raises Fuzen's arms as the prison is hoisted back up so that the ring can be messed with, to make the Four Corners match.


The Sephtis family stood backstage, with Fuzen upon his shoulders

"Daddy, did I do good?"

He nodded

"Yes, my sweet! You did a most MARVELOUS job! I think you'll have a career in the business in the future!"

He picked her up and placed her upon the ground

"I'm going to get her something to drink. Hope the rest of the night goes well for you, Ozzy."


She kissed him softly before leaving his side with Fuzen to get her some water or juice, depending on what she felt like as Oswald walked back onto rampway, with the four posts outfitted with electronics so that when a turnbuckle is slapped, a light will come on above that post as he grabs a mic from a tech and he begins to speak as he walked

"This match is going to be changed as well. A third entrant will be involved, because these two have decided to be a let down to the Ex Dubbayew Eff community. So I've asked for a dear friend of mine to come and face these two, even though he has had 0 training in the matter. First, let's introduce his opponents, shall we?"


Oz: "Hailing from Chicago, Illinois like myself, standing at 6'4 and weighing 235 pounds, MARLOW RAXIS!"

Slowly the lights begin to fad, concluding into a total absence of light. The X-tron flickers once, then twice, and finally explodes into array of color, followed by scenes of ritualistic magick, Necromancy. All throughout the X-tron, grisly scenes of corpses harboring peeled skin and creepy crawlers dance across the exposed rotting flesh, some limbs detaching themselves from shambling bodies. The music begins...

The arena becomes engulfed in black smoke, with black mist dispersing from above showering the gathered crowd as a creepy green light brightens the arena. Emerging from the entrance, four goth girls dressed in long black Victorian era dresses and brandishing white masks walk toward the ring, dropping thorn infused black roses in their wake. A moment later Marlow Raxis, "The Witch of the Black Mists", appears, sighing deeply then drops the tip of his walking cane; moving toward the ring himself. With every step he takes, wisps of black smoke flow like tendrils behind him, transforming into black mists cascading upon the ramp; watering the black roses.

He slips under the ropes, standing upright as the girls remove his entrance attire, just as the arena begins to adjust back to it's normal situation.


Oz: "And one of his opponents, hailing from Newcastle, England, standing at 6'1 and weighing 186 pounds, LIDDLEJ!"

Energetic. LiddleJ comes running to the top of the stage with California love blasting over the speakers. Trying to get the fans going to the entrance of his self to the fans. He dressed in his black wrestling boots and short skin tight MMA type shorts on with a LiddleJ hoody and makes his way to the ring and either stares down opponent on his way to ring or if first in to the ring and short run and slide up the bottom rope with some casual warm up exercises getting ready for his opponent to enter the stage.



Oz: "And their surprise opponent and making HIS debut, unfortunately, he'd like to be called 'The King of Swole Style', standing at six feet even, ZEKE the FREAK!"

Zeke wore his normal work-out attire, a black tank-top and shorts as he walked down the ramp, jumping to the side of the ring before climbing through the ropes. Oswald climbing out of the ring and moving to the announcer's table, which had been empty for the moment.

Oz: "Sorry folks at home. It has been a mostly one man show tonight, and I will try to provide some good commentary for the matches coming up."

The ref comes back to his position as the prison encloses. Once the prison was on the ground, the time keeper rang the bell and the match started.

Oz: "And the match is underway, folks!"

Zeke immediately bull rushes them, performing a double lariat to take them out. Followed by scoop slams to them both.

Oz: "Looks like he's going to beat these men up, show a message most like!"

Instead of doing that, Zeke calls for the ref to open a door, and promptly does so. Zeke picks both men up and then forces them to headbutt each other and then flings them into the steel bamboo enclosed bars, causing them to fall to the ground before tapping all four corners then slipping through the door, and beginning to climb the outer prison.

Oz: "He's going for the early win, folks! Let's see if Liddlej or Marlow can get up and prevent this from happening."

And they don't, as Zeke climbs the bars and then over the top, and climbs down half way before dropping to the ground. Oswald pulls the headset off and takes the mic by him.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, King of Swole Style, ZEKE the FREAK!"


Oswald pulls the headset before speaking, "Hailing from Montreal, Canada, standing at 7'2 and weighing 345 pounds, Jean Baptiste Le'Croix!"

Le'Croix walked down to the ring, and began littering the ring with chairs, tables and a large ladder, that would barely fit before getting into the ring and waiting for his opponent.



Oz: "And his opponent, hailing from Monterey, California, standing at 6'2 and weighing 175 pounds, THE BIG KAHUUUUUNAAAAAA!!!"

The Big Kahuna walks out and runs down to the ring, sliding in to enter the ring.

The ref is at his position as the prison sections come down around the three. The timekeeper rings the bell and immediately TBK grabs a chair and begins to smack Le'Croix in the head, and when he turns, TBK begins to wail on his back with chair shot after chair shot until the bigger man is down on his knees. Once there, TBK guides Le'Croix pushes the chair between the ropes, put sideways vertically, then once Le'Croix is pressed against the chair, he runs across the ring, bounces off the opposite turnbuckle, only to rush fast and leave his feet, dropkicking Le'Croix with such velocity that not only is the big man's face bleeding, but his eyes are completely shut from the hit, and the back of the giant's head is busted wide open.

Oz: "That is sure to have killed the Giant, mighty Jack! You should be exiting the beanstalk that is the Punjabi Prison!"

However, TBK has decided to hurt Le'Croix some more, by pulling the big man the corner, and dragging him onto a ladder, before climbing the top rope, grabbing the bent ladder between the ropes, and with the amount space now that there is a ceiling to the inner prison, performs a leg drop, with the chair underneath his leg, smacking straight into into Le'Croix's already battered head, causing more blood to spill from him, and causing a broken nose to the giant in the process.

Oz: "That was absolutely WONDERFUL! The match is to be yours, my friend!"

TBK calls for the ref to open a door, and when done, he slides through it, climbing it, and the swinging over and descending until his feet touch the ground, with the bell ringing as Oswald pulls the headset off his head and takes up the mic

"Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, THE BIIIIG KAAAAAAHUUUUUUNAAAAA!!!"

The prison is risen and medics tend to the giant, to patch him up, look him over, to make sure he hasn't been killed on accident as Oswald looks to the cameras and puts on the headset before sitting back down.

"I will report on the condition of the man known as Jean Baptiste Le'Croix as time progresses. For now, we must continue, my dear viewers, we must go on with the show!"


Oz: "Hailing from San Francisco, California, Joshua REEEEEEEENOOOOO!"

He walk down to the ring sulking like a little girl.



Oz: "And his opponent, hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada, standing at five feet even, and weighing a petite 100 pounds, JEEEEEENNNYYYYYY MYYYYYYSSSST!"

Enters the arena when the Drums hit for the first time in her entrance music, Around the 20 second mark. She is usually taunting the fans or pretending to give high fives and the pulling away at the last moment with a sarcastic smirk and an eye roll. When she gets to the ring:

[Image: RUlZaSV.gif]


Reno and Jenny stand across from each other. He says something sly. The ref points at each straight jacket in the corner. She grins at hers, he stares straight ahead with a goofy look.

The bell rings and she charges him immediately. He tries to side step but she catches with him an elbow and backs him into the corner. A series of punches and chops on him in the corner, and she then drives a shoulder into his midsection repeatedly. Hip tossing him out of the corner she bounces off the ropes and knees him in the back of the head.

Jenny is looking to make light work of Reno as she goes to grab a straight jacket. She has a wicked grin on her pretty face. She grabs it, and pulls it down from the corner. The ref is trying to get her to put it on, as is part of the match. They both need to be in one, and the first to escape wins. She takes the heavy white jacket and gets behind Reno, wrapping it around his neck. Putting a knee into his back, Jenny pulls back as hard as her little 5 foot body will allow her to. Reno eventually passes out. She grins again, beginning to put the straight jacket on him.

She is having some trouble with the sleeves when he comes to, and punches her in the face, stumbling her back. He is slow to get to his feet. She kicks back, putting him on his back. A leg drop from Jenny and finally the ref gets involved.

The jacket has the strap connected to one arm, to the arm of the other, having been embedded into the jacket itself. The ref helps Reno get his jacket on, and once it's on tight and snug for both of them, Jenny makes use of her entire body to shoulder charge Reno down to the ground, and he struggles to get up only for her to bounce off the ropes and perform a shining wizard, knocking him out cold! She asks the outside ref to open a door, and so she drags Reno's body as she makes her escape, and once out of the inner prison, the door slams down and cuts the strap. She begins the long process of sliding her stronger arm up the sleeve of the other arm, and begins to maneuver her head and arm until the jacket can finally have both arms able to be straightened forward. She bites the buckle and pulls on it to make the buckle strap loose enough to come undone. Now with still covered arms, but free to move completely, she moved her hands to the buckles on the back of her straitjacket and undoes them before sliding the jacket up and over like a t-shirt before running to climb the cage as Reno slowly comes to. She brings one leg up and over, then swings the other after, descending down until she touches the floor.

Oz: "Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, JENNYYYYYY MYYYYYYYSSST!"




Oz: "First up, hailing from Queens, New York, standing at 6'10 and weighing 328 pounds, JACK CAAAAAAAIIIIIN!"

Cain makes his way to the ring, where it's littered with different objects one might find from a NYC city street.



Oz: "And his opponent, hailing from Brooklyn, New York, standing at 5'3 and weighing 124 pounds, TALAAAAA SUGAAAAAAYYYYYY!"


Jack Cain and Tala face off with each other in the Punjabi Prison. Cain picks up a chain and runs at Tala! He swings the chain at Tala, who ducks! Cain with another swipe that Tala ducks! Cain drops the chain and just grabs Tala, who is well below half his size! He scoops her up into a bearhug! Jack Cain is squeezing the life out of Tala Sugay! Tala presses off of Cain's face, and opens her mouth wide! Tala bites Cain on the nose! Tala bites Cain's nose clean off! Cain releases Tala and grabs his face, blood gushing from it! Tala scoops up the chain, kicks him in his balls, forcing him to fall to the ground, then wraps the chain around Cain's neck, and begins to choke him out! He's frantic and tries to stop Tala, but she places her entire body onto his back, forcing him to fall face first until finally he falls unconscious. With her opponent down, Tala calls for the ref, who then opens the door for her. She slides out of the inner prison, then scales the outer prison, swinging her leg up and over then descends downwards to the ground for the win as the timekeeper rings the bell!

Oz: "Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, TALA SUGAAAAAAAYYYYY!"

As Tala begins to leave, the X-tron shows that the cage and the monster trucks are almost done being set up for the main event.


Oz: "First up, hailing from Ottawa, Canada, standing at 5'11 and weighing 225 pounds, CHAAAAAAASSSSSM!"

Made Of Scars starts playing on the pa system as smoke fills the entrance way. Chasm walks out and looks around the area. He smiles and starts to walk down to the ring ignoring the fans who are mixed between boos and cheers . He slides under the bottom rope and quickly gets to his feet. Chasm starts to stretch as he waits for his opponent to make their way to the ring.


Oz: "And his opponent, he is the current Champion of X-Treme, standing at 5'10 and weighing 204 pounds, THE ENGINEEEEEEEER!"

On the main screen is a grainy image of an old television test screen. After the initial dialogue the sound slips into “Insect” by Die Warzau. As the offbeat tune picks up, the test screen fades and is instead replaced with a series of Rorschach ink blots. Each panel of ink blots at first looks innocuous, but soon slithers into the shadowy outlines of terrible scenes: a knife going through a head, a body with entrails spilling out before it, a bisected human torso, a figure whose face appears to be slipping off. Interspersed with the morphing inkblot tests are other images of rats flitting about in sewers and pictures of pleasant “whitebread” 1950’s families whose members have no faces. The white lights are now accompanied by small red lights panning all over the arena that look like droplets of blood in contrasts with the white lights.

The Engineer steps to the top of the ramp, and he takes in the crowd, the ring, everything. Slowly an unsettling smile bisects his face, and some black tar like liquid will spill from his mouth. He'll run his sleeve over it before stalking to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. He then picks himself up in a neutral corner, remaining there with a dead eyed stare until the match begins.

The ref moves into position as the prison is lowered to the ground. Once down, the timekeeper rings the bell and the match is underway! Engy immediately goes on the offensive and begins to landing fist after fist upon Chasm, before tossing him head first into the inner prison's then he begins to slam his skull into the bars repeatedly! Chasm is released and falls onto his back, as Engy goes over to a turnbuckle and undoes the padding there, exposing the steel ring there! Engy picks Chasm up and then begins to slam his head into the steel many times, causing the man to bleed profusely! Engy still hasn't let up, however, and forcing Chasm to run around as he tosses Chasm into each wall of the inner prison, bloodying the bamboo! He calls for the ref to open the door, who obliges, as Engy slides out, climbs the outer prison, climbs over, then descends down to the ground, where the timekeeper rings the bell.


The match is over, the Engineer is outside the prison now, having been able to escape. Chasm is still inside, groggy and disoriented. The Engineer, with a leer looks back inside the prison. Abruptly, he leaps back inside and takes hold of Chasm, dragging him out of the prison and to the outside. Chasm, blood running freely, shoves Engy away, and Engy responds by punching him brutally in the face, staggering him. The Engineer grabs hold of the protective mat surrounding the ring and tears it up, revealing bare cement below.

You wanted this! You wanted this!

The Engineer advances on Chasm and kicks him in the stomach, doubling him over, before grabbing him about the waist, dead lifting him up and drilling him skull first into the cement with the Delirium Tremens! The ringside crowds "ooohs" sympathetically, but the XTreme champion isn't done! He refuses to break his hold on Chasm, lifting him up again and drilling him into the unforgiving floor a second time!

The Engineer picks Chasm up and drops him again with the Delirium Tremens! Chasm is nothing but dead weight now, completely unconscious! Engy, with a sadistc grin, reclasps his hands around Chasm, gearing up to to it again!

Finally Oswald Autem Sephtis appears, mic in hand!

Oz: "Brother Engy! Brother Engy! You must stop this! You have proven yourself the better man by surviving my Punjabi Prison, this is not needed!"

The Engineer laughs mirthlessly. He picks Chasm up and drops him again!

Oz: "Security!"

Security comes swarming out of the back and towards The Engineer and Chasm! Three of them are able to grab hold of the Engineer! He lashes out at them, punching and kicking like a rabid animal! Finally, it takes at least 8 men to pull him away from Chasm, allowing medical personnel to bring out a gurney and begin affixing Chasm to it. The Engineer laughs at he's pulled to the back. Oswald walks up to check on Chasm's condition.



Oz: "The following match is a Punjabi Prison Monster Truck Jamboree match!. Introducing first and making his way to the ring from Naples Island, Long Beach, CA... JIM CAEDUS!!!"

The now familiar opening notes to "Ready Steady Go" by Paul Oakenfold begin to blast from the PA moments before the ring announcer plugs. The fans erupt. As the spiel is unloaded the lights cut, plunging the arena in darkness before silver strobes begin to flash and silver spotlights begin to continuously wave from along the length of the entrance walkway to the crowd and back.

Obviously practiced and well-timed, the moment the announcer finishes, "ready, steady, g-g-go!" is let fly by the song's vocalist and silver pyro erupts from the egress. Before the cloud of smoke dissipates, the former XWF Universal Champion Jim Caedus, sadly sans strap, steps out as the house lights come up.

His hair hangs freely, emotion absent in his eyes. He glances around at the majority population of fans who now know exactly who he is. The small pockets of his smarks seem less enthused to be a part of the crowd but remain cheering nonetheless.

As the music continues he turns his attention to the ring and it's inhabitant(s) then starts an unconcerned slow walk, carefully gathering his long blonde hair into a secured samurai-style bun along the way. At ringside he removes his Dickies jacket, folds it carefully beside his corner's steps then ascends to the apron, stepping through the ropes and into battle after nearly 2 minutes have elapsed..



Oz: "And his opponent, from Washington DC, ROBBIE BOURBON!"

A series of fireworks fire off on the stage as Robbie's music starts to play throughout the arena. Across the X-Tron, we see the exact same thing as what is traditionally used as Robbie Bourbon's banner on the XWF website as Robbie steps out. He raises his arms to 45 degree angles while the X-Tron shows clips of Robbie standing on top of the Elimination Chamber followed by the massive dive through the top onto Trax, Robbie forcing Vinnie Lane to sign his contract mid-match, Robbie Bourbon scoring a pinfall against Chris Chaos, and Robbie delivering the final blow to Barney Green's career by way of Robbiebomb onto the hood of the car. Robbie starts to calmly walk down to the ring, taking his time to get there. He climbs the ring steps, stands on the apron, and turns his back to the ring, and raises his arms at 45 degree angles while jawing to the crowd, which is singing along to Nobody Speak. Robbie then enters the ring and points at the referee, jawing at him. He then spins, hops on the second turnbuckle, and raises his arms at 45 degree angles again.

DING DING DING

The two circle around feeling each other out and then meet in the middle for a lock-up. Bourbon uses his size and strength to push Caedus into the corner. He lets go of the lock-up and backs away slowly...

Suddenly, Robbie comes running with a clothesline, but Caedus slips out of the way, and Robbie catches himself in the corner. Robbie turns around and is met by a closeline from Caedus. Robbie just smiles as Caedus backs away realizing that he didn’t do much damage.

Robbie walks out of the corner and circles the ring. Caeuds is on guard. Robbie and Caedus lock up. Caedus manages to slip behind Robbie and stomps on the back of his knee, bringing him down on one knee. Caedus then hits a flip over neckbreaker!

Caeus moving quickly, hops to his feet and hits a jumping elbow to the back of Robbies neck.

Caedus pulls Robbie to his feet and whips him towards the ropes, but Robbie reverses it and sends Caedus instead. Caedus rebounds into a shoulder tackle from Robbie, but Caedus leaps over Robbie and hits the ropes again, this time rebounding into a dropkick that sends Robbie stumbling backwards. Caedus hops up and rushes Robbie, but Robbie recovers in time, and grabs Caedus, lifts him high above his head, and slams him down with an earth shattering powerbomb!.

It's time for a little showboating as Robbie does a little strut around the ring as the crowd starts to boo.

Robbie grabs Caedus by the hair and pulls him up to his feet. Caedus breaks Robbies grip and fires off a big right to the side of Robbies head. Robbie is stunned for just a second, but then looks pissed. Before Robbie can act, Caedus fires off another big right to the same reaction, followed by a third, but Robbie interrupts the third shot by shoving Caedus with such force that he flies back first into the first Punjabi cage! Robbie stalks his prey on the outside. He grabs Jim by the hair, but before he can pull Jim to his feet, Jim hits a massive low blow that brings tears to the eyes of Robbie Bourbon.

Caedus slings Robbie into the cage and unloads a flurry of wild lefts and rights. With each hit Robbie slides further and further down the cage until he is firmly planted on his ass. Caedus takes a few steps back and rushes in with a big knee to the face!

Robbie’s eyes roll into the back of his head as he slowly slumps over. Caedus takes the opportunity to begin climbing over the first cage. Caedus makes it up and over the first cage before Robbie’s begins to show signs of life. Caedus doesn’t waste any time climbing up the second cage. Robbie gets to his feet and see’s that Caedus is almost over the second cage, but Robbie hasn’t even made it past the first. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and Robbie knows this. Robbie takes a few steps back preparing for what he needs to do. Caedus hops over the final cage, and now there is nothing stopping him from going after his Monster truck and winning this match.

Except for Robbie Bourbon who just smashed through both cages like the Kool-Aid man on steroids.

OH YEAH!

OH FUCK!

Jim had better run, and that’s exactly what he does! Jim dashes off for his monster truck. Robbie Bourbon makes a mad dash for his as well. Jim climbs in and starts the engine, but the truck won’t start. It seems that somebody may have sabotaged the engine. Jim hops out of the truck and takes a look under the hood. Seems one of the battery terminals was disconnected. Jim gets the terminal on well enough that the truck should start. He closes the hood and rushes back to the cab, but this delay has allowed the much slower Robbie Bourbon to catch up. Robbie and Jim climb into their trucks and start their engines.

However it's Jim's truck that starts first, and Robbie's truck starts a second too late as Jim is crossing the finish line as Bourbon makes it to Jim's back tires!

Oz: "And your winner, JIIIIIIIIIIM CAAAAAAAEEEEEEEDUUUUUUUSSSSS!!!"

Oswald puts the headset on for the first time in a long while, and speaks to everyone watching at home.

"To everyone in the world watching at home, I am sorry I was a poor commentator, however, these people tonight, worked and I feel like their actions needed not my commentary. So from everyone tonight, have a good night, and be well and may the Seven Deities watch over you all!"





Thank you to the following:

Chris Chaos
Robbie Bourbon
Michael Graves
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