"Wrestling games…"

He tosses the cart like trash.

"You'd think wrestling would be easy to turn into a video game. Two people beat the shit out of each other until one stops moving. That's practically every fighting game already."

Another cartridge gets thrown over his shoulder.

"But no! Half of them control like you're trying to wrestle under water with a fucking refrigerator strapped to your back and the other half have controls so complicated, every move feels like you're performing a fatality."

He reaches beneath a stack of instruction manuals and pulls out a gray Game Boy cartridge.

There's no artwork. No publisher. Just a strip of masking tape with "RE-CYCLE" written across it in black marker.

The Nerd flips it over curiously.

"What the hell is this?"

"It's a good one! A wrestling game like no other!"

The Nerd spins around.

Micheal Graves stands there, arms spread and cape wide.

"Jesus Christ! Who the fuck are you?!"

"Micheal Graves. Often imitated, never duplicated, pro bone-crusher. Nice to meet you."

"How did you get in my basement?"

Graves looks around and quickly changes the subject.

"You collect a lotta shit."

"Shit? These are shitty games, not shit! Some of this stuff is incredibly rare!"

"So you collect rare shit?"

"You're goddamned right!"

He looks back at the cartridge.

"Okay. So, what the hell is Re-Cycle?"

Graves pulls out a folding chair from beneath his cape.

He unfolds it, and sits backward with his arms crossed over the backrest.

"Old wrestling game."

"A wrestling game? On the Game Boy? You just know it's gonna be shit!"

"Biggest game of 94."

The Nerd double-takes the cart.

"This looks like a prototype."

"Nah, it's a collector's edition."

Not a hint of a joke anywhere on his face.

"Okay, whatever. So what do you do in this game?"

"Run. Jump. Wrestle. And other stuff..."

"Sounds pretty basic."

"It's Game Boy, so yeah, it's basic, but this wrestling game is anything but standard."

The Nerd turns the cartridge over again.

"You said it's a wrestling game like no other, so what makes it so special?"

"You can't beat it."

"Because it's too difficult?"

"Nope. It's easy to pick up and play."

"Hmm... Let me guess. it's glitched? Like WWF No Mercy, where the game is always erasing your saves when playing the story mode."

Graves thinks about it.

"Kinda."

"So, what happens?"

"Just play it and find out. It's a blast. Promise!"

The Nerd slides the cartridge into the Game Boy and flips the power switch.

The Nintendo logo drops onto the screen.



"Oh, good. It boots. We're already doing better than half the shit people send me to play!"

The screen flashes green.

A tiny pixelated Game Girl drops from the top of the screen and lands in front of a recycling symbol.

The title appears.




"This time for sure?"

"Real confident game."

"It sounds like something you'd write on a condom wrapper after the first one broke."

"Writing is for pussies!"

The title music begins.


"Jesus Christ! It sounds like a smoke detector trying to play anime music!"

"Gets better."

"When?"

"Ain't tellin'. Play."

The Nerd presses start with a huff.

The screen fades into a locker room.

Game Girl stands alone in front of a mirror.




"Oh, great. The game starts with an apology."

"More of a warning."

The text continues.




"Finally? This is the first screen!"

"Game's got history."

"I don't! Why am I getting dropped into season eight of somebody else's emotional crisis?"

A giant arrow appears above the locker room door.




"Okay! There we go. Reach the ring. Nice and simple."

The Nerd moves Game Girl toward the door.

Before she reaches it, a small farmer runs onto the screen.




"What? No! Fuck your crops! I'm going to wrestle!"

He tries to walk past the farmer.

Game Girl turns around on her own.

"I'm not doing that! The game's doing it for me!"

"She likes helpin' people."

"Then why give me the controller?!"

The screen shifts to a field.

The Nerd is forced to water rows of dead crops one square at a time.

"This is a wrestling game?"

"Eventually."

"I'm watering fucking corn in a wrestling game! What were they thinking!?"

"Character development."

"It's agriculture ass-work!"

After the final crop is watered, the farmer jumps up and down.




A meter appears beneath Game Girl's health bar.




"Friendship meter?"

"Oh yeah, that's very important!"

"Why do I need friendship in a wrestling game!?"

"Motivation!"

"She needs a farmer's approval to go wrestle?"

"Yup."

The Nerd finally guides Game Girl back toward the arena.

Three steps later, a wizard appears.




"Oh, go fuck yourself!"

A dialogue box appears.




"Those are the same choice!"

"She made up her mind for you."

"Then stop asking me! Am I playing this game, or is it playing me!?"

The Nerd presses B.

Nothing happens.

"The cancel button doesn't cancel!? This is worse than Rambo for the NES where if you don't agree to the mission, Troutman just keeps asking!"

"Even the game knows there ain't no canceling what's comin'..."

The Nerd begrudgingly selects YES.

Game Girl is transported into a gray castle filled with unmoving villagers.

"Now what?"

A message scrolls across the bottom of the screen.




"What kind of objective is that?! How do I give an entire kingdom purpose on a Game Boy?!"

"Beats the hell outta me, just do what she does and leave."

The Nerd spends several minutes wandering around the castle, speaking to villagers who all repeat the same line.




"I don't know! Nothing! You're safe! Go get a fucking hobby!"

He enters the throne room where a witch sits alone.




"Finally! Someone in this game has common sense!"

Game Girl shakes her head.




"No! You already fixed it! That's why nothing's happening!"

"Peace makes her nervous."

"Then what the hell was she fighting for?"

"Somethin' to fight for."

The Nerd slowly looks away from the screen.

"That doesn't make any fucking sense."

"Makes enough to her, I guess."

Game Girl suddenly teleports out of the castle and appears outside the wrestling arena.

"Oh, thank God."

The arena doors open.

Game Girl walks toward the ring.

A wrestler waits inside of it.

"Here we go! Actual wrestling!"

The bell rings.

The Nerd taps the buttons.

Game Girl throws a punch.

Then stops.




"Why am I taking a personality quiz in the middle of a match?"

"Pick myself."

"That's what I was gonna pick!"

The Nerd selects MYSELF.

The screen freezes.




"What?!"

"Told ya... glitches."

"The game gave me the option!"

"She gives herself that option too."

"Then why doesn't it work?!"

"Never has."

The opponent punches Game Girl in the face while the menu is still open.

"Hey! He can hit me during the fucking dialogue box?!"

The Nerd quickly selects MY FRIENDS.

The friendship meter fills.

Game Girl begins glowing.




"Come back from what? The match just started!"

"She likes gettin' ahead of it."

Game Girl springs across the ring and unloads a flurry of attacks.

For the first time, the game actually looks good.

"Holy shit! She's kicking his ass!"

Game Girl knocks her opponent over the top rope.

The victory music plays.





"Almost? He's on the floor!"

The opponent reaches up, grabs Game Girl, and pulls her over the top rope.




"WHAT THE FUCK?! I did everything right!"

"Best run she's had in years."

"She beat the guy!"

"Almost."

"The game fucking cheated!"

"Nah. You got her close though."

"Close doesn't mean shit!"

Graves deadpans the camera.

"Exactly."

Then back to the Nerd.

"Go to the next stage."

The Nerd presses start.




"Save the village?"

He looks at Graves.

"Didn't she already save the village before the game started?"

"Yup."

"Then why am I saving it again?"

"Game needs to give you somethin' to do."

"I just want to wrestle! Let me wrestle!"

"You and me both, Nerd."

The screen shifts to the same gray village from before.

The villagers stand in the same places.




"Returned? I haven't even met him yet!"

"She has."

"Oh, okay, but fuck me as the player, right?"

"The instruction manual has all the lore in it."

"Oh, so now you want me to read. Before I wrestle a match. In a wrestling game? FUUUUCK!"

"Game's got history."

Graves reaches beneath his cape and shoves an instruction manual into the Nerd's chest.

There's no cover. Just several loose pages held together by a single rusted staple.

"Oh, okay. Well, maybe this'll explain what the fuck is going on."

The Nerd opens it to the first page.

"Long before the events of Re-Cycle Wrestling, Game Girl fought Game Boy across seven kingdoms, three multiverses, two continuity reboots, and a Tiger Electronics game that may or may not still be canon."

He looks up.

"May or may not be canon? Are you kidding me!?"

He tears the pages in half.

"This isn't a backstory for a wrestler in a wrestling game! It's a fucking cursed continuity-fetish puzzle box nestled deep within a roadkill skunk's ASS!"

He shreds the rest and throws the pieces over his shoulder, behind the couch.

"Fuck it. I understand less now than I did before. I just want to punch something!"

"That's the spirit, Nerd! Keep playin'!"

The Nerd turns back to the game as Game Boy appears at the top of the screen beside a giant RESET button.




"Alright, fine. Kill Game Boy on the Game Boy. Save the village... Again."

The Nerd runs Game Girl through the stage and reaches the boss.

Game Boy swings a sword.

The blade tears through Game Girl's chest.

"Jesus Christ!"

Her arm breaks at the elbow.

Game Girl drives the jagged stump straight through Game Boy's face.

"HOLY SHIT!"

Game Boy drops dead.





"That was pretty fucking awesome!"

"Yup."

"So what did I actually accomplish?"

"Not much..."

The Game Boy chimes.




"Oh, hey! It's you!"

"Sure is."

A pixelated Graves stands in the center of the ring, cape stretched across the screen.

"Why is your cape taking up the whole screen?"

"Because I'm larger than life."

"Yeah? Your character looks like Dracula fucked a Mortal Kombat ninja in the dumpster behind a 7-Eleven."

"Just play the game, Nerd."

The bell rings.

The Nerd rushes Graves and unloads everything he has.

Punches. Kicks. A dropkick. A glowing one-armed uppercut that knocks Graves across the ring.

"Holy shit! She's destroying you!"

"Sure is. You play good."

Graves gets back up.

Game Girl knocks him down again.

He gets back up.

Nerd has her stab Graves in the face like Game Boy.

"HA! Fuck you!"

He gets back up.

"What the fuck!? Wait! Does this asshole even have a health bar?"

The Nerd pauses the game.

"No! He doesn't! Everybody else had one, why don't you?!"

"Never needed one."

"How am I supposed to know if I'm winning?"

"Ha, don't worry. You ain't."

The Nerd unpauses.

Graves grabs Game Girl and throws her halfway across the ring.

"Jesus!"

Her health bar drops by half.

"One move takes half of my health?!"

"Pro Bone-crusher, remember?"

The Nerd rolls away and fills the friendship meter with a rapid series of helpful side quest mini-games.

"Yeah. YEAH! WATER THAT CORN! URRRR! GIVE THAT VILLAGER PURPOSE! YEAH! OFFER EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO GRANDPA WRESTLER! FUCK YEAH!"





"Okay! Comeback mode! Now we're talking!"

The Nerd presses both buttons.

The action stops.

Game Girl stands beneath a spotlight.




"Oh, not another fucking speech! JUST DO THE COMEBACK MOVE!"






Video game Graves walks into the spotlight and punches her in the mouth.

"HE CAN HIT ME DURING THE COMEBACK?!"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it's a fucking cutscene, maybe?!"

"Yeah, I ain't watching all that."

The speech disappears and so does the friendship meter.

"You canceled the comeback!"

On screen, Game Girl slowly pushes herself up.

Graves is standing over her.

The Nerd mashes the buttons.

Game Girl catches Graves with a kick and launches into another long combo.

She knocks him down.

The victory music begins.


"There! I got you!"

Game Girl raises her arm in victory.




Graves sits up.

"Oh, come on!"

The victory music cuts off.

Graves gets to his feet and attacks Game Girl from behind.

"You can come back too?!"

"I always do."

"Then what makes you any different than her?!"

"What makes me different?

I don't need gettin' back up to mean something.

That's your mistake, Paige. Every time you fall, you turn it into a fuckin' origin story.

You were lost. You were hurt. You got distracted. You walked away. Then somebody reminds you how special you are, the music swells, she starts glowin', and back comes Game Girl.

New purpose. New promise.

Same girl.

Me? I ain't gonna lie and say every time I came back, I came back stronger. Sometimes I came back worse. Meaner. Dumber. More broken than I was when I left.

But I never came back pretendin' the damage made me better.

I know what I am.

I don't need no farmer to believe in me. I don't need no friends to give me purpose.

You're always something to somebody, but when it's just Paige standing there alone, you still don't know what she wants, or how to get it.

I know damn well what I'm fighting for.

It's to hurt whatever is standin' in front of me.

And right now, that'd be you.

You keep sayin' you're fighting for yourself now.

Nah.

You're just fighting for proof that you still matter.

I've disappeared too. I've walked away. I've been beaten, buried, forgotten, and dragged myself back into that ring more times than anybody can count.

But I don't pretend it's growth.

I don't put on a sad song and act like surviving myself makes me some hero.

You come back lookin' for proof that you've changed.

I come back 'cause I didn't.

I'm still the same rotten bastard I was before you learned how to turn all that pain into pretty lights.

Mmm... Look at you.

Focused.

Serious.

The best Game Girl anybody's seen in years.

Isaiah King still threw your ass on the floor.

Jenny Myst pinned you 1-2-3.

Yelena Gorgo made you bleed.

Every time you were... almost.

That's all your cycle really is.

Return.

Promise.

Almost.

Recycle.

You talk like the cycle is some monster that keeps happenin' to you.

But Game Boy's dead.

The village is safe.

The world stopped resetting.

And you're still runnin' in circles tryin' to figure out who you are and what you're really fighting for.

Maybe Game Boy wasn't the cycle.

Maybe you are.

You killed the big-bad and still couldn't sit with the ending, because a peace is the one place nobody needs Game Girl.

And if nobody needs Game Girl, then Paige has to figure out who the hell she is outside of it all, and you'd rather anything but stay and face those consequences.

Well, Paige, you finally found some consequences you can't walk away from.

Warfare.

No side quest to drag you somewhere else. No dying world to make you feel important. No friend to turn your fear into purpose.

Just a ring.

Me.

And every choice you made that brought you there.

You walked away when wrestling stopped givin' you what you needed. You came back when you needed it to make you feel whole again. You promised this time would be different, then stood on Mars and watched another man leave with your shit.

Now you're recycling that loss into yet another comeback.

But I ain't Isaiah King.

He left you with hope.

I'm gonna leave you with nothin' worth rebuilding.

You ain't no victim of a cycle.

You're a victim of Micheal Graves.

Because this time, when you hit the ground, I'll be there.

And when that energy lights up and the music begins to swell...

I'll be hitting you again.

And again.

And again.

Until I've beaten all of the comeback right outta you.

You wanted to know what makes me different, Nerd?

She came back to escape the consequences of her actions.

But I am those consequences personified.

And at Warfare, the consequences of every road that led her to me...

Will be Grave."

"You know what? This game fucking sucks!"

The Nerd jerks the cartridge out of the Game Boy.

"You spend the whole game saving people who were already saved, reading lore from games that don't exist, and fighting a boss you literally can't beat!"

He holds the cartridge between both hands.

"Well, I know how to break this cycle!"

He starts to bend it.

Graves catches him by the wrist.

"That's my job."

The Nerd looks at Graves. Then at the cartridge.

"Fine! You do the honors!"

The Nerd drops the game onto the floor.

Graves stomps down hard.




The cartridge cracks beneath his boot.

"There. Cycle's fuckin' broken!"

"Not yet it ain't."

Graves drops his tights around his ankles.

"Oh, no!"

Graves squats over the shattered cartridge.

"No, no, no! Don't you fucking—"

Graves grunts.

"OH, COME ON!"

A wet pile lands across what remains of RE-CYCLE.

Graves stands, pulls his tights back up, and admires his work.


"Now the cycle's broken proper."

"You shit on my floor!"

"You collect rare shit, remember? Just sling it onto the shelf and forget about it like everyone else."