“What is it worth to you? How bad do you want it?”

++Sweat trickled down either side of my face. My cheeks were red with strain and exhaustion. With each deep breath I gritted my teeth, struggling to push through the rep. Eoin was spotting me, egging me on++

Eoin: Show me, mo gra. Show me who the fuck you are.

++To hear my doctor tell it, I was a miracle. Brain swelling, concussion, medically induced coma BECAUSE of both. That bitch put every ounce of her being into that swing that the fucking bat broke. The spikes and barbed wire ripped me apart. She laughed. I heard that laugh in my own head for almost two months. Wherever you are Cera, your all was just short of mattering++

Eoin: Good girl, good. But I know you can do better. Dig down, deep down and let me see ya lass.

++The weight I was lifting was heavy, but the burdens I shouldered were suffocating. Borrowed time. Each rep, each lift, each strike, kick, curse and disappointment all came with a price and a heavy connotation. Eoin knew all my sins, laid bare, and loved me anyways. Then married me. Then adopted twins when my womb could bear no more. He wished for nothing less than me finally stepping away and enjoying watching my daughter pursue her career. But he knew the gig. Not till I’m damn good and ready. The doctor pleaded. My therapist tried to reason. The specialists just saw more fucking dollar signs and don’t really give a shit what I do, they just see another yacht or pricey car. I powered my way through one more lift, feeling that twinge, that I was meeting my limit, but I hadn’t yet broken the reps for the last workout. My nostrils flared, leaving out a snort as I went for one more rep. My knees were aching but that dopamine was beginning to balance out the muscle weakness++

Eoin: That’s it. You’re fuckin’ doin’ it love. I believe. One more. Give me one fuckin’ more mo gra!

++My back was burning. My muscles stung and quivered from exhaustion. One. More. Go. With every ounce of remaining strength and will I pushed through the last one, Eoin catching me and setting me back up. I sat back on a weight bench and toweled my head and face off, splashing cold water from a bottle to my rosy red face. I just sat there, unnervingly quiet. Eoin brushed a few of my stray fiery red hairs away, letting me decompress. He started packing our gear away as I sat in complete silence, an emotionless look on my face. He finally interjected++

Eoin: Come out of it girl.

++He snapped his fingers in front of my face and patted the side of my face++

Eoin: Lizzy me girl, come on now. Talk to me.

Elizabeth: One. More. Time. That’s all I asked. I just wanted a chance I damn well didn’t deserve so my daughter can look at her mother as a fucking legend instead of the shit tatters I left my reputation in. I want to hand her a proud legacy. God knows her father couldn’t. The only reason she ever gets to work dates in South America is because of me, and we know how well they like me. Her father put all his chips on that fucking sloth of a son. Little spoiled prick washed out in under five. She’s been in a ring since she was sixteen and that was without my approval.

Eoin: It sounds like it’s still bothering you. You clearly feel a certain way about it, yes? You know what I’d like Lizzy, but also knew what kinda hell I was getting into when I fell for you, so if YOU want one more chance, then I want that too. If you think you can do something, guess what so do I. We’re a single unit, we each have our own wants, desires and feelings, but its both or nothing. Annika is thrilled for you. She wants this for you too. What is making you rehash things?

Elizabeth: Because in my old, bitter age I started giving a fuck what people think. I want to protect my name but I also want to protect hers, so now I have to take calculated risks. I asked for one more chance and now I have a grand opportunity to face someone as decorated and elite as Atara Raven. Up until now we ran in different circles. Always a blip on each other's radar. Now I have the opportunity to go toe to toe with another herald veteran of the industry, and if it pleases the Goddess, walk away with a #1 contendership. All of this to say that I feel that fresh air in my lungs again. I feel like the smog and clouds that stung my eyes and choked my breath has begun to dissipate at the most high of places. I feel almost sober. Ironic I know, coming from me, speaking of which, penjamin please?

++He rolled his eyes and reached in my bag, pulling out a battery and cart. I took a deep hit, and vibed as the chronic filled my worn out lungs and numbed my pains. With a deep exhale, I continued++

Elizabeth: My record is good, and I have had no one helping me butter the ranks. I’m doing it on my own merit. I actually forgot what it was like to earn something because for the longest time, my tenure was actually accepted and enforced, even if unwanted or unnecessary. I may have earned the rankings and rights, but at the end of the day I am owed NOTHING. I expect nothing. I have to count on myself. You don’t out wrestle Atara Raven on half hearted hopes and dreams. This has to count. I need to make it count every step of the way.