Yesterday, 10:57 PM
With a hat made of straw and a black canvas mask on his face, Captain Gorilla D. Goofy sits atop the bow of his ship, cross-legged. The D stands for Director. The figurehead he rests on is shaped like a kangaroo’s head. He looks out at the sea and notices something. “Land ho!” He yells back to his crew.
On the boat is Chief Mate Twenty-six, a nickname derived from his true first name, which begins with Z, the twenty-sixth letter of the alphabet. He also wears a mask, black with a white face and red lettering depicting the number 26 in roman numerals. He calls himself the master of four sword style, which means one in each hand, one in his mouth and the other, well, you can figure it out. He carries the swords in stacked cross shapes on his back. He calls over to Navigator Cierra, or Cici for short. Her short red hair peaks out under her laced mask, covering only her eyes. She takes the wheel and turns it starboard toward the island.
From inside the ship comes Xanji, the ship’s cook. “Captain Goofy, we’ve reached Edge Island. I can practically taste all the great dishes I’ll make from the creatures that inhabit it already.” His mask, adorned with a large X, is lifted some and a cigarette burns, hanging limply from his mouth beneath it.
“Good,” says Captain Goofy. “Twenty-six and I will embark. You stay here with Cici and the others and check that all the artillery are in working order. Goofy and Twenty-six find themselves in bitter cold as they exit the vessel, a large pirate ship that has seen its fair share of battles. The island is small and desolate, but Goofy is convinced that within it holds a clue to finding the Sole Stone, the lost treasure of the late Pirate Emperor Richard Watts. When Goofy got word that the Sole Stone was available, he knew he had to have it. He wanted to call himself Emperor of the Pirates, ruler of Television. The two men, clad in heavy coats, continue into the frosted wilderness.
Back on the ship, Xanji takes a puff from his cigarette, and lets the smoke linger in the air. He calls out to one of his other crewmates, “How’s the canon looking?”
“Great, sir,” says Oppa, a scrawny man in a mask emblazoned with the letter O, black curls showing just below. His father was a great pirate, but he had not yet proved his mettle.
“And the trebuchet?” Asked Xanji. “Ready”, came another gruff voice belonging to Squarino, a big mountain of a man bearing a square symbol on his mask.
“Xanji, the spiked boards, grappling hooks, pikes, spears and board axes are all prepped and accounted for, should the need arise.” This voice came from Triangulous, who also happens to be the ship’s doctor.
“What exactly are we looking for here, Captain?” Asked Twenty-six. The two men survey the land, passing foxes, walruses and various birds as they see not much else.
“My dear walking weapon, be patient. I believe we will find what we seek very soon.” He pauses to listen. “In fact, I do believe we have company.”
Out of the wooded area nearby comes two large men, riding giant mares. “Who dares disturb our peace here at the edge of the world? I am Lightning Fist and this is my brother Osmund. We are the brotherhood of bastard sons!”
“What an odd couple,” remarks Gorilla D. Goofy, Captain of the Straw Mask Crew. “Fancy meeting you two here. Perhaps you’ve got a short memory? You don’t recall that me and Twenty-six already handed you your arses?”
The glint of the sun reflects off the gold as Twenty-six slightly opens his fur coat, a reminder of what he took from Lightning Fist, the Rock of the Revolutionary. Osmund eyes it with envy as he licks his lips. “I’ve got three fights already lined up in the coming days. What’s one more scrap?”
The B.o.B.S. dismount from their horses and approach, brandishing blades as Twenty-six grabs two of his own. LF charges at Goofy with a sword, but Goofy dodges it. Goofy steps back and pulls back his arm and crack! His arm stretches and becomes like a whip as he brings it down across the face of the attacker. Twenty-six and Osmund spar with the former now brandishing a third sword between his teeth. LF laughs and extends a long, snakelike tongue. He whips his head to the side and smacks Goofy across the face with his tongue. Osmund manages to overpower his opponent and towers over him. Twenty-six’s three swords now clash near his own face and all hope seems lost!
But then crack! Goofy kicks with his whip-like leg and Osmund backs off. Twenty-six gets to his feet and unzips his pants. Out comes an enormous cock and it wraps around the fourth sword, pulling it from behind him. Osmund looks down in disbelief as he tries to understand what he’s seeing. Before he can, the cock-held sword pierces through his torso and he falls to the ground. Lightning Fist is enraged and he vows to fight both men by himself.
On the ship, Cici wonders what’s become of the Captain and Chief Mate. She looks to Xanji, who is brewing up a stew. “I’m worried about them”, she says.
“Yes, do you smell that?” He asks.
She looks puzzled. “Your cooking?”
“No,” He states coldly. “Trouble.”
Just then, a wild wench boards the ship from behind, her golden hair flowing in the wind. From the other side comes a man shrouded in a dark cloud. The man speaks. “We’ve come for the treasure. I am Sam the sick and this is my love Crank. We won’t leave without the Crystals of Anarchus!”
Four swords Twenty-six and Captain Goofy fight LF who wields both tongue and steel. He puts up a fight and gets his licks in, even taking down Twenty-six in the process, but ultimately, Goofy and his whip limbs prove too much for him. Just when he thinks he’s won, another challenger approaches. A third man on a white horse and full armor. It’s the victor of the King’s tourney, Lone Soldier. There is an air about this man and his reputation precedes him. Goofy stands ready to fight, but Lone Soldier raises his right hand. “Whoa there, stretch! I come in peace, for now. I have seen you fight and I’ve come to challenge you in two days time. We will meet at the shores of Lysefjord. You bring your crew and I mine. To the winner goes the spoils, a chance to get closer to holding the Sole Stone and claiming the title of King of the Pirates. What say you?”
Goofy does not hesitate. He puffs out his chest and responds. “I fear no man. I accept your challenge. You best be prepared for the fight of your life! Because me and my crew will be and that Sole Stone is mine!”
On the ship, the two rogues fight off Xanji and Oppa and manage to run off with the two Crystals of Anarchus!
Cici turns to the others. “Captain Goofy is gonna flip when he finds out.”
“When I found out what?” Comes the voice of the aforementioned, as he helps a limping Twenty-six back onto the boat.
The scene fades as Cici explains what happened.
“It’s a lock, they’ll say. A handful of wins in his debut, but it was just a lucky streak and The Director’s luck ran out at War Games. He bit off more than he could chew with that Anarchy tag title open challenge. People say a lot of things, but that doesn’t make them true. Centurion has a storied career and he came back recently. No one expects me to get past him and advance in this tournament, but there is more than what’s on the surface here. I didn’t win my first two matches in years by accident. I am the only first round competitor to not get an easy challenge on Warfare. When I beat Centurion, the rest of the tournament will feel like a breeze. Don’t count me out because you think I’m no one under this mask. I won't be alone. I'll have my weapon, XXXVI, X, O, Triangle and Square and CIX by my side. Trust me, Television title or not, I’m just getting started. See you soon, Andy.”
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