Moosebumps #1 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMBASS - Printable Version +- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf1999.com) +-- Forum: XWF Live! (https://xwf1999.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=14) +--- Forum: Character Development | News & Rumors (https://xwf1999.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=134) +--- Thread: Moosebumps #1 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMBASS (/showthread.php?tid=50531)

Moosebumps #1 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMBASS - Jeffrye421 - 09-29-2026 Kris Powell hated sharing everything with her twin. They shared a bedroom. They shared clothes. They shared friends. Sometimes they even shared dessert.  Kris hated all of it. But most of all, she hated sharing attention with her twin sister, Edgecrusher. “Mom!” Kris shouted as she stormed into the kitchen. “Edgecrusher took my sweater again!” Mrs. Powell looked up from the newspaper. Breakfast was already spread across the kitchen table. A box of cereal sat open beside a half-empty carton of milk. Two pieces of toast had gone cold on a plate in the middle of the table. And sitting across from Mrs. Powell was Edgecrusher. She was indeed wearing Kris's pink sweater. It stretched tightly across her fat gut, the sleeves stopped halfway down her thick hairy forearms. Her graying dreadlocks hung over the collar, and her ratty gray beard was covered in cereal milk. Edgecrusher lifted another spoonful of Booty-O's to her mouth. “Did not,” she said. Kris stared at her. “You're wearing it!” Edgecrusher stopped chewing and looked down. She studied the pink sweater stretched across her stomach as if this was the first time she'd seen it. “Oh.” Kris threw her hands into the air. “See!” Mrs. Powell sighed and lowered the newspaper. “Girls, please. It's entirely too early for this.” “But Mom!” “No fighting with your sister.” “I'm not fighting with her! She keeps taking my stuff!” Edgecrusher shoveled another spoonful of cereal into her mouth. Mrs. Powell raised the newspaper again. “Then ask her nicely to give it back.” Kris turned toward Edgecrusher. “Give me my sweater back.” Edgecrusher glanced down at it again. “No.” “Mom!” “Edgecrusher,” Mrs. Powell warned from behind the newspaper. Edgecrusher just rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She grabbed the bottom of the sweater and started pulling it up. “Not at the table!” Edgecrusher stopped with the sweater halfway up her gut. “You said you wanted it back.” “Not right now!” “Make up your mind.” Mrs. Powell lowered the newspaper again. “Edgecrusher, finish your breakfast first.” Edgecrusher let the sweater drop back down. “See?” she said, grinning at Kris. “Mom says it looks better on me and I can keep it.” “That is not what she said!” She hated when Edgecrusher did that. Ever since they were little, Edgecrusher always seemed to get away with everything. If something went missing, Edgecrusher had borrowed it for an important top-secret government mission. If something broke, Edgecrusher swore it happened while he was defending the family from an alien invasion. If they got into an argument, somehow Kris was always the one being told to calm down. And Edgecrusher would just sit there with that same stupid grin on her face. Like right now. Wearing her sweater, eating her cereal, from her bowl. Kris narrowed her eyes. “Is that mine too?” Edgecrusher looked down at the bowl and slowly pulled it closer to herself. “No.” After breakfast, the twins headed outside. Kris wanted to practice her ventriloquist act despite the fact that she didn't actually own a dummy. She had been practicing for weeks using whatever she could find around the house. Pillows. Stuffed animals. Once, she had drawn a face on an old sock and named it Mrs. Kriso. Mrs. Kriso had not been a hit. It just wasn't the same. A real ventriloquist needed a real dummy. The Edgecrusher had a different goal. She wanted to look for “something cool like porno mags or booze.” “You're not going to find booze lying on the side of the road,” Kris told her. “You don't know that.” “Yes, I do.” “That's why you never find anything cool.” They wandered down the sidewalk and past the last few houses on their street. At the end of the block was an empty lot that had been there for as long as Kris could remember. Tall weeds covered most of the ground, and pieces of rusted metal were scattered everywhere. Used syringes. Broken condoms. A broken lawn chair with moss growing on it. Someone had dumped a tire near the back fence. Edgecrusher kicked an empty can out of his way. “See? Treasure.” “That's garbage.” “One man's garbage is another man's porno mag.” Kris shook her head and kept walking. That was one of those don't try to understand it things Edgecrusher tended to say. She was almost past the lot when Edgecrusher suddenly came to a stop. Her arm shot out in front of Kris. “Wait.” Kris stopped. “What?” Edgecrusher stared into the weeds. Her face dead serious. “There's a dead dude over there.” Kris screamed. She jumped backward and spun toward the lot. "WHERE?!?!?!" Edgecrusher pointed. “werewolf? There wolf!” Kris followed his finger. Something was lying facedown in the weeds. For a single horrible second, Kris thought he might actually be right. She could see a gray jacket. Two little black shoes stuck out from beneath it. Then she realized the shoes were much too small. Sadly, there wasn't a “Dead Dude.” Instead, it was just an old wooden dummy. “Edgecrusher!” “What?” “You scared me!” Edgecrusher shrugged. “I thought it was a dead dude.” “How could you think that was a person?” “He was lying down.” “He's three feet tall!” “Could've been Peter Dinklage.” Kris groaned and pushed through the weeds. The dummy was half buried in the dirt. Its gray suit was moldy and stained. One wooden hand stuck out at a strange angle. A clump of dead grass had wrapped itself around one of its legs. Kris crouched beside it. There was something creepy about the way it had been left there. She reached down and turned it over. The dummy's wooden head rolled toward her. Its face was pale and scratched, with a long pointed nose and dark painted eyebrows. A nasty grin had been carved across its face. For a second, Kris could have sworn it was smiling at her. “He's perfect!” Edgecrusher stepped through the weeds behind her. “For what?” “My ventriloquist act.” Kris lifted the dummy and brushed dirt from its suit. “I've been begging Mom for a real dummy. Now I have one!” “You found him in a ditch.” “So?” “So... that's where people put haunted shit.” Kris rolled her eyes. “He's not a haunted dummy.” “Yeah, we ain't trying to get sued.” Edgecrusher stepped closer and stared at the dummy. The dummy stared back. Edgecrusher narrowed her eyes and leaned to the left. The dummy continued smiling. She leaned to the right and the dummy's painted eyes seemed to follow. Edgecrusher moved closer until their faces were inches apart. “I don't trust him.” Kris sighed. “You don't trust anybody.” “I trust Kevin Bacon.” “That doesn't count.” Edgecrusher finally looked away from the dummy. “You obviously haven't seen Tremors. Freaking awesome movie.” “Of course I've seen it, you watch it everyday.” “Then you should know better.” “About what?” Edgecrusher pointed at the dummy. “That.” Kris stared at him. “What does a ventriloquist dummy have to do with Tremors?” “If you know. You know.” Edgecrusher gave the dummy one last suspicious look. “But when we find out, don't say I didn't warn you.” Kris tucked the dummy under her arm and headed home. Edgecrusher followed a few steps behind. Every few seconds, he glanced back at the dummy who just kept grinning. Their parents weren't happy with the newest addition to the family. Mr. Powell stood in the living room with his arms crossed, staring at the filthy wooden dummy in Kris's hands. It dripped trash water onto the floor and made the entire room reek of mildew. “You found it in an empty lot?” he asked. “Yes.” “The empty lot at the end of the street?” “Yes.” “The one I specifically told you girls not to play in?” Kris hesitated. “Yes.” Mr. Powell stared at her with a blank expression. “And you brought it into the house?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Because I need a dummy.” “You need a tetanus shot.” Kris looked down at the dummy. She had already wiped most of the dirt from its face and brushed the dead grass from its suit. “He's fine.” “He was lying in garbage.” “He wasn't in the garbage. He was next to the garbage.” Mr. Powell closed his eyes. He rubbed his forehead and wondered if he should have gotten a vasectomy years ago and simply not told Mrs. Powell. “Why can't you girls have normal hobbies?” “We do,” Edgecrusher replied. Mr. Powell turned toward her. Edgecrusher was stretched out on the living room floor with a coloring book open in front of her. She was carefully coloring a dinosaur neon green with a hot pink racing stripe. “You set your bike on fire and tried to jump the garbage can yesterday.” Edgecrusher looked up. “I almost made it.” “You burned down the garage...” “I was startled by a sudden localized Aurora borealis.” “...and half the neighbor's house.” “They have insurance.” “That doesn't make it okay Edgecrusher.” “That's literally what insurance is for.” Mr. Powell stared at her and Edgecrusher stared back. After several seconds, she returned to coloring her dinosaur. Mr. Powell looked toward his wife. Mrs. Powell was sitting on the couch watching the entire conversation. She gave him the exhausted look of a woman who had long ago accepted this fate. Mr. Powell rubbed his forehead again. “Normal hobbies,” he repeated. “That's all I'm asking. Collect stamps. Play soccer. Read a book.” “I read,” Edgecrusher said. Mr. Powell looked hopeful for half a second. “What books?” Edgecrusher thought about it. “Does the back of a shampoo bottle while I'm taking the Browns to the Superbowl count?” “No.” “Then never mind.” Kris carried the dummy across the room. “Can I keep him?” “No,” Mr. Powell said immediately. “Please?” “No.” “I'll clean him.” “No.” “I need him for my ventriloquist act!” “What ventriloquist act?” “The one I've been practicing.” Mr. Powell frowned. “With the sock?” Kris's face reddened and she hugged the dummy against her chest. “Please, Dad. I've been asking for a real dummy forever.” Mr. Powell looked at the dummy again. Its scratched wooden face stared back at him. That ugly grin seemed even worse now that the dirt had been wiped away. Something about it bothered him. Maybe it was the eyes, or the menacing grin it always had. Or maybe it was the knowledge his daughter had dragged it home from an empty lot full of used needles. He sighed. “You clean it. You disinfect it. And if I find bugs in this house, it's going straight into the garbage.” Kris grinned. “Thank you!” She quickly placed the dummy on a chair before her father could change his mind and stepped back to admire it. “I already picked a name.” Edgecrusher continued coloring. “What?” “Slappy.” The crayon stopped and Edgecrusher looked up. “Fuck kinda stupid-ass name is Slappy?” “Edgecrusher!” Mrs. Powell scolded. “Sorry.” Edgecrusher looked back at the dummy. “Still a stupid-ass name.” “Stop saying that!” “Fine.” Edgecrusher returned to her coloring. She scribbled across the dinosaur's tail for several seconds. Then she glanced back at Slappy who seemed to be focused on her. She pointed her crayon at him. “And I'm watching you.” Kris rolled her eyes. “He's a dummy.” “That's what he wants you to think.” “You're an idiot.” Edgecrusher went back to her dinosaur, free handing a purple top hat onto it. “Don't come crying to me when Slappy eats your face.” Mr. Powell sighed. “Normal hobbies,” he muttered. Nobody listened. The next afternoon, Kris discovered something strange inside Slappy's jacket pocket. She had been sitting on the bedroom floor, trying to clean some of the dirt from his clothes, when her hand brushed against something inside the little black jacket. "What's this?" Edgecrusher looked up from across the room. "What?" "There's something in his pocket." "Probably his wallet." "Why would a dummy have a wallet?" Edgecrusher shrugged. "Even a dummy needs a place to keep his ID." Kris reached into the tiny pocket and pulled out a folded piece of yellowed paper. The edges were ragged and the paper felt dry and brittle between her fingers. Edgecrusher immediately moved closer. "Money?" "No." "Coupon?" "No." "Treasure map?" "It's a piece of paper." "Most treasure maps are." Kris carefully unfolded it. Several lines had been written across the page in faded black ink. The handwriting was strange and jagged and seemed written in a panic. Some of the letters were so badly formed that Kris could barely make them out. “What does it say?” Edgecrusher asked. Kris squinted. “Not sure. It's some weird language.” Edgecrusher waited as Kris kept studying the paper. “Well?” “I don't know.” “Fuck’s sake, what does it say?” Edgecrusher snatched the paper from her hands. "Hey!" "I'll read it." Edgecrusher cleared her throat dramatically and held the paper in front of her. "Kanda. Estratta. Montose. Irgrets. Gat. Nosferatos. Kanda. Amantos. Kanda." Silence. Both girls stared at Slappy. Nothing happened. “Mmmm... I was sure that would have summoned a Kandarian demon.” She crumpled the paper and tossed it onto the floor. Kris frowned. "You probably weren't supposed to read it." "Stupid dummy shouldn't be carrying it in his pocket if I wasn't supposed to read it." Behind them came a soft creak. "Did you hear that?" Kris asked. "Hear what?" Another creak. This time they turned toward the chair. Slappy's head had moved. It had been titled slightly to the left and now faced directly toward them. Neither girl moved. "Edgecrusher..." "Yeah." "Did you move him?" "No." Slappy's wooden mouth slowly opened. A low chuckle escaped from somewhere deep inside him. "Heh-heh-heh." Kris grabbed Edgecrusher's arm. Slappy's eyes moved toward her then toward Edgecrusher. His painted lips curled into a menacing grin. “You two are going to be my slaves.” Kris's mouth dropped open. Edgecrusher leaned toward her. "Did he just..." "Yes." "Okay." Slappy jumped down from the chair and landed on both feet. Kris screamed and stumbled backward. “I am Slappy!” he announced, throwing his little wooden arms into the air. “And you will obey me!” Kris backed against the wall but Edgecrusher held her ground. Slappy strutted toward them in PlayStation 1 walking animation style. "You awakened me. You spoke the ancient words. From this moment forward, you belong to me!" Slappy pointed at both girls. “Did you hear me?” “I mean, yeah, but you’re a talking dummy, so we're kinda struggling to take this all in right now,” Edgecrusher replied. Slappy's grin disappeared. “I said you will obey me!” "Yeah, heard that part too." "You will serve me!" "Probably not." "You will do everything I command!" "No." Slappy blinked. Apparently this wasn't going the way he'd imagined. "I am your master!" Edgecrusher grabbed Slappy by the ankles. The dummy's eyes widened. "Wait..." She swung him hard against the dresser. WHAM! Slappy shrieked and Edgecrusher swung him again. WHAM! "STOP!" WHAM! "I COMMAND YOU—" WHAM! "I AM YOUR MAS—" WHAM! "I WARN YOU, I HAVE MAGIC POWERS!" Edgecrusher stopped. Slappy dangled upside down from her hands. "Good. Magic power yourself some wood glue to fix your head after I crack it open." WHAM! Slappy twisted upward and sank his wooden teeth into Edgecrusher's hand drawing blood. “OW! YOU LITTLE COCK GOBLIN!” She tossed him with all her might and slappy flew across the room. He slammed against the wall, knocked a picture of Kevin Bacon crooked, and crashed onto the floor. Kris stared at him. "Did you kill him?" Edgecrusher examined the bleeding bite mark on her hand. "Hope so." Slappy's fingers twitched and he lifted his head. Then he sprang back onto his feet. "You cannot defeat me!" Edgecrusher blinked. "You wanna bet, Dipstick McShit?" Slappy laughed  manically . "You pathetic fool! I am immortal! I have existed for..." Edgecrusher picked up the elementary school desk chair and slappy stopped laughing. The two stared at each other as Edgecrusher raised the chair over her head. "Let's see if dummies can get CTE." "No, wait..." WHAM! Slappy hit the floor. Edgecrusher raised the chair again. WHAM! "STOP!" WHAM! "YOU WILL REGRET—" WHAM! Kris stood against the wall, watching in horror. She wasn't sure who she was more afraid of anymore. The bedroom door flew open. Mr. and Mrs. Powell rushed inside. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN..." Both parents stopped in their tracks. The room looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Kris stood pressed against the opposite wall. And in the middle of everything was Edgecrusher, repeatedly giving chair shots to a face-down ventriloquist dummy. WHAM! Mr. Powell's mouth dropped open. "EDGECRUSHER!" She froze with the chair raised over her head.  Everyone stared at one another as Edgecrusher slowly lowered the chair. "What?" Mr. Powell gestured around the room. “What happened in here?!” Kris immediately pointed at Slappy. “He's alive!” “Kris...” “He is! He talked! He attacked us!” Edgecrusher nodded. “Little dude's evil.” Slappy remained perfectly still on the floor. Mr. Powell closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “That is enough.” “But Dad!” “No more stories about the dummy!” "He said we're his slaves!" Mr. Powell looked at Slappy. The dummy stared lifelessly back at him. "He doesn't look alive." "Because he's pretending!" Kris shouted. Edgecrusher held up her hand. “He bit me!” Mr. Powell sighed. “You probably bit yourself.” Edgecrusher stared at her father. “Why the hell would I bite myself?” Everybody in the room stopped. Mr. Powell stared at her. Mrs. Powell stared at her. Kris stared at her. Edgecrusher slowly lowered her hand. “Yeah, I guess that does sound like something I would do.” Mr. Powell shook his head. He bent down and picked Slappy up. The dummy's wooden arms dangled harmlessly at his sides. “Tomorrow night, the neighbors are coming over and you girls are going to put on a ventriloquist show.” "What?!" "You wanted to keep the dummy. Now you're going to do something with him." "Dad, we can't put on a show with him! He's evil!" "Enough." "But..." “No more haunted dummy stories. No more destroying furniture. And absolutely no more unprotected chair shots.” Mr. Powell carried Slappy toward the door. The two sisters looked at each other. Neither said a word. Mr. Powell disappeared into the hallway. For several seconds, everything was quiet. Then, from somewhere down the hall, came a tiny wooden laugh. “Heh-heh-heh.” The next evening, the Powells' living room was packed. Mr. and Mrs. Jones sat together on the couch. Old Mrs. Barker had been given the armchair. The Johnsons stood near the fireplace, and several other neighbors had squeezed themselves wherever they could find room. Everyone had come to see the twins perform despite them only getting the dummy a few days ago and obviously having no real talent. It's a small town. Nothing else to do, I guess. Mr. Powell had even rearranged the furniture to create a small performance area in the middle of the living room. Two lamps had been moved closer for better lighting. Edgecrusher stood off to the side with her arms crossed. Kris sat alone in the center of the room with the dummy perched on her knee. "You could at least stand next to me," Kris whispered. "Nope." "You're supposed to be part of the show." "I'll do security." "Security?" Edgecrusher pointed two fingers at her own eyes, then pointed them at Slappy. "I'm watching that motherfucker." All afternoon, she had worried that Slappy would suddenly come alive in front of everyone. But as the neighbors arrived, he hadn't moved. He hadn't spoken. He hadn't even blinked. Maybe he couldn't. Maybe Slappy couldn't reveal himself in front of adults. Maybe Edgecrusher had done sufficient damage the previous night and Slappy could now smell colors. Mrs. Powell stepped forward and smiled at the room. "Thank you, everyone, for coming. The girls have been practicing very hard." Edgecrusher looked confused. "I ain't done shit." Mrs. Powell shot her the pissed off parent look. Edgecrusher nodded. "Right. Extremely hard." The neighbors applauded and Kris forced a smile. "Hello, everyone!" "Hello, Kris!" Mrs. Jones called. Kris looked down at Slappy. “And hello, Slappy!” She moved his wooden jaw. “Hello, Kris!” A few people politely laughed. It was obviously forced but it still helped Kris relax. She could do this. "How are you tonight, Slappy?" "I'm feeling a little wooden!" More laughter. Edgecrusher frowned from the side of the room. "That was terrible." "Shut up," Kris whispered through her smile. Old Mrs. Barker laughed anyway. Kris continued. "So, Slappy, are you happy to be part of our family?" "Oh, yes. Your family has been very nice to me." Edgecrusher narrowed her eyes. Kris hadn't moved Slappy's mouth. She froze as Slappy's eyes shifted toward her. Kris felt her stomach tighten. "What was that?" she whispered. Mrs. Powell motioned for her to continue. Kris swallowed. "So... um... Slappy. What do you think of our neighbors?" “Mrs. Johnson is a fat-ass heifer.” Mrs. Johnson's smile disappeared and the room went silent. Kris's face went deathly pale. “I... I didn't say that!” Mrs. Johnson stared at her. Slappy turned his head directly toward her. “Fat! Fat! Fat!” Everyone gasped. “Kris!” Mrs. Powell shouted. “It's him!” Slappy's mouth opened again. "Fatty-fat-fat fucking fat-fat-fatty!" Kris clamped both hands over his mouth. Slappy kicked his legs wildly. "MMPH! MMPH! ...FAT!" "Stop it!" Kris screamed. Mrs. Johnson shot to her feet. “Well, I NEVER!” Edgecrusher stepped forward. “Well, you should try it sometime.” Mrs. Johnson's eyes widened. "I beg your pardon?" Edgecrusher quickly pointed at Slappy. “That little evil-ass shit said it!” Mr. Powell groaned. “Not this again.” “I'm telling you, he's alive!" "Edgecrusher." "He tried to kill us yesterday!" "Edgecrusher!" "He fucking bit me!" “EDGECRUSHER!” “What?” Slappy suddenly stopped struggling. His legs went still. Kris felt him turn on her knee. Slowly, his wooden head rotated toward Edgecrusher. “Your beard looks stupid.” Silence. Edgecrusher's expression changed. “Oh no,” Kris whispered. “Stupid beard.” Edgecrusher slowly reached up and removed one earring. Kris realizing the situation tried reasoning with her sister. "Edgecrusher..." She removed the other. “EDGECRUSHER, NO!” Edgecrusher charged. She tackled Slappy off Kris's lap and through the coffee table behind them. People screamed and panic overtook the room. Old Mrs. Barker nearly fell out of the armchair. Mrs. Johnson scrambled backward. Edgecrusher and Slappy rolled across the floor, knocking over a lamp. "WANNA TALK SHIT NOW?!?!?!" Slappy clawed at her face. “GET OFF ME!” “You started it!” “I'LL DESTROY YOU!” "YOU'RE A FUCKING PUPPET!" "I AM NOT A PUPPET!" "YOU GOT SOMEBODY'S HAND UP YOUR ASS FOR A LIVING!" Slappy screamed with rage and grabbed a fistful of Edgecrusher's beard. "OW! LET GO OF MY FUCKING BEARD!" Everyone stared and nobody moved. Mr. Jones leaned toward his wife. "Is she doing his voice? That's pretty good if she's doing his voice." Mr. Powell finally grabbed Edgecrusher around the waist. “LET GO OF THE DUMMY!” “He's fighting back!” “You're moving him!” Mr. Powell dragged Edgecrusher backward. Slappy released her beard and sank his wooden teeth into the previous nights bite wound. “OW!” Edgecrusher punched him. Everyone watched the dummy sail through the air. He smashed directly into the television. The screen shattered. Sparks flashed behind the broken glass. Mr. Powell released Edgecrusher. A thin trail of smoke curled from the television. Mr. Powell stared at it with a blank face. The only refuge he had from his miserable family now sat cracked and smoking. Slappy slid slowly down the screen and landed face-first on the floor. “Girls,” he said quietly. Neither answered. “Upstairs.” Kris stood. “But Dad...” “Upstairs.” "You saw him!" Kris cried. "You had to see him moving!" Mr. Powell pointed toward the stairs. “NOW!” Edgecrusher stopped in the doorway and turned. She pointed at slappy laying face down on the floor. "This isn't over." Edgecrusher turned and followed Kris. Behind her, Slappy slowly lifted his head. "Heh-heh-heh." Mr. Powell's head snapped toward him. Slappy immediately collapsed face-first onto the carpet. For a moment, he said nothing. Then he looked at the smoking television. "Nope." He walked away. That night, Kris couldn't sleep. She lay on her back staring at the ceiling. Every little sound in the house made her jump. The pipes rattled. A branch scraped against the window. Somewhere down the hall a clock rang out. Kris pulled the blanket tighter around herself. Across the room, Edgecrusher snored peacefully. “Edgecrusher?” The snoring stopped. “Yeah?” Kris blinked. “You were awake?” “No.” Kris sat up. “We have to get rid of him.” “Already tried.” “No. I mean permanently.” Edgecrusher rolled over. “We hit him with a chair.” “I know.” “Repeatedly.” “I was there.” “Then I punched him into the TV.” “I KNOW.” Edgecrusher thought about it. “Mighty fine punch.” “Edgecrusher!” “What?” “He's still downstairs!” Edgecrusher sat up. Moonlight illuminated her graying dreadlocks. For several seconds she said nothing. “I got an idea.” Kris immediately became concerned. “You’re not just gonna bury it in the backyard? That's your solution to everything. It's either hit it with a hammer or bury it in the backyard.” Edgecrusher stared at her. “OR... hit it with a hammer THEN bury it in the backyard.” “That's what I'm talking about.” “Just trust me. I got this.” Ten minutes later, they were standing in the backyard. Kris held a shovel and Edgecrusher held Slappy by one ankle. The dummy hung upside down at her side, completely motionless. They picked a spot near the back of the yard where their parents were least likely to notice freshly disturbed dirt. Kris pushed the shovel into the ground but the earth was harder than she expected. Edgecrusher watched this with amusement. “You suck at this.” “Then you do it.” “I’m holding the corpse.” “He's not a corpse!” Edgecrusher looked down at Slappy. “Not with that attitude.” Kris dug faster and eventually the hole was deep enough. Edgecrusher held  slappy over it and both girls stared down at the dummy. His painted grin seemed even more creepy then normal in the moonlight. “You got any last words?” Edgecrusher asked. Slappy didn't move. “Good.” She dropped him face-up at the bottom of the hole. “I don't like that he's looking at us.” Kris shivered. Edgecrusher kicked some dirt onto his face. “Problem solved.” Kris shoveled dirt over him. First his legs disappeared, then chest, and finally the horrible grin vanished under the soil. They filled the rest of the hole and Edgecrusher packed the dirt down with the back of the shovel. Both girls stood over the freshly covered grave. “Think that'll work?” Kris wiped sweat from her forehead. “No.” “Me neither.” Nothing moved. No wooden hand burst through the dirt or evil laughter came from underground. Kris began to feel more relaxed. “Let's go inside.” They walked toward the house. When they reached the back door Kris grabbed the handle. Before she could pull it all the way open it snapped shut and locked. Kris jumped backward. “What the..” She looked through the glass. Her scream echoed across the backyard. Slappy stood on the other side. He stared through the glass at them with a giant smile. Edgecrusher turned toward the grave then back to Slappy. “How the fuck...” “MOUTH!” Mrs. Powell shouted from somewhere upstairs. Edgecrusher looked up at the house. “How did she hear that?” Slappy waved. Kris pounded against the glass. “OPEN THE DOOR!” Slappy shook his head. Then he began dancing. His stiff wooden legs kicked from side to side while his arms jerked through the air. Slappy danced his way across the kitchen. Kris continued pounding on the door. Slappy opened the refrigerator and tossed food around the room. Eggs exploded against the wall and ran down the cabinet. “Heh-heh-heh.” Slappy laughed. He tossed a milk carton onto the floor and walked toward the cabinet. Edgecrusher suddenly became uneasy. “What’s he doing?” Slappy opened it and reached in. Edgecrusher moved closer to the glass. “No.” Slappy pulled out a bag and Edgecrusher's face went pale. “No...” Slappy turned toward her and He held it up so she could see the front. Salt and vinegar. Edgecrusher pressed both hands against the glass. “Don't.” Slappy grinned. He grabbed the top of the bag and slowly opened it while maintain eye contact. Edgecrusher shook her head. “We can work this out.” Slappy tipped the bag and chips spilled across the kitchen floor. “SLAPPY! NOT MY CHIPS!” He raised one little wooden foot. Crunch. Slappy stepped on another, then another, and another. He picked up the pace till he danced once again. Edgecrusher slowly backed away from the door.  Kris looked at her. “Edgecrusher?” She turned and walked across the yard. “Where are you going?” “Garage.” “Why?” “Getting the hammer.” Eventually, Mr. Powell came downstairs to investigate the pounding. It took so long because he was doing some pounding of his own. He unlocked the back door. Kris rushed inside. “Dad!” Edgecrusher followed several seconds later carrying a hammer. Mr. Powell looked at her and her the hammer and decided to deal with that later. Mrs. Powell entered the kitchen behind him. She stopped. “Oh my God.” Broken eggs covered the walls. Cabinet doors hung open. Food had been thrown across the floor. Crushed potato chips were scattered everywhere. Kris immediately pointed across the room. “SEE?!” Slappy sat innocently on the counter. His legs dangled over the edge. His wooden eyes stared straight ahead. Mr. Powell surveyed the destruction. “What did you...” “No!” Kris shouted. “We were outside!” “You expect me to believe a wooden dummy did this?” “Yes!” “We wouldn't shit ya, you're our favorite turd!” Edgecrusher added. Mr. Powell turned toward her and stared at the hammer in her hand. “Why do you have that?” “Unrelated.” “Put. It. Down.” Edgecrusher looked at Slappy. She tightened her grip on the hammer. “NOW.” Edgecrusher slowly lowered the hammer. “Go to your room,” Mr. Powell sighed. “Both of you.” As they headed for the stairs, Edgecrusher stopped beside the pile of crushed chips. She looked down. For a moment, she said nothing. Then she crouched and picked up the empty bag. Kris grabbed her arm. “Come on.” Edgecrusher allowed herself to be led away. Behind them, Slappy's wooden mouth slowly curled into a grin. Kris finally discovered the answer at the library. Lucky for her, the local library had an occult section. Even luckier, buried between books about witchcraft, demons, and ancient curses was an old leather-bound book all about possessed ventriloquist dummies. Kris wasn't sure why the library had an entire book dedicated to such a specific problem, but she wasn't about to question it. She flipped through the yellowed pages until she found a drawing that looked almost exactly like Slappy. According to the book, dummies brought to life through ancient words could only be returned to death by... “Edgecrusher!” she gasped. Everyone in the library turned. Edgecrusher looked up from a wrestling magazine several tables away. “WHAT?” “I know how to stop Slappy!” The librarian immediately raised a finger to her lips. “Shhh!” Kris ducked her head. “SORRY!” The librarian stared at her. Kris lowered her voice. “You have to speak the words again!” Edgecrusher closed the magazine and moved to the seat next to Kris. The librarian shushed them a little louder. “That's it?” Edgecrusher asked. “I think so!” “So we just read the stupid thing again?” “Yes!” "SHHHH!" Edgecrusher nodded. “Okay. You read the words and I bash it with a hammer. Sounds like a plan to me.” “Why do you need the hammer?” “Magic hammer.” The librarian leaned across her desk. “SHHHHH!” Edgecrusher looked over. The sound echoed through the quiet building. She stared daggers through the librarian. “You're being pretty fucking loud for a librarian.” The librarian's face turned beet red. “SHHHHHHHHH!” Edgecrusher looked at Kris. “Some people just don't have respect for the library.” ****** They hurried home as fast as they could. Kris threw open the front door, and the twins raced upstairs. She nearly tripped over the last step before reaching their bedroom. She stopped dead in the doorway. Slappy was waiting for them. The dummy sat in the middle of the bedroom floor with his legs crossed. His wooden grin seemed wider than usual. One hand rested hidden behind his back. “Well, well, well,” Slappy said. “Look who finally figured it out.” Slappy slowly brought his hand from behind his back. “Looking for this?” He held up the yellowed sheet of paper. Edgecrusher burped and tried to pretend it was a gasp. “You little...” Slappy laughed. “You'll never get it!” He spun around and jumped through the open window. Kris rushed across the room and looked outside. Slappy hit the grass, rolled once, jumped back to his feet, and took off across the backyard. “AFTER HIM!” They raced downstairs and burst through the back door. Slappy was already halfway across the yard. For a wooden dummy with tiny legs, he was incredibly fast. His little shoes hammered against the ground as he sprinted toward the fence. “GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” the Edgecrusher shouted. Slappy glanced over his shoulder. “Catch me, fatso!” “Oh, you're fucking dead!” The Edgecrusher somehow found another gear. Kris watched in disbelief as her sister charged across the yard after him, graying dreadlocks flying behind her. She had never once see Edgecrusher move so quickly. Well, quickly for her. “I'm gonna rip your legs off and use you as a cutting board!” Slappy reached the fence and scrambled up it. He disappeared over the other side, Edgecrusher reached it seconds later. For one glorious moment, it looked like he was going to clear it. That was until his stomach hit the top of the fence. "Oof!" He hung there for a moment before slowly tipping forward and crashing into the alley on the other side. The Edgecrusher climbed back to his feet and continued the chase as Kris scrambled over the fence with a bit more grace. By the time she dropped into the ally, slappy was already at the other end. Edgecrusher was surprisingly close behind. Again, for her. Slappy darted out of the alley and ran straight into the street. “GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!” Edgecrusher screamed. HONK! Slappy froze. Headlights rushed toward him. THUD! The car struck him. Slappy flew through the air, spinning wildly before crashing onto the pavement. The twins stopped and The car kept on going. It sped down the street and disappeared around the corner. Neither of them moved. Kris slowly walked into the road. “Slappy?” The dummy lay twisted on the pavement. His wooden head was cracked wide open. One arm had broken off and landed several feet away. One leg was bent backward at an impossible angle. His glassy eyes stared blankly up at the night sky. Kris crouched beside him. “Slappy?” The Edgecrusher walked over. He stared down at the broken dummy. Then he picked up a stick from the side of the road. Kris looked at him. “What are you doing?” The Edgecrusher poked Slappy in the stomach then paused. No movement from the dummy. He poked it again, this time directly in the eye. Still nothing. “He's dead.” Kris stared at the shattered dummy. The Edgecrusher looked at her with disappointment in his eyes. “I really wanted to hit him with a hammer.” Kris sighed. Their parents didn't believe the story.  Of course they didn't. Kris had tried to explain everything. She told them how Slappy had come to life. How he'd destroyed the kitchen. How he'd framed them for everything. How he'd stolen the paper with the magic words. She even told them about the chase through the neighborhood and the car that had finally smashed him to pieces. Mr. and Mrs. Powell listened patiently. Then they grounded the twins for another week. But Kris didn't care as long as Slappy was gone. The next afternoon, Kris and the Edgecrusher sat on their bed. Sunlight poured through the bedroom window. For the first time in days, the room felt normal. No creepy laughter or tiny footsteps in the hallway. No wooden dummy hiding somewhere plotting their deaths. Kris fell backward into her pillow and smiled. “It's finally over.” “Yep.” “No more dummies.” “Yep.” “No more creepy little wooden assholes sneaking around the house.” “Yep.” Kris sighed happily. “No more ventriloquism.” The Edgecrusher looked at her. “That's probably for the best. You really sucked at it.” Kris sat up. “I did not!” “You could see your lips moving from across the fucking room.” “I was learning!” “You made Slappy sound like you with a sore throat.” Kris grabbed a pillow and threw it. The pillow bounced off the Edgecrusher's face. Then they heard their mother calling from downstairs. “Girls! Come down here!” Kris groaned. “What now?” The Edgecrusher stood. “Maybe they finally decided to apologize for not believing us.” They walked downstairs to find their parents were waiting in the living room. Mrs. Powell stood beside the table with a giant smile on her face. Mr. Powell looked just as pleased with himself. “We have a surprise!” Mrs. Powell announced. Kris stopped. There was a large cardboard box sitting on the table. Her smile disappeared. “No.” The Edgecrusher walked into the room behind her and saw the box. “What.... Oh, fuck no!” Mr. Powell smiled. “We know how much you girls enjoyed ventriloquism.” “No,” Kris said. “And we felt terrible about what happened to your dummy.” “No.” “So we decided to get you another one!” “NO!” Mr. Powell opened the box and both girls backed away. Inside sat another wooden figure. The dummy had messy red hair, freckles, and a crooked smile missing a single tooth. A little suit covered his stiff wooden body. His hands rested peacefully in his lap. The Edgecrusher immediately tensed and clinched his fists. Mr. Powell lifted the dummy from the box. “Girls, meet Mr. Wood.” “Put it back,” Kris said. Mrs. Powell frowned. “Kris!” “PUT IT BACK!” “Oh, come on,” Mr. Powell said. “Give him a chance.” The dummy's eyes opened. Mr. Wood's head slowly turned toward them. Then he leaped from Mr. Powell's hands and landed on the table. “I AM YOUR MASTER!” Mr. and Mrs. Powell gasped as Kris pointed to the dummy. “SEE?! SEE?! WE TOLD YOU!” Mr. Wood threw his head back and laughed. “You fools! From this moment forward, you will obey my every command!” Mr. Wood raised his arms dramatically. “You will serve me! You will worship me! You will all become my slaves!” Silence. Mr. Powell turned toward the Edgecrusher who was already looking at him. “Can I get the hammer now?” Mr. Powell nodded. A huge smile spread across the Edgecrusher's face and he sprinted toward the garage. Mr. Wood's smile disappeared. “Wait.” A door slammed open. CRASH! Something heavy fell over. CLANG! Tools scattered across the garage floor. Mr. Wood looked toward the hallway as another crash shook the house. “What is she doing?” he asked. Kris smiled. For the first time all week, she wasn't scared. “You really should run.” Mr. Wood looked at her. “Why?” Heavy footsteps thundered down the hallway. The Edgecrusher appeared in the doorway. A massive sledgehammer rested across his shoulder. His graying dreadlocks hung around his face. A wild grin spread beneath his shaggy beard. The Edgecrusher raised the sledgehammer. “IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GAME!” Mr. Wood screamed.